#i don't know how to crop this so that it looks good idc anymore
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tofufei · 6 months ago
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On this site lies an evil dragon, please do not disturb it.
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zoomed in on zhongli :>
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gyuswhore · 11 months ago
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Remembrance of Ice
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"Fear does anything but land with precision."
PAIRING: ice king!xu minghao x fem spy!reader
SYNOPSIS: Xu Minghao rules over a land where the sun never rises and crops never grow, shunned by the world for their nature so ruthless it has them caged within their borders.
That is, until you land straight into the dragon's den to find the story untold.
CONTAINS: angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, kinda lore heavy, reader and minghao are in a perpetual spat, talks of military and political power, manipulation (not by minghao), ft. chan
WORD COUNT: 5.3k
masterlist
[AN]: MIKA DAY MIKA DAY MIKA DAY except im a day late bc I don't know how to time manage ANYWAY mika my love I hope you enjoy this you mentioned villain hao that one time and I stuck to it praying this is good ksjgnvrkjgn @toruro
id love to turn this into a longer, more detailed fic in the future, I really like this concept and theres loads more I could do with it. lmk if you'd like to see it hehe
edit: had to repost a couple times cuz it wasn't showing in the tags. it still isn't but idc anymore if this only reaches mika then so be it sgnkrtjg
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The cold was the worst. 
Your iced pride had been swallowed down to accept the flimsy cloth the guards that pushed you into this stone dungeon had given you. Not that it was doing much to help you, the thin fabric acting as more of a permeable layer than your gear.
Huddling into yourself, you breathe out warm exhales in the hopes that it’d do something about the face you couldn’t feel anymore. With the sight of your discolouring fingernails, you hope the people in this wretched place would decide what they wanted to do with you before you succumbed to the cold. There’s a bad taste in your mouth at the thought of dying a death like this – that the cold would become your ultimate demise. 
The croning of the metal doors of your prison wrench open in what feels like a deafening sound, the screech having you throw the flimsy blanket off your body in haste. You would not be seen taking advantage of their supposed kindness. 
The two guards that trudge in are quick to tell you to stand. You nearly laugh at the prospect of doing anything they ask. 
“What do you want?” your voice has eroded to a brassy sound. 
“Stand up,” the guard repeats, his face covered in the black balaclava that wraps around everything but spares his eyes. Cold, dark, soulless. 
Your pride screamed to refute. But you were at a dead end, and perhaps it was time to accept it. Eyeing the weapons strapped to both their waists, moreso the lack thereof of your own, you make the first attempt to pull yourself up. It’s difficult, you find, needing a moment to regain your senses before pushing up completely. You tried not to show it, not wanting to look weak in front of the very people you need to show strength. 
“Hands,” the other guard gruffs out. 
You hesitate before bringing your shivering wrists forward, cursing yourself for not being able to control your own body. The cuffs they bind to your wrists are somehow even colder, and you have to consciously bite back a cursed wince. 
Your resolve begins to truly thin when you struggle to simply take a few steps forward, the muscles in your legs frozen like everything else in the room. You manage to not fall. A commendable feat when your goals went from overtaking a couple of (very armed) guards to simply not falling over like a newborn fawn. 
You feel them lightly shove you out the gates, something you should not have struggled to recover from from, but alas, you can only grit your already ground teeth as you try to not tip over entirely. The halls of the dungeons are made of the same gray concrete as your cell, the tight corridor leading you out into an only slightly larger hall with a single door at the seemingly dead end. 
The large brass handle with the distinct reptile circling its expanse stares at you. You are forced to consider the idea that these may be your final breaths. 
One of the guards squeezes out into the hall and approaches the door, three sharp knocks to the wood before you hear a muffled “come in.”
Your feet remain planted to the floor as you feel another push of the guard that remains behind you, urging you forward as the other one stands at the door, expecting you to walk inside. Perhaps some would classify this as a moment of weakness, especially when all you’ve been taught is to face death with anything but fear. But it seeps into your bones regardless. 
You wonder if all those stories you were told of fearless soldiers and sheilds of humans were as lionhearted in their final moments as the storytellers claimed, as brave as the legends that followed. 
