#i dont expect anyone to read this . but if u did idk what to tell you

[qilyns]

long ass psychology hot take / personality notes headcanon / me rambling about my least favorite recurring joke within ganyu's background . tw for mentions of eating disorders + armchair psychology

psa: i'm aware it may be contentious for me to use the lens of eating disorders to make conclusions about interpersonal relationships, but i think many people who have gone through this for themselves can tell you that the two are intimately tied together.

ganyu's commitment to emotionally isolating herself is not only an expression of her qilin heritage but also a display of restraint as a warped idea of self–discipline (in reality this falls further on the scale of self–punishment) which is also mirrored in her disordered eating habits. wether it was intentional by hyv or not, i still see it as a theme that informs her personality not only in regards to how she presents herself but also in how she interacts and forms relationships (or doesn't) with the people around her.

the fandom likes to make fun of the monster choking incident from when she was younger, which the text also enforces by describing it in a very humorous tone. i can accept that it wasn't meant to be that deep but based on her behavior for the past 3000+ YEARS i think we can infer that it was a deeply upsetting moment for ganyu regardless of how humorous it may have been for the other adepti. many instances relating to her weight are described as being intensely embarrassing for her, like cloud retainer sharing her childhood stories with the traveler during her story chapter (fucked up fr... dumbass bird) and her literally running away in frustration from feeling humiliated by someone so close to her.

" another secret that ganyu is anxious to keep hidden is the fact that she is watching her physique. " ₍ ... ₎ " during the archon war, she once choked a giant monster to death after getting lodged in its throat when it tried to eat her.. " ₍ ... ₎ " for  ganyu,  avoiding  any  similarly  embarrassing  episodes  in  the  future  is  an  absolute  must. "

" whenever she finds herself being drawn towards some delicious dish, she will attempt to reassert her self-control. " ₍ ... ₎ " the difficulty of such a challenge is second only to finding a flaming flower atop dragonspine. " ₍ ... ₎ " but she is not one to give up half-way through the ascent. "

canonically having an eating disorder for more than three millennia is not only fucked up on hyv's part for.. coming up with the idea.. but i think it does show us her recurring tendency to deny herself of potentially enjoyable experiences (such as eating with others, which is a big aspect of socializing within liyuen culture.) to maintain a strict status quo. she worries about people distancing themselves from her if they find out the truth of her being half-qilin, she worries about people distancing themselves based on her physical appearance, and she worries about how people perceive her in a professional context, she worries about being replaced professionally and how that would eliminate her role within human society entirely.

the point of all this rambling is this: it's my personal headcanon that two big aspects of her personality are restraint and self punishment as means to control her circumstances and avoid embarrassment and how in turn this makes her averse to forming deep bonds with others. i don't read this as a matter of vanity since, in spite of all her efforts, there's no sense of accomplishment in keeping these secrets. only endless worrying and stress.

however, as someone who has experienced disordered eating for many years in real life, there is also an unspoken sense of accomplishment within this idea of discipline. the text describes her as " not one to give up half-way through the ascent. " which is notably aspirational in tone and tells us that this is something she sees as a good thing, not merely as a struggle to avoid embarrassment but as a pursuit of self–improvement. obviously this is fucked up and not the case but i think it's a very obvious coping mechanism to try and find a noble purpose within something you're suffering – otherwise the suffering itself may be seen as a source of shame and failure.

and on the aspirational note, the qilin in real life mythology is described as being lonely by nature but there's really nothing in the mythology of genshin to suggest this might be the case in universe. i see it more as a motif for her struggle than a definitive characteristic of hers, and perhaps isolation it's a way for her to aspire to embrace this side of her heritage which she obviously does not identify with on a deeper level? she does insist on describing herself as inhuman so perhaps it's also an attempt to delineate herself from others.....

so anyway, i believe that this idea of restraint plays into her loneliness as an inhuman. we don't see any examples of her being rejected from human society other than her own insistence that there is no place for her beyond her function. someone like yanfei is clearly able to live and thrive within liyue harbor, so why not ganyu?

i propose that this isolation is more or less self imposed. microdosing on (imagined?) societal rejection to avoid confronting loneliness and strife within actual interpersonal relationships. cloud retainer says that life as an adeptus in juyeun karst would be too lonely for her to cope with but ganyu insists that the loneliness she feels among other people is more personal and therefore harder to endure.

as a character, she often takes steps to avoid embarrassment and rejection but she doesn't necessarily shy away from suffering itself. if the writers truly want us to believe she goes without close friendships or romantic companionship for decades if not centuries at a time (she rarely if ever brings up anyone from the past other than the adepti and rex lapis) then i think the only reasonable conclusion is that she imposed those restraints on herself and that she probably does find some level of comfort within that loneliness, even if it's starting to wear on her by the time that genshin impact takes place.

many psychologists adhere to the idea of the cyclical disorder, which is essentially a process of using restrictive behaviors to exert control over negative feelings or dissatisfactions with life, which are recurring emotions for any person regardless of how long they live. i don't think she is a hermit though. i think that, similar to the cyclical nature of disordered eating, her disordered idea of relationships is to abstain for as long as she possibly can and then punish herself afterwards by seeking relief in familiar habits of isolation.

i imagine her restrictive eating began as a way to exert control over the way people view her, and i think the fact that she has maintained these ideas for so. fucking. long. implies that this mindset probably extends further than we ever get to see in our role as traveler within the story

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[crucifiedkiss]

◌ೆ୧　 ͢YOUR MAIL HAS BEEN DELIEVERED ♡

𓈒⠀⠀⁺⠀𝜗 crucifiedkiss ╱ p. jackson x gn! reader 𝜚

ꨄ︎ drbl ++ hcs dating percy pt2. ⏤ ﹙cupid﹚ 🪽 ˖ ׁ ⁩

  ಲ ͏ㅤ ׅㅤㅤcw: show!percy (i havent read the book(s) ...), season not specified, requested by 🦇anon ♡, ooc (proudly), not much plot, kissing (obv ..), fluff, silly teenagers being silly teenagers, drabble (drbl) ++ headcanons (hcs), drbl is pre-dating/before dating, YAPPING SO HARD IM SO SRRY 😭😭ㅤ✿𝅼

( ｡>﹏<) "YIPPEEEE TY 44 THE REQUEST !!! percy jackson my sweet bb GRAAHHHH !!! enjoy ml 🫂 IVE STARTED READING PJO BTW GUYS IM ON THE 2ND ONE (THE SEA OF MONSTERS) :3" ⏤ c.k.　と

　ㅤ، ׁ 　 ͢🦇ANON SENT A LETTER ♡

ㅤㅤ❛ ⠀⠀YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD??? AND YOUR ART??? AUGHH eats your art (it tastes like marshmallows) ^,_,^ can you write literally anyone from percy jackson... 🫂 :3 SORRY I DONT HAVE ANY PROMPT IDEAS😪⠀⠀— 🦇

𝜗୧ ּ݂⠀💌 dating percy jackson would include ﹗

　　　⏤　 him being extra soft when having to spar/practice fighting with u. the way his movements r a little more sluggish in a way, hesitant to put full force into attacking u, him usually ending up letting u win just so he can see that victorious look on ur face which leaves him happy for the rest of the day knowing he made u happy :3 the way he sheepishly laughs when u ask if he is actually putting effort to which he just shrugs and awkwardly rubs his nape, rejecting eye contact. he rlly wasnt a good liar😓 ... the way he barely even tries to swing at u but still does, not wanting to seem like he has completely no spark to him. the way he waits until ur fully gone before huffing, mumbling smth abt how its kinda embarrassing to act like a noob at sparring .. it was worth it tho to see ur the glee on ur face :) he never did want to hurt u, practicing or not. if he did, ur getting DRAGGED to someone as he begs for them to see if ur hurt rlly bad (has done this before definitely when u fell and scraped ur knee just BARELY or smth) (<- just wants u to be ok) (<- biggest green flag lowkey...❗) u have to tell him desperately that ur fine or else he is just going to proceed to bring u to someone to help u

　　　⏤　 kissing percy and him tasting like seasalt .. could u expect anything less tho? not in a bad way or anything, but he just tasted like the ocean physically lived in his mouth 24/7. never tell him so tho, he will whine like a baby and deny it – for a guy who likes water so much, he seems not to like that certain information. if u do tell him, no matter the amount of reassuring, he is brushing his tongue extra good that night and next morning, leaving you feeling slightly bad. it, of course, the taste doesnt go away. he is literally the son of poseidon: why WOULD it go away ??? be wary tho, it will leave ur mouth tasting of the same seasalt ,,, good thing is is that the taste is more faint, only lasting for a minute or two before fading ! hope u can last that long with the taste of the literal sea ..! ^_^" .... him being nervous abt kissing u aswell thooo. like, not nervous like "OH MY GOD UR MY FIRST KISS SAHSOHDODNWKX" or whtvr, but like "oh jeez ur rlly cool and stuff and what if i mess this up and and and" type nervous. normally, he was a confident and outgoing person, but smth about u just makes me a lil stiff in his movements – he does eventually get better, but would probably be vry hesitant at first ... idk idk just a thought :3 OMG WAIT: him, on a few occasions, wearing blue lipstick on purpose just for the reason he knows it will show up a LOT better and because it is rlly fun to see u frantically trying to wipe away the lipstick as percy smiles mischeviously. he looks a lil silly with the blue lipstick on but seeing ur face covered in lipstick marks from HIM ??? physically giggles, kicks his feet, and twirls his hair at night thinking about ur face covered in those lipstick marks (he is a little delulu pls excuse him😞) ... overall likes seeing ur skin covered with the pretty blue. would do it again and again and again and again and .. yeah .. SRRY FOR YAPPING BUT ALSO ???? ESKIMO KISSES ??? the tired giggle he lets out in the morning as he gives u the faint brush of his nose against urs is make me SICK thinking of it /pos does this as a way to say goodmorning :3 also, absolutely would BEGGG for a spiderman kiss. he doesnt know how to initiate it, but the moment ur upside down, he is SPRINTING 😭😭 pls do a spiderman kiss he is inlove with the idea. like ... a kiss ?? upside down ?? lowkey chaotic but in a cool way ??? yippee !!! sign him up !!! ALSO ALSO: tango dip kisses (dipping someone down, usually done during a dance/tango dancing, and kissing them), butterfly kisses (kissing someones eyelashes), underwater kiss (self explanatory, but kissing underwater), ETC. !!! sign him up🗣🗣🔥🔥

　　　⏤　 him worrying about everything he does, thinking about what u would think abt him doing this one thing. "is my hair curled enough today? i hope they like it ...", "would they appreciate the small details on this outfit?", "would they like my different cologne? would they even notice it?" type of thinking. takes everything into consideration and rlly hopes u notice the small things he does for u. makes sure it doesnt seem desperate .. works sometimes. always asking annabeth her opinion on stuff, assuming she would know tons on u, true or not. cue annabeth coming up to u one day and huffing abt percy practically daily asking her questions about u – he is just trying to be sweet but oh my gods😓 always yapping. takes u into consideration with almost every action/decision he does lowkey😭 has saved him plenty of times honestly ... not all the time tho cause he is still the silly dumb person he is but /silly/pos

