#i do not wanna support a show thats just gonna be too lazy to write out actual arcs for allura and lance so they just regress all of th

[professional-termite]

I DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY OR THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO HANDLE ANY MORE GOFUNDME ASKS RIGHT NOW. I WILL DELETE THEM FROM MY ASK BOX IF YOU SEND THEM.

drawing requests are currently closed on this blog (with a few exceptions)

BANNER BY @/corvidovis AND PFP BY @/teacup-captor TYSM SILLIES!!!!

hi, im Vanderbilt (aka Termite or Termy), formerly E.W.W. Morningstar (Eddie is now hosted solely on @e-w-w-morningstar)! i am an aspiring artist and writer who just wants to be silly goofy online. send me asks, fool around, and have fun on my blog!! i love interacting with people :3 im e_w_woodson on ao3 if you wanna check me out

yes, i am the lightning mcqueen hater (i-hate-mcqueen). please stop sending me lightning mcqueen (send him in if you want, its funny lmao)

dni (not a lot tbh)

bigots (homophobic, transphobic, aphobic, racist, TERF, mysogynist, etc)

pedophiles or zoophiles (if you support pedophilia or zoophilia i will be blocking you immediately)

if i dont like you i will block you. sometimes i do this on vibe alone

fandoms im in/shows and movies ive watched (the list is constantly growing, you can ask if ive watched/read something if you dont see it here)

night at the museum

stranger things

scream (the original movie, havent seen the others)

CHILDS PLAY/CHUCKY MY BELOVED (seen all the movies, seen most of the show, etc)

mouthwashing

life of luxury

project hail mary

arc of a scythe

the martian

star trek (tng and tos)

haunted mansion (2003 and 2023)

doctor who (just the stuff on disney+)

good omens

fnaf (the games and movies)

downton abbey

umbrella academy

beetlejuice the musical

hamilton

shows/movies im planning on watching:

bbc sherlock (watched up to s3)

psych (watched eps. 1-3)

murder she wrote (yet to start)

only murders in the building (yet to start)

ted lasso (watched eps 1 and 2)

the afterparty (watched s1 a while ago, yet to watch s2)

dead end: paranormal park (watched eps 1 and 2)

bbc ghosts (yet to watch)

red dwarf (yet to watch)

and blogs im involved with/admin for under the cut

my (platonic, gender neutral, we get divorced a lot lmao) CURRENTLY ex-EX-husband, stick, is @/stickbug32

my daughter, tailz, is @/ouppypio

my other other daughter, cherry, is @/cherrysdeadd

my son, squid, is @/five-nights-at-squids

my other son, pine tree, is @/pin3-tr33

my soulsister, lee, is @/creative-soul-22

my internet sibling, toast, is @/iceeericeee

my dad, satan, is @/morningbloodystar

one of my siblings, jay, is @/helphowdoiusethis

my other siblings are echo @/echosghoast, violet @/violet-yimlat, abby @/janeway-lover, eric @/ask-eric-the-disposable-demon and probably more but im too lazy to count

my tags for rp as eddie (before i moved him to @e-w-w-morningstar) are #e.w.w. morningstar and #eddie lore, the tags for casual-wood (derry) are #casual-wood and #d.c.c. and the tags for rping as van the void dweller (the character, not me) is #van lore or #vans void

my art stuff is under #writing adventures with van and #drawing adventures with van (when i remember to tag djgk)

star trek posting is under #trek adventures with van

life of luxury posting is under #luxury adventures with van

oc posting is under #oc adventures with van

fop posting is under #fairly odd adventures with van

most of my original posts are under #random, trying to start using #termite talks for non fandom posts

i am the admin for:

@vanderbilt-draws (fandom art blog)

@vans-ghost (van the void dweller)

@jessica-woodson-morningstar (jessica, eddie and vans daughter)

@e-w-w-morningstar (eddie himself)

@novaspacoz (my oc nova)

@tyler-the-destroyer (my oc tyler)

@i-hate-mcqueen (pixar cars sideblog)

@the-real-number-one-van (joke sideblog, was gonna be a personal blog but i havent really used it)

@backup-ominous-threats (but thats a secret if youve read this far shhhh)

@ensign-navh (star trek oc rp blog)

@cptnjeanlucpicard (picard rp blog)

@lt-cmdr-geordilaforge (geordi rp blog, i cant tag him for some reason BUT HES THERE I SWEAR)

[blessedshortcake]

Delete later

I dont know if its the holidays coming up that has me stressing again or just everything piling up in general but its that time of my existence again when i genuinely consider serious harm to get some kind of significant help or care thats more than "just stop worrying"

I cant take school. Im too burnt out and i dont have time to recharge even tho i only have school twice a week. I have no help from my family because asking them for help will either get me forced to live with an unstable household with my sister or in an unstable household with my mother. In both cases shamed and reprihended but in different ways ig so its a pick your poison moment. I cant win

I havent been to class in months. Im terrified. Im failing i dont have enough grades and none of my classmates know me so i cant ask anyone for help. Im terrified if i drop out the gov will make me pay back the child support ive been Literally living off of since i live by myself and wont be hired anywhere because i didnt graduate yet and here you wont be hired without that for like 95% of job spaces. Youre either a student working or have your diploma or you dont exist at all

I gave up hobbies that cost money ive been doing my best to eat whatevers home so i dont spend extra money ordering in but i just dont have the energy to do this anymore. I want a job. I want a job so bad i want to be done with school i cant do school we literally have ptsd from school and no support from anyone around like family or teachers. I cant apply for therapy again because theres a 6 month waitlist and by then its fucking summer (probably) and even then it takes at least a year to start getting any diagnosis and i never managed to hold down a therapist for long enough. They dont take you seriously here in their eyes we were always just lazy or a little sad or haha teenage anxiety

We cant enter a school building without bordering an anxiety attack even if its just for like an art show or any non education related reasons. We cant learn due to alter to alter amnesia (OSDD i almost never talk about it on here but yea hi system here this is Hell) because in classes we either dissociate too bad due to the panic it causes us to just Be behind a desk taking notes with people to actually remember what we wrote if we did write anything and then if you learn anything at home theres a 10% chance youre gonna be the guy at front to take the test because, again, fear.

What the hell am i meant to do when i feel like the best option here is to either blind myself so i get to be excused since id have to restart my life pretty much or try and pretend i was hit by a car on accident because i cant sign into a ward here. I cant call a crisis hotline like "yea i wanna die it sucks ass here" because my family will again either force me to live with someone mentioned above or kick me out and then what. I cant do this im not gonna do anything harsh that could end me like thats not what im saying here im just frustrated and scared and sad about how hopeless this all feels like

[latetaektalk]

hi there ^^' i'm... kinda new to this whole tumblr thing and have been wanting to write on here for a while but this huge place is kinda scary sometimes haha ;; do you have any writing tips or tricks that would be good to know for newcomers? (also your music taste is immaculate, i love it)

hey love 💕 first of all, welcome to tumblr!! its a fun place,, youre gonna love it, and learn to hate it lol second of all, thank you for complimenting my music taste 😳

now im not quite sure if you want only writing tips or writing blog tips, so ive included tips and tricks for both!

