#i dunno. maybe i'm desperately looking for something that people will actually take seriously

[rigaudon]

I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.

[galaxythedragonshifter]

I found this ask game and imma answer bc I love questions skjskajkjskjak:

I watched people play FNAF Security Breach, and Sun and Moon became my favorite animatronics. SB is also what first got me into the FNAF fandom as a whole LMHO-

I'm actually not sure. I think it was the fandom's translation of the two. Moon being infected by the virus, Sun having to deal with the anxiety and stress, the Daycare being closed, ect. (I like my angst, so yee). Also my lack of a father figure might have something to do with it I dunno- (Same with being touch starved. My mom and bro give me hugs all of the time, but my friends never do except one; I'm scared I'll be too clingy.)

UHHHH....I honestly have no clue. The game came out a year ago, so I'd say maybe a half a year ago or so-

No, unfortunately. I just don't have the right platforms or resources. If I did, I definitely would have bought the game a long time ago, but yeah we can't afford many gaming stuff lol. (I mean seriously, we JUST got our first switch this Christmas, ans it's only one the whole family has to share, as well as it being our first ACTUAL console

I've made a few doodles...and a few unpublished mini-fic drafts (I'm also thinking about making a larger fic about Y/N taking the place of Gregory, and trying to fix the writing of SB that way)

Definitely just regular art of the DCA. I really don't like the romantic ones (I'm aroace EEEEEE), bit also I need ANGST TO FEED MY DARK SOUL! Especially with Fics LMHO- (like seriously @bamsara Solar Lunacy is just....🤌✨😭YES) I also really like comfort, especially when it comes to Moon (oh look, my fatherless is showing).

MMMMMM probably MER!DCA. Or maybe swapped....idk XD. There's a lot, especially if you count the random little ones that are basically created anytime someone created a fic cause no one can agree in canon in the first place TwT

I'm not sure if this is specifically DCA themed OCs, but if so, no, I don't have any DCA related OCs. I do have plenty of regular ones though, my current favorites being Galaxy (my dragonsona), Z/Zip (Murder Drones OC), and Fin (TMNT OC).

I feel like thier canon design is slightly off-putting. Like, I like their design from a character design perspective, but YeA, Thier faces feel a little ..stiff. Like, all the fan designs can make expressions, even if they can't open thier mouths. Yea I fend the design for Sun and Moon's faces to be a bit stiff, but hey, it's a horror game, and SB translates it perfectly when it actually tries.

Wait...there's a SMALL amount? I mean, the Fics without all the bad stuff are slightly lacking, but I'm in an even smaller fandom rn actually (The Underworld Office fandom.) It's actually not that bad, and I have my own ideas and Headcanons surrounding the DCA.

Moon...👉👈 (I'm sorry Sun but I'm biased...)

I actually think Eclipse is pretty cool. I typically prefer other people's HCs of him, considering I don't really have a HC of him, and I tend to not watch the SAMS. I think Eclipse would be pretty cool for a angst thing tho. Maybe a threquel to SB and the DLC

I assume pre-glitch Sun had no Anxiety, and less of a desire to desperately protect. I HC that Glitch moon had a lot to do with Sun's behavior in the game though.

I imagine pre-glitch Moon to be a lot calmer, his voice less raspy, and His eyes different than in the game. A very good singer too.

Two-seperate beings in one body. It feels...odd to HC it as being two sides of the same person honestly.

Definitely more Angst Hurt/Comfort Fics. I absolutely love them!

Definitely LESS uhhhh....sm*t fics...yeah. I don't touch them, but there's waaay too many on AO3.

Updates on Solar Lunacy ig. I love that fic, and I love the mystery surrounding the DCA.

Yeah! Definitely. I'd love to finger paint, tell stories, play hide-and-seek, and just generally childish stuff with Sun. (I had way too short a childhood, I don't even remember any of it so yea) I'd also love to listen to a few stories from Moon, and listen to one of his lullabies. That would be kinda cool. (If ya can't tell by now, my inner child is in pain from having to be repressed. Yeah being a teen is NOT fun. No matter what the elders say.)

