#i don't care if i'm embarrassing myself because maybe i should take a break on getting annoyed at myself when it comes to writing

[nostalgicatsea]

5-fic self-rec!

Thanks for tagging me for this, @oluka (and the last line thing too except I had to pass on that one because I haven't written anything in a while other than the last excerpt I posted on here 😅).

Except for "Apricity," which is near and dear to my heart despite how much I itch to edit it (a constant issue I have with things I write), I went with some of my favorites that have flown under the radar.

Hm...this ended up more of a "hey, good job, me" post than a "I'm trying to find what's compelling about these fics to rec them" post. Oh well.

In order of publication:

Apricity (616 Steve/Tony, T, 1.5k)

My first fic on AO3! My first Steve/Tony fic! And somehow it was 616 instead of MCU. I love dark Steve, but I'm particular with how exactly he's unhinged and this is how I like him. Even-keeled despite being off his rocker. Rational in his own head. Soured on the world, but in a way that pushes who he is to the extremes so his core is still visible even if it's mottled with rot. And, of course, obsessed with Tony. I also like the tempo of this; I used to have a good grasp on tempo, but I feel like I've lost that a bit over the years.

Unraveled (Warrior (2011) gen fic, G, 1k)

Since it's a movie that doesn't have a lot of fanworks for it and it's a gen fic to boot, barely anyone has read this, but I don't care because it was written for a friend, @luxover. I love writing little stories to gift friends. If you haven't watched Warrior, watch it! Brutal tearjerker about a broken family and broken men and one of the few good sports movies out there. No, you don't need to know anything about MMA to enjoy it. I don't.

Okay, I should talk about this ficlet. I'm fond of this one because it's so different from my usual writing. It's stream-of-consciousness and entirely voice-driven like someone sat you down in Brendan's head and he's talking and talking even if he naturally isn't saying of this out loud. Because he and his brother Tommy are emotionally constipated; even if they love each other a lot, they don't know how to reach out to each other. They don't know if they're wanted. This also has one of my favorite last lines I've ever written. GUT PUNCH, if I do say so myself. ONE-TWO HIT, K.O. Sums up every layer of their relationship.

Hidden Declaration (Brad/Ray (Generation Kill), T, 728 words)

Another gift for a friend (the same friend)! Brad/Ray and MCU Steve/Tony share some similarities despite being drastically different, so is it any surprise I liked these two unhinged idiots? I never open for fic prompts, but this was when I was on a roll and then I got scared because lux asked for this. I never wrote for Gen Kill, I read maybe 3 GK fics in my life, and Ray is one of those characters who are impossible to write well imo (to be honest, I also feel the same way about Brad though the difficulty is subtler). He's an unusual guy with a very particular way of speaking.

And somehow this flowed out of me quickly. It's not without its flaws, but it was so different from what I usually write and how I do that it was really fun to write this! Very dialogue-heavy too which isn't what I'm known for. And the crassest (also...some language that's not okay as a warning, but if you know GK, it comes with the territory) and most sexual (it's still not very sexual lol) out of my fics. I think I captured how much they're best friends and they're so comfortable in each other's presence well. Plus I put a little wink for my friend at the end and it's one of the few times I like being indulgent with my writing. Also, tattoo fics are a trope and I guess this counts as my one tattoo fic though it's not an AU and there's no actual tattooing involved.

A Long, Final Rest Among the Stars (MCU Tony-centric/Nebula & Tony gen fic, G, 2.7k)

My tribute to best boy Tony, my first and ultimate love (along with Steve, of course) along with an expansion of the lovely bits of Nebula and Tony's tender friendship that we got to see in IW which I adored. They share a lot in common.

Writing this made me so sad because I felt like I was preparing to say goodbye to Tony. It made me reminisce about how it all started, and everything came full circle. His past is his present. Tony's trapped on a dark spaceship injured and far, far away from home. Tony's trapped in a dark cave injured and far, far away from home. There's a kind spirit with him, and even if they try to keep him alive, he's a dead man walking. But he's also come a long way from the man he used to be. I'M REALLY PROUD OF HIM, OKAY? I LOVE HIM.

The Burning of Flowers (616 Steve/Tony, G, 1.2k)

I secretly really, really wish more people read this fic. I wanted to write a Hanahaki AU for a while, but I couldn't figure out what I'd do that would feel fresh and then I came up with this subversion of sorts. Hanahaki AUs usually involve someone pining for their love and refusing to let go of it because it means so much to them. I thought I'd write about someone who doesn't have it—and simultaneously wants and doesn't want it—and wishes ill on the person he loves by hoping their love has it. And what better era to situate it than Hickmanvengers? You don't need to know Hickmanvengers to enjoy it, though.

I'm extremely proud of this one because it's one of the best fics I've written if I'm allowed to toot my own horn for a sec! Please let me because it's so rare for me to feel like I don't want to rip apart chunks of my fics and sew them back whole again, new and improved. I think this is one of my most complete fics in that way; I can probably tweak it, but I'm satisfied with nearly all of it if not all of it.

Anyway, I was in a slump and then suddenly the old magic returned and I slipped back into the writing style I used to have back in the mid-2010s except better. I could actually see that I've developed as a writer even if I'm still learning. But the atmosphere, the sensory lines, and the rhythm returned. I like the pace of this a lot and feel like it follows Steve's relentless rage, much like the unmoored, slower pace of "Apricity" reminds me of a colder Steve who never fully woke up from the ice.

Tagging @kiyaar, @meidui, @sineala, @whenas-in-silks, @sabrecmc, @magicasen, and two artists (rec your art!<3): @kappamairi & @massivespacewren

[chocoqtelle]

inner child pac reading

🦀 pile one,,

I know we're used to being super helpful, but it's good to help yourself too. you should always make sure you're okay first. It's important for us to be okay, even if other people don't think so. we should think so. things are gonna be okay for us. they always are. I want to do the things we like. I don't understand why you care about what people think now. I think we should try doing what we like more, even if it's embarrassing. it doesn't have to take a lot of time. it's just good to have fun sometimes. maybe you can get back into some of our old interests if you want?

it seems like this pile had to mature quickly and was overly generous in childhood. this likely led to some people pleaser habits. when the world said "be nice" and "care about others" you took it to heart, but it felt like you were the only one who did. you felt like you had to be the adult in your childhood and care for other people around you. for some of you, you may have had to care for a parental/older familiar figure or your siblings. you're used to changing your words and your personality to be more digestible and gentle because this strong fear of conflict. you were scared of people being mean to you, so you avoided making anyone mad. it was like you were always tiptoeing over eggshells. now, you don't have to, so there's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about you. you'd be doing yourself and your inner child a favor by doing what you want. it might feel wrong to be yourself, but at least try. I won't delve too much into this part, but I believe some people in this pile also dealt with being oversexualized or being hyper sexual at a young age. I think it's important to know you're more than what you can give others for this pile. please also take a break for the love of god.

🐸 pile two,,

It's hard to feel loved if nobody shows you. at the same time, i don't think I'd want to be loved. it seems weird and uncomfortable. I'm not used to it so it's scary. I still wish that someone would care at least. it feels like nobody else cares. I'm really tired of things being silent and boring all the time. I want to do something fun. I want friends but I want to be by myself. people think I'm weird, but I think they're the weird ones. they can avoid me but I wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyway. it doesn't matter if it's lonely, I don't feel less lonely around people anyway. some people think I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. i heard I look mean or I act mean sometimes, but what if that's just who I am? I don't try to be mean to people. I just don't want people to hurt me.

holy neglect trauma... there's a lot to unpack here 😓 first off, I hope you're alright. it seems like this pile never really learned how to interact with people and is probably still a bit of a people hater. this pile has had to keep strong boundaries and walls on to protect themselves from unfamiliar experiences (being spoken to positively.) if you've never experienced something, it can be scary but you have to stop thinking every little thing is gonna go wrong in your life. it's fine. separate note but I think someone's ancestors are very present here, might want to connect with them if you don't already. you can try to shut down the feelings of loneliness and pretend connection won't help but it does. you're probably not connected with your inner child or you're ashamed of yourself for some reason. trying to be cold won't undo anything or save you from the feelings you're hiding. you'll have to acknowledge them at some point. escapism and forcing ignorance wont help forever. hopefully it'll be sooner than later, but that's your choice. it's okay to be soft, btw.

🐕 pile three,,

I know what I'm talking about. I'm serious. I wish people would take me more seriously. i get good grades, I study hard, I always prove how smart I am. for some reason, people still act like I'm too young and stupid to have opinions or that what I say is just silly, especially with emotions. they act like having emotions makes you a less rational person. some people look down on me for who I am, too. it's not something I can change. whether it's gender, age, or whatever, people always want an excuse to ignore how I feel or what I have to say. I know I'm right though. I don't want us to stop expressing ourselves. I wanna share how I feel to the world.

this pile is extremely opinionated and knows how to share their emotions. this pile is for the "bossy" kids who "should have been lawyers" or "a CEO" according to every adult around them. you were emotional as a child and it was always ignored or joked off as if your feelings were invalid. this pile is definitely natural-born leaders so if you aren't/never have been aspiration-driven or "extra" this pile probably isn't yours. the most healing thing you can do for yourself at this point is speak up. continue to speak about everything. share your opinion more, it's safe now and people will actually take you seriously. be emotional, be too much, be annoying, be talkative, be over-opinionated, be everything you feel like being and don't let anyone talk you out of it. lead your life how you want to. call everything out, even if it means being weird. I definitely feel like some people in this pile had the gifted kid experience or liked to read a lot when they were younger. there's also some unresolved anger that might need to be taken care of. I think speaking up more instead of bottling feelings up will definitely help that, though. you're not stupid or weak for being emotional. just be yourself unapologetically and that's the best thing you can do for your younger self.

