#i dunno there's 3 shirtless men so

[cloud-and-proud]

A note on nsfw

Sooo for a while now I've used the tag #cw thirst for some of my posts and reblogs, and the tag #nsfw for things. But I've been thinking about when I should one or the other.

I post also a lot of memes and stuff, and I'm kinda worried I have followers who don't wanna see the nsfw stuff. Or I have friends (some from real life) that want to follow me because we're friends but feel uncomfortable looking at my yearning.

But luckily tumblr has good features for blocking tags! So I was just gonna tag #nsfw on all the nsfw stuff. But there's some problems with that.

1. I'm worried that by tagging something as #nsfw, I'm gonna end up getting the original poster banned or the post taken down or me banned. I dunno if tumblrs moderation works like that. I always avoid reblogging or posting things that contain explicit sex, but it still worries me, especially if tumblr is allegedly discriminatory.

2. Often people differentate between nsfw imagery and nsfw text posts. I don't wanna subject my followers to text posts that make them uncomfortable, but I also don't wanna risk a blog getting reprimanded over just a text post. Especially because sometimes it can be unclear whether a text post really is sexual or kinky at all, or if that's just how I interpret it.

3. Some of the things I consider to be nsfw might not be intended to be nsfw by the original poster. But by me yearning for it, I recontextualise it as sexual anyways, so my followers might still be uncomfortable with it. Especially because of my specific types of interests, I didn't wanna like lump all shirtless fat men into the nsfw category just because I personally find them hot. This is where #cw thirst was meant to come in, it was meant as a tag for something that is hard to define as necessarily sexual or kinky.

But I feel like this has all kind got muddled together. I feel like because of my fear of someone getting banned by tumblr over lewd posts, that I'm pressured to see as few things as possible as nsfw. And so I end up overusing my #cw thirst tag for things that are actually just nsfw.

If anyone reads this, especially any of my followers, lemme know what you think. If you care whether you end up accidentally seeing horny posts because of me, if you think I should be careful using the nsfw tag. If there's any other tags I could use instead maybe. Thanks :3

[warship005]

Spinaraki week

Day 7 - "Free day"

I had something else planed for this day but I decided to save that comic for another time since I still need time to finish it.

So, instead, I present to you Dabi, being a very big Spinaraki supporter for some "unknown" reason.

(inspired by that one frame from this season where the main focus is Shigaraki's pecs)

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[xenospacebabe]

Broken Wings pt. 3

Summary: After breaking one of his wings, Hawks breaks into an animal clinic for some help. Little does he know that the doctor there would occupy his mind this much

TW: Mentions of animal death.

Another busy week that seemed to endlessly drag on was coming to a close. There was a spike in Parvovirus cases in the last few days that had you hospitalizing as well as euthanizing beloved pets. You loved your job, but sometimes it really took a lot out of you. There were times where you lost more patients than you saved and it left you wondering if you were even good at what you do. However, there were the times where miracle patients made an unprecedented recovery. Those were the moments that kept you coming back.

The stress mounted on your shoulders, though. You had three dogs in isolation that were struggling to survive, so much so that you did your best to not promise anything to their owners. For now, they were resting in the silence of your closed clinic. You leaned back in your chair and let your head hang until you stared blankly at the ceiling. The muscles in your lower back burned and ached from standing and kneeling all day. Did you eat lunch today? Did you ever use the bathroom?

“Y’know I was really hoping you’d text me back this week, Doc.”

“WAH!” The sound of Keigo’s voice breaking through the fragile silence sent you backwards in your chair with a frightened shriek. But before you could hit the floor, you were looking up into Keigo’s eyes as he had rushed over to catch you. His good wing caught your chair while his hand cradled the back of your head.

“Woah easy there. I knew you’d fall for me but I didn’t think you’d do it literally.”

“Keigo! Oh shit, you scared me!” The winged hero looked so smug as he held you there. You were incredibly aware of just how close his face was to yours and you felt your stomach flip as a result. That stupid grin cracked on his lips, a wild eyebrow arching confidently.

“P-please help me up.” The shakiness in your voice was louder than you’d like it to be. But he brought you upright, nonetheless, in a smooth motion before sitting on your desk. “Thank you...”

“Hey it’s what heroes do, am I right? So-...” He reached forward with a gloved hand to fidget with the ends of your ponytail between his fingers. “What’s up? You seem more stressed than usual.”

Than usual? How would he know how stressed you are on a daily basis? You’d only seen each other twice, three times including today. What you didn’t know was that Keigo had a lot of time to fill while he allowed his wing to recover. Most of it was spent catching up on paperwork he had neglected back at headquarters. The rest of the time? He was watching you from afar. This strange instinct to keep an eye on you was out of character for him, he never paid this much attention to anyone who wasn’t a target for a mission.

But you...

Choosing to ignore that last statement, you let out a weary sigh. The tension in your shoulders relaxed and they slumped. Keigo observed you, choosing to stay quiet until you responded.

“It’s just...been a rough week. This business-...I don’t always get to save everyone and it was just a little more than I could handle this week.”

Something about that struck a chord in the depths of his heart. He knew about that reality all too well. Sometimes not everyone made it out alive, regardless of how hard he tried. And remarkably, you understood that. There wasn’t much he could say that would make you feel any better other than just a hum in his throat.

“Mmh...I get it. That’s a really heavy burden to carry.” The hand that played with your hair slipped out of its glove and rested on your shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze. You felt your anxiety dissolve a little when he smiled at you.

“Anyway...that’s why I didn’t text you. I just didn’t have the moment to spare. I haven’t really left the clinic for more than a couple hours each day.” You let out an exhausted yawn behind your hand. Keigo noticed the way your nose scrunched up when you did so, and the cute squeak your throat made.

“Mmh my goodness, sorry. How’s the wing?” Back on track. He admired your tenacity and dedication to your work. Arms slipped out of his jacket followed by his uniform shirt. The redness returned to your features and you chewed your bottom lip nervously before regaining focus. It shouldn’t be this hard to look at a shirtless man. You’re an adult, get over yourself! But then again...you reminded yourself that there were no men like Keigo.

“Not too bad. The pain killers have helped but I didn’t wanna take them too long.” The splinted wing lifted and tried to flex. There was a tightness in the limb that was driving him crazy. And boy was it itchy. You noticed and began to remove the tape and gauze so you could feel the bone with your fingers.

To your surprise, Keigo didn’t flinch. In fact, you didn’t feel much of the break anymore. That was odd. One hand gently grasped the far side of his wing and slowly flexed it open. Once more, no pain response. You let go and told him to open and close it, which he did with a little strain but after a few tries it opened and closed in a smooth motion.

“How the-...this was a completely transverse fracture two weeks ago.” You muttered to yourself, truly confused but intrigued. Without thinking, you snagged Keigo by the wrist and yanked him into the radiology suite for immediate xrays.

“Woah hey! What?! What’s wrong?”

“On the table. Flex the wing. Hold still.” You were in like a trance, transfixed on getting answers. He did as you instructed without his usual teasing banter, the less he said the quicker you’d speak to him. You said nothing throughout the process, even after the images printed and were clipped to the lightbox.

“How?!” You gasped with your eyes trained on the image of Keigo’s healed wing. There wasn’t even the typical crease that came with the fusion of broken bones after they healed. You felt stupefied just gawking at his xrays.

“What?!” He practically shrieked, you were making him nervous by not explaining as quick as you usually did.

“It’s healed. I don’t-...did you know you could heal this quickly?” Keigo had the audacity to look embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly with a dumb smile on his handsome face.

“Ah yeah, I guess I did. But I dunno, I just figured I needed an excuse to keep seeing you.” Once again you found yourself in close proximity to the winged hero, too close, in fact. Being this close made it suddenly dawn on you that now he didn’t need to come back anymore. He was healed and had no reason to sneak into your cute little clinic after hours.

Keigo could see the realization on your face, your expressions were incredibly loud in spite of you not having said a single word. You’d only seen each other twice before today but even he could tell there was something there.

“Hey, why don’t you take a short break and come on a test flight with me, there’s something I wanna show you.”

“What now? Keigo I-..” His back was already retreating back to your office to put his shirt and coat back on. When he returned, he held your hoodie out that was on the back of your office door. You looked at the clock, your overnight tech would be here soon to look after the hospitalized patients. Maybe you could afford to slip out for just a little while.

“Come on. You won’t let me pay you with money, so let me thank you my way.”

There really was no arguing with Keigo, he was too headstrong. So you reached for your hoodie, only for him to yank it back. Instead, he held it open for you to slide your arms into. You were trying so hard not to swoon.

“Alright...let’s go.”

A/N: I’m really glad you guys are liking this drabble. I’m thinking of making it into a fanfiction of sorts, maybe. With some conflict and maybe a lil romance. Let me know what you think! I love feedback!

[violetfaust]

(Belated) TFATWS 1.3 roundup

This will probably be surprising to anyone whom I’ve subjected to my megaton of tfatws reblogs--but ep 1.3 was my least favorite of the series so far. And unfortunately every time I try to put together my breezy little liveblogging impressions, I get immediately stuck wanting to write ten paragraphs of WHY it’s my least favorite, which, in so many words: too little Sam POV. And by this time, plenty of other people who agree with me on this have written plenty of thoughtful threads on why, so I am just going to...let it go. For the moment. (And maybe just make it a separate ten-paragraph post.) Anyway, tl;dr:

I still enjoyed the episode

I’m still loving the show

I still think we’ll get emotional and dramatic payoff; BUT

I’m disappointed with my fave’s treatment this time around.  

Okay! Got it down to one paragraph and a bulleted list. Onward.

I’m relieved that Isaiah is at least in the previouslys.

I dunno, man, that cheesy commercial alone doesn’t make the GRC seem like the good guys, even before you follow it up with Walker throwing his weight around.

“Do you know who I am?” And just like that, Walker shows his true colors and proves he’s not worthy of the legacy. Because he’s a person who allows power and fame to corrupt him.

So is Zemo Nazi/Hydra or is he just a Nazi/Hydra fanboy? 

“What are you reading?” “Machiavelli.” “Yeah, you definitely seem like the kind of guy to break out of high-security prison. This is a good idea.”

“We are NOT breaking him out!!!” *puppy dog eyes* “sigh. fine”

I know the fandom loves Zemo, but man he is a little bitch. It literally takes him three minutes to start breaking down both Bucky and Sam. How the fuck did he even get his hands on Bucky’s notebook? (see below) Excuse me, Steve’s notebook. <x3

“Heartbreaking: Worst person you know just made a great point.”--> Sam re: Zemo and Marvin Gaye.

So Karli is friends with a cute little girl, sees her mother/mentor die unnecessarily, and just wanted to be a teacher when she grew up, and we think she’s the villain? NO.

This is getting super long so....below.

Heartbreaking Pt. 2: Yes, Sam, Zemo is right and you look good in the suit. (That is impeccable pattern matching, btw. I did not watch seven seasons of Project Runway for nothing.)

Okay, I should save this for my ten-paragraph bitching post but: I KNOW the trope of “undercover guy has to eat something gross to pass” is objectively funny. But Sam is from Louisiana.  I can guarantee you the man has eaten frog and/or alligator AT LEAST once. In fact, since the family business is shrimping, there’s a non-zero chance that he has prepared and served super-gross foods such as six-inch sea cockroaches with heads and ganglia attached. He should NOT have been fazed by a cocktail with fresh snake gonads or whatever those were. You know what would have been a funny take? Sam knocks back the drink, then says: “Delicious. And [pointing to Zemo] one for my friend here.”  (AM is hilarious here though.)

“Power Broker, really?” Goes with “Smiling Tiger is a bad name” and “Battlestar? Stop the car!” (Frankly, a person still going by “Winter Soldier” does not have a lot of room to criticize here...)

How does Zemo wearing a cool coat and dancing like a cute dork make up for what he’s doing to Bucky here? Sebstan had tears shining in his eyes. 

Love language: “You good?”

The layers of Sam, an African American man from the South, watching another human, his friend, apparently being sold...

REALLY? Sam didn’t put his phone on silent? (Bless Sarah for being a civilian and not playing along...)

HOWEVER this is a pretty ugly reminder in this episode when Zemo is throwing around his zillions and his private plane while Sam can’t get a loan to save his family business.

Was it Sharon who killed Selby? I’m confused?

Sharon! Being the poster woman for landing on her feet. Good for her. And thank you, Sharon, for having a wardrobe of men’s wear in Bucky and Sam’s sizes. Although if you could have gotten one of them to wear that sequined number...

It is just hard to accept that Steve and the Avengers did her SO dirty that they simply ignored her in the two years they were on the run. (It also doesn’t gibe with Sam and even Bucky seeming to know Sharon, since they never met before CW.) Come to think of it though, I don’t remember how Steve even got himself pardoned after IW?

I’ve read the theories that she might be the Power Broker, which seems unlikely purely on the practical basis that if she was blipped for five years she’d lose her standing, but this is Marvel, so who cares about making sense? If she is, I hope she’s not treated as a flat-out villain; maybe she deliberately let Karli and her group get the SS serum rather than Hydra wannabes? 

Let’s hear it for Sharon--kicking ass and not even bothering with the names.

Nagel is the most villainous villain who has villained here so far. What a waste.

