#i dont rly play anymore but my friends do
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(idv) mrhghrhrh opera singer doodle
#identity v#opera singer idv#i dont rly play anymore but my friends do#princehoneytart#i love her Shapes also
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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yeeeeeehaw, i'm depressed as fuck today 🤠
#woke up missing my dad heavy#(i blame it on watching adam sandler movies)#((which im gonna do again today))#listened to music for the first time in a week (gawk by vundabar) but the songs spotify played after the album have me in a weird mood#they just remind me of being a teenager with my old best friend who doesn't talk to me anymore#oof i just get really sad thinking about her bc i watched myself get replaced in real time haha#i should rly change the music so i dont keep sinking lol#anyway back to missing my dad- i wish i knew him#or what he liked. or what he smelled like. or remembered what his voice sounded like#i know what people have told me but i want to know what his favorites would be *now*#just feeling a bit broken and hollow today i suppose#and a bit lost#maybe i should try tomake some art today#bleh#rAMbles#ignore me
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gn everybody. smiles widely
#i have been big into gn posts recently.... itis sort of fun#i feel like that umm. rabbit? From goodnight moon#was it a rabbit in that book..hold on#YEAH IT IS 💪#ohhh im so excited for the move im sososososos excited#th landlord seems rly sketchy but. Oh my gd i just wanna be moved in#for like a bazillion reasons but mainly bc I judt wanna be moved in so badly#society if i ws living with my girl and we could hold hands and kiss and hsve date nights and hang out and i could Look at iy#LIKE NOT TO BE DYKEISH AND FAGGISH IN NSTURE RN. BUT TH RHOUGHT OF WAKING UP AND GETTING TO SEE HIM IS LIKE. I MIGHT ACTUALLY START CRYING#n just like..oh my gd. im gonna get t see it every single day.n well get to talk every single day and ill be around him Every single day !!#n its like. im soso excited but im also like. scared. bc its gonna be a flip from like#rn i love with one of my best friends (my sibling).n my other best friend (hal) is across the country#but in..less than a month ill be living with one of my best friends (hal) and my other best friend (my sibling) will be across th country.#Thats insane. yk.. and im like scared n ik obv me and my sibling arent judt gonna Stop talking#im like. i get worried bc im like BUT WE DONT TEXT THAT OFTEN !! n its like yeah girl bc you.. live together.. and can just talk in person#but like. AGHHH. im also worried abt calls bc id wanna call a lot jus tt talk t them but were both awkward with phone calls#but i think itll be easier bc likee. yk... we r used to talking to eachother outloud Obviously#its just gonna be weird like. i wont be able t do local co-op with them anymore. yk..#if i wanna play a wii game or something eith them ill have t get all sorts of streaming shit set up#bc we like to. just hang out while one of ud plays a game#yk#im just like. ACHH im soso excited but at th same time im rly gonna miss lampstie 💔#and th rest of my family Obviously. but like#lamp is like. less than 2 years younger thn me. we literally grew up together ppl thought we were twins (they were dumb as he'll but still)#they thought we were twins ehen lsmp ws 6 months old and i ws. literslly 2. like..#but. yk like man im just scared bc ive never rly been away from my family for more than like.. a week#aside from when i lived with my mom while lamp lived with my dad#but then i lived with my dad. so#and now we both live with bith.. BASICALLY AAA#n of course m gonna miss my baby sister and my baby brother but theyre like. my sister is I almost said 7. shes literally turning 11 soon
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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idk if it’s ever been talked abt before but i was suddenly gripped by physicist in the love hotel thoughts like. what would be their ideal??? what would go down???
the love hotel is actually an insane concept but now i can’t help but think about it with physicist (and physouma, of course)
phys in the love hotel .... i dont think ive talked abt it before ? at least not at length . probably bc the love hotel is Slightly Weird to me , even if u hc the characters as adults which i do, there's still like . shinguuji, shirogane and iruma's which are just certified dr freakishness all over.