And I guess 20 will be the other random questions I wanna answer cause NO ONE CAN STOP ME HHAHAHHA! (Part 2 IG cause I posted this too early LMHO-)

alright dca fandom, here’s some questions bc i’m curious. the funky jesters make our brains go brr, but why? treat it as an ask game or answer in the tags if you feel like it! :)

how did you get here?

why these characters in particular? what was the hook for you?

how long have you been here?

have you actually played fnaf sb?

if you make content, what’s your favorite piece you’ve contributed?

what’s your favorite sort of art or fic? what genre/flavor/style?

what’s your favorite au?

do you have any ocs, or have any ocs you’re fond of?

what do you think of the dca’s canon appearance? Scary? Cute? Something else?

what keeps you in this fandom despite the very small amount of canon content the dca had?

be honest: if you had to pick only one, sun or moon?

thoughts on eclipse?

thoughts on pre-glitch sun?

thoughts on pre-glitch moon?

do you interpret sun and moon as two sides of the same person, or truly two separate beings in one body? does it matter?

what’s something in the fandom you’d like to see more of?

what’s something in the fandom you’d like to see less of?

anything you’re looking forward to?

do you think you’d actually get along with the dca if you met them irl?

free space! talk about whatever’s on your mind!

[in-tua-deep]

Hi! Ok so I'm totally taking you up on your offer and gonna send in some stuff! So, I did a rewatch recently and took a few notes (mostly following 5 bc his concept and interactions are just so fascinating to me) and I noticed some stuff! 1] none if the kids have practically ANY physical interaction unless it's a fight or Allison and Vanya. Idk about you, but to me, that implies an oddly formal relationship even tho they're family and makes 5 and the handler that much stranger (1/?)

(2/?) And gives it that much of a contrast. I think someone on here counted that she touches him like 20 times or something? Idk BUT 2) there is such a clear divide between the “older” and “younger” siblings bar Diego and Klaus that it almost feels like 2 different families at times and it’s really interesting! 3) only 3 siblings have canon PTSD flashbacks/visions if we exclude Vanya during her breakdown: 5 and Klaus obviously, but also Allison, which is really interesting and plays into how

(3/3) Her growth bc of Claire. 4) 5 had to see his dead siblings, we know this, but he was also the one holding the cloth over Allison’s neck when Vanya attacked her, which is a horrifying detail but I love it. 5) there were 2 extra seats at the dining table in the flashback of all the kids! It’s probably not important, but with the shows attention to detail I can’t help but wonder. Also I’m sorry I just completely dumped on you but I wanted to know your thoughts 😅���� that and I love your metas

yeAH my sister pointed out to me at one point that the Hargreeves familiarity with violence was alarming in that a lot of their physical interactions with one another were… violent. Diego fighting with Luther at the funeral. Klaus smacking Five across the face at the eyeball place. Luther choking Klaus. Luther choking Vanya. Ben punching Klaus. Like genuinely a concerning amount of their interactions with one another involve some form of violence oof and none of them really apologize for any of it either. It’s accepted and made to seem almost normal which says all manner of bad things about their family dynamic rip

BUT they also have interactions I feel are at odds with that - Vanya taking care of Five’s arm, Diego tying up Klaus to detox, Klaus attempting to comfort Luther even after literally just being smacked around by him, Diego with Klaus at the vet bar, Klaus and Five’s conversation on the steps of MeriTech where Five tells Klaus about Dolores - just these soft in between moments where they look after or confide in one another

and all of those moments are private, they’re one on one whereas in a group they tend to fight and put up walls and argue which says to me that collectively the family wasn’t allowed to show weakness (thanks Reggie) and so they fight in order to protect their weak points before anyone can attack them

there’s like, the four A’s of how people handle conflict and one of those is aggression. It’s attacking because you feel like if you aren’t on the attack then you’re the one being attacked. It’s raising your voice and being the aggressor and starting conflict because you’re trying to protect yourself, because you’ve learned that it’s kill-or-be-killed and if you aren’t on the offense then you’re being hurt (i know there’s avoid and appease and i can’t remember the other one off the top of my head whoops)

so what i’m saying is that when there’s witnesses, when there’s a group, they’re on the offensive from the start. But alone, there’s a little more wiggle room for weakness. Alone is at night when there’s no training left in the relative safety of their own rooms. Alone with one other person is private, and privacy is safety in a house like that.

