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redr0sewrites · 1 day ago

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k. takami nsfw alphabet

🍊 A/n: wanted to do one of these for a long time hehe! also cannot believe this is my first time writing for hawks like,,,,

🍊 Cw: nsfw, smut, marking, phone sex, breeding kink, mutual masturbation, corruption kink, overstimulation

🍊 dividers

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

the first word that comes to mind is definitely clingy. i think that after sex, especially with someone whom he's very close with emotionally, Hawks is really desperate for physical contact and intimacy. his aftercare game is okay, he'd put in the effort, but he prefers to just relax and cuddle with you and deal with any mess in the morning. i also think he'd prefer to be pampered a bit rather than do the pampering, but if you're too tired i do think he'd take care of you too. falls asleep as close as possible to you, often crushing you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

i think on himself, Hawks struggles a lot with choosing a favorite, but overall i think its his hands. they're a lot softer than the rest of him, since he's always wearing gloves, and he loves that they give you so much pleasure. plus, i think he has like larger hands than most, and they're just very pretty (and he has prominent veins + a bit of hair on his knuckles urgrhrhrhr im deceased). on you, i think he's either a tummy or thighs type of guy. he likes resting on your stomach or thighs because his wings make it difficult to sleep on his back, and he also really enjoys how much your thighs and stomach tremble when you're overstimulated or about to cum. likes leaving hickeys there as well.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

honestly he'll cum anywhere. if you're just a hookup Hawks is pretty normal about it, he'll use a condom and call it a day, but if he's in an intimate relationship with someone i think he'd really like cumming inside or on your stomach or chest. seeing his cum dripping on your body kinda soothes those weird primal bird instincts he sometimes gets- i feel like he would occasionally get super possessive about cumming on you. he also really likes how wet you get when he's already cum inside a few times and can hear soft squelches everytime he thrusts into you, thats just like an oddly specific turn on of his.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

definitely masturbates to the thought of you, probably even before you officially get together. i don't think he's a big fan of porn, so Hawks pretty much only gets off using his imagination. has probably sneaked a few photos of you in a low cut shirt or tight shorts to use for... later purposes. the embarrassment and shame he feels about violating your privacy only turns him on more. in addition to this, Hawks has a v complicated relationship with morality and would probably get turned on by nefarious or risky acts like public sex or something of the like, simply because it would probably ruin his public image.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

experienced in hookups, but not in intimacy, if that makes sense. like sure, Hawks has slept with people, but hasn't had many long term or romantic partners. all this to say, he's experienced with fucking, but not so much with truly making love. either way, he's talented in getting you off, but probably not talented with specific kinks or holding eye contact n stuff- at least at first.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

basic missionary, mating press, or 69ing. he likes seeing your face and reactions, especially if you're in a serious relationship. however, he's also a certified munch and loves giving head so he drabbles in that as well.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

honestly it depends on his mood. sometimes i can see Hawks being very silly and taking it slow, probably when you're more comfortable in the relationship or are feeling especially tired or emotional. however when he's stressed or irritated he's more serious and less prone to joking around. also depends on how you respond, and if his silliness lightens the mood and makes you more comfortable, then he's damn well trying his hardest to please you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

amazing at manscaping. pubes are a little darker than the rest of his hair, probably curl too. he trims but doesn't shave completely, and has a really nice happy trail. probably spends a lot of time on self care,, in addition to this, he probably wouldn't care on whether or not his partner shaves, but would probably have a preference for more hair rather than none.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

at first Hawks isn't great with intimacy but gets better as the relationship progresses. at the start he's mildly awkward and moreso pursuing pleasure than emotional connections, but once he's sure that the relationship is serious than he himself is a lot more romantic. if he truly cares for you than you best believe he's going all out- from rose petals to candlelight, he wants you to know that he cares. i also think he'd be very sweet and considerate during the deed, like even at the start of a relationship he will always make sure he isn't hurting you or making you feel uncomfortable in any way.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

does it a lot. he has a pretty high libido, and he can't be around you all the time, and while he wishes that he could sleep with you whenever he's feeling horny it can't be helped that some nights are spent with him fucking into his fist instead. like ive said before, he's not a big fan of porn and would prefer to jack off to you or photos of you. HUUGEEE on phone sex and mutual masturbation, especially when he's away on hero business, and its so hot to hear him rasping and whimpering into the speaker about how much he misses you and wishes you were there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

starting off strong, definitely marking. loves to mark you and be marked himself. wears hickeys with pride. also big on overstim, both giving and receiving. its just super hot to him to watch you squirm, but also likes to be fucked dumb as well. mild corruption kink, especially if you're super inexperienced, because most of the time he's probably the more experienced person in any sexual relationship. likes flustering you a lot. some more include praise, especially receiving, and also sensory play, both giving and receiving

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

prefers the bedroom, but would also not mind public sex or perhaps in a cramped space. likes the risk, but it's so inconvenient, especially with his wings. also a fan of bath or hot tub sex

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

lots of things. gets really horny around spring, again, bird instincts, but most of the time it's just you simply existing that gets him going. really likes seeing you in revealing clothes, especially when you're intentionally trying to tease him. big fan of thigh highs or garters, and crop tops that show your stomach. also when you touch his wings or feathers. that is probably the quickest way to turn him on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i'd say hawks is pretty experimental, but wouldn't want to do anything that he thinks would hurt you too much or make you uncomfortable. i also think he'd be ehh in terms of wax play or fire play for obvious reasons unless you really truly wanted to try it out, but other than that i think he's down for anything you would like to try.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

giver giver giver. as much as he loves receiving, Hawks fucking LOVES to give head, he's absolutely a certified munch and whether or not you have a pussy or dick he's sucking and slurping like its his last meal. loves how you taste, loves when you grind your hips against his face and chin, loves when you cum in his mouth, loves when your thighs squeeze his head. also fucking loves facesitting. please just let him drown between your thighs...

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

honestly his pace varies. when Hawks is pissed off he tends to be a lot rougher and filthier, but he also has a really soft n gentle side too. it depends a lot on how he's feeling and how you're feeling in the moment. i do think he has a lot of stress, especially prewar!Hawks, and so that definitely leads to a lot of rough sex. i also think he likes savoring the moment though, and obviously he loves you a lot so he wouldn't want to hurt you. sure, people say he goes too fast for his own good, but he's more than willing to slow down for you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

loves them. any and every chance he gets, Hawks is more than willing to fuck you. overall the mixture of both risk and passion is very appealing to him, and since he's often super busy, he appreciates any sex you can hve that fits your respective schedules. fifteen minutes before an important meeting? sure, he's got time to spare- he'll sit you on his desk and eat you out/suck you off until your seeing stars with a few minutes to spare.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

definitely big on risk, and is willing to try anything you want to try. however, a lot of his preferences depend on you rather than himself, and so he's also fine with being pretty vanilla in the bedroom as well. really likes teasing you in public or inconvenient places tho,,, half the hero community has caught you both making out at least once or twice

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

out of all the Bnha men he probably has the highest stamina. not only can he last a while, but he doesn't take long to recover after an orgasm. and, in addition to this, more often than not he's focused much more on his partners pleasure than his own so i really see him being determined to make you cum at least three times, if not more. overall he's got great stamina and he's very focused on your pleasure soo,,, A+ partner

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

probably never really thought about using toys on himself, at least until he started sleeping with you. you introduce him to a bullet vibrator and he cums so many times he's shaking n whimpering. when it comes to you, he loves using toys on you to tease you, but prefers to actually get you off using his own body. doesn't mean he won't use them, but prefers to make you cum himself. has a trusty pair of handcuffs that he uses a lot though

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

ohhh all the time. teases you both in public and in private, sometimes when he's not even horny and just for his own enjoyment. teases you a lot in the bedroom as well, and just. loves seeing you squirm. teases you a lot with his feathers too- like you'll be taking a casual stroll when all of a sudden a slim red feather is sliding under your shirt to rest against your chest,,,, how odd! i also think Hawks would tease you a lot unintentionally? like he's rubbing your thigh while he's driving or pulling you into a kiss by the neck and then wondering why you get so hot n bothered. his hand placement is peak, he's incredibly flirtatious even when he doesn't mean to be, and overall he's just. a huge tease. he's a total hypocrite though because Hawks gets soo pouty when you tease him. he's like miraculously surprisingly easy to fluster simply because he's not used to being the one on the receiving end.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

when he's more dominant i don't think he's as vocal as when he's submissive. when he's domming i think you'll hear a lot of groans and dirty talk but overall he's relatively quiet, however when he's subbing he moans and whimpers a lot. i also think he talks a lot during sex, like he babbles about how hot you are and how good he feels even when he's more dominant

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

his wings/feathers + back are very sensitive and a huge erogenous zone ! they're also very expressive and if you watch his wings a lot, it's easy to tell when he's worked up or horny simply because of little tells he has. however they can also be ticklish sometimes, so occasionally during sex he gets a little giggly because the its both pleasurable but also. hes ticklish.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he's big, and very pretty. i'd say at least 7 inches, maybe 7.5 when he's hard. he's got a few prominent veins on the underside of his cock, and a very nice happy trail too. his tip is also a very nice shade of pinky brown.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

his sex drive is pretty high, not insanely so but to the point where he tries to sleep with you at least once a week, but if you're sex drive is very low he's fine with compromising. if you're sex drive is higher than his though? you're absolutely blessed because he's more than willing to fuck wherever and whenever. a personal hc of mine is that Hawks is like especially horny during the spring... bird mating season.... so be prepared. i just think its kinda funny

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

honestly it depends on how quickly you fall asleep. if you want to clean up before going to sleep and get some aftercare done, then sure he'll stay up, but if you want to stay in bed and cuddle and leave the mess till the morning... well he's out like a light.

i love these type of hcs SO much, i have another set for shigaraki and touya on the way.... anywyss ! hope u enjoyed!! PLS SEND IN BNHA REQS RAHH

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sunsturns · 22 hours ago

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in which: you wanted to make some mac and cheese but one thing lead to another and you can’t stop looking at your best friend in a rather non friendly way.

warnings: bsf!chris x reader, hyperfixation on chris’ teeth/smile, allusions to a make out, kissing…

notes: this was requested by anon!! here. (i can’t add links rn idk but i’ll link it whenever that’s fixed 😭)

wc: 1.3k

𝓐fter a long day of hanging out with chris and his brothers, nick and matt called it quits about fifteen minutes ago, each heading to their bedrooms. which ultimately, left you and chris alone. you both tended to be the most energetic out of the group, though that dynamic was quick to change whenever it was just the two of you. the air became hesitant almost. like you didn't know how to work off of each other's energy as well as you did others.

after a long beat of silence, you got up out of your seat on the couch, and headed towards the kitchen. your stomach was starting to feel empty, it was almost like you were nervous, and it didn't make sense because why were you nervous? chris was your best friend. "i'm gonna go make some mac and cheese, want some?"

chris turned and looked over the back of the couch, looking like he was thinking a little too hard about it. he eventually concluded looking back at the tv, "nah, i'm good."

you pulled the mac and cheese box from out of the cupboard, following the instructions that were already engraved in your head at this point. it was a simple recipe. everything was going fine, you found the pot, and filled it with water, but when you went to ignite the stove, the flame wouldn't start. immediately you call for the only person up at the moment who could help,

"chris! how do you work this fucking thing?!"

he unwillingly pulled himself off of the couch and walked over to the stove, shrugging his shoulders, "i don't know, your guess is as good as mine."

"you mean you don't know how to work your own stove?" you asked with disbelief, and a slight hint of disappointment. how long has he lived here? and still didn't know how to work his own stove?

"what? you think i cook?" he said furrowing his eyebrows at you, and breaking out one of his breath taking smiles.

he seemed to find the situation really funny, but you just couldn't look away from his smile. you never could. there was always something about the way it just lit up his face that made your heart pump slightly faster. you were very aware that he was your best friend, but sometimes when he smiled like that, you just wish there could be more.

"you know your teeth are very pretty." you were so engulfed with his smile that you didn't realize those words actually left your mouth. not until you noticed his reaction. he was completely taken aback, unknowing on how you just said something like that to him.

chris replied with a questioning "thanks?"

there was an awkward beat of silence before you attempted to explain yourself, "no, seriously everytime i see you smile i'm like woah," you paused thinking real hard about what you had just said, "is that weird?"

he thought about that sentence for a second then replied with, "coming from you? kinda."

"what do you mean 'coming from me'?" you knew exactly what he meant though. the two of you have been best friends for the longest time. so it was very out of pocket for you to mention how pretty his teeth looked, especially when it was just you and him like this. it felt too intimate for him and it scared him a little bit.

"i don't know," he took an exaggerated pause, then continued with the same shit he had just said, "yeah... i don't know."

the awkwardness only grew from there so you tried your hardest to make the atmosphere more lighthearted. "so im not allowed tell you that you have a pretty smile?" you accused him.

"i don't know!"

these "i don't know" answers were starting to push your buttons. why wasn't he just answering the questions? "so... what do you know?"

"i don't know." but instead of making you more agitated, he smiled once again. it just made you fall for it even more. you knew that he was doing it on purpose now and that he was doing it to mess with you.

