#i drank a lot of gravy as a kid now i realize

[sircantus]

I also love ao3 bc i too am the mildly insane writer. Im looking back at my serial killer au in the google docs like “yeah my readers gonna eat that up” and they Will. Theyre gonna rejoice. And then theyre gonna analyze the shit out of the blorbos trauma and itll be the most thrilling thing of my Tuesday morning. I love it here. Theres nothing better. Except like an entire container of gravy or something

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself “am i willing to read transformers smut for the sake of getting some family dynamics” and while the answer for now is no,,,,it could always change,,,,

[fictionalabyss]

Do 'em all 🤣🤣

You jerk rofl. Okay, this is gonna take a while..

also under a readmore cuz long.

1. describe yourself.- Mel, 32, mom of two, mental health issues, and no idea of who I am or ever was.. lover, fighter, spiteful, friendlier than I’d care to admit. I think that about does it?

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? I’d be willing to go to a lot of places, honestly. Scotland is top of the list if I can count a wedding as an expense haha.

3. do you have siblings? On my mothers side, no, I’m an only child. On my fathers side, I have a half brother, and two step brothers.  I haven’t seen them since I was 11 though, but they’ve been added to my fb and now ignore my existence there.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? Don’t think I have a favourite.

5. favorite color. Don’t have one. I like different colours for different things, and even that can change with my mood.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? Pretty much everything. My workout music (basically the only time i have time for music) ranges from the 50′s cowboy and love songs all the way to more current EDM and some metal. You introduced me to Mongolian metal, and I’ve come across and Indian metal band that has a song about fighting depression, and I love them so much. I’m still sad to have missed both Babymetal and Alestorm (Scottish pirate metal) when they came to town. Alestorm actually offered me free tickets if they could name Matrim when I was pregnant rofl.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)  Wild flowers. I have violets that grow wild in my back yard and I love them.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? I think at most, I’d like to learn minor healing, or something that would attract goodness to people.

9. favorite childhood memory.The memory of Pat getting in the baby swing and yelling “push me on the swing, mommy!” and me pushing him as high as I could and leaving him there when he got stuck roflrofl. We were 9, and it’s basically how this relationship started. I was annoyed, he was in love. I’m still annoyed but now we’re both in love.

10. have you ever been cheated on? Not that I’m aware of, but that might not have been for a lack of trying. WORD ON THE STREET WAS one of my ex’s was trying to get with someone else while with me and was turned down.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? Big and spacious. Super comfy bed, plenty of pillows. But also a little corner with a fort that I can be little in. Close proximity to both bathroom and kitchen for obvious reasons. Big window with cute curtains. and all the thing my current room has, but less unfolded laundry rofl.

12. favorite animal. Don’t have one, but it for sure isn’t a fkin slug I’ll tell you that. Pete the peeper ruined that for all slugs.

13. what was the last photo you took of? Luke’s new pokemon cards so I could show Pat while he was at work.

14. do you believe in soul mates? I do. I believe that soulmates aren’t just lovers, but that you can have many people that your soul resonates with. I had one, or thought I did, until I was dropped like hot garbage and shit was said behind my back like I’d never find out. The fucked up part, if I got an apology, I’d probably believe them and let them back into my life like I did last time. Because I’m a fucking sucker and a slave to my heart. But the more you hurt me, the harder you have to work for my trust so I’ll probably never get one. Too much work.

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under? I have a toddler, so under so he can’t just unravel the whole fucking thing into the toilet by slapping his hand on it.

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there. Greenstop and Poutine. They have this killer brown gravy omg.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason? yeah. Everything is either a consequence to our actions, or a lesson to be learned. Karma, my friend. And sometimes, bad shit just happens so you have room in your life for better things. That’s how I got you and Kay.

18. guilty pressures? You mean other than 80′s and 90′s one hit wonders?

19. favorite mythical creature, why? Dragon. Cuz...dragon?

20. something most people don’t know about you. Uh.. not everyone knows me to be as friendly as you tumblr peeps do. Truth is, I’m kind of known as a bitch in person. I don’t socialize well because of my crippling anxiety, and have RBF, so people just assume. Others know it as fact because I treat people the way they treat me.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like? at 8, I moved across the street from where I live now. Before that, I lived in ‘The Point’ but most of my childhood memories are of here. A lot of my neighbours are the same people. I grew up in the 90′s, so we use to play in the street day and night and there were no worries. I’d go from park to park, house to house, just wandering from place to place with my friends. No parents, just us, as long as I got everyone back out front by the time the street lights came on, and then it was hide and seek in the dark while all the parents drank on one of the balconies and watched. It’s not like that here anymore.

22. do you believe aliens exist? You’d be an idiot to think that we are the only lifeforms anywhere.

23. what was your last google search? Big Iron by Marty Robbins.

24. what did your last relationship teach you? You really wanna get into that? It taught me that no matter what I know about a person, I don’t know them. If they talk shit about other people to me, they are talking shit about me to other people. It taught me that just because they earned my trust once, doesn’t mean they should get a free pass on it for life, that I should make them keep earning it. And finally, than when they say “I’ll understand if it doesn’t work out” it’s bullshit. I’ll end up tossed aside and forgotten while I break. And when I realize I deserve better and move on, everything becomes my fault.

25. would you relocate for love? depends where. Example : I love Kay, but I ain’t moving to Florida roflrofl.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy? Forgive far too easily the first few times. After that, fuck you.

27. favorite book. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert? Introvert.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now? I have attempted to a few times. Didn’t work out. so no.

30. top 5 favorite movies. Porky’s trilogy. Ginger Snaps trilogy. uhhhhhhm.. fuck.. idk, why do you do this to me, I can’t pick favourites.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? We already went over this.

32. what is your greatest fear? Falling.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage. Jack, disarono, Fluffed marshmallow vodka. UPPERCUT. legit, go into a bar and order an uppercut.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done. If i could think of something, I wouldn’t tell you guys muahahha.

35. do you believe in ghosts? not sure.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality? That I’m nicer than I’d like to be. I’m mush. I’m forgiving and kind, and loving and sometimes I hate it.

37. should you split the dinner bill? Who am I at dinner with?

38. are you a good liar? Fuck no roflroflrofl. I’m the worst at it.

39. what keeps you up at night? these days, story ideas.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music? bye bye music.

41. do you believe in god? Nope.

42. how do you relax when frustrated? Mindless game on my phone, nap, or binge something.

43. what’s something that offends you? people. People offend me.

44. favorite food I’m a sucker for a good lasagne. but also cheesecake. I can never have too much cheesecake. I mean, I can, I’m lactose intolerant, but shush. Something are worth it.

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be? If there’s booze on the flight, anyone. if not, literally no one. I’ll just pound back some Oxazepam and nap. wake me up when we get there.

46. when do you feel the most confident? never. ROFL.

47. what do you do on your free time? What is free time?

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect Oh yeah. If you’ve read this far, you might have an idea.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart? Probably not, no.

50. did/do you play sports in school? In gym class. Oh, and I did that one summer to Tball and hated it.

51. when are you happiest? when I'm asleep.

52. coffee or tea? Tea. fuck your coffee.

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without? internet.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person? Height.

55. what is your favorite season, why? I love winter, because I love everything looking so white and clean when the snow is fresh. But I also love spring because of the rain, and summer for storms and fall for colors and good weather.

56. what makes you laugh? What doesn’t.

57. are you a clean or messy person? I was given the nickname ‘Messy’ at 10 for a reason. It still applies.

58. what is important for a successful relationship? Be it friendship or romantic relationship, my answer is the same. Trust and Honesty.

59. what was your upcoming like? Do you mean upbringing? I had a single mom who worked all the time. I was pretty independent.

60. favorite holiday? Christmas.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? pay off debts.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination? Bacon crumble and cheese. Not bacon bits, fuck that shit. Bacon fucking crumble. its like, little balls of bacon or something and not many places have it anymore *sad panda*

63. favorite outdoor activity. meditation. Does that count? I just like to be barefoot outside.

64. how are you? honestly. It’s 9 am, and I’m already getting frustrated with kids. And I have a soccer game and medal ceremony coming up soooooooooooo.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort? how about cabin in the woods, ooooor a beach resort with woods backing it. yeah.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature? everything.

67. favorite type of candy? Don’t got one.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title? something super depressing, I’m sure.

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases? “Later masturbater” (The Pest)

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now? Frosted tips, mesh shirts, and snap away track pants on men HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,. Oh, them early 00′s. I legit saw someone wearing them a few years ago and almost died.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on? dunno hombre.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? uhhhhhhh

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had? again, 90′s. Mushroom cut with a nike check saved in the back HAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, everyone had that way back when.

74. what do you like to cook? most things.

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? wild beavers make me happy.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen? Japanese game shows. nothing is as funny as japanese games shows. Human Tetris for example is fucking hilarious.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head? Heart. Unfortunately.

78. what is your favorite quote? I’m not sure these days.

