#i dont wanna go into too much detail because i really dont wanna start drama or be responsible for anybody being harassed

[sonknuxadow]

just saw some weird homophobic hardcore christian person saying that sonic and shadow are too gay in sonic prime and thats bad because being gay is bad and on one hand i do not want any ships becoming canon like in general and i think a lot of sonadow fans are being super annoying about sonic prime and exaggerating how gay they are but also. it would be kind of hilarious if sonic and shadow kissed in the last episode just to make people who think like that mad

[iantosource]

i have a Take that people probably aren't going to like very much but. i was watching miracle day with my friend and we were discussing jack's character and it sort of hit me why jack feels less and less interesting as a character as time goes on.

a lot of jack's character in torchwood is about being mysterious. there are a lot of gaps in his history between becoming immortal and the present day that he just wont talk about, or only in very vague terms (his wife shown in something borrowed, his time with the traveling circus,....) and thats sort of where we start to get an issue once we enter big finish material. because if they wanna keep that mysteriousness that's so central to torchwood jack they really cant fill out too many of those gaps, so instead a lot of his audios ive listened to are kinda just "hey lets make jack have a little adventure unrelated to anything else". and that can be fun for sure! but it's rarely a story that tells you something new about jack, unlike say, ianto's stories which almost always give you new details on his life and mannerisms and tastes. (this probably happens with the other characters too but ive only listened to a couple of audios for gwen, tosh and owen so i dont have as much knowledge to base myself on)

eventually jack becomes kind of boring because they just never add any depth to him anymore. i found it especially noticeable in the story continues : jack doesn't really have anything going on besides being sad about ianto and not telling his team about his plans? the static-ness of the characters is a bit of a problem in general with seasons 6 and 7 but jack was already written this way in season 5. i feel like part of this is big finish not wanting "backlash" from the fans if they make jack "move on" from ianto, but it just feels very strange because it isn't the first time jack has lost someone he loved and even though he's obviously heartbroken about losing them, he never let it stop him from falling in love again. (plus they could've definitely made his character evolve without putting him in a new relationship......)

in short i feel like jack is stagnating in a lot of big finish stories compared to the way the rest of the team gets new layers added to their characterisation in every new audio drama. it's making him boring when he used to be very very compelling.

[lostonmari]

SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look ����

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

[chimera-shifts]

— 🎻 : what is a fun scenario you have scripted and you excited for? (be detailed:))

yayayay ty for the ask,, sryy i took so long to respond lololol i actually dont script a lot of scenarios but i do write down the vivid dreams i have as scenarios,,, which i guess count,,, okay im putting this under a cut i forgot how much of a yapper i am

most of my scenerios are PURELY for the bit..... because my dreams are stupid... except for the ones thet arent bits that i will not be sharing becuase when its not slash jay its slash ess are ess

theres this scenario,, it needs a bit of background,,, im an international transfer student hosting with lila bc shes also a transfer student yk..... we pretend to be siblings for the bit. everything is for the bit. IT WAS NEVER THAT SERIOUS... like sometimes shes like "do you wanna lie and say this together" ill just be like "YES OMG YESSS" if it isnt something too crazy,, like if im not in relationship drama ill be a problem everywhere else.. LOLOL JK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (also i feel like its important to say that NO ONE in this dr is a crazy irredeemable BITCH bc i thought it was weird that all the crazy irredeemable BITCHES were high school girls... and then gabriel)

in this dream dream marinete had called us out for not being related and it was like a huge thing and i was DEEPLY UPSET about the joke not being funny anymore because of her (which tbh real) and this was like,, right before the style queen episode where like,, the fashion show happens right??

okay i scripted im a model because OF COURSE I DID!!! I MEAN JEEZ MAN IM NOT JUST GONNA BE SOME RANDOM BLOKE IN PARIS WHOS ONLY DEFINING FEATURE IS A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES,,, so i would have to attend the fashion show,, but like i didnt wanna go,, for several reasons ,,,

so then me n her (mostly her) came up with like the stupidest idea,,,

she came to school super excited and was talking about how her brother was visiting from germany (?? i cant remember) (this happened months ago sue me) for the fashion show,,, and convinced everyone WE were faking being siblings but her "REAL" brother was coming soon but she "never talks about him because hes old" and i instantly start doubling down on this like "OH YEAH HIM??? HE HATES ME!! HES THE WORST UGH HES A BIG GROUCH BLAH BLAH BLAH I HATE LILAS totally real OLDER BROTHER" and over the week lila is styling one of her old wigs for me and meanwhile im ordering like a bunch of clothes ive never worn before and custom shoes to make me look taller and everything and were brainstorming fake names and backstory details and everything fashion show rolls around, i call in last minute to tell gabe i broke my fingers or got sick or something and wasnt fit for the runway blah blah blah,, i get dressed, get like,, makeup to change my ENTIRE FACE even that wax you put on your nose to change its shape..... i have contacts in and our hair (wigs cough cough) are similar colours and im like 6 foot something i look like a WHOLE NEW PERSON.

and then we just go there and mess around lololol... OBVIOUSLY SOMEONEEEE NOT GONNA NAME NAMES marinetteCOUGH COUGH had to sus me out and start prodding but we like DOUBLED DOWN SO HARD. acting like i didnt know anybody the whole time...

I lied about being a child movie star before going into academics, i whipped out some german (because who DOSENT script they know 4 languages MINIMUM) i was SHIT TALKING myself in the third person like any time anyone was like "omg where is chimera theyre not on the runway and not responding to texts omg" i would just be like "OHHHHH MI GAWDDDD BE HAPPY THEYRE NOT HERE!!! SO ANOYING,,, SUCH A SAD LOSER UGGGGGHHH"

i even went as far as to change how my miraculosu looks when disguised so i could keep it around lololol,, LIKE I WENT FULL EVIL BITCH MODE HERE JUST LYINGGG LIKE I EVEN BOUGHT A NEW PHONE SO NO ONE WOULD SEE MY UGLY FLIP PHONE IN MY BAG

all this just to do a little trolling

idk why my dream cooked this up but it was lowkey really fun so i scripted it in as a scenario SORRY FOR THE YAPPING I KNOW THIS DOESNT MAKE MUCH SENSE maybe ill post a cleaned up version some time once i get to it,,, or a story time if i ever actually experience this first hand in the near future,,,,