So there’s this paradoxical roughness and softness with one another, they were in competition with each other no doubt but they’re also family. Reginald pitted them against one another, but there’s no possible way to keep walls up ALL the time, you know?

but yeah i have a lot of feelings about the kids interactions with one another to say the least u picked a topic i like to ramble about as is clear from all this text and i didn’t even talk about the handler and how i feel like her touch was with the primary motivation to make Five uncomfortable and to punish him for his rebellion

okay there is more to this ask and this response is going to get so long I can already tell sorry in advance

and yeah the divide between the siblings with ‘older’ and ‘younger’ siblings is interesting!! Luther-Diego-Allison are one-two-three and are sort of purposefully portrayed as the older siblings. I definitely think Luther and Allison were off in their own little world as kids and they were definitely the golden children, the good kids, the ones who didn’t really question their father and avoided a lot of punishments. They were set apart from the rest of the family - and I think a lot of that was on purpose.

Because Reginald Hargreeves pitted these children against one another, in a move that honestly was smart even as it speaks to the fact that he’s a horrifying human being: because if there is discord among the ranks and rivalries and pettiness then the kids aren’t banding together against the true threat in the household - they’re going at one another’s throats instead of Reginald’s. The rivalry between Luther and Diego is probably the clearest portrayed tbh but Five was clearly also held up as someone to beat, someone who was competition (”he ADAPTED”)

so it’s almost like there are three groups really - the ‘good’ kids, the middle kids, and the disappointments. You have Luther and Allison at the top, Diego and Five and maybe Ben in the middle (and Five is only in there because he’s too headstrong, too willful to be at the top because Reggie doesn’t appreciate those that can think for themselves), and then you have Klaus and Vanya way down at the bottom. And there’s crossover relationships between the tiers (Diego and Luther’s rivalry, Five and Vanya’s solidarity, Klaus and Ben being bros etc.) but they were divided up on purpose tbh

alright moving on i could yell about how reginald fucked up a bunch of perfectly good kids all day lmao but

Allison is such an interesting character in general??? like she’s not even in my top three for the show but damn if tua doesn’t have some seriously interesting characters in the show hot damn like her journey from petulant and manipulative child familiar and comfortable with violence to an adult trying desperately to piece her family back together and prove to herself that she can be the good mother she desperately wants to be to Claire

i feel like i yell an awful lot about luther and allison for someone who has them towards the bottom of their list of favs tbh whoops

also GOD how dare you remind me of Five’s Extra Trauma regarding that scene holy heck like is wasn’t enough he had to find his siblings dead bodies in the apocalypse he also has to press his hands to his sister’s throat and literally see the life fade from her eyes as they rush to save her?? like shit man and that’s a concept that i haven’t seen anyone really do anything about as well like actually @ authors who aren’t me bc i have a dozen other aus to write on top of my various ideas, someone please address this

also do you think that’s the reason that Five initially agrees to killing Vanya at the bowling alley?? because he’s thinking about Allison’s blood hot against his hands and he missed the entirety of the apology/Vanya freaking out scene???? I mean even though I yell about Five’s motivation being his family I don’t think it was out of character for him to turn on Vanya because in his mind stopping the apocalypse has become so entwined with saving his family that they might as well be the same goal

if it helps though i don’t think five would ever actually kill Vanya even if he did okay the plan like look the boy could have jumped behind vanya himself and snapped her neck like did you WATCH the fight scene in Griddy’s holy shit but he does Not do that because he doesn’t want his sister to die and he especially doesn’t want to be the one to kill her and that’s the tea on that

alright where was i

HMMM i dunno if there was any significance to the bigass table other that i mean,, technically there are two other family members?? There’s Grace and Pogo if you count them, but i mean otherwise I think it’s just a feature of a mansion to have a bigass dining room table that can’t possibly fit the entire family

so maybe it was a statement about Reginald not considering Grace and Pogo to be members of the family and excluding them

or maybe it’s just a rich people table lmao

but i really enjoyed all your thoughts and observations 10/10 feels free to yell at me again ;3c

