#i don't think im cut out for relationships quite frankly

[w3r3w0lf-f4g]

vent, don't mind me 💀

It kind of sucks major ass that I'm just. The way I am. Like it's hard enough finding relationships as a gay trans dude who's only just now starting to pass, but I'm also autistic, apparently way WAY more than I realized, and yeah the two people I've been in relationships with before were also autistic but Jesus even with them I was obviously just Wrong, like I got too passionate and too angry about the most insane things and I'm too invested in the most embarrassing things and no wonder the both of them ran away as fast as they could when they realized I wasn't set on changing anytime soon. And not to blame my autism on stuff that's fully on me but it is really hard to tell that I've taken something too far or if I've done someone wrong. I'm fucking humiliated every time I'm reminded that I'm just like, stuck like this, and I love being autistic and I love being able to feel so deeply and have this weird "interesting" perspective on life that even my autistic friends don't even really have but it just really sucks when I'm reminded that even among "weird" folk like me, I'm still out of place.

[arolesbianism]

Having a rain world oc moment. Dysfunctional family of the year award, they were so toxic that one of them found a way to kill themselves in a world where that was supposed to be physically impossible

[cosyvelvetorchid]

Bucktommy prompt

Out on a call Buck accidentally says his last name is:

'Kinard. No...wait, BUCK...BUCKLEY!'

and the whole team hears it.

He's super embarrassed because he's only been dating Tommy for a couple of months, and the 118 rib him about it for the rest of the shift.

This one made me laugh so much! Thank you!

You can send any bucktommy, saltommy or Tommy prompts to my ask 🩶

*****

5 months, 14 days and 18 hours. That's how long Evan Buckley had been dating Tommy Kinard. And yes he had counted. It had been both a whirlwind and the calmest relationship he had ever been in. Every day felt like the flirty, giddy honeymoon phase, and simultaneously with the ease of a decade together.

Buck knew he had a tendency to get ahead of himself; to go all in with what he wanted or was passionate about, but Tommy had the, quite frankly magical, ability to pull Buck back down to earth without making him feel like an over excited child. That didn't stop how from secretly imagining a future with Tommy of course.

The 118 arrived on scene of a scaffold collapse to find a construction worker on the ground underneath a large piece of wood.

"Chim, Hen you assess him, I'll speak to the foreman."

"Uh that's me." The portly middle-aged aged man standing above his injured colleague called out. "Colin Denison." He reached out his to shake Bobby's hand.

"Captain Nash." The man then held out his hand to Buck.

"Kinard.. No wait! BUCK! BUCKLEY!"

Bobby, Hen, Chim and Eddie's eyes all shot to Buck, whose face burned with the fire of a thousand sun's. He made a silent prayer for more scaffolding to fall and land directly onto him. Only death could take away this level of embarrassment.

"What did you just say?" Eddie asked with a smirk.

"Nothing" Buck replied quickly.

"Did you just say you're name was-" Chim tried to ask but Buck cut him off.

"Nope." A lie. An obvious, slap in your face, kick you in the crotch lie. He knew it, they knew, God himself knew it. He turned his attention to Bobby and the foreman and tried to ignore the stifled giggles behind him.

"Im just glad the rest of my guys were at lunch. If they have all been up there.." Colin shook his head. "Is Dave gonna be okay?" He fielded the question toward Hen and Chim.

"Couple of lacerations, definitely a broken wrist and he's gonna have some gnarly bruises, but he'll be fine."

"Hey Tomm- sorry Buck.. can you bring the gurney." Hen teased. Buck shot her a glare before walking back to the ambulance, coming back a moment later with the gurney.

"Thanks, Tommy." Chim sang.

"Come on guys." Buck pleaded, wishing another sinkhole would appear and swallow him whole. Or maybe a lightning strike. Hell, being on a capsized cruise ship would be better than being here right now.

"He's stabilised Cap. We just need to get all this crap off of him." Eddie informed him. "You wanna help Tommy?" He added. Buck groaned.

"Hey guys let's keep it professional - we have a job to do."

"THANK YOU Cap." Buck praised narrowing his eyes at everyone. Cap pointed to the large piece of wood covering the man.

"Eddie, Hen, Chimney, you take that side. Kinard you're with me."

"Bobby!"

***

Buck was more grateful than ever for his shift to be done with. Even more so that he was headed straight to Tommy's. He let himself in, kicked off his shoes - stopping to admire how warm it made him feel looking at both his and Tommys shoes sat side by side - and walked into the kitchen where Tommy was busy preparing dinner.

"Hey babe." He was stirring some sauce in pot as Buck walked over and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Good shift?"

"It was fine." Buck answered plainly. He had already humiliated himself enough today.

"Nothing happened?" Tommy asked.

"Nope." Buck said popping the 'P'. Tommy stopped starting and turned to face him.

"Really? Nothing? Nothing at all?" Buck noticed the glint in his eye.

"Who told you?!"

"Who do you think?" Tommy laughed. "I don't think Chims ever texted me that much before. Actually, it was mostly voice notes of him and Hen laughing."

"Oh god." Buck held his head in his hands as embarrassment soared through him. It was bad enough everyone else heard him but now that Tommy knew about it..

Tommy laughed and walked over to him, putting his arms around his waist.

"Hey." He said, wanting Buck to look at him, which he slowly did.

"Look, Evan.. were not near that step quite yet, bu-" Bucks head went down again, and he groaned. "But-" He said louder so Buck would look at him again. "I like that the idea of it doesn't freak you out. It's.. its actually kinda nice."

"Y-Yeah? You don't think I'm an idiot that's going overboard again?"

"Oh I definitely think that," He said with a laugh "but.." He placed soft kisses onto Bucks forehead, cheek, birthmark and finally his lips. "..I happen to love that about you." Buck sighed with relief.

"Although, what if I wanted to be a Buckley?" He asked half teasing.

"Are you kidding? I don't want to be a Buckley, so you're definitely not."

"Oh is that so?" Tommy questioned kissing him on the lips again.

"Yep." Buck smiled kissing him back.

"Noted." Tommy stated. "Now, come taste this sauce." He took Bucks hand and led him to the stove.

