#i do actually really like this story though & it is part of the canonverse so i'll still write it

[raiiny-bay]

the degenerates: out of context

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (8)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27) | (28) | (29)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 4.2k

“My goodness! You are totally going to find a husband tonight.”

“Do you think it’s too much?” The crisp air flowing in through the open window caressed your bare skin and prompted you to ask the question.

“Who cares? Woman, look at yourself.” Hitch grabbed you by the shoulders and turned you to the mirror.

You examined your reflection again, trying your best to find the confidence required to finally step out of the ladies’ room. You had chosen one of your favorite silk dresses for the occasion: sky-colored, cowl neck that stopped exactly where it was comfortable, and thin bow-tie straps to hold everything up. Yes, definitely a favorite. Favorite, as in ‘best liked’ and not as in ‘frequently worn’. In fact, this was the first time the poor thing ever left your room, where a teenager version of yourself used to wear it late into the night, when the risk of getting caught by your mother equaled zero. She didn’t even know you owned it, but you were certain the thigh slit and the flirty silhouette would be reason enough for her to disapprove. But to be fair, you didn’t remember the fabric ever hugging you this way before. Your body had obviously changed a lot over the years, and you were surprised it still fit.

“Jeez. I really wish I wasn’t on duty tonight, so I could wear one of these.” Hitch let out a disheartened sigh. Her chin was resting on your right shoulder and her eyes examined your reflection from head to toe. When they stopped at the slit in your right leg she said “Those thighs won’t have a problem finding their way into a gentleman’s heart.” She gave you one of those smirks you had missed so much. “Or into his bed…”

“Sadly, I’m not here for that tonight. I’m here for work.”

“Sorry but no one who is here just for work, one, looks this good in a slip dress, and two, takes this long to come out. What about punctuality?”

She was right. You had already taken too long. So, very reluctantly, you decided to walk out the door. But as soon as you stepped out, heads started turning in your direction, the attention mostly coming from women wearing pastry-shaped gowns and opera gloves.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t expecting the attention. You knew the dress had been a daring decision. The moment you slipped on it, you confirmed it had the potential to make heads turn, and maybe some part of you actually wanted a taste of that. Would admitting it make you an attention-seeker? According to your script, however, the scene was supposed to play out a little different, and you had imagined yourself actually enjoying it. But, in real-life, the only thing the dress was succeeding at was awakening dormant insecurities, like that feeling of inadequacy you had almost forgotten about. How could you have forgotten though? You used to be inseparable. That was until you started working at the Survey Corps. You thought of your office, and the familiar picture comforted you for a brief moment, until you remembered it was now miles away.

You smoothed down the front of your dress, in part to look busy and also to dry your sweaty palms, but unlike the silky fabric, the crowd’s eyes felt rough on your skin. And you wished you had decided to wear something less special, something that would allow you to camouflage and pass as one of them. Why did I wear this? Your eyes tried to find the answer in a very promising spot on the floor. Maybe it had been out of pity for the dress. As a dress, it would be disappointing to spend all your life in a dark closet. Maybe it had been for old time’s sake. Since you hadn’t felt that out of place in months, maybe you wanted to remind yourself of the sensation. Or maybe it had all come down to something as simple as the color, and how it reminded you of something you had grown to like so much over the last months.

You turned to Hitch, displaying your bare back to the crowd.

“I can’t do this. Not like this. I’ll go get my coat.”

“Absolutely not. You look perfect, that’s why they are staring, because they like what they see. In fact, I would be worried if they weren-” Her eyes got lost in a particular spot on the other side of the room. “Woah, your boss is hot.”

You turned around and felt like you were coming undone. You didn’t understand why all these eyes were fixed on you, when clearly the best view was across the room, where he was standing.

One look at him and it was obvious that tuxedos had been created just so they could be worn by him. That black suit was exactly the kind of fit a woman would pick out for her man to wear at an event like this. And, while the slicked back hair undoubtedly contributed to the fireworks lighting up all over your skin, the real devil was in all the other details. It was in the way he kept his shoulders back and his chin high as he spoke, in the unconcerned drumming of his fingers against his leg, in the way he threw his head back when laughing, and in the way he seemed to fall into place everywhere he went, whether it was a room full of intimidating people, or a field full of titans. Confidence shone through his skin. Confidence, as well as everything else that made him attractive, came from deep within.

“Alright, now go out there and fulfill your duties.” You felt your friend's hands on your shoulders. “That also includes finding yourself a rich suitor who asks for your hand in marriage.” She whispered into your ear before pushing you into the crowd.

