#i don't know if i'll be able to sleep well ;__;
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How did wife feel about Joe buying the bat mobile?
She was NOT happy 😭😭
Especially since she had told him literally two weeks before that she was pregnant
Joe's eyes fluttered open from feeling the weight shift on the bed, meaning that his wife was awake. He was facing away from you and let his eyes adjust for a minute before turning around to face you. Once he did, he instantly saw that you were giving him a death glare.
“Uh? Princess? Good morning. Is everything okay?” He asked as the same expression remained on your face.
“Your name is not baby right now to me. It's Jos…”
“No! Don’t you dare say it.”
“Don't interrupt me, Joseph. Because I am pissed at you right now.” You told him as he looked around confused.
“What did I do? I literally just opened my eyes.”
“I will throw you across the room if you don't lose that attitude.”
“Baby! I don't have an attitude! I'm just confused as to why you're mad at me! Are you going to tell me what's wrong?” He asked as he sat up against the headboard.
“Why did I wake up at 2 in the morning to throw up because your children know absolutely no chill and I glance down at my phone to see a bombardment of text messages AND alerts having to do with my husband?”
“Well Hard Knocks premiered last night…. I did look pretty good if I do say so myself.”
“It's what you said on Hard Knocks that has me pissed off.”
Just then Joe had a realization.
He bought the BatMobile and forgot to tell you.
And the first thing after he said it to Ja'Marr and Tee was them asking the question if he had told you yet.
“Oh um… I forgot to mention that.”
“Joseph Lee. That thing costs 2.9 MILLION DOLLARS. HOW DO YOU JUST FORGET TO TELL YOUR WIFE!?”
“And Justin did mention that it wasn't the smartest financial decision…” He muttered and you continued staring at him.
“Hmm, is it going to come equipped with two car seats? Because you better figure out how to fit them in there.” You told him and he gave you a tight lipped smile.
“Well I don't get it for a year, I can always make a call and ask for adjustments. Who knows? They might be able to fit the car seats in there.” He answered but you did not look amused.
“You knew that you were going to be a father to twins and you still decided to buy it?”
“The opportunity was right there, babe! Like when am I going to have another chance like this!? And this was before I knew you were pregnant!”
"When we have no money to feed our kids, I'm going to tell them that daddy decided to buy a batmobile instead and that's why everyone's stomach is EMPTY."
"Okay little miss dramatic much."
"I'm about to tell Ja'Marr to come and get you because between me not sleeping and you buying things for 2.9 MILLION DOLLARS you are on my nerves."
"Just think about us fucking in the front seat."
"No. Stop trying to break my focus from me being mad at you."
"But is it working?"
"A little, but if you ask me again later, I'll deny it."
But she's obviously going to let him keep it despite how annoyed she is about the entire thing.
And now she's going to try and get her elephant 😭
#joe burrow#joe burrow x reader#joe burrow x black reader#joe shiesty#joey burrow#nfl imagine#joe burrow fluff#joe burrow imagine#see me through you
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(Wip/Sketch) The Resurrection of a Heretic
You can definitely tell I got really tired after the first few pages but! It's done! Kinda! Pencil and paper sketch but it's done!
It's 3:30 AM so I really need to sleep, but tomorrow I'll add a read-more page by page transcription bc I know my handwriting isn't the easiest thing to read. Heavily recommend viewing in a new tab lol.
Had the Lamb chosen ANY other godless than Wren, and done it any earlier than before Narinder married them, Narinder would have been pissed about this. And unfortunately for Wren, being resurrected while being godless leaves its marks.
Anyway, Lamb stop breaking the laws of Faith for five seconds challenge, level impossible
Transcription below the cut
PAGE 1
Lamb: WREN! Hi! Wren: Hello, Lamb. Lamb, falling back into the water: Baa! Wren: Lamb!