HOWEVER i think ive said before im a big fan of some of them. i love ouma's for character reasons and bc when i played the game i was a much bigger saiouma shipper than i am now ( not that i dont ship them anymore they just dont take up as much space in my head + i prefer kiiruma lol ) . i loved amami's , kiibo's, harukawa's, and momota's too :3
PHYS THOUGH . ok lets think. lets ponder together. we r those monkeys holding hands and spinning rly fast in a circle. you mentioned with physouma BUT i wanna quickly explore what a canonverse phys kamasutra event would look like, which would be with saihara.
i think it would be one of the events that kinda . border on romantic ? but is never explicit. definitely one of the more wholesome ones that would maybe revolve around them bonding or opening up to each other and ends with some slight physical touch ( which is sort of a big thing for phys ) like them resting their head on saihara's shoulder or them cuddling up in bed together and falling asleep. i think that could be kinda cute :3 as for the 'ideal' saihara would play for phys i can imagine it being maybe a childhood friend or a classmate they've known for a while, so they dont have to do the building blocks of building intimacy or small talk . which makes them anxious.
OKAY PHYSOUMA TIME. claps hands. the 'ideal' ouma would be playing would probably look different, since it's implied a big part of phys's initial attraction to him is trying to solve what makes his brain tick. they're a lot like saihara in that sense , and i feel like their love hotel event would take a similar form to the saiouma event in the game, with ouma playing like a phantom thief and saihara as a detective . very classic. but phys doesn't suit the role of a detective , exactly...
ok angsty thought . it's been mentioned that phys has passed through a few orphanages and foster homes so what if ouma as their ideal was another kid there . one who was super mysterious at first but is implied through phys's dialogue to have gradually opened up, and is now at the point where they have a fully trusting relationship. like phys makes comments on 'i'm so glad you opened up to me eventually' and 'i feel like getting to know you was such a puzzle... but i'm glad i stuck with it in the end! because it was worth it, for you.' AHHGHGHH sticking my head into a drain and screaming so my agony is reverberated throughout the entire street. just . so much emphasis on how phys's ideal for ouma is one where he trusts them entirely and their relationship is based on open and equal communication.
i can also see phys confessing and that being like the central kind of .plot point for lack of a better word. like the whole thing is kinda building up to it and ouma's getting progressively more nervous as he realises what they're getting at. i think he would try to evade it at first , do his normal tricks, but it risks the dream ending because phys's ideal of ouma is one that Doesn't Do That. so he very uncertainly relents and allows them to express how they feel . and at this point he's all I've Made A Big Mistake because its gotten way too emotional and intimate and theyre looking at him for an answer and it feels so real .
would he confess back or let the dream end . i guess it depends on how far in the story we are . sickening as it is. in a non killing game au i think he would confess . i think far enough into the story he also would , knowing that he cant and wont in real life because of what he plans to do in chapter 5 . but who knows ! who knows.
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lil musing on natsume + manga
anyway im not mad at the world anymore. i choose peace! let's talk about natsume's manga for two seconds bc i realized just now that @crimoncitrus , @thesightofworms, and i discovered the reason why natsume reads yaoi while we were playing the ga karuta game and i never reported those findings!
its just cuz rui and nobara like yaoi so theres a lot of that particular reading material in the da. natsume loves to read manga so. he makes do with whats around... i love that explanation SO MUCH bc it gives a new dimension to the da class dynamics. natsume hates those two people but is willing to swipe the books they bring to class lmao.
personally i think that explains why he reads so many random things, yaoi aside. he reads sanrio catalogs and books on jam and cooking. idk boy's a bookworm! he'll take anything as long as he can read. kinda like how as a child, if i was visiting my grandparents in serbia i'd end up looking through encyclopedias and shitty mystery novels i probably wouldnt rly consider otherwise bc its all that was available. natsume just reads anything, i guess.
including mikan's anger at mochu here as further evidence that he was able to give a really good gift! in the tokyopop she even accuses mochu of cheating...
for natsume's bday, mochu got him "manga he really wanted to read" and natsume looked as visibly excited as natsume ever lets himself be, probably bc hes happy to be able to read smth he wants rather than whatevers laying around. i know our boy's a special star and probably has plenty of money to fund a manga collection, but he doesnt seem to enjoy going to central town any of the times we see him there and he's usually just eager to leave asap so i dont think he makes a habit of going out of his way to buy manga. plus, i imagine mochu's huge haul for him took time and care that natsume wasn't willing to put in for himself. but mochu cares abt natsume so was willing to painstakingly search for his friend's favorite titles.
i know he usually uses manga to cover his face in class, but that's because he's tired and sick and needs rest. the glimpses we have of his bedroom suggest he reads manga there...
look at those books!
anyway rip to natsume bc his laziness wins over his desire to read something he actually enjoys everytime.
also for some reason despite the fact that i dont rly watch a lot of shounen, i wont be moved on my headcanon that natsume would. my reasoning is.... because.