So there are up to twelve SS serum doses left. Calling it now: Walker is going to do whatever he has to in order to get his hands on one of them.

However I do NOT want Sam to take one. He doesn’t need to be superpowered to be a hero.

“Partners each convinced the other is the sidekick.” 

We’ve all been waiting for this callback.

That had better not be the last of Sharon. She has her own minion--this should be good.

Look: the only reason Bucky would even CONSIDER taking the shield is that Sam says he doesn’t want it. (And I’m not sure he even IS seriously considering it so much as trying to make Sam reconsider.)

So I said this elsewhere but: apparently Zemo is redeemable. Sharon killed about fourteen people this episode alone. Bucky killed “almost everyone he ever met.” Sam offed helicopters full of terrorists in ep 1. Karli’s victims are not exactly innocent--they are hoarding resources meant for those refugee children and sick people.  I am not giving up on my daughter for this. ;-)

Heartbreaking #3: Bucky and Sam were dead for five years so it’s not exactly fair to call them out for not visiting the Sokovia memorial but...would they have thought of it?

WAKANDA! Finally! They’ve been teasing it since ep 1 but I didn’t think we’d actually get there. (Although I’m 100% sure that Shuri is one of the nine numbers in Bucky’s phone.)

Not a lot of Sambucky this time around, although we did get

Sam being a sweetly worried boyfriend throughout. Sam calling him “Buck” at least three times--with no pushback. 

Bucky very determinedly NOT looking at ALL at shirtless Sam. Not at all. 

And POSSIBLY Bucky reading a self-help book about forming strong erotic love relationships. 

[yodawgiherd]

Red flag pt.3

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Soon brothers.

Just not yet.  :D

In the following week, Mikasa learned more about sex than she ever did before. While the internet itself was a fickle teacher, giving facts and hundred and more opinions from anonymous users, Eren was an endless well of knowledge. It was her who asked first too, he didn’t even try to talk about it before Mikasa brought it up. And how could she help herself, with such an insane bomb being dropped on her!

First things first – she googled the name of the agency he worked at, just to be sure that he was not bulshitting her, but everything he said seemed to be true. The website was there, displaying the “ wide variety of services done by long-term professionals”. Although Eren’s name was not there, he told her that he is listed as Master E, a thing she immediately questioned. Over messenger, of course.

Master E? Damn that’s lame.

You wound me :(

I mean seriously, couldn’t you be something cooler?

Such as?

I don’t know! Master Evil. Dungeon Master. Lord of the Night?

Yea, I’m sure that dungeon master would be turning heads

….. Orgasminator?

Mikasa pls

Lord horsecock

Stoooooop I beg you!

Fine fine, you’re just jealous I’m that much better at naming than you

Sure am.

When he didn’t continue, Mikasa took the initiative.

Sooooooooooo, gonna tell me where the Master E came from?

Simple. Annie wanted to be Mistress A so I just latched onto her vibe

Uh-hu. So you are just that much unoriginal

:( sadly

Just imagining Eren pouting at his phone made Mikasa’s evening that much brighter. She wanted to see more of it.

Latching on Annie, you do that a lot don’t you?

Why is that?

Well, she’s the one who introduced you to this whole thing and even today she is the best at your agency, most advertised one too. Playing catch up your whole life? Maaaaaaster E? :P

Hey, it’s not my fault that men are bigger pervs than women.

Excuses

To be honest, I don’t mind being behind Annie, she’s good at this. Also, don’t tell her this, but she scares me sometimes

Scares you how :O

Annie can be really brutal when she gets into it. Nothing the clients don’t ask for, mind you, but still. If you’d see her victims….. the wounds……

Mikasa’s breath caught in her throat.

Are you serious?

I don’t know…. Am I?

Dork.

She frowned at her phone, but still looked when the answer pinged in.

I am partly serious though. She can be a nightmare, sometimes I feel like she’s on a one-woman crusade against the male population. And she’s getting paid for it too!

She sounds like a hell of a woman.

You bet :)

Master E also had several scenes online, to be bought and watched, and a few times Mikasa almost clicked the button and spent her hard-earned cash on kinky porn. It was the promise of a live show that stopped her from doing so. She didn’t know if she’s going to go yet but buying a video of something she could watch happening in real time was a waste of money. No, she wouldn’t spoil that surprise.

She learned much anyway, way too much even, things that made her blush and hide her face, things that made her quickly hide her phone. In moments like these, she was grateful that the communication was being done over the internet, as Eren was way too intense of a person to be talked about this face to face. Here, hidden behind her screen, she could pester him for ages, joking and making fun of whatever he gave her. And, during these conversations, she learned another important thing.

For a guy who was more or less a professional perv, Eren used a lot of emojis in his messages.

It caught her off guard, how normal and easy to talk to he was. She didn’t think that he was a monster or something, but Eren was right when he said that her opinion of him changed fundamentally once she found out about his job. Mikasa found herself texting to him, a lot, and he texted back, snapped photos until she started doing it too, and overall just had a great time. Levi was giving her sidelong glares when he kept catching her while she stared at her phone, grinning like a maniac, but she simply ignored him. How was she supposed to not laugh when Eren just sent her a photo of his cup from a coffee shop with a crying emoji. Apparently, they spelled his name wrong again and kept calling him Aaron.

What’s the most common thing they ask you to do?

She half hid her face in the pillow, already dreading the answer. The three dots that appeared in the corner indicated that he was typing an answer, and soon enough there was a ping.

I feel like I’ll disappoint you here.

Most of my clients are easily satisfied  - basic bondage/dominance stuff works wonders

They could do that with literally anyone else

Like their boyfriends and stuff

Mikasa frowned, typing an answer.

Why don’t they then?

Ping

Sometimes it’s the professionalism I bring to the table, and then I understand them.

But often it's just a lack of communication

You’d be surprised how many things can be solved if two parties talk to each other.

I usually advise it too, tell them that they could be doing this with someone they love and not me

You undermine your own clientele like this? Mikasa wrote Why would you do that?

A few dollars ain't worth if they could be happier. Then again, not every one of them takes my advice, it's difficult to open up about things like these.

That gave Mikasa a perfect chance to poke at him.

Not for you, apparently :p

Ping

:D true, but I work in the business

The range of things they discussed was wide. Save for her past, which she did not want to talk about, and made it crystal clear too, Mikasa shared a lot. She told him all about her brother and the gym, sent him snaps from her workouts and then typed back angry emojis when he called her sweaty tryhard. His overall ignorance towards something that was a big part of her life did raise a question. Grabbing her phone more firmly, she quickly typed it out.

Haven’t you thought about doing any martial art yourself?

You deff got the figure for it.

A ping later there was an answer.

Bold of you to say that when you never saw me shirtless :P

But nah

I’m a lover, not a fighter

Plus, you’re just trying to recruit me to your gym, aren’t you?

Levi promised you a bonus?

Spill your beans, Ackerman

Damn spammer. Yet Mikasa was smiling again, which made Levi, who just happened to be passing by, groan.

“Don’t you have a client coming?”, he asked.

She shook her head.

“In an hour, I’ve got plenty of time to get cleaned up.”, she made a gesture with her hand, “Now shoo, I’m having a conversation.”

“With Sasha?”

“Huh?”, she looked up, puzzled, “Why would it be Sasha?”

“Cause I never saw you smiling this much before.”

One week turned to two, and suddenly the day of Eren’s show was here. He remained true to his word, never bringing that event up, keeping it completely in her hands, if she wanted to show up or not. Mikasa was uncertain. The mystery pulled her in, she wanted to see these things for herself. Watching it on the internet is one thing, but live show….

All the stories Eren told her only fueled such a flame. He always omitted names and such, for the discretion of his clients, but he didn’t hold back on the details. To be fair, Mikasa did ask for those.

Sasha wasn’t much help in her decision process either, because Mikasa didn’t want to share all the details about Eren yet. She told her friend that the guy from the bar invited her to a strange-looking place, and wanted to know if she should go.

“Did you two fuck?”

Mikasa frowned, realizing that Sasha can’t see her over the phone.

“No Sash, we didn’t. He’s a friend.”

“Oh, okay.”, there was a crack on the other side as she probably munched on another potato chip, “And is he a friend-friend, or friend-you-would-like-to-fuck?”

“Why is that the question?”

Sasha giggled.

“Dunno just wanted to ask.”

“You’re not helping at all….”

“Because it's easy! You either trust that guy and go or don’t trust him, block his number and never see him again. Boom, solved!”

If only it was so simple.

Yet when the day rolled around, Mikasa woke up with a decision in her mind. She’s going to go there. Eren was a great friend, and she was curious about this whole thing. She will be masked, anonymous, and if there is something she won’t like, the door will be there. This raised another question, however, of what does one wear to a BDSM club.

Mikasa, in her vanilla life, did not feel the need to buy anything made of leather or latex and wasn’t about to start now. There was one pair of leather paints she used to own until one day a completely random guy on the street told her that her ass looks really good in them. Mikasa threw those pants right out that evening. Public exposure was something she was NOT looking for. So, she had a small variety to choose from anyway. Mostly jeans, one or two skirts and a single dress that she wore to prom and that probably wouldn’t fit her anymore. Standing in front of the wardrobe, she contemplated calling Sasha again but ultimately decided against it. Mikasa Ackerman is a grown woman. She can choose her own clothes, damn it.

In the end, it was just a simple shirt and jeans combo. She reasoned that it added to her secretiveness, as anyone could wear what she was wearing. Satisfied with her completely basic appearance, she headed for the door, grabbing the keys and popping her head into the kitchen.

“I’m heading out.”, she announced, “Borrowing the car too.”

“Oh? And you tell me now?”, Levi tsked, shaking his head, “Damn brat, you really have no manners. When will you be back?”

“Later, maybe tomorrow. Don’t wait up.”

The words were already forming in Levi’s mouth, but Mikasa spoke faster.

“I’m an adult, so please. Just don’t.”

And, to her surprise, he didn’t.

“Fine. But if there is even a single scratch on the car, I’m taking it out of your paycheck.”

“That’s fair. I’ll see you later then.”

“Later.”, he was already half-turned back towards the Tv, before he added, “Drive safely.”

And that’s how, an hour and a half later, she was standing in front of a completely unassuming building. The door was just like any other, with a small sign and everything, not strange in the slightest. The security guard might have been a bit of a giveaway. He was tall, wide and dressed in a tailored suit that fit him perfectly. When Mikasa approached, he sized her up and down.

“I’m afraid that this is a members only club.”, he spoke in low barytone, “Do you have a card?”

“I uhh... I was told that I can come in. I’m a friend of Eren, my name is Mi-…”

The guard raised a hand before she could finish.

“No names, please. We pride ourselves on anonymity.”

Seeing Mikasa nod, he continued.

“Mr. Yeager did tell me that someone might be coming and that I should let them straight in. So I will do just that.”, he stepped aside, “Once you enter, the masks will be to your right, and after choosing one please don’t forget to return it. Enjoy your stay.”

Mumbling her thanks, Mikasa dipped inside, finding herself in a small room. There were the masks, just as the guard said, and another door that led to the club itself. She could hear muted music coming through. First things first, she stepped closer to the selection, casting an inspecting eye over it. There were several types, all possible shapes and sizes form full hoods to tiny eye-masks. After a bit of healthy consideration, she grabbed a black one that covered the upper half of her face, more than enough to remain anonymous. It was not likely that she would meet anyone that knew her anyway, let’s be honest. Masked, ready as ever, curious and wanting to see more, Mikasa took a deep breath and entered the door, stepping right into Eren’s world.

[splendidlyimperfect]

It's been twelve weeks in quarantine and the boys decide to head to Gray's parent's cabin for a weekend of isolation.

Chapter Summary: The boys get to the cabin and talk about their future together.

Chapters (2/3): 1 | 2 Fandom: Fairy Tail Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Natsu/Sting/Rogue/Gray Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Polyamory, Established Relationship, Fluff, Morning Cuddles, Morning Kisses, Lazy Mornings, Soft Boys, Dorks in Love, Sharing Clothes, Teasing, quarantine fic, weekends at the lake, Talking About The Future, mentions of depression, disgustingly sappy as usual

-----

Gray got the hoodie for the drive to the lake.

“I don’t like driving,” he said as he leaned on the counter and watched Natsu pack the cooler. “It makes me feel better.”

For a second, Natsu was concerned. Gray hadn’t had any nightmares lately, and it wasn’t close to the anniversary of the accident. He was about to ask what was going on when saw the tiny smile pulling the corner of Gray’s lip.

“You’re the worst,” he said, shaking his hand and throwing a banana at Gray. “Pulling the trauma card is my trick.”

Continue reading on AO3

“Hah, so you admit that you’re perfectly capable of loading the dishwasher then?” Gray tossed the banana back and Natsu caught it in midair, then added it to the pile of food for the cooler.

“Look,” he said, opening the fridge and grabbing a six-pack of beer to toss in the cooler. “I had a traumatic brain injury.”

“Yeah, two years ago,” Rogue said from in the pantry where he was searching for granola bars. “Sting’s the only one who falls for it anymore, love.”

Sting, who was still packing in the bedroom, stuck his head out the door. “I don’t fall for anything,” he insisted, and Natsu blew him a kiss.