PAGE 2
Wren: You are really bad at getting out of that pond... Lamb: It's the fleece. It's heavy when wet. Wren: Maybe you should forego it when visiting here? Lamb: And not look cool? No way! Wren: Almost drowning in a pool in the spectral plane does not sound very "cool," but to each their own...
PAGE 3 (timeskip, after unseen conversation in which Lamb suggests resurrecting Wren)
Wren: I... am not sure that is a good idea, Lamb. I have been dead for a hundred years now. I am not sure I know how to live anymore. Lamb: It'll be okay- Narinder and I will help you.
Lamb: Since you're not one of my followers, I need your actual body. Wren, as a ghost in the living world: My children will kill you if they see you digging up my grave. Lamb: Don't worry- it's handled!
Elloi (Narinder and Wren's middle daughter, all grown up): Not that we do not appreciate the visit, but our Father is visiting with you...? Kallamar: HAHA I missed my nieces, of course! Kallamar, thinking to himself: You owe me, Lamb! (A small text points to Kallamar, reading " "handling" it")
Wren: I am not sure our brother-in-law is up to that task. My girls are sharp. Lamb, offscreen: I have faith in him. Wren: At least one of us does.
PAGE 4
Wren: Also, uh- a hundred years? My body is nothing but bones and shrouds. Oh, and my death mask... Lamb: That's fine, as long as they're your bones, it will work. Wren: Should... I be worried? Lamb: No, no! I've tested it! Wren: Okay, I'm worried. Lamb: Hey!
Wren: Did you just shove my skeleton in your Crown? Lamb: Well I'm not about to walk out with it in my arms. Your daughters would try to kill me then...
Lamb: Think they'll notice the grave is disturbed? Wren: Minuit visits every morning, so yes. Lamb: Hm. So I should finish this before morning. Wren: If I come back as a zombie, I will bite you. Lamb: Promise? Wren: Lamb! Lamb: I'm kidding!
Lamb: I will miss being able to visit you on a whim, though. Wren: ...
Wren: Well, knowing you, me being alive again will not stop you... Lamb: True. You'll never escape me. We're like- spouse-in-laws or something! Wren: ... Not how it works, but yes, I suppose.
PAGE 5
Lamb: Kallamar is distracting your daughters, but the others should give me enough devotion for this- you know, being gods and Witnesses. Wren: I do not know, no. Lamb: Should I invite Nari? Wren: He will recognize a godless shroud. He might not let you go through with it, if he knows. Not to mention my mask... Lamb: Good point... I'm sure he won't mind if we surprise him!
Lamb: Wait, can you teleport? Wren: I am attached to you right now, so I will be dragged with you. Lamb: Cool....
Wren: I will admit, I will miss floating around like this. Lamb: You'd prefer to stay as a ghost? Wren: Now I did not say that.
Wren: It would take a stronger man than I to pass up the chance to touch their husband again...
Lamb: Oh, I see where your mind is~ Wren: Hold on- get your mind out of the ditch!
Wren: Thank you for not just dropping my skeleton. Lamb: Well, that would be rude. Wren: Kind of like shoving it in a bag... Lamb: It wasn't a bag!
Lamb: I need to put a mark on your skeleton... preferably somewhere subtle. It'll still be visible when you're alive again- any preference? Wren: Not really? Just do not be... weird about it. Lamb: Your hand, then.
PAGE 6
Wren: That is a strange symbol. What is it? Lamb: A modification of an immortality symbol. For my followers, it keeps them from aging- but this version helps me reverse your death. I think it helps meld the body and soul? It's very different from resurrecting my followers...
Lamb: Took me 50 years to think of this... It would not work before that. Wren: You... have been trying to revive me for 50 years?
Lamb: Oh- should I remove your mask? Wren: I would rather not see my own skull. Lamb: You'll be smelling whatever's inside when you wake up if I don't. Wren: ... Yes, remove it please.
Small text pointing to a cloaked Heket and Leshy reads "can't see or hear Wren."