Across the room, the commander was talking to a group of older-looking men. Despite your legs feeling as steady as a house of cards, you started walking towards him. You had successfully made it halfway through the uncomfortable stares, when his eyes finally landed on you. Like everyone else so far, he did a double-take. However, unlike the others, he didn’t turn to the next person to whisper something. Instead, he started making his way to you. And most notably, unlike the others, whose eyes traveled all over your body, back and forth between every patch of exposed skin and resting at all the wrong stops, his didn’t. As he walked to you, his eyes were fixed on yours. And, in that moment, you realized you were very lucky. Because those were the kind of eyes that made the world around you vanish, uncomfortable stares and all.

When you finally met halfway, you decided you would gladly give up your ability to blink. It would be a small price to pay if it meant you would never miss a second of that irresistible smile and the way it made his eyes crinkle. He reached for your hand, and took it in with the kind of gentleness you wouldn’t expect from a man who spends his life around flesh-eating giants.

He brought your hand to his lips, and when they met the back of your fingers, you prayed he didn’t notice all the hairs on your forearms standing on end. The rest of your body was clearly getting jealous of your hand. You could tell by the way your lips parted and let out a very subtle, and you hoped silent, moan.

“May I?” He offered you his arm and you took it promptly, deciding you wouldn’t mind holding on to it for the rest of your life, and if that wasn’t possible, then at least for the rest of the evening.

When you got a closer look at the men he had been previously talking to, you realized you actually knew one of them: Commander Pixis, head of the Garrison. You had never met him formally, but you had seen him a few times around the capital. However, before any introduction could take place, a man with gentle-looking features spoke in a soft voice.

“My lady, Erwin is undoubtedly a very lucky man.”

His words took a few seconds to register with you, but when they finally did, your ears started burning, the sensation spreading like fire to the rest of your face as you realized that they, most likely, still didn't know you were his assistant.

After conversing some more, the commander asked to be excused and guided you to another group of people. And so, as you made your way around the ballroom, you realized there were even more eyes on you now, and it wasn’t surprising, the man beside you was reason enough. But the stares didn’t hold as much weight as they did before, because right now you had his arm to hold.

You glanced up at him, and your lips curved slightly as you remembered the little incident from earlier. Much like that man, these onlookers most likely didn’t know you were just his assistant. And something about that, and the speculations it could lead to, the rumors it could start, and everything else it could imply about you and him, made your insides feel as fizzy as the contents of the glass you were holding. For all they knew, the night would end with your dress discarded on the floor, and bodies tangled under the covers. And you found yourself wishing that whatever assumptions they were making would actually come true.

As the night went on, a couple of things caught your attention. One of them was Captain Levi, who looked like he would much rather attend his own funeral. And the other one was a certain pattern of behavior: Every man you met while holding the commander’s arm, purposely avoided looking at your exposed thigh or bare shoulders, and while their eyes would occasionally linger on your collarbones for an innocent second or two, they would quickly migrate somewhere else.

The evening was already coming to a close when the pattern was sadly broken. To be more precise, it was when you met the group of men standing at the top of the stairs. They had been laughing boisterously and drinking steadily since the evening started. Most of them looked like they were well into their fifties, and all six men were wearing ostentatious sashes dotted with the biggest collection of golden studs you had ever seen. The loudest, and presumably oldest, of them all greeted the commander animatedly.

“Erwin Smith, the legend himself. I’m still waiting for that rematch.” You noticed the cufflinks on his shirt and wondered if those were diamonds, because if they were, then they’ve got to be the biggest in existence. “I’ve been working on my double attacks.”

“Intuition is sometimes far more helpful than memorizing patterns, my lord.” The commander replied in a gentle voice.

“That’s why you’re always one step ahead.” The older man let out a guffaw that, in retrospective, felt a little unnecessary, before turning to you. “Woah. Just like in the game, you never cease to surprise me, Erwin. In very pleasant ways, I must say.” His eyes meticulously outlined all the curves of your body, paying special attention to your covered cleavage, and the amount of time he spent there made you wonder if he had somehow developed the ability to see through fabric. “However, I will never understand how your mind works. There is no way I would bring the missus to an event like this. I mean, the whole purpose of a party is to have fun!” The man and his friends broke out in strident laughter, and that was the only moment his eyes left your body, when he tilted his head back to enjoy his own remark.

“I mean no disrespect to you, my lady,” he may not but his body language sure as hell did, “so please don’t take offense.” With tears in his eyes and still recovering from earlier, he acknowledged you briefly before turning to the commander. “But I was hoping we could become family someday, Erwin. You left quite the impression on my youngest.”

You suddenly felt a burning sensation in your chest, and it had nothing to do with the unsolicited attention it had been getting from the man.

“She asked if you were coming tonight. Sent her regards.” The audacity of this man. If the commander were actually your man, how would you feel listening to all this? “Maybe you could join us for lunch tomorrow. She would be delighted to play against you one more time. She’s brilliant, isn’t she?” And right there and then, you realized there would actually be no difference between how you would feel if you were his wife and how you were feeling in that very moment. This man was basically setting the commander up for a little chess date with his daughter, when his alleged wife, fiancée, girlfriend or whatever, was standing right beside him, holding his arm.