"stop smiling like that! i'm gonna knock your teeth out!" you joked, grabbed a serving spoon that you got out earlier for the mac and cheese, aiming it at chris as you threatened him. he knew you were messing with him and he honestly found it cute.

his next sentence shocked you the most, not understanding what he meant by, "and what if i wanted that? then what? will you knock my teeth out?" he added on some kind of playful tone to his words, almost like he was mocking you. did he want you to knock his teeth out? was there some kind of hidden metaphor? what could that possibly mean?

you said the first thing that came to your mind, now heavily concerned with where this conversation was going. "i'd tell you that you're crazy and need your head screwed on tighter." without thinking, you rustled your hands through his hair jokingly.

there was a sudden change in the atmosphere, and his hands suddenly slid onto to your sides. the touch completely shocked you, as he slowly pulled you closer to him, and you surprisingly let him. so close you could see all his little freckles scattered across his nose, along with his pretty blue eyes. and not to mention, the smirk now plastered across his face as he said, "but i don't think i'm crazy."

instantly you felt one of his hands move up to hold the side of your face, watching as you reacted to every little thing he did. your eyes were wide, and a faint smile was forming on your face. every spot his hand touched felt like it had been ignited. it was confusing how he was making you feel like this. he was your best friend, so why did you guys have less than three inches between you two?

standing there, mentally unable to initiate anything, you decided to leave it up to him. but it ended up happening so quick and his lips were perfectly pressed against yours. his hand slid behind to the nape of your neck as he got more and more into the kiss.

it didn't take long for you to realize that you both worked surprisingly well together, it was like everything felt so right despite it seeming so wrong. how could you possibly be kissing your best friend right now?

you pulled away randomly, taking a well-needed breather. you were not entirely sure if you were going to regret this later or not, so you tried to find anything to give yourself a few seconds before anything else happened. and that's when you realized what you originally came in the kitchen to do, "my uhh... mac and cheese is waiting on me." you told him with a chuckle, adding a sarcastic frown.

you had no clue why you were doing this, especially when the only thing you wanted at the moments was to feel his hands around your waist and rustling throughout your hair. surprisingly, you also wanted a lot more than that.

"are you having doubts?" he asked, looking into your eyes, waiting for you to decide the next move this time.

"i just don't want to make a mistake, chris. i'm your best friend."

"well, let me tell you. i've been waiting for this day a lot longer than you think." he pushed a piece of hair out of your face.

you looked into his eyes, a big toothy smile coming from him and suddenly you found yourself thinking, "fuck the mac and cheese." as you carefully pulled his lips back onto yours, letting the night fade away into a perfect newfound moment between the two of you.

a/n ! : this is my first fic on here!! lmk what you think? im aware its not the best thing you’ve ever read… it’s definitely not the best thing ive ever written either 😭

also… i’m sorry, but i wouldn’t expect a smutty part two or wtv bc i can’t write smut 🥲 (shocker :D)

#nat’s blog ✩#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fluff #sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturiolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x reader

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axelsthoughtss · 3 days ago

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Fadel could've so easily stopped Style from touching him in that sauna scene like he always does but he didn't.

It's like he saw Style's body and his mind just short-circuited. He really tried to maintain sanity tho. However, Style is persistent as always but this time, he's naked and persistent - apparently, Fadel's two weaknesses lol

Style did gauge his reaction everytime he advances. He was gauging if Fadel would allow him to:

touch his tattoo,

brush his fingers towards his mid torso,

and go further down.

And he did. He allowed it. Makes me think what could've happen if they weren't interrupted. How far do you think Fadel would've let Style go?

That was the boost of confidence that Style really needed. The sauna scene made him realized he can get under his skin. He can overwhelm him. He can even mock him. After all the ego-crushing days where he's been shot down repeatedly with a monotonous voice and eyes full of contempt, he was finally... winning. Hence, the locker room kiss scene. Seeing Fadel crack gives him such a high (Others have pointed out how this is SA and I completely agree).

Style definitely isn't on Fadel's case merely because of a car. Definitely not because he cares for his bestfriend's love life. He is still on this mission for his ego now. His dream car, Kant's romance - that's all just bonus rewards at this point.

And this makes this pairing so exciting because we don't know who will give in first. Someone's gotta give but who will it be? My vote is on Fadel 😆

How will Fadel go from thinking Style is a huge nuisance to being the love of his life? How will Style realize that what he wants is Fadel, dream car be damned?

#the heart killers #joongdunk #fadelstyle

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awooof · 2 days ago

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" I hate therians! They're freaks! They're should be locked up in a mental hospital! They're should get shot! They're should- "

If you really hate therians, then why you keep talking about it? Why do you go out of your way to drag therians every chance you get? Why do you specifically enter their space just so you can laugh at them and point how weird they are?

I know why.

Because everything that is seen as weird and off putting by society, they get humiliated for it

By just existing.

This isn't just about therians, it happened to furries, it happened to neurodivergent people, it happened to age regressors and it happened to trans people and lgbtqia+ people.

It happens everytime. But we keep fighting anyway, I am still here, you're still here

No matter if they keep pushing us to exile, we still persevere anyways

Wear your fursuit, be who you are, love what you love, age regress, be your wild self!

Just keep on fighting! Never give up!

Even when the world may seem to be against you.

Remember that you're never alone,

There's always people whom will relate and be there for you <3

#sorry i just had to get this out of my chest #therian #therianthrope #therianthropy #alterhuman #alterkin #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+#age regression #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #autism #adhd #actually adhd #actually autism #actually autistic

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takamor · 3 days ago

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cw/tw: dark content, afab gn reader, yandere-adjacent keigo, mentions of murder, very unhealthy relationship, dubcon with a little dash of noncon (keigo continues to bite reader after they say to stop), blood but it’s nothing super gore-y, smut, lots of biting, dacryphilia, sadomasochistic keigo, fingering, oral (fem receiving), idk this post really inspired this and it spiraled before i could even think of a plot, very little proofreading

he comes home covered in blood. it’s not the first instance of it, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it seems to leave you breathless every time he walks through the threshold of his your home, crimson mixed with gold, pupils blown wide and feathers quaking, looking every bit the apex predator his quirk allows him to be.

you don’t dare ask him who it is this time. it doesn’t really matter. as long as he can justify it to himself, no amount of tears or begging will ever sway him. you learned that lesson the first time this occurred. yelling at him, pleading, even throwing whatever you could grab only prompted him to pin you down so both of you were coated in his sin, and the smell of copper violated your nose as he stripped you of your morals and clothing. if anything, it only seemed encourage him, every time your nails nicked his skin and you begged, “keigo, please, don’t—” he was even kind enough to kiss your tears away afterwards. “you’ve got to understand,” he tried to bargain with you, but it was hard to see any shred of reason when there was still blood splattered across his cheek. “please understand, dove.” gold shining through ruby-stained skin, and all you wanted was to rub it all away with a warm washcloth, deny ever seeing it, because it was all for you.

this time, his golden eyes search your face, looking for any signs of disgust or rejection, as if that would ever be enough to make him stop. long, talon-like fingers twitch at his side, restless, still pumped full of adrenaline and murderous intent, needing to be buried in something before they seek more marrow to snap. the air between you two is heavy and swollen with so many words buried in reluctant enamel, hidden from the world and from each other’s ears, but not each other’s hearts. he knows you, knows how much you hate the metallic smell that is slowly becoming a cologne for him, and you know him, know how much your hatred for this only serves to fuel this fiery need to make it up to you somehow, to show you that there’s still good in him, he’s not a bad guy, he’s just protecting you.

“keigo.”

you somehow make his name sound a like a curse, like something shameful, something to be locked way in the back of a closet never to be seen again. his wings visibly deflate, and his fingers are wrapped around your arms before you have time to register he’s even moved. frantic gold locks onto your eyes, pleading, panicked at the thought of you being so cold towards him.

“keigo, that hurts,” you whine, and his grip loosens, but not enough for you to fight him off. you aren’t even sure if you have enough strength to even try fighting him off. it’s all slowly becoming a numbing routine.

then, the apologies start, as they always do.

keigo’s body shakes with uncertainty and the fear of abandonment, and he crumbles into your arms like a haphazard stack of cards, the weight of his body causing you to crumble as well. he’s not completely lost all sanity, not yet. he knows what he does is wrong—at least, morally it is. but, fuck, don’t you understand how cruel and thoughtless this world is? don’t you know just how corrupt and disgusting the underbelly of hero society is? he gets to see it every day, gets to go out and see how thin the line between chaos and peace is, gets to see what horrid people do to pretty little things like you. he plays the role of a hero and a villain, and that boundary blurs everytime greed comes into play. everything he does is to protect you, from keeping you in this safe location not even the hero public safety commission is aware of, to killing anyone who threatens your well-being. can’t you see that, dove? can’t you see how much he loves you? he’s sorry, he’s so sorry it has to come down to this but, goddammit, you’re worth it. he’d burn down this entire world and start something anew from the ashes if he has to. just please understand, dove, please.

“shh, kei, i’ve got you,” you coo into his blood-matted hair, because what else can you do at this point? keigo has made sure you have no other options. “i’ve got you. i’m here.”

the quaking calms enough for you to pull his head into your lap and brush the stray hair from his eyes, but the echo of fear still shakes his bones, causes his voice to tremble ever so slightly as he speaks. “you understand, don’t you? you understand why i—” he gulps and squeezes his eyes shut, as if he can’t stand the thought of not having your sympathy. “why i have to do this, right?”

you nod and run a finger through the copper-stain on his cheek. he shudders under the touch. “i know, baby.”

at that, his eyes fly open and he’s sitting upright, fingers wrapped around your arms once again, golden eyes borderline manic as they flit around your face. “see, you—you understand, right?” a pink tongue darts out to wet his lips, compliments the red on his cheek in a heart-wrenching way. and he’s so desperate for your approval, needs to hear your praise and coo over him, claws and pulls at the front of your shirt in a pathetic attempt at remaining in control of the anxiety gripping at the sides of his neck. “you understand?”

your hands come up to cup his face, and he preens under his touch, melts under the feeling of the pads of your thumbs brushing his scarlet cheeks. it twists your heart in a way that makes your rib cage feel too small. “of course i do, baby,” you coo, and it’s all he’s wanted to hear. “i understand. you’re just trying to keep me safe.” while i stay complicit with this fucked up game.

rough lips crash against yours in an enamel-shattering kiss, and you crawl into his lap to get a better angle. the taste of copper explodes on your tongue, and though you aren’t sure whose blood you’re tasting, it’s hard to care when keigo is whining so prettily under you. he breaks the kiss just to toss your shirt and bra off of your body, exposing your breasts to the heady air of the living room and his hungry mouth full of greedy teeth.

then, the sex starts, as it always does. as it always will.

you don’t even make it to the bedroom. he takes you right there, right on the living room floor, right at the scene of far too many crimes to count.

“tell me i’m good,” he pleads as his lips suck at your pebbling nipples. “fuck, tell me i’m good.”

trembling fingers bury themselves in his blond locks, a combination of a hiccup and moan leaves your lips. “you’re so good, kei, so fucking good.”

and because he feeds off of your approval just as much as you feed off of his desperation, sharp teeth pinch at your skin, embed themselves in the tender flesh of a lover that can clearly see how fucked up all of this is but is too jaded to care. compliant and mailable in the face of obsession and possession. just like how he likes. just like how he needs.

“you’d be dead without me,” he murmurs against the swell of your breast before biting another mark into it. “helpless without me. need me to keep you safe.”

your hips rut at the stinging sensation of belonging to a hero with a skewed sense of morality, and a broken moan stutters out of your heaving chest. “need you so badly, kei,” you whine, and the teeth buried in your skin pinch even harder at the admission. “nothing without you!”

“that’s fucking right. remember that.”

rows of porcelain made to mark snap at your neck while long fingers pinch and twist at your nipples, a deadly combination that has you rutting in his lap like a dog in heat, panting out his name, pulling at his blond hair, begging for more, more, more keigo, please more! he doesn’t listen however, your pleads only fueling him to keep poking and prodding at you until you bite and snap back just like how he likes. just like how he needs.

so he keeps biting, keeps pinching, makes his way down to your stomach, where he bites some more until there’s saliva and blood glistening on your skin under the harsh light of his your living room. and then his tongue soothes all of the marks he’s made, cleans the blood he’s smeared in his haste to stake his claim on you, golden eyes never leaving your face as he consumes you bit by bit.

you’re trembling in his lap by the time he licks his way up to your jugular, incisors brushing against the shell of your ear, gooseflesh running down your shoulders and arms.

“tell me i’m good,” he whispers before gently nibbling at the sensitive skin, and though he clearly has complete control over you right now, it’s as much of a plea as it was before, desperate at the edges of the syllables, something frail buried in between the words.

another whine echoes behind your lips and something akin to a sob causes your teeth-marked chest to shake. “you’re so good to me, keigo.”

the final bite to your jugular is the hardest of the onslaught, and it has you crying out loud in his arms, fingers clawing at him hard enough for his skin give way to hardened keratin, hiccups of “keigo, that hurts! please! fuck, that hurts!” echoing off of the walls of his your house. the vibrations of his groans against your neck lets you know he enjoys you fighting back, gets off on feeling you struggle against him, loves when you scratch and claw at him like a feral cat in need of taming.

he can feel your erratic pulse between his incisors, like a bird beating itself against the cage that traps it. bad-dum-bad-dum-bad-dum-bad-dum. he bites harder. kei-go-kei-go-kei-go-kei-go. salty copper splashes on his tongue, the stinging sensation of your fingernails breaking his skin open sets the tender flesh on his back on fire, and he hears the animalistic growl reverberating in his chest.