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[harrystylesfan2686]

Pieces Part 3

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: the aftermath of the break up has different effects on both, Azriel and Reader.

A/N: yall I'm sick🥲 the updates might be late but I'll try to post as much as possible. Hope you like this one!

Pieces Masterlist

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It's been one month.

One month of Healing.

When azriel left, I told myself that I will not contact him until I'm ready. Doesn't matter how much I'm missing him or wanting him. I will not talk to him until I know I won't take him back the second I see him again.

I gave myself two days. Two days to sulk all I wanted. I spent the whole time crying and feeling miserable about myself. Before Az left at least, I wasn't by myself. At least I saw him once a day.

Now? Nothing.

I am totally alone. His absence hit me Hard. Everything I saw, almost brought me to my knees.

The kitchen where we would make dinner together, laughing and joking with each other that many times ended with us covered in flour and syrup.

The couch where we would sit cuddling and talking until we fell asleep, always waking up with strained muscles.

His office where he would sit on his chair in front of his desk, writing out reports and whatnot while I sit in his armchair reading my book. Just enjoying each others company and occasionally taking breaks to make out on the very deck, and then some.

After those dreadful days though, I called Feyre and Mor and had a very much needed girls night. We took out a wine bottle and I spilled everything to them. My mind was too drunk to think my feelings about Elain might offend Feyre but she genuinely felt sad for me and embarrassed about her sister. The poor girl even apologised to my about Elain's behavior to which I immediately told her it wasn't her fault.

When I told them how lonely it got being alone in a big house like this, they suggested maybe I should get a job or something to keep my mind distracted and promised that they'll visit me often. So I did juat that.

I found a part time job at a local library. I have to admit, I'm really enjoying it. I'm the second assistant to the sweetest lady, Hilda, who owns the shop. I don't do much, just help her in small things like adjusting books on self or helping in shipping books out or in. Layla, the first assistant, handles most of the work around the shop. My job is basically doing what she asks of me. The salary isn't much but I don't care because it's never been about money.

The first week was very hard. Everyday after I came home, the silence felt like a slap on the face, reminding me of everything I lost.

But, slowly, I became comfortable with it. Now it's doesn't hurt me as it did before.

There were many times when I think of Azriel, tears filled my eyes, but I never let them free. I sucked them in and did anything else that didn't made me cry, like taking baths, baking my favorite chocolate brownies, reading in front of the fire place while drinking hot coco or calling my friends to take me shopping.

And as time went. I started to heal. I started to feel good, happier with myself. And without even realizing it, I started to love myself.

-☆-

Azriel

It's been one month.

One month of regretting everything I did to my mate.

I've spent my whole month sulking in this room, crying and regretting everytime I chose Elain over my wife. I haven't slept at all since I came here, just enough to keep me functioning. My appetite is gone. I don't eat unless Rhys come and force feeds me like I'm some baby.

I told Rhysand and Cassian everything the first morning i stayed here. Which earned me a flick to head by Cassian and a very disappointed look from Rhys. Even though they didn't give me any scolding(which I very much deserved), the flick and expression said enough.

Rhys has refrained me of any work, handling it himself or having someone else do it. While I have been sitting around here and hating myself. It seems like even my mind has declared itself an enemy, showing me memories of everytime I dismissed Y/N and hurt her in any way at most random times, cutting a deeper cut in my heart everytime.

"Hey Az, I was thinking if we could go out for dinner tonight? There is this new amazing restaurant I saw while walking near Sidra. I really want to try it." She told me as I put on my coat, ready to go.

"I can't, I have a mission for today. Rhys told me it's important so I can't skip. We'll go some other time. Okay?"

"Ok."

I could hear the excitement in her voice when she asked me and the hurt when I rejected her and promised to go another time. The time never came. She never asked again. And I never noticed.

"Az, are you awake?" She whispers in the dead of night. Both of us sleeping on the bed. My back to her, hoping to fall asleep quickly because I have early training tomorrow.

Cassian is spending time with Nesta more, so Rhys has told me to go to an illyrian camp to check how things are going. I have to wake and go there early to catch them off guard to see what's truly going on.

I can't do that if Y/N doesn't let me sleep.

I didn't answer her that night, hoping if i dont respond, she'll think im asleep and doesnt call me again. She really didnt call me again. I prioritized my sleep over her. Her voice sounded so small. She needed me. And I didn't care.

"So, I saw a really cute baby in garden today and..." I drone out her babbling and try to quickly I can get out of here, I promised Elain to help in her garden today. She'll be disappointed if I show up late.

"Az? You're listening to me right?" She suddenly questions, I clear my throat and answer a small, of course, she nods and takes a deep breath, not saying anything anymore. I sign in relief of the silence.

I put my head in my hands and tug hard on my hair, wanting to feel hurt, hurt the kind that she clearly felt and I didn't care.

I hate myself more and more as memories flash through my mind. I can't even cry at this point. I wished she'd hit me when we fought. Slaped and paunched some sense into me. I don't blame her at all for not talking to me. Gods, I wouldn't even blame her if she left me. I deserve it.

How do I fix this?

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Taglist: @cleverzonkwombatsludge @crazylokonugget @going-through-shit @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @cat-or-kitten

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

and.. ACTION! - Margot Robbie

Pairing - Margot Robbie x fem!reader

Fluff, angst and homophobia (happy ending), implied NSFW

Word count: 2.7k (didn't mean for it to be that long lmao, it's juicy though)

!!not proofread!!

(reader is a film director)

Margot POV: 

I've just stared working on my new set for Barbie and it's taking a bit of getting used to because there are 2 directors for this movie Greta Gerwig and Y/N Y/L/N, and don't get me wrong they're both amazing directors but it's just new having two. 

At the minute we're on break and I'm sitting with Ryan, America and Y/N. I've grown close to everyone in this cast, we're like a family but I have gotten especially close with Y/N I don't know what it is about her but ever since the first time I heard her say "and.. ACTION!" I've been having these feelings for her. I can't really put my finger on what the feelings are though, I thought at first I just wanted to be her friend because she was cool and endearing but now, I'm thinking it might be more. But, I'm straight so it can't be right? Yeah, it can't be Margot you're being delusional. (we're all a bit delulu sometimes xx)

"Hey, you okay? Lost you for a second there." her soft voice snapped me out of my trance. "Yeah no, I'm fine. Just thinking." I replied tripping over my words a bit, I always seem to get nervous around her maybe it is.. no it can't be.

"You sure, you seemed pretty focused, I don't want you to worry you're pretty little head about things okay? You can talk to me if stuff is bothering you, you know that right?" and there she goes again, making me blush. Is she flirting with me or just giving me a compliment? Either way, I can't help the crimson blush that invades my face. She's always been so caring, always making sure I'm okay. I don't deserve her. Looking down now, slightly embarrassed I reply "Yeah I know, and we'll uhm- there is-" I fumble over my words now second guessing myself "isn't anything so don't worry about me, I promise okay?" I hold out my pinky so she can link her own around mine. "Okayy, if you say so but my offer still stands I'm always gunna be here." 

I give her a warm smile and suddenly the moment is ruined by Ryan walking in and telling us we're needed on set. "I'll see you later?" she asked with the cutest smile ever on her face. "Of course." I replied.

Okay, yeah. I like her, in the same way I normally like boys. Wow, this is new. 

Y/N POV:

We've just got off a back to back shooting day, hardly any breaks apart from the quick 5 minutes that I shared with my favourite person. Margot, obviously if that wasn't clear. I don't even think she swings this way but, a girl can dream right? Anyway, she's joining me and my parents for dinner tonight and, well, they're not the most supportive about my sexual orientation should I say. So, she offered to be a buffer, you know, soften the blow a bit when they throw insult after insult my way. I mean I could just bail the dinner but, they're my parents I owe them certain things so, I have promised to always make an effort to go see them, no matter what. So that's how I ended up here, walking to Margot's trailer and knocking on the door.

"Ready to go endure around 2 hours of relentless condescending comments from my parents?" I said to her as she opened the door.

"Of course I am, it's my favourite hobby." She replied sarcastically. I giggled and offered her my arm which she willingly took. 

On the walk to the car we had polite small talk about how our days had gone, as we hadn't seen much of each other even though we're on the same set. She was in the Barbieland set while I was on the real world set with America and Ariana. 

We get in the car and I start driving. I'm lost in my thoughts worrying about all the ways this could go incredibly wrong. Margot's soft voice snaps me out of my trance.

"Are you okay? And don't bullshit me Y/N you've got worry written all over your face." I sighed deeply and she put her hand on my thigh. I blushed deeply at the contact but didn't let that stray me from answering her. "I'm just really dreading this night, it's the first meal we've had together in about a year so, i don't know what to expect really." 

"Hey, normally i'd say look at me but you're driving and that probably isn't smart but," i chuckled lightly at that comment "you don't need their approval about every single aspect of your life, because it's your life. Also, who cares if they don't agree with your sexuality? It's none of their business who you bang." 

I genuinely laugh for the first time this evening at the last comment. I briefly glance at Mar and smile. "Thank you for that, really. It helps to hear it." 

"No problem okay? And if at any point during the meal you're just thinking 'I need to leave like, now' then just tell me and I'll act like my apartment had been broken into or something so we can leave. I'm an amazing actress you know?" There's an evident smirk plastered across her beautiful face and I giggle at her sarcasm. "I'm fully aware and I'll drop you a text if it gets too unbearable." 