You considered yourself one of the best in your field, most of your peers agreed. And yet, that moment of hesitancy in the face of potential death caged you in an unimaginable retaliance. What on Earth was wrong with you? 
And so you moved forward, one foot in front of the other with resilience fueled by pure outrage at your own feeble mind. You would do as you were taught, you would march into the mouth of the dragon because you were not allowed to fear death. You refused to meet your end as a coward. 
The cuffs that encase your wrists burn at the skin as you walk into the room. It’s small, small enough to force you and the two guards to shift closer to keep from the man that stands across the room. 
You almost don’t notice him, which alarms you immensely. Regardless of the stark black attire that matches the dark, gloomy atmosphere of the tiny room, the man seems to blend into the shadows, becoming part of the walls. His back faces you as he looks out the window, like he’s invigorated with the snow that drifts to the earth. 
It’s nighttime. It’s always night time here. 
“The prisoner, sire,” the one in your left gruffs out. 
The man at the window turns to face you, the sight of his face causing you to bite back a gasp. 
His skin is the same colour as the snowflakes that fall behind him, near glistening white. It seems to make every other feature of his face stand out in earnest; the black of his eyes, the crimson of his lips, the dark of his hair. 
He’s gorgeous, you decide, but you also decide that you may be about to die at his hands. 
There’s also the matter of how he was addressed by the goons that flank you. Unless sire means something else in this godforsaken land, you should have realized who this is by now. 
Xu Minghao’s expression remains unchanged, the mild disinterest evident as he barely glances at you before taking a seat at the makeshift office area in the middle of the room. He leans back against the plush, finally regarding the other people in the room with words. 
“You can leave.” 
You hear the guards begin to file out the room. 
“Ah—take off the restraints before you go. And shut the door.” 
You want to describe what his voice sounds like, and while indifferent to another, it’s like a million icicles plunging into your eardrums. It isn’t until the guard blocks your view to unlock you that you realize how strained your eyes were, like it was draining to simply look at him. 
When both guards have left the vicinity, doors closed with a deep thud, you set yourself in steel. Just because he was about to kill you didn't mean you were about to make it easy for him. 
You wonder why a king was meddling to discard a mere enemy officer, but if you knew anything of their bloodthirst, this was a form of amusement. 
“Well?” you say, your voice still bare-there. 
“Take a seat.” He means the lone chair that stands on your side of the table. 
“No,” 
His eyebrows shoot up, “No?”
You stare at him, and it's the first time he’s looked at you for more than three seconds. 
“No,” you reiterate. “If you’d like to eliminate me, I’d suggest we cut to the chase. I don’t want your bleak hospitality.”
“Are you offering your head?”
“I’m asking you to quit the niceties. We know what you are.”
He studies you for a moment before continuing quietly, “Who is we?”
Your jaw is set as you calm yourself down, “The people who keep coming into your barren lands, only to never return. My people.”
“Your people that keep invading this barren land, only to find out that actions have consequences?”
“The mere thought of us is a consequence for you vermin,” you spit.
“Your people, you had said?” There’s a strange hint of jest in his voice, and it only infuriates you even more. 
“Yes,” you breathe out. 
“Your people who have not once attempted to negotiate your release from us vermin, I thought your people were known for your camaraderie. Especially for such an important soldier, do they truly consider you that disposable? ”
The low fester of embers had now ignited into a full flame, the rage becoming near indescribable. Aside from how heinous, you had underestimated how infuriating his kind could be. 
“You know nothing of me!” your voice is loud, your own shade of venom that laces your tongue. 
And then he says your name. 
You falter. 
He shouldn’t know that. You don’t have a nametag, nothing to identify you on any record, anywhere. And yet, you know what you’ve heard is your name that fell from his lips, undeniably so. 
He continues with the faintest sneer, “Captain of the SUN team, first in line from your peers for a promotion, and of course, right hand of your idiotic General of the Army.” 
You can't be sure if you’re shivering from the cold or the rage that courses through every vein in your body. Perhaps it was the latter as you feel your mind shortcircuit at the sight of his smug face. 
And, of course, with the way you lunge. 
It takes barely a second for your numb fingers to reach his pristine throat, curling with the need to rupture his airways beyond measure. It also takes him barely a second to step out of the way, causing you to thud into the table, fingers faltering as they grasp onto nothing. 
