#i don't think i'll get to make it look any more naturalistic

[normalbrothers]

frog progress ...

[crabs-with-sticks]

Gotta Infodump About The Lady Trent Series

So I finished reading the Lady Trent series by Marie Brennan (first book is A Natural History of Dragons). And I just can't get this series out of my head, theres just so many really fantastic elements about it.

Basically there series follows Isabella Hendemore throughout her life, as her written memoir (you find out about why she's called Lady Trent later). By the time she is writing it she's much older and super famous for her work. Its set in a Victorian-esq society and Isabella is minor gentry, and wants to become a dragon naturalist. However, as a woman she faces a ton of obstacles. The series chronicles her rise to fame and scholarship.

As a character, Isabella is Highly autistic/neurodivergent coded. And she does the most wild and reckless things in the name of science and I love her for it. OSHA would hate her. Like (spoiler) the woman jumps off a cliff in a makeshift and untested glider and thats not even the wildest case.

There will be some spoilers here btw, but I'll try to keep them light. But honestly, just go read the book (and then message me because I LOVE to yap about books)

One of the most enjoyable parts of this book was the relationship between Isabella and Thomas Wilker. Their relationship starts off thorny as Tom, a lower class man, resents Isabella and makes jabs at her gender, while Isabella, a woman, resents Tom and jabs at his working class status. And while they don't get along in the first book, as they grow and mature as people they become such close friends. They are constant collaborators in the scholarship of the other, they support each other, they are angry about how the other is looked down upon by other scholars for being woman/working class. And there's never ANY sense of romance between the two, but the relationship is I would say the most influential in the series. Moreso even than Isabella's romantic partners and even her son. And like, Tom never has any romantic relationships (not even as an aside like 'and Tom got married and it was a lovely ceremony'), but there is still never any expectation that they would get together because man+woman=romance?? Also I'm claiming Tom and Natalie (she's another character in the series) for the aromantic community fyi.

Theres a certain moment in the last book (SPOILERS btw) where Isabella reunites with Tom and her husband Suheil, and guys. I got a bit teary when I read her and Tom reuniting. To me it was more meaningful even than her relationship with her husband. How her and Tom always had each others backs and never give up on each other. (and don't even get me started on the very last chapter of the series that was just fully teary)

And as well as just being a great relationship, its such a great example of intersectionality in academia and scholarship. Both Tom and Isabella are underdogs for different reasons. So Isabella as gentry is allowed to be granted a peerage, while Tom would never be allowed. But then Tom is granted access to academic institutions which can let in the right type of lower class man, but never a woman. And just! The way that they get so mad on the other's behalf! And (after the first book at least) they don't hold it against the other! Like when Tom is accepted into academic institutions Isabella is really happy for him even though its a space she's rejected from. Because they both understand that their struggles present differently.

I also think its great that Isabella isn't presented as an overly nurturing person or an amazing parent. A lot of times when you get a female character in stem writers will make sure that they're still 'womanly enough', by being nurturing and good mothers and stuff. But that stuff never comes easy to Isabella! But she's never judged by the narrative for it and is able to explain her decisions instead of just feeling bad about it. And the people close to her, and the people that matter also don't judge her for it! But also! Even though it doesn't come naturally she is still able to interact with her son and encourage him and his interests and its still a really interesting and great relationship!

JUST THIS BOOK SERIES OKAY

Every time though she would talk about her scientific discoveries and said 'oh but you readers won't be interested in the exact science and if you are just go read my published articles'. LIKE NO I CAN'T! TELL ME ABOUT THE DRAGON BIOLOGY ISABELLA! TELL ME ABOUT THE MINUTIA OF THEIR EVOLUTION! BECAUSE I CAN'T READ YOUR ARTICLES CAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST IRL

[beekeeperspicnic]

Same anon. I also just wanna start off by saying that i know nothing about game design, i also am very very new to this blog/game and i dont want to sound overly critical or make you think that these are huge problems that need fixing, its mostly just small things i noticed that felt a little odd but otherwise didnt take away from the experience too much. You also definitely don't have to "fix" anything if these are intentional design choices. Im not familiar with these types of games at all so i might just experience mild culture shock about it. You also don't have to respond to this and you can feel free to delete this ask if you wish to for whatever reason <333

So, I think you've mentioned this already but it felt a bit odd that it was silent when there was dialogue. (I think) you mentioned you didn't want or couldn't have actual voice acting but i think any sound that indicates speech could work! Like little beepings or tappings? Perhaps that can be turned on or off in potential settings? Otherwise, i really liked the sound designs in the game!

Im 99% sure it is an intentional design choice because its a retro/retro inspired game but sometimes it felt like foregrounds and backgrounds melted together because there are only colour blocks and never/rarely any clear lines. Might also be because im colourblind but it made it a bit hard for me to distinguish where everything was, especially the fossil in the cottage living room. Definitely not a big problem, i did get there in the end, after all, but perhaps something to at least be aware of? :3

Lastly, the options menu in the dialogue looks a little out of place to me. I think it might be the black background? This might also be an intentional design choice, it just looked a little clunky to me (again, as someone not used to retro games! So it might just be a me thing!). Perhaps different/more fitting colours or outlined text with no background could potentially work?

Again, very sorry for the huge ask and if anything of this sounds.... /Bad/. I definitely don't mean for it to sound that way and i totally understand if all of this is something you dont want or cant change. After all, while i enjoyed the demo im def not your core audience as someone who hasn't grown up with/played games like these <3333

Thanks for the feedback!

Alas I can't afford to have this game speech acted (I would like to but the costs would be phenomenal), and personally I just don't "get" having beeping or clicking noises or wah wah sounds when characters are talking, especially since the rest of the sound design is naturalistic. I just find that a really weird idea? You're not the first person to mention it though, so.... idk. Perhaps I'll try it sometime just to see if I can warm up to it.

There's not a great deal I can do about the art style at this stage - I've already spent the last year completing most of the artwork. If it helps the trilobite isn't in the main game! It's just a demo thing. If there is a particular colour combo that didn't work for you I'd be interested to know.

I can change the black background at least! I was just going for something high contrast, but I could try deep green or something.

Idk if I want my core audience to be people who play retro games - in fact I am pretty worried that point and click adventure gamers won't really be into it! So I appreciate the perspective.

[lepurcinus]

At this point I don't know if I'm sure about my stories, there are concepts, there are scenes, but there is no concise plot as such.

Mostly the Iberian animal one isn't quite convincing me, but I can't think of anything that would make me change what I already have.

The protagonist hares don't have such memorable moments or defined personalities, they feel empty and outside of a couple of scenes there's no point.

And my rabbit characters. Oh, rabbits whose original warren gets into trouble and they set off into the unknown looking for a new home, when they arrive they search for more rabbits to make it bigger. Jeez, I feel like I'm writing a cheap plagiarism of Watership Down, I don't feel some identity.

As many animals as I want to put in I don't know how I'll do it, what stories they tell. The only one with a definite and unique backstory is the lynx, and I haven't thought of almost any of his story yet.

And now, I'm not sure if I want them to talk. Or how I define their actions without anthropomorphize too much. I don't know if I want it to feel more naturalistic without dialogue.

This is burning me out more than I thought at first. And about the others I have, uh, there's still almost nothing either...oh the demotivation

[spectralstitions]

mapmaking progress update (distant sobbing noises)

I've spent the past week or so roughing out a new map for the Hinterlands in my free time and it is just... not working lol. Why is this so hard??? It's not like I'm going into it blind - I've spent hours pouring over fantasy maps, considering advice for plausible geography building, trying a variety of configurations... I even know generally where every major location needs to be. I just can't for the life of me form an attachment to any of the land configurations I've tried!!

