#i don’t have anything against gay/queer eddie headcanons

[bi-chimneyy]

i’m not saying repressing the gay isn’t a thing, it absolutely is, but you guys know that you don’t have to be gay to be repressed, right?

[nblesbianbenhanscom]

Will you get mad at me if I ask you to answer ALL of the fanfic Day questions because I just really enjoy your writing and I want to know everything I can. ♡.♡

OMGosh Lock, lol. Nah, I’ll answer them all. Lol.

It got long, surprise surprise, so I put it all under the cut.

What is your favorite fic you have under your belt?

I mean, the all time favorite one I’ve written is It Was Only a Kiss from my Teen Wolf days because of all the emotional hurt/comfort. 

For It, I think, other than Death Is Just So Full, it has to be I Want to Hold Your Hand. It’s a preslash reddie fic that’s just so fucking soft.

What is your favorite snippet of dialogue?

I... Have such a hard time remembering what I wrote once it’s up. Lol. I’m looking over my fics rn like..? I wrote this?

The only thing that’s coming to mind is from my unfinished steddie fic, Leaning Out for Love-

It will be a cold day in hell before I fuck someone in a public bathroom, Eddie told the voice.

What inspired Fresh Raviolis?

You! Lol. Um. If I’m not mistaken, I think that was another @dysregulardyke​ helped fic. I was going to try and write some angst, and it was like. I don’t wanna write angst. I also think I just really liked the idea of Stan being the needy one. Usually it’s the other two, but like Stan always seems so solid, or at least the way I write/interpret him.

Do you prefer writing long or short fics?

So. Dijsf is actually the longest fic I’ve finished. When Leaning Out for Love is done, it will probably be longer. Historically, I have written much shorter fics, the longest coming in around 40k. It just depends on my mood. I’ve been writing a lot of short fics/drabbles lately because I don’t have the emotional energy for the bigger ones and I get bored easily. I do need to get back to that steddie though. It’s so good.

What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

I’m just gonna say it. It’s. It’s unpopular. I’ve been avoiding saying it out loud to anyone but Lou. I’ve vague posted about it A LOT, but like. It is a common theme in my writing...

Richie’s parents don’t like him. They don’t get him, they think he’s weird and a freak. They don’t like that he’s queer. They just want him to be Normal.

Do I appreciate fics where Richie’s parents are loving and caring and so forth? Yes. I’ve read lots of drabbles and short fics where Went and Maggie are great parents, love him, and support him, but like. That’s not what I saw. That’s not how I took it.

Richie’s parents aren’t in the movies/miniseries. We have absolutely no idea what they are like. In the book, from what I remember, they have zero idea as to how to handle him. I know, I know that just because a parent doesn’t know how to handle their kid doesn’t mean they don’t like him, but. *shrug*

I don’t know if it’s even a favorite headcanon, it’s just one that seems to come up a lot.

What’s the detail you wait on bated breath for readers to notice?

The stuff I want people to notice is almost always stuff my first readers don’t get, so it usually gets cut. Like in dijsf, I had a part where Richie was going over stuff in his head and was like “A happened, and 2 was wrong, and c none of the above,” type something and both Lou and my other friend were like THIS MUST BE CORRECTED, and I did a sad.

How much do you like symbolism in your fics?

I don’t? I am a chaotic writer. I do not use outlines. I just write. The closest I come to outlines is making a calendar but that’s filled in as I go so I can have some idea when things happened.

How often do people catch onto your little details?

I honestly have no idea? No one mentions anything. I think sometimes I ask Lou about stuff, but like my brain is so not remembering shit right now about little details that I may have wanted people to notice.

What’s the fic you like the least?

... My most popular It fic Not Gonna Lose Me. Like I have no idea why. It’s good, it’s really good. But... I don’t like it. I almost didn’t even publish it, but both Lou and my other friend were like, it’s a solid fic, so... ??? I have no idea.

What would you change if you had it all to do again?

