#i don’t care if she would trade me for one lick of peanut butter. i would sell my soul for her.

[indigostars]

pounding my fist on the floor and making high-pitched noises because i just love my dog so much

[lillywillow]

Papa Bird

Summary: When Sam’s oldest daughter is chosen to represent her dojo in a state-wide taekwondo championship for her age group, she requests that her mother take her to the fight, leaving Sam home to take care of his youngest daughter

 Word Count:1871

 Square Filled: Next Generation Fic

 Pairings: Sam Wilson x Female Reader

 Warnings: Fluff, breaking objects, protective/ proud father

Written for @star-spangled-bingo

That morning, Sam was busy helping his wife prepare their daughter for her upcoming tournament. He was kind of sulking that Darlene wouldn’t let him come with her.

 “Remind me why I can’t go again...”

 “Daddy, I love you but sometimes you can be a little bit... extra. Remember when I won the finals?”

 “Can’t a father be proud of his daughter?”

 “You can be proud but you celebrated so loud, they had to escort you out the dojo... Oh! And remember when I lost that spelling bee final? You threatened to beat up the judge...”

 “Hey, you and I both know they were cheating,” he countered.

 “Daddy...”

 “Sam, you know your daughter has a point. Besides, it’ll give you a chance to spend some time with Amelia,” Y/N stated, pointing to the small girl who was happily enjoying her Cheerios. Sam smiled and kissed her head.

 “You wanna hang out with daddy today, kiddo?” Amelia nodded and offered him some of her Cheerios which he took making her give a cheeky grin.

  Sam couldn’t help but smile in return before helping Darlene get her stuff ready to go.

Once Amelia was done eating and the breakfast stuff had been cleaned up, Sam went to say goodbye to Darlene and his Y/N.

 “Say, bye, mama.”

 “Bye, mama,” Amelia cooed, opening and closing her small hand in a wave.

 “Bye, Darlene. You go out there and kick some major a-butt,” Sam caught himself before he swore in front of Amelia and after seeing the reproachful look from his wife. Darlene grinned at her father and got in the car.

 Sam watched with Amelia as they pulled out down the drive.

 “What do you want to do now, pumpkin?”

 “Red Wing?”

 “You wanna play with Red Wing? Okay, let’s go play with Red Wing...”

 A few moments later, Sam was controlling the drone while Amelia gleefully chased after it, squealing in delight. He got a little carried away and accidently knocked a vase from its perch and shattering on the floor as a quasi-violent reminder as to why he was not to use the drone inside the house. This time, Sam did let out an expletive.

 “I tell mama!”

 “No, no, no! Don’t tell your mother! Here, let’s get you a cookie. Do you want a cookie?”

 Sam ran to get a cookie for Amelia which bought him a few moments of silence as he cleaned up the broken fragments of the vase.

 “Okay, let’s go to the park instead. You wanna walk to the park?”

 “Yeah! Park!” Sam smiled at her and went to prepare her little outing bag.

...

 At the park, Sam watched Amelia run around playing and giving him a rest for a while.

 “Hey, man...” Sam looked up to see Clint standing there, coffee cup in one hand and Lucky’s leash in the other.

 “Hey, Clint. What are you doing here?”

 “Taking Lucky for a walk... and your missus wanted us to check on you,” Clint replied, getting his phone and showing Sam the group message and sitting next to him. Sam grumbled a bit.

 “She just wants to make sure you’re not driving yourself crazy... So, Darlene has a tournament today, huh?”

 “Yeah... I am so proud of that girl. She’s already got her red belt and almost up to her next...” Before Clint could respond, a shrill scream filled the air. The two heroes jumped to their feet in preparation for danger only to see Amelia tearing across the yard.

 “Doggy! Doggy, doggy, doggy!” Amelia was so excited to see Lucky.

 “Amelia, what do you say?”

 “I pat doggy? Pwease?” Amelia looked up at Clint with her big brown eyes and melting his heart.

 “Yeah, you can pat Lucky,” he smiled. Amelia threw her arms around the dog’s neck and snuggled him. Lucky licked her head in return.

 Clint let Lucky off his leash so he could go off to play with Amelia.

 “That girl’s gonna be the death of me,” Sam sighed and sat back down. Clint laughed and sat back down next to him.

 “Takes after you...”

 “I know and that’s the bit that scares me...”

 The two men continued talking and catching up when they were suddenly alerted Lucky’s frantic barking. They looked up to see Amelia had climbed up a high piece of playground equipment and was about to jump down to a lower platform. To the older and bigger kids, the jump may have not been so bad but to a child as small as Amelia, it could be disastrous.

 “Amelia! Get down from there right this instant!” Sam bellowed, getting up to stomp over to her.

 Amelia gave her father a sidewise glance before deciding she was going to make that jump anyway. Sam managed to get there in time just as her feet launched from the surface, catching her midair.

 “Again, again!” she cheered.

 “No, no more,” Sam breathed, walking back to Clint. “I think we’re going to go home for lunch. Besides, one of us needs a change of diaper.”

 “Not me! I big girl! I use potty!” Amelia stated as a matter of factly.

 “Right, just daddy then...” Clint laughed and called Lucky over to him.

 “Listen, you won’t tell her mother about that little incident, will you?”

 “Hey man, I won’t bring it up but if she asks, I’m not gonna lie,” he grinned.

 “Great thanks,” he grumbled. “Anyway, see you later.” Clint said goodbye and headed off as Sam packed up Amelia’s things.

 “Daddy mad?” Amelia asked her little lip stuck out in a pout.

 “No, daddy’s not mad. You scared daddy.”

 “I sowwy.”

 “It’s okay, baby girl. What do you want for lunch?”

 “PB ‘n J sammich?”

 “A peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I think that can be arranged.”

...

 After lunch, Sam put Amelia down for a nap which gave him the chance to complete a few chores without being interrupted by an enthusiastic three year old. He never thought he’d be suited to the quiet domestic lifestyle but he settled into it reasonable well. One thing Sam could never say was that it was dull. His daughters always kept him on his toes. When Darlene was Amelia’s age, she was just as mischievous and spirited. Sam wouldn’t trade his girls for the world.

 An hour had passed by the time Amelia woke up from her nap and wandered out into the living room and by now, Sam was watching some trashy day time TV.

 “Hey, Milly. Did you have a good sleep?” Amelia nodded, climbing up onto his lap and cuddling close to her father’s chest.

 “Daddy, I hungwy.”

 “You’re hungry? Let’s see what we can do about that. You want some... frog’s legs and wine? No? I thought all kids liked that stuff. How about some coffee and caviar? Not that either? What about...” Sam continued listing ridiculous food/ drink combinations that he knew a child wouldn’t eat as he made his way to the kitchen with her.

 “Cheese! I want cheese!” she blurted out before he could get out the next combo.

 “Oh, you want cheese... Should have guessed, huh? Let’s see if we have some,” he said, going to the pantry.

 “Hmm... well, it doesn’t look like we have any. Guess you’ll have to have broccoli and green tea after all.”

 “Daddy,” Amelia whined, pointing to the big bag of string cheese, her face visibly pained.

 “Look at that. We do have some after all. Guess you’ll want a juice box with that?” Sam laughed at the eager way she nodded her head.

 Once Amelia had finished her snack, Sam went back into the living room and changed the channel to the one that was locally streaming the tournament. Darlene’s division wasn’t yet up but it was coming soon. As he watched, Amelia got up and wobbled in front of the TV, ‘punching’ and ‘kicking’ like the big kids. Sam smiled and took a video of it to send to his family and friends later. He was sure that they were getting a little annoyed with the amount he could send in one day but he didn’t care. Sam loved each and every one of his girls’ achievements no matter how big or small.

 Finally, Darlene’s age group was up. Sam watched as she stepped up to the mat. From his seat at home, he was cheering her on as if he was there. Amelia cheered too, not entirely sure why but daddy was happy so it had to be good.

 Round after round Darlene won until it got to the last round. Darlene’s opponent was a girl much taller and bigger than her. Sam was on the edge of his seat as the match commenced. The girl was good but Darlene was better. It lasted a little longer than the others but in the end, Darlene won. Sam jumped up with a loud cheer.

 “Yes! She won! Darlene won!”

 “Yay!” Sam picked up Amelia and spun around with her. “Sissy won!”

 Sam felt his eyes tear up a bit as pride swelled in his chest. He quickly wiped them away and continued celebrating with Amelia. Sam couldn’t wait for Darlene to come home.

...

 Later that night, Sam had just given Amelia her bath and was putting her to bed when he heard the sounds of the front door.

 “I think mama and your big sister are finally home,” he smiled.

 “Yay!” Amelia ran to meet them, her little legs going as fast as they possibly carry her.

 Darlene scooped her up as soon she got close enough.

 “Hey there, baby sis!”

 “Sissy! Sissy! I saw’d you won! Watch me! Watch me!” Darlene put Amelia back on the ground so she could show her some of the ‘moves’ she had learned earlier in the day which included an attempt at a headstand for some reason.

 “Oh, wow! So good!”

 In the meantime, Y/N walked over to Sam, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him. Sam smiled against her lips.

 “Hey, handsome. Had a good day?” she smiled.

 “Pretty good. We went to the park this morning, came home for lunch, Amelia had her nap, then we watched Darlene kick some butt,” he grinned.

 “I see... you want to tell me why the vase in the hallway is no longer there?”

 “I would very much not like to...” Y/N could help but chuckle and shake her head. She looked over at the girls who were happily playing together.

 “We made some pretty awesome kids, Mr. Wilson,” she smiled.

 “We sure did, Mrs. Wilson,” he smiled back.

 For Sam, every day with his daughters was a new adventure as he watched them become the amazing people they were growing into. Sam loved every second of fatherhood and he couldn’t wait to see what tomorrow’s venture would bring.

