#i dropped my asl studies for the past couple months but maybe i’ll pick it back up over the break

[le-trash-prince]

We had christmas lunch today for work, and I had to go 20 minutes early to get a table—which I hate doing, it’s so uncomfortable to be one person at a table for 10 for that much time. And I’m running on 60% sleep, so I knew it was gonna be Not Great, so I brought my strongest pair of Loops and I wore my clip-on sunglasses inside so I could have a little less visual stimulation. Which did help, but it was still a struggle

I think wearing the sunglasses helps me unmask a bit, since I don’t have to think about eye contact, and even though I know people can see my face, I don’t force a smile as often because it feels like a shield.

But everyone was late, which is also why I hate getting seated early because it feels like I’m in this big unknown stretch of time in a very noisy public environment. And either I’m feeling more sensitive rn, or the music was just loud today because it still felt noisy even with my earplugs in.

And then once my coworkers got there, two of them brought their kids without mentioning it beforehand, so we were short four seats and had to get an extra table. Which is fine, but it took away some of my headroom. Then I had to deal with trying to parse conversation with one coworker who can only enunciate so clearly (due to medical reasons), while seated next to a hard of hearing coworker who has trouble regulating his pitch and was talking to someone else. So my disordered audio processing was combining both of their words plus all the other noise into something completely incomprehensible anytime they were both speaking at the same time 😭 the whole time I was just nodding and “mhm”-ing while wishing we could just use sign language or smth

I was there an hour before we finally ordered, which thankfully I had made sure to eat a snack beforehand or I would have had a meltdown, but even then I was stretched to my limit. But I got myself to step outside to take a break, and I listened to the new AlanJeff single, which brought my mood up a lot ☺️ And after we finally got our food, I felt a lot better too. I did enjoy the conversation that I could understand, but damn I just wish I hadn’t had to get there early.

My head hurts a bit now that I’m home, but it’s a lot better than it could have been coz I was able to manage my needs a little. Tomorrow will probably be a mental crash tho, but at least I don’t have any plans, except for new Pit Babe :3 Also I’m done with work for the year (aside from minor on call stuff) so I am going to be doing a whole lot of sitting under the electric blanket for the next week.

[feadae]

For the Fairytale Asks: Muse, Spark, Roses, Castle, Swan Lake, candlelight, princess, sweet daisies, and dwarf.

Ooh wow you flatter me!

Muse: How do you like to relax?As long as I’m sitting by myself somewhere without anyone trying to get my attention, I’m fairly relaxed, but ideally I’d be in the little Hobbit-hole I’ve constructed for myself under my dorm bed, reading, writing, or watching something, in pajamas, with my blanket with classic book quotes on it. The basement of the university library is really nice, too, because you’re required to be stone silent down there, and it’s got a bunch of different kinds of seating for different studying needs, and that seating includes small couches with three walls, so you can pull a small desk in front of yourself and only have distractions in front of you, or you can pull two of the pods together and have a lovely nap (which is not actually that uncommon).

Spark: Favorite film?I’m really bad at picking favorites, so if I’m not careful, I’m just going to list my entire movie library… I usually default to The Princess Bride or Dead Poets Society though, and DPS is a particular favorite at the moment.

Roses: What fictional universe would you like to live in?D e c i s i o n sIf we’re talking living during the events of the book/movie/what have you and being involved in them, then probably Lord of the Rings, just because I’d trust the Fellowship with my dang life and I’m already basically a Hobbit anyway. Or maybe Stardust, because I just really love that movie and being a sky pirate would be fun as hell and also Charlie CoxIf we’re talking living day-to-day, not interacting with any of the characters, but living in the universe, then probably Harry Potter, post-Second-Wizarding-War, just because magic.If we’re talking in between, interacting with the characters and going on adventures of your own, rather than the plot of the book/movie/what have you, then probably CotIG, because it’s got an enormous cast of interesting characters, and I love them all, and good Lord, what I wouldn’t give to live in Tamerlane House for even a day.I’ve thought about this too much

Castle: Favorite fictional character?D E C I S I O N SThere are a whole ton of characters whom I adore, and there’s no way I’m choosing a most favorite from all of them, but a good default answer would be Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, and Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. Say what you will about HP and JKR, and chances are I’ll agree, but I’ll never be able to ditch Harry Potter, because it was a hugely formative part of my childhood (seriously, one of my favorite memories is a few months after Deathly Hallows was published–a family tradition from the time I discovered HP in second grade was for my mom to read the books out loud to the whole family a chapter or two at a time–we had just reached the Battle of Hogwarts, it was a Friday night, and my brother and I were about to go to bed, but we wanted to know what happened next, so Mom made us a deal: we would get ready for bed and she would sit out in the hall with Dad and read while we got ready (our rooms and the bathroom we used were all within 20 feet of each other and it was a narrow hallway). So that was what we did, and when we were both ready for bed, we sat down next to Mom and Dad while Mom finished the chapter, and then she kept going, and we didn’t complain because hey we got to find out what happened next and we got to stay up late, and that was how we finished the series–sitting on the floor of the hallway, all four of us, in our pajamas, and Mom said, “The scar hadn’t pained him in 19 years. All was well.” and closed the book and we just sat there with the best Post-Book Bittersweetness I’ve ever experienced). And I’m pretty Hermione-ish now, but when I was a little kid, I was basically a carbon copy of Young Hermione (personality-wise), and I dressed as Hermione for Halloween for four years in a row, and she’s been my favorite character for a long time. As I grew up and got used to the fact that you don’t have to have just one favorite anything, my Favorite Character roster expanded exponentially, and I grew to love Ginny and Luna as much as I love Hermione, because they’re all badasses in their own ways and they each have valuable lessons that they taught little Elementary-School Me, that I carry with me to this day, and I swear I will listen to any critiques you may have about JKR’s writing, but these characters are way too near and dear to my heart for me to eschew HP altogether.(And yes I realize I could have answered this question with “prolly Hermione lol” and done the trick but that’s not how I function)