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had? I’m not sure..

80. what’s your love language? I dunno. I legit just had to google what they were, and I’m not sure which.

81. do you ever feel alone? Always.

82. ever been bullied? Far too many times.

83. are you usually early or late? Early, thanks anxiety.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most? these days, written. But I love paintings the most, i think.

85. what do you wish you knew more about? Everything. If I could, I’d go to school and learn everything that interests me even the slightest.

[werenzki]

Jamie Benn #2

A/N: alright folks, so this is going to be a multi-part imagine (like 2 or 3 parts)  with more of a plot line than most, like of stuff beside the whole lovey dovey romance... but hope you like it :) also fair warning all the remaining parts probably won’t be as long.. i just got carried away like always.

Word Count: 3,057

Family dinners weren’t exactly your thing. You arrived and immediately were compared to your oh-so-lovely cousin, Tyler Seguin. It was a curse being born only two months after him. Cause all eyes lit up at his achievements while eyes narrowed and frowned at whatever you had going for you at the same age. It wasn’t your fault you weren’t a high paid NHL player.

“Y/N,” your aunt, Tyler’s mom, called for you as you walked through the front door.

“Hi,” you smiled while wrapping your arms around her and returning the tight embrace. Since the day you were born, you and her had a good relationship, seeing as she and her sister - your mom - were always close growing up too. And with you not having any siblings, you were around her and her kids a lot.

“How’s it going?” She asked, keeping an arm around your back and rubbing slowly.

“Good,” you smiled, “is mom here yet?” You asked and glanced around the living room to your left - only to not see her honey brown hair.

“Not yet,”

“Oh,” you sighed, “I thought she’d be here by now,”

“You know how your mom is,” she smiled while trying to keep the emotions light, “always late,” she added with a chuckle.

“Right,” you nodded.

Ever since her and your dad got a divorce months ago now, your moms been a little more spacey than usual. She was sort of unpredictable and kept quiet about how she was really doing. 25 years of marriage, all down the drain thanks to your father. You’d never forget the phone call you got from your aunt, saying your mother had been hiding in her guest bedroom for two days and that you needed to come talk to her. But you were all trying, her too, and things were starting to get better again - you hoped so at least.

“Y/N!” You recognized Candace’s voice before turning to see her waving you into the dining room to your right.

“Go,” your aunt patted your shoulder and nodded towards the dining room. “We’ll talk later, hopefully your mom shows up soon,”

“I’ll text her,” you noted before walking off to where Cassidy was grinning at you.

The moment you got into arms reach, her fresh set of nails were digging into your arm. You winced and hissed through your teeth before shaking your arm from her death grip. Narrowing your eyes at your cousin, you noticed how giddy she was as her grin hadn’t left her lips.

“What is your deal?” You barked.

“Hush!” Candace muttered, then she was looking over her shoulder quickly and just as she opened her mouth to talk, Tyler cut her off.

“Already crabby, huh?” Tyler teased you with his usual wicked smirk and annoying look in his eyes. Sure, you two were close, but since you had hung around the family so much, he was more like an annoying brother than a cool cousin. But he did have his moments, you’ll give him that much.

“Hey, Ty,” you rolled your eyes and walked up to give his a lazy side hug.

As you stepped out of his embrace, you noticed he wasn’t standing by himself. Beside your cousin was a familiar face, one you’ve only seen on tv or on the ice during warm ups when he’d flash you a toothy smile. But never had you had the pleasure to actually meet Jamie Benn. He was giving you that classic sweet smile and watching as you hugged Tyler. Now you knew why Candace was freaking out, the two of you had exchanged some words of just how cute the Dallas captain was.

“What are you, two bottles of wine in already?” Tyler continued to tease you, which caused your eyes to drift away from where Jamie stood and back to your cousin.

“Actually I’m behind my usual schedule,” you sighed dramatically, “I had to drive here so I’ve only been able to chug a bottle in the driveway,”

It wasn’t a lie. You had sat in your car for nearly 30 minutes, taking decent sips of straight from the bottle and looking through your Instagram app. Some may say it looked sad and hopeless, but to you it was just another family get together. Speaking of, you were still confused as to why Tyler had brought along Jamie.

“Wait, actually?” Jamie questioned, confusion clear on his face.

“Oh no word of a lie bro, Y/N turns full alcoholic when it comes to family stuff,” Tyler explained as he slapped the back of his hand on Jamie chest. He continued to look a little confused but just shrugged his shoulders and left it at that.

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you introduced yourself to Jamie while sticking out a hand for him to shake. In which he struggled to switch his beer bottle to his other hand before shaking your hand with his slightly wet one due to the moisture from his beer.

“Jamie,” he smiled.

“Tyler is absolutely horrible at introductions,” you stated.

“Oh trust me, I know,” Jamie chuckled and nudged Tyler a bit. Your cousin pushed him back, being the competitor shit he was, and with that you excused yourself to walk past them and into the kitchen.

You wasted no time walking to the wine fridge and finding your favourite. Reaching up, you grabbed ahold of a glass that was big enough for you and filled it up way more than most wine drinkers would. After taking two large gulps, you were caught off guard by someone sneaking up behind you.

“Haven’t even been here an hour and you’re already into the wine,” the low deep voice caused you to turn around slower, delaying any time before you had to stare into those disappointed eyes.

Your grandfather was a kind man, with a hard stare and an intimidating overall look to his face. Most would be surprised to look through your childhood photos and see him sitting with you as you read princess books and handed him tea cups. But those days were over, and he was his normal hard self.

“I’m thirsty,” you shrugged.

“Don’t get crazy, Y/N,” he warned with a finger pointed towards you. You gave him a tight smile and nodded. Then as his attention was taken away by someone else, you grabbed ahold of the neck of the wine bottle and slipped back into the dining room.

“Hey, is your mom here yet?” Cassidy, your youngest cousin, asked as you took the free seat beside her at the table. Jamie sat directly across from you -being the first you noticed - with Tyler beside him and Candace sat at the head of the table to your right and Jamie’s left.

“Uh, no,” you answered, taking another sip of wine.

“Our moms been talking about her more recently, saying how she’s not really-”

“Subject change, Cass,” you cut her off and gave her a serious look - wide eyes that looked off to Jamie in the corner of your eye. Cass’s lips formed a thin line as she realized her mistake.

“Sorry,” she mumbled before taking a sip of her drink. Knowing how the Seguin family rolled, you knew the 20 year old was drinking vodka clubs. A rich sounding drink for a wannabe rich kid. But you loved her, sometimes.

“So,” you said while looking across the table at Jamie. He still had a skeptical look in his eyes. “What brings you to a Seguin family get together, Jamie?” You asked the burning question.

“I invited him,” Tyler answered with a shrug.

“Oh,” you said.

“Yeah,” Jamie paused, “I really didn’t have anything better to do with my Friday night anyways,”

“Doubt that,” you snorted before taking another sip of your wine, “I can name a hundred other places I’d rather be than here,”

“A hundred?” Jamie questioned, an eyebrows raised in a taunting way.

“Yes,” you smiled.

“Don’t make her list a hundred places, cause she actually will,” Tyler groaned to his friend.

Jamie chuckled, making your heart all but skip a damn beat. The man was a good looking fella and you just knew that charm radiated out of him. It was Jamie Benn after all, the captain of the Dallas Stars who was all smiles all the time. He seemed like he could be a good time, but really only time would tell as the night went on.

You noticed he drank his beer almost as quickly as Tyler did. By the time you were finishing up your second bottle of wine for the night, Tyler and Jamie had a couple of beers each beside them on the table. Almost an hour had passed and it seemed your grandparents were tiring of waiting for their middle child, who you called mom, and told everyone to help themselves to dinner.

“You still make gravy volcanoes with your mashed potatoes?” Tyler questioned. He laughed while pointing his fork where you were pouring the gravy into the hole you had made for it in your pile of mashed potatoes.

“Jeez, I remember when grandma used to do that for me when I was a kid,” Cassidy said.

You rolled your eyes at your cousins while you made your way back into the dining room. Everyone had sat down now, which meant you’d be pulling up a chair at the kids table. It really wasn’t a kids table, anymore, but since there was not enough seats at the dining table you Seguin kids knew your place. Thankfully, your uncle Scott whom was the youngest of your mothers siblings, would sit with you guys too.

“I think it’s s'cute,” Jamie stated while taking the seat beside you.

Your cheek had to be flaming red at his soft words. Also the man sounded ridiculously cute saying s'cute. You chuckled and poured the fresh bottle of wine into your glass.

“Thanks,” you smiled.

Jamie didn’t respond, instead he smiled at you before you both indulged into your dinner. Your uncle Scott made casual dinner conversation, being that he was only ten years old than Tyler and you, it was always easy to get along with him. You guessed it was because he grew up with two older sisters, therefore he saw the opportunity of acting like an older sibling with you two.