　　　⏤　 him absolutely hyping u UP and just being rlly sweet/supportive !!! oh, ur feeling down ?? immediate compliment and a chasted kiss to ur cheek. having a bad day ?? gently brushing his knuckles against urs, just to remind u that he is open to talk about anything at any moment ... etc. etc. he is HAPPY to give u a new compliment/fresh joke each day if that is what makes u happy or just anything u enjoy. u like rocks ?? gives u tons. u like astrology ?? getting u a telescope so u can look at the stars and books on stuff like such, AND SO MUCH MORE !!! just wants to support what u like doing, featuring motivating and joyous grins. never turning down a opportunity to let u know ur doing amazing or just doing ur best, sneaking a few silly flirts in there aswell cause its PERCY were talking abt😭

　　　⏤　 lingering everything. and by that i mean: lingering touches, lingering stares, lingering ... everything, as said. just seems like the person to be rlly obvious with how much he loves u. the touches were so gentle, as if a feather just lightly caressing over the skin, and the stares were so loving that u would expect his pupils to be practically shaped into hearts and the ocean blue of his eyes overall would become a pink-ish color just filled with affection alone and seeming as if he had been blessed by aphrodite themselves. it is such a painfully obvious thing that he just cant help, wanting to let his touch stay a little longer to feel the nice comforting feel of ur skin against just the tips of his fingers, his gaze to dash all over ur face as he tries deciding what to actually stare at which ultimately ends up everytime on ur own eyes just a little longer– he wanted time as a whole to stop just so he could stare at u forever. maybe it was the way the sun just beautifully illuminated ur skin, the way ur eyes shimmered ... blah blah blah. ur perfect in his eyes, case closed !!

dating this, dating that. it was always romantic stuff these days. percy never found the appeal at first, making a playful gag sound as someone longed on about their one and only. it wasnt like he never thought of having a partner of sorts, but it just seemed, well, weird, which was understandable for a kid of his age. being young, desiring a relationship could be likely, sure, but with percy he was unsure. as life progressed, he slowly came to realization that a partner could not only be a romantic interest he, himself, could long about like others have, but also be someone he could just lean onto at times. arguably, a partner was someone he could just really be himself with.

with ever-so much hesitancy, he slowly got into the loving life, and gods he never regrets it. maybe fate, maybe not, but the fact he stumbled upon you just on the day he finally decided to try out dating was a miracle to him. you left his heart clenching comfortably, stomach swirling with feelings he was just never sure of. was this what love truly felt like? maybe you were the one. he prayed to every god out there and to aphrodite specifically that he wouldnt stumble over his words like a love-sickened idiot.

would you even like him? his hair was really messy today. maybe you would like his messy hair? gods, he was thinking to deeply into this. youre just another person at camp. 'calm down,' he thought to himself and, obviously, it hadnt worked. when has that ever worked for him, realistically? whatever. off topic.

first time speaking to you and he, embarrassingly enough, had stuttered and his voice cracked about three times – great going percy, absolutely peachy job! one awkward conversation later, you surprisingly became his friend. he didnt know how that even happened, thinking on the spot of you seeing him that you would just ignore him or something ... where was his confidence? he sighed in relief nonetheless, knowing that with enough encouragement from him—and likely others because he was horrible at both keeping and hiding secrets—, that he would maybe have a chance.

"just say tons of jokes. maybe they like jokes ... gods i hope they like jokes." he mumbled to himself before slowly beginning to walk towards you, pace so slow it would almost seem like he dreaded talking to you which was quite the opposite. just talk. that was simple enough, right? hes got this, hes got this.

[kuni-is-daddy]

Thinking about getting placed as Scaras assistant, he’s testing you at first asking questions small missions and battles so you can prove youself, but one night he’s asking you questions on why you want to work for him, the way he moves and speaks its like he’s teasing you

Your mind starts to wonder thoughts about your boss you never thought you have as he’s reading your mind, only teasing u more as he replies to your suggestive thoughts of him (I’m so wet for this man I CANT <33)

damm anon that makes me wanna act up IDK. i got a tent goin on over here if yk what i mean-

LET ANON COOK YALL, I THINK THEY ONTO SOMETHING--

INDUSTRY KAMI!

BOSS, SCARAMOUCHE X ASSISTANT/BODYGUARD READER

FLUFF+SMUT, SCARAMOUCHE BACKSTORY SPOILERS.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. 1.2k WORDS. Smut part long af.

'Perhaps I feel like I owe my beloved Kunikuzushi something, Which is why i gave control of the gakaden company to him, Along with his own free will. I entrust Y/N with the safety and wellbeing of my son. As they are my most prestige warrior within inazuma and in all of teyvat' -The Raiden shogun, Ei.

AMAZING ART

Scara masterlist part 2!

The 5th round this evening, Your hands grew tired from holding your signature weapon. "Y-you are very skilled in the art of the sword my lord. My I ask where you were taught?" You said while trying to catch your breath in your tired state. "Taught? How amusing. as if someone could tell me what to do and how to fight? Y/n, i dont need anyones validation or blah blah-" The rest of your master's words went through one ear and out the other. Something about the shaken up and tired state he had you in gave you tremendous bliss, You we're well known to be one of the strongest warriors within teyvat, Even trained by the strongest human within the world, Il Capitano. Yet here you we're being bested by your own superior? Someone you we're ironically enlisted to by the Almighty god of thunder, Ei. To protect. It was pathetic how in every round he bested you, How as soon as you saw an opening to whisk away his katana from his grasp, he was always one step ahead, as if he was reading you like a book. The way he fought was unexpected. That is why you asked where his styles originated. "As expected, my master. A individual as great as you wouldn't need anyone else's guidance or leadership." You bowed your head as a sign of respect. Master, Scara liked that word. "Good Y/n. you know your place." He looked you up and down, observing your body as you stood up and wiped your forehead. He didn't mean to go so rough on you, But you always do ask to spar him after missions. So he did with no hesitation. "Go get yourself cleaned up or some shit and wait for me outside, Im going to get changed." He said as he left the room.

You we're reading "Flowers for Princess Fischl – Vol. I: End Time." while waiting for your superior. A young girl named amy gave it to you as a gift for helping her join the adventures guild. It was childish, but you ended up enjoying the book. Little did you know your boss was standing behind you as you waited for him at the lobby door. "The fuck is this?" He took the book from you "I- MY LORD-" You stuttered while trying to gather your thoughts. "Flowers for princess fish? Great.. So you spend your time reading fanfiction instead of being attentive as usual..." He sighed. "Hm..Now what if the enemy was inside y/n? Now im dead" your heart sunk at his sudden words. You we're well put together in a fine suit and tie similar to his. Along with a suitcase containing your signature weapon, Ready to defend your superior through anything. "I trust that you are more than capable to take care of yourself while i am not around, Master. Your strength is no match for anyone." You bowed and walked forward to the car, Holding the door open for him. "Is that so y/n?" He said while stepping into the vehicle. "Im sure your master can find other ways to show you his strength." The man whispered into your ear. You blushed and closed the door, Looking at him again while smilingly and running around to get into the car. Kuni smirked as your childish reaction. He sat next to you across the drivers seat.

The smell of his fresh cologne Filled your nose as if it was oxygen. He looked so professional and clean while flipping through your book, from the way his hair was perfectly straight to the beautiful way you could see his muscles Pearce through his suit. Even the way his tie was on is perfect, The way he would threaten to fire you immediately when you'd embarrass him in public during a mission- "Who is this, Amy person y/n?" 'Huh? How does he know about amy?' He read aloud "Dear y/n the loyal subjects of the Immernah-crick. Thank you for helping her majesty Princess fishkl. for- What the fuck is this?" You giggled under your breath at how he mispronounced the words. "Is Fuck? Your favorite word my lord?" He lightly blushed. "Thats not the Fucking- Thats not the question Y/n."

You two lightly teased and joked with eachother as the car finally pulled up. You held the door open while surveying the area and hesitantly apologized again "Im sorry lord kuni, i just got caught up while waiting for you. I wont read it again if you find Fantasy novels- Inconsiderate." "Read whatever the fuck you want, I could care less." He said as you held the door open to the penthouse lobby "and do me a favor y/n." "Yes my lord! Anything!" you said eagerly "...drop the 'my lord'. It sounds fucking weird when you say it. Keep the kuni shit." You smiled, Did this mean he was starting to trust you more? Was this all some test just to prove your worth.

SMUTT

You cheerfully followed 'kuni' into his penthouse. "My- I mean Kuni. Your place is amazing." You said while viewing his estate. All you we're instructed to do was to wait for him outside his bedroom door. Many thoughts swirled through your head, all about kuni. You just loved everything about him just from first glance, the way he'd carry himself, How independent he was, His outfit. You never worked for someone with that amount of prestige and overall leadership. Everyone was so obedient to him like a dog, even when he threatened to fire them. Threatened to fire you, The way that sent you chills was something you'd never forget. As if you could easily be replaced before he even knew your full name. You we're tapped out of your wet daze to be greeted by him. In a beautiful outfit(pov he's wearing his fatui outfit. "Hmm should i keep my hat on y/n or take it off?" He asked you. "M-my lo- I- i- mean kuni- you-" God you we're choking up on your words so hard.

"Ugh everytime I even talk to you about shit your always stuttering up y/n your acting as if this is the first time you've seen me wear my kimono." "W-well.. K-kuni.. Your chest..is out and i-" "Oh? so thats it." Kuni walked closer to you, you we're pinned against the wall" "You like what you see y/n..? Is that it?" "K-kuni please..Shouldnt we be leaving?" "I say when we fucking leave Y/n. There you go again making up your own mind. Is that any way to talk to your fucking superior?" Your body was burning up as your breath grew heavy. He whispered in your ear. "Whats wrong? I cant get closer to my pet...?"

"Say..Y/n.. Why do you work for me? Did my pathetic mother bribe you, The ever so righteous Y/N. who has trained with the strongest human in teyvat?" His beautiful violet eyes burned through yours. as if he was staring through your soul. Was this another test? You couldnt tell. Your breathing became more panicked. His body pressed against yours, the sweet smell of his perfume, His beautiful eye liner. You we're in a pure daze. The worst one you've had since you met him. "fucking say something y/n..or are my eyes putting you in another trance hm?" shit.. at this point he was reading your mind. Fuck it. "i.. I LOVE YOU KUNI. MORE THEN ANYTHING. ID PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE. I DONT CARE IF YOUR MOM WOULD'VE HIRED ME OR NOT..I... ALWAYS HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU!" You realized you let your heart out. When What" you've only known him for 3 weeks and you're going this fast. "...I-im..sorry..my lord. I'll just wait for you in the ca-" you we're cut off. "then prove it." 'huh?' "e-excuse me my lord?" "prove it. Prove how much you love your master~" A cord snapped in you. You kicked his bedroom door open with force, Even making him give an aroused look. you wanted this. You wanted him so bad, The way he fought you. The way he made you so happy, The way he made you so fucking horny and touch yourself after every night you'd make sure he was safe in his home. You unzipped his pants immediately and looked at his cock while licking your lips. He didn't stop you, only mocked you "fucking slut.

