#i dontk now if this makes sense

[mistpool]

i hope ivypool is mad. mad at herself. mad at starclan. mad at shadowsight. mad at ashfur. mad at bramblestar. mad at the world for taking her daughter. and mad at bristlefrost

grief will distort your emotions. the people you love will be a victim of your rage.

she shouldve died instead. rootspring shouldve died instead. shadowsight shouldve died instead. starclan never should have led ashfur into its ranks. bramblestar shouldve died and let each life slip away. the world let her daughter die.

bristlefrost let herself die.

did she know how much that would hurt her mother?

that ivypool will never, ever be able to hold relationships normally again

she needs to always know the schedule of her family; which is why she is so glad to be deputy

she can send them on hunting patrols in the safest areas

but if a single family member gets distracted and goes off on their own?

its like losing bristlefrost all over again.

where did they go? will they ever return?

but then they appear in the entrance to camp.

and ivypool feels a complicated mixture of relief and fury- because how dare you leave her

[redstrewn]

It wold b e funnny if leander is a transducer (this is a new word to me) like he just slurps up the glow from the cracks of the hands to make into electrical energy. and then the light show is literally light like lol electricity to lightbulb

[archivist-the-knight]

xiv's cute little "well it couldnt hurt :-]" before getting exploded AAAAAAA literally prime xiv moment. also stick your head innit also xiv freshly being out of the tower makes this moment a little cuter i think. xiv's out and the first thing they're being encouraged to do is to make a reckless decision thats actually THEIR decision for a change and tals cheering them on. its so... its so silly its so goofy. comfort in the comedy or whatever.

"I see this all the time back on the farm" "what kinda farm do you work on..."

"think of all the thoughts its probably thinking it could probably think us a way out of here" yeah since we got two academic minds one taxpayer one tal and zero braincells in this group. rai had the braincell for once and look where that got him.

THE NECRONOMICON RAI'S EATING IS TITLED MAGIC FOR DUMMIES IM GIGLGING. AND IT SWITCHES FROM EIGHT TO NINE AS HE EATS IT PLEASE...

"it says that it hunts smart creatures. ok so we adopted the brain-"

also xiv's cursive handwriting is so so cute.... very contrasting to the FAMILY GUY CLIP. why is XIV LOIS.

the "fighting cheeks and balls out" is so insane. put those AWAY. rai also is the one to get to the helm first!!

also i was going to say on my last liveblog post that xiv's father looked like he had a tentacle beard but deleted it but!!! now i know why i was going to!! xiv calls the ilithid they see papa + sees the grandmaster i think hes called as a father figure. :-3 thats why!!

im sorry tal. i dont give a shit. also xiv's outfit in the 3d recreation segments being a bard fit is really funny but also as a bard-main the bard fit is attrocious. get it off them

xiv killing the mind flayer immeaditly even though tal was talking to it because it tried begging for its life despite what it had done ^_^ verse 1 of father by the front bottoms not the rest of the song just that verse

rai vc hey babygirl do you. come.[persuasion failed] HERE OFTEN HERE OFTEN

xiv's first casualty is pushing someone off the ledge + unintentionally nearly kiling tal with that stone thing. btw i know act 1's intro area is like that to teach the general rules of the game but i love how that thng isjust. there. no context. its just a stone on a fucking rope dangling pecariously over a kinda broken hole. thats really funny to me

"no. i dont think it was the fall <3 anyway im sure hes fine" HORROR MOVIE TRILL

XIV'S LITTLE SHOCKED SPRITE AT THE TRAPPED SACROFOGAPHS. i dontk now how to spell that ROOM ITS SO CUUUTE AAHH

tal with his ass out talking to withers. tal thats an ancient god... tal....

tal saying "well i think every life is of infinite value <333" foreshadowing...

"JESUS I SAID LONG REST NOT SCHLONG REST PUT THAT WEAPON AWAY!!!"

that was a ganon event....

"youre gonna wake them up with your shitty fucking song!!"

[ID: screenshot of xiv walking into the scene when you enter the druid grove in bg3. they're smirking a little. end id]

clearly you dont own an air fryer <333

"some other stuff happened here. i ended racism!!"

I THINK ITS IN ONE OF YOUR INVENTORIES HELPPP. this happened while tal was still in his damn underwear.

also the xiv scaring kids so they call the law thing is really really funny im not gonna lie. it makes sense they were sheltered blah blah blah but also ngl it is really funny

he was to able to intimidate the goblins into running away. and now for an act of heroism!! be free <3333 ...... too free.