... i killed stan in dijsf and i felt so guilty about it i started writing Leaning Out for Love.

Like, my friend was over halfway done editing when I was like, I should- I should rewrite this. I should rewrite this so Stan lives, because I love Stan and he deserves to live.

Lou had to tell me very firmly that the fic would not have been the same if I kept Stan alive, and let me tell you, Leaning Out for Love is SOOOOOO different. It’s like literal polar opposite.

What’s a fanfic idea you haven’t done yet?

Any of the Losers as trans, nonbinary, asexual, or aromantic. There’s... thoughts that swirl around, but I hesitate. I wrote a lot of stuff like that in my Teen Wolf days, and they were good and I know helped people, but like. I don’t know. I don’t know why I can’t quite do that here. I probably will someday though.

What’s the hardest thing to write for you?

Describing what things/people look like. I have no ideas. Also sex positions?? And often emotions.

Do you have a favorite character to write for?

Eddie. Eddie spaghetti. I love Eddie so much. He’s fucking everything. Stan and Richie are close seconds though.

What’s your favorite shipping fic you’ve written? Favorite gen fic?

If we focus on It and push dijsf aside, my favorite shipping fic is probably my streddie fic We Won’t Settle for Less. The proposal scene is just... pure delight, lol. My favorite gen fic is I Want to Hold Your Hand. It’s just... So Good. So pure. Like. Just Richie and Eddie going on their first (not) date when they both only kind of know it’s a date? I don’t know. It just warm fuzzies.

Give us a snippet of something from your WiPs!

Have something from Leaning Out for Love-

Eddie smiled a little as he leaned up against a tree. He bit his lip as he looked around. He still couldn’t believe how much had and hadn’t changed in the Barrens. Stan leaned close to Eddie but didn’t touch him. Eddie grabbed his sleeve to pull him close, but Stan pulled away, shaking his head.

“No, talk to me,” Stan said.

Eddie shrugged a little. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Clearly.”

“What? What do you want me to say? That I’m fucking terrified that I’m a disappointment? That I’m scared that you don’t actually like me? That I’ll never be good enough for this? For- For-” Eddie yelled, his voice raising with each word. He wrapped his arms around himself as he stared down at his feet. Stan didn’t say anything, just stood there watching him. “For you,” he whispered. He took a deep breath and chanced a look up at Stan who was just watching him, clearly lost for words. “Well are you going to say something?” Eddie snapped despite himself.

Stan opened his mouth and closed it. He started to reach for Eddie but stopped.

“Eddie, you’re- You don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself,” Stan said. “You’re one of the best people I know.”

Eddie huffed. “Yeah, I’m really fucking great.” He shook his head. “I live with my fucking- with fucking Sonia. I don’t even have a fucking job or savings! I’m a twenty-four year old gay man who’s most serious relationship was with a woman just like my mom!” He laughed again. “Real fucking catch.” Breathing hard, he looked down at his feet again.

“Hey!” Stan growled. He grabbed Eddie’s face roughly, his fingers digging into Eddie’s cheeks so Eddie would look up at him. “You are great. You are a catch. You are so fucking caring, and sweet, and hot. And strong.” Eddie tried to pull away, but Stan shifted, pushing him back. “You’re so fucking strong. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Yeah, life sucks right now. I get it. Mine does too. But it’s not going to suck forever.” A tear trickled down Eddie’s cheek. “It’s not going to suck forever.”

Eddie sucked in a deep breath. “I just- I don’t even know what I’m really doing here.”

“You’re doing your best,” Stan said gently. “And your best is good enough.” Eddie sighed, all the fight leaving his body, and he brought his hands up to Stan’s wrists.

[kaspmatic]

How would you say you relate to Eddie?

BIG FUCKING OOF –ok, I hope you guys are ready to go on a wild ride with me down memory lanehere. there is quite a bit that I can cover on how I relate to Eddie – soplease bear with me and if you read this then; kudos, brownie points, goldstars, all of that shit to you. I’m going to put my actual answer under a read morebecause I know this is going to get lengthy. And honestly, probably a littlepatchy and I might jump around a bit so I won’t force this shit on anyone whowon’t intentionally click that read more for the deets. LOL.