How long have you wanted my cock?" You didnt reply. Just the feeling of his big cock stuffing your mouth and making you gag had you on cloud 9. "f-fuck...Where did a slut like you learn how to suck a mans cock like this. Shit~ have you been passing yourself around?" "No..mph.. been savingf myselvf for you mahster~" You said with his dick still in your mouth. "Oh yeah? You saved yourself for daddy?" God that turned him on. He grabbed your hair, ran his fingers through it and forced your head down on his cock. "Just like that baby, You've been so patient already for me. I should reward you with my cum down your throat. how does that sound?" You shaked your head with vigor. Desperate for his seed. He pushed hard onto your head, Bucking his hips up and letting out a loud groan while he came down your throat. Fuck your mouth felt so warm he didnt want you to move. But you did and climbed ontop of scara, While stripping for him. "Mmm..Wanna put on a show for you Kuni~" god the way you'd say his name would always make him hard.

Especially the way he teased you in the car saying he'd show you his strength in other ways. You began grinding on his cock "F-fuck Kuni~ Your so big against me master..So big.. Your making me horny right now daddy~" "Yeah'? Making my little pet all turned on f' me? Want daddys help?" "Y-Yes kuni~ please help me." You swapped places, laying on the bed while kuni began taking his clothes off. his abs we're beautiful along with a nice scar along the side of them. He fetched through his cabinet for a bottle of lube. "Y-you have lube?" you said shocked. "Tsk. Yeah? You think i dry jerk off too you?" Just hearing that alone made you blush. He jerked off a little with it and began putting the tip inside. "oh shit kuni~" He looked so focused on making sure his cock got inside of you. watching how it would dissapear inside your warm wet hole. He moved slowly back and forth, Fucking you in a mating press. "K-kuni.." "Yes my love?" "C-can you go faster please. Wanna have you hit that spot." And that was all he needed to hear. He ruffled his hands through his hair and fucked you so hard. "K-KUNI AH~" you wrapped your legs around him "F-fuck baby dont wrap your legs round me like that- IM gonna CU-" "I dont care kuni~ please breed me. Breed me like the little pet i am. P-please kuni. Thats all I want, Wanna be yours forever."

[heyiwrotesomethings]

hey maddy have a nice day so

shinobu x FEM reader thats like sanemi {he backstory I mean)

(shinobu and her dont get along at first but after shin found out what happened to her, after visiting her hometown for a mission and talking with the people there<gossip gossip> she went to find her but when she did she was Infront of her family's graves, the reader knew shin was watching but didn't say anything about it until after a hashira meeting where she snuck into shins room/lab you choose and she almost screamed because she didn't hear them but she silenced her and confronted her about watching her in the graveyard where shin apologizes (maybe friends to lover after idk up to u

anyway sorry it's VERY specific but I know you'll do great byeee 💜💜💜

Chipping Down a Wall

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: Heyyooo 💜! It kinda got a little rushed in the end, but I hope you like it! If anyone doesn’t want to have a general idea of what Sanemi’s back story must have been like, maybe skip? Like I didn’t completely use his story, but the message is there. Another note, some swearing ahead. Anyway thanks for reading! Word Count: 3,223

“What a sleepy little town,” Shinobu mused, taking it all in, “so unlike a cold and brutish someone I know.”

When Shinobu had received an order to complete a mission in the hometown of one of her fellow Hashira, she immediately knew she was going to collect all the embarrassing dirt that she could on her.

It all started last year when (Y/n) had first joined their ranks. Shinobu had tried to be welcoming, asked her questions to get to know her better, but she had quickly learned that (Y/n) was not interested in being friendly.

She had snapped at Shinobu, probably hoping to scare her away, but that had only pissed Shinobu off and made her go out of her way to bother (Y/n) constantly in the months to come. With her persistence, she did manage to eek information out of (Y/n) from time to time. One of her biggest successes was when she had tricked (Y/n) into telling her where she was from. It had only really counted as a success to Shinobu because of how angry (Y/n) had gotten when she realized what she had told her, but now that information had become relevant to her once more.

It was such a small town, surely Shinobu would have no trouble finding people who knew (Y/n). Since she had finished off the demon the night before, she had all day to nose around.

“Ah, excuse me,” Shinobu put on her friendliest smile as she approached an old woman, rocking in a rickety chair next to a weathered medicine shop, “have you lived here long?”

The woman tilted her head downward, peering at Shinobu through her spectacles with one eyebrow raised.

Shinobu would take that as a yes.

“Would you happen to know the (L/n) family?”

“Mm.” The old woman subtlety winced. “Haven’t heard that name in quite a few years now… it’s nearly taboo to talk about.”

“Oh?” Shinobu’s interest had been piqued, but not in the way she had expected. Why was the woman so somber? Was Shinobu stepping into something she shouldn’t?

“I helped deliver almost every baby in this town for nearly three generations. I helped bring the parents into this world, and their children as well when the time came. Yes, I knew that family quite well. Such a warm and hardworking lot they were.”

Were… Shinobu’s smile dimmed, but her morbid curiosity did not. The Demon Slayer Corps had no shortage of unfortunate tales, but she had never really felt the desire to pry into those awful stories without someone bringing them up first. Not until (Y/n), it would seem.

“What happened to them, if it will not upset you to tell me, that is.”

“Killed. The whole family.”

“The whole family?” Shinobu restated. She knew that wasn’t completely accurate, unless (Y/n) had a fake identity. Shinobu wouldn’t put it past her with how closed off she was.

The old woman sighed, agitated, and adjusted the blanket over her lap needlessly, “No, not the whole family,” she spoke almost tersely, “There was one survivor. The girl did what she had to do. Poor thing.”

Shinobu waited for her to settle and continue. This was obviously hard for her.

“I know what you are and what you do, young lady. So I will be very straightforward with you. Do not ask the other townsfolk about this matter of your curiosity because they did not understand it then, and they don’t now.”

Shinobu stood a bit straighter, fully invested.

“The father was turned into a demon and lost himself. I doubt you need any more details than that to get the picture, but somehow one child managed to survive and she was found bloody and beaten on the ground next to the house that had become consumed by fire.” The woman pointed her chin at something behind Shinobu.

Shinobu turned and saw a hill. Years of time for the earth to heal had passed, but the scorched trees still stood to serve as a reminder. Shinobu turned to face forward once more.

“Others would be happy to gossip with you and tell you that she had started the fire to purposely kill everyone inside, but I know every child in this village as if they were my very own, and I can tell you if she could have sacrificed herself to the flames for their lives to continue on, she would have.”

The old woman patted the blanket, then began to fold it neatly.

“She’s a good girl, even if she pretends not to be. She’s just trying to protect herself. No family, no home, the only things here for her are old neighbors who demand her head.” With a grunt of exertion, the old woman stood,

“But then again, I’m just a senile ol’ bat. You’ll believe what you’ll believe,” she slid open the door to shop and looked back at Shinobu over her shoulder, “but if you see little (Y/n), tell her to come visit me at some odd hour if she’s feeling brave. The winter months are coming, and I’ve made her a haori. I’m sure the old one is all tattered strings by now, but my, how she gets attached to some things.”

Shinobu smiled knowingly, picturing the ratty haori in question, though her expression was overall subdued,

“You have no idea.”

The old woman snorted quietly and gave a crooked smile before closing the door behind her and leaving Shinobu alone.

Fun thoroughly trampled, Shinobu’s logical next course of action would be to pay her respects to the fallen family. If (Y/n) was perceived as a wanted criminal in her hometown, she probably couldn’t visit the cemetery as often as she would like. And being the sole survivor of her family, the upkeep of the grave probably suffered as a result.

So she bought some supplies and followed the shopkeeper’s instructions to the cemetery. She went down each row, looking for the correct surname, then paused when she realized their was someone a few rows ahead of her.

It was (Y/n). Shinobu wasn’t sure why, but her heart leapt in her chest. It was probably because of (Y/n) saw her there, she’d kill her, but threats of bodily harm never gave Shinobu pause before, so now shouldn’t be any different. Regardless, Shinobu slowly lowered the bucket of supplies to the ground, possibly for (Y/n) to use if she saw fit, and quietly backed out of the cemetery, believing that she had gone unnoticed.

***

Shinobu was fully absorbed in her work, writing detailed notes on the results of her latest experiment. It hadn’t gone exactly as she hoped, but it was a more promising result than her last attempt. She was so engrossed in her thoughts and the scratching of her pen that she failed to notice someone striding into her lab with purpose.

“Just who do you think you are!?”

Shinobu found herself spun around with a hand over her mouth before she could even scream. Which worked out just fine for her. It would have been embarrassing to scream, her pride wouldn’t have allowed her to forget it and (Y/n) probably wouldn’t have let her forget it either if she didn’t look the most enraged Shinobu had ever seen her.

“Did you follow me? Thought you’d come for a free show? Well? Was it everything you ever dreamed it could be— UGH! Gross!” (Y/n) pulled her hand away from Shinobu’s mouth and hastily wiped her palm on her pants.

“Did you just fucking lick me?”

“Well, were you just going to keep asking questions, or did you want actual answers to go with them?” Shinobu stepped back to give herself a little more space. Her damn heart was pounding again. It had been a long time since she had been startled like that.

“I am going to answer you now and I’d appreciate it if you stayed quiet until I’ve caught up.”

(Y/n)’s eye twitched.

“Firstly, I was in the area due to a mission. Yes, I did recall you grew up in that town and so I wanted to do a little looking around, but—“

“And so what did you find?” (Y/n) interrupted bitterly, “That I’m a murderer that needs to be turned in to the authorities? Or perhaps forget that and have me tried through the Corps? You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

Shinobu slowly released a breath, trying her best to remain patient.

“I know you aren’t a murderer, (L/n)-san. I had spoken to an old woman there, who sends her regards and wants to give you something by the way, she told me everything.”

“Tch—“ (Y/n) crossed her arms tightly over her chest, “why would you believe her? Maybe I did do it on purpose. That would make sense for someone like me, right? Just let them all burn.”

“You didn’t.” Shinobu casually refuted. She wasn’t in the mood to feed into any negative nonsense. “You aren’t a bad person. I’ve known that much since I first met you.”

(Y/n) scoffed.

“I’m serious,” Shinobu held (Y/n)’s bitter stare unwaveringly. “Did you know that most of the time when you end up in my infirmary, it’s because you took a hit for someone else?”

“They got in my way.” (Y/n) snarled.

“I also heard about that new public library and literacy program that was constructed near your estate. Funded all by a single anonymous donor. Oh, and public vegetable gardens and fruit trees as well.”

“Could have been some rich old fucker.” (Y/n) hissed growing more uneasy.

“Except that district is apparently notoriously known for its poverty. No lord would consider investing in such a place. They probably aren’t even aware of its existence, nor care to know.” Shinobu stepped back into (Y/n)’s personal space, smirking inwardly when (Y/n) moved backward and bumped the heavy table behind them.

“You are a good person, (L/n)-san. Perhaps even a better one than me,” She spoke softly.

(Y/n) couldn’t seem to speak and Shinobu continued,

“I went to the cemetery because I thought your family plot might need a little maintenance since you are technically on the lamb. I didn’t know you would be there, but I’m sorry that I intruded nevertheless.”

It was quiet for a minute. Then (Y/n) looked up from the floor and gave Shinobu a sideways glance before looking anywhere else. Her frown deepened.

“Sounds like something a good person would try to do for someone.” She grumbled. Then she slid out from between Shinobu and the table and marched out the door, scaring a couple Kakushi that happened to be walking by.

