#i don't know if i'll be able to sleep well ;__;

[in-class-daydreams]

Imagine ex-husband Gojo doing things for his new love interests that you begged him for while you were married.

After a joint meeting between the sister schools, you overheard Suguru asking him who he was texting during the meeting.

Satoru replied, "Just letting my date know I'll be a bit late tonight since we ran long here. Todo can yap, huh?"

"Seriously!" Their voices faded as they walked down the hall.

You stood just outside the meeting room watching the corner the disappeared around. If you had to pinpoint the number one reason your marriage failed - more than clan pressure, more than the strain of being young parents, more than back to back to back missions - it would be the fact that Satoru can't communicate for shit.

Part of it wasn't his fault. His brain just didn't work like that. An inconvenient side effect of limitless is that everything makes sense in your head, but it's hard for a person with the gift to explain their thoughts to others.

So the no-call, no-shows to dinners was technically a side effect of limitless, as was his inability to articulate his feelings like an adult or the fact that he would just do things without even telling you there was a problem in the first place.

"Quit doing that with your face, brat." Sukuna emerges from the meeting room. He's out of his Ryomen form at the moment, as he usually is during meetings so that he can actually fit in his chair. "How long are you gonna let what he does affect you?"

"It doesn't!" you insist.

Sukuna rolls his eyes. "If that helps you sleep at night."

Imagine reminding yourself that you can't be mad at him.

You're seeing other people now, too. Hell, you've been divorced for over a decade, it's insanity that you care at all.

It's just. You never doubted his love for you. Not for a second, not even now that your marriage failed and you largely raised your son on your own.

"Mom?"

Maybe your divorce was his motivation to be better. You're not sure. But if he's capable of change, capable of being attentive and communicative, why couldn't he change for you all those years ago?

"Mom."

Could it be that you were his childhood companion and he loved you, but he was never in love with you? Was his love for you less than your love for him?

You hardly notice your son calling out to you until he springs into action. "Mom!" Sen nudges you away from the stove to turn of the burner. When did smoke fill the kitchen? The roux you were trying to make was burnt to a crisp, stuck to the pan and emanating an unpleasant smell.

Sen gently pries your hands off the handle and drops the ruined pan in the sink to soak. Then he makes sure the burner's off before turning to you with a conflicted expression.

He may have inherited a hybrid of both your and Satoru's personal brands of emotional stuntedness, but he could put two and two together between how distracted you've been and the rumors of Satoru dating again - What with it being huge news among jujutsu society (aka power hungry clans with eligible daughters.) Your son had his own complicated feelings regarding his father and as much as he'd prefer Satoru stay away from you, it hurt him to see you like this.

Though, watching you try to keep a stiff upper lip for his sake during the divorce is the reason he doesn't want his father anywhere near you.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." You wipe your hands on a dish towel. "I wasn't paying attention. Hang tight while I make you something else."

He could kill Satoru right now. But you wouldn't like that, so he won't.

"Mama, I--" He shuts his mouth. You've been protecting him from the details of the divorce his whole life. What did he know about comforting you? But while he may not have been able to protect you then, he can sure as hell try now.

"Mama, why don't I take you out to dinner? My treat."

Imagine that Sen decides he needs to stop having ideas.

He brought you to a local okonomiyaki that you've been going to since he was little to the point where the owners knew you well and liked to give you little extras from the kitchen. Today's treat was a side of pickled radish.

It was your happy little hideaway. Away from jujutsu and clans and curses and your broken home.

Sen insisted on cooking the okonomiyaki for you, saying that, "My treats means I'll take care of everything!" The weak smile you gave him made his heart soar.

You giggle while he jokes around and tells you about school like how Hikari fell asleep for 45 minutes out of an hour long test and still got a better score than him. Hearing about your son and his happy school days always made you feel better.

Sen was ready to give himself a pat on the back for cheering you up when he hears the front bell jungle and a woman's laughter carries over.

"Fancy places are like that, though!" the woman laughs. "They give a bite of food per plate."

Then a familiar voice replies, "Yeah, but it was good, wasn't it? And now we get to fill up at a cute place like this."

Even though he's the one facing the door and not you, the look on your face tells Sen all he needs to know. What breaks his heart is that you've sunk lower into your seat to make yourself smaller.

Sen could kill his father right now.

Hooray, angst!

