#i dont know how much clearer I could've been

[thatneoncrisis]

i really do see the point you're making. but like if your issue really is how so much of it feels like caricature, then write what you want to see? now theres the mectric ton of cliched fantasy that is just fun for some plus your deconstructed version of that cliche that gets misconstrued for trans panic (if it was clear it wasn't supposed to be like trans panic the long authors note wouldnt be necessary). not telling you what to do but had you written the more realistic depiction for trans women, those who are rightfully put off by the cliche have something to read and those who identify with the unrealistic fantasy version for enjoyment dont feel shamed for it.

fair of you to tell me to fuck off too after writing all of this nonsense but genuinely i would read what you could've written. the apartment fic and the pash/alecto fic i do like.

the authors note was like. about the entire fic itself not just the dick thing. and then on top of that harrow reaction was again. again. AGAIN. about how it looked. like i feel like a lot of people have glanced over the fact they are both trans in the fic and its alluded too earlier. maybe i should have harrow Also take her dick out

i dont want to tell you to fuck off you. know you. youre on anon. im talking at a brick wall. i feel like youre putting a lot of assumptions about how i think you, personally, are the thing ruining everything forever. and not like a fic of yours meeting the criteria for what im frustrated with intentionally or not. i would love to talk with you further i am not mad! my tone is incredibly restricted by being a large wall of text as i assume yours is!

like i am baffled by how many people are telling me over and over that theyve never read my work. and then telling me what to write. ive been writing what i want to see for a year and a half. i write a modern au how i want, a houseswap how i want, a mentally ill harrow how i want, transfem sex how i want. and while a lot of people like wat i write, very few write it themselves. THAT is what i am frustrated with. i only felt even marginally comfortable doing this because i have one of the longest fics in the entire tag under my belt. that by no means makes it near the best but i am on ao3 a Lot just by virtue of how often i upload

i dont want to do this again, i dont want people assuming i want to do this again, but it exists and i cant stop either side from saying what they want to say about it. some things could have been clearer but some people are WILLFULLY misinterpreting me because i dont like their particular brand of fic. i actually went back and altered some slight things in the latest chapter as like. an acknowledgement that these kinds of works do make people happy and thats the sole reason hey do and should exist. i know my fics get long-winded and morose and depressing and trapped by my own adherence to canon, that was the POINT of chapter five. they cant have fun anymore theyre thinking too hard about it now, they cant go back to living simple lives in a world where they know what college and dyke bars are.

the execution was mean and i know im mean and this is the only time im gonna do this because my meanness was trapped in a little shaken soda bottle because i take writing too seriously. like thats it

[gotoosilly]

I wish I could feel not disgusting and impure and so fucking filthy I can clean my body so much but I just need to like clean my mind and clean my organs and everything every single cell I have in my body needs cleaned I need my eyes replaced I need my body waist down to just be removed I need my chest removed I need my face covered I need everything covered and clean and never to be ruined ever again ever again I didn't even get like touched or something it was all just mental it was all just the shit he said the shit he showed me I don't know why I feel so disgusting it's not like his filthy fucking hands got on me it's what my hands did in response to what his sent me it's what he put in my brain and what he made my eyes see it's the fact that I can't feel like a kid anymore because kids are clean kids are inn9cent and I'm not ill never be innocent again im probably less fucking pure thanthe average grown adult I am disgusting I feel so disgusting and I wish I could be normal. one of the worst parts is the fact that it's my fucking fault i wasn't overpowered he didn't really do anything he didn't coerce me he didntbdo shit I fucking encouraged him because I liked the attention as if I didn't get enough attention already I wasn't fucking neglected or something if I wanted attention I could've juet gone and hugged my mom or dad or whatever but no I had to just go to him and look at the kinda shit he watched in his free time i had to talk to him after he told me he wanted me to have his kids I had to watch those videos he didn't even send ME the fucking videos he just sent it in the server uts even more my fault I could've just not looked at it litterly no one forced me but for gods sake I was a kid i was a fufking kid and I was curious why was no one looking out for me why the fufk wasn't my mom concerned when i got a fufking porn virus when I was like what 10??? 10 years old?? why didn't they ban me from the server after hearing me speak I was obviously a kid fufkbi even had my speech impediment how clearer could it have been ibwqs a child I even I did ev3rything like a child I was even annoying like one why didn't anyone not even one fufking person say something why didn't anyone say something I could've been fixed I could've been normal I could've been normal imnnever gonna be fucking normal im never going to be a normal fucking person ever again I'll always bee like this no matter what I do no matter how much I try to recover no matter how much i try to get better to like myself more to etop thinking these things it'll always be there it never goes away nothing ever fucking goes away and I'm actively making it worse im fucking pushing it further im doing things that I'll look back on when im 20 and be terrified for myself and it's only gonna get worse whenbitbsta4ted I mean fuck the stuff he sent me was terrible bur I'm finding worse stuff now imnscared for what I'll be doing when I'm an adult it only gets worse it's a fufking pipeline I dont want itbto actually lead to something though please don't ruin my life fuck I have plans for it I can't do this why am I making it worse for myself whybdo i like suffering why do I do thisbibdont know why it's like i do it and it's the best fucking thing ever it's like heaven then as soon as itsbover im miserable im disgusted I'm like this all over again then you know how I cope? by doing the same shitball over again it never stops it never fucking stops I mean seriously I've been able to quit smoking I've been able to quit taking edibles I've been able to quit drinking I've been able to stop having energy drinks fuck I've even been able to recover from my ed better than this why won't this go away it's only a fuckijg mental addiction smoking was mental and physical yet that was way fucking easier than this what the fuck is this god???

