#i drew this as a joke a few weeks ago but holy FUCK has it only made itself more true since

[flecks-of-stardust]

in case you were wondering how writing dreamless has been going so far

[lolaskmeanything]

I had something completely different that I planned to write, but holy fuck what is happening in my life right now.

I am in my feels little bit because I am remember my first REAL love and it is making me want to vomit. Not because of it ending in any type of way, I just know I could have been better. This isn't me blaming myself for it ending because I truly think if it was supposed to happen, we could have made it work. He is forever going to be the one that got away and the one I wish stuck around. Can't dwell though I guess.

In other news, the guy I like told me he liked me back this week. That was fucking wild. This story is strange and weird so bare with me. I went to middle and high school with this guy who we can call Cade. I'm not sure if I have ever talked about him at length on here but here you go if you people are this interested in my life. We also knew each other from our youth because our sisters are the same age and used to play sports together. We never really ran in the same circle or hung out when we were younger. I remember we had a class or 2 together in middle school and we'd talk there, but never outside of that or in any other way. Come high school we were hanging out in a big group that dwindled eventually to 5. Me, my best friend May, our friends Elliot and Harry, and Cade. We were playing truth or dare as 15 year olds do when in a coed setting and I was dared to make out with Cade. I remember all day all of us were hanging out at a playground and when there were 5 of us still around, it began to rain so we all took cover in a tunnel. When we got dared, we went into the rain and made out. Nothing really came from it other than one of my friends getting mad at me because she liked him. Fast forward after high school, after college, to 2019. I was out with my friend Kalani and we were at a restaurant her mom worked in. I had no idea Cade was working in the kitchen and when her mom came back after putting in our order, she told us she joked with him that he could spit in our food it was me and Kalani. After that he added me on snapchat and started snapping me. At first, I rejected him because all he wanted to do was fuck me and like the lovely human he is he had a girlfriend. He stopped after I threatened to tell his girlfriend. He came back though after they broke up and kept on saying he wanted me. He kept trying and trying to fuck me and I said no. After 3 years, I gave in and boy was it worth it. The sex was SO good! We still have sex and as of recent, I kind of started to like him. Felt real stupid for it because all he wanted from me was sex. About a month ago I slept at his house and I was saying certain things and compliments and he was teasing me saying I liked him and he wasn't wrong. I have been a bit annoyed with him lately because I want more attention, so as a girl, naturally, I ignored him a lot and all last week. A few days ago we fucked and I started teasing him that he liked me and he told me simply that he did. I told him I did too but I stopped because I got over it (LIE). He also told me he knew I was ignoring him. When I asked him since when did he like me, he said since 6th grade. Absolutely blown away, he took me home even though I wanted nothing more than to stay with him, but that was it. We've been snapping but not as much as I want really but I'm also not trying to be insane. We snapped this morning but he is out doing shit and I don't feel like being the one left on read. I try to keep you updated on this.

Next order of business, I met a nice guy. His name is Drew, he is a year older than me, he has a crazy good job and comes from money. I know, very odd turn here, let me go on. He's been very sweet and nice and I know he likes me, but I'm trying to understand him still. I can't tell if I find him annoying, or if I'm trying to convince myself I don't like him. I do it a lot and I don't want to fuck this up because I am self sabotaging again. I have a date with him this week so hopefully it will put something into perspective for me. He's also pretty good looking too. I'm not sure what I feel. What I do know is I really really want Cade's attention.

I'm hopping off because I have shit to do and I can't allow myself to sit in bed in my room all day. I'm getting out today. LOVE LVRS

[creedx13]

Creed

The reckoning 

Content warning: violence gore and bullying shame

Hellion is a smug spoiled brat and even worse he has telekinisis of all things. It started with sabertooth “jokes” he introduced himself to me by asking if I was sabertooth’s kid. I said he was my biological father’s farther and I’m not sabertooth. He then told me he was the first mutant in his family. He then said I should have been declawed cause “we don’t need another sabertooth running around” he then patted my head and said good kitty in that patronizeing way he talks to his underlings. Then he started knocking my books off my desk with his mind at random times. I don’t lose my temper too easy so I ignored him he isn't worth my time. Ignoring him didn’t work he did similar things to the new girl with the electrical powers. Fuck this guy, he was dam desprate for a fight and I gave it to him today. 

“HEY Sabertooth wannabe!” he shouted at me from the other side of the base ball diamond Mo was next to me so I asked her if she could go find storm for me and she ran off. That’s my girl this is between the big kids. “Yo creed!” I role my eyes and turn around  “what is your problem!” 

“My problem is some rabid psycho mutt is making moves on sofia when I called dibs when she first got here.” he shot back like it was a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to call dibs on a freaking person. “ you can’t call dibs on a person. She dosen’t even want to talk to you.” I dismissed  “at least she’ll be better off without a monster like you in her life.” before I could even process this the gravel from the baseball dimon flew up and cut my shirt off along with my chest binder leaving a few already healing gashes in it’s wake. I managed to stand my ground and I didn’t let this prick knock me down. As soon as the rags that used to be the top half of my out fit hit the ground the gray gravel storm stopped. He stifled a laugh at my breasts they’re small but they are certainly there. “holy shit you're a chick!?” he exclaimed raising his hands in surender. I’m not proud of this part but I saw red. Next thing I knew I was on him siting on his back clawed hand pinning him to the gravel by his throat, sharp fangs dug deep into his shoulder my second set of claws drew angry vengeful slashes down his back it didn’t matter what he threw at me I barely felt it It didn’t matter what anyone said I barely heard it. I think I heard ms. storm scream my name and I felt two heavy duty tranc darts hit me in the back. Ms. monroe is a good shot. I just caught a glimpse of my oponent? Victim? In a quivering bloody mess under me I think I smelt urine on him but then I quickly blacked out. 

I woke up strapped to an infirmary bed I was flooded with all the rage and grief and dispare guilt fear shame hellion had been putting me through for months all I could so was scream and ugly sob straped down and helpless untill I passed out again.   

I was both physically and socially isolated from my peers for the next few weeks only being able to interact with the medical staff. I humbled that asshole big time sure but I might have gone too far. So I decide to write a letter to golden boy, josh I think his name was. And ask him to heal the damage I have done. I signed the letter Jason Creed Bad Wolf. by the next day I get a letter back well I get my letter but it had been answered using the back of the page.  Don’t worry man, I healed him for you, you're welcome BTW.-Josh  he was asking for It and you didn’t strike to kill if you were anything like sabertooth he would have died ages ago he got off easy. You are not a bad wolf you are a Timber Wolf If anything. Don’t listen to hellion. Mo is worried about you but the girls will need more time but they will come around eventually.-David 

I have good friends, finally, I hope Sofia is ok. Hellion has been moved out of my class good for him.   

[lesbian-deadpool]

Special Soul-mark

Part One Of Two: Family Matters

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Modern AU, Soulmate AU

Words: 2,398

Warnings: Referenced child-abuse, childhood teasing, detailed injures.

Request: For the Anon who donated to the Australian Bushfires.

Summary: How you finally met your soulmate.

A/N: Just an FYI, I’ve never seen Family Matters lol.

(Not my GIF)

***

“They’re a clumsy one.” You overheard your mother say behind you, to some of her friends, as you, at five-years-old, played in the grass with your own friends.

“Who is, mommy?” You turned around to ask, just as curious as every child, to the world around them.

“Your soulmate, honey.” She pointed to the marks littering your skin.

Looking down your eyes found a small scratch on the inside of your forearm.

You remembered the day you learned about soulmates. You had been in the bath, your mother washing the dirt from your face, after jumping around in muddy puddles with your father. You had been remembering how all the kids teased you at school, for having so many cuts and bruises covering your body. When you asked, “Why do I have these?” You drew your arms out in front of you, as to give your mother a better look at what you were talking about.

But she knew.

Of course, she knew.

She had, after all, been waiting for this moment for a long time.

They’re from your soulmate, Honey.” She tried to have a bright smile covering her face as she told you this. Knowing how confused you were by some of the children's teasing. But they, thankfully, had it all sorted out now, after going to the principle and complaining. “You have a very special “soul-mark” if they get a bruise or scratch. So do you.”

“It’s special?” you asked, voice full of wonder.

“Yes.” She nodded, overexcited for your sake.

It wasn’t special really. Just less common than the others. Most people have tattoos, timers, red strings around their pinkies, some even had the first place their soulmate would ever touch them.

One in one-hundred-thousand had the same soul-marks as you. So, nowhere near ‘special’. Just less likely.

But, you didn’t have to know that now, did you?

Not until you undoubtedly find out in your later years.

Right now? Yeah. You could think it was special.

“Why don’t they hurt?” was your next question.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “No one truly does. I’m sure there’s some scientist’s out there with an explanation to it all. But I like to think that it’s because your soulmate never wants to hurt you.”

“When will I meet them?”

“That I also don’t know,” she said, lifting you out of the dirty water, and rubbing you dry with a soft fluffy towel. “Everbody has their own time. You’ll have yours too, baby.”

“They must be very wobbly on their feet.” She pulled you out of your memories. Since that day, you had been excited to find your soulmate. But you remembered your father's words, that same night as he put you to bed.

“You’ve just got to wait for them. They’ll be worth it when you finally find them.”

So you were patient. And you would be for however long you needed.

“What if they’re not though?” One of her friends whispered, as you passed two of your tiny fingers over the small scratch on the inside of your forearm.

“I don’t want to think about it,” she whispered back. Obviously unknown to the face that you were still listening, “Because if that’s the case, there's nothing I can do to help.”

You didn’t understand what they had been talking about, until years later.

It had stopped a few weeks after that. Much to your parents' joy. But not so much to yours. You liked seeing the marks sometimes. It reminded you that your soulmate was out there, waiting for you, just as you were them.

But you were glad that they were “Being less clumsy and hurting themselves.”

***

It wasn't until years later that something to that extent had happened.

Not to say that your soulmate never got hurt, during that time. Just like you did.

A paper-cut here. Cat scratch there. The random bruise somewhere. Grazed knees, and palms. A bump on the head. The normal injuries that kids tended to inflict on themselves.

You were fourteen, and intently finishing your homework, at the kitchen table. When your father, who sat across from you, started calling out, after randomly glancing up at you.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"

"What's wrong, honey?" your mom called through from the hallway to your father. As you looked up at him curiously, only to see him pointing directly at your face.

"What?" you asked him confused.

"Your nose."

"My. What?" You were still confused, as you reached your hand up to wipe the side of your forefinger under your nose. Pulling it back to see it covered with blood. Said red liquid pouring down your hand, and dripping profusely onto your homework, that you had been working so hard on.

"Holy shit!" you exclaimed, pushing your chair back and away from your work.

"Language," your mother chided, a smile in her voice, as she walked through the kitchen door, your baby brother in her arms. Before her voice grew scared and frantic, once she had noticed all of the blood now soaking the floor, as your father moved around the table to get a better look at you, "What happened?!"

"Her nose just started bleeding."

You raised your head to peer at your mother.

"Fuck!" It was her turn to exclaim.

Your dad whispering, "Christ." With his hand upon your shoulder.

"What?" you asked almost scared to know the answer.

Raising to your feet you walked through your open plan home, towards the mirror hanging in the living room.

"Mother of God!" you said, finally seeing your appearance.

Blood coated the bottom of your face, very clearly coming from your nose, it still bleeding as it seeped into your, now ruined, white shirt. The bridge of your nose dark grey, with the intensity of the bruise. Eyes black and blue. Right cheek cut open, along with a bruise on your left temple. And to finish it all off, your lips were busted in many places.

And all you could utter at the view of yourself, while your father came up behind you, holding your shoulders comfortingly, was, "What happened to them?"

***

You were sixteen the next time it happened.

You were at school, sitting at the lunch table. Smiling and chatting away, when your friends pointed it out.

You removed your hand from where you were leaning your face against it. Peering down at your knuckles.

They were beat up. Scratched and bruised. Red-raw, and bleeding slightly.

You checked to see if your other hand was the same.

It was.

"Huh," you said, upper body jostling as you did, "They mush have gotten into a fight."

"It looks like they've beaten the shit out of whoever they were fighting."

"Yeah." You smiled. Memories of two years ago flashing in your mind. And you couldn't help but feel immensely proud to see them fighting back. And winning, considering your friends hadn't pointed out any injuries adorning your face. "Hey, if you think this is bad, you should see my feet."

"What?" your friend that sat beside you asked, incredulously.

"Yeah." You nodded. "They're fucked up. Have been for years. I think they do ballet."

"Damn, you're gonna marry a Ballet Dancer one day," a third friend said, his booming laugh coming out, as he continued, "Be careful. They could choke you with the strength of their thighs."

"If I'm lucky." You smirked, as your friends laughed at your joke.

***

"Hey, Y/N/N?"

Looking up, you spotted your six-year-old brother as your door. A plate of Christmas themed cookies held in his small hands.

You smiled at him, as he beamed at you.

"Hey, buddy. What's up?" you asked as he came into your room, haphazardly climbing onto your bed. You moving the plat from where he had set it down on your bed, so that the goodies on top didn't end up everywhere, and was easier for the small boy to find a seat on your bed.

He moved to sit closer to you, almost directly in front of where you lounged on your side, where you were finishing off one of your college assignments. You placed the plate in front of him. So he could help himself to them. Knowing that your parents had probably sent him up with the home-baked cookies, to give to you. But knowing even better, that he definitely wanted some of them.

"Nothing," he finally replied. Picking up a Christmas tree cookie, handing you a Santa one.

You thanked him softly.

Taking a bite out of Ol' St Nicks face, you asked, "Are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?"

You could read the kid like an open book. He was your brother, you were his best friend, as he had proclaimed on many occations. And he, of course, was one of yours.

So, you obviously knew when he wanted to talk to you about something.

Hastily shoving the rest of his cookie into his mouth, as you chuckled at the boy's antics. Watching as he pulled up the arm of his sweater. Showing you the scribbles there. Thrusting his arm excitedly in front of your face, almost like you had with your mother, many years ago.

"My soulmate talked to me, for the first time!" he said excitedly, around a mouthful of cookie.

Studying the neat -well, as neat as it could be for a child- handwriting. You read the small conversation of them wishing each other a happy holidays.

"Oh my, God," you said happily, reaching over to squeeze lightly at his shoulder, "That's amazing, bud!"

He smiled excitedly, bouncing up and down lightly where he sat.

"Have you talked to your soulmate yet?"

"Not yet, kiddo." His face fell at your words, obviously wanting you to meet your soulmate just as much as you did. "Don't worry, though. It will happen when it's meant too."

"But how will you know it's them?"

"We'll have the same marks," you assured him, "Or one of us will get hurt in front of the other. Something like that."

He laughed. "That would be funny."

"Yeah, it sure would, kid." You nodded towards the plate, "You want another?" He nodded. "Yeah, well pass me another one while you're at it."

He threw one at your face, it hitting its mark, causing him to burst out in a loud giggle.

"Tell your soulmate I'm sorry."

"Why?" he asked curiously, cocking his head to the side, akin to a small puppy-dog.

"Because I'm gonna tickle their soulmate until they're begging for mercy."

"Wait- No, Y/N! Please!" he squealed. You picking him up and laying him below you, tickling at his sides, and blowing raspberries against his neck.

The sounds of his tortured laughter reverberating to where your parents sat downstairs, in the living room. Bright smiles tugging at their faces.

***

You had moved to New York not long after graduating university. Being lucky enough to have an immediate position at one of Stark Industry's many branches.

Six-months to the date, you've been working there. And in that time you've bonded with your co-workers, managed to get your bosses to love you. And met, and become friendly with Tony Stark, on one of his visits. Being pleasantly surprised by how nice he truly was.

Two weeks ago, he had given you two tickets to some ballet, because you had mentioned that your brother was involved in gymnastics.

It isn't the same thing. But he tried.

And now you got to drag your eleven-year-old brother to a ballet recital, under the false pretence of "If we don't go, my boss will fire me!" Ah... to torture your siblings over a two and a half-hour period.

Even at the expense of your own sanity.

Okay...

So, maybe you were wrong.

The ballet wasn't bad.

At. All.

You both enjoyed it immensely.

Your brother for the story. And you also for the story... amongst other things.

"Y/N's got a crush," your brother sing-songed to you, in a whisper, during the performance.

"Shut the fuck up," you sing-songed back.

He wasn't wrong.

The red-headed star of the show had taken you whole interest. Not only for the way she danced. She was graceful, of course. Talented. You could see how passionate she was, and how long she must have trained for this. But not only that, she was stunning beyond belief. You can't remember ever seeing someone half as gorgeous as her, she was the most beautiful woman you had ever, and were sure you would ever see.

