#i don't think i even took pictures of the sickly plants

[balkanradfem]

Since I've been gone and computer-free for a while, it's only right that I make a life and plant update! I've been having the worst start with this year's plants, and I've been neglecting them for a while because it was making me a bit sour to see them all doing so bad; let's get into what happened.

So, since it's my fourth year of gardening, I felt super confident that I have leveled up so much that my plants will now grow however I please and that there will be no troubles whatsoever, which is just, a great mindset to start making mistakes in. So, I figured I'd wait until it's not freezing outside, and then, I would put all of the plants on my balcony, and they would have a lot of sun there, and that would make it easier for me to care for them. Before that, I've been keeping them in the kitchen during the night and morning, balcony in the afternoon. It's less work for me if they're on the balcony.

Well, it turns out, tiny baby plants do not do well on the balcony, even if it's not freezing outside! The temperatures were from 2-5 celsius during the night (that's 36 fahrenheit), and even if my plants didn't die, they started shriveling up, the backs of their leaves turning purple and dark. Seeing them turn dark and purple made me feel they were nitrogen deficient, because that has happened before, so I fertilized them all, thinking it would fix the issue - only it made the issue worse. Tiny plants cannot handle a lot of fertilization, they need to grow a bit before they're ready to be properly fed. So the result of this was that my most tiny and vulnerable plants burned out and died, most of just-transplanted tomatoes wilted, and basil died almost completely.

So, I finally realized that they actually disliked the cold of being outside, and brought them back in, and left them in the kitchen, where they had less light, but very warm, stable temperature. And, they all got better. It was almost like a weird mocking game from nature - if I had left them all in the kitchen, without ever taking them outside, they would have been growing consistently, and gotten twice the size already. I have been fooled by my arrogance. So why did all of the plants got sick and purple on my balcony?

Because the temperature of the soil affects what nutrients they're able to draw out. If it's too hot, or too cold, they won't be able to pull nitrogen out of the soil, even if there is plenty of nitrogen in! Same works with calcium, they need proper temperature and moisture in order to feed on it. Tiny plants do not take well to quick changes in temperature, they need to be bigger, and introduced gradually to colder nights. A month old plant can easily survive what a week old plant cannot. Only plants that are twice as big as their pot can easily bear thru cold nights outside without getting sick.

So, after this happened, I had a few happy accidents that I didn't count on, that cheered me up. There are 2 balcony windows that don't get a lot of light, but they're very warm (radiator underneath). I have left a few houseplants there, few lemons, and one cabbage, and forgot them completely. I didn't water them except maybe once every week. And somehow, without me noticing, tomatoes have started growing out of the pots with lemons, because apparently there were some seeds left in the soil there, and they quickly out-grew all of my carefully cared for tomato plants. Also that cabbage I forgot? It was the biggest most successful plant I had. I was in disbelief when I saw that, because, excuse me, I thought, you guys needed light to grow. Apparently, they cared more for the heat, and were happy to just get 2 hours of direct sunlight to grow. This went against everything I knew, but maybe I just needed to learn a new thing: sometimes warmth matters more. Next time I can just neglect bunch of plants on those windows and get successful plants with zero effort.

Encouraged by this, I was very careful this time to introduce my now bigger plants to the cold and bright balcony light, and this time I was listening to the rules carefully: First day only 1 hour in the direct sun, next day 3 hours, third day 5. Then they can stay overnight, and I only do it with plants that are big enough to survive minor damage. And it worked out perfectly. All plants held up well, and the last week of April, I've already started transplanting my tomatoes in the garden.

Another fun bit about me not being able to access laptop or my data, was that I could not check my own garden plan, that I made for this year. Planting the garden, I just had to figure out a whole new garden plan on the fly, which was absolutely hilarious. Me frantically typing on my phone 'can beans and strawberries grow together' while already holding a bag of beans in my hand, trying to decide where to dig the holes. Turns out, beans and strawberries DO grow well together, and since I have 3,5 garden beds of strawberries, I decided to plant beans in every one of them, just to see what happens. I have also stabbed large sticks in those gardens, and to an unknowing individual, who does not know about the beans, it might look as if I'm expecting my strawberries to climb up, which would be charming, and something to work towards in the future.

