#i dont normally write fanfic about real people but its okay because i am virginia woolf reincarnated so im literally a primary source

[vaginawoolf666]

can you write a 500 word story about virginia woolf and laura palmer meeting in heaven Question Mark

Okay I guess: Laura walked forward through the pearly gates, her feet heavy and the coke burning in her nostrils. She was told that dying meant the pain would end, but it hadn't stopped. She was shaken by the remaining humanness that contributed to the ache in her bones and the twinge in her chest when she thought of the few things she'd left for her friends to find. Upon entering, she saw something with a vague familiarity, a large white horse. Maybe she'd seen a picture of it somewhere. Maybe deja vu was the ultimate side-effect of dying. She didn't care. She always knew she'd die young, since she'd first encountered his silhouette in the dark corners of her bedroom. But Bob wasn't here. He was condemned to another realm entirely and to the brief moments where he could inhabit the lives of others. Who she did see was a a woman of middle age, hair arranged perfectly and eyes cast on something Laura couldn't see. She approached her.

"Hey," she said, "I think I'm lost."

The woman was silent but pulled a few large stones from her pockets. Upon closer examination, Laura realized she was drenched, her clothes pulling against the contours of her body. The droplets of water hung mid-air, and Laura realized who she was speaking to.

"I've read your work. You're Virginia Woolf aren't you?"

Virginia nodded. Laura noticed then that her mouth was gone, as if she'd run out of things to say and it had disappeared from disuse. She brought her fingers to her own mouth and frowned.

Laura recounted reading Mrs. Dalloway in school. Well, she'd read parts of it. Donna would remind her of certain particulars and minor plot points between classes, before pop quizzes and discussions. Donna loved how the domesticity and banality of Dalloway's interpersonal dramas made Twin Peaks feel bigger than it was.

Was it all really gone? The Double R and the Great Northern? The perfume counter at Horne's. Not that she'd miss everything. Maybe she was mostly glad she wouldn't have to see Ben Horne again. Never have to choose between Bobby and James.

"Mrs. Woolf," she said, "Will I lose my mouth?"

Virginia shook her head and pulled out a pen and paper. She wrote a single word and passed it back to Laura. It said "punishment".

Laura felt the corners of her mouth sink. No. There couldn't be punishment. It was all supposed to be over now. She saw her future in heaven stretch out before her, the long peace replaced by atonement and having her ears snatched or her nose pulled away from her face. And she could smell something burning, though she wasn't sure if it was real or a memory of the last night she'd spent on Earth.

"Hey," Laura said, drawing Virginia's attention away from the note she was hurriedly scribbling, "Are we in heaven or not."

Virginia pocketed the note and began to write a new one: three short words in her lovely script.

"No such thing"