"Oh. No, I was wrong," Will started, smugly, "You're in love with her."

You inhaled deeply through your nose as he smirked beside you, you began whispering to yourself, repeatedly, "If I leave him, my parents will kill me."

"They will."

"I'm gonna leave him."

***

"Isn't your soulmate a Ballerina?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows as you entered your apartment.

"No," you said clearly, throwing your keys onto the coffee table, "They do ballet, has done for years, that's for sure. But that doesn't mean they're a Ballerina."

"But there's a big possibility that they are," Will continued, in that same teasing voice he had before at the ballet.

"And there's a big possibility that they aren't," you counteracted.

"Aww, c'mon, Y/N!" he whined, "You know you were making 'goo-goo' eyes at her."

"That means nothing-"

"Yes, it does!"

"That doesn't mean she's my soulmate," you corrected.

He wiggled his eyebrows at you once again. Being siblings you got to torment them. But, sadly, they also got to torment you, too.

"I should have left you at the ballet." You smiled, turning away from him as he laughed.

"Maybe you should, then I could have met your soulmate before you do."

You groaned flinging your head back.

***

You had seen your brother off two days ago, waving to him as he boarded the plane with your father. And now you were free from torture.

You were at work when Tony had called you into his office, a big smile on his face, as he stood up from his seat, gesturing to the red-headed woman stat before him. Who turned their attention to you, smiling slightly. You instantly recognising them as the Ballerina that had stolen your attention, only a few days ago.

"Y/N Y/L/N," Tony started, "I'd like to introduce you to Natasha Romanoff. You're soulmate."

[grantzarrr]

Blinded e.d

warnings: smut, tiny like a tiny bit of angst, lots of fluff

summary: ethan dolan has always loved y/n, but y/n have always been blinded, that is until ethan gets a girlfriend...will she still be blinded?

Monday October 12th, 2009

“Ethan, pass the ball!” Matt shouts as he watched his friend stop for a few minutes staring into what seems like space. but no, what Ethan was staring at wasn't just space, it was, Y/n Y/l/n. a young curly haired girl that drifted out into nature, being on her own was something she thrived off, that's what 9 year old Ethan thought was ‘awesome’ a girl his age not acting so girly, thats what drew him towards her the most. “e, whatcha looking at?” Matt asked, going towards Ethan, so curious. “ughh, this stupid girl again?” Matt groaned, simply not knowing why Ethan always looked and talked about her. that’s what got Ethan to snap out of his staring and thoughts, “what did you just say?” Ethan's voice now stern. “what’s the big deal about her, she's a girl she probably has cooties!” Matt scrunched his face up at the thought of her having cooties, by now Y/n heard Matt yelling about her having cooties, and wasn’t taking that at all, but she waited to see what Ethan would say, she always thought of them as friends so why not? “she does not have cooties, shes...not those type of girls.” Ethan defended, Y/n very pleased at what he had to say and continued picking her sunflowers. “oh yeah, then prove it.” Matt battled, “well-.” he had to stop himself right there. you see ethan had no proof that she didn’t have cooties, he couldn’t say ‘because he touched her’, he would be lying, he was to nervous to even say hi. “well what?” Matt smirked knowing he was right. “hey, buddy, yeah I definitely don’t have cooties, but you wanna know what I do have, power to tell you, you can lick my butt.” Y/n chimed in, sick and tried of hearing him run his big mouth. “yeah she doesn’t have cooties, so yeah lick my butt as well.” Ethan said as he grabbed Y/n hand and squeezed it tightly. Matt huffed and threw up the middle finger, something his big brother thought him, and walked away. Y/n turned to Ethan and said “thank you, Ethan for taking up for me.” Y/n smiled “no-no problem” Ethan stuttered, trying his best to hide his nerves, “c’mon, I have some more flowers to pick, that I think you’ll like.” Y/n said as she ran towards the school’s garden, Ethan right behind her, following every step. thus leading towards Y/n and Ethan becoming inseparable.

July 2020

“bro, what if she doesn’t like me.” Ethan sighs, telling Grayson his deepest fear “bro, if she doesn’t just move on find a new girl, you’ll be fine.” Grayson says calmly as if the situation was just that easy. “gray, you don’t understand, i'm in love with her, since 4th grade i’ve been in love with her, it isn’t that easy to just move on.” Ethan confesses “then tell her.”... that has been circling around Ethan’s mind for so long ‘just tell her’, ‘why don’t you just tell her’ ‘bro, say something to her’, but he can’t over the fear of her simply not liking him back er- loving him back. 

“y/n are you going to Tristan party Friday?” Ethan asked, this is the night he is gonna ask her out, he was so excited yet nervous. “of course, e, you know me better than anyone, you know i’m going.” of course Ethan knew she was going, he listened to her tell her ‘other’ friends, people that wasn’t Ethan. God, Y/n, why are you so in my head, you’re my friend. Ethan thought. but he couldn’t help it, he was gonna give her one more chance to notice so he made a plan.

perfect, now if everything goes as planned Ethan should lose his virginity to Y/n and Y/n should lose her’s to him, perfect. Ethan rethought this plan over and over in his head, fuck, imagine how tight she’ll be, how perfect she’ll taste, how perfect she’ll look when I'm fucking her in- “e!” Grayson interrupted his thoughts and plan to jerk off, “what.” Ethan groaned desperately trying to make this conversation go faster “I found a girl for you, and hopefully you can move on from Y/n.”...WHAT, no fuck you, I dont want another girl, I want Y/n nobody else. Ethan thought, but he didn’t wanna lash out on his brother and tell him, he’s a fucking idiot, in front of this sweet looking girl. so he pushed it aside. “uh hi-.” Ethan didn’t even get to finish his sentence because..“omg ethan, I love you so much, and I would be soooo happy if I was your girlfriend, and yeah fuck this bitch Y/n, I'm so much better, you’ll see, baby!” she screamed out, obviously just a raging fan instead of a lover of interest, but Ethan being the person he was, was not gonna be mean but when she said ‘fuck this bitch Y/n’ he lost it. “yo, watch what the fuck you say about her, there is no fucking way i’m gonna like you, if you dont fucking respect my best friend” Grayson gasped, not knowing his twin could lash out over...Y/n. maybe this was serious, maybe he wasn’t in love..he was obsessed? “whoa, Ethan you’re feisty, I love you even more.” she said, now latching on to him, seemingly loving this. “I don’t think I want you as my girlfriend or anything.” Ethan sighed “bro, think about it, you’ll have a new girl that you can get to love and you’ll be happy, just give her a week, and if you don’t get to like her, you can go back to Y/n.” Grayson said, trying to get him away from Y/n...but why, why was he trying so hard to keep him away from her? was he hiding something? was Y/n hiding something from Ethan, that Grayson know? why? “okay fine, but why are you trying to keep me away from Y/n?” Ethan asked, curiosity flowing through his mind “I don’t wanna see you hurt bro, what if, she doesn’t like you, I know you’ll be crushed, i’m protecting you.” well, shit, he does understand.

“Grayson, wheres e?” Y/n asked. “with his girlfriend, their suppose to be doing couple crafts or some.”... gone. girlfriend. couples crafts. wait what, girlfriend!? “he has girlfriend!?” she shouted “yeah, for about three days now.”...why didn’t he tell me, why did he hide it. she thought, then there's a blockage forming in her throat, was she about to cry, was she jealous, what is going on with her. she couldn’t take it so she just let it burst out, causing her tears, running down her face. “y/n what’s wrong, why are you crying.” Grayson holding on stopping her from falling to the ground. “ethan- sniffs- girl- cry’s friend.” full sobs stopping her form talking. “whoa, calm down, I thought you only saw Ethan as a bestfriend?” Grayson asked “well not until now.”...not until she realized how beautiful he was inside and out, how thoughtful he’ll be when she was feeling bad or when her birthday come or holidays. how gentle he’ll hold her, when she’s upset and telling her everything will be okay. oh how she loved him so, loved him so much more than just a friend, she wanted him to be her’s. “gray, I-I wanna be with him.” she croaked out, he took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say “y/n, look you can’t just say you want him when he has someone, when he have gave you so many chances, you just cant, all these years and you've only cared about you, how you were feeling then call Ethan to be your savior.” “I never noticed, I never thought once on how he felt.” oh, that sounds so bad “see, you fucking see, how you never once thought of his feelings, it’s like you’re so BLINDED on yourself you never think of anyone!” Grayson raising his voice, now fully angry at this. “no.” she sobbed “no, I do think of his feelings, I care about him and his feelings, I always have, I just never realized.”

“well yeah he does, okay, will did now he has Katy.” Grayson huffed 

Katy? Katy Mc’Grain? “does she have long blonde hair?” she asked, pleading it's not her. “yes, and has a butterfly tattoo on her left shoulder, why?” 

omg- it’s Katy Mc’Grain, Y/n ex friend from a year ago that sworn to hurt the thing that meant most to her. now what caused this is simply because Y/n forced her to go to rehab, addiction she struggled with Y/n thought she helped, that is until, the workers that took Katy in, call Y/n on the 3rd day at 4am that Katy had escaped and left a note for Y/n saying ‘you will not forget me, I will take out what means the most to you, just like you did to me’...and that's Ethan, and they went to a ‘couples craft’ holy shit, they gotta save e  

“gray, shit, we gotta go!” Y/n yelled “what, why?” 

“i’ll explain on the way there, let’s jus-.” she got cut off my the front door opening, it was Ethan, “Gray she wasn’t the one.” Ethan sighed “bro, I honestly think its Y/n, like no matter- Y/n?” He eyes widened, and as always his heartbeat started beating rapidly. “ethan, I love so much, even more than just a friend.” was this a joke? is she lying? “what?” is all Ethan can crack out “ethan i’ve realized that you are the one, it’s you, it's you that is always there, always helping me, and i’ve been so blinded and-.” he kissed her, something he’s been wanting to do since forever but never thought he would get too. as they pulled away it was just like breath had been token away, no one could speak, they just stared into each other eyes, goofy looking smiles on each other faces. this is the moment Ethan knew he wanted to make love to her, he looked at Grayson giving him, that, look. “well, i’ll leave you guys to it.” Grayson laughed, having a good feeling about this and leaving the house.  

“baby, let me make love to you.” Ethan whispered in her ear, Y/n withering under him, in nothing but underwear. Ethan started kissing her next softly, waiting on a answer. Y/n nodded profusely, wanting the aching in her legs to end. “gonna need words, princess.” Ethan chuckled at her eagerness. “yes, yes, Ethan please, need something.” 

“as you wish, my love.” 

Ethan kissed down her body slowly and softly, being a huge tease. once he finally reached the top of her laced panties, he kissed the top of the little bow and pulled them down her legs, “mm, so wet for me baby, I haven’t even done anything?” his ego getting huge, once they were off he started kissing her clit, going lower, lower, and lower. “"that's something for another time, I wanna feel you.” he stated 

“i’ll go slow, okay.” she nodded watching as he pulled his huge rock hard cock, out his boxers, Ethan noticed her eyes widened, and chuckled “don’t worry baby, I’ll go slow, I promise.” He was half in, Y/n eyes closed shut as he kissed along her neck, whispering small little nothing’s. 

he’s all the way now, still kissing her neck, trying to easy the pain “move please.” he heard softly, looking up at her, eyes wide. “you sure?” he asked “fuck, yes.” she moaned and that's what drove him to go, as his hips moved faster, her moans grew more and became louder.

for Ethan, jacking off was nothing compared to the tightness of her pussy, his fist could never be as tight, as wet, as perfect than her pussy. for Y/n her fingers, dildo or vibrator could come as close to Ethan’s dick, how big and thick he was, how good he could instantly find her g-spot, penetrated her so good.

“fuck, Ethan i'm gonna cum!” she shouted “right behind you, baby.”                            

“so, are we gonna go to Tristan’s party as an official couple?” Ethan asked, she giggled and nodded, snuggling closer to her boyfriend. “wait, so that means we’re dating now?”, “go to bed Ethan.” 

[stuckonvenus]

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 » Ellie & Becca

 Ｊｕｌｙ ３１ｓｔ， １９９８

The saying goes as such: the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb... or whatever. Honestly I have only ever applied this proverb to my relationship with my sister whenever we weren’t in mortal peril. While I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who I’ve shared battlefields with (i.e. the morning after a party), that never made me any closer to them in a real crisis. I would say about seventy-five percent of the time that the blood is thicker than the water, and the remaining twenty-five percent is when the water isn’t necessarily thicker, but more pressurized. That’s the only time in our lives when we’ve ever come together as sisters.

Well, this is the twenty five percent, and never has the feeling of being sucked and trapped against a fissure at the bottom of the Challenger Deep been more realized than now. It doesn’t help that my bladder is about to implode and leak the citrus-flavored toxic waste I’ve consumed in rapid succession over the past half hour into my visceral fat and contaminate all my vital organs. 

I waddle awkwardly through the narrow doorway of Page One and slam my tiny palm onto the countertop. A bookkeeper who I can recognize as my lab partner from sophomore year chemistry pokes his nose out from the novel he’s immersed in. Moby Dick. Jesus, who reads school assigned books after graduation?

“Hey, Drew-Drew,” I greet him, a lopsided grin fitted on my lips as he brushes his hair out of his eyes and offers me a smile in return. He has a lot more charisma than I remember. I think his eyes have gotten bigger and bluer, too. It reminds me of the water’s surface I’m staring up at from the very bottom of the ocean. “Where’s Becky at?”

Drew dog-ears his page — which is kind of disgusting to me, do they not sell bookmarks in this busted ass joint? — and he points toward the graphic novel section. “Over there, we just got Spider-Man #76, she’s stocking up.”

“... Didn’t #76 come out in January? Of last year?” I ask him. He opens his mouth so he can answer but I stop him with a raised hand. “No time. You’re lookin’ good, Drew-Drew, considerably less like a delicious pepperoni pizza. Keep it up with the Oxy Pads.” I say before pushing away from the counter and venturing off to my destination.

Indeed, my older sister is crouched down and rustling with a display, slightly disgruntled by the symmetry of the copies of Spider-Man she’s stocking. I don’t really have any witty remarks as a smooth enough introduction, so I settle with, “Need help?”

She whips around and I can almost hear the crack in her spinal cord from the velocity. “Lily?” she half-whispers. I forget that I haven’t seen her since late May, and also that I swore I’d never see her again.

“In the flesh,” I confirm and do a curtsey, which threatens my full bladder. I really need to piss soon or else I’ll die a terribly death in the shittiest bookstore on the eastern seaboard. “Do you have a sec? It’s 9-1-1.”

Becca’s expression shifts from awe and minor annoyance to something resembling concern as she pushes herself off her knees. “What is it?” she asks me, crossing her arms over her chest as a last resort defense mechanism. 

I don’t hesitate to hold up the plastic Walgreens bag I’ve carted with me for two blocks. She recognizes the items inside and her eyes go all moony and her jaw slacks a bit. I jerk my brows up expectantly and she assumes the position of utter bewilderment.

“Do you have a place I can empty the biohazardous contents of my bladder? It’s about to necrotize,” I hiss at her. She reaches down, digs in her pocket, unearths a bronze key and walks ahead of me at full speed. I have to waddle after her like a newly hatched penguin chick. It would be more humiliating if over half the population of Eden were literate, but alas...

Becca jams the keys into the lock and just about bodychecks the door so we can enter the rectangular bathroom. It’s cramped and the lighting resembles something out of a Hitchcock film, but who the fuck am I to be picky about where I take the most important whizz of my life?

I place the bag on the counter and take out the three empty full-sized cans of Surge I used to fuel my bladder before picking up the grossest thing I have ever held: a pregnancy test. I keep it in my grasp for a few passing beats, nearly crushing the box underneath my iron-tight grip before man-handling it open and tearing out the plastic stick that will determine my fate.

“This is by far the most unholy fortune telling experience ever,” I decide to joke as I witness my sister cower in the corner. You’d think by the looks of it she were the one whose life was about to change forever. “You think if I shake it a genie will come out and grant me three wishes?”

“... Only if it’s negative, as a gift,” Becca chimes in at last. “Otherwise not even God can save you.”

I let out an involuntary snort, because while my reflexes register this as a funny joke, I am actually scared shitless.

I stare at the porcelain toilet bowl. I feel sicker now looking at it than when I’ve genuinely been at risk for vomiting up my lunch. I could still do that, I’ve been puking like a bulimic for weeks now. The thought is almost comforting. Almost. I bite the bullet instead and yank my pants down, my boy pants, which I normally wear as a boy when I’ve got slightly wider hips and more junk to hide and taller legs to protect with denim fabric. Fuck me.