[zombiepatch]

sorry for the weird ask but what do you say that about the podcast? haven't caught up with it in some time and now im wondering if i should at all 💀

late(ish) reply bc i struggled to figure out how to word this in a non-rambling manner (failed, ultimately lmao)

i will say, a lot of people liked s4, and there were things i had fun w/ too (smth the show has going for it is the sound design and presentation and that was top notch in s4), so i wouldn't say my own complaints would bother you as much or make it not worth listening to, just that... it might and it certainly irritated me personally to the point of dropping it.

the biggest thing that is especially apparent to me are how flat and unrealistic the side characters are. like, that's always been a problem in the show, but holy shiiiit dude. there's so much drama and angst surrounding arthur but all of these side characters, who could have their own complex motives and thoughts towards him, are like "no arthur is my special special boy. also i just met him" (oscar cough cough) and it's. well. it makes me want to rip my hair out. like i can say with absolute 100% certainty that if arthur were a woman everybody would be like "god, such a mary sue" but LOL

there's also the feeling that i have constantly with this show of just... diminishing returns for conflict and massive inconsistencies. in the beginning of the show, i was making theories and paying attention to cool little details, but after a while i gave up because i started to feel like... it was difficult to pinpoint what elements of the story mattered / actually stuck and what didn't. if that makes ANY sense ^^;

like, i've whined about this before, but i still can't get over how little impact survival cannibalism had on arthur's psyche. i was just kinda waiting for SOMETHING more there that never came. it really feels like it was just forgotten. like... partly this is a me thing bc i like cannibalism as a horror trope and was like "yessss <- freaks" but surely it's not wrong of me to expect the horror show to have more to say about the whole cannibalism thing that apparently happened 😭

frankly there's a lot more i could say about the show as a whole but this is already long and disjointed so i'm gonna stop there. there's a designated negative tag where people, much more eloquent than me, have spoken about their own issues with the show / the creator if you wanna look through any of those posts. there's also a whole blog dedicated to how weird the show is about women, which is a whole other rabbit hole i didn't even mention here.

in all, after all of that, i still like john and arthur as character concepts, so i have a weird ass relationship w/ this show where i'm a huge hater but also i'm taking these guys with me. dont worry guys i'll get you out of there. CERTAINLY not out of the horrors, that's what i came here for in the first place, but... out of canon ^^;

TO END THAT HERE'S SOME FANART I DID AND NEVER POSTED;

[not-souleaterpost]

The suprisingly bad plot of Bomb Rush Cyberfunk

So I played this little fun Jet Set Radio clone (don't worry, it ties into the iceberg, so I wasnt technically procrastinating with video games-)

And the thing that stuck out besides the expected and fun is how the story was bad. In a surprising way - not as "oh I didnt expect it to suck so much!!!" But nah, what I mean is that it failed in a interesting way.

So what do I mean?

Well lets start with the whole setup "Oh yeah, you get your head chopper of and are actually just a random scrap metal robot controling a should-be lifeless body."

This is weird enough, but the fact that there is that much head switching and body stitching is just strange, you wouldnt really expect that from a skating game - hell it makes the casual light-bulb eye-switching from Naruto look tame in comparison.

Still, one could guess that its just a quirky thing (or more disturbingly that some of the developers gets off from it, like not the weirdest thing that exist) - just some funny detail to get attention and stand out.

But not, this thing actually is the crux of the whole "theme" and "charachter arc"

And its weird that this kind of game trys that, like if mario struggled with alcholism as a framing decice for generic platformer #64. Cause why do something that is overly ambitious and will fail?

Like this game sadly failed - the whole search for "roots" just felt kinda unatural and as if the people were living in a different world from you (like ok I get it the society literally is that much weirder, but I mean in a sense of just procecing information and emotions differently than a standard human would)

Just the fact that the charachters feel empty and you dont really connect with them or their relationships makes everything hollow - yet its weird that they tried at all - cause yeah in the end in Jet Set Radio, nobody gives a shit about that stuff, we just wanna ride the line with carefull cartoon charicatures.

Yet still the story decided to introduce plot twist, thematic foils, villians with pseudo-arcs, drama etc.

But somehow it doesnt get how at the same time it just doesnt work on a basic level - like after its revealed that not only that Faux guy killed Felix for a petty reason but also is about to kill all other Graffiti pals, its kinda irellevant that his "big secret" was "Oh your dad kept you out of trouble"

Yet the game plays that up as some final all revealing shocker, and even gives Faux a death mirroring Felix initial fall.

Also the whole arc of Felix is both weird and at the same time something that seems to be trying to say something - from starting as some random smart hair-dryer, to it being revealed that he secretly was a legendary skater with amnesia, and the whole "you are both now"-

I get kinda that they tried to say "look he died partly because of his arrogance and not letting others be close may sparked Faux's psychopathy", but still at the end it just doesnt click, you know what Im saying - the first thing after coming to life with no memory is "Oh I wanna paint the city, yeah why not and find my original head even if its not really mine" and then "Oh I guess I learned the power of friendship, even if we interacted minimally and in the end only the final thematic attack showed the use of bonds"

Like yeah, it showed literally moments how without other people he would be dead but still it was so subdued that its weird to do a whole story like that.

Especially a story as whacky as it - with a evil skater head taking over the police and brainwashing everyone to do his biding while becoming a giant centipede monster.

But the weirdest part is that it even had the whole meta-commentary about how yeah it IS a rip-off and one cant escape that, but like, we are totally something new too guys!

But guess the only really clever writting was the set up of that weirdo with angel wings actually having a absurd but believable reason for overhearing everything lol.

Yet other things just go nowhere - the sniper kinda disapears from the story, there are obvious times where you are just sent in circles for padding, etc.

And that last thing is kinda what leads me to my attempt to reverse engineer the story -

I would guess they started with the wacky desing of the main guy and someone though "but why do he be having that crazy head thou?"

And from that it sparked the idea, well he lost the head - and that connected with the whole "identity" thing especially when they had to think if they were making something creative or just puppetering the corpse of a dead, head-team less corpse of a faux legendary franchise (I dunno why I said faux, I like JSR, but I had to tie in the names)

The details came later, hence why DJ Cybers Mask is supposedly Felix's, even though it doesnt fit the latter - cause yeah the charachter designs werent made like that originally.

And thats why there is some weird padding and moments - cause of budget reasons some things had to be stretched, or maybe some things had to be used in a way to maximise what one has done and to not throw away some cool concepts, even if they clash.

Also, Im not knocking this associative way of coming up with storys, just speculating if thats how it all came together.

Still, the fact that the story isnt just "Yeah we are rebels and here are police, lets fight!" without any of the before mentioned window dressing is surprising.

And, being non-generic is a positive surprise, no matter the execution - so see, this "essay" wasnt shitting on this game afterall.