"Good." She says smiling as she turns back around so she's facing the road again. The car ride continues in a comfortable silence and Taylor Swift playing in the background. 

Time skip to when they're at the house 

Margot POV: 

"Okay we're here." I hear y/n/n say as we came to a stop outside her parents house.

"Hey, you've got this." I say as I take her hand and give it a light squeeze. "Yeah, I hope so." She responded anxiety prominent in her voice. 

We walk up to the front door and knock. Not even a second later it swings open revealing a short woman who appears to be in her sixties and a man who appears to only be a tad older behind her. "Oh my goodness, y/n/n it's been far too long." After saying that she instantly pull the y/h/c into a tight hug. "Hiya mum." She says back awkwardly patting her back,   y/n is not a hugger. Any parent should know such a small detail like that about their kid. I internally roll my eyes because I can see the stiffness of her body as her mum squeezes even tighter. "Ah, you must be Margot?" Her dad says from behind the mother and daughter. "Oh, uhm, yes that's me." I say extending my hand for him to shake which her returns politely. Her mum has now fully released her grip on y/n and extends her hand so she can shake mine while saying. "Hopefully not girlfriend." My face goes flat. No emotion, just plain hatred for this woman already and I haven't even stepped in the house. I clear my throat and say, "No, I'm not but I don't think it would be an issue if I was." Both her parents just shared disapproving looks but beckoned us in none the less. This was going to be a long night.

Time skip to them eating tea (dinner) 

Y/n POV: 

So far nothing about the comment earlier nor the subject had come up so it had actually been a really fun night so far. So far. I knew it was all going downhill when we sat down at the dinning table because that's when topics like politics and live life come up. I was not excited to say the least. "Guys 'cmon foods ready!" my dad yells from the kitchen. Me, my mum and Margot make our way to the dinning room where there is a gorgeous looking Sunday roast laying in the table waiting for us. "Dad that looks amazing." I say to him. 

"Just wait till you taste the stuffing I got some new herbs from the garden and chucked them in, it's really tasty." We all went to our respective seats on the table my parents opposite me and Margot. As soon as my mother opened my mouth I knew it was all going to go horribly wrong. 

"So y/n/n any news?" 

"Like what mum?" 

"Oh well, I don't know, a boyfriend?"

Margot shot daggers at my mum but she didn't take any notice. 

"No." I say, trying to be as blunt and cut off as possible. 

"Oh don't worry dear, a nice man will make his way into your life soon enough." My dad chimes in.

"Yeah, and then you can settle down and have a proper life with children and a proper man not any of that 'lesbian' nonsense you've been talking about." *you can change that to whatever your sexuality is but i just chose lesbian bc it fits* 

I sit and stare at her with a flabbergasted look in my face. "For the last time, I. Am. A. Lesbian. I'm not going to find a nice man because I'm not interested in men, just because you don't understand that doesn't mean that you can't accept it. Also I'm not being funny but it doesn't matter who I end up with, my life is 'proper' and as long as I love the person I end up with, which I will; very dearly it doesn't matter what their gender is, but I'm just letting you know it will be a girl. And, I don't give a flying fuck wether my children are adopted, if they're IVF or anything! Okay?! Because at the end of the day they'll be my children and I'll love them unconditionally so, that's all that matters. And I'm not being funny I shouldn't of even come tonight because every single time I come it's the same thing over and i over again, you are both like broken records!" By the end of my rant I'm practically yelling at them and at some point in my rage I stood up from my chair. I look at them both, waiting for some kind of comeback. 

"Never speak to me or your father like that again. You are a worthless piece of shit dyke and no child of mine!" She yelled at me and by this point there were tears rolling down my face. She then continued, "Imagine what Margot thinks of this, huh? You arguing with your parents and speaking to us in that manner? She also must be appalled that you're a, a- lesbian." she held so much disgust in her voice when she said that it made my blood boil and when Margot instantly rose from her chair I could tell it had the exact same effect on her. 

Margot POV:

"Well Mrs Y/L/N-"

"Please call me Claire."

"Okay, Claire. Do you want my honest opinion on this topic?"

"Yes dear I would, please knock some sense i to this girl."

As soon as those words left her mouth I turned to y/n/n and thought to myself 'well it's now or never' and I put on arm around her waist and the other behind her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. It was a sweet innocent kiss and we pulled away rather quickly because we were obviously still in front of her parents. As we pulled apart she was beaming and so was I. Her face was a light pink now and it made me feel good knowing I did that to her. I wa brought back to reality when her mother chimed in again. "How long has this sinning been going on for?" Y/n head snapped round to mine looking panicked but I just scoffed loudly and said "This loving, caring relationship has been going on for 6 months, since we started filming together." I saw her mother roll her eyes but now it was her dads turn to stand up. "That's it! I've had it with you!" he paused for a second and I glanced at y/n and tears were rolling down her eyes because we both thought that she was about to get practically disowned for the second time tonight. "Claire, why can't you just be happy for our daughter, she's in love for christ sake! I don't care if she's gay. I care that she's happy,I care that she's loved. I don't understand your inability to do such things!" Me, y/n and her mum looked just as surprised as each other when those words left his mouth. Choking back even more tears y/n said "Thank you dad, really. It means a lot l." Her dad then walked around the table and stopped before her went in to hug her. "You don't like hugs do you?" he said

"No, but I guess I can make an exception." 

My heat swelled at the scene playing out before me, her mother storming out the house and y/n/n and her dad making up. I was incredibly sweet. 

As they pulled away her dad said "I know this hasn't exactly been the ideal evening but, I'm happy for the both of you okay? Now go home and get some rest sweetheart, and it was lovely meeting you Margot and just in advance you have my blessing if you ever want to, you know pop the question. Just to put it out there I'm only saying that because I know people like to ask the dad and I just thought you might be a bit too worried to ask when the times tight because of her mother so, I thought I'd tell you now so, no pressure but uhm- yeah." He said it with so much sincerity and love in his voice it made me instinctively pull him into a hug. "Thank you Mr y/l/n" I said tears pricking my eyes. "Please, call me John." 

"Thank you John." 

Y/N POV:

I just set there still crying, but more tears of joy at this point and observed the two most important people in my life at the minute share the most sickly sweet moment ever. I was amazing.

Time skip to once you drive Margot home (still reader pov)

"So, 6 months huh?" I said teasingly as I walked her to the door of her house. "I don't work well under pressure, okay?" I laughed at her response and then when she got to the door she looked at me straight in the eye. "I mean I wouldn't be totally objected to the idea of being with you for 6 months." she trailed off getting quieter at the end of her sentence and looking away nervously.  "You know, neither would I." Her eyes instantly found mine again and she looked down at me since she's slightly taller. "Really?" 

"Yes Margot, really." 

She grabbed my face and pulled me into a bruising kiss. Our lips moved in perfect sync, her teeth grazing my bottom lip and slightly biting  it causing me to let out a small moan. Her hand that had snaked around to my waist pulled me in closer at that action. Her lip grazed over my top lip asking for entrance which I happily granted her, she pushed her tongue into my mouth instantly and started exploring causing me to move my hands from her hips to around her neck pulling her in even further. We continued until we needed to pull away for air. "You wanna come inside and continue?" she asked suggestively. 

"Definitely." At that she picked me up and i wrapped my legs around her torso and we resumed our previous actions. As we got to her room she layer me down on the bed and got on top of me. "Good thing we don't have set tomorrow because I don't think we'll be getting much sleep tonight darling." 

And just like always, she was right.

[pardonmydelays]

this is probably going to be the weirdest post ever written by me, but i do feel the need to write it, so let's go clowns (i doubt anyone besides prison gang will read it tho. and honestly i don't care, this is very personal anyway and i just need to get it off my chest).

i honestly don't even know how to start, but i'll try my best. i'm sitting right now in front of my laptop in my small apartment & i'm trying to find the right words. it's been a year. it's not easy to be alone, it gets really lonely sometimes, but at least i have my freedom. i have my music. i have my friends. i can do whatever i want. i gave up on a lot of things along the way & i am desperately trying to bring back this part of me i thought i lost long ago. one step at a time.

so it's been a year. maybe a little explanation: on june 1st, 2023, i made a decision to move out from my (now ex)fiance and try to live on my own. it wasn't easy for me, because despite all the things happening at the time, i was still in love. we were together for 3,5 years. i was supposed to marry this guy. i was happy. until i wasn't. i'm writing all of this, because it's been a year, and still to this day every time someone asks me about him i just laugh it off and change the topic. i didn't let myself mourn for even one day, i didn't cry, i just tried to block that memory and moved on immediately, desperately trying to hold onto new things as a form of distraction, i guess. but it's still inside of me and it still makes me fucking angry. so why i left... i was a victim of mental abuse for such a long time & i didn't even realize how bad it was. i don't want to go into details (now that i think about it, it was truly a disaster), maybe one day i will talk about it with a therapist (because i do consider going to therapy, more than ever now), but he crossed the line one night when he told me i should kill myself. unfortunately for him, i'm still alive. moving out wasn't easy, because i was on my own, too proud to ask any of my friends for help, pretending everything was fine for such a long time (until one time i had a mental breakdown at work in front of my manager but i don't wanna talk about it). so i moved out. had to block him everywhere cause he didn't want to let me live. the worst part of it is that i never really got any closure... i just left the apartment with my things one day and i remember he was laughing at me when i was leaving with tears in my eyes (the most fucking embarrassing thing that ever happened to me), he was probably too drunk to remember this tho. all the things he said to me are still living inside my head & i don't think i'll be able to build a normal, healthy relationship in the future without any help because i have massive trust issues now & very low self-esteem. anyway...