I will admit that i’m a bit of sham because i’ve only seen the series like,, one and a half times?? like once all the way through and then watching the first few episodes again and then jumping around the random points to fact check or other things oops but i do plan on rewatching sometime when i actually have free time to spare!! only a few weeks until the end of the school year oof

[nadziejastar]

I think a big obstacle that I don't see acknowledged to Lea and Isa becoming romantically involved is that Japanese culture is even more conservative regarding LGBT issues than Western culture is. SE has only had a few LGBT characters in their entire history, and they're all relatively minor. I hope that Isa and Lea can break the mold and I think that them being both supporting characters and adults makes it more likely, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

I definitely don’t have my hopes up either. I think KH3 did everything it could to intentionally eliminate all the intimacy between Lea and Isa. Skuld seemed to be thrown into the mix for that purpose. Even if they hadn’t sabotaged it in KH3, I still think the relationship would have been more implied that outright stated. Because like you said, Japan is even more conservative than the West regarding such depictions. I can compare the situation with Lea and Isa to a few other pairings and how they were handled.

There’s Yosuke and the main character (Yu) from Persona 4. Yosuke was going to be a romance option. Voiced dialogue still exists in the files (including dubbed!), but the option was completely removed by the time of release. The fact that even a more niche series (well, at the time) like Persona felt too afraid to put an optional romance between two guys in, shows how taboo this topic is, especially in Japan. And KH3 was much higher profile and had a much bigger budget than P4. So, it was not that surprising to me to see how Lea and Isa got treated. It was like déjà vu. Doesn’t make me less annoyed by it, though.

I also think they heavily altered Yosuke’s personality in the final game to cover up any suggestion of same-sex attraction. In the final game he mostly acts like a frat boy stereotype. Constantly hitting on any girl, and making sexist and homophobic remarks. They were really overcompensating. It was very annoying actually. And it only made him seem more closeted. In his Social Link, the dialogue was incredibly well-written and I loved his personality. This pairing was handled so similarly to Lea and Isa. Here’s why I think so:

Yosuke: Oh yeah, I’m Yosuke Hanamura! I’m his friend. His partner, y'know.

Marie: …Partner? You mean like a close friend?

Yosuke: Heheh, that about sums it up. Er, what’s your name?

They’re very close. Yosuke constantly refers to himself as Yu’s “partner”.

Yosuke: I haven’t changed addresses since before we moved to Inaba.  I mean, I might get a text from someone. …It’s hard to call, y'know? If I called people just to tell them my number changed, they’d get annoyed. And some of them never planned to text me anyway…Oh but hey, don’t look at me like I don’t have any friends! ……Though to tell you the truth, I don’t remember what we all used to talk about. Can’t really call ‘em friends…

He did not feel close to any of his old friends.

Yosuke: It’s only with you guys that I talk seriously like this. I dunno why, but I feel like I don’t have to lie…Especially with you. You’ve already seen the worst of me and all. But well… thinking about it now, if someone had to see that, I’m glad it was you.

He opens up to you in a way he doesn’t with anyone else.

Yosuke: So, you ever invited a girl in here?

“I haven’t.”

Yosuke: Haha, maybe you’re more of a man’s man than I thought.

> Yosuke seems happy…

He’s happy that you are a “man’s man”.

“I will soon.”

Yosuke: Seriously!? That mean you’re working on someone!?

> Yosuke is keyed up…

He gets anxious if you say you’re bringing a girl over.

Yosuke: M-Man, kids sure are mature these days…Well, my first love was in first grade, too! I’ve always been ahead of my time. But, well… I don’t really need that in my life right now. It’s just not the time…I have something I need to do before that can happen…

He said that he was not interested in dating right now. He’s working on sorting out his feelings, since the girl he liked before was murdered. Yet in the rest of the game, they have him constantly hit on every girl and act desperate to get a girlfriend. It was so weird. It felt like deflection, in the same way Skuld was with Lea and Isa.

Yosuke: When the murders started, I got excited…I thought there was finally a point to me being in Inaba…I thought I could forget Senpai was gone… and the fact that I was such a loser…I jumped at the murders and never once thought about what I was doing…I… didn’t even take the first step…I’m sorry…Saki-senpai. I’m sorry… Yu.

