#i don't make comics often so im not good at dialogue

[classicconundrum]

:-)

[seirindono]

two questions.

one, HOW DOES ONE COMIC/STORY BOARD??

IM OBSESSED WITH HOW YOU DO IT ITS SO BEAUTIFUL

two, HOW DO YOU SO IT SO FAST( that’s question is more just me being super impressed oh my goodness)

you’re very good😳

Aw, sweet, a board question *puts on serious glasses*

Ok, bring it on anon.

So, the first thing to ask yourself when starting a comic, as I see it, is what type of board are you dealing with. Webtoon? A4 pages? 4 panels? There are many ways to go about it, and each involves different processes. For example, pages will allow for more superfluous scenes, whereas the webtoon format has to be super succinct because of the reading direction. I personally think that's the main reason I do pages, among other advantages: •narrative density •variety •Tumblr-friendly format

There are quite a few disadvantages too but you have to go through the process of trials and errors to really find out what suits you best!

Then there's the ambition of the sequence you're boarding for. And it goes from 1. how used I am to boarding this kind of sequence/drawing these characters/setting and backgrounds, to 2. is it an emotional sequence? Dialogue-heavy? Or more contemplative?

It changes the way you work and how you should approach your board! For example, in TMS, the very wordy chapters (4 and 5 for ex) generally called for simple and narrow framing. Of course, you don't want to bore the reader so you can spice things up to match the characters mood and reactions once in a while, but you have to bear in mind that the sequence aims to provide dialogue and information = the text bubbles are key and WILL take a lot of place. So let them.

( then again, it's all about pacing and balance. A page full of dialogue and one with too much happening are equally hard to read and boring to do)

Only dialogue, simple squares, no compostion, the focus is on Mel's reaction

On the other hand, parts 7 and 8 are all about action and atmosphere! This makes for wider and more varied shots!

They're fighting, things are going fast so why not use a single line to show many actions! They're still basically squares and rectangles but the pacing is totally different!

Or why not give the action a full page to really show its sheer impact

You can also split things, with a zoom or small time gap, depending on if it's a gag or if you want to put the focus on a reaction. Here, the asymmetry helps reinforce the unstable, jerky aspect of the scene. The situation is getting out of hand, and visually, the pages are affected too.

Now, these are case-by-case examples. And I never work on my pages separately.

For context, this-

-is the "first" board I did for part 8.

The drawings are very small and frankly difficult to make out, but the intention is what matters at this point lol I have the script (very important) next to my canvas, and I scribble the pages one after the ither. This allows me to see if the actions flow well, if the compositions are varied and also whether certain passages are too long or too short in regard to their importance. Which scenes can be merged? Removed? Toned down or if they deserve more bite?

This is a really fun and creative part but, I'll say it again, made a lot easier with a solid scipt. And I'm talking about a text document with clearly defined dialogues (or at least outlines) and actions.

I can't really explain how to write a script, it really depends on your work flow and how confortable you are with writing, but it's too important to just rush through it. No matter how much it changes before, during or after your finish boarding (cuz you gotta break your own rules sometimes and you'll often realize some things don't work as well once you put them on paper/sometimes art block can be resolved by writing the scene and just taking the time to imagine) but it's still your one guideline.

Aaaand, that's about it.

Other than that, I can only highly recommend reading lots of comics, Webtoon, books, watching movies, paintings, illustrations, animatics or listening to music, to inspire you and expand your own "personal library of references". Professional or not, anything your find inspiring and well executed. Boarding is at its core, telling stories. No art skill involved, just pure subjectivity. At the end of the day, it's all about squares, rectangles and bubbles so you gotta work on your creativity. The rest is gut feeling!

Constantly ask yourself how to tell this story, and how you want to tell it. How this sequence should be perceived? What do you need to show to make pages and pages of words appealing and interesting.