There are two main issues I'm facing: Firstly, I am way too concerned with making everything feel BIG. But what past Caspar has failed to consider is that if everything is drawn BIG, then there's zero size contrast, leading every location to appear... middling. Decisions on what should be smaller and what should be larger are very difficult to make, though, let me tell you. These recent sketches are messy but you can see how I have attempted to address this problem, even though I still can't decide which areas should be smaller. Unrelated, I also really gotta figure out how to make the giant crags surrounding Parthesa flow better with the rest of the land lol.

The second issue I'm working on (attempted fix above) has to do with biome placement. In my old maps, which are at the end of this post, I would dedicate entire, giant sections of the land to exactly one biome and almost never included the same biome twice on the map. I pretty much had dedicated zones for each type of thing - "the swamp area", "the mountain area", "the forest area", "the roofed forest area", etc. I want to get out of that habit for the sake of more interesting landscapes. I would much prefer to place many small, diverse wetlands than one single swamp that the characters must travel the entire continent to get to. Which yes, was the original idea.

As with most aspects of worldbuilding, I'm more concerned with what looks nice than 100% realism, and that's mostly because exploring the middle ground of plausibility is one of the most fun challenges of worldbuilding for me. The Hinterlands' climate is mostly dry, with a gradient that works its way from snowy cold (or it will, once I find a place to put Voklor) to dry cold taiga & grassland to temperate forest to warm desert - and that's it. In my mind this is because the land mass is all situated closer to the northern hemisphere of the planet, not smack dab in the middle. Does that make much sense, realistically? I don't know. But I want an excuse to be rid of tropical areas (I hate making them, sorry) and I don't think most people would give enough of a shit to think too hard about that explanation.

This is the last map I made of the Hinterlands (previously named Ha'vesta). It's defunct now because too much of it is based on outdated lore. However, I really enjoy the shape of it - when it comes to maps I really love on-the-nose fantasy geographies that are shaped like something cool - a dragon, for instance. I'm purposefully trying to avoid that trope right now because I think a naturalist aesthetic works better for the story, but I also think that's why it's been so difficult for me to grow an attachment to the new ideas I've been working on. Guess I'll just keep working at it. Hopefully the next time I post about a map it will be because it's DONE and I can introduce Nelka and have them explain it to everybody.

The only thing I'm perfectly happy about regarding my map progress is that I've finally graduated out of my "island continent" phase (；一_一). These old maps make me cringe, so hard, for so many different reasons.

[scienceoftheidiot]

So I have thoughts about stuff since yesterday.

I don't know if it's arrogant or elitist, or whatever. But I have a serious problem, being myself a PhD in ecology and biology, and on top of that being very into naturalist sciences as a hobby, with people who claim to want to save the planet through their actions and job and whatever, but who know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about nature.

Like.

How. Why. How do you want to protect something know nothing about ? Why do you want to protect it, if you lack the curiosity to just stop and look and think about how things work and what are the species around you, like why does a certain plant grow there or what are those birds we're seeing?

Every time, I'm baffled. None of the naturalistic stuff I know comes from my studies. It has no other link than interest with it. I was just told by my parents, read books when I was a kid, looked up stuff on the internet when I was old enough. My parents have no degree, my dad didn't even finish high school, yet they taught me. They taught me to look, and question and wonder.

Don't mistake me, I don't want people to get a fucking degree in ecology for them to prove they want to save the planet or whatever.

But WHY. Where is your interest. Why do you not stop and look.

Like, I'm very very often appalled by the absolute absence of any interest in nature of the people around me (what's this plant, why is it here, how does this thing work, what's this animal, how does it live - i could go on) but yesterday i had to suffer a fucking lecture about the environment (full of misinformation, on top) by someone who two sentences before had told me that they had no interest in knowing what were the birds around us (bullfinches), and then went on about how birds were going to be killed by the windmills if we let them be constructed anyway (dude...... shut up).

Just. Make a fucking effort.

You won't save shit if you don't know what you're saving, because in order to save stuff you have to know about the stuff. This is like. Basic?

If you had some curiosity you would question the bullshit you're being served under the guise of protecting the environment.

This is what plagues the world now. And it's NOT a generational thing. The people I am talking about are nearing 50yo. Everyone falls into this trap.

No one is curious about what's around them anymore. They project what they want on it, they take it as a concept, but they don't just stop. And look. And listen. And fucking learn to know. Ask questions. Sometimes you don't even have to do anything else than just STOP. AND WATCH. To learn something.

I'm tired. I'm tired. But!!!! Good news!!! It's my job to try to make kids more curious. And I'm trying my best at it. If among the kids I teach ONE gets curious enough to stop and look and wonder once in his life, I'll be happy.

But damn. Don't come and lecture me about "nature" if you don't do it yourself.

[senzacaponecoda]

Phonology: Places of Articulation

Last Post:

Okay! So

I want to apologize because I forgot to mention that I'd have to make the decision that phonology would be spoken. I just don't have any experience with a sign language (or languages in other media).

With that said...

Starting with Phonology won with 43%

Skip to the bottom if you just want to vote.

---

I typed out like three books on OT theory and explained the prosodic hierarchy. I think I'll spare the excruciating details because it's less digestable to frontload everything.

But suffice it to say, because of the nested nature of language, high order decisions about how you group things can affect how the individual pieces come into contact. It's kind of like atoms - the configuration of their electrons determines their chemical properties. Likewise, the converse is true; the chemical properties are determined by the configuration of electrons.

I kind of wanted to start from the top, because I thought that more accurately decided the sound of the language early. But it requires kind of knowing everything beneath it, in the same kind of way deciding to want water implies hydrogen and oxygen, while deciding to want hydrogen and oxygen could imply water, hydrogen peroxide, or so on.

I'll explain features, look at natlangs, sketch out a generalization of place, and ask the first question.

--- Information and Features

If we start with empty set, we can't really make much with it. The powerset, which is the set of all subsets or combinations of elements of something, of the empty set is just the empty set. It's not until we add a bit of information to that we start to get more information: the power set of {a} is {{}, {a}}. The powerset of {a,b} is {{}, {a}, {b}, {a,b}}. The powerset of {a,b,c} is {{},{a},{b},{a,b}{c},{a,c},{b,c},{a,b,c}}. Etc. Notice how fast the size of that grows: size 0 gives a power set size 1, 1 2, 2 4, 3 8.

Language use obeys something called Zipf's distribution. Basically, word use correlates inversely to how much information it encodes. This is probably straightforward; you use the word "is" a lot, but the more and rarer words you string together in a sentence makes it more likely you've made a unique utterance. So a little goes a long way.

For what it's worth, I've seen it estimated that most languages use around 8,000 to 20,000 unique words with reasonable frequency (perhaps, the vocabulary size of a fluent speaker of a language), with about 2000 words in daily conversation, expressable in about 500 to 800 unique roots (which generally correspond to unique feet minus one nucleus' worth of information) which in turn reflects inventory sizes around 20 consonants and 5 vowels large (note how 20 cons × 5 vowels × 20 consonants is ~= 2000 daily use words) . Obviously, some languages don't conform to these generalizations. And the generalizations could be wrong themselves but that seems to fit what seems to be about average from the studies I've read.

The unit of information in phonology is probably the feature. But features are like quarks in physics; they're confined to only appear in small bundles called segments. And sometimes features are incompatible, or neutralized together, creating inventories that aren't just x * y. Still, incompatibilities and neutralizations both *remove* possibilities from our total set, so our inventories are going to only be subsets of our big x * y early choice.