[staranghae]

it wasn't your car...

summary : his car isn't yours by wendy. that's the summary. here, go listen to it.

pairing: l.sm x reader genre: exes to lovers warnings: chan slander (im sorry), mentions of making out(?), mention of drinking/drunk people, crying *i think that's about it but if i missed any pls let me know* word count: 800+

that's all lee seokmin was supposed to be. a summer fling.

but instead, the last few days of your vacation were possibly the worst days of your whole life. days that were supposed to spent lounging with him in the pool were spent fighting about your relationship.

it started when he admitted he was in love with you. you weren't ready for something serious then and you said the same to him to which he said he would wait for you. you frankly thought it was ridiculous that he had fallen for you in the span of a month. no one can love someone within a month of knowing them. or can they?

which brings you to now, standing in front of the open door of the passenger seat of your date's black maserati.

the same car you had spent a month driving around and making out in.

the same car that had pulled up to your vacation house every friday at 8pm on the dot to take you on a date.

the same car in which you're about to go on a blind date in now, just to forget about him. because, contrary to your beleifs, it is possible to fall in love with someone within a month. like how you had fallen for seokmin.

you're shaken out of your trance by your date's voice,

"y/n-ssi, are you getting in?"

by the time you look at him, he's standing near the driver's door, waiting for you to get in,

"we'll be late for our reservation if we don't leave right now so..."

you look at him one last time before getting in and willing yourself to forget about butterfly kisses in late afternoons and the enigma that is lee seokmin.

you get through the dinner with little effort. you date, whose name you learn is lee chan, cannot stop talking for the life of him. you're glad for it though, because it means you can zone out and daydream about what could have been with seokmin. eventually, the dinner ends. he pays like the gentleman he is and offers to drive back since it's quite late.

you check the time. 1am. you say yes to the offer despite not wanting to but trying to get a cab would be worse that listening to someone talk about how good of a dancer they are for the umpteenth time in the past hour.

you get home around an hour later and are shell-shocked at the sight in front of you.

lee seokmin, sitting (well, sleeping) on your front porch, with a huge bouquet of carnations and violets in his hand and a letter in the other.

you turn to chan. he looks at you concerned and offers to walk you in, mistaking seokmin for a drunk person who just got the wrong house.

you tell him that it won't be a problem and manage to get him out of your hair before he tries asking about a second date.

you walk up to him and shake him awake. he blinks a few times before turning to look at you. it's almost magnetic, how he reaches out to cup your cheek in the palm of his hand. he pulls back before he actually touches you, though, scared you might run away again.

he stands up and clears his throat before he starts talking, "i know you don't want anything to do with me but i-"

you cut him off before he can finish, "that's not true, minnie..."

minnie. a nickname you got accustomed to in the course of your relationship. a nickname you had tried so hard to forget over the course of the past few days. a nickname that came to you as easily as breathing.

he blinks at you, a little confused. "what do you mean?"

you have to look away from him before you speak, in fear that you may start crying if you had to maintain eye contact with him,

"i mean, i do want something with you. with us."

seokmin breaks first. sobbing his heart out as he stands up to engulf you in a hug. you've hug him back with silent tears streaming down your face.

he pulls away after a few minutes, eyes rimmed red and looks at you. like, really looks at you. the way your features are aligned perfectly on you, the way you're quite literally tailor made for him, and him for you. he also notices you actively trying to avoid meeting his eyes

he simply chuckles at your behaviour, before talking,

"what am i going to do with you?"

you finally find the courage to look up at him,

"you, lee seokmin, are going to be my boyfriend"

seokmin swears he sees a halo on your head. you laugh at him because of course he would say something that corny with a straight face.

yeah, you'll be alright.

a/n: someone teach me how to end fics, please and thanks :) also, look whose free from the prison of writer's block heh

staranghae.writing®

[fabricated-misslieness]

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: miles morales x hispanic male reader (featuring my accent)

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: you're speaking spanish and he can hardly understand.

ʀᴇ𝐐: no ~ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 635 ~ established relationship

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: swearing, kissing, miles sitting on your lap

ᴍᴀʏʙ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: if i miss any tildes just know im not a man who paid attention to his tilde classes and also the difference between por que and porque and when they have tildes (dont think too hard about the wingdings)

☾⋆☆⋆☽

Was it wrong to admire him? Maybe it was, you didn't know; staring at strangers was wrong, but this was your boyfriend.

Miles had an effect on you. You couldn't quite name it, especially not when he asked. You just knew it had you staring, staring at his wide smiles or his expressive eyebrows or how he looks like when he's focused on drawing. You often stared when he wasn't looking, but when he was, when he returned your gaze, offered you an automatic smile, raised a teasing brow, you couldn't help but to kiss him.

But, for now, you were just looking, admiring. You could only imagine how dopey you looked right now. It's probably hilarious.

"E'te man me tiene loco." (This man drives me crazy.)

"What?"

You shake yourself out of your stupor, "Nothin'. Keep drawin'."

"No, no, dijistes algo." ((you) said something.)

"Ahahaa, no." You try to laugh it off, but Miles can see in the way that you tense up that he's right.

"Mira yo se que me mientes." He lifts himself off his seat, pointing a finger at you. (Look, I know you're lying to me.)

You cringe internally at the fact he didn't pronounce his r correctly but continue on. You raise your hands in feigned surrender, "No sé de que me 'tas hablando." (I don't know what you're talking to me about.)

"Me 'tas? Metas?" The confusion was visible on his face, which was frankly adorable, "Like goals?"

"No, mi amor," Miles sits himself down on your lap–so casually–and you take the opportunity to wrap your arms around him. The normality of it makes you relax again. "I mean to say, "me estas", but because of my accent, I cut out the "es"."

"So just say "me estas"." He replied, like it was that simple.

You roll your eyes, "I don't think about the way I say things all the time, you know. Just like how you forgot to roll your r's."

"I did not!" He shouts, pretending like he's offended.

"Oh, but you did."

"Ok, mira, carrro," He exaggerates it for you, "carrrrrro." (Ok, look, carrr. carrrrrr.)

"Okay, okay, now remember it."

"Whatever." He scoffs, "You've been deflecting."

"Have I?" You bring a hand up to fiddle with the unshaven hair at the back of his neck in the hope of distracting him.

"Yes." He digs his accusatory finger into your chest, turning the tables on you and your criticism of his shit Spanish. "Ey, stop trying to distract me."

You don't drop the hand but you stop playing with his hair, "Lo siento." (I'm sorry.)

"Dime lo que dijistes." (Tell me what you said.)

"Dijiste." You correct.

With a groan, he says it correctly. "Dijiste."

"Dijequemetienesloco." You say fast. It was a bit embarrassing to admit it, even with the many times that he's caught you staring.

Combined with his bad Spanish and how fast you said it, Miles did not understand a single word. "Dijek met ien lowcou." (👎︎♓︎🙰♏︎❑︎◆︎♏︎❍︎♏︎⧫︎♓︎♏︎■︎♏︎⬧︎●︎□︎♍︎□︎)

"What language are you speaking?"

"That's what you said." He laughs. "But seriously the curiosity is killing me!"

"Fine..."

He fiddles in your lap excitedly as he anticipates your words.

"Me tienes loco." (You drive me crazy.)