SUPPLEX HIM INTO A CONVERSATION...

xiv saying "having no friends myself!!" GIRL YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE EM. sorry they handed you a leash and said you have to deal with three crazy ass dogs

sorcerer's guide to jelquing. no not that one

[aumtzitism]

ok so.

the supernatural exists and its all spirits. its ghosts. and also demons. and divines (which arent gods but also are. dont ask)

this guy is called isaac harper ward but he just goes by harper.

so. ok theres this divine called the unnamed one (or just 'one' if you dont have a lot of time) and they've uncovered this grand cosmic conspiracy going on. there's another divine which is dead and its called the namesake and it's basically where every divine or spirit comes from. dont ask me how it works i dontk now but what i do know is that the namesake coming back to life would be devastating like world ending apocalypse type stuff. nobody else believes them that this conspiracy is going on tho as far as they know they're the only one that's aware of it

and there are also "unchosen ones" which is where a divine gives someone a blessing or boon and then lets it lay dormant until they need that person for something. most of the time unchosen ones die without ever being chosen.

so the unnamed one is like oh shit i need to stop the world from ending and they go to activate one of their chosen ones.

except they dont. they fail to select the right person and instead choose harper, who is NOT a chosen one. and they put him in a time loop.

so they've completely fucked everything. harper can't remember the loop, and the unnamed one can't make contact with him, they're going to be trapped in the loop forever until their power wanes, they stop being divine, and the world ends. not great!

however. harper discovers how to send objects through the time loop, and he starts sending stuff to himself. he sends a notebook with undeniable proof (to himself from himself) that he's in a time loop, and random objects start showing up that he needs to use somehow but doesnt know how he needs to use them. he's really bad at making notes so he has no fucking clue.

and. well. this is actually pretty good, it means that one has a fighting chance to win! great!

so one day. harper wakes up. and he goes about his business, and as he's eating breakfast, someone goes "ah, shit." but theres nobody around. who said that? himself!

or. a version of himself that sent himself back through the loop. enter: isaac!

(this is how he appears in dreams he doesnt. have a body.)

so isaac discovered the supernatural, and found out a /lot/. he's definitely the best loop thus far, and he has a lot of knowledge to impart onto harper. but how did he send himself back? why, magic, ofc ;)

y'see, isaac managed to communicate with a divine. he was hoping to talk to the divine that trapped him in the loop, but no such luck. instead, he made contact with the dealmaker (also known as the butcher-hart). and the dealmaker offered him a deal (who could've seen that coming?)

(gee dealmaker how come LYNX lets you have two designs)

so isaac isn't the dealmaker's chosen one, but he does have its blessing, and he's now got psychic abilities (can actually tell when something is spooky, unlike harper who is completely psychically inept), a little bit of average blessing stuff (slightly faster, slightly better normal senses, slightly less easy to hurt, that sort of thing) but most importantly, he can commune with spirits in dreams.

he communes with the unnamed one, but. well there's a problem. firstly, one is REALLY worried about the butcher-hart's involvement. the butcher's not exactly known for enjoying when mortals stay alive. but as long as something's /interesting/ to him, its probably fine, and this is a very interesting situation indeed. secondly - one doesnt actually know what the plot is. they know that it's a thing, and there are probably multiple divines working on making it happen, but they have no idea who, or what sort of things they'd need, or how far along they are, or how to stop them. luckily, they've got plenty of time! it'll take multiple mortal lifetimes for one's power to drain enough that they have no more loops.

steph wright is an amateur paranormal investigator, and an active user of the forum ParaProof, dedicated to finding undeniable proof of the supernatural - none of this blurry camera or second hand account shit. she doesn't arm herself with any of the nonsense her peers may use though - she's a diehard skeptic, and arms herself only with her trusty camera and the voice of a god in her mind.

oh yeah did i mention she's a chosen one?

the divine that chose her (^ that guy) is called the house (like in card games, not like. a building) and it happens to be one of the beings trying to revive the namesake. unluckily for harper and isaac, steph lives near them, and the house's influence over her is convincing her that they're like a spirit or something, and that she needs to gather proof. it's trying to get information on how to destroy isaac - if it can get rid of him, theres not a huge change that harper will just stumble into the supernatural again on his own, and it can just wait out the unnamed one's plan, no need to get in a fight.

eventually steph and harper team up but like. yeah thats pretty much all the plot i have thus far

THIS IS SO SICK

whats gonna happen if/when harper gets out of the loop? if one made the wrong choice with harper and couldnt choose anyone else, then i feel like maybe everyone would be fucked whether or not he gets out of the loop.

also i think its interesting that you can HAVE unchosen ones at the ready for you but you can also retroactively choose another person who wasnt on your little list of people to choose. i was slightly kinda a little bit under the impression that it would be difficult for a divine to affect someone who wasnt related to them in some way, which i guess would also be why namesake is so scary because its related to EVERYONE

[tumblunni]

Fuck i just had the most horrifying nightmare fuck it was like a ptsd flashback mixed with a nightmare so evwrything went even more wrong than it did in real life

It was like a flashback to being abused by my dad but now i had a little sister too and i was desperately tryibg to protect her. (Different from my little sister on my mum's side)

She was a little korean girl that dad "adopted" but actually literally bought as a slave, like what the fuck how did my subconcious go so dark!! Andhe got her almost as if she was some pet or toy or fuckin..mail order maid who could do everything around the house. "Here's a better daughter than you who'll be obedient and have no free will" cos of racist bullshit ideas. And he was dissappointed that she wasnt this perfect subservient thing and didnt automatically know how to do every task he gave her, even though she was just goddamn 10 years old!!! And it all felt so real while i was dreaming, there were details like my dad saying "she'll be easier cos she's an omnivore, they eat cats in korea right", because he used to hate that i was a vegetarian and always try and trick me into eating meat for some damn reason. And we had to wait for his predictable time every evening that he went out to get drunk, so we could call the police...