Vowels and consonants for some reason have different x * y s, and while not always the case, tend to inversely correlate in inventory sizes. So we'll arbitrarily decide to start with the consonants.

-- Some Minimalistic Natlangs

We're doing something naturalistic, so we should look at the Places and Manners of Articulation for the smallest languages.

Hawaiian has Labials, Linguals, and Glottals by Sonorants, Nasals, and Obstruents with an extra consonant at obstruent x glottal.

Piraha has just three kinds of obstruent with labial, lingual, and glottal places; likely also a single velar obstruent.

Central Rotokas has Labials, Coronals, and Dorsals, by a voicing distinction.

Obokuitai has just stops contrasting with fricatives at labial, coronal, and dorsal places, with an extra voiced coronal stop.

It seems that it's minimal to have 3 POAs and 2 MOAs.

Let's just start with place.

--- Generalizing about Place

Broadly place can be generalized into

labials, which don't tend to get submarked or split into subclasses

Coronals which can split into secondary manner distinctions based on flexing the front of the tongue and place distinctions

*** (roughly, front (dental, alveolar) and

*** back (postalveolar, palatalveolar, retroflex))

dorsals (palatals, velars, uvulars, glottals), which tend to split mostly on place (roughly

***front,

***mid, and

***back).

Exotic places (epiglottals, pharyngeals) do exist as well, but they often conspicuously fit into a hole in the chart in one of the other series. So they probably encode the same information phonologically, even if they're different phonemically. We can make the finer distinctions later.

---

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

⭐

im gonna go back to one from a few months ago so u get an answer u care about instead of one about one of my dozen mcyt fics-

so. author's commentary on A Very WOE.BEGONE New Year's is a go!!!!!!

11:48 PM December 31st, 2023 Oldbrush Valley, USA

i dont remember why i did the scene-setting like this and when i read this my mind imagines the locations and times typing across the screen like its a heist movie. anyway. note me very carefully avoiding mentioning the state that OBV is in

"Why do we let you guys pick the games?" Chance griped.

when i started thinking "W.BG new years fic," the first thing that came to mind was "Base absolutely plays board games together on new year's." the rest of the fic evolved around this core truth

"It also means nobody except you and Edgar knows what's going on," Mikey complained. "I actually really like this game," put in Jam.

jam my beloved my sweetheart. im so mad about how few appearances theyve had in canon since s10, Jam just has a PERFECT dynamic with literally everyone in the show for some reason. MAKE JAM A CORE BASE MEMBER AND CORE CAST MEMBER DYLAN

"Can we just call the game here?" Chris asked.

um. im only just now noticing that the narrative cant decide whether to call them Chance and Shadow or Chris and Ryan. when i first read this back for the commentary, i had a moment of whiplash where i pictured Topher saying this line before i realized. hopefully nobody else thought that was the case.

"And I was so excited for my turn," said Shadow.

i picture Shadow as the sort of person to really enjoy the board game that theyre playing, but not mention that when theyre deciding to cut it off because everybody else seems not to be having fun. him <3

"That's fine," Mikey said. "I read somewhere that it's better to drink champagne from a normal wine glass since the flute makes it smell worse." "It's more complicated than that - it has to do with the wine's vortex zone comparable to the size of the opening - but yes, a white wine glass is usually better," said Jam.

im proud of the characterization here, because this feels very Them - of the people in the room, Mikey feels far and away most likely to read something like this in passing and not look any further into it, and Jam seems most likely to be an actually wine appreciator. i shouldve had them bring up tulip glasses as the ideal, though, my bad.

"You are not going to break 24 to buy some wineglasses!"

Edgar is living in a fantasy if he thinks this is the first time a Mike Walters has broken 24 to buy some wineglasses

"They'll sort it out," said Marissa. "And we can drink champagne out of mugs or something."

picture Jam in the corner cringing internally like "this is a terrible idea for wine appreciation but if i say anything i will look like such a killjoy"

Montana, USA, Near Glacier National Park

not pictured: duckduckgo search results for "where is glacier national park." i wonder, actually, does anything in canon actually rule out that Sly's saloon and ranch are on the Canadian side of Glacier? food for thought...

The oldest set down his cards.

is... is Michael older than Sly? is that canon? did i make that up? that sounds like it could be right, but it also sounds like it could be wrong.

"Could it be somebody from Base?" "Not likely," said MW. "They're holdin' their own party tonight." "I'll get it," said Michael. "One a'y'all mind followin' me with the shotgun in case things get Western?" "Right behind ya, Big Bear," said Sly, standing. "Do things get any way other than Western with you guys?" asked Matt, grinning. "European, if we're back at the apartment," answered MW.

patting myself on the back again because i can hear this dialogue in the character voices VERY easily, this feels very naturalistic to how they riff in the show, i am a god of fanfiction

Michael opened the door, hand on the pistol at his hip, Sly behind him with shotgun in hand, then did a full double-take. "Ah don't believe mah eyes," he said. "You really here, pard?" "In the flesh," said Mike. "C'mere, cowboy." The two embraced.

i wanna point out Mike's absolute ZERO reaction to Michael and Sly both having their guns at the ready. he just goes straight in for the hug regardless. mike my guy are you okay?

"I got another spare hat if you're feelin' left out, Mike," Sly said. "Hard pass," said Mike.

no matter what happens, Mike cannot be a cowboy. this is a law of the universe.

"What are we playing and is it too late to deal me in?" "We was playin' Texas Hold'em, but I wouldn't mind cuttin' the game off, actually," said MW "Yeah, I'm getting a little tired of handing all my savings over to Sly," Matt agreed.

reading this back Mike must feel sort of left out here. imagine showing up to the party and they stop the game IMMEDIATELY when you show up. luckily they pick up playing rummy right after this.

you'll notice that we keep cutting into these scenes right as they decide to stop playing - this is because i don't want to fluff scenes out with transcripts of characters playing board and card games. descriptions of them playing really dont do anything except space out the lines that ACTUALLY advance their characters.

"You want anythin' to drink? Big Bear's on four shots of whiskey and the rest'a us have had two or three, so it might even up the playin' field a bit."

ive never drunk anything in my life, so everytime i write alcohol into a scene i have to go look up what a Standard Drink is and how people act on different amounts of Standard Drinks and sometimes it makes me feel like an alien pretending to be a drunk human. anyway

"That's Edgar," said Michael. "Generous t'the end." He smiled, a little wistful as he looked into the bottom of his glass. "Not too generous," said Mike. "He's keeping me on simulated real time, which means I'm probably not going to bed until at least four in the morning back in my time." "It's a holiday, Mike," said MW. "Yain't got nothin' to get up for. Laze around in bed with Edgar for as long as y'can. It don't last forever." "Ah'll drink t'that," said Michael.

Mike said the word "Edgar" and it triggered the mikes without an edgar to instantly go into Yearning Mode like their sleeper agent code

"No, it's alright. I only have so much time with him, but I only have so much time with you guys too, y'know?" "Everythin' runs out eventually," said Michael, reaching for Sly's hand, his eyes still on Mike. "Enjoy it while it lasts an' find other things t'care for when it's over. It's gonna hurt, but it can't hurt forever, cause even the hurtin's gonna run out one day."

wow. you can tell the person whos writing this fic is realizing theyre a few months away from exiting their teens :P

"An' a perfect toast, t'boot," said Sly. "Ah got us all new shots. 'Cept you, Big Bear. Y'don't get any more until you drink that water 'stead'a starin' into it likee it's the moon."

okay but ive soured on both Sly as a character and on Harlan as a person since writing this fic and it makes his appearances here SLIGHTLY more annoying for some reason? it feels a little like he isnt reading the mood but thats probably just me projecting my thoughts about Harlan ajlsdfhaskjdfhasdjk

"An' I'm tryin' t'make sure it ain't your last," Sly said, chucking him affectionately under the chin.

i have a very clear memory of googling what it means to chuck someone under their chin, to make sure it made sense here, but i dont have any memory of what i actually found. oh well. i trust past me

11:34 AM January 1st, 2024 Riga, Latvia

so, Riga time is 9 hours ahead of Montana time, which means this scene is taking place about three hours after the last one. this likely means everyone at the ranch has had several more drinks since that scene ended.

