#i dreamt my cousins had gotten my mom a huge planter box as a surprise gift
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just woke up from the kind of nightmare that makes you say oh THAT was traumatising? i didn't know that.
#i dreamt my cousins had gotten my mom a huge planter box as a surprise gift#so i was clearing a place for it to be and making fast progress#then i looked back at my cousins and they had hauled a bunch of junk out into the yard and also my dryer#and i asked my mom why do they have the dryer down there?? there's nothing wrong with the dryer i need it#and she was like well they're just moving it and i got hysterical bc i knew they were going to ruin my dryer#and she was going to let them#then i woke up panting lol#but stuff like that really would happen when i lived with her. like i didn't own anything so i couldn't control anything.#and i can remember many times when my environment or my possessions would change rapidly and for the worse against my will#and there was both nothing i could do nor any reaction i felt like i could have because well it's not my house. not my stuff.#i know that's why it's hard for me to hire anyone to help or ask family for help but i didn't know it was trauma like that#i thought it was just the learned wisdom of knowing if you can avoid ''help'' from people you don't trust you should#i didn't know i could probably cry if i thought about it#adam yaps
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