“kei—s-stop,” you sob, lips brushing against the shell of his ear, and his eyes roll to the back of his head. “that fucking hurts. stop! stop!” god, he loves when you’re like this—sobbing and scratching and fighting and pleading. it’s a high nothing else could possibly match. “kei—”

but he keeps going, despite how much you claw and hit at his back, how much you twist and turn in his arms, how many tears slip down your cheek and mix in with your blood on his tongue. he’s a predator with his prey between his teeth, and he intends on enjoying his kill tonight.

adrenaline pumps through your veins thick and hot. keigo is never satisfied until he knows he’s broken you a little, but you aren’t sure just how much of you there is left to break. his incisors are digging into your neck, drawing blood out and dribbling down your neck, and you’re afraid he might just drain you completely.

“keigo—stop, goddammit!”

fists pound against his back in a feeble attempt to get him to stop, but it’s the feeling of your nails breaking through the skin of his cheek that eventually gets him to relinquish his hold.

fat tears roll down your cheeks as his tongue soothes what’s sure to be a bruise, crimson smearing across your neck and chest. quiet sobs shake your frame in his arms as his fingers trace serene patterns across your bare back, a direct juxtaposition to the hot pain radiating across your hot flesh.

“shh, shh,” he coos, fingers petting the back of your head as he rocks your body. “i’ve got you, dove.”

“i hate you.”

“i know.”

and as a reward for your efforts to fight him off, he has you folded in half, knees pressed against your shoulders, bottoms to the side because he can’t starve off this hunger any longer. he needs you.

he devours your cunt as if it contains his very salvation. his tongue laps at the pearl of your clit, flattens against it until you’re preening underneath him and reaching out—to stop him? to encourage him? he isn’t sure, but he catches your hand and laces his fingers with yours anyway. with a mixture of your juices and blood swimming in his mouth as his tongue draws patterns into your cunt, he thinks he could get high off of this. he thinks he might already be.

“kei! kei—fuck! oh my fucking god, keigo!”

he hums against your heat. “i know, baby, i know.”

just a little more.

tears flow freely down your face as you feel keigo’s breath fan across your sopping pussy. your thighs are trembling, fingers shaking in his as he continues to pin you down, and you think he likes it best when you’re vulnerable like this. the hardness you feel bumping against your rear as he delves more into your cunt indicates he does. you think you like it, too. the way your heartbeat drums away in between your legs indicates you do.

bad-dum-bad-dum-bad-dum-bad-dum. his slides two fingers in your sticky walls. ei-go-kei-go-kei-go-kei-go.

“tell me i’m good,” he moans out while his fingers curl inside of you. “fuck, baby, tell me i’m good, please.”

“you’re—shit!—awful, keigo takami,” you hiccup out. “i hate—fuck! right here, please, please, god, yes!—you.”

his thumb stretches out to rub at your puffy clit, and you swear you see stars explode behind your eyes, beautiful nebulae that his hands created. “i know.”

every time he bows his back to lap at your cunt, he feels the stings of your scratches stretch and pull, evidence of your distain towards him, and it’s like having a reminder of how much of your love he has to earn. he’s so close to it, he knows it. just as close as you are to cumming for him.

“there we go,” he hums as he feels your walls fluttering around his fingers. “c’mon, give it to me, dove. give it to me.”

try as you might, your body obeys before you can resist him, and you’re cumming in the palm of his hand, cumming against the very same mouth that just drew blood from you. shame washes over you the second you come down from your high, but you don’t have a moment to dwell before keigo is coming up for air, his mouth covered in your juices and blood, porcelain shining bright through the crimson. and, by god, he looks gorgeous—comparable to lucifer himself before his fall—lapping up his fingers, pink tongue poking out and licking up any remaining blood it can reach.

it’s not fair.

and he knows he’s got you, pupils dilated, bite-ridden chest heaving, legs still trembling with the aftershock of your orgasm, heart fluttering in the base of your blood-stained throat. his fucking masterpiece.

shaking hands tug off his pants and underwear, fingers clumsily pulling apart buttons and shoving down fabric, as if he can’t even comprehend not being inside of you for a second longer.

fitting him is always a stretch, but he loves taking his time, loves feeling how your body struggles to accommodate him. he isn’t big by any means—fairly average, all things considered—but your body still hesitates to accept him, still identifies him as a threat—an intruder.

“kei—,” you gasp out.

he kisses away your tears, leaves a bloody imprint of his lips smeared on your cheeks. “i know, baby.” he sinks in a little more, testing. “tell me i’m good.”

you grind your teeth together to keep a moan at bay. “no.”

but despite how much your heart fights it, your body accepts him at last, and he bottoms out with a loud groan.

then he’ll have to earn it. just like he always does. just like he always will.

as his cock slowly, almost lazily, drags against your walls, his mouth worries at the new wound on the side of your throat, kisses and licks and soothes all of the stinging made by greedy enamel. it’s almost enough to forget how much pain he had caused. almost.

“feel so good,” keigo moans out and snaps his hips against yours. “fuck, you make me crazy.”

your hamstring burns at being kept in such a position for as long as you have been, but the pleasure keigo provides is enough of a reward for your pain. as twisted as the hero is, he knows all of the right spots to hit, knows how to angle his hips and how to cradle your body so you're just barely hanging onto your own sanity. he's had more than enough practice, after all.

“kei—please,” you mewl out. “need you!”

the bones of his hips dig into the plush of the back of your thighs, and he chuckles darkly as he hears you hiccup again. "thought you hated me,” he replies with a shit-eating grin. “thought i was awful.”

shaking fists reach up to pound at him again, but he just kisses your knuckles instead. a part of you melts a little. “you are,” you gasp out as a well-aimed thrust has you spasming around him. “and i do. but that doesn’t mean i don’t need you.”

something inside of keigo shatters at that. he pulls out just enough to lift you up so you’re no longer folded in half underneath him, but rather seated in his lap instead, so he can watch firsthand just how much you need him. there’s nothing gentle about the way he re-enters you, all needy lips pressed against bloody skin and sloppy thrusts trying to find their way to your bliss. your arms wrap around his neck, pull him closer to you, and his mouth immediately goes back to his bitemark, back to soothing the sting of needing him.

“tell me i’m good,” he begs one final time, golden eyes pleading with you as his hips thrust up into you.

“you’re so fucking good, kei,” you obey, and it’s the best phrase keigo has ever heard, his own personal hymn, especially when it’s said earnestly instead of verbosely.

spurred on by this new motivation, keigo’s thrusts become more frantic, more needy, desperate to earn so much of your approval his heart may burst into ribbons between his ribs. he fucks your body underneath his once again, lips pressed against yours, but this time your thighs are around his waist and his hands are tangled in your hair, sharing the same breath, moaning openly into each other's mouths, swapping bloodstained admissions of love and affection as you lose yourselves in each other.

“fuck, dove, you’re like a vice on me,” he groans as he feels you flutter around him. “let it go for me, yeah? show me how good i am.”

when you cum this time, you have wholly accepted that it’s keigo takami covered in blood and tears making you do so. his name leaves your lips in a series of sputtered gasps and moans and pleas, cunt gripping onto him with no intentions of ever letting go, and he loses himself in his own release as he feels your fingernails digging into his back.

he cleans you up in a shared warm bath afterwards, the imprints of his teeth still on your body and your scratches on his, and he thinks it's romantic, how you've both left your marks on each other. his nuzzles against your neck.

“i love you.”

“i know.”

#mine #idk what this is anymore #i would apologize but i am not sorry #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #mha x reader #mha x you #bnha x reader #bnha x you #boku no hero academia x reader #my hero academia x reader #keigo takami drabble #keigo takami smut #hawks smut #hawks drabble

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giggly-squiggily · 2 days ago

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The good old "Don't what?" "Tihickle mehee!" "Tickle you? Okay!" For lee Muichiro and ler reader? I feel like he'd definitely get caught with that, and he'd be so mad about it too, hehe.

I think I saw you get an ask for him alr, so I hope this is ok! He's just so baby 🥺

{Puffs are now CLOSED!}

AHH GOD I LOVE MUI!! He's my son- I love him so much! Anon, I've gotcha covered! :D

“Ehehheek, nohohohohoho!”

“Yeehehhes!” You mimicked, grinning from ear to ear at the Muichiro’s squeaks of mirth. “You’re gonna get it now, you little cheat!”

Calling him a cheater might have been a bit much, but what else could explain his flawless record of paper airplane tosses? There was no way he could nail it everytime!

Totally that and not because you’re not very good at making them. Yep. Absolutely that.

“Whohohoh’s chehehahahahting? Ehehehehehaa, (Y/N)! Gehahahahahha, pleahahhahse!” There was no defending himself as you trapped him in a hug, one arm snug around his waist while your other scratched and prodded at his spine. “Nohohohoho, doohohohn’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“Tihihihickle mehehhehehe!”

“Tickle you?” You were delighted at his adorable slipup, watching his face grow red. “Wow, someone’s enjoying himself! Okay then- tickle tickle tickle!”

“Nohohohoo! Thahahht’s nohohoht whahhat I meheahhahant! Aehahhahahah, (Y/N) pleahahhahahse!” The young Hashira flailed and jumped in your arms like a cat avoiding water, half blinded by his hair as he leaned back as far as he could. “I dihihihihdn’t chehehahhahat! I sweahhahahahre!”

“Oh, did you? Then how do you explain why you keep winning our airplane battles?”

“Ihihihih’m juhuhuhust gohohohohood! Yoohohohu neehhhed to do behehehehtter- EHEHHEK!” His laughter shot up an octave before dissolving into hiccupy snorts as you doubled your efforts. It wasn’t long before his legs gave out, sending you both tumbling to the ground. “OHohohokay! Oohohohohkay I tahahhke it bahahahahck! Yooohu wihihihin! Yohoohou wihihiihhin!”

‘Hehe, yay!” You cheered, not sure what exactly you won but pleased all the same. Releasing him from your tickly clutches, you poked his cheeks sweetly as he gasped for air. “Victory is mine! Thank you, Lord Tokito. You’re all too kind.”

“Eheheh..hehehe..I dohoohn’t know whahaht I lhohoost, but if yoohohur hahappy.” He nodded, smiling at your victory cheer.

If it meant you kept smiling like that- he’d gladly lose every time.

#Puffs #sentence starters #tickle #tickle dabble #demon slayer #muichiro tokito #reader #dorks being dorks #didn't know if you wanted platonic or romantic so kept it vague :3 #I love them your honor

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valentine-cafe · 1 day ago

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May I have a mango pudding, a strawberry shortcake and a tiramisu please?!?

[Afab gn reader]

May I request how they would act with their pregnant lover reader please?!?:D

-🍄

˖⁺. “ bundle of joy ” :

﹙ hero duo x fem reader x antihero bf ﹚.𖹭 ݁

. . . verse 781 alessio, rishen & talisen x fem reader !! 🍓 : ﹙ rishen: hero ˖ moth-spider-mantis hybrid ˖ preppy nerd character ˖ talisen: poet ˖ grim reaper ˖ naga character ˖ alessio: punkgoth ˖ mercenary ˖ immortal ˖ antihero character ﹚

headcanons of when you fall pregnant with the 781 trio <3

﹙ cws ﹚: none ! | wc : 0.7k

﹙ receipts ﹚: the trio being domestic like this is sooooo

꒰ other treats : guidelines ˖ m.list ˖ characters ˖ our lore ꒱

their first reaction would be absolute shock. pure shock

at the sudden news, talisen’s teacup fell to the floor. shattering in millions of pieces, while rishen’s eyes widened, and she was quick to sit down. hand on her chest, while taking in deep, deep breaths. confusion unmatched of that alessio was currently going through. his brain not following his processing.

after their moment of surprise, and you calling for them a few times, looking around with a frown and furrowed eyebrows. was that not okay? had you said it wrong?

“who’s is it? whi- well— no, you probably wouldn’t know.” alessio would mutter to himself, while talisen waved his hands at you reassuringly.

”baobei please do not worry, we are not mad. we never would be.” the overwhelm was still prominent in you. fortunately though, his words eased you just a bit. your arms slumping in his hands, as he gently wraps around them to pull you in for a hug.

rishen would sit and ponder still, though. which of them had made you pregnant? was it them? talisen was included from the mix completely. his reaper genes are incompatible with that of a human’s. it would either be her or alessio. he could run a test, perhaps?

they would be so happy though. over the moon and sun infact! oh, alessio, who had always wanted to have a family of his own. though being a nervous wreck about it too, would go and buy baby clothes, pacifiers and lots and lots of diapers, so that they were ready for when the baby arrived!

“i bought small picture and memory books too— so when the baby—”

talisen would start counting down the days for the birth. while he always wondered what he would be like as a father. he was still mildly intimidated by the thought in all honesty, it took reassurance from you in great amounts to make him believe he would be an amazing father. in all sorts of aspects. he could teach the bebé so much!

“i can not wait to read bedtime stories for the baby. such a simple thing, but truly, i really can not wait.”

rishen would be running the ultrasounds and checkups on you, he did not want anyone else checking on you. that was in his field and she knew what she was doing! everytime she saw the baby’s little shifts and feetsies kicking around during the scans, they couldn’t help but laugh out loud. smiling brightly at the image. he loves to feel for the baby, listen for hiccups too!