P.P.S. I looked it up and New Year's in Latvia was yesterday. Whoops. Hope you enjoy anyway. -Mike

i just find the idea of somebody forgetting about time zones when theyre using LITERAL TIME TRAVEL TECH very amusing

Boris smiled and shook his head. He would have to find a way to pay them back for this.

i picture Boris as the sort of person who is incapable of accepting a gift without thinking that they owe the other person something

"Honestly, no," answered MDawg. He looked into his own beer. "Feels like I've figured out maybe a tenth of what I need to make my new life out here work."

ok, but a Mike Walters being willing to admit this is already great progress

"Gets easier with practice, Em Dawg," said Outlaw.

early Outlaw Ty accent my beloved. its so stupid. Em Dawg.

"We can getcha the hat an' make you a cowboy if'n it'll help y'all get adjusted."

i appreciate how Tex's response to MDawg being like "i dont know where im going in life or what my goals are or how im going to survive here" is "want a cowboy hat"

"We don't all know what we're doin' all the time, MDawg," Tex answered. "But you're right. We can make it a good year by watchin' out for each other. I sheepdog the two'a y'all, y'all sheepdog each other an' me. Texas Base'll be stronger'n ever."

reading this back now in the middle of Season 13, it strikes me how out of character this sentiment feels for Tex. he hadnt been so differentiated as a character yet, but this sort of vulnerability is very strange for him.

A couple people threw cowboy hats in the air, others toasted, still more cheered. Tex, on the other hand, turned back to his compatriots. He grabbed Outlaw by the collar and pulled them together, pressing his lips to his partner's for a second or two, before releasing the flushed cowboy-in-training. He wasn't quite as rough or spontaneous with MDawg, gently taking his hand before fractionally tilting his head down to meet his lips. Finally, he stepped back, and watched MDawg step slightly closer to Outlaw. "Can I-" started MDawg, before Outlaw stooped to kiss him. It was quick, and Tex, thinking back, was fairly certain it was the first time they kissed. Still, they both looked happy.

ah, the new year's kiss. Texascule is real to me, okay??? i like how Tex kisses Outlaw like hes HUNGRY for it and he kisses MDawg like a fragile little flower, its very characteristic of how he views them.

"Happy New Year's," said Tex, his voice a low, affectionate rumble. "Love y'all."

"low affectionate rumble" makes me imagine him purring this. like a kitty cat

1:16 AM January 1st, 2024 Oldbrush Valley, USA Cabin 63A, O.V.E.R.

i didnt realize that i set this scene quite as far post-midnight as i did. this means Ryan did not look at the clock once for an hour and a half which i think does make sense.

On the screen in front of him was the source of his pain - a copy of the source code for the OVER Tier Two Security program.

but also, he's doing WORK on new year's eve. take a break, ryan.

Should he talk to someone? It's a holiday, don't people get together for those?

autism man. i love him.

Topher would be asleep. Hunter… probably also asleep, and they didn't really get along great. Ty… no way in hell. Marissa, Chance, Shadow, and Anne all hated his ass. He didn't really know Jam or Edgar.

Marissa would curse him out, but he probably would've at least been able to exchange some pleasantries with any of the other base members. he might genuinely be able to be friendly with Jam under the right circumstances. hm. im going to be thinking about that

Mikey answered on the third ring. "What is it, Ryan?" he said, sounding annoyed.

why did he answer. mikey. mikey why did you answer

"Hay, Mikey-boy, is for-" "You finish that sentence and I will personally issue a correction to get my past self to kill you before all this shit happened."

i love their dynamic i will die for their dynamic. i had the vision to have ryan make the hay is for horses joke and i immediately knew i Had to put it in. is it in character? probably not but fuck off

"Just... thanks for arguing in favor of Topher and I. When Base was trying to decide what to do with us, after that whole dome thing." "I didn't do it for you."

pictured: my vague attempt at hinting that there was some justification for everyone being alive and in the positions they were for this fic. there wasnt a justification, but what if there was...

J ū rmala, Latvia

i dont know why ao3 inserted that spacing around the ū and i also dont know why i didnt fix it. lets move on.

Inside was three small, printed photographs. One of Sly, one of Edgar, and one of Mike. It had been a long time since Michael had cried.

WHY DID I MAKE THE ENDING OF THE FIC SAD. AUGH. OUGH. also i think Mikes inclusion in this set of photos was the entire reason i put an implied mike/michael tag on this fic which is silly bc even for the canon belief that theyre just friends it makes perfect sense for his photo to be included. alloromantic moment of me i apologize.

anyway this was fun it was mostly just me ramblereacting to my own fic and not any actual insights but. it was still fun. sue me

[lil-tachyon]

I love your art! You’re like the James Gurney of the 21th century!

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the compliment even if I don't think I deserve it haha. If I can get anywhere close to Gurney's level of skill before I die I'll be pretty happy.

Gonna hijack this post to just throw a spotlight on some of my other favorite paleoartists while I have a second.

Wayne Barlowe:

I don't think he's actually done any paleoart since the 90s, but I absolutely adore his approach- the focus is foremost on producing beautiful, immersive works that feel alive and natural. I don't think anyone else has made dinosaurs feel simultaneously so real and so bizarre. Pick up his Alphabet of Dinosaurs if you can- it usually goes for pretty cheap used and is a treasure trove of gorgeous dinosaur art.

Bill Watterson:

At some point I need to write a long post about how I think because of how well-written Calvin and Hobbes is, Bill Watterson's incredible skill as a draftsmen gets overlooked. But for now I'll just say he does a great job making his dinos feel sharp and energetic with fast and loose brushstrokes and really interesting use of pure black ink shapes and some wild yet naturalistic color choices. Also I definitely seem to remember some commentary from the C+H 10th Anniversary book about how he really took the time to actually brush up on dinosaur science and anatomy to make his later dino illustrations much more accurate and I think it's just so cool that he did that.

Zdeněk Burian:

I love how older dinosaur reconstructions look more and more alien but no less captivating the further we move away from them. Burian's art may look anatomically outdated but his technique is timeless. I especially love the attention he puts into his Mesozoic landscapes- they really look like otherworldly, primeval places.

Simon Stålenhag:

His sci-fi illustrations have captured imaginations worldwide and rightfully so, but people seem to forget that a few years back he was producing a prolific amount of some of the brightest, most dynamic, and interesting paleoart in recent memory. Can't get enough of this stuff.

Gonna have to do a follow-up post because I've reached the image limit and there are more people I want to talk about. But yeah, thanks for bearing with me while I went completely off-topic with this ask haha.

[willowcrowned]

Any tips for a non-linguist attempting to create a fantasy language?

Hey! So! This is a great question, but not one I'm really equipped to answer. Because I'm not conlanging in the traditional way (by the seat of my pants while drawing on years of linguistics nerdery and advice from internet forums), a lot of the resources I'm using are ones provided to me by a linguistics professor, and therefore, for copyright and doxxing reasons, ones I can't share. What I can do is give you some very basic tips, a non-risky resource or two to help you get started, and a call for other people who dabble in conlangs to supply resources as well.