WRITING BLOG TIPS :

have a masterlist. this might seem stupid and obvious, but ive seen people with no masterlist. people are lazy, so if they cant access your writing easily, they will just click away.

have a clean theme. aesthetics are important. they are. people love clean and easy to navigate themes. again, people are lazy, so if you make it easy to click through your blog and get to your writing, youll increase the chance of people reading your stuff!

how to get your work show up in general. putting links in your fanfic might lead to your story not showing up in the search. ive also heard that a banner thats too big can cause that. even using too many tags can lead to your work not showing up. its complicated.

the first five tags. im sure youve heard abt this already but the first five tags are the tags that will actually show up! so if someone follows #bts fluff and you tag your fic with that, your fic can show up on people's dashes as a recommended post!

tag accordingly. speaking of tags, please tag accordingly! theres nothing more annoying than finding a jimin fanfic in the taehyung fanfic tag. i really discourage you from mistagging your stories. if im scrolling through the taehyung fanfic tag and find a jimin fanfic, it makes me want to not read it. just tag your fics accordingly.

reblog your fics. i mean it. seriously, reblog them as much as you want! people live in different time zones or sometimes forget abt wanting to read your stuff, so reblogging it consistently for a week or so to get it on people's dashes helps!

teasers and taglists. i recommend doing both! teasers help to get people excited for your story and taglists ensure that people will read it, or at least remember to!

dont stress abt notes. now, this is less of a tip but rather something i just really really really want to tell you! i know youve heard this before, but please do not stress about notes. tumblr fame does not exists! it doesnt matter if your writing gets 2 notes or 300 or 5k notes! i do understand how getting a lot of notes can be motivating (every fics deserve all the love in the world by the way!!) but in the end, it should not be your motiviation to write. focusing on notes will ruin writing for you. it will. the amount of notes your fic will reach has nothing to do with how good your writing is. dont let something as superficial as notes ruin the fun of writing for you. its seriously not worth it! write for you and no one else!

WRITING TIPS :

write self indulgent fics. i seriously think all fics should be self indulgent. writing fics should be fun, so please write whatever you want! also, theres no such thing as an overdone trope. if you want to write a fake dating enemies to lovers fic, please write it! you might think there are already a bunch out there and its not worth writing another one, but youre wrong! there isnt one out there thats been written by you yet. go write it!

make playlists. now this is a bit specific to me because im absolutely obsessed with music, but making playlists that fit the mood of the fic has always helped me while writing and gotten me out of writers block before!

take your time. writing is freaking hard and when writers block hits, theres rarely ever something that you can do. try not to stress too much abt it! it happens to the best of us!

balance dialogue and detail. its important to find a middle. if im reading a fic and theres paragraph after paragraph after paragraph of detail, the chance of me just skipping that part is really high. because even though i love detail, it does get boring. so use dialogue to spice it up!

reading. okay, this sounds weird because youre asking for writing tips, but reading seriously help your writing so much! if you wanna improve your writing skills, reading a lot is going to be key. now, im not saying reading is necessary, but i do think that it can help you to better! whats even more important though is that you try to analyse people’s writing while reading. when i say you should analyse people’s writing, i do not mean you should write an entire analysis of a book, but to take a second and think to yourself how the authors just did that. how did they convey oc’s sadness? why did they just describe the weather? whats the purpose of this scene?

switch up sentence/paragraph length. shorter sentences/paragraphs = emphasise something and pick up the pace. longer sentences/paragraphs = slow down the story and allow for more detail. its important that you do a mix of both. utilise the length to your advantage. a well placed short sentence/paragraph can pack a lot of punch and turn your sad story in a heartbreaking one.

outline your fics. look this is very personal again because some people dont like to outline their fics, but i recommend outlining your fics. and when i say outline your fics, you can do it as little or as much as you want! it can be a few notes, or a long list of every detail you want to include. i just want you to know where this story is headed. its so easy to write yourself in a corner and trust me, you dont wanna end up there.

allow yourself to be free. this connects to the previous point i just made. even though i do recommend outlining your fics, i am also a firm believer of taking the story somewhere else if you feel like it. ive scrapped complete outlines before. half of the scenes i write also arent in my outline at all. you dont have to stick to the outline. if you think that a specific scene would add something to your story, then please go ahead and write that scene. just always remember where youre headed and dont loose focus.

have fun. i just really wanna reiterate this point again. its just so important to me that you have fun while writing! seriously. its just fanfiction. it should be fun. go crazy. i support you!

okay bub i hope this was helpful 💕 if you have any other questions/want more tips/want me to elaborate on something, please just hit me up! my ask box is always open!

[bb-tings]

unspoken magic - drew starkey

magic - gabrielle aplin 

(10/10 reccomend ALL HER MUSIC)

so i found this song on spotify while i was looking for a song to write a cute fluffy drew fic to and it gave me such drew vibes bc homeboy doesn’t know how to use any form of social media lol...also the rant is literally me. like my thoughts and actions and beliefs. some of yall 13 year olds really don’t know the meaning of BOUNDARIES.

...anyways enjoy,

-BRI

if you want to join or get taken off the taglist just let me know in my messages or in the comments 😊

taglist: @ampanonyg @ims0golden @jjsmentalpolaroids @stargazingstarkey @letsgofullkook @jjmbanks @maybanksbaby @1-800-jjslut  @simpforstarkey @jellyfishbeansontoast

Remember when we snuck out of your birthday, didn't even say goodbye, 'Cause even there in a room full of faces, all I saw was you and I

     Everyone was having a blast dancing around, drinking, laughing. It was Drew’s birthday after all. The cast had decided to rent out a club and invite family and friends, including everyone who worked on set, the workers have become more like family than colleagues. There was so much chaos going on and while Y/n was so proud of the cast and herself for pulling the event off for her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but feel a little antisocial. She was a social butterfly, but everyone knew that after days of being the life of the party and extroverted, she needed time alone and started to shut down, wanting to be alone. Y/n was so excited for the party but when it came time for her to get dressed up and drunk with her friends, she found herself sitting alone on a couch booth while sipping wine, not really seeing the fun in getting wasted and stupid drunk. 

     Y/n watched as Drew and Rudy drunkenly danced back to back, screaming out the words to OMG by Usher, she laughed as he made eye contact with the young girl and pointed to her, wiggling his finger for her to join him. She held her glass up and tried giving him a believable smile, but the older boy knew better, so he made his way over to her.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Drew slid his way next to his girlfriend and used the towel on the table to wipe the sweat off of his face. “Did somebody upset you?”

“Nothing bubba, I’m fine.”

      Y/n looked up from her short-lived attempt at avoiding Drew’s eyes to him already looking at her. She watched as his hand moved toward her hair as he pushed a fallen piece behind her ear. He looked around her face and finally met her eyes, not believing her. “I’m fine, Drew. I promise.”

     Drew sat back away from her as he let out a loud sigh. “Why do you do that? Why do you lie to my face and tell me that you’re ok like I’m going to buy it? Why can’t you just tell me the truth?”

     “Drew, I really don’t wanna do this right now,” the young girl pleaded. “It’s your birthday, can’t we just have a good time and not worry about me right now?” To that Drew looked at his other half like she had grown another half. 

