#i don't wanna censor myself anymore

[goreybaby]

so tired of engaging with fandoms recently, it's just not fun anymore. rlly sick of hearing shit like "if u like them, you must condone their actions!!1!1" and people adopting a mob mentality and attacking you for showing a fictional character an ounce of admiration or perhaps even neutrality. what happened to people minding their own business, or if they really need to discuss it, to do so respectively and without hurling death threats at the other party?? has it ever been that serious?

[velvetvexations]

Stalking, non-con, gore, drugging, raceplay, and cartoonish body horror anons under the cut!

if we're still doing kink asks: I have kind of a yandere kink but I'm the aggressor. I'm bipolar and probably bpd so really its just sexualizing my own mental illness, but I think about stalking someone's social media, slowly gathering everything about them from what they post online and then 'casually' bumping into them in person to force a meet-cute where I make myself seem like the perfect partner. I'm charming and polite and like all the same things they do and gosh your hair is so nice today. I just love your outfit. it looks... really good. I start slow so it doesn't come on too strong but we just keep running into eachother, so really it must be fate, huh? In reality I've ramped up the stalking. I keep taking photos of them on the street, ripping selfies off social media to jack off to because I can't help myself. really I'm trying so fucking hard to be *patient* and they should appreciate it, but I know they won't and god that just pisses me off. I'm putting in all this work for our relationship and theyre so fucking ungrateful. I've seen all the dumb video with that friend of theirs that clearly wants to fuck them and it just burns in my gut. They shouldn't be smiling at other people like that. they should only be happy with me or what fucking good are they? You know, so many people are way too trusting. You really shouldn't trust locks as much as you do. You shouldn't trust your neighbors to do anything if they hear you scream. And you really shouldn't trust some person you just met on the street a couple months ago. And then I keep them chained in my basement 24/7 stewing in their own filth until they apologize for upsetting me and admit they always loved me and wanted to be my stay at home spouse. it's tough love, but if they didn't push me to all of this then I wouldn't have to completely psychologically destroy them first. really its their fault I did all of this. then from there it spins out into a version of stepfordization kink where I make them into the perfect 50s style house spouse and bend them over my knee if dinner isn't ready on time because God is like they don't care about our relationship at all. aren't you even thinking about how this makes *me* feel? and all the while they're chained by a collar or the ankle to our marital home and aren't allowed outside at all until they get everything right to my impossible and capricarious standards. It's okay, honey. I know youre trying your best. Here, you can come make it up to me by doing XYZ, where XYZ is engaging in some fetish that specifically grosses them out and makes them uncomfortable, not because it gets me off but because they should be as upset as they upset me to properly apologize. and if they don't they can alway go back into the basement to relearn their manners. 💜

jeezy weezy anon yeah ditto to all that word-for-word

"not because it makes them uncomfortable but because they should be as upset as they upset me to properly apologize" you get it

I dont really like impact play but god damn by blood play kink is Bad. sometimes I just wanna cut someone open and feel the exact place that my dick is in them ya know?

I don't but God bless you, you're valid.

I really want a ----. Someone entirely in latex and leather that isn't really a person anymore, just a giant sex toy that I can drug and disorient and torture however I like. we don't *really* need a safe word, do we? Toys don't get to say no. God just imagining being too rough with someone in a ---- suit and ignoring when they safe word again and again because why the hell would a toy get to choose when we're done? Woof.

(that's considered a slur these days so I'm censoring it but I am not personally judging you for having used it anon)

I've never been into latex or leather but I appreciate the place it has in BDSM history and culture.

Kink confession: I’m super into raceplay. I’m a white woman and on the submissive side, so I’m right there with your other anons with kinks they struggle to find content for (stuff like BNWO is *so* targeted towards white *men*)

Porn in general is so rarely made for women. It's really weird sometimes.

I'm into vore, but only as the feedy. what I wouldnt give to have something wiggling in my stomach while I jack off. Or, you know how some people do cock vore/unbirthing? that but for my boobs. prying my nipples open and crawling inside to wiggle around until they become more boob or maybe milk when I come. I would also accept softer forms where they go in to help me have milky boobs by stimulating the nerves or w/e but they get sprayed out by the deluge

I have no idea what to say except "fascinating"

[gengarghast]

Howdy, folks!

It has come to my attention that an anon may be going around and dropping hate messages in my mutuals' askboxes, claiming that I am a pedophile and a sex freak!

Continued below the cut- This is gonna be a long one. TLDR, they're either making shit up, exaggerating things and taking them out of context, or bringing up stuff that happened in the past.

TW: Pedophilia mention, kink discussion, drama.