(also contrast for a simmilar story that is unsurprisingly bad - Gravity Rush - but I'll save that for another time, man I wish that games creative direction was done by someone else, cause the gameplay itself has moments of being more fun than a lot of things...)

Oh also the proof that this all relates back to the Soul Eater iceberg - see what I found (sadly not first, cause I googled and some redditor noticed 2 months ago, alas if I played this game way back I would have had this eternal glory, not shame😔):

And if you say: That's it? I expected more!:

Yeah...Sorry

[cosmicdorito]

🪦 tv tag game <3 🪦

— list 8 shows for your followers to get to know you better. tagged by @michaelmandog we have some overlap so ill pick different gifs lmao

NBC's Hannibal

yea it has problems but it helped awaken the hidden goth part of me when i first watched it. yea the movies and books were better but the cinematography on this was insane imo

2. Better Call Saul

i would sell my soul for the chance to be in the same room as lalo salamanca. he consumes me. every single episode i watched with my bf i asked when he was gonna show up. for 4 entire seasons he had to listen to me say "is this when lalo gets introduced?" when he died i had to leave the room and go cry in my bathroom for more than ten minutes i was so incredibly distraught it was like i lost a real person in my life

3. Breaking Bad

obligatory after BCS. i dont like breaking bad for the narrative or the deep meaning or any of that bullshit i liked it because i enjoy taking the piss out of every single thing walter white does and my boyfriend had to listen to me explain in detail how i wouldve killed him if i had the chance every single episode. jesse and skyler deserve the world

4. Yellowjackets

i wholeheartedly support lottie matthews the cannibal antler queen and want to join her cult so badly. let me in. im at the gates im in the woods let me in. i wanna sacrifice i wanna live in the woods i wanna wear antlers and do dodgy witchcraft and pray to tree stump altars. i do half that stuff anyway let me in lottie

5. Life Below Zero

i know this makes me a nerd since this is a natgeo docuseries (?) but its genuinely one of my favourite shows. i know all the shit that happens to them is mostly staged but there's a lot of indigenous inupiaq people highlighted on this show and they show off their culture so respectfully and also sometimes it just has me on the edge of my seat like sue aikens goes "idk what that sound was. maybe a wolf" and i go "oh shit. a wolf!!!"

6. TUT

as far as ancient egyptian dramas (my long time only historical interest ive been an ancient egypt dictionary since i was 10 years old) this one wasnt too bad! which is saying a lot cough netflix cleopatra. the costumes were decent and as far as historical accuracy it wasnt the worst ive seen.

7. Sr. ��vila

i admittedly only started watching this because tony's in it but ive actually come to really like it as its own show separate from him. its dark and emotional and im really invested in his story and saving his family while trying to keep the syndicate operating at the same time. its kind of like lalo lite. walmart lalo.

8. Book of Boba Fett

i loved how much this show pissed off the star wars dudebros. im not even really into star wars anymore but the way they redid his character and gave him an actual personality and morals to compliment his established backstory was so good and for some reason the middle aged incels hated it and thats what i love. hes also hot as fuck. thick thick man.

tagging the same people as before im so sorry i only have like 5 mutuals or something like that lmfao so if no one else does this thats ok i just liked looking for cool gifs @yaoifag @bucketbug @kettleghost @chesswizards @kidkubrick @apyrisol

[wisteria-blooms]

Hii!! I recently left you a comment on AO3, but I figured I'd move over here to contact you again. I just wanted to tell you that I haven't stopped thinking about your Bill fic basically all day 😅 I've really come to appreciate it more and more as I've been mulling it over. It really feels like you had all your bases covered and everything came together in a satisfying way.

I just wanted to ask you about your process for writing it. Did you map out the plot before you started writing, or did you go chapter by chapter? Also I'm just generally interested in how you came up with some of the details if you're happy to share here or dms i dont mind? (I'm SO sorry I'm fangirling a bit here 😅 It's just your perspective on old tropes is so refreshing i feel like this is what it was like in the old days of the fandom 🤩🤩🤩)

Cue that TikTok sound: "Oh my goodness, I love this question."

Okay, so I'm happy to discuss any detail so feel free to interrogate but some of them I came up on the fly and won't be able to remember why. The idea/trope was inspired by the song 18 - Anarbor. I really took these lyrics to heart lol:

So if you wanna piss off your parents Date me to scare them Show them you're all grown up If long hair and tattoos are what attract you Baby then you're in luck

At the time, I only wrote for Fred or George, but it just wouldn't make sense y'know. Bill was older, cooler, and would be so much worse (in a good way) for the plot. I'd never written a Malfoy reader before, but the Malfoys were exceptional placeholders for the snobby, uppity family. And canonically, there's bad blood between the two families, so it was perfect.

So, going in, I only anticipated this to be a 10k one shot. That's why the first two/three chapters are so short. And then the last chapter is 8k words lol. I was trying to steer away from super long and flowery paragraphs and go for sweet and succinct but it didn't work haha.

When I started, I'd only written chapter 1, 2, and tidbits of that your-room-is-flooded scene in Nice. I knew that family dynamic was always going to be a thing, so it would have to be resolved eventually. I wanted Lucius to be the hard-hitter and cause the drama, whereas Narcissa was softer, eventually accepting the situation ("BY THE WAY, ARE YOU ON BIRTH CONTROL?"). As for Draco, I know all siblings have their rough patches, so I wanted to show that he's always had a soft spot for Y/N.

I remember just writing Chapter 4 and 5 on the fly. Like, Chapter 5 (the dinner scene) was my favourite to write/re-read. I still can't believe I wrote it because I'm not great with action, dialogue, and humour. And knowing Lucius wouldn't go down without a fight, I must've... created the move-in with Fred and George, and have Bill pull away at the same time. I think this falls in love with a typical plot, like conflict #1, resolution, conflict #2, etc... (throwback to middle school English class).

The Madame Millicent book really served no purpose initially. Then, I was like, let's have Bill find it to show that Y/N can be pervy too LMAO.

Y/N's extended family was also created near the end. I think thinking of characters as caricatures really helped me. Uncle Theo was Lucius on steroids, Genevieve and Claude as Y/N and Draco on steroids, Charlotte and Clara as wispy blonde maniac pixie dream girls, etc. It also helped show that Y/N and Draco really loved and supported each other when contrasted with other family members who actually didn't care much for them.

I'm the worst with finishing a series, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to give this a proper ending, but people leaving sweet comments, reblogging, asking to be added to the tag list really gave me that push to write a conclusion.