Shinobu moved to leaned back against to table, finding herself suddenly exhausted. At least she was still fully intact, and though it had been a rather intense talk, Shinobu felt like she had a better understanding of who (Y/n) was as a person.

***

It was somewhat awkward between them for a while after that. Shinobu had been making an effort not to tease and poke at (Y/n) as often, which in turn gave (Y/n) no reason to lash out.

Shinobu was surprised at how quiet and fidgety (Y/n) was when there was no reason to snap at anyone. Especially around Shinobu was when she seemed the most restless. As if Shinobu was going to tell everyone that she was a soft philanthropist who loved reading and graciously accepted lovingly sewn haoris from elderly women.

Shinobu subtly rolled her eyes. As if that would be the worst thing in the world. But she kept it to herself anyway. It was strange, but being one of the only people to know what (Y/n) was like when she thought no one was watching felt special and it allowed her to do things she never would have bothered with previously.

Things like going out to eat together after a joint mission, or showing up at her estate with little gifts and making small talk. Eventually (Y/n) began to drop by her place as well to do similar activities. They were getting along very well. Until they didn’t.

A few months later, (Y/n) suddenly stopped coming around and when Shinobu tried to visit her, she either wasn’t around or not answering on purpose. Shinobu let it slide the first couple times, but on her most recent visit when she knocked on the door and received no response, she decided to let herself in.

She roamed the halls, eventually happening upon and open side door. Resting with her back against a wooden support beam and one leg dangling off of the side of the engawa, (Y/n) was absorbed in a book.

“You should really learn to lock your doors.”

“Holy fuck!” The book in (Y/n)’s hand tumbled to the ground as her hands kept to her chest.

“Oops,” Shinobu smiled, “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I apologize. Let this be a lesson in locking doors in the future. However, if you keep avoiding me once you pick up the habit, I will break a window.”

“Shut up!” (Y/n) groaned, sitting back up, “I’m not avoiding you. I’ve got a life outside of doing dumb stuff with you, you know.”

“Oh? Like sitting by yourself for several days like Tomioka-san? What a full life. I’m so envious.”

Shinobu walked over to sit beside (Y/n) and when (Y/n) tried to put more space between them, she followed.

“Get out of my personal space, Kochou!”

“Hmm?” Shinobu leaned in and overtly studied (Y/n)’s body language, causing the other girl to feel increasingly nervous and agitated.

What Shinobu hadn’t noticed during the time that they became friends, was that (Y/n) had developed a crush on her. Not entirely surprising since Shinobu had become a big constant in her otherwise shut-off and icy existence.

But (Y/n) couldn’t possibly give Shinobu the chance to figure out her feelings! She couldn’t afford to be that vulnerable, it spelled disaster for sure! So, instead of having Shinobu figure it out and stop talking to her, (Y/n) broke away first. Obviously it didn’t have the intended effect and now her heart was hammering because Shinobu went through all the trouble of coming to see her when she could have gone on without her as she did before.

(Y/n) felt the intensity of Shinobu’s stare on the side of her face and dared to turn her head back to glare at her, but when her nose had been close enough to brush against her own, (Y/n) quickly jerked her head back, hitting the back of her head hard against the wooden support beam.

“Son of a bitch!” (Y/n) hunched in on herself, clutching the back of her head tightly in her hands. “Could you just fuck off?!”

Shinobu was not so easily intimidated, she never was. Instead she placed a hand gently over (Y/n)’s.

“Let me see. I’m surprised you didn’t collapse the roof on top of us with that amount of force.”

(Y/n) didn’t move her hands away fast enough for Shinobu’s liking, so she pulled them away herself. Then she angled the other Hashira’s head to rest against her chest and she inspected the back of her head. (Y/n) stiffened against her.

“No blood at least. You’ll have an awful bump though, I can already feel it I think,” a mischievous grin crossed Shinobu’s lips, “But maybe I could give it a kiss to help the pain go away.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“You aren’t pulling away though.”

Before (Y/n) could get too far, Shinobu renewed the strength of her hold to keep her close.

“You are the one not letting me go!”

“It seems that I am. And I will continue until you tell me why you have been avoiding me.”

“My life doesn’t revolve around you! It’s none of your business!”

“Oh, (L/n)-san, your pulse seems to have jumped.”

That’s when (Y/n) noticed Shinobu’s fingers resting above the pulse point of her neck.

“Ooo, another jump. Careful (L/n)-san, your heart just might burst.”

“You are three seconds away from having a broken nose!”

“Why won’t you just talk to me?” Shinobu asked, more testy now than playful, “Did I do something wrong? I thought we had moved past this.”

“No.” (Y/n) replied tersely.

“Then what is it?”

(Y/n) pursed her lips, intent on staying silent.

Shinobu sighed, “As one emotion bottler to another, talk to me. I promise I won’t laugh unless it’s really, really funny.”

“You are the worst.”

“Come on, talk to me… don’t be so stubborn.” Shinobu poked at her until she squirmed, but she still didn’t let her go.

(Y/n) was still quiet, and Shinobu was almost ready to wring her neck, but when she heard a muffled reply, she held off.

“Could you say it at a volume that I can understand? I know you know how to yell.”

“I said I have a crush on you!” (Y/n) finally jerked free from Shinobu’s arms, “Happy? Now go home already!”

(Y/n) got up and before she could slam the door shut in Shinobu’s bewildered face, Shinobu wedged her foot in the door.

She clenched her jaw tightly to try to offset the pain shooting up her leg. That was going to bruise.

“Are you an idiot?!” (Y/n) ineloquently asked. She was worried she had just broken Shinobu’s foot, but of course an, ‘I’m so sorry, are you alright?’, was not the first thing that would come out of her mouth.

“No, but I could make a pretty convincing case on your behalf. Who tells someone they have a crush on them and then slams a door on their foot?”

“That last part was your own fault!” (Y/n) flustered. “Leave!”

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say?”

“I already know what you’re going to say!”

“Obviously not, otherwise I don’t think you would be crushing my foot right now. Could you please open the damn door?”

(Y/n) complied, only because she had never heard Shinobu swear before and Shinobu slowly slid her foot back. Yeah, definitely going to bruise.

“Now, about your confession— don’t say a word! My turn to talk, you listen.” Shinobu warned.

(Y/n) shut her mouth quickly. Shinobu was looking a little ‘stabby’ and she did not want to see where that would lead if she pushed too far.

“I think I understand why you were afraid to tell me this. You are afraid of getting hurt. You’re afraid of being alone. I understand, but you don’t have to hide from me because I like you too.”

“…you do?”

“I do,” Shinobu nodded, “so if you have doubts in the future, talk to me first before you talk yourself into building your walls back up. I worked too hard breaking them down to begin with.”

(Y/n) looked down in embarrassment which only got worse as Shinobu came up to coddle and tease her about how cute she looked like that. When she finally relented Shinobu laughed and took (Y/n)’s hand.

“Well then, let’s go into town. I’ve been wanting to go to your library and you promised you would take me, remember?”

“It is not my library!”

“What are the latest edition medical texts that you carry?”

“How should I know what they have, I’m not a librarian!”

As annoyed as (Y/n) may have seemed, her hand never left Shinobu’s once as they walked.

[illogicallyx]

Hey! You can ignore if this makes you uncomfortable but I was seeing your asks on my dash and couldn’t help because what if Nanami with a young reader? The way Nanami is with yuuji is canon, same age gap and everything. How do you think that would be?

hey nonie!!! it doesn't make me uncomfortable aghh i live for platonic rls with my fav characters more than romantic ones (shhh dont tell anyone its a secret)

ANYWAY

i will be writing this with a fem!reader in mind i hope you dont mind that <3

sorry in advance for pushing my Nanami Girl Dad agenda here but i very much believe he is like a dad to you!

blame his age or just the realization how fickle life is but he will be so much softer with you like he gives you soft smiles and cracks jokes with you to the point when yuji sees this he gets a lil jealous bc "nanami???? u never did that for me >:(" but there's no accusation in the statement he likes this side of nanami that you bring out — no matter how surprising it was for him and for others

it was surprising for nanami too

i love thinking how yuji and you would have like "beef" between u two where he complains to nanami abt u and he's like 🤷🏻‍♂️ and you stick ur tongue at yuji to which he pouts bc what is this special treatment but its all jokes

idk why but i loveee the idea of nanami with a clumsy reader like i can 😔😔😔😔 i know he will bend down and do ur laces for u while u are forgetful abt them bc u are too busy talking to notice

i love the idea of his mentee eating his ear off OEKFKDKDK imagine like staying in his office sitting on the couch talking abt ur fav shows and books like he's ur bestie while he makes coffee for himself and he is listening intently to you, nodding when appropriate, raising his eyebrows at ridiculous theories of ur fav media that u read online and giving his own input as to what he thinks

i personally like to believe he would love to talk with you bc u are emotionally intelligent and he even opens up but like not in a way that he uses you as his therapist no no but like he loves listening to ur input over trivial things in life like why people behave a certain way, why money is so important and etc etc yk

but like he still treats u like the kid you are doe i love the idea of him taking u to get ur fav snacks after a mission and giving u headpats while telling u that u did a good job

and when u become a second year or leave his mentorship do not expect a change in this routine doe bc ur bond with him is too strong to just stop after <3

[chicago-poet]

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u ���💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.

[mangoposts]

OKAY im finally alone so TW for anyone reading this, i will be mentioning rape & knives/scars.

i'll try to make this short but the summer before i went into 10th grade, i had hung out w this guy and i really did just wanna hang out and go for a drive, but he thought i wanted to hook up. i definitely did not because i was a virgin and never done anything with a guy at all. he was a senior and a lot bigger than me and forced me into having sex w him, i kept saying no and stop and take me home but he just kept getting angrier and eventually held a knife to my like pubic bone? pelvis? just down there idk. so i caved. i hated every second and cried but i stopped fighting. i haven't had sex since then, im 20 years old now and i haven't even been fingered by a guy, never given or received head, and never given a handjob. and im honestly really embarrassed about it and wanna have sex with someone SO BADLY but im scared.

the main reason i'm scared isn't because i'm scared i'll be forced into it again, although that is absolutely in the back of my mind. i'm completely fine now and over the situation, but it does worry me that i could get overwhelmed and the guy im with wouldn't wanna stop. but my bigger fear which im 100x more embarrassed of, is what a guy is gonna think when he sees my pussy. now hear me out bc i know that sounds weird😭 but all throughout high school i always heard guys make comments about how ugly this girls pussy is or how gross this girls is and it terrified me. but now i'm even more scared because of what that guy did to me, he literally cut into my skin and left scars. what is a guy gonna think when he sees that? how am i supposed to explain all this? i just i have a lot of questions and concerns but i'm a fucking 20 year old "virgin" if i can even call myself that, i've technically had sex but i didn't want it so idk if i even count that as a body. i just have been panicking over this for forever and have no idea what to do, if you have any advice at all i'd really appreciate it so so much

- 🌙

Oh baby :-(. Im so sorry this happened to you. You were really young and you didn’t deserve that whatsoever, if you can feel it im giving you a hug thru the phone. Im so so so sorry and i hope that man is dead in a ditch somewhere 🤍

On the other hand, i promise you you have nothing to worry about at all. Im telling you rn and i know it sounds so corny and lame and everybody always says this but its true, the right person is not going to judge you for anything and im so Fr when i say that. Trust when i was in high school guys would say all kinda stupid shit like that about girls in the school and it never bothered me because i knew there was at least one person out there who wouldn’t care about anything other people would talk shit about, and i was right 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so many people out there who would find u beautiful the way u are and just because some guys in the past thought in that immature goofy ass way doesn’t mean every guy will you know what i mean?

