#i don't think lana & diego would be interested in each other

[diaryofageekgirl]

Hello everyone, I am here to Speak The Truth

[them-bo-dacious]

Songs that I think could have been written by the Wyld Stallyns:

• The entire Blink-182 discography (it's just... so them, you know?) But especially M+M's in their early years as a band, when it was just Bill and Ted.

And in an alternate universe where Ted had been sent to military school, no doubt would have written San Diego (just change it to San Dimas) in their few spare moments, missing Bill (ok, I'm gonna cry 😭)

• Ignorance by Paramore. I feel like they would write it in their late twenties/early thirties, once they had fully deconstructed and accepted their queerness, but since their record label wouldn't let them freely express their sexuality/gender they had to write their slightly more ambiguous (but definitely angry and unapologetic) queer anthem.

• Bad Blood by Taylor Swift. Death wrote it when he was kicked out of the band. Death confirmed it to me himself 🤫

... has also composed the entire discography of Lana Del Rey.

• Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz. All I know is that Liz and Ted wrote it, I can't elaborate more because I don't know more, but this song is their energies merging. I said.

• To Love a Boy by Maya Hawke. I've tried not to include it but it's impossible. IT'S SO JO. I think she would write it after she realized she could only see Bill (and any man) as a friend and not a romantic interest. She would hide it and not show it to anyone until Bill discovered it years later by chance. By now everyone knew they were queer and didn't hide it (not from each other, at least) but that's when Bill would decide to tell their homophobic record label to fuck off "Jo, have I never told you before that you have too good a voice to just do backing vocals?" he'd will ask her with a smile and the lyrics in his hands. It would be Jo's first song as lead vocalist (which would also give them a sales hit 🤭)

• Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne. It was written by Jo and Liz as a joke on Bill and Ted... although perhaps there was some truth to their joke 🤣

• Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects. Ted would write it out of spite after a phone argument with their father, fed up that despite being an adult and having made it in music (without his support) he believed he still had the right to push them around. The next day they was ready to throw it in the trash, feeling guilty that they'd written it in the first place, but Bill wouldn't let them, assuring them it was going to be a hit and (secretly) proud that Ted finally had the confidence to send their father packing.

• Nya Cat. It was the band's first hit, going incredibly viral. Composed by Station's mastermind, of course.

• Finally, I think Liz wrote almost all of Miley Cyrus' discography.

This is silly but I don't rule out making a second part in the future lol

[soulbornincoldandrain]

miego as a ship is so funny to me because inherently, in my heart of hearts, i do ship lana and mia i think they're good and fit the series' predetermined attorney-prosecutor romantic trope i think they're cool girlfriends and i also think that mia is like. unsmart enough to fully use diego as a point of deflection, both for externalised homophobia and her own internalised boundaries on their (lanamia) relationship. introduce him around as her boytoy. flaunt him on her arm like a trophy wife, technically playing both lana and diego but neither of them mind. refuse to do anything more romantic than stand within a two foot radius of diego while going "yeah he's my boyfriend" type beat.

mia could convince herself that protecting her chief prosecutor girlfriend's reputation precedes any and all selfish desires she may have that are already being acted upon, she just won't say so. some fucko approaches them in public with a slightly suspicious look aimed towards lana and before she can even open her mouth mia proudly starts gushing about her relationship with diego and lana is just sitting there gently patting her arm like babe. babe you don't have to do this i promise but mia is an unstoppable force (gay) and immovable object (lawyer from the aa-verse) all at once

and diego is just so hooked onto having a big tiddie girlfriend he literally doesn't even care if they're not dating. mia would be sweating bullets standing between diego and lana going "yeah this is miss skye whom i admire greatly in a distinctly professional way way and also i think she's incredibly smart and capable and i respect her as a fellow barrister and i think her hair smells awesome and i love how assertive she is in court but also fun to talk to and this is the guy im dating, mr armando" meanwhile diego is just grinning like yeah my girl has epic tits and lana is overjoyed that mia loves her new shampoo, because she's actually too smart to be bothered about the semantics of this dynamic as long as she gets to kiss her awesome girlfriend whenever she'd like to

mia would introduce diego to maya once as an experiment and he'd be like good evening miss tiny girl ma'am i really vibe with your elder sister and mia is like yeah doesn't he, my totally male and totally real male boyfriend who im sexually attracted to meanwhile maya is like lol sis i thought you had a crush on that prosecutor lady and mia is like. brain freeze. it's an intellectual thing and diego is shrugging like yeah they're just like that and he'd fully believe it

(lana could be like you do know your "girlfriend" makes out with me in the defendant lobby right and he'd be like women kiss sometimes. im not sexist. and they'd go on dates and hold hands and love each other earnestly and he'd be sipping his coffee like nice i respect when women expand their scope of interest and don't limit themselves to their male partners as stereotypes dictate)

bonking their heads together like plastic dolls. anyways

[queergodot]

For fun and profit, my queer headcanons for Ace Attorney characters:

Phoenix Wright: Aroace trans guy. He's trans because his name's Phoenix. He's ace because the game series is called Ace Attorney. He's aromantic because having a girlfriend try to kill him in college traumatized him, and after working on it in therapy, realized that he simply did not want or feel the need to date anyone anymore. Since this does not ultimately negatively affect his life, he decided that it wasn't worth the emotional pain of trying to work through it. Perhaps he'll feel different in the future, but for now, he's aromantic.

Maya Fey: Aromantic trans girl. She's aromantic because I like her. She's trans because it genuinely enhances her narrative by reinforcing the lack of agency she has in her life, and how she can learn to reclaim it anyway.

Miles Edgeworth: Autigender gay aroace. Haven't decided where he is on the aroace spectrum, but he's all that AND gay because he has the vibes. He's autigender because I like projecting.

Diego Armando: Bi ace genderqueer. Bi and genderqueer bc the vibes are off the charts, ace because I think it's interesting and also because I feel like I don't have enough alloro ace headcanons in general.

Mia Fey: Bi nonbinary girl. Girl with left gender. What gender? Diego's earrings, probably. Bi because of her implied relationship with Diego and her accidentally implied relationship with Lana. Might also screw around and put her on the aro spectrum because I believe we deserve some more alloaros up in here, and because I think it could potentially make her relationships to Diego and Lana very interesting.

Dick Gumshoe: Aromantic and bi but in the kind of way where he knows Nothing about the queer community and has done no self reflection on it. Maybe also a trans guy bc I think he deserves to be but that would require him having some knowledge of the queer community and decrease the humor.

Franziska von Karma: Pan! But she knows even less about the whole thing than Gumshoe. Doesn't start thinking about her sexuality until Miles calls her up with a formal coming out notice, after which she hangs up and does 48 hours straight research until she collapses. That research was mostly because nobody is allowed to know more about anything than she does but it did lead to her figuring out she's pan so there's that. Still debating her gender because I think she deserves to be trans but also I think the idea of 'cis ally with a whip' is HILARIOUS.

Pearl Fey: I don't really have any set headcanons for her but I do think it'd be kinda neat if she was genderfluid, because it'd be interesting to see how that'd interact with her powers, and provides some really unique opportunities for character study.

Dahlia Hawthorn: Aromantic trans girl. I think aromantic serial killers have rights if written by me or other aros and I think it'd be neat if she and Iris both independently figured out they were trans. I think there's some really strong narrative potential for Fey trans girls.

Iris: Straight trans girl. Already mentioned the trans girl part, but I'd like to add that I think it'd be super interesting for Maya and Iris to compare notes on their trans experiences and help each other along the way. Also I think Iris deserves to be transhet because she has truly immaculate taste in men.