#i dont know how she can fucking talk when she just got back from massachusetts fucking again

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

my mom wont go to my brothers graduation because my dad is/will bring (?) his girlfriend. theyre arguing about it.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

and then i sent you another one but stupid tumblr made me forget😡 but i got another idea, chris wanting to be your boyfriend so bad that one day he simply calls you baby or something intimate that he hasn’t called you before and he’s like shit, maybe you are with his family and everybody is like 🤭💕

Chris couldnt help but stare across the backyard where you were helping Lisa set up the table, the sundress you picked for the bbq was really cute, and he couldnt help himself from staring as you laughed hard at something his mother said, nodding at her words while you put down the bowl of potato salad. Scott didnt miss it however and he lifted the grills cover to flip the chicken sizzling on the grate. 

“So when are you just gonna ask Y/N out man?” Scott asked so bluntely that Chris sputtered taking a swallow of his beer, his ears turning bright red. 

“I dont know what your talking about Scott.” Chris tries to cover for himself, and doing a piss poor job at it as Scott smirks, lowering the grill cover again. 

“You know, your a bad liar. Always has been. Only person you could ever fool was mom.” Scott states while taking his own beer. “Even Carly and Shanna know you have feelings for Y/N.” 

You have been friends with Carly for years, so you and Chris both grew up together. He had developed a crush on you many years ago, but never acted on it. And now, it was still strong as ever. You just made him feel... special in the most normal of ways. You never treated him any different cause of his success, no. You saw him for just who he was. He couldnt help but develop feelings for you. 

“Shes just Carlys friend Scott, our friend.” Chris blatantly lied again and Scott gave an eye roll, finally pulling off the bbq chicken. “Right, whatever you say. Just dont wait forever, m’kay? CHICKENS DONE” Scott called out, and the two brothers made there way to the table. 

You enjoyed spending time with Carly and her family. You just fit right in with all the family dramatics that made up the Evans siblings. Even Lisa took right to mothering you. You always look forward to seeing Chris to, when he wasnt busy promoting his latest movie or diving headfirst into some other project. Today though, he had time off and was back home in Massachusetts for a time. And much to your enjoyment, he brought Dodger, whom you been sneaking treats to him under the table. Giving him nose kisses and shushing him from letting Chris know what you were doing. 

So here you were, going around the table with a paper plate, scooping a handful of chips, spearing some of the meat the guys grilled, and about to reach for a spoonful of salad, when Chris went in first to take it. You pull back, and he scoops out a spoonful, remarking without even thinking “You want some of this babygirl?”

What did he just say?! 

Theres a stunned silence around the table and it doesnt click to Chris what he had said till he repeated the words in his head. Babygirl... he seriously fucking called you babygirl, and this time it wasnt just his ears that went red. His whole face did as he glanced around the table, one by one, each person broke out in a grin. Scott of course with a smug ‘told you’ grin, his sisters looked like they couldnt be contained, and his mom had a soft smile of acknowledgment of her sons feelings for a close friend. His glance at you, showed you biting your lip to keep from grinning and nodding. 

“Yea Handsome, how about you put some of that tater salad on my plate.” You couldnt help teasing him back, and he groaned a bit, dropping the spoon full on. Everything resumed to the usual chatter and everyone acted as if nothing had happened. Later, once the party died down, and Chris was sitting out alone in the yard, thinking about what he done, you moved to join him in a nearby chair. 

“Hey, I wanted to ask you a question.” You say, screwing off the top of a beer and letting it rattle on top of the table top. “You wanna go out one night? Just the two of us. We can call it a date.” You grin at him, and he chuckled, looking down at his bottle. 

“I should have asked you a long time ago, not you finding out like that and coming to ask me you know.” 

“Well Im asking now Chris. And want to know something? Ive always really liked you to.” 

He looked at you surprised, and you two fall into a longer conversation. 

At the window the three siblings are trying to listen in, and Lisa comes up behind them, smacking all three back of the head. “You three get out of your brothers business! I didnt raise yall like that!” which sent the three of them scattering and rubbing the back of there heads, and Lisa herself takes a peek, excited for her oldest son. 

A/N- Poor boy, he didnt mean to drop it over the picnic table, but whats done is done and we all know your gonna find it hella cute. XD 

[melforbes]

8 & 17?

