#i don't try to pass as a man bc i can't so this is huge for me.

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

coming back the next day to my blog terrified of reactions and yea I worry this will get swept under the rug and be made into a non issue

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

correctly gendered by random old man hippie bc i am a fellow 'long haired man' 🥺 ??? 🥰.

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who's lived a hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[myysaints]

Hi there! I have this silly idea where yuki is y/n (established - actress,singer etc) biggest fan and when lando and y/n officially confirmed their relationship, yuki on his quest to make sure that max will treat y/n right. Lando (borderline amused and annoyed) still try to prove himself to yuki bcs y/n is very fond of him (and provide great entertainment for her). I know this quite ridiculous and would understand if you declined it :)

°˖ ⊹ ꒰ LN4 ꒱ TREAT HER RIGHT─ LANDO NORRIS

LANDO NORRIS x f!singer!reader

genre — fluff

notes — thank you so much for the request! it was not at all ridiculous, i absolutely love this dynamic between lando and yuki !!! ik your request mentioned max, not sure if that was a typo? hopefully i got it right by going with lando :> hope u enjoy this one !!! xx (edit: LOL just realised i called u anon when your user is there TT so sorry bout that!!!)

landonorris

Liked by yourusername, yukitsunoda0511, danielricciardo, and 7,118,249 others

🏷  yourusername

landonorris   the sweetest melody i've ever known ❤️

view all 3,741,822 comments

danielricciardo   congrats lovebirds 🎉🕊

yourusername   miss you already :(

yourusername   don't mind me, just appreciating the sweetest boy ever... ❤️❤️❤️

yourusername   can't wait to see you soon !!!

yourusername   gonna write a whole album about how much i love u

landonorris   I'd love that

mclaren   Can't wait to see you in the paddock, yourusername ;)

Liked by yourusername, landonorris

If Lando had known this would happen, he’d have never made that Instagram post.

“YOU’RE DATING WHO?!”

The Japanese driver in front of him whirls around in his seat, eyes wide and mouth hung open in askance.

It’s rare that Yuki speaks to Lando; after all, their language and cultural barrier makes conversation difficult. But this is an entirely different situation altogether.

Lando grins sheepishly, casting a look towards Charles, who stands beside him. The Monegasque merely chuckles, leaning forward in his seat to peer at Yuki.

“So, do you know Y/N?” Charles asks with a cheeky smile.

“Do I know Y/N?!” Yuki is practically leaping out of his seat, his excitement causing the other drivers in the area to glance back at the commotion. “Of course I do! She’s the best singer of all time! I always listen to her songs!”

“Oh, are we talking about Y/N L/N?” Pierre, passing by, cuts in, “Yuki loves her. Has a huge crush on her and everything.”

Lando spreads his palms out, grinning. “Guess I’ll have to keep Yuki away from her when she comes to the paddock, hmm?”

The way Yuki’s eyes light up in glee doesn’t go unnoticed, the Alpha Tauri driver’s face breaking out into an uncontrollable grin.

“You’re bringing her! When? Where?!”

“Calm down, mate,” Lando laughs, leaning back in his seat. His heart flutters at the thought of you in McLaren colours, proudly representing him and his team in the paddock, for the world to see. He clears his throat, trying to stop the furious reddening of his cheeks. “You’ll see her at Suzuka. No rush.. I know my girlfriend's quite the catch - but so am I, right?”

At this, Yuki seemingly goes quiet.

Lando raises an eyebrow. “Yuki…? You okay there?”

A moment of silence passes before Yuki gets up, motioning for Lando to follow him. With a wary look towards an equally-confused Charles and Pierre, who both only shrug in response, Lando follows Yuki towards a quieter corner.

Once they reach a secluded spot, Yuki’s eyes darken, his smile dropping instantly. The shift in atmosphere is undeniable. Lando's never seen Yuki this serious, not even after the Spanish Grand Prix. In all honesty: It scares him.

“Lando,” Yuki says, his voice steeled and brows furrowed. “I like you. I think you’re funny, and you’re a good driver-”

“Hey, thanks man,” he jokes. The attempt at keeping the mood light, however, doesn’t work in the slightest.

“-But, look, listen, if you ever think of hurting her-”

“Sorry, are we talking about Y/N?” Lando’s head tilts in confusion.

“Yes, Y/N. If you ever hurt her,” Yuki continues, ignoring the shocked look on Lando’s face. “If you ever try to hurt her, just know that I will never forgive you. Ever. Do you understand?”

“I-” Lando shakes his head, his cheeks going pink. How do you even respond to that? “-Well, yeah, mate, of course. I only want the best for her. Really, I do.”

“Okay, good. 'Cause I’ll be watching you.” Yuki straightens up, a satisfied smile on his face. “Well, I’ll see you around, then! I will look forward to Suzuka.”

And, with a playful punch to the arm, Yuki is off, leaving Lando stunned at what just happened.

So, when Suzuka rolls around, true to his word, Lando shows up to the paddock with you on his arm.

The sight has Yuki running over instantly, a large bashful smile on his face as he greets you enthusiastically.

“Hi! You must be Yuki,” you smile softly, quietly amused at his enthusiasm. “Lando’s told me all about you.”

That was true - Immediately after Lando’s little… altercation, as one might call it, with Yuki, he’d texted you in a frantic hurry. It was, in all honesty, endearing, and incredibly funny. You’d teased Lando about it relentlessly in the days after. Plus, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t used the Alpha Tauri driver’s words as leverage; referencing Yuki’s threat to get Lando to pick up some cupcakes, to let you pick the movie for date nights, and so on.

Lando hums in response, watching with an amused smile as Yuki almost trips over his feet trying to shake your hand. “Y/N, this is Yuki. And Yuki, this is… Well, you already know who she is.”

Yuki’s eyes are blown wide in amazement as he shakes your hand, his grip firm and his smile bright. “Wow, it’s so cool that you’re here! I love your new song, it’s already one of my favourites!”

You share a smile with Lando, who squeezes your side in a playful ‘I-told-you-so’ motion.

“Thank you so much, Yuki, that’s so sweet of you! Tell you what - If you let Lando past in the race, I’ll send you a signed copy of my new album, free of charge, before it even drops. How 'bout that?”

Yuki lets out a loud laugh, shaking his head. "No way! Maybe if Lando lets me through in quali today."

You exchange a grin with your boyfriend, who shakes his head in amusement.

"Alright, it was great seeing you, Yuki. Good luck out there," Lando fist bumps the smaller driver, who waves at you before departing with a pep in his step.

Lando's hand finds yours as you walk back to the McLaren motorhome.

"So, that was Yuki..."

"Yep," he nods in response, popping the 'p'. "What'd you think of him?"

You smile cheekily. "You sure it was him who threatened you that time? He seems so sweet!"

Lando scoffs, shaking his head despite the amused smirk that sneaks up on his face. "You haven't seen him when he's angry. He's a menace on the track, I'll tell you that."

The bright laugh that leaves your lips makes Lando's heart skip a beat, heat rising to his face at the look of joy you send his way. You never cease to make his heart flutter.

"Well, finish in the points, and maybe I'll put in a good word to Yuki then, hmm?"

"Alright, muppet. You can count on that."

"Well..."

You're lying on the bed in Lando's hotel room, his trophy sitting tall and proud on the dresser in front of you.

It's been a crazy past 24 hours. In just this one day, you've witnessed perhaps one of the greatest drives of Lando's career, and at your first ever race, on top of that.

Lando wraps you in his arms, flipping the both of you around so that you lie atop his chest.

You smile he gazes up at you, his chest rising and falling to the steady beating of his heart. You feel so at home in these moments, the in-between spaces of time where you have him all to yourself; no races to win, no cameras to look out for. Just you and him, and the spaces in between your fingers.

You laugh softly as he nudges his face into your neck. "Well, what?"

"Well, you still gotta thank Yuki," he replies, his voice muffled in the crook of your neck. "He let me by on the second last lap. Probably would've lost out on P3 if not for that."

You chuckle, instinctively reaching a hand up to play with his curls. Lando hums lowly, leaning into your touch.

"Thought you were scared of him?" you tease, a playful smile toying on your lips.

"Well, yeah," he mutters out, his tone of voice cheeky, a smile pressed against your skin. "Gotta stay on his good side."

That elicits a giggle from you, and he pulls away from your touch to look up at your smiling face. He cups a hand around your face and pulls you down into a kiss, the two of you breathless when you resurface for air.

"I'll send him a signed CD later," you mumble, leaning back down for another searing kiss. "But I don't wanna think 'bout him right now."

An appreciative hum leaves Lando's lips. "Why not?" he teases, pulling away with a knowing twinkle in his eye.

Your reply has his breath caught in his throat.

"'Cause all I wanna think about is you."

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[wispstalk]

Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.

Finding game:

- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.

- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.

- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!

Actually hunting:

- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.

- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.

- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.

- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.

- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.

Big game:

- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?

- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.

- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage

- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.

Small game:

- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.

- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.

- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.

Processing:

- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.

- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.

- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.

- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.

- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.

- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.

- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.

That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it

[just-jordie-things]

I have a idea so like, there this challenge, it like the kid tells their mom to shut up, and see what the dad does

And I wondering if you could do

Toji, Gojo, Geto, Choso, Sukuna, and Nanami, and who whoever else u want to do

Hopefully you like the idea thank you!

definitely some crack head canons but i love crack content and barely write it myself so lets go for it !!

FUSHIGURO TOJI

as annoyed as you'd be with your kid for being disrespectful, you're instantly scooping up the brat and holding them to your chest bc toji is booking it from across the house.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY YOU LITTLE SHIT?"

your kid is crying instantly (from guilt- bc they know better than to talk to you that way- and now their dad is going to going to raise hell)

they're wailing about how sorry they are- "I didn't mean it mommy!" over and over- it's almost annoying

toji thinks that must come from you because where else would the brat learn to take accountability pfft

he probably stuffs their mouth with soap and they'll never speak to you that way again.