Babe, my only advice for you is to stay the way you are, hang out w ur frennies and the right person is gon come trust. It’ll come when you aren’t looking for it or worrying about it, when you least expect it to be honest. What you went through was horrible and it might be the worlds way of saying you gotta give yourself time before exploring that area of your life yanno. There’s NOTHINGGG wrong with being a virgin at any age let alone 20. You’re still young and you have ur whole life ahead of you. Don’t worry about this, when it happens it’s gonna be fine you’ll see it

Thank you so much for trusting me to be vulnerable with, im sorry if im treating you too delicately im just speaking thru the soul rn 😭 And again im sorry this happened to you. Even if i dont know u i love u a lot and im proud of you for moving past the situation despite how hard it might’ve been

Also im sorry for taking awhile to get back to you, i just scrolled through my inbox and finally found this

[borathae]

chapter 15

Can’t you like it for me?” he says with big puppy eyes.

You look away.

“You’re being emotionally manipulative here.” shut up girl im loving u too much i cant

“You are playing with fire here, Bunny. Try not to burn yourself”, you grumble.

He chuckles and pecks your cheek.

“I like the burn”, he rasps against the shell of your ear, turning to the front afterwards.

SHUT UP IM CANT TAKE IT. try not to lose your shit challenge- mission failed successfully

He treated you so goddamn fucking well that sometimes you still felt the urge to punch him in the face and run away jk in the corner, i'll take that as a compliment

Lately the latter have become more and more. YAY

“Hey kiddo. How are you doing?” he says in a surprisingly deep voice for such a small frame. me with felix and taehyung

“for half a million bucks I expect to have the painter constantly working on it in a metal cage in the middle of my living room or something.” - ........ - a few bystanders had heard you and were now looking at you with weird eyes. SHUT UP THATS SOO ME except my voice would be low and nobody would hear but could be loud too cuz universe makes it louder at times when u dont want anyone to hear shit

although he was stressed and exhausted he never once smelled of alcohol. AHHHH IM SO PROUD OF HIM *gives a big ass hug and a smooch

WHY DOES NERO'S SHOULDERS LOOK FAMILIAR TO HER AND WHY DOES SHE LOOK FAMILIAR TO HIM AHHH STOP I HATE IT THIS CHAPTER IS A ROLLERCOASTER

again a fluffy moment after the tense thank you, her threatening to buy green and purple pillows PLZ that sounds like me trying to threaten my parents by telling them im gonna marry a cat crazy dude

“I’m not asking for it. I am very much anti punishment uwu i love this stupid noodle

He swallows heavily, “a-are we going to make out now?” he asks, grasping for your hips. he is such a cute and horny noodle pls and no u are about to cringe for the rest of your office time

FUCK GET YOURSELF A MAN WHO CAN FIGHT FOR YOU IMMEDIATELY

“don’t say that what the hell my cock twitched.”

“I am not going to apologize because I am way too turned on to care.”

He looks from side to side with the tip of his nose rosy.

“What’s with the sudden horniness oh my god?”

“It’s just that I never really saw you work before and it’s kinda doing things to me.” SAME HERE IM FEELING IM WATCHING SOME HOT CEO FROM KDRAMA BUT EVEN BETTER AAAAH

It makes his ass cheeks tense up and forces a quiet whimper from between his lips. SHUT UP SHUT UP HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON FROM THIS MOVE ON WITH MY DAILY LIFE????? VANESSA HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH LOVE IN THESE SITAUTIONS ??

I REPEAT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH LOVE IN THESE SITUATIONS??? JIWOO SOUNDS SIERIOUS OH SHIT NOW SHE KNOWS AAAH

WHY IS SHE CONNECTING THE DOTS SOMETIMES CHARACTERS SHOULD BE DUMB PLEASEEEE also why is there a group of people surrounding kook??? 👀

the whole thing was soo tense i sweated through my shirt now im a stinky kid -_- BUT WE LOVED IT the emotions was captured soo well and he was supportive yet very unsupportive if your brain's going haywire with an anxiety/panic attack

Twirling him threw him straight into subspace. *insert meme i hope i dont fall, her: twirls him kook : oh no mommy

the mom is sweet AND I CANT STAND THE DAD UGHHH

i prayed for her to not go to the mirror AND SHE DID NOO its really the worst thing to do during a panic attack :(

that was soo scary even i felt the uncontrollable demons while reading and thanks it ended on a good note and it was cute.

anyways i wish her a great day next morning(tho the story has ended) cuz them muscles be hurting like a bitch oof

Me reading through all your reactions:

hahahahha I love how you went on an emotional rollercoaster with this chapter jfdjsf also you quoting so many parts is my weakness hehehe thank you so much for doing that

BROORORORO THE TWIRLING PART WAS THE ONE OF THE FIRST TIMES I WENT "oh fuck i have a mommy kink" LIKE IDK IF YOU GUYS KNOW BUT AAOL WAS MY MOMMY KINK AWAKENING FADSFAHH

[birgosaurus]

real arcane moments (canon /s), the master list ((AKA i was playing THE SIMS 4 to make some of the arcane cast and..))

[also disclaimer this is mainly jayce and viktor lmao]

jayce thinks he and vi are besties for some reason?? i just wanted to introduce jinx, vi and cait to viktor and jayce (bc they’re two seperate households) and like… upon jayce and vi first meeting, they had 2 similar interests and he was instantly like, “omg…. you!! YOU!! /p”

they talk and it’s vi: .. fitness jayce: YEAHHHH FITNESS *stops conversation to do push ups*

my man wakes up, like, 12pm, which is about the time vi starts working. so he’ll wake up to call her, WHILE she’s at work, to say shit like, “heyyyy this person asked me out 🥺🥺🥺🥺 should i say yes” “idk man IM AT WORK AND I DONT CARE”

also idk why but jinx is nocturnal i literally didn’t even do this myself .she just goes to bed at 5am every morning, EXACTLY when caitlyn wakes up. jinx sleeps in until, like, 3pm. they both have completely different sleep cycles despite living in the same house. I TRY TO GIVE JINX A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE AND IT DOESN’T WORK. SHE’LL ALWAYS WAKE UP AT 3-5AM TO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE FOR A MIDNIGHT SNACK. /lh i was meant to make u two enemies. i was meant to make u hate each other behind vi’s back. why is this happening.

meanwhile viktor and jayce wake up at the same time. go to bed at the exact same time. they’re scarily in sync. are really close. but keep tormenting each other through pranks. jayce will point one way, viktor looks behind him. “BOO.” viktor jumps. they both laugh. THIS SHIT HAPPENS CONSTANTLY. VICE VERSA. and the amount of random arguments they have without my input?????. are y’all ok?.?????

they once got into an argument and jayce kicked over the bin outside. he walks back in. viktor is still on the couch. jayce sits next to him. but there’s music playing. so of course, jayce started angrily head bopping. because it’s important u always dance to music no matter what mood ur in. viktor jus groovin, too, while ignoring him. jayce eventually calms down. happy head bopping :). viktor then tells him off for kicking over the bin. fucking ANGRY. HE STORMS OUTSIDE. AGAIN. KICKS OVER THE BIN. AAGGAAIIN.

also idk i find it funny jayce plays christmas music and vibes while viktor is like “for the love of god shut that shit off right now.” i might’ve purposely made jayce like christmas music. i might’ve purposely made viktor hate it. what of it?

i always have to force viktor to socialise , too. he refuses to talk to anyone on his own BUT jayce. his literal roommate. who talked to him mainly with my input. most of the time jayce will invite people over and viktor avoids them as much as possible. once he walked out of his room, saw cait and vi at the dining table with jayce, stopped, and then decided reading a book in his room would probably be a better use of his time.

genuinely got so confused when i tried to introduce the girls to the hexbros tho bc i got cait to interact with viktor but for some reason, when checking through her acquaintances list later, viktor wasn’t there? but jayce WAS… and they’d only briefly been introduced. DID VIKTOR JUST WAVE HER OFF OR SMTH LMAO???? WHAT HAPPENED I DIDNT SEE

the first time vi and cait properly interacted was when vi went to cook (which she does a surprising amount for someone i wouldn’t expect to cook???) and she LIT HERSELF. ON FIRE. and cait LITERALLY HAD TO PUT HER OUT. can’t believe the “how i met my girlfriend” story is “yeah she lit herself ON FIRE <3 everyone was rlly stressed heehee but i’m just such a quick thinker <3” wow i love gay people

anyway <3 they’re all havign a greit time <3 very normal <3

[sl33pyperson]

hold up. moon knight time. oh god i forgot where we were at. TURN OF THE CENTURY THATS RIGHT 2000S TIME

screaming crying hollaring

ok ok its been a while since i read this one ngl. everyone knowing moon knights identity is just funny and insane. also dd immediately ignoring him. love

da boys <333

cock. also mad on. thanku punisher

i forgot why i screenshotted alot of things now

hold up daredevil and black widow were in a proper relationship?? insane. also this may be the worst choice anyone could ever have. marc u know that having a headquarters never fucking works out for u. him wanting to make a team is very silly too (i forgot why lollll)

who the fuck is this blonde hair blue eyed fuck. this is not my man. put the fucking mask back on. imposter. liar. what the fuck.

this fucking cunt again

right. midnight took over cloak and now everyone is insides cloaks weird inside-dimension (this is the first story ive read that properly features cloak and dagger, im intrigued tbh) SHOUT OUT TO SLAPPING STICKS WITH DD

tombstone best villain mercenary. rocket launcher in the club. hot

WHY IS THERE A FUCKING TUB IN HERE MARC

“unfortunately we dont have owners manual for ourself” oh wait ew this is an ad for betterhelp. fucking scam. anyway MARLEEENEEEEEEEE yeah baby you be possessive of him <33 marc instantly peaceing out of the team after this tho. my fucking dude.

oh NOW ur worried about money. someone had a fuckin talkin to u (marlene and steven)

shout out to marvel being like “lets put all the loners in a team and see what happens” and it ends kinda badly for everyone. respect

i swear to fuck mk doesnt show up in this spread but it was on the list?? anyway was anyone going to tell me superman can canonly pick up mjolnir or was i meant to just see him going ham

funniest meetup ever. im living for this. anyway this spread wasnt rly my thing but i respect doing a mash up of that level

AT THIS FUCKING POINT IS NICK FURY EVEN REAL? EVERY FUCKING TIME HES A REPLACEMENT OR A ROBOT OR SOMEONE STEALING HIS FACE. SHIELD IS A FUCK

oh yes. start of house of m stuff. it is completely different to what i expected, u cant say wandavision or the movie is a house of m story bc its like.l… so different……. anyway i understand why mk is here as like, an avenger, but also wHY IS MK HERE???

a bunch of a the green alien guys came down to wreck ppls shit and mk did nothing i love it. also chaos magic being not a part of docs shit is fun. idk this whole thing is wild and im here for it

how did berserk get in here. anyway. sorry wanda. u deserve better. nEXT IN LINE IS COMPLETELY RANDOM SHIT