The air is knocked out of your chest, and you don’t realize what’s happened. He’s quick, and you’re out of shape. He’s on the other side of the table, hands in his pockets as he stares at your weak attempts at regaining your bearings. 
“This is the problem with your people. Why must your first response to any confrontation be to fight to the death?”
Leaping over the table, you attempt to corner him against the wall, only to find him leap over to the other side of the table when you advance, switching your initial spots. It might have even been laughable if you weren’t so heated, like children running around in circles in a lethal game of tag. 
He takes advantage of yet another moment of weakness you’ve shown, pushing the separating table directly into you, forcing you back as you stumble to hit the window. The opening is just enough to fit your waist, with no room for your legs to leap back over, locked in at the sides of the table that effectively cages your body between wood and glass. 
Your first instinct is to push the wretched thing back, but you realize very quickly that you can’t. It shouldn’t explain how he was able to cage you in a place like this, especially with his scrawny build. Unless he’s locked it in place somehow, you wouldn’t put it past him.
“What the fuck?” you gasp out to mostly yourself. 
“You’ve weakened, little soldier. I heard you were better than this.” 
“Let me go so I can prove it to you then,” you spit, still fruitlessly struggling against your prison. 
“Had your chance,” he states, hands in his pockets, an eyebrow cocked. “Of course, fear does anything but land with precision. I wouldn’t hold it against you.”
“What makes you think I’m scared of you?” 
“Oh, you are such a simpleton,” he narrows his eyes. 
“You haven’t been talking about anything of substance for someone who doesn’t claim to be scared. What’s holding you?” you gruff. 
He stares for a moment like he’s studying you. For some reason, your struggling falters, his piercing gaze leaving you wondering what he had up his sleeve. 
“You know you are weak. Your strength isn’t nearly where it had been when you arrived. I’ve also been told you’ve been starving yourself.”
“I said I don’t want your hospitality!”
“You were supposedly indifferent to everyone in the room, including the guards, but you kept your eyes on me like a hawk. The first mention out your mouth was of death.”
“Was I supposed to expect compassion?” you mock, but the desperation lingers in your voice. 
“Can’t be helping knowing nobody is looking for you,” he finishes. 
“Because you would’ve sent me on my way home if they were? Don’t make me laugh.” 
“Quite right, yes.”
“Like you did with the other soldiers that seemingly disappear in your lands?”
“Nobody asked, so we did not deliver.” 
“Lies!” It comes out as a near scream.
You think of all the stretched months that turned into inevitable years trying to retrieve your lost manpower. Of course, your higher-ups asked for hostage negotiations, did everything in their power to bring them home. 
Fitting for the man in front of you to deny it, but infuriating nonetheless. 
“And you’re wildly defensive,” he sighs. “You’re scared. Of being in enemy territory, of dying, of being alone. One or the other, that’s for you to decide.”
You want to scream again. 
“They lied to you, soldier. And I may be a villain in your self-written history books, but you will come to know of the harsh truth, from me or anybody else. You should know what exactly it is that you’re fighting for.” 
“What are you yapping about?”
He turns back around, moving to the door before rapping a knock. The guards re-enter the room.
“Take her to base.”
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“Chan?” 
He stands at the entrance of the tent, speaking to somebody in armor with a solemn expression. He turns around at the sound of his name, catching sight of you walking up. 
He breaks out into a smile at the sight of you, eyes going wide as he excuses himself to sprint over. You’re not quite sure if the fatigue is causing you to hallucinate, but with the way his face becomes clearer with every step he takes, you have to convince yourself that you’re not. 
As appropriate as it is to slam into him in a hug, considering you thought he was dead mere seconds ago, you can’t see yourself caring. 
“They told me it was you that arrived,” he says. 
“Oh my god, I thought you were dead. Everybody thought you were dead. How are you here?” you breathe into his ear. 
He pulls away slowly, and you note how he doesn’t meet your eyes. 
“Chan?” 
“There’s a lot to unpack here. Let’s get you cleaned up first.” 
A lot to unpack there was, you realize, as the guards leave you with Chan when said to. The questions doubled when you entered the significantly warmer tent to find it swarming with familiar faces, busy working on tables littered with charts and papers, military symbols drifting overhead. 