“oop— another hiccup! got too much food in there? hehe”

they will all treat you as they always has: like royalty. spoilt and made sure you feel good.

however, they are all very aware of pregnancy hormones, and are also careful around you. making sure that you are not overwhelmed, overstimulated or that you feel bad or discomforted in any way or form!

they bring you the food you like, nevermind the odd combinations it may be. and sit and eat with you as much as they can even if they’re busy.

all of them love to sit down on their knees and murmur or coo at your tummy for the baby to hear them. get accostumed to their voice.

and another thing they adore is watching you talk to the baby too, when you think you’re alone. happily mumbling to it, assuring it that it will grow up to be a kind and amazing individual. and do good in this world, they will grow up with loving parents.

alessio always comes around to help lift up your tummy to give your spine and back a break once the baby begins growing bigger. supporting it gently while you walk around as well.

rishen is the one who ushers you to the couch or bed to make you rest, telling you to lay back on chores and everything else. they all have that covered!! just eat and rest! don’t stress yourself or the baby!

talisen is the one who always makes sure that you are doing okay mentally as well, asking you how you feel about the baby, how you feel about everything. if there’s stuff you need to talk about. he wants to make sure you are in a good mindset during the entire pregnancy. if anyone hurts your feelings or wears you down, they’re gonna have to deal with him!

﹙ taglist. ﹚: | get tagged for specific posts

﹙ tip jar. ﹚: like our work? consider suporting us 𖹭

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k-yurieee · 1 day ago

Text

'ALMOST ALWAYS' CHAPTER 4 IS HERE!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 🎉🎉

(Edit 3 : I started writing this post/reblog last week Monday. Don't worry about what day it is today. I just kept nitpicking at it and having more thoughts that I wanted to add everytime I came back to this, and time kept getting away from me because of irl events, sooo yeah. Stuff happens.)

Edit 1 : My usual yapping will be under the cut for this one, cause I might ramble on for bit longer than usual today. Yeah, I've got some things to say. They might not be particularly intelligible, but is anything I ever say on this app comprehensible? Probably not. Soooooo buckle up I guess 🤷‍♀️

Edit 2 : (also please ignore that I'm posting this like wayyyy after I've read this chapter, I had this saved and edited as a draft and thought I had posted it after editing it, before I decided to take a nap, but... Guess I was mistaken lol. And sleep deprived, but that's besides the point. Also I guess the draft didn't even save properly earlier??? Because I'm rereading the whole thing now and I'm pretty sure there's stuff I added earlier that seems to be missing now so.... That's sooo fun haha 🙃 I'll try to re-add anything I can remember 🫡)

Edit 1 (continued) : ohhhhh my gosh, this chapter was another ✨emotional rollercoaster✨ (which isn't anything new with this series, and honestly I should've expected it but mannnn, it just gets me every. single. time 😭😭😔)

Let me just quickly gush about this part first because EEEEEEEEhEEhEEEeeeee I can never NOT giggle and kick my feet over sweet moments like this, are you KIDDING me, I'm an absolute sucker for fluff, and I will die on that hill (also I just need to let myself simmer in this fluffy warmth before I divulge into my slightly more serious thoughts, I'll get to those in a second but firsttttt LOOK AT THIS ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEEE👇👇👇😭😭😭😭)

'You deserve to cuddle up next to someone who truly values your presence and genuinely just wants you to be there with them for a little while.

You deserve the soft tickling fingertips that delicately dance across your hairline, lingering there for far longer than ‘just a second’.

You deserve the barely whispered, super soft “Love you.” spoken so tenderly and punctuated with a gentle kiss pressed to the top of your head, it makes you tighten your arms around him.'

When I tell you this made me wanna scream (wouldn't be the first time this fic affected me this way lolll) into my hands and jump up and down 😭😭😭 like girl can you PLEASE be normal (and by 'you', I mean 'I', as in ME. I need to relax lmaoooo 🙃)

This chapter... This chapter was so much. I truly am not sure how to put into proper words everything it made me feel, but I will try. Honestly I feel (and have felt) more than a bit conflicted about them (Joe & R, obvs). And I mean, that's kind of expected, right?

I want to support them but I also low-key want to smack them both upside their head sometimes (but like, in an affectionate 'why did you do that, you flippin idiot, I believe in you and know you can act better than this' kind of way)

It made me remember this quote I heard a while back that went something like "sometimes we dislike other people because we see the parts of ourselves that we dislike, in them". And it irked me because it reminded me of how I'd treated certain people in my life before, in ways that I'm not proud to admit. In one of the previous chapters, Joe had a thought somewhere along the lines of "I can't control my feelings, but I can control how I treat others", and I thought 'this is great, he knows how he should move forward, good for him, he's learned his lesson.' And I hoped it would be the same for the Reader character as well, and that both of them would implement this afterward.

And then... Then this chapter happened, and yeah, maybe they weren't in a completely committed relationship with the people who were sleeping in their beds, and maybe they 'weren't doing anything illegal', and all that, but... They could still be hurting someone else's feelings. Again. Low-key I had my face in my hands like "guys please, I know y'all can't stay away from each other, and I want you guys to end up together too but likeee there's got to be a better way to do this, pleaseeee" 🛐 😭

And maybe that's the point. They're human. They make mistakes. Sometimes they learn and grow from their past mistakes, and sometimes they continue doing the same stupid thing a million times over even if they know it won't end well for them. And it was when they made those questionable choices, when they tried to pretend that their problems didn't exist, when they constantly made excuses and kept repeating the same regrettable cycle over and over – it was during of all those moments that I looked at these characters, and I saw a part of myself. Parts of myself that I didn't like, but acknowledged was there nonetheless. It was these aspects that I could personally relate to.

This is why they feel so fucking REAL to me.

I just really hope things will end well for everyone in the last chapter because mannnn 🥲🥲😭

'But he wants you to stay. It doesn’t have to be like before. Things can be different. Better.'

This part hurt me more than it should 😭😭😭😭

(I know I wrote more about my personal feelings than about the actual fic, but like I said before, I had written more about it - over a week ago - in this draft that didn't save properly, and my memory is generally not that great, sooo yeah. I at least know that I had some thoughts about Emily's response to the whole situation and stuff but I can't recall anything specific I'd written rn. I want to reread this chapter at some point to see if it re-sparks any of those thoughts I had last time but... we'll see lol.)

Anywayssss I can't believe there is just ONE more chapter left to this series omggggg this fic has been an experience for sure

(I'm gonna need to lie down again aren't I 🥲🙃)

Almost, Always

♥ ♥ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Happy endings aren't for everyone, so it seems, but that doesn't mean that you can't stop trying for one. Question is, are you actually star-crossed lovers that can figure something out, or just absolutely blind to reality and really fucking stupid?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, language, adult themes, smut, cheating

Author’s note: -

Wordcount: 6.5K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

“I didn’t say he doesn’t… I just said, he has never actually said it.”

Emily’s jaw dropped, and you immediately regretted saying what you just said.

“No, stop. He has said it. Forget I said anything. It’s fine.”

You knew exactly what she was going to say.

She’d alluded to it from the start. Rolled her eyes at him. Made faces of outrageous confusion that told you, how can someone behave like that, without having to say the words aloud. Without making you hear them.

“I’m just saying…” Emily started, and showed you a facial expression that made you feel stupid for even bringing it up.

“It’d be better for you to leave him.”

You laughed, like she made a joke, yet so aware that she absolutely wasn’t.

But listen, if you didn’t laugh, you’d cry, because you knew, you knew somewhere in the back of your mind that it probably was better for you to leave him.

Not a truth you wanted to face though.

There were still too many easy excuses for you to make.

So... you made them.

But Emily’s face remained quite serious.

“Emily. You don’t mean that.” You said on the back-end of a giggle.

“Are you joking? My God, it’d be so much better if you left him. Better for you, better for, well, me. Can’t even tell you he loves you? What is he on?!”

You shushed her, and looked over your shoulder in the general direction of your bathroom and listened for a few seconds. The shower was still going. He couldn’t have heard her.

Good.

Not that Emily’s general opinion was a huge secret. But still. It was nice if the peace could be kept for the night.

“He does tell me that.” you argued, much softer. “Just...”

“Just does it when he’s about to hang up the phone? Just a quick, casual, love ya, when he’s saying goodbye?”

“Well, he–”

“Or does he only say it when he’s about to come?”

“Emily.”

“Oh, God. You’re so beyond help, I don’t even know what to tell you anymore.”

For a moment, you avoided eye-contact. Pressed your lips together and looked around the room whilst your friend tried her best to get it into your head that Joe really just wasn’t it.

“You know you’re in second place.” Emily said, suddenly much more earnestly. “You don’t deserve to be in second place.”

Which was a nice sentiment. A thing a best friend was meant to tell you. A bit like a parent calling their baby a genius because they accidentally made a bit of babbling sound like a real string of words.

“Well,” you said, taking a deep breath in and giving Emily your best smile. “So is he, so I guess we’re even.”

He wasn’t.

These were two different leagues.

But suggesting that Emily was in first place with you was the quickest way to make her feel appreciated even though her advice went untaken.

It always did.

Emily was a good friend and always gave excellent advice. And you were a good friend because you always listened to what she had to say. Or, you thought you did. Would tell yourself you did.

But then you simply wouldn’t follow any of it.

You hadn’t taken her advice when she’d told you to stop fucking around in a fourteen month situationship.

“I like how this just… works, don’t you?” Joe had said one evening when you were wrapped up on his sofa together. You’d made a comment that someone had flirted with you and had asked if you were single. You hadn’t known what to tell them.

Joe had just shrugged then.

“Let’s not push for something if it doesn’t need it. Something not broken doesn’t need a fix, does it?”

And you’d disagreed then. Had hoped that he’d grow a little protective and would’ve gone, um what do you mean of course you’re not single. For a while you also hadn’t wanted to define anything, because fuck commitment, right? But it had been over a year and Emily said that you should ask him to just fucking label it already.

You hadn’t.

You also hadn’t taken Emily’s advice when she’d told you that she thought this guy wasn’t going to make you happy.

Hadn’t taken Emily’s advice when she’d told you that she thought this guy was ultimately just there for a bit of fun, but not really much else.

Hadn’t taken Emily’s advice when she’d told you to just leave him already when you told her he had never sincerely told you that he loves you.

“I know you’re smart enough to know that it’s absolutely wild that he’s not said–”

“It’s because you just hear all the bad things, I’m sorry. I should also tell you about the good shit.”

“Oh, yea? Like what?” Emily challenged, and in the silence that followed, you heard the shower turn off.

“Like... look! Look what he got me!” you said, picking up a bag from a dining table chair.

Your friend looked at it for a moment, blank faced, and then narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

“Got you? Like, he went out and bought that for you? Or, was that sent to him by the brand, and he just passed it on?”

You looked at the bag you were still holding, then gave a small shrug. “I don’t know. He still gave it to me.”

It was a nice bag.

“Not exactly the same is it.”

No, it wasn’t. But... you know. You could pretend it was.

“Still counts.”

“Okay. If you think so.”

You didn’t think so, not after what Emily had just said, but you were willing to accept it for the nice gesture, and that was all you cared about. Or, what you told yourself was all you cared about.

“I think so.” You definitively told Emily, breaking into a smile to really sell it.

Just when she was about to roll her eyes at you and maybe try her hand at talking a little more sense into you, Joe called you from the bathroom.

You left Emily on her own for about a minute before joining her again.

“Okay. Let’s go. He’s not coming.” You grabbed your coat and found your bag. The one Joe had given to you, but hadn’t spent a penny on.

“He’s– what?”

“He thought of something that still needs doing. He’s not coming.”

Emily stared at you from where she was sat, watching you hurriedly wrestle your arms into the sleeves of your coat as she slowly caught up to speed.

“So, I’m sorry, but have we just waited for him for ages for fucking nothing then?”

You ignored her tone, finding your phone, your keys, and then Emily’s coat as well.

“Let’s go. If we hurry, we might beat the rain.”

You chucked Emily her coat, and she almost didn’t move her arms in time to catch it. With the front door already open, you gestured for Emily to make her way through, calling, “Bye! We’re off!” into the flat.

Emily, under her breath, very mockingly sing-songed, “Love you!” in that same tone as she walked past you, making her point once more.

You didn’t repeat her, but instead rolled your eyes at what you decided was a joke, and then loudly said, “Don’t wait up!”

You didn’t wait for Joe to answer before you slammed the door shut.

It’s been weeks.

Months, technically, although it doesn’t feel it.

“Please be home, please be home, please be home,” you mutter to yourself as you rush your way down his street. “Please be in the fucking country, for just this fucking once…”

You’d texted and had gotten no coloured ticks from him. So then you’d called, but it just rang for ages before you were eventually sent to voicemail, and that’s something you don’t do. Especially not now. Not about this. Hell would have to freeze over before you’d leave a voicemail message. You could delete a text thread, or a voice note. But, a voicemail? Once a voicemail sends out, there is no undoing that.

Maybe you’re crazy, but what you’re doing now feels safer.

It’s after midnight, dark, the streets wet from earlier rainfall, but you feel wide awake. You’ve got Emily’s words ringing in your ears still, and you’ve not been able to shake them yet.

Her advice.

Or, well, it was more just her opinion. She had expertly dressed it up as a fact, though, which is probably why that one sentence still held you in a vice grip.

Telling her about how you’d had a few… moments, with Joe, since you’d broken up with him, turns out, was the wrong thing to do.