[welcometophu]

Missed Fortunes: Beneath 3

Twinned Book 2: Missed Fortunes

Beneath 3

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“You got that last time,” Serina says, gesturing at Carolyn’s bowl as she slides onto the bench next to her, blocking any exit from the booth. They are tucked in the back, in the last empty space in the entire shop. Every other table and booth at Sweet Scoops has been claimed by couples, and there are more outside, eating and cuddling for warmth in the Valentine’s night chill. Carolyn isn’t sure what magic happened to get this space, but she’s grateful not to be outside as well.

“That’s what Carolyn likes for ice cream,” Cass says dryly, taking the other bench. “We have a big bag of gummy bears in the pantry, and she and Heather are the only ones who eat them. Carolyn puts them in ice cream. I’ve seen Heather drown them in vodka. I think once they put the ice cream in the vodka with the gummy bears.”

“We made a vodka caramel sauce for the ice cream, then added the gummy bears on top,” Carolyn admits. “It was actually really good. And I like vanilla ice cream like this. Did you get something complicated again?” She leans closer to Serina, peering at her bowl; she can’t see the ice cream under the fruit.

“Mixed berries and hot fudge on top of double fudge chocolate and double peanut butter swirl ice creams, and my cinnamon whipped cream’s on the side like a dip,” Serina says. She dips her finger in the whipped cream, holds it out to Carolyn. “Try this. It’s better than plain whip.”

Carolyn stares uncertainly at her finger.

“Go on,” Serina says, wiggling the tip.

Cass coughs. When Carolyn looks at her, Cass waves her spoon. “Chocolate with bananas and cacao nibs for me,” she says. She gestures at where Serina’s finger still waits. “Aren’t you going to try it? Now I’m wondering if it lives up to the hype.”

Carolyn nods and Serina reaches out as Carolyn opens her mouth. The spice of the cinnamon explodes on her tongue, backed by vanilla and cream. She licks it from Serina’s finger, savors it as Serina withdraws, her cheeks warm and flushed. It leaves Carolyn’s tongue tingling. “It’s good,” she says, even though that doesn’t seem like enough.

“It’s the best,” Serina corrects her softly, licking the last bits of cream from her fingertip before she picks up her spoon and digging in.

Cass coughs. “Sorry. Something in my throat.”

“You’ve had a rough night,” Serina says, smiling down at her ice cream.

“And you think ice cream’s going to make everything better.” Cass pokes at her own, laughs dryly. “You sound like my sister.”

“You have a sister?” Serina asks.

A flicker of something crosses Cass’s expression, as if she didn’t mean to say that. “One sibling, and she’s older,” she says, tone curt.

She means to shut the conversation down. Carolyn’s fairly certain Serina won’t let that happen.

“How much older?” Serina asks. “I’m the oldest in my family. I have two younger sisters; one’s a freshman in high school right now, and the other just started middle school.”

Cass lowers her spoon, stares at Serina, who just keeps eating. “Older,” she says slowly. Softly. “Her name’s Minerva—yes, our parents like mythology. She graduated from high school when I was eleven, and she went away to college and never came home again.”

“I didn’t know,” Carolyn says. It feels like a huge omission, like she should know this about her sister. Family is important. But then, Cass, as outgoing as she can seem, is hard to get to know.

“I don’t talk about her much,” Cass says. Her spoon clinks against the side of her bowl, the sound sharp in Carolyn’s ears. “I did tell Allison.” At Carolyn’s silence, Cass says slowly, “Allison Maven. My big, remember? She graduated last year.”

“You have an abandonment complex,” Serina states quietly.

Cass huffs. “I do not. I don’t care that Minerva left; I knew she wanted out of our town. I thought she’d at least come home for Christmas, but she and Dad fought through the end of high school so I wasn’t exactly surprised. She got scholarships; she could afford to leave. Whereas I’m Daddy’s little girl, and he pays for anything I want. Personally, I think I’ve got it easier than she must. I’d hate to have the kind of loans that come with this education if my parents weren’t paying for it.”

“You realize that makes you sound just as selfish as everyone thinks you are.” Carolyn meets Cass’s sharp gaze, refusing to back down.

Cass smiles slowly, thin and sharp. “I’m pragmatic, yes. I’ve chosen to trade familial stress for a lack of debt. She chose otherwise.”

“Did you ever think about trying to find her?” Serina asks. She digs into her ice cream, scooping out a big spoonful. While Cass has stopped eating, her spoon resting against the side of her bowl, sliding in slowly melting ice cream, Serina is now half done.

Nothing gets in the way of Serina and ice cream. Carolyn makes a mental note of that fact.

“Would you?” Cass props her elbows on the table, chin on her hands as she regards Serina. Her gaze is even, her mouth a careful line. “Think about it. You’re just starting middle school, and your big sister decides that she’s never coming home again. She doesn’t care that you have questions about growing up, that you want someone to lean on. She just disappears. Why should I bother caring about her? She didn’t care about me.”

Serina looks down, but Carolyn swears she whispers, “Abandonment complex” under her breath.

Silence for a moment, and Cass picks up her spoon. She digs out a bite, has it raised to her lips when Serina comments, “I’d probably still look.”

Cass drops the spoon. “Really.”

“Really.” Serina quickly eats the last two bites, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand when she finishes. She gestures at Carolyn. “Like. I don’t have a twin, and that has to be both pretty amazing and pretty frustrating at the same time. Just like having little sisters. I love them both, but oh my God, it can just be drama all the time sometimes. When I packed to leave this year, they both told me they hated me. They told me they were taking my room, that they didn’t care if I came home.” She smiles then, bright and big. “And when I got home for Christmas, they wouldn’t let go of me.”

“Are you Talented?” Cass asks abruptly.

Serina shakes her head. “No. None of my family is.”

“I am. Emergent. It complicates things,” Cass says curtly. “So don’t assume that just because your little sibling story has a fluffy, happy ending that mine would too. I don’t miss Minerva like you miss your little sisters. My life has enough pressure in it without trying to drag her back into it as well.”

Serina cocks her head, brow furrowed. Carolyn’s not sure why she seems so interested in what Cass has said, but she can see the wheels turning as Serina processes. Then Serina shakes her head, smiles as she turns to Carolyn.

“Do you have any epic twin sibling stories?” Serina gestures at her, fingers falling against Carolyn’s forearm when she settles. It’s warm, and Carolyn feels as if she’s suddenly be reconnected to the conversation, included rather than just observing.

“Kit ran away when he was seven, but I went with him,” Carolyn says easily.

Cass picks up her spoon, stirs the melted ice cream before scooping some up to eat.

Carolyn keeps speaking, tries to keep Serina’s attention on herself and give Cass a break. “He’d had a fight with our mom, I don’t remember about what, exactly, but I can guess it had something to do with his name or his clothes. There were a lot of fights until we all had words and a better understanding of who Kit was. But at that point, all I knew was he was throwing things into a backpack, and yelling that he was never coming home. And I couldn’t let him go alone, so I packed really quickly and followed him out the door.”

“Where did you go?” Serina asks.

“We made it all the way to the train station,” Carolyn says quietly. “There was a bus that stopped at the corner of our street—it went down the main street of our town, and we live down one of the twisty roads from it. So we walked down to the bus stop, and when we got on the bus, Kit paid because he was the only one who thought of bringing money. I think the driver thought we were with the woman who got on ahead of us, although we snuck off again when he stopped at the station. We were arguing with the ticket person, trying to buy our tickets, when security asked us to sit down on the bench to the side.”

She licks her lips, fingers flexing; Serina covers her fingers and squeezes lightly. Cass’s spoon clinks against her bowl.

“Kit and I sat there and held hands. Our feet didn’t hit the floor, and I felt so small, and I thought security was the same as police and we were going to be arrested. When we got bored, we started going through our backpacks to see what we’d brought. Kit had all the money from his piggybank, as well as all the money from mine. He had three t-shirts, a pair of jeans, and a second pair of sneakers. I’d been rushing, so I had a backpack full of underwear and six books to read on the way.” Carolyn smiles slightly. “And we both had our Tarot decks. He tried to give me his while we sat there, but Mom arrived and convinced him to put it back in his bag.”

“You must have gotten in trouble.” Cass drops her spoon again, dabs delicately at her mouth with a napkin. Her lips purse, and Carolyn wonders just what kinds of trouble she’s remembering.

“We didn’t. There are only the two of us, and Mom was just so grateful to have found us. We had a lot of chaos when we were little, but that’s one of the ones I really remember.” Carolyn makes a face. “What’s funny is that Kit forgot. I mentioned it to him last year, and he didn’t even remember the bus ride, or the way he got angry at me for being the one to be practical enough to remember to pack underwear. Or the way he laughed when he realized I hadn’t packed anything else.”

“My parents are really strict,” Serina says quietly. Her fingers stay atop Carolyn’s, holding on lightly, while she gestures with her other hand. “I’m supposed to do well. There are a lot of expectations, because I’m the eldest. I had to get good grades, do at least three extra-curricular activities in high school—one sport, one art, and one to prove I’m smart—and I had to help with my little sisters. They’re paying for college because they think I shouldn’t have any debt, and my dad’s working two jobs to do it. I hate that they won’t let me get loans because they think it’s their job to pay for where I want to go. I did get scholarships, but not enough to really help as much as I’d like. I’m worried that by the time my littlest sister gets to college, my parents will be bankrupt.”

“I’m angry at Minnie.” Cass’s words are sharp, blunt. They don’t match up with what Serina has said, but at the same time, they lay her just as bare as Serina did. And the name has shifted, Carolyn realizes. Cass refused to think about Minerva, but Minnie’s loss upsets her.

Serina makes a soft noise, motions with her free hand for Cass to go on, as if she hasn’t been interrupted.

“She had a boyfriend,” Cass says, her jaw tight. She stares down at the table, shoulders tense, fingers twisted together. “She got pregnant her freshman year, and my dad told her she couldn’t come home if she kept it. She never actually told me about it. I mean. I knew she and Drew were together; they’d met in high school and went to school together on purpose. Dad hated him, and hated that Minnie picked her school partly because Drew was going there. But I overheard Mom and Dad talking about them, and I pieced it together. I don’t know if Minnie tried to talk to me and Dad blocked her somehow, or if she just walked away from all of us because of what he said. I have a niece or a nephew, I think, and I’ve never seen them. Or maybe Minnie’s dead and Dad’s just been lying. But I have to be the good girl. The nice one. The one that does everything right and lives up to every family expectation, because Minnie wasn’t. And I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t love me as much as he loved her.”