Chan is quick to let you know that none of the ‘fallen’ soldiers were missing at all. In fact, were stationed here at this military base. 
Your gaping mouth renders no response as he fishes you both through the hustle and bustle of the industrial canopies, destination unknown. As much as you’d kick yourself for your lack of vigilance, you find yourself trusting him to take you wherever, your mind preoccupied with trying to absorb every detail of your environment.
If this was what sensory overload was, you’re not sure you like it blocking your thinking capabilities this much.
He lets you into another tent, littered with trunks and equipment, lit with a couple hardworking oil lamps. He goes to rummaging in random trunks as you watch. 
“What is this place?”
“Inventory. Clothes and a bunch of other stuff,” he says as he throws you a pile of fabric. “Here, change into this, it’s warmer.”
He leaves you alone in the tent to change, which you do quickly to meet him again outside. Moving the flap of the tent away, you find him out in the snow waiting.
It isn’t until you’ve adequately cornered him that you can ask. “Chan, are being held here against your will? Is everybody here—”
“Wait, hold,” he holds a hand up to silence you. “Just—let me explain.”
You’re rendered silent in a corner of this base camp, albeit a little warmer than when you came in with the effective coat you’re now shrouded in. Other than being lost in a mine of confusion, you notice the calculated expression on Chan’s face when you bring it up. Like he didn’t know how you’d react.
“There’s been a lot of lies our entire life. One’s that we didn’t realize till we landed here,” he starts, facing the endless plane of snow to the East.
“What on Earth are you talking about?” you ask, keeping your eyes steady on him.
“These people aren’t cruel, nor are they the animals we’ve been told they are,”
“Chan, what is wrong with you?” you take a step back in mild exasperation. 
“Listen, this sounds insane, but it’s only because we’ve been brought up to believe anything the government told us, anything our superiors drilled into our heads. I’d started having doubts while we were still home—”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Nobody wanted to tell you anything. You were more loyal to the General than you were to yourself!”
“I—because…” you falter. He was right. 
“They’ve taken advantage of the way this land refuses to retaliate. We’ve been in the wrong this whole time.”
“I don’t know what it is that they’ve been feeding you for so long, but this isn’t the Chan that left home all those months ago.”
“You’re right,” you hear, but it’s not Chan. 
Whipping your head around, you find the overlord himself walking to where you were. 
“Apologies for interrupting, but I think you’re needed back there, Chan,” Minghao informs him as he regards him.
You whip back around to Chan, “Wait, you can’t just—”
“Listen, it’s going to take you a little bit, but I promise you’ll see what I mean,” he reiterates. 
“This is absurd—” you start again but are cut off by him again. He lurches forward, grasping both your wrists in his, forcing you to pay attention to him. 
“Do you trust me?”
“W-what?” 
“Answer the question. Do you trust me?”
You stare at him, stumped for a moment. Did you trust him? Five months ago, before he left, you would’ve said yes in a heartbeat. Yet, now you find yourself hesitating. 
“Yes. I trust you,” you decide out loud. 
“Then give it time. You’re shaken, you’re exhausted, you’re confused. You’ll make your decision yourself when you see for yourself.”
He watches your shoulders droop ever so slightly, a clear sign of your surrender. “Fine.”
“Good.”
You turn back to find the other man long gone, the vast expanse of snow and darkness engulfing the plane that leads to the congregation of tents. Chan begins to lead you back, mumbling about how he needs to get back inside. 
It’s during your trudge that you realize there’s something that still bugs you, supposing you’d get your answer if you asked him. 
“What’s the king doing meddling in military bases and war prisoners?” you begrudgingly ask.
“He’s very… hands-on, I guess. He cares about what happens around here, his land, his people.” 
“Like a normal ruler?” you mumble in annoyance.
“When was the last time you saw the General leave his office?” 
You haven’t. 
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A month. That’s how long you’ve been at this base camp. 
Enlightenment may be an understatement to what this place is giving you, absurdities that they call the truth. Absurdities, as you may have called them a moon ago. 
This barren country did not have a military, you were told. These makeshift headquarters were made to keep up with the endless external aggressions from the other side. 
“They’re all people given the choice to stay. We needed the manpower. Military precision was never our forte,” Minghao explains. 