one of the things i had to do in order to forget was to find new obsessions & let go of the things that reminded me of him. so i found myself a new passion and built a huge unbreakable wall around myself out of it: musical theatre. on june 1st i watched hamilton and that was the only thing about me he didn't know (we used to watch pretty much everything together). it was mine. i finally found something that was entirely mine. it was something i really needed at the time and i'm not even kidding now, it was my lifeline. hamilton & lin-manuel miranda. you're probably thinking now that i'm not passionate about it anymore, because i changed my personality again, but that's just not true. it will be always a huge part of who i am and i will always be super grateful because it's something that literally saved my life when i needed it the most. taking a little bit of a break from it now is totally ok & i will probably talk about musical theatre again, soon. i missed my old self tho. i'm not even joking, i literally gave up on everything because of him (i couldn't even eat some of my favourite things anymore because they reminded me of him for such a long time, that's how traumatised i was).

i didn't even hold my ukulele for a year. A YEAR. i used to record videos of myself playing & singing and send it to him when he was at work. you don't know this, but this instrument was my biggest happiness for such a long time (ask bel, she got a lot of videos of me being a clown, too). i used to play twenty one pilots songs, no surprise there. we went to their show together (mostly because i wanted to go, he was never a huge fan but liked them a bit because of me). i stopped listening to them when we broke up, just like i stopped playing ukulele. all of those things found their way back to me this year. laugh all you want, i feel like this is a part of my healing journey. i'm writing this while sobbing like a child, because i'm listening to them right now and i am staring at my ukulele lying casually on my bed and i feel like the old me is back and I MISSED HER. SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. i don't ever want to let her go again. i cannot lose her this time...

during this one year i found a lot of new things that i absolutely love and can't live without now. my passion for theatre, new friends (prison gang, this is mostly about you, i want you to know that everytime i doubt in myself i think about you & i know there's someone who actually cares & i love you so much you don't even know), i also realized i'm actually stronger than i thought. i'm here alone. in my favourite city in the world, 400km from home & my family, on my own, and i live. i survived. it's hard sometimes, but i am actually ok. and i'm here, just like i always wanted. wow.

i feel like the entire last year was me desperately holding onto new obsessions as my way to cope and block all my feelings. which doesn't mean it wasn't real. i am just letting it all go for now, to go back to it later. i just think it wasn't healthy, so i need a break. because deep down i wasn't really happy. now my twenty one pilots phase is back, stronger than ever, and it's mostly because their songs are so relatable for me & i don't feel so lonely anymore (when i listened to clancy for the first time & realized how much i relate to these songs i was speechless. it made me depressed. but the more i listen to it now, the better i feel. wow. i needed this album so much, it helped me process a lot of things that i've had hidden inside my brain). i feel like i am finally accepting things as they are. i am messed up, i'm not entirely fine but i am finally ready to talk about my feelings and honestly i feel more alive than ever. am i happy? no. but i will get there one day. i am healing and that's what matters.

this is chaotic, i know. i used to write things like that in my journal. maybe i will go back to it one day. but this time i'm using tumblr for that, simply because i want you guys to know this about me. she's back and i'm not letting her go this time. i need to take care of her, she deserves it.

[wickedwitchofthesouth]

Headcanon where ganke and miles 42 know each other since before the academy but ganke gets in and miles doesn't and its just very bittersweet because miles knows he should let go of ganke to keep him safe but he just can't bring himself to do it.

[And I wrote it because I couldn't help myself]

Weekends

It was a Saturday when they got their letters, both practically jumping with excitement as they ripped open the envelope seal. Miles had ran straight to gankes after snatching the letter right out the mailmans hand. They'd been planning this for months now, going to visions academy together, staying in the same dorm, just the two of them where they didn't have to worry about people and circumstances.

But as they sat there on gankes dining room table and read through the letter, the bubbling excitement slowly dwindled and settled into a pit in miles' stomach. He did not get in.

The smile on gankes mothers face as she hovered over him to get a glimpse of the letter told a different story.

It was Saturday again when ganke finished packing his bags, exactly a week from getting the letters. They were at the train station, his parents getting the luggage into the compartment, and Miles tagged along with the promise to help. He had told ganke that he was fine, that it wasn't a big deal, that he'll try again next year. But ganke, as stubborn as he is, obviously did not believe a word that came out of his mouth.

Miles had always thought ganke worried too much. Miles also thought that he did not deserve to cared about this much.

There was a divot in the long red brick walls of the train station, a small corner where no one could see them but they could see all the hustle and bustle of the people coming in and out.

The noise didn't bother him. Because the world fell silent every time he was with ganke. Like nothing else mattered, just them and the moment.

Today though, today was different because as they stood in their hole in the wall, miles couldn't bring himself to look up at ganke

"It's only like a 15-minute train ride, so... not that far, " ganke said, but miles would much rather focus on the birthmark on ganke's thumb. Had it always been there?

"And I'll come back every weekend," ganke said again. Miles only squeezed his hand tighter. How had he never noticed it before

"And I'll call! I'll call every day. I promise, " Maybe it was for the better. Maybe he should've never noticed it , maybe then he would actually be able to listen to what Ganke was saying.

"Anything you need miles," Ganke continues, voice softer than velvet. He knows Miles isn't listening. "I'm only a phone call away"

Maybe this is for the better. He goes away, and he stays safe. Away from this place, away from the prowler...

'Away from me.'

"Miles," ganke says again. It takes some strength to pull his hand out of miles' grip. His eyes are still glued to Ganke's hand, and ganke has to cup his cheeks in both hands to finally make him look up. "im not leaving you."

And it hurts because he should. He should leave Miles. But they've had this argument before, and it's already taking everything in Miles to not choke on his words and break down in tears right there.

"Yeah, I know," he finally replies, his voice cracks, and it's embarrassing because he knows ganke heard it too. As much as he tries to keep his expression blank, he knows his eyes have already betrayed him.

Ganke doesn't say a word. He just leans down and presses a soft chaste kiss on his lips and miles practically melts into a pool right there in his arms.

Ganke can be so mean sometimes. He makes Miles want to be selfish. How can he let go of the one person who makes the hole in his heart feel like it's disappeared?

Miles is selfish.

But ganke is cruel .

He rests his forhead on top of Miles' . Miles squeezes his eyes shut.

"I'll never leave you," he repeats. "I promise, Miles"

Don't make stupid promises

"Never"

Don't be so cruel

"BOYS TIME TO GO!" they hear gankes dad shout into the crowd

Miles steps away first. Inhales a sharp breath before reaching out to fix ganke's blazer collar

"I know you're going to a stupid nerd school, but try not to become a total loser, yeah?" He says, trying to ease away the pressure they'd unintentionally created

Ganke chuckles in surprise. "Not you talking ?!Mr. 1st place in every years science fair, " he teases, throwing a light punch on miles' shoulder as they walk out their corner and onto the platform.

And Miles laughs. He lets ganke fill his heart again. Why can't he be selfish for just a little while longer?

As he watches ganke walk down the platform and onto the train, there's a sudden lump in his throat. He needs to say something, but he doesn't think he can

"Ganke!" He calls out, the boy turns around. one foot on the platform, the other on the train, "I..." he tries, but his breath gets hitched in his throat

Ganke looks at him, searching , hoping, begging for him to finish

Miles knows he should say it. But he also knows he won't

"I'll see you on Saturday"

For a second, it feels like Gankes smile falters, and it's painful to watch, but he smiles nonetheless. He nods his head and looks back at Miles one last time

"Saturday!"

[uses-for-fics]

Forbidden Paradise

Peter Hayes x Reader

A/n: Ik technically they’re canonically supposed to be 16 but I’ve always imagine the divergent characters to be older so you can take this as a headcanon where they’re all older than 16 maybe like 18-19 but all the same events from the book happen… idk maybe I’m dragging it lol

The Choosing Ceremony loomed larger with every passing minute. A knot of anticipation twisted in my gut as I waited for the bus. My skirt, wrinkled from its hasty morning donning, was a constant source of irritation. I tugged at the fabric, a futile attempt at smoothing it out.

"Maybe I should've ironed it," I muttered, more to myself than to Cass, who was standing beside me.

She gave my outfit a critical eye. "You'll be fine," she assured me, but her gaze lingered on my exposed arms. She shrugged off her cardigan and handed it to me. “ Just in case," she added, a hint of a shiver running through her. "You know how unpredictable the weather can be."

I chuckled. "Thank you, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re turning into a full-blown Erudite."

Cass grinned. "Hey, a girl's gotta be prepared."

Our conversation was interrupted by the familiar, grating voice of Peter. "Well, well, well, look who decided to grace us with their presence."

I rolled my eyes. "Peter."

"No witty retort today, Grumpy? Maybe you're finally ready to embrace your inner Amity?" He smirked, his eyes glinting with malice.

I took a deep breath. "Peter, you're such a small part of my life that I often forget you exist. And for the record, I'm not sure where I'm going. It could be Dauntless for all you know."

He seemed taken aback by my unexpected sharpness. "Is that so?" he replied, his voice laced with disbelief.

The bus arrived, breaking the tension. As we boarded, I caught a glimpse of Peter whispering to his friends, his face contorted into a sneer. Cass tried to distract me with talk of her latest book, but my mind kept returning to Peter's taunts.

We settled into our seats, the rhythmic rumble of the bus a comforting counterpoint to the storm brewing inside me.

Cass, oblivious to my turmoil, launched into a detailed explanation of a particularly puzzling case from her book.

I tried to focus, to lose myself in her words, but Peter's face kept flashing before my eyes. His smug smile, the way his friends hung on his every word.