“Oh.” Serina’s mouth makes a perfect oval, tongue peeking out when she licks her lips. “Oh. Cass. He loves you.”

Cass smiles tightly, makes a small huff of a sound. “No. He doesn’t. But he needs me, and I’ll take that for now.”

It leaves Carolyn with all kinds of questions. Whether Cass is so clingy with Dax because she is afraid of him leaving, or if she’s so clingy because she needs proof that Dax loves her? Whether Cass’s dad needs her because she’s different and Emergent, and whether that’s why he doesn’t treat her the same? Where Minnie is, and whether she’s safe and whole, and whether finding her would be helpful for Cass or hurtful?

“I bet if there’s any trace of Minnie online, or her boyfriend, Sera could find her.” Serina wiggles her fingers next to her temple, her other hand squeezing Carolyn’s. “If you really wanted to, that is.”

Carolyn can understand the difference between wanting to know and needing to know. And that sometimes it’s easier just to let the past stay safely in the past. Cass glances up, and for a moment she looks vulnerable, achingly so, then she blinks and the shutters slide back into place and her expression is politely blank.

“Maybe,” Cass says.

Carolyn looks down at her almost empty bowl, fishes the last remaining gummy bear free from the melted ice cream. She pops it in her mouth, then carefully cleans her fingers. “We’ve had dessert,” she announces, “and I don’t know about you, but I’m in the mood for more comfort food. Cass, order one of those big containers of mac & cheese from Gepetto’s, and I’m going to order wings from Fire and Fry. We can pick both up on the way back to the house, then eat ourself into oblivion.”

For a moment she thinks that Cass is going to resist, that she’ll walk away after momentarily laying her soul bare. Then Cass fishes out her phone and starts tapping on the screen. “Okay.”

Serina lets go of Carolyn, leaving her hand cold but free to pick up her phone. Serina starts doing something as well, waves her phone as she says, “Cannoli from Minnisale’s because we are going to need a second dessert when we’re done eating.”

Carolyn can’t argue with that, and Cass doesn’t, so she orders the wings as promised. It seems like a good kind of night to sit around with friends and gorge on comfort food until they’re finally sated.

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[unholyhelbiglinked]

For Better Or Worse | 001

CHECK OUT THE FULL STORY HERE

THE THICK boroughs of black smoke clung to the ceiling, it’s white color overwhelmed with the darkness that soon engulfed most of the room. The paneling that was so expertly handcrafted and forged was now charred with orange flames, the heat licking at the edge of every aspect this place had to offer.

The coughing seemed almost instant, rough and warm against the back of my throat as sweat began to bead against my skin. It soaked through the shirt I was wearing, wicking into the fabric and staining it like the soot that was already so strong. It was biting, it was incessant.

“Addy!” I tried to manage, taking in a gulp of smoke in the process, water pressing into my eyes as I blinked as much as I could. I had read about this, seen the instructional videos. You were supposed to stay low to the ground- keeping your elbow over your mouth to filter out some of the toxic air. The same was to be said about sneezing during flu season. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Speaking didn’t really help in my case, my knees sore as I hit the carpeted ground. The very living room that was covered in children’s toys from the latest Pixar film now smelled of burnt plastic and a campfire gone wrong. Everything used to be so pristine, so clean and sorted. Now it all crumpled under the mercy of flames.

The sweeping edge of a fluorescent light cutting across embers caught my attention. It highlighted the smoke, making it look less menacing and more like a high school girl lighting up below a cracked window. It was sinister though. Painful.

“Fire Department, call out!” A husky voice pressed against my ears. “Call Out!”

“Help,” I spoke quietly at first, the pain ripping through my throat, a wolf had its saliva coated jowls at my jugular. “Help! Over here!”

The air pooled in my lungs, it’s cooling effect clawing at my throat as the sweat that had soaked so easily through my clothes caught the downside of the breeze. It seemed to dry almost instantly, making me feel stiff. Making the deep fog that coated the high seas look thin and withered.

“Bec’s you okay?” The boy to my right spoke. I hadn’t noticed the hand that was resting lazily on my jacketed shoulder. He had his back pressed against the warning bar, his free hand strung over a bent knee. He wasn’t dressed for the weather, a tight black t-shirt hugging his frame. “You were talking in your sleep.”

“Was I?” I knew the answer already. The nightmares had a cruel effect. It was like my brain couldn’t quite forget the worst moment of my life. I usually didn’t make it to the rescue before the flames ate away at the structure of the house. The family house that I spent the first 18 years of my life in.

A brown paper bag rested between the two of us, my back close to the deck of the Poseidon. It was such a brave and daring name for something that was fished out of the bottom of the ocean. The gaping hole in the side had been patched up, but the same wasn’t to be said for the top tier of the little fishing boat. The mayor had given us an ulterior motive. We could keep running our little towing company out of the abandoned shelling factory on the water in exchange for restoring a national treasure that would put us on the map.  

There was a thick haze that shrouded the bulk of the boat. It’s rough cover breaking away enough for me to see in front of my face- but that was about it. I would usually expect a lot of calls cutting through the air. Jesse clenched his jaw and startled to unwrap the bag. It would loud compared to the silence of the sea, though Jesse didn’t seem to care. He had a goofy stare on his face, knowing enough not to question me after I woke up with such a start.  

“So did you guys get a chance to bond last night?” Jesse said plainly, trying to change the subject. It moved my heart into my throat as I lifted my head quickly, afraid to break my neck. The obvious shift in conversation enough to help me forget the memories that plagued my every waking moment.

“Game night?” I asked, knitting my eyebrows together. “It was fine. Aubrey went beast mode and destroyed the monopoly board?”

“You provoked her, I’m sure.”

“She looked like the hulk.” I adjusted my position on the deck, folding my legs underneath me. “I swallowed that little metal top hat.”

Jesse laughed loudly, it was a hearty one that echoed. I could recognize it from across the room. The two of us splitting sandwiches since kindergarten. We had always gotten each other, no problem too big for us to handle together. Aubrey had entered Jesse’s life almost a year ago. The two of us having a strained, but strong relationship. Jesse was convinced that we needed to work past non-existent tension.

“I just want you two to get along before the wedding.” He admitted, peeling plastic wrap away from the peanut butter and jelly he had half-heartedly made this morning. He tore through the wonder bread, it’s white exterior cracking under his touch as he passed off half to me.

“We do get along,” I stated, sinking my teeth into the sandwich “I promise you, there is nothing to worry about. The two of us are fine. Great actually.”

From the beginning, I had a feeling that Aubrey wasn’t too fond of me, but it had never really taken a backseat until Jesse got down on one knee and produced a ring that was twice as much as our current salary. From then on, Aubrey didn’t really have a feeling that Jesse and I had some behind the scenes relationship going on. He was 100% committed to his girl- and for the longest time, I was committed to my family.

Now I was committed to the sea- as terrible as it sounds. It was the furthest away from any type of flames that I could get. The island, it didn’t’ have much of a beach, nothing but a few jaded rocks and a sweeping lighthouse- but it was home for me now. I often fell asleep at the offices, taking little solace in getting any rest when I was buried deep in the wood structure we called home now.

My father had left this business behind, Jesse’s own family more than reluctant to sign the contracts and move to some vacation spot with more sun and less unpredictable lightning storms. I found comfort in those too- the rain a form of water dulling one of electricity.

“I just don’t want any trouble.” He sounded out carefully, mouth full of bread. He was trying to make it sound as little as possible. “I know how you get.”

“Oh yeah?” I lifted an eyebrow dutifully “And how is that Mr. Swanson? Defensive?”

“Along those lines, yes,” He threw his arms up in exasperation. “Remember our high school graduation? You thought Mr. Weil was discriminating against your size and you kicked him in the kneecap.”

A certain heat rose to my cheeks. There was more to the story than that, he was constantly condescending, making awful comments about the girls in our class. No one would do anything because it never escalated, and the school district was small enough to have only one History teacher. They couldn’t afford to lose the old geezer. “I had nothing to lose.”

“Yeah, well I do,” Jesse chuckled, shaking his head. “I want both of my favorite girls to be okay with each other, okay? No thrown cake or bashed in body parts.”

“You have my word,” I reiterated, wiping my palm on the grease-stained jeans that I had been wearing out for the past couple of months. I tried washing them- but they would get dirtied again the next day at work. By the time the sun set, they were tattered just like my sense of accomplishment and nerves.

I held my hand out to him, the boy eyeing it like I had thrown a kitten off the starboard. “What, do you want me to spit in it, or something?”

“No, God no” He laughed loudly, placing his palm on mine as she squeezed my hand. It was a warm and kind embrace. I didn’t need this reassurance, I already knew I wouldn’t mess this up. Not for him. The only person who had ever stuck with me through it all. He loved Aubrey, and in time, I would grow to find a way to.  

The deep golden light slowly flickered off with a distant buzzing, keys heavy handed in my grasp as I finally got a chance to shut the large metal door to the shop. It creaked and groaned, just like it did every night. I tried my hardest to keep it quiet- knowing that those daring enough to live in the bottom of their boats wouldn’t take too kindly to the noise.

The spaced out overhead lights were enough to illuminate the finally fogless night- a cool breeze from the crashing waves burning my throat as I threw my bag over my shoulder. The paperwork weighted it down, but it was someone more calming than staying here in an empty warehouse resting on the water.

Part of me craved a good bottle of ale, the other knowing that I had to get across town in the next fifteen minutes to pick Addison up from her sitter. Stacie was calm headed and often would bend the rules of her at home daycare just to work with me. I owed her a lot more than I could afford to give her.

My footfalls echoed against the uneven deck, splintered wood reminding me of how clean it used to be when I was younger. The storms had weathered it down, damaging the structure but not the point where the many fishermen and vendors didn’t use it religiously.