     “Ok, first of all, this,” He moved his finger quickly in the small space between them. “This Is not a fight. This is me being upset because my girlfriend won’t let me worry about her. I guess she doesn’t know how relationships work.” Drew teased the girl with a small smile on his face. “And second, we both know that I can’t have a good time if you’re sitting over here all sad and mopey.”

It's all the words you never say, the way I catch you watchin' me, I know that you love me, i know you can feel the magic, we don't need to talk about

     After a little back and forth, the young boy had finally gotten the girl to spill the truth about needing some alone time and was now trying to sneak them out of his own birthday party. As the pair rode home, Y/n couldn’t help but look at Drew as he stared ahead. She watched as his changing blue eyes flickered between the path in front of him and the many cars behind him, also driving in the early hours of the morning. 

     Though there were many signs, lights, and flashes that caught her mind’s attention, basically begging her eyes to look, she couldn’t help but only see Drew. This was her favorite kind of Drew. When he is totally unbothered. He was doing something so simple, something that he had been doing since he turned 15, now 27 it only seems right that he should be used to it. However, Y/n couldn’t help to notice how he put all his effort into it, eyes never once leaving the road, she liked to believe that it was his way of self consciously protecting her. And even though she thought she was going unnoticed, the young girl wasn’t the only one admiring from not so far. Drew was watching her too but through his peripheral. He loved that she was enchanted by everything he did. He liked knowing that he wasn’t the only one completely and hopelessly in love. 

No, we don't feel the need for colorful displays, 'cause it's not the kind of game we play, and why should we show the world how we feel, when it's not about them anyway

     Everyone was over at Madelyn’s apartment chilling and hanging out with one another. The blonde was stationed on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table, with a live Instagram leaning on a few books. Y/n was sitting directly behind the girl, turned to the side with her legs pulled up to her chest. She had let Maddie use her phone, the 22-year-old being too lazy to walk to her room and get hers, so now she was just watching as Madelyn socialized with the fans. 

“Ow, shit.” 

     Y/n turned her head to see Drew sitting on the edge of the couch next to her holding his foot with a worried stare. The younger girl let out a small snort. “Did you hit your toe bub?” 

     Drew let out a whiny noise and Maddie proceeded to also let out a laugh, then reusing one of her famous lines, “Never heard anyone whine like that before.” Y/n gently pushed the girl’s shoulder, teasingly telling her to leave the big baby alone. She then returned her vision to the raging comment section. Her once big smile quickly fading to a frown.

I think its a PR stunt bc they don’t even act like a couple

Drew deserves someone who actually loves him...LIKE ME!

gUys she called him bUb! THATS SO CUTE (emoji)

Nah thats def apr stunt, more obvious than shawn and camila

I don’t eleven think i’ve seen them hold hands

     Madelyn and Y/n simultaneously rolled their eyes, the blonde looking up at her best friend gave her a look that spoke “you gonna tell em or me.”

     Y/n slid down from the couch and joined her friend on the floor, getting right in front of the camera. She looked up at her loving boyfriend who was on his phone also looking at the comments on the live. He glanced down towards Y/n and gave her a small smile, telling her to go for it. It wasn’t the first time they had seen comments like this and he knew it wouldn’t be the last but he also knew that she had been dying to rant about it. 

     “Alright, I’m gonna go ahead and say this one thing, and then I’m probably going to take some time off this app.” The young actress slowly took a deep breath and then began her rant. “ Alright, first of all, my relationship with ANYONE, is between me and that person. Just because I have friends, boyfriends or family, does not mean that I have to post them on this account. I understand that it’s hard to believe that 2 people can be happy and healthy unless they showcase it to the rest of the world, but it is in fact very possible. So for everyone who is questioning, my relationship,” the girl then grabbed Drew’s hand, pulling him down to her side of the couch until he was laying on his side behind her head. “This is Drew. My boyfriend. It’s not a publicity stunt, it’s not to get the show more popular, it’s real. Outer Banks is already the number one show on Netflix, so I don’t really think there would be a point to put 2 people in a fake relationship. And another thing, I don’t even have a fucking publicist, so I don’t really know where that came from.” 

     The young girl turned her head to meet Drew’s blue eyes, he looked at her with such satisfaction and amazement. He was proud of his younger girlfriend. For years Drew thought that he would never find someone who was anti-social media like him. He thought that he was just going to have to bare his relationships getting exploited all over the world. Drew was happy that he never had to worry about that with Y/n. 

     “I completely understand why it’s confusing and how you can question our relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can drag our relationship, and me particularly, down. You have no right to say the things you do about me, just because you think that the small, tiny, look into our lives means that I don’t love and care about Drew. Like, no offense, but that’s fucking insane. I’m tired of getting private messages about my weight, my clothes, my hair, my AGE. Don’t even get me started on the age difference. Half of the fan accounts on this app are run by 13-year-olds saying very inappropriate things about a 27-year-old grown-ass man. Like yall understand that’s illegal right. Like, get it through your head that those are fantasies and no matter HOW MANY TIMES you drag ME down, they will NEVER come true. My age isn’t anyone’s business, I’m over 18 so get over it.” Y/n then let out a loud sigh. “I need a damn drink.” 

     To this Drew laughed and kissed her on the cheek, while the other cast members started to whoop and holler while applauding the young girl’s words. They too were proud other, they knew of the struggles that she went through and they knew that most of the time she kept those feelings balled up. Madelyn then grabbed the phone and said her goodbyes to the live, then ending it. 

     The blonde then wrapped her arms around her best friend. “I’m so proud of you, babe. That was so badass.”  Madison saw the interaction from across the room and ran over to join them, adding herself to the hug. 

     “It was great, sissy. You really told them who’s boss.” That last comment made Y/n laugh out loud. She was so happy to have a supporting friend and cast group that made her feel loved. She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

     “It was pretty hot too,” Drew smirked and pulled the young girl away from the group hug and grabbed her face, and gave her a long passionate kiss, something he rarely did in front of others. “I’m proud of you bubba.”

She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

Or a better boyfriend. 

Don't need to see it to believe it, no need to wake me up, 'cause I'm not dreamin'

     The couple was laying in their bed just enjoying each other’s presence. Limbs all spread around but managing to stay intertwined. Sunlight was seeping into the white-painted room, brightening everything up, including the pair’s mood. Drew was leaning against the headboard very lazily, running his hands through Y/n’s hair,  who was sitting in his lap, thighs down beside his knees, with her head on his chest. Drew had woken up early and tried to get the younger girl out of bed, but she refused to do so. So he decided that he would just deal with it and let her drift back off to sleep, but with a twist.

     It humored the young actor that people thought they weren’t a cuddly and touchy couple. They were absolutely a touchy couple, they just didn’t enjoy being touchy in front of others, some people not being into that and they didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. It was more a Drew thing. He was the one who suggested they not have a lot of PDA, and while Y/n was all for PDA, she would do anything for Drew to make him happy. At the beginning of their relationship, Y/n was insecure about Drew’s real feelings because he didn’t show much love through touch, but she eventually mentioned it to him. Ever since then he always made it a point to show more affection the second they were alone. Hints their situation now. 

