#i dont know why i titled the doc like this when she doesn't even have a cane but she DOES have crutches so

[zukkaoru]

What's the "Aya with a cane one" I am a very big fan of Disabled!Aya, so I wanna hear more! :D

yess !! the title for this doc is actually misleading bc. okay so first off, i opened it up and turns out it's aya with crutches; not a cane ?? and then the idea behind this fic is actually: aya learns about neopronouns and decides to start making the agency use them for her. and then she keeps switching up which set/s she wants to use like every other day just to test them and see how far fae can push them before they tell faer that fae needs to grow up

except. they don't.

and so aya's game that was sort of meant to prove to herself that unconditional love and support are myths just turns into the agency proving the opposite

also featuring aya with chronic leg pain + crutches bc yes <3 and this of course also factors into the agency being supportive and accommodating where her father isn't

[reasaph]

"I don't believe in God, but I believe that your my savior."

Soshiro Hoshina x Suicidal Fem Reader!

Summary: (name) a person with no beliefs, no reason and will to live gets hospitalized after another attempt. There, she meets hoshina soshiro and she's been looking forward to waking another morning since.

TW:mention of death, reader got hospitalized for attempting, mention of bedrotting.

Title is from the song "sailor song" by Gigi Perez!

Part 2!

You and Soshiro talked for hours, the cans of the coffee he's got you both long forgotten and moist. To say they were the most comfortable hours of your life wouldn't be an exaggeration. Your sure hes got you hooked. Humbly, you ask anyone; be it fate or any god. You wish, you beg, you 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺 to whoever in charge to extend the hours with him. One minute more to bask in his presence, thats it. You've never desired something so much that you decided to pray. That was something you never thought you'd do. You didnt dwell your whole personality on just a mere belief. But he's got you on your knees, hands claspped with eyes screwed shut, asking for another more minute.

"So so, what d'ya do you think the doctors here do on their free time?" A silly and deranged question. From the short time you'd spend with him, not even a day Long, you had keeped count of those incoherent questions of his. You dont know if he was doing it On purpose, but those questions are the ones That sat you here on this bench fo hours.

"well, This is a tiring job. So they'd probably want as much rest, right?"

"Probably, Your right. I like to think they gossip about patients."

"Thats completely unprofessional."

He laughs. You laugh to, and you dont evem realize it. The vibrating echo of Your laughter didnt sound forced this time, it didn't need to be ripped and snatched out of your throat. It was sincere, you could say it would only be with him. This is new, clutching your stomach in futile attempt to control the laughs that keep escaping, incredibly new. You dont even know what your laughing at anymore, you just are. Hoshina had stopped making noise the moment you did. It was his first time hearing someone laugh like that, so raw and free. He could tell your unfamiliar with the sound of your own happiness, it wasnt rocket science. He feels like he'd just unveiled an artifact, so precious even when kept and hidden for centuries. It would mean the world to him if he could keep making you laugh like this. He didn't say anything, he'd be so guilty if he interupped you at your highest.

But all good things must come to an end. You know that the most. Your familliar with the bitterness that comes after everything worth hanging on to. It all seemed to short, even now. The moment Hoshina checked the time, you knew what was coming next, you could smell it a mile away. Yet you still hopped you were wrong, you dont want this conversation to end just yet. You dont want to face everything head on again. That face he made told everything, it screamed 'i have to go' and it wrathed over your chest. You dont want him to go, you dont want to leave the comfortable atmosphere with him. And above all, you dont wanna feel like an empty walking corpse once more. Hoshina turned to face you, a mourning look adorned his features. That was a new expression of his you've witnessed, you've only seen him giddy and silly until now. Now, he looks upset. You know your time with him is over for today.

"Hey, (name), really sorry but I hafta go now. That smug of a doc said I have prescriptions to take." Thats odd, why is he apologizing? Could he perhaps feel the same agony as you? You believe its impossible, but not because you think he doesn't care. Because he cant possibly match the ache in your chest. He cant, for its to much to even put into words. He hasn't even moved from his seat yet you already long to be in his presence again. Hoshina is sad, yes, but you are 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥.