“I just... Hold it and piss, right?” I ask her, as if she’s gone through this before. I know for a fact she hasn’t, or else this wouldn’t be our first time. I’m surprised it’s our first time, actually, thinking that karma would’ve caught up with me a long time ago. 

“Just don’t get any on your hand.” Becca replies. Very helpful, I think, but rather than respond verbally I give a sigh of defeat and do what needs to be done. When my bladder is emptied an eternity later, I pull up my oversized pants and briefly grieve my dick before I place the test on the counter.

I glance over my shoulder at Becca, “It’s seasoned. Just gotta let it marinate.”

“Gross.” she says with a scrunched up nose.

I turn around and slide down the wall, an action she mimics a couple seconds later. I stare ahead, up at the light that’s screwed into a 70s pendant-shaped fixture, and pass the silence by making them flicker. I do this as a distraction from the materializing tension between us. Normally, this doesn’t happen, but then again our peril has only involved either extreme intoxication, pedos on AOL (during high school), or something about her and Gabriel’s arguments, which felt like walking through Reactor 4 in Chernobyl.

She’s the first one to say something.

“Whose is it? ... If it’s a thing,” she wonders, and as I look over at her I notice that her eyebrows are knitted together and her mouth is fixed downward. “... Please don’t tell me Topher’s.”

I chuckle at the idea. “I think if it were a thing and Topher’s, it’d have grown like a xenomorph baby and ripped itself out of my stomach by now,” I tell her. “I’d deserve that kind of karma for getting knocked up by him.”

“Xenomorph?” she says, and I open my mouth to offer an explanation before she finishes, “Alien. Right.”

“... Yeah, exactly,” I nod along. How in the hell did she remember that? We only ever sat through Alien and Aliens once, and I could’ve sworn she was too preoccupied reading a magazine to actually notice what was happening on screen. 

I also notice that she’s wearing my favorite striped turtleneck. Stone cold bitch.

Some things never change, huh?

Shit, I think I might cry.

This is why we’re siblings, I think, so I can hate her for wearing my favorite turtleneck while sitting by her side as we await Satan’s final decision on the state of my cursed uterus.

Tears prickle my vision but I blink them away. 

“Whose is it, then?” she wonders again. I visibly tense. This is probably where our unspoken, once-in-a-blue-moon loyalties end. How do you tell your sister that her ex-boyfriend is the reason you’re sitting in the dingy bathroom of her workplace with a piss-riddled stick inches away?

In the end, I don’t have to say anything at all. We look at each other simultaneously and she reads my expression with ease. Her features soften and I can see a glint of hurt in her eyes, and I expect ripples of betrayal to make themselves known across the rest of her body soon enough. But those ripples never come. The water I thought was loosening from around me doesn’t make a goddamn move. 

I’m still at the bottom of the Deep, but she’s with me now.

Her hand grips mine. Tight. I can feel our pulses match up in our paralleling wrists.

“I think it’s been enough time.” I say eventually. She doesn’t release my hand. Our shared warmth creates a comfortable friction between us. “... Will you hate me after this?”

Becca squeezes my hand. A heart beat jumps out from her touch to mine. “I think I’ve hated you enough for one summer.”

A smile flickers on the corner of my lips and I slowly depart my hand from hers. My palm is slick with sweat but I don’t mind. I stand up and feel my equilibrium struggle to steady itself before I’m ready to approach the counter. The test is still there, so I know this wasn’t an abstract fever dream I’ve had after discovering so much eerily similar history.

I’m not a fucking coward. I’m looking this shit straight on, no matter what. Do you think I’m afraid of a sign? Totally not. I lean over and stare down, my gaze idling at the base before finally fixating on the panel.

+

Holy shitstickers.

“... Becca?” I call out, my voice half gone from unknown forces. She perks up and I see her reflection in the mirror with widened eyes. “Do you have five bucks? I’m gonna need more Surge.”

[roxa-sos]

heaven's gate, part one - grief and her rich friends. (john b routledge)

john b routledge x reyna lance

tw; alcohol, teenage drinking, kissing + reference to it leading to sex towards the end

part one; reyna lance, born and raised in the outer banks, deals with grief in an unusual way.

a/n -- uh reyna is rich girl chaos. i love her too much.

×××

grief is weird when your family has money.

on one hand, you're probably looking at a big sum of money and access to a fund that whoever's dead left for you. that's a plus. on the other side, you just lost someone you were close to. but you can never be too close to anyone when you've got power over half of an island.

reyna lance. sixteen year old rich girl from figure eight. daughter of sean and tyra lance. she was only known for three major things - her dad's porsche, her messy breakups, and her alcohol problem.

problems were constant in the lance family. from tax evasion to fucking with stocks, it seemed like every other month it looked like sean lance was going to jail. he never did, though, which was quite the accomplishment, but expected with his kind of funds. everyone always thought that it would be jailtime that drew him away from the island. like always, though, he surprised the residents of the outer banks.

"reyna!" her mother called from the bottom of the staircase, banging on the railing to get her attention. her actions dragged the girl out of her room, in shorts, a tube top and some layer that resembled a kimono. "you can't hide from sean like this."

the girl groaned, throwing her head back before she leaned over the side of the staircase. she could technically hide from her dad for as long as she wanted, they had multiple properties, boats, cars, it would take a considerable amount of time for him to find her. nevertheless, she had to listen to her mom. it was hard saying no to that woman.

"you can't hide from sean like this," she echoed in a mocking tone, looking down at her mom.

tyra beckoned her down with her hand, crossing her arms. "your father told you an hour ago that we needed to talk as a family. that doesn't mean you hide away like a hermit, sweetie."

"okay, i'm here now. you want to talk?" reyna asked, taking her time as she climbed down the stairs to talk to her mother.

"your dad's in the kitchen. come on." with that statement, her mom turned her back on the girl and walked down the hall. this left reyna considering going back upstairs, but if her parents were so desperate to talk to her, she figured she may as well give them the time of day.

so, she followed her mother, trailing a few feet behind her after hurrying down the rest of the stairs.

upon entering the kitchen, she caught sight of a woman sitting at the kitchen table, her father leaning on the table next to her. "what is it now, dad, trouble with the IRS or some shit?" reyna asked, hardly looking at her dad while she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge.

"can you take this seriously, please?" her mother hissed at her, causing reyna to do a double take. her mom was usually a fairly passive aggressive person. she didn't yell, she didn't take disciplinary action, she just got frustrated with people. and disappointed, her favorite phrase was that she "wasn't sad, just disappointed." so the new tone of voice got reyna's attention.

"yeah... yeah," the girl trailed off, closing the fridge, facing her parents from where she stood. "so what's going on?"

"baby," her father finally spoke up, taking a few steps towards her. "i'd love it if you could meet karissa." he gestured to the woman at the table. she was blonde, young, and she looked professional.

"alright, uh, hi, then?" reyna shrugged, providing nothing more than a wave for the blonde.

"she's my... girlfriend."

reyna's father's words caused her jaw to drop. literally. reyna never thought that she'd be in a situation that would physically cause her jaw to drop, but there she was, staring at her father's... mistress? from across the kitchen, completely dumbstruck.

"i told you to ease her into it," tyra spat, obviously angry with the man.

"you're growing up, you know? i think you deserve to know when your dad's gonna be out of your life," sean ignored reyna's mother, trying to get into his daughter's line of sight to keep her attention.

reyna's parents were always rocky. she didn't have a fantastic relationship with her dad, and she always joked about how she'd choose her mom's side in the divorce, but she didn't actually think that a divorce was ever going to happen, especially considering how tyra was more of a trophy wife than a working one. "what are you talking about?" reyna started interrogating the man in front of her, shaking her head as if she didn't understand it.

"your mother and i are splitting up. it's mutual-" he began, before being interrupted by his apparent ex-wife.

"it's over karissa," she interjected before letting reyna's father continue.

"mutual. we fell out of love. you've always said that you wanted to stick with your mom, so i figured that it was just easier to relinquish custody." he continued, explaining his thinking as if it was going to make any sense to his teenage daughter.

reyna stood there for a few moments, eyebrows furrowed as she stared at her dad. 

"i know it's not immediate, but we'll be in court for the next few weeks sorting things out. okay? it's for the best that you're sticking with tyra. you two are good." sean clapped his hands once he was done speaking, not expecting a response from reyna. "good. good, we've cleared the air. saying that, you both have my number, i'll be staying at the other place until i officially move out. that's alright?"

"yeah, dad, that's alright." maybe it was shock, or maybe she'd just accepted it, but reyna didn't seem to be phased by a divorce being dumped in her lap.

reyna tended to be... insensitive. was she an asshole? kind of, actually, but not nearly as much as a majority of the kooks. but did she understand healthy relationships? hardly, and that was all thanks to the people getting a divorce. so maybe it was acceptance after all, because she never really saw them working out. 

"is that it?" she asked, looking at the adults in the room. tyra looked a little shocked to see the girl so done with the conversation, but she nodded carefully.

"that's it, but-"

"alright, cool, uh, you guys can do whatever, i'll be back later." she nodded, quickly backing out of the kitchen. 

she had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she didn't understand at all. anger? she was pissed at her dad for being a whore when he was married and had a kid. sad? she was sad about... losing him? sure. there was something else there, though, and she couldn't figure it out.

and she wouldn't figure it out, at least, she didn't think she would. it was almost nine in the evening, and she was sure that there had to be at least one rager on the island on that fine friday night. it was the outer banks, there was a party somewhere every night, you just had to know where to look. usually reyna went to parties with friends. it was how you stayed safe, how you had a designated driver, and how you had fun. though, reyna wasn't looking for anything other than to get wasted and evict whatever feeling was overtaking her body.

so, instead of heading back to her room, she headed out to the garage. nothing like pulling up in your dad's porsche to wherever you were going. she got into the driver seat and pulled out her phone, and based on a few snapchat stories, it was easy to deduct that where she needed to go to get wasted was the boneyard, for a good old kegger.

it took her less than twenty minutes to get there, and she could've done it in ten if she hadn't pulled over to scream. screech at the top of her lungs, frustrated because she felt stuck. nevertheless, she got there, shoving the keys in her back pocket before finding her way to the crowd of people. a bonfire, a keg, and all different kinds of teens were scattered around the beach. with these different kinds of teens, she ultimately was able to spot one of her best friends.

"lance, never texted me back about the party, but you still showed up to it?" topper thornton referred to reyna by her last name as she greeted him with a disappointing shrug.

"you know i love leaving you on read," she joked, taking a cup of beer he offered to her. "is sarah around?" she asked about his girlfriend, not seeing the kook princess by his side.

"yeah, she's somewhere. you know, being sarah cameron." he rolled his eyes and sighed. reyna knew all about the girl just through topper himself, and not that reyna hated sarah... just that she was definitely topper's friend before she was hers. "did you steal your dad's car?" he asked, a hint of astonishment in his voice. 

reyna shrugged once more, a little smug smile on her face that time. "looking for new ways to piss him off." she admitted, gesturing to the vehicle. 

"well, when he kicks you out, i can probably sneak you into our guest bedroom." topper laughed, glancing down the beach. "you're kidding me, sarah's-" he began to explain before shouting her name once more and booking it down the beach. she was probably doing something dumb... being sarah cameron.

reyna clicked her tongue, swishing the beer around in the plastic cup she'd been given while nodding. "nice talk," she continued walking down the beach until she could spot some of the pogues, and took a drink to the fact that she had to see them. 

of course, she didn't get what she expected. she gagged on the alcohol, wincing at the taste. "holy fuck," she coughed, shaking her head.

"something wrong?" reyna heard a voice from beside her, and she could hardly bring herself out of her own disgust to look at the person it was coming from.

"yeah, this beer tastes like warm coors light, who serves warm coors light at a party?" she was half joking, but it was really bad. the guy standing next to her was hard to recognize from up close. he had somewhat long brown hair that was sticking out of the bottom of a baseball cap turned backwards. apparently he didn't have the time to button up his shirt all the way, so it sat open, two buttons holding it together towards his lower abdomen. of course, that made it hard for reyna to not stare at what was exposed. she brought her eyes to meet his, and saw a slight smile on his face as he looked down at her. 

"we do, i guess," he laughed, tilting his head to the side. he seemed surprised to hear her say something so... bold to him, but he brushed if off. "sorry for the shitty beer, then. i'm john b." he offered his hand for her to shake, and she took it out of habit. 

she recognized his name, and it was just her luck that he was one of those pogues. he had to be one of the most recognizable ones, now that she thought about it, but she'd never seen him face to face.

"reyna. reyna lance." she introduced herself in response, shaking his hand briefly before letting go. 

"oh, trust me, i know a lance when i see one," he nodded, letting her know that she didn't need to introduce herself.

"you do?" reyna asked, a little confused. she'd already managed to forget that the entire island knew her and her parents. even the kids from the cut, which they probably screwed over the most.

"yeah, i do," john b confirmed, taking the cup of beer from reyna's hand and downing it for her. "what i originally came over here to ask you is what you're doing alone at my party."

"we own parties now?" reyna laughed, raising an eyebrow at the boy. why was she alone? topper blew her off, of course, but she wasn't about to let john b in on her personal life. 

he rolled his eyes at her, his smile slightly growing. "whatever, i brought the beer, i own the party, you're just roaming around alone?" 

"just trying to get wasted, john b." reyna reassured him, patting his shoulder like they were old friends. it probably didn't help that he'd drank the rest of her beer, but she wasn't sure she could've finished the cup herself without throwing up.

"this, reyna, is what you should've said earlier." he immediately pointed out, motioning for her to wait a moment as he maneuvered through people to get to the keg. it didn't take him long to come back with another cup, earning a sour look from reyna. "don't look so bitchy, it's not warm coors light, just drink it." he handed her the cup, and resisting every muscle in her body that told her not to, she took a sip.

the drink burned the back of her throat, but that made her know it was strong.

"oh, wow," she coughed, blinking a few times. "wasting good alcohol on a kook?"

"looked like you needed it." john b said in response, arms crossed as he watched her take another sip. well, less of a sip, more of a chug. he had his own cup in his hand, hardly filled, but he matched her pace when he saw her continue to drink.

"shit, you're the best pogue i know," she breathed, half of the cup's contents having been consumed at that point.

"i better be," he responded briefly before returning to drinking, reyna following in pursuit. when he was done, he had to pinch the bridge of his nose and rub his eyes. "christ, our livers are shot."

"who gives a fuck about livers? as far as i'm concerned, i could die tomorrow night." reyna almost choked on her words by the time she was done with the cup, running her hand through her hair. 

"tomorrow night?" john b seemed a little surprised, but he went with it, "that doesn't give us a lot of time." 

"time to do what?" reyna shook her head, already feeling the alcohol taking its toll on her body.

he only shrugged, offering reyna the chance to answer that question herself.

"fuck it, then, i'm gonna go dance like i don't hate myself and then we'll see if i die." she shrugged, throwing her cup with as much force as possible towards the white trash bag that sat twenty feet away from them. it hardly made it in, but there were what looked like a hundred other cups scattered around the bag.

"have fun, then, i'm gonna go regret drinking this much," john b waved her away as reyna backed away from him and walked towards the music, leaving her to her own agenda.

it hardly took an hour for whatever had been in the plastic cup to really fuck reyna up. being wasted was an understatement by the time ten forty five rolled around. by then, people were dwindling. they'd run out of beer, so people had started to head home, or to other parties that were stocked.

reyna had to stick around, though, because the last thing she needed was to trash her dad's porsche, no matter how badly she wanted to do it. she said she was gonna die tomorrow night, not that night.

"still sticking around?" she heard that voice again, and turned once more to see john b right behind her.

"drunk driving is no joke, and i'm where you are, jb." reyna had already given him a nickname, acknowledging her unhealthy alcohol content.

john b laughed, looking reyna up and down. she was glistening with sweat from dancing and the heat, her hair was a mess, and when she smiled at him she had her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. he was just as wasted as she was, but he hid it a little better. "so, if i crash in the back of my van, you're there?"

reyna nodded, letting out a breath. she probably wouldn't have let herself get so lost if she wasn't trying to escape herself, but she didn't care about that anymore. honestly, as long as she could be anyone other than reyna lance for a little bit? life wasn't too bad, didn't matter if she was wasted or not.

and hanging with pogue boys didn't make her feel like a lance. "i'm there."

"good, because i can't leave you drunk and alone on this beach." he pointed out, moving his hand to her hip to keep her steady next to him. she was standing just fine, she was wasted, but not blackout drink. not embarrassingly drunk.