OVERBEARINGFAMILY - REPRESSED HOMOSEXUALITY

To lay a little backgroundon everyone, I grew up NOT knowing my biological father. I lost himat a young age and spent a lot of my younger years growing up with a singlemother – my mom worked in a hospital, so every little thing that happenedbecame a giant issue; I had a cough? go to the doctors. I was always cold? goto the doctors. I sneezed funny? go to the doctors. (I think you guys get mydrift with where I’m going here). as a child I spent a lot of time in and out of thehospital because of this, now I’m not saying my mom has Munchausen Syndrome byany means, she definitely didn’t force diseases onto me. I justrelate and understand that pain of always having to go to the hospitalfor the most trivial of concepts. As a child, however, I did spend quite a fewyears toting around an inhaler that I didn’t even fucking need. Call it a baddiagnosis or whatever you will – but it was still something that I had todo that I didn’t even need.

Not having my dad aroundlead for a lot of weird and one-sided views in my mind throughout my youngeryears of life – for a long time I had only the woman’s point of view onevery aspect (at least until my mom remarried years later - I was in myteens by that time).

To continue talking aboutmy overbearing mom – she still tries to be to this way alongsideher husband to this very day (hi, I’m fucking 32 years old here – just tothrow out my Grandma age on tumblr so you aren’t shocked in a paragraph or two).Everything has to be done a certain way or its wrong – they thrive on avery myway or the highway look of things, and this has been something that Ihave constantly had to push back against in more recent years - because I havefound love and support from those who are willing to tell me that its fuckingOK to not be the person your parents want you to be.

Like Eddie, I’ve lost partsof myself throughout life appeasing my family with moldingmyself to fit what they thought I should be - what I needed to be. The biggestissue being homosexuality. I grew up with a Catholic Grandmother who wouldat anychance and drop of a hat find any reason to bitch about the gaysin the most hate speech and closed minded filled way I have everheard in my entire existence. I grew up believing that I couldn’t come out –that I couldn’t truly be who I wanted to be because my family wouldn’t be onboard and I was terrified that they wouldn’t understand or support me and Ibelieved wholeheartedly that if I DID comeout, that I would lose each and every family member that I had becausemy Grandma and other members of my family have very strict views on it - andneed I repeat, are overwhelming overbearing and controlling. When I was firststruggling with the idea that I was part of the queer community, oddly enough,I was 13. By this point in time I was used to listening to my Grandma bitchabout the LGBT+ community for years. I remember one instancedirectly with my mom; we were on a vacation and I remember asking my mom what shethought of the LGBT+ community and she told me flat out that I wasn’t allowedto be Gay.

That right there told me everythingthat my young mind needed to hear. That no matter who I was as a person, that myfamily wouldn’t support me – even over something so simple as lovingsomeone of the same sex. I spent the next 17 years hiding who I was, just toappease the ideals that I thought I had to adhere to. I dated strictlyboys and it landed me in unhappy relationship after unhappy relationship– ultimately my last relationship with a CIS male was a completelycontrolling and abusive one. One where they wanted to control everyaspect of my life - much like how Myra does to Eddie once he’s given in andfallen to Sonia’s whims and has told himself that he has to take the easy wayout. I was miserable in the relationship and everything had to beapproved of by him. It was some of the darkest times in my life but thatrelationship was one that defined me and really made me realize just how unhappyof a life I was leading just by appeasing those around me.

Granted, my repression andcloseted sexuality doesn’t end there. I got out of that relationship when I was22 and spent years recovering from the sheer amount of abuse I was taking fromhim – all the while I was still so tightly wound into the clutches of myparents. I traded off from one controlling household, to a new controllinghousehold, and back to the one in which molded me.