Be patient, be bold. Start with easy stuff to get some confidence if you need to. Accept that "boring" pages are smt necessary and that it's up to you to build up tension for a scene to really pop. Try new ideas and be ready to scrap many of them, the result will be worth all the work!

Now, concerning the "fast" part, I'm flattered but I personally think I'm super slow xD You prbly get that impression bc I finish the whole chapter before posting it, but behind the scene, I'm just working at a very regular pace.

Thank youuu anon ♡( ◡‿◡ )

[evercelle]

hello ever!! im a big fan of your work and i often refer back to your stuff whenever I need inspo because it's all so pretty 💖 if it's ok, may i ask for any tips on good composition in art pieces, especially for things like your comics? i noticed your artwork always has such gorgeous composition... everything feels so well-placed and like it all fits together 💗 any tips would be appreciated!!

spent awhile thinking about this one, bc more than any other topic someone's asked me about, comic composition is the one i REALLY don't feel qualified to give advice on haha

so, resources instead? these are from a western comics perspective, but i think mad rupert's how-to on panel layouts is really good (panel variation especially), and scott mccloud's "making comics" is super interesting!

for a JP manga perspective, i liked this video about visual storytelling via manga paneling. furudate and shirahama really are amazing artists with INCREDIBLE skill at paneling!!

coincidentally, recently i've been studying manga and doujinka i like, too...! look at works you really like and observe them!! how do they layout panels, and dialogue, and what visual snapshots do they include? what parts of the scenery or portraits or objects do they show in which moments? look at the composition of each panel and the page in whole... i think observation is important in building your visual library too, so when you read the technical stuff like in those ^ resources, you have inspiration to back up your ideas

good luck!! drawing comics is so freakin hard mad props out there to every sequential artist

[nanistar]

how do you organize info on all the cats in saltburns clan? im working on a wc fic and its so hard keeping the cast organized 🥲

this is such a hard question and i'm so sorry but the answer is that.. i just don't. my stuff is so unorganized and nightmarish but it's what works for me. i have a single long-ass google doc with all of my plot beats and anything that i've scripted, but i typically work out dialogue and scenes only a scene or two in advance unless i have a particularly good one in mind, and i typically write out a whole scene in just dialogue with little actual "screen direction".

this is mainly so that i make sure i actually cover what i want to cover in the scene, and so that i have something to look back to when i accidentally delete my sketch layer with the refined dialogue (happens often) but this is all something subject to change when i actually start boarding the pages. lots of times scenes completely change when i actually get to drawing them, either because they were too boring or bc i didn't like my first pass at dialogue.

i know what major story beats i want to happen, but i don't know when, or the exact details. most importantly; i don't know how this comic is going to end yet! this allows me to play around and try out concepts, as well as move scenes and ideas around before actually committing to them an locking in. and as ive said before, i don't want to be working on this comic forever, and i fully intend for it to be done in the next year, year and a half maybe. so 4-6 more chapters + epilogue. knowing this time table lets me throw out ideas that, while cool, would take too long to work with.

as for cast stuff, i honestly just remember it. lots of the little interpersonal details of the BG cast cats are just not important enough to bother writing down. i make my little family trees occasionally, but those are for funsies and to show off relations and less about me keeping track of stuff. it also helps that i posted my whole cast before getting into the bulk of the comic, so people asked questions about characters which gave me the opportunity to brainstorm stuff about them on the spot. i tag most asks i get by character and clan, so if i need to remember something, i can just go search for it on desktop tumblr. but my comic is specifically not very BG character focused because i don't care about having a big twisting web of cast members. you don't need a full family tree to make stuff work, and honestly you're better off without one. i also work by arc 1 warriors rules where queens dont have to say who the father is, and that helps a lot too

sorry that i can't be more helpful, but i'm at my best when i work in chaos, and sadly that does not work well for most people. i would suggest asking @/razmerry, who is much better at organization than i am lol

[falconearring]

Im curious since Im also trying to making one, how do you come up with the dialogue?