He starts crying after opening up to you. There’s an option to hug him. Around the waist too. He says it’s for girls, but still accepts it. That was what he needed. You are the one who helps him sort out his feelings.

Yosuke: This town I hated so much? Now, I love it. There’s still nothing here, but I have family and friends… and you. The important things are never far off… They’re all around you.

He mentions family and friends, hesitates, then mentions you separately. Does that mean you’re more special to him than a friend?

I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

It reminded me of this. Axel mentions everyone else, hesitates, then mentions Isa separately. Not Saïx, Isa. Was Isa special to him?

Yosuke: I always wanted to be “special.” I thought my life’d finally have meaning if I was “special” to someone. That’s why I was really excited when got my Persona. But I really didn’t need it… It’s not what you have or what you can do…Just being born, living your life… Before you know it, you’re already special to someone.

“You’re right.”

Yosuke: Yeah… Like you… You’re special to me, you know?

Yep. Yosuke wants to be special to someone, and he says you’re special to him.

“That’s not true.”

Yosuke: You just don’t realize it yet. You’re already special… to Chie, Yukiko… and me.

When Yosuke said “special” it stood out to me. This was before I found out that the romance option was taken out. I don’t pick up romantic vibes between male characters that often. I don’t wear shipping goggles. Their relationship simply seemed romantic to me. “Special” is not a word guys will use with each other very often.

Because it is very intimate. If the writers have a character say that another character is “special” to them, it almost always will seem romantic. Especially between two guys. And I did get those vibes. When I found out he was supposed to be a romance option, I wasn’t surprised. So, after all this intimate bonding, how does their arc end?

Yosuke: I didn’t realize it…When I called you “special,” I thought some more about it. I think of everyone, I wanted to be acknowledged by you the most…So…I want you to hit me! Give me a good one. Knock out all this crap inside of me. I want to be equal with you. I want us to stand shoulder-to-shoulder. So c'mon…

By…getting in a fist fight? Two guys were getting just a bit too close and intimate with each other. Yosuke used a taboo word. “Special”. Now he has to be beaten up for it. Otherwise it’s just too GAY, ya know? And that’s NOT okay. The message is if a guy is too intimate with another guy, he needs to “man up” and get some sense knocked into him. Sad, really. In the deleted dialogue, there was a romantic confession. Yosuke says he likes you. The Japanese word for “like” is the one specifically used romantically. To me this is the ultimate display of the writers chickening out.

And that’s how Lea and Isa’s arc felt to me, too. There was all of this dialogue suggesting there was something very intimate and special between them. Then in KH3, we get a girl shoehorned in out of nowhere. Apparently Saïx was doing “everything for” her, despite having zero emotional capacity. And Lea also wants to “clobber” Isa now, not free his heart. It felt so contrived in order to create emotional distance between them, so any hints of romance would be gone, gone, gone. It felt like the writers were panicking and going “No Homo!” They were so desperate that they wouldn’t even let the real Isa get saved from being a vessel. That’s how afraid they were of Lea and Isa’s natural chemistry and special intimacy together. Pathetic.

Then there’s Ike and Soren from the Fire Emblem series. Lea and Isa reminded me of them. You have the more confident, “masculine” one in Ike and Lea. And then you have the calm, quiet, “feminine” one in Soren and Isa. They have a hard time opening up to anyone else. I think Isa even kinda looks like Soren. They both have that penetrating stare, indicating high intelligence. And they have soft, delicate features, indicating vulnerability underneath the surface.

They both act cold outwardly, but Soren is described as a very empathetic young man. And I think Isa was, too. I love this ship. I think this is the direction they were originally trying to take Lea and Isa’s relationship. This pairing is HEAVILY implied by the story. But it’s never made explicit. Why do I think it’s romantic?

Soren: Curse you! Why won’t you let it go?! I have no one to rely on but you! If I tell you and you turn on me… I… I… I could no longer live.

Ike: That’s why you have to tell me, Soren. You wouldn’t open your heart to anyone else. So if I didn’t so something about it, you’d probably be in pain forever.

