#i dont want to take my meds bc ill feel so jittery and then even worse when they wear off and i cant do worse than this

[phagodyke]

oh man.

[harryisntstraight]

Medication anon is back- I was just wondering what made you want to take them (that you feel like death can't come soon enough is given but why that over anything else? assuming you don't do therapy too, idk?) and if you can feel any change at all? I'm terrified of giving it a go because I feel like I'm making up the shit in my head despite the fact that I would literally rather drill a hole through my brain than participate in society so I don't deserve to try but also, 1

I’m afraid that it’ll cause some weird ass reactions and take a while to settle which would impede my ability to take exams in a couple of months? (As though I’m in any state to take them now, lmao) Am I just crazy? So yeah, I feel like I’m making things up so maybe I should just suck it and make Lifestyle Changes but also… I’m glued to my bed so idk. I’m sorry I’m rambling, it doesn’t make much sense but I’m just a messy ball of hyper/ sad feelz and I want the world to stop so I can get off 

hiiii! tbh a lot of what youre saying i can really relate to. i spent a loooong time thinking i was faking or being overdramatic or just lazy and just trying to cope by myself and pretend that it wasnt really happening. as for deciding to take medication its kind of a long story, i first starting going to therapy when i was 18 because my mum kind of picked up that something wasnt right and that i needed help and booked me a doctors appointment where they offered me medication but i didnt want to take it basically for all the reasons you’ve explained in this ask. so eventually my mum decided to pay for me to get private therapy bc the waiting list to get it on the nhs was a year and a half long. so i went to therapy for like ?? 3 or 4 months before i moved to london for uni and then i stopped going bc i couldnt afford to pay for it anymore and i was like. u know what. i’m fine!!! i dont need therapy!! i’m an adult!! (spoiler: i was not fine) long story short a couple months ago i decided that i was really struggling and that i needed to see a doctor and get my shit together and i was honestly really up for taking medication seeing as therapy alone honestly just didn’t feel it had helped me at all. like to me my illness is so physical? so even though i had learnt all these coping mechanisms at therapy i just felt like my brain was physically incapable of performing them. like idk the only way i can explain it is that its like i had a broken leg and my therapist was telling me i needed to get from a to b but nobody had given me crutches or a wheelchair.

 but anyway YEAH this is such a ramble but i just felt like therapy alone wasnt enough and that i needed a physical aid, which i guess i saw as medication. my doctor has me on a waiting list to start therapy again and my first session is next week and i think pretty much any doctor will recommend that if ur going to take medication, that you do therapy as well so you can tackle ur symptoms from all angles. honestly i feel like theres such a stigma around taking medication for mental health issues that really shouldnt be there, in my experience its nowhere near as scary or life altering as people assume that it is. obviously it depends on what specific medication u take, but most antidepressants take 6 weeks minimum to have a proper affect, so its not like u take one and theres this huge reaction and u become a different person or an emotionless zombie, yknow? for me i did have some initial side effects, but they were pretty minor. stuff like feeling a bit sick, a bit jittery, and ironically having heightened anxiety. but that all went away after a week maximum. 

i think medication is different for everyone and although not everyone will benefit from it, i feel like if you think its a possibility for you, you should definitely ask your doctor about it and decide together whether its a good choice or not. they can start you out on a low dosage and if you have bad side effects or just change your mind about taking it then your doctor can help u to come off it safely. like, i have weekly doctors appointments to talk about my progress and my meds, its not like they just give u some tablets and throw you in at the deep end yknow? honestly, theres no shame in taking meds and mental health is just as important as physical health and everyone deserves a chance to get better and not suffer in silence and just ‘suck it up.’ meds are there to help you, theyre arent this yknow, super scary pill thats gonna turn u crazier than you already feel. from what youve said i’d really advise you to just make an appointment with ur doctor and tell them how ur feeling and that youve thought about medication and see where it goes from there. sorry this is so long and rambly omg but like.. i care a lot asjfhsdhf. i hope this helped a lil bit and feel free to ask if ur curious about anything else xxx