I showed my friend mines and they said it was bland (feedback of course and I understand because writing is my biggest weakness) just for planning it out.

Also I love your Au comic and that’s the reason why I started to make my own <33

HEY I feel very honored that my work has gotten you excited about comic making ^_^ Hopefully what I have to share here is useful to you!!

Obligatory disclaimer; I am not all knowing, and what makes dialogue interesting is subjective. This is just what I think about when I write!

A lot of what I'm about to say pertains to character and voice, because for me it goes hand in hand with dialogue. Characters reveal themselves through every thing they say and do, intentionally or not.

When you write dialogue, it's very tempting to just have a character directly convey what you as the author are trying to get across. I think one of the most common ways dialogue comes off bland is when its written in its most standard form. People don't generally speak in perfect grammar, and it can sometimes feel jarring to read a perfectly constructed sentence coming from a character. People stutter, pause, double back, speak in run on sentences and often don't get directly to the point in one go.

A character's manner of speaking is always informed by their personality, and their background. Oftentimes they'll embellish with unique turns of phrase, slang, or even terminology that pertains to something they're passionate about. When I write dialogue for Skizzleman I use a casual tone but I highlight his amicable nature. I wouldn't have him greet someone by saying "Hello, how are you?" Instead it feels more like him to say "How's it going, buddy?" Subtle things make a world of difference. If a character is blunt, they're not going to preface a statement with a bunch of fluff to soften the blow. So on and so forth.

Something I really enjoy in writing is exploring character dynamics. When characters have an interesting relationship, dialogue kind of writes itself. By that I mean, the way people feel about one another informs the way they address each other, and consequently it also informs the flow of a conversation. Some people think dialogue that doesn't directly advance the plot is just fodder, but that isn't necessarily true. Time spent developing characters is never wasted time, so long as you're not drawing attention to things that have already been made clear over and over. A lot of my favorite parts of what I've drawn in the comic so far don't actually have much to do with the plot; it's the parts where Joel and Etho have a back and forth of some kind, even if it didn't lead anywhere particularly meaningful. It just comes down to how their personalities clash in some ways and mesh together in others.

In short, interesting dialogue is spawned from having a good understanding of the character. From there, the things the character says will be punctuated by their underlying traits, and it becomes more enjoyable to read. Every line doesn't have to be a perfect zinger, but once you start thinking carefully about each characters' individual voice and how they interact with one another it starts to come more naturally.

Thanks for taking the time to inbox me and good luck with your projects!!

[faerunsbest]

I was tagged by @kimberbohwrites

When did you start writing?

Middle school? I cant pinpoint a time but thats about the tim i started going comics and scribbling down story ideas and plots

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Yes i love horror and monsters and i love when the monster isnt the villain maybe its not the hero but its not what you should be fighting. I love the concept of love starting from respect and honesty. So far I actually have big long stories that result in romance that cannot become sexual., i don't think that romance is inherently sexual for all people or that it is the spine of romance. I think for some people it can be a huge bonding experience and for some its just revolting. I just want to write romance that has layers and feels tangible. I also want to write about bonds beyond romance. I think platonic love is also vital

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? 

Ive not been around the shop long enough to be compared to anyone i don’t think but if I could emulate anyone, it would be Brom. I read that book krampus and half a page in I had to close it and just stare at the ceiling because it hit too hard. He's a huge inspiration because he's both artist and writer. And I feel like that's just outstanding. How can you professionally be both?!

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

Um? Its wherever I can pull out my phone. lol I can be anything or nothing. Sometimes I want a million page notebook, sometimes its the busted part of a pencil and half a napkin. 

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

?????????please help i have no clue here

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you? 

Rage

I underestimate the volume of rage a person I made can have but what I never understand until after the fact is how they handle that rafe that feeling. Do they tamp it down or let it take the lead? The other one is literally romance

On a personal level I feel like I offend myself because I'd rather eat vomit than risk romance but writing it is a whole separate beast. There's just so much that can be done and should be done for these relations and bonds and it can be thrilling!