     Drew watched as Y/n started to stir in her sleep. She started to whine and Drew felt her chest start to move a little faster. She was having another nightmare. 

     “Shhh, shhh. You’re ok, it’s ok,” the young man started to rub her back and hold her a little tighter. He wanted the nightmare to stop but he didn’t want to ruin her sleep. “It’s just a dream. You’re ok, bubba.” Drew closed his eyes and gave a small smile when he felt her calm down, turn her head the other direction and hold onto him a little tighter. Despite what the young girl believed, Drew loved the affection that she gave him. Being the oldest of 3 kids, the boy felt like he had to grow up fast and while he knew his parents loved them all equally, he got less of the affection. He had to grow up and become a little man, help his mom prepare dinner, he and logan had to help take care of Brooke and Mackayla. He just thought that he wasn’t a fan to touch, but when it came to Y/n’s touch he couldn’t get enough of it.  

     Drew closed his eyes and relaxed his body, trying to drift off to sleep himself.  He knew he wasn’t dreaming yet, but he never wanted to leave this dream state with her. Getting to love someone like her, was something Drew never even dreamed of but now he was thankful for that. Because no dream could have lived up to the life that he gets to live with the girl that he loves.

[eddieismypimp]

Snuck in

Summary: You and Oscar go on a really cute date and have a wonderful day. Then y'all come home and find out that your daughter snuck her boyfriend in while yall were gone and the whole vibe is ruined. Warnings:  DRAMATIC ASF FOR NO REASON, cussing, a little violence but its not terrible, also, this story is gonna be kind of long because I can't control myself when it comes to writing and it takes me nine years to settle on an ending. A/N (PLEASE READ): before I start the story I just wanna say, in NO way do I condone violence, this story idea has been in my head for a while and I have no idea why but I needed to write it. I'm scared to post this because it's absolute trash and I have anxiety. If you dont like this type of story I am truly very sorry. Also, thank you for the people that are supporting me and liking my stuff. You guys are wonderful and I hope you have a great, non-boring quarantine. <3 p.s. please don't bash me, I'm not the best writer.

I was laying on my bed, scrolling through insta when my husband walked into the bedroom. "Hi baby." I said smiling up at him. "Hi beautiful." He got on the bed and started kissing my face. "You should get ready soon hermosa." He said kissing my neck. " I have plans for us today." "Aw really? What are we doing?" I asked with a smile. "That's a surpirse, dress comfortable though." He said smiling and getting up walking back out the room. I smiled to myself. He's literally so cute. Everyone thinks he's so tough but hes the biggest teddy bear. He's my squishy. I giggled at that thought. I really hope its a date. We haven't went on a proper date in like two years and I was DYING for some romance. I went to me and Oscar's shared closet. I rummaged through it for about 15 minutes before I just decided on a black floral dress that was flowy and comfortable. I walked to the bathroom and decided to take a quick shower.    -Time skip because I'm fucking lazy- After I got out of the shower, I brushed my teeth, moisturized my hair, put lotion on and all that good stuff before I got dressed. When I was finished with all of that, I slipped on some black sandals to finish the look. I grabbed my phone and my little purse and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Oscar and Cesar were sitting at the table talking. Oscar had a mean look on his face as usual but when he saw me he smiled. I smiled back. I got my glass of water and walked towards the table to take a seat. As soon as I sat down, our daughter Mariposa walked in. (side note, I'm sorry if anyone has this name or has used this name or something I just think its beautiful) " Hi mami, hi papi" She said kissing me and Oscar's cheek. "Hi my baby." I said smiling at her. "Hi princesa." Oscar said to her before going back to talking to her tio. She came over to me. "Mama, when are you and papa leaving?" She asked me. "I'm not sure my darling" I asked her. "Why?" "You got plans or something?" Oscar chimed in. She looked at him. "No papi." She said a little to quickly which was a little suspicous but I brushed it off. He looked at her with one eyebrow raised. "I'm just gonna miss you guys thats all." She said with a pout. I absolutely melted. Even tho she's fifteen, she's still my little baby. "Awww." I said pulling her into a hug and kissing her forehead. Oscar chcukled. "We'll be back soon mi corazon. And when we come back, we can watch movies and eat snacks." He said standing up to kiss her forehead. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up off the chair. "You ready hermosa?" He asked me. "Yes," I said smiling. "Bye baby." I said to my daughter kissing her head. "Bye guys, be careful and have fun." She waved at us. Me and Oscar got in his car. "We're gonna gave a great day baby , are you ready for this?" He asked looking at me. "I was born ready." We both laughed.  "So, where are we going? I asked him. "That's a surprise baby." He said as he started driving to an unknown location. I shook my head and giggled.  -another time skip - We pulled up to some place that looked like a flower shop. I looked at Oscar with a smile, he knew I loved flowers. He got out of the car and I followed. He grabbed my hand and we walked in. The workers greeted us as I looked at all the pretty flowers. "Come on hermosa" Oscar said pulling me towards a door that lead to the back of the store. "I want you to see something." I just allowed him to pull me desperate to see what he wanted to show me. He opened the door and I was in absolute SHOCK!  My jaw dropped. It was so pretty. There was a little table with two chairs, some candles, and two silver platters covered up. There was a huge umberella covering the table with fairy lights hanging off of it above us. In the background there was a huge feild filled with a plethora of flowers. It was absolutley breathtaking. "Do you like it?" He asked me looking at me with hopeful eyes. I started tearing up. "Oh mamita don't cry." he said taking my face in his hands and kissing my cheek. "You set all this up" I asked "For me?" "Of course I did baby" He said "You're my world and I would do anything for you." "This is so perfect Oscar" I said wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his chest. "It's beautiful." "Anything for you baby" He said grabbing my hand and kissing it. "Let's go sit down." He pulled me towards the table and pulled my chair out for me. I sat down and he pushed the chair towards the table  little. Then he sat down opposite of me. "This is amazing Oscar." I said with a smile. He just smiled back at me. -ANOTHER time skip, dont hate me- After we finished eating our dinner and talking, we decided to go on a walk through the feilds and pick some flowers. He took some pictures of me and I took some pictures of him. It was truly an amzaing day. We started the walk back to the car. "Oscar... thank you for today. It was truly amazing and I'm glad I have you in my life. I said grabbing his hands and looking in his eyes. "I'm glad I have you too baby, I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you or Mariposa." He kissed me. We got in the car and I put my head on his shoulder while he drove home.   -at home- We got out of the car hand in hand. Happy about how today turned out. I dont know about Oscar but I was ready to cuddle with my loves and watch disney movies. We walked in and Oscar let go of my hand almsot immediately. I gasped. We both froze. My daughter was on some guys lap and they were making out. I looked at Oscar because I knew he was about to flip. The guy pushed Mariposa off of him and onto the couch. Mariposa looked actually petrified. I was very upset. Before I could even react, Oscar charged at the poor boy and started punvhing him. I ran over. Mariposa was begging him to stop. "Oscar, oscar please stop." I said trying to grab his arm. He pushed my arms away and continued to hit the boy. "Oscar!" I yelled one last time and he finally stopped. Oscar was livid, Mariposa was crying, I was freaked out, and that poor boy was bloodied and bruised. "Oscar, oscar come on" I said grabbing his face in my hands. "Look at me, it's gonna be okay, I promise." I tried to reason with him but he was still mad. He looked at the boy who was trying to pick himself up off the floor with Mariposa's help. "Get him the fuck out of my house." He said through clenched teeth. The boy finally got up off the floor and walked out the door. Oscar looked at Mariposa who was just standing there crying. "Give me your phone and go to your room. He said with a stern look. "You're grounded from now for til college." (if you get this ily) She handed him her phone and went to her room. "Oscar... I get you're mad baby and I'm VERY upset myself but you didn't have to beat him up like that right in front of her...." I said caressing his cheeks. "My poor baby was terrified oscar." I frowned. "She disrespected me y/n. She disrespected both of us.." He paused. "I can't just let that shit slide because then she'll think that she can get away with anything." "I totally get that oscar, I'm her parent too and I know she needs discipline", "but I'm just saying that was a lttle extreme..." "I know.... I couldn't control myself" He said looking down at his brusied and bloody knuckles. "It's okay baby." I took his hands in mine careful not to hurt him. "Go wait for me in bathroom" "I'm gonna go talk to Mariposa and then I'll come clean you up." I said kissing his cheek. He walked to the bathroom as I walked to my daughters room. I heard her crying. I knocked. "Posie, it's just me baby." I said opening her door. She had her face in her pillows crying. "Aww come here my baby." I said sitting down on her bed and bringing her into my arms. "I hate him mama." She cried. "Now now, don't say that. Your papa only wants whats best for you" I said as I rubbed her head to try and soothe her. "I know, what just happened was very scary and traumatizing for you but you have to understand that you are still your papa's little girl even if you are growing up" I said pouting. "You know your father would do anything to protect you and seeing you with that boy really freaked him out and brought him to the reality that you're getting older.....You can't be mad at him for loving you baby" I said putting my hands on her cheeks." Don't get me wrong, I am very upset and disappointed too but I understand. I did the same thing with your dad when I was your age, I just didnt get caught" I said. She giggled at that. I smiled. "Theres my happy girl" I said as I kissed the top of her head. "Now, I want you to go apologize to your dad." She nodded her head. "Okay mama." "You're still grounded though." I said standing up and following her out of her bedroom. She slowly stalked to bathroom where Oscar was. She peaked her head in. Oscar was looking at his hands. "Papa..." Her voice was barely a whisper and I don't even know how Oscar heard her. He looked up at her. She started tearing up again. "I'm really sorry.." She said full on crying now. Oscar sighed. "Come here bebita." Oscar said motioning to go over to him with his hand. She sowly walked over to him and immediately fell into his embrace. "I'm sorry I freaked out like that princesa. He said rubbing her head. "You're my little girl, and seeing you with that boy.. something inside me snapped." "I understand papi...I'm really sorry I did that and I promise I'll never do it again." she said looking up at him. "It's okay baby...now go to your room, me and your mama will make dinner for you." He said kissing her temple. "Okay, papa" She said walking over to me. She gave me a hug. "I love you mama." "I love you too baby."                                                              the end.