"Its fine, I really uh— enjoyed talking to you."

"Hey now, dont say it like we wont see each other again. Yer still treating me tomorrow, dont forget about that now. "

"Right."

You guys parted ways after waving goodbye and mumbling 'see you'. The walk back to your hospital room, you felt even more empty and hollow each step your feeble legs took you. Because each step signicates a meter added to the distance between you and him. You dont know where Hoshina is right now, you cant pinpoint his exact location in this big of a hospital and If you could strap a beacon on him, you would. Your chest boils once again, you could feel your lungs close to giving in. It was hell all over again, yet this time, the pain your experiencing is caused by longing. Not because of something so unpleasant, but because of something beautiful. Beautiful, despite being so painful. You pass by many people on the way back, patient and worker alike. You wished you'd pass by a man with a purple bowlcut instead.

You arrived to your own quarters and just collapsit, headfirst on the hospital bed, burrying rour face onto the pillow. It smelled alcholic, to much chemicals used to cleanse it. You inhaled a breath full despite it, the smell left a blazing path in your nostrils, on their way to Polute your lungs. You laid back up right, now met with the pristine material of the crystal white ceiling. Why does every hospital have to be white? Its always so blinding. Not to mention your now having a staring contest with the very source of light in the room, that antagonizing light bulb. It'll turn off automatically at a certain time, but you want it to close now. The darkness was always your comfort, there you were able to lay yourself bare without anyone having to see you.

Your mind wanders back to Hoshina, it seems he put a leash on you as to why you keep thinking about him for more than a normal amount for just a day. You dont wanna be where you cant see him, you wanna hear his sickenly joyous voice and his flashing smile that outshines even the farthest of stars, you wanna talk nonsense with him again, his nonsense never failed to Lift the corners of your mouth to a smile. And you will, tomorrow.

Tomorrow, 8 am. Thats the time you've both agreed upon. Usually, you wouldn't get up until late in the afternoon, just rotting on your bed, the walls would always cave in and the atmosphere was suffocating. You never got up. There was no good reason to, you almost convinced yourself to throw all common sense and self hygiene out the window and just get buried rotting on your bed. Because every time you'd get up, it feels like every misfortune of the whole globe are dumped on your shoulders. It weighs you down, it weighs you back on that sickenly sweet mattress and there you stay there until the next blue moon.

But now, you want to drift to sleep faster and when you wake, your ready to meet Hoshina again. Your so eager to see him, it cant be controlled. His face is the only thing you'd never get tired of. You think its hilarious, you've only met him but you were sure he could mean more. This isn't just some high school crush, your confident about your feelings towards him for you've never felt something this intense your whole uears of living. Not even your longing of death can overrun this feeling. You sew your eyes tight, seeing only pitch black, all this so you could finally sleep and who knows? Maybe even see him in the phantasms of your unconscious state of mind. Thats how low you've stooped. You'll sleep so you can see him faster, you dont like waiting long.

Eventually, you do fall asleep. But not Hoshina. Yes, he's still awake, in his own room, fresh bandages wrapped around his injuries he got from fighting. And yes, if your wondering, hes thinking about you to. He yearns to be in your presence as well, almost as much as you. He doesn't know why. He talks with everyone like that, but he's enjoyed his time with you exceedengly more. Hoshina has been put aside his whole life, all because of his talent and preference for blades over guns. Just because of one measly difference, he was treated differently and looked down upon. But with you, he felt cherished. Its a first for Hoshina to not get judged by first meeting. He doesn't have to train hard or change anything to impress you, it'll come naturally. Hoshina turns around on the matress, facing the window so the ripe rays of the moonlight slapped on his face in result. 'I wants to see her again' was the last thing he talked about before falling asleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Its 6 in the morning and your half awake. You woke up to early, just how excited are you? But its not a good thing that theres still alot of time before the agreed upon time. You just know that the next 2 hours will double tenfold when waiting to see Hoshina again. Your not a morning person, not at all. Your regular routine is not for the faint of heart. If some woke up at 6am, you'd be turning off Your phone and tucking yourself to bed. So your shocked by your eagerness to see him, to the point where you'll try to get better. Your convinced Hoshina has hit you with a pan, because your aacting absolutelyInsane.