You hate how he has an answer to every critical question of yours, how you’ve gone past thinking this was some elaborate, well-thought-out story to put your guard down, to put everyone’s guard down. 
Sitting at this wooden table with maps and charts littering the surface, he looks you down from the other end. Chan remains silent next to you, knowing that if you asked, he would’ve given you the same response. 
“So you’re trying to build an army? To what, retaliate?” Your arms remain crossed over your middle.
“We cannot retaliate,” Chan says. 
“The difference in military power is too much, anyway. We can’t fight something that fights us in different ways,” Minghao finishes. He looks stressed, pinching the bridge of his nose. You watch him drag a chair to sit down. 
The majority of camp was resting for the day, leaving the base relatively empty save for the three of you. 
“Different ways?” you question.
You watch him close his eyes, running a hand over his face. “Chan, you told me she was smart.” 
“She’s having a harder time adjusting than I thought she would,” he chuckles humourlessly in response. 
“Are you gonna tell me, or do I have to take another month to figure it out on my own?” you snap. 
“What have you been told about our borders? Why is this land the way that it is,” Minghao starts. 
You don’t have an answer because you’ve never been told. The general was forever adamant that a land and its people were interconnected, that Minghao’s nation was as ruthless as the land itself was. 
“What about what you thought?” he tries again. 
“Nature’s weird, I don’t know,” you huff. 
“You were so loyal to a man that had no rhyme to his reason. How blind did you have to be—”
“Keep to the question,” you monotone.
He exhales before continuing. “This land is the incarnation of balance. It might not look like it, but we play the most important role in making sure your nations remain stable.” 
“Regular communities cannot survive in this weather, the livestock perishes, and crops cannot grow. Everything that makes humanity thrive remains absent here.” Minghao places his elbows on the table, hands clasped together. “But it remains like this here so the rest of the world can foster humanity; that’s the purpose of this land.” 
“A sacrifice of sorts,” Chan adds quietly. 
“My land remains lifeless so others may thrive,” Minghao finishes. 
“Why…why this land?” you question after a few beats. 
He leans back against his chair, “I don’t know. Perhaps my ancestors were cursed. Perhaps this is just what this land was made to do. All I know is that my mother and father left me the job of ensuring this place is protected, as their mother and father taught them. All for the sake of keeping balance.” 
It was wildly ironic that a place that was the definition of extreme was seemingly also harboring the balance to this world, but you found no jest in his words. You had also learned that it was the more unbelievable things here that would turn out to be most true, so you let yourself believe in whatever lore you had just unlocked. 
“So you can’t retaliate,” you echo. 
“Not if we wish to keep the peace, no.”
Chan chimes in this time, “This is all really just a misunderstanding that’s fallen into the wrong hands. The General’s a bloodthirsty fuck; this is just an excuse for him to retain power and satisfy all his sick fantasies.”
“How do we fix this then?” you dare to ask.
“We can’t,” Minghao says. “Not right now, at least. If we want to make a move, we have to grow as an entity. What your General doesn’t understand is how he’s feeding his own enemy whenever he sends some poor soldier our way.” 
“That’s what everyone’s been working on. The SUN team is nearly complete with you here. We need to equip everyone here with skills more than anything,” Chan says. 
“And then?” 
“And then we let the General know who’s side we’re really on.”
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Xu Minghao had a very peculiar way as King. 
Other than remaining in the same bunkers as the rest of the population, you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone besides the guards address him as sovereign. He sat with everyone during mealtimes, spoke to everyone like a friend, yet remained the one in charge. 
Over the months, you remained the last newcomer of the bunch, learning slowly but surely of your new truth. That was, until your sixth month. 
It happened during breakfast, walking out into the dark sky to greet the person Minghao had told you was the newest aggravated prisoner. You knew her from headquarters, having seen her multiple times as she trained, but never learned her name. Her brows unfurrow slightly at the sight of you, recognizing you immediately. 
You try to stay as others who remain familiar to the newcomer speak to her, adding where your credibility was due. You underestimated how difficult it would be, not because she was being frustrating, but because she was frustrated. 
With every surge of exasperation she showed, every snarky remark to words of reason, you saw yourself. A strange, heavy feeling sets itself in your chest, making it difficult to speak, difficult to simply stand there as you watch her ideologies rendered as lies. 