[datleggy]

I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove. 

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of  her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance  :)

[trueheda]

               hey babes !!! so apparently you guys have someone lost your senses because the follow count has managed to reach 400+ and it makes like negative amounts of sense ? like i’m forever grateful that you guys not only take the time to want to interact with me, but the quality of wiring i’ve been privileged enough to interact with on this account always makes me smile. ya’ll know my story about writing ontari already, and how happy i am that you guys give me a chance of doing what i love doing and exploring ontari and the ice fam #azkrubestkru. love all of you. so as a thank you i’m going to be doing a lil bit of fun an azkruedits give away as well as a bias list that you’ll be able to find bellow the cut later. but since apparently ice fam has gotten a bit of fans from the popularity of that option !! well i’m excited to help out in any way i can ( ignore the horrible quality of the graphic above i made in in 2 min ). legit though, thank you so much for putting up with my salty af ass. so here’s how to enter into the azgeda edits part:

first you gotta reblog this post. sometimes peeps just wanna like shit ? because ? people are the sweetest humans ever i guess. but in order to determine who wants to be in the thing, lets go with the reblog. then all you gotta do is post smth nice about the last person you sent an im to !! because kai’s favorite present is always making sure the community has enough love. 

                                                                             now for my loves:

@damnleader ---- nikki my babe. honestly i have yet to find someone who can connect me to bellamy better than you. the soul you put into that boy is amazing and i adore your interpretation of him so much. you are bellamy blake like. so much. it is so important !! not to mention that you are such a level headed mun and it’s hella refreshing to have you on the dash !! honestly if you don’t have nikki on your dash and you’re part of the 100 fandom i don’t know what you’re doing with you life. honestly if you don’t have nikki on your dash period idk what you’re doing with your life. i’ve had the honor to write with this babe and she blows me away every time. also co-president of the #belltari crackship which you should all support bc it’s obviously canon.

@monniers ---- look its moon. salt king to my salt queen. cas to my dean. honestly this babe is amazing and we’re problematic af together. for those of you who don’t know. moon plays the lovely alexander murphy ( ie. papa murphy ) and ontari’s space dad. honestly the writing is amazing if you haven’t gotten a chance to write with them you should. i love my guardian angel moon. puts up with all my fucking shit and then spoiled 1/2 of game of thrones like what the hell moon. nah but honestly if you’re not following moon ? like what ? are you doin ? with your life man ? like ? pls man ???

@azgona ---- have you met the betty to my veronica yet ? no ? um excuse me why aren’t you following hannah ? hannah is the sweetest human being you could ever ask for. like actual adorable sweetheart. and honestly one of the best ship partners you could possibly ask for. she’s great at writing even if she refuses to believe in herself and honestly like !! hannah !! you’re !! great !! like honestly. your characters are amazing and you’re a wonderful writer like. i love hannah so much and all of you should too okay ? side note: every oc this babe writes should be 

@ginatcnic ---- if you’re not following lauren then what are you doing honestly the sweetest !! person. you pay the prince in lauren loving you an excessive amount but its okay because the friendship comes with a lifetime warranty and it gets better every day !! so totally worth it. not to mention that she basically is the heart and soul of gina martin. this kid has put so much effort into her kid that it’s like ??? we relate so much like lauren developed her gina so much for a character that was in the show for two episode like damn. its awesome. and honestly like this babe will check up on you so often like actual #mom friend.

@floathim ---- charles is my husband. well he’s jude’s husband but like i totally claim him here on the internet i did when i first met him because he’s super cute af okay. not to mention that i have yet to meet someone who write murphy quite the way he does. it’s not that i don’t love other murphys. but charles just gets it. right like ??? how do you describe it when someone perfectly nails a character ? not o mention that its A+ writing quality along with an A+ mun like ? everyone should be here for charles and his murphy okay. make sure to follow this babe.