There were a few restaurants, ones that got more local traffic than anything. The inhabitants were a mix of jet-ski rentals and old fishermen who would lounge in front of their vessels. No matter how much that was out at sea, they still missed it- craved it to the point of enjoying a few beers just camped out under the twinkle lights they had strung.

“Heading out for the night, Beca?” The gruff voice of John filled my ears. Up until a few years ago, he was a prominent man- owning more land for his own good. He was never knocked down from his pedestal, instead, he traded it all into retirement with a white and blue cooler and lawn chairs. He was always out here, admiring the stars when the night sky allowed it.  

“Yes sir,” I responded with a smile, holding up my hand in refusal when he lifted an amber colored bottle to me. On any given day I would say yes, but I didn’t have much of it in me tonight. I had pushed my time in the shop. “No thanks, I still have to pick Addy up-“

I was cut off by an ungodly scraping sound, one that was unnatural as it cut through the night air. I squinted, turning slightly towards the end of the dock. There was an inky figure slowly pulling a bag behind her. Her frame was tall, lanky at most. I couldn’t see much- the ferry that brought her in still shining its bright lights. I had never known for the ship to drop off people this late- but no one was ever intentionally trying to make it to Haven.

“Hmm,” I mumbled absently, curious as I tilted my head to try and get a better look.

The mysterious stranger suddenly lost her balance, her noisy heels getting caught in a groove of wood. A long crack made its way through the air as those very shoes snapped under the weight. I drew in a sharp breath, raising my fingers to my lips as I stifled a sound.  

“Good Lord,” John spoke softly “That girl just ate shit.”

I gave him an odd and jarring look before gathering my nerves and trotting the good distance between me and the woman. She was leaning back on her bare feet, staring down at the broken shoes as a deep crimson moved past her lacerated palms. She was wearing a tight-fitting skirt, a similar navy blazer over a half-untucked white shirt. The girl’s hair was in a messy bun- deep red locks falling into hard cobalt eyes. They reminded me of the ocean. They were angry though, like the clouds that formed right above it.  

“Are you alright?” I asked, trying to stifle a chuckle as I outstretched my hand.

“Do I look like I’m alright?” She snapped, blowing the air out of her gaze. She sniffed, trying to shake the stinging from her hands. Her voice was silky and damaged at the same time. It was alluring, in a way. She looked way too professional- even in her tattered state.

“Well no, Ma’am.” I sounded out easily “That’s why I’m offering to help you up if you’d let me.”

She let out a groan and swatted my hand away, using her suitcase to help her up instead. She let out a small huff as she attempted to straighten out her clothes. She turned a blind eye and started walking towards the end of the dock. I scratched the back of my neck apprehensively, shrugging my shoulders as I started to walk after her.

We walked in silence for a few seconds before she let out another huff that pushed through the cold air. She stopped quickly, her shoulder finding a way to my chest as I inhaled quickly, bouncing back. “Are you following me?” She griped as she whipped around.

I took a step back, holding my hands up in defense. “Uh, no. The dock only goes one way and I don’t plan on taking a long walk off a short pier.”

She lowered her shoulders a bit, not as defensive. In a way, she was scrutinizing me, trying to find something out that I’m sure I couldn’t place my finger on. I looked like a mess- my white t-shirt coated in dirt and oil. A dark red flannel was hanging lazily from my sides. One sleeve was falling down as I pushed it up towards my elbow slightly.

“Oh,” She spoke a bit softly, letting out a shaky breath before walking back towards the entrance. A large iron sign that read Willow Point its letters having been crafted from the very boat that Jesse and I were fixing up. “Do you know Aubrey Posen?”

The question took me off guard. I wasn’t even sure if this girl would allow me to follow her around like a lost puppy- even though I knew exactly where I was going. She was intimidating, enough to make goosebumps raise on my skin as I scratched lightly at my collar.

“I do, actually.” I sounded out. “She runs something borrowed right in the center of town.”

The girl let out a light grumble as the two of us walked onto the gravel, she had her broken shoes in her hands, grimacing as the pebbles dug into her feet. I didn’t say anything though, not about that. “You’re not going to take a cab, are you?”

“I was planning on it.” She turned to face me again, the color of the moon shading her face in an almost angelic way. “Why?”

“Well, the girl who runs the only cab in town is hammered at this point in the night, so… if you would let me, I can drive you.”

“You’re a stranger.”

“You’re not walking.” I stood my ground. “It’s about five miles to get back into town, and it’s about to start raining… again.”

She glanced towards the only truck in the parking lot. It was mine- the paint a rusty red- but it had a working engine and an air conditioner. The thought of riding around town during the summer with leather seats adhered to my back made me cringe.

“What kind of a town is this?” She sighed, pressing her fingers to her hairline.

“It’s Haven,” I laughed slightly “Entirely shitty, but the people aren’t so bad.”  

[hamonsurveysoverdrive]

Haberdashery

What's your name? Autumn. How old are you? 32. How are you today? Not too bad, got most of my Christmas shopping done and got to spend some time with my dad. Do you like to read? I love reading. What kind of music do you like? My tastes are all over the place. Name a song that you enjoy: Lately I've been really into Childish Gambino's cover of So Into You Got a favorite book? What is it? I have so many. The main ones are 1984 by George Orwell, the Harry Potter series, To A God Unknown by John Steinbeck, and To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Do you like summer? Yes. If not, what's your favorite season? Summer. Do you work out a lot? Haha no. Do you maintain a fit body? Clearly not. How do you feel about movies? I love movies. Name a movie that you could watch a million times: Pulp Fiction. Do you like spaghetti? Yes. What kind of pop do you like? Dr Pepper Does football interest you? Somewhat. If not, then what sports do you like? Basketball is my favorite. What sports are you actually good at? None. Have you ever done triple jump? Nope. How many piercings do you have? Just my nose and ears. How many tattoos? 10. Where you do live? Texas. Do you like where you live? I love the city and state, I do not like this apartment. Is there a movie theater in your town? There are several. Do you even go to the movies? I used to all the time. Not now, obviously. What's the last movie you saw at the theater? I don't even remember, it makes me so sad. Oh, maybe it was Parasite! At least it was a good one lol What's the last movie you saw at home? I watched The Mummy at Justin's house. Who did you see those last movies with? Both were Justin. Who do you live with? My kiddos and my father. Do you enjoy living with these people? I don't hate it. Who do you spend most of your time with? Kids, dad, Justin. Do they spend most of their time with you? Probably. Who are your good friends? Justin, Kelsi, Krystle, Needles, Carly, Kelly What kinds of flowers do you like? All kinds, but my favorites are white roses and sunflowers. Not together. Do you really think flowers smell good? Yes. Do you like to eat a lot? I do. If so, name 3 foods you eat most often: Goldfish, bread, pork. Do you watch a lot of TV? Sure. Not lately, because most of my free time is spent on school work. Name 5 TV shows you've watched recently: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Schitt's Creek, Blood of Zeus, Hot Ones (I'm counting it lol), Grey's Anatomy. Are you watching TV now? No. If not, are you listening to music? No. Do you have a cell phone? I do. Is it really yours or do you share it? It's mine... Do you use the ringtones on it or download them? My main one is one it came with. Some people have special ringtones. Are you still in school? I'm back in college. If so, what's your school's mascot? I think it's a bull? It's a community college, so the mascot doesn't really matter lol Do you enjoy your school? Mostly Do you get good grades or are you a slacker? Both lol Do you like popsicles? Meh, I have to be in the mood. If so, what's your favorite flavor? Cherry or the fudgesicles. What do you think of when you see a rainbow? I still get really excited when I see real rainbows lol How are your feelings on chicken strips? They're okay, not a favorite. Do you frequently indulge in eating them? No. Do you use bbq, ketchup, etc. or just eat them? Barbecue or caesar dressing or teriyaki. What do you eat them with? ...those things I just mentioned? Do you have a job? Not currently. Do you have your own checking account? Yes. What do you usually spend your money on? Cigarettes, clothes, food. Do you ever shop for clothes at Wal-Mart? No. Where do you shop for clothes? Mostly Target or Torrid. What would you say your style of clothing is? It varies. Do you like baggy pants or tight ones? Tight. How about baggy or tight shirts? Usually baggier. Do you wear hoodies? Yes. What about athletic shorts? Not really. Do you wear makeup? Yes. Do you have a lot of shoes? I wouldn't say a lot. What are you going to do now? Finish this survey? Is your best friend in love with someone? Justin is lol Does the feeling of Christmas time make you happy? Mostly, but also stressed lol Do you like sensitive guys? Sure. Do you wear more t-shirts or dressy shirts? T-shirts. What would it take for you to be completely miserable right now? Oh I'm always miserable lol Do you believe that there's a difference between love and lust, or is a feeling just a feeling? Of course there's a difference, that's why they're two different words with two different meanings. When you see a girl with big boobs, do you automatically think she's a slut? Wtf no. At this moment in time, do you wish you could trade places with someone else? Not especially. Maybe someone more financially stable lol Do horror movies these days scare you? I get scared pretty easily, but not as bad as I used to be Are you excited for college and being on your own? I'm excited to be back How many times have you sworn at your parents? A handful Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I lost my virginity at 15. And while I don't regret it, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would if they lost it that early. I think any younger than that is worrisome. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Probably. Exciting day out or chill day in? Depends on the day. If a guy wants to become friends with an ex, does it mean he still likes her or cares for her? Not necessarily. Do you get bad cramps? Not often. Do you like cover songs better than the orginals? Sometimes. What would you do if your youngest brother died right now? I don't have one, so. Do you believe that "evil" or "sick" people will get what they deserve eventually? Not always. Do good things happen to good people? Not always. What's something you just don't give a fuck about? A lot of things. Favorite love song at the moment? Let's Stay Together by Al Green. Would you rather it be summer or winter all year round? Neither. Best place to meet guys? I have no idea. What is the best thing that's happened in the past week? Thanksgiving, spending time with Justin. The worst? This week wasn't too bad, honestly. If your boyfriend could get you anything in the world, what would you want? A billion dollars lol When you cook a piece of toast, which side of the toaster do you put it in? I usually cook two at a time. Do you sing along to music? Sure. If so, chorus or the main singer? Both lol When was the last time you washed dishes? Yesterday. Washed a dog? When I was a kid lol What did you have for supper last night? Well, it was Thanksgiving. So, turkey, ham, brown sugar sausage, sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, a roll, broccoli cheese rice. How old were you when your parents told you the truth about Santa? They didn't tell me really, I just realized. Do you think Pepsi is better in the bottle or can? I'm not a fan of Pepsi either way. Have you ever shot an animal? Nope. What was the last song stuck in your head? I have no idea, probably something from Hamilton. It's so fucking catchy. Have you ever talked to a pinecone? ...No. What was the last thing you put on your head? A beanie. What color is your cell phone? White, but I always forget because it's in a black case. Have you ever put peanut butter on the roof of a horse’s mouth? Uh, no. How about a dog? No. What type of deodorant do you use, assuming you use one? Well, mine broke, so I stole one of my son's Degree ones lol. But I usually use Dove. Last show you watched on TV? Schitt's Creek. What is the best flavor of Jelly Bellies? Popcorn or pear. Have you ever body surfed at the beach? No. What is the strangest thing you have ever found? Uh, Idk. Have you ever said “brontosaurus blubber butt”? Why would I. Name one character from the Simpsons. Ralph. Name one character from King of the Hill. Bobby. Do you wear mirrored or regular sunglasses? Regular. What is the best candle scent? I like fresh smells, usually. Have you ever stirred up a fire ant hill? Not intentionally. Have you ever had a laughing fit in church? Yes. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Idc. Have you ever sped up a vinyl record just to hear squeaky voices? Nope. Ever fallen on a Christmas tree? No, but my sister's childhood best friend fell on ours once when we were playing Hide and Seek in the dark. Did you ever believe in the boogeyman? No. Do you have any scars on your left index finger? No. Have you ever examined one of your digits? ...I mean, I just did lol Have you ever eaten a jalapenõ pepper for money? No. When was the last time you actually wrote a letter to someone? No clue. Have you ever fallen out of a hammock by yourself? No. When was the last time you rubbed the Buddha’s belly? When my Granny was alive, probably. Does your clock make noise? When the alarm goes off. Do raisins belong in cookies? Sometimes. How do you like your meat done? Rare if it's steak. Do you buy those email chains or just delete them as soon as you see them? Delete. Which is funnier a mime pretending to be in a box or trapped in a box? Mimes aren't funny. What is the best prank you have ever pulled? No clue. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes. When was the last time you literally slapped yourself? Uh, never? Probably?