8: share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it

im sharing multiple because im soooo insecure about my dialogue writing skills well like not insecure but i definitely dont have a knack for it which is why mine tends to be really sparse haha. so we are having an unhumble moment over here

teenage bedelia in the stedelia au has been one of my favorite characters to write pretty much ever. teenage girls in general are absolutely the most fun to write because they are naive and insane and that is SO FUN for characterization. i wish i could make "is massachusetts on the west coast" into a meme. this is not something i should be proud of i realize. oh and i have to explain why im proud of it. oh im proud of it simply because i think it's hilarious. none of my reasoning is going to be deep i assure you

we will not be discussing the embarrassingly long time i spent perfecting "if you die it will be my fault" and we will also not talk about how i personally see that as super deep when it totally isnt. also the mortifying ordeal of these all being from the stedelia au. im proud of this one because i spent hours on it and i think it communicates exactly what i wanted it to communicate. why do i get the eebs describing it that way

this makes me cringe to reread lmao but anyway. anywhomst. this is for a video game and it's really hard to turn video game dialogue into written dialogue because the two dont follow the same rules (video game dialogue can be very tongue in cheek and also follows grammar the way spoken language does so then writing it verbatim just doesnt look right, kind of have to find a happy medium, etc) but this was one of the moments when i felt like i actually got it right. not right right but like close enough. but either way. maybe im just gay but i love romance that goes against the established norm so two people lying in the grass beneath the stars and he's like hey will you marry me and she's like sure but they never actually reach those words even a little...i just like the concept!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! these two are very fun to write. no one who follows me here has read this but either way. i loveeeeeee repressed hets

again. teenage girls are thee most fun to write. i dont understand the appeal of mlf at all beyond the fact that it's long and for a semi rarepair (like slim pickings u feel) but alma is worth stanning. sorry not sorry she is my baby and i love her. ignore everything else its not worth it but alma is a queen

i studied anthropology in college so naturally im completely obsessed with humans finding useless meaning in stuff and also yes i realize when i dont know what to do i have the romantic pairing stare at the stars i do this for free fuck off but anyway. these two are also repressed hets and therefore fun to write. is that like going to be my brand. repressed hets and feral teenage girls. could be worse. anyway. these two are fun to write. im not even like proud of this or something i just think it's funny and i think these two are neat

okay thats enough of that haha

17: do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

little bit of both but i tend toward linear. im really bad at nonlinear thinking. i usually go out of order when a particular scene or chapter requires extra attention and i haven't figured it out yet but want to put something down anyway. for any ~niche readers~ i wrote the joel/tess breakup aftermath before writing the breakup itself and then tried to piece things back together which is why the radio interlude chapter is shoved in there, to span the awkward gap i'd created. if i'm doing a slow burn i oftentimes will write a kiss scene or something just because im getting slow burn burnout haha. mlf and seaglass blue were almost aggressively linear. i have a tendency to know beginnings and endings more than i know middles so sometimes i end up on those two extremes and have to backtrack. this whole answer contradicts itself alskdgjasldkgjsalgj like. i think at this point like. not to humble brag or something but one thing writing fic over like five years has taught me is how to understand my own writing and work tendencies with output better so i find it really natural to just pick certain things up Wherever and it just works. like for mlf or something i couldn't write a second scene before a first but in other things i can write whole chapters that are six chapters away and it feels natural as well. does that make any sense. just kind of going with the flow. for original work i am also aggressively linear but i have a gut feeling that's not going to last haha

[nhisnjsaij]

as suggested by @elevatorville, ill be doing this whole thing (minus a few for reasons like requiring input from the asker or me legitimately just not having an answer)