@impcled ---- i love chuck okay. like babe is a babe. a handful 150%. but how can you not love him ? he’s a darling and #problematicdadfriend and one of the best parts about this are how honest he is with jasper’s writing. do we love it ? yeah ? is it amazing yeah ? honestly i adore everything !! about !! this !! blog !! it’s such a great thing tbh like how are u not ? following ? i love you chuck if you’re reading this. 

@challengedloyalty ---- tia !! honestly if you’re not following tia on this blog or her main babe ( @deucalionsdarcy ) you’re missing out. the writing quality is so fucking mindblowing and her characters are the sweetest fucking things like ? honestly the minute she made sven i was like head over heels because like honestly ontari is so taken with that boy and he’s such a unique character to put into the 100 settings like dual clan loyalty like ? can u not ? idk man i love tia and her writing and her babes so much so like ? how to pick man ? how does one do shit.

@kiingbuilt ----  have you guys like somehow missed lenee’s beautiful ass on your dash ? it’s one of the most beautiful and positive things i’ve ever seen. her roan is beautiful. she’s beautiful. and thats all you really need to know.

and i want to write shit for everyone but this bias list will literally be 50 pages long so i’m just gonna ??? list them ??? at this point ??? honestly it’s not that ilove you guys any less i’m just like ? lazy ? af ?????????? so a quick shout out to those that really mean the world to me writing ontari means so fucking much and you guys have helped me with a level i wouldn’t have been able to achieve without  

@youngcst / @eldcstson / @leyosgona / @foxofthe100 / @deathwants / @zosimekomazgeda / @princeubbe / @belomi / @ragnarsscn / @seakept / @indiebryan / @acrownofice / @noximperator / @aznofi / @everyturnanycost / @basiicphysics / @icymenace / @soldiiermade / @murdocksredemption / @redempticnarc

also a quick shout to the blogs i follow but don’t write with but inspire me to be a better writer every day:

@wolfsouled / @rattledbybullets / @allvanquisher / @praycd / @bloodshedbound / @pulledfromhell / @sacrificialheart / @lionoffrance 

[biobliterator]

@synthzander​ made a super cool post answering questions abt her OCs and I got inspired to do it myself too!! I’m doing it for my five current faves. this is taken from @the-moon-dust-writings​‘s post here!

-OC’s full name?  Nix: Phoenix Eleanor Nova Rex: Bartholomew Alexander Achernar Orion: Orion Vela Io: Io Justine Pleione Ceres: Ceres Altair (Orion and Ceres don’t have middle names bc Orion picked his own name and didn’t want one and Ceres just straightup doesn’t care)

- Where were they born? Nix: Greece Rex: Scotland Orion: uhh I’m not 100% exactly sure yet but somewhere in South Asia  Io: idk man Ceres: Rwanda i think!

- What accent and language do they speak in? Nix: kinda a mix between English and Greek accents, speaks English, Greek, and a bit of French Rex: Scottish accent, only speaks English Orion: his accent and first language depend on where exactly he was born so i need to figure that out, but other than that he speaks English, Spanish, and French fluently, and many many other languages less so. Io: Io doesn’t “”speak”” but they can only use English Ceres: his first language is Kinyarwanda, altho he hasn’t had the opportunity to speak it for years. And he’s close to fluent in English!

this got super long so i’m putting it under a readmore from here! (also i accidentally switched ceres’ and io’s positions w/o realising fdkg)

- What flaws do they have? Nix: g od where do i even begin w this question. she’s manipulative and can be cruel. she wants her own way and she wants it now and she’s not afraid to go to great lengths to get it Rex: mm Rex isn’t developed enough to have significant flaws yet, but he has major attachment issues and tends to be lazy Orion: my boy is perfect wym he avoids all his problems and will always take the easy route rather than helping anybody out, also keeps a lot of knowledge of other people that would be better shared w certain others Ceres: Ceres is a difficult one tbh, but he doesn’t have any interest whatsoever in helping anybody who isn’t himself or very close friends, and doesn’t care if he hurts other people  Io: Io,, also is difficult? they make things harder for other people but that’s not their fault. yea idk Io is developed enough either

- What are things that they are good at? Nix: she’s very good at social situations and cheering people up! she’s also good at painting, photography, cooking, and is a talented engineer (she smart) Rex: video games his one true love.....he’s also a talented socialiser and good to have around in stressful situations bc he’s calm and level headed, AND he knows how to survive in the wilderness. Orion: music!! he’s a v talented musucian and singer. other than that he’s rly intelligent and can memorise almost anything - which includes the entire high school musical script. also he somehow makes friends super easily without realising how Ceres: his academic strong point is most definitely history. other than that he has a quiet way of being comforting? he notices the people he’s close to and is good at figuring them out without asking. he’s also REALLY good w animals Io: Io is pretty damn brilliant at building robots!! and they’re curious and are good at researching things they find interesting

- What are their pet peeves? Nix: ppl not taking things seriously when they should, rly loud music, ppl who don’t research before talking (basically her pet peeves are everything abt her younger self lmao) Rex: not listening when he’s trying to talk, disrespecting others’ interests, sore losers Orion: talking over him, being the punchline, being unwilling to change little things for him, chewing w ur mouth open Ceres: he only has one!: every single person on the entire earth  Io: not even bothering to try and understand their way of communicating, putting salt on things

- What is something they do not respect? Nix: ppl who talk down on her friends Rex: biting straight into the kitkat Orion: ppl who needlessly state their negative opinion Ceres: ppl who are mean to spiders Io: spiders

- Could they survive on their own in a forest? Nix: maybe?? as long as it wasn’t for too long Rex: yea Orion: quite possibly? he might have the knowledge but idk if he could put it into practise Ceres: fairly sure he could Io: no

- Are they social with others? Nix: very!! Rex: yes Orion: a lot of the time! Ceres: no Io: yea

- Do they have good social skills? Nix: yes Rex: yes Orion: ..sorta? Ceres: hell no Io: mm not really

- What is their deepest darkest secret?  Nix: she’s not as caring as she tries to make herself out to be Rex: idk he’s a pretty open book Orion: i think he keeps a lot of things secret, but knowing where his sister is and not finding her is prob a big one Ceres: his entire past p much? he doesn’t tell anybody shit Io: i think that they feel guilt over their existence sometimes. they try not to show it bc they don’t want people to worry but they need near constant care and can be difficult to live with. 

- Do they have a guilty pleasure? Nix: probably alcohol. she tries not to drink bc she has to be responsible at all times but damn does she wanna get drunk Rex: h onestly i feel like he would be into dolls and things but too embarrassed to share it Orion: eating all the ice cream. all of it Ceres: he rly likes anime... Io: they have secret social media accounts where they shitpost near constantly

- How do they express their feelings? Nix: in violent emotional outbursts or silent crying at midnight Rex: he does his best to hold it in at all times but sometimes he’ll just cry Orion: he wears his heart on his sleeve and has frequent meltdowns Ceres: he Doesn’t Io: very much phsyically. if they’re feeling something, you’ll know

- How do they react when they are proven wrong? Nix: depends. if she likes the person she’ll apologise and move on, if not she’ll just get Angery Rex: he doesn’t argue or shout unless he’s CERTAIN he’s right, so usually he’s in a situation where he can just say “oh yeah thats a good point” Orion: with confusion, mostly. knowing things grounds him, so its disorienting when he’s wrong Ceres: he’ll clench his jaw and walk away Io: [text] wot

- How do they mourn? Nix: she’s the Responsible One™ so she does her best to stay strong, but she’s very likely to lose control and resort to reckless activities Rex: loudly and angrily Orion: he withdraws and sabotages himself Ceres: he withdraws too, even more than usual. he’ll just...sit and stare at the wall Io: they don’t? understand? like when are they coming back? where did they go bring them back??