Everyone was in that sort of daze after a big meal, picking at what was left on your plate with your fork while holding your glass of wine. After dinner was when the real fun began at the Seguin get togethers. As you had relaxed back in your chair, your legs had managed to gently bump into Jamie’s. It was a innocent physical contact, but as he brushed his leg against your time after time, it made your stomach feel hollow and your head get dizzy. The wine was definitely getting to you now.

“Look who finally showed up,” your uncle Scott said with a grin. You looked over your shoulder, bumping into the arm of Jamie’s that rested across the back of your chair carelessly. Walking timidly into the house was your mother.

“Hi Scotty,” she said with a smile as he came up to hug her.

Everyone else echoed a hello to your mother as she dropped off her purse at the staircase and walked into the dining room. She stopped at the back of your chair, looking briefly at Jamie - which queued him to introduction himself - before her eyes landed on you. Your lips weakly tugged into a smile as you took in the bags under her eyes and just the way she looked too tired for her normal self. And here you were thinking she was doing better.

“Hey kiddo,” your mom said as she patted your head.

“Hey,” you mumbled back.

It didn’t take your grandparents any longer to start asking questions. Your mom sighed and brought herself closer to her parents. They asked where she had been, what made her think they would always wait for her, and then they struck a cord that even bothered you. They brought up the divorce. You shut your eyes and leaned back in your chair, bringing your glass of wine to your lips and finishing it off.

“At least they’re not picking on your life, like usual,” Candace said, her voice sounding closer as if she had leaned towards you. You opened your eyes to see you were right, her arms were against the table as she leaned to you.

“I mean, they still kinda are,” you muttered while pouring the rest of the bottle into your glass.

“Let’s head out to the deck,” Tyler suggested while picking up his plate. As you were getting up out of your seat and pushing in your chair, Jamie grabbed your plate and put it under his. You furrowed your brows, which he smiled in return before turning away and following Ty into the kitchen. 

The night went on and soon enough all the family was outside on the large patio and sitting around the fire pit. You ‘kids’ stuck around the patio while the adults started up the fire and sat around in the old camping chairs. As the sun was setting slowly, you were getting closer to your quota and drinking your wine while whinnying with Cassidy to Shake It Off by Taylor Swift. 

You were in the middle of jumping around and singing the verse - acting as though your bottle of wine was a mic - when you noticed just how much Jamie had been keeping his eyes on you. You grinned and turned to sing back at Cassidy as the course started back up again. 

“Wait a second,” you stopped mid-singing and turned back around to look at where the boys were sitting with Candace at the patio table. Tyler and Candace both had to turn their heads to look at you, while Jamie was already staring back at you. “Isn’t your phone plugged in, Ty?” You questioned.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. 

“So you’re telling me that you have a Taylor-freaking-Swift song on your phone?”

“He’s played more of her songs at the arena too,” Jamie stated and sipped his beer. He lifted it up and saw it was now finished, his brows pulling together in confusion. Most people drank more around you Seguins. 

“Did you need another beer?” You asked, your voice was softer now as you ignored the continued conversation of Tyler’s sisters picking on him. 

Jamie looked up at you and smiled, “yes please,” 

“I’ll be right back,” 

As you were closing the fridge, you were met with your mother staring back at you. She sudden appearance scared you, causing you to clench the beer bottle to your chest as you caught your breath. Letting out a deep breath, you shut your eyes and then looked back at your mother. 

“You scared me,” you stated. 

“You’ve been all over Tyler’s friend,” her voice wasn’t soft like you once knew, instead it was hard and meant to be hurtful. You swallowed and rolled your lips into your mouth as you held back from talking back to your mother. “You’re drunk,” she spat out.

“I’ve drank just as much as Tyler has,” you said.

“Oh quit trying to pull Tyler down, lord knows he’s acting better than you are,” she said. That’s when you could tell she had to had slammed something back. Looking to your left, you caught your grandfathers bottle of rum looking a little emptier than earlier. 

“Lord knows if I would have brought Jill tonight, he’d be all over her,” you exclaimed, “and I’m not even being bad, mom,” you added, your voice sounding a little bit winey as she narrowed her eyes at you. 

“Quit trying to lie to me,” 

“No, you know what mom,” you saw black as you started to spit harsh words back at your mother, “where even were you tonight? You disappeared and then come here and get wasted off your ass,” 

“Sounds familiar,” she huffed. 

You wanted to scream back at her. But instead you took a deep breath and shook your head. Here you were thinking you’d be hating tonight due to Tyler and whatever b-s your family had to compare you two about. Who knew your night would actually be ruined by your mother. You pulled out your phone and ordered an Uber without another word being exchanged with the narrowed eyed woman standing in front of you. 

“Where are you going?” She called after you after a minute of you standing there, you realized you still had Jamie’s beer and wanted to give it to him before you ran off. 

Just as you opened the patio door, you nearly ran into Jamie, causing you to stop in your tracks and hold out the beer. He immediately sensed how your emotions had changed. His eyes softened as he leaned down a bit and try to capture your eyes with his. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice just above a whisper. 

“I’m leaving, tell everyone I say goodbye,” you said. 

Jamie didn’t reply, so you turned on your heels and walked down the hallway. Just as you were slipping into your jacket and throwing your purse on your shoulder you got the notification that your Uber had arrived. As you twisted the door handle open, you were turned back around by a large hand wrapping around your arm. 

“Can I get your number?” Jamie asked quickly. 

“Uh,” you paused and saw your mother walking towards the patio door behind Jamie, “yeah,” you nodded and he handed you his phone. 

“I’ll call you,” he said with a smile. You only could muster up a smile and nodded in response before turning back around and walking out of the house. 

No way in hell could you predict that was how your night at a Seguin family get together was going to go tonight. Four bottles of wine, shameless eye fucking with your cousins teammate, your grandfathers disapproving voice and your mother drunk ruining it all. But, on the bright side, you did get Jamie’s number. 

You smiled as a text from an unknown number came onto your phone screen just as your Uber pulled onto the main street. You unlocked your phone and read it, knowing very well it was Jamie. 

Sucks you left, hope you’re okay.. you’re missing out, we found the rest of Tylers secret swift music lol

[klainelynch]

2017 in review

I always say that I’m going to post a “how my year was” at the end of the year, but I have an awful memory so I never remember what happened in each month. This year, I tried to post about each month as it finished- the good and the bad. Under a cut because of course it got long, and I never seem to post about my real life, so this may be boring if you don’t actually know me.

January

Got a snow day after having students for just one day

Accidentially read a book in one night (Perfect) because of aforementioned snow day/borrowing it electronically from the library/not knowing how many pages there were (not that many since it’s YA)

Got two more snow/ice days because my county has mountains in it and we’re in the South, so we’re not prepared for winter

Saw Hidden Figures and cried about how good humanity can be when we actually allow and encourage all people to be their best (black women!!!! they did that!!!!!!!)

Helped my students navigate our county’s program of going one-to-one with Chromebooks (there were many good things, such as getting my kids to play freerice for extra credit; there were many bad things, such as a quiz getting screwed up because I shuffled the questions but had asked my co-teacher to help me by reading the quiz [as she normally does] to a half dozen students...who all had a different order of questions...).

Went to a conference for new teachers and while a lot of the information was repetitive, there were a few things I got from it (such as 6.5 professional development hours aw yis).

Got to see lots of family I don’t usually see on this weekend!

Started reading The Diary of Anne Frank with my students because this country allowed fascism to be A Thing™ and I’m going to resist however I can.

Got two (!!!!!!) days off at the end of January for sick days (apparently other students in the county? not us but we benefitted!!!!)

February

Finally had an entire 5-day week of school

Then got another two days off for sickness (8th grade was doing our part by asking ENTIRE classes “Hey! Anyone feel sick? Anyone want to go get their temp checked???”)

Went to an open house at a local mosque, and y’all, I live in The South™ but their parking lot filled up a good 15 minutes before the event even started and there was an overflow room and so much support for this community during the Muslim Ban and it just filled my heart with joy

Got a haircut (it was literally down to my butt y’all!!!!) and now it’s right below my shoulders

Had pedal extensions installed in my car because I’m 4′9 and would have literally died if the airbags went off.

March

Got my professional teaching license! I’m no longer an apprentice! I don’t have to have 4 observations a year!!! Only 2! And while I’m REALLY good at playing the observation game (and am MUCH better at this than the testing game), it will be nice to not think about it so much.

My mom came to stay for a few days because it was her and my sister’s spring break.

During that week, I had a LONG 4 day week, which included staying at my school until 7:30 for a town hall meeting/carnival/extravaganza. F U N.

My spring break was purposefully low-key. I rested a lot, read books, caught up on Netflix, shopped at Old Navy, and went to the local art museum for the first time (I’ve only been in this city for 8 years...)

April

I found that I actually enjoy teaching how to write an essay. The 5 paragraph essay, while it has many faults, is a really good place for beginning writers (which 8th graders are) to begin. I had a student tell me that she liked how I made each sentence have a specific purpose because she was able to plug in her evidence and thoughts more easily- this honestly made my whole day.