What is your reason for writing?

If i dont write ill die i dont know how else to explain this. Theres just so much that needs to be said and all these journeys my mind went on without me 

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating? 

I love the one with explanation as to why they did or did not like what ive done, clarity without cruelty is wonderful to me

Explaining that you thought things were good or bad because one thing another mean a lot they're so useful. Also on that same page i love those unreasonable comments that make no sense because someone was just having so many feelings

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I dunno its just kinda neat of you think of me at all !

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? 

Dialogue, i love listening to characters talk and i feel like it shows. I used to focus a lot on the setting but that rather faded

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on the day if im honest. Sometimes i think im amazing sometimes i'm astonished with hope clunky and poor my skills are sometimes i just don't care

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write 

purely for yourself, or a mix of both? 

You cant tell me you write and never imagine what it might be like if someone 

discovered you and LOVED what you did. I do what i want and hope for the best. My favorite part is the interaction which is why rp is great it feels like a lovely skill sharpening challenge but also it kind of eats my brain. 

I really and with all my heart love writing and i love when other people love it too

---

am drank forgive any fuckery

[theonepiecebrainrotisreal]

dont mind me im just compiling some evidence over here

#most of the time he accidentally gets it stuck in a tree or something and it usually breaks and he would get some sort of injury

hmmmm it seems like the kite hit a bird and it broke? and then nika offered to fix it?

I don't want to, please let me keep this. I'll fix it myself.

#throw that thing away already.#we're too old for it. Luffy.#It's just a piece of paper attached by a stick and a string. There's nothing special about it.

Oh and Luffy and Sanji were definitely hanging out with eachother before luffy became all quiet. Im reading the ALT text and it says (after aces dialogue)

"He was a bit cocnerned for Luffy. That time he came home later than usual after kiting with his firends, he'd become odd.

Sabo mentions on his blog that luffy used to go to the woods with all the time with his friends. And that his friends are missing now? I think it's highly plausible that Sanji is one of the missing kids. Oh and sabo also mentions that the vinsmokes across the street moved away, and it was a pretty good choice considering they had four kids. Reiju, Ichiji, Niji, Sanji, Yonji. Four kids! I bet they moved cause sanji disappeared

#my little brother used to go there a lot with his friends#I really do wonder where they went

In the grocery list panel, we can see a,, child missing poster? list? something that says child missing. Sabo also has a bunch of sticky notes on his table, though that may just be to signify how studious he is. I think though, it might show that he's been doing a lot of in depth research around these mysteries.

HEY in this post sabo mentions that he often goes out at night to buy stuff? and there is the grocery list in this comic and it IS night time,,,

ANYWAYS the grocery list itself,,, I can make out Watermelon, Honey, Eggs, Apples, Rice, Yoghurt, but nothing else. There's something in brackets next to yoghurt but I cant make it out. Ah and i think the bottom one says [something] noodles, and then theres a little scribble below that. URHGHHHH I WANNA KNOW I WANNA KNOWWW!!! hmmm is there meat on this shopping list? i mean ace and luffy are preeeetttty well known for loving meat so its kinda strange that we cant see any, or maybe there is and its just too blurry for me to see hahaha.

IM NOT READING TOO MUCH INTO THIS AM I???

(from @cursed-child-autumncookie 's translation)

"'It's hard to remember but you said your name was Nika.'

'You asked me for my name and I answered,'

'you said something to me and I trusted You.'

-"I can help you fix that."

Your eyes scared me. you looked at me like I was something else. where did you come from

where (repeatedly)

where did you come from'"

In this comic, sabo and ace are discussing about a rumor of an entity luring the missing children away, and it seems like luffy is being lured away with the promise of a fixed kite!

sabo seems like he's very superstitious considering the crucifix in his room and the candle lighting he always does at 6pm,,, whats uh, whats the deal with that?

anyways I hope sabo finishes his business outside soon,,,

What is the choice?

