#i dont know maybe the 8 years of disability isolation gave me some false hope | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spootsaline · 1 year ago

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man sometimes i forget that like. real life people don't really like me. like im not a second or third choice

and we're friendly sure, but not like actual friends you know? i can be there for them, help them, whatever, we can chat and have fun but like. theres no real...care.

like very rarely am i talked to outside of work/school and even less so am i invited out to places

and they can say theyre not friends all the want but i see how they talk, how they play, and hear how they do things together. just, not with me. it never has been with me.

its fine, like im used to it, it's been like this my entire life. i dont mind, i shouldn't have expected any different.

its been 8 years.

im tired.

#its like theres a glass bubble around me #like i can get so close but then theres always something that happens that reminds me that im really not anyones friend #that im really not worth that kind of effort #im there to be help and there to be aid and there to care but not a friend. never a friend.#touching but never touched #i dont know maybe the 8 years of disability isolation gave me some false hope #maybe seeing that i was in a class of mentally ill people made me delusional. made me think id fit in.#but ive been watching as the friendships form and as i go back to the same place ive always been #it makes me feel broken.#i just wish there was a way to successfully isolate myself but there isnt. i need some alone time. for awhile.

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