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

BANGEL WEEK - day seven: free choice ⏩ fanfiction/one-shot - ‘I’ll Never Forget’

After visiting Angel in LA, Buffy begins to have vivid dreams of an alternate life she and Angel could’ve had if he had been human. When Angel goes to Sunnydale to apologise to Buffy for his behaviour in LA, things get heated and Buffy comes to realise that her dreams might be more than just dreams.

This is supposed to be set in BTVS 4x20 and loosely based on canon of that episode. It’s a scene I always felt was missing from the series and so I wanted to bring it to life. As to be expected, this is very angsty. It is Buffy and Angel after all. 

>> I’ll Never Forget <<

Angel feeds Buffy a spoonful of ice cream and the sweet taste eludes moans from deep in her throat. 

“Mmm, this is a dream,” she says. “You’re human for like a minute and already there is cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge.“

“God, I love food,” Angel beams. 

“Food is good,” Buffy agrees before feeding Angel some chocolate and leaning in for a kiss. 

"Why didn’t you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?” Angel asks.

The two lean back onto the bed beside each other.

“Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn’t really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know? By the way, I’m over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart." 

Angel replies with a smile, "Too much." 

They kiss and some ice cream drips from the spoon onto his bare chest. 

"Okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired." 

"Wrong. It’s just right,” Buffy replies leaning down and licking the ice cream off his chest. 

Angel chuckles light heartedly and wraps his arms about her body pulling her in close and kissing her again, their giggles of joy mingling. 

Buffy jolts awake, a cold sweat covering her body and her breathing jagged. She’s overwhelmed with emotion, thoughts of Angel filling up every space inside her body. When she looks to her side and sees an empty space in her bed, she realises that it was just a dream and the reality of that brings with it a blunt pain that bears down on her chest making it hard to breathe. 

She sobs, her entire body wracked with the pain of a love that can never be. No matter how much time passes, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. Angel is the love of her life and she knows he will always be a part of her, but she hoped that with enough time she would stop being consumed with the heartbreak and regret at not being with him. It appears that’s not going to happen. 

Dreams of Angel have become a part of her nightly routine since her visit to LA a few days ago. Seeing Angel again seems to have opened the flood gates and her every waking minute she is haunted by the dreams she has of him, that are so perfect and tragic one could imagine them having been ripped straight from a book of fairy tales. 

She’s had many dreams of Angel over the years, but none quite like these ones. They’re so vivid, so real and they seem to all follow the same plot - Angel is human, she is with him and they’re beyond happy. 

In many ways the dreams are nightmares since they are nothing but a harsh and cruel reminder that Buffy will never have the same chance to build a life with the man she loves that all other normal people do. 

Part of her wishes she could forget Angel, the pain he’s caused her and the love she has for him. She wishes that she could forget all of it, but at the same time she would rather die than live in a world where she doesn’t know Angel. Even if they can’t be together and even if he’s devastated her more than anyone or anything else ever could, loving him has changed her life forever and she could never take that back.

When it comes to Angel, she doesn’t want to forget a minute of the time they spent together, not even a second. 

Angel’s journey to Sunnydale has felt frustratingly long, no doubt exaggerated by his brooding and inner turmoil over Buffy. He replays what he said and the way he spoke to her the other day over and over in his mind.  

“You don’t know me anymore, so don’t come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.” 

He considered calling Buffy to apologise, but he knows he has to do it face to face. She means too much for him to do anything less.

He feels shame for his lack of self control and for letting her get to him, but seeing her face to face for the first time since that day was harder than he ever imagined it would be. 

“You alone will carry the memory of this day. Can you carry that burden?”

He thought he could, but it’s eating him up from the inside. The memories of how it felt to hold Buffy in his arms, warm flesh against warm flesh, heartbeat to heartbeat, to entwine his body and soul with hers unreservedly and without fear or shame - they torment him day and night. Nothing will ever compare to the completeness, contentment and joy of that day and knowing he will never have it again makes him feel that there’s no reason to go on. For a life without love, without Buffy is meaningless to him. 

He’s not sure if he envies or pities Buffy for not remembering that day. Unlike him, she’s not haunted by the memories of what could’ve been but she will also never know just how damn amazing they could’ve been together - were together.

As he walks through the hallways of Buffy’s college and comes to a halt outside her dorm room, he questions his decision to come here. Is he not making it even harder on himself by coming here? The only way he’s survived so far is by keeping her at a distance, but he can feel his resolve weakening and if he’s being honest with himself, he didn’t come here just to apologise he wants to see Buffy. 

But even as he doubts himself, he knocks the door without a second thought because when it comes to Buffy logic and reason don’t enter the equation. He’s drawn to her and regardless of whether it’s a wise decision or not, he needs to see her.  

Buffy gets up from her desk, a puzzled frown on her face at who might be at her door. When she opens it, the face she least expected to see stares back at her causing her heart to seize beating. 

His dark intense eyes are locked on hers and she struggles to catch her breath as she swallows hard and strains her voice to say, “Hey.” 

“Hey,” Angel responds. 

She’s at a loss for words. He has scarcely left her mind all day and now here he is standing before her. She wraps her arms about herself and pinches her arm just to double check this isn’t a dream. 

“Can I– Can I come in?” Angel stammers. 

“Oh, sure,” Buffy says gesturing for him to enter. 

“Um…yeah, I’m gonna need a little more than that.” 

“Oh, sorry. You can come in.” 

Angel nods and steps over the threshold. Although there’s still more than four feet separating them, Buffy feels her body react to Angel being so near. He seems to feel it too, because it looks as though he’s struggling to breathe, despite the fact that he’s a vampire and technically doesn’t breathe. 

“So what’s up? Why did you come?” Buffy asks putting on her best poker face and attempting to hide the profound effect he has on her.

Angel clears his throat. “I, um, I couldn’t leave it how we left it in LA. I had to come and apologise for how I spoke to you.” 

“Oh.” Buffy hangs her head and nods. 

“I shouldn’t have said what I said and I shouldn’t have got mad at you. I’m so sorry.” 

Buffy shakes her head. “You were right. We’re from different worlds now and I had no right to come in and judge you for your choices.” 

“That’s still no excuse for the way I behaved.” 

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.” 

Buffy meets his eyes. “I’m sorry too.” 

Their gaze intensifies the many things left unsaid and repressed emotions between them building and building until Buffy feels she’s going to explode. 

“Is that the only reason you came?” she asks breaking the silence. 

“Um… yeah.” 

“You know, you could’ve called.” 

She says it as though she would’ve preferred if he had called, but she wouldn’t. Regardless of the tension, awkwardness and pain of seeing him that goes right down to her bones, she wouldn’t trade seeing him again for anything.

“I thought about it, but I– I wanted to see you face to face. To apologise properly.” 

Buffy nods. “Well, thank you. It– It means a lot to me that you came.” 

She walks close to where Angel stands leaning against the counter and places her hand atop his. 

Suddenly bolts of electricity flow through her body and as she looks down at hers and Angel’s hands she sees flashes from her dreams before her very eyes. 

Angel’s hand, her hand, tension, her shining blue eyes, his rich dark eyes, gazing, hands clasping each other, lips colliding, euphoria, fireworks…

Buffy rips her hand away from Angel’s and puts it to her head, overwhelmed with the intensity of the visions and emotions that go with them. She’s experienced deja vu before but this is something entirely different and inexplicable. 

Angel frowns at her with confusion. “Buffy?” 