So you excuse yourself, moving out of the way into the snow you’d learned to make a confidant instead of an irritation. It wasn’t strange to find somebody contemplating alone in the snow, the constant darkness ready to keep everyone company. 
You aren’t sure what it is that you want to contemplate, but simply sitting in the snow helps, allowing you to remain unstimulated. The weird feeling remained, but what also remained was your brain's inability to distinguish one from the other. 
You don’t know how long you had been sitting there, but are aware of the lighter sheen of blue that the sky has turned into when you hear trudging behind you. You turn to find Minghao approaching, halting a foot away. 
“Did you see the newcomer?” he asks.
“Yeah. They’re handling it, she’ll be fine.”
It falls silent once more. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t warmed up to the man in the past months, perhaps even enough to call yourself friends. Chan had quite the role to play in that. 
He invites himself to sit next to you in the snow, letting out a deep exhale that fogs the air. “I wanted to ask if you were okay.” 
You’re stumped. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well…” he chortles. “You’ve been sitting here for a good three hours, so I only thought it was natural to assume.”
“It’s not good to assume.”
“And that you can’t be doing too well seeing the newcomer.”
“...Got me,” you whisper, still gazing into the far-off mountains. 
“You can talk about it if you want,” he offers. 
“There’s nothing to talk about,” you sigh.
“Or is there too much to talk about?” he raises a brow. 
You’ve turned to look at him at this point, making out his facial features with the low light of the lamps that burn in the distance. 
“How do you do that?”
“What?”
“Know what I’m thinking about.”
“You’re easier to read than you think,” he chuckles. “Why? D’you think I’m reading your mind?”
“Seems like it sometimes.”
“Do you miss home?” he asks, albeit a little cautiously. 
“I do. I miss what it meant to me. I don’t think I could go back and feel the same way, though,” you answer. If he was trying to get you to open up, he was succeeding. 
“Why’s that?” 
You snort, “Obvious, isn’t it? Can’t call a place full of lies home. I can’t believe I let them manipulate me to that extent.” 
You think of the mental turmoil on the girl's face. 
“It wasn’t your fault. You were doing what you taught.”
“Other people found holes in the story, though. They saw the beginnings of what was really happening. I was so blind, they couldn’t even try to talk me out of it.”
“You can’t keep blaming yourself. It was the General’s job to be conniving. What use if his right hand could see through it. With how long it took you to come around, it only shows how dangerous he is.”
You remain silent as you absorb his words. There was truth to them, but you find it hard to dissolve it into your mindset. 
“What matters is you're here now, that you chose the truth despite what you’d grown to learn.” He’s staring right at you when he says it, something you find as you look up to do the same. 
There’s a lurch in your stomach, one that has your cheeks burning despite the temperature. 
“How do you not hate any of these people? How do you not hate me? We’re the reason your people are so detested,” your voice comes out shaky, yet thick with a weird mix of emotions. 
“I hate the ones that choose to be like this despite knowing what the truth is.”
“Like the General?”
“Like the General.” 
It’s silent as you watch him gaze into your soul, an uncomfortable feeling yet one that stops you from looking away. 
You want to kiss him. 
The thought alone has you jumping in place, shaking off the way your body seems to have seized up. You move your knees away in blatant ignorance, looking at anything but his face. 
“What?” he asks at your sudden change in behavior.
“Nothing!” you say, a little too loud to be considered casual. 
“Why’d you move away?” 
“I didn’t!” Of course, you realize how stupid you sound. You huff as you continue, “Just—I don’t know!”
“You don’t know what?” 
“Goodness, you need to learn to drop things.”
“Not when it involves me,” he says.
“Who says it involves you?”
“Do we need to go over this again?” 
You look at him in question, only to realize he could read you just as well as he could at any other instance. 
“You’re not gonna like it,” you finally say. 
“Try me.”
“Would you hate me if I said I wanted to kiss you?”
He pauses for an agonizing few moments, ones that make you feel like erupting into a ball of fire that could melt all the snow in the land. Your numb fingers fidget with each other, hating yourself as soon as the words come out of your mouth. 
Minghao uses his mouth in ways other than words when you feel it against your lips. It takes you a moment to realize what’s happening and another to let your body take control.