Soren is totally emotionally dependent on Ike. And Ike is tender and soft with him in a way he isn’t with anybody else. There’s just a level of trust and intimacy that is unique to them.

Soren: When the sage died, no one would help me. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t find food. I was dying. You were the only one who helped. You and your father. That’s why you’re my friend. My…only friend.

This is the localized text. Even in the first game, the they tried to remove any romantic intimations. They added a reference to Ike’s dad for no reason. And plenty of people still choose to see Soren and Ike as just friends. I think it’s more than obvious the writers intended for them to be more than that. But many people don’t want to see it. And it was kept ambiguous for that very reason.

Soren: When the sage died, no one would help me. I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t find food. I was dying. Only you held your hand out to me. That’s why…only you are special to me…

This is a translation of the original Japanese dialogue. There’s that word again. “Special”. This word cannot be overstated. It conveys a VERY different message than “friend”. That’s why they thought it needed to be changed.

Soren: “There’s only one place for me to be, Ike… and it’s by your side.”

Soren is described as “the boy always at Ike’s side” by other characters. The story demonstrates again and again that they are inseparable. If Ike and Soren achieve A-level support, there is a paired ending. Ike has this with no female character, and Soren has this with no other character.

Axel: I think you can be inseparable even if you’re apart. It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.

Lea and Isa were inseparable, too.

Ike: Listen, lady. This is a shop, and I’m a customer. What’s so sweet about that?

Aimee: Oh, such cold words… My hero plays hard to get! You’re only making me more interested.

Ike: Will you let go of my hand? Please?

There’s a running joke about Ike avoiding a persistent female admirer that Soren has to save him from.

Gatrie: Not those flowers… THOSE flowers!

Ike: …Gatrie, we’re inside. There’s nothing here but the temple handmaidens.

Gatrie: Exactly! It’s like a whole new species of girl lives in Begnion! Everyone in this palace is drop-dead gorgeous!

Ike: …

Gatrie: You know what I mean, Ike? Tee hee! Say, which one strikes your fancy? That buxom lass with the chestnut hair is… Hey, Ike? Ike?

He has no interest in admiring pretty women.

“Hey, Redhead over there!” Axel turned at the sound of the voice, scratching his head.

“What, Larxene. I’m Axel. Got it memorised?”

“I can’t just remember over ten names all of a sudden, can I?”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Axel watched as Larxene ran up to him.

“How is it? Does the coat suit me?” Larxene did a twirl in front of him. The coat always changed to fit the wearer. It was a perfect tight fit, as expected.

“It’s fine, I guess.”

This feels like it was put in for the same reason Ike’s scenes were. Sure, Aimee is clingy and obsessive. And Larxene is a bitch. It doesn’t prove they’re disinterested in women or that they’re in love with their best friend. But in addition to everything else, it presents a strong argument. Axel isn’t interested in admiring pretty women.

Soren—An officer in the Greil Mercenaries. A cool-headed realist who has deep trust in Ike, but will rarely open up to any other beorc or laguz.

Isa—A quiet and cool-headed youth. Though he does come out of his shell when talking to his best friend Lea, toward others he is distant and untalkative.

Like Soren, Isa is described in terms of his relationship to Lea. He only comes out of his shell for him. There’s a level of intensity to their friendship that is unique. I am sure Isa was dependent on Lea emotionally, like Soren was with Ike.

Soren: Ike? Ike! This can’t… It can’t… What am I… If you’re not here, what am I to do?

If Ike dies in the first game, Soren has a special reaction.

Soren: “Ike… Please live… Even if all the cities burn, and the seas swallow Tellius… You mustn’t die… Not you…”

And another in the second game. He cannot bear to lose Ike. Sounds like some Shakespearean sonnet, too. That just doesn’t sound like something you’d say about someone unless you were in love with them.

Micaiah: Your heart is frozen, but I feel a warm core trying to melt through that ice. I see… You have someone you cherish very much. Someone you rely on.

Soren: Do not presume to understand me, you ridiculous girl. You have no idea who I am and what I can do. None at all.

His heart was frozen, but Ike was able to melt through the ice. Soren cherishes him and relies on him. He doesn’t appreciate hearing it from others, because Ike is his weakness. Soren’s entire character arc revolved around Ike.