Lamb: Okay! Ready! Wren, just float above your body! Leshy, Heket, Shamura- Witnesses, around the circle.
PAGE 7
Wren: Oh this is weird. Huh...
PAGE 8
Wren, thinking: What do I... do? This feels...
Wren, thinking: strange. Narinder, thinking: Where has everyone gone-?
Narinder: What. Is that Lamb doing now.
PAGE 9
Wren, thinking: It... worked. Wait, how do I breathe-
Shamura, offscreen: Relax.
Shamura: Your body will breathe on its own. Just relax. My siblings and I have been where you are.
Wren, breathing out: Thank you...
PAGE 10
Lamb: It worked! yes! How are you feeling?
Wren: Like I need a bath. Desperately.
Leshy: And clean clothes I bet. Lamb: Yeah, death shrouds a hundred years old is probably not a great feel...
Lamb: Come on- let's get you cleaned up. Wren: Okay... thank you.
text pointing to Wren reads "first bath in 100 years"
Lamb: Quick question- were you... wanting to keep this? Wren: My death shroud?? No?? It is a hundred years old and decaying... Lamb: Just making sure before I burn it.
Wren: I do want to keep the mask, though. Lamb: Got it. text pointing to the Lamb and the shroud reads "sets on fire"
text above the tub Wren is in reads "dunks head"
PAGE 11
Narinder: Lamb, I need to spea- Lamb: NARINDER!
Narinder: Gah! Lamb: Don't come in! You'll ruin the surprise! Narinder: Why are you short-?
Narinder, offscreen: Lamb! We are married! I have seen you naked before! We have bathed together!
Lamb, offscreen: Sorry, Nari- this is a surprise for you, so- please, just wait downstairs? Narinder: Would this have something to do with that ritual from earlier? Lamb: ... Maybe. Narinder: Fine, I will be downstairs. In the library.
Lamb: Hey, got you some robes- Wren: LAMB! Privacy!! Lamb: Relax, you've got nothing I haven't seen before. Wren: I DO NOT CARE- Lamb: You're gonna ruin your hair drying it like that-
PAGE 12
Wren: If you put your symbol on me I will hit you. Lamb: Too late, it's already on your hand. Wren: I meant that triangle thing, actually. Lamb: Oh- don't worry, the robe is symbol-free.
Wren: So this is permanent? Lamb: yeah, sorry- in all my experiments, removing it did... weird things. Wren: How did you "experiment," anyway? Lamb: Let's not talk about that...
Lamb: I think I liked what you wore in the After better. Wren: Mm, but that was a bit... gravity-defying. Lamb: Bet I could figure it out...
Wren: Being alive feels so weird... Lamb: yeah, I get it.
PAGE 13
Narinder: There you are, Lamb. Now, what did you-
Wren: Hello again, love.
Narinder: Wren...? How...? Wren: The Lamb is stubborn.
Narinder: You died... You are godless... The Lamb should not have been able to... Wren: They would not take that as an answer.
Wren: Besides, you have done the impossible before, too.
PAGE 14
Lamb: Soo you're not mad that I went behind your back to revive a godless person?
Text reads "Grabs"
Narinder: Do not ever do that again. ... But no. I am not mad. This time.
Lamb: Well, if Wren died again, I make no promises... but no one else. Not many ghosts with bodies still around, anyway...
Narinder: You are the most stubborn god I know. Thank you...
#justa arts#god in a godless land au#sketch#comic#canon/oc#also narilamb#but very much so Narinder/OC#cotl Narinder#cotl Lamb#cotl OC#OC Wren#cameos from the Bishops#Now the question is. will that symbol just keep Wren's soul from disconnecting from his body#orrrr is it also gonna keep him from aging. oh the mysteries lol#long post
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Tonight's the sleep study at the hospital. I decided against tryna modify my habits (even before my sister-in-law, who's a nurse, told me not to do that because it's their need to meet my needs where they are) so I really don't know what's going to happen or to be found out.