The first most basic thing I can advise is to figure out exactly what you want your language to do worldbuilding-wise, because that's going to define a lot of where you put your time and effort. For example, I want Dathomiri to recontextualize the awful, ridiculous, deeply misogynistic and cisnormative worldbuilding around the Nightsisters of Dathomir, which means I'm going to need to spend a lot of time thinking about how I want the pronouns and classes to work.

The second thing to do is to figure out which areas of your language you want to be naturalistic (it can be all of them! a lot of conlangs are made that way), and how naturalistic you want them to be. Because languages are incredibly complex, making a conlang as complex as a natural language in natural ways can take years and years and, for people who aren't Tolkien—who btw didn't even end up with a fully usable conlang—usually isn't worth it.

Of course there's room for changing your mind once you've decided on them, and not everything you toss into a language has to work exactly with your goals, but I think it can be really useful to have guidelines to help you decide which things you're going to keep in or throw out.

What you do after you've decided what you want to do is going to depend a lot on your existing knowledge of not just conlanging but linguistics in general. It's common (and best, in my opinion) practice to start with the phonetics of your language—what sounds it contains—but if you don't know how big most phonetic inventories are, or what patterns show up in them, even that can be rough.

Because I don't know where you're at knowledge-wise, and because I'm about the furthest thing you can get from an expert in linguistics, I'm not going to provide any more advice. We could get lost for days in phonetics, and weeks just on what I know of phonology (my current preferred branch), so instead I'll take this opportunity to list some resources:

First, David Peterson's book The Art of Language Invention. It's an easy read, and oriented towards people who know nothing about linguistics, so it's a really good place to start for a crash course in the basic parts of language.

Second, the World Atlas of Language Structures (https://wals.info/). Peterson's book is good for the basics, but it doesn't supply much in the way of typological information (i.e. what features occur in languages + to what frequency and where). WALS is a great database for looking at where different features of language pop up, and how often they do, which can inform a lot of your decisions about how to implement naturalism (if that's what you're trying to do).

Third—and this one both @mandaloriandy, who knows more about conlanging than me, and my professor recommended—is this word generator (https://zompist.com/gen.html). It can be really helpful for figuring out the phonology of your language—how segments are arranged—as you have to enter your phonological and phonotactic rules for it to generate a wordlist. There's also a sound change applier (https://zompist.com/sca2.html) if you're trying to evolve a language forwards or backwards, though that one I haven't ever used.

I wish I had more to give you, but a lot of what I've done so far has come from my own knowledge of phonology or from a few offhand comments from my professor/his powerpoints. I'll put out a call for resources in the tags so hopefully you'll be able to find some in the reblogs or replies, but beyond that google is probably going to be your best bet.

Sorry I couldn't help more. Good luck!

[toxxicognaths]

Hey! I'm bored so I decided to write up a little care guide on my new favorite pets, Blue Death feigning beetles! Sorry it got a bit long lol. Posting on mobile tho. Obviously my word isn't gospel, I've only had them for a few months but so far I've had a very fun and very, very easy time with them!

Enclosure:

So while they can't climb glass they do absolutely love to climb anything else they can get a grip on! Keep this in mind in case they could climb the lid of their enclosure if they could reach it. They fall. Like all the time. But they've always been fine and gotten right back up and usually attempted to climb back to wherever they fell from in my experience.

I keep mine on sand meant for heat retention in reptile tanks, partly for a more naturalistic desert look but also because it limits their digging ability and I like to see my pets 😅 but they absolutely will dig and even burrow if given the substrate for it. If you can find some very, very dry soil it'd probably be fine as well, just make sure whatever you use doesn't stick to them and gunk up their feet or mandibles! I haven't had trouble with that but apparently it's quite the risk.

Realistically I think the only risk in terms of enclosure would be if they get stuck, which I've had happen once and had many scares, lol. Both stuck on their back and just on their sides while trying to climb something in a corner. Keep corners clear as much as possible. They're also surprisingly strong and will absolutely move light decor around and dig themselves under things.

Diet:

I just give mine flukers cricket food, lol. This one, specifically

They seem to enjoy it a lot. I occasionally add some dried mealworms which they either ignore entirely or go absolutely crazy for. In terms of moisture I give them a piece of fruit or veggies about once a month and that seems to keep them perfectly happy. They LOVE mushrooms. I give mine white button because they're the cheapest organic ones I've found (make sure you're not feeding them pesticides!). Make sure to rinse off any produce you give them but make sure it isn't still wet when you give it to them, as they can't avoid ingesting any water stuck to it, and they really don't need much hydration to begin with, but you wouldn't want them to drown!

Petco gives them that weird liquid gel for crickets, but I really don't think it'd be necessary. Not sure if it was detrimental to them or not, though.

Hardiness/handling:

They're tough. I mean TOUGH. I can HEAR them fall and hit things on the way down or just clink that hard on the ground of their tank and they've always been fine. I actually also dropped one once, maybe a foot off the ground? He was completely fine. Didn't even phase him.

They can't fly at all, or open their elytra, so I choose to grab them by their butts with my tongs when I need to move them. Sometimes they wiggle while being held aloft, sometimes they freeze entirely almost like they're playing dead but not quite. At first they'd play dead once I put them down but they rapidly adjusted to it and learned the tongs aren't a threat and would go back to whatever they were doing before, lol.

I would not recommend handling them often. Their blue-white color comes from their waxy secretion designed to maintain moisture within their bodies and it's easily rubbed off. I'm not sure exactly one way or another but it seems like different beetles maintain different levels of the coating and can replenish it at different rates. I held one of my beetles (Charisma) for a bit shortly after getting them and he fell backwards into my hand and was immediately a deep, dark blue, almost black. It's been months since and his coating is back but he's easily identified by how dark he still is compared to the others. If I learn more about why this is I'll update this post! They also seem to rub it off of themselves occasionally while moving around or climbing on one another.

If you see one playing dead you can poke it with a paintbrush and usually something will move, usually the antennae. It's an easy way to see if they're alive or not.

Misc:

They can be kept communally with their own or similar beetle species and even with a desert hairy scorpion, an animal they're often found hanging around with in the wild! I had a few issues housing mine together, however. The scorpion kept trying to eat him despite not being able to pierce his shell, and kept burying his food bowl as well. Your mileage may vary.

They're supposedly crepuscular but I see mine at pretty much any time of day except midday to early afternoon. They seem to enjoy when I have the light in the room on at night and crowd that corner constantly if it's on. Males occasionally mount the females and I've seen them sit there and deal with it, but I've also seen them take off charging around the tank trying to escape. It is what it is, I suppose.

Overall these guys are amazing pets! Very, very low maintenance, would definitely be fine to leave alone if you went on a week or two long trip as long as you dumped them enough food beforehand. Also infinitely fun to watch.

[hughhowey]

Theory of Mind -- Part Three

The day before I took 5-MeO-DMT, I was nervous. The only thing I knew about this drug is that my drug-loving friends told me it was INTENSE. "You are strapping yourself to a rocketship," one friend said. Even my Burning Man buddies didn't want me to try it. The night they took DMT, they went off and did it in a bit of a private ritual. There was no way I was ready for this, and I was completely fine with that.