Note: I didn't censor the word in the top line, the person who told me about this did and didn't wanna tell me what it said.

These are not new accusations, unfortunately. I've dealt with them before, and I promise this is 100% just a smear campaign fuelled by a personal vendetta.

The 17 year old they reference here is my good friend and ex, @/manix-valentine, who I do not have romantic or sexual feelings towards- Our relationship is purely platonic. Well- They COULD be talking about someone else, but it's highly unlikely.

As for the "disgusting fetish" they claim I need to "satisfy"... It's hypnosis. I got a hypnokink. Which I used to do with Val when we were dating, because- And I feel like I must emphasize this- It was consensual. She wanted me to do it- I'm not some kind of hypno-rapist like you see in the pornos. Consent is extremely important to me, and I would never force someone to do erotic roleplay with me. Regardless, Crushon.ai would be my go-to should I ever need to "satisfy" my fetishes- Not my ex who is also a minor.

The anon also mentions my Twitter- Which you wouldn't find under the name 'Gengarghast' because that one was suspended a couple of years ago because I told too many zoophiles to kill themselves. But that's beside the point- What they were referring to with my Twitter were the unsavory things I did there when I was 16 years old, namely lying about my age and pretending to be an 18 year old to erp. Which, yes, shitty fucking thing to do, but that was 2 years ago- I have grown and changed since then, and I don't lie about my age to erp with strangers anymore.

Of course, there are other things I've done- I've been an unfaithful internet partner, a crummy friend on occasion, and I've done some other things that I am deeply ashamed of, but can explain or rationalize. However, I personally think that I do not deserve to be hunted down and have smear campaigns launched at me wherever I go.

And yes, this is a smear campaign. Both Valentine and I have gotten similar messages from an anon, Valentine's message shaming her for her own kinks and telling her to delete her account. The message I got was about Valentine, claiming that she 'stole her name from someone else' and that she was 'obsessed with me' and 'stalks an adult user she used to be friends with'- All three being complete lies or exaggerations, same as with this new message. Both times, the anon spoke as if they knew the person beforehand, which gives me all the reason I need to believe that this is intentional slander and an attempt to paint myself and her as morally disgusting people in order to get us driven off Tumblr with mocking and hate from people they turn against us, as I was from Twitter.

I don't have a way to close out this way-too-long post, but- I'm really fucking tired of getting called a pedophile because I just turned 18 in January of this year and still have underage friends. I mean, I even got called in to the fucking principal's office over this.

So! If you receive a message similar to this, don't respond to it. Just screenshot, delete the message, and let me know about it- Preferably alongside sending me the screenshot. I would be happy to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability.

[libertarian-druid-ny-separatist]

I'm not able to post your reblog for some reason and since I fancy myself have that point be censored by tumblr, I'll continue here.

Yeah it's tough. I'm glad you picked up on my implication. You go about your day, don't mean anyone harm and then all of a sudden to someone you're a nazi. It just goes from looks to differences in behavior towards you (like a cashier for example) for now but still I imagine if an affiliated political party were to go very near winning, I can see even violence happening a lot more frequent. There are friendships tho who were lost, not in my case specifically, but it's very apparent that when the day closes in where the ballots are counted, people tend to be skeptical of each other, everyone seems to be uncertain of other's intentions when they've easily spoken to each other for years before. It happens so often neighbors suddenly stop talking to and start hating each other just because they're told to decide. If the stigma found its grip on you, I guarantee you ain't losing it. Anytime soon. Back then had a thing called "denunzieren". Which basically means ratting out people to the Nazis. Now it's who might be even closely related to any of their viewpoints which don't get me wrong is pretty much the easiest way to prevent another tragedy like that fron happening but it's been very much taken to an extreme that's not funny anymore. Have a viewpoint not even conforming with Nazi ideology but just the slightest of margins from the status quo and bam Nazi, instantly. Oh, you don't want corona measures being put into place? Bam Nazi just like that. And that's just the most mindless of examples I've heard about. It's basically become a way for our government to oppose and oppress any movement against them. Don't conform? Boom, you're a Nazi

I mean, I used to get called a nazi a shitload, so I'm just sorta used to it. To be fair, there are folks that called themselves Libertarians that did act more like authoritarians, though mostly in South America.

I refuse to "conform" to anyone. I'm an individual, and all individuals are inherently different. That's perfectly okay as long as you're not using it as an excuse to be a shit tier person.

But of course, obeying the law also makes you a bootlicker, even if the law makes sense to you in some libertarian circles.

Sorry, it's late, I'm at work still, and frankly I'm getting ready to sue my boss for violating the Americans with disabilities act.

Not revealing any info just in case they wanna settle out of court in a way that makes me sign an nda. But I'm kinda focused on that.