“How does a brain injury prevent you from loading the dishwasher, exactly?” Gray asked. “And don’t you dare try to say it hurts your hip to stand for that long because you went to see Taylor Swift and stood in that crowd for four hours, and you were fine.”

Natsu sighed in defeat. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But reading still sucks.”

“That’s because you’re dyslexic,” Gray insisted. “The neurologist said your brain is fine, so don’t even.”

“Says mister ‘I-have-PTSD-and-can’t-drive-so-I-should-get-the-hoodie.’”

Gray rolled his eyes, then leaned forward and reached over the counter to grab Natsu’s arm, pulling him in for a kiss. Natsu hummed happily, returning the kiss and rubbing his nose against Gray’s. “You’re in a good mood,” he said softly.

Gray nodded, pressing their foreheads together. “The meds are helping,” he said. “The new ones, I mean. They taste gross but I feel better.”

“Good,” Natsu said, running his thumb across Gray’s cheek. The teasing tone faded from his voice as he added, “I was worried about you.”

Gray sighed. His depression had been wavering on unstable before the lockdown, but after two months of being stuck in the house, it had gotten so bad that he’d spent most days either irritable or in tears. He’d finally called his psychiatrist after Sting had found him crying in the shower at two in the morning and had had to carefully talk him down from, I don’t even want to be alive anymore.

“I know,” Gray said, and Natsu kissed the pink flush that crept across his cheeks.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said. “We love you. And you’re not the only one who takes meds, right?” He gestured to the basket of pill bottles to the coffee machine that contained his ADHD pills, Sting’s anxiety medication, and Gray’s antidepressants.

“I still think the pharmacy should give us a group discount,” Rogue said, coming around behind Gray and wrapping an arm around his waist.  

Natsu laughed, kissing Gray’s cheek again before leaning back and returning to filling the cooler. “I tried telling that to the pharmacist last time I was there, but I don’t think she thought it was very funny.”

“She probably wasn’t taking you seriously because you were buying Disney-themed gummy vitamins,” Gray suggested.

“Mm, and the bottle is suspiciously empty, so I know I’m not the only one who’s been eating them.”

“They taste good!” Sting insisted from the bedroom. “Except the pineapple ones.”

“I like those ones,” Rogue said.

“Aha! So you are eating them.”

Rogue shrugged and Natsu stuck his tongue out at him, then closed the fridge and the cooler. “All right, I think we’re good,” he said. “We ready to go?”

“All good,” Sting said, coming out of the bedroom with two duffle bags. The contested sweater was draped over his arm and he looked back and forth between Natsu and Gray with his eyebrow raised.

“Gray can have it,” Natsu said as he headed for the front door and grabbed another sweater from the rack. “I’m just gonna steal his instead.”

~

The drive to the lake took nearly three hours, but Natsu’s Spotify playlists kept them entertained. The sky was a bright, clear blue, and trees lined the highway, occasionally giving them a glimpse of the Georgian Bay. They stopped in Parry Sound for Starbucks, and by the time they reached the lake, even Gray was singing along to Kesha.

“God, I love this place,” Natsu said as they unpacked the trunk. Gray’s parents had owned the tiny cabin since he was a kid, and the four of them typically visited at least twice over the summer. The lake was visible from the front porch, bright blue water stretching out under a cloudless expanse of sky.

“Burgers for lunch?” Sting shouted from the porch, gesturing at the barbeque.

“Hell, yes,” Natsu said, grinning. “I’m starving.”

“We literally ate breakfast before we left,” Gray said, fond exasperation in his voice as he bumped shoulders with Natsu. “How are you already hungry?”

“How are you not?” Natsu argued. He gestured for Gray to grab the other handle of the cooler and help him carry it into the cabin. The inside was rustic and welcoming – all wood beams and handmade curtains sewn by Gray and Silver.

“Who’s sleeping where?” Rogue asked, dropping one of the duffel bags in the middle of the living room.

“Dibs on the big bed,” Natsu said, pointing to the master bedroom. The other two beds were twin-sized ones where Gray and Lyon used to sleep as kids. “Sting, you with me?”

“Actually,” Gray said, “can I, uh… be with you?” He gave Natsu an uncertain look. “I don’t wanna sleep alone right now, and I swear I’m not playing the trauma card for the comfy bed.”

“I know you aren’t,” Natsu reassured him, leaning over and kissing his cheek. “Of course you can.”

Rogue gave Gray a fond look, then grabbed one of the bags and headed into the ‘kid’s room.’ Sting started unpacking the cooler, tucking everything neatly into the fridge and leaving out the ingredients for lunch.

They ate on the deck after Gray and Natsu had wiped down the table and cleared the spiderwebs from the deck chairs, and Sting sighed happily, leaning back in his chair. “Can we just live out here for the rest of our lives?”

“Mm.” Gray hooked his foot around Sting’s ankle under the table. “I think the kids at the daycare might miss you. And there��s no coffee shop out here for Rogue to work at. Plus, you’d miss having internet after a week.”

“Fiiine,” Sting said, sighing dramatically.

“We could retire here,” Rogue suggested.

“Pff, in what, forty years?” Natsu snorted, taking a sip of his beer.

“You’re telling me you’re still gonna work in a daycare when you’re seventy?” Gray raised his eyebrows.

“Okay,” Natsu conceded, “Maybe a little earlier than that.”

Sting looked thoughtful and Gray nudged his foot. “What’s up, sunshine?”

Sting smiled at the nickname. “Nothin’,” he said, reaching out and taking Gray’s hand. “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Just…” Sting stared at their joined hands. “About us. Being… I dunno. Forever.”

Natsu raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Just… I mean I know we can’t all, um…” Sting’s cheeks started to turn pink and he ducked his head, trying to hide his blush behind the hair he’d been growing out. “Y’know. Get married.” He ran his thumb over Gray’s ring finger. “And that’s fine—I just, talking about retiring together, it’s… nice. Knowing that you guys want this forever.”

“Of course we do,” Rogue said, leaning against Sting’s shoulder. “I’ve never wanted anything else.”

“Don’t worry, we’re all gonna be grumpy old men together,” Natsu teased, but Sting could hear the fondness in his voice. “Who else is gonna put up with me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sting muttered as Gray squeezed his hand.

“I don’t…” Gray hesitated. “I dunno what I’d do without you guys. And I mean that in a lot of ways.” Natsu made a soft sound and reached out to rest his hand on Gray’s leg. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—I just…” He looked up and gave them all a soft smile. “I love you all. A lot. And I know I don’t say it as much as everyone else does, cause I—we all know I suck at this shit.”

“Gray—” Sting tried to reassure him, but Gray shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. I just mean that talking about feeling is hard for me, but I love you all, and I want this forever.”

“Good,” Natsu said. “’cause you’re stuck with us.”

“I think I can handle that,” Gray said, laughing.

Rogue kissed Gray’s cheek. “It’s so good to see you happy, love,” he said. “I love your laugh.”

Gray groaned in embarrassment and turned his head, pressing his face to Rogue’s shoulder. “I am happy,” he said quietly.

“Okay, now that we’re getting into ridiculously sappy territory,” Natsu said, “I love you all too and you’re my absolute favorite people in the world.” Gray glanced at him with a small smile on his lip. “You had enough talking about feelings?” Natsu teased.

“Mm.”

Sting kissed the top of Gray’s head. “Why don’t we head down to the lake?” he said, gently changing the subject. “It’s hot as hell out here and I wanna go swimming.”

“Excellent idea,” Natsu said, nodding and standing up to clear off the table. “I get to cool down and check out three hot shirtless guys.”

Gray rolled his eyes, squeezing Sting’s hand and kissing Rogue’s cheek before getting up to help Natsu.

“You want me to do your hair?” Sting asked Rogue, gesturing to his messy ponytail. Rogue nodded and shifted over, tugging out the elastic to let Sting braid it.

“You’d better hurry up,” Natsu said as he nudged the door open with his foot to head into the kitchen. “’cause the last one into the water is cutting firewood for tonight!”  

[thiswasinevitableid]

Could you maybe do sternclay with #57? :3 Stern needs Barclay hello him with cookies IMMEDIATELY

#57: You called me at two in the moring insisting that I come over and help you bake christmas cookies for the party tomorrow because you forgot to make them earlier and need help now.

(I tweaked it slightly for the set-up)

Beepbeepbeep

Barclay blinks awake in a panic. That is definitely a smoke detector. His faculties return enough to clue him in that it’s not the one in his apartment, but rather the one below him. 

It’s probably nothing. His downstairs neighbor sometimes gets home late, and makes (or burns) dinner at odd hours. Still, Barclay would prefer to check and have it be no big deal than go back to bed only for said bed to collapse through the floor into the fiery inferno below an hour later. 

He pulls on his green, plaid bathrobe and walks the short flight of stairs to 32B. It takes a few moments for his knock to be answered. And he’s unprepared for the sight that greets him when it is.

Joseph Stern is the epitome of buttoned up; Barclay’s never seen him in anything less formal than a button shirt and slacks, even on the weekends. His black hair is always slicked back, allowing Barclay an unfettered view of his movies-star handsome cheekbones and bright blue eyes. He’s certain Stern doesn’t know how badly he’d like to dig his fingers into the gelled strands and pull them loose, how he looks forward to the times Stern invites him in for tea if they arrive home at the same hour, how weirdly relieved Barclay feels that he’s never heard or seen a sign that Stern’s brought a date home. 

Which is why the man who opens the door makes Barclays imagination spin out like a car on the ice. 

Stern’s hair is mussed, he’s in a white t-shirt and bigfoot-patterned pajama pants, and there’s a streak of white across his cheek. He turns red as soon as he glimpses Barclay.

“I’m so sorry, the alarm woke you up I assume?”

“Yep. Just, uh, just wanted to check to see if everything was okay.”

“Nothing’s on fire, if that’s what you mean.”

“You sure? Still smells kinda smoky-”

Beepbeepbeep

“Shit.” Stern dashes back towards his kitchen, leaving an open door and a confused Barclay behind him. 

Barclay crosses the threshold, shutting the door and then jumping when a narrow head and beady eyes peer at him from the dark bedroom

“gAH!”

Stern stops waving a piece of junk mail at his smoke detector to address the eerie shape, “It’s alright Nessie, your idiot owner just burnt some cookies.”

A greyhound pokes itself into the living room, collar jingling as it cautiously approaches Barclay. 

“Hey there, friend.” Barclay coos, lets the narrow, wet nose investigate him as he walks into the kitchen, “Cookies, huh?” He takes in the messy counters, the pile of bowls in the sink, and the plume of smoke escaping the oven. 

“Yes. I have a holiday party to attend tomorrow and I was already in bed when I remembered I agreed to bring cookies.”

“Can’t you just buy some before you go?”

“I considered that, believe me. But, well, it’s at a house where I know my ex will be attending, and he would just love the chance to point out to everyone how I’m too busy to even make cookies for the people I care about.”

“Jesus, what a dick.”

Stern laughs, a sound only he could make dignified, “That’s the understatement of the decade. And the reason it’s two in morning and my kitchen is full of smoke from cookies I clearly did not make correctly.”

Barclay examines the cookie sheet. It’s contents are one giant blob.

“Well, looks like your batter was too liquid so it spread and dripped off the sheet. That’s what started burning. Do you still have some left?”

Stern nods toward a silver mixing bowl. Barclay peers in, then grabs a nearby quarter cup measure and the bag of flour.

“This is a pretty easy fix. Here, I can get this sorted out if you can get the gunk out of the oven when it cools.”

“Right, of course.” Stern kneels down, searching beneath the sink through a stash of cleaning supplies, shooing Nessie away when she gets perilously close to the bleach bottle. 

Barclay adds flour to the cookie batter and turns on the mixer. It takes a little tweaking, but soon it’s looking how it needs to. His lingering grogginess turns on his autopilot, and he flours up the rolling pin and starts pressing down the dough.

“Why are you helping me?” Stern asks softly. 

“Just being neighborly, I guess.”

“It is two a.m, the apartment still smells like burnt dough, and you must have work at the bakery in the morning. You don’t need to stay. I care about our friendship Barclay and I’d hate you to resent me for this. You should go.”

“Yeah, I guess, even though I have the evening shift tomorrow. But I kinda want to stay. I like making cookies, and you could clearly use a little help. Unless you, like, need me to go, in which case I can.”

“I’d prefer the company, honestly. I can’t think of many things more pathetic than a grown man frosting Christmas cookies by himself in the dead of night.”

Barclay sets the rolling pin aside, rests a hand on either of Sterns shoulders, and smiles down at him, “Okay, how about this then: you plug in those lights you’ve got up and put on some water for tea and some music, and then come and help me make these? That still sound pathetic?”

“On the contrary” Stern meets his gaze, eyes regaining some of their shine, “it sounds wonderful.”

——————————————

The clock reads 3:30 a.m  by the time they’re frosting at the table. After he agreed to stay, Stern became immediately calmer, and has moved from that to downright chatty. He looks even more handsome by the glow of his christmas lights, and has made Barclay laugh more times than he can count. Barclay’s crush is only intensifying as a result. 

Stern opted for tubes of premade frosting to simplify things, and he’s busy decorating tree-shaped cookies with the green while Barclay tackles the star cookies with the white. 