You brush your teeth and hair, and thoroughly clean your bruises as to the doctors said. You wonder when you gonna get discharged but thats for later, dear reader. You dread the fact that you have to wear that awful hospital gown again, but alas, it is required. You try to look as presentable as you can. You usually wouldnt bother putting effort in your physical appearance, but you figured it would be nice for once. You were sat on a chair, waiting impatiently like a child waiting for they're treat. You were milimeters close to just turning the Whole building upside down just so you can see Hoshina.

So imagine how excited you were when the clock had acutely hit the digit 8. The minute it did, you were busting out of the room, with your injured leg by the way. The pain had seemingly went away and healed, or it was Just overpowered by your giddyness that your nerves didn't have the space to make up for physical pain. So here you were, dragging yourself across these hallways once again. You passed by that same old lady on a wheel chair that you did yesterday. She gave you a judging face back then, which a wasn't such rare occurrence, you were used to having such glares dumped upon the entirety of your shameful being. But now you wondered if she found any difference, between the walking dead body you were yesterday and the eestatic, hungry, affection driven limp you are now.

Whilst you were rushing like you were catching up to a work deadline, he was enjoying his walk through these glossy, hauntingly white hallways. Taking each step according to the comfort of his legs, hands crossed on the broadness of his chest as he struts the hallway. Soshiro Hoshina has always been scary great at maintaining his composure. Those under his wing back at the third division are well aware of it, they have front row seats to how he switches from acting all goofy to having a stoic face in a matter of miliseconds, they even kidded around about how his control over his expressions is the work of witchcraft. However, don't be fooled by his calm demeanor, he's excited to see you as well. But as Vice-captain, it wouldn't be very ideal to him if he just jogged as fast as he can in patient filled hhallway. Hoshina disciplined himself to the bone, he wont let up now.

After what seemed like an eternity of turning corners and navigating his way through these hallways, Hoshina finally sees sight of the cafeteria. He steps in, and the homogenous smell of the food slaps him in the face. If he was weird enough to concentrate and differentiate the aroma, he probably can guess whats on the menu for today. Hoshina wastes no time in trying to find your presence, your presence in which he couldn't get enough of yesterday. His head startes whipping around, turning left to right, right to left in search of a peek of your appearance. He was baffled to say the least, shocked at the population of the people present here this morning. He wants to see you, asap. He started walking to those with even with the slightest resemblance of what your physical appearance looks like, in hopes that it would be you. He saw someone with the same hair color as yours, kinda fooled him there for a brief second. He just kept circling around the vastful room, so distracted in finding you. He doesn't wanna merely sit down and wait, conclude that your not here yet and he should just sit tight. Scarlet eyes scanned the whole cafeteria, but eyes always had blindspots where they provided no visuals, thats why he didn't notice your presence coming up from his south.

You tapped his shoulder from behind.

He doesn't think hes ever whipped his head back that fast his whole life. Hoshina turned his head so urgently he swears he heard a subtle pop in his neck. Upon seeing the sight of your face, he was 'joyous', actually thats underwhelming what Hoshina was feeling at the moment, he was euphoric. His skin feels like its being roasted and his lungs are short of gas. He feels weird, he doesn't know what to do or what to say so hoshina just stood there agape. You didn't move a muscle either, mouth zipped shut with no intention of letting put any sort of noise in fear that he'd back away. You didn't dare try to make a distance, everything else caved in, nothing else mattered, just the one in front of you. He looked so right, and by that you dont mean he's handsome (although he surely is very attractive). By 'right' you mean you'd never get tired of his appearance.