I'm bringing my laptop, because I always carry my laptop in case I have to go to the hospital, but I don't know whether I'll be able to use it; if not, then there'll be no more posting (except for the prescheduled daily 22:00 and 10:00 CST Three Faces links) or scrolling on Tumblr from me till tomorrow morning sometime (where, on my current circadian rhythm, "morning" extends well into what most of you regard as "lunch hours" (presuming US timezones)).
I'm in the waiting room at the car dealership because my check engine light came on yesterday, and the nearest tv is playing Friends eipsodes. I'm not sitting close enough to hear properly, which is fine with me, but I can still tell that the audio track cuts out occasionally in favor of narration by, as near as I can tell, Courtney Cox in Monica's voice describing action bits presumably as an accessibility aid for the vision impaired. But there are also ads, so it's not a home video where the dealership turned a feature on, it's a feed the dealership subscribes to. Are they starting these days to produce closed dubbing like they've been producing closed captions?
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ata tu corazón, mi amor, y arrástralo por la tierra
#this art hurts so bad#in a way i'd never be able to explain#also it just upsets me a lot because i don't like how i did it:(#idk how to make it better so i'm just gonna leave it as it is#and go to sleep good night#it was supposed to be cool and simple just like that#but in my eyes it's just missing everything and i don't know how to fix it#genuinely thought it was gonna be a good art but here i am oh well. that happens i guess#im sorry javier :(( i'll make more good art i promise#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#rdr2#rdr2 fanart#javier escuella
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#mine#doctor who#dwedit#david tennant#catherine tate#hi friends... it's been a week since i made gifs... AGAIN#thought it was time to remake this#also i should watch that panel that david and catherine did together that i keep seeing on my dash#my first week of summer break has been quite busy#but i've been mostly hanging out on my couch reading when i'm at home#and it's so hot here today... i hate it#i don't know if i'll be able to sleep well ;__;#i have also been influenced by the booktok and bookstagram people#and i bought a page turner for my kindle and bro.......#best purchase of my life#it's only been a few hours of me using it but i love it lmaooo#i also got the new dw books with fifteen and ruby and i am excited to read them#ok anyways hope you've all been well!!!
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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daily whistlepaw until ti becomes PoV day 1369
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#I'm tired...#I did not sleep well this week and last night was a wild one#(and aside from The Incident i explained in the last post it was AMAZING. just mad it ended with such a downer...)#but I still have a lot of classes i need to catch up#and vocab to work through but my hand hurts so I don't know if I'll really be able to...
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Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
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Anyway, related to NOTHING, I think what I'm going to have to do is, with every person I meet, if I find myself feeling something that could even possibly hint at romantic feelings, I back off and ask for space and stop talking to that person.
#like. I can't stop myself from being interested in people but I CAN stop it from developing before it gets Bad™#is this extreme? probably. is it healthy? unlikely. but I don't know what else to do in order to protect myself. I cannot do this again.#I just can't. I'm not going to make it through this another time. yeah okay it won't kill me but I'll be dead inside forever. I'll risk#undoing what progress I've made on myself in the past few years. if this happens again I will almost certainly just...become a husk of#a person. incapable of doing anything with little hope of moving forward. which when I ALREADY have P/T/S/D from#another completely unrelated thing...if anything else comes in I'm just...not going to be able to pick myself up. I'll be so far down in#the canyon that it will just be IMPOSSIBLE to ever climb back up#do I WANT to be in a romantic relationship? yeah. but I know better than to assume I will ever end up in a situation where someone#I want also wants me. I was never made for that. sometimes you're just not meant to do various things. I'm not meant to do this.#you would THINK that I would have fully accepted and internalized this by now but. well.#like. idk. the thing is. no one is truly 'safe' in the sense of 'if I meet a new person in my peer group at this point there's no true#guarantee that I won't develop romantic feelings. it's comparatively UNLIKELY but it's not CERTAIN. I'm just trying to survive#I don't know how to do that if this is part of my life. like I said. I have a complete other unrelated disorder that I need to manage#I can't jeopardize my working through that#why is it so hard for me to be a person#ugh. hopefully my melatonin (which I did finally acquire!!!) will kick in soon and I can sleep dreamlessly for like 9 hours.