[fratboykate]

its been a month 😫 i miss our frat boy and her science wife come back papi youre the person who fed us the yummiest bishova content and you did it like every day please come back ill even apologize for the assholes who did whatever it is they did

Thank the people who tried to be fucking edgelords for no more CFAU, KYAU, KYFBAU or KYPAU content. I'm still FUCKING PISSED and I don't know that I'll ever stop being angry about all of this. Those are all gone until I stop being mad. *IF* I ever stop being mad. You guys talked yourselves out of everything. All you had to do was not be insanely disrespectful to me/the people I care about AND not make me look psychotic even after I fucking told you to stay out of it. Like...I very clearly asked you to butt out of my business because you had already caused enough damage and some of you fucking doubled down and made me look fucking crazy. I'm not rewarding that shit with all the free labor those stories took on almost a daily basis. You don't deserve any more of my time and effort.

[vyvesvi]

i think the concert situation is a really unfortunate misunderstanding that could've been mitigated at many points.

(for those who don't know, at the chicago show fans were once again cheering over the members talking which made kim lip cry and decide to sit out of the rest of the show.)

all of my opinions on what went down should be taken with a grain of salt since i wasn't at the show, but i'm thinking that this was mostly the result of 1) culture clash + 2) poor planning + 3) tech issues.

1) culture clash.

a friend who went to the la show pointed out how much talking and how little music was performed at the show. when we tallied it up, it worked out to be just over an hour of music vs 1.5 hours of speaking content. for a western audience, this breakdown is pretty unexpected/abnormal, and i could believe that it would cause some restlessness.

also, western artists generally don't encourage quiet at any point in the concert, so constant screaming/cheering is seen as normal. if a western artist wants to speak, they generally wait for the crowd to die down, believing that once the audience realizes that they're not speaking they'll start to quiet. my impression of korean crowds is that they're quieter, + as others have pointed out, loona is just generally less hyped in sk, so they're not used to audiences with this much energy. western fans also tend to implicitly associate screaming = showing love and support and louder screaming = even more love and support. it's not seen as disrespectful, it's seen as showing love, which importantly, is not universal at alllll.

so this is where 1) culture clash and 2) poor planning collide. a restless audience who believes that screaming = love combined with artists who have different cultural expectations clearly do not mesh well. if the concert was tailored to the audience, it would make sense to have more music + less talking but even more importantly, crowd training for the girls. if they had been made aware rather than just being thrown in the deep end this situation, from the restless audience to the end result, might not have happened. so i think bbc is to blame for that.

but importantly!!! given that it seems like the girls were given no crowd training, there was still another group that could have prevented this situation from happening!! while i don't think that fans were being deliberately rude (and i'll expand on why), the only thing that could've stopped the situation from worsening is if the fans shut up when it became clear that lip was getting frustrated. but they didn't.