answers under the cut

1: a song im ashamed of liking? def a lil peep song, maybe downtown 2: shit man, remembering my favorite lyrics is gonna be hard. theres car seat headrest's "apologies to future mes and yous, but i cant help feeling like were through. the ripping of the tape hurts my ears. in my years, i have never seen anyone quit quite like you do." from famous prophets. that one fucks me up good. 3: some of my favs are the dismemberment plan, car seat headrest and radiohead 4: god uhh i guess 1: academy award by the dismemberment plan, 2: i want you to know that im awake by car seat headrest, 3: neighborhood #1 by arcade fire, 4: age of adz by sufjan stevens, 5: the great curve by talking heads 5: this is pretty generic but. i shot the sherrif by bob marley. i was getting put on new anxiety meds and getting used to them making me barely concious while spacing out to planet earth. 6: wilco is overrated imo, but i am trying to break your heart will never not fuck me up 7: alice in chains is the shit but man in the box is overrated as all hell 8: famous prophets (stars) by car seat headrest. more specifically, the first time i heard it. the piano part was so unexpected, and THEN they pull the pain star shit. DAMN. 9: i wouldnt say they saved my life but the antlers helped me through some shit in the past. specifically hospice. shit in that album hits close to home for me and to relate to it when i needed it was kinda nice. 10: car seat headrest. deadass who else would you expect 11: grizzly bear's veckatimest and yellow house + department of eagles' the cold nose and in ear park bring back major memories to the Good Old Days. 12: kiss another day goodbye by david kauffman and eric caboor 13: i dont sing in the shower, but girlfriend is better by talking heads would be my go-to 14: in elementary school, i tried to play the flute but i sucked so bad i forged my moms signature on the practice sheets 15: uh? the tourist by radiohead maybe 16: devil in a new dress by kanye west, communist daughter by neutral milk hotel, only you by makeout videotape, family romance by department of eagles and id engager by of montreal 17: does saving weezer from becoming mediocre musicians count? 18: ok computer by radiohead. no questions here, its just like. THE album. 19: forgiveness is due by the dismemberment plan 20: i can change by lcd soundsystem 21: all i can think of is. piss on your grave by travis scott 22: passing put pieces by mac demarco. 100% 23: breathe by dandelion hands 24: comfort by jerry paper 25: sad claps by machinegirl 26: idk? i dont have a good memory of lyrics so. heres "im bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer" off of atrophy by the antlers 27: either xtc or talking heads 28: im trying to learn guitar, but its so damn hard hdhfjl 29: mac demarco. his bands shows look so fun. 30: cds. vinyls have a nice aesthetic but cds are more accessible, plus they fit my aesthetic more anyway 31: oh boy this is gonna be a long one. sober to death by car seat headrest, no surprises by radiohead, take me down by smashing pumpkins, chalk talk's cover of wouldnt it be nice, weezer's brain stew cover, the good times are killing me by modest mouse, cheerleader by grizzly bear, after hours by the velvet underground, kurt cobains cover of and i love her, nude by radiohead, only you by mac demarco, pale blue eyes by the velvet underground, when the lights went out by whitey, from the stars by redvox, i am trying to break your heart by wilco, i dont belong by look mom im on tv, me and hawkins by best witches, your protector by fleet foxes, you are you by fleece, in ear park by department of eagles, she wanted to leave by ween, let down by radiohead, helicopter by deerhunter, zebra by beach house, i want wind to blow by the microphones 32: naruto themed sexting (by pannuci’s pizza) is a pretty obligatory one. i also like despair came knocking (by daniel johnston) tremor christ (by pearl jam), and disco infiltrator (by lcd soundsystem) 33: why bother be weezer? man idk 35: sylvia by the antlers 36: ive talked about them too much here already but. im proud of how far car seat headrest has come even just since i started listening to them. im really proud that theyre getting some of the recognition they deserve. especially knowing alot of wills early stuff, its been a long time coming. 37: i want wind to blow by the microphones 38: my smile is extinct by kane strang 39: telecastic fake show by moving on is the only one i have the english name of both the band and song for. in terms of non-english songs, aside from a few edgy italian and japanese rock songs, its mostly instrumentals by far 40: submarino by franco tamponi 41: la mer by debussy 42: earthborn by brian bennett 44: rooster by alice in chains 45: just what i needed by the cars (massachusetts) 47: orange things by best witches 48: girlfriend is better by talking heads 50: i wouldnt rock it but id definately put some mf passion into academy award by the dismemberment plan 51: someone great by lcd soundsystem 52: that one part of impossible soul by sufjan stevens. you know what the fuck im talking about 54: shit, disney songs generally just arent my thing. hellfire from the hunchback of notre dame i guess? 55: kid a by radiohead 56: kim's caravan by courtney barnett 57: blow up the outside world by soundgarden 58: summer love by justin timberlake. his older albums unironically have some fucking bangers 59: pink triangle by weezer 60: eight and a half minutes by the dismemberment plan 61: two wuv by tally hall 62: guerilla radio by rage against the machine 63: spook by adult jazz 65: the summer ends by american football. some government required down-to-earth chilling 66: dreamy by jad fair 68: no one does it like you by department of eagles 69: shouldnt you be laughing by jerry paper, and bonus: a song that a former friend associated with me that really stuck is making flippy floppy by talking heads. hell, this got me into talking heads so theres that too 70: real talk? i like alot of charles mansons music. a specific example would be home is where youre happy

[yespoetry]

Lynne DeSilva-Johnson: #MeToo Series

market value

 in 1988 in the thompson street pool

and  anywhere else downtown nyc gave us cover

i told alice exactly how

and where to touch me,

my skin’s newly sentient landscape, in this streetscape --

out of the thick surveillance of home

and its nonexistent doors ---

quick becoming a refuge, a resistance

 it was brooding benjamin

at commie camp

in massachusettes circa 1993.