The strawberries are in full bloom and I want to spend hours just lying on the grass and looking at bees fertilize them. I felt so much yearning for the garden, so much of just wanting to be there all day and just watch life develop and grow.

After planting beans, I had a nagging feeling that I was supposed to plant something else and was forgetting about it, while I was ignoring all the plants due to feeling sulky, and I went to my box of seeds and took everything out to see what was not yet planted - to be immediately hit with a wall of shame: I had forgot to plant cucumbers and cantaloupes completely. And my poor mystery squash was also still in seed form. Now, these plants can grow very fast, and I started them right away and by now they're already developing their first leaves, so nothing is lost! This will depend on the climate. If we have a crazy hot summer with heat waves, my cantaloupes will not fare well, and I will have fewer cucumbers. If, by some chance, we have a bit more rain, some milder weather, maybe a storm every few weeks, then I might be looking at a good harvest anyway.

I had to starts all of my plants and plant my garden early, I planted everything about a month earlier than everyone else, because I know I will not be able to water my garden, and I'm counting on plants getting big and strong before the heat waves hit, and by then, they'll be mulched, covered, casting shade one over another in order to survive the heat. Last two years this worked brilliantly, and my garden was big and strong. I'm having high hopes this year as well, even as I started on rocky grounds, everything recovered so nicely, I even have a few basil plants looking good, brought back from the brink of death.

I've definitely spent more time outside, more time reading, writing, cooking, foraging and processing food, without access to computer. I've gathered so much bear's garlic, and found it's excellent in a pasta salad. I've eaten a full bowl of wood sorrel and came out just fine. I've tried to cook a soup with wild carrots - I would advise against using the roots, makes it taste very wrong. Almost got poisoned again because I confused young 'forget-me-not' plants with spinach and ate them in a sandwich; luckily I was fine. Laughed at myself a lot for that one. I saw lots of lizards, a frog, several deer, ducks, and a lot of birds in the forest, some very cool bugs as well. I sometimes run into other women in the forest and I feel like we're exactly where we're supposed to be, and we're ruling this land by protecting what's ours.

[hiimsociallyawkward]

the darkest hour pt 2

i'm back with my bs. this is for my bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars. basically, all of my dumb thoughts while i watched 'darkest hour pt 2', 04.02 of merlin. in case you weren't aware.. ✨spoilers✨

right off the bat i'm sad

ok when i first watched this i was really confused. i mean, you see others when they interact with the dorocha have that perpetual frost on their face right? all of them, every single one. so imagine my surprise when merlin has no frost on his face, and he's miserable yea- but he's not dead??

like tbh, watching this again, ik why but when i first watched this, i was SO confused.

arthur looks so worried slkdjfalskfsd

him being willing to abandon the mission to get merlin back to camelot to be treated 😔🤪😎🤤🤩 lots of emotions

LANCELOT. of course it's lancelot. santiago is perfect. actually.

merlin looks so SICKLY. it physically pains me to see him like that

okok hahaa. the scene where percival is carrying merlin. i have several notes on that.

1) ik it's supposed to be all 'noble' looking. yk? them walking in slow mo, percival carrying merlin like he's been slained in battle. knights looking knightly

ALL I CAN FOCUS ON IS THE LACK OF PROPER NECK SUPPORT FOR MERLIN. PLS TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

like pls

second note, idk why this remind me of hagrid carrying harry back

idk maybe that's just me but it feels oddly reminiscent

colin is SO pale my heart is actually hurting for him what the heck

asf;lsdjfa;lsdfj 'take me with you' stop.

dude they ACTUALLY care about each other. i just love them. arthur is so worried rn and while i'm like 'alsjfalsdj i don't want arthur to be sad and worried' we can see just how MUCH arthur cares about merlin.

like yea, we KNOW that they care about each other. but arthur is the prince and merlin's a servant so arthur can't have friends, but they're friends, and they care, and it makes me happy

ok it's sad and everything that merlin's basically dying but is it bad of me that i chuckle at merlin SLUMPED over on his horse?? probably.