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i feel like i've been having more and more days where i don't do anything at all, just sit about feeling drained and mildly sad. part of me hopes there's one singular issue causing this (e.g. my sleep schedule) and once i fix it everything will be easy, but i really doubt it's as simple as that.
#friday chats#might be adhd might be burnout might be poor sleep might be pots etc etc etc. i don't know how i'm supposed to do college at this rate#which is a whole other distressing thought#it's not even just productive things it's hobby things as well!#i want to finish this oneshot and post it but i don't have the energy to write#and it's less about feeling guilty for not doing things (though that is an element)#it's more distress at wanting to do them but not feeling able to#i'm just really worried about a lot of things basically#it's 7:40 pm and i'm considering going to bed soon. i doubt i'll be able to sleep through the night but it's a start maybe
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I hate when I'm so tired, but I can't go to sleep until I figure out what random anime op has wriggled its way into my brain
#I'm just. it's 5am. I'm on week two of this stupid headache. i want sleep.#but figuring out what anime op this is? of course that's more important#i know i haven't seen the anime but i ~know~ the op#think it might be slightly older? late 2000s probably. that's the vibe. really catchy too#but i don't think it was a well-known anime? i think I'd be able to guess it if it was really popular#I'll pay you in fic if you can figure it out on your first try#... and also before i figure it out~#it sounds like this: [insert humming here]
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pain is temporary shara brainrot is eternal
#mar.txt#oc tag: shara#slowly working on a shara-centric fic.... it's going to have a lot of rambling things in parentheses bc of how they are#anyways i'm mostly joking when i call myself xyz thing's number one fan but also like. i am very much planning to save money to comm someone#for a giant plushie of them. and a figure/statue too if i'm able to comm someone for that#i can and will spend a ludicrous amount of money for merch of my faves especially when BOTH of them have little to Nothing#my dad says the plushie is a waste of money but like#it isn't to ME bc it'd make me happy and probably help me sleep and it would bring me comfort#is it not enough for something to do those things to make it have value? must it serve some other more 'important' purpose than simply#bringing me happiness?#i'm well aware that it'll be over $2000 (understandably! plushies are expensive to make by hand especially giant ones)#and i'm fine with that. i don't live on my own yet so i don't have bills to pay or anything so i figure i should treat myself with expensive#things i want while i'm still Able to#and i desperately want a plushie of shara. a shame i know nothing about plushie making so idk if what i'm envisioning is too complex or not#rather. i think it IS doable but idk if it's too complex for the person i'd like to comm to WANT to do it yknow#but tbh. i'll take whatever it is i'm able to get#anyways i got rambly in the tags again oops#i just think shara is neat and getting a giant plushie of them is a goal of mine
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#spent all day helping my best friend move into her new flat#and it was really lovely to be able to be there for her and help her unpack and set everything up#bc her bf (one of my other flatmates) is going travelling for a couple of years in march so obvs he's moving out and they're breaking up#which is why SHE had to move out bc she couldn't afford the rent on a double room by herself#and she's only just moved down the hill like literally a five minute walk which is obviously amazing#she's not ages away yk#and she's moved in with our mutual friend which is nice too#but on a selfish note now i'm left behind in a flat with four 20 year old couples#and i'm now the outside friend like i'm the one who has to go home yk rather than being the one in the home#and i'm just dreading being alone so much of the time like cooking dinner alone and coming home from work and being alone etc#and i'm worried as well that in the new flat they'll get really close and i'll be like forgotten about and left behind#and i know this is all catastrophising and mind reading and all those therapy phrases#but it just sucks. it really sucks#i had to walk home in the rain just now up the hill at half 12 at night#and i cried the whole way because it just all sucks so bad#i knoooooow obviously there's worse problems in the world there's people that are dying kim etc etc#but i'm just very sad about it right now. very very sad about it#so it's 1am and i'm going to sleep and i will wake up at 4am for the match and arsenal better fucking pull through for me#goodnight love u all sleep well appreciate the people in ur life x#also i mean two 20 year old couples lol i don't have eight flatmates
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I'm finally almost done organising/putting away all the stupid shit I've bought recently - it's mostly all kinds of sewing supplies. I've got about a million buttons and zippers now. and lots of random fabric. a whole box full of sewing patterns. pretty much... everything you could ever need for sewing.
