#i dont think about thtrem anynmore but i still feel guilty abouty it

[humongousabysmal]

even thoguh i think im like the best person ever i kind of lovemy perosnality andwho ive developed to be i was especially shy and mean and weird as a kid but as ive grown into my teenage years ive beencome way more social amnd open and idgaf about ayhting anynmore im not as insecureas i used to be however i still have an inceidbly weak point: FORMING RELATIONSHIPS. like besides my family whe n i say i have no friends i fvucking mean it and im not as ashamed of it as i used to be becauxse ive alreaxdy gotten used to it after so long but holyy shet like im not astupid or somehtng i absoluteloy do know how to talk to people in fact imm super good at it im really funny and a bundle of joy to be around my teacher even said i wass a pelasure to have in class so heh ion yiour face dsigrace but ok as i was saying i can talk to peopel but whjem it comes to like....developing anything beyond occasional conversation and gegtting into territory likie hey lets talpk all the time ! letys hangout!!! i dont even know whats wrong with me i just ffrreeze up and sart distancing muself and or start ignoring peopl;e and messages. i really do want freidns and have a circle pf people i can ntalk to abouty everythig i want but its impossible for me. its not a fear of being judged or saying the wrong thing or whatever the fuck elxe reason its hjuts....i dont even know it feels like this big barrier betweenj me and other people. not in a qirky iim better and more unqiue than all yall bithces but. i seriously donty even know how to explain it. while i can connect with bodn with people i cantr take it a step furtheer anmd i always end up ditching people even if ii really want to be with tghem. "its not that serious quit beinga piussy and just let friendhsips happen dont overthink it why do u complain about having no friends but push people away the first chance u get" IDFK BRO U TELLME. anyways. vent over glad to get that offf my chest heh