#i think about natsume every SINGLE day. sometimes i write abt my thoughts but sometimes i cant.#today yall can have ramblings that arent particularly connected....#gakuen alice#hyuuga natsume#how do i say this..... hmmm#he acts like someone who knows a lot abt naruto and bleach#if that makes sense. i cant be any clearer than that#anyway i was gonna go thru the manga real quick but i dont feel like it lol
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i just imagine a small idea with Cayde
this is gonna be a little messy but bear with me
also this is gonna be sad so just saying
mention of dying
Stuck together
lets say, you are dying. you followed Cayde wven tho you dont have a light as he had to got to the one place where exos are born and broken.
he went with Banshee to discover sometging and you sneaked after them.
they got surprise Vex attacked and cause they didnt tought that you were there they didnt planned to hwar someone beinf shot at and injured badly.
you are no guardian, you dont have any other chance, or resurect. you have one life.
he hated this. he was actually mad at you but the worry was stronfer as he held you.
Banshee evwn as he was forgetful he kbow what he doing most of the time, as he told them there is a chance to save you.
you might not like it but there is no time to loose.
as they ran around the place Banshee found the machine that could help.. but the problem is, there isnt any functional shall nearby and the closes to them might be way too far and it would be too late to get.
while you are slowly loosing sight and concousness Cayde lied you down on the table..
then everything went dark with the voice of Cayde and Banshee yelling..
suddenly you wake up.. gasping. . where are you? what happene? why is it so cold? is it cold? warm? you dont know and as you looked around you saw a guy with spikes on his head.. it feels like you know him.. he's talking to you.
he telling you to breath.. breath? ok ok breath.. but then you looked down.
wait
this isnt your legs.. you slowly turn around and saw.. you.. on the table.. with weird helmet with a lot of vires on your head.
but.. what? you look down and you slowly realize..
"CAYDE?? WHAT? What happened to me??!?" you shouted in a panic as Banshee tried to calm you down.
"kiddo i need you to listen to me-"
he tried but cling to your gear.. Cayde's gear.. fuck how did this happened??
"Hey hey hey. listen to me sweetheart-" you gasped as you backes away into the corner of the room and curled up in a ball. you can hear Cayde..
"Listen... its all right ok? Banshee have everything under control. we managed to save you, ok?" he spoke in your head as you tried to catch your breath.. even tho you dont exactly need it anymore but its a comfort..
"listen.. we will fix this we will help you but for now you suck.. with me.. and in my body." you want ro cry.. but you cant ahed tears.. not anymore.. you want him near.. but he is near he's literally with you.. but you want his arms around you... like it was used to be..
"Cayde.. im.. this is wrong.."
"i had to save you somehow.."
"i want you here.."
"im right here."
"you know what i mean."
".. i know sweetheart.. i know.."
you felt your body goes numb as all you can do is watch.. as he took control.
"we'll fix this.. i swear."
______________________
i would say it would be the same as uploading an exo mint to another, and honestly i just imagined that as a human you would be 100% be rly panicky if you are suddenly in the same body as your lover/best friend..
and the lonely feeling about wanting to bw in their arms but you cant.. cause you are in the same body.. but its just not the same.
he wont be able to play with your hair or mess it up like he used to and he cant rly cuddle up with you until you get your own body..
my brain just kept imagining someone else panicing in Cayde body as they freaking out being in his body and controlling it.. like it felt wrong. that its not them.