[decaytown]

Kat has started a new group: movie night next saturday!!!

Kat has added Sunny to the group!

Kat has added Jenny to the group!

Kat has added Lewis to the group!

Kat has added Noah to the group!

Kat: so… who's in?

Sunny: ya i don't have anything better to do

Kat: :)

Sunny has changed the group title to movie night next saturday!!!! be there or ur a bitch

Lewis: Unfortunately, I believe I have several tasks to attend to Saturday night. The shop has been closed far too often as of late.

Sunny: lol confirmed

Sunny has changed Lewis's name to Bookfucker69!

Bookfucker69: How did you do that? I would appreciate it if you changed my name back.

Sunny: admin rights bitch

Sunny: get some

Jenny: wait

Jenny: how'd you get admin

Jenny: admined?

Jenny: i wanna be one!!

Sunny: ask kat nicely :)

Jenny: ??

Kat has made Jenny an admin of the group!

Jenny: oh

Jenny: FUCK yes

Sunny: youre green now

Jenny: im green now

Kat: okay! jenny do you know if you're free saturday?

Jenny: um maybe! i really wanna!!!!

Sunny: can you type in something like

Sunny: less eye-searing

Noah: hey jenny

Noah: so there's a web comic I think you'll enjoy

Jenny: oh?

  Watching movies with Jenny is easy, because she has, like, twenty years of film to catch up on, so you wind up with a bunch of ‘90s classics that she and Kat have been curating, which is cool. But she has to leave sometime around midnight which leaves you and Kat sitting on opposite sides of the couch that's technically her bed, which is weird enough in itself, but like, man, this sucks. This sucks so much.

“What do you want to watch next?” Kat asks, which is the first thing she's said since you waved goodbye to Jenny. You've just been idly flipping through channels, glancing at Kat out of the corner of your eye, watching as blue light steadily flickers across her face. She isn't looking at you.

“I don't really care,” you say. “I don't wanna watch any more Disney, though. If I have to listen to another princess singing I'll die.”

“Oh,” Kat says. “Um, okay. I'll see what we have, then!”

The door swings open, and you silently thank Jenny for coming back to interrupt whatever the fuck this is, but when you turn around, it's Noah who walks through the entrance.

“Thought you weren't coming,” you say, and he shrugs.

“I had work, but it's not like I was gonna miss movie night with y’all.”

“Get in here,” you say, and you toss a piece of popcorn at him.

“So,” Noah says, planting his hands on the back of the couch, “what're we watching?”

“Um,” you say, and Kat says, “We haven't really decided yet!”

“Cool, great,” Noah says. “I wanna watch a horror movie.”

“Um, I don't know,” Kat says, and Noah sighs and comes around to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch.

“Gimme the remote,” he demands, and Kat hands it down. “We’re gonna be adults about this and scroll through Netflix for the next three hours until we all agree. Also, I want a pillow.”

You throw the pillow at his head, and he's like, ow, fuck, that was uncalled for, and then Kat sits up straighter and says, “What about that one? I hear it's good, it has that one guy in it?”

She’s stopped Noah on a generic-looking romance movie, and you're like, “If I have to see one more heterosexual couple trying to eat each others’ faces I'll leave. Like, really.”

“Okay, that's fine!” Kat says at the same time that Noah says, “I hear it has vampires in it, though?”

“Okay,” you say, because Kat sounds super disappointed and you kind of hate that? “I can do vampires.”

Noah snorts, and he's like, “I bet,” and you throw another pillow at his face as he queues up the movie. It's super generic, actually, and as it turns out, the vampire in question is a dude, so you can't even be interested in a set of sharp teeth. You resign yourself to flicking through your phone and, like, browsing Facebook or something.