Saïx:Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.

Much like how Saïx says he lost his true purpose as soon as Axel left Organization XIII.

Ike: Soren, don’t cry.

Soren: Cry…? I’m … crying?

Ike: You’re so smart, and yet you’re completely hopeless at normal stuff. Look, come here.

Soren: P-please don’t treat me like a child. I’m not that…

Ike: Come on.

Soren: …

Ike: Sheesh, you’re such a pain. I’ll come over there.

Soren: [breaks out crying]

Another scene that involves hugging a crying person. A very intimate act. Soren opens up about his dark past. He pushes Ike away when he tries to hug him, saying not to treat him like a child. But he accepts it, too. It’s exactly what he needed and wanted. This scene is referred to in the official fan book as “the moment where their two hearts become one”. I think a scene like this is what they were absolutely terrified of happening in KH3.

Axel: Hey, I’m not about to tell you ALL my dark secrets. Got it memorized?

It all comes down to the degree of intimacy. Axel doesn’t express his deepest feelings to Roxas, Xion, or anyone else. And he doesn’t want to. He’s more than happy to avoid heavy issues like his past. He’d prefer to keep things light and fun, just enjoying their company.

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart.

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

When Axel made his comment, the other two thought it was awkward. Roxas laughs and says he sounded he sounded ridiculous.

Xion: Don’t worry, Axel–we got your hokey speech memorized.

Axel: Just checking.

And Xion said his remark was hokey. And I don’t think either of them were out of line with their comments. I completely understand why they teased him. It was because his statement contained a lot of intimacy. It sounded like something you’d say to, well…a lover. To them Axel’s remark came out of nowhere. And it kind of did. Because for the most part, his comment wasn’t really directed at them. Sure, he never wants to forget them. But he had someone else on his mind before he said it. He only spoke his thoughts out loud to cheer them up. But even they could recognize that the comment didn’t feel appropriate for them.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Roxas and Xion remind him of his past. But unlike with them, Axel DOES want to share his memories with Saïx. Badly. He wants to connect emotionally with him. But Saïx has no interest in having an emotional relationship. Because of this, interacting with him is incredibly painful for Axel. So painful that he’s more content with just missing what’s gone rather than subjecting himself to continual rejection. Saïx is the only character Axel acts like this towards.

Axel: So you don’t need a heart to have something that you can’t bear to lose then. If that’s true, then I guess the closest thing that we Nobodies have would be memories of our past. It’s the memories that create the things that we don’t want to lose.

Even though Saïx rejects him, Axel is always careful not to open up to anyone else about his past. He never does, even in KH3. And yet, memories of his past were the one thing he felt like he couldn’t bear to lose. The same memories that he longed to share with Saïx. Axel desires intimacy with Saïx and nobody else. He can’t bear to lose his memories of the past—of Isa.

Axel: Love is what happens if there’s something really special between two people.

Roxas: You mean, like, if they’re best friends? Inseparable?

Axel: Well, you can care about your friends, I guess, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

There’s that word again. “Special”. And again, it conveys a VERY different message than “friend”. It’s a very taboo word when used by men towards other men. If men can’t be special to each other in a video game about hearts, light, friendship, magic, love, and Disney Princesses, then they’re pretty much out of luck I guess.

[actuallyschizoid]

i am so. tired of people. I have a feeling this is the cliche schizoid thing, or something desperate edgy people might say, but I mean it. it's nice to have a list of people to talk to, just because talking fills time. but they've all got issues they try to come to me about, and I don't care about them, at all. or there's always some difference in opinion with us that i'm sure a normal person could get over, but for me it's fucking exhausting. i am so, so very tired of dealing with people

That’s fine, anon. I’m tired of people for past 20 years or so. ^^’ Or, in more intense quality, for past 5 years. To my experience, it’s unlikely to ever change. Except that it might get worse if you force that communication on yourself and/or during PD manifestation. 

But really, that’s not such a big of a deal. You always have a choice whether to keep being tired of people or try to attempt to fix it a bit. There are a few options how it can be done. 

The one probably least radical one is to change your view on dealing with people. Like in your example, in solving problems you don’t care about for people you (probably) don’t care all that much about either. 