“I–I’m sorry. I–I–I don’t know what happened,” Buffy stammers. “I just got a little woozy. I’ll be okay. I think– I just need some water.” 

“Are you sure?” Angel asks with concern. 

Buffy nods and goes over to the fridge to get a bottle of water. When she closes the fridge door, she feels her body become overwhelmed with the feeling once more. 

Buffy in Angel’s arms, their bodies slamming violently into the fridge, hands frantically grasping at each other’s skin, desperate and passionate kisses, moans of pleasure…

“What the hell is going on?” Buffy gasps aloud. 

She can taste Angel’s lips, feel his body pressed against her, his hands clutched around her frame as though it’s happening right now. She recalls how real it felt when she dreamed it, but now it feels more real than it’s ever felt before. 

“Buffy, what is it?” 

“Something– Something’s happening to me.” 

Angel swings around to face her fully. “What do you mean? What’s happening?” he asks worriedly. 

“No, you know what? Don’t pretend to care!” Buffy exclaims in a sudden fit of rage, the confusion of what’s happening coming out side wards in the form of frustration.  “You said it yourself, we’re from different worlds and me and my life aren’t your concern anymore.” 

“Buffy…”

“No! You got mad at me for coming to LA and interfering in your life so don’t come here and do the same to me.” 

“That’s not what I was doing.” 

She scoffs. “Really? Because it seems to me that’s all you ever do. You interfere in my life and then go back to pretending I don’t exist when it suits you.” 

“When? When do I do that?” 

“You came to Sunnydale without even telling me! You went behind my back, decided that I shouldn’t see you and then went back to LA and carried on with your life like it never happened!”

“We already talked about that and I explained.” 

“Yes, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not fair!” 

At this point Buffy’s anger is illogical and in part unjustified. It’s a manifestation of the ferocious tornado of thoughts and emotions inside her heart and head that she can no longer control. 

“Fair? Buffy none of this is fair!” Angel yells. “You think I don’t know how this feels? You think I like having to stay away from you? That it doesn’t kill me everyday? I would give up everything in a heartbeat to change it if I could.” 

Buffy stares up at him, panting heavily, tears brimming in her eyes. In the blink of an eye the pair have closed the few feet separating them, their bodies crashing together violently, their lips melding together as though they were made for each other. 

Angel’s lips breathe life back into her and more of the familiar visions from Buffy’s dreams bombard her, overwhelming her with sensations she never knew possible. 

The beach, Angel appearing in the sunlight and kissing her; the kitchen table; ice-cream and chocolate; falling asleep in Angel’s arms; the thump-thump-thump of his heartbeat; the bliss; the clock, tick-tock-tick-tock; I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget, I’ll never…

“…forget.”

Breathlessly Angel pulls away from Buffy’s mouth, her voice having broken the spell.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I–I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong to– I’m sorry.” 

He steps away from her, filled with self-loathing at his complete lack of restraint. 

Buffy has her eyes closed firmly shut her mind spinning as she tries to make sense of what’s just happened. When she opens them, she walks back up to Angel and looks up at him. 

The intensity in her eyes scares him and he asks, “Buffy, what’s wrong?” 

Tears are streaming down Buffy’s face, her heart pounding so hard in her chest she feels it’s going to break her ribcage in two. She takes her hand and places it lightly on Angel’s chest. 

“I felt your heartbeat.” 

Her voice is quiet but Angel hears her words clearly and stares at her wide eyed in disbelief. The words echoing in his ears and reminding him of that day.

“I remember,” Buffy says through shaky breaths. “The dreams I’ve been having…they aren’t dreams they’re memories.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You really were human,” Buffy says looking up at Angel through wide tear filled eyes. “You–you came into the light and you kissed me. You made love to me all night, held me in your arms until you fell asleep.” 

“Buffy, stop.” Angel shakes his head, unable to hear her words any more for the hurt is too much to bear. 

“Then you went to the oracles and asked them to turn you back. Why–why would you do that?” 

Angel can’t comprehend or understand how it’s possible that Buffy remembers, but knows she does from the haunted look in her eyes that matches his and the truth she’s speaking. 

“You know why.” 

Buffy shakes her head. “You gave me a minute. A minute, Angel!” Buffy screams in anger. 

“Because I knew if I gave us any longer I wouldn’t be able to go through with it,” Angel explains.

“You had no right to do that to me! You took away my memories, you erased that day as though it was nothing, you made me forget everything we did, you…” Buffy trails off unable to get out any more words than that through the sobs that taking her over. 

“It was the only way.” 

“No, no, don’t give me that crap. There’s always another way, you just didn’t try to find for one.” 

“I was saving your life.” 

“I don’t need you to save my life! I can take care of myself, I’ve always taken care of myself.” 

“You know why it couldn’t have worked. We both know.” 

“We could’ve tried! You could’ve given us a chance!” Buffy screams. 

“You think I didn’t want to? Do you think this has been easy on me? Having to live everyday remembering it all knowing you didn’t?” 

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare!” Buffy rages storming towards him. 

“It’s a burden I was supposed to carry alone and it’s a price I agreed to to make sure you were safe. To save your life.”

“And what does that mean, huh? What does my life mean without you? Did you even think about that?” 

The words have left Buffy’s mouth before she’s even had chance to think and she realises how desperate and pathetic she sounds. 

Angel shakes his head. “Your life is so much more than me.” 

Buffy sighs shakily. “You’re right, but it doesn’t feel like that. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget about you. I can’t stop missing you, I can’t stop wishing things were different and I can’t stop loving you.” 

Angel hangs his head, unable to stand knowing how much pain he causes her. He wishes he could take it all away but he can’t. 

“That’s why it was better for you to never know. What would be the point in you remembering? It was just a fantasy. One perfect day that’s nothing but a bitter reminder of what we want but can never have.” 

“Who says we can’t have it?” 

“Buffy…” Angel shakes his head begging her with a pleading stare to put an end to the torment she’s causing herself and him by being in denial. 

Buffy inhales sharply and closes her eyes, tears falling from her eyes onto her shirt as she accepts reality. 

Angel is a vampire and she’s a Slayer, and even if he’d remained human, it never would’ve worked. Angel was right. The price would’ve been her life, his or of the people they’re sworn to protect. A price neither of them can pay regardless of how much they love each other. 

“But it’s too late. I do remember. I remember everything. Everything we were, everything we could’ve been…” 

A loud sob escapes her and Angel instinctively steps towards her to comfort her. She practically collapses into his arms and he holds her head against his chest as she cries. 

“How can we do this again?” she asks through sobs. “How can we say goodbye? How can we go on knowing what we could’ve been?” 

Tears of his own well up in Angel’s eyes. “I–I don’t know.” 

Buffy sobs harder.  Angel takes Buffy’s head in his hands and tilts her face up so her eyes are on his. 

“Hey, no matter what happens I love you. I will always love you. Nothing can change that. Not ever.” 

Hearing those words from him only makes it ten times more painful to say goodbye. Buffy closes her eyes tightly, before throwing herself into him and kissing him desperately and fervidly. 

Her lips are pressed against his hard, their tongues massaging each other’s firmly and passionately and she wraps her arms around him pulling his body into hers as tightly as she can as though she is trying to drown in him. Their faces are soaked with each other’s tears and it’s a kiss neither of them want to ever end because they know when it does, they will have lost each other all over again. 

“I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget.” 

Buffy mumbles it over and over through their frenzied kisses which only grow more intense and heated as they accept that this is truly the end. 

Angel clings to her tightly just as he did that day, letting her words seep into his consciousness and he vows that he will never forget either. This very moment will remain etched in his memory and in his heart for the rest of his immortal life. 

As for Buffy, she’ll never forget either. She’ll never forget Angel; she’ll never forget how much he means to her; she’ll never forget the memories they’ve shared - the pain and the joy; she’ll never forget the perfect day of bliss they spent together that will remain always as the happiest day of her life; she’ll never forget how much she loves him and she’ll never forget that though their love is not enough to conquer all it will never die. 

It’s a love forged by the stars between two souls destined that will be connected to each other for eternity. 

It’s a forever love. 

[artificialqueens]

Favorite (Katlaska) Chapter 6 - Aliena

AN: Sorry about the long wait for this chapter, work’s been really busy lately.

Again, I can’t thank you enough for the lovely comments. I love writing this fic, and it makes me so happy that you like it.

If you’re looking for chapter 5, check the author tag instead of the story tag, because I’ve realised I tagged chapter 5 favourite instead of favorite (a result of English not being my first language, being taught to spell things the British way, and trying to use American spelling for American fandoms). But it’s all there under the aliena tag. It’s also up on AO3 now.

Just one more chapter to go after this one!