- When would they back talk someone? Nix: whenever she’s given the opportunity lmao Rex: only if they’re REALLY pissing him off Orion: not very often. probably only when somebody is talking abt his friends bc he can process that quicker Ceres: he wouldn’t. he just wouldn’t respond Io: when ppl aren’t listening to them (or whatever listening is through text)

- Do they gossip? Nix: YES and then feels bad about it later Rex: only if he knows it’s not harmful Orion: nah Ceres: no Io: lmao yes

- Would they ever be able to forgive themselves if they did something horrible? Example - Murder Nix: i think maybe? depends on the circumstances Rex: he cant even forgive himself for WITNESSING a murder when he was a kid :/ Orion: if he can rationalise it, yea Ceres: good question. the answer is i have no clue Io: i think so. it’d have to have been extreme circumstances for it to happen so they’d handle it

- Do they care about themselves or others more? Nix: herself unless it’s her friends (she has many friends) Rex: others Orion: others but he knows he needs to care abt himself more :/ Ceres: himself UNLESS it’s somebody he’s super close to Io: others BUT they’ll put their own needs first

- How would other OCs describe them? Nix: abt Rex - a solid friend. he’s safe and lovable and the one person who doesn’t depend on her abt Orion - so talented? she’s so proud of him and knows he’s gonna go far abt Ceres - after living with him for a while, he’s actually really sweet. you don’t notice him, but he notices you abt Io - the most precious lil bean!! she adores io even if they can be frustrating sometimes Rex: abt Nix - pushes herself way too hard. she needs to learn to relax so she doesn’t snap abt Orion - a good friend who he can have a real deep intelligent conversation with. lots of people underestimate him but rex knows he has a LOT to offer abt Ceres - hoo boy.....hoooooooo boy.......... abt Io - he struggles to understand io but he’s trying. the more he understands the more shocked he is at the kinda shit they text him

Orion: abt Nix - has no idea where he’d be without her, but couldn’t rely on her entirely. he’s thankful she introduced him to, and is part of, a solid support system abt Rex - he honestly loves hanging out w rex. he has so many interesting stories. while orion is more of a thinker, rex is more of a doer, so together they get up to a lot abt Ceres - ceres was the first one of them he met. he rly likes ceres. he’s a good listener. orion would like to learn more about him but he doesn’t want to push abt Io - what he loves abt io is how much they understand each other and can laugh about it. while the others definitely try, they don’t fully understand what it’s like to live as an autistic, but io does.

Ceres: abt Nix - he wants to trust her. he really really want to trust her, but deep down he doesn’t. she needs to fully and truly open up for him to trust her, but for her to do that he has to open up himself, but for him to open up he has to trust her..... abt Rex - complicated emotions. rex needs to learn how to not be taken advantage of abt Orion - persistent, but he’s grateful. without orion he doesn’t know where he’d be, and he really loves to hang out w him, especially as he’s one of the few people that doesn’t ask questions or make things awkward abt Io - he likes doing Quiet Things with io. like playing chess, baking, reading. io isn’t generally a quiet person, so he’s grateful they spend their quiet times with him Io: abt Nix - possibly one of the best people ever? while they adore their parents, without nix there’s a lot of things they wouldn’t have gotten to experience abt Rex - confusing. not the first person they’d go to in a crisis, but not the last either abt Orion - trouble buddy!! they get into trouble together a lot its great abt Ceres - needs to brush up on his chess skills bc they trash him every time but needs to ease up on his monopoly and poker skills bc they want to win ://

- How would your OC describe themselves? Nix: damn bitch you live here?? Rex: constantly just trying to fix his own mistakes Orion: existential crisis with a violin Ceres: reeeallly doesn’t know what he’s doing here Io: um?? the best Obviously ;)

- How would you as the writer describe them? Nix: nix is my eldest, and i probably have the closest relationship with her. she pushes herself too much and it only sends her backwards. she’s in a difficult position bc she has people that rely on her and they need her, but she needs to look after herself too bc she’s only gonna end up hurting the people she cares about, not to mention herself. but honestly? i love her so much. i admire her desire to go out of her way to help people, and to understand people, and i’m so happy she’s found herself a family that love her and she loves back. Rex: my boy has come so far. he’s the youngest of the group, but he’s still over a year old by now and he’s changed so much. he has such a genuine desire to make everybody happy, but like w nix needs to look after himself too bc he’s going to make himself sick. i hope to god someday he finds reason and purpose in his life and that he’s happy. Orion: such a shining light. i remember almost killing him off as soon as i made him and i’m so glad i didn’t. he has a power that draws people to him, and just seeing him smile could brighten any day. he deserves the world. i know things can be difficult for him, and people can be mean and say mean things, but he handles it so well and i am so proud that he’s found his family and he’s going to stick by them no matter what. they’re going to help him rise to the top and allow him to achieve his dreams, and he’s going to keep them with him when he does. Ceres: boyo...sweet boyo........this whole mess wasn’t his fault, no matter how much he believes it was. there’s no way he could have known what would have happened when he ran off w the promise of excitement and adventure. but yknow what it his fault? taking a chance and making a friend and it turning out w him having a family who’ll defend him to their graves. Io: my baby’s been through so much dramatic development recently, and is finally getting the attention they deserve. they’ve had a lot of luck in their life, and they’re starting to realise just how many things could have gone wrong so far, and the next step is realising that they absolutely deserve those things, and that they shouldn’t try and give things back out of obligation, but out of love.

- How well do they know their own limits? Nix: nix..knows her limits, but being a caregiver means she has to push them a lot even when she doesn’t want to. Rex: he doesn’t know his limits at all. he’s constantly finding himself at limit’s end and being unable to get out of it. Orion: he mostly knows his limits? sometimes he chooses to push them, but he’ll fight for his right to stay within them Ceres: oh nah he has no idea, and he doesn’t want to find out either Io: io knows their limits and refuses to have them pushed

that’s it and i just wanna say that if you read this far i admire your tolerance and i adore you

[ufocafe]

do all the voltron asks!!

holy moly thanks pal i’ll answer them under the cut bc i anticipate it’ll be Longe since idk how to shut the fuck up

keith: how edgy/emo do u consider yourself to be?

tbh i don’t think i’m that bad like trust me i used to be way worse but overall on the inside i am Soft on the outside i still look hella edgy bc all my clothes are black and it’s just ,, how i look

shiro: are you a good leader and can you handle responsibility?

no and no i am So Bad at being in charge cause i don’t like telling people what to do and i’m a stressed out pushover who avoids anything like group projects at all costs

lance: what’s your type of humor and what’s your favorite meme?