The plot is kinda confusing and not that great, from what you can gather through the osmosis of half-watching. The next time you look up, some semblance of a love scene is playing, and you open your mouth to make some kind of joke about how absolutely horny the producers were. Onscreen, the male lead drags his hand down his love interest’s pale throat, and your throat closes up and –

and you can't breathe.

Your heart is pounding so loud that you can't hear the next few lines of dialogue. Kat says something and Noah laughs loudly in response, the sound muffled in your ears. You're nauseous and dizzy, and you clench your fists in your lap, ragged nails digging into your palms hard enough to draw blood, hard enough to hurt, and you need to get out of here, you need to leave, but you're stuck, frozen in place on the couch.

You can't move. You can't move, and then something brushes against your leg, and Kat says, “Sunny? Noah asked if you want more popcorn.”

You must have managed to make some sort of noise in response, because. Kat says, “Sunny?” again, and then: “Are you okay?”

“No,” you grind out in-between gasping breaths.

“Shit,” Noah says, and then things are suddenly very bright. He's standing next to the lamp on the side table, which is way too close and also not helping with the fact that you can't breathe and you're gonna die. The noise of the television has stopped for now, the picture frozen.

“What's wrong?” Kat asks. Your vision is blurry, wavering in and out, but you can imagine the worried crease between her brows.

“I don't know,” you manage. “I don't – I –”

“Aw, dude,” Noah says. “You're having a panic attack.”

“Feels like I'm dying.” Your voice sounds tinny and far away. Nothing is real. Your hands belong to someone else, probably?

“Yeah, um, that happens!” Kat says. “It'll pass, I promise.” There's the sudden pressure of a hand on your shoulder and you flinch away, pressing into the side of the couch cushions. “Alright, that's fine! I won't touch you.”

“Hey,” Noah says. “Hey, look at me for a. minute.” You raise your eyes to meet his. “Do me a favor and try to breathe, okay?”

“I can't, I – it’s like –” You loosely grip the fabric of your shirt, like it'll ease the band of pressure around your chest. “I can't.”

“Okay, what do you need? We can give you some more space.”

“I need, I – I need to leave. I want to be alone,” you manage, clenching your fists harder. Ten bright spots of pain. “Please.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Noah says at the same time that Kat says, “I really don't think that's a good idea?” They have some sort of quiet, whispered exchange above you as you curl farther into yourself, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to banish the images flooding your mind. You don't want to think about it. You don't want to think about it.

You don't –

You don't know when, or if it stops. The buzzing in your head doesn't subside, just gets quieter and quieter, leaving you shivering in a ball on the couch. Uncurling yourself from the tense ball you'd formed takes more energy than it should, and your muscles ache as if you've been in a fight, so you kind of shakily drag yourself back into a sitting position.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” That's Kat. Oh, fuck, that's Kat.

You try really hard to say that you're fine, you're super great now actually and you would love if you could leave right now immediately, but that's clearly not happening, because you. open your mouth and immediately double over with a choked half-sob. You hate this. You hate this, you hate this, you hate this.

“Um, not good, then?” You shake your head no, like, what does it look like? “It's okay! That was probably, um, pretty intense? So it might take a second for you to start feeling better.”

Clearly it's taking more than a second, but you take a shaky breath, try to steady your hands. “God. Okay.” Your voice wavers on the last word, and you press the heels of your palms against your eyes, rub so hard that you see stars. When the fuck did were you crying this much? “God. Sorry. I just – I don't really know –” Your voice cracks again, and you bite your lower lip to keep it from wobbling. You hate this.

“Well, you don't have to apologize, dude.” Noah emerges from – you guess the kitchen? You really have not explored enough of the house to know where shit is. He's walking towards you like a normal person, at a normal pace, but your heart skips a beat anyways, because apparently you're being anxious about this now! Why the fuck not?

If Noah notices, he doesn't say anything, just awkwardly pats you on the shoulder and tries to hand you something. It's only after he says, “Here, you should probably drink this,” that it registers that he's offering you a mug.