“Anyway, that’s how come I named her Nessie. I actually had–ugh, why isn’t this coming out–a hamster named “Hodag” when I was youngAH!” The bag explodes, splatting sugary green goo over both men. 

“Shit, I’m so, so sorry.” Stern scrambles for a napkin.

“Really not your night, huh?” Barclay chuckles as he undoes his now-frosted bathrobe and tosses it on an empty chair.

“Clearly, good lord, I wasn’t even squeezing that…”

“Everything okay?” Stern’s eyes have gone worryingly wide

“Yes.” Stern breathes out.

Barclay shivers. Which is how he remembers that he’d gone to bed shirtless. And that Stern hasn’t stopped staring. 

He grins, “Like what you see?”

“Let’s just say my night has been greatly improved by seeing it.” Stern steps around the table, draws the napkin along Barclays neck, trying to remove a stray splotch of green.

“Agh, why is this stuff so hard to get off?”

“Dunno, must be whatever dye they use-oh, oh fuck.” A warm tongue laps at his neck, and the spot is gone in an instant. 

“It appears we’ve just found an efficient way of removing it.”

“Uh huh.” Barclay cups Sterns cheek, kisses him as gently as his jackhammer of a heart will allow. 

“Is this really okay?” He whispers. He needs to know, he has to be certain, because Stern is relaxed and melting into his arms and if he fucks that up by moving too fast he will never forgive himself. 

“It’s perfect.” Stern nuzzles his beard, “I’d, uh, I’d very much like to keep kissing you until I fall asleep.”

“Think I can manage that. Go get cozy, babe, and I’ll join you in a sec.”

Stern kisses his cheek and heads into the bedroom. As Barclay packs up the cookies, the dark-haired man reappears with a puzzle toy and a dog bed, which he sets in front of the heater so they won’t be disturbed.

By the time Barclay is done, Stern is waiting for him under the covers, sans his frosting covered shirt. Barclay snuggles up in his arms, kissing him slow and soft, learning and memorizing the ways to draw little sighs of pleasure from his lips. Sterns eyelids droop first, and he falls asleep in Barclays arms. He strokes his back gently before dropping off himself. 

And in the morning, they have cookies for breakfast

[dizzying-faust]

3 Men 1 Beach House

So I decided to start writing fanfiction and this is my first story hope you enjoy it!

May contain some slight N/S/F/W

Also on Ao3

“Hurry up! Hurry up! The storm is getting crazier!”

Yelled a bearded man with short brown hair. He was running to the beach house with two other guys following him, a short man with a long, blonde beard wearing what appears to be something of royalty and the other who was older than the two, almost in his 80s, wearing a woolen hat and a heavy beige coat. The three managed to get to the beach house in the heavy rain all soaking wet.

“Note to self, never try to go out boating before a big storm happens.” says the brown-haired man.

“Oh come on Greg!” the blond, bearded man yelled. “It’s not that bad! Back on Mewni, we Johansen’s all love fishing in the rain!”

“Yeah to you River,” The man, named Greg, replied. “But not us. Look at Joseph! He looks like he's about to pass out!”

“Don’t worry...about me…” The old man, named Joseph, tiredly. “I’m just not used to running that fast...blame old age.” As he finished his words, he walked slowly to the couch to catch his breath. Greg looked at him with a look of guilt.

“I’m sorry for making you run in that rain, I wished I could have brought enough umbrellas for the two of you. And I hate that you have to stay over here away from your wife.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I’ll let Suzi know where I am. Say, where are those three girls of yours?”

“Oh, you mean the gems? They are probably taking care of the other gems back in Little Homeworld.”

When Greg finished his reply, he started walking upstairs to his (well actually his son Steven’s) room. “I’m gonna go change my clothes, be back shortly.”

While Greg disappeared into his bedroom, River looked at Joseph with a miffed look on his face. Not hesitating to take off his coat in front of Joseph, revealing his naked body. “Pfft! That Greg, what does he know?”

River turned around to speak to Joseph, but before he could say something he noticed how the old man was awkwardly staring into him, almost like he was in amazement of something.

“Ummm...Joseph?” River questioned. “Are you okay?”

Joseph immediately snapped out of his daze when he heard River’s words. “Oh, um….sorry. I guess I was in a zone. That rain was getting to me.”

“...Okay, I’m just going to talk to Greg.”

River walked upstairs as Joseph was resting on the couch to continue catching his breath. What was that moment?

----

Upstairs, Greg was laying on the bed, shirtless, he still couldn’t get over what happened today. It was meant to be a nice day out to go boating with his River and Joseph on the new boat he brought with his money. Ever since his son left to travel the states, the latter two became comfort buddies to him. Sure there was Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, but they were busy with their own lives to hang out with him. Plus, it was nice to have male friends compared to the female friends he met. Though River almost ruined it by going diving into the ocean to go fishing his way. He almost started to drown until thankfully Greg was able to pull him out with a net that was installed with the boat. It also didn’t help that it was starting to rain which later turned into a big storm the moment they pulled him in. Still, despite this, he did admit it was nice while it lasted.

“Greg?”

Greg stopped with his thoughts when he heard someone calling his name. It was River who was also standing on the top of the stairs, shirtless. It didn’t take a while to notice how...kind hot he is with those abs. Come to think of it, he did notice during the boat trip when River was shirtless on the boat, he would always notice how hot he was. Wait, why was he thinking these kinds of things? It wasn’t like he was into guys was he? Before he could think more...unusual thoughts, he was interrupted by River calling his name again.

“Oh, sorry River! What’s up?”

“I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Is Joseph okay?

“Yeah, he’s just resting. Ya, mind if I join you?”

At first, Greg wanted to say no thanks, but for some reason, he just couldn’t say no.

“Sure I don’t….mind.”

River questioned Greg hesitance, but shrugged it off, walked over to the bed and layed down with Greg on the bed.

For the next few minutes, it was almost complete silence, like they didn’t know what else to say. They both just stared at the ceiling, along with their thoughts. Then, River suddenly broke the silence.

“Um...Greg.”

“Yes, River?”

“Do you think I’m a bad friend?” “What!?” Greg yelled out. “I don’t think you’re a bad friend at all! Sure you can be crazy at times, but not a bad friend!”

Despite Greg’s positive answer, it didn’t seem to uplift his mood.

“Is this about what happened on the boat?” Greg asked. “Because look as much as that nearly drowned, at least you’re okay.”

“Yeah,” River replied. “But I nearly ruined your boating trip. Maybe I don’t deserve to be your-”

Before River could finish, Greg picked him up from his shoulders to stare him in the face.

“Look River. I’ve met a lot of strange people, even my wife was just as strange as you. You may be crazy but you’re NOT a bad friend. You’re brave and strong. And that’s why I....”

Greg was almost tongue-tied at that last word.

“I….”

“I what?”

Greg couldn’t say anything. All he could do was move closer and kiss River on the lips. River was confused at this, but for some reason, he didn’t feel pushing Greg back and just let Greg finish the kiss. When Greg moved back, he was breathing heavily. Like, he can’t believe he just did that.

“Wha...what was that?” River questioned.

“I...I think I like you.” Greg answered.

“You what?”

“I mean I like, like you. I dunno when it came to be, but ever since you came to my life, I just have been having these feelings for you.”

As Greg finished his confession, he expected River to either react with disgust or scold him for the kiss. But instead, he reacted with a hearty laugh. And grabbed Greg on the shoulder.

“Oh, Greg.” River finally replied. “That is such a relief because I’ve been having feelings for you too!”

“Wait, what? You actually like...as in like like me?”

“Yep!”

“But don’t you have Moon, you’re wife?”

“Eh, she probably wouldn’t mind. After all, there is always room for one more.”

Greg was confused at how happily River was taking this. Especially this was a man who was already married and risking cheating on his wife. But on the other hand, he didn’t care. As long as River was happy, he was happy.

“So what do you want to do now?” Greg asked.

River grabbed the arms “Let’s make out.” And immediately kissed him, harder than Greg’s kiss. Greg didn’t hesitate and kissed back harder as well.

----

Downstairs, having woken up from his little nap, Joseph started taking off his hat, coat, and flip flops, leaving him in nothing but his shorts and a tank top. He still has his muscular figure, but he wasn’t as strong as he was in his younger years. He looked around wondering what was taking River so long, hoping he would be coming back downstairs after talking to Greg. Slowly, he walked upstairs, expecting that he and Greg were fast asleep.

But he could be no wrong.

What he saw instead was the two men, naked, making out. At first, he was about to shout his expected “OH MY GOD” line, but he didn’t have the urge to. In fact, he kinda liked seeing the two men making out.

As both Greg and River were tongue wrestling with each other, Greg spotted Joseph. The sight of him caused him to immediately push River off of him as he stumbled his words trying to explain himself.

“Oh Joseph, I...I didn’t see you there!”

“Were you two, making out?” he asked.

Greg was almost tempted to explain himself, but River stood up and interrupted him.

“Yes we were making out!” he answered the old man. “And what about it, we love each other and that’s final! What are you gonna do about it.”

When River said those last lines proudly, Joseph immediately walked over to him. Greg wasn’t sure what he was going to do to River. But what happened next was something that he didn’t expect. As Joseph went near River, he grabbed the blonde man by the shoulders, slowly moved near his face, and kissed him hard. Greg looked at this scene in complete shock, that the old man was suddenly kissing his new lover. And he wasn’t alone on this as River was just as shocked as Greg that Joseph was kissing him. He pushed Joseph away from him as he wiped his lip from that weird kiss.

“What the hell was that?!” River yelled in anger.

“That was a kiss,” Joseph replied. “I kissed you.”

“But, but why?! Aren’t you married?”

“Says you. Besides, Suzi is old news, was going to divorce me anyway, so why not get a new lover?”

River was in shock that he was cheating on his wife, though he wasn’t one to talk since he was doing the same to Greg.

“You know what!” Greg yelled out, “Who cares about our wives! My wife is gone and she probably would have been happy that I’m moving on. So honestly...”

As Greg said his last line, he crawled across the bed to Joseph, grabbed his head, and kissed him, hard and passionately. Joseph, despite the suddenness of this, kissed back and leaned over towards Greg. Greg started taking off his tank top, leaving him in nothing but his naked body, showing off his abs.

“Huh, didn’t know you still have muscle in you.”

“That’s what keeping healthy is for!”

“Hey!” River yelled out. “What about me?”

“Oh don’t worry,” said Joseph “You’re welcome as well!”

River squealed in delight as he joined back in with Greg, this time with Joseph around. What turned into a simple makeout turned into a three-man threesome. Greg was passionately kissing Joseph as River was kissing Greg’s back. All three men grinding each other with them moaning in passion, feeling themselves in the heat of this new love affair. As they were in the middle of this orgy, Joseph felt something in his shorts. Breaking from the kiss, he took off his shorts and sure enough, there was something sticking out of his underwear.

No….

“What’s wrong?” Greg asked.

“I think…” Joseph answered. “I think I got a boner.”

NO….

Greg crawled over to Joseph and noticed his erection. He starts pulling his underwear down and was met with his big, long…

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

----

“Aw come on I was just getting to the good part!” Peridot yelled.

“No!” Josuke yelled. “I don’t fucking care! I’m done! I’m fucking done! God, I can’t get the image of Mr. Joestar’s balls out of my head. UGH!”

Apparently, Peridot gathered everyone to the beach house to listen to the new story she’s been writing. Ever since she’s been binge-watching the new Camp Pining Hearts reboot, she’s been on a roll with making these stories, or fanfics as she heard. But lately, it has taken to writing fanfics about people she knew.

“Oh come on, my fanfic was getting good. Right guys?”

The crowd, composed of Steven (via video call), Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, Jotaro, Josuke, and Star, were all in agreement of what the heck was going on with the story. Especially, how it would have continued if Josuke hadn’t interrupted.

Steven and Connie just looked at each other silently in disgust. The former wished he could have stopped Peridot sooner, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Especially since she wrote stories about him and Connie before, minus the…weirder parts. Pearl’s reaction was also the same as Steven and Connie’s. Especially when she noticed how Greg was written, not himself in his story. Amethyst was different from the three as she looked like she was about to burst out laughing. Sure she was disgusted, but the way the story was written was so bad it was funny, but she held her composure to try and not hurt Peri’s feelings. Garnet didn’t show a reaction, but she also was not fond of Peri’s story. And with her future vision, she knew what happened next was not going to be even more pretty. Jotaro was also the same. He was thankfully glad his grandmother, Suzi Q, was not here to hear the story. Especially during the part where Joseph said he was going to cheat on her, considering their current issues. Josuke was the most expressive about his disgust with the story. To the point he wished Crazy Diamond to come and fix his eyes from imagining his dad privates and almost doing the do. Finally, Star sat there with a blank stare. Apparently, that story broke her that she couldn’t muster out the words. She just couldn’t believe she had to read about her dad cheating on her mom.

“So?” Peridot asked again, breaking the silence. “What do you think of my story so far?”

“Well…” Steven replied. “It could use a little work”

“Yeah, a lot of work.”

“Definitely, a lot of work.”

“Ditto.”

“Seconded.”

“Eh, it was okay.”