But yeah, if there's anything you'd like to know, please ask!! I'm so happy you enjoyed it so much and because of people like you, I end up wanting to write more hahahaha. 💓

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

[tandytoaster]

I have so much to complain about all the time lately I'm so sorry I'm just like [ head in hands ]

Last year I had 2 friends lie to me repeatedly for months in cahoots (""dating""🤡 each other). 1 I don't care for because he's lied and been sneaky before but the other has like fucking devasted me. Like the last person I would assume to pull one over on me, but about a month into the whole thing I gathered my suspicions and was Right‼️ much to my dismay.

I know I'm regressing here venting online in detail about the dramas of my life but shits getting to me.

Let me paint the picture for you. My 2 irl best friends are who I'm talking about. My ex boyfriend and my best friend of 17 years.

Last year my ex started working at where I'm currently working at, and my best friend just so happened to work there as well. They both put in a good word for me and now I work there and they've since quit ( unrelated ).

I was excited about this because I've never ( and I never will 🤡 ) had an irl friend group of people I know Really well so in the beginning I was really optimistic. My ex was like, "[best friend] is really pretty but I'm not gonna try to date her" and I'm like, "ok I trust u!" I did not trust him but that's a fight that didn't need to happen so I didn't let it.

We all went out 1 night with 2 other friends and it was very fun and I liked it a lot and then like 2 days later me, my ex, and my best friend made plans to go out and do stuff around town But Then I Got Covid so obviously I couldn't go out. They still went out which makes sense but it still like. Hurt because those were Our plans and now I've been excluded from Our plans.

This is when the bullshit started because allegedly when my best friend tried dropping my ex off at his place he held her hostage in her own car (???) saying shit like, "ohhh i wanna kiss u but i shouldnt" for like 2 hours. Ever since then they contiously complained about each other and I've never ever heard a positive thing from either of them about the other.

Not even a month later thats when I'm like, "okay something is up" because my ex sent me a fuckin. Pokemon go gift from the pokestop beside my best friend's house. When, weeks prior she was like, "I DONT WANT HIM TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE I DONT TRUST HIS ASS".

I keep trying to make plans with my best friend but its always, "oh, no I'm too busy with school. I'm too tired to go out" she was at his house the entire time apparently. She confessed to me like 2 months in, I had her come over and she was like, "you're going to hate me you're going to hate me. [ Your ex ] broke up with me. I loved him and he did this to me" SHE DIDNT EVEN TELL ME THEY WERE DATING SHE TOLD ME BY TELLING ME HE BROKE UP WITH HER? And then tried to say she loved him when I know damn well she didn't

I'm pissed at the overall lack of integrity here. Like yes I think it's fucking weird that she decided she wanted to date my ex boyfriend when she knew everything that happened with us from all the good and nice things to why we broke up. This is an individual I have been extremely sentimental about ever since I met him 10 years ago, someone who has been nothing but nice and passive with me (for the most part). And you got in the way of that. You inserted yourself in between my nice sentiments

The other big part of this I fucking hate is, she told me, "I knew there was a chance you would hate me for this and never talk to me again but I still did it I'm so sorry I'm such a bad friend". But You Still Did It! You ran that chance because I am beneath dirt to you, I am WORTHLESS in your eyes. I am not worth keeping. 17 years all for what. I really should have told her to get out of my apartment right then and there but noooo I'm too good at peace keeping and staying rational, to a detrimental amount !!! "I did this thing I assumed you would never talk to me again over" then why did you do it. Why am I worth throwing away. Unforgivable.

And I know what you're thinking, "why are you just mad at her, he was a part of it too" because I expect it from him. He's uncommitted and indecisive with a need for attention and I can handle it and put him in his place so to speak (uphold boundaries) when need be. It's just another day with him, with my best friend this isn't something I ever wanted to be suspicious of ( especially when she would tell me every day how much she hated him when they were 'dating' )

My best friend is the person who introduced me to "girl code". One of the many rules being, "don't go after your friend's ex" FUNNY!!!!!! How funny. She actually introduced this to me many months prior, before her and my ex ever actually met.

See, she was telling me about girl code because another girl in her group was interested in her ex bf. And she didn't like that. Its the hypocrisy, its the double standard. 'Don't do it to me but i can do it to you'. And then later on, some cable guy came into her then-place of employment and one of her coworkers was flirting with him because they thought he was her ex. When she told me this she told me she didn't appreciate her coworker doing that to her. 😇 I wanted to bring up the hypocrisy then and there but I didn't. Because she can't handle conflict. Any and all anger I have with this situation is unproductive and talking about it with her serves no purpose since the situation has ended and what has been done cannot be undone. But it festers inside me. If I get mad at her, she will come back swinging at me because thats what she does with everyone. Someone starts a fight and she digs her knife in and twists.

Thats all just one issue thats been pissing me off since forever and I'll die mad about it I will be so honest. She's ran my ex's name through the mud and has called him a gaslighter ( this i believe hes tried with me when backed into a corner but i dont fall for it ), a narcissist (she calls everyone she hates a narc btw), a woman beater, an abuser. And like. Because I'm her friend, her best friend (supposedly), I want to believe her. But shes also a self confessed chronic liar. And like, I know my ex, I've known him for 10 years and she knew him for 4 months. We saw each other for a little under 2 years and the worst he ever did to me was avoid me, which did hurt, and then ultimately chose to date someone else, which also hurt.

I realize how shitty this all sounds on my end, like, "oh my friend said this dude abused her but i dont believe it", but its because i know him and i know her and i know she lies about everything

She complains constantly about her other friends, has nothing nice to say about them, they're all toxic narcs too in her words. SO THEN I WONDER!!!!! Wtf is she saying about me. I really do wonder. She's very supportive to my face but it wouldn't surprise me if she talks badly about me to her other friends who she complains about to me.

I can only guess what she would complain about regarding me, my guesses are that she thinks I'm annoying [ gestures to my whole self ] and that I'm dirty.

My apartment is a whole mess and I hate it so so so so so much but I don't have the energy to get it clean. I use my energy doing the dishes over and over and over and over and then everything else falls to shit.

And!!!!!! I have a Filthy Disgusting Unhygienic cat 😁

I've had cats my whole life and she knows DAMNNNNNNNN well they are my favourite things in the entire world. So tell me why does she say to my face with such confidence she thinks they're gross and dirty. I think the men you date are ugly as fuck but you don't hear me saying that to you!!!! She's done it twice, first time was the post just below this and the other was 2 days ago where she said if she's going to move in with this other friend he can't have a cat because she thinks they're dirty.