That being said, I HATE teaching essays when students are absent. Trying to get them caught up and keep everyone else on track is SO MUCH WORK. Especially when the absent students don’t come to me during my plan to make up their work...

For two whole days, my last period class was not allowed to use erasers because some people (two boys, as it turned out) were shredding and throwing them at each other.

I turned 26

The Welcome to Night Vale Live Show FINALLY TRAVELED TO TENNESSEE AND Y’ALL CECIL (REAL CECIL NOT THE CHARACTER) IS FROM KNOXVILLE!!!! The weather singer was super fun (she played Rocky Top and we ate that shit up like biscuits and gravy with no shame whatsoever) and the show itself was just so much fun even though I went alone. It was almost an hour of normal segments with the plot of the glow cloud, but they also brought in Steve Carlsburg and Tamika Flynn (I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied when she walked on stage because I majorly crush on that actress whoops) and watching those actors interact on stage was so much fun.

May

End of the school year is always chaotic and better left forgotten tbh

We took the 8th graders to the local theme park, and it was really good (though my expectations were super low because last year’s trip SUCKED). The weather looked like it might rain, but it was nice all day, the kids were pretty good, and the rides were fun.

There were some really sad community deaths around this time :(

The teacher who normally MCs the 8th grade commencement is now an administrator, so while we still had him open the ceremony, I gave out several of the awards, and I don’t think I did a bad job (two of the other teachers hate public speaking and the last one was new to the team this year, so I was really the only choice).

June

Worked my church’s festival, which is always fun. The crowds are never what they ought to be (due to a combination of rain threats and poor marketing), so a lot of people missed out on some really great food and music.

Great music included a new band- Southern Avenue- that I got to see again later in the year.

I had to miss the third day of the festival because of a friend’s baby shower. I knew a few people (besides the couple), but they left early; luckily, the people throwing it were a lot of fun. We played games (don’t get caught saying “baby”; pin the sperm on the egg; etc) and decorated diapers/onesies/bibs for the baby). The next day, we went to church (IN A MOTHERFUCKING MONSOON) and for Mexican food.

Started my reread of Harry Potter (it had been about 5 years since I’d last read the series). I cried in almost every book, and not always at sad parts. I’ve become very protective of Harry as I’ve gotten older.

My younger brother found an NES, which was the console I grew up with and my parents gave away years ago. They really loved to play on it, so this was a wedding anniversary present for them. The Legend of Zelda is the shit.

July

I finally got a new phone (I’d had mine about 3 years, and it died in May) and I know it’s fun for iphone users to shit on Android users, but I really do love the camera quality on my Samsung.

Rachel came to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We drank wine and went to the zoo and got real bbq and the best donuts in the world

Had a Treat Yo Self Day which included:

WAFFLE HOUSE

BITCH!!!! B I T C H

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GET AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE

DO

YOU

KNOW

COUNTRY HASHBROWNS!!!!!

aka

biscuits and gravy minus the biscuits plus the hashbrowns

I just had regular biscuits and gravy BUT ALLI HAD THE GLORY

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

McKay’s

I bought Pokemon yellow because I never played/watched it as a kid, and while at my house for the summer, I found the old black & white gameboy an older cousin gave me, so naturally I had to do it.

Pokemon Go

yes still

You know what once I was back in town I went to my favorite library almost every day for an hour or two and read while opening Pokemon Go every few minutes so there

Went with some of my best friends to visit another one of our best friends who lives in the middle of fucking nowhere and had adventures including, but not limited to: getting pizza because we were too weak to change out the gas’s grill, waiting 5ever for food at dinner, and watching the entire Flowers in the Attic series.

August

School started back up, and at the kick-off for all the teachers, I won $500 in a drawing of all the people who hadn’t used a sick day last year!!!!!

And I didn’t even realize that I’d won $200 at the previous school board meeting in the same type drawing!!!!

New class started off with 85 students. It was a DREAM to be able to focus on individuals and not just herd cats.

I actually felt more confident in the classroom with my early units (poetry & our whole class novel).

September

Still felt confident in the classroom!

I got my testing scores back from the previous year (this shit takes 5ever and it’s dumb) and did better in about the only way I could have, so that was good to see.

I had about 10 county people in my classroom (principals, academic coaches, etc) to see a certain style of teaching ELA that the county is working on. It’s basically making sure that teachers keep students engaged in complex text (which is what I do almost every day anyway) and I had been to two of these trainings already, so I knew what sort of lesson worked. Well...they LOVED it!!! The kids were in small groups and did SO GOOD discussing evidence/answering questions (they all got candy afterwards) and I got some good feedback about how I talk to my students. Then that same day the superintendent came in my room (one of several rooms he visited while doing his yearly observation on the principal). That visit was super unannounced, but still fine.

The academic coach got rid of my classroom’s desks and found tables and chairs instead!!!! My classroom is tiny and weird shaped, so this works SO MUCH BETTER.

I help coach volleyball (aka I keep the books) and the girls won district (beating out a team with a redneck grandma in the stands who literally came up to our girls and yelled at them for cheering on their own damn team in the previous game). They didn’t do so well at sectionals, but that’s ok.

October

Holy shit I won another $200 in that drawing!!! And this time my parents let me buy them plane tickets so we could see family over Christmas.

LESLIE ODOM JR CAME TO MY CITY AND HE PERFORMED BEAUTIFUL MUSIC AND I WAS THERE AND I DIED

Got to see a lot of family at my cousin’s ‘wedding party’ (he got married last year in Europe since he met his now wife over there, and wanted to have a family party here). I learned that my uncle and his son dance exactly the same at the same level of alcohol.

November

I should have known something was up when my first 9 weeks went so well. Apparently my county is in the bottom tier for the state, and now everyone is freaking out (never mind that the data to support this was mONTHS LATE AND BASED ON STANDARDIZED TESTS WHICH WERE A CLUSTERFUCK TO BEGIN WITH) so there was a lot of school stress during this time.

Nice things though- got to see friends when their baby was baptized and went home for Thanksgiving, where my dad came into the Catholic Church.

I organized most of the 8th grade field trip for the semester- going to see “A Christmas Carol” put on by my old college’s theatre. I was stressed the entire time because if something went wrong it would be on ME, but it was absolutely wonderful and I cried which honestly surprised me. We went to the local mall for our lunch and it was good to see the kids just relax. It was a great field trip and several people including the principal thanked me for my hard work which felt great after a hard month.

December

School was nothing but survival mode per usual.

Hosted the Christmas party for my friend group at church and it was a lot of fun.

The actual break was fast- we flew to Texas with one of my mom’s sisters and her family to visit their brother and his family. I hadn’t been to Texas since high school, so it was fun to explore and eat good food.

My final count for books was 93 (67 new and 26 reread) (I’m trying to finish an audiobook I’m borrowing from the library but I still have 80 minutes left and literally 4 hours to finish it so we’ll see!!!).

[hotchnerfuckmeup]

Hold Me Down

Fuck love

Full Badlands Masterlist here

Warnings: Mature language and content. Rated M (14+).  Mentions of alcohol and tobacco.

Flood Warning: 4,100+ words

Read Castle (previous)

Hold Me Down

What is love?

Literally, it means an intense feeling of deep affection.  Technically, it means you would die for the person you feel that intense affection towards.  Mentally, it means you’re constantly thinking about said person.  

And figuratively, it means you can get really, really stupid.  Whether it be because you decide it’s best not to tell your best friend about who you really love or because you make decisions that will affect your life forever in a matter of seconds.

Spencer knew Y/N loved him.  Not just loved him, she was in love with him.

It wasn’t like he didn’t love her too, but he wasn’t in love with her.  He never could be.  She would never know that.  Unless he told her the truth.

He wanted to tell her so badly, but something held him back.  Maybe it was the thought of losing her as a friend.  He didn’t want to be the reason she had a broken heart.  There was no way he’d be able to live with himself if that happened.

My demons, are begging me to open up my mouth I need them, mechanically make the words come out They fight me, vigorous and angry watch them pounce Ignite me, licking up the flames they bring about

Y/N was working away, using her useless job to occupy her mind.  It was just enough to forget how Spencer had shown up at her apartment the night before and took care of her the way he always did.  He always knew just what to do in that type of situation.

When he arrived at the apartment, he kept trying not to laugh out loud at her drunken state, slurring every other word and stumbling over her own feet.  She was a sloppy drunk and he was good at keeping her in line and preventing her from having a massive hangover.

For a guy who never really partied or drank since he was underaged, Spencer sure knew a lot about what a drunk person needs.

“An old Reid remedy,” he’d told Y/N the first night she’d gotten shit-faced with him.  He had a glass of some sort of concoction in his hand, telling her to sip it slowly.  Y/N grimaced at the disgusting flavor but drank it anyway.  The next morning, she felt fine.  Only a small headache that an Aleve fixed in no time.