'Why does he still bother me? It's been years, I should hate him,' I thought bitterly. 'He replaced me with Molly, that giggling airhead. How could he just forget everything we had?'

But a traitorous voice, a whisper in the back of my mind, countered, 'Forget? No, he doesn't forget. He just doesn't care anymore.'

The truth, the awful truth, dawned on me. The anger, the hatred I felt, it wasn't real. It was a shield, a defense mechanism my brain created to protect itself from the crushing pain of rejection. Because the truth was, I still...loved him. I never stopped loving him. Even after the embarrassing rejection he’d given me not to long ago.

The sun was a warm kiss on her skin as she stretched out on the soft, emerald grass. Beside her, Peter lay, his eyes fixed on the drifting clouds. The sky was a canvas of white, gray, and blue, morphing into shapes with every passing moment. It was a perfect day, the kind that made time stand still.

"Look at that one," she said, pointing at a cloud shaped like a giant rabbit. Peter chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"More like a grumpy bunny," he teased.

She laughed, the sound light and carefree. There was a comfortable silence between them, punctuated only by the gentle rustling of leaves and the distant chirping of birds. "I wonder what we'll be doing in five years," she mused, breaking the quiet.

Peter turned his head to look at her, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe we'll be Amity, hugging trees. Or Dauntless, jumping off trains. Or maybe even Erudite, ruling the world with our brains." His eyes glinted.

She giggled. "Don't be ridiculous. As if you’d ever be Erudite." She pinched his nose.

He feigned offense while swatting her hand. "Hey!" They lapsed back into comfortable silence, the warmth of the sun lulling them into a state of relaxation. Gathering her courage, she turned to face him. His eyes, a dark forestry green, met hers. Her heart pounded in her chest.

"Peter," she began, her voice barely a whisper. "There's something I need to tell you."

He sat up, his attention focused on her. "What is it?"

She took a deep breath. "I...I like you. A lot." The words hung in the air between them, heavy with unspoken emotions. Peter's face was a mask of confusion, then surprise, and finally, something she couldn't quite decipher.

He stood up abruptly, his face pale. "I-I have to go," he stammered, his voice barely audible. Before she could respond, he turned and ran, disappearing into the dense trees at the edge of the clearing. She was left alone, her heart aching with a mixture of confusion and hurt. She lay back on the grass, staring up at the indifferent sky. The once comforting clouds now seemed to mock her.

Across the aisle, Peter watched her. His gaze was fixed on her profile, lost in thought. Molly, his usual confidante, chattered idly beside him, her words washing over him like distant waves. But his mind was elsewhere. He hadn't meant to hurt her. It had happened so gradually, the shift from friends to something more complex, then the abrupt cut-off.

Candor was his home. Honesty was in his blood. But a part of him, a part he was afraid to acknowledge, yearned for something more. Something he associated with her: laughter, shared secrets, a sense of belonging he hadn't felt since. He was scared of leaving Candor, of stepping into the unknown. But he was even more scared of staying, of living a life without her in it. He thought back to when he messed it all up.

Peter stumbled home, his mind in turmoil. He’d never felt this way before. The words she’d spoken echoed in his head. Like had he lived his entire life in a bubble, oblivious to the world around him? He’d always prided himself on his honesty, but now, faced with his own truth, he felt like a coward.

Days turned into a blur of avoidance. He’d catch glimpses of her in the halls, her laughter as bright as ever, but now tinged with a sadness he'd caused. He wanted to reach out, to apologize, to explain, but the words seemed to stick in his throat. Fear gnawed at him. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown. What if he told her how he felt, and she laughed in his face? Or worse, rejected him? The thought was almost unbearable.

Then came the realization, a cold, hard slap to his face. He’d lost his chance. She was moving on. He'd seen it in her eyes, a distant look that spoke volumes. The girl who had confessed her feelings to him was gone, replaced by a stranger who treated him with polite indifference. Regret washed over him in waves. He'd let fear dictate his actions, and now he was paying the price. He'd lost her, and with her, a part of himself. He retreated into his room, the walls closing in around him. The world outside seemed to fade into insignificance. All that remained was the echo of her laughter and the weight of his own failure.

The bus made an abrupt stopped and the doors hissed open, revealing the imposing structure of the Choosing Ceremony building. A new chapter was about to begin…For both of them.

[bells-stories]

NEWT X READER

-Newt finds out that you have feelings for him but also the others…

-Snippet from PROJECT GRIEVER CHAPTER: 10 (Wattpad: bells_stories)

"They suit you." I hear a voice from behind and see Newt point at the flower in my hair.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"Are you gonna tell me what you wanted to talk about?"

"I don't really want to do it here." I say twiddling my thumbs getting nervous. If he isn't okay with this, I don't want him to think I'm doing it to embarrass him. And if he takes it harshly I don't want him to take it out on the boys although I know that's not in his character.

"What wrong love? You can tell me anything." He says and puts a hand on my shoulder. I sigh and push him back a little farther from the boys.

"I have feelings for you." I say and don't look up.

"I-"

"Let me finish please. I also have feelings for Minho and Gally." I say pausing. And when Newt doesn't say anything I look up. He looks at me with his hands on his hips and with a look of sass. Which surprises me but I continue regardless. "I also...in short terms....I remember myself being in a very committed relationship with someone before I came into the maze." I said finally and he still looked the same. "Say something please." I say still playing with my thumbs.

"Well are you done?" He says sassily.

"Yes?" I say confused.

"Well great beacuse if you would've let me replied earlier I would've told you I already knew you had feelings for me and the others. But this new bloke you talk about from your dreams, I kind of feel sorry for him. I stole his woman." He says cheekily and I smile.

"You did?" I say mischievously.

"Oh yes I did. I'd like to believe the moment I met her, he was no longer hers." He put his hand around my waist and brought me close.

"Maybe I'm still mad at you?" I say looking up at him.

"I doubt it." He says and places a kiss on my lips. I break free and I look at his eyes trying to decipher how he feels. All I could see in them was endearment. 

"So you don't care then? About the others?"

"Not really no. I care about you and all I need to know is that you feel the same. If you care about the others well then they're lucky too but it won't stop me from wanting you all the same." He said and plays with the ends of my hair. "Now we should go help them before they start complaining."

"Agreed." I said and hugged Newt before we went with the rest of the boys. None of them noticed Newt and I's interaction because they were all busy arguing.

Read more here 👇

[bevswashere]

Koi No Yokan

Chapter 32: Departure

December 2013 The next morning.

Shigeri presses his lips to the lobe of my ear, hands enveloping mine tightly. "We need to celebrate the engagement more once you're back."

"What kind of celebration?"

"Nice dinners," he kisses my jaw softly, "My sister will want to go out with us too," my cheek, "We can finally visit the National Garden in Shinjuku like you've been asking," my nose, "And we also need to practice."

I run my hand through the ends of his hair. "Practice what?"

"You know," he smiles, "Consummating the marriage."

"Oh, Sensei!" Sachi waves from the top of the stairs to the courtyard, running down towards us with the other two trailing behind. Shigeri and I pull apart immediately. "You don't have to do that, Uematsu Sensei," he smiles, so large that his eyes squeeze shut. "We all know you and Kamo Sensei are together."

I fail to find my next words, and stutter profusely. Perhaps because I'm their teacher or simply because I'm older, I don't feel the urge to scream to the world that I'm with Shigeri—not the way I had with Satoru. This partnership felt reserved, private, but at the same time, concrete. I'm not being held over the edge of a cliff with him and I like that.

Shigeri laughs, "Don't embarrass her, Sachi-kun."

"Is it true you're leaving?" Sachi asks, "Who's going to look after us?"

"Shigeri—I mean Kamo Sensei will take care of everything," I say, "It'll go by quickly. You won't even realize I'm gone."

"They said they're sending you away because Ryomen Sukuna is after you." Runa arrives at the ground level of the courtyard with Iwao, little ribbons tied into the bottom of her braids.

"Who said that?"

"The other students. It's a test they said. If you manage to find a finger overseas, then he really is drawn to you."

My saliva gets caught in the center of my throat, rolling down painfully slowly from Runa's soulless tone, her steel, wide eyes staring straight into mine.

"Don't believe everything you hear, Runa-chan," Shigeri says lightly, "The other students like to scare each other with rumors."

Runa's voice is small, but clear, "And if it's not just a rumor?"

"It is a rumor." I force myself to smile. "Besides, if the day ever comes when I have to face him, I'll win."

"Of course you would, Sensei!" Sachi pumps his fist into the air, "We'd be right there with you!"

"Good." I smile again, genuinely this time. "I like that attitude."

We let the students break into their own chatter as we wait for my departure. Shigeri leans in, lowers his voice so only I can hear, "Students don't come up with those kinds of rumors on their own."

"Yaga mentioned something before," I say, "About sending Kei-chan to monitor me."

His brow furrows. "You think it's true, then? That this is some kind of test?"

I glance at my students, laughing, bright-eyed, hope still intact. "I don't know."

"This is ridiculous," he scoffs, "Using you as bait for Sukuna—or baiting you into giving them a reason to have you executed. All of this trouble," his jaw tightens, "For coincidence."

I shift my eyes from them to the endless sky above, the clouds moving slowly through an even blue. "Six times is too many for a coincidence. If I am the reason the fingers are being gathered into one place.... Maybe something should be done about me."

"How can you say that?" The sick look on his face is no longer the one reserved for the higher ups. It's more pitiful than that, more personal. "We're getting married, Kaede. Spending our lives together. You understand that, right? We're not in the position to self-sacrifice anymore."