Swan Lake: Do you like poems? If so, what’s one of your favorites?Fun fact: I didn’t care about poetry that much until the first time I watched Dead Poets Society, and then I went on a spree with a poetry anthology my mom had, basically taking it as my own and dog-earing the pages of poems I liked (this very anthology is on my desk in my dorm room as we speak, lo these many years later). I still don’t know very much about poetry, nor do I usually care to learn, but I’ll always have a soft spot for Shakespeare and Poe, and in the weeks of obsession after I rewatch Dead Poets Society, I pull that anthology back out and reread my dog-eared poems. So here are a couple of those.“Engraved on the Collar of a Dog, Which I Gave to His Royal Highness” by Alexander PopeI am his Highness’ dog at Kew;Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?“The Laboratory” by Robert Browning Now that I, tying thy glass mask tightly,My gaze through these faint smokes curling whitely, As thou plyest thy trade in this devil’s smithy–Which is the poison to poison her prithee?

He is with her; and they know that I knowWhere they are, what they do: they believe my tears flowWhile they laugh, laugh at me, at me fled to the drearEmpty church to pray God in, for them!–I am here. 

Grind away, moisten and mash up thy paste,Pound at thy powder–I am not in haste!Better sit thus, and observe thy strange things,Than go where men wait me and dance at the King’s.

That, in the mortar–you call it a gum?Ah, the brave tree whence such gold oozings come!And yonder soft phial, the exquisite blue,Sure to taste sweetly–is that poison too?

Had I but all of them, the and thy treasures,What a wild crowd of invisible pleasures!To carry pure death in an earring, a casket,A signet, a fan-mount, a filigree basket!

Soon, at the King’s a mere lozenge to giveAnd Pauline should have just thirty minutes to live!But to light a pastille, and Elise, with her headAnd her breast and her arms and her hands, should drop dead!

Quick–is it finished? The color’s too grim!Why not soft like the phial’s, enticing and dim?Let it brighten her drink, let her turn it and stir,And try it and taste, ere she fix and prefer!

What a drop! She’s not little, no minion like me–That’s why she ensnared him: this never will freeThe soul from those masculine eyes–say “no!”To that pulse’s magnificent come-and-go.

For only last night, as they whispered, I broughtMy own eyes to beat on her so, that I thoughtCould I keep them one half minute fixed, she would fall,Shriveled; she fell not; yet this does it all!

Not that I bid you spare her the pain!Let death be felt and the proof remain;Brand, burn up, bite into its grace–He is sure to remember her dying face!

Is it done? Take my mask off! Nay, be not morose;It kills her, and this prevents seeing it close:The delicate droplet, my whole fortune’s fee–If it hurts her, beside, can it ever hurt me?

Now, take all my jewels, gorge gold to your fill,You may kiss me, old man, on my mouth if you will!But brush this dust off me, lest horror it bringsEre I know it–next moment I dance at the King’s!

My choir in high school also sang a song with the text from “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost, and the song was freaking gorgeous, so that poem’s close to my heart too.

Candlelight: Coffee or tea?Honestly, probably neither. I’d love to like both of them, but no matter how much cream and sugar I put in them, I can’t get past the bitterness. I do like the occasional chai latte, though (they’re like liquefied snickerdoodles!), so both and neither at the same time, I guess.

Princess: Favorite TV show at the moment?I don’t watch TV that much; I don’t have the time to commit to whole seasons of things… I’m not even remotely caught up, but I enjoyed the few episodes I watched of A Series of Unfortunate Events. I also binged the first 10-11 episodes of Switched at Birth the other day, but I’m really only watching it for the ASL. I don’t really like any of the characters, except Daphne and Melody and probably Regina. I want to like Emmett, I really do, but boy needs to get his romantic feelings under control; he can’t keep ping-ponging between Daphne and Bay. That’s gonna end really poorly.EDIT: Can’t believe I forgot these–The West Wing and NCIS are staples in my life. NCIS is just loads of fun, and I love the characters, and I could rant for days about how damn GOOD The West Wing is. It was written by Aaron Sorkin, who’s one of my favorite playwrights (he wrote A Few Good Men, the play the movie’s based on), and it’s just written so damn well. I don’t typically give a shit about the inner workings of the government, but The West Wing makes me give many shits. Many of them. All the characters are intellectual badasses, and I love them all so much.

Sweet Daisies: Do you believe in love at first sight?That’s called infatuation, kiddos, and it’s not healthy for anyone.

Dwarf: Do you enjoy horror films?I’ve never seen any, because I’m only a few years out of spending 95% of my time with my family, and my mom hates horror films with a passion, so we never watched any. I don’t have an interest in that many of them, either, ‘cause I’m a bit of a scaredy-cat (barely made it through Chapter One of Bendy and the Ink Machine; quit five minutes into FNAF 1), but I really wanna watch A Quiet Place, primarily because ASL and partially because my horror-movie-aficionado friends say the atmosphere was like nothing they’ve ever experienced.

Thanks, Al! Sorry about the wall of text, but I’m really glad I got the opportunity to type it all!