but i mean, merlin is already raising himself up so he can sit more comfortably on the horse. ik that doesn't mean that he's in the clear yet, but he's doing a LOT better than the other people who ran into the dorocha. idk where i'm going with this

to quote the destiny and chicken podcast (who i love btw, if you want an awesome merlin podcast, check them out), they stay on arthur's face for SO long after merlin and lancelot leave.

i feel EVERYTHING that arthur is feeling in this moment. he's so pretty

there's another beautiful landscape. i'm not even sorry i'm gonna attach them ALL.

tell me that's not gorgeous

LMAO WHAT IS GWAINE DOING IN THAT TREE.

gwaine is the EMBODIMENT of 'boys will be boys' when he sticks his hand into that tree and gets swarmed by bees.

he's adorable and i love him

ok but also, someone tell me why capes are so hot. someone TELL me.

separate from the episode but on the note of capes being hot, i want a cloak SO BADLY. like the whole gist. floor length, big hooded cloak. why?? it's not like i'm sneaking anywhere but still. ✨cloak✨

ok the line where leon goes 'if anyone can get merlin back to camelot, it's lancelot' and arthur's face?? idk what to make of it. someone help me pls.

ok actually this probably isn't the best reaction shot but someone please help

the only thing i can think of is that arthur momentarily forgot and was reminded that merlin was in danger bc of him?

another thought is that he thinks he should take merlin back instead of lancelot?

ik for a fact you guys are better at analysising this stuff than i am so pls, thoughts?

i love lancelot so much. first time i watched this, i was CRUSHED

him carrying merlin to the lake(?) pond(?) area and then covering him with his cape? i love it

ok idk why but i love the idea of merlin instinctively going towards the water

it makes me think back to how he's made of magic and basically everywhere, espeically nature, has magic and instinctively- he wants to connect with nature as much as he can so his body just puts his hand in the water

a dumber thought i had, his hand is ✨sparkly✨in the water HAHAH

omg when the water called lancelot i deadass thought it was freya. i'm actually dumb i have WATCHED this before and i STILL thought it was freya

'a future that has been written since the dawn of time' makes me so proud but also so sad at the same time

it's like, yes, merlin is going to 'save the world' but it's like he's there just to do that. anyways, i just want him to be happy

MORE SPARKLY

these water spirts are op but also MORE SPARKLY. hehe i thin kthat's so funny

also, i'm literally only like 7 mins in. buckle yourself in

l;askdjflskdjf arthur going into the tunnels with the wilderons?? i miss merlin ouch. AND THE GAJA BERRIES. arthur misses merlin.

ok percival tackling gwaine?? cuties ;))

heheheeh gwaine kicking a skull and then running directly behind arthur for protection?? pls stop. i already love you

HAHA OK. THEM WEARING THE GAJA BERRIES ON THEIR FACE REMINDS ME OF THIS FACE MASK . THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I LOOK WITH THAT THIS FACE MASK ON HAHAA

yes im dumb, but the 5 of them slowly peeking over the rock and then ducking back down?? i love that so much they're so cute

omg what's wrong with me. not these knights literally FEARING their lives and me going 'they're so cute'

ANYWAYS

gwaine you absolute dumbass. smh merlin just took it but you just HAD to stab it. #cancelled

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE.

YES. i have a love hate relationship with gaius, but BUST into the council room. king energy right there

smh gaius you pUSH over.

I LOVE GWEN RIGHT HERE

YES

FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT

DON'T LET ALL THOSE SMELLY OLD COUNCILMEN PUSH YOU AROUND

THIS IS ACTUALLY QUEEN SH!T RIGHT HERE EVERYONE ELSE CAN LEAVE

stfu agravaine 'gueniviere'. ST F UP

ok gwen. pop OFF

you KNOW that arthur would've fought agravaine on this. GO GWEN for speaking her mind

oh look at me with anotehr fic rec. sort of, not really. ok but this scene with gwen talking about all the villagers remind of this fic called To Love, Honor, and Piss Off by @thenerdyindividual .