but anyway, enjoy this idea, i dunno if i should take credit of it cuz im sure someone else tought about this idea already
tootles❤️♠️
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I personally think it’s not that nowadays Lando cares about Carlos less than Carlos does about him, I think it’s more about him getting fed up with repeated questions about his friendships with other drivers and with Carlos in particular, and actual journalists using these cringe words like ‘bromance’ and stuff, it’s annoying as fuck. He still answers that he gets along well mostly with Carlos and Max, so kudos to him for keeping it professional and not telling them to fuck off haha he’s literally asked about this all the time, like, everyone and their dog know by now who his friends are, journalists need to give it a rest already and ask him better questions
so like yeah, i do think its mostly that. lando hates few things more than people placing their own narratives on him, or thinking they know things abt his personal life that they dont. also, one of those few things (he hates even more) is cringe, or maybe in particular outdated-cringe - i genuinely think if someone mentions milk at him nowadays he might just curdle (ha) and die on the spot. so like. carlando and bromances in general hit BOTH of those spots. its as if theyre designed specifically to piss him off
but beyond that, i think uh. hm. how do i phrase this. i think fundamentally carlos and lando have slightly different attitudes towards competition, and also that.... i want u to bear w me on this one bc i say this w all my love for lando but i think carlos is just a bit more caring and sentimental as a person
what i mean abt the diff attitudes is hugely informed by this video i saw today (pretty sure @/vegasgrandprix linked to it so ill try to find it and insert it here!) where carlos said he'd maybe give a centimetre more leeway to fernando and lando when racing wheel to wheel. he goes on to say that that doesnt rly mean much and that hes touched with lando and fernando before so clearly it doesnt make a difference, but at the same time this is the first driver ive ever heard say this in any capacity. compare this with landos very straightforward 'once you're on track you don't think about those things anymore and all you want is to beat them' like. i genuinely dont think carlos features in landos thoughts at all when hes in the cockpit - which i wouldnt expect either! but apparently lando features in carlos's
i think u can rly see this when u compare what they both said abt singapore. lando, assuming carlos's racer brain works like his, says in all his interviews that carlos wouldve just done that for anyone and it doesnt make any difference that its them two. meanwhile, carlos fully explicitly says that he finds it more special bc he and lando were cooperating & managed to get a 1-2. that kind of clearly shows a difference in mindset beyond lando just not wanting to play the media game
abt what i meant saying carlos is a more caring person, in their relationship particularly - i just think hes always been rly attentive towards lando and has just like kinda kept doing it even after he moved teams. i rmbr watching their presser together a few months ago where carlos was being sooo delicate abt lando clearly being worse at golf bc he hadnt played in a while, & it rly reminded me of their dynamic back when they were teammates - while landos always found carlos funny and respected him as a racer, carlos was the one actively attentive to landos mood swings, self criticism, anxiety, etc. i think seeing lando at his (self-described) worst in terms of mental state has made carlos always harbour a sort of protectiveness towards him that lando cant and also isnt expected to reciprocate.
so like yeah i dont think landos lying when he says hes closest to max and carlos on the grid. he DOES get along w carlos and makes an effort to hang out w him when he can. i just think carlos has a slightly more open or emotional character, which reflects as a vague imbalance in their friendship
#landos a closed off independent little hag. he cant help it#his best friendships r w people who care abt him disproportionately while he pretends to b aloof and actually cares back#anon#ask#carlos#lando
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Hi Royalllll :DD
Im about to go play Assassin's Creed but I just thought of a question so here's 2/?
Do you play any video games? If yes, which ones and what one is your favorite?
oooh ty for the ask! and uh
I don't play any video video games. I just got bedrock Minecraft like three or four days ago. it's slightly embarrassing how good I am at the game and how much I know for playing approximately eight times.
I was really fucking good at Tower of Destiny on Coolmathgames in like 3rd grade
I slay at bop it. The irl device. I'm so fucking good at it. most of the time.
uhhh
Yeah. I have Beatstar! and Im rly good at that (it's a music tiles game where you tap in beat. it's accurate and also it uses actual songs not covers)
I think my favorite is Minecraft. I'm constantly playing with one of my friends, and it's really fun, even though it's genuinely terrifying bc I do not have any sense of time when playing and it freaks me out since I started playing at like 6pm and then the next time I looked at the clock like five minutes later it was 8:30
For other games, since why not overshare, --HOLD ON A MINUTR
OKAY SO I DON'T PLAY IT BC I DONT HAVE STEAM BUT PHASMOPHOBIA
One of my most recent intense hyperfixations that is a more short lived one is GIGGS Phasmo. I usually never watch VODs because they're too long, but I actually fucking BINGED 90% of Impulse's Phasmo VODs and all of Grian's Phasmo videos. I do watch the VODs at like 1.75 speed so my interpretation of ghost speed is almost certainly completely fucked up but OTHER THAN THAT I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT PHASMO AND I LOVE IT AND I LOVE GIGGS AND THEN IQWHOQJQL THEMMM <<3333
One of my other favorites to watch is Gloom's playthrough of Sally Face. I started watching her like that before COVID and I watched her Sally Face stuff and it has a very special place in my heart. I also watched her play 60 Seconds, which was very cool except I watched all of them and didn't find anymore and also it takes me a while to branch out to new YT creators stuff
Ooh speaking of like.