[fictive-confessions]

it's really hard to feel bad for what i did when i get so much hate over it.

i'm a piece of shit in canon. everyone knows it. they use my name as an insult, they censor it, they apologize for drawing me, they offer condolences to artists who portray me.

now, i'm not my canon. i'm heavily canon-divergent. i am very open about this fact, and try and tone it down, because i get harassed just for being who i am.

but honestly, i don't give a fuck anymore. i don't feel bad. they're not my actions to feel bad for. i don't need to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for shit i didn't do.

[plain text: but honestly, i don't give a fuck anymore. i don't feel bad. they're not my actions to feel bad for. i don't need to take responsibility for shit i didn't do.]

i don't feel bad. why should i? it wasn't me. that's Canon Jim, that's The Fucker, that's Dog With Rabies, that's Jimbarrassment or Jesticular Cancer or Jestraining Order or Jelony or Japist or whatever the FUCK kind of BULLSHIT NAME YOU WANNA MAKE UP. that's not me.

Obviously, i don't support my canon actions. that shit's disgusting. but i think we can lay off the slander. i understand being hurt by my actions, and of course i wouldn't say that about a real person.. arghhhh, i dunno.

not tagging myself. fuck that noise. i'm not getting harrassed again.

- Jimmy 📗🌿 (YES. FROM MOUTHWASHING. SHUT THE FUCK UP.)

/nbh, /nay blog runners. y'all are great. /p /gen

.

[eiochevart]

have you moved on from het@lia? (not trying to drag you back or remind you of it btw!) just wondering, because I too am not very active in that fandom anymore and don't wanna be associated with it

Yeah, I’ve moved on. Though there’s no need to censor the word, that’s just childish. I honestly don’t think the fandom is the malicious and horrible thing people on the internet make it out to be. But I absolutely understand why it’s become a distasteful thing; there are a lot of issues about the media itself and within the fandom, and there are many reasons to not want to be associated with it.

I honestly just don’t really care about hws anymore. I never actually liked the source material, it was more about fan interpretations to me. I found the idea of anthropomorphic countries fascinating, an opportunity to create many different characters based on different cultures. But even that didn’t work out perfectly, I must admit that. The source material isn’t just something that is easy to twist and misinterpret and be used to spread hate — but it’s also just… objectively not good quality, both comics and show.

So… I’ve moved on. I don’t really associate myself with the characters or the fandom anymore, but I’m not one of those people who blindly spew hate on the internet. Though I do acknowledge that it’s a big part of why I have followers today, as well as a big part of my journey as an artist.

[angeldiaries777]

i dont fuckin know

my entire fucking life and personality is based off of intense trauma

i just want a reset button so i can do my little tasks and go outside without feeling like the world is gonna end ive had countless meltdowns i don't know how much longer i can live like this. i'm so mentally fucked rn my heads just so empty and full at the same time.

i actually am so sick of myself like i don't wanna look at my stupid face anymore i'm very much over everything i'm putting myself through yet i can't stop. i am an insane person who very clearly needs help no more censors i just need a break from myself how do i get that? i'm not thinking clearly or like myself at all. there is some sort of cognitive dissonance. i'm living my life for other people lying to myself that its what i want. i'm stunting my own growth. and change seems impossible at this point.i can never just have a normal life till i fucking find out where this is all coming from. why i'm being so strange and dumb lately i don't wanna accept it or whats hapepned yet i have to. want to take an actual break from here because its just not healthy. i'm not healthy. even i think i'm just constantly in my own negative loop. i know i'm mentally ill to the core and i know whats making it worse but god guys its like being an addict and i fucking got addicted to pain and torturing myself. moral of the story don't be like me. if u relate to me im so sorry. if u read this you're probably dumb soo i wish u a good day and im gonna try to stay off of this hell hole app thats basically been my entire 2023. love u.

[byemizumikahago]

hey, sorry if this is random and out of the blue but i wanna say what ur doing is extremely noble. Im glad there's people out there like you who still care enough about calling out terrible people, keep it up! (btw i shared the dropbox link and everything on r/danganronpa like you said to in ur pinned post!)

(DEC 16 EDIT: This post now has outdated information. Please read here.)

I haven't logged into this account in a long while, as I didn't have much of anything to say regarding Mizumi anymore.