I've also not touched my (brand new) sewing machine since I tried it out in the couple of days after I got it. not once. because all the stuff that I bought made me feel so fucking anxious and guilty. and, well, I couldn't have used it anyway because there were boxes everywhere.
I've tried fixing the problem - I finally deleted the ebay app from my phone, for example. whenever I felt bad I'd just spend hours browsing ebay and bidding on stuff. I mean, the auction is gonna end in a week, that's not even real! I'm not buying things, I'm just saying hm well I'd pay this much for this, and then I might even win! winning is nice, it feels good! and I get a product, or even a box of products?! that also feels good!
except I bid on so. much. stuff. that the anxiety felt like it was killing me.
anyway. that part is fixed now. I did bid on a few barbies after that whole disaster, but that finally made me go, wait why am I doing this again after how shit it just made me feel?! so then I deleted the app.
but. I don't know. the real problems are still there and I don't know what to do about it.
#I think the real issues are 1. I buy things to feel better 2. I feel bad a lot of the time and 3. I fixate on a new hobby and feel like I#need to have alllll the supplies or I can't get started and then get so overwhelmed that I don't start anyway. or I do and it still loses#that new exciting feeling after a short while and I move on to the next shiny new thing#idk I just wish there was something that would fix me#and tbh I don't think I could bring the shopping thing up with a therapist even if I found one again#my previous one basically just shrugged and said it's fine because it's not a bunch of expensive stuff#well unfortunately a looot of inexpensive things are still.. a lot of money#and anyway isn't that like. not the important part?! idk I'm not an expert but it feels like a bad thing that might need help or something#but anyway I've made my vent post so it's time for bed now! who knows maybe I'll even be able to sleep now that I've said all this!#personal#cw mental health
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the thing is if i was presented with the opportunity to be reckless rn i'd take it immediately but i have not put myself in any situations so far where i would now be presented with the opportunity to be reckless does this make sense like i would take the opportunity i want the opportunity but i think i need to have made different decisions leading up to now to have the opportunity presented to me..............
#anyway maybe tomorrow night i'll go to a gig and make friends with someone#or friday or saturday#and it's not really being reckless because it's like . well i would think it through . i'd just do it anyway .#idk . i'm kind of tired maybe i'll just sleep . i'm just stressed about tomorrow icl#i don't know what to do and i know i'll lose it if i don't do anything#and i would love to be able 2 go oh i'll just be cosy and comfy and read or smth but i have worked out that being @ home#when i have a roommate ? is not actually all that chill........#not through any fault of hers just the fact that it's not reallyyyyy my space it's Our space#maybe god will be kind and i'll get a message tomorrow morning asking if i can work bc i don't have uni rn#idk . idk idk idk idk idk . hm . no it'll be good worst comes to worst i'll just go for a very long walk.............. <3#i really like doing things by myself i just don't know what to DO i need to be able to write again but everything i write has been SHIT#oh well it'll be gorgeous and beautiful and who knows it could be an incredible day <3 there's always a possibility <3
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