3) tech issues.

fans were cheering for vivi after she finished speaking, and kim lip began to speak immediately after vivi stopped talking (so while fans were still cheering for vivi). because of a mic delay, it seemed like lip hadn't started speaking so fans continued to cheer for vivi. from the stage, it must've seemed like people were intentionally cheering for vivi instead of lip, and that's what made kim lip cry in the end. if the mic delay hadn't been as severe, the situation would've been clearer for the members onstage - i'd like to believe that the people cheering for vivi would've stopped faster. however, i have seen some accounts say that a group of 20 or so people continued to chant for vivi after the mic issues ended. if that's true, then that particular group was just plain rude. i still don't want to believe that it's intentional, that they were just caught up in the moment, but in this situation impact matters way more than intent.

4) moving forward.

i think this is pretty obvious, but for anyone going to the remaining shows, just dont cheer during the speaking parts!!! i'm sure lip and the rest of the members feel terrible (heejin even admonished orbits on fab) so i'm hoping especially hard that the rest of the shows go smoothly and respectfully.

.

tl;dr

1 - different cultural expectations between the audience and the members made things worse. bbbc could've mitigated this, but likely due to inexperience, did not. this was poor planning on their part.

2 - tech issues caused orbits to cheer while unaware that lip was trying to speak. this caused the misunderstanding that vivi akgaes were ignoring her.

3 - everyone should just shut up during the talking parts, especially since this has been an issue at every show thus far.

[chikkou]

some ppl are bringing up the fact that lisa is based off austins ex gf as a sort of gotcha bc he said lisa is the worst person and since his dumber fans usually take that to mean "brad and buzzo did nothing wrong it was all lisa's fault bc she is an evil manipulative demon :((" they think austin agrees w/ those takes and that austin thinks his ex gf is some sort of psycho. i figure u would know for sure, but didn't he say that about just the first lisa game? like wasn't that before he even had the idea to combine lisa with his new post apocalypse rpg? i could've swore he said something about how he just thought that the way memories can haunt people fascinated him, and that he developed an interest in that subject bc his ex gf was haunted by memories of her abusive father?

yeah, ur right - the influence that was drawn from his ex gfs experience was concentrated solely to the first. i dont doubt he mightve pulled some concepts from that experience for the painful, but as you mentioned, he never even intended to make a lisa sequel and the painful was originally going to be a completely unrelated game, but clearly the idea of lisa got caught in his mind and so he expanded on it.

with regards to lisa being "the worst," i do put the blame on austin for wording his tweet very poorly, but he did later clarify that he meant that she has had the most negative impact on the world, which is true tbh. buzzo does try to blame lisa as hes dying, but frankly i think this is him being unreliable and telling himself a lie. buzzos entire character arc has been passing the buck for his own guilt onto someone else; he blames brad for lisas death, even though he had a minimal role in it, and tortures dustin for it, even though he was COMPLETELY innocent. so it doesnt seem that off the wall to me that he would then pin the blame for everything on lisa herself, even though everything he did after her death was 100% his fault. remember that the lisa we're seeing isnt the real one, just his twisted memories of her. i think if the joyful had been made a full game, this wouldve been much clearer to the player, but i think some people really just overlooked that completely LMAO

taking it back to the ex-gf aspect, austin was very level & empathetic in the interview where he talked about the inspiration from his ex gf; he didnt try to speak for her or assume anything about her experience, and he was very vague about in what way the father was abusive, so i think he was being about as respectful as he could be. we also dont know that lisa is actually based on the ex gf; the direct inspiration was specifically that his ex gf was haunted by memories of her fathers abuse, so it couldve been completely different circumstances and she very likely was a completely different person from lisa.

there are valid criticisms to make about the games, like quite a few LMAO, but honestly i dont think this in particular is one of them

[dinoburger]

...don't you feel like chris columbo could've been better defined as a character, like he's interesting but I feel like we dont get much of a sense of his motivations for being the way he is, even if he's supposed to be more of an elusive guy

like Buzzo you get a much clearer feel for by the Joyful, Yado is pretty straightforward (he's mostly driven by ego and a god complex)

Chris is comparatively a smaller villain but he's also been a part of Brad's life for longer, and he's the first we're introduced to, I feel like that deserves a little more elaboration or at least more hints of his underlying motives

I know the wiki/austin says he's "envious of everyone" or something like that but it's still pretty vague

I dunno, that's just how I feel