“She’s a very gifted young lady.” The commander’s deep voice contrasted the man’s grating tone. “However, I’m afraid I must decline your kind offer, my lord. I will be returning to the headquarters first thing in the morning.”

“I see.” The man cleared his throat, the gleeful undertone seemingly gone all of a sudden. “Anyway, you’re a lucky man. There’s no denying.” His eyes bore into yours, successfully reminding you of a vulture scavenging for rotting carrion. “Your lady is gorgeous.”

That last remark made you feel like you had swallowed a rock; the way he had said it made your legs feel heavier than concrete; and the stare he had given you while saying it, made you feel as clothed as a titan. You knew once this man found out you were not with the commander, you were done. Once, the words ‘she’s my assistant’ left his mouth, this man would come after you. And you also knew that you wouldn’t get far, not with your legs in that state.

“Yes. She really is.” The commander’s voice sounded a lot like the rainy mornings back at the base. You looked up and found him staring at you, his lips curved into a soft smile, his gaze wrapping you like that well-worn blanket your mother always told you to throw away but you never did. You stared back into his eyes and what you saw, took you back to that day in the Forest of Giant Trees, with his heartbeat like a lullaby, and his arms like a sweet childhood memory.

But then, murmuring sounds came flooding in like muddy water spilling out of the sewers. You turned your head in their direction and realized the older man wasn’t the only one who had taken an interest in your dress, but also his friends.

And you decided you would gladly take the women’s stares over these any day. Who knows, maybe the women had only been thinking about how the color didn’t suit you or how fake the silk looked. But something about the way these men were grinning and whispering to each other told you that they were looking for something in particular, and you were sure it wasn’t the tailor’s name. You would much rather feel cheap and underdressed, than dirty and undressed.

You held onto the commander’s arm with your other hand as well, and snuggled closer, in what seemed to be your body’s desperate attempt to elude the attention.

“If you excuse us, gentlemen.” Much like the seasons, his voice always seemed to know when it was its turn to arrive. He guided you away, and at some point between the top of the stairs and the main hall, his hand came to rest at the small of your back. Even through the fabric, his fingers caused your skin to burn. And for the second time that night, you could feel the rest of your body getting jealous.

“Commander, I think I’ll call it a night.” You announced once you reached the main hall. “Thank you for tonight.” You gently let go of his arm and wondered if that was what autumn leaves felt as they were about to fall from the branches.

He nodded slightly, and, probably having no idea how nice it was going to feel, then said: “I’ll walk you home.”

“Oh don’t worry about it. My house is actually very close.”

“All the more reason to do it then.” His eyes crinkled in that enticing way they usually did and, honestly, you didn’t feel like pretending you were against his proposal.

-

The distinctive smell of frost infused the night air, and slipped into your bustle coat as you walked down the familiar streets that led to your house. There was a lingering warmth still left from the summer, but the mist that hovered above the cobblestones signaled the impending arrival of winter. However, they weren’t fighting for dominance, and you wondered if you would ever know such harmony. You glanced at the man walking just a couple of feet beside you, his eyes, on the road ahead; his mind, somewhere you didn’t know; but his hands, his hands were in his pockets, and you wanted to reach inside his coat and take one.

It had been a dreamy night for the most part, but you could feel your heart shrinking a little with every step you took. Every passing street light signaled another lost chance at getting closure. And you still had lots of words awaiting in your tongue, lots of questions lingering on your lips, and your mouth was heavy with all the things that were yet to be said.

“Lord Wald seems to have problems with alcohol.” He spoke in his usual quiet voice, but there was a certain undertone propping up his words.

“Didn’t seem like that to me.” He looked at you, slight confusion painting his features and causing his head to tilt to one side. “They seemed to get along quite well.”

He chuckled. And you couldn’t stop yourself from doing the same.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.” His eyes were fixed in the cobblestones below his feet, and the underlying something from earlier was still there, but this time you were able to put a name to it: it sounded like remorse.

“It’s okay.” You gave him a reassuring smile, even though he wasn’t looking. “But I feel bad for his wife, and honestly for any woman who crosses paths with him when she’s not around.”

“I highly doubt her presence makes any difference when it comes to his behavior.”

You looked at your hands, they were holding each other as if seeking comfort. “So, you play with her often?” You felt his gaze on you but didn’t look back. “His daughter.”

“Met her once. Very impressive player. Cannot say she got it from her father though.” You faked a smile at the exact same moment a tide of regret washed over you, finally understanding what your mother meant when she said chess was an important life skill.

And speaking about your mother, you caught a whiff of a familiar and otherwise pleasant earthy scent and prayed you wouldn’t find her beloved climbing hydrangea, but when you looked up, it was there. And so was your front door.