"It's bigger than just the two of us."

He grabs my hand with a sudden force, "Exactly, which means even if you give up, another sorcerer will come along and be targeted by him all the same. Who will be there to protect them?"

I sensed him far sooner than I could hear him. "Good morning!"

Satoru was waving at us from the top of the courtyard, cursed energy drowning us so far beneath him. For a fraction of a moment, I saw his long limbs, smiling and waving on the grounds of a school he hadn't been to for years and I saw him—seventeen and in uniform, hair bunched up at the back of his head, running towards me with the urgency I adored.

"Are these your students?"

"No way!" Sachi cried, "Gojo Satoru?"

Though Iwao and Runa's reactions were not as vocal, I could see their eyes scanning him in awe. It's times like these I remember he's merely a concept to most Jujutsu sorcerers, an unattainable symbol of strength. None of them really know his voice or his eyes, that he's ticklish around the torso, or gets confused trying to build furniture. That he likes to feed stray cats and is awful at karaoke. He's not human to them.

Is he still human to me?

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought a gift for your travels." He pulls a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, the same round-rimmed pair he had worn while we were students. "Try them on."

"I won't be able to see."

"I had the lenses changed," he says, "It's one-way glass now."

My mistake was reaching out for them, raising the hand with the ring I know he immediately saw. But when he goes on speaking as if nothing has happened, I'm... wounded almost. All the little things about him I held safe in my memory seemed to fade out within a second. They're not about him anymore, they're about someone else—someone who was still human.

The world is masked in gray by the glasses, a mourning color. "It's... nice." My words are heavy, struggling to find their way past my lips. I pull them off almost immediately. "Thanks."

"They're the only ones I've owned," he says, "One of a kind."

"Maybe you should keep them."

"No." His hands disappear in his pockets. "They're yours."

"It's useful for your technique," Shigeri—too kind for his own good—offers, "Now they won't know where you're looking."

The air thickens around me. I can feel the glasses in my hand, the fragility of frames I could crush between my fingers if I really wanted to—but I didn't. I couldn't let go of the Satoru who used to wear them. "I think I'll go now."

"Really?" Shigeri says, "You still have some time."

"No, I should leave." The distance would be better for our engagement, for my own sanity—maybe even the preservation of Satoru and I's friendship. "Take care of each other, okay?"

Sachi grins. "Don't forget about us while you're gone, Sensei!"

"How could I forget you guys?" I manage a smile. "I'll be searching for your souvenirs the entire time."

"Sensei..." Runa speaks up, eyes wandering as if she's reconsidering, "...Be careful."

Shigeri squeezes my hand one last time, pressing down on his ring. "Come back soon."

And then, like the final nail in my coffin, Satoru speaks calmly, "Safe travels."

I look at him, an immense pressure forcing the air out of my lungs, and I can't speak. I can only turn away like a coward and leave everyone before the situation confuses me more than it already has.  

[tedlyanderson]

Whining under the break.

Someone I know shared a post a while back about rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and man. I checked off every box on the list.

It’s very easy for them to feel embarrassed or self-conscious.

They show signs of low self-esteem and trouble believing in themselves.

They have trouble containing emotions when they feel rejected.

Instead of losing control of their emotions outwardly, some people with RSD may turn their feelings inward. This can look like a snap onset of severe depression, and sometimes, it’s mistaken for sudden emotional shifts that can happen with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

They’re often “people pleasers” and become intensely focused on avoiding the disapproval of others.

They may avoid starting projects, tasks or goals where there’s a chance of failure.

They compensate for their fear of failure or rejection by going all-out or striving for perfectionism. However, the downside of this is that they often experience intense anxiety and may not easily make self-care or downtime a priority.

(Source: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd)

No exaggeration, I have been feeling every one of those basically since I was twelve years old, and twice as hard since my father died last year. I've been hyper-self-conscious, painfully aware of how I feel like I'm bothering people or taking up their valuable time just by talking to them, and it's made far worse because my usual conversational mode is to talk constantly. Low self-esteem means that I feel like the only thing I can contribute to a conversation is information—facts, anecdotes, half-remembered elements of books or films—because I, myself, as a person have nothing to offer apart from what I know. I have no inherent worth, so I must find something else to share, and when I share, I feel like I'm annoying them.

I never feel wanted, is a big part of it. I don't feel as though there is anyone who actively wants to be in my presence or hear my thoughts or opinions. I'm tolerated, sure, maybe even welcomed in the absence of anyone more interesting or less annoying, but I have nothing to offer, no insights or wisdom that cannot be had elsewhere. I don't have a personality that people want more of, nor a perspective worth hearing.

Compounding this is a total lack of success in romantic or intimate relationships. I've asked out a dozen women and only a single one was interested in dating me, and as they say, the only constant in all your failed (or nonexistent) relationships is you. As for that one, my one (1) adult romantic relationship, it ended in failure because of some thoughtless comments I made and my inability to understand what she needed. A friend tried to convince me that no relationship is a "failure" simply because it ends, that relationships run their course like all things, but if I wanted to continue the relationship and she didn't, what else would I categorize that as but a failure? How else should I see it but as the mistakes I made?

That same friend tried to cheer me up by reminding me that while all this may make sense to me emotionally, while it might seem right to my bruised and battered heart, intellectually I must know that this isn't true and that people do care about me, and it's a matter of reminding myself of that fact. But the problem there, which I couldn't tell him at the time, was that I don't know that intellectually. I don't have any proof that people want me, that I have anything to offer, that there's anything of worth in me.

(And yes, I realize that I'm describing this person as a friend offering me advice while I'm simultaneously saying how unwanted and unsupported I feel, but it's crucial to note that this person moved to this city a few years back and doesn't know a lot of people here, and said as much in the same conversation. So he's kind of starved for choice of who to spend time with; he needs a friend, but he doesn't need me specifically. I'm just his only option.)

The worst part of all this—the thing that really cuts at me—is that I know just how blatantly manipulative, how transparently passive-aggressive this post is. I know that what I'm doing is performative self-pity, baiting someone to read this and reassure me that I'm not so bad, like a teenager with a LiveJournal (which, come to think of it, I once was). The only way I can trick myself into posting this anyway is to keep in mind that nobody I know in real life follows me here—nobody who's going to notice and think anything of this post, at least. I may be writing this as though I have an audience, but nobody who matters is going to read this or care.

I said it in a previous post, but I'll say it again: the nice thing about screaming into the void is that there's no echo.

[basement-angel]

just smart enough

[a welcome back post for @condor-bait , as well as a thank you for kind messages! i hope this is okay!]

I'm not even a cuntboy.

yeah. I'm all cunt, no boy. and i know it. i know I'm just a dumb mutt, i chose to admit to it in public, and what's more pathetic than being a brainless pup who is just barely smart enough to know exactly what it is?

i am just barely smart enough to know i should be embarrassed while i fall over myself, desperate to please people, begging them to hurt me if that's what pleases them. just barely smart enough to resist and plead, just a little, when it's something i don't want to do. but more than dumb enough that it never lasts long. my instincts kick in; i know my place.

where does a thing like me belong in a world of cuntboys, of generally intelligent men who are actually people? well. I'm smart enough to know it's on the bottom. I'm smart enough to know it's on my knees, and smart enough to blush and cry in humiliation. I'm an "it." i picked that, and i said it out loud, maybe because i knew, deep down, that it was true.

so with that horrible, intensely humiliating admission out of the way, there's not much lower i can go. i may as well admit it: I've always fantasized about some kind of D/s harem, multiple Dom's and multiple subs, in which i am permanently at the bottom of the pecking order.

i would be lower than a tortured, treasured cuntboy toy in a horror house situation. I'd be the thing the other subs take their frustration and hurt out on, or knock around just to feel like at least they're higher than something. I'd be the guinea pig on which new forms of torture and subjugation were relentlessly tested, for as long as needed to refine them. and after all, it's not so bad being a kicked puppy. sometimes you get pets. sometimes you get comfort, even if it's only out of pity.

and the worst part is...I'd love it. every second of it. like a dog who keeps coming back to the people who don't take care of it. just dumb enough to be blindly loyal to my owners, begging for every bit of attention, no matter how cruel. just smart enough to feel trapped, to be embarrassed and alarmed by my own instincts, to wrestle against them once in awhile, but ultimately fail.

so it's pathetic. but it's also a bonus: after all, what's more entertaining, more fun to hurt, than a squirming puppy in heat who knows its place on the food chain and is miserable about it? horrified by it?

what's more amusing than a wagging dog who's desperate to please, but too shy and proud to admit it, and too skittish to take the first step? what could be more fun than to beat it out of me, take me apart? you could break me until that proud, stubborn part that thinks it's human is gone for good. or you could breadcrumb me bits of dignity so i stay interesting and you can dangle humanity in front of me, then yank it away...over and over again.

it would be up to you. at the end of the day, I'm smart enough to dread that it's happening, but too dumb to do anything about it.

[anyone still reading: come in my asks and tell me what you'd do to me c: ]

[star-vibing-prompts]

Random quotes from different Fandoms as prompts.

Yes you can use these. Yes you can change the pronouns. Also NOTE: None of these are in particular order.

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, swearing, a very long post, and maybe yandere stuff??

"I hope he didn't care about that pizza..."

"[Name], have you seen [Name] this morning?" "Yeap. He's hanging out with some weirdo. I think he's trying to vaporize [Name]."

"[Name], I blame YOU for this." "Eh, that's fair."

"Also, I cleaned up your awful, awful mess. You’re welcome." "You did WHAT?! I have a system!"

"I never asked for it to be this way. I never asked to be made!"

