#i dont write a lot of poetry so its not like. stellar poetry but i think it really captures my emotions so

[rathockey]

where's home

border control asked me "where’s home?” and I stumbled over my words half choking out a “Chicago” that feels empty Chicago is where I live where’s home? when I was at sleepaway camp summer after fifth grade someone asked me “where’s home?” and I told them Germany before I realized they meant “where do you live?” where’s home? “home” isn’t real to me I stand just outside “home” in the cold and dark staring through the window at a warmly lit room filled with friends and family where’s home? home hasn’t been real since I turned ten and we left Michigan where’s home? I taste home every time I step outside on a snowy night but it never sticks where’s home?

- original poem

[tillman]

what should i read 4 arthurian legend idk where to start

ok hold on lemme find one of my other answers to this ask for u :-) im too tired to write out the whole thing rn

yunder the cut . rip mobile users LOL

i think the best two starting options involve the same strategy of “pick a knight you like the most and consume all the content you can find on them until you get bored/think of another knight and repeat” and its as simple as “do you want to start with sir gawain or do you not know who you want to start with.”

sir gawain i think is the best starting knight if you wanna go the route of reading as much as u can about one and moving on, since theres a LOT of varied content and hes just in a lot. hes important! anyways the first recommendation i have to start with is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. its a wonderful piece of poetry about a homoerotic beheading game, getting a movie this summer! its fucking gorgeous and a really good introduction if youve never read this old of texts before. i have a few different links so you can take your pick of what you prefer :-)

heres it in the original middle english, its beautiful and if you get the beat down sounds fucking gorgeous but i understand how hard it is to get through if youve never read through it before.

lou recomends Raffels translation above all others which i kinda have to agree with. heres part one and heres part two of that.

and the other link i have directly on hand atm is tolkiens translation which ive skimmed before and it seems really solid.

if you dont want to start with a short and tender christmas party, consider another text most arthuriana fans will consider a must read. its a bit more intimidating than sgatgks poetry but like. hey. its Sir Malory’s Le Morte D’arthur.

this is more on the level of most of the story things youll find for arthuriana and a good starting point to get an overview of a lot of major plot points and characters that show up time and time again in the legends, all of the major knights are covered through malory’s own spin on them and he tries to cover a lot of older tales in his weird fanfiction.

the text can be weird ESPECIALLY if you arent used to middle english since he …. used some weird as fuck words? even for the time. but thats malory.

I highly recommend, if you can get a copy, Kieth Baines modern retelling of Le Morte, it rewords things to make more sense to those used to a more modern prose and while it takes out some of the nuance of some scenes, its way easier to pick up and read. were working on a full scan of it atm actually but the book of arthur is up in our shared drive :-) ill shove a link down here for u

heres the first bit of baines rendition. honestly if u can find a copy for cheap grab it is a fun time

heres the pdf i use for the full text, warning for how weird its structured? its long paragraphs with no quotes around text but if you have no problems with that go for it. heres book one and heres book two.

from there, theres a ton of different options you can follow, but again i think the least overwhelming way to go about it is pick a knight you like and read whatever seems fun that has them in it !

best choices include gawain again, the marriage of sir gawain and dame ragnelle is fun, l’atre perilleux is so fucking wild and just a fun time, the turke and sir gawain has gawain playing tennis? like what more do you need

lancelot has a decent collection of old stories including the entire vulgate cycle (my favorite piece of arthurian lit, im working on scanning the entire english translation ;-)), lancelot and the hart with the white foot, though i havent been able to find a FULL translation, is wonderful and with that the lancelot collection of old stories is a lot of fun the dutch loved him, if you have like 10 bucks to spare, Lancelot and the lord of the distant isles is on amazon for cheap and retells the book of galehaut section of the vulgate and its . so good. please care about galehaut.

tristan as wild as he is is also a really good choice for how popular the Tristan and Isolde legend was in europe. you can find a ton of versions of it, though i prefer the german one by gottfried von strassburg, another amazing one is the povest o’tryschane which is a slavic take on the legend that weirdly throws sections of the vulgate and some italian romances in? i adore it either way.

uhmmm some more off the cuff recommendations include Troyes four romances and also Perceval. as much as i bully troyes knight of the cart, knight of the lion, and knight of the grail are some of my favorite words. skip cliges if youre doing that though it sucks so bad. troyes hated his version of tristan and isolde so much he wrote cliges. that alone should keep you from it. eric and enide is ok but eric sucks SO HARD. i hate that bitch.

more modern but tennysons Idylls of the king? fucking stellar. i recently got a copy and its really gorgeous poetry. kinda like le morte in having a good overview of key events in the texts and some notable characters so this works as a good jumping off point

and finally one i cant really speak on much due to my preference of the romances, but i have many good friends who say the welsh sources are REALLY REALLY good and worth checking out :-) the mabinogion mainly, but a lot of the scattered poetry is really fun!

for finding pdfs for some of the ones i just named, u can check out my doc of whatever sources i have on hand. im missing quiet a few but i got most of the ones i recommend at least io3hewt. heres the link to that. ill post a link to the vulgate when i can finish up scanning the prose merlin !

anyways mwah feel free to msg me if u have questions im insane and like researching this stuff for hours and am willing to find out any information 

[allmyluckwentintofacebookpoker]

I’m not very happy with the world right now

Everywhere I look there seems to be negativity, unaccommodating strangers, nasty events with cruel responses, all the time, like I can’t avoid it.