“It’s here.” You took a deep breath and released the parting words you had been dreading to say. “Thank you for walking me home, commander.”

He took a step closer, reached for your hand and brought it to his lips, but this time, they parted slightly, taking your knuckles between them in a single, soft kiss. The warmth of his lips and the crisp autumn air blowing on wet skin created a delicious contradiction on your hand. His eyes were closed and his lips lingered, some would say for way longer than was required for a hand kiss. It was a sight deserving of a moan, so you gave him a silent one. One that created a playful tickle in your belly.

But maybe it wasn’t silent enough, because in that very moment he looked back at you. And, as you stared back into the deep blue, you realized those were the kind of eyes that could tell you a million things before his lips could even say a word. Tonight, they were telling you something as well, and although you didn’t know exactly what it was, you knew a few other things.

You knew why your skin tingled under his gaze, and burned under his touch. You knew why the sight of him lifted your heart to the sky while his absence made it sink into a bottomless pit. You knew why his scent reminded you of every secret place you hid in as a little girl, and his voice, of a happier future you wanted to escape to. You knew why the thought of another woman interested in him set your heart on fire, and the idea of him interested in her, crushed it into pieces. And you also knew why you had worn the dress.

You knew the blue of the silk would complement your skin just the same way the blue of his eyes did. You had decided to wear the dress just so you could feel what it was like to have his eyes all over your body. His eyes were not only allowed, but welcome and explicitly invited, to explore every inch of your skin, covered or not. He could stare as much as he wanted, for as long as he wanted, in all the places he wanted. But only him. Because you had worn the dress for him. However he was too much of a gentleman to do it, so you gave him permission.

“Do you like my dress?” You took a step closer, and noticed your hand was still in his.

His eyes drifted to your lips, where they lingered for a second, before following the path marked by your collarbones, down to your clothed breasts where they rested momentarily. Then, they paid a short visit to your hips before finally landing on your thigh, visible through the open coat. It was there where they seemed to feel most at home. And it was then, when you had his eyes on your bare skin, that you became aware of how soaked you were. You squeezed his fingers on instinct at the realization, which caused him to trace his steps back to your eyes.

“Very much.” His voice, almost a whisper; his lips, slightly parted. And you could see his breath, as well as the rising and falling of his chest. He was so close you wondered if he could see what you were thinking of, if he could see how much you wanted him to take the silky fabric off you.

In such proximity, his cologne was even more intoxicating. It was musky and clean, like a fresh bubble bath; sweet and gentle, just like him. You knew it was something you would always crave, even after tonight was long gone. And you wondered how many women had been in this intimate space before, and how many of them were craving his perfume right now.

The small of your back was still tingling from where he touched you earlier. And the rest of your body was demanding the same attention, so you took another step closer.

Goodness, he was so handsome. The kind of handsome that makes you want to know how his lips moved in a kiss, and how his hands followed the curves of your body. And the situation laid out before you provided the perfect opportunity.

The perfect opportunity to stop pretending your feelings were written in some foreign language you had never heard before. The perfect opportunity to call it what it was, once and for all.

“Commander.”

“Yes?” His eyes couldn’t decide between yours and your lips.

“There’s something I want to ask you.” Your voice had never sounded so feeble. “Would you- would you please-” He nodded encouragingly but his breath on your skin was too distracting, successfully causing the opposite effect. “I- I can’t tell you.”

“Then show me.”

His eyes were holding your gaze, and his lips, you could almost taste them.

You could also hear, however, shuffling on the other side of the door, and you looked up to find a light turned on in the second floor.

“If it’s my mother, she’ll ask you to come in. If it’s my father, he’ll force you to.” He let out a chuckle and you found yourself wishing you could make him laugh forever. “Would you like to come in?”

“It’s late. I don’t want to importune anyone.”

“Good choice. If you get my father started, he’ll talk about royal family conspiracy theories all night long.”

“Sounds interesting.”

You did your best to return his smile despite the emptiness you felt when letting go of his hand.

“See you tomorrow, commander. Good night.”

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee

[rinamars]

I always wondered what fics do my favorite authors read bc maybe if I start reading them too, I'll be able to write like them 😤 Kidding aside, can you recommend some Erwin x Reader fics that you really like/inspire you to write? I'm fine with on-going ones 🤩

little anon i could KISS you!! i've been looking for an excuse to make an erwin fic recs post so here we go *cracks knuckles* brace yourselves heheh (warning: most of these recs are 18+)

first of all: everything @riewritten has ever written. EVERYTHING. that goes without saying. her brain is so big. i wish i could take a trip inside her mind. rie ily

this is a story of the sea by shinzouing is a canonverse eruri x reader fic, where the three enter a relationship (or rather, erwin enters a relationship with both of them. levi and reader are idiots at first. the pining is so delicious though). where do i even begin to talk about this masterpiece? it broke me. it seriously broke me. i'm just going to say that the universe she has created in this story (as well as in the sequel which i'm going to talk about in a sec) feels so real and so right that when i finished it i needed a minute to remind myself what details that are ACTUALLY canon and what aren't. peak writing i swear. heartbreaking, but worth it.

