#i do mask a lot BUT now that i live with my aprtner

[4000screamingbirbs]

I’m technically a woman so getting diagnosed with anything besides ‘stress’ or ‘you just need to exercise and eat healthy’ is fucking impossible, don’t even get me started on trying to get an accurate psychiatric diagnosis. But I am about 90 percent sure that my ‘ADHD’ is not adhd. There’s many reasons why I think I’m an autistic woman who got good at masking at the age of three, here they are:

Not talking until I was almost four years old

Getting tested for autism at least four times

Not wearing pants from grade 3 until grade 5 (and only wearing overalls ((with many pockets)) or two specific pairs of sweatpants) bc the bands made me want to unsliced myself

‘Gathering’ objects, basically putting all my one kind of stuff in one spot, all toys in one line, all rocks in one box, this extends to adulthood, I take out all of my dice and put them together and when I look at the neat lines and piles I feel accomplished for absolutely no reason

You know that “vibrating happiness” that makes you shake with excitement? I gots that and sometimes have to go to the bathroom to “happy shake” in my adult life I simply boogy to dissipate them.

Bad feelings, I got em, some stuff makes me feel like those Peking Ducks when they get the pressurized air blown under the skin to make it crispy? You know that technique? That’s what my body feels like when certain sounds/actions/anything happens. Like prickly needles under my skin, it’s awful. And it comes from anything, my pant leg keeps touching my tattoos ointment and then dragging the ointment up my leg as I walk and it’s- *inhale*- uh the fucking worst

Stimming, a lot, you have no idea how much, to the point where I am wearing three pieces of jewelry for stimming, because I was ripping my hands and the inside of my mouth to shreds from picking and biting. (If anyone is interested, I got a chewing necklace from AKR, which has SAVED my teeth ((I legit chipped one from bitting my lips)), a folding ring from Etsy and a black/blck? Ring? It clicks in and out of place so you can click it over and over again and it’s pretty quiet!) I also have over 20 stimming toys, stress balls, squishies, fidget cubes and fidget gadgets, etc. it’s a lot. I also carry a bunch of crystals to “line up” if I don’t feel good out and about (like my frog Soup!)

OH! The sensory overload, it’s like I can feel my eyes and ears straining and it makes me fucking angery. I get so irritable that I have to go meditate in a completely dark room with ocean wave sounds for an hour or I get a migraine from tension.

I feel like there’s more, But this was all I could come up with. One of these days I will go spend the 500 to get checked out and diagnosed with “go exercise and drink water!”

Oh my god wait, Dino nuggies, I sometimes get really grossed out by all food EXCEPT nuggets, I went for a month just eating Dino nuggies, cus all other meat gave me the ‘Bad Feeling’