Alaska goes to Dublin. She meets up with Courtney and Willam and they rehearse all that day and the next and do their show at night, and she keeps her head in the game, because she is nothing if not professional. But once she’s back stage in the dressing room after the show, she finds herself with her phone in her hand, deaf to what’s going on around her. On Katya’s snapchat there’s a picture of Katya wearing Alaska’s scarf. Alaska stares at it for a long time, only hurriedly putting her phone away when Courtney touches her shoulder.    ”Are you okay, Alaska?” Courtney asks. ”You’re very quiet.” ”I’m fine, just tired,” she says and musters up a smile. ”You’re also a shit liar,” Willam says bluntly. ”You’ve been off all day, so something’s obviously on your mind. Alaska starts to peel off her fake nails, while she debates with herself whether she should say something or not. The thing is, she sort of wants to talk about it, but the person she’s now used to talking about important things with is Katya, who is obviously not an option. So she figures Courtney and Willam might be the second best choice. At least it’s better than to go over it in her head repeatedly. ”I think I may have done something stupid,” she says, trying to get a grip on the nail on her little finger. ”Tell us all about it,” Courtney says, slinging her arm over Alaska’s shoulders. ”You can’t find two people more well versed in the art of doing stupid things than Willam and myself”. Alaska finally uses her teeth on the nail, ripping it off with enough force to hurt. ”I kissed Katya.” The words sound so insignificant said like that. ”That doesn’t sound stupid,” Willam says. ”I’ve made out with Katya. It was awesome! She’s hot. Also, she was covered in peanut butter and jelly, which made it even better.” Courtney shakes her head. ”That video was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen in my life. And I’ve shared a dressing room with Adore.” ”That video was art,” Willam argues. ”We brought drag back to its roots, when it was filthy and edgy and covered in peanut butter.” ”Katya is hot, though,” Courtney says, ignoring Willam. ”I had this dream once, about her and Trixie double-teaming me, and all the time they were just talking to each other, like in an episode of Unnhh.” She sighs wistfully. ”It was awesome.” Willam stands up straighter. ”Say that again.” ”What?” ”The name of their show.” ”Unnhh,” Courtney repeats with a smirk, drawing out the sound, making Willam groan in response. ”You’re filthy,” Willam says, sounding impressed. ”You look so sweet, but you’re filthy.” ”This is really helpful, by the way,” Alaska says. Realizing just how attractive everyone else is finding Katya doesn’t make her feel any better.   ”Sorry,” Courtney says. She sits down in the chair next to Alaska and grabs her hands, holding them tightly in her own and looking intently into Alaska’s eyes. ”Tell us where it hurts.” Alaska pulls back her hands, annoyed. ”Forget about it. This was obviously a stupid idea.” She starts on the nails on her right hand, cursing silently when the nail on her thumb breaks off. ”Oh,” Courtney says softly. She leans back and tilts her head to the side, frowning. ”I’m sorry,” she says, sounding more sincere this time. Willam comes over to stand behind Alaska, waiting silently until Alaska looks up and their eyes meet in the mirror. ”Spill,” she says firmly, but not unkindly. Alaska exhales loudly. ”I don’t even know,” she says. ”We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Like, all the time. At first I thought she was just trying to keep me occupied and to stop me from doing something stupid. Which is ironic, considering. But I think it was just as much a way to keep her from doing something stupid. Anyway, the reason doesn’t matter, because it’s been great. She’s so smart, and so, so funny, and making her laugh is ridiculously easy, but it still feels amazing, and I don’t know why. And I haven’t slept so well in ages, even though she constantly talks in her sleep, and kicks all the time.” She knows she’s rambling but she can’t seem to stop. She tears at a nail that just won’t come off. ”And then she was leaving and I realized that I wasn’t going to see her for a couple of weeks, so I kissed her. And now I don’t know what to do, and she probably thinks…” ”And breathe,” Courtney interrupts, once again taking Alaska’s hand in hers, this time to gently remove the stubborn fake nail.   Willam stares at Alaska. ”Fuck,” she says. ”I was expecting some drunken making out back stage, well, maybe not drunken, but this is actual Love Actually shit. I mean, Detox mentioned you two were having some kind of epic romance, but I thought she was joking.” Alaska groans. ”You’re not making this better.” ”I don’t see what the problem is,” Courtney says. She releases Alaska’s hand, having carefully peeled off the remaining nails. ”Katya is amazing. And the two of you have so much in common, you’re both really smart, you have the same sense of humor, and you’ve both been through the same kind of shit. I think you’d be great together.” ”No, no, no,” Alaska says hurriedly, shaking her head. ”There is no ’together’, this is not a thing.” Willam raises her eyebrows. ”You’re having a pretty impressive breakdown over something that is not a thing.” ”And what about Katya?” Courtney asks. ”Maybe it’s a thing to her.” ”Katya doesn’t even do relationships,” Alaska says. She wishes she still had her nails on, she needs something to do with her hands. Instead she starts unpinning the extra hairpieces attached to her wig. ”And is that what you want?” Courtney is relentless.  ”A relationship?” What Alaska wants is what she already has with Katya, the way that she can make Katya scream with laughter, the way Katya keeps grabbing hold of her hand when she gets excited, the way she knows that if she feels like shit she can go to Katya, who won’t ask questions, but will distract her by telling an incredibly complicated story that’s probably not even true, but fascinating nonetheless. She wants to keep all of that.

And yes, she has to admit to herself that she wants to kiss Katya, and she wants to know how Katya’s ridiculous flexibility translates into sex, and frankly, she wants to lick every inch of Katya’s body, but not at the expense of their friendship. ”Doesn’t really matter what I want, does it?” she says, neatly avoiding the question. ”Katya doesn’t do relationships.” ”Not because she doesn’t want to. I know it’s a cliche, but perhaps she just hasn’t found the right person.” ”I don’t think I’m cut out for being the right person for anyone,” Alaska admits. Willam frowns disapprovingly. ”Don’t be an idiot. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” ”I never do it this way around, though,” Alaska says. She takes off her wig and runs her fingers through her hair, making it stand up in all directions. ”Usually I’ll meet a guy, have sex with him, and then figure out if I like him or not. I don’t know how to deal with this.” ”It’s easy,” Willam says matter-of-factly. ”You just turn up at her door and tell her you’re just a boy who likes dressing up as a woman, standing in front of another boy who likes dressing up as a woman, asking him slash her to fuck you.” ”That’s not Love Actually, though,” Courtney says. ”Sure it is, it’s the Hugh Grant one.” ”No, but that’s the one with Julia Roberts.” ”What, Pretty Woman? That’s harsh, Courtney, comparing Alaska to a prostitute.” Alaska sighs and folds her arms on the table, laying her head down on them, not even caring that she’s getting make-up all over her arms. Willam rubs her shoulders comfortingly, while continuing to argue with Courtney about romantic comedies in general. Alaska is for the moment quite content just to remain silent and let their conversation wash over her. Nothing more is said on the subject of Katya until later, when they’re ready to leave, and Alaska and Courtney are just waiting for Willam to wrap up her flirting with a particularly burly stage hand. ”I think Trixie’s a bit in love with her,” she admits quietly, which makes Courtney hum thoughtfully. ”Maybe a little,” she says. ”But if something was going to happen between Katya and Trixie it would have a long time ago.” Alaska would have preferred Courtney to say ”No, of course she isn’t, you’re imagining things.” But she guesses this is the second best thing. ”When are you seeing her again?” Courtney asks. ”New Year’s Eve. We’re doing a show together.” ”That’s perfect,” Courtney exclaims. ”Every opportunity for a New Year’s kiss.”

Her face softens when Alaska doesn’t answer.