You just really wanted to tell her about the wine.

The expensive bottle you’d satisfyingly dunked into his kitchen sink.

It’s been weeks by now, but you still think about that all the time. And every time that you do, you feel pure glee spark inside of you.

You thought she’d be the same.

You thought she’d absolutely love it.

But then, after you had told her all about that night, she’d just looked at you with so much disdain and disappointment, it startled you into rambling excuses, none of which sounded true to your own ears, let alone hers. She then had shook her head, and sort of muttered something to herself that you asked her to repeat.

It’s those words that haven’t left the forefront of your mind since.

You didn’t ask Emily to clarify herself. You hadn’t gotten into an argument, either. You had just… moved onto a different topic. A lighter, easier to digest thing to talk about.

It left those words to rein freely, left those words at liberty to inflate themselves until they were all you could think about, and the feeling had clawed at your chest for the rest of the day. The rest of the night.

You hadn’t been able to answer the question, what’s wrong, that you were repeatedly asked until it made you upset.

“Nothing’s wrong! Stop asking me what’s wrong! God! You asking me what’s wrong a million times a minute is what’s wrong!”

Something is wrong though.

Obviously.

You just left someone in your bed for this.

Ringing Joe’s doorbell is a quick action, fingers pressing that familiar button before you can have any doubt of what you’re doing. It takes longer than a few seconds before you hear a small beep.

“Joe? I texted you, can you reply to my text?”

A silence follows, and for a moment you think maybe the intercom doesn’t work properly, or maybe he just hadn’t heard you.

“I– I sent you a message, check your phone–”

A loud click of the door unlocking and a loud shrill buzzing sound interrupts you.

“No you don’t have to– just text me back, will you?”

No answer follows, but the loud buzzing persists. After a few more seconds of it, you know Joe’s just holding down the button until you go inside.

That wasn’t the plan.

With a frustrated grumbling sigh, swearing under your breath, you push yourself into Joe’s building and make your way to his front door.

In the lift you decide you won’t let the doors close properly when they’ll open on Joe’s floor. You’ll tell him from half inside the lift that he just needs to check his phone.

You just want an answer.

But then the lift doors open and one foot steps out as you lean into the hallway, expecting to see Joe waiting by his front door, yet he isn’t.

You make an angry face, nose pulling up and showing your clenched teeth with a frown. You’re in a building where people are asleep so you can’t make any noise, but you absolutely would have otherwise. Joe leaves you no other choice but to get out of the lift, and begrudgingly, you make your way over to his doormat.

When you get closer, you can see how the door’s been left open.

“Hey,” you whisper-yell into the flat, “Joe?”

You get no answer, and take a few careful steps inside to find him standing in his kitchen in a T-shirt and a pair of boxer-briefs. He’s got his back turned to you, and is seemingly busy cleaning up mess he’s left out from dinner.

It’s the fucking middle of the night.

It’s dark in Joe’s flat, the only light in the room coming from his under cabinet LEDs, and it’s weirdly warm for the time of night, you think.

“Hey, I–” you start, voice low because it’s late, but you quickly get cut off by Joe.

“Did you close the door?”

You blink a few times and watch Joe very carefully load some things into his dishwasher, making little to no noise at all. No plates softly clashing, no rattling cutlery.

“What? No. I–”

“Will you close the door, please?” Joe asks, but it sounds like a demand. Sort of cold, a little detached.

“All I’m here to say,” you try again. “Is that I want you to check your phone...”

Joe stands up straight and finally looks at you. Whilst maintaining eye-contact he slowly closes the dishwasher until it latches, machine clicking shut, and when he then just... keeps staring at you, you throw your head back like an annoyed teenager, and reluctantly do as you’re told.

You go to close his front door.

In the kitchen you hear the tap go, and when you join Joe there again, you can see how he’s filling up a glass with water.

Joe is about to take a sip when he suddenly decides against it and lowers the glass.

“Water?” he then asks, and holds it out to you with a stretched arm.

You’re slightly confused, but you take it, and then watch Joe reach for another glass from a cabinet and fill that one for himself.

“Thanks, but…” you place the glass on his counter and hold two hands up to Joe. “I’m just here because I need an answer to a text.”

Joe, with his mouth in his own glass, sort of looks at you a moment as he gulps water down.

He looks tired.

Which, yea, that checks out.

You fucking woke him up, didn’t you?

There’s so many reasons to declare yourself clinically insane right now, but you’re holding onto the notion that this is actually all totally normal with all of your might. If you pretend to believe it, you might just be able to trick Joe into it as well.

But Joe just looks at you like he’s waiting for you to give the real reason of why you’re there.

“So, if you could just, check that. Answer it. That’d be great.” You force a polite smile and step back. “That’ll be all.” And you turn to leave again.

“You’ve been crying.” Joe stops you in your tracks.

You turn back to him.

“No. Well, yea I was, but that’s not– I’m fine, that was about something else, not this. You don’t have to– stop, I’m going to go, please... respond to my message. I’ll read it when I get in, and that’ll be that.”

“Wait.”

Joe picks up the glass of water you’ve just put down and gives it back to you. When it’s in your hands, he even gives it a little push upward to ensure that you have a sip.

“I’ll go get my phone.”

And he’s so calm and agreeable that it feels rude to do anything else but take a sip and wait for him. You watch Joe walk out of the room to go get his phone, and it’s a lot of opening and closing doors, everything done as quietly as humanly possible. Then, you suddenly notice how hot you feel in your coat. It’s really fucking warm in here.

That’s new.

That’s... weird.

When Joe comes back, he closes the door behind him again and looks at his phone as he unlocks it.

“Why did you call me?”

“Just–”

“I’ll read the text.”

In silence, you stand and watch Joe open his texts and read your message. Messages. There’s several. Then, he starts typing back, and, this is what you came here for, but now that you’re standing in Joe’s kitchen in the middle of the night, having pulled him out of bed for this, you almost want to tell him he’s being an idiot. He can just as easily answer your question in person.

His message sends, and your phone buzzes in your pocket.

Joe places his down and gives you a tired stare.

“Yea, okay. Th-thanks.”

“Read it.”

It startles you.

“No, that’s…” You’re so stupid. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Read your message.”

You feel like a fucking child that’s being scolded by a parent.

Guilt.

Regret.

Self-inflicted, which makes all of it so much worse.

Every feeling sits dark and sticky and bitterly uncomfortable in your gut, clinging to all the edges, stretching longer until the shadows overtake all of the previous excuses you had for being here.

You shouldn’t have come.

You shouldn’t have gone to wake up Joe over something so insignificant and, well, dumb. It’s embarrassing, and you want to leave.

“You’re here now. I’m up. Read your message.”

You inhale deeply. Hold it there for a moment.

He’s right.

The damage has been done.

You’ve dipped a toe into this strange pond, and now you might as well canon ball yourself right into this uncomfortable mess, no matter how cold the water might be.

The only way out seems through.

You pull your phone from your pocket with a clammy hand, and fucking damn it, you’re sweating underneath all of your layers.

“I didn’t mean to… I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

Joe just lets his eyes drop to your phone before he looks right at you again, his very stance issuing the orders.

Read the fucking text.

You see the notification and open your phone with face ID. Your own messages to Joe catch your attention first, before you see his reply.

“Were we as good as we’re going to get?”

“What we were together”

“Was that really as good as it can get?”

“Ever?”

You didn’t have to send the same question in various different ways, but that’s what had happened.

Emily’s reaction to the stand alone get-togethers you’d participated in with Joe hadn’t been what you’d expected. You’d hoped for a level of girl power encouragement. For a loud get it girl, or a, yea babe get what you want.

Instead, you’d gotten a sigh and shake of her head, followed by a soberly mumbled, “You really do deserve each other…” that you’d asked her to repeat.

Before she’d always said that Joe didn’t deserve you. That was always the point she tried to get across. The idea she tried to sear into your brain. Joe was beneath you, and you were far above. Always.

And then suddenly, now you are no longer too good for him?

Suddenly you’re on equal footing, and you deserve each other.

What the fuck.

You look at your own messages and realise in that very second that you have no idea what kind of answer you are after from Joe. This isn’t a coin toss situation where you know what side you want that coin to land on the moment it get’s thrown into the air. Fear strikes you lightning fast. No matter what Joe is going to tell you, it’s going to be wrong.

What the fuck are you doing at Joe’s flat?

And why is it so fucking hot in here?

The only way out is through.

You read Joe’s text.

“Darling it’s late, let’s not do this over text”

A non-answer.

You look up at Joe, who is now leaning against his kitchen counter, legs crossed at the ankles, arms crossed over his chest. His head tilts to the side a little and neither of you speak.

It’s oddly unexpected that the guy in his underwear exudes more confidence than the girl bundled up in heavy layers of clothing.

You frown and read the message again.

For a second you debate what to do next. What to say. If this is going to be the end of this interaction, or if it’s going to be just the beginning.

It’s late, though.

You inhale deeply. Slowly.

Then, resign.

“Okay.”

Because honestly, what were you really even expecting from him?

Your soft little defeated okay isn’t what Joe expected though, you can see it in the minor change on his face. The eyebrows that quirk up slightly, his jaw that loosens, the eyes that round out...

“I’ll um...” you say softly, letting your phone sink back into a pocket before pulling at your sleeves to let them cover both hands.

Joe steps forward and bends to look at the clock on the oven behind him before he says, “Well. Since you’re here. Might as well.”

He gestures an arm at his dining table. At one of his chairs. It’s hard, but you do your best to ignore the memories of the last time you were there, sat in one of these chairs. Well, technically, you hadn’t sat in one of the chairs... Joe had sat on one of the chairs and you–

“Am I going to get an explanation of what’s going on?” Joe asks as he pulls out a chair for you.

Finally, you remove your coat.

“It’s a long story.” You say, then think for a moment and add, “No it’s not, actually. Emily said–”

“Ah. Emily.” Joe sits down in a chair opposite. “How is Emily doing?”

“Shut up. She’s fine.” You exclaim, voice a little raised in defense, and you’re immediately shushed by Joe. He holds up a hand as he perks up, and you get the message, lowering your tone as you add, “This isn’t about her.”

“It’s not?”

“No. She just said something. I…” you trail off for a second.

Your head’s a scrambled mess of doubt and insecurities and it doesn’t help that all you’ve done in the past few hours is overthink every single thought that’s popped into your brain. It’s a bit of a journey to retrace your steps and go back to the start of all of this.

“We were talking, and suddenly she... she said something and I’m just… I wanted to know if you think that… if you think what I texted you is true.”

“You just… wanted to know… if I think…” Joe narrows his eyes up at the ceiling as he thinks, slowly repeating your words.

It’s condescending.

Patronising.

Joe’s making fun of you.

“All right, be fucking honest or–”

“No, no. I’m sorry. Sorry. It’s nearly two in the fucking morning,” two already big eyes comically enlargen, but don’t make you laugh. Wrong audience. “But, yea, you’re right. Honest. I’ll be honest.”

You take a deep breath in preparation of what he’s about to say.

Were we as good as we’re going to get?

“Imposing question, though.”

Yea, you’re aware. It’s why you hadn’t been able to sleep and had eventually decided to just get up and out of bed, leave the boy you had in there on his own, and make your way over to Joe’s.

“I don’t know.”

Wild how you feel about five inches tall whilst simultaneously feeling like you’re taking up too much space in the room.

“You don’t know.”

Typical.

“Well. No, I… was it as good, wait, what was it?” Joe looks past you and sees that he’s left his phone on the counter. “Was it as good as it could be?”

You exhale through flared nostrils, frustration forcing your eyes shut for a moment.

“Were we as good as it’s ever going to get for us?”

“Were we as good as it’s ever going to get... I mean, I think so? I– But–... you tell me. Were we?”

And Joe’s right. It is late. You have spent hours thinking that question over, and you couldn’t answer it when you weren’t as tired as you are now, so it’s useless to even try at this hour.

You shrug, and for a moment, it’s quiet. You don’t know how to go about leaving now. You came here for something you aren’t going to get and so, fucking now what?

“Why um... why have you been crying?”

“Oh, I...” your fingers find your sleeve to rub. “I was asked why I couldn’t sleep, and I... well, I couldn’t really explain, so...”

Joe frowns in confusion, not understanding.

“I don’t know, you try listening to someone say shit like, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you, fifty times in a row, and try not to fucking snap.”

They’d been tears of angry frustration, mostly with yourself, and they’d actually surprised you. You hadn’t expected to cry, but, you felt hurt by words your best friend said to you, so you guess that does add up, actually.

Something slowly dawns on Joe before he then leans back in his chair and nods, scrunching his nose, and he whispers, “Jasper.”

“Jasper.” you confirm, and it makes you chuckle a little before a yawn breaks it up.

Joe watches you. Lets his eyes take you in. It’s the middle of the night and you’re very clearly going through something, but he hasn’t got the answers to the questions you’re asking him, and he hates it.

Wishes he could help.

Wishes the questions you wanted answers to weren’t so impossible.

Joe watches you yawn. Watches your eyes blink slowly as you stare into space for a moment. It’s so quiet, he can hear his clock tick on the other side of the room. Then suddenly, you smile.

“I told Emily about the wine... about how I was a complete bitch and poured that bottle right down your drain.”

And Joe can’t help but feel more amused at your smile than feel annoyed about his expensive wine being wasted. He won’t let his face show it though.

“Bet she enjoyed that.”

