#i don't know what will happen if my precarious balance gets thrown off by something new | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

slippery-minghus · 2 years ago

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ughhhh my coworker who i have to sit stupidly close to just tested positive. and he literally messaged me this morning hemming and hawing about coming in, but he didn't want to waste his pto. he shouldve fuckin stayed home. and the county literally just lifted the mask mandate for doctors offices on monday afternoon. if i get sick i'm gonna be so fuckin pissed

#i've gotten four shots so far and i double mask at work so hooooopefully i'll be okay.#personal #i'm just so tired of this #i mean like i know everyone else is too blah blah blah #but like.... my disabilities make it hard enough already #i don't know what will happen if my precarious balance gets thrown off by something new #every time i think about being afraid of getting sick i just think of how #at the very very start of the pandemic my dad was so fucking paranoid #like 'quit your job and make sure you have 2months worth of food' paranoid #but then a few months later once i'd been in lock down for a while #and i told him about how someone i followed here was so very very afraid #he acted like i was insane #that being afraid to get sick was so irrational to the point my mental health was what was endangering me #and he's been able bodied his whole life (and is only just starting to get to the point where his body can't kee up anymore)#and he's never believed me about my disabilities anyway....#and i think of how i had swine flu at 16 and how it just fucked me up for so long....#and set in motion a cascade of so many other things that took more than half a decade to recover from...#i know things are different now but i don't want to go through that again #(also i'm uh... i'm anticipating his letter soon and i'm trying very hard to remind myself of the pain he caused me #so that when that letter comes i don't take it so black and white. i need to remember the gray)

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