“Please…”

“...Uh, I mean yeah you do need a lot of work with your story.”

“Well,” Peridot looked at the paper. “There are a few errors, maybe I should go and fix them before I read the rest.”

“Few is saying something.” said Josuke before getting a hit in the head by an invisible fist (probably Star Platinum).

As Peridot is walking to the warp pad to go back to Little Homeworld and everyone is going back to normal business, they are all interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

“Hey everyone, we’re back!” yelled Greg as he busted in wearing his captain’s outfit. Alongside him were Joseph wearing a tank top, shorts, and flip flops holding baby Shizuka, and River, who had no shirt on and was just in his pants, apparently soaking wet.

“Hey, Dad!” Steven yelled over the phone.

“Hey, Steven! How’re your travels?”

“It’s been fine. Just taking a break. How are you doing?”

“Oh me, Joseph, and River just came back from a boating trip.”

“Yeah,” spoke Joseph. “It was a wacky adventure.”

“What do you mean whacky?” Steven asked.

The two men didn’t say anything, only pointing to a soaking wet River Butterfly.

“Dad,” Star questioned. “What did you do?”

“What? All I did was do fishing my way!” River angrily shouted out. “And in the end, we did survive. I even caught a big, long-”

River’s words were interrupted by the sound of Josuke screaming and running into the bathroom. They could hear the sound of him retching and throwing up. The three men stared at whatever the heck just happened.

“I was just going to say I caught a big, long mackerel. What’s wrong with him?”

“It’s a long story…” Steven meekly replied.

[gaymafia]

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT. 

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

[quietmonologues]

A The Last Jedi “review” that no one really asked for!

Yay, so I finally got around to seeing The Last Jedi and......I have some thoughts!! Not fully fleshed-out ones obviously, I’m still processing it, but my thoughts are under the cut! Click at your own risk because this contains SPOILERS. This is gonna be really really long, disjointed and all over the place!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  [!!Spoiler Alert!!]

Godspeed, rebels

EDIT: *sigh* These were my thoughts when I just finished watching the movie. Thoughts are always so different once you take it in more and more as the months/years go by lol. And yeah i changed my mind about the Finn/Rose storyline....it honestly was unnecessary. Putting POC in an unnecessary storyline and shoving them to the side like that isn’t...good.  New rating in 7/10 i guess...i dunno. TFA was still waaay better.

1. THEY TRIED IT! THEY TRIED TO KILL ME WITH THE LEIA THING NEAR THE BEGINNING!! Dude, my friend, I almost cried, I was so shocked, I just stared at the screen, like whoa damn it. AND THEN...AND THEN, LEIA.....used the Force....and, she didn’t die!! I didn’t know the force worked like that but okay! But that scene was so cool, just the animation and just the overall scene was really epic and I liked it a lot. It pulled at my heart strings!

2. I liked the Rey/Luke dynamic! The scene where she’s sitting crossed-legged with her eyes closed and Luke tickles her with the leaf and Rey thinks it’s the force, was so cute. I feel like I was watching Mark and Daisy and not Luke and Rey.

3. I’ve seen here and there, that people think that the Rose/Finn storyline was unnecessary. I thought some parts were boring to be honest, but I don’t think it was unnecessary. I dunno, one of the themes in this movie was hope, and I felt that their story had some of that, especially from Rose’s side. When she released those animals, hey it was cheesy yes, but it was cute too. 

4. There wasn’t any Finn/Rey interactions, except for a hug at the end.....*sigh*.

5. Admiral Holdo looked like a character from The Hunger Games.....

6. I liked her interactions with Poe though! There was some good energy there.

7. Shirtless K*ylo.....why? Just....why? I hate when movies have shirtless men for the female gaze or whatever (that’s what it was for right? Like there was no other reason for him to be shirtless! Ugh, just...stop). Rey was me in that scene, asking the man to put on a cloak!! Like damn it!

(Also apparently there’s a K*ylo Ren challenge?? LOL wow)

8. So.....the Rey/K*ylo connection thingy! I thought it was cool okay? I kinda liked what Snoke said about them being counterparts to one another, him being the dark, her being the light. Yeah, I like stuff like that.

9. Going further into their connection thingy, I just.....okay so this annoyed me a lot actually lol. Whenever they would see each other through their connection, Rey would just, yell at him and call him all sorts of names! Like she was still mad at him for killing Han!! But all of a sudden, she goes into the Dark Hole (that’s what I’m calling it), has this really trippy moment (which was cool) and then....all of a sudden, she’s talking about her feelings with K*ylo like she wasn’t calling him a monster minutes ago??? Sorry someone wanna help me out here because I was confused. And then......she just attacks Luke, because she goes with K*ylo’s story and believes that Luke was about to kill him????? Huh?? How are you just gonna attack Luke because he was about to kill K*ylo?? Rey hates K*ylo?? Like when did she become so buddy buddy with him? (This was before they touched and she “saw his future” and saw the good in him or whatever). I just thought that that transition was really disjointed. I wanna talk about Luke and K*ylo in this flashback too but I’ll get to that later (skip to #20 for this discussion).

10. Luke and Rey’s fight was cool. Ma boy’s still got some spunk! And when he fell back, he stopped his fall with the force and it was awesome sauce! Whoa! Also, when he like, jump-poled across that little river at the beginning? Loved it!

11. That random scene where Luke was being one with the force and Leia felt him and said “Luke” while she was unconscious and Luke said “Leia”.....was great. I loved it. It gave me The Empire Strikes Back vibes.

12. Speaking of parallels to the other movies, Luke (and Yoda?? didn’t see that coming), sitting in front of the fire/destruction of the Jedi books reminded me of the scene where Luke is standing in front of his father’s funeral pyre in Return of the Jedi (did someone already gif that??). Another theme in this film was that the past must die....so Darth Vader, the last Sith Lord, dies. And these old, Jedi books, die. Cool cool.

13. Gwendoline Christie makes another like...5 minute appearance. Bless her soul.

14. Let’s talk about Snoke. This guy dressed up like a playboy. This man was wearing a gold robe!! A GOLD ROBE my friend. Like, what??? Supreme Leader who? I only see a stereotypical wealthy old man who smokes pipes. I still don’t know who this guy is like what’s his backstory???

15. Furthermore, I thought his death was....cool but it was pretty lame at the same time. Cool because, he got impaled from the side, and then got sliced in half...like that was really cool, it reminded me of Darth Maul’s “death” in The Phantom Menace. Lame because, this guy is the Supreme Leader!! He has immense power!! He trained K*ylo!! He has tricks up his gold robe sleeve! And he didn’t see that coming! Like okay........

16. Rose/Finn parallels! In The Force Awakens, Finn gets hurt trying to protect Rey. He’s left unconscious at the end of he film. He gets a kiss from someone he cares about/loves (Rey). In this film, Rose gets hurt trying to protect Finn! She’s left unconscious at the end of the film. She kisses someone she cares about/loves (Finn). Yay! I like these two (Together or apart, it doesn’t matter to me). 

17. Okay but that team-up between Rey and K*ylo was awesome! Yes, that was real cool. And the part where Rey throws the lightsaber towards him and he catches it and stabs the red armour person’s eye was....some kick-ass team work. They work well together.....interesting.

18. When they broke Luke’s lightsaber.....!! SYMBOLISM! I loved it!!!!! They split it. Light side and dark side split Luke’s lightsaber. I kinda feel like breaking Luke’s lightsaber meant that hope was broken, since Luke represents hope. And throughout the film, he was being a bit of a negative nelly lol so yeah, the spark, the hope, it was gone. BUT, this is another representation of the “let the past die” theme! Love it. (But then Luke came back in the end to save them so....hope didn’t die so....I don’t know lol).

19. Okay so referring back to number 9, let’s talk about that flashback (Mark Hamill’s face when he was about to kill K*ylo...LOL! Wow). So I haven’t read any reviews but I’ve seen this #notmylukeskywalker thing and I’m not to sure I understand it, completely but I think it’s referring to the fact that Luke even for a second, considered killing Kyle because he saw that the darkness in him was starting to take over. I understand to anger towards that I really do because Luke wouldn’t do that. He saved his father from the dark side, he didn’t want to kill him. So the fact that he was thinking about killing Kyle....even for a second, is strange. And plus that’s his sister’s kid lol. 

20. I was super confused when Luke came back in the end. In my head I was like, “where did he find scissors and hair dye on the island”? I thought he was a force ghost at first and that only Leia could see him, but then C3PO and the others saw him so I was still confused lol. Turns out he was astral projecting, and it was cool. So very cool. Did you see that fight he had with Kyle?? He did the Matrix move!!!!! And he did some cool somersault move!!! Like yes, Luke’s still got it lol! Then he turned into a force ghost and I was sad. T_T

21. A lot of deaths in this movie.......reminded me of Rogue One a bit not gonna lie.

22. Luke was right when he said he wasn’t gonna come back with Rey and that nothing would change his mind. He astral projected himself onto the battlefield LOL

23. Another note on the connectivity thing, the camera angles were really interesting. Usually when you do stuff like that, the character would be in the setting of the other character, but they just did camera cuts, and side angles which was cool because it looked like they were talking to themselves.

24. Rey’s parents.....wow talk about OVERHYPED! Hey you know, when she was in the cave thing with her reflections, I thought the shadow she was looking at looked like Leia. Hm. My heart was beating so fast oh man, and then....nothing.

25. Rey lost both her surrogate fathers. Leia lost the two most important men in her life. Old Star Wars fans lost all three of the original trio (Leia didn’t die in this film but this is unfortunately the last time she will appear in the Star Wars universe)

26. Another parallel, the two suns that Luke looks at in the last few minutes of the film is reminiscent of Luke looking at the two suns, the binary sunset, in the the first few minutes of A New Hope! And Yoda I think was the one who described Luke as always looking at the horizon. It was a nice callback and I really liked it!

Okay so overall, I give the film a 7.8/10! I think I liked The Force Awakens a bit better though. Sorry this was sooooooo long but I needed to type my thoughts out. This isn’t a fully fleshed out review it’s a “first time seeing the movie” review so it’s all over the place.

(Note if you really must know, I don’t ship R*ylo! I’m generally not a shipper anyways so yeah)

There’s probably more to say so anyone wanna discuss some more stuff with me? Go ahead! Punch It!!

[xmenthefanficseries]

Sigyn MCU Headcanon - Part Ten

This is a continuation of my personal canon-compliant Sigyn headcanon which I would like to write into a fan fiction but it would take way to long. So here are the highlights.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | TL;DR

Journey Into Mystery Season One Episode Three to Thirteen

 Okay, so the story goes on, they search for the hearthstones, battle amazing JiM creatures, visit amazing and fantastical places, it’s pretty awesome (which is why I want a JiM Netflix series so bad!!! Though legit I want a Jennifer Walters one just a tad bit more).

 Episode Six: There is some kind of explosion at the end of this episode that knocks out Sigyn, and possibly Darcy and Selvig.

 Episode Seven: The beginning of the episode is a flashback. Loki has short hair ala Thor and is shirtless (cause why haven’t we had that yet?) and looking like he’s getting dressed and ready to leave. Sigyn walks in, draped in nothing but his green cape.

 Loki: “I’m going to need that.” Sigyn: “Yes, because you’re leaving, already.” Loki: “Thor’s coronation is fast approaching. There are�� details that need  sorting before then.” Sigyn: “You’re not going to do something stupid, are you? Like glue his helmet to the table… again.” Loki: “I make no promises.”

 This entire episode is interwoven with flashbacks of this scene as it progresses. I have to admit, I haven’t completely worked out the whole scene in my head, what exactly the dialogue is. I’m sure I will in a few weeks but I’m posting this headcanon now.

 Basically, this scene is a prologue to everything Loki does in Thor. It shows the undercurrent of self-loathing and depression Loki already has, and how discovering his Jotun heritage just fucks him up and leads him to do what he does. (Cool Motive. Still Murder.) And it shows the likely reason why Loki didn’t go to, or send for, Sigyn in Thor. It was the first reason, that she would stop him. But also, Loki thought she would reject him as well.

 (It will be hinted later on that the reason for him not contacting her after he became Oden was for the second, that she would help him. Sigyn basically can’t win here because she is Loki’s blindspot, he knows it, and so he purposefully avoided her.)

 That’s the B-plot of the episode. The A-plot is that Sigyn and possibly Darcy and/or Selvig are captured by the bad guys of the week and it’s made pretty clear that they plan on killing them and all that jazz once their boss gets there. It’s a very quick episode, takes place over maybe a day? Anyway, it’s an extremely psychological episode that involves a lot of Sigyn talking to the individual guards as they do things like bring food, check chains, swap watch duty, etc.

 Then at the end, when the boss is there, and the three are lined up for execution, and it’s clear Sif and Leah haven’t found them yet, Sigyn says only a few words and all hell breaks loose. The men proceed to slaughter each other, Sigyn and Co staying out of the way of the massacre. Sif and Leah get there just as everyone has died and the group is making their way from the carnage.

 Leah: “What did you do?” Sigyn: “I pulled at the strings. Molded their loyalities until they became like a snake eating its own tail.” Leah: “This isn’t at all like you, you would never have done this before. What changed?” Sigyn: “I didn’t change. My priorities simply shifted.”