You take it with both hands, since you're not feeling incredibly steady at the moment. “What is it?”

“Just water.” There's a pause, and then he adds, “We're out of clean cups. Also, if you want anything else to drink, let me know. We have… hotttt water?” He sits cross-legged on the floor beneath you again, leaning back on his arms. “Also probably coffee, but you can't have that because it's mine, and also because I don't want to be responsible for killing you.”

That's, like, a lot of information at once, so you cautiously sip at the water. It's shockingly cold – Noah put in a few ice cubes, and you're not sure why that touches you so much – and it doesn't bring you all the way back down, but it helps. You only kind of want to peel all the skin off your body now.

“Thanks,” you remember to say as you set the mug down with still-trembling hands. “I'm – I didn’t mean to, I don't know what – That sort of came out of nowhere?” You scrub at your face, suddenly exhausted.

“Have you had panic attacks before?” Noah asks.

“No,” you say, and then amend it to, “Not that I can remember.” Noah’s like, the fuck? and you shrug. “The past few years have been really fuzzy? I mean, there were – after I escaped, I had – similar things,” you say hesitantly. “But that was, like, it was a clarity issue? And my clarity is – it's fine.”

“Really,” Noah says skeptically, and you curl the fingers of your left hand into a fist, hiding the healing puncture wound from that one time where you stabbed yourself and then killed a guy and your clarity was just so good.

“Really,” you say.

“Can I ask,” Kat says. The beginnings of a headache are throbbing painfully at your temples, but you turn to look at her anyways. “Did something, um… Was there a particular trigger? Like, something we can avoid next time?”

You –

(you can't move you are frozen in place / His hand trailing down your neck / thumb resting on your windpipe long talons curling around your throat / precious you are precious do you see how delicate you are? how beautiful it is to be so delicate / you choke on flowers.)

“No,” you say tersely. You swallow back bile.

Kat's going on about, like, okay if you're sure but just know that we'll accommodate anything it really isn't a problem just let us know! and, unbidden, tears spring to your eyes. You feel like shit, still shaky and nauseous and awful, shivering under a cold sweat. It's too cold suddenly, and you fold inward on yourself, rocking back and forth, arms wrapped around your churning stomach as Kat speaks. You want –

Well, what you want has never mattered.

Kat actually notices and stops mid-sentence, touches your shoulder lightly to get your attention. “Um, are you cold? I can get a blanket.”

The thought of being trapped under a heavy blanket is very unappealing right now, so you just shake your head miserably.

“You sure? I'm, like, the king of pillow mountain down here, I'm sure I can spare a few if you want,” Noah says.

Kat’s half-kneeling next to you, her hand hovering just above your shoulder, and you unconsciously lean into the touch, then jerk back, because she 0% wanted that, what the fuck were you thinking?

Kat's silent for a long second, and then she says, “Do you want… Is it okay if I touch you?”

If you open your mouth, you're gonna say something embarrassing, like oh my God please, so you just shrug listlessly. Kat waits another beat before wrapping an arm around your shoulders, tugging you towards her so you're kind of leaning against her side, knees drawn up to your chest.

“Is this okay?” she asks.

“Yeah,” you say hoarsely, your head coming down to rest against her shoulder. She’s very, very still, her thumb rubbing tiny circles into your upper arm, and the tension slowly begins to bleed out of your body. It's easier to think about it now, listening to Kat’s rhythmic breathing with your eyes squeezed tightly shut.

“Um,” you say, and Kat’s motions pause for a second. “I don't – In general, I don't really have – like, these things don't bother me anymore, you know?”

“That is… not how any of this works,” Noah says.

It's easier to talk about it when you don't have to look at either of them, and the words just keep tumbling out. “And it's stupid, it's so completely stupid, because, like – there's worse shit, you know? I've done worse shit, I do it so that this doesn't happen, yknow?”

“I really don't.”

“Like.” Your hands curl into fists. “Like, in the movie. When he touched her. I – my keeper –”

“You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to,” Kat says.