[eggmuffinwaffles]

🕯️

ok i cant tell but i think this emoji has 2 questions attached to it so fuck it we ball ig idk which one u meant so ill answer both

was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

outside of just. regular burnout/etc. i think the fairy AU is definitely a fic that ended up taking me to a place i did not expect. this was supposed to be a 5k angst prompt and it ended up dragging me down a like 60k journey projecting so much onto hugo it was great truly the most unexpected brainworm ive ever had

how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i got lots of Feelings on this that could be its own essay since i am definitely witnessing people Not engage with fandom in a healthy way (cough tall varian anon cough cough) but i think fandoms are at their healthiest when its a community built to support each other versus a community that fosters competitiveness/makes people feel pressured to put in energy they might not have.

i have Really bad generalized anxiety so dealing with anxiety while interacting with fandom is. an entire thing- usually it means i need to take steps back when im getting too chronically online/invested in things that literally don't matter or push myself out of my comfort zone (it took me. So Long to get the confidence to interact in comments let alone on social media). usually i just have to make sure im being honest with myself about my boundaries so that i know what they are and i can communicate when they're crossed- and also making sure im not letting myself feel pressured to create to impress people/make other people happy which i think is unfortunately a common mindset that can burn people out -> which reminder that you dont owe anyone anything. absolutely anything. fandom is for you- it's your hobby. if you don't want to read something, comment on something, write something, draw something, that's for you to decide and no one gets to guilt you for doing that. kisses for everyone reading this i love you and an extra big kiss to all the silent fandom members reading this you're so valid do what makes you feel comfortable with your limited free time

[a-wild-things-rambles]

uhh content warnings for depiction of police violence and fear tactics used by them as well as the fuked up ness of a childs mind while its happening around them [the police block the roads out then start falsifying breathalyzer results to arrest people then at night raid the festival and arrest/beat up the people. the child is not hurt by the police and hides]. starts out literal but veers heavily poetic. uh disclaimer this is not objective truth, i was like 6? and i have a tendancy to self mythologize as well as. u know trauma response. maybe lets just say this is all fictional? idk i dont realy expect anyone to read this. probrably dont. oh also small mentions/implied: sexual assalt by a police officer[referenced as something they know could happen], described skinning of a rabbit,

When I use the word raid. I think some people get the idea of operations at the dead of night of surprise and shock. It was like that. But we knew.

There was one road. They blocked it, well "set up checks"

We were nervous. I can't remember who was the unlucky first. He got a breathalyzer check. He got taken. Then a few others. Then this guy. He got breathalyzed. He got taken. Someone has snuck through the woods, heard them tell him he failed and needed to be taken. They were rigging the tests. He had been sober for years.

Fear.

The camp logs got burned. We sat around as the records of our people got burned.

People snuck out. some made it. Some didn't. Either way the fear increased.

The roma went to the corner. I don't blame them. They knew the violence even more intimately.

Tense wold be an understatement. People were tallying up their crimes. What they thought the cops would pin them with. I knew my father had a record

Years later I would find out his record was assault of a police officer age 18. When I put the pieces together I laughed.

I was only a child though

Then the dark came. Normally our salvation. Some people still went to the stage, determined to dance before they were caught.

They would be trapped by the cops, drunk and blind and a herd of stampeding animals. Trapped in canvas and then cuffs

They came. The pigs.

I had a knife pressed into my hand

He told me go keep hold of it. That he loved me. To run into the woods. Hide and seek. But run if they find you. The knife went unspoken.

I watched my father walk towards the sirens and megaphones

I grabbed my grandfathers axe. And the flowerpot I had painted.

I ran. I climbed a tree I had claimed the day before, happy and free. This time tense and scared.

People don't look up.

I held the pot and axe. The knife in my pocket.

Torchlight pierced the trees.

The monsters. The guillotine blade that had hovered over us for years, over me since I was born.

I had always known the monsters were real. I knew about the raids. The violence. I knew the people damaged by the monsters. I now realised I might become one of those people.

At best they wanted to "rescue" me. At worse? I wish I could say I was to young to know of the wandering hands of the law.

Humans are creatures of violence. And a cornered animal is a dangerous thing.

I thought of what would happen to me. I remembered the rabbit. A noose of wire. A dog. Either way, the knife. The blood. The fur was soft, once cleaned of the blood. I was good with a knife, but a child. The food was good. Flesh and blood. It was few, but it filled my small stomach.

That was my crime. The death of rabbits. And some snails, crushed as they lay, the leaves they had eaten beside them.

Kills to survive.

I wondered if it was karma, I imagined the big boot of the law coming to crush me.

Would my mother get on her horse to challenge the lord for my life?

Would the drag up old laws, old crimes, to trap me. Jealous that their children can never be free?

I survived. But I added more blood to my hands. A crime. Not to my record- just like the monsters did not have a crime on their record. The title of "police" said enough.

I don't get upset when cornered, I get angry, I am my father's son, I have his father's axe, and the knife is mine now. The sin mine too. I am a beast. And even a cub can bite.

Sometimes I remember it. The smoke, the violence, and cry. It then solidifies, I to anger, and I will hold my head high, steel in my eyes, a challenge, I am the child of the wild, challenge me, see my wrath, you may try to blunt my teeth but let me show you how much you failed. 

[vorecommunitywoes]

suzy has me blocked soooooo no thanks lol. she has shown that she does not give a fuck about her actions and refuses to take accountability for it (even going "i wont let 14 year olds talk to me!!!!! unless i wanna talk to them... :)"). so ill continue to post the weird shit she does

"No one is contioned to be nice to their abuser" i literally never said that. i just think its bad to wish for them to be tortured because that opens up the doors for more violent rhetoric but you dont have a problem with that so. nothing to argue there lol i just think everyone deserves to have a chance to work their shit out, not to be forgiven by who they abused or ever have access to them again. the world would be a better place if ppl worked on bettering themselves and ppl holding them accountable instead of being tortured and killed if they fuck up. AND TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR SINCE U ARE WILLFULLY MISINTERPRETING WHAT IM SAYING u dont have to ever talk to them or try to befriend them again or try to fix them. cut them off when u can. just dont wish violence on others? is that such a hot take???

"Just because you think its bad someone is using a slur they can reclaim doesnt mean jack shit" that is not what im saying ur just reading it in bad faith because u dont care if ppl insult others with slurs. again cherry picking fascist ideology u wanna use against other ppl because it makes u feel good to use it. because fuck the feelings of other ppl right? its just u who matters and anyone else who serves u. call ppl slurs because it makes you feel better to put the boot on THEIR face this time, uve been under an oppressive boot too so its only faaaaair that u get to hurt others. an eye for an eye and who cares if the world goes blind, i got mine so fuck everyone else.

also when was it ever said these were intrusive thoughts? wat. intrusive thoughts r shit that you DONT want to do and they cause distress for u to even think about them. zet wants this person to be tortured and killed

but like idk why i expect any of u to actually consider why ur behavior might be harmful to urself or others so this is for anyone else who is seeing this and wondering if this behavior is ok. its not. this is harmful to ur mental health especially when ur in a stressful or vulnerable position in ur life. this rhetoric MAKES IT WORSE AND WILL MAKE YOU WORSE OFF. NO ONE EVER DESERVES THE RIGHT TO ENSLAVE, TORTURE AND KILL OTHER PPL. if u have thoughts like this and ENCOURAGE them in urself it WILL lead to the abuse of other ppl. so you need to stop the cycle.

"Go fuck off you have no fucking right to tell someone how to feel about their abuser you piece of shit fuck your takes on vore thats disgusting." i did not tell anyone how to feel about their abuser. feel however u want just recognize that wishing ppl to be enslaved, tortured and murdered is very bad for ur mental health and its also very anti-recovery/unhealthy way to process trauma since it opens u up to abusing others in the future if u think some people "deserve" to be hurt just like ur abusers hurt u. also my takes on vore are disgusting? me thinking associating pregnancy with vore is bad is a pretty normal take, and also not including infants and children in vore.

"Suzy said can you show me a screenshot where Zet agrees with her like dude" associating with her is supporting it. i dont associate with ppl who post or talk to me ab problematic shit. have u ever heard of the phrase "10 ppl sit at a table. if they let 1 nazi sit with them then u got 11 nazis sitting at a table"? what u allow in ur friend groups is the ideology u support.

of course im not expecting any actual thoughtful response from this so do what u will lol

why

why do you think about vore with infants and why do you also use homophobic slurs against a child (and suzy saying it's ok for a clearly groomed and troubled child to deserve pain and trauma. this tracks with her saying how she doesn't care about children experiencing grooming and trauma of course!)

[kittydripuwu]

Hey can I request for Bsd Boys headcannon :dazai, chuuya, and akutagawa reacting seeing their s/o flinch after they almost snapped out of anger at them (s/o can be gender neutral or female)

hihi! hope this is okay <3 enjoy!

dazai, chuuya and akutagawa (+fyodor) seeing their s/o flinch hcs

words - 962

warnings - swearing

genre - angsty fluff hcs

note - yes ik fyodor wasn't requested but i felt like adding him

dazai osamu

- argument stems probably from you hanging out with chuuya or someone really pissing him off

- very manipulative during arguments, will almost never be reasonable whether its something you did or not

- dazai's not one to show much emotion in the first place so he wouldn't really show you how mad he actually is

- but eventually he will go off if he lingers on it for too long

- will start off by talking with an angry tone but eventually will escalate to yelling

- this will scare you and make you flinch considering that you've never really seen him this mad

- will see you flinch and instantly stop yelling at you

- realises that hes gone too far instantly

- he'll apologise calmly and forget whatever he was angry about in the first place because man like he scared of losing you

- you are like EVERYTHING to him like u are his reason to live so please just forgive this man hes trying his best to be a better person

- will keep apologizing until he feels you've finally forgiven him (even tho u did when he first apologised)

- makes it up to you by cuddles or stargazing with him ( please i see dazai as the type of person to just stargaze for hours like idk why but it makes sense to me??)

