#i dont deserve affection im getting my karma rn i think

[stargirlsuicide]

reading our old messages. might kill myself

[fabulousest333]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

in the future as a boundary I'd prefer to only answer manifestation questions without trauma dumping, so I'll be ignoring any from now on, but it's totally okay as you didn't know ❤️

as for manifestation you can revise, or shift if you'd like! both are easy. revision is changing the past, and all you need to do is say the new story of what happened in your past and the 3d will conform.

as for shifting there's lots of methods you could use, but I'm not an expert so I'd seek advice elsewhere.

and finally telling yourself you're a bad person can't mess up your manifestations, nothing can if you say so. I'd work on your self concept outside of manifestation just to help you feel better about yourself, mistakes are a normal human experience.

personally I don't believe in karma, I'm sure you won't be affected. you can use protection subliminals or spells if it's giving you stress.

good luck!

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[kusundei]

like

1. stuff with my mom. like ok maybe my fault and jve been repenting ok its just i kind f wish i spoke my mind perchance. talked ab what was truly bothering me. why i said what i said and ehat i meant because all that happened was her misinterpretting my words. i wish i told her i heard her that night and confronted her ablut what she said but no, i need to repent. i dont deserve that relief this is my karma anyway. as the wise make clear: just because you’re hurting doesnt give u the right to hurt them back. or perchance. whatever i say normally idk..

2. my alarm didnt go off. i hate apple and that fuckass alarm because it wasnt my fault??? thank god i woke my ass up because i was like “man its tlly sunny rn for no reason” i check my phone. my alarm is going off but no sound like hello what the fuck. and then i walked. got in trouble. whatever. okay.

3. my phone. broke. again. i didnt eben do anything this time?? it just gave up on life and killed itself)???? like okay. haha. whatever….. lol….

4. getting chosen last in ap sem and being forced to present on the day i didnt want to present. ap sem already has me fucked up anyway im just so. so. so. tired.

5. whatever the hell my mom was talking ab just now. like no i hear u loud and clear. i just think its appalling you truly believe i can make 500 in a week..? gaining hours is hard so ive heard (kyle. no idea ab ajax) but like huhhh. i understand the belief regarding jn me growing up and gaining more responsibility as a punishment idrgaf its just i think its annoying when its put like that. like thjs is a bad thing? like i really dont care honestly. im more annoyed and affected at the fact you think i dont want to work and im lazy and unmotivated and whatever. thats my issue here

im not even gonna bother. i dont feel like retorting or defending myself or anything. im at a loss and have always been at a loss.

[viewofsal]