I need to watch Undertale.
And I also! adore Minecraft Skyblock. Either MC Skyblock normal or Skyblock one block (my personal fav) or Skyblock one block but you get an item every 30 seconds
yeah hope that answered like 120% of your question
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im extremely kidomomopilled right now.
momo is the first person outside of kido's family to see their burn scars. and she's glad kido was able to share something like this with her and helps them be less insecure about them, to the point where kido can now wear short sleeve shirts/sleeveless shirts around the rest of the dan.
adult!kidomomo time. momo is sooo the type of person to drop their kid off at school and be shout "HAVE A NICE DAY ILY" out the window and hibiya tries to act like he does Not know this lady. thankfully after the first 3 times kido would just conceal the car so neither hibiya or the other kids around him hear momo. god bless.
YES🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 comfortable kido *bows bows bows*
also u said kid and i was like KIDOMOMO KAGEKID⁉️ then it was just hibiya and i was like. oh. yeah. yeah. true
momo is those tiktoks that are like picking up my little brother at school🔥 and kesha is playing LOUDLY while a rly embarrassed kid gets in the car. thats momo and hibiya
momo wouldnt NEED to take or pick up hibiya from school bc he can manage himself. but she INSISTS. "we barely get to hang out anymore!!!" she says.... "this is our quality time of the day!!!!!"
hibiyas like this is so stupid we live together we dont need to HANG OUT or HAVE QUALITY TIME. we're always together at home!!!! <- idiot boy. he says that but he also likes these rides with momo bc he does miss her its just that hes like 16 or something and has friends his age he hangs out with AND he's probably very busy studying a lot since a Big condition his parents allow him to move to kashiwa with kidomomo is if he keeps EXCELLENT grades...
also what if hibiya Can manage himself very well in the city bc he's basically got the map memorized cuz of the timeloop (hc from this fanfic though from hiyori's pov go read it if u can stomach the tags its sooooo good)(but also very angsty nothing like what were talking abt here LOL) but he's still not super into navigating it by himself. even if he's lived there for a while he's still rly uneasy walking around so many ppl and shops. i think hiyori manages better by herself than he does so hibiya isnt entirely against momo coming everywhere
sorry i made it all abt hibiya and momo but u were brainrotting abt kidomomo. kido concealing THE WHOLE CAR is so funny but i guess they could do that huh anyways kidomomo should kiss like a tiny little mwack in front of hibiya and hibiya cringes and acts like its the end of the world and he needs to move out immediately
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☁️ // 3:04 am, tbd ;
More low filter bs
Kind of wonder sometimes if I’d feel as much shame as I do towards rambling off abt nsfw ish or nsfw topics w my ocs or doing ramblings of that sort involving them if it weren’t for the… things I went through + the way I had to deal with being shamed due to the trauma responses I ended up with as a result of said experiences ig
& also if it hadn’t been for the ex friend of mine who was emotionally abusive to me for 4 years (i met her @ 13/14 & she was 21/22) & and anti-lgbt obsessive religious freak as well, seeing how she. Always was towards me about anything nsfw related? Like I remember she used to obsessively fixate on how engaging in any of those things meant you were disgusting & sinful & letting the devil influence you, & how anyone who wrote or hc’ed or drew or rp’ed nsfw stuff was ppl who were disgusting or sinful & “wasting their talent on things the devil wants”
Along w how. Victim blame-y she was w matters of sexual harassment or worse
(…which all those things were… the worst possible thing to be around given what i was going through w/ M & other freaks online at t the time that i wont elaborate on)
& just. Idk. I know that while ive mostly reprocessed everything w her & how she was to where it doesn’t rly phase me to talk abt anymore, it doesn’t change the impact it left on me where I guess it played a role in how i’ve like. Always seen myself whenever i do wanna muse on more nsfw stuff w my ocs or rp or create nsfw content w them (& well other things online that were ✨traumatic ✨ that i wont say just kinda fueled all that even worse along w bs from religion in general & also—from how ppl reacted to trauma responses i had )
Always there’s shame in sorta approaching that for this reason—mind you its not the only reason, there’s a lot more to it, but still
& ig that might be another factor why i struggle to feel comfortable w approaching anyone i trust for anything nsfw related w ocs? & just leave it to others to approach me instead if they want so that way i dont feel like im being viewed in some neg way that im not, all over tryna approach over something like that, ig
I p much need an explicit “u can approach me abt this anytime” type of deal wrt nsfw oc stuff or else i just simply do not 💀 once again w the “needs explicitly being told x thing is fine or invited to do x thing or else i will not” that follows me in a lot of things wfsvdg just general self suppression? Ig
(Now admittedly, again, there’s more reason to why i do that other than just religion & a lot of it is an intense fear of accidentally crossing a line & also coming off a bad way + like, other things, that are deeply personal, but still)
…Ironic that im that way considering the spaces i have w friends & all but yeah.