”You’ll work it out. I have faith in the both of you.” She puts her arm around Alaska, giving her half a hug. ”And besides, you’re her favorite. Everyone knows that.” The next day Alaska takes a photo of Willam and Courtney arguing over fries, Courtney pulling the plate toward her and Willam threatening her with a bottle of ketchup. ”This is what I have to put up with now. I feel I traded down.” she types and sends it to Katya. She has to do something to restore a sense of normality between them. She puts her phone down, only to grab hold of it five seconds later to send the same message to Detox and Manila. She gets a reply hours later, just after she’s gone to bed, from Katya’s phone. It’s a picture of the three of them, pouting into the camera. ”Miss you too!” the message says. Alaska stares at the photo for three whole minutes. Then she throws her phone to the side and pulls the cover up over her head and stays like that until she finally manages to fall asleep, the room uncomfortably quiet without Katya mumbling.   New Year’s Eve comes too quickly and yet not quickly enough. She arrives at the venue, her stomach in a tight knot, not having had any contact with Katya since that photo. She’s shown to the dressing room, and stops abruptly by the door when she notices that Katya’s already there. She must have arrived shortly before, because nothing is unpacked. Katya’s sitting in a chair in front of the mirror, not in drag yet, scrolling through something on her phone, jacket hanging over the back of the chair, Alaska’s scarf still around her neck. Alaska watches her in silence for a few moments, and then she clears her throat. Katya looks up and their eyes meet in the mirror for a second, before Katya turns around and rises from the chair. ”Hi,” Alaska says, forcing a smile, even as the knot in her stomach pulls tighter. ”Hey,” Katya says. She looks as if she’s about to take a step closer, but changes her mind at the last second. Alaska suddenly hates the kiss she’s been obsessing over for the last two weeks. If it hadn’t been for that kiss, Katya would have given a Alaska a hug, which Alaska reluctantly would have accepted, and then kindly would have told Katya that she looked like shit. Katya would have hit her on the arm, just hard enough to hurt, and then they would have gossiped about the shows they’d played in the time they’d been apart, and it would have been nice and fun and normal and everything Alaska got used to. But instead they’re standing in front of each other, neither of them knowing where to look or what to say and Alaska can’t stand it. ”You look like shit,” she blurts out, when the silence gets too deafening, because it isn’t Love Actually, and she doesn’t know how to be different around Katya. But it seems to work, judging from the grin spreading on Katya’s face. ”I missed you too, cunt,” she says. She sits down again, leans back in her chair and smirks. ”It wasn’t all bad, though. Me and Detox convinced Ginger to do your part in Read U, and let me tell you, Katgingetox is the new big thing. ”Sounds like a rat poison,” Alaska says loftily, sitting down in the chair next to Katya. ”How fitting.” She grins when Katya screeches with laughter. ”I on the other hand spent time with Willam and Courtney, and well, you know what the three of us get up to in the spare time.” She regrets the words as soon as they’re out of her mouth, because that brings them on to a topic she doesn’t want to discuss. ”Not really, though,” she says with a shrug. ”William fell in love with a stage hand, it was all very touching.” ”Oh, wait, I got you something,” Katya says suddenly, and bends down to start rummaging around in her suitcase. When she turns back to Alaska there’s a red and silver colored box in her hand. She holds it out. ”Merry Christmas!” ”Thank you,” Alaska says, and maybe the slight panic she feels at not having a present for Katya in return shows on her face, because Katya hurriedly tells her it a scarf. ”Because I’m not planning on returning yours,” she says, wrapping her hand in the scarf around her neck possessively. “It’s mine now, precious.” Alaska opens the box, handing the lid over to Katya. The scarf is green, in different shades, the yarn almost shimmering in a zigzag pattern. She takes it out to unravel it, and as she does, she notices a tiny bit of red at one end, and when she looks closer, it’s a bit of red fabric, forked in two, and above it a two black buttons. ”It’s a snake!” Katya informs her helpfully. ”You know, because of the…” she trails off when Alaska remains silent. ”Oh, fuck. Is this one of those things that are funny when you do them yourself, and really fucking tasteless when someone else does?” ”No,” Alaska says quietly, shaking her head. ”No, it’s not.” She tears her eyes away from the scarf to look at Katya. ”How long did it take you to find this?” Katya shrugs, looking a bit embarrassed. ”Oh, you know, not long. It’s not as if Ginger hates my guts now for dragging her through every weird boutique in Canada.” (”Oh, that’s not all,” Ginger tells her much later. ”After we’d been in every weird boutique in Canada without result, she then proceeded to drag me to every yarn store in Toronto, until she found someone who would custom knit a fucking snake scarf.” ”Apparently the demand for snake scarves is not as high as it should be,” Katya says defensively when Alaska stares at her in disbelief. ”And I had my heart set on one.” ”You are unbelievable,” Alaska says, and kisses her deeply while Ginger gags.”) ”Well, let Ginger know I love it,” Alaska says. She wraps the scarf around her neck. It’s scratchy as hell, but she couldn’t care less. ”How do I look?” ”You are the most beautiful snake lady I’ve ever seen,” Katya says. Her hands are gripping the lid to the box so tightly it’s beginning to buckle. It’s suddenly crystal clear to Alaska that this is it now, that there is no way for them to go back to before. So they might as well go forward. ”From what I remember from the last time we saw each other,” she says carefully, ”the part after the giving of the scarf is the part where you kiss me.” ”Oh, good,” Katya breathes. ”I was hoping it was.” She drops the lid and takes Alaska’s face in her hands, kissing her gently, almost nervously. Too gently, and Alaska pulls her closer, deepening the kiss. She clutches at Katya’s shoulders, but it’s not enough and she pulls impatiently at Katya until she finally takes a hint and leaves her chair to straddle Alaska’s lap instead. Alaska wants to tell her that she’s missed her, that she can’t seem to sleep properly without her anymore, that telling jokes is never as rewarding without Katya’s screams of laughter following them. But she’s not sure exactly what they’re doing or what they are and if that would be too much. So she just keeps kissing Katya, tilting her head up to meet her, holding on to Katya’s waist, feeling the beat of Katya’s heart against her own chest. They kiss until Alaska loses track of time, only breaking apart when there’s a knock on the door, and a voice outside reminding them of their call time. ”Fuck,” Katya says. Her lips are red and swollen, and she looks slightly confused. ”We have a show.” She looks at herself in the mirror and blinks. ”And we’re not even in drag yet.” Alaska can’t help but laugh at the look of sheer terror on Katya’s face. She leans her forehead against Katya’s. ”This is going to be a shit show, isn’t it?” In the end, it probably isn’t as bad as they feared. Their make-up may not be up to the usual standard. Well, Alaska’s isn’t. The difference in Katya’s is very subtle. And while they may be distracted and slightly unsure of what they’re supposed to be doing at any given time, they make up for it by being high on adrenaline and endorphins, and the audience is eating it up, cheering wildly throughout the entire show. Alaska doesn’t think she’s ever left a venue so quickly after a show, though. They probably come off as incredibly rude, avoiding everyone who wants to talk to them, clumsily dodging hands reaching for autographs. They change clothes and remove their wigs in record time, throwing everything haphazardly into suitcases, but it still feels like half an eternity before they’re in Katya’s hotel room, and well there the familiarity of it all makes Alaska almost lightheaded with relief. She pushes Katya down on the bed, climbing on top of her. ”You are a horrible influence,” she says, looking down at her. ”I know,” Katya says, grinning unrepentantly. ”I thought you were going to make up for it, but apparently not.” Alaska pinches her side lightly, right where Katya’s shirt is riding up and there’s a strip of bare skin showing, and Katya gasps in mock horror. ”That’s how you choose to start the new year? With violence and abuse?” ”Do you have any other suggestions?” Alaska asks sweetly, caressing the skin she just pinched with her thumb. Katya lifts her hips slightly off the bed, smirking when she notices the way it makes Alaska’s breath hitch. ”They say you should start the year as you mean to go on,” she says innocently, batting her eyelashes. Alaska knows all too well what she wants to be doing for the rest of the year, and right now she can’t think of anything she’d like more that to give Katya a full and very detailed demonstration of it. So she does. When they break apart, much, much later, exhausted and covered in sweat, both breathing heavily, Katya buries her nose in the crook of Alaska’s neck and inhales deeply. ”I finally understand the big deal about New Year’s kisses now,” she says, her voice muffled. ”I have clearly been doing them wrong all this time.” Alaska giggles tiredly, already halfway to sleep. ”Happy New Year, Katya,” she mumbles. She’s asleep before she can ever hear Katya’s response. ”Happy New Year, Lasky.”

[heartslogos]

the declassified texts of the inquisition’s elite [42]

(403): "They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve

-

(610):Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night

(610):That was super inconsiderate of me

“Is this the same Steve that Mahanon swore up and down was on to him and going to blow his cover?” Leliana asks. “Because we did do a background check twice and had a tail on him just in case, he was just a distributor for banned vape products. I highly doubt that this Steve has anything in his past worth killing over.”

“Leliana, our standards of worth killing over are greatly different from the rest of Thedas,” Cullen points out. “You were ready to have someone killed for attempting to date a girl you wanted to make sure was sent to the convent.”

“If she wasn’t getting sent to the convent then we would have a lot more problems on our hands from her family and her family’s business. With her out of the way, having renounced all worldly goods, that family is free for easy pickings for us.”

“Again, I repeat, your standards of worth killing over function on a different scale than the rest of everywhere.”

“A better question is why is Mahanon’s neighbor texting him this sort of thing?” Josephine asks, sipping at her smoothie before grimacing and holding it out to Cullen. “I think I really did do something strange to my tongue when I burned it at dinner last night. This smoothie is hurting me somehow. You’re not allergic to kiwis are you?”

“No,” Cullen says, handing her his strawberry banana one, “Trade. And I think Mahanon’s getting texts from his neighbors because he’s paranoid enough to befriend his neighbor in order to confirm his own suspicions.”

“He’s a good operative even if he’s so dramatic he could be a leading actor at the Royal Theater,” Leliana says, “How come you two get to switch?”

“You’re allergic to kiwi,” Josephine says. “And I’m allergic to pineapple.”

“Well maybe I wanted to share an indirect kiss with you, Josie.”

Cullen rolls his eyes, “Do you want the straw, Leliana?”

Leliana lightly nudges his boot with hers. “You take everything so seriously, Cullen. Relax. And are you going to eat that pickle?”

“Yes, unless you get to it first,” Cullen says, protectively moving his plate away from hers. “What are you going to do about Steve?”

“Nothing," Leliana shrugs. “If it’s really something Mahanon will have it handled as a nice little footnote on one of his reports. If it’s nothing at all he’s not going to mention it again and I’ll only bring it up when appropriate to poke fun at him for how paranoid he can be. How much longer do we have before our next flight, Josie?”

“Two hours,” Josephine says, checking her watch. “Next time we take an Inquisition plane.”

“It’s bad for the environment,” Cullen says, checking his phone. “Rylen’s got boots on the ground in the Anderfels. He’ll have a situation report in by the time we land in Kirkwall. Again. I don’t know why all three of us have to go to Kirkwall.”

“Don’t you miss your friends there?”

Cullen gives Leliana a blank look. “I had friends in Kirkwall? That didn’t come with me when I joined the Inquisition?”

“We’re all going because Leliana didn’t want me to go alone, you’re the one who lived and worked there for years, and Leliana couldn’t pass up the chance to see you back in Kirkwall being your usual self.”

“It’s not like I’m going to set foot in Kirkwall and suddenly have a nostalgic breakdown for the days when I was a terrible, drug addled, slightly deluded Templar. I won’t be walking down the street and having people pointing and whispering about me.”

“I think you have a somewhat skewed vision of how you see yourself, and Kirkwall might have expanded and grown a lot in the past several years but at its essence it’s still Kirkwall,” Leliana says. “I, for one, am terribly excited to see the Hawke family great us at the airport.”

-

“I hate Zevran,” Ellana says.

“You’re mad because he took your partner out drinking last night and they came back and fell asleep in your living room together covered in glitter and smelling like cheap liquor,” Herah says.

“Thank you for stating the obvious,” Ellana scowls. “I rue the day that bleach blonde bastard sauntered into my life with his accent and his smile and his leather and his — his bad pick up lines.”

“His bad pick up lines that seem to work on your partner.”

“He has terrible taste.”

“Is anyone going to tell her how that pans out if her partner has bad taste? Anyone?” Sera asks. “Do I have to be the one to say it?”

“Just let her have this one,” Edric says, “Zevran came in and sniped the Iron Bull right out from under her nose.”

Kaaras gently pries the potato chip bag out of Ellana’s hands. “You’re going to feel sick and then your skin will break out into pimples and oil and you’ll really regret it. Celery stick?”

“Drench this in creamy peanut butter and come back to me with that.”

“Your beef with Zevran is hilarious,” Sera says, “But you know you have nothing to be jealous about right? The Iron Bull isn’t going to go running off with the Antivan with the shitty pick up lines.”

“I know that,” Ellana huffs, licking salt from her fingers. “It’s not just that. Zevran and I have disagreed with each other long before the Iron Bull ever came into the picture. It’s on a deeper level than that.”

“Then what?”

Ellana hunches her shoulders. “It’s other stuff.”

“What other stuff?” Edric asks, “I think you kind of have to work together with him seeing as how he’s Leliana’s best friend aside from Josephine. He’s here for the long haul.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, so what’s the deal?”

Ellana scowls viciously, eyeing the chip bag in Kaaras’ hands even as he quickly shoves it into his backpack.

“He dumped Mahanon,” Ellana says, “And I don’t care if they’re both over it. No one dumps my brother and gets away with it. This is a grudge he and I are going to have until we both die and our souls are turned into nothingness.”