DMT is a naturally occurring substance, which is also true of snake venom, Uranium, and asbestos. I don't suffer from the naturalistic fallacy and neither should you. But there is reason to suspect that DMT's presence in plants and animals gives credence to the insights its ingestion can bring. Much more on that in a moment. For now, it's worth knowing that this is a chemical compound found on the backs of at least one species of toad, possibly to ward off predators who might dare pick it up to eat it, which makes its synthesis and use as a recreational drug all the more odd and fascinating.

It's worth noting here that there are lots of drugs that I will not touch with a thousand foot pole, much to the amusement of my friends who view them as not-that-big-of-a-deal. I've never tried cocaine and have zero interest in it. Not a single speck. This won't sound like a big deal to readers who can't imagine trying any drug, but in some circles coke is done casually. My fear of it seems odd to them. Which makes it really strange that I was about to take something that is considered far more hardcore.

"Exhale until you can't exhale any more," the shaman said. "After this, exhale even more. Then I'll put the pipe in your lips and I want you to inhale for the count of ten."

One of my best friends stood at the end of the bed. I asked if he wanted to come sit by me before I started. Another friend sat on my right. I exhaled, exhaled some more, then inhaled a huge dose of DMT.

The best way to describe the experience is that you begin to disappear, or peel away, one layer at a time. There's a tingling sensation, your thoughts become static, or like pixels, disjointed from each other, but somehow the part of you that knows things exist is still there.

Here is what separates DMT from unconsciousness: you are still awake. You are dimly aware. But your ability to process, to form a small stream of thought, is disrupted.

What I suspect is happening is that the filters that make sentient human life possible are removed. It's our ability to forget that makes memory powerful, otherwise we would remember too much, things that are inconsequential, and these would crowd out what's important. It's our ability to not see everything in our field of view that makes attention possible, otherwise the glint of light on the edge of that doorknob would hold too much sway. Our brains are miraculous in that they turn most things down and tune most things out. Drugs often widen those apertures, letting far more in.

There is an exception with DMT, a substance which I think is turning some modules off. The most targeted of these is the theory of mind module. Theory of mind is by far the most important concept in human cognition for us to learn about and understand. It's what we spend most of our cognition calories on. Theory of mind is the act of wondering what others are thinking about. What they think others are thinking about. It's a power that gets turned on ourselves, as we constantly wonder what we are thinking about, or why we did something, or what we should do next, or if something we did was a mistake, and so on.

Theory of mind is the source of all anxiety, introspection, gossip, socializing, planning, regret, ego, and so much more.

In many ways, our view of ourselves is similar to the view I had of people passing by from a skyscaper many years ago. We look at ourselves from the outside, see ourselves moving through life and time, and we fashion a story about that person's experiences. When I took DMT, that self-sight began to melt.

I could still hear the shaman, who asked if I wanted to go deeper. "Yes," I told him. My eyes were closed, my vision a blur of shapes and colors, but I understood that I needed to exhale and inhale for as long as I could. The music dipped and rose and swirled around me. I felt the second inhaler pressed to my lips, the "medium" strength dose. I took in as much as I could for as long as I could until it was pulled away.

The sense of flight was palpable. The sense that my place in the universe was moving, moving. I fell toward the center of myself, and even as I lost my ability to watch this happen, I felt another layer of awareness-of-self rise up to watch this happening, and that layer fell away as well, and this cycle of awareness and loss of awareness repeated itself over a dozen times, my ability to fashion theory of mind stripped away like the layers of an onion melting and dripping off to the ether.

"There goes the last of my ability to watch what's happening to me," I thought to myself. And then I became aware of a smaller, dimmer observer deep inside that was watching THIS happen. But it would get stripped away, and I would be sure it was the last of my ability to observe myself, but even as I became aware of that layer it too was gone. Down to the center. To the last little bit of me who could look in any sort of mirror. And then the mirror vanished as well--

It felt like it lasted a long time. I was aware at one point that I was touching my friends, feeling for them. They say that I was talking, expressing a sense of gratitude. It's what I felt. I felt full of contentment, awe, and love. A sense of meaning and self-worth, but devoid of ego. Devoid of the need to express that I was devoid of ego. It was a recursive joy, bent back around on top of itself. An ouroboros of love.

When I came out of the experience, I was overwhelmed with a sense of satisfaction and fullness. The shaman asked if I wanted to go deeper. "Yes," I said. "There will be a door, with ten steps leading up to that door. I want you to breathe for each step as you walk up and pass through the door." He said this as the third and most potent of the vape pens was brought to my lips, and what I experienced the first two times was dialed up to a thousand, and I ceased to exist while knowing that the rest of the universe was still there.

The theory of mind machine was shut down completely. Absolutely. No need for thoughts, either my own or anyone else's. No judgement. I didn't care what it looked like to do drugs in front of sober people. I didn't care if anyone was being put out by my presence. I didn't care because I couldn't care. But I was still awake and me. I wasn't unconscious. And it turns out that the sort of rest, of real relaxation, that one gets from being fully yourself without viewing yourself is unparalleled.

I melted. I sagged into a void. I'm told that I held my forehead during this part and kept whispering "I get it. I get it. It's so beautiful" and the like. At one point I rolled around on my belly and back again, writhing in what felt and apparently looked like pure euphoria.

When I opened my eyes, my friend was crying. Tears streaming down his face. I asked my other friend to lay with me, and she curled up against my body and we held each other. It was about 45 minutes of my life, and it signified a border between one existence and another.

My shaman told me that I'd go through a door that I could enter back through any time I liked, and I didn't believe him before this experience. But the next morning, I played the same music over again and fell into a similar trance of relaxation and pure calm. A week later I was sitting on my sofa and breathed deeply through my nose a few times and had a full-on DMT experience. To this day, I can reach up and hold the doorknob of that door and feel small concerns that arise from theory of mind skitter off and disappear.

People have likened the DMT experience to ten thousand hours of therapy. Or ten thousand hours of meditation. My shaman calls the substance a "magic trick" given to us by the universe. It requires almost no preparation or guidance. It is being used to treat PTSD in veterans in a trial in Mexico with incredible results. There are small knots in our brains, put there by our brains themselves, that become straightened out and aligned. The nearest thing in my life that I can compare it to is the patience and calm that I acquired from sailing across oceans.

I was with a small group of people a month later, and two of the women in the group relayed a similar experience, saying it was the most profound moment of their lives, a crisp sharp line between their "before" selves and their current selves. It matched what I felt. I believe this substance is used by toads and plants to make their would-be-predator lose any plans-for-self for a short duration. It short-circuits the ability to see oneself in relation to others. It isn't just the user's mind that disappears, it is all other minds.

My shaman said that it's uncommon for people to sit up and open their eyes during the heaviest dose of 5MEO-DMT. But in the middle of my deepest plunge into the unknown, I did just that. I opened my eyes and lifted my chin and looked up at the ceiling, and there were three faces looking down at me. Three gods with eyes glowing white, illumination shining around and through them. It was the shaman and my friends, and I was aware of them but not of any thoughts they could possibly have, any awareness of me, or my awareness of them. The only bucket my brain could place such a thing into was "deity." And so that's what it fashioned them into.

It was rapturous, seeing them like that. And being seen with zero judgement in return. It was the moment that I took away above all others, realizing that our concepts of God and gods are completely backwards. That archetype of God as one who judges is the opposite of reality. The presence of god is the absence of judgement. It is complete and unblinking acceptance.

I started the day worried what I would look like on drugs in front of sober friends. I worried that I was putting them out to ask them to be with me for half an hour of their day. Those old thoughts -- the need to please everyone and be some kind of social glue -- was a pressure put on myself, buttressed by constant theory of mind calculations, and when they went away completely, they were never able to return to their original strength.