“Yea I thought she would, but... she just... she said that we deserve each other. Whatever that means.”

Joe watches your fingers rub along your sleeves. Knows what that means.

“That’s not true.” he suddenly says, voice low and sincere.

“Oh, right,” you huff a laugh and half-heartedly joke, “I don’t deserve you, of course.”

Joe doesn’t laugh.

“No, I mean... well, yes. Technically.” Before he continues, Joe shakes his head in an attempt get his thoughts in order. It’s late. “But not in the way you just said it. In that... you probably deserve better.”

“Probably?”

“Yea. And so do I. Probably.”

Hmm.

You silently mill that over for a second. Aren’t sure what to make of it. If there’s even anything to agree or disagree with there.

“But, who’s to say. All we know is that we weren’t the best before.”

Joe stresses that last word and then lets the words float in the air for you to draw your own conclusions from. It’s certainly true that you weren’t the best together - hence the break up that eventually happened. But Joe’s expertly sharing the blame, which is not a fun truth to face.

The before saves it, a little.

The before makes it sounds like Joe’s talking about two people who no longer exist. Like, those people are gone. That door is closed. And look at you now. You’re a whole new set of two different people. It’s a different world, and you’ve changed. Grown. Learnt.

Who knows what you’d be like now.

Joe can’t predict the future.

And neither can you.

“Hmm.” you hum, eyes trained on the surface of the table, body flushed with conflicting feelings you don’t know how to put into words. Instead of stumbling through words until you find ones that make sense, you remain silent and pull at your sleeves so there’s more fabric for your fingers to run across.

“Hey,” Joe leans forward a little and catches your attention. “Are you okay? Do I need to be worried about you?”

You smile and let it take over your whole face as you shake your head no before you bring your hand up to cover another yawn.

“No. But I should go. This was never meant to be– she just… I don’t know, Emily got into my head and I didn’t know how to get her out.”

Joe contemplates in silence. Wonders if he’s okay with the idea of you walking out and going home right now, in this state. It’s almost three o’clock.

“I don’t make the best decisions after midnight. Sorry.”

You push your chair back and get up on your feet, the plan being to give Joe a quick polite hug goodbye before you make your way back to his front door.

You’re tired, but you know the second you step outside into the cold air that will make your lungs feel sore, you’ll wake up enough to make your way home without any problems.

But then Joe decides you can’t just go.

You can’t just leave.

He’s stuck.

You’re stuck.

You’re stuck in it, together, in this muddy sludge of whatever the two of you have become now. One of you is going to have to step out of their shoes and escape, and Joe thinks it should be you, because you’ve escaped this quicksand of a relationship before. You know how to get out.

It’s weird that you willingly came back.

Keep coming back.

And it’s awful that Joe just keeps inviting you in. Welcomes you with open arms every single time.

But he wants you to stay. It doesn’t have to be like before. Things can be different. Better.

He decides he’s not just going to let you leave, so when he stands up and you go in for a hug, he takes hold of you by your upper arms and starts moving you towards his sofa.

Says, “Come sit for a second.”

And no resistance comes from you. Joe thinks it must be because you’re tired. You’ve cried and you’ve worried and you’ve let all of it eat away at you until you decided to reach out to him, and now, he wants you to stay. He’s not a fan of how, from a certain angle, it looks like he’s taking advantage of the situation, but... you’re both adults.

He’s not doing anything illegal.

Well.

There’s a girl in his bed.

It’s why the flat is warm and why all the doors are closed. Joe shouldn’t have let you inside. Shouldn’t have made you come in and shouldn’t have made you close the door behind you. Shouldn’t have given you a glass of water and shouldn’t have sat you down.

He doesn’t want you to leave now.

There’s a girl in his bed.

And you’ve got a Jasper in yours.

Joe’s closeness to you will come at a price, he’s aware. But it’s one he’s willing to pay. One he’s got the cash for, no problem. Name the sum and he’ll double it.

He’s got you by the arms and is walking you over to his sofa. You are stopped just before you’re about to step onto the area rug.

“Shoes off,” he says, like he gives a shit. You know he doesn’t, but listen to him anyway, and know that taking your shoes off means you’re not going anywhere. At least not for a while.

You get turned around and get sat down, and immediately, you feel far too comfortable. The seat’s too soft. The cushion’s too fluffy. Memories of the hours spent snuggled up on this sofa shoot into the forefront of your mind and you want to warn Joe that it’s not going to take much for you to fall asleep.

But before you can, he pulls a throw blanket from the other side and hands it to you, and you realise that getting comfy and cosy is actually the goal here.

There’s a guy in your bed, who you’ve just… left. Didn’t tell him anything. Just got out, got dressed and left.

You take the blanket from Joe.

It’s probably a good idea to at least let him know something. Send him a text. Let him know you’re okay. But that little voice of reason in your head gets drowned out when Joe sits down next to you and helps sort out the blanket so it covers you both.

“Sit for a second?” you ask through a soft half-suppressed laugh as Joe settles in beside you, your thighs touch underneath the throw. “Am I staying the night?”

“I don’t know, I don’t control what you do. I just want to sit for a second.”

Joe stretches an arm behind you that you think he’s going to rest on top of the sofa, but it moves your head forward a little as it grabs hold of your bicep to pull you in a bit more.

“Joe...” you warn, but it sounds lighthearted and sleepy.

“What?” Joe acts all innocent, but you can hear his amusement when he adds, “Just for a second.”

Joe is still shuffling in his spot, using his other hand to sort the cushion behind him, then pulling the blanket and tucking it under his leg, followed by him using his chin to fix the bit of flipped cotton of his T-shirt sleeve – it’s a lot of faffing for someone who wants to sit for just a second.

He’s nearly done, a centering sigh half way out of him when, suddenly, you feel how he pipes up a little and see how he looks across the room. His phone’s still on the counter, and for a second, Joe debates getting up to go and get it.

You determine on his behalf that he doesn’t need his phone by draping your arm across his stomach and snuggling up.

It’s warm in Joe’s flat.

And this little nest is perfect.

“Fine.” you mutter softly. “Jus’ for a second.”

Joe pauses for a moment as he looks down at how you let your nose brush his arm, your eyes already closed, and he grins as he sinks back down into his sofa.

You don’t make the best decisions after midnight.

Neither does Joe.

Maybe you do deserve each other. Maybe you don’t.

But you deserve this, you think. And you mean that in the best way possible. You deserve to be comfortable, and cosy, and toasty warm in a dimly lit room with a man who smells really nice.

You deserve to cuddle up next to someone who truly values your presence and genuinely just wants you to be there with them for a little while.

You deserve the soft tickling fingertips that delicately dance across your hairline, lingering there for far longer than ‘just a second’.

You deserve the barely whispered, super soft “Love you.” spoken so tenderly and punctuated with a gentle kiss pressed to the top of your head, it makes you tighten your arms around him.

You fall asleep in the soft glow of the under cabinet LEDs with the knowledge that the next morning is bound to be awkward. But this is still infinitely nicer than trying to fall asleep with Emily’s words on your mind. It’s difficult to think about impossible-to-answer questions when you’re wrapped up in strong warm arms that want you there, so you allow yourself to sink and to drift until dreams fully take you.

A loud bang of a door slamming shut wakes the both of you with a violent jolt.

Two pairs of tired bleary eyes look around the room, and there’s a fleeting moment of confusion. Your mind scrambles to piece together where you are and what just happened, but all your mind can focus on is how dry and heavy your eyes feel as you blink to adjust to your surroundings.

“Oh, fuck,” Joe croaks, groaning as he goes to sit up. He looks over his shoulder, then rubs a heavy hand across his face before he goes, “Yea…”

You feel disoriented and frazzled, and move to sit up just enough to look over the back of the sofa with squinty eyes to see what Joe is even looking at.

All you see is an open door to the hallway that leads to his bedroom.

“What was that?” you ask, thinking maybe something dropped or knocked over somehow. When Joe gets up and walks over to his bedroom to check, you think that’s it. Something fell because gravity finally got a hold of whatever Joe had been precariously balancing on a bookshelf.

But then you hear Joe audibly sigh and dejectedly go, “Yea, she won’t be coming back.”

That takes minute to land.

It’s too early for your brain to comprehend what just happened, but slowly, puzzle pieces click together.

Oh.

Oh, that’s fucking detestable, isn’t it?

When Joe walks back out, he’s wearing joggers and is holding a ball of socks, and you hope there’s a different explanation than the correct one you just concocted. He looks at you for a moment, and you can tell by the look on his face that he feels awful.

Right.

Emily can fuck off.

You don’t deserve each other.

You deserve better than this.

Okay, so, yea, admittedly, you aren’t really one to talk, seeing the personal choices you have made over the past eight hours. But the choices Joe has made in that same span of time are just as bad, if not worse.

You decide to give into the feeling of wanting to lay back down rather than to face whatever this morning has on offer for you. You disappear from Joe’s sight, and cover all of your face with your hands that press and pull at your skin.

This is such a mess.

“Emily can fuck off.” You mutter into your own palms, hoping Joe can translate that and connect the dots of your disdain for him in this very moment.

You should leave.

Should check your phone for any messages or missed calls, and you should leave.

Never come back.

Learn your fucking lesson already and never set foot into this flat ever again.

But then Joe leans over the back of the sofa, and with knitted eyebrows that show off every single line on his forehead, he softly asks, “Do you want a coffee?”

You drop your hands.

Look up at him. The kind face. His short hair sleep messy. Jaw line. His mouth.

You should leave.

“Um…”

Oh... oh no.

“Yea…”

Fuck.

So close.

“Yea?”

You almost had it.

“Yea. I could use a coffee.”

Almost.

---

The Taglisted

@alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @cowboymcflurry

@demonsanddemogorgons, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevitalifestyle, @eddies-puppet, @emma-munson

@emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @ferfan14, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby

@gri959, @hanahkatexo, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns

@keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @loves0phelia, @mandyjo8719

@mexicanfolklore, @munsonluvrr, @munsonssweets, @nadixq

@niallersfreckles, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @prettiestboyreid

@readergf, @royale1803, @skulliecadaver-blog, @sherrylyn0628, @shizlac

@solzi1420, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle

@tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @witchwolflea, @xxladymjxx, @yunirgo

add yourself

#this fic is almost over and I'm NOT emotionally prepared hahaaa :'))#what even happened this week... man idk time is wackkkk #kyu_reads_fanfic

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midnighthazee · 13 hours ago

Text

Greenridge ABO Series

a/n: I hope my lovely Greenies had a good Thanksgiving! I didn't write as much as I wanted to over the break but I still managed to get this chapter written! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Warnings: a little bit of explicit language, pabo behavior

WC: 3931

Chapter 13

It had been a week. Seven days since Reed said he would take you back to Greenridge. Everytime you brought it up, he gave an excuse. He had work, his drivers were resting, he was waiting on visitors, blah blah. Last night, he left for a business meeting at HA headquarters without a word.

Now you were bored out of your mind, wandering his mansion in the late afternoon. You figured you would be nosy since he left you here. You looked in all the bedrooms, realizing he gave you the nicest one out of all the guest rooms. That’s something…you suppose. You turn the corner out of the living room, nearly bumping into one of his men.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

He looked strangely familiar.

“Do I know you?” you asked.

“Uh…no.” he said, hurrying off.

Weird.

You proceeded down the hall, opening doors and finding a closet, or a room with priceless artifacts. Some sculptures, vases, and paintings cluttered the room. You moved on, finding a door with a staircase leading down.

Nothing good ever comes from a basement. You thought.

You found yourself walking down the stairs regardless, a few lanterns on the wall illuminating the dark space. You get to the bottom, no rank smells in the air like the basement you lived in. As you continue on, it’s dark. You feel along the wall and find a lightswitch.

Light flicks on, illuminating the space. You see a kitchenette, a stack of dog bowls, and another door beyond. You open the door slowly, afraid of what’s on the other side. You hear noises as you step in, but from what?

It smells like…like outside or something. Dirt maybe? You proceed farther in the room, noticing glass doors on one side.They looked like cells, just extremely nicer than Lewis’s setup. As you approached, you noticed a shadowed figure inside. You step closer, squinting your eyes.

The figure moves suddenly, banging two paws on the glass and growling. You fall back, screaming and shielding yourself before you realize whatever it was didn’t break free. As you turn back, you realize it was a wolf - a huge wolf. There were several down this hall, a dozen beady eyes looking at you through the glass. You scramble to your feet and hurry out of the room. You get back to the kitchen, only to run into the guy you saw a few minutes ago.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” You pant. “W-why are there wolves?”

“They are Reed’s night patrol.”

“Night patrol?”

“He lets them out at night and they keep watch of his territory, ensuring no trespassers.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. He finds them more loyal apparently, but I think it’s stupid.” he chuckles.

“You sure we haven’t met before?” you ask once more. There was something about his smile that struck you.

He sighed. “We have.”

“Was it at Lewis’s house?”

“No. Um….it’s me…Hudson.”

You stared in shock.

“Surprise?” he offered with a shrug and smile.

“But…how? How are you here?”

“He found me after mom and dad died and took me in.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“I was supposed to leave you alone.”

“Why?”

“He just told me not to interact with you. He wouldn’t give details.”

“But…I’m here all alone…without my pack. Why wouldn’t he want me to know I have more family here?”

“I gotta go. And you should go upstairs to have dinner. I’ve seen you skipping meals.”