"i didn't expect you to be the kind of guy to leave drunk girls on the beach," reyna nodded as he walked her towards the van, which was a little further down the beach, away from her dad's car.

he could only laugh at her few comments, neither of them knowing why. even drunk, reyna didn't think she'd have a pogue laughing at her dumb jokes and comments. standing next to the van, her back to the door, he faced her, their eye contact overwhelmingly obvious to reyna.

his hands were still on her hips, and she gently rested her own hands on his shoulders in response. before she knew it, she'd pulled him towards her and crashed her lips onto his. he welcomed the kiss, pushing her up against the side of the van as she fumbled for the door handle to get it open. 

grief.

grief for whatever her life had been before? that was that feeling.

and grief made people do stupid things. 

taglist; @maebanks @dpaccione @outerbxrafe @jjbabyouterbanks @wtfstarkey

[notthecanadianaverage]

All 65 ho! 😤

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I mean I guess kind of sometimes? As someone with ADHD, object permanence is a big thing so if I don't see you, you aren't real xD

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Um, it varies, actually. Generally speaking, I'm not afraid. But sometimes I have lots of nightmares and the darkness is awful and I will deadass sleep with the light on. Also while I'm not afraid, if I hear sounds, I am terrified xD

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Jason Mamoa. He seems like a fine person but something about his appearance triggers my fight or flight.

4. What is your favorite word?

Hippopomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

I think maybe either a birch or a weeping willow?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

That's not yellow

7. What shirt are you wearing?

I'm wearing a green Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time shirt that my sister got for me a few years ago at Fan Expo.

8. What do you label yourself as?

Panromantic asexual. Gender identity wise, demigirl. I recently learned what omnisexual is and I'm curious, but I don't want to come out again so panromantic it is xD

9. Bright room or dark room?

Bright! Lots of sunlight for plants and reading!

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

I was being trained at work

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I think 18, just because mentally I'm still there.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My boyfriend :3 I miss him.

13. Your worst enemy?

Dickface. He called me his step daughter once and I almost fucking lost it in that Tim Hortons. I had to fight so hard not to say anything. I was also fighting some pretty rough food poisoning that week so I was not in the mood to argue xD

14. What is your current desktop picture?

On my computer? I think it's a rat xD it's either me with Cortana on my shoulder or Willow peeking through some bars, I can't remember.

15. Do you like someone?

I like my boyfriend. A lot. I mean I hope I do since we have been dating for 6 years xD but I also have a celebrity squish. Patrick Dempsey. Motherfucker. Yes. That smile. Those EYES.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://youtu.be/0Eh4b0Ge-sM

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

That power hungry cheeto. But only if I wouldn't get caught.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Dickface. He is a child abuser and just a shitty person all around. I called him a stupid idiot on my birthday and lost my fucking mind because I didn't actually mean to and he looked PISSED.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don't know who, but I would make them cuddle because I am touched starved and need a fucking hug xD

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I'm doing this all in my phones notes so I can't add a picture, but I love my tattoos and piercings! I have both nostrils pierced, my septum and snakebites. Tattoo wise, I have the Triforce of Courage on my left hand, a small blue hard on my right thumb, a beautiful memorial rat tattoo on my left leg, Midna's Fused Shadow on my left arm and Expecto Patronum on my right wrist. I. Need. More.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Not gonna lie, I'd probably jerk off xD

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

If I shared it, it wouldn't be a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

I... don't know

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

I would stick with my normal Subway order: lettuce, tomato, red onions, LOTS OF PICKLES, cheese, black forest ham, mayo and salt and pepper.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Not gonna lie, I would probably get some Subway and maybe some candle making supplies.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

California. I miss my boyfriend. Let's go.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Joke's on you, I don't really drink alcohol! I would instead request all the apple juice :')

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Pet rats for everyone!!!!

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I enjoy cunt :3

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My little stuffed lion. I would also grab my teddy bear seeing as they are always together.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (Tw rape for this question)

I mean... all of these experiences have made me who I am. But if i can erase one experience without changing who I am, it would be nice to not have been raped.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

I would say Indonesia because volcanoes! But I am also very gay and I don't believe that is a gay friendly country... so... maybe Japan? All of this assuming that the boyfriend is with me. If not, then California.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My grandpa. I really miss him... I want him to see how far I've come and I want to spend more time with him.

34. What was your last dream about?

I have been having a weird amount of sex dreams lately...

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Rat mom? I like to think so! Shameless plug, but I have a blog here called @ratpotatoez where you can see my beautiful chonks. I'm also on Facebook and YouTube.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

I mean yes? But not for like an overnight stay.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

Fuck socks

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood. I love heavier, alternative rock but my heart will forever belong to Simple Plan.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think they're both really lovely!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilla

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

I don't like football. The only sport I watch is hockey.

43. Do you have any scars?

I am covered in self harm scars (I'm working on covering them up with tattoos). I don't really have any scars with cool stories. I had one that went down my arm but somehow it healed??? Someone in gym class accidentally took a chunk out of my arm with their finger nail and I had a hole in my arm for the longest time!!! I also have a scar on my knee from when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. I was balancing on some bricks in someone's garden and I lost my balance, fell, and hit my knee on the brick. I remember there being blood running all down my leg as I screamed and cried. So that was fun.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I don't know. I do know, though, that I want to go to culinary school. I also want to go to school for creative writing.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight. I gained 100+lbs when I went off my anti-depressants and I swelled up like a balloon. I've felt like shit about myself ever since.

46. Are you reliable?

I sure as shit hope so!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Was it worth it...?

48. Do you hold grudges?

I try not to, but I think I do ._.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

PIGEON RAT

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

"I just really want to punch this horse in the face, okay?"

51. Are you a good liar?

I think so, yes. Trauma does that to you.

52. How long could you go without talking?

When I get super super drained, I go mute. I can stop talking for days at a time.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I once left the hair dressers with essentially what was a fucking bowl cut. Yea, I wasn't thrilled. I refused to remove my hat.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Yes. At 3AM. Because fuck a healthy sleep schedule.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

I can do an okay British accent and an okay Indian accent.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter. Just butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Um... I don't remember the last time I drew. Actually, that's a lie. I tried drawing a "small town doctor" while playing Drawful. I drew a very tiny doctor with a city skyline behind him.

58. What would be you dream car?

Literally anything with the popup headlights.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I talk to myself in the shower. Granted, I do that everywhere xD it's the only way I can work through my thoughts. I also cry in the shower a lot.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Yes. We can't be the only ones here.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

I don't really have a favourite. But I do like D. Mostly because it's the first letter of my boyfriends name, but also it reminds me of a woman I helped while working in tech support. She needed help figuring out her gif keyboard so I helped and she was so excited when I told her how to search for gifs. She then started giggling like a little girl saying she wondered what might happen if she searched for DICK. She made my day xD I think about her a lot. I hope she's doing well.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Don't do this to me...

Dragons are obviously amazing but haVE YOU EVER SEEN A DINOSAUR?!?!? LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE REAL. THEY WERE ALIVE. THEY FUCKING RULED THE EARTH. HAVE YOU SEEN A STEGOSAURUS?!?!?!?!?

64. What do you think about babies?

I like babies a lot. Like so much. I have super colourful hair, too, so they seem fascinated with me :') but their little chubby cheeks omg

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

Fun fact: I actually really like the smell of wet dog. It's kind of a really comforting smell.

[miwromantics]

Tattooing Ryan (part 2 soon)

It was a hot summer day in Seattle, but you didn’t mind the heat at all. It was just another day to you, as a tattooer in a popular shop in downtown Seattle, every day was pretty much the same other than working on different pieces. But today was going to be exciting for you. You had an appointment with this guy, Ryan, who was a guitar player in a metal band. Even though your appearance may lead on that you love metal music, you actually weren’t into it. But nonetheless, you were pumped to meet Ryan. His band, Motionless In White, was on tour for the summer and was coming through Seattle for a few days. He had sent you a DM on Instagram a few weeks prior asking if you could squeeze an appointment in and you agreed to it. And a few days after that began the small talk and slightly flirtatious comments. But as a woman tattooer, you were used to people flirting with you and didn’t read much into it. But as it got closer to the appointment, you were getting nervously excited to meet him.

You got ready to head to the shop, throwing on a classic ‘you’ outfit to show off your tattooed body: black ripped high shorts, a white crop top, and your high top Vans. With your blonde hair falling down to your waist, you popped on some eyeliner and red lipstick and stared yourself in the mirror. You smiled and thought to yourself how you normally don’t care about how your appearance, but you wanted to make a good first impression for Ryan.

You grabbed your car keys and headed out of your apartment. As you started driving, your phone vibrates: an Instagram notification from Ryan.

“Hey gorg, still good for our appointment today?” it read.

You smiled and bit your lip. “See ya soon!” you replied.

You thought about flirting back, but opted to keep it chill.

As you pulled up to your favorite coffee shop that was on the way to work, you felt your phone vibrate again. It was another Instagram notification and your face lit up. As you unlocked your phone, you saw it wasn’t from Ryan, but just another inquiry about getting tattooed by you. Slightly bummed, you put your phone away and grabbed your coffee.

You and a few other tattooers arrived at the shop just in time for opening. A few people were already waiting for their appointments, so you helped them with paperwork while their artists set up their stations. You sipped your coffee and waited for Ryan to show up. As you sat behind the desk with your feet propped up on the ledge, you took the time to reply back to emails and DMs. You heard the doors open, making you sit up quickly, to see Ryan walk in the doors. He had dark sunglasses on, his hair was slicked back, and wore all black.

“Well look who it is,” you said, standing up from behind the desk and walking over to him.

He smiled and took his sunglasses off.

“Y/N! It’s good to finally meet you,” he said as he wrapped you in a hug.

You chuckled and took a breath in, you couldn’t help but notice how good he smelled.

“How’s everything been? How’s the tour going?” you asked as you both pulled away from the hug.

“It’s been going really well! We’ve got a few more shows left, but it feels like we just got it started,” he said with a huge smile on his face, “I’m glad we have a day off today and a show tomorrow.”

“Hell yeah, that’s awesome! Where are you playing tomorrow?” you asked.

“It’s at The Showbox!” he answered. “But hey, if you do a good job with this tattoo, I can get you on guest list,” he winked at you.

You laugh and playfully rolled your eyes.

“Well let’s get this started, shall we?” you said as you motioned to the back of the shop.

He followed behind you as you lead the way to your room. The sound of other tattoo machines were buzzing in the air. When you got to your room, you patted on the chair for him to sit.

“Okay so what are we doing today? You didn’t mention anything specific when you hit me up,” you asked.

He sat on the chair and laced his fingers together.

“Well, I was thinking that you could surprise me. Do whatever kind of piece you want,” he said with a smile, “but keep it black and gray!”

“Ooo anything I want, huh?” you said with a sly smile. You could feel your cheeks start to blush.

“Alright, not anything! I don’t want to walk out of here with a huge penis tattoo,” he laughed.

You laugh and shook your head. You reached for your notepad and began sketching. You could feel him watching you. The room was silent as you drew. After about 10 minutes, you flipped your notepad around to show Ryan what you worked up. You held the notepad to your face and let your eyes over the top. You drew a traditional style bat head, with its flesh peeling away.

“That’s fucking sick, Y/N! I can’t believe you drew that so quickly!” Ryan said, a bit shocked.

You flipped the notepad around and looked at it again.

“Thanks Ryan! Alright, let me go make the stencil, I’ll be right back.”

As you walked out of the room, you couldn’t help yourself by looking at him one more time. He caught your glance and smiled at you. It only took a few minutes to make the stencil and when you walked back to your room, Ryan was standing in the doorway.

“This is a cool shop, I can’t believe I haven’t been here before.”

“Your loss!” you joked. “Alright, so where do you want this little bat guy?”

He chuckled. You were enjoying flirting with him.

“I’m thinking this would look good on my knee cap,” he said.

“Whoa, we got a tough guy in today. You sure?” you asked.

“Hey I’m tough! Let’s do it!” he joked back at you.

“Listen Ryan, just so you know, I don’t allow crying in here. No matter how bad the pain I’m inflicting is,” you said as you winked at him.

He let out a sigh as a smirk formed on his face.

You grabbed the stencil and got down on your knees in front of him. With a steady hand, you placed the stencil on his knee. Peeling it off, you leaned back and looked at it. You looked up at him, only to see him already staring at you.

“First try! Take a look at it,” you said as you stood up.

He bit his lip, trying to hide a smile that was too obvious to hide. He walked over to the full-length mirror and checked out the stencil.

“Looks badass, Y/N. Let’s get this started,” he said.

You motioned to the chair, and pulled up your station. He sat down and watched you pour the ink into little cups. You dipped the needle in the black ink and hit the footswitch, causing it to buzz.

“You ready?” you asked.

He shook his head.

You started off with a few small lines so he could feel how the next few hours were going to be. You could see his body tense up a little bit, followed by a small sigh.

“You good Ryan?” you asked.

“Yeah, you weren’t kidding about the pain. Knee caps are rough,” he answered you.

“Well let’s talk about something else,” you suggested, “just let me know if you need to take a break.

Ryan leaned back into the chair with his arms draped over his head. You could see him taking in deep breaths. To take his mind off the pain, you guys began talking about easy things like the weather in Seattle, and cool things to do in the city. The conversation slowly brought up more deep topics like touring and hobbies. And even though you had only officially met him an hour ago, you felt like you’ve know him for years. One hour into the tattoo, the outline was finally done. You wiped away the ink with a wet paper towel. Ryan leaned forward to check it out.

“That’s killer, Y/N. You’re very talented,” he said as he stared at the tattoo.

“Oh just wait till it’s finished,” you said as you looked at him.

He locked eyes with you, and brushed your hair back behind your ear. Instantly, you could feel your cheeks get warm.

“Lean back, Ryan, still got more to do,” you said as you tried to hide your blushing face.

He chuckled and leaned back into the chair.

As you began shading the bat, he started breathing heavier. The buzzing of the machine helped mask the sounds of his exhales, but they kept getting deeper. And even though you knew he was in pain, you couldn’t help but think about how attractive he was.

“Hey can I ask you a question?” he mumbled in between breaths.

“Yeah go for it,” you answered.

“Have you heard of my band before? Did you know who I was when I first messaged you?”

You stopped the machine and looked at him. He picked his head up and looked back at you.

“First of all, Ryan, that’s two questions,” you said with a smile. You started your machine again. “I actually don’t know your band, I’m not really into heavy music. So with that, I didn’t know that you were some famous rock star,” you joked.

You looked back at him, to find him staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face.

“Sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted to hear,” you said after a few moments of silence.

“Quite the opposite actually,” he said quickly, “it’s nice meeting someone who has no idea who you are.”

You stopped your tattoo machine to wipe away the ink. You stayed quiet after he said that; you were a little taken back. This was the most forward thing he said to you yet and it made you question his seriousness of all the flirting. You looked back at him and he was looking right your way.

“I know I’ve only known you for a few weeks now, and have only met you a few hours ago but I really like you, Y/N,” he paused; “wow, I sound crazy right now..” he trailed off.

“I think it’s all done, wanna check it out?” you tried to change the subject.

“I’m sorry if I freaked you out, I’m normally not this forward,” he pressed on.

You pushed your chair back and stood up.

“I really like you too Ryan. I’ve never flirted with clients before, but I couldn’t resist. There’s just something about you that..” you said as you locked eyes with him.

He stood up from the chair to take a step towards you, but since his knee was quite swollen from getting tattooed for three hours, he nearly stumbled into your arms.

“Jesus!” you said as you try to catch him.

He laughed uncontrollably and you were quick to join in.

“Holy shit I totally forgot how much pain I’m in,” he laughed as he caught himself.

You grabbed his shoulder and he looked at you, still having a huge smile on his face from slight embarrassment. All you could think about at that moment was kissing him.

He hobbled over to the mirror to look at the new tattoo you just gave him.

“Y/N this is insane!” he gasped. You stood behind him, watching him check out his art with a smile on your face.

He turned around and reached his arms out for a hug. You threw your arms over his shoulders while his arms wrapped around your waist. As you pulled away from him, he paused by your face and you quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. You held his face with one hand and put your mouth by his ear.  

“Oh c’mon Ryan, you really think I’m gonna kiss you on the first date?” you whispered before biting his ear lobe lightly.

His hands gripped your waist and it made you giggle.

You walked over to your station and started cutting pieces of clear wrapping to cover his tattoo. He hobbled back to the chair and waited for you to clean and wrap it.

