#i do love how a new tagline idea just dropped tho

[jlf23tumble]

Even when I whole heartedly agree with you on things (like tonight, with the F takes) you are so goddamn condescending to this specific tumblr Larry fandom that I find it hard to avoid an eye roll or two. Has there ever been a time you’ve not thought yourself superior to us clueless masses in both thought and action? Maybe instead of being the Rightest Right Pick-me you could drop the harangued oracle act and dispense your hot takes with a lump of sugar, just a thought

[partcosmos]

Dumb skit idea

(Needs refinement, wrote this up not sober on a Saturday night)

You have a roommate or are dorming with someone. He's an abrasive prankster. His favorite go-to is creating ridiculous set ups to "haha what if i did that though" says the friend. This guy loves to dupe you. He loves the absurd and raunchy. You've already filled out an application for a new roommare months ago. You're still waiting for a replacement roommate.

For instance, you once walked into a room and he dropped his pants and pretended to take a shit in the corner of the room. It turned out to be fake, like professionally fake, but not before repulsing you and getting to work in his tagline, "haha what if i did that tho".

This dude keeps playing dirty pranks.

So one day you walk into a room and see the same person playing dead, surrounded by blood. You assume he's an asshole playing dead, and then proceed to tell him that he's an asshole. No reply. You soft-kick him to get some response. You then see he really isn't moving. You check his heart beat on his wrist, and see he has no pulse. Then it sinks in he's actually dead. Then he immediately rises back up and says haha "what if i did dat does that tho" after he pulls off this fake forearm cover of skin and seems back alive. Then he says his line "what if i did dat does that tho" and then dies again. You check again for his heart rate and then a video plays, looking like it was recorded by that man in the past. He's saying he invested millions of dollars in resources to generate the science to temporarily revive his body to say a prewritten sentence afrer exactly 40 seconds. You see he's hooked up to a machine. Then the video turns back off.

Then the friend gets a confusion of anger and starts crying again. He's actually dead.

Then his friend wakes up.

Says the line. Rips the fake temperature controlled chest and neck pulse off. Slightly diffetent video plays again.

Then he dies again.

The friend's video plays again, explaining that it was all along pre-written to play after 40 seconds again. He can't believe you fell for that. How could a body wake up or die twice. Then calls you an idiot, but then explains that that's what's actually happeneing - his body can actually wake up and sleep on a dime. The video explains that as long as he has the wiring hooked up, he'll keep doing it. He can't believe he's so riduculous.

Then you kick the body, out of frustration, and then unhook the machine. Then you say let's go. You're in a hurry. But the body doesn't move. Then you see himself blow himself to dust.

The video plays again, saying "dude I knew you'd unhook that chord". Well, this video is playing either way. My body was transported somewhere else while you were watching this video, to another coordinate in the US. Either alive or gone and withered away. This technology only works if you're dead, so i wanted to try it.

Then you say, oh, whatever. Fuck it. Okay, whatever, but i got to leave. I'm in a hurry.

You're annoyed now, and you dismiss it. His parents call about him. You say you're sure he's fine. His friends ask. You say the same thing. goes to the door, sees the body doesn't move, then leaves, just another lie stacked on top of 4 stacked lies delivered in under 3 minutes. Then your friend's parents call. He then reads a Facebook post that the friend perished. Whatever. Then he sees a news article. Whatever. Then he gets an invitation to the funeral. Then you go to the funeral and see he's there, white and withered. He sees a bunch of posts about it. The body was discovered, dead as shown. You're skeptical though, still, surveying the place.

Then you go to the funeral. While the casket's de-escalating, the camera zooms in on the casket. Pan back to you. Pan back to your friend. You're waiting for the body to pop out again, saying the line. Pan back to friend. Then he goes right into the graveyard site, and buried up. Pan back to you, eyes wide open. Then everyone cries, as they're walking back to the casket.

You can't believe it. You leave dumbfounded, thinking he actually died. Then a contractor comes by, announcing they buried the wrong body. It's the actual friend, winking back at you, then leaves before you can tell anyone else what he saw.