But still. Idk. Ig i just wonder if id struggle w feeling ‘dirty’ or w/e still if it hadn’t been for that connection—probably still would all other things considered bc, ik those dirty feelings also—came from how ppl viewed me over, certain… things i went through & responses to it… but, maybe to a lesser degree or something … idk.
Had more to say but it slipped my mind, so.
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Do you like Tarot? If so is there a card that resonates with you?
Yes ^^ i like tarot very mucj altho i dont rly pull cards anymore cus it got too real and scary lol. my favs r the hermit and the moon cus they are the 9s of th major arcana. N i feel those archetypes heavily being played out in my own life/personaloity. also love temperance, the star, queen of wands....i want to b them. Strength!! this is kinda funyn timing cus yesterday my friend was asking if anyone wanted a caRd drawn n i said sure why not, its been ovr a year since i drew any cards for myself. So she did n i got 4 of wands(nice card). so yea just a coincidence..altho i dont rly practice tarot anymore i still think of it constanrly. have a good night anon >u<
-Pinkmoonhermit9
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What fighting games do you play? SF6 based on the design of your controller, any others? Also what kind of characters do you like to play as?
i play basically every fighting game! i like learning and messing around in them :3 my friends like milk @puyopuyo and raid @cromerholt and eben @drslouch are always playing different games
games i "learned" enough to be considered competitive in -
sf6 (still learning and playing! my current main is dee jay and i wanna learn honda and blanka eventually, and akuma whenever he comes out),
gg strive (i learned indepth and main anji and wanna learn jack-o and goldlewis, but im rly not vibing w its neutral anymore after hitting floor 10)
smash ultimate (main rob/young link/terry/mii brawler, havent touched it since sora came out but still love playing it)
kof xv (played online a bit but the netplat is sooo bad but i love kula and blue mary and basically any girl besides mai, and robert!)
those are the tames i like. learned in-depth as much as i could and actively practice(d) to get better in, but i love just messing w a game in its training mode for a bit so ill just run them down quickly w my "mains" in order of "how likely kd be down to play randomly"
third strike (remy/sean, wanna learn Q)
skullgirls (beowulf/fukua/squigly, wamna learn robo-fortune)
dragonball fighterz (waiting for rollback to drop!) (beerus/trunks/teen gohan/ginyu/nappa/videl/cell/goku black/kefla)
vampire saviors (felicia/lillith)
jjba heritage (young joseph/hol horse/mariah)
gg xxac+r (johnny/anji/sol, wanna learn faust)
gg xrd (johnny, wanna learn faust)
kof 98 um (blue mary/lucky/yuri/leona)
project justice (yurika/tiffany/chairperson)
thems fighting herds (no main yet! but id probably pick paprika)
tekken 7 (lucky chloe/lidia/alisa and heihachi if im feeling silly)
granblue (waiting for rising! but im 100% maining ladiva)
waku waku 7 (arina/tessa)
power rangers battle for the grid (RJ/ryu/dai shi/poisandra)
and basically any other fighting game my friends want to play! i dont really consider myself "competitive" in any of these cause i havent rly spent the time to learn the games' mechanics in depth, but ive played all of them enough to have a basic understanding of them, as well as the specific characters i play!