“So, are you busy tomorrow? Would you actually want to come to the show?” Ryan asked while you finished up.

“Yeah I’ll come check it out,” you said.

He smiled and shook his head.

“Well contrary to popular belief, Mr. Sitkowski, you are not my only client today,” you joked.

“Oh I get it, you’re gonna tease me and then kick me out. I see the games you’re playing!” he joked back.

He stood up and started to walk out of the room, you followed shortly behind him. As you both got to the front of the shop, you saw your next client sitting on one of the couches. You gave them a small wave and Ryan turned around to look at you. You reached out and wrapped your arms around him one last time. You loved how his arms felt around your waist.

“Thanks again for the dope tattoo,” he said as he kissed the top of your head, “see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

He put his sunglasses on, smiled at you and walked out the door. And at that moment you realized that this was the first time you couldn’t wait to go to a metal show.

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Start Again

Draco Malfoy x Male Reader

Warnings: Death, cancer mentioned, depression episode, suicidal thoughts

*The song The Things We Used To Share is written by Thomas Sanders, but claimed as though the reader wrote it.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Slytherin common room was one of the few places that comforted me. Well, let me rephrase that. The empty Slytherin common room was one of the few places that comforted me. I was a loner. I didn't want to be around people. I liked blending in and just observing from a distance. I liked being on the outside for the most part. 

How I got into Slytherin, I'll never know, but I don't really mind. Sure, I get picked on by Pansy and then more so because my mom was a Muggle, but I didn't mind it anymore. I'm used to their hateful comments. Actually, I didn't mind their hateful comments because I was missing my mom and that was what consumed my mind more. My mom had recently passed away from a long battle with cancer. Father had just sent me an owl a week ago. To make matters worse, my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, had broken up with me after being together for three years.

I grabbed my ukulele and headed outside. It was dark and late. I shouldn't have been out, but even the heartless Filch has been letting me play my ukulele outside, as long as I was away from any open widows. Maybe he understood in a way. I didn't know, and I didn't question it either. I didn't want to know. 

I quietly sat in the grass, leaning back against the tree close to Hagrid's house. The lovely man offered me to come down anytime I wanted to. I did take him up on his offer at times. He was so sweet to me. He was, hands down, my favorite professor even if his class was rather strange. 

I thumbed the strings of the tiny guitar-like instrument in my hands. My mom had taught me how to play ukulele. She said when I was a baby, I had bumped into her guitar, and I tried to pull myself up with it, but I strummed the strings. Horribly, but I'd strummed them. She told me I laughed and giggled. She would always play the guitar for me. Later on, when I was around five, she bought me a ukulele and charmed it so I couldn't break it. 

The rest was history. I never got into the guitar, but my mom was proud of me nonetheless. Though it wasn't exactly meant for ukulele, I started to play one of my mom's favorite songs. I played the beginning, repeating the notes until I got up the courage to finally sing the words. 

"I've heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth. The minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

Tears built up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Mom was a strong woman; she fought for two years with cancer. She wouldn't want me to cry for her. She wouldn't want me to stay upset. She would say, ‘be strong, my son, for we’ll meet again one day.’

"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof; her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair; she broke your throne; she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

My hands started to tremble as I played on, my notes still coming out strong and clear, though. Mom had taught me that no matter what, never look down at your hands if you know the song by heart. If you know the song by heart, your hands will know what to do. And she was right. Though I was starting to fall apart emotionally, my hands still knew what to do. She always taught me to believe in myself.

"Maybe I have been here before. I know this room; I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch. Love is not a victory march. It's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

My words were starting to shake. Mom believed I was very talented in my music, and she thought I was going to go somewhere. She thought I was gonna be some famous ukulele player, some famous singer. I wish I believed her. I wished I could go back and tell her that I only needed her to be my biggest fan and that would make me famous enough in my heart. 

"There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? And remember when I moved in you? The holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

Mom would be proud of me. She would be proud to know I hadn't let my grades slip because of her passing. She would be proud to know that I didn't let anyone know I was sad. She always told me that if I didn't trust the person, don't open up to them or they'll use you. So I didn’t open up to anyone. 

"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night; it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold, and it's a broken hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah."

When the song was finished, I leaned my head down, crying silently as I remembered all the good times my mother and I had shared. Father wasn't hardly ever around; he worked for the Ministry, and he ended up working over time many, many nights. Mom and I made it without him, and we had become so close. I was devastated to learn of her death. I’d lost the woman who taught me everything.

My mother, my strong, caring, loving mother. She was everything to me. She was my rock, and now that rock was gone, and I felt I was drowning in an ocean. My mother would be devastated to know I'd begun starting to think of harming myself. At mealtimes, I'd found myself wondering if I could sneak a knife back to my room. In the common room, when one of the other boys would leave their razor behind, I found myself wondering if I could swipe the blade or maybe use my own.

And Draco... fucking Draco Malfoy. That wonderful, horrible boy. He had always been so sweet to me, so caring. But upon learning of my mother's death two days after I had, he had broken up with me for reasons I could not explain, for reasons I did not know. I pulled myself together, wiping my eyes as I started to strum another song: a song I had written myself the night Draco had broken up with me.

I watched myself play it for a few moments, just playing the strings. I knew the words by heart, but it had taken me a little while to write the tune to it. I didn't sleep that night; I was up the entire night trying to write my feelings out, find the correct tune and words. The words, though, were a bit fudged so if anyone found it, I didn't have to tell them it was about Draco. I added things that weren’t necessarily about Draco an I as well so people wouldn’t be too suspicious. Soon, I felt comfortable with the playing and I closed my eyes, strumming carefully.

"You can have the toaster and the PC or even my Timothy Green DVD. I'll let you have the couch and the TV. Hang on to that jacket that you bought for me."

Fresh tears pooled behind my closed eyelids, but I didn't think about them. I only thought of the memories Draco and I had shared. Cuddles on the common room couch, late night walks in the halls and running from Ms. Norris, quick closet snogging sessions, and stupid jokes we told each other at four a.m. when neither of us could sleep.

"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"

That stupid boy still held my heart, and I knew he always would. Tears ran in streaks past my closed eyelids and down my cheeks, but I paid no mind to it. I just strummed, pouring my soul into the lyrics I'd written just a few nights ago. My first and only successful gay relationship. Look how successful it was now.

"No more fireworks. No more compass. You didn't leave a single butterfly in my stomach. You took my spyglass, no knowin' what lies ahead. Took my warmth at night, but left a dent in my bed."

He still gave me butterflies. All the silly pictures we took still remained in the photo album I had next to my bed. He would always sleep with me at night when I had nightmares. He always made me feel safe. But now... now I haven't a clue what lies ahead, what'll happen to me or even him for that matter. 

"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"

He held my heart and fractured it. He broke it. Three years of us being together. I never thought it would last that long, but had grown so attached. I was barely fourteen when he had asked me out, barely comfortable being out as gay. But three years later, and we were still going strong. And now... 

"You've stripped me of my pride. That's for the best, but you've also deprived me of a full night's rest. So no more dreams where we pull through, and I can't collect my thoughts cuz they're still with you."

My boyfriend, he was a work of art. Talented, arrogant, snarky, insecure, broken, handsome, and wonderful. A little bit of everything. I wouldn't have traded the world for him; I would've given my life for him. I still would. Though he avoids me, he's still the person I value the most after my mother.

"I don't really care, you can keep the things we used to share, but what did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"

Things, materials, they never meant anything to me. I was fine with a sweater he gave me, the picture album, and the memories. Sure, some of those things were materials, but they were more than that; they held meaning. I don't know what I'd do without Draco, and I guess I'm starting to find out.

"I wouldn't take it back, even though I feel sore. I meant it when I said, 'what's mine is yours.' But I need to know, now that we're apart: What did you do... I need to know now that we're apart: What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart? What did you do with my heart?"

I was almost angry at my mom and Draco. Both had broken my heart. Both had left me alone. Both had left me struggling to find closure. Both had left me searching for answers. Both had left me hurt.

I placed my ukulele next to me and started to sob. I wasn't ever allowed to cry around people; I never allowed myself to do so. The only people to see me cry was Mom and Draco. And they both left me. I don't know what I did wrong. I can't believe the two people I loved the most were gone. 

There might be a razor laying around in the common room. I hid my face in my knees. I didn't want these thoughts. They weren't helping me. There might me a spare knife in the kitchen laying around. The house elves won't notice if it's gone. I covered my head. Too many feelings. Too many emotions. Madam Pomfrey is asleep. She won't notice a bottle of pills missing. Stop. Stop it. I can't do this. You're alone. Mom is dead. Draco hates you. No one will miss you.

"Stop it!" I cried out, my body shuddering with my sobs. I can't have these thoughts. I'm strong. I'm strong. I have to be strong. I can't be weak. Mom didn't raise me to be a bitch. I shouldn't even be crying right now, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to handle myself any longer. I felt more lost than I had my first day at Hogwarts trying to find my classes. 

Suddenly, I heard my name spoken quietly above the sound of my tears. I jerked my head up, violently wiping my cheeks. Slytherins didn't cry, and I surely did not ever cry. I looked around for the source of the voice, but my vision was too blurry, and it was too dark. I'm imagining things again. I just miss Mom and Draco. I dropped my head again, holding my knees. 

"I'm sorry, Mom. I know I messed up bad. I don't know what I did, but I'm real sorry. I messed up bad, and I can't fix it because I can't fix what I don't know. I'm sorry for not being the son that you wanted. I'm not the person you thought I would be." I squeezed my knees, wishing Mom was there to hold me. She let me cry even though she told me I shouldn't ever have a reason to cry. 

"I'm sorry, Draco," I continued. "I'm sorry I couldn't be the boy you wanted me to be, and I wish you the best of luck. Whoever you choose... they're quite lucky, and I hope they love you as deeply as I do." I would never stop loving him..

Kill yourself. You know that no one would miss you. You know the wizarding world would be better of without someone like you. You haven't done anything for anyone, do you realize that? Face it: if you killed yourself, the entire community would celebrate. They wouldn't mourn, not over you. 

"You're right," I mumbled to myself. "Maybe I should just kill myself." 

"No!" A voice cried out and this time, I knew it wasn't mine. "Dammit, don't you fucking say that!" 

I looked around and saw a figure running towards me. Only once I wiped my eyes again did I realize that that said figure was Draco. The last person I want to talk to right now. Draco knelt in front of me and took my hands. His own eyes were red from crying. What did he have to cry over? 

"Don't say that," he repeated softer as he looked into my eyes. "

What's it to you, Malfoy?" I replied bitterly, but I didn't pull my hands away. 

"You mean something to me..." 

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sure. That's why you broke up with me the day you learned of my mother's death. That's why you avoided me since. So tell me, Draco, why are you here now?"

A look of hurt fluttered across his beautiful features, and he gave off a small sigh. "I-I have things going on in my family, too, and I didn't want to burden you with that on top of your mom's death," he spoke quietly. 

"So you broke up with me?”

He looked down, a single tear running down his cheek, but he stayed silent. I sighed softly and pulled him down next to me, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me and holding me tight. 

"Father is trying to do more stuff and-and he wants me involved as well. Mother thinks it's a great idea, but I don't wanna do it. I didn't want to get you involved,  and I thought if I broke up with you, then it would hurt less." Draco was stressed, worried, and confused. 

He did what he thought was best for me. He was always that way towards me. I gave him a gentle squeeze. 

"And now to know I'm part of the reason that your thoughts have turned to suicide..." His voice cracked a bit, and he didn't even try to cover it up. 

"It isn’t you, Draco. These-these thoughts are more complicated than that... We both have a lot going on in our lives, in our home lives, in our school lives. I forgive you, Draco," I said quietly. 

He looked down at me, wiping away my tears. "So you'll take me back?" he asked. I gave a slight shake of my head. 

"Not right now, Draco. You hurt me; you hurt me bad. You left me when I needed you most, but I still love you, and I'm willing to give you a second chance... just not now. I think it’ll be best for the both of us...”

"So we start as friends?" 

"We start as friends," I agreed.

"I can deal with that. I'll always be here for you, I promise that from now on. I'll wait on you forever if that's how long you need," Draco told me, and I gave a soft smile. His voice sounded genuine and it didn't have that 'cover' sound like it did when he made fun of others. 

He titled my head up and pressed his lips against mine. Does he know what the friend-zone is? I guess I didn't either because I didn't hesitate to kiss him back. His lips tasted like a slight mint taste with salt from our tears mixed in. Just before he pulled back, I felt him smile.

"I thought we were doing the whole 'just friends' thing to start with, Draco," I said, trying to sound stern, but I couldn't do it. 

"You kissed back," he reminded me.

I couldn't stop my own smile. "Touché, Malfoy. As much as I love your kisses, just friends, okay?" 

He nodded again, serious this time. "Just friends until you're ready. I meant it when I said I'd wait for you. I still love you..." 

"I love you too, Draco," I whispered. 

"You have a real talent with that and a lovely singing voice," Draco said. 

I smiled. "Mom taught me how to play the ukulele. It's the only way I can get my feelings out." 

"Did you write those songs?" 

I shook my head. "Not the first one. The first one is called Hallelujah. It's by a man names Rufus Wainwright. The second... the second I wrote. I titled it ‘The Things We Used To Share’." 

"It's sad, but beautiful," he said quietly.

 "Thank you. I really tried to explain my feelings in that one."

I took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. "Why did you follow me?" 

"I saw you leave, and I thought I owed it to you to explain," he explained. "I finally got the courage to do so..." 

"Thank you," I said softly. I was thanking him for coming to tell me. I was thanking him for saving my life. I was thanking him for trying to do what was best for me. I hoped he understood, but I believed he did. 

I gazed up at the moon, smiling lightly. All would be well. All would eventually be well. . Tomorrow, I’ll go get help for my depression. I’ll learn to get better. My eyes closed as a soft breeze blew. They weren’t really gone, either one of them. Not really. Mom was in my music, and I had overreacted with Draco.

I reached over and grabbed my ukulele, pulling it into my lap. I had Draco and Mom with me, and that's all I needed.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//As Pretty as a Picture

“What you drawing today Pea?” Toni asked as she peered over his shoulder. 

“Nothing interesting.” He replied and moved to cover the picture. Fangs and Toni exchanged a look and then nodded to each other. 

“Peaaa.” Toni sang and he looked at her annoyed. 

“What?” He asked. While he was distracted Fangs grabbed the sketchbook that was on the lunch table. 

“Hey!” Sweet Pea tried to grab it back but Fangs ran away and stopped behind Toni before he had the chance to take it back off him. “What the fuck dude?” 

“You always show us what you’re drawing, so we want to know why you wanted to hide this one.” Fangs started to explain. “And now.” He continued and glanced down at the drawing. “ I think we know why.” He smirked and Sweet Pea rolled his eyes. 

“Who’s the girl?” Toni asked with a mischievous glint in her eyes. They sat on either side of Sweet Pea so he was couldn’t escape. “Well?” She nudged him and Sweet Pea looked at the table, avoiding his friends stares. 

“Nobody.” He mumbled and they rolled their eyes. 

“She’s beautiful.” Fangs commented and Sweet Pea blushed making them look at him surprised. He was smitten and all three of them knew it. 

“I know. Thats why I’m drawing her.” Sweet Pea replied, getting his confidence back and snatching the sketchbook back from Fangs earning a pout from him. 

“You’re sat right next to us so we can still see it.” Toni said, a smirk appearing on her lips. 

“Not anymore.” Sweet Pea smiled and stood up quickly, taking the sketchbook with him. He walked out of the lunch hall quickly leaving Toni and Fangs together. Toni sighed and looked at the table. 

“What’s up Topaz?” Fangs asked and started to eat. 

“I really want to know who the girl is because she seems to make him really happy and I want to meet her to see what she’s like.” 

“And?” He stopped eating.

“And he won’t tell us who she is.” She said like Fangs had just asked the stupidest question. “How are we going to find her if we don’t who she is?” 

“Well, its your lucky day Topaz because while you and Sweet Pea were chatting about her I took a picture of the drawing for future reference. All you need to do is go around the school to see if you can find her.” He explained and Toni smiled brightly at him. 

“Fangs! You’re a genius!” She beamed 

“I do try.” He replied and started to eat again. 

“Lets go.” 

“Go? Go where?” 

“This school is very big and we don’t have a lot of time left for lunch.” 

“Now?” He whined.

“Yes. Get up.” She pulled Fangs up and started to drag him through the lunch hall. “ 

“Couldn’t this have waited until after I had finished eating?” He sighed, looking sadly back at the table they were sat at. 