after tiasots has broken your heart, go read beyond the sea by the same author and let it piece it back together!! it's currently being posted, and it's basically the continuation of tiasots BUT erwin survives at shiganshina (unlike in tiasots). again, same thing: peak writing, and a little universe it's sooo easy to get lost in. this story will end up living rent free in your mind, trust me.

aaand also set in the tiasots universe is certain obscure things!! it's three chapters, and in each of them they take turns between being dominant or submissive. this is smut that goes a lot harder than what you can find in tiasots but everything shinzouing writes is pure gold

to complete the eruri x reader category (aka the fics that made me go "i think i might be into the concept of throuples") there's two lovers by feelingthorny. it's also set in canonverse. erwin and levi are in an established relationship, one day they invite reader into their bed, and... Big Feelings ensue. i have another fic by feelingthorny by recommend, and oh man, she truly has a way of writing emotions that is so evocative and poetic, it truly drags you into the moment and you are able to feel exactly what they are feeling, they're so immersive. the smut parts literally drip with body worship, it's insane. beautiful.

the other fic by feelingthorny i HAVE to mention is close call. this one is pwp, but FUCK this erwin is SO DREAMY. and, as one might tell, the writing is just marvelous.

next, i recommend every! single! fic! that belongs to the to build a home series by nylondreams. the romance, the intimacy, the tenderness... ahh, they're so lovely to read. and *cough* the first fic in the series gave me a breeding kink *cough*

more recommendations in the "horny fics that also made me fall in love even more" category: e major, uncorked and treasured memories, all by whatsherquirk. delicious. that's all i'm going to say.

prying eyes by SecretsOfHarprocrates is in my opinion a depiction of erwin that's very close to how he'd behave in canon (if canon included sexy times)

four christmases by ghost_party was !!! ok i don't really know what to say about this one because it's been a while since i read it, but you have to trust me and check it out!!

i think that's all for now, i hope i haven't forgotten anything (if i have i'll just reblog this post and add more). happy reading <3

now PLEASE give me an excuse to make an eruri fic recs post (or even a levi one)

[becauseanders]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

ahhh hi thank you! (finally answering this!) 🖤

It Took the Night to Believe: chapterfic, complete, 100k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. pacific rim au. i am honestly really fucking proud of this fic, like i thought it was great even though it didn't do super well kudos-wise and i did notice that i definitely did lose readers as it went on. i truly have no idea why, this fic is fucking great. it's got angst, it's got comfort, it's got near death experiences, it's got fluff, it's got kaiju—what's not to love??

No Wound as Sharp as the Will of God: chapterfic, complete, 99k. dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. canonverse, post-da2. it took me seven years to post a second chapter of this and a total of eight years to finish it, and the whole time i was writing it after i picked it up again i was so unsure of it, but turns out i really like it. very heavy content, please do mind the tags. takes place while hawke is with the inquisition. anders positive, justice positive. a very intense, very deep, very affectionate friendship between anders and fenris is an extremely important part of the story. like, seriously, the platonic fenders is just as important as the romantic handers. a lot of angst, like so much angst, but the hurt/comfort is real. the b-plot pertains to my theory that justice cures anders of the taint. cole is there. the emotions are high and you can feel them strongly in the writing. again, be careful, but this is a good fic.

A Thing With Feathers Now, Elevate: one shot, 11k. dragon age: origins, alistair/female amell. canonverse, takes place over the course of da:o. this fic is a fucking masterpiece. another that didn't do well numbers-wise but this is easily one of the absolute best things i've ever written and is quite possibly one of the best fics on ao3. i am so fucking proud of this one. the prose, the metaphors, the handling of trauma, the found family—this one deserved way more love than it got. like, i'm serious, this fic is amazing.

It Means Tumult: chapterfic, wip, 349k (yes, you read that right). dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. modern au. okay, obviously i've got to mention this one. i have been working on this fic for eight years and i am very sorry to everyone who saw this go from updating multiple times a week and asking me how the fuck i write so fast to three years without a single update and then i think only one more in the past two years. i'm working on the penultimate chapter, i swear i am, i'm just super stuck right now. this fic is…this fic. i'm not going to lie, i don't really know if this is any longer some of my better writing, but the premise is fucking solid and i have been told more than once that it's clear this is a labor of love and that this is endearing. au where the obvious metaphors are made reality: the circles are psychiatric institutions and being mentally ill is a crime. a lot of angst, but a lot of love. pay no mind to how much better of a character and person aveline is when i write her. i also do admittedly use this fic to deal with my own demons frequently. an andrea gibson poem helped me write one chapter and i later got to tell them about it and they hugged me. this is also very heavily centered on music and has a lengthy soundtrack. please ignore the fact that when i first started writing this i used british english when i typed because i thought it looked better, as i had started doing as a teenager, which tbh i still kind of do but i also realized that's just fucking pretentious to do when you're american, and it was already so long by the time i stopped doing it that there was no way in hell i was going back to editing all of that (as i actually did do with nwasatwog). so that's just the way it is. but yeah, there's a lot of feelings happening here. also the only fic on this list that has an original title instead of song lyrics despite being the one with the most music involved, lol.