Hoshina Soshiro, to you, is the finest work of art exhibited in museum of life, the most astounding creation of matter you've laid your eyes upon.

Oh shit, you like him, the Hoshina Soshiro.

[davekat-sucks]

saw many posts this blog had to complain about Meenah, or more specifically how the fandom treats her and is blind and hypocritical to her problematic nature i agree, one thing that bugged me recently, and no one go after this person if you see the post but, i saw a meenah sympathizer who REALLY thinks she is just this innocent little girl who is only kind of edgy and mean complain about how she is black coded and is actually really girly and feminine and people who call her butch are doing it from racism (either intentionally or subconsciously) because of misogynoir and black women are often masculinized and while i do agree things like misogynoir and over-masculinization of black women should be discussed, why are you more concerned how people view a character who is just hussie having an excuse for fish vriska (a character many people see as butch) as masculine or feminine and not the fact she is a canon groomer or pedo? if you are gonna complain about problematique elements i think THAT is the bigger concern when discussing meenah.

i dont think meenah is this overly hypermasculine character but also who cares about that when the character is a full on pedo? i dont care that a character is a bad person but i hate how people who complain about problematic stuff do all this glamorizing of meenah when they wouldnt do the same for say cronus or doc scratch. if they wanna like meenah thats fine but why not acknowledge shes a shitty person in a similar way people acknowledge doc scratch is a bad person but like him as a character? if you want to call out problematic things out why not complain about how hussie made the prominent black coded female character a pedophile/sexual abuser? why the double standards?

and they bring up to further cement their point of fandom racism is to try and say meenah is as girly as roxy and people can acknowledge roxy is girly but do they realize a lot of people see roxy and all the strilondes as black? even many people try and push that they are canonically meant to be black even if others know that isnt the case? do they realize that many people who see meenah as black coded see all the peixes that way and thus view feferi as black who everyone sees as girly? do they realize that the condesce (who they used in their argument for meenah even though most people only ever use names to refer to pre scratch counterparts and titles to post scratch) is an alternate universe version of meenah entirely and absolutely no one calls her anything but fem and that even in the story itself while yes alternate universe versions share similarities they also live different lives and have their own individuality? if they want to use the condesce excuse then why not add all of condesces horrible traits such as being literal sea hitler onto meenah?

i think another thing that can finally be added to all of this is that not everyone even sees or knows that she is black coded to begin with. like yeah its there but that doesnt change the fact that theres also many people who view meenah as *white* coded too specifically european nationalities like british or italian. and many people mistook her accent to be the same as eridan’s. there are even old fan comic dubs where meenah is made more british sounding and fanart that depicts her as white. so not only are there people who view roxy as black but there have been, and in some places still are, people who view meenah as white.

Most wouldn't call women characters like Meenah or Vriska as problematic. Instead, they praise them for the sake of feminism. Girlboss badass bitches who do no wrong. Funny too that they also call Hussie bad for things like racism and edgey humor, but they don't push hard on him because of the series and characters they love. Doesn't help there are some genuine people that believe in his clowngender bullshit or things some of the stuff he did like making Roxy trans and like, means he's changed for the better and is automatically forgiven for the misdeeds he has done. Part of why people had viewed Meenah black, from past and present, was because of the stereotype of her being the only character having BRAIDS. It's common among modern gen audiences to make the stereotype assumption that only BLACK PEOPLE can have braids. As well as her being a sassy bitch being her personality type that is only common among black women to them. In a way, the fandom unironically uses racial stereotypes despite their preach in diversity. They overlook Meenah being a pedo or problematic in the past because she was LESBIANS with Vriska. Even with age gap difference, the LGBT label was the excuse and shield that protected any criticism towards the character. Meenah is also VRISKA IF SHE WAS A FUSCHIABLOOD. So we got TWO Vriskas in this series. Or THREE in the case of HS2/Beyond Canon with Vrissy. There is no way in hell Andrew Hussie, James Roach, WhatPumpkin or HICU could get rid of another Vriska copy if it means they have will have to get rid of badass females. Characters like Rose, Jade, and Jane are not enough for these people. Especially now that the human women are portrayed in a bad light in the current narrative. We need more strong women for sake of feminism!