 Alright, so, something went down while Sigyn was off screen between Thor and now… 0.o

 Episodes 7 through 12: Everything happens, hearthstones are found, Enchantress minions are battled, etc. There will be at least one bright point where Sigyn and Leah are reminded of the good times, share a pretty hot kiss. I want to continue the tradition of Loki in chains and somehow ending up on his back but not sure if I can work it in as Loki or Leah. This is the tail end of the fan fic, so I’m allowed to be a little less sure of the details.

 Episode 13: Leah is revealed as Loki, Sif is none too happy. Sure, they get all the hearthstones but it’s revealed that Loki was after something else, Enchantress related, and so yay, he wins. He would have liked to have gotten the hearthstones, and maybe one day he will, but for the moment, he takes what he can get. Sif is about to put the smack down on Loki but he’s saved by Sigyn who basically pulls the JiM equivalent of “bitch, get in the car if you want to live.”

 Everyone returns home, Asgard is returned-ish, I’m not 100% on this, again, it depends on what we find out about Asgardia in Infinity Wars. For all I know, they could do the whole Broxton, OK, thing which I really want them to do because I’m from Oklahoma and seriously that is awesome.

 Final scene, after all is said and done, is Sigyn and Loki walking through a fantastic forest into a clearing with a small but awesome looking house.

 Loki: “You sure this is safe, no one will find me here?” Sigyn: “It’s safe, it had to be.” -Sigyn grabs Loki’s arm and stops him, makes him look at her – Sigyn: “Loki, I need you to understand something. You put me in an impossible position. You died, twice. You tried to destroy worlds and subjugate a planet. You aligned yourself with the likes of Thanos and the Grandmaster. I know it was for survival, but you made enemies and I couldn’t risk it. I had some very difficult decisions to make. You know what you mean to me, Loki, but in the end, my priority was to them, to protect them, at any cost.” Loki: “What are you—” -off screen- “Mother’s home!” -Loki looks to see two children running forward from the house, Sigyn still continues to look straight at Loki- Sigyn: “Remember the last time we saw each other?” -Loki is speechless, imagine the scene from Ragnarok when Odin says he loves him, only like a zillion times more everything-

 Sigyn introduces Loki to his son’s, Narvi and Vali. Asgardians age differently, so they can be whatever age I want them to be, was thinking like maybe the same age as Thor and Loki were in Thor? I dunno, the point is, Sigyn had twins! But not exactly twins.

 Narvi takes more after Loki, and so when he kneels down and touches his face, the child starts to turn blue and that causes Loki’s hand to turn blue as well. It travels up his arm and half of his face turns Jotun. Vali is more Aesir, but Loki embraces them both, arms wrapped around them, holding them tight. One half of him Aesir, the other Jotun.

 It’s all EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL and everyone tells me they hate me as they ugly cry.

(that’s the dream, anyway).

 So… yeah, that is my Sigyn MCU Headcanon as to where she is and why we haven’t seen her. You can pry it from my cold dead hands. But I’ll gladly share it with any and all who want it.

  Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | TL;DR

p.s. I also have, like, a dozen more plot bunnies, as to where it goes from here… things that I’m just waiting to see if I can turn into canon once the rest of these movies come out… someone please stop me, this is clearly a cry for help

[singwithfinality]

making a home: marvin x whizzer

summary: Two years ago, Whizzer made the easy choice to pack up and leave. But Whizzer doesn't want easy any more. Whizzer wants love. [Snapshots of Marvin and Whizzer adjusting to life together again, post break-up. Modern AU.]

notes: posting under a read more, this is a longer one!

available on ao3 here!

Marvin wouldn’t have gone to Jason’s baseball game given the option. Baseball’s stupid, he hates the sport, because really, why would anyone waste time watching people with terrible accuracy attempt to hit baseballs for 3 hours straight? It takes no calculation, no brainwork, and you just run. If he had wanted to see people run, he could just pay people to ask Mendel questions and watch him flee in despair while getting a laugh out of it. But baseball? It’s so mind-numbingly boring, he thinks, and opens his mouth to say so.

But then Jason looks up at Marvin, eyes bright and almost pleading - and the excuse that’s on the tip of Marvin’s tongue fails him, just departs from him completely.

Instead, he reaches out and ruffles Jason’s bed of curly hair.

“Of course, kiddo,” Marvin says, and tries not to cringe as he continues, “wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Jason raises an eyebrow (he’s not stupid, Marv), but wraps his arms around Marvin’s midriff.

“Thanks,” Jason says, voice muffled against Marvin’s jacket.

Marvin hugs him back, tightly - and thinks that if Jason asked him to give him the world, he’d take the next rocket out to space to rope the moon and stars for him too.

---

Marvin’s been told many things over his years. He’s been told that men get what they deserve. He’s been told that love is the most beautiful thing in the world. He’s been told that time heals everything, even a broken heart.

So Marvin doesn’t understand why, after two (2) whole years, seeing Whizzer make angles sing in his head. Makes him want to serenade Whizzer with stupid pop love songs, wants to attach a “Do Not Touch, Property of Marvin” sign with lights on Whizzer’s body so no one looks at his Whizzer.

In fact, it takes everything in him to stop himself from going over and proclaiming his undying love for him right there on the bleachers, screw the damn baseball game(has he mentioned he hates baseball?).

So when Whizzer sits himself in front of Marvin (okay, so maybe he was kinda forced to sit in front of Marvin), Marvin hops up from his seat, and attempts casual conversation while trying to hide his clammy palms. When Whizzer goes to show Jason how to actually swing the bat, Marvin rehearses his next lines over and over in his head because he’s only got one chance to get Whizzer Brown back, and damn it all if he screws it up.

Marvin’s visibly sweating when Whizzer returns to his seat.

“So, uh,” Marvin nudges Whizzer’s foot, gently and shyly, “would it be possible to see you -“ or to kiss you, Marvin thinks, “or to give you a call?”

It’s not till he sees Whizzer’s widened eyes that Marvin realizes that he might have said the kiss you part out loud.

The crack of a wooden bat connecting with a baseball distracts the both of them, but Marvin’s giddy, almost delusional with happiness because Whizzer’s grabbing on to his arm as they watch Jason run(jog slowly) back to base.

---

It takes almost no time at all for them to readjust. The first date is awkward, because, as it turns out, Marvin’s never actually taken Whizzer out on dates. Not like this. They never had the freedom to go out into town freely, for (mostly Marvin’s) fear of running into Trina and Jason.

But things are different now. Marvin’s trying to show Whizzer he’s changed, that he wants this, that he’s okay with figuring out this - their - relationship together.

They’re sitting opposite each other in a upscale restaurant down in Brooklyn, surrounded by other couples who seem much older and who talk about things too ordinary for Marvin and Whizzer’s dynamic. (They’ve never been normal, they know that.) They make small talk about the weather, the odd job, paintings that are plastered on the walls of the restaurant. They make jokes about the other people who sit too solemnly and hold wine glasses with pointed pinkies, with napkins carefully draped over tailored pants and glitzy dresses.

It takes half an hour, a partly eaten mushroom crostini and two glasses of wine for Whizzer to suggest they get the hell out of there, and Marvin swiftly anchors a 20 dollar bill under his drink, grabs Whizzer’s hand, and marches out.

It’s a Friday evening, so they find Jason stretched out on the couch watching reruns of the Sopranos.

“What happened to the fancy dinner you were gonna win Whizzer back with, dad?” Jason deadpans, not bothering to look up from the screen.

Marvin blushes a little, looking sideways to Whizzer, who smirking so smugly Marvin wants to pull his hair out in embarrassment.

“Yeah, babe,” Whizzer says loudly, cocking his hips, “what happened to that?”

At the sound of Whizzer’s voice, Jason perks up.

“Whizzer!” Jason squeals, and leaps over the couch to tackle the man in a hug. Marvin can’t help but smile at the sight of his two favorite boys embracing.

“Well,” Whizzer looks from Marvin to Jason in his arms, “Since grand- romantic-gesture night was kind of a flop, whaddaya say we play some banana grams?”

Whizzer and Marvin let Jason win, although if they were honest - Jason might’ve won even if they were playing to win. Whizzer lets out an exaggerated sigh when Jason announces, "BANANAS!" proudly, and pretends to sweep his tiles away in rage.

“I don’t know if my pride could be any more wounded tonight,” Whizzer says dramatically, and stands up. “First a lousy date, then losing to a twelve year old? I’m going to the bathroom to bathe my wounds.” He sends a playful withering glare at the father-son duo, and struts off. Marvin and Jason blink at each other before dissolving into giggles. Jason starts to pack up the plastic tiles, and Marvin silently joins him on the floor.

After a beat passes, Jason states, “I like having Whizzer around.”

Marvin looks up at him, and can’t stop the smile that forms on his face. “Yeah?” Jason nods.

“I do too,” Marvin admits, “a lot.”

They continue to pack in silence before Jason pipes up again. “Are you gonna ask him to move in?”

This time, Marvin is so thrown off balance  that he has to place a hand on the floor to brace himself.

“Move - you want Whizzer to move in?” Marvin repeats. He shouldn’t be shocked by the question, Jason’s always liked Whizzer, but this seems a little… forward. Jason just looks at his father, with a kind of assertiveness Marvin only has himself to blame for.

“Do you want to break up with Whizzer again?” Jason asks. Marvin’s gaping at his son, but shakes his head. Of course not. He'd never let Whizzer leave his sight if he could allow it.

“So man up,” Jason says with a roll of his eyes, “Mendel asked mom to marry him. I think he had it tougher.” Marvin stares down at the floor.

“It’s not that easy,” Marvin says softly. Jason scoffs.

“He loves you, dad,” Jason says pointedly, “he looks at you different. He’s not gonna say no. And you’re nicer around him.” Marvin huffs, but nods slowly. Point taken.

They hear the bathroom door open, and Jason goes back to stuffing tiles into the yellow banana bag. “God, it’s like I’m the only grown up around here.”

---

Saturday mornings in are Marvin’s favorite. Especially when Whizzer sleeps over. They’re hushed whispers and careless lovemaking, light touches and soft kisses. It’s a stark contrast to Marvin pressing a quick kiss to Whizzer’s forehead in an effort to rush off to work during the weekdays.

This time, instead of their usual weekend morning activities, they end up relaxing shirtless in the dining room after waking up; a black coffee in front of Marvin and a cup of tea for Whizzer. They’re sitting adjacent from one another, and Marvin’s got a hand in Whizzer’s, playing idly with his fingers as Whizzer reads the news when Marvin decides to say it.

“I think you should move in.”

Whizzer chokes on his tea, almost sputtering. Marvin watches him, wordlessly. Not exactly the reaction he was hoping for, but he had sprung the suggestion on an early Saturday morning. Whizzer probably hasn’t even given a thought to the day’s events, much less such a permanent notion.

“You want me to move back in with you?” Whizzer asks. His tone is funny, and he says this almost as a sentence more than a question.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Marvin sighs at the question.

“Why not?” He challenges. Whizzer bites his lip.

“We’re doing fine like this,” Whizzer says, getting up from his chair to move closer to Marvin, “plus I come over all the time anyway, it’s like I’m living with you. I don’t need to move my stuff officially to live with you, and I dunno, we tried this before - “ Whizzer’s cut off by a kiss.

“Whizzer,” Marvin breathes against his lips, his hands grasping Whizzer’s biceps, “Whizzer, please.” He pulls away to look directly into Whizzer’s eyes. “It’s different now. You know that. Jason’s missed you, and I… I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve wasted two years.” Marvin turns away, anger suddenly bubbling up.

“Two whole damn years, Whizzer,” and Marvin’s almost yelling while he paces the living room floor, arms moving wildly in gesture, “we could’ve spent so much time together! I mean, God, Whizzer, it’s not like we’re young anymore, let’s not kid ourselves. My wife - my ex-wife’s married, for crying out loud - we could be so much more than just starting out - and Jason’s almost thirteen, thirteen, Whizzer, he’s becoming a man. I just,” Marvin stops abruptly and turns to Whizzer, who’s silent, watching Marvin with startled eyes.

“I just need to make up the time I lost with you,” Marvin whispers. His anger leaves him just as suddenly as it came, and desperation takes over. He feels tears coming to the surface (he’s been crying a lot more these two years), and he stands there staring at his lover.

The scene feels familiar to Whizzer somehow, and with a start, Whizzer realizes why. The day they broke up two years ago was so similar - Marvin yelling at Whizzer, expecting him to stay, to fight for them - and yet, something in Marvin's eyes is different. There's something else besides desperation, and it takes a while before Whizzer can name it.

It's fear, he realizes.

“My life’s almost complete,” Marvin is telling Whizzer, his voice strangled. “I have a brilliant son, wonderful neighbors, and Trina and I made up - you’re the only one who was missing from my life for a long time, and god, Whizzer, I just want you. That's all I want - is you.”

Whizzer swiftly closes the gap between them to stand in front of Marvin, holds Marvin’s waist and rubs smooth circles into his skin. Marvin stills, but he looks at Whizzer with such a yearning that Whizzer feels his breath catch.

“Marvin,” Whizzer presses meaningful kisses to his cheek, forehead, lips in that order. Whizzer watches as Marvin slowly shuts his eyes, and god - Whizzer thinks there's no possible way he could love him more.