Click [here] to keep up with ex-husband Gojo and his estranged family | Ask stuff about Sen and the fam [here]

[authorred]

Die With A Smile | Li Shen/Zayne x gn!Reader | Love and Deepspace

➺ Preface: After a particularly bad run-in with a wanderer, you're left essentially dying on site. You know this will not bode over well for a certain doctor-friend of yours, so you force yourself up and onwards. Both you and Zayne have to reconcile the fact that you almost died without seeing each other for almost a month.

➺ I know I already posted a song-fic for this song but goddammit I keep seeing edits for this shit on my fyp and I love this song so mf much that I can't myself ( I also have an unhealthy obsession with Zayne ).

Maybe I'll do a Sylus version??? However the hell I'll do that.

→ Song

Warning(s): Mentions of extensive wounds, blood

Oh god, Zayne is going to kill me.

Your skin is warm and sticky; a disconcerting feeling. What remains of your clothes is glued to your skin in blood and sweat, most of it yours. You don't know why, but for some reason, Wanderers love to dick with you as if you're a hot commodity. You were just trying to do your job as a Deepspace Hunter, which you succeeded at technically, but, now your injuries are catching up to you.

You're starting to feel lightheaded and stumbling on your feet. You don't know if you've broken any bones, but all you know is that every part of your body hurts and trying to blink takes all of your energy.

Goddammit, if Zayne sees me he's going to be so mad. Or sad. Or both. I didn't even text him today--I should've texted him.

You stumble from the remains of where the protocore field emerged. You can feel the warmth of your blood spilling down your leg and flooding your boots. It’s an absolutely unnerving sensation. You have to find a way to the hospital. You need to get help. You can’t die. Not like this. Not before you see Zayne.

~

You were going to kill him. No, not kill, perhaps that’s too far. But you were going to scold him, chastise him like a worried mother. Zayne has been pushing himself again, not taking breaks or sleeping for more than five hours. He’s been using the on-call rooms in Akso or sleeping in his office. He doesn’t know why he does this. Perhaps he’s stressed because you haven’t texted him in several days and he’s unknowing to your severe injuries. It’s a way to cope. Because if he didn’t, he’d go mad.

So why.

Why?

Why is he staring at several paramedics rolling you into the hospital, covered in blood and unconscious? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time? Being reckless? Risking your life? Again?

He stands there, rooted to the linoleum, watching you be rolled into the OR for emergency surgery. He doesn’t know what’s wrong—eyeballing it he could tell you’re suffering from many lacerations. But what if there’s more? What if your heart is giving out?

It’s not until the hospital begins to settle again that he’s able to move. Swallowing thickly and moving like a ghost back to where he’s needed.

~

Hours pass—two hours, specifically. Zayne stands in your hospital room staring at your sleeping figure. Covered in bandages and bruises alike, his eyes are filled with trepidation belying fear and concern. The pain you must’ve went through to trek all the way to Akso Hospital—the amount of blood you lost. Too stubborn for your own good. He can’t linger, he has other duties to attend to. But he wants to—gods, he wants to.

Stepping up to the side of your bed, his hand reaches out. His fingertips brush against the palm of your hand, gently trailing them up your wrist and arm. Featherlight touches to prove you’re here, alive, breathing. His virescent eyes comb up and down your body. “How reckless,” he whispers. “And here I thought you were simply lost with no reception.”

No response, as he expected.

With a soft, almost imperceptible sigh, Zayne retracts his hand and places it back in his coat pocket. With one last lingering look, he turns and walks away from your hospital bed. He has work to finish, and you’re stabilized and alive. At least he’s assured in that regard. He can go on with the rest of his day without that aching, gnawing anxiety in his chest. It’s a relief, really.

~

When you wake up, you have no idea where you are at first. You’re completely disoriented and lost. You vaguely remember trying to navigate your way through a town on the outskirts of Linkon, and then after that, the memories are fuzzy.

You look to your side, your vision severely blurred. You can see a person sitting in the chair next to your bed, resting. You recognize the shape of their body immediately. “Zayne?” Comes your hoarse, weak voice. Even that’s enough to rouse him from his sleep—or maybe he wasn’t even fully asleep in the first place.

Zayne sits up straight when he sees you’re awake before standing. “Y/n,” he says, almost in surprise. “You’re awake. With the amount of sedatives in your body, you should still be asleep.”

“I can’t move my body,” you chuckle softly, but it sounds like a sad whimper instead. “Maybe that’s where they went. . .”

Zayne sighs at your attempt of jokes in your state. “Should I ask what happened this time?”

