#i don't want to have more than 48kg

[murobrown]

.

[relentlessly-tired]

Reasons for me to get skinny/rewards/plans+anti binge.

To motivate/trigger myself :)

REASONS:

To look good in all clothes

Abs

Skinny legs

Smaller boobs

Pretty face

For my (gymbro) boyfriend

To be carried easily

Bikini's in summer

Confidence

To look better than the other girls

To be happy

To be more comfortable running/working out in public

To be seen as "small" and "petite"

To be as skinny as my sister

GOALS/REWARDS:

55kg: Hair and skincare stuff

52kg: bikini

50kg: septum peircing

48kg: new clothes

PLAN:

Workout:

Do some form of intense enough cardio everyday e.g. running, cycling, stairmaster.

Keep steps up AS WELL as cardio, minimum 10k, but aim for 15k

Bodyweight workout every-push ups, planks, pull up progressions

Weight training in the gym 2-3 times weekly

NEVER eat school lunch

Avoid eating out

MEAL PREP!! (Chickpea salads, chicken breast, soup, porridge, cut up carrots, etc.)

DRINK A SHIT TON OF WATER (when I wake up, before eating, during eating, after)

Big cup of tea every after school and then after dinner.

Utilise coffee, gum, mints

No fizzy drinks

Diet:

NEVER finish dinner

NEVER eat anything after dinner

NO SWEETS OR JUNK FOOD UNLESS PLANNED IN ADVANCE (only junk acceptable is a) pastries from bakery or b) chocolate on occasion.

AVOID bread, pasta, noodles etc.

Eat breakfast and eat throughout the day TINY small portions.

OMAD on occasion

DO NOT BINGE AT ALL EVER

FOODS TO PRIORITIZE:

yogurt- especially the protein kind. Good if craving something sweet.

fruit- avoid bananas (binge food)

Vegetables- carrots as snacks, incorporate other veg throughout day e.g. salads

eggs- specifically boiled

lean meats

MEAL IDEAS:

Breakfast:

Protein yogurt (may add sprinkle of cereal and fruit if extra hungry)

Boiled eggs

Carrots and hummus

Fruit

Little bowl of cereal

Fruit smoothie

Porridge

Lunch:

Chickpea salad

Boiled eggs

Carrots and hummus

Protein yogurt

Fruit

Smoothie

Boiled veg and chicken

Snacks:

Carrots

Yogurt

Fruit- apples, oranges, berries specifically

Ham slices

Chicken slices

Mini mini bowl of cereal

DO NOT BINGE:

Think about everything. Think about how unhappy you are with your life. Think about how long you've been doing the same old shut for? Don't you want it to be over? Don't you want to finally get what you want and be happy? Don't you want to finally be able to move on? Think about how long ago you could've gotten there if you hadn't binged all those times?

Think about where you could be so soon if you just stick to it, for a short while. Food is always there. Food is around you all the time in abundance. You ALWAYS have the choice to eat. So CHOOSE not to.

Don't make excuses. NEVER make excuses. There are no reasons that you binge other than the fact you want to. You are in control. You are always in control. Every time you binge, that is your choice. Your doing. Every time you reach for that bread, you could just as easily remove yourself from the situation. Walk away.

Hunger is only temporary. You will always get to eat again. Remember your reasons. Think about your future. Think about your rewards. Not binging will always be worth it.

You have the ability to be skinny and lose the weight so do it! I know you can!!

Hw: 68kg

Sw April 2024: 60kg

Cw may 2024: 57kg

[szensed]

✮⋆˙Recovery is the biggest lie, remember you have to be in control ⋅˚₊‧ 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

I tried recovering, and became 48kg (bmi 17.8) then got so triggered that instead of treating mia i became an0r3xic binge purge type weighing 40kg (bmi 14,7)(I'm feeling better at this weight though). people often forget that an 3d involves more things than just gaining weight, it involves eating habits, behave patterns and self image.

so please don't force recovery in ppl with 3d and if you are wanting to try recovering i recommend you mentally prepare before doing it.

take care y'all (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

[strawberriesancreamdrpepper]

post-vacation update

okay. so. anyone want to venture to guess how much I gained while on vacation for 7 full days, 9 plus travelling? well, I was 108 the morning I left, and then morning after I got home I was... 114 😀

i know a lot LOT of it is water weight because I had so, so, so many carbs. so, in the long run, I'm not super worried.

I managed to liquid fast the travelling-day home, and I am liquid fasting at least until Saturday, probably until the start of next week, and if not, until my next vacation, which I leave for the 21st. The longest I've ever liquid fasted was 8 days, and I lost 7 pounds. So I'm pretty sure if I fasted until my next vacation I would be back to 48kg. (107) SO, I'm not that worried. And I have all of August to do super low restricting so it is marginally going to be alright.

Since this is my second day of fasting, I have been literally chugging water and caffeinated stuff to basically act as a lax and its def been working. for both our sake I won't go into detail but probably 6 ish times today? and a lot came out... yk so if I'm not at least one or two pounds lighter tomorrow I'm going to be super surprised. I can definitely tell based on my body that I've gained but I'm trying not to freak out because I know I will probably be fine in a week yk? freaking out js makes me want to binge.