Do you realize that it’s likely people approach you with their issues because you might be just better at helping them figure out how to fix those issues then most other people they know? At least, many schizoids are — thanks to the common among us rational (as opposed to emotional, for obvious reason) way of thinking and dulled emotions which save us from suggesting emotional (and useless) solutions.

I too used to get a lot of this, when there were people who could actually reach me for advice (spoiler: very few still do, because, hopefully, not many still remember I exist). Seriously, at some point I felt like some mix of free casual matters detective and relationship consultant in one. Every person who thought to be my friend at least a bit would visit me *only* when they have some troublesome story they suddenly want to share with me and expect me to say something about it. 

Why? Because after I listen to it, I usually tiredly sigh and say something like “isn’t it obvious? just *do the most obvious thing that you already know you need to do but you don’t coz you have emotional reasons stopping you from doing so*, that’s the only sane solution, can’t you see that yourself?”. And more often then people follow that advice... eventually. 

Not sure why, though. Maybe they actually never hear things like that being said to them by most other people they come to? And all they hear is “oh poor you, I’m so sorry, I’d feel the same on your spot, I really would be just as stuck as you are, now let’s cry together and you’ll feel better”? That’d make sense, at least — except that usually they manage to get offended by the lack of sympathy from my side *while still taking the fking advice*. >.>

But, honestly, unless things get out of control when I have no choice whether to help them or to face actual negative consequences for not doing so, I usually don’t mind it too much. Why? Even though I don’t care about those people, and even less so I care about their tiny little problems? 

Well, because solving problems is fun for me. It has always been. It makes me a little bit less bored. Especially in those nasty boredom spikes when nothing else can make me un-bored (and it still happens a lot). Even if those problems are ridiculously easy. Even if it’s a “problem” of what to do with an abusive girlfriend when the friend in question has nowhere to go but to return to parents despite a bit tense relationships with them and a promise that he’ll start to live separately — well, duh... dump her right away, shove your pride about not returning deep down your ass and get some time to recover. Or if that somehow is not an option, get a job already and rent yourself a room, you’re 24 and completely utterly fit and healthy male NT with proper education and absolutely no excuse for not being self-sufficient, the fk are you relaying on a girl that beats you to bruises on daily basis just to live in her house, that’s just ridiculous. (actual problem I had to “solve” by stating the obvious)

Of course, I’d prefer more fun problems to solve. Like something that takes a bit of thinking, maybe some googling and analyzing stuff I didn’t know of before. I wouldn’t care first thing about whose problem to solve, would they feel any better after it, what would they think about me, etc. At best they wouldn’t even know or see me. Really, I just can dig this irl game of puzzles on occasion. It adds some interest to the game when the most effective way of dealing with it wouldn’t be googling a play-through or, alternatively, not googling a play-through while feeling like you’re doing it the wrong way and dodging spoilers flooding from everywhere like fire. 

Anyway, what I’m saying... If you happen to get that treatment often enough to justify it, and the only alternative for you is to either deal with them while getting tired or endure some negative effects for not doing it... well, try to find some interest in doing so? Forget the fact that you help actual people. You’re not doing it for them — you do it coz it’s less boring than looking at the blank wall or, I dunno, watching through another episode of shitty tv-series. 

And, as usual, there’s always an alternative approach to getting tired of people: maybe just avoiding people altogether would help to solve the being tired problem much more efficiently. But it’s often complicated by the fact that getting rid of all people who make you tired is... well, it’s hard. Without sacrificing a ton to do so, at least. It’s definitely not an option for everyone, but for me it somewhat works.

Yeah, you guessed that right — solving problems is exactly what I attempt at doing on this blog in my long replies to random anon questions. More often than not at least — including this one. And yes, I kinda like it. Even if problems aren’t quite on the subject of szpd, I might still reply because... well, why not? Between this and spending an extra hour in a game where I have 1400+ days spent by now, I most likely pick this option. That, of course, doesn’t mean I’d care much whether my reply actually helps anyone or not. ^^’ But I wouldn’t mind if it accidentally does, either. 

To schizoids who read this: do you, folks, feel the same about solving problems? Do you often find yourself in position where people around you expect that you help them?