Frankly, I assumed I had done my job, and posted as much as I knew and spread the information as far as I could. I trusted that others would do the same for me, and willingly handed off the reins to them. Clearly, it seems to be doing well, since this person has made a post on reddit sharing the information, so I am very grateful towards them. It's not just me who should be thanked for bringing this situation to light, it's also the victim, for having the courage to speak up in the first place, and to all the people who spread the information on what Mizumi has done, as well. So, thank you too, to everyone who tried their best. And thank you, person who sent this ask. While I don't consider myself noble at all, I just try to do what's right, I appreciate it. HOWEVER. It seems as though not everyone is doing their part. I read through the reddit thread, and, while I saw a lot of the expected reactions someone should have to this new information, and many others wishing the victim well, I also saw something much worse; A subreddit moderator, someone with power, someone who is supposed to protect people from harm or punish those breaking the rules, trying to silence and censor people sharing this information. I, essentially, saw a subreddit moderator trying to protect Mizumi. This... is frankly disgusting. I expect better from people that hold authority and power over something, and I expect them not to abuse it just to shut down a conversation because the topic makes them feel a little icky. I don't care that the topic of a child groomer in the danganronpa community makes you uncomfortable— this is a real thing that happens in the world, and it needs a light shone on it. To try and paint this situation as something that has no place being discussed is, frankly, irresponsible on the part of the r/danganronpa moderators. r/Danganronpa mods, expect a response within a few days. I'm a bit rusty in terms of my abilities to gather up information and type up a comprehensive response within a few days, but regardless, I shall do my best.

[meadowpups]

↻ little sun-raiser.

hi !! call me faolan or kaira !! this is an age regression blog :) rb heavy blog, activity is sparse. don't be shy, feel free to spam my notifications!! i won't mind!!

☆ he / pup / end ☆ bodily adult ☆ did co-host ☆

sys blog ⋆ blog header lyrs !!

more info below the cut !

↻ before you follow !

⋆ our system is against the endogenic theory! if you support the idea of nontraumagenic systems please block us!

⋆ i might reblog or interact with content connected to the dream smp and the dream team! i don't support them, i promise! but unfortunately i am a partial introject of one of them, and despite being source separated, old content of theirs is still comforting to me, and i might engage with it while regressed :(

⋆ i am not open to dms, or really befriending others, either! this blog is for me to play around on when i'm regressed, it's not for socializing! sorry if you were hoping to be friends! :(

↻ credits !!

decorations:

starry night div ⋆ green divs

masks:

icon ⋆ dni banner ⋆ mc banner ⋆ blog header

↻ disclaimers, details, & disorganization !!

DISCLAIMER !! ☆

for full transparency, i am a multifictive. dream, as in the mcyt, and newt, from the maze runner. i absolutely recognize that dream isn't a great person, and i don't consume source content anymore.

but while i am source separated, aspects of his identity still linger within mine, and i do not owe anybody the comfort of censoring myself for them on a blog used to help me cope with my own troubles!

DETAILS !! ☆

the images used in the banners on this post and my blog header are screenshots i took in our system-shared minecraft world! i do have my own minecraft world i could take screenshots in, but as of making this post, it's um... i don't even have a house yet. homeless dream arc makes a return KEKW

here are those images if you wanna see the full things!

DISORGANIZATION !! ☆

i am a very disorganized person qwq and once i have my blog better set up, i'll put miscellanius (spelling??) notes here about tagging systems and any other information i couldn't make fit above! but for now, it's just this:

⋆ the shaders used in the screenshots for my banners and header are complimentary reimagined by eminGT !

⋆ the axolotls in that one screenshot are named pheonix (yellow) and aster (blue) btw. if you even care. /ref

#awoo! ☆ is my original posts tag!

thank you for reading all the way through!

i love you !! <3

[thatawkwardwitch]

#OcculTea

I've been seeing stuff about this conversation and I want in so here's my contribution! (questions from @ ella.harrison's Instagram)

Hi! I'm thatawkwardwitch or kit whatever you wanna call me is fine! I've been participating in the online community for about as long as I've been practicing. I sought out an online community pretty early on because I started practicing during lockdown and I desperately wanted to find people I could connect with about witchcraft. I usually reblog informational posts for beginners. When I make my own content, it's usually just little snippets of my practice. I'm still trying to find my groove here and figure out exactly what kind of space I want my blog to be.