whatever the hell this blog consists of is my humor it’s legit just a shitpost collection. nd my fav meme would probs be the whole cryptid meme trend ? idk if it counts as a meme itself but i lob posts that are like ‘i saw mothman in a overly air conditioned chili’s at 5:47 pm and he bought me a soda’

pidge: are you good w/ technology?

i’d say i’m average for someone my age like i’m a teenager in 2017 so i can operate simple stuff like computers and phones, find how to fix small problems but i’m not a #hacker though i did go to wikihow once to try and learn then gave up after a solid 30 seconds bc it was too hard

hunk: how kind and loyal do you consider yourself?

i’d say i’m pretty kind like i can be rude to a handful of ppl but only cause they’re bad ppl so it evens out. idk bout loyal cause ig it means to stick by your friendos and support them which ofc i do but i can’t say that i like stay by someone’s side thru everything bc sometimes things become Too Much or stuff goes down and u just gotta blast

allura: do you feel underestimated sometimes? and should you totally be the black paladin?

i feel like it’s more overestimated? lots of ppl expect great things from me that i don’t think i can achieve so it’s p stressful. also black paladin allura 4 life

coran: what’s your fav show other than voltron?

i have so many so i’m just gonna name a few; over the garden wall, star vs, gravity falls, stranger things, steven universe, etc.

zarkon: would you consider universe domination for your lost cat/pet

i,, don’t think so ? i mean idk what this question is rly implying like did someone steal my pet and now i gotta take over the world ? or did it die and the only way to like avenge it or whatever is world domination bc probably no to both which sounds heartless since i lob my dog but like everythings gotta die someday and i’m not gonna take over the world to reverse/stop smthn thats inevitable

kaltenecker: do you look good in sunglasses?

not sure i never wear then since i have glasses and rarely go to a beach-like setting but i probably do

slav: are you a perfectionist? do you believe in alternate universes?

i’d say i’m in the middle of perfectionist and absolute walking tornado like i’m so fucking messy and i’ll let stuff pile up until i’m basically living in a dump and i’ll hate it sm but i’m so lazy cause Depression then one day i’ll just do a massive clean up and make everything PERFECT. also yes i like to think theres alternate universes/realities it’s a cool concept to think abt cause it doesn’t exactly affect me it’s not an existential thing like pondering if god exists its more like “i wonder if i’m a duck in another reality”

thace: would you go against the authority if it was the right thing to do?

ofc fuck the authority

haggar: who is your fav character in voltron?

i’d have to say lance i lob my sweet son

matt: what are some things you like abt watching voltron?

i have to admit i’m more into filler episodes rather than fight scenes every few minutes so probably just like all the humor and team bonding it warms my emotionless heart

commander holt: do you like peas?

ya

voltron: are you a team player? do you prefer to work alone?

i rather work alone bc then i get to use all my ideas instead of make a compromise with someone else cause i can never find the voice to speak up for what i want so i just end up watching ppl do stuff i don’t like when there’s stuff i think would be better

blue lion: how trusting and loyal do you think you are?

i already mentioned the loyal thing but for trusting i think i trust too easily? ill just spill beans to ppl i’ve barely known for a long time i wish i was more mysterious but whatevs

red lion: how impulsive and/or decisive are you?

i have 0 impulse control for example i have problems with picking at my skin and i’ll just see a piece kinda tore away and before i know it my fingers are all bloody and i’m like owo what’s this. but when i actually put thought into a decision i am very indecisive because i always wanna make youre i’m making the right choice w/ smthn like choosing classes or buying a certain thing

green lion: how curious are you and what subjects are you interested in?

while being impulsive i’m also quite curious so if i wanna go sneak and see smthn there’s not hesitation. i like english/writing and psychology stuff.

yellow lion: do you consider yourself strong and reliable?

i don’t think i’m either i mean i’ll always be there for ppl if they need me but i don’t really think i’m the best person to lift ppl up even if i wanna

black lion: what are some things you want in season 3?

def more lance and hunk character development, some gay shit (cough klance cough) more team bonding in general, and allura piloting black lion ofc

rover: what’s one fact abt a pet you have/had?

once i had a dog and i can’t recall his breed but he looked just like toto from the wizard of oz and we had him for a few months but he pissed everywhere and on everything so we ended up selling him to some ppl. fast forward to a few months later maybe a year the couple had auditioned him to play toto in the school’s wizard of oz play and he got the part so that was cool

shay: do you love hunk? how do you feel abt the enviroment?

i lob hunk with all my heart he is a sweet bean + i care abt the enviorment a lot i think that with trump as president it’s really gonna go to shit more than it already is bc obv it’s been a dilemma for years now but with the goverment denying climate change and all that i rly fear for our planet

lotor: how concerned are you abt your looks?

i think i’m generally good looking but that’s not to say i’m not concerned with my looks bc i kinda am like ill see myself as cute or smthn but then as soon as acne starts popping up or my hair is bad i kinda just spend the next few days doing whatever i can to fix it so i stay nice hnngh it’s a work in progress

alfor: when faced with conflict, would you rather fight or flee?

i suppose it depends on the type of conflict but i’m most likely to fight until it gets too stressful and then leave

ulaz: would you sacrifice yourself for a cause?

we were asked a similar question in history regarding the dude who discovered gravity or smthn like that idk and it went against the churches beliefs so there was a trial and it was either death or admit he was wrong which is a pretty big thing i guess and we can all say we’d die for what we believed but if it actually came down to it the answer is kinda blurry. i had said i’d say i was wrong then continue to spread my info. underground or just flee but unlucky 4 him he was on house arrest for the rest of his life so choose wisely kiddos

i think i’m gonna sleeb now so bye

[picnic-crossing-blog]

i love these!!! 1, 7, and 10 c:

aw crap ok

ok I'm gonna do for both cause you didn't specify so heres the risky ones

1. @ the people you wanna friends with

@mayor-mami @vasirasart dangit

7. tell an embarrassing story or memory

TMI WARNING

okay I don’t really remember this one but my sister has told me several times but apparently when I was like 2, I went outside and managed to get my diaper off and apparently I pissed off a queen wasp and she stung me right where the diaper goes on my inner leg. I’ll be honest though my whole life is an embarrassing story but this is one of the funnier parts aha

10. if you draw or write, show us some of your really old work

oh no cRAP shjkfksdjfhs okay this isn't really old but I’m too lazy to go find my older art. I drew this randomly last year:

I actually posted it! It’s Elias Goldstein from Wizardess heart cause I love him and I was having art block so... xD

now for the really risky ones

1. if you had to hug anyone who would you hug

do fictional people count cause if so i’d hug Yukiya Reizen from Wizardess Heart because hes a precious cinnamon roll wHO DESERVES ALL LOVE

7. favorite song you cant stop listening to?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsRZ8rmiEVc idk I listen to this a lot ??

10. whats something thats made you laugh recently?

my sister like just BARELY showed me a fanart of a support between Chrom and Frederick and it was just a picture of a red headed person holding a sign with shirtless Chrom and Frederick wearing a similar t-shirt and they both said Chrom Fanclub

IDK WHEN IT HAPPENS IN THE SUPPORTS BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth