#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister����😚

[asklesbianonceler]

I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.

I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:

"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"

And

"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"

[tutuandscoot]

I admit that as a long time fan I’m cynical and sometimes scan through your posts. But you’re spot on when you say that people imposed their fantasy on VM and interpreted the actual care and support that was there to fabricate a romance instead of enjoying the beautiful partnership that was actually there. I am still sad that so much of my time watching VM was colored by that narrative (though I never believed they were a couple) and sadder still that I saw how nasty the fandom was and am now kind of bitter against some fans as a result and find it hard to watch some of the content we get now without being super cynical.

I love how you get to experience them in a refreshing positive way. Thanks for sharing that.

Honesty.. I’m an incredibly cynical person in general. So in a way this is my outlet to not be like that (I know.. not being cynical.. on the internet.. lololol) and actually see the beauty in these athletes and artists I admire so much (coming from a similar world I relate to them so much in that respect) but also this truly beautiful relationship.

I hate that so much cruel, fabricated BS exists out there. I know by speaking what I at least believe is the truth- and is really just reiterating what they say at face value.. isn’t gonna make up for the fact there was so many and at a glance, the rare times I look at other blogs, still conversations so obsessed with what gets written about them on reddit or Twitter or here disgusts me and frankly is sad that people really waste their time talking shit about them- they obviously aren’t fans of them or care about them, and not that TS need us randoms on the internet to care about them- they have those people in their lives that actually value them as people and not ‘famous celebrities’ (I hate that word and refuse to call them that).

I just don’t understand why people can’t just hear what they say and believe them and see them as a rare instance of people who have achieved so much and people know who they are but despite all that success are obviously just so grounded and really understand how to be good people. I hate how they get attacked for not speaking up about certain topics and in general just the way people fabricate their lives on social media. It’s disgusting there’s no other way to put it.. all the actual people in the world doing really shitty things and actively making peoples’ lives worse yet there’s those who chose to attack true angels like TS.. I’ll never understand it.

The reason I started this blog was just because I had so many thoughts and no one in my life was as fascinated by them as me so it was just a place to put those thoughts down and thankfully I kinda fell back into this all backwards and by the time I came to tumblr.. I had such a solid opinion of them no amount of bullshit I came across later really even seemed plausible, along with I did a lot of tumblr research before I even started posting so thankfully when I did start I had a direction for the posts I wanted to make and share and opinions I wanted to state while avoiding the majority of the crap. I would not have survived at all had I been on here back then. I struggle to engage with anything about their personal lives (I fully believe it’s none of my business to comment on) even posts about Scott’s coaching or other IAM teams, figure skating in general. If I want to know what TS are up to I’ll follow their IG’s, give them a like and carry on with my day.. I’m really not that interested in the discussion (fine if people are, I just have ethical issues with most of it).

I’m like you, I can’t really follow other blogs out of fear I might read something from nasty people still talking shit, so I kinda just have to put my thoughts out there without engaging in others coz so many of them appear negative. Which is fine with me (that I don’t engage), like I said this is basically a little public diary for me. I think I’ve said (to you before I’m assuming you’re the same anon) I hate the thought of true genuine fans being here a few years ago just wanting to appreciate them for what they are and met with bullshit fabricated lies, unfortunately that’s social media is general now, so without at all making myself out to be a saint of some kind I hope even a small group of us can engage in or even just read positive discussions that calls out the ridiculousness of people frothing over simply two best friends who saw the entire world in each other.

Always warms my heart to know people read my posts and get joy out of them coz I do writing them and yes it’s selfish but that’s why I do it, this is my hobby so the fact it makes others happy makes me happy 😊

[kitsu-katsu]

About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

[jessi-31days-blog]

Day 4, Wednesday, October 4th

Before I get into this blog, I have to mention something. I had gone through my day and written everything down, having completed half the activities, AND THEN MY NOTES APP CRASHES AND DELETES EVERYTHING. My memory is awful, and I was already in such a crippling low mood before that, so this was the icing on the shit cake. So I'm going to do my best to recall everything I wrote, but this just sucks. ---

I wake up at 9:15 am, before my alarm which I set for 10:30 am.