I like sharing my practice online because I don't have a strong in-person witchcraft community. A few of my irl friends practice, but it's not something we talk about for whatever reason

I hope to learn more about other people's practices and experiences as well as to connect with other people

I really only know the online community and don't have an in-person community to compare it to, so I feel like I can't fully answer this question

I'm not primarily on Instagram, I'm mostly there just for art stuff so I'm going to skip that one. Uh oh god tik tok. I feel like TikTok is good if you want aesthetics and that's about it. As far as sharing information, the format of the app doesn't really allow for any in-depth discussion. I've seen and heard a lot of misinformation being spread and people just running with it. I like YouTube a lot though! There are good educational videos, and because the format allows for longer videos, it's great for discussing and sharing information on more complex topics. However, I feel like most people don't go to YouTube? I feel like everyone's first go-to is TikTok even though WitchTok doesn't really exist anymore. I feel as though TikTok has sort of accustomed people to being spoonfed information, so beginners are less likely to go to other sources where they actually have to work for information.

yes and no. I think it's really easy to get into a rut in your practice and just stick to consuming content instead of working through the rut. But it's not just social media. "Armchair occultists" have been around forever, as long as there have been books about it. So yes, I guess it can be a substitute, but no, in the sense that, it's not everyone. Most people I know online still practice outside of social media so I'm not sure how much of a problem it actually is

I don't share a lot about my own personal practice on social media, or irl for that matter. I've posted a few spells and those weren't fully staged but they also weren't fully reality either. Like, I actually did the spell, but I kept some parts of it offline so it couldn't be undone since it was a protection spell. As far as all the experiences I've shared, I share them as I've experienced them. I do experience psychosis so I can't say that all of them were 100% reality looking back on some earlier experiences (but I'm not sure if I've even shared those ones), but I report things as I perceived them happening to me.

I don't know shit about social media etiquette so that's definitely not a part of whether or not I share stuff. Most of the time it's personal preference not to share. I try to be very careful about asking my spiritual team what I can and cannot share. Lately, I've been trying to practice more of what chaoticwitchaunt called "moving in silence" mostly as a way to protect myself from the evil eye, but also because I've definitely gotten in trouble with my spiritual team because I've shared stuff I wasn't supposed to. In general, there definitely is censorship. Most platforms won't show or let creators talk about blood, bones, fire, etc. and then there's cancel culture. which I'm not going to go too far in depth about but people love to censor each other.

Yes. I've thankfully never encountered any, but there's gonna be grifters in any community that can be capitalized on. Because I don't have any experience with grifters, I'm not sure what all the warning signs are but definitely double-check and cross-reference people before doing business with them.

I think the best way to stop the spread of misinformation is to develop and hone your media literacy skills. Critical thinking is so important, especially in this space. Do your own research on a topic; don't just take one person's word as fact

I feel like a lot of people will look at someone with a large following and immediately assume that they're an expert, but in reality it just means that they know how to work an algorithm, a completely different skill than witchcraft.

While I don't quite consider myself a witchy content creator, I am still a content creator for fandoms/bandoms. The main thing I do to keep authenticity is to take breaks from content creation. I can't work well when I'm struggling with schoolwork or mental health. When I take a break from social media, I usually state why so my followers know what's going on, but I never try to promise content I'm not sure I can or will make

I like seeing content from other creators. I find it particularly inspiring, especially if I've gotten stuck in my own practice or if I've fallen out of a daily routine. It's motivation to keep practicing.

I don't think I've ever let FOMO get me to the point where I've been taken advantage of. I guess I got lucky where all my beginning resources stressed the importance of not needing tools, so it really stuck in my head. I don't think I've ever purchased anything because of FOMO.

Unfortunately, yes. The main way that FOMO gets me is when I see people who have been brought up practicing or people who have easy access to their ancestral practices. As someone who's trying to reconnect, when I see other people who have reconnected or are further along in the process, I do feel a bit bad and frustrated with where I'm at, but it is something I am working on. I don't want it to prevent me from practicing

I haven't really experienced imposter syndrome in this area of my life yet. And I think that's just because I don't have a huge online witchy presence. But because I've experienced imposter syndrome in other areas of my life, one of the things I use to fight it, is to remind myself of all the work I've done to get to where I am

Oh god. I think I'd be Wiccan and I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing but most of my early books on witchcraft were written by Wiccan authors. If I didn't have online media, those Wiccan sources would be all I had because that's what my dad reads. I'm sure eventually, I would have found my way to Christian Witchcraft, but I think I would have never worked with the Norse gods and I would have missed all their lessons. Because my dad is into Gnosticism and Wicca, without online resources, I don't think I would have ever explored other routes

I think having an in person community is far more fruitful than an online one. Not that online spaces can't be important, but there's only so much connection you can get from behind a screen

Like I said above, I don't think I would have gone down the path I did if I didn't have an online community. It's how I learned about ancestor veneration, and folk magic, and it gave me a reading list outside of the stuff my dad reads.