You shrug minutely. “I don't really care? Like – I used to let shit happen to me so it wouldn't bother me anymore, and it shouldn't, right? Everyone's all, Sunny, why do you fuck men if you’re a lesbian? And it's like, glamour, yeah, but also so I'm not scared anymore? Like, if I can show my brain that I'm in control, then – then…” You swallow hard. “At this point, it's just fucking stupid.”

“Hey,” Noah says. “What the actual fuck? Didn't anybody tell you that exposure therapy is bullshit?”

“I wouldn't say that it's stupid,” Kat says. “It sounds like you have legitimate triggers that you need to work around, because, um, what I think Noah is trying to say is that constantly exposing yourself to triggering things isn't exactly a healthy coping mechanism?”

That's super not what you want to hear, actually! You don't want to be like this forever. It's been two fucking years; you should be at least semi-functional now, but you're not. You don't want this.

You don't even realize what you're doing until Kat says, “Hey, maybe don't do that?” and kind of prizes open your right hand. Your fingers have been clenched so tightly that the cuts in your palms are bleeding again, little dots of red. You brace for the inevitable lecture, but Kat just slides her hand inside yours, preventing you from doing any more damage.

“Dude, we need to get you better methods to ground yourself.”

“Methods to what?”

“Wow, you really did get dumped out here with, like, no coping mechanisms, huh?” Noah says, and Kat is like, Yeah, we live in a society as he jumps to his feet. “Oh! Wait right here, don't move, I'm gonna go get something!”

“Don't think I'm going anywhere,” you say, nestling your head into the crook of Kat’s shoulder. You don't feel like you're gonna pass out and die anymore, which is great, but the panic has been replaced by a bone-deep exhaustion.

Noah skids back into the room a second later, holding a cardboard box of something that rattles in both hands. “Okay! Okay, so, when I used to have panic attacks, back when I was a kid – Scoot over, by the way.” It takes you a second to comprehend the request before you comply; Kat shifts over but doesn't move her arm from your shoulders. You're glad. It's a comforting pressure.

Noah wedges himself between your left arm and the couch cushions. “Anyways. Back then, my therapist taught me how to, like, deal with shit. So when I got anxious –” He produces a black sharpie from the box. “– I drew dicks on myself.”

“Do not draw dicks on me.”

“No, listen! It's a grounding exercise, right? Instead of focusing on what's making you anxious, you have to focus on how you're feeling, what you're feeling. It's a thing!”

“I don't wanna think about what I'm feeling,” you mumble, words muffled into Kat’s shoulder.

“Well, there's your problem, then!” Noah uncaps the marker, but doesn't move, and you realize that he's waiting for your go-ahead.

“Just don't draw any dicks on me.”

“But that's the best part!” Noah whines.

“You may draw a dick… once,” you say.

Noah’s like, “Sick!” and passes a green marker over to Kat, which, like, at least that one's washable? Small mercies.

The marker vaguely tickles as Noah starts drawing something with broad, sweeping lines on the inside of your left forearm. Kat has your right hand, and she's drawing something detailed across your palm. You keep your eyes closed, like, maybe if you try hard enough Noah's thing will work. Also, maybe if you try hard enough, you can take a nap. You're very comfortable right now.

“Wow,” you say. “I'm cured forever. Who knew a magic marker was all I needed?”

“Shut up,” Noah says, the hint of a smile in his voice.

Noah was like, you have to focus on how you're feeeeling, but you don't want to do that, ever, in your life, so you just try to focus on the pressure of your friends’ bodies against yours, try to match Kat’s even breathing. She's warm and solid beneath you, and from where your head is nestled between her neck and shoulder, you can hear her heart beating, way faster than yours.

You're not sure that this is what Noah meant. You don't feel, like, calmer, or less likely to panic, but between the two of them, their touch is solid and real. It's not much, but it's enough to hold onto.