I set my alarm around 2 am before putting my phone down to go to sleep. So I figured my body would want to sleep in until 10:30 am, but I guess not.

Pranayama Yoga to Move Energy - loljk, still a paid only video

Yoga class - "Yoga to Make You Happy, Relaxing Beginners Routine for Stress & Depression" by Lori Austin from PsycheTruth on Youtube:

I loved this video. As Lori went through every position, she explained how each position benefits your mental health. A couple of the positions were downward dog and that one where you're on your knees and your forehead is on the mat. I felt energized and refreshed after this video.

Guided meditation - "Turn it off" - 21 mins:

The day 4 of the DoYogaWith me program provided the same meditation as day 1. It was again hard for me to focus, but I made it through the whole meditation and did my best to listen and relax. I tried to let go of negative thoughts and beliefs. I honed in on some tension in my neck as the instructor said to imagine the tension being released. I don't know if anything really changed, but by the end of this meditation I did feel at least a little bit more relaxed.

Read a Proverb - Proverbs 4:

This chapter again reiterates the importance of valuing wisdom. Just like yesterday's proverb, this one has another popular bible verse. It's verse 23: "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." I basically see this as I need to guard myself from allowing negative thoughts and behaviors into my life, and my ability to do that will determine how my life will go. In a sense, that's what I've been trying to do more often, starting with my idea to give myself a 31 day challenge. I hope at some point I actually get good at doing this.

Note: It was at this point earlier today, after I finished writing my thoughts on the proverb, that my notes app on my computer crashed and I lost all I had written today. I took a break for 3 hours, cooked, went for a long walk, then came back and made some tea. Now on to read the blog.

Blog post - AnxietyGuru.net - "Here’s How to Increase Self-Knowledge and Lower Anxiety at the Same Time" by Paul Dooley:

As you may have noticed, I picked a different blog to read an article from. It may not be a very long article, but honestly I don't have it in me to read every single word and try to process all of it, so I'm gonna skim through and talk about a few of the bolded points that spoke to me. That's the best I can do tonight, my apologies.

The first thing that stood out to me was the idea of looking for patterns in my behavior or thinking process that can help me understand how my feelings drive what I think and do. I thought about my actions for a minute. What came to mind were two things: my fear of rejection and my inability to successfully cope with pain. My fear of rejection makes me mistrust my friends and have a general distaste for humanity. I used to say about myself that I was a lover of people, and I really, really meant that. But I don't know how much, if at all, I mean that thought anymore. You wouldn't believe what runs through my head as I scroll through Facebook. And getting into politics hasn't helped my case either. It's really not that I have some sense of superiority, I know that my political views are not gospel and are always subject to change. But it is truly disheartening of my world view to be someone who has for the past 6 months have been browsing and using the internet almost constantly for 6 months, namely Youtube and Reddit, and has had the chance to pay better attention to what the various kinds of of people in this world, more specifically the people in my country of USA, actually believe; about the current state of this country and the world. Half of what people perceive as problems are more often than not a completely fabricated problem that was certainly not an issue when I was growing up. If you do some research through some reputable sources, you'll see what the actual problems are and how not taken care of they are. And not everyone has time to do this. All most people have time for is for what the media tells them, and the media fucking lies about nearly everything to some extent, so a lot of people aren't getting the real picture. I have had so much time on my hands for the past 6 months and I have been quickly moving from one side of the political spectrum to the center, then I just completely abandoned the political spectrum for the most part. I don't know what I am, but I do try to be as much of an educated realist as possible. God I don't want to sound arrogant. If I do, feel free to let me know. What I'm trying to say here is that my worldview has darkened, so that fuels my fear of rejection in some ways. And then my inability to successfully cope with pain fuels my insatiable lust for whiskey, a dragon I've dealt with for a while that, for the most part, I've been able to keep the dragon away for at least 4 days of my weeks. But I want to learn how to enjoy life like normal people do; without excessive alcohol use. I don't know how to enjoy a bubble bath for fuck's sake. Why? Bubble baths don't get you drunk. Yes, that's really my actual reason for not enjoying one of the most relaxing activities a person can do. Everyone loves bubble baths. You're weird if you don't like bubble baths, or at the very least a hot shower with your favorite soaps. So by eliminating alcohol I'm trying to find ways to enjoy the simple things in life like normal mentally healthy people do.

I've written so much in response to just this single point in the article, so I think that's all I'm gonna say about this one. I didn't really do it justice, so if you want to read it yourself, you can find it on anxietyguru.com.

Encourage someone on Reddit - r/depression:

I just want to say something first. I know that I encouraged someone on this subreddit the other day, but I want to make something very clear. If you have depression and use reddit, don't go to this sub expecting answers. If you share your feelings and someone gives you the answer you need, awesome. But most people here ask a lot of those "does anyone else" questions and in a lot of ways aren't actually looking for help, but for other people to be miserable with them. I'm not saying that's the entire subreddit, and I'm in no way condemning r/depression. But if you really need support, try r/suicidewatch, r/mentalhealth, r/anxiety, r/depressionregimens, or r/DecidingToBebetter.

Anyways, on to the post I found. An reddit user was asking for advice about how to help her friend, who has depression and is going through a break up and an overall tough time. Their friend's ex and the ex's new girlfriend have each called this friend "fat cow" on different occasions, and the friend sees the new girlfriend at a cafe the friend frequents. They mentioned how the medication that their friend is taking doesn't seem to work for her and that she's really insecure about her looks, wanting to be "skinny and pretty".

Being someone with depression and having gone through being told and called some awful things in my lifetime, I thought about what I needed from my friends during that time (regardless of whether I actually got it or not).

I'm just going to copy and paste what I said to this person, because I feel like a brief summary of what I said wouldn't do justice to the point I was conveying to this individual and what I'd like to convey to my readers.

So, here's what I told them:

"I've had depression for a long time and have been told and called various horrible things throughout my life. I've had a negative body image and have desired to exercise with the motive of getting "skinny and pretty". And so the advice I am gonna give you is essentially what I needed from my friends during these various times of my life where I felt similar things as your friend does (whether I actually got these things or not), and I hope that it helps you have an idea what to do. I assume that she feels comfortable enough to tell you a lot of her life story and the struggles she goes through. I needed someone to remind me that the mean things people have said to me aren't true and for them to do their best to help me see what is true. I needed someone to tell me that just because it hurts doesn't mean I am what hurt me. I needed a friend to make me laugh, to help me not take life so seriously, and to help me process how I felt about how I was hurt in a reasonable way. I needed someone to tell me that being overweight but happy and healthy (mentally and physically) feels better than trying to become model status hot, and that my appearance does little to define who I actually am. As a matter of fact, I'm a little bit overweight, and have only started lite exercise for the past four days, but knowing that exercise actually relieves depression is my number one motivation to do it. I don't care if I ever become skinny, anything that will in some way lessen this depression in a healthy way will motivate me to do those things. Whether or not she ever becomes her idea of skinny and pretty, exercise is important for her mental health, so encourage her in that. If the meds aren't working for her depression, then exercise and eating well (and enough) will help relieve her depression, even if only a little bit. It took me a long time to find the motivation for exercise, but if she's already motivated to exercise, let her know how it's going to truly help her feel better overall. I got about half of what I needed from my friends from them, and other things I've had to learn on my own. But I think the number one thing I've always needed from my friends (and anyone that has claimed to care about me, really) was for them to just not give up on me. You seem strong, kind, smart, and genuinely concerned for your friend. I'm sure you'd never give up on her, but I still want to say this: please, never give up on her, because the pain of watching people who claimed to care about you walk out of your life because things got hard and shit got a bit too real for them is one of the most soul crushing experiences someone can go through. I don't really blame people for walking out of my life, but I still wish some were willing to stay. That being said, I trust you will never give up on her. Thank you for asking for help on how to help her. Cheers, and be well."

Walk:

As I mentioned earlier, I went on a longer walk today. My headphones broke, so sadly I can't listen to music until I get new ones this weekend. I did a little self reflection, got my blood pumping, and accidentally walked down someone's driveway. It literally looked like some kind of path I've never seen, give me a break; I've lived here in Florida for only 6 months and have probably only gotten out of the house a little over 10 times (yes, I know). So I came upon the home owners on their front porch and realized what happened (but I mean seriously, this was a dirt path, a shitty excuse for a driveway according to my California raised self). I honestly thought I was gonna find something cool, I don't know. And I'm so embarrassed all I can let escape from my mouth was a "hi". Then I did an immediate about-face and marched my dumb ass back where I am from. Fortunately I normally don't walk this far, so I'm sure I'll never see these people again. But good god it was embarrassing. I can laugh at it now, though. I did feel a little more refreshed once I got home. I'm starting to really enjoy walking. End of Day Notes: Today was a hard day. Days like this I would have said fuck my responsibilities and goals and just let my misery overtake me, but for the first time I actually stuck to what I said I was going to do the best I could and didn’t give up, even though emotionally I felt horrible. I think that’s an improvement.

[automatismoateo]

The other day I argued with my mom when she claimed that the acceptance of LGBT people is leading to the decay of society and the acceptance of pedophilia. (This is a stupidly long angst-addled rant). via /r/atheism

Submitted July 22, 2018 at 05:54AM by GemRocking (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2LDN1Rl) The other day I argued with my mom when she claimed that the acceptance of LGBT people is leading to the decay of society and the acceptance of pedophilia. (This is a stupidly long angst-addled rant).

I wasn’t going to write this post; I try to be self-sufficient and not get easily “triggered,” but some things just make me frustrated, angry, anxious, and sad. I had this conversation with my mom the other day and it’s been bugging me ever since, and I want to vent here where people are actually fucking sane. I’ll try not to be long-winded and just recollect the main things that happened.

Important context Mom is a mental health professional. So she won’t change her mind on anything because 1) the Word of Gawd says 2) she knows what she’s talking about, fuck you.

Another thing is that I myself have a preference for the same sex. I know that every third kid in my generation does, or says they do. I have a lot of shame over it because I’ve been taught that LGBT people are stupid, confused, hell-bound perverts.

My mom actually knows about my same-sex attractions, and at one point I’d told her about some of my religious unbelief—namely that I questioned the existence of God and divinity of the Bible. But I’ve started lying to her in recent months because of how tense and painful our relationship got, and because I’m in a Christian academic program that requires really rigorous statements of faith and I don’t want my parents to know how good of a liar I am.

TL;DR Mom mentioned a TED talk she’d recently seen about how pedophilic relationships should be accepted and embraced by society. She claimed that we were going down a dangerous path now that LGBT stuff is legal and widely accepted. Argument ensued.

Disclaimer I know I’m ranting about my mom here, and I do feel kind of bad about that. I’m going to do my best to be respectful to her (not necessarily respectful towards her beliefs or the way she expresses them). I don’t want to sound condescending, and she told me repeatedly the other day that I was being puffed-up and acting like I knew everything. As a teen, I know that I’m prone to be big-headed and I just don’t want to come off that way. Also bear in mind that this is completely from my own perspective, so it’s bound to be very biased, and I haven’t processed this conversation with anyone else.

Memory

Mom mentioned a TED talk she’d recently seen about how pedophilic relationships should be accepted and embraced by society. She claimed that we were going down a dangerous path now that LGBT stuff is legal and widely accepted. I challenged this idea (don’t remember what I said, just that I questioned if embracing homosexuality leads to pedophilia).

The conversation kind of went in circles. Here’s something you need to know about religious people: they don’t see things distinctly. Everything that’s a sin is just “degeneracy;” it’s all one and the same, it all ties into itself. No distinctions can be made. She wouldn’t accept my argument that distinct moral differences can be drawn between homosexuality and pedophilia based off of how it affects the parties involved, i.e. that in pedophilia, one of the parties is always at a disadvantage and is objectively damaged.

My head’s so full of the shit that went down in this conversation that I think the best way to organize what happened next is a bullet list; whenever I’m trying to recreate something Mom actually said, I’ll italicize it.

When I tried to say that embracing LGBT stuff won’t lead to pedophilia because there are distinct moral differences between homosexuality and pedophilia, she scoffed and said that they’re the same: they’re both sexual sin and perversion. Then she said that it’s a slippery slope, because she’s been around for so many years. “When I was a kid, homosexuality was heard of, but there were hardly any homosexuals. Now 75% of the population is confused. We’ve embraced all kinds of disgusting things.”

“Now if you’re a man that thinks you’re a woman, a woman that thinks you’re a man, a man that wants to wear silky women’s underwear, you can march around in the street and do it! You can have a whole parade to celebrate it and do it in the town square!”

“Now that people think that we just ‘love who we love,’ they’ll say that people are born pedophiles and they deserve ‘equal rights.’ Homosexuality used to be illegal, and now it’s all legal and encouraged.”

“And all this horrible pornography didn’t exist when I was a kid. The acceptance of this is leading to more and more depravity.” When I asked if she had any evidence that pornography leads to pedophilia, she said, “There’s evidence that it leads to all kinds of shit!” I asked if there was evidence that it leads to anything specific, and instead of directly addressing the point, she got really angry and threw out this complete red herring: “You want me to say specific things in front of your brother?? You want me to? There’s evidence that it leads to sex with siblings, sex with animals, sex with objects, sex with children—everything!”

She claimed that homosexuality should still be classed as “homophilia” in the DSM. I asked her why, asked if it met the criteria for a mental illness, and she came up with some pious Christian bullshit before saying that it causes distress. I asked her for evidence that homosexuality causes distress, and she said, “Are you kidding me? Look at the suicide rate among those people! Yes, they’re miserable.” I asked if the suicide rate is high definitively because they are homosexual, and I got, “Yes!” Case closed, I guess.

I asked if she had any evidence that the acceptance of LGBT stuff is leading to the acceptance of pedophilia, and she staged the following argument: the TED talk was recorded and aired, and thus, people accepted it. I pointed out the flaw in this reasoning, and she said, “It doesn’t matter! It was allowed to happen, and it would have never been allowed before!” I suggested that perhaps the rise of the Internet and the huge number of platforms to publish opinions on could be a factor here, as previously in history, the media has been much more monopolized and such a wide range of ideas might not have been allowed to air. “No, that’s stupid, [Gem]! It wasn’t published because there are more options now, it was published because we’re morally corrupted! You’re being ridiculous.” I hate to admit that this stung a bit, because I thought I had a pretty good point there, even though I’m aware that many other factors effected the press historically.

She pulled up a study on the overlap between homosexual males and pedophilic males, claiming that homosexuality causes pedophilia because of this study, and she mocked me when I questioned whether there could be other causes for this overlap.

She concluded this trainwreck of an argument by saying, “There: I have ‘evidence’ right here for you—the TED talk exists, it was made and recorded and released. I’ve pulled up a study. You have no evidence.”

Conclusion

During this debate, she played the parent/age card a lot. “I’ve been around on this earth and seen how the world has changed; you’re only arguing this because you don’t know a time when the world isn’t so depraved.” She also called me “little girl” at one point; I think she’d said something like “You think you know everything, little girl, but you don’t.” She also said, “I’m really disappointed in you; I thought you’d gotten over this. I’m disappointed that your views on this are so worldly.” I thought I’d kept this discussion really tame—I never questioned it when she cited the Bible as evidence for her arguments, and I let a lot of bullshit slide. She also asked why I was defending homosexuality, even though I danced on eggshells to be sure I wasn’t too pro-gay or whatever. Apparently pointing out that homosexuality and pedophilia are on very different tiers is equal to defending homosexuality.

I guess it hurt my feelings a bit, in one respect, because she knows that I’m same-sex attracted, yet she still goes around saying that LGB people are mentally ill, that homosexuality should be illegal, and that they’re as wicked as pedophiles and murderers. I think maybe she’s trying to shame me into turning straight or something. It’s not like this is the first time she’s said any of this, by the way—she consistently reiterates these views.

I feel like she discredits me unfairly. I feel like I’m a lot more capable of discussing these topics than my authorities allow for. But again, that’s likely teenage angst and Marilyn Manson my idol talking. What pisses me off about a lot of these conversations is that she occasionally speaks brazenly of sexual things that I’m not allowed to reference explicitly because I’m a kid. So I just have to be quiet while she talks and pretend I’m shocked and disgusted by what she’s describing.

And maybe this is also my teen angst and big-headedness talking, but I felt that this discussion was pretty unfair. I know that adults have wisdom that children don’t, but her “I’ve been around longer than you” and “You don’t know anything, little girl” bullshit felt more like a silencing tactic than anything. I know she’s superior to me in most ways because she’s grown up, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t think for myself. That doesn’t mean I have to always go along with her beliefs. It doesn’t mean I can’t form opinions about the way things were in the past or how things have evolved over time just because I wasn’t there to personally experience it—I’d even argue that I might have a better-rounded opinion of past decades than many people who lived through them because I’ve read about them in a more all-encompassing way, while they experienced decades through their own neighborhoods and upbringings.

I’m too fragile for this. Like I said, I try to be thick-skinned, but sometimes these conversations strike me at the wrong time. I ended up in a suicidal spin, I scratched myself up and cried for a good twenty minutes. Sometimes I feel really trapped; this ridiculous homeschooled Christian conservative environment feels so fucking suffocating at times, where I can’t even express a pretty moderate opinion about how homosexuality is morally different than pedophilia without upsetting people. And I know I’ll have to fight tooth and nail to get out of this place. My parents want me to go to a local Christian college and live at home with them until I’m like 20. They want me to marry a man and raise children near to them. They want me to do something God-honoring with my life. But I have to deal with knowing that I’m not who the fuck they think I am, and I can’t live that life; I’ll either have to go through hell to become independent and be myself, or I’ll die. Then I think that none of this is legit; I’m just a whiny, entitled, rich American teenager that doesn’t know how to deal with life or be a decent, productive human being because I’m constantly succumbing to my own angst and throwing pity parties.

I guess I learned my lesson: shut up and agree with my authorities externally, think for myself in secret. Anyway, I apologize for being so wordy, but I had a lot to get off my chest. Thanks for sticking around, if you made it through. Love y’all. Satan curse.

[ramblingsofanobody]

[{Tech Company}] collects user data

No. Shit.

I am baffled by the outrage that people have towards a lot of the recent items in the news surrounding Facebook & Cambridge Analytica. I’m even more surprised when something else comes out and people get all shocked again. Apparently Google collects data on you too, so I reiterate: No. Shit.

And for all of the other news reports that will come out over the next few months regarding Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Tinder, Grindr and so on, so on, so on. No. Shit. Doubly-so for any website which insists that you must use their shitty app. Facebook functionality is definitely waning on a mobile browser but you can still use m.facebook.com, you can also send messages through it without installing messenger, for reddit you can use i.reddit.com (or m.reddit.com). Treat anything that doesn’t work at all, like Instagram, with a lot of scepticism. If you’re using Google Home or Amazon Alexa, don’t come crying to me when next year you find out that the camera you placed in your bedroom, and the microphone you placed in your living room have actually been recording everything you say and do.

I know that it’s not helpful from the tinfoil-hat-wearing people like me to say that we told you so, but it’s the equivalent of me trying to hang shelves which subsequently fall down, and THEN being told that I should have used a particular kind of anchoring screw. You’ll tell me that you “told me so” with home DIY, I’m telling you that I told you so on this.

I’m on Facebook, I’m on a number of Google services, and an array of other social media and communication tools. Each time some “news” comes out about how you can download your treasure-trove of data one of these companies collects about you I go ahead and do it, and here’s what I’ve found: they’re only showing me the data which I expected to see. I’m not saying that they’re not still collecting additional information in the background, they most likely definitely are, but the outrage that people have found in this user-accessible data is based on data that people have willingly shared:

The Facebook “Contact Info” section is blank for me (i.e. it doesn’t contain records from all of my text messages and phone calls

My Google Activity section is blank, there’s no search history, there is no location history, no Voice & Audio history. There IS Youtube history, because I turned that on

Instagram has never had access to my location, camera, or microphone. I take a picture, and THEN upload it (I know that they do have access to my internal storage this way)

If there is a perfectly functioning website then there is no need to install an app, if the website functions poorly due to poor code then their app isn’t going to be much better, and finally if the website is pushing you to install their app for a better “experience” then be very wary - nobody wants the overhead of maintaining an app just because it cares about your “experience”.

None if this should be considered to be “new” either, I have little experience with iOS but I know that with Google Play you can see the permissions an app wants (click “View Details” under the permissions). You also have the option to retroactively disable some of this access too, but some things will refuse to work without them so you’ll need to weigh up the importance of the trade between your data and functionality, ask yourself: are Snapchat filters important enough to me that Snapchat can have my location?

Ignorance is not a sufficient excuse anymore, particularly somewhere with strong consumer laws like the EU where websites have to tell you if they use cookies, most companies and services will publish terms of service or user agreements, there are EULAs, apps have to tell you what permissions they need. You should assume the worst with any smart device or service and expect anything you share with them to be shared to a third party.

And when you go to install that app, ask yourself why that app needs permission to X. Does a notepad really require camera & microphone access, does Angry Birds really need your location? All social media collects a shit-tonne of information about you regardless of whether you use an app or traditionally access via a computer, but the app has the ability to collect a lot more information about you than a web page would.

I look forward to the next series of outrage, and the subsequent “No shit” from me.