They were simple words but he didn't understand them. "I have you crazy? Do I drive you mad? Do you think I'm that annoying?"

Stuck in your own embarrassment, you ignore his rambling and begin your own, "I mean I actually said "Este man me tiene loco" but you know it's practically the same thing and you'd complain about me calling you man porque it's so impersonal and–" (This man drives me crazy.)

Meanwhile he's over here still trying to figure it out, until, "Wait it's "You make me crazy!". Ohhh."

You prepare yourself for teasing but are instead met with a soft little kiss.

"I drive you crazy, huh?" Miles smiles one of those smiles you always adore.

"Yes." There would be teasing later, you were sure of it, but for now you relished in kissing him. You couldn't have enough of him.

[viathecloset]

Taehyung and jungkook's relationship is overlooked by 90% of the fandom solely because they are so controlled by the narrative of the fandom/company that they cannot quite accept that anything outside is even a remote possibility. Ive been more of a quiet observer for years now [my sister's an army since 2015] and I've seen the boys, moreover I know how marketing and kpop works. It's quite evident if u observe close enough of the pattern on how this group of seven guys who genuinely love music is marketed you would understand to what extent you're being brainwashed. Im not talking about this like a conspiracy theorist. It's quite simple and right infront of you. Yall refuse to accept it that's all.

1. There are a certain set of stories that are made to be told by them, over and over again. Even if it disturbs them or they are bored. E.g: 2018 disbandment story, vmin dumpling incident, jikook rain fight/tokyo trip, mind you there are many things that happend between people who lived together for 10+ yrs but if it cuts the flow of events you are made to believe happened you aren't gonna hear from it, ever.

2. Like stories there are dynamics that each pair is supposed to portray Taegi as annoying/annoyed duo, taejin/jikook as flirty HS boyfriends, namseok/taekook the awkward old friends and no matter how much the relationships change or evolve you won't see it cuz again, it won't FIT the narrative that has already been shown.

3. Like relationships there are characteristics that thankfully some members chose to break out of during their solo era: hoseok always being sunshine and loud ( he's quite serious and very dedicated infact ), jungkook being that muscle dude who only knows how to follow his Hyungs ( he's very independent and has a lot of targets he wants to achieve individually, he's very thoughtful and organized) and Taehyung being WEIRD and weak ( he's extremely intelligent and super strong he's strategic and disciplined)

4. This brings us to the whole Taekook narrative, the fact that they've been seen so much during solo era yet people had the audacity to still call them distant and awkward solely cuz it wasn't via company but through Taehyung's ig or jungkook mentioning him in interviews etc. I think it's needless to say they aren't comfortable being touchy and showy on camera for content, hell if they were to shoot everytime Taehyung and jungkook hangout there would he enough CONTENT till 2067. They're supportive of eo and have a very big shared friend circle, when jungkook went missing for almost 2 months we got to know Taehyung was the one he was with.

5. The thing is everyone [ including my own sister ] thinks that Taehyung is being desperate or such whenever he mentions Taehyung cuz a. Yall have actually led jokers run so fucking rampant that everytime the man mentions him actually doing something you're ready to throw him under the bus and call him a liar or such. b. Im not saying jungkook isn't close to anyone else but when he isn't working or shooting content and just wants to be himself the one you saw him most was around Taehyung and yes it matters. In the name of hating shippers yall have not only dissed the quite frankly PRIVATE bond they seem to share but went as far as dissing Taehyung himself cuz of the extreme level of manipulation yall are under.

Ik imma find armys [jikookers ]under this sooner or later calling me names but to be honest I'm sick and tired of yall dissing very real people and their very real human relationships solely based off the content yall are made to believe is 100% candid. Go touch grass, get friends, go date, don't obsess over them for a while then come back and try seeing it from a neutral perspective.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

i feel like the “no more drugs + booze” conviction will last for like one episode, before reuniting with stede and relapsing almost immediately because im pretty sure staying sober while your weird blonde ex follows you around is a trial not even jesus could withstand.

I'm gonna put what I think will happen up here and then I'm gonna put my drug takes under the cut.

To me it kinda seems like the scene where he's smoking weed might happen after the scene where he says no more drugs. Even if I'm wrong there OFMD is a comedy where Jack and Ed can just sorta drink on an empty stomach while they actively have hangovers and be completely fine so I don't imagine that line is the start of a preachy sobriety plot. No more booze probably just means Eds gonna take a break from drinking all day to try to drown his Stede thoughts rather than a total ban, and I do think a relapse could be funny in the context of the show frankly. Stede follows him around like a lost puppy and he's like fuck it. However

Honestly my preference for substance abuse arcs is quitting the drugs until you figure out what was going on in your life that made you want to escape from it with drugs so bad, sorting that shit out and then if you want to easing back into it to see if you can have a healthy relationship with substances when you're actually in a good mental place. I feel like if we had more media like that that twelve step type cults where you have to say that all your successes are the work of God and all your failures are your own fault would have less of a chokehold on the rehab industry and people would be less terrified of drugs and addicts wouldn't feel like one relapse is all their hard work down the drain. I just really think most addiction is caused by shitty life circumstance and not personal failing and it's a capitalist refusal to admit that there's anything wrong with the way we do things that keeps people blaming drugs and addictive personalities for addiction.

I don't think OFMD is the show to tackle that shit obviously it is a pirate rom com already doing heavy lifting on topics like race and class and masculinity. I just really hope it's not gonna be another one of those half baked "hes an alcoholic because his dad was an alcoholic and he can never drink again now or else he'll turn into Mr. Hyde" plots. That type of thing does exist irl but it's way overrepresented in media and I genuinely think that we need to give it a break

[survivoirs]

@walkpathe (moved so i could cut idk what tumblr drafts is doing)

ah,   the good old would have,  should have.  not yet,  maybe?  he is not entirely sure on that one.  ian,  however,  is confident enough to say he hasn’t imagined something there    (   he might wear dark tinted glasses,  but they sure as hell aren’t for his eyesight   ).  what he is not going to do,  anyway,  is offer   (   possible?   )   relationship advice to the man.  dr. grant is not the one with two divorces on his back,  after all. ‘  uh-huh,  sure.  ’   the two of them would make one hell of a couple,  if they were to ask his opinion,  but well..  at least he doesn’t feel even a bit guilty in turning towards alan completely,  expression unashamedly teasing.   '  so,  is that a no to work relationships or to relationships in general,  dr. grant?  '   ian malcolm isn’t one to limit his options,  never has been,  and he won’t start now in the company of not one but two frankly attractive scientists. his smile fades just a little this time,  when alan asks about his kids,  but ian is quick to put the usual nonchalant humor to his words and,  truth be told,  he isn’t lying at all when he says,  pride shining clear as day in his eyes:   '  my youngest,  kelly  —  she’s going to outshine me for sure.  '   the sad part,  the one he keeps silent,  is that he hasn’t seen his other two daughters in quite a while.  he keeps it under wraps,  gives out an uncomplicated version of himself,  bite sized and easy to chew on.  the rockstar,  the flirt.  it’s just easier this way.