She never asked any questions, just let him do his thing, whip up the nasty cocktail, and feed it to her like she was a child.  In theory, she was.

Last night was no different.

Spencer came to her rescue, feeding her the secret recipe and giggling at her tired antics.  He’d asked her why she drank so much.  Usually, she drank when she was upset or hormonal.  He asked if she was on the rag, to which she replied no.  He decided not to try to coax an answer out of her.  She probably wouldn’t remember the conversation the next day and he didn’t want her saying something she would regret.

But Y/N remembered every aspect of the night before.  She remembered every sentence Spencer spoke to her.  She remembered the Van Halen shirt that he wore looked two sizes too big for him.  She remembered the way his breath smelled like peppermint.  She might have tried to drink away her feelings for him, but she still remembered everything.

She also remembered the way she clung onto him and asked - practically begged - him to sleep over.  It was an embarrassing memory, something that she really wished she hadn’t done.  Because after he smiled and said yes, he removed his Van Halen shirt and climbed into her bed, pressing his bare chest against her back.  She remembered the way his heartbeat felt against her as he held her close and breathed slowly on her neck.  It was a small indicator of him being alive.  And in her apartment.  And oh-so-close to her.

Which is why she was having a hard time to concentrate the next day.  Pete luckily wasn’t in.  He was busy with city council meetings, meaning he wouldn’t come in until later in the day which was pretty great for Y/N.  She managed to get there on time, but the morning went by slower than ever with Spencer still stuck in her mind.  He was still fast asleep when she left for work, meaning his angelic, slumbering form was fresh in her brain.

That didn’t make it easy to concentrate at all.

Y/N wiped down table three aimlessly, not even paying attention to Blake who was asking her to move a bit as she was trying to get through with a full tray of food.  Y/N stepped back, causing Blake to run right into her and knock over the tray, food and drinks spilling onto the floor with a loud crash.

“Damn it!” Blake yelled as she fell backward after losing her balance.  “Y/L/N!”

“I’m so sorry, oh my god!” Y/N yelled as soon as she realized what happened.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” a man in the seat across from where she stood muttered.  He began to wipe down his shirt which was now covered in biscuits and gravy.

“I-I’m so sorry sir,” she replied, quickly stepping forward to help wipe him down, but her Chuck slipped on the spilled drinks and she fell face first into the ham and grits on the floor, earning a few yelps of surprises from other patrons of the diner.

“Y/N!” Blake yelled after finally standing up.  She leaned down to help Y/N to her feet.  “Are you okay?”

“I- yeah, I’m fine,” she replied, pressing her hand to her face in embarrassment.

“Why don’t you go take a break.  I’ll have the dishwasher clean this up,” Blake said with a small nod, letting her know it was okay.  Y/N silently thanked her and walked towards the back, not stopping until she got outside.

Tears were streaming down her face as she slammed the door shut behind her and pounded her fist on the brick wall.  She felt like she was going to explode.

Sure, she’s always liked Spencer, but this love kept developing, making her realize she wanted to be more than just friends with him.  She was head over heels for him, and keeping her feelings from him was eating her up from the inside out.

She was fucking losing it.

I sold my soul to a three piece, and he told me I was holy He’s got me down on both knees, but it’s the devil that’s tryna Hold me down, hold me down Sneaking out the back door make no sound

Spencer woke up in Y/N’s bed, a light layer of sweat on his temples.

He was usually quite the morning person, but when Y/N had called for help at almost two in the morning, he couldn’t say no, and because of the ten minute drive to her place, the twelve minutes it took for him to find all the ingredients to make his mom’s special cocktail, the thirty-seven minutes it took Y/N to finish the drink without throwing it up, and the eighteen minutes it took Y/N to fall asleep in his arms, he was up longer than he expected to be.  Luckily he didn’t have to go in for his shift at the library that day since his coworker needed the hours for extra money.

Sighing, Spencer left the bed and made his way into the bathroom to take a leak and brush his teeth.  After washing his hands, he looked for the extra toothbrushes Y/N keeps for any friends that stay with her.  When he found the empty box, he threw it into the trash bin and grabbed Y/N’s own toothbrush.  He knew she wouldn’t mind.

Two minutes later, he walked back into the bedroom to put on his shirt.

For some reason, being in her apartment felt really normal.  It was like he was there all the time in the mornings, but in reality, that wasn’t true.  When the two of them hung out together, they usually crashed at his place because it was bigger and had a pull-out couch.  Here, she only had one bed and in the living room was a shitty one-seater sofa with springs popping out the back.

When Y/N’s drunk thought reached her lips and asked Spencer to stay with her, he felt guilty as if he couldn’t say no.  He knew he was leading her on in a way, but he knew he’d feel worse if he said no.  The look on her face when he had hesitated was one that he didn’t like.  She was his best friend after all.

And that made the thought of telling her the truth even worse.  There was no way in hell she would take it well at all.

What would he do when he broke her heart like that?  How would she feel?

How would he feel?

He would be happy the weight was finally off his shoulders.  He’d rejoice in the fact that he wouldn’t have to hide the biggest part of himself anymore.

On the other hand, he’d be the sole reason his best friend had a broken heart, and there was no way he could live with that.

It was a matter of deciding what was most important: his friendship with Y/N or himself.

How was he supposed to choose between those?

Starting the coffee machine and getting a mug ready, his phone beeped, signaling him that he had a message.  He grabbed his cell from the countertop, the name that flashed across the screen making his heart flutter with happiness.  He grinned as he read the text.

‘Wake up sleepy head.  We have a date, remember? xx’

Spencer blushed as he typed out a reply, saying he most certainly hadn’t forgotten and to give him at least half an hour to get ready.  He skipped over the part that he was at Y/N’s place and that he needed to go home for a shower and to get changed.

Quickly pressing the stop button on the coffee machine, he slid the empty mug he’d gotten out back into the cabinet and walked quickly back to the bedroom to throw his shoes on before jogging out the door.

His heart was pumping with adrenaline and anxiousness as he ran down the stairs and into his car, stepping on the gas after the ignition was fired up.

He was happy, that’s all that mattered, right?

He wanted - needed - to tell Y/N.  Sure, she’d be upset, he knew that much, but it would be worth her knowing the truth.  If she was really his best friend, she would be happy for him.

He was tired of keeping this a secret, running off with the person he was in love with.  He needed to share it with not only Y/N but the world.  He needed this.

He didn’t want this to hold him down any longer, he wouldn’t let it.

After getting ready for his date, he decided that he was going to do it that night.  Him and Y/N would go out for dinner like they always did and he would tell her then.  She had to understand.

Knock me out, knock me out, Saying that I want more, this is what I live for Hold me down, hold me down Throw me in the deep end, watch me drown

“Y/N?” a soft voice said from behind her.  She turned away from the brick wall and met the familiar eyes of JJ, who was looking at her with concern.  “You’ve been crying.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and sniffled.  “What are you doing here?  I thought you only came every other day.”  She turned and crossed her arms, leaning back into the building and closed her eyes.  Her head began to pound from the intensity she’d been crying.

“I work at the lounge next door, I was taking out the trash and saw you,” the blond girl explained.  Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, much unlike the normal beachy waves she wore.  Y/N could see her face more clearly.  Not a flaw.

They stood in silence for a moment before JJ pulled a pack of cigarettes out from the apron she wore.  She held it out to Y/N, who took one.

“You smoke?” Y/N asked curiously.  JJ always seemed so poised and clean when they talked.  It was a bit surprising to see her with a pack of Marlboros.

“They’re my dad’s,” JJ replied with a shake of her head, “he asks me to hold onto them sometimes.”  She pulled out a lighter and held it out to Y/N, who leaned forward with her cigarette between her lips and breathed in, letting the small fire burn the end of it.

“Won’t he notice if one’s missing?”

“Probably,” JJ answered with a smirk.  Y/N matched her expression and took another hit, leaning her head back and blowing the smoke into the sky.  “Do you want to talk about why you were crying?” JJ asked, leaning against the bricks next to Y/N.

“Not really,” she replied, chuckling to herself.  “You weren’t supposed to see that anyways.”

“But I did.”

Y/N looked over at her.  JJ was looking at her with a patient look - one that said she was going to sit here until Y/N talked about it.  “I’m in love with my best friend,” Y/N blurted, taking in another huff of smoke and breathing it out quickly.  

“That’s a bad thing?” JJ asked suddenly confused.

“It is if he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“Ah, good ‘ol unrequited love.  Been there before,” JJ said while nodding knowingly.  “So you haven’t asked him, I’m guessing.”

“Hell no.  And that’s what’s bothering me.  Holding in these feelings is literally making me lose my mind.  I feel like I’m gonna explode.”  She took another drag.

“So tell him.”

“I think you’re already forgetting the whole possibility of the unrequited love,” Y/N said incredulously.