I've also had a suspicion that she's never eaten anything I've baked. I like to bake. Baking is my talent, art is my skill. I like to give treats to my friends. I don't think my best friend has ever eaten anything I've given her. Probably because she thinks I'm dirty. I've never seen her eat anything I've given her, and anything I Have given her she doesn't acknowledge unless if I ask how it was. I Could give her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't like eating in front of people and just forgets to say anything. But given everything else, again, I'm not that stupid.

I have no plans on stopping being her friend because she's nice to my face i can just play stupid. But idk if she keeps bringing up the cat thing i might have to be like, "hey man. I get it. You think I'm dirty. You don't have to hang out with me if you don't want to"

I love her but she kinda sucks

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im reading this fanfic rn, it takes place vaguely in the late 19th century one of the characters is this super naive guy who barely even knows what sex is and that homosexuality exists and the other guy is like, The gay sexhaver. And theyve been having this kinda complicated relationship because the gay sexhaver is head over heals in love with the other guy, but that guys been kinda struggling to really recipocate because hes only ever been in love with a single woman and he never even thought of falling inlove with another man as a possibility and hes just so clueless about relationships in general etc etc. But anyway, the naive guy and the gax sexhaver do end up forming a pretty close bond and being pretty intimate with each other (sharing a coffin, drinking eachothers blood, theyre vampires btw i forgot to mention that) and the gay sexhaver starts to teach him about sex, and all of this culminates in him giving the naive guy a hand/blow job combination. Hes pretty overwhelmed by it because the guys never even had an actual orgasm before THATs how inexperienced he is, but he does thouroughly enjoy it. And because he doesnt know anything about sex he just assumes thats all it is, and the gay sexhaver is like "actually theres more, but i dont wanna overwhelm you too much rn, so we'll go to bed now and continue this some other time" And then, after a bunch of bullshit drama, that time finally comes and the naive guy is pretty excited because if, in his words, a precursor to gay sex feels THAT good, actual gay sex must be pretty awesome. The gay sexhaver doest really explain whats gonna happen in any detail, hes just kinda like "trust me my love, i'll make you feel good" and trust he does. So then he penetrates him and thats when the naive guy realizes that gay sex is when the dick goes up the ass and he hates that, he screams, he literally thinks to himself "no, i'd rather die" and that is very funny, but also i cant even blame him for that reaction. Like, the gay sexhaver just went in there, no lube (not even spit), no stretching like BRO youre a vampire, youve been having gay sex for centuries how are you THIS bad at it

[so-much-nonsense]

potential

one of my niche interests is binge watching. i am almost always watching something. one point in my life i ran out of things to watch. well, not literally, obviously, but i only wanted to watch certain things i completed them. stuff i did not wanna watch very often ends up being bad and boring than not. so as my last straw i have resorted to all languages. i watch content regardless of genre, language, country, age restriction(ahem thats not to say i am not old enough). anyways, during this process kdramas stuck with me as something to watch while i go to sleep or when i dont want too much plot and worry about or even think about it. they never came across having potential to me. i know a lot of others out there would disagree with me but this is just what i feel. theyre always slow paced, very bright, when not very bright trying too hard to be too dark(and failing miserably), no plot that hooks us up. but, BUT, recently, very recently, just 2 hours ago i watched a kdrama named long time no sex. obviously started off bc of the title but god it is so good. i mean, i have only watched 2 episodes really and that is the problem. so far everything they have shown me i cannot wait another 2 days for another two episodes. basically a married couple with no kids, pretty in debit and paying off loans and interests, a couple of insurances, but live comfortably. they start blackmailing others involved in multiple relationships. now the plot might not be the most interesting one ive watched, but the way everything is portrayed bw these two main leads, is more than unique. truly there are only a handful of series or movies that show this comfortable couple dynamic interestingly and god did this drama nail it. though they were a very active couple, they just stopped having sex few months or years back unintentionally and neither of them have had a problem with it. how they never stopped loving each other even though they havent been intimate is portrayed really well. the husband is literally the greenest flag everrrr. let it be when he remembers every single detail about them from 7 years ago or when he tries hugging her and reassures her that its fine if they dont have sex, or when he talks about how having sex is not a duty for married couple and when he sees that shes actually interested he recommends trying to get in the feel by telling each other things they like about one another, every single thing he likes about her is spoken so well and it is very evident how much he loves her. whenever theres a disagreement both of them proceed to talk it out in literally less than 2 minutes. though it might not be realistic, i mean, why is it not realistic? exactly! that is what should be going on and not hours of unnecessary arguments. he is really never afraid of being "lady like" and that makes him all the more manly because he is always very thoughtful and considerate about her and deals softly. no fragile masculinity exists here. i could go on about this man but ill stop lol. i can guess what the future episodes could host but i dont want to this time. this time i just want to be intrigued by it. i cannot wait for them to start having sex again, or its ok even if they decide they are better off this way(which would be totally unexpected). ok i just said that about two characters in drama. guess whos crazy? AND, and the fucking trust they have in each other, shed trust him with her life. even though he is foolish at times she balances it out. when his car got totalled and she found out that he dint tell her she figured a way to get him money instead of getting back at him or starting a fight(not that hed let a fight sustain or theyd go on for more than a minute) bc she knew theres no point in getting upset now that the cars gone and the intention behind his lie is nothing. its almost as if they know each other and communicate. crazy right. its almost as if they love each other.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

hi I'm back again, I requested the vin jin study date one and it was the best piece of literature I've read. It was so good that I wanna request another vin jin one cause I'm down so bad. This time could it be a scenario with him but he shows his eyes to the reader?

p.s. dont forget to take care of yourself ❤

connection (vin jin x reader)

details: soft oneshot, gender neutral reader written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and vin jin are dating

summary: your boyfriend decides to finally reveal what's under his sunglasses to you.

a/n: thank u for requesting anon <33 thats rlly high praise,, im happy u liked that one so much T_T 💘 i hope this works for u, and i hope ur taking care of urself too :]

×

Vin Jin NEVER made plans. Things just happened and he rolled along with it, or he would make things happen, and whatever happened would happen. He just wasn't the careful kind of guy, and often he acted without thinking.

For once, though, he made a plan. A plan revolving around something very important to him, one that needed much consideration and steps to take. He even did it without any help! Yes, maybe some advice from his smarter friend Mary would've been helpful, but he wanted to be as genuine as possible so he chose to do things in his own unique, messy way.

That was part of his charm--according to you, anyway--and he wanted to utilize it specifically because this plan involved revealing a secret to you. What better way to go about it could there be?

~

"Vin Jin, where are we going?"