“I think you know.”

Zayne gazes down at you, his eyes slightly narrowed in worry. “You’re too reckless. Please, put some value on your life before we’re unable to fix you.”

“I know,” you reply softly. “But you don’t seem the best either. I can still see those dark circles even through my fucked up vision. You’ve been overworking again, haven’t you?”

Zayne shifts like a kid getting caught before looking away, “I take naps during the day so I can be productive at night. And I’ve been eating well and hydrating. Truly, it’s not that bad.”

“Those dark circles say otherwise.”

A moment passes before Zayne looks at you again. “You were too close this time,” he says. “Your life was in a precarious position. You’re lucky we had the personnel available.”

“I know,” you repeat. “I know. I—I’ll be honest, I didn’t think. . . I didn’t think I’d make it.”

Zayne’s expression drops suddenly, but he lets you talk.

“All I remember thinking is that I needed to get to a hospital, to get help, because if I didn’t, I’d regret it. Regret not texting you, seeing you. I wanted to see you one more time, at least.”

Zayne’s face twitches, and he resists the urge to reach out and touch you. You need space. Your body needs time to heal. “I see,” he replies softly. “Is that what gave you strength to crawl to the doors of the hospital?”

“Yes,” you nod softly. “At least, if I died here, I’d be near you. And that’s enough for me.”

Zayne doesn’t say anything immediately. “I would be. . . in pain if you died,” he says quietly, doing best to articulate his feelings without coming off as too much. “I would miss you greatly. Agonizingly.”

“Tomorrow is never promised,” you say, gazing at him with such affection and favor he feels lightheaded from holding your gaze. “But if I die—if I die next to you, with you. . . I wouldn’t change a thing. I would die happy and content. Knowing you’re there.”

Zayne swallows, his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down under his black dress shirt. “I believe it would be best if we promised each other. . . to not push ourselves too far.”

You chuckle softly, “Maybe. But whatever the case, I’m just happy you’re here.”

You add, “And when the day comes I do die, I’ll gladly die with a smile if you’re with me.”

[jillsandwhichs]

RE Character x Reader Smutshot Collection , Chap 7 , Gentle Mornings

Masterlist

Pairing: F!Reader x Chris Redfield (RE6)

Summary: Chris wakes you up and surprises you with breakfast in bed. And if that wasn't enough, he fucks you against the kitchen counter : D

Status of your guy's relationship in this one shot: Dating

WC: 2.6k

Type: NSFW

Warnings: Kissing, Dirty talk, Clit rubbing, You cum on his fingers, Kitchen sex, Unprotected PiV, Spanking, Hair pulling, He finishes inside of you

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

"Wake up beautiful."

You could hear the deep voice faintly, you knew it was Chris. You are so tired though, more sleep'll do you good. You could lay in this comfy bed forever and be content, but alas.

"Sweetheart, get up." Chris said softly.

You could feel his gentle big hand caressing your upper arm-it made you feel all warm inside. Chris is very physically affectionate, which you love. Being touched is something you also enjoy, more-so than being the toucher. Chris is like a bear-he's large and cuddly. "Baby, I'd love for you to open your eyes." At this point, you were being stubborn and you could tell just by his tone that he knew. "Don't make me make you." He teased, patting your butt.

Ultimately, you opened your eyes.

"Hi." You chuckled, sitting up and adjusting to the light in the bedroom. The curtains were spread apart, the light was on and the TV was on too-all so glimmery. "Hey princess, good morning." Chris laughed, stroking a few pieces of loose hair from out of your face. "Did you sleep good?" "I did. I slept very good actually." "Good." Chris smirked, leaning in and kissing your cheek gently. He is in such a good mood, it's odd. Of course, he always tries to be positive but this is just weird, especially considering it's... You checked the clock. Nine in the morning...

Analyzing the room, you noticed a tray of food set on the white dresser the two of you share. You were curious as to what it was.

"What's that baby?" "Oh, the food? Well baby," He stood up and grabbed the tray carefully, scared it may tip over just by one wrong move. "I made you breakfast." Chris said kindly, sitting on the edge of the bed once again. Did he really? How sweet of him. The only other time he's ever done this was on Christmas a few months back. "Sweetie, really?" You spoke in awe-he is truly the best. "Thank you. Why though?" You tittered, picking up the fork-you were ready to dig in. "Just thought you deserved it." He whispered, caressing your lower leg.