Through the Fall and the Feel: chapterfic, wip, 52k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. modern au. this is the one i'm working on most right because that's just where the brainworms are. hawke is a teddy bear doctor and anders goes to see him because instead of a pillow from his mother he has a stuffed cat, and she has seen much better days. this fic has a very wholesome premise but has gone into some pretty heavy angst already and i did not mean for eating disorders to be as important to the story as they have become, so be mindful of that. but this fic has a lot of heart and it's absolutely tanking, so if this piques your interest maybe go give it a look? this is also my second foray into m!handers and i am again having fun writing them. but yeah, i actually like this fic a lot and i do recommend it.

[evelhak]

Part 1

When @vespersposts put together an event [𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝐵𝑢𝑚𝑝𝑠 ✘] with the theme "How I met you", I really wanted to participate but couldn't think of anything at first... I write canonverse longfic, so my ships can't actually have a second first meeting... except, a couple of them did! I remembered my convoluted fairytale fic, which is a fantasy AU within my canonverse longfic, because it's just a dream. So, I decided to draw KagaKuro's first meeting from that fairytale fic, as a comic.

I'm not completely happy with how I drew this. My drawing is still (always) so inconsistent, and I had too long breaks between drawing, so I made mistakes like forgetting where exactly my angle on the characters had been and for some reason being too stupid to check... but oh well, it's readable. And I do like the atmosphere.

I'll try to introduce this briefly and make some sense of it.

I drew this because it almost works out of context. You can read it as a standalone, I think, you just won't see the full extent of everything, where things came from and where they're going. I think what you need to know is that the idea of this story is reinterpreting/reliving your past, but it's not just "I dropped these characters back into a metaphorical dream version of the past", because it's also important that it isn't really the past. It's the present under the mask of some past events. The years aren't undone just because the characters momentarily don't remember who they are. That's why the past events are not a direct translation into a fantasy AU, it's slightly more complicated. The sense of "this is actually just a character meditating in the present(=third year of high school)" is kind of crucial to the story, even though no one in the dream knows it's a dream. It's about trying to make sense of what you missed. Things that you thought you knew, mistakes you thought had already been understood to their fullest extent, but weren't. In other words, everything that has happened after the events that are referenced in this comic, still affect the characters' decisions and what they say.

So, when the characters seem a bit off, or you can't see where they are coming from, it's probably because you missed about 800 000 words of character development. (Unless you've read my TOTverse of course.)

Okay, I definitely don't deserve praise for putting that simply and concisely.

I guess the elephant in the room is that in this dream fic there's a genderbent version of Kuroko, but it would be way too complicated to get into the narrative and meta reasons why that is relevant in this dream, without explaining the whole story, so, you're just going to have to take it at face value.

I hope you enjoy reading. ♥︎

(Read from left to right.)

(To be continued.)

[little-meowyao]

Fanfiction writing asks!! 25, 32, 40, 50, 47 and 70

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

Writing itself, because I don't really do any of the others. I also love brainstorming with friends, but there's nothing like the satisfaction of seeing your story take shape (Especially if I daydreamed a lot about it). However, it does make me want to commit arson when it doesn't sound right (see: the source of my cannibalism fic! It was meant to be a nieyao JGY eats NMJ's heart fic, but that wasn't coming out how I wanted, so I scrapped it)

32. Do you take fic requests? Why or why not?

If someone asked me to write about a premise that I found interesting, I probably would! But I'm by no means a popular writing, mainly due to my niche interests (my wx deity au is my popular series and that's my only wx focused au, that I have lost interest in). See: suyao TPE, ruoyao ruling the world, dead dove nieyao, JGY sex issues, etc.

I really like writing for others, knife to the procrastination's throath

TLDR I probably would but I've never been asked

40. What is your favorite world that you’ve created for a fic?

When it comes to fic writing, I really don't deal in worldbuilding. Canonverse is my jam. The TPE au is just modern au focused on suyao, and the abo broodmare au, though very diferent from canon world dynamics, is also canonverse. Again, more character driven.

When it comes to my original projects, however 👀 My own original world for my books is nice and complex and I cherish it very much! I do love worldbuilding

Feel free to shoot me a message or an ask if you wanna talk about any of those!