I spent the next 8 yearsgoing through a lot – all the while I was being medicated on anything andeverything under the sun just to right me as a person – because obviouslythat’s the answer here. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals due tobad reactions to medications, medications not mixing well, just generallytrying to get myself back to WHO I was. I was just a shell of myself duringthese years, I was in college and struggling even more so with myself and mysexuality as a free bird – so to speak. I tried dating around and nevertold my family when I was with a woman because I didn’t know how. I didn’t knowhow to tell a family so openly against it that’s who I waswith. So, I continued to lie and appease and struggle.

The entirety of my closetedyears – those 17 years – I struggled with every sexual thought Ihad toward a woman. I hated myself. Told myself I was wrong and that it wasn’twhat I was supposed to do. It took me a long time and some reallyfucked up situations to really start to love myself for me. To understand thatno matter what – whether my family love me or accept me – that I am who Iam and NO ONE can fucking changethat.

Granted this story at thevery least has a happy ending, unlike Eddie’s, I met Ari and finally came outat 30 – much to part of my family’s dislike – but my parents wereaccepting and my Mom ultimately didn’t even fucking remember the trauma she hadinduced when I was young. BUT I DIGRESS….

 EMOTIONS - DEALING WITHEMOTIONS

Eddie and I both similarlyshow our emotions – and it’s not always in the best light. I struggle withsomething called Emotional Overwhelm which I actually have a headcanon for I’vebeen meaning to write up for Eddie for fucking weeks since I went and saw ITChapter 2’s early release. It’s something that I recognized in Eddie and reallystruggle dealing with in day to day life. Emotional Overwhelm is an instancewhere things kind of pile the fuck up – everything,even if it’s something small, can feel like a deep wound. People whostruggle with emotional overwhelm feel things differently than normal – anoffhanded comment that could make one person laugh and blow it off will feellike a stab to the heart and a betrayal to someone who deals with it. Strugglingwith this kind of an emotional issue causes me to lash out at unnecessary timesand can be rather debilitating in relationships if your friends, family, oryour partners don’t understand it. It’s worse when you feel a sense of being “gangedup on” (at least for me) so during times of joking around I can easily lash outand take a simple joke as a complete attack.

My chest constricts – mybody will not allow me to breathe easily and if I don’t force it – and ithurts deeper than it should. My anxiety runs high during these times and that panicsets in deep. I can’t fathom emotions if there are too many in place, my mindwill refuse to address them so they pile up. During this time, my mind will fogand I can’t even process anything being said – for instance; if I’m in asituation where issues are being listed off to me and I start to hit thatemotional overwhelm peak – my mind is still focused on exhibit A while theperson is already listing exhibit E. My mind will not allow me to process situationslike this as a WHOLE not in a rapid-firesuccession. The buildup can be excruciating and takes a toll on my body that itall will spill out in a sassy, feisty, and – for the lack of a better word – kindof a shitty outburst. 

Having these outbursts stemfrom growing up in a household where I wasn’t appropriately taughthow to handle my emotions. My family were not people who would discuss emotionsor situations where my emotions got “out of control” – it was always a “stophaving emotions” type argument. I was gaslighted, manipulated, and bullied intothinking any and all emotions were bad. Plain and simple. I wasn’t allowed tocompose my emotions into words as this was not a thing that would everhappen with my family.

Much like Eddie, I tend tohave my emotions out there regardless of what I was taught – regardless ofbeing able to recognize those emotions I hate talking about them. It’s a viciouscycle. Discussing my emotions brings out my emotional overwhelm and it’s justan all-around messy situation at that. So, I try my best to hide my emotions– I clench my jaw, I go silent, I refuse to talk about it, I completelyshut down – I’m stubborn. It takes someone remarkably special and someone Itrust completely for me to really level with them – to be raw and showevery little bit of emotion that I have. Someone who is tolerable of it andunderstands what I’m going through, how I process my emotions… So needless to say,I have only ONE person who I feel comfortable with being this raw andvulnerable towards given my home life. So, a lot of the time my emotions– if every questioned by anyone will mostly be met with anger, because itwas the one emotion I was used to receiving growing up. It’s easier to lash outthan it is to make yourself vulnerable.