there: in the boys bunk,

behind a tree,

under the stars looking the other way

skipping swim class, feigning cool

i learned to leverage the only thing that was mine to give

it seemed a fair trade for the stories

i returned to eighth grade with like a golden ticket in my fist waved high like a bowery news boy

 “strawberries” ��extra extra” “i told you i was someone” do you see me now? the awareness of other on and in my body

not always pleasurable, consenting

or kind, but yet

proving its existence

as electricity and pain

came and went from flesh

the handfuls others wanted

mapping value onto abandonment

an absence made real by what felt like desire

the void where worth should be

so long longed for

as to be entirely mistranslated

readily, as this junkyard equivalent

 big tits, i talk a big game, slur myself for them

slick rick lyrics and liz phair the bitch was strong, the kids was gone

fuck and run, fuck    and     run

on young tongues and walkmen

our dangerous swagger leaving a scar tissue wake of necessary forgetting yet

even as i buried myself

i began to make that dirt into a form

of my own choosing

until the priest tasked with my saving

and the harsh lights of planned parenthood

on second avenue

and the clinical sting of termination

and everything it doesn’t say

were mere bumps on the road

to a salvation written in my blood

 flesh house with my own name

on the door

i am not the “daughter”

you built a cage for

 i am mine on any stolen time i can find

i am smoking pfunks because the

recessed filter leaves less trace

on your fingers

and i love calculus and philosophy

and i put in my pocket

an equivalence I touch with my eyes closed

a sweaty dollar of knowing someone wants to fuck me

and i am holding on to the horizon like a buoy shame and fear burnt on the retina like a bleach stain

i compensate with complexely wrought justifications

and spin love stories with everyone

who touches and grabs, making shows of the romance

 danny’s housekeeper looks the other way

during all the fucks, all the faked little deaths

that fit between classes

in the spring of 1997

 it’s my first time

for totinos pizza rolls and delivery he pays for

in a deluxe apartment with a doorman

and i am elated, conflating this kid and his anxieties that bore me

with knowing i can turn the water i was born into wine

if i play my cards right, and i am learning to grift

to hustle with my body bait, my only chip to ante

 i can get out of dodge

i can live like this

 i can make myself out of spit and the lint

in my pocket

i close my eyes and grit my teeth

when the script calls for more

than i had planned

i fashion a future i imagine

can only be made by their hands

guided by mine if i’m lucky but

this is about survival and

the line where desire, safety

money, escape, and the body’s preference blurs

has long been indistinguishable girls didn’t come with deluxe accomodations

so they were the bathroom at woody’s bar

after the rugby game on the dance floor

in her dorm room or mine

sorry, heart, but i’m still here primarily for the golden ticket

and i can’t take a risk on this horse

but you were first and you will be always and maybe someday

i’ll get top surgery and find myself under there

not sure if i want to be or be with the bull dykes i lust after

but my mouth and mind don’t know this language

because it’s 1999 and we just got the internet and

this is the self i know how to sell

 i learn to wield facepaint, fabric and a heel like an alchemical reaction

you’re born naked and the rest is drag

feel power like i never thought could be mine and i

am on my way to totino’s and park views

am on my way to frequent casual vacations

mentioned in cool conversation without missing a beat

blase

patagonia and cocktails at lunch

because fuck you i made this

 i can taste it

you say salty milk

i say dreams

and when i say love

i believe it

 i dont know yet i love everything

and i am scared and lost

and breathing onto the glass

of other people

to make sure i’m here

 i cannot see another path

i don’t know how to turn report cards

into apartments and i need a back up plan because

only forward motion

has ever been an option

i’ll sell my body before my soul

i look the other way and

throw myself into the fire

 my threatened animal

had a plan

Lynne DeSilva-Johnson (she/her/they/them) is a nonbinary queer interdisciplinary creator, cultural scholar, and educator. Lynne is the founder of The Operating System, a radical open source arts organization and small press, and serves as visiting assistant professor at Pratt Institute. Recent publication credits include Wave Composition, The Conversant, The Philadelphia Supplement, Gorgon Poetics, POSTblank, Vintage Magazine, Live Mag, Coldfront, the Brooklyn Poets Anthology, Resist Much/Obey Little: Poems for The Resistance, and “In Memory of Feasible Grace,” part of the Panthalassa Pamphlet series, among others. Her performances and work have appeared widely, including recent features or projects at Artists Space, Bowery Arts and Science, The NYC Poetry Festival, Parkside Lounge, Carmine Street Metrics, Eyebeam, LaMaMa, Triangle Quarterly, Undercurrent Projects, Mellow Pages, The New York Public Library, Launchpad BK, Dixon Place, Poets Settlement, SOHO20 Gallery and many more. They are always still beginning.