[ivi-prism]

'Ello i am totally not procrastinating

About other hermits having op, apparently most of them have it back :D, at least i know Tango and Scar had in this moment, i m not awere of the complete list.

Tango have to help Doc to restart the server for his octospawner, cause they cant contact Xisuma and Tango was the only with admin powers online in that moment. And i remember saw Scar have it on one of his recent stream.

When i said in my analysis that apparently they lost that status it was because in one of tango's stream building among us, he hasnt have it anymore and he said that finally he got it removed and wasnt sure why he have it in first place lol.

Tango, dear, it is because you are on the server a lot and our dear x needs to sleep. It was the same reason why someone so oblivious as Scar have op too.

In my own head canon they can have op is because they have a bunch of magic that they can access to Gods Power unlike humans and the reason cause one person can retrict other players to have access to op even if they had magic its because the owner of the world/server has a direct connection with the world/server that any other player have (this is my way of doing the admin panel that all of the server owners have nightmares when something in the server failed, oh god i hate so much when that happend)

I was thinking that maybe in Canon reload au something like that happend and thats why players like Iskall who is an admin havent op in hermitcraft, because he is human but someone so oblivious as Scar have it and since Xisuma trust his hermits hasn't remove it from them and are glad to have extra help.

I remembered that the IPA developed technology to give op to give other people, so thats is how humans can access to something thats is natural for mobs, lumens and voidwalkers since they get this ability direct from the Watchers.

Maybe the Watchers and the voidwalkers have the status of superadmin (if a remember correctly this is the name of have access to the server panel) the lumens and the mobs has just the admin aka op commands and the humans simple doesn't have any.

Why big worlds like were some hermits come doesn't have this ability? Maybe is a selfdefence of the world to avoid being destroyed for its habitants.

Possible reason of why hermits like Doc, Cleo and TFC doesn't have op? For Doc it maybe be because he lost his connection with magic after almost die and lost a big part of his body. Cleo was human, even if she is now a zombie. For TFC, maybe when a player has a lot of experience and control over they magic, they can gave up of this ability and TFC is old and he doesnt want that burden, he only wants to rest and chill out while hes watch over his grandsons, i mean this young people.

And Etho? Well, is Etho we really dont know anything about him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Oohhhh thank you for the clarification! And I like your headcanon! Admins being connected to the world/server is super cool :0

(But also I often see it used for angst… which I won’t complain about X3)

For canon reloaded au it isn’t as much as a mystical thing as a title thing lol.

Xisuma has the access to the panels (op) right now since he is right now THE administrator and in technicality all other Hermits are Operators since all of them have admin training (some got further into admin training than others but they are all administrators)

So if something where to happen to X, admin panels (op) goes to Joe since he is the Operator with highest rank, then to Tango, then to Cub and so on and so forth.

Xisuma CAN operate WITHOUT panels because he is a Voidwalker… the (op) panels exist so people can have world editing powers like a Voidwalker but in theory Xisuma could do a lot of the things by himself that some people can only achieve by having the admin panel.

Only problem is X is no longer a Voidwalker at full strenght so for his own health he sticks with using the technology and also because admin panels not only means op powers but also access to info!

We saw Dream using his own administrator panels to review how his world was doing and thats how he initially comes across the glitch of something entering DSMP through the atmosphere, he also used the panels to check on Fundy’s health when he assumed he was dead and also the panels gave him instant access to Tubbo’s info to determine he was most likely the one playing tricks on him.

Admin panels are technology bestowed to the person (s) currently functioning as the administrators of the world so they may keep their world monitored and safe and they can hand the title to another person that has admin training and this person will then be administrator.