"It's a secret!" He turned to make sure your eyes were still closed. It was really hard to see with his sunglasses and the darkness of night, but with enough staring, he could kind of see that your eyes were still closed. He smiled triumphantly and faced forward again to continue leading you by hand.

"Why? So secret you can't even show your lover the way to get there?"

"Can't you let me be romantic for once?"

"Pardon?" You wheezed and Vin Jin turned a little red.

He cleared his throat and attempted to defend himself. "Didn't this exact thing happen in the K-drama you were watching with Mary the other day? You were talking about how sweet it was." He turned a little more red when he remembered walking by and almost blurting out about how cringey and cheesy the scene was until you stated your opinion on it.

His response only elicited more laughter out of you. "Vin Jin, you are so cute."

"Man, shut up," he muttered, "I regret doing this."

"And yet you're still walking~"

"Because--" Vin Jin's small annoyance was quickly replaced with excitement at the sight ahead of him. "We're here!" He started sprinting and you yelped.

"Can I open my eyes now?! You're gonna make me trip!"

"Yes, whatever, c'mon!" His hand still held tightly onto yours as he ran until he felt he was at an appropriate distance to the small lake. He took a deep breath of the fresh air in the open space and then looked behind himself at you.

Walking forward to stand by his side, you looked around and asked, "This is where you wanted to bring me?"

You didn't sound as awed as he hoped you would and frowned a little. "Why? Is this place not cool?"

"You brought me here before to have a picnic."

"I did?" Vin Jin scrambled to find a memory of this and turned red once more when he did. "Fuck."

How lame. This was supposed to be a heartwarming moment where you say, "Wow, you brought me to a place personal to you?" and he was supposed to reply, "Yeah, because you're my number one, babe." Actually didn't that happen the first time he did bring you here?

He tried to brush his scenario aside when you started laughing. Again.

"Never change, Vin." He huffed when he felt you press your lips against his cheek.

"You know I won't. Now let's sit." He started to sit down and practically dragged you along.

"What are we doing?" You hurried to sit with your legs crossed.

Vin Jin let go of your hand to snap with both of his fingers. "We're going to stargaze." He grinned at your amused expression.

"Okay, I'm ready when you are."

"But first..." Here comes his plan. "Uh." Vin Jin had never so intensely felt the pain of "easier said than done" until now. "I need to take off my sunglasses, y'know? Can't stargaze if you can't see shit."

He tried to watch your expression to see how he could proceed. All you did was widen your eyes. It seemed like you were going to say something so he waited, but it only resulted in an awkward pause.

"So... uh... yeah, gonna take off my sunglasses," he eventually continued, slowly bringing his hands up to his shades. "Don't mind me."

Yup. This was his plan. Be as casual as possible; because he knew if he tried to take himself seriously, he would only trip over himself and possibly end up clamming up.

This way he could also not pressure you with his anxieties. He knew it wouldn't be right to tell you, "I'm going to show you my fucked up eye and if you scream or make a single disgusted reaction I am going to dig a hole and live in it for the rest of my life," no matter how much he wanted to say it.

If you wanted to break up with him because of his eye, so be it. He didn't want to lose you no matter what, but if you left because of an "ugly" part of him, he knew you wouldn't be worth it anyway. No loving person would leave their partner for something like a physical trait considered unusual.

Well... that's what he was trying to tell himself.

Vin Jin gulped, growing frustrated that he couldn't stop his shaky hands. Your eyes still on him didn't help. At this point, he had his hands on the sides of his sunglasses but was just holding them there.

Nearly a whole uncomfortable minute passed before you spoke. "Sorry, do you... want me to look away?"

The gentleness in your voice combined with the sincere look of concern on your face was the last push Vin Jin needed. He took a steady breath before replying, "Nah, it's good." He didn't let you say anything more in case it would've stopped him from what he was about to do, so he just quickly took his sunglasses off and set them aside.

Immediately he looked away from you out of instinct and cursed at himself before trying to casually lay down on the grassy floor. He glanced at you to see you looking away as well. If only he could see your expression.

He crossed his arms behind his head while you laid down next to him.

It was silent again. The mood was too tense for a peaceful activity like stargazing.

"I walked into this, I better damn finish it."

Vin Jin slowly turned his head towards you. He tried to start a conversation, but only opened his mouth to close it. He knit his brows as he let a few more seconds of silence pass before relaxing his facial features and saying, "It's way easier to stargaze in the countryside."

"Yeah, I'd imagine. All these city lights are ruining stargazing." You replied lightly, chuckling even, but you appeared as tense as the mood. Your eyes were focusing intently on the sky above; as if looking back at Vin Jin would cost you your life. It honestly made him feel bad for how sensitive he had been in the past about trying to hide his eyes, but at the same time was glad you were so respectful of his boundaries.

"Right?" He continued to stare at you, hoping he would not have to prompt you to look at him. "I wanna take you there one day. Not where I'm from, but somewhere in the countryside."

"I'd love that."

A soft smile formed on his lips. "There's also a lot more space in the countryside. Less people plus less streets and places to navigate. I think it'd be nice to run around there with you."

"Mhm. I'm guessing that's why you like this place so much. Does it remind you of the countryside?"

"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the city, but it's nice not having to worry about running into something every five seconds."

"Hm, well, maybe that has to do with the sunglasses you wear?" The way you were easing into the conversation made Vin Jin give himself an internal pat on the back.

"I got you and Mary to help me navigate around, don't I?"

"Can't do that for the rest of our lives, you know," you chuckled again.

"No choice, you're both stuck with me until the day I die."

"Guess I can't complain then. I signed up for this after all."

"Yes, you did."

The talking continued as topics and bantering bounced back and forth between the two of you. A few minutes in, Vin Jin turned away from you to admire the stars with you. He knew he was "chickening out," but tried to convince himself this was part of his plan to be casual. He did say he wouldn't force you to do anything.

~

It finally happened, albeit an accident.

While telling you an embarrassing childhood story about Mary, Vin Jin and you had turned to look at each other as he was saying, "She got all mad and looked at me like this--"

He was pretty sure your eyes widened at the same time as his. He froze up, his brain yelling at him to hurry and put his sunglasses back on, but he did his best to ignore it and tried to finish his story.

"Uh." The words were caught in his throat. "She..."

You were staring. There was no look of disgust. No look of fear. Only simple curiosity and surprise. Dare he say... entranced? As if you were observing an artpiece and trying to figure out its meaning, rather than looking at a freak.

Suddenly the fear Vin Jin was feeling was replaced by him getting flustered. He couldn't stop himself from turning away and that was when you seemed to have realized you were staring.