The Official “The End.”  032018 1136PM

You would think oh Salia is so over writing her long ass essays about some dude from New York. But nope. After tonight you not only made me regret every step I took for us, every move I made for us and everything i did FOR YOU AND US. I called you and you rejected my call because you know me better than I do apparently. I called you because I had anxiety, no surprise you left me in the dark again like you always did when we were together. You dont love me and you certainly dont care about me Farhan. Please dont say you do because you dont. Because if you did you would call me back and hear me out. But instead you gave me shit about how youre not my boyfriend/man and that you dont need to text me but you are. You dont need to do anything for me, just think Im dead to you. Just forget that a girl named Salia ever existed in your life. A girl who loved you more than anything in life, you meant the world to her, you were her everything even when you were a straight dick hole to her. I wish you could look at me and tell me the things you did over the phone. Would you have the balls to do it? Probably. Today I am hurt because of you. I am left with nothing but regret and pain. You said tonight, “delete me off your life man”. Alright done. What else? Youre asking a girl who would take a bullet for you. Whatever you want youll get because Im just that stupid of a bitch to listen to you. Done, deleted. What else? I told you one time that I wanted to kill myelf because of our break up, and honest to god I really wish I did. It would make zero affect on your heartless ass anyways. You moved on just like that. Go ahead, go for hoes that dont even give the slightest fuck about you. No go ahead. Go for girls who have their shit together, who have a degree at a certain age, who have a career built. Unlike me, who stopped going to school because I had to take care of my mental health. I decided to go back to school for me. I love what Im doing, but as soon as my degree gets mailed to me I am burning that shit. Every time I think about my graduation and my degree I think of you and I just get so angry. Let me get one thing straight, I DO NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO HOES. SO IF YOU LIKE A HOE, GO FOR IT. WHAT SHE HAS IS WHAT I DONT WANT. You arent worthy of being forgiven. I forgave you for me to have peace in my heart and life. If I am angry today it is because of the shit I had to hear from your mom and you. Especially you. You always told me that I wasnt a woman, I wasnt mature, I didnt have my life together at the age of 24. Yeah Im sorry, I honestly wish I was dead today. I wouldnt have to deal with you and a heart break that I definitely didnt deserve at ALL. You tortured me for a whole year. Yeah I know I had the chance to walk away, you told me in a text message I still have… “you need to know your worth. you know how much stress and anxiety i give you.” and you still fucking gave it to me. Fine I get it… I wasnt worth it. You didnt fall in love, we just arent meant to be. You said tonight, if its meant to be youll be at my door step. You lied to me, you made me believe this was it, you just fucking suck. You broke my heart into a million pieces. I cant trust anyone because of you, i cant even talk to anyone because of you. You now make me believe love is the being scam in the fucking world. that every guy i will ever talk to you will come into my life and just spoil me with their fake ass attention and love and walk all over me and then leave. I not only gave you love, attention, loyalty but i regret ever opening up to you. Using my mental against me. I fucking cannot believe it. You wont realize rn, but there is so much other shit I want to say but i cant make the guy i wanted to marry, to have children with look like a fuck boy. You have everything going for yourself… congrats. I hope everything works out for you. Just please forget everything about me, oh wait you did. You would do anything to get rid of me any day but choose a fucking bitch over me any day. Life is truly short, and if I ever die, at any time in life. I hope you regret the way you talked to me, the way you treated me and the way you manipulated my mind to think a way when it was you to ruin our relationship this whole time. Yeah I am hurt, I am angry, I am devastated because of you and the way you put me down makes me feel like I AM A WORTHLESS STUPID CUNT. If you can call your mom one, then what am i even to you? NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND RIGHT? Right. Exactly, I was just an easy girl for you to reel in and once you saw shes in it, FUCK IT. DOnt give her attention, love and all of that. I should’ve left your ass the night I had to convince you that this will work out for three hours, but wait we had those talks so many times, which one are we talking about right? Idk. I wasted so much time, love and energy on a guy who didnt fight for me. but why should he? He wasnt in love with me or I didnt have anything for him to fight for? Do you remember saying that Farhan? Do you? Probably not. Im dead to you from today. Forget everything I did for you, and throw away all of the shit or send it back to me. The amount of love I put into everything, you always found a way to just make it seem like it wasnt enough. Im so glad you broke up with me because I would ve killed myself while being with you. I hope you feel every inch of pain you left me with and regret being an asshole. If i die tomorrow, i hope you hate yourself for it. Dont bother w/ me. You are deleted gone. Thats what you wanted right? YOu shouldve just said FUCK OFF thats it. I would’ve been long gone. Its so easy for you to move on and talk to new girls because youre not the one goin through what I went thru or going through. Karma is a dirty thing, youll get what you deserve for treating me like shit. I hope your mom finds you a non bum girl, because thats what i was right> I have absolutely NOTHING going for myself. Build your empire, grow, get married. I am nothing to you and please please please…. just fucking think im dead. which you already do. ALSO I HATE YOU FOR TELLING YOUR MOM THAT I GOT KICKED OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR YOU. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? Yeah so you said that if its meant to be youll be at my door step, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO EVER FACE UR MOM? TELL ME. HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? I honest to god, really wish I was never your ex. You treat me like im a fucking piece of shit. How? You wont realize today, tomorrow, next week, next month or probably never. But you will definitely get punished for hurting someone like me. Who never once ever thought about cheating on you or doing you dirty. Ever. You got what you wanted. Left me in tears again. Left me, like you always did.

Good bye.