He’s kissing you so painfully slow it has you wondering if you’re imagining it, the feeling of his surprisingly warm lips on your frozen ones. You pull away for a moment, a question ringing in your mind. 
“I’m not making a mistake, am I?” you breathe into his mouth. 
“Absolutely not,” he says, diving back in with a force not present before. 
You throw your arms around him in instinct to keep yourself from falling back onto the snow in his newfound enthusiasm. Not that you can find yourself complaining, especially not when his tongue prods against your bottom lip, urging you to open up for him. 
You let him pull you closer, let him explore your mouth, let him hold you as you give yourself up to the feelings that now, after so long, have finally boiled over.
You’re both breathless when you pull away, remaining in each other’s arms as you gain your bearings. 
“Figured it out, did you?” he asks with the slightest smirk. 
Of course, with every passing instance that he’s reminded you of the mental walls you don’t seem to have with him, this was perhaps his end goal. You want to ask when he figured out you liked him before, wondering if he had known before you had in the first place. 
He doesn’t let you, though, as his smiling lips meet yours again, chasing the feeling that's come forth after months of waiting. 
You’ll find out the run down soon enough. For now, you give into him, believing in your ice-cold heart that Xu Minghao would never lie to you. 
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Taglist: @weird-bookworm @rubyreduji @vampirexlotita @simqly-yunjin @tomodachiii
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andsheoverthinks · 2 years ago
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this is a weird post but i get why a lot of lesbians on here think most straight women are just socially influenced to be attracted to men and like aren't Really.
because sometimes i hear other straight women say stuff like 'i'm attracted to men but i hate how their bodies look, like men look good wearing suits (jacket shirt slacks tie) but i hate hate how they look shirtless or wearing really tight clothes' or worse yet 'i like dad bods uwu men with abs/any muscle definition are unappealing' and that weirds me out. like i'm not saying that it's realistic for every guy to have v-cut abs or whatever they're called but the fact you're 'attracted to men' and can't even appreciate the Literal Standard of Male Attractiveness -- weird. the beauty standard for men has been the same for all of human history and is pretty achievable with good diet and exercise so it's weird to be put off by it in favor of a slob with a beer gut. bestie, either you're brainwashed or you don't really like men you're just forcing yourself.
i think it's just purity culture/men not wanting to be perceived because i mentioned to my dad recently that men should wear more slutty cutouts (we were watching Next in Fashion) and girlfriend fit (tight pants) he looked at me like i had grown a second head and was like 'men wouldn't wear that, there wouldn't be a market for it' (which is true but still) and then went on to explain how a really great Saville Row custom suit is tailored to make a man look sexy in a classy way (snatched waist and big shoulders like Captain America) but i think he missed my point. a really well-cut suit is flattering but it's not slutty. it doesn't say 'i want to be perceived.' there's no desperation in a suit.
and then i came across this IG reel video where a women was saying that if men have Hooters we should have a gender-swapped version called Peckers. the women in the comments were speculating about what the men should wear as the restaurant uniform (in Hooters the servers wear skintight tank tops and hot pants/booty shorts) and one woman suggested crop tops and a mini skirt and other women were agreeing with her and gleefully suggesting other skimpy outfits until some blowhard dude took it as a personal offense and was like 'REAL MASCULINE men wouldn't lower themselves by wearing such clothing, you want gays waaaaa' (homophobic much?).
a lot of women are just people pleasers and know men would rather want to hear 'men look best in suits' (because businessmen wear suits and it shows power or whatever, like the 80s power suits women wore to show Dominance in the Workplace with the big shoulder pads) than 'men look best if they take care of their bodies and wear sexualizing/skimpy clothes like booty shorts' (because they see being Perceived as feminizing and therefore bad). like. i used to actively feel guilty for sexualizing men (idc anymore).
it's just Female Socialization to be afraid of being perceived as shallow. women are told from childhood not to prioritize looks in a partner, but we're still Homo sapiens after all and despite the brainwashing and when women are asked in an anonymous survey to rank the most important things in a partner, guess what's #1: Looks. women's sexuality has been so hijacked by selfish men that 'female sexuality' is about women dressing slutty, not women lusting after men or other women dressing slutty.
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