On the topic of my next vacation, I will be able to restrict freely there, because my parents will be there and they basically don't pay attention to my food intake. they know I have an ed and made me try to recover but gave up a year or two ago? story for a different time. but they wont let my grandparents force me to eat anything. and also, the grandparents I'm staying with this time are different than the ones I just came back from, they're my dads father and his gf, not my dads mother and second husband. (I have a really weird family all of them divorced and remarried.) But anyway, they are a lot better about food and know I'm "picky" so it'll be okay. I don't know whether I'm going to be able to sneak the scale or not, but I will look into it. I will probably bring my food scale though because I need it, emotionally.

anyway, I will update everyday ish on my weight and stuff. and the diet rn is any liquid no cal limit, and then starting either tomorrow or day after I will do 1200 max liquid cal limit, then like under 1000 ish. I'm trying to ease myself into it after the past week because since my body is used to eating more ish now, it will be more hungry and I want to make sure I don't binge. but when I stop liquid fasting it will probably be 800 max cal limit. and i'm doing 10 miles per week for workouts and I want to start some pilates.

this is really long but I don't care. Another update, I have new weight loss rewards, for when I'm 105, I am going to buy these 2 cute shirts and they will look even better cause I will be skinny.

ANYWAY. that's all I think, will update later xx

[borngal]

I failed. Again.

The only way i'll reach my goal , being 48kg by july 5th, which is in 7 days is if I go mental and burn 10000 calories everyday for the next week.

I got the number from 1kg of fat having 7000cal and I want to lose 10kg/70000cak ,so in 7 days that's 10.000cal per day.

I am determined tho.

I'll do it!

I did my math an 10.000 steps burn ca. 280cal

so 10.000 : 280 ≈35

35 • 10.000 =350.000 steps per day

10.000 steps take around 2,5 hours

so 35 • 2,5h = 87,5h which means it's not possible

Gotta sleep 8h + 6h school + 2h eating + 2h stuff

=18h

so I got 6 hours to exercise

so if i walk for 6 hours i'll burn around 700cal

which is not nearly enough

i'll eat around 600cal

I have 1400cal still-usage

so -1400-700+600 =-1500

for 7 days thats 10.500cals lost

so 1,5kg of fat

I hate this little life😭

what the fuck am I going to do

Clearly only walking is out of the picture

And I physically can't run for hours.

What about the stairmaster ?

Okay so if I do the stair master for 2,5h i burn a little more than 1500

so the same as walking 6h

4h on the stair master

=2500 cal

-1400-2500 +600 =-3300

-3300 • 7 ≈ -23.000cal

so about 3,5 kg of fat

I think i'll atleast be able to live with that

Now we just have to hope i don't binge

It's 11pm right now so i'll start tomorrow

4h on the stairmaster puhhh🙁 hope i'll make it

Good night

-Love chrissi

[ascuteascherryblossom]

I really wanna know if any long term ED sufferers feel the same way as me.

I developed my ED 7 years ago at just 12 years old and am now 19 and still here. I have barely any recollection of life before 12 so it really feels like my life is only my ED as it's all I've really known tbh... my whole puberty and all of time I can remember. Because of this, I cannot even imagine my life without an ED. I cannot imagine myself any other way than how I am at this moment.

I feel envy for those who've had EDs for shorter periods or from older ages and can recall a life without this disorder and imagine what a life without it in the future could be like even if they don't want to make the move towards it.

I don't fear my ED, I'm not scared of it nor is it something I dislike. It doesn't feel like hell because it's all my life has ever been. It's just normal... I feel weird when I have my small faux recovery periods of time and even uncomfortable, not in a 'cant let go of my ED' way but in a wtf is this way of living and why am I supposed to be this way?

Doesn't help that my faux recovery months are always because my depression hits new extremes and my suicidal, self loathing, world hating feelings become so overwhelming I become bed ridden, mindlessly scrolling tiktok AITA videos just to pass time because everything is tiresome and I hate everyone and everything. But I eat fine as food is the only positive thing cause it tastes good (don't cook though).

But ED periods I shower, brush my teeth, dress nicely, put an effort into myself and I actually do things, I can finally enjoy dancing again without it being exhausting to stand. It's like bringing life back into me so I love it...

Plus I love how I look physically when I'm thinner no matter my mindset over my current weight at the time. So it all combines to feeling good plus it's my usual, I've spent more days like this than that faux recovery crap and I feel like an actual human.

I'm always happier when I'm actively participating in my ED, it's better than the other state I feel. It's one or the other. I can't imagine a third.

And honestly... I don't want to. I'm comfortable here. I'm in therapy but I haven't even spoken to her for over a month because I don't feel the need. In my depression eras I NEED therapy just to vent and function, have a person I can say just how badly I wish I could punch s hole in my chest and rip my besting heart out until it stops beating and everything can be over...

But when I'm like I am now I don't feel that. I don't feel I wanna live long either, never have done, even as a kid. But I do feel like I have a goal in life.