Alan suddenly felt a bit too warm and reached up to loosen the bandana tied around his neck awkwardly. This topic of chit chat was not something he was used to dealing with out at dig sites. "It's not a no it's just -- what it is," he replied quickly, happy to let the subject shift to Ian instead. The man seemed better fit to being the center of a conversation than he was himself. Or maybe he was just feeling warm because of the flirty look in Malcolm's eyes when he'd asked him his stance on relationships. Truthfully, Alan wasn't sure he was meant to be in one. Sure he'd like to. Who wanted to spend their life alone? Work had just always seemed to be what he was married to. Finding that balance hadn't been something he'd figured out yet -- or given enough of a try to be honest. It might have been more on him than he'd like to admit.

It was actually kind of sweet to hear Ian talk about his kids like this. Grant smiled a bit while he listened, despite kids not really being his forte at all. "I never know how to act with kids. Which is entirely difficult given as Ellie describes me as "who every kid wants to flock to the second they know im a 'dinosaur man'", he chuckled softly and shook his head. It was very true. Tim alone kept trying to glue himself to Alan's side. "I don't hate kids," he clarified quickly. "I am just more comfortable with my dirt and my tools," he shrugged. "Though truth be told I think I might just be better with dinosaurs than I am with people in general. Suppose that will remain to be seen a bit..." he trailed off, thinking about getting to hold a baby raptor earlier. His head was still reeling with how amazing and terrifying all at the same time that had been.

[g-gurokisses]

ive been okay !!! truly lots of changes :P .. i found someone that actually likes me as much as i like him lol. we spend all our time together,, we both get jealous when we hang out w our friends but its okay cuz we js call right after. its like finally i am not the only one doing the obsessing..

its so nice it doesnt even feel like im obsessed!!! cuz so is he :P. at first i thought it wld just fade on his end as it usually does, and then i thought id feel smothered and want him gone but.. its been like four months i think and were still the same.

the only thing i wld change is if i could just finally make it Oficial lol. but, im waiting for certain things to fall into place for that first. still cant wait tho :3

i like him so much.. i love him So much. its funny, ive never met someone so normal yet so weird. he gets everything i say but he doesnt get it like i do,, but he gets it in a way nobody ever has before. he gets me,, its like he knows me yk?. i hope we get far, i dont ever wanna be away from him.

– く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡

Thank you for sharing this with me!!

Oh this is wonderful, just wonderful!! I'm so happy to hear that my dear! Success stories are always the best part of this blog! This truly warms my heart ♡

Doesn't it feel amazing to finally feel loved and understood, even when you thought you'd never get love? It's amazing!! And I hope anyone who reads this realizes that time and patience will get you far, everyone finds someone eventually!!

Frankly I also had my phase where I thought I was unlovable, or that relationships weren't for me. I even thought, for a moment, that friendships could replace relationships! People who have been following me for a while and read my posts a lot might remember that... Quite embarrassing when I look back now! Tehehehe~

Now of course, that might very much be the case for some, and there's nothing wrong with that, but for yearning and love-filled people like me that just doesn't cut it!

Now you know what it's like to have someone who genuinely loves you! Someone who needs you and is infatuated just like you! My dear beloved and I are often too much for the average person, but we're perfect for each other. I've never had someone be exactly what I wanted like that, and I'm guessing you feel the same!!

That is to say, I'm so happy for you!!! And I wish you both the absolute best, even tho I already know you're starting off by a great start!! I can sense this relationship will do wonders for you.

And for the rest of my dear lovely readers, don't give up! Know your worth, know how much your love is valuable and NEVER settle for someone who underappreciates you. Communication is key, but if you ever feel unwanted and unloved and talking doesn't work; Please, put yourself first. You don't owe anyone anything, and that inclues you too.

As someone who was stuck in a tiring and unreciprocated friendship for years, I regret not realizing how little that person cared about me.

Remember, the right person will never make you feel inadequate!!

But most importantly, remember that I LOVE YOU~ ♡♡

[patchun]

some thoughts lately or a diary or whatever

i am lonely and my roommate bryan is the only person i know who somewhat shares my nerdy interests and he's moving out soon. i'm moving in with some acquaintances i met via my local bar but the reason they're acquaintances is because i have basically nothing in common with them so i doubt i'll have as satisfying a relationship with them even once we do get to know each other. i've always had a difficult time relating to other people and really getting close to them and i'm thinking this may play a big part in why.

i like anime such select and specific anime that i'm not sure i can accurately say "i like anime". the people i know who like anime usually like naruto/one piece, that kind of thing, and it's usually more of a passive interest for them. but then, you have the people who LIKE like anime, and they tend to be a little too weird for me to vibe with, not that there's anything wrong with the weirdness, i just end up not fitting in with them either. i'm at this weird point where i'm very socially "normal" but have interests that are very different from socially normal people? and those interests are what i spend most of my time thinking about, so growing closer via conversation about anything else can be difficult, as i frankly just don't know much about most topics, and am reluctant to speak when i'm not confident about my relevant knowledge.

so yeah i dont really know what i'm hoping for, am i hoping to meet my similar-interest dream girl who doesn't exist and even if she did the likelihood of ever a) encountering each other and b) encountering each other in such a way that shows we have things in common is basically nonexistent. i think that's maybe a silly thought process as that's not really how things work and it doesn't necessarily need to be a romantic relationship anyways.

oh yeah and i'm not doing makeup or eyeliner any more and i cut off my hair so now its short and brown and i look like an average 5-6-7 if were being generous white dude like i used to. i was really tired of being perceived as gay by seemingly everyone at a glance. but i'm definitely regretting it a little bit, looking in the mirror for that approximate year always made me so happy. i constantly would look at myself in my snapchat camera and take pictures and feel confident and such. now i kind of hate looking at myself and it was weird breaking the habit of constantly looking at my snapchat camera because of the negative emotions it caused. i was just feeling miserable one day and was so desperate for any kind of change that i cut my hair off, lol. i talked with my doctor about it and the idea that i could potentially have bipolar depression came up. which, looking at my past actions such as: quitting jobs, getting a nonsensical divorce from my loving partner of 10 years, moving to rochester, starting estrogen.......... maybe there's something to that lol. if any of my bpd homies read this let me know what u think im looking at u m if u get this far or check my blog lol

but yeah reading over this myself maybe i should go back to the eyeliner lol. i realized that i really like cute things. i like kirby and girl characters in video games and bla bla bla. i like cute things and i think it felt nice to be a cute thing. unfortunately i just don't know if the social niche it gave me was productive towards my end goal of finding a romantic partner. its got me thinking, once i have money again (oh yes i am extremely broke,,, i start my new job on august 12), how SHOULD i present myself if i want to work towards that goal? presenting in general is such a fascinating thing its like... you decide how you want others to perceive you, what notions theyre going to have. i dont know i dont really get it.

thankfully despite not being just super happy i am pretty mentally stable right now. no extremely low lows like it has been for a while recently

[starry-eyed-dr]

All throughout my childhood I've had numerous brushes with death in relation to water. I've nearly drowned so many times that I've simply stopped counting. But I still love swimming. You're looking at a character who is quite literally ready and willing to face that which nearly killed him many times. He didn't gain a fear of fire. He learned to respect it. He learned to live in spite of the damage it caused him in the same way Fizzarolli learned to live with his injuries. They both pick themselves up and refuse to let their fears control them.