“Marv,” Whizzer repeats, and Marvin looks at Whizzer to meet his steady, confident gaze.

Two years ago, Whizzer had packed up his suitcase and left. There had been no love in this household - choosing what he had to do wasn't an issue. Leaving was the easy part. Whizzer had always been an independent man, after all. Love was for kids, a cute bedtime story to put them to sleep. Whizzer hadn't loved Marvin. Whizzer always chose the most convenient route, and two years ago, staying with Marvin would've been another hell altogether. Two years ago - Whizzer wanted easy. And god knows loving wasn't easy. Staying wasn't easy.

But now - Whizzer doesn't want easy anymore. Whizzer wants love. And Whizzer realizes, with gratification, that this time, choosing isn't an issue for him either.

Whizzer runs a hand through Marvin’s hair, and smiles. “I’ll pack tomorrow.”

[faierius]

In His Shoes (3. We Don’t Talk About That)

               Noctis stared at his own face. Not a reflection. Not a picture. His own face. He was not meant to see himself from this angle, and it was disorienting. He assumed the others felt the same. Did he always look this way, or was there influence from his body’s current occupant? Surely this grouchy scowl wasn’t something which always adorned his features.

               “Highness.”

               His title coming out of his own mouth, in his voice. Weird. “Yeah?”

               “We’re supposed to be having a discussion here, remember?”

               “M’listening,” he answered, tilting his head. There was something morbidly fascinating about studying his own features through a different set of eyes.

               “You very clearly are not. Please, this is a serious situation, and I would appreciate it if you would treat it as such.”

               “I am! But c’mon, Specs. You have to admit this is a unique chance. Haven’t you ever been curious about how you look to someone else?”

               Sighing, Ignis pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve never given it much thought, honestly. And looking at myself while talking to you is giving me a headache. Noctis, please I know this is an uncomfortable topic, but I really need you to focus.”

               Slouching against the side of the Regalia, Noct looked to where Gladio and Prompto were holding a similar conversation at their campsite. It was decided they needed to set some ground rules, and it was best done in confidence with the person they swapped with.

               “You and I will be experiencing things neither of us was meant to experience. This includes knowledge of one another’s bodies. Any daily functions should be performed with detachment as not to embarrass one another.”

               “Got it. Don’t stare at your junk when I have to pee.”

               “Prince Noctis!”

               “What?” he laughed. Maybe this was all taking its time to sink it, but the entire situation was laughable. Someone had to make jokes, even it, absurdly enough, it was him.

               “Please be a little less bawdy about this. If we want to come out of this ordeal more-or-less the same as we’ve gone in, some things need to be said. Now, given the status of our relationships, I feel we need to make a no physical contact policy. Engaging in any sort of romantic rendezvous would be a gross breach of trust.”

               Noctis cringed with his entire body. “I wouldn’t be caught dead messing around with that Behemoth.”

               Ignis’ brow twitched into a scowl. He was torn between telling Noctis that was his Behemoth he was insulting, and asking the man if he was so shallow he would no longer want anything to do with Prompto if he didn’t look like Prompto.

               “You’d better not get any ideas in your head, either,” Noctis grumbled, crossing his arms.

               Ignis scoffed. “Hardly. But on that note, any…marks we may find will remain undiscussed, understood?” Pink tinged his cheeks.

               “With the way you teased me and Prom, I never would have thought something like this would embarrass you, Specs.”

               “And I would have thought it would bother you more than it seems to be,” Ignis retorted.

               Noctis exhaled a sharp breath. “Apparently you don’t blush as easily as I do because I am mortified.” He readjusted the obnoxious glasses on his nose and sighed again. “I wanna talk about this stuff as much now as I did in middle school. Personal boundaries should be obvious.”

               Ignis nodded in agreement. “I also feel we should take time to acquaint ourselves with weapons and skills while we’re like this. It wouldn’t do to be caught unawares.”

               “Shouldn’t the first order of business be finding out what that daemon was and how we can reverse this?”

               “Ideally, yes. But should we find ourselves in combat, we ought to familiarize ourselves with the weapons we’ll be using. It shouldn’t be a problem for us, as we are well versed in various forms of combat. Those two, however, will have difficulty. Prompto, not having the stature for it, is unfamiliar with Great Swords, and Gladio hasn’t much experience with firearms.”

               Noctis dipped his head in a nod. The man had a point. “How do you think they’re getting on?” he asked, directing his attention to the two men pacing back and forth on the Haven.

               Ignis studied them for a while. “They aren’t as familiar with one another as we are. Boundaries may be a little more difficult for them to set.”

               “Prom’s really withdrawn about a lot of stuff. Will Gladio respect that?”

               “Give him a little more credit, Noctis. You ought to know the type of man he is.”

               “I do, but they were pretty mad at each other.”

               “So were we.”

               “I guess. I mean, I’m still exhausted, filthy, and pissed, but we’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

               Hearing such casual wording come out of his mouth, in his voice, was bizarre, to say the least. Sighing through his nose, he watched Noctis as the young man kept his eyes on their friends. Though it was his own body, he could see Noctis inside. The way he moved, held himself, stood silently watching was very much like Noctis even though he was seeing the body of Ignis Scientia perform the actions. The same could be said for Prompto and Gladio. Their differences are stark, but body language went a long way as well. It was almost like watching the boys do imitations of one another. Amusing, in its own right.

               Prompto, in Gladio’s body, paced, fidgeted, and gestured as he spoke. Gladio, in Prompto’s much smaller frame, replied with only a few hand movements, standing tall with his chest puffed out. Like a puppy posturing to an adult dog.

               Ignis smirked.

               “Hey.”

               “Yes?”

               “I know Gladio’s in there, but that’s still my Prompto.”

               “Relax, Noctis.”

               The man narrowed his eyes, watching Ignis for a moment before turning back to observe the others.

               Up on the hill, Gladio and Prompto talked. Or argued. Or something.

               Prompto frowned. “They’re watching us.”

               “Probably trying to decide if we’re done.”

               “We would be if you’d be reasonable for two seconds.”

               Gladio sighed, rubbing a hand over his chin. He didn’t know if he could get used to the smooth skin of Prompto’s face. He’d had facial hair pretty much since the time he could grow it. “How am I being unreasonable?” he asked, blinking slowly.

               “Oh, I dunno, how about refusing to respect my privacy?” Prompto asked with an exaggerated gesture of his hands.

               “What privacy? The four of us spend every minute of the day together.”

               “I still have…secrets,” he muttered, eyes flicking subconsciously to the band which permanently adorned his wrist.

               Gladio didn’t miss the darting eyes. “This?” he asked, raising his arm. He looked up to see unfamiliar expressions crossing his own face. Fear being the most prominent.

               “Please, Gladio,” Prompto whispered, lips parted. “I know it’s asking a lot, but please don’t take that off. Don’t even look underneath. I’m begging you, pal.”

               Gladio frowned, seeing small, soft Prompto beneath the gruff, scared exterior that made Gladiolus Amicitia. He didn’t like any of this. “Okay. Relax, Prompto. Does Noct even know what you’re hiding under here?”

               Prompto gave a tiny shake of his head.

               “Oh.” Gladio dropped his arm and exhaled a heavy sigh. “Shit. Well, I won’t look. I know we’ve been at each other’s throats, but I’m not that much of an asshole.”

               Relief washed over what used to be Gladio’s face. “Thank you. Uh, one more thing?”

               “Yeah, sure.”

               “Please don’t go shirtless while you’re borrowing my body.”

               “Why? Too embarrassed by your scrawny body?” scoffed Gladio, making a show of flexing one arm and patting his bicep.

               “Hardly. I’ve got plenty of muscle,” Prompto answered, not taking the bait like Noct often did. “Though I do have some…image issues?”

               Gladio narrowed his eyes. “You, the embodiment of confidence and exuberant personality, have body image problems? I’m not buying it.”

               “Hey, we’ve all got problems, Mr. Never Wears A Shirt,” Prompto grumbled, eyeing his chest with disgust. “Despite being well-toned, I’m not a fan of the way my belly looks, and I prefer to keep it covered, okay?” He muttered the last few words, refusing to meet Gladio’s eye.

               “Okay, I can respect that.”

               “Anything you want me to do?” Prompto asked, feeling a little safer with his body in Gladio’s possession.

               The big guy thought for a moment. “Nah, I’m pretty much an open book.”

               Prompto scrubbed a hand over the cropped hair at the side of his head. “Okay, well, that’s easy enough.”

               “Just…don’t mess around with Noct while you’re in there.”

               “Same goes for you and Iggy.”

               “Works for me.” Gladio extended a hand.

               Prompto accepted the hand, giving it a firm shake. The pair stared at one another before grins washed over their faces. Breaking the handshake, Gladio gave Prompto a playful shove, only this time the normally smaller man didn’t budge.

               “Suddenly this isn’t as much fun.”

               Shaking his head, Prompto waved at Ignis and Noctis. He hid his grin as the two walked over. Noct, usually casual in his gait, sometimes slouching, sometimes just lazy in his steps, was now walking with Ignis’ confident stride, minus the unavoidable hitch caused by Noctis’ old injury. Ignis’ body on the other hand, under the influence of Noct, now moved with a slower, laid-back pace.

               “Alright?” Ignis asked when they joined Gladio and Prompto.

               “We’ve worked out what lines not to cross,” Gladio confirmed, dropping into one of the camp chairs. Used to his bigger size, he misjudged the length of his legs and hit the edge of the seat. He hit the ground hard, flipping the chair onto his head.

               A rush of air passed Noctis’ lips and he doubled over, laughing.

               Ignis hid his smirk behind his hand.

               Prompto quirked a brow. “Hey big guy, I’d appreciate it if you could return the goods in the state you found them. I don’t need bruises on my butt.”

               Noctis was certain exhaustion had a lot to do with it, but seeing this whole scene play out, Prompto with a Gladio-esque glare, Gladio with Prompto’s soft amusement, his own face with maturely restrained laughter, was absurd. And hilarious. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he couldn’t catch his breath.

               “Okay, knock it off. It wasn’t that funny,” Gladio muttered, getting back to his feet.

               “It was hilarious!” panted Noctis, bent over with his hands on his knees.

               “I thought it was rather endearing,” Ignis admitted.

               “Aw, c’mon. Not you, too Ig’,” Gladio complained, dusting off his backside.

               Ignis shrugged, crossing his arms. He wasn’t entirely sure if he thought Gladio’s fall was cute because he was Ignis reacting to an uncommon thing for Gladio to do, or if this was Noct’s body reacting to a common thing for Prompto to do. Things like this would become very difficult to discern as time went on, he had no doubt.

               “Iggy? You okay in there?”

               Torn from his thoughts, Ignis raised his head to see golden brown eyes watching him with concern. “Ah. Yes, fine. Thank you, Prompto,” he replied after a moment of hesitation. “What do you say we have some breakfast before we start the laborious task of fixing our current predicament?” Turning away from the others, he hoped they didn’t see his brow twitch into a scowl.

               This wasn’t good. Gladio’s eyes didn’t give him any reaction at all. Because their relationship was still relatively fresh, any expression, no matter the intensity, directed at him with those beautiful eyes always did something to him. A breath hitch, a skipped heartbeat, a swarm of butterflies to briefly take up residence in his belly, or any sort of overly romantic problems. Not this time. Those physiological responses were not tied to this body.

               This presented an entirely new batch of problems. Ignis hoped they could reverse whatever magic had taken hold of them before it caused irreparable damage not only to their minds but their hearts as well.

[mabelmadnessss-blog]

Impulse 10 - Rules

Impulse 9 - Regretful Violence

The Joker walked to his bedroom door and unlocked it slowly. Shutting the door behind himself, he walked over to her. His dear little Harlequin still looked exactly the same as when he left her. It had been 8 hours since he'd decided to saddle himself with this blonde burden and now it was now time for to wake up.

"Harley." He murmured, shaking her shoulders. "Harley?" J shook a little harder this time, causing the bed to bounce, but she still didn't respond. "HARLEY!? Wake up sleeping beauty." He said, continuing to shake her body a little more forcefully. Her head rolled from side to side with a distorted groan leaving her lips.

C'mon.

Loosing his temper slightly at her resistance to join the land of the living, he slapped her face lightly. But again, still nothing. Joker growled deeply, he sprung back away from her and marched towards the bathroom, with a cunning idea rattling around in his head. He grabbed a tall glass from the vanity and filled it full of water.

"Last chance Harls." J warned as he walked back to her and removed the towel from her body. Joker threw it across the room and hovered the full cup above her body, tilting it little by little, thus allowing droplets of icy cold water to land on her stomach. Harley squirmed and let out a hitched breath under the gentle sting of the liquid. Now moving the cup to her neck, J let it trickle over her. Harley gasped again but this time her face displayed her face a crease of enjoyment. The water seemed to have the opposite effect on her that the Joker desired, but he couldn't help but enjoy the sight of her squirming and writhing under him. "Harley?" He moved his lips to her ear, ghosting his breath across her skin. "Harley? wake up."

"M- Mistah J?" She mumbled, with her eyes still closed.

Joker smirked at her reply. "Dreaming about me Doll?"