50. How would you describe your writing style?

I'd say it's very subjective/ focused on what is happening on a certain character's head. I do admit to adverbing A LOT and to telling not show (though that is necessary for the kind of emotional charge in my writing). I

47. Is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

Oooh, fics focused on stupidly intense chronic pain. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good chronic pain fic, but I look at my chronic pain series and just euugh. My writing style was kinda weird back then, and I wasn't so deep in the JGY hole. I don't think I'll write anything focused on taht alone again

70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

I actually am not! I don't tend to subscribe to things a lot, so there's that. I am subscribed to a few fics (not a lot, since I tend to avoid reading unfinished fics), but the only one I can remember right now is Jade and Fire.

[orionsangel86]

Trope Game

Thanks to @marlowe-zara for tagging me. This one looks like it could be both fun AND controversial lol!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

• -10 -> very dissuaded

• 0 - don't care either way

• 10 -> very enticed

• nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age Gap: -5 depending on context

If its human. If the age gap involves one party who is either a child, a teenager, or a young adult, and the other party is much older, then I'm not gonna read it. If its a Twilight situation where a 200 year old vampire is grooming a teenage girl, I'm not gonna read it. If however, it involves an immortal billions of year old character, who looks like an adult human, and their lover is a consenting adult human, then age gap is meaningless. (Aka Twilight wouldn't have been creepy if Bella was in her fucking twenties or older okay)

Codependency: 3

I mean I don't really care if it's a theme or not, but codependency tends to be a huge element in the canon for most of my ships - see Crowley x Aziraphale, Dean x Cas, Nandor x Guillermo. etc.

Enemies to lovers: 7

Yeah this is good. This is fun. We love a good enemies to lovers trope!

Enemies With Benefits: 6

Prob wouldn't read a long fic about it but an under 5k porny one shot hells yes!

Fake Dating/Relationship: 4

I used to enjoy this in Destiel fics specifically where it was canonverse and Dean and Cas had to pretend to be a couple for a case. I loved that. But outside of that specific ship and context, I dunno if I'm all that bothered. Depends on the summary and the general context.

Found Family: 8

So long as we aren't talking Avengers fanfiction lmao. It works really well for those certain fics where loneliness is clearly a contributing factor in the protagonists issues.

Friends to Lovers: 9

I mean, its basically my fave dynamic in canon so of course I'm gonna love it in fanfic.

Friends with Benefits: 3

I mean, I'm a romantic, so I prefer fanfics to at least hint towards the pairing developing more, so if the fic is clearly just a friends with benefits trope with no hints for possible future development I might be turned off. If its a trope as part of a wider story arc though I'm all for it (love those GOmens fics where they've secretly been friends with benefits for centuries but they are both idiots who are also madly in love with each other - ooh same for Dreamling actually)

Hurt/Comfort: 9

I eat that shit up. lol

Love Triangle: -5

I'm not gonna read it unless the summary is really compelling.

Mistaken/Hidden Identity: 0

Meh, it's unlikely to swing me either way unless there are other tropes included to entice or repell me.

Monster Fu... Relationship: 4

I don't mind it. But only in certain contexts. It's not my kink, but I'm all for Monster Fucker fics where the trope could realistically fit the pairing. (Dreamling does this well actually, It's the first pairing I've come across in a long time where I think it works because Dream is canonically quite monstrous when he wants to be.)

Obsession, Possessiveness, etc.: 0

depends on context, summary, and other tags. I'm not that interested in this trope either way on its own.

Opposites (like grumpy x sunshine, etc): 9

I can't help it i'm a slut for this trope. Just look at GOmens, look at OFMD - then again its more like aesthetic opposites than personality opposites. There has to be a "meeting in the middle" ultimately.

Poly: -3

Sorry, I'm a monogomous bitch and I like my ships to be the same way (except for those slutty slutty vampires actually)

Pregnancy: -9

Usually a hard nope. But I didn't give it a hard nope just BECAUSE there was that one Dreamling fic that I read which actually worked really well because it was technically a magical pregnancy that didn't include any actual biological childbirth, no one was actually pregnant, no ones body changed to accomodate a baby, and no one had to go through the process of physically pushing a baby out of their body. But yeah pregnancy and childbirth of the human kind are complete nopes for me. I will not read pregnancy fics - whether mpreg or regular preg or anything else. I don't wanna hear about pregnancy, or labour, or anything like that. its just a huge squick of mine.

Second Chance: 0

Meh. Its not gonna influence me either way

Sex to Feelings: 4

This is alright. Friends with benefits that develop feelings yeah? So like what I was saying above. But it was overused in romcoms in the early 2000s so Its gotta be compelling to pique my interest.

Slowburn: 6

I like it, but I like it when the pacing is decent. If its glacially slow I might get bored. If its slow burn because the fic is 600k words and they only get together in the last 10,000 words I'm likely to get annoyed with it. It's gotta be real good at keeping the story interesting, keeping the drama going, and keeping the sexual and romantic tension on point.