“No. Do you want to find the girl that makes Sweet Pea smile brighter than we ever seen just by talking about her for a few seconds?” 

“Yes.” He grumbled. 

“Good. Now shut up and send me that picture so we can split up. I’ll meet you later so we can regroup. If we don’t ask everyone today we can do the rest tomorrow and if nobody here knows her we can ask around the rest of the Northside, and even the Southside.” She ordered and Fangs mock saluted before he slowly walked away. 

“Fangs, its no use, its been a week. We’ve talked to everyone in Riverdale High, everyone that lives on the Southside, everyone on the Northside, I even asked  a few people from Greendale if they knew her but nothing. And before you say anything, yes I asked Cheryl and not even she knows her. I think we should just give up.” Toni sighed and lay her head on the table at Pops. 

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He sighed and put his phone down beside Toni’s head.

“Hi, what can I get you?” A sweet voice asked them kindly. 

“The usual.” Toni mumbled defeated. 

“Sorry about her. What she means is she’ll have a burger, fries and strawberry milkshake, and I’ll have the same please.” Fangs ordered for them both, his eyes not leaving the drawing on his phone. 

“No problem. I’ll go get your drinks.” You replied sweetly and Fangs looked at you just as she had turned around. 

“Holy shit!” He whisper shouted. 

“What?” Toni asked, lifting her head off the table slightly. 

“Its her. I’ve found her!” He continued excited. 

“What?” She asked now looking at Fangs properly. 

“Look at the waitress when she comes back.” He told her. A few minutes went by and once you had arrived Toni and Fangs were both staring at you. You placed the milkshakes down in front of them and smiled. 

“You’re food should be out shortly. If there is anything else you want just give me a shout.” 

“Can you stay there for a minute please?” Toni asked in disbelief. 

“Sure?” You replied warily. Fangs held his phone up in front of you and their eyes darted between the picture and then you. 

“Holy fuck! We found you.” Toni cheered. 

“Found me?” You asked confused.

“Well, our friend Sweet Pea drew you and we didn-” 

“You know Pea?!” You asked excitedly. 

“Yeah?” Toni replied and Fangs mouthed ‘Pea’ to her before she kicked him under the table.

“Wait, you must be Toni and Fangs. I know so much about you both!” You smiled at them. “He comes in here all the time. I usually work night shift and he comes in here to draw when he can’t sleep. A couple of weeks ago it was really slow and he was the only one in, I went over to see if he needed anything and I saw that he was drawing me so I sat down opposite him and we chatted while he drew.” You rambled happily and Toni and Fangs smiled at you. “Ever since then he has come in practically every night when I’ve been working to keep me company and to draw. He’s told me so much about you two, it’s so nice to meet you both in real life!” 

It’s nice to meet the girl in the drawing. We’ve been looking for you for so long.” Toni smiled at you. 

“Should I be flattered or creeped out?” You asked teasingly. 

“Flattered. We don’t think we’ve seen Sweet Pea happier when he’s drawing you or talking about you and thats all he’s done all week, but he wouldn’t tell us who you were.” Fangs explained and you laughed. 

“Well, I’m Y/n.” You extended your arm and Fangs shook your hand, followed quickly by Toni. 

“It was nice meeting you. I hope we see more of you.” Toni complimented and you nodded. 

“You too. Both of you.” You smiled and then turned around to go serve some other customers that had come in. You had just given Toni and Fangs their food when a familiar face came in making you smile at him. 

“Are my friends bothering you?” He asked as he made his way towards the three of you. 

“No. We’re talking you up to her.” Fangs rolled his eyes at him. “So like I was saying, all of his ex lovers say he is magnificent in bed. A real pleaser.” He joked and Sweet Pea choked on the drink that he stole from Toni. 

“I am so sorry about them.” He apologized quickly, his face going bright red while Toni and Fangs laughed at him. “This is why I didn’t tell you who she was.” He glared at them and they smiled sarcastically at him making you laugh. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked. 

“Yeah sure.” You agreed and he placed a hand behind your back, guiding you away from his meddling friends, giving them one final glare before stopping when he was a reasonable distance away from them. 

“Again, I’m really sorry about them.” He sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“I told you, its fine. They’re funny.” You replied in a soft voice. “What did you want to talk to me about?” 

“I was wondering if you, erm. If you maybe wanted to go on a date with me?” He asked quickly. 

“Definitely. I mean. Yeah, okay, whatever.” You tried to say cooly but the bright smile on your face gave you away. “I’d love to.” 

“Really?” He asked shocked. 

“Of course. I’m free after my shift tonight.” You suggested and he nodded quickly. 

“Yeah? We can go anywhere you want. I don’t expect to take you on a date to the place you work, right after your shift.” 

“I think only here is open at 2 in the morning in Riverdale.” You reminded him. 

“Oh yeah. Sorry. We can re-schedule.” 

“I don’t mind where we are. As long as its with you.” You blushed and looked away from him. 

“How about we sit in here, drink milkshakes and I can draw you while we talk.” He suggested.

“Deal. As long as I get to draw you too.” You replied and he nodded. 

“Are you going to show me your amazing art skills?” He asked as he walked back to the table Toni and Fangs were at. 

“Maybe. Maybe I’m a great artist, or maybe I can’t even draw a straight line with help. You’ll just have to wait and find out.” You teased and started to walk away from him once he sat down. 

“I can’t wait!” He called after you as you cleaned some of the tables. 

[myaekingheart]

So according to Facebook, my Jack Frost obsession/addiction/affection started six years ago today and I just need to say a couple things about this real quick because this is still super important to me. 

I remember exactly how I came across Jack Frost, and exactly what made me believe in him right off the bat. I was making a RotBTD edit and needed pictures of Jack. I pulled up one of them, and the minute I did a massive gust of wind just slammed against my house and my mind just went “Holy fuck he’s real.” 

At the time, I had never actually seen RotG before. I remembered seeing the trailer play on TV during commercial breaks but I was kind of indifferent about it. The movie wouldn’t come out on DVD for another two weeks and so I had to resort to watching clips on Youtube taken in movie theaters. I didn’t care about spoiling it for myself. I just wanted to know everything there was about this Jack Frost character. He intrigued me. He was mysterious and interesting and let’s face it, cute as all hell. 

I made his hoodie within a week of all of this. I tried to make my own Baby Tooth OOAK, as well (which we’re not going to talk about, it looked terrible). I bought the DVD the day it came out, the special one that came with the hopping egg toys. I’m pretty sure by the end of sophomore year, I had cemented my reputation at school as “that Jack Frost girl.” I compiled tons of pictures of him onto my phone and computer, he was in all of my screensavers. I started captaining the Jack Frost x Violet Parr ship partially because Violet Parr is like my CGI twin. 

I know this all makes me sound super fucking crazy but this was more than just some fangirly bullshit. I started getting really depressed in 2013, something that has continued up and down over the past six years. Jack Frost was the thing that kept me afloat. I’d write up messages in sparkly blue ink that I’d leave on my nightstand before bed and pretend they were from him, feeding me reassurances and positivity and confidence. I drew COUNTLESS fanart. I even had a roleplay with a friend of mine, her as Jack and me as an OC, that lasted for three years straight. I wore that damn hoodie like every single day. I’d replay the scene where he saves his sister just to hear him say “Everything is gonna be alright.” I went through something really traumatic in February 2014 and sunk even deeper into this. When I felt like there was nothing else and I even thought I was better off dead, Jack Frost was always there in the back of my mind telling me no I was not, that I was worth staying alive, that if he could get through it, feeling worthless and pointless and all that good shit, then so could I. I would pray at night that one day, somehow, he would become real so I could hug him and thank him for everything. It didn’t make any sense but for some reason, deep down, I truly believed in that. 

Early 2014 I was walking to my next class when I saw him. Tall, pale, blue eyes, white hair. I almost passed out. My breath hitched in my throat and I thought to myself “Oh my god he’s real.” It has been five years since that day and here I am living with this boy, my Jack Frost, going on three years in a loving, committed relationship. I still can’t possibly comprehend how this even happened, and I always joked that I manifested him because I believed so hard that Jack Frost existed and that I was destined to be with him that I somehow convinced fate to make it happen. 

A few months ago, the final Guardians of Childhood book focusing on Jack Frost was released. I can’t say that I am as outrageously obsessed with Jack now as I was back then, but he still follows me wherever I go. I made my boyfriend his own Jack Hoodie that he wears religiously, and I painted my backpack in the same style the week before my junior year of high school and still carry it now as a junior in college. I have a little Jack plushie that stays on my bed. I have a poster of him over my nightstand still. I don’t think he will ever go away completely. He means too much to me, even now. I would have nothing if it wasn’t for him and I am eternally grateful for that. He is, and will always be, my guardian. 

[nailriddenbat]

Mayfield | Series - Pt. X FINALE

Summary: Max Mayfield and Billy Hargrove aren’t the only new kids to step foot into Hawkins. Meet Y/N Mayfield, Max’s big sister, who’s here to make sure no one messes with her sister.

Pairing:  Steve Harrington x Mayfield!Reader (SLOW BURN)

Characters: Y/N Mayfield, Neil Hargrove, Max Mayfield, Rebecca Montgomery (OC), Billy Hargrove, Susan Hargrove, Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington

Warnings: Language, Violence

Word Count: 4.4k

Tags: TAGS HAVE BEEN MOVED TO THE END OF THE POST!

A/N: let’s all have a good cry, yeah?

Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X (FINALE) 

You didn’t process things well. Guilt, sadness, anger; they weren’t emotions that you knew how to handle but as of late, they were the only emotions that you could experience.

Your sister was fine. Her friends were fine. Nancy and Jonathan were fine. That girl Eleven was fine. Why weren’t you fine, though? Why were you hiding from everyone? Why were you avoiding Steve? 

Steve had kissed you and you had kissed him back. It felt right to you, it felt amazing, but at the same time, it felt so wrong. He held you and he comforted you, but after a while, you had ripped yourself away from him and insisted that it was time you and Max left.

Billy was gone by the time you got back to the Byers’ residence and after a brief reunion, Steve gathered all the kids up in his BMW and made sure to follow you home to make sure that you were okay.

Max jumped up out of the car and waved to her friends before she made her way into the house. You moved much slower due to the fact that your ankle was starting to hurt again now that the adrenaline had worn off and due to exhaustion.

“Y/N wait,” Steve called out to you in a soft manner. He had gotten out of his car and walked over to you to touch your hand, which you yanked away sharply.

“I need to go inside,” you were short with him. 

“Y/N, c’mon. Don’t do this,” he whispered to you.

You shook your head slowly and walked off, not even bothering to look back at him even for a second. Your mom was fussing over Max and tried to get your attention when you walked in but you pushed past her carefully. Before doing anything else, you moved over to Billy’s room and pushed the door open roughly. It slammed into the wall and he looked up sharply, dropping the phone that had been in his hand.

“Get the fuck out of my room,” he muttered. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like shit.

“Max took your car for a spin,” you said blankly. You tossed the keys at his face and shrugged, “It may be scratched but I don’t really give a shit.”

Before he could say anything else, you pulled his bedroom door shut and started to walk back to your room. When you walked by the phone you stopped and picked it up, covering the bottom part so he couldn’t hear you pick up. 

“I can’t do this shit anymore, Bec,” he was whispering. “I need to come back to Cali. I need to get out of here.”

“Billy, I told you that I would help you get a place out here. Let me at least get you started,” you could hear your friend try to comfort him.

“Bullshit,” you muttered underneath your breath. You slammed the phone down and continued walking to your room to lock yourself up for the rest of the night and that is what you did. 

The following day, your mom had been in to drop off food but you didn’t touch it. Neil had been by, slamming his hand on your door to get your attention but you ignored him. You remained still on your bed and stared at the same spot on the wall as if it were seconds away from changing and you couldn’t miss it. You kissed Steve. You betrayed George by kissing Steve. And each time you thought about it, your heart broke a little more and you’d shed another tear.

You only let Max in later that night, a full twenty-four hours after you had gotten home. She sat in a chair next to your bed and went over the entire story about the Upside Down, including what happened to Will and all about this girl named Eleven. The monsters were called demogorgans and one had even eaten Dustin’s cat Mews. She told you all about the plan that they had come up with and stressed that Steve was against the entire thing. You showed no expression as she told the story and when she was finished, she let out a sigh. “What’s bothering you more, the whole thing with the Upside Down or the fact that you like Steve?”

You lifted your eyes up to Max slowly and spoke for the first time all day, “Get out.”

You were being childish but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, so you rolled over on your bed and pulled a pillow close to you. You shut your eyes tight when Max left your room, jumping a little as the door slammed.

Eventually, you did apologize to Max for your behavior. You two were walking towards Billy’s car after school a few days later. Yours was still in the shop, but Billy was more than compliant to play chauffeur and you were pretty sure it had something to do with the look Max would shoot him. As you were walking you tugged on her arm lightly to get her attention and you hugged her tight as you whispered an apology. Your little sister sighed and hugged you back just as tight.

Steve fought to get your attention for a solid week, but you ignored him each time. Handwritten notes were left in your locker and he would wait around after each class to see if he could catch up with you. You drew the line when Nancy approached you one day and you had snapped at her, “I’m not going to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to tell me. Tell him to leave me alone.”

That was weeks ago and Steve hadn’t tried to talk to you since.

It was the day of the Snowball and you had promised Max you would help her get ready. You had a feeling she was going with Lucas and despite being completely miserable, you were still very excited for her. 

Your mom had swung by to pick you two up and then you headed back to the house. When she pulled up to the front of the house you had looked over in confusion when Neil stormed out.

“You can find me at the nearest motel. I won’t be able to get any work done with that know it all bitch staying here!” Neil cursed. He glared at you as he marched over to your Mom. 

“What the hell is your problem?” you narrowed your eyes at him as you walked towards the house. 

Max had already gone into the house and she screamed loudly. You ran forward and stopped suddenly, your eyes going wide as you found yourself looking at your best friend sitting in the living room.

“Merry Christmas,” Rebeca grinned as she wiggled her fingers over at you.

“Holy shit!” you shouted loudly. 

Rebecca jumped up from the couch and you ran forward, hugging her tightly. You reached back and patted her face in a joking manner, questioning if it were really her standing in front of you. 

“How the hell did you get here?” Max asked.

“Well, Max, have you ever heard of these magical machines called airplanes? They’re great,” Rebecca smirked. She waved her hands over to Max, “Come here, you.”

You stepped back as Max moved forward to hug your friend and you pushed your hair back. “Why are you here?” you asked your friend.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Max snorted. “She’s here to snap you out of this miserable mood you’re in.”

“Yes,” she laughed. “A bonus was pissing off Neil. You should have seen his face when he walked in, but I guess you saw it storming out.”

“Rebecca...” you tried to speak but shook your head and took a deep breath. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You are here. We are together. Now let’s go help Max get ready for her date.”

“It’s not a date!” she looked up at you in irritation.

“It’s a date,” you rolled your eyes.

Rebecca gasped loudly, “Max has a date! I’m doing your hair.”

“And I am doing your make up!” you grinned.

“Absolutely not,” Max shook her head. “You’ll go heavy on the eyeliner like you’ve been doing the past few weeks.”

You paused and were suddenly self-aware, worried about how your make up presently looked. You glanced over at your friend, “Does it look that bad?”

“I mean, Joan Jett is definitely wondering where her eyeliner pencil went, but it’s a look,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“Why the hell did I even ask you?” you rolled your eyes and pushed her arm lightly. She laughed in return and tossed an arm around your shoulders. The three of you moved towards Max’s room and you all sat down, moving to get things together.

The three of you sat around for hours just chatting. Rebecca gave you both all the updates from California and Max shared a bit of information about her new group of friends. 

“They’re actually a pretty cool group. Bunch of nerds, but still cool,” you commented as you sat in front of Max while Rebecca worked on her hair.

“They are pretty nerdy,” Max sighed, but she was smiling while she said it.

“So who’s the lucky boy that won you over?” Rebecca asked as she ran the brush through her hair carefully.

“Rebecca, please don’t start. It’s bad enough I’m basically allowing you two to turn me into a human Barbie,” Max groaned.

“His name is Lucas and he’s a wonderful kid. I approve of him,” you grinned.

“He sounds wonderful,” Rebecca took a deep breath before she started to sing. “Lucas and Max, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-”

You joined in quickly, “I-N-G!” 

Max started to shout at the two of you to stop as her cheeks turned bright red. You both couldn’t help but laugh and your eyes lit up as you laughed for the first time in a long time.

