#i dont want to pass!!!! i dont i donttttt
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i should be getting out of bed but i keep thinking about the cursed fact that I'm trapped to be seen either as a man or a woman by the general public for the rest of my baka life
#i dont want to pass!!!! i dont i donttttt#and i recognize that “passing” as nonbinary would just mean that the general public would form an idea or a set of characteristics#they call nonbinary and it would just be another box to escape from#and getting gendered isnt really that bad for me. it doesnt exactly hurt most of the time.#and what the fuck do i care what people i dont even know see me as#but idk. sometimes i will be existing in a public place and get hit by the knowledge that most of the people seeing me there will think#i'm a man or a woman. no both no neither no inbetween. and. idk man it's kind of depressing#and sometimes when i think about things i could possibly want if i ever medically transitioned to some degree it's like.#yes i want these things but i dont want to trade “(almost) solely gendered as a woman” for “(almost) solely gendered as a man”#it would just be different kind of misgendering#and maybe even worse on some aspects because like. i'm accustomed to being gendered as a woman even though i am not one.#so it's ''yeah it's not me and i dont exactly like it but at least it's familiar''#i know it's not actually this hopeless and people do transition to that inbetween look i'm after all the time and i do have many people#in my life who do see me for what i am and also most people in public places are not even paying attention to me#so like. i'm fine really. i just needed to get that out of my system#and now i'm late for the bus :| sorry tosse i might be late to our scheduled lunch
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