You look down. “I’m not hungry.”

“Lies. Go eat, y/n.”

Before you can protest or ask another question, he’s off, back upstairs and out of sight. You sigh, heading upstairs too. You didn’t eat, but you did stay in your room and watch tv to pass the time. Oh how you ached for your pack.

“Ugh, something scared her.” Minho grumbles. “I swear if that prick is torturing her…”

“Wouldn’t you feel the pain too?” Changbin asked.

“I guess. Ugh….I don’t know if it’s good or bad to have this connection to her when she’s not within reach.” Minho groans, running a finger through his hair.

“I would say good. You can keep an eye on her.” Hyunjin spoke, not looking up from his sketching.

“I guess. Ji, you find the address yet?” Minho asks, coming over to Han on his laptop.

“I’m almost in. Just another second….done. Let me just locate the files.” Jisung typed frantically on the keyboard.

Within a few minutes, he’d hacked into the HA database and was looking into the Blackmane pack for an address.

“Here we are. Blackmane Pack. Run by an alpha named Reed Kang.” Jisung stated. “Located on 53790 Woodmill Rd.”

“How far are we from that?” Jeongin asks.

“Uh, it looks like…an hour.”

“Great. Let’s move.” Minho says, rising from the motel bed.

The Greenridge pack, accompanied by the I-Land pack, drove to the Blackmane Manor. The sun was setting and soon everything was covered by darkness. The roads were scarcely lit, and the houses were very spaced apart. But in less than an hour, they arrived and buzzed the intercom at the front gate.

“What’s your purpose for this visit?” a man’s voice said on the intercom.

“I’m here to see Mr. Kang. It’s an urgent matter.” Minho spoke, eyeing the gate and what he could see of the front lawn.

“Mr. Kang is not present. Please come back tomorrow.”

“Is there no alpha or beta I could speak with in his place?”

“No. Come back tomorrow.”

Minho groans. He looks at the house, knowing you are here. They back up, driving down the road before parking. He groups up with I-land, suggesting they hop the fence and save you.

“We don’t know how many are guarding the place. If he really isn’t here, he could have left her heavily guarded.” Jungwon’s beta, Jake, said.

“I’m counting on the fact that he would think we know nothing of this place. Or would have taken longer to find it. Let’s go.” Minho explained.

“Min, can’t we think this over?” Changbin suggests.

“She’s in there. It’s like I can feel how close she is.” Minho stares at Changbin.

Changbin backs down, following his alpha.

They head down the street, finding a good spot to breach. Quickly, they scaled the brick wall and began running through the yard. They made it halfway to the house when a howl rang out into the night.

“Guys…that sounded close.” Felix noted, looking around.

“Oh, shit. Over there. Run!” Sunoo yelled.

They all looked in the direction he pointed, seeing three large figures headed their way. They took off, running quickly back to the wall.

“Spread out, they can’t chase us all.” Heeseung yelled.

In efforts of getting to the wall, they all spaced out, making the wolves distance themselves and lock in on a target. Niki and Heeseung reached first, leaping and climbing over. Hyunjin and Sunoo were next, followed by Jake, Jeongin and Felix. Changbin helped the rest scale the wall, as the wolves closed in.

“Hurry!” Felix and Sunoo yelled from the other side.

Changbin grabbed onto a vine, pulling himself up. One of the wolves lunged out, grabbing him by the pants leg - their teeth slightly nipping the skin. Changbin tried to pull up, the wolf trying to pull him down. His other leg kicked frantically, fighting off the two other wolves. He managed to kick one in the face before landing a blow to the wolf who had him by the pants.

He heaved himself up and over the wall, falling to the ground in a huff. He sat there a second, catching his breath. Felix was quick to look him over as the others bent down.

“You okay?”

“You good?”

“The teeth marks are shallow. Should heal quickly.” Felix informed.

“I’m alright.” Changbin reached his hands out.

Minho and Jungwon pulled him up to his feet and they all headed back to their cars. Changbin had a slight limp but managed to get there on his own. Minho was cursing himself for not being able to get to you.

“What if we deflect? Cause commotion that draws the wolves attention away, while the rest of us sneak up to the house…” Seungmin suggests.

“We don’t know how many wolves there are. If we don’t get them all in one location, we won’t make it in.” Sunghoon said, leaning against the car.

“How do we figure out how many there are?” Jay asked.

“We could always go back in, run around the yard and hope we can outrun them.” Jisung suggested, earning a glare from several of them. “Or not…”

Meanwhile, you were currently hiding in an alley, checking around the corner before proceeding down the sidewalk. You had managed to sneak out the house before nightfall, claiming you wanted some fresh air. Once you learned about the wolves, you decided you had to make your attempt before nightfall, instead of after. And with Reed not home, you figured today was the day. So you asked to get some fresh air, laying in the grass for a bit, and idling walking around before they finally were distracted enough for you to slip away. The guards were on their phones, not realizing what you were up to. Before they knew it, you were off the property and heading into the local town.

So far, the streets were quite desolate, a few cars driving by here and there. Each one made you tense as you worried it was Reed or his men, hiding into an alley or shadow every time. You also jumped at the howl of wolves heard in the distance. They must be the ones Reed kept at his disposal.

As you walked, you kept your hands tucked under your arms. It was chilly and you regretted not wearing a jacket before running off. It probably would have made it obvious since it was warm before the sun set but you could have made an excuse.

Turning down a street, you hoped to come across someone, anyone, who could take you home. Or maybe you could at least find a place to stay for the night so you wouldn’t be out in the cool autumn air. You followed the sounds of people and came across a pub. There were loads of people inside, loud and boisterous as they laughed and drank. At least they would probably be too drunk to notice you (or remember seeing you). You head inside, thankful for the warmth and keep your head low. You notice a fireplace off in the back and make your way over there. It was warm and cozy so you settled in at the table next to it.

“Hi, what can I getcha?” a young woman asked, startling you.

“Just water…wait, is water free?” you ask.

The girl chuckled. “Yeah, it’s free.”

She walked off towards the bar and you focused back on the fire. Within a few minutes, she returned with two drinks.

“This one is on the house. It’s alcohol free.” She smiled, hurrying off to the next table.

You smiled, looking at the beverage. It looked like lemonade, so you took a sip. It wasn’t lemonade, but it was good. You sipped it while warming up by the fire. You looked around at all the people, trying to find someone who could possibly help you. Most of the people in here were big, burly men that were intimidating. They smelled like alphas, at least from what you could differentiate, and that worried you. Were they like Lewis? Or would they be nice and helpful like Chan?

You finished your drink, now drinking the water as you scoot closer down the bench to the fire.

“Would you like a refill?” the girl asked.

“No. Water is fine.” you force a smile.

“What’s an omega like you doing here all alone?” she asked, whispering as she leaned over the table.

Your eyes widened.

“I can smell you. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.” she looked over her shoulder briefly. “Be careful, they get handsy when they are drunk. It’s not safe for a little omega like you around here.”

You caught her scent - beta.

“Is there somewhere I should go?” you asked.

“There you are!” A guy’s voice interrupted.

“Hudson?” your brows furrowed. “How did you find me?”

The girl walked away, but, unbeknownst to you, she kept an eye on you. She could smell a damsel in distress a mile away.

“I figured since you escaped, you came here. A town with people who could possibly bring you home.” He shrugged, sitting next to you. “Was I right?”

You shifted in your seat.

“You need to come back,” he whispered.

“No.”

“Y/n…if Reed finds out you got away, he will come for you.”

“He can try. I need to get back to my pack.”

“Y/n…”

“He doesn’t own me. I spent thirteen years of my life being trapped. I’m not going back to that.”

“He said he would take you back. Just give him time.”

“Give him time for more excuses? No. He’s your alpha, not mine.” You move to get up, but he grabs your wrist.

“Please. I just got you back…” he pleaded.

His voice was sincere, the pain evident in his tone. You had missed him dearly and were happy to have him back in your life. But it wasn’t enough to stay. You couldn’t live with Reed’s pack. You wanted to live at Greenridge - it’s where you belong.

“Come with me.” you say.

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can. I’m sure Chan would let you.”

“I already pledged myself to Reed. I…I can’t…” he looks down sadly.

“I’ll miss you once more.” you say, pulling your wrist from his grip and walking towards the exit.

You nearly get to the door when someone’s arms pull you back, spinning you around.

“Hudson, let-” You started to protest.

“Go out the back. Reed’s men are searching the streets.” Hudson says, nodding his head to the back door.

“Thank you.” you say, embracing him in a hug.

He hugs you back tightly. You pull apart, heading to the back while he leaves through the front.

Out back, you hurry down the alley, peaking around the corner to see Hudson pointing them in the direction opposite of you. They hurry off and you slip down the street in the cover of darkness. It felt even colder now but you pushed on, up the curved hillside.

The street eventually leveled out, only illuminated by the street lamps as you walked. You hugged yourself, pushing through the cold air that bit at your skin. You didn’t know how long you had been walking but your feet were beginning to hurt.

You hadn’t trained with Changbin for long and you were regretting complaining every time. You would sweet talk your way out of it half the days he trained everyone. If you had let him train you, maybe you wouldn’t be struggling so much.

You heard the wolves howling once more, breaking up the silence of the deserted road. Up ahead was an intersection. You noticed a few cars driving through, their headlights briefly illuminating the street ahead. You kept walking, hoping to put as much distance between you and Reed’s men as you could.

You got to the corner, stopping by the edge of the building. Each direction had an incoming car so you waited for them to pass before crossing the street. You looked ahead, squinting from the bright headlights shining in your direction. The car crossed through the intersection and you stepped to the curb, seeing the car going the opposite direction also pass.

Suddenly, the color red illuminates the road, tires squealing. You freeze, noticing the second car stopped in the middle of the road. It looked like the suv Reed’s men drove as it began to back up. You panic.

Shit… they found me, you thought.

Looking to the right, you see the sidewalk is clear, an alley not too far up. You take off running, hoping to turn the corner before they see you. You hear tires squealing again, a roar of the engine following. They were speeding up to catch up to you. You pushed your legs faster, fear fueling you. You approach the alley, cutting the corner and running down the dark path. You see a dumpster and quickly duck behind it.

The headlights illuminate the alley and you curse yourself for not being faster. They must have seen you turn down the alley. You wait for them to pass ready to bolt as soon as they do. The car cautiously drives down the alley, slowly passing the dumpster. Taking a few breaths to brace yourself, you pop out from behind and hurry back up the alley towards the street. You’re nearly at the street when a voice calls out.

“Y/N!”

You freeze.

Slowly, you turn around, seeing two figures walking towards you. It couldn’t be…

“Y/n?” one questioned as you squinted.

“Changbin? Jisung?” you whispered.

As they approached, the street lamps illuminated their faces. You rushed over to them, swinging an arm around each of their necks and pulling them into a hug. They hugged you back tightly and you felt the tears filling your eyes.

“Oh my god you don’t know how relieved we are to see you.” Jisung said, pulling you into his own hug.

“We’ve been looking all over for you. We were about to sneak onto the Blackmane property to rescue you.” Changbin said.

Felix came rushing over, followed by the others. He took you by surprise, lifting you off the ground. You giggle and he puts you down with a pout. “You’ve lost weight.”

You blush, looking to the ground as he looks you over for any physical evidence of abuse on your body.

“I’m fine, Lixie.” you say.

Hyunjin stands next to Felix, smiling at you. You smile back and he scoops you up, spinning you around. As soon as he puts you down, Seungmin is pulling him off you so he can squeeze you into a hug as well. You look over and see Jeongin smiling at you. You open your arms towards him and he comes over, arms going under yours and lifting you off the ground. You wrap your arms around his neck, relaxing into him. Never did you think you would be so comfortable with an alpha.

Their scents each engulfed you, relaxing you immediately. You were elated, comforted by their presence and grateful to finally be reunited. It had been a long, lonely week without them and you were happy you wouldn’t have to keep running.

Changbin and Jisung are boasting about how they finally have you back, Felix mumbling about how you look like you’ve lost weight. But you weren’t paying them attention, instead walking away from them to approach Minho who was leaning against the trunk observing the whole reunion.

You walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist and hugging him tight. Everyone stopped talking of course, watching for his reaction. He had been so cold before you left, beating himself up about hurting you. But right now, you didn’t care. He could give you the cold shoulder tomorrow, but right now you wanted the comfort of your alpha.

As you press your cheek to his chest, holding onto him as if this was all a dream and he would disappear, he couldn’t help but smile. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head as he inhaled your scent. His eyes closed as he breathed you in. God he had missed you.

You could feel the bond strengthening, your mark tingling as you both held onto each other.

“Wait, where’s Chan?” you asked.

“Um…he’s fine. He’s safe. He’s just um…” Minho tried to find the words.

“Is he still at the Hybrid Association? But Hyunjin and Jisung are here?”

“How did you know we were there?” Hyunjin questions.

“Reed told me. Then he took me there but he hurried me out as soon as I gave my statement of what happened with Lewis.”

“You were there?! At headquarters?!” Jisung exclaims.

“Yes.”

“That son of a bitch.” Changbin growled.

“What happened to Chan?”

“It’s complicated…” Minho starts. “He’s being detained.” “For what?!” “Murder.”

“What? He didn’t kill Lewis. Reed did.”

“He killed Hayes and Milo…”

“Th-they’re dead?”

“Reed didn’t tell you?” Felix asked.