On a personal level I used to feel this when I was depressed, and one of the shining lights was that I knew it was my state of mind that altered my perspective and so I could easily rationalize it, but now, I’ve been happy, lifes been good, and still so much of the world seems so very fatal to one’s soul. Course it still has to be my perspective, I think, I hope. At the very least I hope I can force my own bias by seeing some better things.  There’s just so much hate everywhere I look, negativity, people who do anything except for help their fellow person, makes me so infuriated, fucking mad, it makes me want to scream and yell at the top of my lungs as if that’s the one solution and yet it’s out of my reach and I can’t do it, and whatever I do it’s just how things are, the negativity is forever present, at the end of the day that just makes me sad. It’s like those nightmares where you’re running and you just can’t run fast enough and whatever is behind you is catching up, and you get that deep darkness stirring inside of you of things just feeling wrong, I feel that when I see, for example, a wall of comments of just hate for some bullshit, I think why? what the fuck is the point? what the fuck is the matter with you that you need to say such a thing. Such a big problem I have these days is racism, theres so many fucking racists out there its outrageous to me and it breaks my heart every single time I hear some bullshit spouted, knowing such hate exists for people because of how they look, not even where they’re from, let alone how they were raised, who they are, what they do for a living, I mean shit at least put a bit of intelligence to your blind sided anger. My Dad spouts this bullshit as though the world is infinitely horrible, any stranger much less friend is prone to be evil, as if every foreigner has an ulterior motive and outings from the house should be avoided as you’re likely to be attacked. Ridiculous, it really is, and it all stems from hate, just this irrational fear, hate and fear are like two brothers hand in hand coming to fuck up your tranquil quiet local. He’ll always come back to terrorism as the basis, the “logical” basis, heres what I think about terrorism. You can’t let it terrify you, otherwise it effects how you think, and when that happens then their terrorism is effective for them you know? However fucked it is. You can’t hate your neighbours like that, agh it’s horrid. Tinder has been a disaster, every person I’ve met on there for the past three months has this one-sided expectation of conversation as though you need to earn the right to speak with them, the worst part is this isn’t just the case for me, it is for my friends also, thankfully that’s tinder and the real world is different, but I think its such a weird thought to just not want to put any effort in? Here I am thinking “damn better give it a shot, keep on trying” and then it goes to shit, what a waste of time. Then on social media you’ve got all these people clashing heads over useless shit, cyclists on the road? they should be safe, what right do you have to bitch if it takes another two minutes out of your day? Do people really need to be so rude over that? Do people really need to share edgy posts and start a flame war? Does everybody really believe getting heated and yelling is how you’re going to win an argument or do we just think “im emotional i deserve to win” now? maybe its more “i dont care that im emotional about this”, I dont bloody know. My lifes good, I’ve been anxious about a few things lately but all in all I’ve been happy, smiling plenty I’ve just been seeing too much negativity and spending too much time working to see the stuff that usually is lovely. Just lacking the things that make you think lovely thoughts. 

Watched Dead Poets Society again today, Robin Williams was such a beautiful man and I think you can see that portrayed in his acting (or maybe he’s just a stellar actor), it made me think about the meaning behind things, to enjoy passion in everything, inspired me almost to go write poetry, I think it was either poetry or this and I wanted to get this off my chest a little more. Beautiful film, passion is so important, and I think people being able to convey that emotion is such an important thing. I wonder if I’ve lost the ability to see the beauty in the little things maybe because I’ve been too busy to ‘stop to smell the flowers’ every once in a while, It feels more like I haven’t done much for myself in a while, I need a getaway, a holiday, and so everything I normally do in terms of admiration of the world around us, it just isn’t enough anymore you know. People always interest me, I like to think of the stories they have, but I don’t think these days anymore like I used to, I used to think about whether or not somebody would thank the bus driver when they hopped off the bus, these days I put on music and I zone out, I let my mind rest, I feel like my mind is resting a lot lately, mindless work with boring nights and superficial conversations, nothings really stirred up my heart, my mind or my soul lately. I feel like a bit of a passenger right now, not quite the protagonist of my own story. Just because life is boring I suppose. Weird things happened, I’m useless talking to girls again, I think for the most part it’s because I just feel like it’s useless, so when I agree with that I give up and don’t try, and then when I feel like “you’ve got to try, you cant give up on love” I try too hard. Really I should teach myself that I don’t have to give up on love to take it easy, but agh, I don’t know, feels odd to let it all go. I hope your day, your week, your month’s have been better than mine in these regards, Im sure it won’t be long until my perspective on things turns brighter, it always happens, just not sure for how long. Listening to music right now, some gooooood music. Also, I’ve just realized now, I made a really good choice with someone, and I hope they don’t make contact again, because things are good and it’s ever so clear that everytime it goes back, it goes south. Cheers.