I'm fully willing to admit that there are glaring mistakes in this show. But projects can and will CHANGE while IN PROGRESS. And Viv and her team ARE HUMAN BEINGS TRYING THEIR BEST TO MAKE SOMETHING. We get it. Viv left out Barbie. But the episode that she's in she explicitly tells Blitzo he wants nothing to do with him. Ever again. She left a HUGE story telling opportunity on the table.

BUT THERE'S MORE EPISODES COMING. BARBIE MOST LIKELY WILL BE BACK. AND IM WILLING TO BET ON THIS STATEMENT BECAUSE WE JUST GOT AN EPISODE ABOUT A MAIN CHARACTER FIXING HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE HE HURT IN THE PAST (on accident). THE SNAKE IMP GUY? HE CAME BACK OUT OF NOWHERE. PATIENCE MOTHERFUCKERS. George Lucas said he had a plan with Jar Jar and his fucking fans got in the way and booed him so much that he backed down and changed the entire plot to appease his fanbase. And look where we are now. The fucking bad timeline with a bitch mouse sitting on his throne squeezing blood from the petrified corpse of Star Wars. And honestly, I'm hoping Vivzie doesn't do this, even if only out of pure spite for her fanbase. Because quite frankly, I'm tired of seeing/hearing this shit constantly when you people look at final works in relation to WIP shots. Let the woman cook. If it ends up tasting like shit, then fine. There's other shit to watch. But let her finish making the fucking meal before you yell for the fucking chef. Fuck this shit I'm gonna go back to simping for toxic positivity Eggman.

Actually hold on. Lemme imitate you guys. "0/10 ep! Where was Andrealphus??? Why Stella still stupid??? Uh GHHRrRUurhh>???? Y Loomba no have stable boifwemd and proper emotional growth yet? MOXIE IS ABUSIVE CAUSE OF THE GIRLBOSS EP. THEY SHOULD BREAK UP, NOW!" MAD ABOUT IT??? GO MAKE A FUCKING AU TO SATISFY YOURSELF. SONIC FANS BEEN DOIN THIS SHIT FOR YEARS. ONLY WAY VIV COULD STOP YOU IS BY CUTTING YOUR HANDS OFF. AND I DON'T THINK SHE'S THE KIND OF PERSON TO DO SO.

Alright. Sorry for getting angy. Bye now.

Helluva Boss was NOT planned out very well.

You'd think that with Blitzo being traumatized by a fire that he (accidentally) caused, that he'd be more wary about starting or being around fires, right?

Wrong.

Even in Loo Loo Land, where he sets the CIRCUS on fire with GREEN hellfire and watched the body of Fizzarolli be burnt alive again? Barely any reaction!

What happened? Did the writers forget, or was Blitzo's backstory not planned before Season 1 started?

[angloie]

╰ 𝐌.𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; 1

percy j. + the olympians

pjo as touching

no particular ships, just the characters.

# drabbles ;

tiny little fics that i write on outbursts of prductivity

+ miss you

╰ In which Percy and Annabeth haven't seen each other in months, and they reunite at the airport.

+ olympic swimmer! percy x athletic trainer! annabeth

╰ sometimes, annabeth hates her job.

# timestamps

a collection of mini oneshots that don't quite make the cut as fics!

solangelo ; 4:42 ; 11:05

percabeth ; 12:24 ; 4:38 ; 8:40 ; 10:07 ; 8:29

tratie ; 12:57

# percy + annabeth

+ rivals. nothing More. ;; 1 & 2

╰ rivals to lovers, mutual pinning. angst if you squint.

+ routine

╰ annabeth's routine starts to shift when the boy with sea green eyes appears in her life.

+ the moon and the stars

╰ two tired college students. a night out eating junk food. i think you can imagine what happens next. (friends to lovers, fluff.)

+ odd duo

╰ sometimes, percy and annabeths' friendship is tested. in other words: their platonic rendevouz is starting to blur.

+ charms.  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 status ; paused / discontinued

╰ assassin AU! (CEO annabeth x assassin Percy)

+ cat house

╰ in which annabeth is an architect turned cat lady, and percy, after shapeshifting for the first time, finds himself in the company of a pretty girl.

• toxic percabeth

╰ their relationship; except, hear me out, toxic.

+ sick

╰ a very sick annabeth gets nursed back to health by Percy. platonic!

• falling back.

╰ Oh, great. Someway, somehow, a drunk Percy manages to call the wrong number. and who exactly, you might ask?

his ex. annabeth chase.

+ meet me at your balcony.

╰ percy's nothing but a big and villain, so why can't she stop thinking about him? more specifically, why does she keep on nursing him back to health whenever he shows up beaten and bruised on her balcony?

+ nightime garden visits and royal galas.

╰ out of all the gala's and balls, perseus has never found what he- or rather his parents- wanted. a sucsessor to the throne. and, frankly, he's never had much want for one. why would he in the first place?

but a night in a disguise, a garden, and a strange blonde might change his mind.

+ end result

╰ "lets try to keep our relationship secret. or at least try to, anyways."

+ each trips and im falling in love

+ pt. 2.5

╰ when annabeth meets a strange boy on vacation, she doesn't expect for their relationship to grow much. he's... terribly sarcastic. Cocky. A not-so great match for her witty self. but after learning he visits the same beach every year she does, their strange friendship blooms into something more.

+ the little things

╰ in which percy and Annabeth are bestfriends, and percy happens to stumble on a big secret.

• know-it-all

╰ Annabeth knows a lot of things.

+ percy jackson does not know anything about love.

╰ a continuation of the olympic swimmer percy au. he manages to score a date with annabeth, which obviously, decides to go downhill.

+ annabeth prefers to think she's a smart person.

╰ angst to fluff. arguements.

+ when the lights go out, i come to you.