"I-I'm so sorry!" A waterfall of words spilled from your mouth, but mostly apologies. You tried to explain yourself but could barely form a sentence. It would have been cute if you didn't sound so panicked.

Vin Jin said your name, which got you to become silent, and then, "It's fine."

"It's--it's fine?" you repeated, now sounding confused.

"Yeah." Vin Jin forced himself to turn back to look at you. You were looking away once again. Now that you finally got a look at his eyes, he decided to be less indirect. "What's wrong?" He plastered on his iconic grin, playing dumb. "You never seen someone's eyes before? Weirdo."

"I... but... you..."

Turning to lay on his side, Vin Jin put his elbow out so he could prop his head up with his hand. "But what? You can turn back around, I don't care." Despite his confident tone, he was still physically shaking a little but he just hoped you wouldn't notice if you looked back.

"Vin..." Your voice softened. Still, you did not yet turn. "I don't understand. Why are you suddenly okay with showing me your eyes?"

"Ah, fuck." Time to get serious, he supposed.

Vin Jin sighed. "I just think it's about time I show you. I can't imagine never getting to see you properly for the rest of my life 'cause of my darkened shades."

You took a few seconds to process his words. "Aren't they an insecurity of yours, though? I'm just confused about why you're so carefree about them now."

"That's..." Vin Jin swallowed whatever pride he still had at the moment. "Because I figured it was the best way to go about it for me. There was no way in hell I was gonna sit down with you and seriously talk to you about an insecurity." He tried to crack a joke to ease his nerves. "Besides, how awkward would that be, right?"

"Huh." The silence that passed made Vin Jin beg you to say literally anything at all--internally, of course. "Are you absolutely sure it's okay for me to look at your eyes?"

"Yes. I think it's like..." Vin Jin wished he was better with his words. "A sign of trust, you know? And I trust you, a lot."

"I see." He watched as your body tensed up and then finally, you turned back around. The immediate eye contact made him tense up with you.

It happened again.

You had the same look full of love as you always did for him. There was just other emotions tossed in, but nothing bad.

This second time was a confirmation of sorts for Vin Jin that you viewed him the same. He didn't become a monster to you, he was only just your boyfriend. A human with an unordinary eye. And you still loved him.

Relief washed over him.

"May I ask what happened...?" you carefully questioned.

"Polycoria," he said, "is the name of the condition. I, uh, I'll tell you more about it another day. Probably." Nervously smiling, he moved back to lay down on his back and look at the stars. "This was. A lot." He spoke through gritted teeth, cringing at his every word and feeling like he was a sweaty mess. "I don't have anymore... um. Vulnerability to share. I'm done today."

Whatever emotion was running through him was indescribable, but just like how you looked at him, it wasn't bad so that was something.

Thankfully, your melody of laughter came along and soothed his soul. "Alright, that's understandable, Vin." You also turned away, joining him to stargaze. "Thanks for sharing this part of you with me. I'll make sure to take good care of it."

Vin Jin wondered how he ever scored someone as kind as you. If he wasn't overwhelmed with emotions before, he was now. All he felt like he could do was grab your hand and say, "I love you."

You hummed, rubbing his thumb with yours. "I love you, too."

His heart practically exploded. He was also starting to feel a little dumb. How could he have ever doubted you? Why did he take this long to show you his eyes when he knew you would still love him the same?

Ah, it didn't matter. That was done and over with now.

Vin Jin smiled at the sparkly stars above. Until he remembered he should finish his story about Mary, so he turned back to you and continued. He stared at you lovingly as the conversation carried on and felt glad he pushed himself for this moment.

Tomorrow morning would be the first time he would properly get to see you with sunlight shining on your skin, without his sunglasses in the way.

[astrobiche]

Typical quotes i heard from some placements

That made me go "this is such a x thing to say" 🌸

Disclaimer : this is just for fun and shouldn't be taken seriously, enjoy 🥂

🍥Cap moon " im not fond of relying on others it makes me feel.. uncomfortable"

💮Cap venus " hes not spending money on me at all.. he aint the one"

🍥Cap sun " i wanna start investing in stock while im still in school"

Cap sun (hitting up my friend who had blocked him) : "hi i know we havent talked in years but i was wondering why u blocked me on everywhere? What did i do wrong?" Her *explains he's a pos* him "thanks for your input" is this customer service ?

💮Gem moon " my favorite genre is drama i like gossip and tea and drama you know?"

🍥Libra moon " u say yall are just friends? Nah shipping you" * proceeds to think everyone is dating and shipping everyone*

💮Sag venus " i really want a foreign bf and travel around the world and date guys from different countries"

🍥Aqua moon " this random guy just called me beautiful and i cringed", "i like to do my thing i hate conforming".

" i can turn my feelings off if i want, but its fun to feel sometimes so i dont"

💮Aqua sun " i wish i could live in a mountain far away from humans". "why are people so vile?"

🍥Sag sun "i like surrounding myself w people i can learn from and grow with"

💮 Pisces sun "people always talk about being delusional as if it's a bad thing but i beg to differ, being delusional is honestly so fun and it's taken me so far, like have you seen reality? Why would you wanna be a part of that? Live in your heads people!" - @flossybaby from TikTok

🍥 Aries sun "honestly, i dont care much about people or company when im travelling, i go because i wanna see the city itself"

💮Gemini mercury "so there's this book i started reading.. i'll tell u what i learn along the way"

🍥Sag mercury "i just said it like it is, idk why ure so mad bc of the truth?"

💮Libra mars "which city i prefer between my hometown and the one i currently live in? Hm we all belong to the same country after all haha i cant answer that"

🍥12h venus (whos also a gemini) : " u know its so easy for me to socialize and talk to ppl so i dont feel lonely but i need ppl to connect with spritually. Its like "love at first sight" but it applies to friendship too.. i wanna let fate decide"

💮Scorpio mars "that bitch is trying to steal my man but i came up w a plan to ruin her so i'll walk into the store she works at then complain about her to the manager.. i'll work out the details later.. revenge is a dish best served cold" (she seems like a menace but she didnt do none of that lol dont mess w a scorpio mars' (OR ANYONE)'s partner yall)

💮 *chilling on bumble and matches with a guy* me : "hii"

2 minutes later and without asking yet

Him " i'm a leo"

💮 3h neptune "nice to meet you! I just talked about witchcraft w the uber driver on the way here"

🍥 sag moon "i have a feeling whoever i marry is a foreigner"