I think the biggest danger to the capitalization of witchcraft is the appropriation of closed cultures and practices

I have not, and I don't know anyone who's been personally affected (to my knowledge)

Yes. If people are providing you services that they worked hard on, they should be compensated for their work. While I think knowledge should be readily accessible in general, it is still important to protect that knowledge as well as people's time and efforts. Especially in the world we live in where everything costs money. If people are providing a service, it's almost a necessity that they be duly compensated

Again, cross-reference and double-check everything

I wish people would talk more about how to do research. We're always telling people to do the research, but as I'm finding out just from group projects in college, most people don't know how to do research. And I think I'll make a quick and dirty guide to research at some point because this is something that's been bugging me for a while

I feel like I just need to interact more. I do a lot of lurking so I feel like my needs will be met once I start interacting

Honestly, I don't know. I think assuming the best out of people, not to the point of naivety but assuming good intentions.

Again assuming good intentions.

chaoticwitchaunt on YouTube is the main person I go to. Seeking Witchcraft (podcast) was a vital source for me as a beginner. I also like The Red Text (podcast) as well

I'd just encourage my mutuals and followers to comment and share their own experiences. I really want to be more engaged in this community so this is an attempt at doing so <3

[noodlemethis]

Realizations in 1 day - so many!

22 Sep 2023, watched a play- G*d is a woman. But the thoughts were not only related to this / didn't come out solely from this. I also had an enlightening conversation with Ms Serena via text.

It's not the answer that is useful or important, it's the whole process.

^regarding career, "finding" my career, "finding" myself. The pressure comes here too, where I'm supposed to figure it out and find something. But that answer is not the goal- no matter how much my body naturally is guiding me to believe that it is. The process is the goal.

Other revelations:

- Moving to Australia isn't an escape. It feels therefore different in my body compared to other "coping mechanisms". It's not an escape but a stepping into. I have to slowly learn how this different experience feels in my body and learn ways to tahan it

- this is a marked shift in how I was viewing Australia all along. An important one

- it's no longer the case that my usual way of surviving/ coping through the project called LIVING, can apply to the Aus process. My usual way has been to give myself short short goals and if I finish the goal I can completely rest relax and escape entirely until the next goal. But that's no longer viable here because it's just not an escape. It's a stepping into of an energy, it needs different way of approaching. The more I force myself to escape and chiong the more weird and fake I feel in my body/ in my day to day -- it feels confusing it's massive confusion.

- I think to some extent I created this narrative that I have to figure things out as a way to convince myself and the voice of appa in my head that it's a valid thing to do. Somehow quantified. I might need to stop drinking my own cool aid on this.

- artist isn't a job title but an identity. I bring my art with me to whatever job I do.

- there is so much queer community in Singapore. The play was miraculously not censored. That alone uplifted me. Seeing and hearing artists say what it is that I need to hear is so comforting , and reminds me why art saves. I love theatre.

- even censored art is worth making. It lives on beyond the work , into the future, and people see the whole picture or more of the picture than you expected to show them. Don't give up on the art. Let it flow and let them see what they will see.

- I am, in fact, hot as fuck. Sub points: a) queer spaces and wlw conversations do bring up thoughts of my last partner, which is normal and just what it's like to be me right now. Mindful noticing of the thoughts, not judging. B) she left me because she didn't want to be in relationship with someone. She also didn't want to admit that to herself or to me. She eventually waited until the situation "decided for her", in the sense that things got harder and so the instant gratification or escapism or joy of it got slightly harder to experience so that her body couldn't hold onto the pretense anymore and she was forced to slip away and honor the truth, that she didn't wanna be in a relationship. My body is still hot as fuck.

[freehim]

I'm too big of a mess in my heart to tell them how i truly feel

I'm so scared of telling them that whenever they make it a point to censor something r-18 because haha you're a minor, yes I am a minor but you know me well enough it's just sex. It's something that I know very well for a teenager. You don't have to make me the butt of the joke every single fucking time.

Because I feel bad. Everytime you second guess your words because I'm there. It's not fair. I just want to be treated like one of you guys. Like an adult. No matter how childish I act.

Everytime you change your words,it makes me feel awkward. It makes me feel ashamed for being alive. That because I exist,you get to make a fucking joke out of me. It makes me feel ashamed for thinking I was good enough to hang out with people. That Im actually not invited to join anything I was just...some uninvited rando that no one actually liked but wasnt willing to say no to. I really thought I was a friend.

I wish I was 11 again. When people online thought I was an adult because of how mature my words and thinking were. If I never said my age, people would've acted normal. Like they wanted me around and that I belonged. Instead of treating me like a fucking nuisance for showing up to something I wanted to be apart of. That you gracefully dangled in my face.

I hate how Twitter changed me at 12. It made me scared of adults. For making friends because I wasn't old enough. Because they think I'm not mature enough. Because I'm not good enough to be in anybody's company. Because I'm not good enough. Now everytime an underhanded comment comes from any older person I enjoy being around comes my way,it hurts. It goes straight into my heart. Because it reminds me too much of the times all my old adult friends left me because I was a fucking child. Because I wasn't mature enough. Because everyone wanted to show off how cool they were for putting an adult in jail.

All I wanted was for people to want me around unconditionally. Like people actually liked me. Like they wanted me to stay and not make fun of me for issues I don't know how to deal with and too scared to ask for help.

I'm afraid of being hated. I don't want people to hate me. But I don't know how to act anymore. To be alive anymore. I don't know how to ask for help because I never needed any until now. But everything is so scary.

I just wanna bury myself into the dirt and disappear with my conscience. Maybe then I'll know some sort of peace.

[savofid]

Guess I gotta do this whole CW thing despite the fact that no one is gonna read this. I'm gonna be talking about some traumatic stuff, mainly depression, suicide, sex, sexual abuse, and rape. No, I'm not gonna censor the words because to do so would be discounting their existence and the suffering that people have gone through.

I've come to what could be considered a realization about myself. Maybe it's been obvious the whole time and I'm just too stupid or blind to see it. When I was little, my older sister molested me on multiple occasions. I hate that I can't be mad about it because she was just acting out due to the abuse she was subjected to my her father. I wanna be mad at her. It really didn't help when I lived with her for 7 months back in 2018. What are we supposed to do, just pretend like it didn't happen? I spent years in therapy as a child and I don't think it even did anything. All I remember from it is being in the office, playing in a sandbox they had set up. I don't even remember whether my therapist was male or female, and I went there every week for 3 years. Because of my sister, I'll never enjoy a blowjob in my life. They feel good, sure, but I can't enjoy them. All I can think of is being molested the entire time. Whole lotta good that therapy did, huh?

When I was 12, another of my older sisters forced herself on me. Pinned me down on her bed and kissed me over and over again. I didn't even know what was going on, but eventually pushed her off of me and left the room. Later that summer, she made very serious allegations about me molesting HER. She nearly ruined my life, got me pulled out of my family and forced to live with a friend of mine, who ended up doing the same thing to me. At that point, what do I do? My only other option was going to live in a group home, and those are hell if you don't know.

But that's not the end of it, either. Shortly after high school, I started dating one of my little sister's friends. We were together for two years before I was able to end things. I've had 7 exes in the last 12 years, and she's the only one that I don't still love with at least a tiny piece of my heart. She raped me who knows how many times. God, this is so hard to talk about. Having trouble seeing what I'm writing through the tears. Just breathe.

Okay,

FUCK

Okay.

She'd take me back to her bedroom whenever she was in the mood, which was almost constantly. I may have been a 19 year old guy, but I'm not always in the mood. I'd tell her that I just wasn't up to it, but she'd keep going. "You're a boy, you're supposed to want it." "Look, you're already hard." "C'mon, don't be shy. You know you wanna have sex with me." "You love me, don't you?" I'd tell her I didn't want to, but that didn't matter, so I'd just shut up and let her have her way. Again, two YEARS of this before I managed to get away. It wasn't until I joined the military and started talking about her to the guys in basic training when I realized, "Oh, God. I'm a battered wife."

I'm 31 years old now and can't even enjoy sex anymore. What's wrong with me that people just want to make me a victim? Every time I've had sex with my most recent partner, I can't even get off and she doesn't believe me when I tell her that it's not her fault, but I can't tell her all of this. Every time I get close to summoning the courage to talk about it, she's either drunk and in a good mood, so I don't wanna spoil that (especially with what she's going through right now), or the moment feels wrong. I know it's fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being pitied. Fear of being seen as weak or lesser, when I'm supposed to be strong for her.

We had sex this past Monday. I've been in the throes of a mental breakdown since. I'm consumed by suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I wanna talk to her about it but she's been ignoring me. I don't know what to do.

[teaveetamer]

Them: They took us out of context!

The context BWIIDT didn't include: people in the server at the time calling it out for being uncomfortable, gross, and reminiscent of Nazi propaganda.

I censored the names with different colors. Here I have three members of the server calling it out at the time. There's at least two other people who called this out in this conversation but I didn't include them because I didn't feel like digging up those screenshots.

And you wanna know the kicker? Yeah this guy doesn't give a fuck. You know how I know this guy doesn't give a fuck? Because I talked to him about it directly months ago and here's what he said:

(Different display name because he's using a nickname in the Edelgard server, but I just took these and the pfp is the same obviously)

"Had someone mentioned that to me in the server I would have addressed it immediately" at least FIVE SEPARATE PEOPLE mentioned it in the server and your reaction was to threaten to fucking ban them!