GETO SUGURU

in an au where geto isn't a mass murderer...

if he hears your child tell you to shut up, he instinctively straightens up and tells them to "knock it off!" in that classic dad tone

probably goes for a time out session- but if your kid's especially bratty then he's gonna make their life hell. by that i mean the most brutal torture of all- no phone, no tv, and no hanging out with friends for the week. *shiver*

but your kid's a good kid, they just had a nasty moment and let their words get ahead of them. so that night they're knocking at our door and telling you they're sorry.

geto doesn't want to lift the grounding, but you're a fair ruler in this household and grant your kid their little freedoms :)

GOJO SATORU

just for kicks- this one will be megumi centered, bc i love bratty little megumi heh heh heh

when he tells you to shut up, he hadn't even thought twice about it. it's not like he had a filter.

he also hadn't really meant it, it was sarcastic of course, because megumi actually liked you- but he'd never admit it.

(you were the lesser of two evils when it came to gojo)

but the words come out and in the next second he's dangling in the air, suspended there with Gojo's hand firmly wrapped around his ankle.

you're squealing, scolding the childish man to "put him down!" but he's not listening.

the brat tried to hurt your honor after all. and he must defend it.

"apologize to my wife, brat! or face punishment"

("i'm not your wife, satoru" "hush, wife" *eye roll*)

megumi's thrashing around, little fists swinging and missing as he tries to attack the blindfolded idiot

"go on. keep fighting. all the blood will rush to your lil' noggin and then you'll pass out. i'm sure that's a pleasant feeling"

you can't stand by and let this go on, so with a sigh you pull megumi away from satoru, and place him upright on the ground

"those techniques may work on other eight year olds, 'gumi, but you'll have to try harder if you want to take on a big oaf like him"

"hey!"

"okay" megumi agrees with a nod, before mumbling an apology for his previous rudeness, and running off with pink cheeks.

CHOSO

as soon as the kid says it-

blank stare.

the table you'd previously been eating dinner at goes completely silent, with your kid and Choso trapped in their eye contact

you also don't know what to say, so you're also trapped in this silence

your kid's eyes are round, huge, blown wide with fear. a deer caught in headlights.

and choso's expression is perfectly neutral, not a single crease or twitch giving in to any sort of expression.

it's more menacing than a sneer.

if you'd been chewing, you'd be choking by now.

at first, your kid's so quiet that you don't realize they're speaking, until choso's voice comes out, clear and monotone.

"properly, now"

your kid turns to you, their face laced with guilt for being so rude to you.

"i'm sorry, mommy, i didn't mean it"

"better" choose huffs

"it's alright, little one," you assure them kindly. "i forgive you"

the awkwardness lasts for the rest of dinner, but that's just chose being protective and wanting his kid to learn their manners

RYOMEN SUKUNA

sorry but your kid is gone ¯\ (ツ) /¯

he'll get you another one.

NANAMI KENTO

oof. this man is going to deliver a three hour lecture on respecting parents, respecting women, and respecting you specifically.

your kid probably doesn't even remember why they'd said it by the time he's done.

it's the perfect punishment really. your kid walks away learning something and also goes straight to bed because now it's quite late.

he's proud of himself ofc, he's done a good thing. he made a good move as a father and also made sure your kid knew just how much to value and respect you.

you- who's asleep at the table because maybe his lecture was a little too much.

oh well, he thinks as he carries you to bed. surely your kid will tell you all about it tomorrow when they apologize.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

I just got to reading a translation of "The wooing of Emer" online. Why is no-one (especially the online encyclopedias) talking about the fact Emer is fomorian?

why aren't the online encyclopaedias talking about it: bc they are not that useful for medieval irish literature most of the time, tbh, being heavily simplified and reliant on secondary sources that are often themselves not particularly reliable (although there have been efforts to improve some pages inc. wikipedia pages). loads of fun details missing from them, always

why isn't anyone else talking about it: eh. probably two main reasons

there's a lot of it around. cú chulainn's got a fomorian grandma (on lug's side) and no one ever really talks about that either. it's not that big a deal. i'm sure he's not the only one; can't throw a rock around here without hitting someone with a fomorian uncle or something. there's a lot more overlap / interaction between them and the tuatha dé danann than a simple oppositional binary would suggest, and family trees get fucky in general. being related to the fomoire doesn't automatically = being fomorian yourself bc belonging and kin-groups and stuff are a bit more complicated than that

i'm pretty sure it's only mentioned in tochmarc emire and only in passing and not directly in relation to emer herself, so it's easily overlooked even if you're dealing with that text and a lot of people will be dealing with other texts. it's also only in the later, longer redaction of the text and not in the earliest one, although so are a lot of things. if the authors thought it was important as part of her heritage -- whether they saw it as a good or a bad thing -- they would bring it up more often, but TE seems to be the only one that bothers to give background information about forgall's family tree, so mostly it looks like they think it's not that relevant. (although as it is not a particular focus of mine, it's entirely possible it comes up somewhere else and i just haven't noticed)

e.g. you might expect it to come up in fled bricrenn but it doesn't

sidenote: why the fuck henderson translations "ben ind fir as dech" as "wife of the best wight" i have no idea. it's just "fer"! it's just man! why are you trying to make cú chulainn sound even weirder than usual! it's a mystery to me. other than the fact it's from 1899 and people did whatever they wanted at that point tbh

(the parenthetical explaining the meaning of "Manach" is also editorial and not in the Irish; the meaning "tricky" may be more suitable bc it might have something to do with clessa, but that's getting into my friend emmet's in-progress research so i won't delve deeper there)

also, tethra, who is supposedly forgall's uncle in TE and who is described in the text as a "king of the fomoire" is a bit of a weird one iirc and there's potentially more going on with him than that phrasing suggests, although i can't remember the details and that's getting into cath maige tuired territory, at which point you're better off asking @margridarnauds bc it's not a topic i know a huge amount about

finally i'll be honest another factor is probably that there hasn't been a huge amount written about emer as a character. there's been a lot written about texts that she's in and her function there, but less on her just like, as a person (bc medieval celtic studies is a very small field, there are a lot of texts and characters, and there hasn't been that much written about anyone really). so lots of things don't get talked about. doesn't mean they're not worth talking about. just means nobody's got around to it yet.

[madame-fear]

Omg those three following Luke and y/n around would be like straight out of a sitcom! Those three losers antics to avoid being seen increase in ridiculousness as the night goes on. You see tall as hell Aemond trying to hide behind a tiny plant, you’ve got Jace ripping a newspaper/magazine out of some poor unsuspecting souls hands and tries to hide his face behind it, and then there’s Aegon literally diving into the fountain to avoid being spotted (ended up creating a huge scene bc it’s a fountain Aegon, what’s wrong with you?). Things get wild after the fountain bc now these three hooligans have mall security trailing them after causing such a public disturbance 🤣 and the shenanigans continue

Bonus points, Luke and y/n obviously see everything and go from doing cute couple things to increasingly weirder stuff just to get hilarious/confused reactions from the guys!

THEY ARE THE TREE MUSKETEERS OF FAILURE. They literally do look like taken out of a sitcom! 😭

I can imagine them doing the most weird, inconvenient shit just to get a little peek of whatever the hell Luke and you are doing out on your evening date together. For example, to pass unrecognised, they will literally enter the fucking shopping mall with sunglasses at night.

Hell, and that's not enough! I know Jace and Aemond would send Aegon to enter with sunglasses to one of the stores both Luke and you entered just to spy on you and don't be recognised by anyone. Though of course, he gets stared at more than he should because... sunglasses?? Inside a shopping mall store while visiting at night time??? hello????? Ofc one of the workers of the store suspect of him and forces him out, but he's not a robber, he's — all of them are — just dumb. And their excuses are even worse.

“Sir, may I ask, why are you wearing glasses inside the store?” “You wouldn't get it. People make too much eye contact with me and that just drains too much my energy and good vibes—” “Okay, sir, are you going to buy something or not? Otherwise get the hell out of here or I'm calling security on you.”

They ended up calling security on them, sooner or later. Their silly mode just got even more intense, to the point they had to escape from the claws of the shopping mall security.

Why? because they had no other better idea than to cause disturbance around the mall. When spotting both Luke and you hanging around the mall holding hands or entering a store or whatever, Aemond would hide in a tiny plant that's not even half the size of him, Jace rips the newspapers from an elderly man's hands only to read the news backwards while trying to hide his face behind of it, and Aegon just... dives into the mall's fountains, provoking an absolute mess of water all around him, and getting wet himself. So, since they are public disturbance — ESPECIALLY Aegon —, they all had to do a great runaway from the mall security, passing as three lunatics... while Luke and you stared from afar, laughing your asses off at these idiots.

But the security mall was never enough to stop them! They left the shopping for a while — while complaining to themselves like whiny bitches bc they can't spy on you —, only to return afterwards and spot that you two were still in the shopping mall! And you stood there, knowing they'd return. So you decide to fuck around them for a while more. From going to drink something at a random mall's coffee shop together while holding hands and kissing and calling each other sweetly sickening nicknames just to briefly stare at them holding their shit from afar and fangirling like little girls, to going together to the bathroom stalls and messing each other's clothings and makeups to make it look like you had something intimate in there. The last one would make them just stare at each other with a pale ass face, proceeded by public fangirl-gushing and whisper-shouting to themselves at what the hell did you just do.

Nor Lucerys nor you are stupid, so you like going to dates more often than you should just for the fun of messing around these three goofballs. It's like a hobby now.