[saintobio]

i´ve been waiting for so long to leave an ask here :d. i really love sn and its one of my favorites series rn, i really adore how you put the characters and the amount of detail and work that you put in it is the best and makes me think that this would look in the big screen or something like that cuz ive never seen a plot so messy (in a good way haha i really love the twists and development to every single character including the ones that dont play a huge role into the novel) hope i can read++

++ more of it and see what is gonna be at the end !! <33 im glad i found this work ( ill tell u my final thoughts at the end of the series or at least at the end of the 1st season haha)

@japanesevenom said

saint holy shit it’s been a while since I’ve caught your inbox after reading a chapter and I’ve got to say…. I’m speechless I having nothing to give apart from tears and the broken pieces of my heart god damn I mean we knew it all from the start but I’m still really hurt by the revelation honestly you’re going to give me a heart condition it’s not healthy for my heart to hurt this much I feel like It’s caged in metal im crying

But oh my god I love sad desperate satoru it’s truly questionable how much I reread his reaction to the divorce announcement and now to this something about men when they’re begging for forgiveness and professing their love that hits different well I love u

Damn… at least we had lots of fluff on his birthday now we got to figure out custody of the baby my god

Anonymous said

This isn’t really an ask but thank you so much for writing Sincerely Not, I never knew a post that I happened to fall upon at 3 am one morning would take over about 4 months of my life. It’s crazy that it’s coming to an end and I’m excited to see what you have in store for us readers !! Take care 💛💛💛

Anonymous said

im nervous for sn2 omg >///< also tmi was listening to this song "i love you so - the walters" and reminded me of sn ❤️ thank you sm for the great series saint!!! i hope ur getting enough rest stay safe 💟

Anonymous said

i haven’t been able to interact or read the latest chapters because of uni but just wanted to check in! hope you’re doing good and that your days are well Saint!

-🦢

@natsukashii-ai said

Yayy!! finally! i just wanted to addressed your AMAZING work for “sincerely not” wow such a treat 💖 keep the good work sweetie ✌🏻

Anonymous said

i havent written an ask in so so so so long because i know you have a lot on your plate and didnt wanna add to it but i just want you to know that your works are absolutely amazing, ik you hear it from many people already but i just wanna say i appreciate you a whole lot. you stories are fucking amazing i dont know how many times I've reread all of them already. sincerely not keeps me going lately its something that i look forward to every week something that makes me wanna get up everyday 😭😭 i love u and ur works so much words arent enough!!

@sin-with-quiche said

I just want to say I'm a huge fan of this story. I love everything you put into it. The thought, the dedication, the love. I'm sure us readers can feel all of it. I recommended this to my friend, and she absolutely loves it too. We fangirl & discuss about the story! I swear to God, you have first class material to make this into an excellent drama! Do take care of yourself, and don't mind the negative remarks. I love you & your work so much!!! <3(btw I sent another ask long ago, hope u read it!)

THANK YOUUUU SO MUCH 😭😭😭 sn1 is ending soon and i’m really grateful for the love u guys have given this series <33 i appreciate the feedback and support !!

[maiverie]

yk i just wanna share,,, I've been wanting to be a good writer just like you 😯 and any other authors there but like my head can't just form ideas the only ideas it's forming is the idea to sleep IT'S SO ?!*@?@ LIKE i wanna ask / im curious how writers like you think of prompts, the storyline and all and write it nicely ??? 😭 so yea i admire you !!!

:(( anon wth this is so sweet thank u so much :( u admire me?? bye i'm so flattered you even think of me like that 😭 it's an honour to receive this kind of ask so thank u sm for sending this through ☹️🫶 you're not alone,,, writing is hard and coming up w storylines can honestly be so ass 😭 i honestly dont really know if i'm all that qualified to give advice, but here are my thoughts!! :>>

in my experience, the best way to come up with a story idea is by literally just choosing one thing that you really want to write. it can literally be anything — maybe you really want to write a particular trope (enemies to lovers), a time period (something based on the 80s), a season (winter or summer), a workplace (the office), a character with a particular career (a magazine editor), or something really mf random (a character that goes shopping for christmas). just choose something to start with and flesh it out from there! most of the time, i choose my "one thing" by getting inspired by tv shows / movies / songs / other fanfics. for example, i might be watching a medical drama and think "damn i rlly wanna write a hospital au or nurse au or medical student au".

i think it becomes less overwhelming when you choose just one thing you want to do, because you can let your idea sprout from there. even if your final idea deviates far from your starting point, it's a lot less daunting starting from one idea than sitting there tapping your fingers while waiting for a story plot to randomly come up.

after you choose your one thing, maybe add in more details. if you've chosen a particular trope like enemies to lovers, think about why they're enemies and then go from there. was it a misunderstanding? where is the story set? how old are they? how do they fall in love? stuff like that! honestly sometimes i just put on main character music and visualise scenes that come to mind 😭

sometimes, your "one thing" can literally just be a dialogue line. is there one line you really want to include in your story? maybe it's a nickname or a particular scene or ending or something like that. for example, your one thing might be that you don't want your characters to end up together, so you can backtrack the series of events that unfold to make that happen.

as for writing tips, oh god if i included everything then this post would literally be way too long :< my best tip for writing is to honestly focus on your characters. start small and choose two/three main characters and focus on them. don't worry about coming up with a unique plot or something full of twists or whatever else. my favourite stories in the world were written by authors who made me genuinely love their characters because they felt real. sure, a whacky plot might hook a reader in, but likeable characters that are worth rooting for are what going to make your readers stay.

ways to make your readers want to root for your characters is by giving your characters motivations and fears and all the other stuff that real humans have. for example, i'm not going to give a shit about story about a snail that roams the earth. but if you tell me that that snail is the only one left of its species and its one true goal in life is to find another snail to marry, i'm probably going to care a lot more about the story bc now i rlly wanna know if the snail gets what it wants :<

LMAO maybe that made no actual sense but my point is mostly to just flesh out your characters and give them feelings and emotions and show that in your writing. with the enemies to lovers example, i really love the e2l stories that genuinely make me feel like the two characters are better when they're together because they bring out the best in each other. maybe i'm rooting for them because one of them has a history of self-sabotage and i really want to see them be happy for once. stuff like that, yk?

sorry if this was quite tangential and the advice is a little vague. you can always ask clarifying questions!

here are some resources that might help!

job ideas

dialogue prompts: one, two, three, four (search "dialogue prompts" on tumblr)

more prompts!

also bff don't be too hard on yourself. writing is so subjective — people you think are good writers might be considered bad by someone else. just write about stories you like, whether it's a cute romcom plot or a horror fic or an angsty story about fucking snails, because that's all that really matters. have fun okie? :>>

lots of luv <333