╰ percy and annabeth do not know each other— outside of their dreams. every night, like clockwork, the other appears— but it never gets anywhere but that. can pure coincidence prove them wrong?

# frank + hazel

• toxic

╰ angst, hurt with no comfort.

# will + nico

+ just because

╰ mutual pining, a dare, solangelo + fluff!

+ kitten

╰ Of course will just had to bring home a kitten.

"I found this little thing on the side of the road!"

• over

╰ will refused to hurt him, even with a weapon to the throat. nico still went for the kill.

Always.

+ a holiday event.

╰ what better way to spend a winter night snowed in with your (un) requited crush?

# katie + travis

+ in between

╰ katie has the worst luck. roomates! au

 last updated ; jan 6th

[domjaehyun]

Omg hiii! I spoke to you like a year ago and you are SO LOVELY! I wanted to ask your advice about something…I feel like most women enjoy giving bjs to men…but I just don’t like it and don’t want to do it. I haven’t remotely have had sex with any men because of this. When spoken to “friends” around me they tend to shame me or call me a “prude” simply because I don’t want to engage on this. I’m really scared to be in a relationship with a man who wants me to do things in bed that I don’t want to do. What would you recommend? I feel out of touch sometimes 🥲 And I genuinely think men probably think I’m a prude or good girl BC in my almost 22 years of life NO man has approached me or even asked me on a date 🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel left out and at moments ugly, I’m working on how I feel, but sometimes it just gets to me yk? I’m an adult btw😅 Thank you❤️

okay im on a roll rn so . gonna answer this too hehe hi lovely 💖 THANK YOU FOR SAYING IM LOVELY OMG DFHJKGSLK and yes *cracks knuckles* lemme see what i can do (...you guessed it...under the cut...i am talkative rn sorry y'all)

quite frankly? do not do anything you don't want to do. however, i would be remiss if i didn't add any nuance to this so. here i go.

when it comes to your sexual pleasure, i would say that it is very important to communicate your needs and feelings. also, like, we do be livin in a society n shii so . there are a lot of dynamics always at play esp with cis men (specification necessary bc. some men are not cis and do not have dicks. and also bc the types of dynamics i am about to mention are pretty damn specific to women in sexual situations with CIS men, so when i think of non-men with dicks, i don't believe the same dynamics are at play, yknow?)

> society is disgustingly and selfishly centered around male pleasure. so blowjobs are like . fucking expected ? for some stupid reason ? yet these same men that are pushing your head down for you to suck them off tend to be the same fucking pansy ass bitches that don't eat pussy bc "it's gross" as if the vagina doesn't have a naturally self-cleaning procedure*...which the penis doesn't... and as if men don't literally have smegma.

*note: i don't think i should have to say this bc we are all grown but. no matter what the vagina itself does to regulate itself pH wise or self-cleaning wise...please, for the love of god, wash yourself properly. do as much research as you need, ask your doctor, whatever you need to do...but you need to clean yourself for your safety. okay psa over, moving on.

> but yeah, in the societal sense, it's way more normalized for people sleeping with cis men to ... give blowjobs and center the man's pleasure...often at the expense of their own. this is incredibly fucking stupid and i hate it and if i could go back in time and kill everyone who made this "normalized" i would do it with glee. and excessive violence. 💖

> that said? if you don't want to give a blowjob, say that. establish that boundary as soon as it feels necessary. we are going to hope that the man on the receiving end of the boundary is not an asshole or anything and that he takes it well. however...men do be trash, so there is a chance he might push or try and coerce you. while maintaining your safety as much as possible, do not fucking budge. if this man pushes and crosses the boundary and you let him, that sets the precedent for him to continue to cross your boundaries in the future. if you don't want to suck his dick, do not suck his dick.

> what i just mentioned tends to apply to more casual relationships i think but like . again, ideally, whatever man you end up with as a romantic long-term partner has heard your boundary loud and clear and respects your boundary. like, personally? i don't like blowjobs! it's pretty fucking rare for me to ever look at a man and be like "god, i wanna suck his dick." (haechan if you are reading this...you're the exception bc i do think this abt you sometimes... but not THAT often. don't get it twisted.) and, like, that is okay. that is fully okay for both of us. there's literally a term for it–pillow princess !! p sure the term originated in sapphic spaces, but . it's a lil more mainstream now i think and i also didn't seem to find a term that applies to like. women in general, not just sapphic women.

(which, if i wanted to get on my high horse about it for a sec, is so "funny" to me because the concept of a woman only wanting to receive pleasure and not give it is... only conceptualized in spaces that don't... involve... men... interesting... surely that doesn't mean anything in regards to our society and how it refuses to "normalize" or even shed light on women wanting to center their own pleasure–much like men are encouraged to do all the fucking time–when having sex with cis men... i also find it very... "funny" that the term, as well as the less popular term "starfish," tends to be used... in a derogatory/offensive manner... as if pillow princesses are inherently selfish people... even though the chances are high that they communicated beforehand that they didn't want to reciprocate and their partner might have continued on anyway with the intent to attempt to coerce said pillow princess into giving them pleasure anyway... as if that's not borderline predatory and manipulative behavior... that we let men get away with all the fucking time... interesting. surely that couldn't mean anything deeper at all. moving on bc i think i've planted enough seeds and you get what i'm hinting at.)

> anyway: there is no fucking shame in being a pillow princess, a starfish, or whatever term you'd like to use for yourself. y'know what it means when there's a term for something? it's a common enough occurrence that people started being like "we need a name for this thing." so you're not alone !! and i don't think there is a single thing wrong with being a pillow princess bc guess what !! just like there are people like us that prefer to receive, there are people that prefer to give!! there are actually quite a few terms for this (again... interesting... that being more inclined to give than receive is fine and cool and dandy... but the alternative, when it comes to women, is not... surely this article doesn't make several valid points...) like stone butch (a more typically masc presenting lesbian who prefers not to be touched during sex), pleasure dom (a person who plays a dominant role in a D/S dynamic who derives sexual pleasure directly from giving their partner sexual pleasure), service top (someone who, even though they're the one doing the penetrating or filling the typically more "dominant" role in the dynamic, derives pleasure from pleasing their partner; this is typically used in LGBT+ spaces but i think it can def apply to het relationships if the terms are used correctly), and i'm sure the list goes on!! there are people that are very sexually compatible with pillow princesses and it's just a matter of solid communication to find the right person/people!!

> that said, i feel the need to let you know that, like, you're not alone in the slightest! and honestly? fuck your friends for judging you or teasing you or antagonizing you about it. it's frankly none of their damn business what you like in bed bc like . you're not fucking them... anyway. i digress. but like, honestly? i consider myself a pillow princess !! while blowjobs aren't, like, physically uncomfy for me or anything, i just . don't like them dfjkgsk like if i slept with someone with a dick, the thought to suck their dick would not be stemming from the desire but probably a sense of like . obligation . it does nothing for me !