The plate had all sorts of goodies on it. Toast, eggs, fruit and sausage, it looked amazing. You were still somewhat confused as to why Chris suddenly decided to do this for you but either way, the gesture is out of this world.

You are excited to eat. Funnily enough, you are starving first thing when you wake up since you don't eat before bed, it's as if he read your mind. "Just eat up honey, I'll be out in the living room, okay?" "Alright." You gave him a quick nod as you took a bite of the steaming, smokey meat. Chris grinned, he was glad you were happy. "Good, love you." Chris pressed a kiss to your small nose before exiting your guy's shared bedroom. "I love you as well." You shouted, making sure he could hear you good.

You'd eat then go see him, that's the plan. You began to eat as fast as you could, you now just wanted to spend your morning with him before he has to leave for work at ten.

-

The breakfast he made you was immaculate. Chris is an amazing cook, definitely better than you are. You finished it rather quickly too, surprisingly. All that was left on your plate was a couple scrambled eggs but other than that, it was totally clean.

You hopped up out of bed with a grunt & a yawn-you were still pretty tired. Plate in hand, you walked out of the bedroom.

Down the hall, you could see Chris. He was just sitting on the couch, checking out one of his stupid man magazines that he gets weekly. He noticed you were done and whistled, seeing you walk out in just your shirt and panties. "Hey hot stuff." He teased, tossing the magazine down and getting up off of the couch. "Hi." You smiled from afar, setting your plate down in the empty sink-he even did the dishes!

Ambling towards you, you couldn't help but let out a soft sigh as he wrapped his arms around you from behind. His face tucked itself into the crook of your neck. He placed soft, warm kisses all along it. "Mmm, I love you." What has him in this type of mood today? "I love you so much but Chris, why are you being like this?" You chortled, setting your hands on top of his, his were resting on your lower tummy. "Because I love you, is that an issue? Can I not love my girlfriend?" Such an ass.

"Babe, don't be dense," You snorted, "Trust me, I love this, you just usually aren't this lovey dovey, that's all." "Well I'm feeling it today." His kisses moved to the back of your ear. You can't deny it, it's turning you on deep down.

As he kissed all over your face from behind, you felt his large hands begin to trail downwards. The shirt you are wearing is oversized and long, but you knew he'd continue. Once his finger tips were just above the waistband of your panties, he stopped and whispered, "Can I?" Um, of course he can.

"Mhm." You mumbled. Your hands were holding onto his wrists, you didn't know where else to place them. With a groan, you felt his hand slide down the outside of your panties. His thick fingers were right above your covered clit. You were wet and you knew he could tell. "So soaked for me, hmm?" He whispered in your kiss, planting more kisses onto it. "Mhm." You giggled, your breath shuttered as he pressed down onto your nub. "I wanna fuck you so hard right now." He growled.

You two literally fucked last night, he is such a teenage boy. "Did you not get it out of your system last night?" "Oh I did, but you build it back up so easily." Chris chuckled. He began to slowly rub your clit through your panties. His fingers are magical. "Oh." You seethed. Your head tossed back as he caressed your clit quickly. "Feels good?" "Yeah..." You whimpered. It was hard to keep your eyes off of his hand. It was fascinating-how he would please you.

"You gonna cum for me baby?" That condescending tone he gets when he knows he is ruining you. "Shut up." You huffed out, earning a snicker out of him. "You know I'm just messing with you."

Chris rubbed it even faster. Your legs were shaking already. Your clit felt like it was going to explode. That inevitable firey feeling in your stomach was evident, it was burning-a burning passion for Chris. The breakfast in bed, the dishes being done and his loveyness? Yeah. It was no surprise he was also going to wind up fucking you.

A few more caresses-and it was your undoing. You loudly moaned, your legs shaking and your back arching automatically. Chris hummed, kissing the back of your head a couple times as you came just by him stroking you. "That's my girl." He commended you, enjoying how fast you finished for him.

Suddenly, you squealed as he bent you over the kitchen counter. You've never fucked in a kitchen before, this is new. "What're you doing?" You questioned him. The sound of his fly being pulled down was heard. "Fucking you, what does it look like?" Chris chuckled, bringing his hand to your ass and squeezing it. You giggled and simply rested your head against the cold, polished counter.

You bit your lip seductively. It's so early in the morning, how could he possibly be in the mood already? You aren't complaining though. You could feel him pulling your panties down your legs til he left them at your ankles-a hard slap then came to your ass. You could hear him pulling his sweatpants down as well, he was wasting absolutely no time. "I'll be gentle, at least at first." Chris teased. You giggled. He knows how to make you laugh.