Harley didn't reply, instead she ran her tongue over her plump bottom lip. J shuddered at the sight, but it soon turned to boiling rage when he noticed the affect that this Doctor was having on him. Unable to remain patient he cursed and chucked the rest of the water in the glass over her face. With a gasp, Harley shot up awake. Looking around confused, she focused on his face, trying to remember the night before. Harley began to crawl backward against the head of the bed, trying to get some distance from him. She looked down at her half naked body, covered in water. Her face changed from confused to shocked and scared. "Wha-what have you done to me? Why am I-I?"

J shuffled closer, but she held out her hands in defence. "Get away from me!" Harley shouted.

"Calm down," J eased. "I'm not going to hurt you." His words fell on deaf ears when all Harley could notice was his state of undress. Completely shirtless, wearing nothing but grey sweatpants. She clutched tightly to her half naked body, covering her figure from his fiery blue eyes. "What did you do to me?!"

Joker threw his head back and laughed at the undertone of her accusation. "Don't worry Princess, I didn't touch you."

"Liar!" She shouted, all fear gone now with it being replaced with pure anger. "Don't you dare call me a liar!" J snapped back, pointing one of his impossible long fingers at her. "I didn't touch you!"

Harley opened her mouth to retort but instead she couldn't help but examine his body. A skull jester tattoo was situated on the top right hand side of his shoulder, big enough to cover that half of his chest, on the opposite side was 'HAHAHAHA' Written repeatedly, with a deck of cards above it. On his left arm the 'HAHA's' continued. It was insane, but so was he. She realised in that moment that he really meant it when he said that his tattoos represented him. His left hand had his trademark grin inked onto it, and the same picture appeared again on his right bicep also had some sort or bird tattoo with an arrow piercing it's body and on the left sat the Bat symbol with a dagger penetrating the center. Harley squinted to get a better look. She'd heard the rumors about why he wore a grill, she was told that Batman had kicked his face in after he killed his sidekick Robin, as if the grill wasn't enough of a reminder, the maniac got a bloody tattoo as well.

"See something you like toots?" Joker purred, seeing her eyes wonder. Harley rolled her eyes and ignored him. "Why am I here? Why am I-I half n-naked?" She stuttered, bringing her knees to her chest to cover her body more.

Joker sat on the edge of the bed with a large Cheshire grin. "I told you not to provoke me. Getting in the way of my escape was foolish." He snapped. "But never the less, I'm still willing to help you."

"Help me?" A tear slipped out of Harley's eyes. "You almost killed me, twice! You've looked through my personal belongings, stolen my bike, bash me over the head with my own helmet, kept me hostage, stripped me and done God knows what else! And you think that's helpful?"

Joker growled. "Don't you dare talk back to me! I can kill you anytime I want!" "I already told you to kill me, but it seems your bark is clearly worse than your bite." She spat. Angry tears now rolling instead of scared ones.

"You're really pushing it sweets." With that he crawled over to her, she backed against the headboard further with no way of escaping. His eyes clouded again, and that's when he gave her a sharp backhand to her face. J lent over to the bedside table revealing a small blade in his hand, grabbing her chin he pushed it upwards, pressing the knife to her throat.

"Now you're gonna shut you pretty little mouth and listen kay?" He snarled. Harley nodded, allowing small beaded tears to splash onto the reflective blade, Her eyes never left his.

"Good. Now listen and listen good. I'm only going to say this once. You and me ain't equals sweetheart, you're mine now. I own you. You will do everything I tell you to do, with now resistance." Joker said firmly. "Now a few rules before we begin... 1. NO backchat, or you'll get a backhand. 2. You'll do what I tell you without question. 3. When you're with me and the boys, speak when you're spoken to, not a moment before. 4. Dinner is your job now, you have to earn your keep. 5. DO NOT under any circumstances enter my office. You better be dying if you do, or you'll wish that you were. 6. No going out. Not unless you have my permission and escorted by me or my men. 7. Keep your opinions to yourself. 8. I better see a smile on your face at all times, or I'll carve one into it. Heath Ledger style. 9. Lateness will not be tolerated, I need you punctual at all times. 10. Your training will be intense, refuse or upset me and I'll kill you, slowly and intimately until you beg for death." He warned with a heavy glint behind his eyes. "You better remember these because I don't give second chances. Understand me Princess?"

"Y-yes." Harley stuttered, feeling the cold blade still against her neck.

"Good, any questions?" J released the blade from the throat and sat back on his knees.

"Why-why me?" She asked, now rubbing her neck.

"I see potential in you toots, you and me are cut from the same cloth. I see the woman behind your eyes trying to break free, aching to break loose. With my help, I can release you, make you see the world as it should be seen. I can set your mind free, you'll experience things people only dream about, your deepest and darkest desires will become reality." Moving closer, Joker placed a hand on her shoulder. "You won't want for anything in this world now you're with me."

"Okay." Harley gulped, not agreeing but not wanting to antagonize him further.

"Okay? That's all you have to say?" He asked, raising a brow.

In fear of upsetting him, she swallowed the lump in her throat and whispered. "I dunno what to say... Thanks I guess?"

What you're thanking him? He's going to destroy you, physically and mentally! He'll break you, and your thanking him? Wake up Harls! This ain't a game, he's a criminal a dangerous, violent, and damn right insane one. Get out! Get outta there! Better to die trying than become him.

"Good Girl." J said, patting her on the head like a dog. He then moved off the bed and walked over to his wardrobe. "I'll go shopping tomorrow but for now this should fit." He tossed one of his old shirts at her, letting it land in a heap on the middle of the bed. "Don't just stare at it! Get dressed."

She bit her tongue, holding back the unsavory words that she wanted to throw at him. Picking up the soft red cotton shirt, she pulled it over her body. The fabric swallowed her whole. Despite it being way too big, it was soft and gentle on her bruised skin. Shaking her hair with her fingers, it fell into calming waves down past her shoulders.

Joker stared at her, with a slightly parted mouth. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her off the bed and out the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked, trying to keep up.

"Training." J snapped, dragging her out to the corridor and towards the stairs.

"This place is- I wasn't expecting-" Harley said, easing to a halt.

"Yeah, its pretty cool huh? I don't do the whole warehouse gig anymore." He laughed.

"Umm... Mr Joker? W-where do I sleep?" Harley asked, turning towards him. Unsure if this was an appropriate question after his list of rules.

"With me of course, where else?" Joker spoke as if the answer were obvious. But it wasn't, not to her. A hotel which was full of countless rooms, she had hoped for her own... Away from him. To plan an escape.

"Well, I kinda assumed I'd get my own room, living in a hotel and all." Harley muttered.

"Rule 11. Don't assume." Joker retorted.

"Ok." She whispered, feeling deflated at his answer.

"There's no room at the Inn toots, so your bunking with me."

She nodded, wondering how and if she could ever escape him. Leading her down the stairs, he gave her a quick tour of the hotel. Again making it quite clear to never, ever, enter his study.

"Time for the boys to met ya!" He beamed, clearly excited to show of his new toy to his henchmen.

"What?" Harley gasped, clutching the shirt around her body. "The boys? My employees? Henchmen? I ain't stupid enough to do all my crazy on my own." He chuckled. J pulled her into the lounge where the boys sat watching T.V, playing cards and throwing darts at a picture of Batman pinned up on the wall.

"Hello boys!" He greeted with a wide grin. "This is Harley, say hello Harley." J encouraged, nudging her in her side. All the men suddenly stopped what they where doing and stared at her. One man even let out a wolf whistle, leaving Harley feeling exposed, venerable, and unable to speak.

"H-Hello." Harley stuttered.

"Ain't she a peach?" Joker beamed, he pulled her close and wrapped an arm around her waist. Harley was shocked by his touch, but it wasn't unpleasant. The men all grunted in agreement, accept one.

"Harls these fine gentlemen are.." Gesturing the men from left to right. "Will, Tony, Beni, Adam, Cameron, Mikey... And this is my main man, Hutch." This man was the one who was giving her the death glare. He obviously had some influence over the Joker.

"Harley will be staying with us for a while, not sure exactly how long... it really all depends." He dug his nails into her side, just a small reminder to watch her step. "If any of you touch her I'll cut you up into tiny little pieces and mail them to your mothers. Get me?"

"Yes boss." They all spoke in unison.

"Hutch, where's Jerry?" Joker asked, changing the subject.

"He's being questioned by the GCPD about your escape." Hutch's eyes darted to Harley "And the disappearance of some Doctor."

"Ah that's a bummer. No matter I'll catch up with him later." J dismissed. He turned back to Harley and gave her a smirk, which held a hint of violence behind it.

[suspiciouslyaphobicpossiblyterfi]

Multiples of 8

hey! Sorry if I get my multiples mixed up- I'm gay so I'm bad at math ~
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Huh. I mean I had a strange dream involving Nicholas Cage and the crazy guy who rides a unicycle and wears a rainbow beanie at my train station, but I try to avoid even the thought of men as much as I can.. OH WAIT I KNOW. FUCKING KYHOE REN AND IS GODDAMN SHIRTLESS SCENE. why does that bitch look like a drunk alien college student with no hand eye coordination woke up in a cold sweat at 3 AM and remembered they had a project for Human Studies due, so they looked at a picture of the Incredible Hulk, the ugly fetus thing from the end of the Harry Potter movies, and the Michelin man, and tried to construct a man out of like bits of old clay, taking a few lines of coke halfway through to stay awake, then pounding the mass together while cackling maniacally to produce the patsy, cauliflower looking fuck that is Kylo Rens body. I looked at it and lost even more of my will to live. 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?OH HELL NO- that wouldBe a disaster! 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Closing my eyes and going to sleep. or maybe looking at the wide sky, or reading a book, or lighting candles, or the moment when no one is looking at me. 
32. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
 yeah, unfortunately. I wanna cut it really short, but my mother is against anything that isn't strictly feminine. 
40. What do you want to do after high school?Oo! I dunno, move out, I'm excited to um exist as a gay person in real life. I would absolutely love to be a writer, but I know that's hard. I'm excited to go to college, be free, travel. not have to pretend anymore, you know? 
48. Have you ever been drunk?It's really, really not pretty. I.e. Now I'm not drinking until I'm 21, because I've had some terrible things happen to me, I've done some crazy shit, and due to mental shit I was developing a dependency 
56. Favourite colour? Ooo this is hard. Not to be Terrible but blue?? Oh god that's terrible. TBH I love every color, except for nasty shades of yellow and maroon. Also turquoise because I have traumatic memories with that color. 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?not consensual. with a large boy 2 years older than me. i thought I was awful for not enjoying it. 
72. What colour are your towels? white? I wish they were dark blue tho, to be honest white towels are the Worst I have a whole fucking rant about it but y'all have better stuff to do w your time. 
80. What colour pants?I have absolutely no idea what this means. Whose pants? Why? When? What's going on? Pants? 
88. Last person you talked to today?My mother. 
96. Favourite actress?huh- I'm really not sure. I'm always afraid of pledging my undying love to someone and then finding out they are Problematić and terrible. Emma Watson? Well really, it's one of my best friends. She does so much stage and TV work, and I honestly just love to watch her preform. She's incredible. 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?do I? Do I??? Sometimes it seems as if every moment from my life is looking back on the golden days when things were better. Every time I think I've hit rock bottom, I only fall lower. I hear a call every night, a call back to my childhood and days I can never have back, days I took for granted and would do anything now to have back. I miss when I used to love and be loved by my family, I miss friends that simply drifted out of my life, I miss the cashier at the bookshop who disappeared one day, I miss the feeling of at least having grandparents, I miss the people who I thought my family were, I miss Obama, I miss Leslie from parks and rec, I miss the homeless people I made friends with during church food drives, I miss so many faces I will never see again, and most of all, I miss the person I used to be. What would it be like, to spend one day not in excruciating pain? What would it be like to be happy, just for one second just for a moment, again? 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
108. What should you be doing?
109. Is something irritating you right now?
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
111. Do you have trust issues?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?Breathing? Yes-A train car full of commuters on the Friday rush hour train Not- An accusatory statue of Jesus in a Catholic Church from the Civil War. 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not since taking the maximum dose of Zoloft! Now I welcome the silence it brings. 
121. Are you mean? (For fun) According to the transactivist anons, yes. according to some people I polled- 2, a little and 7 nahs. 
128. Would you change your name?I'm planning to! I have been since I was very young, and I've always hated my real name- some boring bitch from the Bible. It'll be nice to become a new person, escape. 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed and locked when I can, but when my mom gets mad at me and takes the door off of the hinges (like it is rn), I don't have a choice
137. How tall are you? Almost 5'11! 
144. Was today a good day? oh hunny. I know I'm being a Sad Susan, but yeah it really wasn't. my family was bein. Their normal bigoted self, we went to a restaurant and my dad got disgusted that there was a gay couple there, and asked to be moved to a table farther away from them (this is not the first theme this has happened). I had terrible asthma and couldn't really breathe lol. I'm super stressed about school, my DABpression Drugs aren't working enough :))))))), I lost my headphones, and I'm sad. tbh, actually not bad for me- oh yeah!! I got Carrie fishers book!! And I had some whipped cream!! 
sorry this is so long @ everyone ask me some more these are fun