My shaman said that each person who takes this journey gets whatever it is that they need, and I see how this might be possible. The drug doesn't "target" what's uniquely wrong with us, it targets the universal part of all of us that is wondering what "might be wrong with us." The mental knot-maker. And with one slash, we wriggle free.

[thebreakfastgenie]

12, 29, and 38 for the writing ask!

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

This is really hard! Sometimes I think "I wish I could write like..." but I don't want that to be granted, I want to get there by working at it!

A writing machine with unlimited battery that can access google drive or iCloud to save my work so I can get to it later, but can't do anything else on the internet, so I can't get distracted. And I can work anywhere any time because unlimited battery.

The ability to actually write on cue, so I can write when I have time.

A guarantee that I'll be published someday as long as I write something good enough. I haven't been writing original fiction lately but I've always wanted to publish a original novel... I don't want it handed to me, it's just the publishing world is such a crapshoot, it'd be nice if the only factor was writing a good enough book.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

Mostly from very specific details in real life, which, if they make into the story at all, are in unrecognizable contexts. Like, an image, or even an imagined image (looking at something that's broken, imagining dropping a glass). Other than that, who know? To answer the second question: suffer. Mostly I just don't write for a while. I'm not a professional writer so I have that luxury.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

This is such a fun question and I feel like I have a better answer to it that I'm missing :( What I can think of is that I tend to start with snippets, which are often complete sentences or even multiple complete sentences, but I write in chronological order, so sometimes it takes me a while to get to where I started. Sometimes I write these down, other times I just repeat them in my head. I spend a lot of time marinating in my WIPs. I'll play scenes over and over in my head pretty much whenever I don't have something else to think about. The reason I write in chronological order (or at least, story order, it's a bit more complicated when flashbacks are involved) is that I feel like I keep my momentum better that way.

Sometimes I feel like writing is a bit like channeling. I'm manifesting a world in my mind and trying to describe it. I think this makes my approach to characters a bit naturalistic; it's not what do I want them to do to advance the story, it's what do I think they would do in order to behave consistently with what I know about them. I know they aren't people but also, they are.

I think the weirdest thing is sometimes I think in sentences and sometimes I think in visual scenes. The visual scenes are harder, because it's like seeing something and trying to describe it, but without sounding like you're just describing it. The prose has to be good! You'd think it would be one way or the other but no, it's both.

[canmom]

but yeah to possibly state the obvious: live action and animation have different strengths, it's not actually that one is superior and should subsume the other ofc. live action allows you to capture a certain subtlety of performances, tiny facial movements and gestures, that even the most naturalistic character animators would struggle to achieve. human bodies are so intricate and complex that even realist animation (the tradition of takahata and kon) must make simplifications for the sake of comprehensibility to both artist and audience.

animation meanwhile has a sense of clarity and a certain kind of force that can come from the interplay between the artists' ambitions and their practical limitations.

like, it's not that everything is totally under the top down control of an individual artist's grand vision, because animation is still the product of a whole unwieldy social machinery, and a lot of the process of creating animation is an evolving dialogue between the vague idea you have, your references, the material you've already created, and the actual physical motion of your hand putting down lines. when you set out to create an animation, you don't know what it will look like at the end any more than the director of a live action film knows for sure how their shots will turn out.

you draw a line and you think, does that look right? "yes", or "no i'll erase it", or "almost, and i'll just tweak this bit". the moment when you hit play and your character comes alive is still magical, not despite but because you've watched the whole process of creating it 'from inside'. this is especially true in the fact that animation is always in all processes i've seen a process of gradual refinement, from storyboard through rough animation, tiedown, cleanup, ink and paint... you're never just directly 'downloading' images from your head onto the screen. you can visualise the scene, and you might feel it's cooler than what you're able to create, but what other people see is going to be squeezed through that process.

if you get obsessed with the history of animation the way I've been doing the last year and a half, what you see is a process of development, cross-pollination and inspiration. the influential animators like Yoshinori Kanada or Ichirō Itano will open up new routes for iteration, and gradually the collective effort reaches places that people couldn't have imagined before, people discover new ways to apply the poses and ways of drawing shapes and lines and ways of composing scenes and physical technologies like the multiplane camera or 2D-in-3D. it's a process of gradual exploration, like a biological organism evolving. each film is a statement in itself but also hopefully, through the impacts it has on current and future animators, a stepping stone to something that wouldn't have been possible before.

of course the same is absolutely true for live action film. I think the reason i'm so specifically obsessed with animation though is that it necessarily kind of foregrounds the techniques it's employing instead of even being able to try to have the filmmaker and role of the camera disappear. (not that it stopped old Walter Dismey from applying his resources to try, or modern CGI effects animators for putting realism as the highest goal.) also maybe it's more accessible to my jank autistic brain which doesn't find it so easy to see those little subtleties of acting lol.

but yeah, so much of the work animation is trying to push against stuff that is trivial in a live action film. even a 'bad' actor always has weight and balance, always eases in and out in a physically realistic way, cannot help but blink and twitch and look like a living being; with animation we really have to struggle to get that moment where our brain stops thinking 'that's a drawing' and starts thinking of it as real physical lifeform, and even then it always carries the traces of that process of creation. something about that just fascinates me more and more... this is why I love the work of Shinya Ohira so much

anyway I do nevertheless want to get more into live action film, even if my calling's going to still be animation lol. (just look at Naoko Yamada to see how animators can adopt the language of live action to greater expressive effect. i want to enjoy films but also i want that sorcerous power.) i'm planning to at some point soon retire Toku Tuesday in favour of a general international film night, because running a weekly movie night turns out to be a really good way to teach yourself about films as well as just a fun thing to do lol.

[purplegeekypanda]

A Restless Night

This is long, and I am on mobile. Please enjoy.

I don't know what happened. First off I'm sitting at a large table with what was left of my lunch sitting in front of me, and then the maid mentions my housing situation. Like how did they even know? The man, whom, invited me to lunch said that I can live with him. 

I didn't know what to do, thinking about all the reasons to stay, my answer should have been an easy yes.

But no.

I have oolons if problems and quirks that make living alone in a small space, preferable.  So what do I say? 

"Can I see the room?" 

"Of course darling," Mr. Nihelim held no hesitation. Like he has no problems whatsoever. Just like that he stood and all but pranced out of the room. 

I turned to follow but nearly bumped right into Neo. 

Now that I'm standing, I can see he's not all that tall, he seems to be five something feet tall. No taller than me really. Brown hair tucked back in the hood of his long, black coat. Being this close I can see his face. Looking at him he appears no older than me. Maybe in his twenties.

But I know better. I'm an artist and an author and I have spent a lot of time watching other people.

 Everyone has a book, it's hard to see and you won't if you don't know where to look. The face is the cover and the eyes are the summary. 

His face is young but his eyes are ancient. This man has seen more than most anyone should. And coming back to reality, I notice that I'm not the only one reading.

 He looked me dead in the eyes.

"You seem powerful," he said. Voice like a good cup of coffee. Bitter, a little sweet, and eye widening. 

"Come along darling, despite my behavior I don't have all day." I heard the head of the house call from down the hall. 

"It's alright Miss. If you move in then we will take care of everything." Ajaun stood to my side, waiting. 

_________

As we walked I got to see a bit more of the manor, everything about this place is big and gody and rich. 

The room I was walked to was on the third floor, just a bit down the hall on the right.

Each hall seems to have a color theme. The one we are walking down is green and floral, earthy tones and naturalist designs make it very beautiful. Almost as if I were in a forest. 

We stop in front of a door, wide, dark wood. Grass, moss, and a few mushrooms are painted to the bottom. The frame is carved and painted with winding ivy. The sad part is ...I recognize the door.