Chris's hand went to your ass, gripping onto it for support. Chris has a love for your ass, he's always been more of a butt guy. "Mmm." You heard him moan out from behind you. You knew he wasn't going to waste any more time-foreplay was non-existent.

You could hear his hand pumping his cock. He gets turned on so easily. You remember the time you simply walked out in a messy ponytail and a pajama set and not even a minute later, he was deep inside of you. You two fucked very early on into your relationship-its not surprise it happens so often in your relationship.

"You sure I can?" "Yes baby." You chuckled, spread your legs slightly more, wanting him inside of you already. You could hear him whisper something beneath his breath. It sounded like he said "Fuck." But it was hard to tell. Chris is absolutely enthralled by you. He's obsessed with you, just as you are with him. You felt his tip tease your entrance-instantly arousing you furthermore. "Oh." You winced. You were fighting the urge to push yourself into him.

With his hand on your ass, the other around his dick, you moaned softly as he entered you. Your body accepted him with grace. The way you wrapped around him directly after said so much. You were made for him-that is how you feel at least. "My God," Chris hummed, both hands squeezing your rear. "You're so damn tight." Those words are like music to your ears. You didn't really know how to respond. Dirty talk has never necessarily been your forte. "You feel good." You whispered whilst nestling your head against your arms.

Feeling him felt like heaven. He's not too long nor too big, he's just right. You've missed this-despite it only being a literal day since you two made love.

Chris began to pull out of you. He was slow with it. He dragged it out so long. "Chris." You whined. Feeling every single inch slip out of you was tortuous. You just wanted him to rail you-hard. All you got in response was a snicker. He's such a prick sometimes. A sexy one though.

Once his tip was practically out of you, he slammed back into you. Your entire body was shoved into the counter, causing you to wince. Both of his hands held onto your waist firmly. Each thrust was exuberant. You loved how he used you. His pleasure meant everything to you. You can't get enough of the idea of him being fulfilled. He deserves it. His hands caressed your midriff with each movement.

All you could do was relax and let him use your pretty little pussy as he pleases.

Your head was resting against your cold arms-the counter being even cooler. Each time he pounded into you, your hood thrusted against the counter. While it wasn't the most pleasant feeling, the feeling of him being buried inside of you countered it out. He's so good at this. He's always been practically a God at fucking you. He makes you cum way to easily.

"Baby." You moaned, your eyes closing and mouth becoming permanently agape. You felt a wack come to your ass as his speed increased, along with the power of his movements. He is already leaking inside of you. You could feel his member twitching, just begging for that lovely release. Making love like this, oh it'll never get old. "Just keep taking it, princess." He muttered. His fingers were slowly yet surely making their way up your back, trailing ever so slowly.

"I can't..." He stammered. "I cannot get over how good you feel, God, you're soaked." He huffed out. You began to push yourself against him, therefore he wouldn't be the only one working. You heard him grunt & moan. It felt good to know you could please him just as he does with you.

For a moment, you could tell he quit his movements. Now, it was all you. You pushed your ass up against his man hood, moving and twisting in all sorts of ways, just attempting to bring him closer to his peak. You wanted to make him feel all sorts of ways. "You are so sexy." You heard him mumble. His deep, scratchy voice has always been so attractive. "Say more." You moaned. You wish you could be staring at him in this very moment. You wanted to see his face as you made him moan & grunt and overall made him feel perfect.

"I love you."

"I needed this."

"You're so pretty, baby."

Gosh.

Everything he said just made you feel euphoric.

As you felt his hand nuzzle itself into your hair, you whimpered. With a tug and a thrust, he was suddenly fucking you like literally never before. He was holding your hair tightly. Your head being forced backwards, all you could do was let it happen. It felt so good. He was moving so fast now, so hard too. "Good girl." Chris whispered. You could tell just admiring you. Taking the sight of you in. You were his drink and he was dehydrated. He needed this just as much as you did.

You could feel how deep he was inside of you.

Each pump, you felt like he was bruising your insides. His girth brushed against your clenched walls. The movements brought you closer and closer with stroke. You needed to release. It was becoming way too much.

"I'm gonna cum." You panted out. You could feel it-your orgasm stirring up inside of you. "Cum for me baby." Chris grunted. His free hand came down and squeezed your ass before smacking it-that was what finished you off.