“Okay, so that’s the worse that could happen.  But it never hurts to try.  Maybe he feels the same way,” JJ said with a shrug.  “Do you think he might?”

“I don’t know, maybe.  But if he doesn’t, then our friendship is ruined forever and that’s what I’m most scared of.”  She inhaled more of the toxic waste between her fingers.

“Not necessarily.  If he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll still be your friend.  And then you’ll eventually move on to someone else and you’ll still be friends.”

“I don’t think it would be that easy,” Y/N said with a sigh and shook her head.  She dropped the shrunken cigarette to the ground and stepped on it harshly.  “It’s not like I can just get over him like that.”

“So you’ll be sad for a minute.  Doesn’t mean you’ll be sad forever.  You’re responsible for your own happiness.”

Y/N looked over at her, her brows furrowed together.

“And if he doesn’t feel the same way and you end up needing a pick-me-up, come into the lounge.  We usually card but I can pull some strings,” JJ finished with a wink before walking towards the back entrance of her work.

Y/N smiled and let out a small huff, heading back into her own workplace.

She was going to tell him.  She needed to.

Selfish, taking what I want and call it mine I’m helpless, clinging to a little bit of spine They rush me, telling me I’m running out of time They sush me, walking me across a fragile line

With aching feet and pounding headache, Y/N walked into her apartment and headed straight to the medicine cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Aleve and dry swallowing one.  She needed to be in top shape for her usual dinner with Spencer if she was going to confess.

She also needed a bit more confidence, so after she got ready, she left again and headed back to work, passing the diner and walking into the lounge JJ worked.  Y/N took a moment to look around for a second, taking in her surroundings.  This wasn’t just any old bar, this was a club lounge with beautiful chairs and waiters dressed in divine threads.

“Holy shit,” she said to herself, watching as a couple of girls stood from a booth and made their way to the dance floor which was lighting up in neon colors.  There was a DJ at the back with large headphones on and pumping his head to the bass of the music.

No wonder JJ was always so clean and poised.  She was rich.

Y/N finally looked around for her and found the blonde behind the counter of the bar, wiping down the fine wood.  She made her way over with a new hop to her step.

“Hey stranger,” she said.  The bar was quieter, the music more like background noise.

“Hey, yourself.  You told him?” JJ asked, wiping down a glass.

“No, I have dinner with him tonight.  I’m going to tell him then.”

“I’m guessing you need a shot of confidence?”

“Literally,” Y/N chuckled.

“Get out your wallet,” JJ said with a smile.  Y/N looked at her confused.  “There are cameras in here, I need to make it look like I’m carding you.”  Y/N nodded and pulled out her wallet, flashing JJ her expired Papa John’s coupon from ages ago.  “Alright Ms. John, what’ll it be?”

Y/N giggle.  “Whatever you got.  As long as it’s in a shot glass.”

JJ pulled out two shot glasses from under the bar and effortlessly poured bourbon in both.  

“How old are you?” Y/N asked out of curiosity.

“I’m nineteen, but my dad said it’s mandatory to take one shot with new customers.  He also makes sure I don’t tell them my age.  As long as I’m on the clock, I can drink,” she said with a wink.  Handing Y/N one glass, she took the other and held it out.  “To hoping he feels the same way.”

“Cheers to that,” Y/N said, clicking her shot glass to JJ’s.  They downed the liquor, the burn a comforting sensation as it made it’s way inside of her, probably just damaging her liver more than it already was.

“So where are you meeting him?” JJ asked with a grimace from the shot.

“Cesario’s down the block.  It’s where we always go for dinner.”

“I’m sure I already know the answer to this, but are you nervous?”

“Like hell,” Y/N mumbled, fidgeting with the empty shot glass.  “But it’s eating me up.  I need to tell him before I lose my fucking shit.”  She laughed nervously, thinking about Spencer again.  His hazel eyes, his beautiful hair, his bright smile.  Everything about him was so perfect, it actually hurt.

“Well, good luck.  I’m rooting for you,” JJ said with a smile and another wink.

“Thanks.  How much was the shot?” Y/N asked, beginning to pull out some cash.

“On the house,” JJ replied, waving her off.  “Don’t wanna miss your dinner.”

Y/N crossed her first two fingers out in front of her for good luck before making her way out the door and down the street towards the restaurant.  As she got closer and closer to the brightly lit Cesario's sign, she felt her heartbeat rise to her throat, feeling like a load of bile just waiting to come pouring out.  She took a deep breath before opening the door, looking for Spencer in their usual booth in the corner.  Her heart sang when she finally saw him.

He seemed to glow, even in the dimly lit restaurant.  But this wasn’t just because he was basically an angel sent down from heaven, this was because he was on the phone with someone.  Whoever he was talking to was making him beam with absolute joy.

Y/N could easily assume he was talking to his mother.  She was the light of his life.  Just another she admired so deeply about him.

Making her way over, she watched as Spencer smiled into the conversation he was having.  He seemed to be looking down shyly and she noticed a small blush creep up his neck.

Oh no.

He definitely wasn’t talking to his mom.

“Great.  Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Bye,” he said into the phone before ending the call.

“Who was that?” Y/N asked, pretending she hadn’t heard as she sat down in the booth across from him.  Despite feeling like she was going to die right then and there, she smiled at her best friend.

“Oh, nobody,” Spencer waved her off before picking up a menu.  “The usual?”

“Sounds good,” Y/N answered awkwardly.

The waitress came and went with their order, leaving them alone again.  But unlike the usual conversation they had about their days, their jobs, or literally anything else, they sat in silence.  Spencer kept looking at his phone as if he was expecting a message or a call.  When he wasn’t paying attention to the screen, he was fidgeting with the salt shaker or the straw in his drink.  Y/N couldn’t keep her thumbs still as she twirled them around again and again.

This was so strange.

“Spencer?” she asked suddenly.  It was now or never.

“Hm?”

“I really need to tell you something,” she started, saying the words slowly out of nervousness.  “And I really just want you to listen first.  Just listen to everything I have to say before you say anything back, okay?”

Spencer looked at her curiously, but he felt he knew where this was going.  “Of course.”

She took a deep breath.

“I love you.”

Spencer smiled a bit and nodded.  “I love you, too, Y/N.”

“No, Spencer,” she said, shaking her head, “I don’t just love you like a brother or a best friend.  I’m in love with you.”

He blinked.

“And I know that saying that might have been a mistake, but I have been holding this back for so fucking long and I can’t keep this to myself anymore.  I do nothing but think about you.  Romantically, sexually, everything.  All day.  I don’t know how you feel about me but I really think that if we just-”

“I met someone.”

Y/N stopped when she heard Spencer speak.  “What?”  She wanted to make sure she didn’t hear him wrong.  God, she hoped she heard him wrong.

“I met someone.”

She ignored the tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she looked at him, the beautiful boy she thought she was going to marry.

“You know how we were talking about soulmates?  Well, I really think I found mine,” he said quietly.  “I knew you were in love with me.  I didn’t know how to tell you about this, Y/N.  I’m so sorry I-”

“You knew?” she asked, cutting him off.  She could feel each piece of her heart as they fell to the ground.  The agony quickly turned to fury at his confession.  “You knew I was in love with you and you just didn’t care?”

“Of course I cared, Y/N, I just didn’t think you’d tell me how you felt so quickly.”

“Oh, so you were just going to tell me about your ‘soulmate’ knowing I was in love with you?”

“Y/N,” he said softly, reaching out for her hands, but she recoiled while her heart became heavier and heavier.  

“You’re telling me that even if I hadn’t confessed my feelings, you were still going to break my heart into a million pieces?”  She could practically feel the steam rushing out her eardrums.

“Please, just listen to me-”

“No!” she shouted, standing up suddenly.  “You, Spencer Reid are the shittiest friend ever, I can’t believe you would do this to me.”  The tears were falling freely now, pouring onto the ground beneath her.

“Y/N, I can’t lose you as a friend.  Please,”  Spencer said with a shaky voice.  This is exactly what he was afraid of.

“Who is she?”

The sudden question caught him off guard.  “What?”

“Who.  Is.  She?”

Spencer sighed and hung his head.  “Not she…  He.”

Y/N felt her stomach leap into her chest.  Not only did he know about her feelings and not only did he hide the fact that he was in love with someone, but he hid this from her, too?

“He?” she asked, a look of disgust spread across her face.  Not at the fact that he was dating another man, but the fact that he hadn’t been open with her about dating another man.

“Y/N-”

“Fuck you, Spencer Reid.”  

In one swift movement, she picked up her glass of sweet tea and tossed it at him before turning around and storming out of the building.