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hey all. 21/M, soon to be 22. I have limited dating experience and would love to change that. Naturally, I've scoured reddit for dating advice, but I keep running into contradictory advice. I'll list them and will discuss them in detail afterwards. They are:1) "People can sense desperation, you need to play it cool and focus on yourself for a while". But then others will say things like, "you need to go out there and ask hundreds of people out...it's a numbers game, and you must be willing to get rejected".I don't get this at all. It doesn't hurt to focus on yourself a little bit and sharpen yourself up to appear more desirable, but you have to understand that one has to pursue others in order to get dates. I get that one can be overzealous with asking people out and the fact that it can harm their chances instead of improving them, but one literally needs to participate in the "game" to play. Nothing has come to me from focusing on myself and letting things happen naturally, and this is particularly true being a man. Don't you see--I have to be proactive and ask a lot of people out. There doesn't seem to be a causal relation between "not focusing on it" and "having people come to you". It just doesn't work that way, and I feel people are being a little misguided when they say it.2) "Don't take up hobbies just for the sake of trying to get people to like you, focus on what you like", and then I hear, "you need to get some new hobbies so people will find you interesting, try x, y, and/or z", but x, y and z are things that I do not find interesting.I think this is more of a problem in the realm of online dating than in the real world, but it still bugs me. If you take up hobbies you like, then you can meet people through doing what you love. However, when people tell you to pick up hobbies that do not interest you, it seems really annoying. Why should I pick up football when I don't like it, in the hopes that it will interest a girl? I have my own hobbies, but they're quite introverted--writing, weightlifting, reading, and the like. You can't really show these off in dating profiles like you can with football or other sports--well, maybe weightlifting, but not the others. What am I to do here? Do I really have to try something that I do not like? What's wrong with my current hobbies?3) "People aren't looking for the best of the best...they just want someone who they find attractive and makes them feel good" versus "you need to be the best version of yourself, you need to demonstrate value, show what you have to offer another in a relationship".This is the one that makes me feel the most put out. If you look around you, there are plenty of average people in relationships. They're not the best of the best. Plenty of people get laid at university and in their early 20s, so why am I told that I need to be the best person I can possibly be before I have a shot at dating and casual sex? I must reiterate that I'm not averse to self-improvement and it's good to be in a secure position, but I get the impression that I have to achieve borderline perfection before someone will consider me. This just isn't true, because people of all kinds find love and sex, including those who do not have their shit together. It damages my confidence a little when I keep hearing that I'm not good enough and that I should always be improving, which makes me question whether I should even start dating at all. It makes me think that there's just no chance because I won't even be considered and that dating and sex is only reserved for those who "love themselves". Tied with the fact that I struggle with online dating too, it makes me feel worthless, even though I'm not entirely worthless in reality.4) "Looks do not matter as much as personality", but then someone will tell you to "hit the gym, dress well, have a good haircut", and you'll see numerous threads on the Fitness communities and AskReddit about how their lives changed when they became more attractive.I'm not so concerned with this one, but it does irk me a little bit. My take is that looks matter more than anyone wants to admit, but that's not to say personality isn't still important. For me, good looks can't ever compensate for a bad personality, but a good personality can definitely compensate for not-so-great looks, but I don't want to say if this is true for everyone. Again, I'm all for improving my looks, but how far do I need to take this? Do I need to be really muscular? I'm lifting at the moment and things are going mostly ok (I've gotten many compliments about how big I'm getting, which is fantastic), but how far should I go before I'm given the green light?I've spotted some irrational lines of thinking when I read this back. So, my take on it all is thus:For 1): Do not be gung-ho with asking people out, and do not be afraid to take a break every once in a while. (It's hard to draw a line though, and I don't know when this becomes too much.)For 2): Pursue hobbies with passion, and don't be afraid to try new things, but never take something up just to attract somebody. (Do I absolutely need interesting hobbies, or do my introverted ones suffice? Or should the focus be on constant expansion of my life?)For 3): People aren't looking for perfection, but they do want someone with value. The standards aren't as high as we think, but they still feel really damn high. (And I'm really unsure about how "progressed" I must be.)For 4): Good looks aren't mandatory, but as your physical attractiveness increases--assuming the personality is consistent across cases--you'll have more success.Does this seem right to you? I don't know. I feel so put out and discouraged because I get the feeling that no one would want me. I'm sick of watching my life go by and having the same thoughts over and over again about how I'm missing out, and hearing stories about people hooking up and having "no problems getting dates". I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life, so I have to take to reddit. It's really starting to bother me because I want to date, and it feels like almost everyone except me is dating.Every girl I've liked has turned me down or has found a boyfriend because I don't have the stones to talk to them, let alone ask them out. I feel so trapped and I can't even get a single date--Tinder and OKCupid are equally useless for me because I'm not attractive enough for either of those (this isn't a putdown, this is my conclusion based on my experiences online and in real life). Also, how the hell do you even approach girls at bars? They seem really intimidating and like they don't want to be approached.Pity party over, but what do I do, reddit? via /r/dating_advice