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also sorry but irrationally annoyed at her saying she missed me + I should come next time. like that is a nice thing to say but I would've come this time + last time if u had actually wanted me to. so like this was all completely avoidable 👍
oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great
#but nope i had to feel like shite for no fucking reason. rly appreciate that thanks#its not her fault i dont expect her to understand that u have to clearly invite me to things w the intention of wanting me to be there#bc i dont think she knows me that well. and im pretty sure ive said this to her before like ive explained i get rsd easily#but ik she doesnt take me at face value bc shes previously denied things that i have explicitly explained to her#which was kind of hurtful at the time. but i learnt from it + readjusted my expectations#i do think its kind of ironic in a lot of ways how she expects things from ppl but doesnt give them any of the same grace#but thats beside the point. anyway#point is its fine. ill feel fine again in a few days and we can forget abt it until it happens again#and i get upset again but theres no point trying to explain again bc she just doesnt listen to me and idc anymore#she can be friends w the imaginary version of me she made up in her head i can pretend thats me sometimes#im not interested in trying to resolve it anymore bc she wont change. and thats my decision#so if i get hurt by it thats on me i cant express it to anyone bc its not their fault!!!!#anyway whatever sorry was ruminating on the train. just walking to the store to grab this stupid package and ill go home and play ER#.diaries#.vent
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For Andrew > 🍕🩷🧠🥊
🍕 - What is their favorite food?
ill be honest. i forgot. i dont keep track of that very well for any ocs besides spook (bc its was based on one of my bestest fwiend's fav foods so i'll never forget it)
something savory, though. i know he really likes savory, hot meals over other things because it reminds him of his dad who he has a decent relationship with. and eventually his bestie ji-hoon likes to make him good meals to help him with his depression. so he has very good associations with a nice, full plate of food.
❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?
in a bittersweet way, it's whenever his mom would rarely actually fully praise him for something because 99% of the time she's cold, strict, and stoic. he ends up holding the same for julian and the times julian was super nice to him, but they eventually get soured when he realizes that it was probably all just a honeytrap. all part of the manipulation tactics.
straight up good memories usually come from joyriding in a nice car or on a motorcycle. or when he met ji-hoon and they clicked rly well. or had a lavish date with a guy who didnt last, but it was a nice time regardless. when he first got a telescope. or when he first got one of his pets. a silly moment with alana. stuff like that.
🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?
i like...everything about him AAAA what do i even pick out...
i guess my favorite thing about him is how real he feels to me. like out of all my ocs i feel like he's the most that's like...that could be a real person. i've based a lot of him off my experiences or other people i've known so i think that's why. and so he's kinda like..a culmination of things i love and also the experiences and people that have been in my life. like a love-letter to my ?? living?? idk that sounds cheesy
i also think out of all my ocs he'd be the one i'd most like to be friends with if he were real. i could be friends with a bunch of them, but i think him and i would actually be close.
🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do?
like i said in the memories answer, he LOVES joyriding especially at night. nighttime joyriding is his default coping mechanism for like..anything and everything. he loves tinkering with things to figure out how it goes together and/or works. he loves listening to music. he loves watching golden hollywood era films or 80s cheesy flicks or cult classics. he loves just. watching his pet snake or tarantulas do their thing. he loves going out into the nightlife of the city. nighttime is his time and he loves being around people even if he's also a socially anxious and awkward mess. he loves meeting people and bonding with them over music or other things. he's a former partyboy so..he likes getting wild but in his later 20s he's a LOT more careful about it lol. and any of the previous stuff is 10x better if someone else is doing it with him or just parallel-playing with him if nothing else. he just REALLY likes being around and connecting with other humans.
he hates monotony though. he needs to switch it up and pretty often. he hates being around anyone that is just like straight up using him or toying with him. he can get down w like..yall are both just enjoying each others company for the moment and nothing else, but like..as a victim of major manipulation and abuse, he's got no time for any red flags like that anymore. he also hates doing things that are clearly a waste of time. like busywork or stuff like that he can't stand it. he also hates arguing lmao. he's pretty stubborn and hard-headed himself and he KNOWS it so he tries to just avoid arguments when he can because no ones gonna come out of it a winner. also he's not an emotional vault like ace is, he's pretty open with them for the most part, but he hates talking about the stuff that Truly bothers him like the mom issues or the julian stuff.
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