Your laughter cut short when you heard heavy footsteps out in the hallway. You watched as Billy walked by and stopped in the doorway, his eyes lingering on you. His head turned slowly and his hand dropped when his eyes switched to Rebecca.

“What’s this, Princess? You couldn’t say hi to me first?” he directed the question to Rebecca and you dropped your head back with a deep sigh before picking it back up to look at your friend. She was caught off guard and nearly dropped the curling iron that she had taken to Max’s hair.

“Jeez!” Max shouted. “Please don’t burn my hair or my skin, thanks.”

“Shit, sorry,” Rebecca cursed as she tried to catch it without burning her own skin.

Billy smirked and rubbed his jaw. You turned to glare at him, “Can you leave?”

He waved his fingers at your friend and you jumped up to shout at him, “Don’t run off because you need to give us a ride!”

“Oh, I need to give Rebecca a ride, all right. A long one,” Billy chuckled before disappearing into his room.

“I’m going to throw up,” Max looked over at you, disgust clear on her face.

“Y/N?” 

You turned your head and saw your mom standing by the phone. She held it out to you, explaining that you had a phone call.

“Who the hell could be calling me?” you moved over to her and reached out to take the phone, your other hand holding onto the cord. “Hello?”

“Y/N, hi.”

You looked up at your mom and nearly dropped the phone. You fell to the side in shock and luckily the wall was there, but you slid down it slowly and took a deep breath. “Mrs. Bennett,” you whispered.

It was Amelia Bennett, George’s Mother.

“Hi,” she said again. 

Your hand was clutching the phone so tight and you shut your eyes tight. You tried to focus on breathing as she asked how Indiana had been. You nodded your head a little, managing to speak up a bit, “It’s okay. Indiana is okay. How are you?”

“Oh I’m getting by,” you could hear her voice tremble. “Taking things one day at a time.”

“Of course,” you spoke softly. “And the family? Are they okay? I mean, how are they doing?”

“They’re just fine,” she laughed a bit and you could picture her waving her hand as she said that. “I’m the only one struggling to keep up.”

You didn’t mean to laugh but it was ironic. You knew all too well how she felt and you nodded your head in agreement, “I feel the same way sometimes.”

“It’s harder with it being Christmas and all,” Mrs. Bennett paused for a minute and you could hear her voice break, bringing tears to your eyes in seconds. “He loved Christmas.”

You pulled the phone away and held your hand over your face, unable to stop yourself from crying. You gave yourself a few seconds and picked the phone back up, trying to speak clearly, “Mrs. Benett, George would want you to enjoy this holiday because he loved it so much.”

“I know, I know,” she continued to cry softly into the phone. “There I go again. We’re not on this long distance call to talk about me. I want to talk about you.”

You held your breath, unsure of what she had meant. 

“We left things off on a very bad note, Y/N, and I’ve been trying to build up the courage to make this phone call but I couldn’t find it in me.”

“Mrs. Bennett, you don’t have to do this. I understand why you wanted me to leave,” you sighed.

“No.” she cut you off and her voice grew a bit louder. “I am not making any excuses for my behavior and I don’t want you to make excuses either. I took my anger and I took my frustration out on you. I blamed you for a situation that was out of your control and I pushed you out of my home.”

You kept your eyes shut tight as your hands began to shake. 

“You did nothing wrong, Y/N,” Mrs. Bennett said. “And I want you to know that. I wanted you to hear that from me.”

You shook your head fast and your other hand came up to cover your face.

“What happened...” Mrs. Bennett took a deep breath. “What happened to George was not your fault.”

You broke. You gasped loudly as sobs took over your body and you leaned over. You could hear Mrs. Bennett sob, apologizing over and over for what she had put you through but you couldn’t put any words together. It wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. You had done everything in your power from stopping him. You had done what you could. It wasn’t your fault.

“I’m so sorry, Amelia,” you cried into the phone. “I tried my best. I tried to stop him, I tried to save him.”

“I know you did,” she tried to comfort you as best as she could, but the two of you were completely distraught.

You tossed your head back against the wall as you looked up to try and calm yourself down. 

“George would want you to be happy, sweetheart,” she spoke softly. “He wanted that more than anything. And I just know that he would absolutely love this Steve Harrington.”

And just like that, the tears stopped. You blinked rapidly as a few stray tears and wiped at them quickly. “What?” you croaked out.

“Steve Harrington. He called me a few days ago and we had a long conversation. He said he was a friend of yours and he had heard all about George, and that he wanted to pay his respects,” she explained.

Your heart was racing and your hands had begun to sweat. “Steve called you?” you asked quietly.

“He did. He’s a wonderful boy, Y/N,” Mrs. Bennett said.

You looked up and saw Rebecca standing in the doorway with Max, the two of them looking extremely concerned.

“Thank you, Mrs. Bennett. I...” you sighed and took a deep breath, whispering. “I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“I understand, sweetheart. I’ll let you go but if you’d like, I’d like to talk every week to stay in touch. Only if it is okay with you, though.”

“I’d really like that,” you smiled a bit and wiped at your face. “I’ll talk to you soon, Mrs. Bennett.”

“Call me Amelia, Y/N,” you could hear her smile. “I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”

The line went dead as she hung up and you let the phone fall to the floor, watching it hang from the cord. 

Rebecca stepped over to you slowly and bent down to pick it up so she could hang it up. You looked up at her and whispered, “Steve called George’s mom.”

“I know,” she nodded her head and gave you a soft smile. “I gave Steve her number after he told me to come here for you.”

You looked away and took a deep breath. “I need to talk to him,” you said out loud.

“He’s dropping Dustin off at the Snowball,” Max came up from behind Rebecca and looked down at you. “Tonight’s your chance.”

“You should take that chance. Life is all about taking chances, making dumb ass mistakes, and finding the one guy who would literally drag your best friend across the country and help you heal from the worst tragedy of your life,” Rebecca reached out to touch your arm lightly. 

You pushed yourself off of the ground and with their help, you were able to get back on your two feet. Max was ready to go and you got yourself together before screaming out to Billy, shouting that you were all ready to go.

Minutes later, you and your sister were cramming into the back of Billy’s car. You bit down on your lip and shared a glance at Max. The two of you tried not to laugh as the both of you thought back to the last time you had been crammed into the back. 

The tension in the car was at an all-time high and you couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. 

“This is definitely not California,” Rebecca muttered.

“You get used to it,” you shrugged your shoulders.

Billy snorted in disagreement but he said nothing and you pretended not to notice when Rebecca reached over to touch his arm. 

After another few minutes, the school came into view and Billy pulled into the parking lot. He placed the car in park and Rebecca climbed out so she could help the two of you out, leaning forward to hug you tightly. 

“I’ll see you back at the house, yeah?” you looked over at her with a small smile.

She nodded her head and winked, pushing you playfully as she said, “Go get your man.”

You flipped your middle finger in her direction and she laughed before getting back into Billy’s car. You watched as the two of them shared a look before Billy slammed on the gas, taking off quickly.

“You know what they’re going off to do,” Max scrunched her face.

You looked at her with wide eyes and shouted, “Ew! Go dance and act your age, and don’t say things like that! Like ever!”

Max ran off and waved over at you before she disappeared into the gymnasium. You took a deep breath as you watched her run off and whispered to yourself, “Go be a kid, Max.”

“Hey good looking,” you heard from behind you.

You jumped a little and sighed when you saw it was Dustin.

“I’m a little too old for you, kid,” you laughed lightly. “You look great, though. You’re gonna knock ‘em dead.”

He grinned and growled at you, which caused you to stop laughing and shake your head. “Don’t do that,” you advised him.

“Oh. That’s weird,” he shrugged as he began to walk away.

“What’s weird?” you called out to him. “Hey, kid!”

“What’s weird is that I said the exact same thing to him.”

You spun around fast and felt all of the air in your body catch in your throat as you looked over at Steve. “Hey,” you whispered.

“Hey,” he said back. He swallowed and pushed his hands into his pockets, moving to lean against his car.

“I um, I see you’re on babysitting duty,” you said, unsure of what else you’d be able to say.

“Voluntarily,” he nodded his head. “Dipshit needed a ride and I was free, so I picked him up and gave him a little pep talk.”

“A pep talk?” you laughed a bit as you started to walk towards him.

“Manly stuff,” he started to laugh with you and moved over so you could stand next to him.

“I see,” you sighed. You leaned back against his car and crossed your ankles, leaving your arms hanging by your side. “So my best friend is in town. That was a surprise.”

“Oh really?” he asked. He looked over at you as he played dumb.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “And I got a call today from George’s mom.”

“Get out of here,” he gasped softly and looked away. “You had an eventful day then, Y/N.”

“Steve,” you reached forward and grasped his chin gently, turning his head back to you. Your eyes caught his and you fell silent for a few minutes before you spoke up again, “Why?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he continued to play dumb and you sighed in frustration as you dropped your hand. “Just out of curiosity, though, what did George’s mom have to say?” he asked.

“I don’t think I want to share that information with you, Harrington,” you shook your head as you looked away.

“Aw c’mon, Mayfield,” he brushed a finger against your hand. “Talk to me.”

You closed your eyes as you inhaled, opening them once you began to exhale. “She doesn’t blame me. It isn’t my fault.”

“Oh,” Steve breathed in as he spoke softly. “Well, how about that?”

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes. 

“Did she say happen to say anything else?” he continued to press.

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders. “I can’t recall,” you answered his question, taking it as your turn to play dumb.

“Oh okay. We’re going to play that game,” he chuckled and pushed himself off of the car, moving to stand in front of you.

“What game?” you looked at him evenly, your eyebrow arched as always.

He looked at you and smiled softly, causing you to question his look. He reached forward and pressed his fingertip against your eyebrow while grinning, “You’re cute when you do this eyebrow thing.”

Your cheeks heated up and you looked down at the ground. 

“I threatened Hargrove to give me your friend’s number and from there, I called George’s mom. She’s a sweet woman, really. We spoke for...” Steve breathed in sharply and shook his head. “Gosh, we spoke for hours. She told me all about George and she told me all about you, how you two were together.”

“Steve you didn’t have to do that,” you shook your head, refusing to look up at him.

“I wanted to do it for you,” he whispered. He reached out and you could feel his hands touch your arms gently. “It was never you, Y/N. It was never your fault. You deserved to know that and I wanted to make sure that you did.”

You took a few minutes to yourself before looking up at him, your eyes becoming glassy with tears. “I didn’t kill George,” you whispered to him.

“No,” Steve reached up to cup your face as he spoke gently. “You didn’t kill George.”

“Why did you do all of this for me?” you took a deep breath after asking the question.

His lips turned up into a small smile and he leaned in closer. “Because I’m too damn crazy about you, Mayfield. I went to the end of the world just a few weeks ago and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side but you.”

You laughed a bit and shook your head, “Oh gosh, no. I never want to do that again.”

“Screw that shit,” he laughed with you and the two of you were leaning into each other.

“She said that George would love you,” you whispered to him.

“Yeah?” Steve grinned widely. “And what do you say?”

“I say she’s right,” you nodded your head. “I mean, you two may have had a little rivalry on who had the best hair but I think at the end of the day, you would have gotten along just fine.”

 He hummed, resting his forehead on yours. “Maybe you can tell me some stories, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you said softly. “And maybe you and I can make some of our own.”

You saw a light fill Steve’s eyes as he nodded his head slowly. He whispered, “We’ve got a head start on that one. Fighting monsters is pretty bad ass.”

“We cannot tell people that story,” you rolled your eyes.

“Right, right,” he agreed with you. “Then we can tell them the one where I spun you around in the parking lot that one time.”

“Wait, what?” you looked up at him in confusion.

He grabbed you around the waist and you shouted out loudly as he spun you around in circles. You shouted at him through your laughter and tried to get him to put you down, but Steve didn’t listen. A minute went by and he put you down carefully but pulled you into him quickly as you swayed. His head dropped as he leaned in and kissed you softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. You locked your hands together behind his neck and pulled him closer, humming against his lips as you returned the kiss eagerly.

“Wait, wait,” he pulled away slightly and whispered, “No guilt this time, right?”

“Shut up, Harrington,” you grinned a little and pulled him back down, standing up on your toes to kiss him again. You could feel him grin and you smiled even more.

You couldn’t help but feel as if everything had fallen into place. Your body felt lighter than it had in a very long time and you felt as if you could finally breathe. You felt as if you were saved and Blazer Boy, the one with the good hair, Steve Harrington was the one to save you. You were given a second chance at love and you’d be damned if you let this one slip through the cracks. And somehow, you knew George would be okay with it.

But the most important thing of all was that you were okay.

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[oaf-inactive]

just like heaven (reddie)

Richie told Eddie he had something to show him.

Eddie didn’t know what to expect; when Richie had asked if he was free later, Eddie expected the question to come with a remark, a joke about his mother or about himself, but it never came. When there was a lack of jokes with Richie, Eddie had learned to take those situations seriously.

Eddie rode his bike over to Richie’s house, curiosity emerging from his questioning thoughts. Why does Richie want me over? He never invites me over. He never invites anyone over.

Maybe I’m not anyone.

The thought put an odd feeling in Eddie’s chest. He pulled to a stop outside of Richie’s house and dragged his bike over to the side of the building. It rested next to the water hose. Unsure of what to do afterwards, Eddie collected a few pebbles and tossed them up at Richie’s window. He could only hope Richie would answer.

One pebble, two pebbles, three pebb—the window s;ammed open and the rock Eddie had thrown flew past Richie and into the room behind him. “What the hell, Eds? You ever used a front door?”

“Your parents,” Eddie said, and that was explanation enough. “I didn’t know if…”

“Mom’s at the store. Dad’s at work,” Richie replied. And then, “come to the front door.” The window shut and Eddie stood there, dumbfounded for a moment. His palms were clammy; he always got like that with Richie, jittery and nervous and excited all at once. It was almost as if—

“You coming or what, Eds?” A loud voice called from the front of the house. Eddie turned to look. Richie was standing on his porch, leaning over the railing to get a good look at Eddie.

“Yeah, trashmouth!” Eddie called. “And don’t call me Eds!”

When they were both inside, Eddie tried not to look around, but it was so hard. There were bottles all over the living room floor, stains on the carpet… “It’s in my room,” Richie said to steal Eddie’s focus from the room around them. Nodding his head, Eddie picked up his pace to walk next to Richie. Richie’s hand was by his side, and if Eddie reached out just then he could hold it.

Richie’s hand.

“Here.” Richie pushed the door to his bedroom open and walked inside, holding the door for Eddie. “Just… sit on the floor.”

“I don’t even get a seat?” Eddie questioned, a prompt for their usual bickering, only this time Richie didn’t retaliate. He mumbled something under his breath and went to sit on his bed, so Eddie just did what he was told and sat on the floor. Looking up at Richie, Eddie tried to place what this could be about, but he drew a blank every time. Things between them had been great, amazing even. They’d been more affectionate, more exclusive; there was something there, even if neither boy knew what it was yet.

There are probably so many germs on this floor.

Eddie tried not to think about it so much and kept his hands in his lap.

They sat in silence for a while. Eddie didn’t know what to do, so he just stared at Richie. Richie was nervous, an unfamiliar look on him. His black curls fell across his forehead, his glasses smudged, lips pursed.

“Richie—“ Eddie started to speak but was cut off immediately.

“You mean something to me,” Richie choked out.

“You mean something to me, too,” Eddie replied, because it was true and Richie looked like he needed to hear it.

“I don’t mean it like that.” Richie adjusted his glasses—one of his nervous ticks. “You mean something to me, like… like I don’t fucking know what. But it’s more than what Bill means to me, or Bev. It’s different.”

I know it’s different.

I’ve known it’s been different for a long time now.

“I want to play you something,” Richie said suddenly. Then he rose to his feet and went over to stand near his closet door. With hand on the doorknob, Richie looked like he was fighting conflicting thoughts. “Fuck,” he cursed. “Fuck,” he said again, and Eddie didn’t know why.

“Rich?” Eddie’s voice was quiet, concerned.

Richie said nothing, but pulled open his closet door and revealed a sleek, dark bass.

“Holy shit, Richie, why didn’t you tell me you got that?! That’s fucking awesome.” Eddie couldn’t help himself—it was awesome. He didn’t even know Richie could play an instrument!

Richie didn’t say anything. Eddie shut up immediately, even though his entire being was begging to ask Richie to teach him a chord or two. Then Eddie remembered what Richie had said: he wants to play me something.

Sitting back down on his bed, Richie placed the bass on his leg and positioned his fingers on the strings. Eddie looked away. A few minutes passed. Eddie didn’t say anything because what was he to say? His heart was beating too fast for him to think coherently.