ok so it's basically a fic where basically merlin and arthur have this 'arranged marriage' type thing for 3 years, and merlin is arthur's 'common consort'. what that means is that arthur marries merlin as a show of good faith and to learn more about what it means to be a commoner- merlin giving arthur the tea about commoner life

anywAYS. check that our if you want, but i loved it

stfu 'i feel the pain as much as you' agravaine. hop off my dick

YES. GWEN. PLANT THAT SEED OF DOUBT THAT AGRAVAINE MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT HE SEEMS. i love gwen :,)

wow when she's intellegent with her speaking so everyone HAS to side with her but also respectful so NO ONE can get mad at her?? i stan. i ACTUALLY stan

santiago is so pretty

the PANIC in his voice. i stan.

HAHA AND MERLIN'S SNARKY 'SHH'

merlin is ready to GO. he's like, sorry for almost dying. that was ill advised of me.

i'm actually soft for any displays of friendship ever. what does that mean about me 💀 KIDDING. anyways..

i love the *swing* *duck* 'yea, not as quick as arthur

sa;kfs;akdfj lancelot insisting that merlin go back to camelot and merlin just nOt

LADS

stop rn. lancelot's face when merlin turns away. i am in pAin. I AM SO SAD OVER LANCELOT. PLS LANCELOT.

this isn't exactly, but morgana's paleness from here on out reminded me of merlin when he was literally DYING.

anyways, that's my note on that

like, yes- i get it- morgana is evil now. but idk should i feel bad for her? she looks so pale and ghasty and just :(

aksfhaskdjfas;ldf morgana

HAHA MORGANA IS SO EDGY IN THIS MOMENT. 'I'D RATHER DROWN IN MY OWN BLOOD THAN SEE THAT DAY' SO DRAMATIC. WHY IS SHE SO EMO/GOTH. LIKE IK I SHOULD BE SCARED FOR WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

stfu don't kill gwen i'll KiLl you

agravaine literally needs to die

stop. i am literally SCREAMING when agravaine is asking gwen to meet him in his chambers. PLS. STOP. STOP STOP STOP. I NEED A WHISLTE. I BITE MY THUMB AT AGRAVAINE. HE NEEDS TO SACK THE HATEFUL MANSION. BETTER YET I'LL BURN HIS MANSION

again, someone tell me why capes are so hot. especially these red ones?? i'm in love with them.

ok see this guy?? he just died with the forst on his face. not merlin?? he started getting better. surly that should've tipped them off that merlin was different

merlin's little head quirk when he does magic. ALSFJASLDFJAS MERLIN. NO ONE SAID YOU WERE USELESS. AND IF THEY DID I WOULD BEAT. THEM. UP. GIVE ME ADDRESS RN.

wow. seriously. i'm gonna attach all the pretty landscape pictures

morgana's like 'i'll cut a b!tch'. ok ik morgana's evil and everything, but morgana flinging that guard against the wall is bad ass

oh this is weird but gwen telling agravaine to 'show courage' but the whole room tinted green? ik this isn't harry potter or anything but idk i thought that was interesting. i'm not abt to go into if i think agravaine is a slytherin or what but still

STOP. GET. YOUR. HANDS. AWAY. FROM. HER. I ACTULALY HATE HIM. SHE'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE. BACK THE FRICK UP AGARAVINE.

morgana :( smh you can't deny that morgana and gwen carried for each other and morgana flinging gwen away is making me sad. don't touch me

asldjfasldasd 'you're never alone' elyan i love you

lancelot and merlins being lads. omg no them talking about gwen

lancelot is SO noble. stop this reminds me of Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic so much right now. not gonna lie. your fic LITERALLY lives in my head rent free and sometimes i think of it and my heart just HURTS in those last few chapeters. PHYSICALLy. i am in pain. anyways.

stop the trope where it's like "i love them, but i just want them to be happy. it doesn't matter if they're with me or not. i just want them to be happy"

I WAS LITERALLY SCREECHING AS MERLIN WAS CALLING KILGHARRAH i'm not even capping

ok so it's been like a month ish since i've watched merlin bc i was waiting for @//f-f-podcast 's destiny and chicken podcast, so i don't exactly what terms kilgharrah and merlin are at right now

still i think it's very sweet of merlin to bow slightly when kilgharrah looks at him