"Admit it. I'm just an embarrassment to you!"

"I'm not gonna let you stand there and remind me of everything I hate about myself!"

"How will StarClan come back if we keep breaking the code?"

"I really-really-like you. I've always felt that we might be mates one someday. And now that I'm a warrior, maybe this is the time for us to start thinking of each other in a new way?" "I'm sorry. I had no idea you felt like this, [Name]. I like you a lot, but I always thought of you as a friend-a really good friend, almost like another littermate. I've never felt...that way about you." "But now that you know how I feel...do you think that in time, [Name] you might feel the same way?" "I don't think so. Actually I...I like another cat. I'm so sorry, [Name]."

"Wow, [Name]. I know your thing is honesty, but come on!"

"No disrespect ma'am, but there's a big difference between pushing yourself as hard as you can, and just being reckless. And if being reckless is what gets rewarded around here, if that's what it means to be a Wonderbolt, then I don't want any part of it."

"Hey, now wait a minute! Just because I don't have a pet now doesn't mean I never want a pet!"

"Oh, that's my new toy. Pretty, isn't she? I bet I'm the only queen with my very own RainWing."

"Now really, this is getting insulting. You're in my territory. Apparently you're living under my mountain. I am only the most important dragon for hundreds of miles. How dare you not recognize me?"

"It doesn't matter what Earth is like, it's not going to be like anything soon!"

"Don't you Gems have anything better to do than annoy me?"

"Ohh, I adore these fantasies! They have the best fashions."

"Wait! I-I wouldn't have called just to waste your time with a report."

"Just being on a ship with [Name] made me tired."

"So am I gonna have to wear a star? Where am I gonna put the star?!"

"It'll be better this time. I've changed. You've changed me. I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power."

"You can't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you... you're a monster."

"There's always someone to fight! There's just no one left worth fighting..."

"Uh, that was way more explosive than I expected."

"Someone ordered some noodles?"

"Yeah. I was about to take my break. So..."

"To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?"

"Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore? Aw, well shucks."

"OH MY GOD! My drugs! Damn it!"

"W-well I-I just wanted to look a little nicer for you. This is our first real date after all."

"I'm sorry, [Name]. I'm sorry for…everything…happening right now. I know it's…a lot. I, uh-- I should have listened."

"We're rich and we are hot. People want our money AND our bodies! Speak for yourself, princess."

"I swear… If you go near her I will destroy you!"

"I don't care what your arrogant brother thinks!"

"That. Was the sound…OF A FUCKING DIVORCE!"

"My hair is ruined!"

"My face. My face! MY FACE! GIVE ME BACK MY EYES!"

"I bet you don't even HAVE friends..."

"Your fans are watching you right now. I know."

"What's that supposed to mean, you got a problem or somethin', sour cream? Don't fuck with me!"

"Alright shit talker, but there hasn't been a soul yet who can beat me at my own game. So you better bring the fire baby!"

"Could've just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing."

"Do you think they saw me? Fuck! I did my make-up shitty today!"

"Oh, what does it matter?! You’re not my real dad, I was almost eighteen!"

"Totally. But since then, you've had me teaching you. You're stronger now. Don't you feel stronger?"

"I found out where it lives."

"I've won. You can all see that. We can end this now, without killing anyone. I ask you all to let him live!"

"He's just a human! He isn't a threat at all! He's not one of them!"

"I just want to go home."

"You don't understand! Just leave me alone."

"Slow down, kiddo. This is the thanks I get for checking in on my favorite student?"

"Unloaded all your secret insecurities on me! I know! But hey, no shame in that, man. Sometimes you just gotta talk it out, y'know? I don't really do it. Maybe I should. But we'd be here all day so..."

"Totally. But since then, you've had me teaching you. You're stronger now. Don't you feel stronger?"

"What we had wasn't healthy. I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just go!"

"I was terrible to you. I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to. I-I hated you. It was bad!"

"[Name], you can still wear the hat, if you want." "Thanks, but I'm not putting that on my body."

"It was an endless, crushing darkness. Wet and bleak and suffocating. Water was the tomb I lived in for those months."

"You do realize that I spent the last few months trapped under the ocean, right?"

"For a moment, I really felt like things were different, but they're not. No matter where I go, I'm trapped."

"I'm done being everyone's prisoner! Now you're MY prisoner! And I'm never letting you go!"

"Let's stay on this miserable planet, together!"

"Spoiler alert, the butter is spoiled."

"Sorry I fucked your husband."

"The FUCK is "insurance"?"

"It's only just come into existence, and it already doesn't like us."

"He can be a real sweetheart once you get to know him."

"We knew for sure you would prevail."

"I'm the monster."

"You're... going to LOVE ME!"

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way, how about a game?"

"A baby dragon! Oh, I've never seen a baby dragon before. He's so cute."

"[Name], I think our work here is done." "Put your clothes on, [Name]."

"I just want everyone to know: my plan would have also worked."

"All that matters is that [Name] is happy."

"What's in these things?"

"That's not my baby!"

“If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night, too.”

“I’m still here. I will put you back together."

[claratompson]

Chapter 2

Gently sitting down, Emmanuelle ran her hand over her head, trying to remember at least how the morning began, but her brain stubbornly refused to remember.

Loud footsteps outside the door made the girl distracted from the unpleasant state of "mush in her head".

Clutching tightly the plaid she was kindly covered with, not knowing by whom, the girl waited for the door of the room to open and the one who had kindly put her on the bed to enter.

The doorknob turned and the door slowly opened, a tall and handsome man in a black uniform walked into the room.

His face was familiar to her, but she could hardly remember him.

"Mademoiselle Emmanuelle Mimieux, I am glad you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"Obviously he knew who I was." - she glimpsed.

"Better now, thank you, but I still feel weak and a little dizzy. I'm sorry, I don't remember your name."

Standing upright, the man said proudly: "Please excuse me, I didn't introduce myself, Sturmbannführer Dieter Helstrom of the Gestapo. At your service, Mademoiselle."

The mere mention of his name, let alone his rank, sent shivers down Emmanuelle's spine.

After hesitating a little, the girl asked: "May I ask a question?"

The man calmly replied, "Certainly, Mademoiselle Mimieux." - and sat down on a chair which was five metres from the bed.

"I don't remember at all how I got here or what happened. Could you please tell me?"

The young major smiled boyishly: "You were standing on the high staircase next to your cinema. My chauffeur and I came to fetch you to bring you at the invitation of Private Frederick Zoller to the restaurant, but because of the flimsy stairs you fell, fortunately I managed to catch you, but you fainted, so I took you to my house and called the doctor, he should be here any minute."

After Sturmbannführer Helstrom's story, the girl began to slowly remember everything that had happened in that short time.

Because of the awkwardness, she lowered her gaze. The mere inquisitive gaze of this young and charming major made her blush.

This attempt to hide her brown eyes, the Sturmbannführer perceived the girl's poor condition, so quickly rising from his chair, he approached her and with concern in his voice asked: "Mademoiselle, is everything all right? Are you unwell again?"

The girl blushed at such concern from the man and slowly looked up at him appreciatively, "No, no.... I just seem to have a little dryness in my throat."

"Would you like some water or maybe some tea?"

"Tea would be nice. Thank you, you're very kind."

His stern face lit up with a boyish smile: "I'll get it for you, mademoiselle."

About fifteen minutes later the young major came into the room again with a hot cup of tea; passing it to the girl, he touched her delicate hands with his fingers, while lingering on her with an inquiring gaze.

Emmanuelle was the first to break eye contact, saying: "Thank you, Sturmbannführer Helstrom, you are very kind."

"It is my pleasure to be of service to you, Mademoiselle. And please, call me Dieter."

"Very well, if you so wish."

Sipping some of the delicious hot tea, mental clarity slowly returned back.

"I take it that Private Frederick Zoller is still waiting for me in the restaurant?"

"Oh no, no. I took care of that by notifying him of your inability to be in the restaurant tonight. It would be rather ungracious of him to insist when a girl is so unwell."

"Yes, however." - she replied embarrassed. "In that case. Thank you, Dieter, for your help and concern, but I've already taken up a lot of your time with my ridiculous fall." - she said, hurriedly getting out of bed.

The Major hurried over to her, helping her up, "What about the doctor? He'll be here soon."

"I feel much better, there is no need for the doctor to come."

"Glad you are feeling much better, nevertheless I will be concerned for your well-being."

The girl timidly replied, "Obviously it's time for me to leave. I've caused you enough trouble as it is, Major."

The man gently put his arm around her shoulders: "Why, Emmanuelle? On the contrary, you have brightened my day with your presence. All the more so if next time you fall, I would gladly be the one to catch you."

The girl raised her gaze to the man unable to hide her embarrassment, "I must go now, Major."

"I'll drive you." - it sounded not like a suggestion, but an order.

Not wanting to be rude and ungrateful, the girl nodded her head in agreement.

In the car, Emmanuelle tried not to even look in his direction. She felt, for the first time in a long time. admiration for a man.

As soon as the car stopped, Emmanuelle gripped the door handle without looking at the Major, but the man was faster than her, getting out of the car, Dieter opened the door for Emmanuelle and gave her his hand.

The girl was forced to look at him, "Thank you Dieter."

The man gently brought her hand up and kissed it without taking his tenacious gaze off the girl, "At your service, Mademoiselle Mimieux."

At this they parted.

The girl went hastily up to her little flat and, closing the door, sat down on the bed.

"What on earth is the matter with me? Since when did I become such a sucker for a man's attention?!