[enrcses]

do all the even numbers!

shit fam okay.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

it depends !! if i have to trudge through the cold and i’m walking somewhere, it’s not as fun. but if i’m running outside for something, yes.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

coffee,,,, i like to flavour it up with so much stuff you can’t taste the coffee anymore. and my tea i usually just drink straight up. or i add honey.

6: do you keep plants?

i used to have a cactus !! but he got knocked over during a party and he’s dying so my grandma’s taking care of him.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

usually writing or sometimes photoshop.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

my stomach. i like to bury my face in the bed.

12: what's your favorite planet?

venus, probably.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

brick walls, very open, off white curtains that flow with open windows that are made of real glass. lots of plants and paintings. it’ll smell like sandalwood and egyptian cotton.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

all of them.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh god. i once got pegged for calling this girl at my middle school a “dumpster slut” and it’s just been this big insult that everyone around me uses now. i never said it, but i’ll take credit for it.

20: what's your favorite eye color?

blue or green !!

22: are you a morning person?

it depends !! if i get enough sleep, i’m really bubbly in the morning. but i also get really affectionate and just cling to everyone.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

not every one of them, but most of them yeah sure !!

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

i have these brown boots that are so cute and i have to wear them all the time.

28: sunrise or sunset?

both. i’m a sucker for pretty colored skies.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

uhm. i’ve had men catcall me while walking down the street at night and i thought they were gonna try and follow me home. i was really scared then. ive also had a total stranger make sexual advances towards me and i freaked out and went up to my room. i made my girlfriend at the time stay on skype with me because i was too scared to sleep alone.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

everything that happens after 3am when im with my friends usually involves us being drunk so,,,, the usual drunken stories.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

i do !! i keep my white teddy bear from when i got my tonsils out. his name is gilbert and i love him.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

i’m not sure ! maybe seafret.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

i have so many but i really can’t stand people who lie. and i can’t handle people who are so snobbish they think it’ll ruin their aesthetic to be nice to people. just be nice.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

i have this necklace that i wear quite often and i bought it one day at the mall with my friend. she bought one as well. so now we both have matching necklaces.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

i don’t. i don’t really go to coffee shops. but the froyo place next door to my work has some decent coffee !!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

uhm. it was the last time i did yoga. afterwards i felt so relaxed and mellow it was incredible.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

i always use this one on my coworkers and i swear they want to hit me every time. what do the french call a really horrible thursday ??? a trajeudi.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

all my fears are pretty much the same. spiders, crocodiles / alligators, open water, abandonment, etc.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

i have a bunch of glass soda bottles ??

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I LIKE THE ONES OF PEOPLE LIKE DANCING THRU SPACE TO THAT MUSIC

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i’m not actually sure ?? i mean my friend was pretty sad today when i went to give a high five and then dabbed instead.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

endearing ?? i don’t know. i love people who are kind. people who believe that this world can still turn itself around and believe that there are good people still. idk.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i’m probably the wine mom. i’m such a Mom Friend and i always want wine. maybe my friend kylie would be vodka aunt ?? i’m not sure. none of them really drink a whole lot of vodka.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

i honestly,,, i’m so indifferent to poetry. but it’s for my own reasons.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i like orange juice !! apple juice too !!

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

its blue !!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

lots of purple and browns.

68: what's winter like where you live?

it used to be brutal. i live up north so we’ve gotten like 3 feet of snow before. but anymore, it’s just dead and cold.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

NO. DONT FUCK WITH OUIJA BOARDS MAN.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

yes. my notes on my phone are just full of random crap.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

absolutely stellar. they’ve been with me through so much and are always there if i need a shoulder to cry on. they understand me on levels that not a whole lot of people do and we’ve grown so much together, they’re family.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

nope !! i’m completely task free for the rest of the day !!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i hate minions. god. they annoy the shit out of me.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

they’re like a greenish color. like eggshell green. but no, it was like that when i moved in and i’ve never been allowed to change it bc we’re renting the house.

82: are/were you good in school?

no, i wasn’t. not public school. homeschool, yes. i just hated homework. it had nothing to do with my intelligence.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

i want to get “etre en harmonie avec votre vie” tattooed on my arm somewhere.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i’m not sure tbh.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

uh again, not sure.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

one of my favorite cities omg,,,, either paris or marseille or aix-en provence. i just am so in love with the art, the culture, the food, the architecture. all of it.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

i’m kinda a happy medium. not too much, but enough to actually taste it.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my friend, aaron.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i’m a big computer geek. i like to make sure my baby is all up to date on software and usually just do them at night before bed.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

i don’t know !! it’s been so long !! but my mom invited me a couple days ago !!

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

5 years into the future. i wasn’t happy in the past. 14 year old me was miserable and i wouldn’t ever want to go back to that.