It's a Fay Gild's door, from one of my works. They led to springs, whether they are of wealth or wrong. You simply had to hope. 

This mad man really is a fan. 

________________

The room is big. 

About as large as the entirety of my last apartment.

And so where the last three. To tell the truth I liked the first room. The hall was beautiful, the setup was simple. "Is this one not to your liking?" 

Ajaun has been patient and kind this whole time. Showing me rooms and getting me things, answering my questions. "To tell the truth, I actually liked the first room."

"Alright let's get you moved in."

"But that isn't the problem." 

"Oh?" 

Honestly, I don't know what to tell them. I mean things have always been appearing ever since I was a child. Sometimes they're nice small things like that flower. I drew it as a child. I woke up with it on my dresser but then there are the things that aren't as good. I have no clue where that maroonlian timberwolf came from much less of one as to what my brother did with it honestly. Truly I don't want to cause trouble for these kind people.

"I….um, things happen around me. I don't know how to explain it. Things appear and as nicely as this place might be protected from the outside world, stuff might appear on the inside….around me. it happens all the time I don't want to cause any trouble."

"Dear," The voice was smooth and deep, almost like honey. They said it as if I was being playful. I'm not a joke. I don't think they think I'm a joke. It's almost as if you're trying to call me down. "Odd things happen around here all the time. Whatever you can manage to conjure up will probably not be nowhere near as bad as to what those two get up to.."

"Alright," I give in. These people are too kind to accepting. "But you can't say I didn't warn you." 

"I'll keep that in mind."

__________

I had managed to get my room how I wanted it.

 Dinner was interesting, sitting between Mr. Edgy and Mr. Eccentric surrounded by professional crossdressers just gives it that air. 

Mr. Ninhelm grabbed his Champagne flute and tapped it with one of his forks. "Friends, servants, Missy." 

What appears to be a butler stated that it was a good one.

He thanks them and continues, "we are gathered here tonight to welcome a new member of the household. Miss. Purple Panda" he cringed a little at my last name. "Please rise, let everyone have a look at you. Everyone, butlers (he gestured towards the maids), maids (gestured towards the butlers), Missy, Neo Tonberry. The most recent member of our little 'family'. I expect that you trete he with the same kindness and grace you trete me….or don't, it's a free country, you are all your own people. Now I believe it was time for dessert, Ajaun what did you make? I believe I smell pudding. 

_________

What an intriguing first evening. After dessert (pudding) Ajaun walked me up to my room. I took a shower and dressed in something comfy. 

I….I found I could not sleep. It's to be expected. New place, the smell isn't right. The corners are too dark. And as always I have too much energy to sleep, even when I'm exhausted. 

"Well, a walk never hurt," I mindlessly muttered into the Hall after I opened the door to the hall. The sight I was met with was breathtaking. 

The hall designed to look like the Gilded Woods by day was practical magic at night. The lights were turned down to reveal the pixy lights and glow tabs. Walking down the hall, it felt like there should be Fay popping across the hall to one party or another. 

I walked the halls, that at day are very well decorated, almost come to life at night. 

I was pulled out of my dazed wondering at the top of the stairs in the entry hall. It took me a moment to find what had actually pulled me out of my wandering mind. The door was jiggling like the locks, and the density of the door was being tested. 

Then it struck me, someone was trying to break in the front door. I was about to call out when I was taped on the shoulder. Turing to find the Lord of the house in his night where (robe, slippers, and silk pajamas), wasn't to big of a surprise.

"Don't worry darling we already have this taken care of."

He walks past and he is .… in a dress? When did this happen? He stepped down three steps, the door opened, and a spot light picked up and he started to soliloquies. 

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. At this point I noticed that Ninhelem was in three inch stilettos. As in the blade stilettos, actual blades on the bottom of his feet. His hair is pulled back curled with golden twine and expensive jules. Wearing a golden gown encrusted with sequence. Safe to say a figure of beauty and wealth. 

"Madam and Measures,

We welcome you tonight

As the dining room probably presents

Your dinner."

The look on the breakin's face is priceless. I immediately recognised it as the opening to the 'Beauty and the Beast' Be Our Guest. 

"Be our guest

Be our guest

Put our service to the test

Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie

And we provide the rest…." 

At this moment the burglar is gone, I'm in stitches as the burglar ran out of the house screening, and Misure Ninhelem is fabulous. 

"I told you I had this handled." 

"How did you know it would work?'

"Darling, I've been doing this for years. Wouldn't you be terrified if a man in a full ball gown walked down the stairs, seductively, singing to you?"

"Yes, yes I would."

After that I returned to my room, wrote down some script, and went to bed.

[jjmichaels]

It Starts Here

Everything that I do I must do to the fullest extent. This is my obligation, my duty, and my responsibility as a thinking and breathing being. I could not look at myself in the mirror and be content with the reflection starting back at me if I knew I did not do a great job and also if I did not give it my all, my 110 percent. That is all it takes, for me, to be happy.

Often times we get discouraged. We hone into the pessimism and failures' of others. We don't get to where we want to be in life, simply because we are not in control of our lives; our emotions are. And I want to be completely transparent, emotions are a good thing. They are the reason why joy feels good and sadness feels, well, sad. But most of the time our emotions work against us; they contribute to our down fall as well as our demise. We need to be aware of these negative emotions because that awareness is the key to regaining control.

The purpose of this page is to show people that there are ways to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. These obstacles are often seen as hardships; although to really win in life you have to shift the paradigm by which you see; you have to change the lens by which you operate and allow yourself to see that these obstacles are not hardships but rather stepping stones. These obstacles actually fuel our successes by propelling us forward and augmenting the quality of our lives by equipping us with tools that are imperative to survival. These tools then become the foundation; the key to living a long lasting, fruitful, and healthy life.

My goal is simply to change the narrative; to create an environment where people can be their best selves. This environment would be one without judgement, scrutiny, or condemnation of any kind. I want to create a safe space where it is ok to talk about mental health because the reality is; no matter how much progress we've made in the mental health sector, generally people still cringe when they hear the words suicide, anxiety, and depression. These words are seen as a manifestation of vulnerability; and if you're a guy (which I am) you are told/shown repeatedly by society that you are not suppose to feel or "be weak". As men we are told to suppress our emotions and hide the fact that we are hurt. But this of course isn't realistic. In-fact It is actually inhumane. According to Naturalist Charles Darwin, emotions evolved because they were imperative to human viability. Emotions allowed mankind/womenkind to survive and live lost lasting lives. We all know that when you suppress your feelings they come back stronger and with a vengeance. And often this is because of the propaganda that we see all over social media. And if you're a women, they'll tell you to stop overreacting, to "stop being so sensitive". Essentially they want you to become something that biologically, you're not; and to fight this natural phenomena that would be going against god, who created you with the perfect image in mind. People will dismiss our feelings as if they do not matter and after some time we are inevitably convinced, that they do not. Now our own self worth is at stake.

Society dismisses the realness and the realities of mental health, and this is what I am trying to fix, it is what I hope to one day eradicate. I would like to create this newer, more wholesome standard of life. But I can't do this on my own. I'll need help, and lots of it too. So, if you're still reading this, help join me! Help spread the messages of positivity, resiliency, and unrelenting grit. By making a genuine commitment to help those in need; you are engaging in a selfless service. And I, amongst the people who we are to help, appreciate you dearly. Join in on the conversion by following me on instagram @JJ.michaels_ and following my Youtube Channel at JJ Michaels, where content is posted on a weekly basis.

Thank you for taking the time to read my words, and have a blessed day!