> honestly, whenever dicks come out in the porn i watch, i lose interest immediately and either go back to an earlier point in the video where the dicks weren't present, or i'll just leave the video entirely kjdsfgkd and again !! this is valid !! it's not like you're misleading people by saying "omg yeah i love giving head" and then when the time comes you're like "nvm i don't like doing it actually" (which, i feel the need to note, is a very diff situation than revoking consent. revoking consent is acceptable at any point at all. i am talking specifically about deliberately misleading people just to fuck with them. think of a guy being like "yeah i love going down on girls" and then you two hook up and he encourages you to go down on him bc he'll "return the favor" and then when you're finished giving him head, he won't reciprocate and never had any intent to)

> i do also feel the need to say, though, that sometimes i personally do want to reciprocate !! whether it's by giving a bj or eating someone out, sometimes i DO want to give pleasure !! (tbh i am infinitely more likely to want to eat someone out than suck a dick......... we won't unpack that rn) however, my occasionally wanting to give pleasure doesn't revoke my pillow princess status, nor would i say it's expected of pillow princesses to have the same feelings i do !!

so. yes . i hope this helped at least a lil bit fdjksgk i hope if and when you do start entering the dating/sexual/relationship scene that you have safe and positive encounters !!! communicate w ppl and be as upfront as possible !!!!

[reverieprince]

i never post here but im answering this question bc its too long for curiouscat!

answer is under the cut ^^;

yes kinda! the story abt this is basically when briar is 2 and astair is 6, the rulers decide they should split them up, with their weird logic being that 'hey we can teach and influence them, but if they're separate they can't be sneaky and create some secret plan and conspire against us together when they're older' which is funny bc that's literally what happens anyways

so astair is like 6 when they tell him his baby sister passed away. He's pretty upset, but it doesn't affect his life too much, especially since his parents would always tell him it didn't matter and to move on. So for the next eleven years, the rulers are there but on and off- they'd spend a few weeks with him, then some castle staff (is staff what you call people working at a castle? idk...) would take care of him on the off weeks. (this is when they were spending time with briar, and the cycle would repeat.) 

only thing is, briar had a ton less liberties growing up- astair was their main focus since he was to be the next king, so briar really spent most of her life in a very limited area and didn't get to do much of anything. so when she's 13, she tries to escape by basically hurling herself out a window, because i guess she wasn't thinking critically or somethin? luckily, emalise (i don't mention her much sorry but she used to be an apprentice castle guard for the Chastels) happened to be flying a little ways under the window and caught her. 

so briar's all like “my parents are bad” and emalise is like “we been knew” and helps her escape to nocteram. they figure by the time they get there that people have totally noticed that the princess is missing and now they're both kinda on the run from castle guards. (which is true, but it isnt like they figure out theyre in a whole nother kingdom by now.) so now em and briar are kinda just wandering the city and come across this abandoned building that still has light coming from it. it's the old pterasi headquarters! (i forgot to mention this but this is all like 3 years from the start of arc 1! briar's 13, caspians 19, emalise is 18, and theo is 16.) 

so there they meet theoden, who's pretty nice to them and offers them a place to stay in the old pterasi hq where he and caspian are lving rn. (this isnt too long after old pterasi disbanded leaving just the two of them kinda hanging around in the hq building cause they didn't really have anywhere else to go.) so briar and emalise accept pretty eagerly, but then whuh oh caspian comes in later bc he was doing something at the time i guess, like a patrol or something. he kinda wants to keep up the illusion that pterasi is still a thing :( anyway hes kinda miffed, but trusts theoden with letting them stay "for now" as long as they mind their business.

briar does not mind her business. 

she's frankly awed by everything in nocteram, caspian included. she's kinda hangin around him all the time and asking what this or that is. she hangs with theoden a lot too, but she also kinda thinks annoying caspian is fun. caspian himself is slowly warming up to her though, despite insisting he doesnt have time for some kid. they get pretty close pretty fast once caspian lets his guard down, they just kinda click and have a close-knit, fun siblingy dynamic and get into trouble together :D

so three years and one big fat status upgrade later pterasi is kinda thriving yaa! to answer your second question, their first meeting is once they've got astair in their new hq, courtesy of ambrose's sollis minions. briar knows they're siblings bc she knows who her parents are obviously, but she has zero memories of the guy so what gives? soon after hes just kinda. settled in their penthouse headquarters thing, briar approaches him with a bunch of questions, not just because shes suspicious of him, but because she also wants answers to piece together the puzzle of her own life. 

this is where they kinda make a deal with the rest of pterasi- you help me investigate what's going on with the king and queen and i'll join pterasi and help you do some mission stuff. normally it'd be a no, no one trusts him yet- but briar shares astair's objective. the rest see that this is quite personal to her, so they accept. 

briar and astair's relationship starts off quite amicable, but a bit awkward and forced- like the way you're friendly with an acquaintance you have a lot in common with. it gets a bit rocky when astair kinda goes helicopter mode, starting to try and distance her from pterasi out of concern for her. eventually he learns to pull back and kinda trust her and pterasi, and they manage to get close to each other!

[madwickedawesome]

OH MY GOOODDDDDD YEAH (i was going to put this in the tags but it was too much . so it's here now)(i am SO sorry this will not be eloquent in the slightest im just going to dump my thoughts in order of me thinking them) ACTUALLY IM PUTTING THIS UNDER A CUT BECAUSE IT IS SO LONG.

(the allegory of religious trauma hit a little too hard for my own wellbeing)

aziraphale is trapped in his reverence for heaven. heavens 'good' is JUST as intrinsic to aziraphales being as his love for crowley. they're just facts of life for him . he's based upon them. at a point they're the only things he knows!! and it is difficult!! quite frankly!!! to break free from something you've let guide you for ages no matter how terrible!!!! and he's not ready to face the idea that heaven is not good, has never been good, has certainly never been good for him. heaven is his home, where Deep Down he knows he's unloved but who can just face that? its his home!!

no matter how much crowley tries to ease him out of his ways, to make him realize heaven is terrible, aziraphale cant !! stop fighting for "good" because its Hard for him to question whether there was really any "good" to begin with!!!! and its because its such a major change for him. aziraphale is so infamous for Not Getting With The Times, for despising change, and heaven being Bad for him is a LOT to take in. he finds comfort in keeping heaven as a moral compass and keeping crowley at an arm's length; those are facts of life, after all. the metatron is Using his status as the Perfect Obedient Soldier of Heaven!!!! he is but a lamb of god!!!!! aziraphale has only ever wanted to be Good. that's also part of why its SUCH a big step that he's willing to be even closer with crowley post season 1.

not to further mention that aziraphale has been conditioned to . heaven and back. he must be virtuous he must be obedient he must have reverence for all creatures he must be ethereal he must be honest he must be courageous he must be all of these Good things!! and he's so blinded with the thought of Good that he's TERRIFIED of questioning his loyalty or acting out (i.e. his extreme fear of becoming a demon upon lying to gabriel back in 2500 b.c.). its not as simple as denying the metatron all in the name of crowley (as much as his microexpressions say he wants to), heaven's Goodness is undeniable, thank you very much, how could you possibly suggest otherwise? he cant just question things, that's how crowley fell. why would he want that? the metatron is Good and heaven should be Good and his ways must be Good so why should he defy the certainty of these??? that would make him bad, that would make him fall. (ALLEGORY FOR RELIGIOUS TRAUMA!!!)