- he'll hold you close and tell you sweet lil things like "i love you" "you know i would never hurt you"

- WILL make u promise to never leave him because man this got hiM SCARED like hes fucking scared of people just leaving him when he gets too close

- so please, reassure him that this was nothing to you and that it's okay, it was just a small argument (even tho it wasnt that small)

- but ya overall expect good cuddles and hugs after, as an apology

- and kisses like everywhere

chuuya nakahara

- oh boy

- we know this man has some anger issues

- idk what he would possibly get mad about but tbh it probably wouldnt be anything related to you

- will probably start ranting about someone that made him mad at work or overall just something really small that pissed him off

- very short tempered (haha short)

- you let him yell for a good while because you know he needs to let some sort of anger out

- but it will get scary shortly after he starts he kinda just goes nuts

- no self control when hes angry

- he wont even realise the look on ur face

- ur scared, admit it

- he may be short but hes SCARY when mad

- anyways

- when he sees you flinch  tho, dead silence in the room

- he goes QUIET which is rare for chuuya yes

- the one thing hes very afraid of is hurting you, he would never want to hurt you in anyway

- will give you the biggest hug

- tells you he loves you and hes sorry

- reassures you that he would never wanna hurt you or make you scared of him

- pls he loves you so much

- wont let go of you for the REST OF THE NIGHT

- he needs to make sure you know that you're safe in his arms

akutagawa ryunosuke

- um this boy is just ANGRY always

- would probably get mad cause of atsushi being praised by dazai

- "why him"

- please hes been through so much oh my god this man

- dazai wtf how could u hurt this poor boi

- ANYWAYS

- yeah he'll be really fucking heated and just fucking yell and threaten to kill anyone around him (if theres anyone else there apart from you)

- bye this is awful but i feel like he would accidentally activate his rashomoun and break something -

- so ya when he sees you flinch for the first time, i feel like he wouldn't really thing anything of it until he sees you do it again a couple of times

- he'll stop yelling and talking in general

- he wouldn't really know what to say or do tbh

- but will apologise

- will get sad cause he didn't wanna make u scared of him

- like yes he wants people to fear him but hello?? not you omg ur special to him <3

- will probably walk away for like an hour and keep to himself until he's ready to properly apologise to you

- will then give you a hug and let you sleep in his arms

- i dont see aku as being very physically affectionate but yeah dw you'll get ur well deserved cuddles <3

fyodor dostoevsky

- tbh i wouldnt put it past nikolai to piss him off LMAO like he would fully annoy him SO much

- but its okay cuz we love niko <3

- sorry but i cannot see this man yelling

- hes just so calm?

- and collected?

- how -

- anyways

- so hard to read like you have no clue what hes thinking like EVER?

- but you can tell hes mad when his eyes go all dark and he talks like SUPER calmly with 0 emotion in his voice

- he'll scare you

- i mean who wouldn't be scared of him

- you'd probably flinch from just the way he talks so fucking CALMLY

- like how? is? he? so? calm? yet? angry?

- oh boy he would def feel bad for going all scary on you

- "im sorry, milaya" (darling)

- he would say that so calmly aswell-

- would give you a forehead kiss and light hug and go to his lil work room for like 3 hours

- you will not see him until its time to sleep where he'll cuddle you and apologise again

- "i would never want to scare my little myshka" (mouse) he would say that to you as you fall asleep

- will give u so many forehead kisses PLZ

[sunookkii]

hey i know request are closed but this idea just got stuck in my mind and i wanted you to write sum about it if you like it 😭 so basically its an enha reaction/scenario ? where they forget your birthday, (maybe not in a bad way but i dont mind if its angst) hope ur good btw !! <3

a/n : OMG WAIT SRY TO ALL THE OTHER REQUESTS BUT THIS ONE FOR SUM REASON REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME i hope you enjoyyy ;) also I wrote so much I’m so sorry- [not really read proof~]

Also i am well ty for asking >.<

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.enhypen imagine ˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Enhypen forgetting your bday~

Genre : angsty ish

Warnings : mentions of food, crying, one swear word??

Requested : yes ty beautiful person ;)

Heeseung :

Okay okay so its your birthdayyy and you were really excited for what to happen because you wanted to see what kind of surprise your boyfriend did for your birthday

But to your luck he forgot :(

So you spent all day giving him hints like ‘what day is it’ and at one point you gave up and started pouting really hard

And your face was just overall sad everyone else had remembered your birthday including the members, but for your boyfriend to forget it lowkey hurt

Almost half the day passed and he still didn’t remember

So you ended up going into the room by yourself and started to cry

Your whimpers got louder and louder even though you were trying your best to stay quiet so he doesn’t hear

A few minutes past by and heeseung started looking for you because he sensed something was wrong.

He looked on the calendar really really carefully and FINALLY he came to his realization that it was your birthday but it was kinda too late cuz you hid yourself in your room to cry.

He came into your room to wish you a happy birthday but he sees you curled up into a ball crying to yourself

He felt so bad after this happened, “IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I WONT EVER GORGET AGAIN!”

He hugs you so tight as if your life depended on it, won’t leave you out of his sight for the rest of the day. You’ll be hearing a lot of hbds and ilys for the rest of the day~

^ so yeah 🤕

Jay :

I feel like it’s rare that he forgets these type of dates buut for the sake of tumblr lets pretend he completely forgot 😧

You woke up in a great mood because it was your birthday of course

You were expecting to be receive a hbd wish from your boyfriend, but nope nothing all morning.

You received a bunch of hbd wishes on Instagram and other platforms mentioning you, but none of them were from jay :(

You quickly got frustrated and because it was your birthday and your bf the person you love most didn’t remember really hurt

So gradually your face became wet from heated silent tears. But unlike heeseung he would super quickly notice because he’s on his phone a lot and he dates things like ‘y/ns bday’ (idk but I imagine him dating things on his phone)

He’d then be like OH SHIT ITS YN’s BD

Runs to you soooooo quick just to see your face red and a bit wet.

Once your eyes connected your tears started to come out quicker

He literally runs up to you to hug you HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

After he said that he ran away from you leaving you alone, which made your heart drop thinking that he didn’t care.

But once you finally came out of your room you were greeted with a homemade delicious cake your boyfriend made for you that looked like this

You could tell he felt really bad bc usually he always had a smile on his face while cooking but this time it was a ‘I’m sorry’ face

“I’m really really sorry please forgive me”

All was forgiven bc the cake tasted so mf ing good

Jake :

It was your birthday today, a day that only came once a year so like any other human being it’s a special day for you

You were super excited to see what Jake did for you, because every birthday you had with him was always such a surprise

But today was sort of… different? :(

You saw jake in the living room on the tv and went straight up to him with a smiley face. “GOOODMORNINGGG” 😁

After cuddling for a while on the couch you lifted up your head and asked him If he knew what day it was, he just replyed with a simple Wednesday? With a confused face

I’m pretty sure that one word was enough to make you pretty upset 😅🥲

You started to pout and went back into his chest with a disappointed face.

“Ahh what what, what day is it tell me?” He said playfully, not realizing it was your birthday.

You stayed silent as he checked his phone, ‘y/n’s birthday don’t forget’

When i tell you he gasped he GASPED.

You were already in the verge of tears “IM SO SORRY HBD BABY”

You were still a bit upset at him so you replied with ‘did you really need your phone to tell me what day it was’ 😕

He hugs you tighter while mumbling ‘hbd hbd hbd’

Suddenly let you go of his arms and said he had an errand. Without any explanation he got his car keys to go somewhere leaving you and your thoughts by yourself.

‘Does he not love me anymore that he doesn’t even want to spend time with me on my birthday? ☹️😭”

A while later he comes back and you’re luckily still on the couch where he left you

^^this dude came back with three beautiful cakes from your local cake stores. “I’m bacccckkkk!! please forgive meeeee you know i love you with all my heart 🥺” (okay i hate to use this emoji but there isn’t any other way to describe it TT)

You obviously forgave him because you know it was never his intention to forget,,, “you owe me hugs and kisses for the rest of the day :(“ kindly accepts your request because that is something he’d never complain about #freecuddlesfromyn

Sunghoon :

Okay but like hear me out he’s the type of boyfriend that would ‘pretend’ he forgot your birthday but he actually didn’t

So when he ACTUALLY forgot you just thought he was joking until…

“Hooonieeee, stop joking around I’m seriouss”

“I’m serious too i seriously don’t know what day it is”

“What…”

You leave him for a bit alone with his thoughts, not even gna lie if he did end up forgetting your bday it would take him a while to remember it

But once he remembers he feels so bad 😭

Tackles you with so many hugs and bday kisses and showers you with I’m sorrys and hbd wishes

genuinely ask himself how he forgot the lohls birthday (love of his life’s) literally beats himself for it

And you have to tell him that it’s fine and that you forgive him~

Brings out the birthday cake and sings you a happy birthday song while clapping and laughing.

Puts cake on your nose

Sunoo :

Idk if he’s the type to forget but like jay I don’t think he’d forget

I feel like to him birthdays are the MOST special thing/ date for a person

Like obviously the rest of the members think that but especially sunoo really like sticks to this

So if he had forgotten your birthday you were sooo hurt you ignored him the whole day keeping your distance until he finally remembered

Once he remembered he went to go find you ASAP where you were hiding int he corner of the bedroom moping

He showers you with hugs cuddles kisses pecks, you name it he does it

He feels so bad that he could forget smtg like this, literally asks himself how he could forget such an important date

If the convenience store was still open he’d run to the nearest store and surprise you with a birthday cake. But not just any cake it’d be a cake that was decorated by the one and only Kim Sunoo

Would prepare it so nicely and even have a lit up candle so you can wish on it.

the type to surprise you with it even though he forgot. Brings it to your room while singing the hbd song.

Puts cake frosting on your nose #2, takes lots and lots of pictures to post on insta later

caption : “happy birthday sunshine~”

Jungwon :

he was on the couch as per usual just scrolling through his phone to keep himself occupied but also updated

Not knowing what day it was,,,,,,,

you come outside of your bedroom excitedly to expect a wishful happy birthday wish from the person you love most

But for some reason it oddly seemed like a normal day

“Wonnniiieee my loveeee, guess what day it is!” You said with a sheepish smile

“Hmm wednesday?” He said looking up at you with a calm face

Your happy smile soon became a little pout

“You really don’t know?”

“Isn’t it just a regular Wednesday? Why is there something special?”

oh my- he broke your heart right then and there

You run back into your room because you feel heated tears about to fall, even though it was something small the thought of him not remembering your birthday the day of your birth hurt. A little.

Jungwon was actually super clueless he genuinely didn’t know what day it is but something about you seemed off and the way you ran to your room was quite odd to him so he went and followed you

Before he opened the door he already heard small whimpers from the corner of the bed, and that immediately triggered him and he was about to beat up anyone that made you feel sad 😠 little did he know it was him who made you feel that way

“Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying”

He holds your chin and turns it to get a better look

wiping your tears with his thumb, you were being a dramatic his giggles make you feel a bit better even though you were mad at him for forgetting

“You forgot my birthday.” You said to him while crying

You can literally see the gears in his brain start to turn when his face went from 😄 -> 😳

“IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY” hugs you so tight that you literally can’t breathe

Doesn’t know what to do to make you feel better, “I’m really sorry for forgetting your birthday, I don’t really know what got into me, please forgive me.”< cue the cutest kitty puppy eyes

He kept on rambling on abt how he was sorry and deserves your forgiveness you literally had to shut him up, he was sorry please forgive him >~<

Cuddles you for the rest of the day

Niki :

He was playing video games normally on his phone, until you excitedly stormed into his room “hiiiii babbbbyyyy”

“Well someone is happy today :)”

“Well of course bc u know what day it isss ;)”

“Wednesday?”

😧😦 < that’s what you looked like when he didn’t know, “you really don’t remember?”

“hmm I’m not too sure” he said before going back to his game

you slowly became disappointed and just ‘celebrated’ your birthday by yourself in the kitchen. :,((

he didn’t notice that you were sad at first bc he was busy playing on his phone, around an hour later he went to the kitchen to get a snack when he sees you in the kitchen staring into space rested your chin on you arm.

‘Are you okay? You seemed fine earlier’

You decided to play the silent game and just avoided him... so he tried to get you to talk to him but after a while it didn’t work so he sort of gave up and went to ask his hyungs what’s wrong with you.