Eddie heard the pluck of a string. His eyes immediately flickered back to Richie, to his plucking fingers.

And then, as if this could get any better, Eddie heard a low hum of lyrics.

Richie was singing. Singing to Eddie. The words were kind of hard to make out because of how quietly Richie was singing, but they were familiar lyrics. Lyrics to a song Eddie knew Richie loved, but one he never knew reminded Richie of him.

“You, soft and only. You, lost and lonely,” Richie sang, voice shaky. The next part his fingers hesitated, out of practice, but he continued nonetheless. “You, strange as angels. Dancing in the deepest oceans… twisting in the water… you're just like a dream. You're just like a dream.”

It was quiet after that. Richie put his instrument down and fumbled with his glasses again. Sometime during Richie’s playing Eddie had pulled his knees to his chest. Maybe he thought that would keep his heart from bursting out.

“It was fucking lame but I like that song and I like—“ Richie stopped. The look on his face was one of embarrassment, disbelief, Eddie didn’t know; he had never seen Richie’s cheeks turn that dark a shade of red before.

Unsure of what else to do, Eddie pulled his knees from his chest and stood up, taking the seat next to Richie on the bed. They were both sitting with their feet hanging off, facing forward. Eddie had never wanted to kiss somebody before just then, looking at Richie’s crimson face and tired eyes.

Placing a hand to Richie’s closest cheek, Eddie took a deep breath. Richie seemed to lean into his touch, or maybe that was just him turning to look at what Eddie was doing. Neither boy said anything as Eddie moved closer. Eddie didn’t even really know what was going on until his lips were on Richie’s. Richie didn’t pull back, like Eddie worried he would, he just leaned slightly into it. Then it was over and Eddie didn’t know if he had just ruined their friendship (or whatever they were spiraling into).

“I just wanted to kiss you,” Eddie said, and he wished he hadn’t. He closed his eyes. Why did he spew embarrassing garbage when he was nervous?

Richie exhaled through his nose, something of a laugh, and when Eddie opened his eyes Richie was smiling back at him, teeth and all. What a pretty smile, Eddie thought.

“Thanks, Eds!” Richie replied, back to his old self. Then he put on that dumb British accent he was always doing, “you’ve got quite the smile yourself!”

“Psh.” Eddie took his hand off Richie’s cheek. “You’re so quick from a sap to a bother.”

“Ouch.” Richie feigned hurt, holding a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, yeah. When the hell did you get a bass?” Eddie asked.

“Few weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Wanted to surprise you,” Richie said, and surprise Eddie he did. “Did you like the song?”

“Yup.” Eddie thought he was blushing. “It sounded just like heaven.”

“Ha, ha.” Richie rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna learn more songs so I can play for you more.”

Eddie’s heart was pounding so hard he imagined Richie might be able to hear it. “That’d be cool.” It’d be more than cool, but Richie could read into Eddie’s reply. “Teach me something?”

You, soft and only.

Richie lifted his bass and started to tell Eddie where to position his fingers for each chord. There was a lot to remember, and Eddie found it harder to focus on the instructions rather than the instructor.

You, lost and lonely.

Especially when Richie smiled so bright.

You, just like heaven.

[justice4jemily]

JJ And Emily Watch SNL

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NOTE: This is the first time I’m posting my fanfic, and doing that is scary, and I might end up taking this down!  But... for now, here it is!  Thanks, affixal, for the encouragement :)

None of the characters belong to me. Etc.

ENJOY!

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It had become a routine - whenever they weren’t on a case, JJ went over to Emily’s place and the two ate take-out dinner and watched Saturday Night Live.  JJ knew it would probably be good manners for her to occasionally ask Emily to watch it at her place, so Emily wasn’t always the one hosting, but she didn’t.  She liked it better at Emily’s, because the TV was in Emily’s bedroom instead of the living room.  It was cozy in Emily’s bed, and usually they both fell asleep before the show’s 1 AM ending.  The first time that happened, JJ woke with a start at 3:15 AM and was all apologetic and offered to go home.  Emily, groggy with sleep, told her not to be ridiculous, and to go back to sleep.  When JJ asked if she was sure, Emily flung her arm over JJ’s middle to keep her in place, without even opening her eyes.  So JJ smiled and went back to sleep.  The following week, she again fell asleep in Emily’s bed, and slept peacefully the whole night through.

The two lost count of how many Saturday nights they’d spent in Emily’s bed, but several weeks ago, JJ had started bringing her pajamas and toothbrush with her.  Tonight, they were sitting propped against the headboard, empty Chinese food cartons shoved aside on Emily’s nightstand.  Gal Gadot, the actress who played Wonder Woman, was hosting SNL, which made it an extra special episode for Emily, who’d had a thing for Gal ever since seeing Wonder Woman four times in the theater.  She and JJ saw it together initially, and she managed to drag JJ to it a second time (by bribing her with a bag of Cheetos, of course), but that’s where JJ drew the line.  For the next two showings, Emily was on her own.  JJ loved to tease her friend about her Wonder Woman crush, and all week, she’d been ribbing Em about it at work when no one was around to overhear.  “Oooh, four more days and nine hours until your girrrllllfriend is on TV,” she’d whisper in Emily’s ear, and Emily would swat her away and attempt to keep her face expressionless.  But by the time JJ got to “Oooh, 28 more hooouurrs,” with added kissing noises, Emily was losing it.  “JJ, I SWEAR to God,” she burst out, her palm pressing JJ’s chest until the blond woman’s back was flush against the wall of the elevator they were alone in.  JJ smirked as Emily blushed.  Before either of them could say or do anything else, the elevator arrived and opened its doors, and Emily exhaled in relief.

Now that they were alone in Emily’s apartment, Emily didn’t have to hide her excitement over Gal Gadot anymore, so it was less fun for JJ to tease her.  She just laughed, as Gal’s monologue started the show and Emily cheered and pumped her fists like a teenager.  Usually, the two of them were only half-watching the show, chatting throughout, but tonight Emily was fairly glued to the screen.  When a new skit began with Gal dressed as Wonder Woman, Emily sat up a little straighter.  JJ opened her mouth to say something teasing, but Emily sensed it and flailed her arm in JJ’s direction without taking her eyes off the screen.  “SHUSH,” she admonished.  But she herself gave a running commentary on the skit, gushing about Kate McKinnon’s brilliance in writing the script and how cute it was that Gal’s gaze was glued to the teleprompter, laughing and clapping at all the lesbian jokes.  When Kate said, “Okay, I’ll get to the point - who here’s a lez?  Raise your hand,” Emily cheerfully raised her hand in the air, looking over at JJ in expectation of being made fun of.  JJ, surprisingly, was simply staring at the screen.

Emily, too, was momentarily stunned into silence when Gal’s lips locked onto Kate’s.  And then, the kiss kept going.  “DAY-UM, Gal Gadot, you GO!  Holy SHIT, woman!”  She was too absorbed to look at JJ.  “THANK YOU, Kate, for writing this!  REPRESENTATION!  And thank you, Gal, for going way beyond the teleprompter on THIS one!!”  

Wondering why JJ wasn’t teasing her, Emily finally looked over.  JJ’s face and neck were flushed bright red, her breathing shallow, her eyes locked on the screen.  After a split second of surprise and confusion, understanding dawned in Emily.  Shocked excitement fizzed in her chest.

“OH MY GOD, JENNIFER JAREAU.”

JJ avoided Emily’s eyes as she picked up and gulped Emily’s beer, having already downed her own.  Emily made a sort of choking noise.  Oh, this was going to be too much fun.  Oh, this was going to be payback.  To begin with, Emily simply studied JJ, with as much intensity as JJ was trying to avoid and ignore her with.  JJ squirmed, fidgeted.  She pursed her lips and exhaled carefully, as if to compose herself, and kept her gaze on the TV as if she was simply continuing to watch the show.  But the blush would not go away, and Emily had a feeling her eyes were dilated as hell, if only she could see them.

“Sweetie, are you okay?  Do you need some AIR?” she teased, picking up a nearby magazine and fanning JJ’s flushed face.  JJ swatted her away.

“Don’t,” she grumbled.  Damn, Emily noticed, even her ears were red.  And her chest, which was still heaving.  “I’m fine,” JJ said.  “I’m just having a reaction to this new beer.  It’s stronger than the other kind.”

Emily guffawed.  “Oh, no, no, no, Jayje.  This is not the alcohol.  What in the world could it be that has you all hot and bothered, hmm?” she asked innocently, with a devilish grin she could not shake.

“Shut up, Em,” JJ mumbled, taking another swig of beer.  “I’m BOTHERED, yes, because you are BOTHERING me, when I’m trying to watch TV.”  She brushed her hair out of her face with a huff.  Emily scooted a little closer.

“Hmm, no, you’re bothered AND you’re hot.”

JJ’s eyes shot over to Emily’s.  What…?

Emily’s eyes sparked.  “Yes, figuratively AND literally,” she said, putting the back of her hand against JJ’s cheek, then forehead, as if to feel her temperature.  JJ squirmed even more.

“Your face is red and hot.  And wait, your pulse is racing…”  She put two fingers to the side of JJ’s neck, and JJ gasped.  

“And all of this means -”

She was cut off, by JJ practically whining, “No profiling, Em, remember?”

Emily burst out laughing, her head thrown back.  She could barely speak, but choked out, “Babe, this isn’t profiling!  I’d have to be comatose to not be aware of how fucking turned on you are right now!”

If it was even possible, JJ blushed a deeper shade of red, and flung her face into a pillow.  She moaned, and Emily’s stomach clenched slightly at the sound.  She waited.  She gazed at JJ’s back, her blond hair spilling everywhere, her breathing gradually slowing to a more normal rate.  Emily cupped her hand around the back of JJ’s neck and kneaded it gently, a wordless apology.  A few more minutes passed.

“Hey, JJ,” she said quietly, gently.  “Come back here.  Look at me.”

JJ took a deep breath, and sat back up.  She forced herself to meet Emily’s gaze; Emily could read whatever was there in her face.  Maybe it was time.  Maybe it was too late to think she could ever hide it again.  Not from herself, and not from Emily.

JJ’s messy blond hair partially obscured her eyes.  Emily brought her hands up,  gently brushing JJ’s hair away, and kept her hands there - cupping her friend’s face, her fingers still tangled in her hair.  When she looked at JJ, her breath hitched a little in anticipation.  What she saw there in those incredible blue eyes wasn’t just her imagination this time.  The TV played on in the background but was long forgotten at this point.  All that JJ was looking at was Emily.

“Your eyes are still quite dilated, you know,” Emily tried to tease, but could actually barely speak.

“Shut up, Em,” JJ breathed, and took her eyes away, only to end up staring at Emily’s lips.  Which Emily licked slightly.

“How’re you gonna make me?” Emily replied, her voice low, unmistaken.  There was a heavy pause as the dare hung in the air.  Emily tugged gently but urgently on JJ’s hair, and that was JJ’s undoing.  With a slight whimper, she closed the distance between their faces and crushed her lips against Emily’s.  Emily responded instantly, returning the kiss with such intensity that she felt JJ gasp into her mouth.

Emily pulled back slightly, her eyes seeking JJ’s, checking in.  “Yes, Emily, yes,” JJ whispered in answer to Emily’s unasked question, and resumed the kiss.  Emily felt like she was going to explode into a million sparks of sunlight as JJ’s warm tongue slid inside her mouth.  As their tongues danced, their hands roamed, and JJ was the first to slide her bare leg between Emily’s.  Emily instinctively squeezed her thighs together, inwardly cursing herself for having chosen sweatpants tonight instead of shorts like JJ.  Goddammit, it would have been warm enough for shorts.

“Why’re you wearing pants?” JJ whined, squirming against Emily with an urgency that made them both moan.  Emily tried to breathe, but failed, when JJ’s hands went where they went.  Stuttering, Emily managed to reply that she never would have worn pants if she had any idea that JJ would be making out with her tonight.

JJ smiled, and nibbled at Emily’s neck.  “Take them off,” she ordered.  “And never wear pants again.”

“Oh my GOD, JJ,” Emily gasped out, as JJ began tugging at her waistband.  “Where is all of this coming from?  I mean, I’ve wanted you since the beginning of time, but… I never thought you…”

JJ stopped, fully stopped.  She sat up and looked hard at Emily.  “You’ve… wanted me?  For… all this time?”  The blush was creeping back.  Emily reached out to stroke her face.  She dipped her head, shrugged slightly, suddenly self-conscious.  “I tried to keep it to myself.  I didn’t want to mess things up.”

JJ breathed, absorbing this.  “I think some part of me knew that, but tried not to.  I wouldn’t let myself think about how much I wanted you.  But then, watching those two women kiss like that…the way it made me feel, with you so close… well, I guess Wonder Woman saves the day again, huh?”  She smiled, and Emily gently kissed her lips.

“Wonder Woman’s got nothing on you, Jennifer Jareau.”

[askgreena]

Drained

Ok so I know you guys probably hate when I just post random shit,but this ones kinda important.I feel drained.I mean like I love the ghost gang and shit but my friends started saying shit like “they aren’t even cannon” and “they are coming back” and I dunno it’s kinda bugging me.Like I actually like these characters and I keep getting told they aren’t cannon.Also the fact that people BARELY know who they are also sorta irks me.I don’t feel normal.

I feel pale.

If you don’t know feeling pale to me Basically leaves me in a state where I feel hollow and empty,I don’t know what the fuck to do and I basically freeze.I love the ghost gang as I stated but the thing is that it doesn’t feel normal,everyone else has a favorite and they’re like “OH YEAH I KNOW THAT CHARACTER” but with my favorites people tend to respond with “who are those characters?”.It kinda sucks.

Like should I like these characters?is it dumb?should I feel this shitty about some fucking jokes?

I really don’t know and it scares me and I’m always scared of my feelings.I have to bottle them up so I don’t seem over dramatic or emotional.I just want to be ok.And this applies to the rest of the tv special squad,well besides the merry walrus.They all got the short end of the stick even if THEY ARE THE FUCKING STARS.sorry if that seemed aggressive but holy shit I hate having to bottle up all these fucking emotions.Maybe its cause it’s shark week for me.Maybe they are right,I shouldn’t like characters that aren’t as popular and are clearly not cannon.

Now to the big kuhuna of the question you most likely have after this

“Is this blog gonna be shut down then?”

No,like all of my dumb depression streaks it’ll pass,rather quickly actually.Its more like artificial sadness.

Well if any of you have played ddlc then I’m gonna say this,I relate to Sayori,ALOT

I feel like I deserve this.I don’t deserve happiness.all this heart ache is cause I’m just a bad person.No matter how much my friends tell me differently the thought never changes.”Im bad.im bad.bad.bad.bad.look what you did.you fucked up AGAIN.your worthless garbage.why do they even care?your fucking trash.you don’t deserve to be happy.she left and cheated on you for a reason.he ignores you for a reason.your not happy for a reason.your bad.bad.bad.bad.” It doesn’t fucking stop I’ll never stop I’m afraid to say.I’ll never stop believing I’m bad.im dumb I’m stupid I’m worthless I’m garbage.

Sorry I got off topic again.

So the blog isn’t shutting down,don’t worry.And I still love the ghost gang with all my damn heart,which is dumb,why do I love these fictional characters so much?its actually kinda disgusting.but I guess there’s some sorta charm to them?i Dunno but they make me happy.Its dumb I know.But I guess they have this sorta dynamic that leaves me wanting for more.Im interested.So I kinda wanted to explain these characters myself and found myself liking them a lot.I eventually decided to make them all gay.For no real reason,maybe it’s cause I myself am a lesbian,I dunno.But as I peiced together ships for these characters (Red rum and yella,Blooky And dooper) I came across greepy,who I was stumped about.I had the idea that she was dating someone online,a long distance relationship and my friend suggested Lorna and thus greena was born.I developed the two and their relationship is one I envy,I want to have a relationship like theirs.i actually used to a..fuck how long ago was it,it feels like yesterday.But I had a girl that I loved so god damn much,I couldn’t stop thinking about her,ya know?She was sweet and kind and I loved her.Then one day she gave me a message saying “I’m too young for love” and the usual “it’s not you it’s me” my heart almost instantly shattered And I cried.Eventually I looked though her twitter and found a picture of this guy and her saying they were “the perfect couple” I remembered the guy.a few days before the relationship ended I saw a picture she drew of the guy and her.it hit me like a fucking truck,she CHEATED on me.I was torn and I guess these characters are kinda the way I cope with that.

And I’m really sorry for all this venting shit,I really am but I need to get this off my chest I just feel so horrible right now.

-PeanutChan