FURTHERMORE. the theme of toxic relationships aka lindsay and nina this season????? the way nina, after gaining distance from lindsay, acknowledges in retrospect that lindsay probably hadn't loved her, at least not as of recent, but she felt inclined to stay nonetheless. THAT PARALLELS AZIRAPHALE AND HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(going insane) he cant truly acknowledge that heaven is awful for him until he's away from its influence, but he will continuously justify heaven's behavior, although he knows, somewhere rooted deep, that heaven doesn't love him. and he justifies heaven because its his terrible, awful, wonderful "home." plus, heaven is Everywhere; it's difficult to distance oneself from something Everywhere.

he's holding onto his love and reverence for heaven because what is life without it? is he even himself without heaven???

+ i don't have a paragraph for this. but it's important to acknowledge that aziraphale didn't even want the position until crowley was involved!! that's just a sidebar i find IMPORTANT but i dont have Loads to say as of right now nor do i know where i can even fit it here. sobs

the season relies so heavily on parallelism, between relationships and time and actions and objects and beings and the like!! and most importantly!! almost all of these parallels pertain to aziraphale and crowley's Complicated Relationship!!! they will never be Straightforward, and i think the ending illustrated that so very well :)

again i am SO terribly sorry for how long this is . one final thought is that aziraphale being a shostakovich fan was the best part of season 2 (guy who LOVES shostakovich watching good omens season 2: this is just like shostakovichs 5th symphonOH MY GOD.)(i absolutely cannot rant on this any longer this isn't even My post. but. shostakovichs 5th? is very. good omens heaven core.)(hands hovering above your shoulders.)

if i see ANYONE hating on aziraphale it’s on SIGHT!! aziraphale didn’t chose heaven over crowley!!! his first thought was to bring crowley with him! aziraphale loves crowley just as much as crowley loves him and you can SEE how painful it is for him to leave crowley behind. did aziraphale make a massive mistake? absolutely. do i want to smack some sense into him and tell him to go running back to his husband? yes. but more than anything i want to wrap him in a HUG and tell him that he is so much more than heaven. some of you guys don’t understand religious trauma. how deeply it warps your perception of the world and the decisions you make. how when it shatters a person, and putting the pieces back together isn’t simple, straightforward, or completely linear!! no healing is! i was raised in the church, haven’t believed for five years, and still sometimes worry if they’re right, if i am going to hell for leaving, if there is something deeply, fundamentally wrong with me that returning to god can fix.

does crowley owe it to aziraphale to forgive him? no. but will he? absolutely, 100%. he will be there when aziraphale is ready, because he loves aziraphale more than anything. and aziraphale isn’t ready today, which is heartbreaking for both of them, but he will be. they WILL get their happy ending.

[midotakaism]

I don't know if you felt the same, but the last chapter gave me the impression that old wants tianshan to progress a bit slower then it was progressing. Like, on chap 199 He Tian and Guan Shan seems to be very comfortable with each other and chap 200 has this awkward atmosphere... And the way He Tian acts in the last chapter leaved me a bit disappointed, it seemed like they gone one step forward and then one step back.

i have a lot of mixed feelings about this chapter tbh, on one hand im really happy that chapter 199 wasn’t just an interlude and that old xian decided to continue it, and the thought of he tian buying an earring for guan shan and going to his house just to give it to him is frankly adorable to me (i bet he even reharsed how to do it, that nerd), but on the other the way old xian decided to portray it did leave me a bit disappointed, and i can’t say that i wasn’t expecting a bit more from he tian after everything that happened

(putting the rest under a cut because it got quite long;;;;;) [so strange, that never happens to me……..]

i personally didn’t perceive the weird atmosphere you felt in this chapter, the previous one was definitely lighter, but i think that even in their most gentle moments he tian and guan shan always have an underlying tension between them, which is not necessarily a bad thing!! but in these early stages of their relationship it can kind of escalate and get out of control for better or for worse, especially in a more serious situation

i did feel like we had a minor step back in their relationship in this chapter, tho, and to me it’s mostly because of he tian’s actions. i saw some people on my dash that guan shan felt off as well for them because three chapter ago he was walking comfortably beside he tian, but the way guan shan acted make sense to me, and we can’t forget that he tian showed up at guan shan’s house uninvited, so the situation is a bit different (last time something like that happened it was she li in he tian’s place, and look how well that turned out)

don’t get me wrong, i CAN understand why he tian acted like that, we have been proved time and time again that that is his own misguided way to show that he cares about and that he’s interested in guan shan (and i also have the impression that he is kinda terrified of a final outright rejection, but that’s just a personal theory of mine), but still, at this point i do feel like he should know better when it comes to guan shan

so yeah, this did feel like a step back to me, but it’s also one that im willing to forgive for now, because their relationship has always been constantly, albeit slowly, progressing and moving forward. what happened in this last chapter is the first time i felt like they went through a regression (unlike with jian yi and zheng xi, where we’ve been having them making two steps forward and three steps back in quite a while by now), so i can overlook it if it turns out to be a one time thing only, or if it gets properly called out and dealt with in the upcoming chapters

i don’t know if old xian did this on purpose because tianshan was moving too fast tbh, i have to admit that would feel kinda weird to me, because i think they still have a long way to go before getting together, and they also don’t have a future already set for them like jian yi and zheng xi, so old xian can do whatever they want with them. it might be that old xian doesn’t want tianshan to happen before zhanyi does, which………could work if it’s done right, but it could also ruin them. my biggest fear is that, whatever the reason may be, old xian will keep them stuck in the same place and make them run in circle over and over again like it happened with zhanyi: im already frustrated enough at their lack of progression, i don’t want this to happen with tianshan as well

the only thing we can do is trust old xian, tho, so let’s just keep our fingers crossed and hope that we’ll keep going to have the same wonderful progression we had up until now!!