#i dont wanna call it ed because i feel its not that major and wouod be unfair toward ed people

[trashbill]

Aughh why do I always get like,,,wanna get skinnier urges whenever I feel slight attraction towards someone even though I know I wpuld not ever be with him or he attracted to me

Like being into a cis probably het guy as a non-binary transmasc is stupid in itself because most of her Cis men don't really get the whole thing

And to the ed I guess ed part of the rant

Every few months I have like a few days when I want to get skinny and stuff and especially purge and shit

Because I had this phase for a few weeks like in 2019 and it never really went away like I only purged at that time and not very often cause I'm scared of my parents lol but now my hs has this really nice bathroom and I'm home alone more and I've been thinking of it because it felt nice

Same with like fasting and stuff I like how hunger feels and I like having some kind of ,,phase/"obsession" to have my thoughts on 24/7 because whenever I'm not consuming media it usually turns into a crush on someone which is hopeless in itself

And the thing is I'm not like fat kr anything I don't even know what I'm thinking

Like most of the time I don't eat that much and I don't really have anything to purge from tbh

Amd like I don't desire a skinny body tho that would be nice to have the flat transmasc type of figure and the weight loss part is pointless because I don't even have a scale in my house so the only time I know what my weight is is at a yearly checkup by a school nurse 💀