And Sturmbannführer Helstrom is much more seductive and pleasant than Private Zoller. But I hope that's the end of our meetings with him. I don't think he's attracted to me."

>>>>

Just a couple of days later Emmanuelle was coming home after work.

Her lodger an old and very polite woman, if I may say so, called out to the girl, "Emmanuelle, wait a minute!"

Emmanuelle was not prepared to exchange pleasantries: "Yes, Madame Julia?"

"A Sturmbannführer came to see you. He left a bouquet and told me to give it to you."

Emmanuelle smiled nervously, "It must be a mistake. You can keep it."

"Are you crazy? Take the bouquet and don't play hard to get."

Against all odds, the young cinema owner had to take the bouquet of flowers.

Looking at the flowers, the girl felt despair rather than admiration. Deep in her heart, her intuition told her that there was something else lurking behind this act of attention, not exactly good motives.

>>>

The very next day, the young major himself came to the girl, but this time in the cinema.

Emmanuelle was nervously rubbing the fabric of her dress as she descended the stairs.

Dieter came closer to her and, taking her hand, kissed it:"Mademoiselle Mimieux, I'm glad to see you. How are you feeling?"

"Thank you, Major, very well."

Dieter: "Glad to hear it. I hope you got the bouquet of flowers I sent you?"

"Yes, of course. Thank you, Sturmbannführer Helstrom. They are beautiful."

With a rather sly smile he replied, "I must admit, not as beautiful as you, Emmanuelle."

The girl was embarrassed, but didn't show it, "Nevertheless, thank you, but you shouldn't have..."

The Major interrupted her, taking her by the hand, "No I should. I have to show you some consideration. Especially when you, Emmanuelle, have hopelessly charmed me." - At this sentence he kissed her hand without taking his inquisitive gaze from the girl.

Emmanuelle blushed so red that she looked like a tomato. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she withdrew her hand from the young major's tenacious grasp.

[rom-e-o]

Before the Twins, that first year, Bess more or less being pressured into accepting a date with one of her coworker's cousins because, apparently, he's "super into her" and thinks she's "totally fit", and Bess is just sick of this girl pestering her with it.

The guy is admittedly cute and seems... nice enough. But he's got the energy of a middle school class clown that never grew up and his jokes only hit about 25% of the time. And he seems to talk just to hear himself talk; he doesn't care much at all about what Bess has to say. Needless to say, the conversation is very one-sided.

The guy disgusts and embarrasses Bess at dinner with his toilet humor and how he plays with his food (he and a group of teenage boys start a contest to see who can successfully through their food across the dining room to reach the other's table, several diners get caught in the crossfire). He makes her pay more than her share of the bill because he turns up "short". Then he takes her to--get this--a strip club. ("I thought you were taking me to a club." "This is a club, Yank." "No, that's not what-never mind.") He meets up with his buddies at this club, and all of them leer at Bess and make comments, both complimenting her and degrading her and also comparing her to the strippers. Bess' fingernails start digging into her palms, she has her fists clenched so tight at the ready.

Eventually her date leaves her trapped in the booth with his buddies as he goes to piss. He's gone an awful long time and Bess is starting to wonder if maybe somebody needs to go check on him, because he was pretty stumble-bum when he left, but then he comes back, hanging around the shoulders of two strippers. "Well, I'm headed out. Or should I say, we're headed out."

The strippers giggle. His friends whoop. Bess his mortified.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I just thought I'd let you know. Wouldn't want to walk out on you in the middle of our date without telling you."

"You're leaving me here by myself?! I don't know this place! It's dark out! How do I get back home?!"

He digs into his wallet and gives her an... Uber gift certificate? "Don't say I never did nothin' for ya, Yank. And don't take this personal, okay? It's just--I like my girls a certain way, right? They gotta be top of everything--I want the best right? And you're just... kinda average. Boring."

Bess doesn't even like this guy; she didn't even want to really go out with him in the first place. So why does that sting so much? Maybe because it sounds exactly like what Oliver used to say all the time?

She manages to get home, falls through the door to see her girls waiting up for her and she just breaks into sobs. She feels stupid but can't help it. "He ditched me in a strip club with a bunch of his guys! I went out with him on a date his cousin spent weeks trying to set up with me because he "was desperate to take me out", and this douche decided to ditch me and leave with hot strippers! He said I'm average and boring and told me not to take it personal. How am I not supposed to take that personal?!"

BESS ANGEL.

First of all, is this guy related to Jason? The assholery is top-tier. What a god awful sack of shit.

It's not Bess' fault for giving him a chance. The girl talked him up. He SEEMED cute and innocent enough. Bess is nice and wants to give him a chance. Why not?

Once her foot is in the door, he just switches it off and turns absolutely deplorable. (Throwing food, leaving with strippers??? SIR. You're a RAT.)

Poor girl. i imagine the girls are waiting for her, because of course. She's out with a strange guy - and they know how guys are. They've got their phones and are sitting up. Once she comes in, relief turns to immediate concerns She starts crying, and they are on her to help her out.

I imagine Gal taking her phone to get the guy's number. As for what she plans to do, well, this guy is about to become INFAMOUS among London's restaurant crowd. Good luck with him ever getting into a bar/restaurant again.

Addie helps Bess to the couch and Connie brings her tissues, water, and big blanket.

Addie: I can't believe he'd do that to you. To you!

Connie: His type comes into the bar all the time. He realizes a woman is too good for him and not isn't going to bend to his pathetic flirting attempts, and he defaults to BUYING the attention he wants.

Addie: That's pathetic! Ugh.

Connie: those ladies are going to be gargling mouthwash for ions.

Bess, you are a KNOCKOUT. If you were actually 'boring' or 'unattractive', he wouldn't have tried to take you to dinner first before dragging his loser ass to a strip club.

In the meantime, they all stay by her. They let her cry, hold her, reassure her. When she's ready, they even draw her a nice bath with her favorite rose bath salts. They treat her how she deserves to be treated.

[bardoftheshire]

Heres a little year old pilot chapter from my wattpad to give some writing content while I finish some of the other stuff. It has a few chapters done as well so I'll post those after too.

Obsessed With You

Riddler 2022 x Cop! Reader

Summary; The reader is a GCPD officer who became infatuated with Edward after getting assigned to investigate and try to find out who the riddler was.

Notes; Really short, the reader is gender neutral though so anyone can read it.

Warnings; None really, unless you're gonna be bothered by the fact that the reader is a cop and other cops are mentioned.

Next chapter>

I watched him from my window sitting in that little diner, having a cup of coffee and a slice of pumpkin pie. Oh how I wanted to approach him and talk to him, only if it was a simple hello, or just eye contact. I just wanted him to acknowledge my existence. To know who I was.

I only knew who he was under the mask due to the fact that I had watched him in his own apartment, I was desperate to know what he looked like. He really didn't look like the type of person to be the Riddler.

Dirty blonde hair, clear frame glasses, round face and green eyes. To any normal person, he looked like another ordinary person trying to make it through life in Gotham.

I worked with the GCPD and after the Mayor's and Commissioner's murder and was told to try and look for him. But after my Co-workers had seen how deeply I was looking into this guy, they told me to put the case aside and have a break because I had gotten little to no sleep. But I didn't want to take a break. Everyone was telling me I was getting obsessive about the case, it's not like that though. I'm only doing my job, right

If I were doing my job I would've already turned him in. I didn't want to turn him in though. I wanted to keep watching him.

Maybe I had become somewhat obsessed but whats so wrong about that?

"Fuck it." I say to no one in particular other than myself. Why not? Your only going there to talk, get a name, and then do a little more research for GCPD. You knew that wouldn't be the case but you didn't care. Why should you?

You walk into the almost empty diner, only two other people apart from him are in there. You take a seat two seats way from him and place the book that was in your hands on the table and begin reading while you wait for someone to take your order. He didn't seem to acknowledge you, he seemed focused on something else. He was writing paragraphs into a small journal.

"Hello, what can I get'cha?" The waitress asks.

"Oh um, just a black coffee and slice of pumpkin pie please." You see the waitress scribble in the little notepad.

"Oh yeah, also the coffee is free for you." she says walking away. 'Free coffee? Why?' I think to myself.

"Cops get free coffee if your wondering. Have you never gone to a Cafe and gotten free coffee?" A voice says. You turn your head to see that the one who spoke to you, was in fact him.

"Pardon?" You say, confusion laced in your voice.

"You are with GCPD right? I mean unless you stole that jacket from someone." He says, touching your jacket.

You look down to see where his finger was and it indeed was where the patch that had the letters GCPD on it is. 'Shit...', You had apparently forgotten to take your jacket off before leaving.

"O-oh. Uh, sorry that's quite embarrassing. I guess I forgot to take it off after shift." You say with a small chuckle, trying to hide your embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it, tends to happen to someone when they're tired. Speaking of which, you look as if you haven't slept in a few days. Case got you staying up?" He asks, going back to writing inside his notebook.

"Oh yeah definitely. That riddler guy is making me overwork myself, I haven't been getting much sleep at all." I say.

"Oh, I know how that feels. I used to work in forensics so I know just how hard some cases can be. You see things that'll keep you up for days sometimes." He says.

After that small conversation, he finished up what he was doing and left. You were there because you wanted to approach and talk to him, so after he left, you had nothing else to do so you finished up what you ordered, paid, and left the diner.

Once you arrived at your apartment you thought about the conversation you had with Edward and smiled to yourself, excited over the fact that he noticed and even talked to you.

'He's mine, he just doesn't know it yet...'

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Did I forget to mention the fact that this is really bad? Yeah kinda, but this is basically me filling in the large writing gap that will happen until I'm able to finish one of the requests.