Hold me down, hold me down Throw me in the deep end watch me drown Knock me out, knock me out Saying that I want more, this is what I live for

Tags: to be added see this post! @ultrarebelheart @gabriels-trix @stunudo @ssajenniferjareau @milkandcookies528 @imagicana @fiftyshadesof-fckedup @marvelfoodlover @hamiltrin @cleohalestilinski @cherry-loves-fanfic @arizonalovesher @elliehasanaccount @burning-potatoes @reiding-and-writing @the-slytherin-ice-queen @brooke0297 @dontshootmespence @marvelfoodlover @bianceiv @chocok22 @can-you-siriusly-stop @babyelliereid @833p-833p-m30w @rda1989 @marizm98 @xfanqirlinq @shxneburns

[it-refused]

Title: Face the Music

Pairing: Sans/Grillby (established)

Rating: G

Summary: Grillby asks Sans if he was ever in a band.

A/N: This can be part of the series, but also can stand alone.

In a distant part of the house, Grillby heard Papyrus' loud, angry yell.  Papyrus had a multitude of different yells, and this was one of his angriest.  

Grillby sighed.  He hadn't been asleep yet, but he had been drifting off and now he had to start the process over again.

He felt the weight of Sans' head lift off his chest and Grillby watched his blurry figure head over to the door.  The closet door.  Sans picked up the trombone off the floor next to it and poked his head into the closet. Grillby heard, clear, outside the bedroom door, the unmistakable womp-WOMP of Sans' trombone.

Papyrus screamed.

Trombone.  Huh. They had been married for twenty years, and Grillby suddenly understood.  Maybe he'd figured it out before, but his life was so full of skeleton puns, they all blended together after a while.  

Sans ambled back over to the bed, laughing to himself.  

"Do you know any real songs?"  Grillby asked, suddenly curious.  

"huh?  oh, hey, you're awake.  'morning, grillbz."  

"...you just played a brass instrument five feet away from me."  

"hope there was enough pot roast leftover for a snack later."

"......what?"

"what?  thought we was just saying whatever popped into our skulls.  like, free association."  Sans was laughing.

"There's some roast left, but the kids drank all the gravy so you'll have to eat it dry."  

Sans settled back in next to him.  "bet i can find something to put on it."  

Pot roast and ketchup.  It could be...okay.  Grillby decided not to think about it. "Fine.  Do you know how to play any songs?"  

"what, like, trombone solos?"

"Anything."

"oh.  wait. heh.  i get it.  i know what this is.  lots of guys are into musicians.  you're dreaming of me playing a romantic trombone solo for you."  

Grillby had just only heard him play sound effects.  One time he had listened to Sans demonstrate to Soozen how to make fart sounds on a trombone.  She applauded every single one, so Grillby hadn't been able to make himself put a stop to it.

"i think i've still got some sheet music with the rest of my stuff, but i can't just whip out a sweet solo after, uh.  jeez."  He stared into space.  "that's a lotta years."

"Were you in a band?"  

Sans was looking him over.  "yeah, i can tell now.  i bet you dated loads of guys with guitars.  or maybe you were just big into brass."  

"If I wanted brass that much, I wouldn't have married a skeleton."  

Sans pressed his face into Grillby's arm, shaking with laughter.  

"Hm?"

"oh, uh, yeah," he said, muffled.  "someone at the lab put together a band.  we played the office parties."  He sat up a little.  "work meetings. in the cafeteria, sometimes."

"You must have been popular."

"you bet. everyone loved it when we'd all get in the elevator and hide our instruments in our inventory, and then once someone got in and the doors closed, we'd whip 'em out and play something nice, just for them."

"I'm surprised you're still alive."

"when'd you think i got so good at dodging?"  

Grillby finally laughed.  "A little band of scientists."  It was charming, actually, imagining it.  

"well.  the leader, she was the janitor, actually.  she was real good.  wrote some songs for us, even."

The lab when Sans worked in it sounded so professional, with office meetings and janitors and bitter interpersonal politics.  Grillby pictured Sans in a lab coat wearing his glasses, even though he hadn't needed them back then.  Adorable.

"let me think. one of 'em was called 'i'm not your mom so clean up your own damn dishes.'"  

"I can almost imagine what it sounded like."

"she came up with titles that really evoked something, right?  then there was, uh, 'everyone hates you, steve.'"

"Steve left his dishes?"

"he was ok there but you don't want to know what kind of stuff he thought was ok to dump down the sinks.  i guess he thought drains were magical portals to nowhere which i guess would be possible but they sure weren't what we had."  

"He deserved to be hated."

"my fave of hers was like a blend of the two.  she called it 'if i was your mom, steve, i'd disown you.'  everyone in the lab liked that one.  she had this long clarinet solo."  

"I saw an ad in the paper for someone trying to start a band."

"you think i should audition?  i saw that.  they were looking for a bassist and a drummer, but who doesn't want a trombone guy for their garage band."

Grillby nodded.  If it was a terrible enough idea, Sans might actually go and do it.

"eh.  but i'll find my music and play something for you, sometime, if you want."

"Thank you."

--

A loud brass wail outside woke Grillby abruptly from a deep sleep.  He woke so suddenly instead of sitting up in alarm, he turned into a pillar of fire, scorching their bedroom ceiling.   He fumbled around, trying to remember where his glasses were and what legs were, when the sound came again.  This time, it was followed by other noises.  Notes?  Was that a...song?

The noise was coming from the actual outside of the house, he realized, not just from the hall outside the bedroom.  

Sans, why?

Grillby stumbled to his barely-formed feet.  He'd formed next to his pajamas, in his haste, so he wrapped a blanket around his waist in case Sans had woken up the rest of the house.  When he pushed aside the blinds, the sun hit him and he realized everyone else was probably already out.

They had a small porch off their master bedroom, so he stepped outside and leaned over the railing.  The yelling he had been planning died before it left him.  Sans had a full suit on.  And a charming hat, like the kind mobsters wore in black and white movies.  

Sans knew him too well.  He looked too charming for Grillby to be angry.  

Sans blew him a kiss and started to play.  

[timothy-louise]

92 truths

I was tagged by @funhousefreak! (thank you for the tag omg let’s be friends)

LAST… [1] drink: water [2] phone call: my dad [3] text message: NANCE [4] song you listened to: Patient is the Night from OTGW [5] time you cried: have I ever stopped

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope [7] been cheated on: nope [8] kissed someone and regretted it: nope [9] lost someone special: yep [10] been depressed: hahahAHAHAAA [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t gotten that bad. yet.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] blue [13] purple [14] black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: Yep! [16] fallen out of love: nah [17] laughed until you cried: yees [18] found out someone was talking about you: idk someone probably is but that’s just how life is, ya know? [19] met someone who changed you: yep :) [20] found out who your true friends are: YES and I’m so gRATEFUL [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yep (assuming this means friend list, unless there’s some list thing i’m not aware of)

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them- some are distant relatives and some are kids who were in band with me but I never interacted with [23] do you have any pets: unfortunately not [24] do you want to change your name: I’ve been considering tbh [25] what did you do for your last birthday: i went shopping and found a lot of really cool thimbles!! and got lost wandering around on top of a mountain in the dark by myself, but eventually found my way home [26] what time did you wake up: 7:10am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: making a video mash-up about rape culture for a class and fitting in as many trump examples as possible [28] name something you cannot wait for: VOLTRON SEASON 3, to spend summer away from home (hopefully), and summer in general [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: two days ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I had a better handle on my mental health tbh [31] what are you listening to right now: For the Braves by NAZCA  [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yep [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not doing things I want to do because I can’t bring myself to do them [34] most visited website: tumblr [35] elementary: I went to primary and intermediate school if that counts? [36] high school: yep [37] college: currently a sophomore  [38] hair colour: dirty blonde/light brown depending on who you ask [39] long or short hair: s h o r t [40] do you have a crush on someone: mm not necessarily a crush, but I wouldn’t be opposed if something happened [41] what do you like about yourself? I like my music a lot haha [42] piercings: just regular ear ones [43]blood type: do people just know this about themselves [44] nickname: gracie, little bean, grass, grachel, grape [45] relationship status: single [46] zodiac sign: aquarius [47] pronouns: she/her or they/them

[48] fav tv show: right now Voltron, but idk what my overall favorite one is [49] tattoos: HOPEFULLY AN ANKLE ONE BY THE END OF THE MONTH HEYOOOOO [50] right or left hand: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: I’ve had a lot of little things done that were technically “surgeries” but not really, but the first actual surgery I’d count would be getting my wisdom teeth removed summer 2015 [52] piercing: my ears, I think in eighth grade? [53] best friend: Gravy/Christian [54] sport: soccer (unless dance counts?) [55] vacation: we went to Disney world when I was 2, so that was probably my first [56] pair of trainers: ?

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating:  waffles, bless school cancellations [58] drinking: water              [59] i’m about to: stay on this couch and do homework/watch New Girl all day [60] listening to: Secrets by One Republic [61] waiting for: my mind to realize that it inhabits a body [62] want: to be more secure in who I am I guess? [63] get married: not a goal, but not opposed. if it happens it happens. [64] career: something in public health education. I really want to do the Peace Corps after I graduate, so something along those lines would be really cool. community health outreach in other countries.