There are instances where an operator (aka a backup administrator) can go “yo’ i need op!” And the admin can hand it to them.

Of course this is super silly in Hermitcraft since all of them are qualified for the job and all of them are operators… and this is one weird setup for a world, like this often doesn’t happen.

Instead it makes more sense in Dream SMP where Dream is the Administrator and George and Callahan work as Operators meaning all three of them are trained as admins but Dream is currently holding the title of administrator (basically he is the leader) and George and Callahan are his backups… no one else in DreamSMP is trained as an admin (Tubbo didn’t finish) or has access (Fundy is trained as an admin but he was never made operator so there was no chance of him earning the panels in case of emergency)

Hope this made sense? If not I am always happy to answer more questions

[ahintofpanic13]

#yeah yeah yeah yeah#the fam got to know the doctor as a person before a story#she didnt tell them who she is she showed them#so they dont like. get taken in by the story and the myth and The Doctor#shes just a person to them. a person who tries to do good things

^^^

You know what else is different? The first adventure with 13, she DIDN'T do a perfect job of saving the day. Grace died. They all experienced that first adventure and loss together. Just as prev tag says: they didn't get taken in by the the story and the myth of the Doctor. She didn't even know her own name until the end of their first adventure! Graham, Grace, Ryan and Yaz met a woman when she literally crashed to earth in front of them. They worked together as a team to solve a mystery and defeat an alien, and then a beloved member of that team died. The Doctor didn't stop it. The Doctor was never infallible to Graham, Ryan and Yaz. That's why Graham can call her Doc. For these 3 companions, The Doctor is a name, not a title. She was 'the best person they know', rather than a larger than life super hero.

Side note: I think i've just settled the slight discomfort i've always as to why 13 has more self doubt then previous regenerations. (under the cut...)

More than once we see the fam step in to give her a boost or some reassurance when she feels like she's failed them, or she doesn't have an answer. It's more than just the loss of identity due to the timeless child reveal. During her first attempt to save the day post regeneration, someone she wanted to keep safe died and she couldn't stop it. As far as fundental building blocks for a personality goes, that's certainly a kicker.

You know I think a difference between Clara and Yaz (as someone who does indeed love Clara), is that Clara definitely saw The Doctor as like... Like a superhero outfit to put on.

This is not wrong, in the sense that I think that’s really how the Doctor themselves sees it. It’s why they have vows, rules, there is a structure to being The Doctor and if you aren’t ‘wearing the suit’ you don’t get the title - War.

And Clara was very much same soul *waves* same soul, so when she becomes The Doctor because she needs that structure, you get the deliberate acquisition of set dressing - an outfit, the TARDIS, the companion, the lines. Being The Doctor is acting as that Person.

Whereas Yaz sees what the Doctor does, and thinks that’s good. Does she want to be like her? Oh sure, but not in the sense of mimicking her, the surface stuff is irrelevant to her. Become smarter, become wiser, become a better leader, be active, be watchful, be strong for other people. She never saw the Doctor when she was menacing, prowling, threatening, or crossing lines to the point of evil. To her being the Doctor is just making good choices, as best you can.

(Tangent: And perhaps why Yaz actually does have a good idea of what regeneration means, because there are an infinite number of paths that can result in that, but she loved that person specifically, the archetype is broad and the set-dressing meaningless to her.)

This is why Dhawan!Master is so confused, he’s behind both of them. He puts on the Superhero Outfit, but unlike Clara, he fights his nature and impulses to incline to ‘Doctor’ behaviours - sets out to do the opposite, like he’s writing a really OOC character in a fanfic that doesn’t end up linking to reality anymore at all.

And the idea of seeing the virtues that are in fact what makes the Doctor who they are as a person, as completely separate to costume and set-dressing, like Yaz does, is an idea he cannot contemplate. Because if he does, then if he ever is going to be the Doctor, replace them, then he would, well, have to be them. And then who would it be whose plan would have succeeded?