Arching your back even more than before, you whimpered quietly as you came all around it. Your fluids coated the entire base of his dick. "Fuck." Chris chuckled, caressing your rear. "Such a dirty girl." The way he spoke, so intense & sexy. "I'm gonna cum too." Chris moaned.

He let go of your hair, allowing you some freedom. You held yourself up now, both arms resting on the counter to uplift you. His head went to the crook of your neck. You could feel his breath on your throat-it was hot and he was close. "Gonna cum so deep inside of you." "Oh." You moaned, tossing your head back slightly, feeling him plunge into you at a non-human rate.

He did not lie.

Shortly after, you felt his semen shoot inside of you. Right as he came, he simply stilled inside of you. It felt so interactive, so pleasurable. "Mmm, dear Lord." He snickered. He kissed your neck a few times, breathing in your intoxicating, feminine scent. "That feel good?" "So good." You giggled.

Chris pulled out of you and immediately grasped you, holding you up. It's like he knew. Your legs were weak & wobbly. You felt like a balloon. "I gotcha sweetheart." He laughed, kissing you gently. The kiss was so sweet. He takes care of you, even after such rough and intimate moments. "We should shower." "Good thinking." Chris whispered.

Your boyfriend picked you up into his arms and off you two were to the restroom.

Hopefully while he's at work, he won't be able to get his mind off of you and it'll be just like this when he arrives home...

[barghest-land]

ata tu corazón, mi amor, y arrástralo por la tierra

[expelliarmus]

[deoidesign]

.

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[aimarann]

I want my gf to come back home I can't sleep without her and I'm so tired I'm gonna cry

[fridayyy-13th]

i feel like i've been having more and more days where i don't do anything at all, just sit about feeling drained and mildly sad. part of me hopes there's one singular issue causing this (e.g. my sleep schedule) and once i fix it everything will be easy, but i really doubt it's as simple as that.

[journeythroughtherain]

I DID IT!!

Aaaaaaaah 😭

I am mildly impressed that I can't remember seeing a single wing fic. It's honestly fascinating. I have more thoughts about the general trends and types of fics this fandom seems to be drawn to (or seems to skip entirely), but those will have to wait for a more reasonable time of day.

Maybe sometime tomorrow I'll also go over my ao3 history for an estimate of how many of these I ended up reading in the end. 🤔

I'm going to leave the tab open in my browser but now I'm finally going to allow myself to filter out everything I found I didn't vibe with (which... Will probably remove quite a bit of fics. Especially from the E rated ones. Once again I find myself at odds with the majority of fandom when it comes to certain aspects of my otps' characterization). But I did it!!

[neonganymede]

I hate when I'm so tired, but I can't go to sleep until I figure out what random anime op has wriggled its way into my brain

[luvsavos]

pain is temporary shara brainrot is eternal

[mccleans]

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm finally almost done organising/putting away all the stupid shit I've bought recently - it's mostly all kinds of sewing supplies. I've got about a million buttons and zippers now. and lots of random fabric. a whole box full of sewing patterns. pretty much... everything you could ever need for sewing.

I've also not touched my (brand new) sewing machine since I tried it out in the couple of days after I got it. not once. because all the stuff that I bought made me feel so fucking anxious and guilty. and, well, I couldn't have used it anyway because there were boxes everywhere.

I've tried fixing the problem - I finally deleted the ebay app from my phone, for example. whenever I felt bad I'd just spend hours browsing ebay and bidding on stuff. I mean, the auction is gonna end in a week, that's not even real! I'm not buying things, I'm just saying hm well I'd pay this much for this, and then I might even win! winning is nice, it feels good! and I get a product, or even a box of products?! that also feels good!

except I bid on so. much. stuff. that the anxiety felt like it was killing me.

anyway. that part is fixed now. I did bid on a few barbies after that whole disaster, but that finally made me go, wait why am I doing this again after how shit it just made me feel?! so then I deleted the app.

but. I don't know. the real problems are still there and I don't know what to do about it.

[kyouka-supremacy]

I ended up making two different compositions for Akutagawa's birthday edit and they turned out equally good and now I don't know which one to choose 😭😭😭

[justinefrischmanngf]

the thing is if i was presented with the opportunity to be reckless rn i'd take it immediately but i have not put myself in any situations so far where i would now be presented with the opportunity to be reckless does this make sense like i would take the opportunity i want the opportunity but i think i need to have made different decisions leading up to now to have the opportunity presented to me..............