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs! [66] lips or eyes: eyes? [67] shorter or taller: taller, but I don’t really care that much [68] older or younger: preferably someone right around my age tbh

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: ?? idk

[71] sensitive or loud: I don’t completely understand this one but I’m very sensitive to loud noises so I guess sensitive

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship yo [73] troublemaker or hesitant: depends

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? i don’t know enough about alcohol to know if I have tbh [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? YES. the wind on campus has been so strong that it’s blown my contacts o u t  o f  m y  e y e s [77] turned someone down: ohh yees [78] sex on first date? nO [79] broken someone’s heart? yep [80] had your own heart broken? not romantically [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i have a weird disconnect when people die irl so no, but definitely for fictional characters [83] fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? depends on the day [85] miracles? hmm [86] love at first sight? nope [87] santa claus? i wish i did [88] kiss on the first date? if both people are consenting [89] angels? sometimes

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: y’all know who you are [91] eye colour: hazel...green? it really depends on what i’m wearing whether they seem more green or blue [92] favourite movie: probably HTTYD2

Not gonna tag 25 people haha but I will tag @addicted2reading, @thefineideayoucrave, @princessfirefly, @sparksbet, @volcaniclily, @gingerbread-kittens, and @just-ambling-along! Only do it if you want to! And also if anyone else sees this and wants to do it, tag me so I can see :)

[thedesperatehousehusband]

2018. The Year That Was.

The Desperate Househusband is going to use the first post of 2019 to take a retrospective look back at 2018. I realize that most year-end reviews were written and published two weeks ago but sometimes I am not able to be timely. So deal with it. But I want to discuss the highs and lows of the year. The trials. The tribulations. The beer. The food. The travel. Just the shit that Juan and I did over the course of the year. To reminisce. To remember the year that was.

January

Bitch, I don’t know what I did in January of last year. It’s damn near 13 months ago. My mind is not the steel trap that it once was. Alls I can recall is that it was colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra on New Year’s Day. I think it was 2. I remember this because Juan’s dad was visiting us from Mexico and that type of cold weather about does him in. So let’s just skip forward to…..

February

First, February always brings my birthday. I celebrated my 44th year on the planet and I gotta tell you, it’s all pretty fucking good. Yes, I have some stress and there’s a bit more creaking in my rusting bones but, dammit, I don’t look 44. Expensive creams, y’all. Along with my birthday, we visited our friends, Andrew and Angela, in Granger, IN. Folks, there is nothing going on in the greater South Bend shithole region. Which is why Andrew and Angela are moving to Grand Rapids, MI in June. We look forward with much excitement about visiting them in their new home in such a craft beer mecca. As if on cue, we attended the Brewer’s Guild of Indiana’s annual Winterfest at the Indiana State Fairgrounds. Mama Mia, is that an event! Sample until you can’t sample no more then enjoy a nourishing and gluten-rich snack from the box of Wheat Thins that’s hanging around your neck.

March

The end of winter took Juan to his annual pilgrimage to South By Southwest in Austin, TX. Oh, how he loves that event. The hipster-ness of it all. He learns a lot then applies it back at work. My work travels took me half way across the world. Or maybe more. I’m not sure how to measure it but I went to Sydney, Australia for a business trip and, fuck a duck, is that journey! Business Class or not, 13.5 hours in a tin can from LA to Sydney is intense. But Australia has long been one of the places I yearned to visit most and it did not disappoint. We didn’t get to do ALL the fun stuff but we did all we could on our days off. The Opera House is the real deal. Koalas actually DO HAVE chlamydia. Aussies eat a LOT of red meat. Red wine is next level. Craft beer is OK. And kangaroos are impossible to smuggle across the border. Customs did not take kindly to little Bindi, who I was trying to bring home as a pet.

April

April was a good ass month because it involved a very, very, very amazing evening at Alinea in Chicago. It’s the first time we ever did the downstairs tasting menu that happens at the same time to all 16 (or so) people. It’s indescribably incredible. Along with Alina and it’s 2 Michelin stars, we also managed to hit 2 ADDITIONAL restaurants with Michelin stars that weekend. Thus creating a theme. I hate to brag, and others say this, but we are living our best lives and I don’t care who knows about it.

May

As he does each May 14th, Juan celebrated his birthday. Turning 42 in New York. We travelled to the Big Apple for our first theater excursion of the year. We saw Angels in America, which was a 2-day theatrical event of epic proportions that left us bereft and exhausted but it was amazing. We followed that up the Mean Girls and My Fair Lady. Then we hit the upfronts. A very special TV network week that is for work. Getting to preview the fall TV lineups, meet celebs and mingle with our TV reps never disappoints. We closed the month with a #ohiobeercation over Memorial Day weekend. We enjoyed time in both Columbus and Cincinnati. There is good fucking beer in Ohio. Rhinegeist is such a happy place as is Brew Dog. We also eat really, really well in C-Bus and Cinci. Do I remember where we ate? Not exactly. So you’re just going to have to take my word for it.

June

I’m positive we did shit in June. I’m certain we saw a Cabaret show or two. I’m sure we went out for beer. I’m sure it was hot. But I’m not recalling anything overtly special about June. Let’s just say that June was a relaxing month of summer fun and the return of My Dad’s Sweet Corn at the Farmer’s Market. If you live in Indy and this is not your corn of choice, you are dead to me and I actually think you’re dumb.

July

I do remember July very vividly. Independence Day was quite possibly the hottest I have ever been. EVER. We went to Metazoa Brewing’s 4th of July Fest. We nearly melted. And I kid you not….the band playing outside in the sun experienced a keyboard that ACTUALLY melted. It was so fucking hot and humid and miserable. But we are NOT afraid. We went to the fest. We hung with Joe, Cathy, Jon and Kelly for fireworks at Joe & Cathy’s place. Then we took showers to wash off the sweat that was pouring out of all bodily orifices. My drawls were beyond damp and moist. We also returned to Chautauqua for a road trip adventure with the Sullivan’s. The Chautauqua Institution is one of our favorite places and we are so lucky to have experienced it so many times with such wonderful friends.

August

There are many highlights each year but August 2018 is our big month as it involved a 2-week European holiday to Copenhagen and Stockholm. Two places that we could truly see ourselves living less the darkness that consumes the winter. I need more daylight than Stockholm in January can muster but it’s pretty killer when it’s still light at 10:30 PM in August. These cities are lovely. Just delightful, cultured, civilized places that prioritize the things that are important to us. Art, food, design, wine, beer, cocktails, fashion, culture, music, architecture. And when you can spend two weeks debating where you ate the best cardamom buns each morning, then you have had a successful vacation.

September

I feel like we sat on our asses a lot after our Scandi vacation in August. So September is feeling quite quiet. But we did make another trip to Granger to see Andrew and Angela with the added benefit of getting to meet their baby, Benjamin Jack, for the first time. We ate that baby. Completely gobbled him up. Andrew took us on a day-trip through Southwest Michigan for beer and autumnal fun. We drove around with the baby, who was incredibly good and basically just slept in his stroller while we enjoyed beer al fresco. Good parenting is so rare.

October

I don’t know if it’s a full-on tradition but in 2017 and 2018, October brought was road trip vacations. Or Beercations as they have become to be known colloquially. This year we trekked to Nasvhille, TN. What a fun-ass place. We ate really well. We drank really well. We bought very cool jeans. We walked around cool neighborhoods and the Vanderbilt campus. We listened to music. Then we drove home. I would for sure do that trip again. It’s a perfectly lovely 4-day weekend and an easy drive. You’re on the same damn highway the whole time.

November

I feel like November was incredibly busy and stressful but I’m not necessarily recalling major events. We had the Cabaret’s fundraiser which featured this insanely talented Swedish woman named Gudrun Carling. Our dear friend from Atlanta, Erika, attended with us. We did Thanksgiving at my mom’s and we let Whole Foods do some of the work. I gotta tell you. That’s the way to go. Their sweet potatoes, gravy, cranberries and jalapeno cornbread were right on time. The stuffing was less so. But we have long been spoiled by Juan’s mom’s stuffing recipe which is second-to-none.

December

What a wacky month December was. We jetted off to NYC for our second theater weekend the first weekend of the month. This is when we saw Harry Potter & the Cursed Child Part 1 & Part 2. Holy hell. It’s one of the coolest things ever. We spent a full day in the exact same theater seats. We also saw The Prom which is a hilarious. As well as the Ferryman which is not hilarious. But it wasn’t supposed to be. As soon as we got back to Indy, Juan left for Santiago, Chile for a TV shoot. He was gone nearly two weeks. He returned just in time for the Nutcracker and the final few days of work. We enjoyed a few days at home before going to my mom’s for Christmas. Then a few more days at home before heading to Mexico City for New Year’s with Juan’s dad. We ate alllllll the food.

And now it’s January so we need to get back to work because all this travel and fun shit ain’t free. We work to live not live to work but we still have to work.

Happy 2019!