My goal is to step on that scale and see that number that traumatised little 12 year old me until now. Finally reach 39.7kg and tell my inner child 'see, you made it, you didn't become fat and die from obesity at 30, you didn't become unattractive and unloveable. You made it just as you said you would. And now we can die, or live in peace, a chapter closed forever. You made it'

And before u say anything about that weight being 172cm, I have no plans to maintain it, I want to maintain between 43-48kgs, om the way down I'll see what I look like at all them weights and choose the range I prefer and go back up and stick there. I look way better at 50kgs than 55 anyways so like I know I'll look amazing then too.

Anyways I needed this rant and wanted to know if I'm the only one who feels like their ED is basically a part of them now especially after so long.

I'm mentally prepared to become that one older lady with an ED people look at with sad eyes on the street as their old and skeletal figures walk to the store. I've seen them, I know how people react and I'm not afraid to become her. Even if I'm not THAT skeletal. It doesn't scare me...

And if it kills me before then well whatever, I could die tomorrow anyways from a fatal accident anyways. I don't care for life nor death anymore, whatever happens, happens idgaf. Life's good but crap at the same time so staying is good and crap and leaving is good and equally crap so who gives a shit.

Anyways see u bye

take care

[mollydollyjournals]

Saturday 16th January... My old scales told me I was 155.4, I checked with a dumbbell and it gave me 1lb too high. But my new scales arrived and apparently I really am 156.6, which is what my old scales were telling me the past few days

(yes, I got up at 4pm)

So this was the day after 2 units of alcohol which means it could be skewed in some way. Dehydration and all. But I won't know for sure yet so I have to act like it's fine. I tried the scales a few times before I synced it to the app, and it gave me the same weight each time. With all that in mind, they seem to be accurate. It's also about the body fat percentage I expected. Didn't know it counts as being obese but hey. Worst thing is dehydration might be lowering that reading too.

I had an online hangout today. I drank a little but stopped after 1.5 units. I started to just feel like it wasn't doing anything so I would have liked to keep drinking but that would just be poisoning myself for no reason. The nice feeling only lasted a while. So I poured the last half of my drink down the sink. I haven't had much water today so I don't think I've made up for it enough. I tried to have some but I just really don't like to drink water and stuff. I need to try harder tomorrow. I also need to avoid alcohol tomorrow. Somehow the last few days I've had some every day. I guess if I only have one tomorrow then it's still less, but I'll try to only do that if I start getting really bad withdrawal or something. Otherwise I should go without, to make sure I don't slip back into it.

I also tried to make myself have healthier food today. I'm still not happy with my intake but it was better than yesterday and other recent days. I'll try to cut it further tomorrow, and restock on safe foods and salad ingredients. Which will be difficult as I may have to self isolate. Possible exposure to a positive case...it seems like given the circumstances it's very unlikely that I would catch it, but none of the guidance on this exact situation is clear, and I don't want to be the reason someone gets sick. I want to go to the local shop tomorrow and buy my ingredients and stuff but I don't think I should. I think I should at least isolate as much as I can, so I'll get delivery. Hopefully they'll have everything I need. Though I just remembered I got some prepared stuff before... hopefully it's still in date, that'll make a salad with less prep if so. Easy for when I'm half asleep.

Last night I was trying to guess what my weight was. I was sure I'd gained. I was so sure. My belly felt huge. But I measured my waist and it was still 29.3in. I'm not really sure what's going on. Today I guess it's kind of similar, but currently I don't have the huge feeling in my belly. I want to go weigh myself and check, but if I do that it'll get logged on my app, and I only want my morning weights logged. I'm not sure if you can delete readings, or maybe if I turn off my phone for a bit or something. Maybe it'd just send the data later. I'd rather have some morning data logged first before I risk putting anomalies in. It's probably a good thing - maybe I can get out of the habit of weighing myself throughout the day.

I watched a movie earlier and it was basically just a movie, I didn't feel like it was amazing or anything, but it has an actor I really like in it. He has a really nice voice, and for some reason he reminds me of bf. It's kind of comforting to watch him.

The character's girlfriend though. I'll have to find the actress' name because she had such a beautiful neck. That sounds so creepy, but y'all know how it is. When I was on my zoom call earlier I kept catching sight of my neck and noticing how spongy it is. As the call went on I don't know if I bloated or moved positions or what but the rolls got bigger. Maybe I just perceived it that way. I don't know. But after seeing my neck and how disgusting it is, seeing her neck in the movie hit harder. And her arms. And another character who was just generally small, though probably my height.

I just looked them up - the last one was Jeon So Nee, who is about 1-2cm shorter than me so I was right about that, the actress with the amazing neck is Lee Yoo Young who is a couple of centimetres taller than me and weighs 48kg so just under 106lbs...I just said the other day my ugw is about 105. Ugh. No wonder. (And the one I kinda have a crush on is Lee Sun Kyun. Fight me)

Jeez. I weigh one and a half of them. Both of them together weigh not a lot more than I do by myself.

Ugh. I'm going back to looking at face mask reviews.