“Not that part…” you shook your head.

“They wouldn’t let us see him.”

“Why not?”

“It’s the law to not murder a fellow hybrid.” Minho explained. “Plus his past…it complicates things.”

“His past?”

“I’ll explain it later.”

“But-”

Headlights turning into the alley interrupted the conversation. You tensed, noticing the other car.

“It’s alright.” Minho spoke. “It’s one of our allied packs.”

You looked up at him and he smiled at you. His expression was soft as he looked at you, making you blush.

“How’d you find her?” one of the men from the new car asked as he got out.

“She was wandering the streets. We got lucky.” Jisung said.

“Y/n, this is Alpha Jungwon. He’s been helping us.”

“Nice to meet you.” you say, one arm still wrapped around Minho’s waist.

“You too. Glad to see you're safe and unharmed. We were all worried.” Jungwon said with a smile.

“We should probably get out of here.” Changbin noted. “They are probably looking for you.”

You nod.

The eight of you piled into one car, the other pack in the other car. Minho led them back onto the main road, and they got on the freeway, attempting to get far from town before they stopped for the night.

You were sandwiched between Jisung and Seungmin, having fallen asleep on Jisung’s lap during the drive. You hadn’t slept well since being away from home and it was already late at night. Jisung rubbed your head soothingly as you laid in his lap. Felix eyed you from Seungmin’s other side, making sure you were truly okay. Hyunjin and Jeongin were in the way back of the suv nearly falling asleep as well.

Nearly two hours later, Minho decided to stop for the night. They needed to rest up and get some food, so he found a motel to stop at. As everyone shifted to get out of the car, you groaned at being woken up.

“Sorry, y/n. But we are going inside, c’mon.” Jisung said.

You sat up, looking around. You get out, following them up to the rooms. Minho and Jisung decided to share the room with the king bed. The rest of the boys are with you in the other room with two double beds. Jungwon got his pack a couple rooms too and they split up, saying goodnight.

You got into the room, it smelling stuffy and old.

“We will be back home soon. It’s just for the night.” Seungmin placed a hand on your shoulder, offering a smile.

You went to the bathroom, wanting to shower but too tired to do so. Plus you didn’t have a change of clothes. So you just wash your hands and go back into the room.

Changbin pulls you to the bed near the window, insisting you share with him. Jeongin joins in, leaving Felix, Hyunjin, and Seungmin to the other bed closer to the door. Laying between the two of them made you feel so safe and warm, lulling you to sleep rather quickly. The two of them stared at you in awe before they too fell asleep.

TAGLIST:

@estella-novella @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @butterflydemons @readr1221 @gaby105-skz @notevenheretbh1 @bah2004 @sinfulfic @bowsnbang @just-a-blackthorn-cookie @dreamerwasfound @motheraiya55 @m00njinnie @writeuntilthebitterend @jutdwae-flower @staytinyluv @emmxxsworld @galaxy4489 @wolfo2027 @iknow-uknow-leeknow @thatgirlangelb @fr34k4c1dr41n @stwq2349 @rylea08 @sang-09 @scarlet789 @hxnnielk

Shout out to my lovely beta @cherry-erii

#stray kids abo #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #han jisung x reader #lee felix x reader #bang chan x reader #kim seungmin x reader #yang jeongin x reader #seo changbin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #lee minho x reader #ongoing #stray kids ot8

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tinfoil-jones · 22 hours ago

Text

Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 18

Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.

Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications

Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here.

“(italics)” Indicates that the speaker is speaking in Spanish (unless stated otherwise). This author only knows English, and I did not want to misrepresent Spanish by using Google Translate.

First - Prev - Next

CH.18

“FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS I LAY DORMANT. WHO HAS DISTURBED MY- Oh hey Fordsy, what’s up?”

“Cipher, I need to project into a different mindscape.”

“I already know who it is, but tell me anyways.”

“My mother, Caryn Pines. I need to glimpse into her memories. She should still be asleep at this time, going deeper into her mindscape will be easier than if she were awake.”

“Oh, wow, your own mom. Aren’t you worried she’ll know it’s you?”

“She’s not a real psychic, my muse. She will be none the wiser.”

“If you insist, let’s hope that isn’t foreshadowing.”

SNAP

(...)

“Stan, this is Ms. Ramirez, and she is the Hypnotherapist I referred you to.”

“Stretch here has been saying great things about ya, ma’am.”

“Hello Mr… Stan? The last name is blank… (I’m sorry).”

“(I'm not offended. I don't know what it is either.)”

“(Where did you learn Spanish?)”

“(Colombia.)”

“Ah, yes. Dr. McGucket, are you sitting in on this session?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And Mr. Stan, you are okay with this?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Very well… This dosage of ketamine is based on your height and weight, and will be delivered intranasally. I also adjusted based on your extensive drug history. Normally, I’d consider this dosage to be lethal but…”

“Don’t worry, not dying when I really should is actually my first or second greatest skill.”

“...First or second?”

“Yeah, it’s interchangeable with lying.”

“Try to be honest during this session at least…”

(...)

“How are we going to find her specific memories about Stanley and this… accident?”

“Well Fordsy, her mindscape is structured like a carnival-”

“I can see that.”

“You can. They can’t. Anyways, one of these rides or attractions gotta be based on guilt or grief, let’s start there.”

(...)

“Let’s go back to when you were first on the streets, Stan.”

“...Okay…”

“How old were you?”

“17.”

“How did you start out?”

“Lived… Lived? I was- I was living in my car…”

“Only there?”

“For a few weeks… had a hard time. I caved and went to a homeless shelter but- but only once. Never again.”

“Why is that Stan?”

“...Something bad happened.”

“What bad thing?”

“I… I… I don’t want to-.”

“You don’t have to talk about that specifically, if it’s too distressing for you. Do you remember anything else from the homeless shelter? Was there a reason you went there that time and not before?”

“That one had free telephones.”

(...)

“Okay so we’ve been to the Dunk Tank of Phobias, The Rifle Range of Unrealistic Beauty Standards, The Deep-Fried Food Stand of Excuses, The Carousel of Broken Dreams, The Dime Pitch of Daddy Issues, The Strength Tester of Mommy Issues, The Roller Coaster of Regrets-.”

“Bill, you don’t have to list off everywhere we’ve been, everytime we are about to enter another carnival attraction.”

“You never know when the narrative will pick us up again.”

“I do not even want to know how that reasoning works.”

“Ah- look over here Sixer! It’s the Funhouse Mirrors of Memories!”

“I can read the sign, my muse.”

“Let’s go in here, and wander around aimlessly until we find that specific string of memories you’re looking for.”

(...)

“You needed to use the telephone?”

“I was… scared.”

“Scared?”

“I just… I just wanted to talk to my mom…”

(...)

“Is this the home of Caryn and Filbrick Pines?”

“Yes? Is there a problem?”

“Ma’am, do you recognize this license plate?”

“STNLYMBL… Yes, that belongs to my son, Stanley- is something wrong? Did his car get stolen?”

“Ma’am… You may want to sit down for this.”

“We should skip this part, IQ. You already know what they’re about to tell her.”

(...)

“Can you remember what you wanted to talk to your mom about?”

“I didn’t know what to do… I wanted help, I…”

(...)

“Where… where is everybody?”

“It looks like PTSD Barnum had a mostly empty funeral.”

“That can’t be-.”

*Bill suddenly winks out of the scene*

“Stanford? What are you doing here?”

“...Ma?”

“You weren’t at this funeral, sweetie.”

“Where- Where’s Pa? Where’s Sherman?”

“Shermie couldn’t make it, his son was sick. And your father… He won’t admit it, but he wouldn’t be able to handle it, so he didn’t come.”

“And who is that?”

“An IRS agent.”

“This isn’t over.”

“Ma… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Stanford, I tried to. Every time I brought up his name over the phone you hung up. I thought you knew and… you weren’t handling it well, just like your father.”

“Ma, you can’t really believe Stanley’s dead. He-.”

“You should have known first, Stanford. Can’t you see your bond was severed?”

“...Bond?”

“Your twin bond.”

“That is not a real thing, Ma.”

“You do not get to project yourself into the Astral Plane and tell your Ma what is or is not real here.”

“...”

“I need you to think about your brother - really, really think about him. How much you loved each other, how close you were. And imagine there is a rope between you two… like one that keeps a boat attached to a dock.”

*a rope suddenly appears, with one end fading into Ford’s chest. The other end appears clean cut after a few yards*

“Just as I thought.”

“What is this, Ma?”

“I told you, sweetheart. Your twin bond. Not all twins have it, but you two did. You can see… the other half is gone, it’s been severed. There’s nothing for you to attach to anymore.”

“Th-that doesn’t mean he’s dead! Couldn’t one of us have severed it another way?”

“One of you would have to have enough of a presence on the Astral Plane to manually sever it. I can see you are here, but if you do not remember severing it, it means Stanley would have had to have been the one to cut it. And… your brother never showed me the ability to deeply meditate enough to have a presence here, let alone sever a bond.”

“Ma, he’s not gone-.”

“Oh sweetheart… They never really leave us.”

(...)

“Help with what?”

“My life, what to do, where to go- everything. I… I just wanted to go home.”

“And why didn’t you?”

“I wasn’t allowed to… I did something wrong, I-. I don’t remember what it was, but I did something, and I wasn’t allowed back home anymore.”

(...)

“Is she going to remember any of this, Cipher?”

“If you’d talked to her mental projection while she was awake, maybe. But she’s asleep right now, only her unconscious mind will remember. While awake she might just have a feeling.”

“This twin bond, it’s a real thing?”

“Lots of things in the Dreamscape can be real - you only have to imagine it.”

“So this bond is something she made up- that she had me imagine was real?”

“Oh, no, yours is definitely real. At one point, you and your twin both believed in ‘Twinsense’ so much you manifested that connection all by yourselves. Impressive for a pair of twins who didn’t know how to manipulate the dreamscape at the time.”

“And… It's severed. Why is it severed?”

“Your mommy just told you, Fordsy. Either the other end of that connection is gone, or your brother actually managed to come into the dreamscape and cut it himself.”

“I need more data… I need to know how he did it.”

“So, you’re gonna ask him?”

“No. I need more data.”

“That’s what I expected from you, Sixer.”

(...)

“Stan?”

“...Fiddleford?”

“Do you feel yourself coming back?”

“Yeah…”

“Ms. Ramirez left a few minutes ago. Do you remember any of that?”

“Most of it I think?”

“Stan… do you remember saying that you were kicked out of your home?”

“Yeah… I kinda always felt like that was it but I couldn’t put the memories into place. I’ve been sabotaging myself since I was just a snot nosed punk after all.”

“Stan, it doesn’t matter what you did, you were only seventeen, you were still a kid. For Heavens sake, one of your first instincts was to try to call your mama.”

“S’not like we can do anything about it now. And I don’t even remember my mom.”

(...)

“Conference! Conference now!”

“I’m not in the mood for a meeting right now, Fiddleford…”

*Fiddleford drags him to the office anyways and locks the door*

“Fine. What information did you gain from the hypnotherapy session? Any useful data?”

“Stanford?”

“...Yes?”

“Look at me.”

SLAP

“What the-! Fiddleford!”

“You have some nerve, Dr. Stanford Pines. Nerve, and a thumpin’ gizzard for a heart.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why did you lie?”

“Lie about what?!”

“You told me that your twin brother Stanley left home when he had a following out with you over your science fair project. But he remembers being thrown out.”

“...”

“So, it’s true.”

“...I didn’t lie, I said he left, I didn’t say it was his choice.”

“I know darn well that we attended the same ethics class, and they made it clear early on that deliberately withholding information is the same as deceit. Now, you wanna share with the class what really happened?”

“Our father had imagined if I had been accepted into West Coast Tech I would have been wildly rich and successful. When we found out Stanley sabotaged my project, he kicked him out of the household and told him to not come home unless if he brought back millions.”

“That is… Awful.”

“I know it is.”

“Then why lie about it?”

“...”

“Stanford. Be honest with me. Or at least be honest to yourself right now.”

“Because I feel guilty about it. Back then- back then I felt justified, I was so upset I thought he deserved it. But then we got older, and the more I thought about it, I realized… it was wrong. I thought-...”

“Thought what?”

“I thought maybe he was always going to strike out on his own, as some act of defiance against- I don’t know, our father? Me? The IRS? Something.”

“You thought you could alleviate your own feelings of guilt by convincing yourself that he wanted what happened? Stanford, he was seventeen.”

“So was I.”

“It isn’t your fault your father kicked him out, you were just a minor yourself. What is your fault is that you saw your brother was an amnesiac and still changed the narrative to fit your own comfort zone. You cannot ask someone to trust you, and not have the common decency to be honest. You’ve been so overprotective, and yet still keep him at arm's length.”

“I am not over protective.”

“Horse feathers! You’ve been over compensating like hell this whole time. He’d still be in the containment cell if he didn’t break out of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you implanted a tracking chip somewhere on him.”

“I did not chip him! Every time I tried they just short out for some reason.”

“... What?”

“What is it you want from me, Fiddleford?”

“For you to see that Stan isn’t stupid. You think he doesn’t realize what you’ve told him isn’t properly aligning to what he’s starting to remember? What are you going to do if he confronts you?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Some brother you are. You should talk to him before one of you has a breakdown, it’s for your own good.”

“Wow. It is quite annoying to be on the receiving end of that phrase.”

To be continued…

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