♡ taglist : ♡

@jjamieberry @anemicroyalcore @countsmoon @tickle-euphoria @beeebo234 @manuholland6 @capellaadara @kyuupidwrites @tchatso @dopepersonacloudllama @phantasyy @tasty-nutella

[yakuzacanons]

Hello there 🌷

I really appreciate your work 💖 enjoying every single post hehe ☺️

Can I request hcs, how the boys would react when they find out that s/p has cheated on them? (like s/o has been lonely bc the boys are always busy...) Thank you in advance. Have a nice day 🍀

Sorry for the late response, this one is going to be tricky. I don't think there's really ever a good reason to cheat so I won't be justifying why the boys get cheated on, but I will cover how they react to it. Having said that, this one will be fairly brief but I hope you like it. Headcanons below the cut as always.

Also, first time introducing Shinada to the gang. Get hyped.

Kazuma Kiryu

Disappointed more than anything. Kiryu doesn't ask for much and always does his best and in the end he will blame himself for your infidelity. He won't outright end things but he'll never be the same. Eventually, he will break it off down the line as he feels the trust is shattered and no matter how much time has passed, he can't shake the feeling that it could happen again.

Majima Goro

Hope you're ready to get ghosted if you cheat on this man because that is absolutely what will happen. The second Majima finds out, he's gone. You won't see or hear from him again. There's no if, and, or but about it. After all it took for him to open up and trust you, you broke him. That's exactly what he was always afraid of and you just proved him right.

Akiyama Shun

Goes straight into denial mode. Might actually BEG you to stay because he'll blame himself for not giving you enough. Mostly, he blames his trauma from past relationships. Chances are you won't hear from him for a couple of days because he'll go into a little depression hermit crisis mode. He'll stick around to try to make it work but you can tell his energy is totally sapped from the relationship.

Saejima Taiga

Doesn't get mad, just gets distant. Out of all the boys, he's most likely to try to forgive you for this. He may even actually "get over it", in a sense that the thought of it doesn't upset him much anymore. However, he will be noticeably more distant. He won't call or text as much and when he does, his replies will be much shorter. He'll be less open with you.

Tanimura Masayoshi

Gets dejected as hell. He knows he's a busy man but damn if he didn't try his best only for it not to be enough. Very inexperienced with love and chances are you are his first or second relationship ever, so it's a huge blow to him. Will try to hide how upset he feels to make things work but he's terrible at hiding it. Cries himself to sleep when he first finds out.

Ryuji Goda

He'll just break up with you on the spot. If you're living together, he'll arrange for one of his employees to pack your things and drive you into Sotenbori. He won't even see you out the door. He is hurt but it's more so that he feels all the work he's put into the relationship was a waste of time and Ryuji hates to waste his time and energy. Moves on the quickest out of all the boys.

Nishikiyama Akira

Will never stop asking why, even if he stops asking you directly and out loud, he will never stop wondering why it happened. It's a huge blow to his confidence. He will become much more timid because he's afraid of doing something that will cause you to cheat again because he thinks it's his fault. Will likely ghost you slowly over time.

Daigo Dojima

He'll cry when he's entirely alone. Things are so hard for Daigo as is. He is trying very hard to not let this break him. Will try to salvage the relationship but he's also not trusting of you at all so it'll end up being a sleeping-in-separate rooms situation, all the while he stares at the ceiling late at night wishing it could be the way it was again. Daigo genuinely panics and feels trapped, wondering what he could've done, if he can prevent this from happening, and if he even wants to bother trying anymore. The chances of him leaving you are low, so he'll likely let himself get cheated on again unfortunately.

Mine Yoshitaka

King of giving you the cold shoulder. He won't shut you out entirely but if you want to fix things, you will have to WORK at it. Mine's logically driven so he'll be watching to see if you can prove that this relationship is what you want. It's basically like winning his heart over from the very start all over again.

Tatsuo Shinada

Only one of the boys to cry outright upon hearing the news. Will be inconsolable. Cries loud and hard. He'll let you decide what to do with the relationship because once this happens, he just doesn't care anymore. He's so dejected and hurt that if you wanted to leave, it wouldn't bother him because he's already feeling his lowest. If you decide to stay, it will take a LOT of reassurance to get him back to himself in any capacity.

[edmarienism]

I'm gonna go on a rant so if you wanna ignore this it's fine but I just need to say this.

wilnur going on a trip to bali.... do you think #Those people are gonna start writing think pieces and then also threaten her to kill herself too? or is that just something exclusive for edvin. edvin is a piece of shit for working with a potentially zionist director (whose whole zionism summarizes into following israhell accounts and nothing more) but she gets a pass for talking about israhell TWICE on her public account. not even gonna mention the fact that the same people who decided to boycott the movie are now making edits about it. no one even bothers to even remotely give a fuck about omar repetitively working with yslbeauty.

I'll be honest and say I don't think any of these stuff are things that we should cancel either of these people for. I think wilnur is very ignorant and in general just very unaware of the consequences of what she posts online. edvin just agreed to do a movie because he can't say no to ppl at all (we know he didn't intend to take that role) and bc he probably liked felicia and wanted to do something to please her (again we know he recommended her for that role) and then just continued to promote the shit out of both her and that director bc the yr fanbase was the main thing they were counting on for the success of that movie and now the movie was being boycotted exactly by that same fanbase, but I don't think that man is a zionist. he's a very controversial figure and a shitty person overall, but I don't think he's exactly a zionist. and omar just wants to make some money and maybe also get his name out there in the beauty/skin care world. and the bali thing is just ridiculous, not because it's not a real issue and it's not affecting people's lives, but because expecting celebrities -particularly edvin and omar- whose main reason for publicly advocating for palestine the past year has been to save their asses from being called out and not actually because they know anything about zionism or find themselves particularly concerned with the issue is just unrealistic and even laughable a bit. there's sooooo many activists and so many people talking about palestine everyday and still barely anything happens or helps. (no one even calls out edvin and omar to post about palestine anymore, most ppl themselves aren't posting anything either). in comparison, the bali thing is very little heard of; it doesn't excuse it, but rich celebrities living in stockholm are never gonna give a fuck about what is happening in bali of all places.

this fandom has such a huge fake woke/moral superiority/hypocrisy/copying-each-other's-moves-like-sheep issue.

a bunch of spineless people who can never get themselves to stand for anything, who can never give everyone the same treatment and who only speak up about things to make themselves feel more educated and better and superior than everyone else. it's funny they accuse edvin of talking eloquently to make himself look more educated and smarter than what he actually is, but then them themselves are even worse; just a bunch of losers who use activism when it benefits them and ignore it when it doesn't.

and before people try to make me look like im saying all of this to essentially say 'oh edvin is such a victim 💔 edvin deserves an apology 💔 poor edvin 💔' that's not the fucking point! in fact in some ways I feel like edvin deserved all of this, if only to learn that people pleasing and doing things for the sake of keeping people happy and not disappointing them is gonna ruin his life if he doesn't do something about it soon. the turkey thing happened bc he wanted to please rojda and lisa without knowing anything about the politics of it himself, the zionism thing happened bc he agreed to a shitty project bc he can't say no to anyone and bc he wanted to buy the love of a woman he had a crush on, so maybe he deserves all of this to learn a lesson out of it, idk. I'm just tired of this fandom acting like they're such educated activists when in fact they're the exact opposite. the stink of hypocrisy in this fandom is getting very tiring to stand.

well the big difference is that nobody cares about or stans wilnur where as most people are/were big fans of edvin.. so there's no need to overthink it like this imo

that being said, the "fake woke/moral superiority/hypocrisy/copying-each-other's-moves-like-sheep issue" like u said is still obviously my biggest problem with yrtwt as well lmao

[traumxrei-archive]

【 book 6 pt. 2 thoughts ! (4) 】

woagh a whole post for JUST 6-66 ?? more likely than you think !! (also this is legit just 6-66 until the 14th node / sector 6 for each group bc. it was getting so long)

[ spoilers for 6-66 under the cut ! ]

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[ about : pome tower, START ! ]

ok i'm starting off with pomefam after playing eenie meenie miney moe bc ya boi indecisive. it's quite interesting that the door to the elevator didn't open, considering ortho said he would "play" with all of them. ok omg nvm the door opened.

the fact that ortho's quantifying everyone's resistance against their plan as a part of a game, as a part of "NRC quest", despite the fact that they will SURELY die first if the phantoms are released into the world... it's kinda morbid, bc it shows that ortho can't think that far into the future, and sees the world in an undeniable black and white. (also...what the hell is idia thinking ? trying to free og ortho ???)

o man, not star rogue again :'))) the way i died SO FAST from the bullets ough. but i think we're supposed to Not Beat It. and vil being like "the insufferable way you're speaking reminds me of idia..." and ortho's like all sunshine and rainbows because "i take after my brother, hehe~" like guys. help.

....ME WHEN I'M STRUGGLING WITH STAR ROGUE AGAIN. i swear to god i'm just bad at dodging when the boss is there T^T update: after playing this shit a fourth time, I WON !!

[ about : pomefam's heart to heart (?) ]

ok ppl might think that vil is being harsh, but literally everyone else kinda had their vice housewarden / second in command put in charge in their absence (jade, trey, kalim, ruggie...) but pome's only got rook. and even then, rook left someone else in charge in the middle of all the chaos. as a vice housewarden, rook's responsibility was towards making sure that the pomefiore students were okay + running the dorm in vil's stead until he returns.

and the way he scolds epel n yuu too, obviously he's not saying it because he wants to berate them. it's mostly because had something went wrong (and there was a HIGH chance of something going wrong) then it probably would've been epel or yuu who got hurt...

he makes a distinction between what he says as housewarden and as vil schoenheit and sniff. he was HAPPY. oughhh he was so happy to see them wtf and people say that vil hates epel and rook ?? guys where is your proof, look at how happy he is to see them !!

guys. i'm not saying anything. but i'm also saying everything. bc A HUG AND KISS FROM VIL SCHOENHEITTTT OUGH UGH AUGH *minecraft damage noises* guyssss the hearts the hearttttttsssss the way he kissed yuuuu aaaaaa

this line has me passing aaawwwwayyyyyyy aaaaaaaaa

(also i've noticed, vil stopped correcting epel's accent !! he swaps between the formal speech and his accent a bunch of times and vil's just chilling. probably because they don't have their deal anymore from back when sdc was a thing.)

[ about : epel's UM talk ]

i love just how proud rook and vil are of epel's achievements in STYX ^^ like, they very obviously manifested their own UMs earlier than epel, but they don't judge, and instead they're just very elated for him >:DD rook being disappointed that his eyes weren't cameras bc he wanted to show vil epel's UM awakening is such a mood jskfjkdsf

[ about : phantoms ]

lowkey, the first phantoms are tiny ? are these how normal phantoms are supposed to look ? bc all the ob gang's phantoms are HUGE and they have real bodies too, not just the blot head or whatever the glass vial part is called. (also i think the bottom phantom might be based off king midas ? crown and gold bars n all. idk about the first guy)

[ about : the underworld ]

"it's easy to get into the underworld, but once you're in, there's no getting out." does that mean that somehow og ortho got through the door of the underworld ? and bc they can't open the door, they couldn't get him out ever ? i think it's true bc og ortho says "everyone's gonna be so surprised when i make my return." meaning he's probably been waiting for a chance to escape this whole time.

[ about : grim sniff ]

I MISS GRIM....WHERE IS SON.... the way they're talking about him,,,they're all so endeared and they hope he's okay. rook reassuring yuu that grim wasn't conscious when he attacked them bc he knows grim would never attack yuu. and grim being picky about getting his nails trimmed,,,,just like a cat frrrr

[ about : rookvil first meeting lore...? ]

NOT US GETTING LORE COCKBLOCKED BY ANOTHER CONTAINMENT FACILITY— I'LL BE COMING BACK HERE WHEN THEY FINALLY TELL THE STORY

[ about : second trial ]

HUHH ??? ORTHO KIDNAPPED A PERSON AND LOCKED THEM UP WITH A KEYCARD ??? THE FUCKKKKKK—

ok wait let's think calmly. how the hell did underworld ortho manage to grab someone...? all researchers are either at HQ or fleeing to the edge of the city, so how did he conveniently get someone AND manage to lock them in a phantom cage..... the charon's could've helped ig but they're all set to terminate so this is sus indeed....

I FUCKENKNEW IT !! SHE WAS A PHANTOM WHO'S ACTING ALL ALONG !! as we progress further down, we're gonna meet bigger and more dangerous phantoms, so it makes sense that some phantoms are able to mimic a human's cries for help in order to trick them. and they're growing more sentient too, she could voice her thoughts.

[ about : earth titan ]

wowowowow talk about scary looking !! tbh its interesting that there's three elements for earth, water, and fire, but no null phantom (e.g. a light or dark phantom).

[ about : thunderspear !! ]

tbh it looks so fucken sick like i would want to have one of these irl. also i love how the code is titanomachia,,,,all the mythology parallels are NOT escaping me. titanomachia was the series of wars between the titans and the olympians, so it's fitting that they're fighting the earth titan with "jupiter's spear".

[ about : pomefam celebration !! ]

LET'S GAURRRR THEY DID ITTT !! also not epel's stomach grumbling skull emoji,,,,,it HAS been hours since they've had food but it's so funny :')))) i hope they have a good and restful picnic after all that hard work they went through <333

✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

[ about : azurid tower, START ! ]

ooo it's interesting to hear that blot can interfere with using magic,,,,azul mentions that they can't use flight magic due to blot density... also i absolutely love how the beginning is legit azul just having a monologue jKSJDFKSJS my boy i love you <333 and riddle just. not listening. and going ahead....i wonder if this team is gonna be okay. they seem to be the type to disagree a lot so what would happen...?

azul: hmm, why would ortho make the elevator turn on ? what an obvious trap that even an idiot will avoid....

riddle, not an idiot: so the enemy is offering us a way into their stronghold....alright, i accept their challenge

azul: NO WAIT—

god not riddle. getting riled up enough to try and blast through the doors as if they aren't about to encounter monsters left and right after they clear the elevators :'))))) riddle i love you and all, but your foresight needs work.

[ about : will they ever stop arguing ? ]

help me please someone stop them from arguing for one second before they get blasted into pieces or something sniff :')))) bc this exchange was about to make me throw my phone sjkfjskdf like guys. there's merit in what both of you are saying, but i'm the type to be more cautious so i agree with azul on this one, riddle TT^TT

at this point both their prides are gonna get in the way of making sound judgements, riddle might run himself dry on magic, and azul's gonna have to help him out or else they both d word. they're both leaders, so obviously none of them prefer to take orders from others.

[ about : riddle got hurt ]

arghhh what kind of fanfiction trope kdrama arc are they having rn !! the arguing, and then riddle getting injured but still insisting that he did it bc he has to protect azul, and then azul getting angry bc he doesn't want to be seen as dead weight, and wants to be seen as equals....give these guys an oscar already :')))

[ about : AZUL.... ]

NOT HIM CALLING RIDDLE WEAK AND THEN HARDHEADED WITHIN THE SPAN OF TWO SECONDS.....

[ about : researcher ]

omg there's a legit researcher in here this time, and ortho used one of the armored dudes to get her down there.....interesting indeed, he's already willing to hurt innocent people who AREN'T standing in his way just to play his game.

[ about : magma titan ]

them working together to spear down the magma titan...about damn fucking time :')))))) riddle aiming while azul keeps it steady bc he's stronger !!! finallyyy !!!! teamwork !!!

[ about : !! their celebration !! ]

THEY'RE SO HAPPY WAHHH !! riddle screaming for joy and azul joining him omg please this is the teamwork i was looking for >:DD they highfived ?? or hugged or something ?? friendship is actually friendshipping frrrr and then instantly being reminded of their image and springing apart,,,,typical of them two T^T

✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦ ✧ ✦

[ about : leojami ]

and finally, team leojami is last. first of all, NOT LEONA YEETING ONE OF JAMIL'S HAIR ACCESSORIES DOWN TARTARUS ???? HELP MEEEE ????? JAMIL'S FACE. HE LOOKS SO NOT PLEASED. also i love how fake jamil's comeback was and how leona's outright "i don't buy that shady ass smile for a SECOND—"

and oh ?? the doors to their elevators was open ?? these two are the smart-asf duo, so the fact that they knew ortho was waiting for them doesn't surprise me. (also even with no obligation, jamil keeps trying to protect leona. like leona's more than capable but ig his past tutelege is popping out rn)

NAH. tell me why leona just threatened to rip out the shrouds' hair and ortho went "we're really REALLY looking forward to this, after all." WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN RRRAHH (and the emo music ?? hellooo ??)

[ about : video game mentality ]

yea like...this whole time, ortho's been treating this like a game. as if the world isn't actually real life. he talks about "resetting" the world by letting all the phantoms out and overrunning it with blot. but he did not ONCE talk about the amount of chaos and destruction that it would cause.

it's like...the best way i can explain is it's like playing gta and stealing cars. obviously you wouldn't do it in real life, but bc it's a game and the game is fiction, you do it anyway. and sometimes you'd make a save point, try something silly, get killed, and then respawn again at your save point. but that's obviously NOT possible in real life.

he didn't even stop once to think that these people he's calling "friends" are probably going to get killed by the phantoms if they do escape OR the fact that when they're getting injured fighting these phantoms, that they're actually getting injured. or even the fact that he himself might get killed, or that idia might get killed.

in reality, this isn't a "game" to anyone other than underworld ortho.

[ about : jamil's uneeded considerations ]

yk at this point i was expecting leona to get mad at jamil for trying to coddle him ? but he hasn't. which is interesting. bc jamil keep saying things like "get behind me" or "i'll protect you" but leona doesn't really...need it. royalty as he is, leona's probably got far better training that jamil has, so he'd be just as if not more competent in battle than jamil is. so i was expecting him to throw his weight a little bit, but he's been pretty calm and giving logical reasons as to why he shouldn't do that.

(e.g. jamil offering his jacket bc they're both weak to cold, and leona saying it'd be more troubling if jamil came down with a cold and couldn't move, rather than just leaving it at no.)

obviously jamil's trying to avoid anything happening to leona (e.g. injury) bc he would be "blamed" for it if it DID happen (i.e. it'd be his failure to protect leona) since he's the second prince and all....but holy hell man, this guy's your senior, and you read the report about him, he's hella strong, so dw abt him bestie

[ about : worried about school ]

jamil being worried because kalim and mal are the only housewardens left behind....vs leona "they can take care of themselves" kingscholar. need i remind you guys this is the guy who before he was taken away said "ruggie, savanaclaw's in your hands until i get back. don't let it fall into ruin." like. pfft. who is he trying to fool ?? (obviously jamil, he has to keep up his "idgaf" facade but it's still funny to me)

[ about : cross ?? wind ?? ]

wtf are these guys, they're analyzing WIND patterns while walking and having conversations ?? the fuck ??? and then them noticing the tiny ass crack from far away ???? ok if i had to be stuck with anyone other than pome ig my safest bet would be these guys,,,,,

[ about : leona about jamil's one-man act ]

ok here we go, they're "arguing" though it really does pale in comparison to azul and riddle's arguements... (azurid are like the loud screaming at each other type of arguers and leojami are the quiet and logical type of arguers)

leona acknowledges that jamil is strong, but he also cautions against being reckless,,,,especially because they've both overblotted before, it'd be a nightmare if they get contaminated again. and obviously, they're a team. if jamil goes down then leona's left to fight on his own, which would be a sure loss.

[ about : containment facility 1 ]

shit fuck shit shit they were so smart that they made ortho make their FIRST containment facility harder than it had to be. (also not leona...calling the shroud family dour....i'm not laughing. i'm not !!) they're legit the only group that had the whole password thing,,,i'm crying on their behalf :')))

[ about : do ur best !! ]

THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY. but also oh my gooooddd ortho knows JUST how to annoy each person and each group huh. making leojami go through all of that for their password to basically just be "do ur best tee hee" is just. evil.

[ about : jamil WHEEZE ]

NOW WHY WOULD HE SAY IT LIKE THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH SJFKJSDKF i never knew i needed jamil and leona to interact this bad but now that i have it i'm having the time of my life. two of my faves who are just. similar in some ways but a lot different. this is giving me so much serotonin.

but jamil is right, the earlier ortho had only the purest of intentions with his every action. even when he was indirectly making fun of leona, he just meant that he thought leona would enjoy the game more bc he's a lion beastman, not bc he's a cat.

obviously us as the reader know that this isn't "just ortho" and that it's underworld ortho, who used to be a human, i'm assuming. thus why he got angry at leona calling him a robot. meanwhile, normal ortho would probably start boasting abt how he's the most advanced and capable robot bc he knows and doesn't care that he's a robot.

thus furthering my "underworld ortho is actually idia's real brother who died a bunch of years ago and got stuck in the underworld and current ortho is just an android modeled after him made by idia, but now underworld ortho somehow took control of current ortho" theory.

[ about : arguing :00 ]

ok i keep commenting about their arguing. but man it took a LOT for leona actually to get mad at jamil for something. he only really started getting mad when jamil got in the way of his "plan". which, to be very fair, he should've said something. bc jamil doesn't have beastman senses, how was HE supposed to know that leona sensed one and that he had a plan to combat it ?

also not jamil hiding his injury.....sir...... and not him NOT getting leona's words and continuing the "i will protect you" act pLEASE— tbh from leona's words it's not very clear, but he's trying to work together here. like he's trying to increase their chances of a winning fight, and yea communication is key, but jamil keeps ignoring his words in favor of "protecting" him.

[ about : containment facility 2 ]

oh god, here we go, why do we have another trial :'))) how did this get worse ?? first, using a phantom that can mimic human voices. and then putting a REAL researcher into a cage (no phantom, but with a charon armor). and now ?? tying a guy to a cage and making him almost drown in coolant ??? with the CABLE that controls the openings and closings of the facility ????

they...they really pissed ortho off huh.

[ about : stand up. ]

are you. telling me this guy was sitting the whole time or something. instead of just standing up in the water ? shakes him 1000 times....head in hands.

[ about : king's roar appreciation ]

nah are we all gonna ignore how leona was able to precisely turn ALL the ice in the air and around them into sand ??? the amount of control that would take oml, how much did he train to be able to do that ??

[ about : thunder spear timeee ]

jamil making the call not to register his handprints because he KNOWS he can't handle the magical energy rolling off the spear and choosing to rely on leona,,,,helloooo we have some developmentttt ^^ jamil's not sacrificing uselessly in this case !!

jamil realizing that he made the right call, bc if he registered himself he'd probably need leona's help to aim/hold it up. meanwhile leona saying he can "barely hold it up" vs the others who had like. 2-3 people helping them prop it up and aim,,,,sir i think you're plenty powerful enough.

also comparing the pictures to the ones above is making me throw up, bc the others are like. holding it a meter-ish above the ground. meanwhile leona has it hoisted up high above his head with PERFECT AIM mind you.

whew made it to recharging all the spears ^^ (technically the others minus leojami have been done for days but shhhh) see you again later ig sjkfdjskf

[dixidin]

"I love you, but can we please go to bed?"

Synopsis: Capitano misses his lover who's working his ass off. So he takes matters into his own hands

Note: OKAY, this is my first time posting something, so please be nice to me🙏 also I'm really sorry if I misspelled something in here, I'm a fucking idiot and can't spell correctly. Also also, I don't know that much stuff with the fatui harbingers since we've barely gotten anything about them, so I'll just be using their code names. OKAY SORRY FOR MAKING THIS SO LONG AND THANK U FOR READING<3 (BTW CAPITANO HAS A HUGE ASS SCAR ON HIS EYE AND PANTALONE LIKES TO WEAR MAKEUP YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE)

Info: Fluff but kinda suggestive? It never gets to NSFW tho (bc I hc Capitano as asexual, yes you can fight me on this/hj). Mainly focuses on Capitano, small use of pet names and curse words, OOC? Mentions of them being married because yes

Capitano didn't need this. He really didn't need this tonight. After a long day of working at the Zapolyarny Palace and making sure no one died today, he just wanted to snuggle up to his lover and fall asleep in his arms. But it looks like his husband said otherwise.

Pantalone was in the office he has in their mansion, working his hands off till they crumbled into dust. So, Capitano had to lay in bed all by himself, the icy weather of Snezhnaya biting at the large man laying in the cold sheets of the mattress. Capitano sighed after feeling a small shiver run down his spine. He was worried for the banker, his eyebags were getting more noticeable, and only a certain amount of concealer will be able to cover up his darkening eyebags.

The tall man sat up in the bed that barely fit him, creaking as he sat on the side of the bed. He rubbed his face before looking at the bedside table, it was very clean and had a fancy lamp sitting on the side of it. Capitano turned the lamp on to see better, but it illuminated the beautiful wedding ring under the lamp when turned on. He smiled slightly when seeing the ring shining under the light, remembering when he and Pantalone got married, barely anyone showed up since they were fatui harbingers after all.

Capitano sat up from the silky sheets and left the ring sitting under the lamp, opening the door and ducking his head before walking out. Capitano walked the hallways of their mansion, looking at all the different paintings hung up that Pantalone had bought with his mora. Eventually, he made it to the office and slowly opened the door, trying not to make any noise. The office wasn't that big compared to the other rooms they had in their mansion, but it was comforting.

The office had shelves with rows of trinkets, textbooks, books, and extra ink glasses placed carefully on top of the shelves. Of course, Pantalone was there sitting at the desk with his hands working on writing a paper. The desk was filled with papers, pens, trinkets, and books everywhere. It was surprising that nothing had fallen off yet.

Capitano silently walked over to the desk, peeking over the tall seat to see if Pantalone had passed out. Sadly, he was still awake. His closed eyes were focused on writing, and his glasses looked like they were about to slip off his face at any moment. Pantalone noticed Capitano's presence as soon as he entered but made no attempt to speak, Capitano silently hugged the side of the tired Pantalone, looking down to see what he was writing.

They stayed like that for a few moments before Capitano moved his head towards the clock, "Pantalone..are you nearly finished dear?" Capitano said after looking away from the clock and kissing Pantalone's temple, his deep voice raspy when first talking. Pantalone didn't want to answer Capitano's question, but he gave in quickly. "Just...give me a few moments," Pantalone spoke, voice wavering slightly. Capitano sighed at his lover, he knew that it was an empty promise due to the last time Pantalone promised to head to bed.

Capitano's patience was starting to run thin, and the knight cared for his lover greatly, so if Pantalone wasn't okay, Capitano wasn't okay. He slowly slid his hand down Pantalone's arm to his non-dominant hand, intertwining his much larger hand in between the males smaller hand. "You said that last time," Capitano said, voice laced with passive aggressiveness. Or was it more of a teasing tone?

Either way, Capitano didn't let Pantalone speak before he brought his head down and started to kiss Pantalone's neck. Soft but cold kisses making contact with the smaller males warm skin. Pantalone relaxed in Capitano's grasp, a shiver making its way down Pantalone's back when he felt the sudden icy feeling making contact with his skin. Pantalone bit the inside of his cheek softly, he knew that he needed to work, but he was so tired..all those books he needed to open and those papers that needed to be written gave him a headache just thinking about it..and he did miss his lover sincerely.

The two just sat there in silence as Capitano kissed Pantalone's neck softly. One hand intertwined with Pantalone's hand, and the other one wrapped around his waist, now rubbing slow circles onto the males side. Capitano stopped kissing Pantalone's neck before stealing a glance at him. He looked lost in thought, and Capitano knew that this wouldn't help him get back to bed, so he had to do something. Capitano pulled his head away from Pantalone's neck and looked towards his back.

Pantalone was wearing a poets shirt with a zipper at the back, It was all the way down, showing his naked back. Capitano took this opportunity to try and make him more tired. He let go of Pantalone's hand and grabbed the other side of his waist. Capitano brought his lips and pressed a soft kiss to Pantalone's back, waiting for Pantalone's reaction.

Pantalone's let out a silent gasp, his grip on the pen tightened before letting go and letting it drop onto the table. Capitano let go of his waist for a second to move some of his hair off of the back of his neck, Capitano smirked at seeing some blush appear on Pantalone's neck. Despite Pantalone being the one who normally makes him blush, Capitano had some moments where he left the banker a flustered mess. Capitano moved his hand to rest on Pantalone's waist and started to prep some more kisses upon Pantalone's back, never speeding them up, just taking his time.

One kiss after another made Pantalone relax into Capitano's hold. He felt so safe whenever the intimidating harbinger would do something soft and intimate with him. Pantalone knew that Capitano had a rough history of betrayal and blood, so with him trusting Pantalone always made his heart warm. Capitano continued pressing faint kisses on Pantalone's smooth back before abruptly stopping.

"Would you like to head to bed, dear?" Capitano whispered directly into Pantalone's ear, waiting for a response out of the quiet male. Pantalone sighed before moving his chair away from the desk and turning to Capitano. Pantalone smiled when he saw his husband with a curious look on his face, Pantalone brought his hand up to rub the taller males face, where the large scar decorated his face, lightly rubbing the battle scar. Capitano eyes softened at the sudden contact before leaning into the bankers touch.

Capitano pulled his hand on top of Pantalone's. Despite his hand feeling extremely rough, his grip was gentle with Pantalone. Capitano pulled Pantalone toward his chest more and kissed his palm softly. "That would be nice," Pantalone said, voice breaking the silence between them.

A smile grew across Capitano at the success of finally getting his lover to snuggle into the cold bed with him. Pantalone stood up and slowly stretched, but Capitano had other plans. The taller male scooped up the banker into his arms, Pantalone let out a soft gasp before chuckling, placing his head on Capitano warm chest. Capitano's smile grew upon seeing Pantalone get the relaxation he desperately needed.

Capitano turned off the light that illuminated the room and walked out of the messy office, ducking his head near the door frame so his forehead wouldn't get hit. Sooner or later, Capitano finally made it to the bedroom the two males shared, Capitano carefully placed Pantalone onto the silky sheets and started to help him take off his accessories. First, his glasses, then his glasses chains, and lastly, the wedding ring. Pantalone smiled upon seeing Capitano kneeling down in front of him and taking care of him.

Eventually, Capitano got the wedding ring off of Pantalone's hand. When he turned to place it with the rest of the accessories on the bedside table, he felt a hand grab his chin and a pair of lips connected to his forehead, "thank you, sweetheart." Pantalone's soft voice spoke as he moved his hand from Capitano's chin to his cheek, thumb making small circles against the skin. Capitano put his hand on top of Pantalone's hand and closed his eyes, "anything for you, my love," Capitano's deep voice stated.

"Charmer," Pantalone teasingly said to Capitano, who responded with a low chuckle. Capitano placed the wedding ring on the table, turned off the lamp, and got in bed with Pantalone. The smaller male curled up on top of Capitano's chest, taking in all the warmth that radiated off of the knight. Capitano grabbed the warmth blanket and pulled it upon the two, "..I'm sorry for...everything" Pantalone voice spoke in the quiet room.

Capitano smiled at the banker's apology, "it's alright, but if you don't come to bed earlier, I won't hesitate to pick you up and bring your ass to bed" Capitano lectured, placing his hands around Pantalone and pulling him towards his chest more. Pantalone chuckled lightly at Capitano's words, "message received." Pantalone addressed, giving the intimidating male a soft kiss to his chin before snuggling back into Capitano's chest. Capitano layed back into the bed, happy that his husband was in his arms again.

It did not take long for the two males to fall asleep in each other's warm embrace

If you repost this on another website, please give credit. Any like or repost is greatly appreciated -dixidin

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[barkspawn]

Can you do one about harvey falling for the farmer at the moonlight jellies 😇

You most certainly can <3

I did have a hell of a time trying to figure out how to describe part of it? But also I added some magic

Also as I write these, I realize I might have made Amelia too short bc I feel like the guys are mostly tall lmao esp Harv

Amelia's second summer in Pelican Town was coming to an end. She went to the beach far too early for the gathering that evening. The moonlight jellies were making their way through the valley as they did every year. It was arguably her favorite night of the year. 

Something about the glow as it lit up the entirety of the docks made her happy. It just reminded her that the world is even more beautiful than she'd even begun to know. 

Everyone talked of a rare green jelly, said to bring you endless good luck that year. Some of the more romantic believers liked to say that if you saw it, you were in the presence of your soulmate and would find happiness with them this year. 

She wanted to believe that these things were true. But behind all of her hope, there would always be that part of her that was skeptical of everything that might be good. Especially things as life-changing as love. 

She lay on a blanket in the sand, watching clouds as they passed. It had to have only been about 7 pm or so. Thankfully she had her pack beside her stocked with snacks and some random things to do. 

She heard her phone chime, pulling it from the side pocket of her bag. She smiled as she read the text:

Harvey 7:23 pm: Did you actually go down to the beach this early?

Harvey 7:23 pm: You’ll be miserable with all of those mosquito bites tonight. Don't say I didn't warn you! :P

She shook her head, her smile not faltering as she typed a reply:

Amelia 7:24 pm: I am most certainly here already! I'm excited! And there's not a mosquito in sight, thank you. 

Amelia 7:25 pm: You should come to hang out. I have a huge blanket and snacks more fulfilling than a frozen TV dinner. 

She sighed, content. She and Harvey had grown incredibly close over the past year. When she first met him, she didn't think he'd be her best friend. If anything, she cursed the town for having a cute doctor to take care of her at her most embarrassing moments. Although, she couldn't decide if his being her friend made it better or worse. 

Harvey was notoriously bad at texting, so she had no idea if he'd actually come early, though she doubted he would come this early. 

She lay for a while, her eyes closed before she jumped, startled by the blanket moving beside her. Her hand moved to her chest, playfully shoving the man beside her. He laughed, rubbing his arm. 

“Harv! You can't just sneak up on people like that!” she teased, turning to grab her thermos full of coffee, cut off by Harvey holding out a paper cup of coffee from the saloon. 

“I hardly snuck up on you. It's been about an hour and a half. Looks like bringing coffee was a good idea, even if you assault me,” he joked as she rolled her eyes. 

“Well, at least it wasn't attempted murder! Yoba, my heart is still racing,” she laughed as she took a sip of the coffee, flavored just how she liked it. She tilted her head toward the bag, glancing back as she heard Pierre setting up already, “then I brought refills.”

They sat there for a long while, just talking until people started showing up. They stood up and gathered up the blanket and her bag, making their way to the end of the pier to stand at the edge. It was growing more crowded and darker quickly. 

Harvey couldn't stop his smile as she grew more and more excited, rambling about how much she loved them the previous year. 

“I've never actually been up this close to see them,” Harvey mentioned, laughing at the shocked look that he earned as a response, “I've always watched from the beach. It's still beautiful.”

“You won't be saying that when you see them like this. That much I promise,” she smiled up at him, “and maybe you'll see that rare green jelly. Brings you good luck, right?”

He was glad the darkness hid the pink hue in his cheeks as he shook his head, glancing to see Jas and Vincent lighting the boat together, “among other things, I've heard.”

She looked up at him before noticing the boat going out. Excited for the jellies themselves and his reaction, she grabbed his hand for a moment and squeezed. His heart was racing as if she had scared him. The glow of the creatures slowly made their way toward them, and he had to admit, she was absolutely right. It was truly beautiful. 

Then he looked at her, the glow from the water mirrored over her features, and he found he couldn't look away. It was the mix of awe, excitement, and pure happiness that she held that lured him in. It all became clearer then, the random bouts of high heart rates, the feeling he gets when he sees her, as if everything got just a little brighter. It all made sense. And it terrified him. 

He was falling in love with her. 

The realization hit him like a truck, though he continued watching her like she would disappear if he looked away. 

“Oh my… Harvey!” Amelia whispered excitedly, turning to get his attention, “ look !”

His gaze followed her finger, eyes widening as it floated there: the rare green jelly. He looked around, no one else seemed to see it there, though everyone was looking. 

If you see the green jelly, you will have tremendous luck in your life and your soulmate is close at hand. 

He recited the superstition in his mind, thrown off entirely by the fact that no one else could see it other than him and her. 

Harvey was not a bold man. He was often quite timid and more than a little anxious. But at that moment, he wasn't anything other than certain this was what needed to happen. 

He shifted, turning her towards him, reaching up so his hands framed her face, and held no pause in pressing his lips to hers. 

It wasn't desperate or hungry. It wasn't full of passion or, Yoba forbid with everyone around, lust. It was just a soft kiss, his lips moving against hers in an attempt to wordlessly say what he’d been thinking all night. He felt her hands on his chest, fingers tucked under his lapel as he pulled back, the weight of his actions really occurring to him. 

“Amelia, I..” he started, cut off by the smaller woman pulling his lips back down to hers in a second kiss, his fears melting away at the second, definitely deeper kiss. They heard a few hollers from the crowd, suddenly remembering that they were surrounded by quite literally the entire town. She stepped close to his side, his arm moving to rest around her and holding her closer. They watched as the green jelly floated off, guiding the rest of the group back into the night. 

Once people started to leave, they turned to face one another, a teasing smirk playing at her lips, “first a heart attack, now you're stealing my breath?” she stood on her toes and kissed the spot where his chin meets his jaw. 

“Where did that come from? The heat of the moment?”

He laughed, a little embarrassed, “I uh… You looked stunning in the glow… And then the green jelly… It sounds silly to say aloud.”

“A lot of people say it though, Harv… About the green jelly?”

He lifted his hand once more to frame her face, smiling as she leaned into it, “Amelia, no one else saw it.”

Her eyes widened slightly, “how… How do you know?”

“I looked around and not one person turned their eyes to it. And you couldn't miss it.”

She nodded slowly before pulling him back down into another kiss, this one holding a great deal more emotion behind it, her hands moving up to tangle into his already messy hair. After a moment, she pulled back and laughed, breathlessly, “I want to kiss you so much more , but you're so tall I can barely reach you.”

He laughed, his expression softening before he slipped his hand into hers, grabbing her backpack and blanket, “we can always–”

“Go hang out at my place?” she jumped in.

“That… Certainly works for me,” he cleared his throat, lacing their fingers together and smiling down at her affectionately. 

[atherix]

if its not a bother, would you mind talking a little about angels and the similar lower deities of the midnight universe? i was rereading some of your previous answers abt the pantheons and the lower deities sound sooo interesting, especially the ones under the death pantheon.. are we ever gonna meet any angel or reaper characters? (me when angels are used to represent death goes crazy goes crazy goes crazy)

Oh sure! We've actually met a couple, in fact. Well, one, more like- Wilbur's an interesting case, but Phil is ofc an Angel of Death :) I think anyone who knows any Philza/Mumza/SBI lore already knows this, and I was pretty heavy hinting in Midnights Past that Phil and Wilbur Are Not Human, so there we go, we've already met a lower deity and a.... whatever Wilbur is :) I mean. What do you call the son of a lower deity and a god?

So lower deities generally work directly under the deity/god of their pantheon. They're semi-immortal and can be made when a god chooses a Supernatural OR Natural to serve them, as well as being born to a lower deity (as Wilbur and Tommy are). Their semi-immortality lasts only as long as their god favors/blesses them, and like Vampires they can't die from aging (as long as they have Death's blessing, once she revokes that they become mortal again, though they get to keep their magic) but only from outside forces (discluding sickness- Vampires can still get sick but lower Deities cannot, as they have divine protection). Angels of Death and Reapers (Reapers WILL be explained later, because oh BOY Reapers... Reapers, oh man, I can't wait to explain them but I can't right now because it's a huge spoiler) are basically what the first Vampires were trying to emulate/become. Angels of Death are often considered Harbingers bc they have extremely destructive magic, including Wither magic, and once upon a time were basically Judges, who would bring destruction/death upon those who don't pass their tests. This isn't really done anymore, of course- it's more of an... early society thing. To keep things... in order. The gods can be loving and kind but no one ever said they were merciful.

Of course there are Lower Deities of other Pantheons, but... again, a lot of them I can't actually. Go into. Like, I can't go into the Lower Deities of the Watchers without major spoilers. There are Angels for practically every Pantheon except Fae and Watchers, and they're often viewed as vessels for/eyes of their god, but ya know. Death Angels are probably the scariest because of what they've been tasked with.

[butch-reidentified]

Since you've said you support people who transition to deal with sex dysphoria provided they don't use single-sex spaces of the opposite sex or refer to themselves as men/women, what do you think of those who genuinely pass to the extent where it would be near impossible to live like that without detransitioning? Such as a biological woman who looks so much like a biological male to people around her that she can't call herself a woman without being met with massive confusion (or people thinking she's joking), who can't use the womens room without being assumed to be some creep guy, etc. so she just uses the mens and refers to herself as a man casually for the sake of simplicity. Do you support people like that or think they should detransition or try to pass less? (I am aware this is very rare)

[I wouldn't say I've said I support it, so much as I've said I empathize with last-resort transitioners who've failed every other treatment attempt & I don't necessarily think we understand enough to outright say it's /never/ an acceptable treatment option - but I don't think it should ever be the first line treatment]

trans people who live "stealth" you mean? I don't rly think about it much. it is genuinely rare, and imho, for a MTF, a huge part of "passing" is blending in with female socialization.

I do know 1 like this to an extreme. He doesn't claim to me a woman, but he actually passes universally, largely because his personality & early childhood trauma makes him really come across as if he's female socialized, and he never really displayed any male socialization behaviors, not even minor ones (I don't know how to explain this, truly, but I've known him far too long and far too closely, know all his family and childhood friends etc, to deny that this is true. ppl here have been angry at me before for saying this but it's literally just the truth, I didn't do anything but observe it. what am i supposed to do, lie? that's not who i am). but if male violence is a result of male socialization, which I do believe, then it follows that the lack of male socialization behavior could mean he's safer, idk bc this is such an anomaly situation, and every woman I know who knows him (all of whom are normies or even anti trans) has expressed that they feel so much that they're interacting with a woman that it's hard to even comprehend that he's not. a couple of times, people have straight up thought he was lying when he said he was male.

he feels no need to be viewed as a woman socially. he doesn't even perform femininity. he shops in the women's section only bc that's what fits, but sticks to jeans and hiking-style pants, regular ass t-shirts, sneakers or hiking boots. doesn't own makeup, doesn't remove body hair, etc. the "passing" was never intentional, just a result of how his behavior is perceived + his body responded to cross-sex hormones way more drastically than I've ever seen. in his case, though, he's against males in women's spaces to begin with so it's not even a thing. I kinda doubt there's anyone like him, if there are there can't be many, and I'd kinda suspect they'd also share his perspective of not wanting to be in this spaces to begin with. but I just don't feel super strongly about it. in general, I don't feel AS strongly about bathrooms as I do about changing rooms or especially vulnerable spaces like shelters. ik this isn't really an answer but it's what I got. I see more nuance to this than many women simply because of knowing him. but if someone passed THAT well then it wouldn't rly matter what the bathroom laws are bc they're not gonna be caught? so it's kind of pointless to talk about it bc you can't legislate it & people are gonna do what they want whether I or anyone likes it or not 🤷

[bogbees]

(Jazz hands) ROLE REVERSAL

7:30 AM · Nov 19, 2017

Kakashi sensei is a.... character. He's very precise and very relaxed individual, his students claim him to be lazy - until they find themselves in a lecture. He's very thorough and adamant.

He's the only person in the damn village to give Naruto his full undivided attention. It morphs into some sort of family bond later and he wants to tear his eyes out bc of it.

Kakashi regularly makes sure the kid is eating his veggies. And cares so much ab him passing his final exam he ends up fighting Mizuki and getting a huge damn shuriken through his back

Naruto cries and does KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU and passes and now Kakashi is crying bc his son is happy and sage (and not bc of the pain no)

Iruka Umino ex elite anbu ninja, failed all his previous genin teams cause they never meet his impossibly high standards gets assigned Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke

Kakashi is gonna piss himself bc of course Naruto would end up with that guy! Of course! Still worried if Nar will pass tho. He thinks he did a FAB job teaching them

Iruka sorta jokes around with them - his prankster days never died - and finds their complete uncoordination appalling. Bad match up, awful, why these three together - oh wait, they have empathy for another? That's new

So he signs up as their jounin sensei. He's actually kinda excited - don't let Anko find out, she'll tell everyone he actually likes kids.

And then Naruto drags him to a ramen stand and they're waiting for someone --- "Iruka sensei please meet Kakashi neechan!" "Naruto they're Konoha ninja they probably know each other"

And simultainously both Iruka and Kakashi go "Naruto respect your elders" bc they are not having this kid go around calling Kakashi his brother /in public/

They smile. This won't be so bad. Cut to four weeks down the road when Kakashi hires them to wash his dogs for the 3rd time annonsomsly.

Pakkun is tired of these brats being so rough, so he goes "I can't believe Kakashi hired you all again" The room goes quiet. Iruka bites his cheek to keep from laughing. Naruto explodes. Sakura and Sasuke join him. They're throwing wet sponges everywhere

It's chaos and loud and everything is sogged and Kakashi races onto the scene like "stop this!!!" Naruto throws a soggy sponge at him like "you stop hiring us to wash yoyr dogs!!!"

Iruka is laughing his was off as Kakashi and Naruto argue over the benefit of this job. Sakura and Sasuke resume washing the dogs. Pakkun regrets.

By the end of it, Kakashi is serving dinner in the hatake mansion to his previous students and their new teacher and all his dogs. He says he hates it but he's lying

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CUTE JOUNIN SENSEI OFFERS HIS ASSITANCE. god damn you could bounce a yen off that man's ass

Now Iruka gets them a super cool mission bc they won't stop complaining - Sasuke has started voicing his opinions dear gods - they're escorting an old guy to the wave country

He repeats himself like "children. This is work and you need to be responsible. We are protecting a civilian from harm. Don't be a hero. You will die."

So Zabuza shows up like EYYY LEMME AT EM and Naruto almost dies ish but yo look at that kyubii magic. Haku shows up like "thanks for that" and they all leave

They make it to their destination but can't go home because there's a shitty storm and so Iruka teaches the kids how to climb trees like the monkeys they oughta be

But like, he not only gives them the basics, but a lecture on it too so maybe visualising the process in their head will help. He gets them to try walking along the walls barefoot - they pretty much succeed

So he takes them into the wilderness like "now try that on these trees" and Sakura fucking masters it in one go.

Sasuke and Naruto return to Iruka for instruction, and Iruka rubs his chin like "alright, you both learn by doing, yeah, so here's what we do" and constructs this obstacle course in the woods for them

He's got a thin board over a puddle of mud like "you can stay on using balance, but if i don't see you walk across as you would on ground, you're getting pushed off."

So Sasuke ends up fighting it out before Naruto and Naruto gets crabby bc of it, but now Sasuke and Sakura are very interested in keeping him on par with their skills. So they give him tips and pointers. Iruka couldn't be more proud

On the day Naruto gets it, and they decide to take their training to the water - the gang attacks. And it's solved in like zero minutes bc Iruka is a seals master and thanks to barrier tag traps everything is ok

They all get arrested and somehow Zabuza and Haku flee but no one is too worried bc they're together and that's all that matters

So they stick around to help construction - Iruka thinks it'll give them more stamina and there's chakra control practice by walking on the water. Which they all get sorta, Naruto sinks a little but he's still upright so!

They return to little fan fare but Kakashi's dumb worrying face that is the same as his regular face but u can tell bc his eyes are a little more open. He treats them to ichiraku

Team 7 is like "Kakashi watch this!" And the three of them are walking up the walls and ceiling of his dining room like cicadas and he might cry if Iruka wasn't laughing

"They named the bridge after Naruto!" He says, "I did all the work and he gets the name bc he's too likable!" Kakashi smiles fondly under his mask like 'ain't that the truth'

So circa chunin exams Iruka has taught them more neat ninja skills - Sasuke finds seals to be hella interesting, Sakura has apparently some super rare bloodline and Kakashi's old friend is giving her lessons on that and Naruto is....

Naruto is interested in summoning. He likes the idea of calling things into existence. Kakashi won't help by explaining how his ninken summoning works and Gai's student Tenten isnt too hot on tutorial either

So Iruka has been writing letters up the Wahoo to Jiraiya to try and get the man's help. "Come back." He pleads. "Naruto wants to summon."

So Jiraiya returns solely to fight Iruka for being a nag. Literally. "Iruka Umino you're just like your mother. Annoying." Iruka flicks a smoke bomb at the old man and they play this game of cat and mouse

Only each time Iruka uses a smoke bomb, he's been planting a barrier seal attached to a kunai that's been laced with chakra wire. He's weaving a basket around Jiraiya and catches the old fart in 40 minutes

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi and Tenzou stare in awe. Iruka just did that. "Naruto, this man will teach you how to summon frogs. Have fun" and leaves. The audience stares at the space he had been and Jiraiya snorts.