“Niki,,, it’s y/n’s birthday omg did you forget??????” Jake said texting niki

and that’s when the lightbulb in his brain turned on

He rushed to the kitchen and back hugged you so tight and gave you so many cheekie kissies to try and make up for ‘forgetting’

But to his luck you were still mad at him

Soooo he came up with the idea of going to the convenience store really quick to get you a bunch of flowers and a nice cake to surprise you~

You ended up forgiving him because he was tickling you threatening you to forgive him

N knowing Niki he’s not a person you can be mad at for long <3

[pitynostars]

rewatching PotD properly let's gooo

"is there anyone out there" "yes." This was hot

"what am I doing, I've got a date to get to" is Dan talking ABT Diane ???

The idea of doing an EP about just the cyber TLs would be so interesting imo ajdkkfdjks... Like they're not converted humans but that's their whole deal usually so like....

"don't get shot" *Dan gets shot* prime comedy

"don't lose my sonic" patronising 13 i hate u

Did anyone else expect Dan to turn evil here the way he hesitated over the controls? XD

The alien shows them what they want right ???? Why does the doctor see a random kid?

"I'm the doctor I'm going to protect you" "the doctor lies" lmao

Ive seen people say like. The train CGI the painting CGI is rlly bad but honestly I can never notice but I don't rlly have eyes for that sort of thing

Ace and Tegan Skype friends <3 the ending should have been like this w all the companions where they're all just swapping adventure stories rather than the support group thing

"should we pick u up again in 24hrs" so Dan is on and off the TARDIS at this point ??? Having dates ??? Assuming w Diane but the only person we see him w in the rest of te EP is Graham so I mean....

"Yaz u and I can see where the cyber masters took that child" so... Yaz saw it as a kid too? Did I mishear the line ABT it looking how u want

"it's not my life" hmm I buy that BC we saw his life before of pretending to b the museum guide and helping out at the food bank and stuff he's a community guyTM sure hate that this is so weirdly rushed less i guess "I can attack it now because I've been with you" I buy less lmao... He's had no growth at all??? Also the way it's framed like he's talking to the doc is so odd when he spent more time w Yaz (unless they've been travelling for more than 3 years ???)

The doctor saying "homes important" just makes me HOWL tho ngl

"I'll b kipping on mum and dads sofa tonight" .... Where have u been sleeping all the other 24 hr breaks youve appaz been dropped off for ???

"not one for goodbyes" idk I buy that w 13 we saw the whole "one happy one sad" the hug goodbye for Ryan and graham

...so why can't 13 tell yaz about this traitor dalek??

also the concept of a dalek realising theyve strayed from their og mission does actually kind of slap but we did just see daleks v daleks in revolution so i'm glad this wasnt the main plot again

sacha dhawans acting<3<3

the scene where he looks in the tsarina (?)'s eyes and he's like "are my eyes not full of certainty" and u see him reflected in her eyes.... SICK. have they mentioned the master is kind of hypnotic yet in this era before this?

where are the dhawan telling the tsar to take a holiday vs donna telling caecilius and family to take a holiday in pompeii parallels.

are they saying dhawan master replaced rasputin nd made an alt universe with this cyberplanet in the sky? or is there some historical note about there being something in the sky at that time (?)

i love that the doctor and yaz both barely react to the hahahahahhaha tardis there's no like. wtf. moment they just head straight in.

i think it would have been sweet for 13 to stroke one of its panels and be like "oh shes not mine." nodding to that theyre telepathic!! but we seem to have forgotten that this era 😔.... i feel this generally in this era the relationship between the doctor and the tardis has been lacking actually like apart from ghost monument and spyfall we barely see them interact... i know its not always a Thing but man i loved 11 & the tardis' relationship so much i'd love to see a writer feature it more again 🥺

ive seen some people claiming yaz reads gallifreyan off the screen in the tardis. that would be cool but 100% you can recognise readings u can tell what data/readings are without labels necessarily like i can go into a car and look at a speedo and i dont need numbers on it to know what the readings mean yk?? either way it does speak a lot to teh familiarity she's got with the tardis and i <3<3 ... yaz and the tardis' growth is fun to think about. do you think she was grumpy that yaz was hanging out with the other tardis on earth in revolution ? XD

DOCTOR: Ah, there's a rudimentary cloaking shield in operation. Soon fix that. The Cybermen have tethered that child into this planet. It was registering as an energy source.

YASMIN: How is that child an energy source?

DOCTOR: Wait, there's more layers to the shield. Oh, not just cloaking. It's a consciousness shield! A creature trying to evade capture, hiding behind a visual projection shield, and this one shows us what we instinctively want to protect, as a defence.

Help me out here. Are they saying that the Qurunx also set up the cloaking ??? or that the cybermen cloaked it and it also put up the consciousness shield? ? or was it all the cybermen?? why would it need both?

also the idea of it showing what you want to protect -- do yaz and the doctor and dan ALL just happen to see a child in this situation then ??

"is this planet your doing?" doctor you literally saw the cybermen kidnap the qurunx to bring here 😭😭😭... YOU FOLLOWED THEM HERE

just once i'd like the "your master awaits" to be subverted/mirrored with "your doctor awaits" ...... the "this country needs a doctor" line is hot but its not the SAME.

"have you got any idea whats going on in outspace in 1916 rn" "strangely enuf. no" this line always gets me aklsjflk i love kate

"I'm Yaz. The only one here who doesn't really know what's going on" sorry babe that's your whole character

MANDIP INVENTING ACTING

i am once again asking ok these paintings got "defaced" so its not an alt timeline??????????? they never fixed this in the end right ??????? sweats. so rasputin was teh master alll along historically (?)... and he jst put himself in paintings in modern day ?? but then the dr says "some people think you're rasputin" ?????

"this is the day youre erased from existence forever" .... how does turning into her erase her from existence 😭

dhawan inventing acting

i still dont understand why this "give her a gun" moment is in there.

wait what happens to vinder in the end??? his ships broken

"you'll feel safer with me in the building" LMAO

"she really doens't want us back in there" and then yaz just drops her home w no goodbye to the doctor coolcoolcoolcoool

ok but why did the master clone ashad specifically what difference does he make over like. any cyberman/cyberleader??

love the russian doll cyberman lmaoooo... reminds me of that arc thing from doomsday/aog... TIME LORD TECH

if i had a penny for every time the doctor is forced into one of their enemies only for it to be purely for transport i'd have 2 pennies which isn't a lot but its a bit funny it happens twice

i love the rasputin moment but i dont rlly get the lead in ngl 😭 hes just like k time for my dance number mid speech. which i suppose like. in character XD

sacha dhawan in thirteens outfit.... i'm bisexual<3 i need to get my ears pierced

"Don't… don't… don't worry. You'll get used to me. Everyone will. I still need a companion to ask and… bask in my brilliance. Come on, Yaz. Let's go on an adventure! Don't make me ask twice. I'd hate to have to bring you down to size." /

"Come on, Yaz! Let's save a civilisation! Let's correct history! Rescue a sick animal! These yours? Oh, bless. Ow! What was that? Some sort of dirty protest? Unless you want to be consigned down a black hole for eternity, you'd better behave! I am the Doctor, and you will obey me." snapping in yaz's face "I AM THE DOCTOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-> this would have hit soo different if this actually was the doctor i would HAVE LOVEDDDD it. first time watching i honetsly thought this was still the doctor and the tardis was reacting like that bc the regeneration was so unnatural (like the way she reacted to jack in utopia) but no 😔

mandip inventing acting<3

"very 80s" "thanks!" LMAO

"gold star and a sticker" u r sick

the random news drone on top of a random 2 planets is so.... ??? i feel like a lot of this was cut somehow aslkfjklgds..

also where's the awkward cut scene of yaz standing around while the master's in the wardrobe picking his outfit aksfjgdlkf

[plays the recorder on a burning mushroom planet] king shit

"quite the strength of character this incarnation" "DOCTOR 6: Our predicament! This is supposed to be handed over. You can't ruin it for the next one. / DOCTOR 5: And you were doing so well." i hateee these bits so much its SO patronising

"i dont do robes" lmao

why is whittaker in the reversed robe/the robe they used for time here hm

the hologram i do like as an idea tbf especially as we've seen the basic version w 9 and 11 and whatnot so her developing it to be more ai is rlly fun ... especially after she saw how handy having three of her in diff places was in flux lmaoooo

"it should only activate under the gravest circumstances. Like if I'm no longer around. Now, that would be disastrous. But I will have very subtly inserted a sonically triggered nano-implant under your skin and passed it off as static electricity. f I remember to do that. I must remember to do that." -- so either 13 has only just finished the hologram ai before this ep OR she KNOWS shes about to walk into some Real ShitTM and takes precautions akjfgldf.....

"HOLO-DOCTOR: Whoa! The emotional receptors on the AI are a bit oversensitive. Apparently, you're annoyed with me? Apparently, I should apologise for something?" this is so fucking funny because it comes across literally just like thirteen was she is always this fucking mean and patronising and borderline manipulative lmao its so askjdfglkdf......... blame it on the emotional receptors being oversensitive sure 🙄

i reiterate my point that most of the things/wins we get are done by the hologram dr, yaz is STILL asking the doc for validation even when shes a hologram 😔

"can't hurt the feelings of a hologram" SHE JUST TOLD U SHE WAS AI. watching this after measure of a man is like. HELLO.

"yeah well i didnt" [tosses bag] I LOVE TEGAN

they cld have mentioned nyssa in this rant tho fr

"i'll distract the cybermen" "how are you gonna do that" [cuts to screaming] hELP ASKFJDGLF... THE COMEDY IN THIS EP IS SO

the shot of ace falling into the console room is so fun actually <3

dhawan hood up<3<3

vinder no idea who the doctor is or their history w the doctor or yaz in this ep is. q funny to me.

"YASMIN: I'm sorry. / MASTER: Are you? Truly?/ YASMIN: Came back, didn't I? / MASTER: We could have fun, you know? I am fun. Different type of fun, but fun. We could travel. You'll see. "

i am once again saying i wish we got dhawan!doctor fr with this vibe

the touch of the ai mirroring the companions emotions is cute but i do still kinda wish we'd got whittaker to do these scenes fully

god i want ace and bill to meet actually

"the joy is to watch them fly" 😭😭😭

"former bus driver" is such a funny thing for graham to think when introducing himself

"wanna see how i dealt with them in 1963?" i'm kissing you on the lips

kate sacrificing herself is so<3<3 redgraves acting here is sooooo

jasfkdj tegan slipping on the ladder... is this a ryan reference or is that purely for plot convenienceTM

if the daleks plan is to destroy the planet through volcanoes then who do the cybermen have left to convert .....😭

wait the tardis in this shot LOOKS SO BAD i never notice cgi and whatnot idc but like LITERALLY THATS OBVIOUSLY A BOX WITH THE BACKGROUND PAINTED IN 😭

jo martin my beloved<3 god i wish she got more to do

vinder shooting the master is sooo<3 king

yazs speech about friendship and love got me actually.

i reiterate its the hologram telling yaz what to do this isnt her win wholly and that frustrates me so much 😭...

also how do the daleks and cybermen and master and vinder SEE ruths hologram when the doctor didnt plant the ai in them ?????? the whole static thing was the flag hello ??

"dont let me go back to being me" pleaseeee

"where there's hope..." YOU DIDNT FINISH THAT. THERES WHAT.