When I’m not having a terriblytraumatizing day and my emotional overwhelm hasn’t taken over, I tend to hide myemotions behind my sass. If I magically have a day where I’m notcompletely losing it and on an emotional overload type of day, my hurt showsthrough real quick sass and sometimes it’s not always tasteful. My brainto filter usually shuts off when I’m hurt and I feel like I’m being come for.

 UNDIAGNOSEDADHD - MENTAL HEALTH

Ok, this is another headcanonsituation I want to write up – mostly because of instances between Chapter 1 andChapter 2 that I picked up on. But I’m a firm believer that Eddie has undiagnosedADHD – take for instance the entire scene where they’re first introduced to TheClubhouse. Eddie’s reaction and the way he bounces from subject to subject withhalf sentences, his reaction to the paddle ball with Stan, his rapid fire nearlystumbling speech. I wholeheartedly believe that Sonia wasn’t concerned in theleast about mental health issues, only concerned for issues that would harmEddie physically and more in the realm of physical health issues.

Much like this, my Mom wasadamant that I didn’t have ADHD and refused to have me tested by any means. Istruggle with half sentences where my mind will be moving faster than my mouthor fingers – I notice this more when I’m typing, whether it be having adiscussion on discord or responding to replies. I don’t know how many times Ihave gone back to proof read and somehow, I’m missing portions of sentences andeverything is nearly a half thought. My mind processes things too quickly andone moment I’ll have my attention in one place and within a second something elsewill catch my attention. It’s always fast and catches nearly everyone around meoff guard that don’t really understand what’s going on.

To kind of wrap this backaround to my abusive situation and the lack of HELP in the metal health realm where the Mom’s are concerned. WhileI was dealing with these issues I dealt with a lot of mental health ailments(ptsd, manic depression, insomnia, and major anxiety/panic attacks to name afew.) these were all situations that required a lot of help through doctor’s,psychiatrists – you name it. But my Mom (and her husband) were always inthe realm of thought that a mental battle can be won without the use of medication– and this is honestly how I feel Sonia Kaspbrak thought and took mentalhealth issues. That they weren’t as big of an issue as say “health” issues areconcerned. That they were easily bypassed and just a “phase” that could begrown out of. Considering Sonia, who is a woman suffering with MunchausenSyndrome – mental health issues don’t get you the same attention as say asick and suffering child would with an actual sickness or disease that can beSEEN. And that is the biggest difference and I think why Eddie was nevertreated for having ADHD.

It’s seen, but it’s not onethat would necessarily bring about any sort of sympathy from others or keepEddie bound in her realm of control that she preferred to rule. 

[dear-wormwoods]

So there’s many signs and subplots pointing towards reddie and both eddie and richie being queer, we know this. BUT: when Bev sees their reflection, and eddie is standing next to richie i agree is a hint towards reddie but what about Stan? I think most people headcanon him as purely gay bc he has “feminine” tendencies that come from his ocd. I always saw him as straight bc he loved patty but at the most bi/pan. I never saw stenbrough as a thing, so why do u think his reflection is behind bill?

Honestly, I don’t have any Stan ships aside from just liking Stan/Patty in canon, so I don’t think about his sexuality much. I don’t personally like interpreting him as completely gay, because I feel that erases the really genuinely loving marriage he had to a woman for nearly 20 years, but aside from that, I haven’t put much thought into whether or not he’s completely straight, either, and people are of course free to do what they’d like. 

As for Stenbrough, I don’t have anything against it… it’s just not a ship I have any kind of strong opinion about either way. So to me, Stan standing behind Bill doesn’t really hold meaning beyond like… maybe Stan’s death holds the most emotional weight for Bill, since he feels responsible for all of this happened in the first place. But it’s not unreasonable for Stenbrough shippers to find more meaning in it than that, since the scene is also used as Reddie and Benverly evidence.