And GOD it was so FUCKED UP cos this poor kid was so resigned to it all? She was like.. Surprised that i cared. She'd apparantly been abused by multiple white foster families and they told her that they were selling her off cos they needed to make some profit to make up for "all the stress you caused us". And she was telling me about how she was sexually abused in this emotionless tone as if it was just something everyone went through, and that she was scared id suddenly hate her and not want to help anymore because she was "dirty"

So it was all REALLY FUCKIN SCARY AND TENSE

It was like a race against time to call the police and get to them before dad came back, but i couldnt remember where the police station was in my dad's neighbourhood and just AGHH i was desperately trying to hold him off with a pocket knife while banging on the nearest door in te neighbourhood and begging that stranger to pplease take the kid inside and dont open the door no matter what, please let me die to hold him back

And it was so fuckin fucked up cos the worst part is waking up and realizing that not only was i unable to save this kid but this kid was never real to begin with. I fuckin cared about her so much i was so goddamn scared and it turns out the only one hurting her was me cos its my brain that imagibed all that fucked up shit im a fucking monster

And i dont even fuckin know her real name, in the dream she just had some sort of overly long "more white" name my dad changed it to, god it was so fucking twisted im scared of myself that my dreams can even be that horrible

And what was even stupider was that it still had dream logic to it and stuff. It was all terrifying at the time but now im awake i can notice how lots of placeholder roles in the dream were filled with yokai watch characters just cos its the last game i played. The neighbour knocking the door and the neighbour i tried to knock the door of were both characters from the anime. And most disturbingly when the girl was telling me about her previous caretakers sexually abusing her she talked about them grooming her using her favourite tv show. So this horrifying mental image of some fucked up lady luring in kids with a doll of Blazion from that game. WHY SPECIFICALLY BLAZION??? Damn seriously this little girl felt so goddamn real, right down to having an unusual choice of favourite character. God, my brain is saying her name might have been Cho?? Im really desperately trying to figure out if anyobne ever said it in this damn dream oh fucking godddd

I hate this i hate that im mourning someone that doesnt exist, i hate that the dream just ended when i pushed her behind that door and used my body to shield her. I just fuckin died like a bitch and i dont know if she was really safe, i dontk ow if dad managed to break in or pull his manipulative nonsense to convince them i was the real villain. I dont know if the little girl was able to stand up for herself and tell her story to the police, cos she really didnt believe her parents were wrong, she acted like theyd taught her thatvshe deserved it and that i was weird and scary for trying to help her. God i tried to cry all the tears that she wasnt able to cry!

Fuck why are my dreams so fucked up, fucking fuck

I dont know where the fuck this even came from, i had a really great day yesterday and put new sheets on my bed so it wasnt even like i was having an uncomfy sleep?? I just feel like my brain likes to throw panic attacks at me whenever i get too happy as a sort of "ha you dont deserve it" or "dont believe that things are really gonna be okay" thing. And fucking hell the old chestnut of "ptsd flashback but the details start to unwravell and get even more nightnarish than when it really happebed" is an old chestnut it likes to throw at me. God damn tho usually its just "the thing but you didnt escape like in real life", npt creating a whole new character who had an even worse case of parental abuse than me and i desperately have tp protect them and then i fuckin get my guts stabbed out and I DIDNT EVEN SAVE HWR COS IT WAS JUST A DREAM AND SHE ISNT REAL

Fucking hell fuck i dont know what to do in just really heart pounding after that mess so i have to write it down to try and make sense of it at least

Ok i remembered another detail that the name my dad wanted to rename her to contained olivia?? So that part might have come from me getting this new haircut yesterday cos i was like "this reminds me of my old friend livia from high school man she had great hair". But seriously did a whole fuckin nightmare spawn from that one sentence thought?? HOW DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF

Fuck i need an icecream or something im so fuckin sweaty and gross waking up from that damn panic fucl id pour a bucket of water over my head but i dont wanna ruin my new hair

I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY YESTERDAY THERES NO DAMN LOGICAL CAUSE FOT SUCH AN EXTREME HELL DREAM

God what if it was somehow real and i like mentally connected with another kid who was being abused and i couldnt protect her and i couldnt protect her dear god it felt so fuckin real i even had my old early 2000s phone and the horrible room at my dads house where the locks dont work and the window thats too small to escape from and fuckin fuckin goddddd

I dont know whats fuckin wrong withme