So I'll just follow up with what I actually said directly to him about this shit [Context: this comes shortly after HE LITERALLY SAID TO MY FACE that Nabateans are alien invaders who deserve to be genocided]

Me: "Hey even if you're ignorant that what you were saying is Nazi shit I am trying to educate you as someone who's family has experienced this trauma so you can be better informed and more careful in your language so you don't accidentally perpetuate harmful things in your community" Response:"ThE fAsCiSt EdeLcRiTs ArE tRyiNg tO siLeNcE MEEEEEEEE". I'm not kidding. He literally called me a fucking fascist in his """"victory"""" lap announcement to the Edelgard discord server. After he told me I deserved to be harassed and I could go fuck myself. Like. Yikes.

And now here's the thing that gets me. Of course rn they're probably screaming about how the evil Edelcrit mooners are so mean, obsessed, discourse brain-rotted, etc. They don't seem to comprehend that people other than them can be affected by racism and xenophobia and sexism and queerphobia and want to call it out. They think we bring this stuff up because we're just obsessed with discourse and we want to "score points" on them. To them, whenever they bring up Social Issues(TM) it's because they caaaaaare but when we do it we're just identity politicking harpies who hate a PNG and them and want to destroy them.

If my end goal here was to "win" some kind of stupid discourse competition then trust me, I would have dumped every screenshot and recording I have into a google drive link and spammed it every second I could. I don't do that because, guess what, not everyone sees this as some kind of stupid sports game they can "win". My only goal is to get you to leave people the fuck alone already when they block you and tell you not to interact with them anymore. I want nothing to do with you guys and I am only forced to engage with you because you will not leave me the fuck alone.

I wasn't really planning on posting these screenshots. I have a post in my drafts where I explicitly tell an anon who asked that I wasn't going to. I'd really rather move on from all of this shit. But like, you know I've also had an anon trying very hard to sexually harass me for the last few days, and Raxy-poo whining about me because I had the audacity to tell him to stop block evading and reposting screenshots of my fucking blog onto his twitter. So yeah I'm kind of done at this point. I think all of us are. So anon, here you go, a sample of the shit they need to clean out of their house. I'm genuinely sick to my stomach knowing that this kind of thing goes unchallenged in a server for a series I love, and I'm disgusted that some people seem to think I would treat the rhetoric that led to the genocide of my family like a fucking game.

Edelstans: We love Edelgard because of her moral grayness! The people who like her "as a villain" just hate nuance and deliberately misread her character to make her simple and evil!

Edelstans:

[i-am-robie]

A note about following me & content

This evening I received a super polite ask requesting that I tag nsfw stuff. I’ve never had anyone ask me that before. My initial reaction was, omg absolutely, because if you don’t wanna see that on your dash I totally get that! And I thought I knew what post it was about. So I scrolled down my blog, found it, and added #nsfw.

And then I kept scrolling down my blog. There’s a lot of stuff that could be considered nsfw - most of it not really less explicit than the censored art I thought the ask was about. Whether it’s supercorp fan art or gif sets with, er, creative subtitles, or text posts, or sexy stories, or photo-manips, it’s all over my blog. I fully appreciate that some folks don’t wanna see that kind of stuff when they’re on tumblr (heck, there’s stuff I don’t wanna see, I get it), but scrolling through even just my posts from the last three days, I honestly had a hard time figuring out if there was other stuff this anon would want me to tag.

I want to curate good community and I want to be a respectful member of that community (and I think, so far, I’m able to do that more than I’m not), so I will try to tag nsfw in cases where the image needed to be censored to make it tumblr appropriate (like the thing I think prompted the ask). I’ve also added to my bio that I sometimes post nsfw stuff. And if this means that you don’t want to follow me, I totally get it, and I’m sorry about that, too.

All my love, robie.

[seeminglyseph]

I wanna have a boyfriend and spoil him and make him feel important and loved. And also get fucked hard, but mostly I wanna be aggressively affectionate and take care of someone who genuinely cares about me in return you know? Who is like grateful, and looks at me with affection (maybe lust) and enjoys my company and me as a person, not just things I can do for him. Like I do wanna do things for people but I don't want that alone to be the reason they like me. I've gotten very tired of that. I want him to still like me if I have a month where I'm sick and need the affection instead. I want us to take care of each other and stuff?

Mostly I'm just very lonely and it's probably pretty sad that my fantasy is like "attracted to me physically in as much as they feel sexual attraction" and "actually likes and values me as a peraon"

But also boy can I count on one hand the amount of people who have liked me genuinely for me. And didn't use shame and emotional abuse to mold me into the manic pixie dream girl they actually wanted.