'the bravest and most noble of them all' 🥺

aw. merlin is really saying good bye right now

ok this scene is weird bc like i said, i don't rlly remember how merlin and kilgharrah are right now but it still makes me sad

asldjfslakdjfasd merlin and kilgharrah are old friends now. that makes me happy but sad at the same time

ok the 'it will be an empty world without you, young warlock' kills me.

obviously, we know that even though they butt heads, kilgharrah and merlin both care about each other

not only is kilgharrah being forced to let merlin go right now, but he's making peace with the fact that he'll be alone

the last dragonlord is planning to die. and kilgharrah is going to be alone again, like he was in that cave.

another thing is that if merlin died rn then we would never have aithusia. i'm kinda going on a tangent now but idk this scene is sad

this forest is so pretty

literally just lancelot's face and lancelot in this whole episode.

that's my note

HAHA GWAINE BURNING IS SOCKS

LADS BEING LADS

I LOVE THEM

omg i always see posts about this.

like merlin and lancelot planned that lancelot was going to walk in first and trick them and THEN merlin walked in

that's so funny to me. they're SO dramatic HAHAH

merlin looks so happy

BRO

ARTHUR

JUST HUG

HIM

PLS

STO

P

JUST HUG HIM WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM

Tell me why they actually look MARRIED here. PLS

🥲🥲 SELF SACRIFICING IDIOTS I LOVE YOU BOTH YOURE BREAKING MY HEART

LADS I LOVE THEM

🤠🤠 arthur wanting Gwen to be happy is KILLING ME. He loves her so much

This is so pretty. Honestly like how

Who let merlin have this many pretty landscapes

HOENSTLY

Lajs;dlkfajd buds in a boat together.

This reminds me of going to amusement parks and there’s always that boat ride

They’re the cutest

Ok so they also have this picture. It’s actually 3 pictures spliced together because the episode pans down and it’s really badly spliced (sorry) but LOOk how pretty that is.

WTF

Omg not me literally copying merlin with his slow mo head flick at the wyverns to make them go away

;sldkfjasdlkjasd leon percival and elyan and my heart.

Ok i’m not even gonna try to lie. They all have my heart

Frick you cailleah

Omg i was like ‘gwaine you dumbass’ jK i love him. Pls don’t come for my neck

Asldjfasldjfka ‘i’m prepared to pay whatever price is necessary’

HAHA CAN YOU NOT. WHAT IS WITH THIS CREEPY ‘COME HITHER’ HAND MOTION MS CAILLEAH

Stopp rn. ‘It’s my density

STOP. I AM HOWLING. LANCELOT

WHY

COME BACK

NO NONO PLS. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME.

stop rn merlin is all alone.

PAN TO ARTHUR WHO IS LITERALLY SURROUNDED BY EVERYONE.

Stop they all look so sad. I’m so sad.

merlin looks like he’s cried

I’m not sure abt arthur with his ‘no man is worth your tears’ type business but still

I am ✨sad✨

I screamed at this picture. I am depressed

Anyways

Gwen’s face is killing me

I’m so sad i don’t even want to write commentaries

Arthur realizing that lancelot only died because he loved gwen

Gwen standing in front of the fire

Aslkdfjasldjfa im so sad

HER STANDING IN FRONT OF THE FIRE ALL ALONE.

I. AM. SO. SAD.

STFU THAT THRONE IS NOT “RIGHTFULLY” YOURS MORGANA

STOP PLS GET AWAY

WHAT IS WITH THIS WEIRD TENSION

PLS DO NOT STAND WITHIN KISSING DISTANCE

IK YOU’RE NOT TECHNICALLY BLOOD RELATED BUT STILL.

PLEASE.

STOP.

I HATE AGRAVAINE

✨we hate agravaine in this house✨

😭😭 not merlin having ANOTHER secret. I’m so sorry bby

Anyways! I’ll be back next week to rant more about the wicked day so I’ll see you then! thanks I love you bye