So this is how Jiraiya teaches Naruto how to summon. Sasuke vows to be as good as Iruka one day. Sakura and Tenzou build a dog house for Kakashi's dogs. And Kakashi finds Iruka alone at the noodle stand

He's like "whyd you leave like that" "Oh you see, you have to leave Jiraiya alone with what you want him to do. It's the only way." "No really" "Ok I was starving and am not going to pay for Naruto's bottomless pit let alone four more mouths"

And they have a weird date and discuss the upcoming Curnin exams. They agree the kids would be good to go. Iruka laments he idea of getting stuck in a scroll for three days - hes a busy man (and ex anbu! Like!) and Kakashi takes his shoulder "I'll do it"

So they make plans that if their kids try the chunin exams and pass the first round - Kakashi will be there in the scroll for when they pass. It has been decided.

So when the exams get announced, Naruto has one animal summon, Sasuke has five neat barrier tricks and ten more up for circumstance and Sakura can create and will wooden blocks. Plus they all have stellar chakra control!

Iruka thinks they're good to fucking go. Plus he's socialized them well so they shouldn't be picking fights with other Konoha shinobi bc they think they're better than them. He scoffs, imagine, Sasuke picking a fight with Rock Lee! What a weird world that'd be!

They're weirded put by the sand sibs but like, this is before Power of Friendship Gaara so who isn't, really. Iruka's already planning playdates bc jinjurikis should prob stick together, ya know, bond with those who know your suffering

Kakashi is looking over Iruka's shoulder like "dont. Do not write that. Gaara will not come over - he's the Wind's tailed beast we can't trust him"

So the kids pass their first test. Naruto just fakes it, doesn't write nothing, completely confident. Sakura and Sasuke get everything filled out with the correct answers.

So Kakashi gets wasted the night before he goes into the seal. Iruka shows up like at 8 like "don't forget! The thing is tomorrow" And by the power of booze, joy and fondness he kisses Iruka smack on the lips.

They pull apart, Iruka dazzled and looking a little deshelved, Kakashi a dumb love struck smile, and Kakashi closes the door humming.

Iruka kind of staggers home. Lost. Confused. Warm. Light. Cheeks burning and a smiling tugging at his weary frown.

So now it's morning of the second exam, Kakashi is fighting off a mild hangover and as he's getting set up to do the thing, he catches Iruka skirt around the room, why isn't he saying hello --- oh no.

So he's stuck in the scroll - idk can they do stuff in that void, are they just sleeping, suspended animation - for what feels like forever

Iruka HAS NOT been avoiding Kakashi bc of last night's kiss. Nah, he forgot it happened until he made coffee. He's just literally on security detail and can't say hello bc anbu mask - why is Kakashi staring at him???

Kakashi seems to know that he's the monkey or sm bc he won't take his eyes off him and it's pissing Iruka off so he blows the dumb man a kiss He sartles out of his trance and looks away. Iruka rolls his eyes and Anko takes his attention.

Later she's going to seriously ask him if he and Kakashi are a thing. He is going to sputter his beer into her face. She is going to pull a knife and go "try that again lover boy and you won't have any lips" Gods she's awful

So as a weird brother figure, he confirms that they have had one (1) kiss and that he catches Kakashi refer to team 7 as "their kids" often

Anko's grin might tear her face in two. "I win! That's so much money! No one thought you'd go for lazy chunin sensei Kakashi Hatake BUT I CALLED IT!" Iruka is so shocked he can't ask her to be quiet or how ---- "Come on, I know your type, family men."

He diverts the conversation to the examination bc holy shit he can't deal with any of this information. "You met Naruto today didn't you?" "Oh yeah, that kids a riot. Almost had him shit his pants. Good kid."

Iruka buys her a drink for that. Can't have that kid too comfortable around strangers. So they get off their break and return to work. Anko's going back to the tower and Iruka is going to patrol.

Nothing worth noting on the go, pretty quiet and nice, kinda worrying bc of all the foreign ninja - they /all/ can't be this chill can they??? So Iruka clocks out and heads to his fave ramen stand

Anko slithers in after he orders his second bowl and she's like "the money from the bet." He looks at her like 'why aren't you using this to buy more dango??'

"Look I was the only other person besides Asuma who bet on Kakashi. Out of our group" Iruka grimaces, all the ninja in the village have been placing bets on his love life. "So split between me and Asuma, I still have 5000 yen left. Figured to give you half"

"What because you can make easy money off of my love life?" "Nonsense! I still haven't decided what to bet on for your love life!" She looks out of existence like a true shadow clone and Iruka uses the 2500 yen to buy more ramen

What had happened was that Asuma had seen Iruka dressed in his anbu monkey mask entertaining a sullen Kakashi years and years ago. He told Anko one night, piss drunk and now they support it

Iruka doesn't remember the encounter, there's so much bs from being a child in anbu that makes him forget the good times. Kakashi recalls clearly that summer's day when Monkey tried to cheer him up.

Kakashi has the sharingan, but it's also dead. He was able to become a teacher bc he was useless and not an asset to the village.

So depression and ptsd from loosing his friends and family took it's toll and now he thinks it best if he can help teach these children so that maybe these mistakes won't happen again

Anyway so the kids breeze through the forest of certain death like a cake walk, got through as the 4th team they were so good at it Sakura punched kabuto in the face on reflex and he dropped his scroll and since Iruka hadn't introduced them, they dont trust him lmao

They do the scroll thing and out pops Kakashi Sensei with the most stupid smile on his face like "yo. Congrats, you passed" and it's kinda the least climatic thing to happen to them all week.

So the four of them hang around the tower until it's finished - Kakashi has no where to be, he had booked a week off for this. So the kids share with him their new skills - and he supervises spars between the kids who've finished.

The sand sibs end up watching the leaf genin fight each other, and Kakashi asks them if they want to join in. "It'll be like class!" The rookie nine all groan, fuck you Kakashi sensei

So he organises a short spar competition. Five minutes each fight and no weapons, no shots to kill. He includes Gaara in on it and kankuro and temari freeze up. Gaara just nods, slightly pissy but also confused.

So he's got the sand genin and the leaf genin play fighting each other while they wait for the actual fights to clear up. It's not until Rock Lee and Naruto are giving Gaara of the Sand taijutsu pointers that the irony dawns on him.

Monkey shows up like "Hatake-sensei what the fuck is going on here" and Kakashi is no where near afraid of the anbu in the room But the fight stops dead Naruto pipes up "eeeehhhh we're just socializing properly Iruka-sensei, what's the big deal" Everyone stops. Kakashi chokes

Iruka laughs, takes off his mask and smashes it, "well, so much for that." He looks at the group if kids with a big smile, "So are you all being nice to each other?"

We have Shino and Kankuro gushing ab bugs, in the corner, the girls all huddled together like they were always meant to be best friends, Rock Lee and Naruto and Sasuke talking to Gaara like he's not some monster

Kiba and Neiji were just in the middle of a mock flight, still froze stiff. Naruto goes "yes /daaad/ now go kiss Kakashi sensei or something, we're on to something here" And he turns back to the other boys like nothing he just said was life changing.

Iruka sits back down next to kakashi, who has picked up the shards of the mask and the kids continue existing as if they didn't have any supervision

"Was it really that obvious?" Iruka asks. Kakashi isn't sure what he's asking about, be it Monkey, their dumb mutual crush or their family fondness over these brats. But the answer is the same to all of these questions. "Yeah,"

So they watch Neiji and Kiba fight, then watch Ino and Temari spar, their hands lightly laced together as Kakashi hides his face behind a book

Eventually Naruto gets loud and very agitated, Iruka goes over to check on him. "It's the stupid seal, me n Sasuke can't fix it" Turns out Gaara has his stomach exposed to display the shoddiest seal work ever.

"Do you want me to do it?" "See knucklehead, I said Iruka sensei would know what to do!" "Yeah but he's my damn friend I wanna be the one to help!" Iruka smiles and almost cries bc Naruto is so honest and gaara looks startled

Temari and kankuro join them like "you can… Help him??" As if they can't believe the words coming out of his mouth Iruka nods, "it's a simple seal, but I can patch it up and add more so that it doesn't wear away." They look to be near tears

Naruto grins and looks to his new friend like "See, told ya, we jinjuriki gotta stay together" and Gaara looks so lost, the poor boy. So Kakashi suanders over like "damnit Iruka"

So Iruka whips up a draft to show them, explains what it does, compares it to Naruto's and Gaara's, all the kids are pretty engrossed with what he's saying and Sasuke is writing notes

We're back tracking to the first time team Naru-Sasu-Saku meet Iru

So Iruka's like "ah yes hello I'm Iruka Umino, I'll be your jounin instructor - if you pass my own genin examination. If not, you're all getting sent back to the academy! But I'd like to meet you all first"

So they do the thing they do in canon, where Sakura goes "I like Sasuke" Naruto goes "I'm gonna be the Hokage" and Sasuke does his "I want revenge" bc he's been festering in hate for the last 82 years

But instead of "oh well you're all weird kids" Iruka almost looses his mind and almost sends them all back then and there

Alright, alright, he goes, you're all children, but these things aren't gonna help you become ninja. Naruto, your goal is admirable, good, that's good. Least stupid. Tells me how far you're willing to go.

Sakura, you being in love tells me you can form bonds - which is good for teamwork, but you need to take it back a bit, and bond with your other team mates as well.

And then he turns to Sasuke. Revenge will not help you. You will not gain anything from that. Bad things are always happening and there's never any reason for it. He tells off Sasuke for his bs bc Iruka doesn't have a filter and will fight these kids

And the kids are like Sasuke: offended Sakura: offended Natuto: laughing his ass off

"I'd like to send you all back to the academy for this but! I said I was gonna give you all a chance to be full fledged genin. So! Here's my test!" And makes this weird quiz thing that is sorta like the bell test where the goal is for them to display teamwork 5:59 PM · Dec 3, 2017