Soulmates: -8

I don't like it. This is all those soulmate AUs where it'll be something like "you are born with a tattoo of your soulmates name... etc" I dunno why it just doesn't compell me and I prefer stories where the characters come together despite the odds.

Tagging: @so-i-grudgingly-joined-this-site @tickldpnk8 @just-cosmere-fan @academicblorbo @notallsandmen and anyone else who wants to play. No pressure though!

[askaniritual]

So I've seen the sollux karkat Dave thoughts, but do you have Sollux Karkat Gamzee thoughts? Like what does Sollux think of Gamzee and vice versa and their respective relationships to Karkat? And do you think it's at all less complex than it is with Dave cause they are all Alternian? And like how does Terezi fit into all of this? Sorry if it's rambly, it just seems you kinda like these characters and I'm only just now noticing how interconnected and complicated they all are to each other, I tend to think of these characters in dyads a lot and it's interesting to think how homestuck plays with that concept a bit.

this is the kind of thing i fantasize ppl asking me about tbh so thank you for allowing me to give voice to the stuff i usually save for muttering to myself as i wander around my apt! lets get into it:

i get the feeling that the sum total of sollux and gamzee's opinions about the other person would be like "oh yeah that guy karkat is obsessed with". I have kind of a hard time seeing them as a triad even tho I prefer gamkar pale and solkat more red (but also kind of smeary) simply because I view karkat's relationship w both of them as so ultimate and all-consuming that I have a hard time imagining how the other person fits into the picture. Like for me davesolkat is more about the fact that dave/karkat is endgame (or whatever) so if you want to put sollux in there in a canonverse it has to deal w dave Somehow*. When I think abt gamkar or solkat I tend to think abt them more in the context of non-sgrub relationships, and then like with a focus on one or the other.

All this to say that I do not think that gamsolkat would be less complicated than davesolkat because I think dave and sollux would manage to more or less peacefully ignore each other and i think gamzee and sollux would genuinely actually for real try to kill each other. Might be fun to watch though!

As far as terezi goes. So cancellable take perhaps but I feel that pitch gamrezi is kind of fun, actually. I think a lot of the time even gamzee-sympathetic stories tend to brush off the darker, sharper parts of him but i think its interesting to have that be something that is just as much a part of him as the gentler, friendlier bits. all this to say I like when gamzee can be soft with karkat and sharp with terezi. also! this is truly just my imo but i really cannot see karkat/terezi as anything other than a high school relationship where they really should have broken up before college but are for some reason determined to stick it out. like i think they're fine together, its not toxic or anything but its like for sure the worlds most passionless relationship. and thats because karkat should be with sollux

this may sound hypocritical because again, i am a solrezi enjoyer but! for me karsolrezi is like terezi and sollux are semidisfunctional moirails and karkat is there when they get soooo dysfunctional that it requires third party intervention of the only reasonable person either of them know who will still put up with their shit. i think in general in the fandom (and canon i guess) karkat's role is that of The Great Mediator which is hard to escape.

So i guess if I were to lay all this out:

GamKarSol -> apocalyptic level hurt feelings that ends in actual bloodshed. the only time sollux and gamzee can be in the same room together is when they're both too high to function

GamKarRezi -> 2/3 possible pairings in this relationship r having fun. Karkat and Terezi have really bad sex on the first tuesday of every month and if one of them needs to miss it, they have to make a note about it on the calendar

KarSolRezi -> karkat has to convince both of them to take a shower because they both forgot they were moirails and got into some kind of weird dick measuring contest about how long they could go without bathing

GamKarSolRezi -> i think in this arrangement sollux would have to be pale w terezi and pitch w karkat, karkat would have to be red w terezi and pale with gamzee and i guess gamzee and sollux would be matesprits! wow!

*canonverse post-canon gamkar is like. technically theoretically possible but i genuinely think it would take like 100k words of plot to even get to a point where it could be like. reasonable for anybody. sollux you can just kind of drop in there but gamzee unfortunately it is not that simple i fear

[dreamwritesimagines]

I just have a lot of feelings

To post a sneak peek of the Enamored finale is rather cruel, because now I am even more desperate for the whole chapter to be released (at the same time though I don't want the series to end).

Cherie has really grown up throughout the series. Although always a strong cookie I cannot imagine the Cherie who first arrived in England having the confidence to confront Frederick nor to plot her revenge is such a beautifully calculated way. She remains our lovely Cherie but she has matured too.

You always manage to develop your characters so naturally that one doesn't even realise how far they have come until one really thinks about it. Their development doesn't feel forced to further the plot. But for me that's one of the many beautiful things about your work: how you manage to create fully formed characters that fit seamlessly into the chosen canonverse. It's one of the reasons I stalk your blog for content.

You really are very talented 😘

On a completely unrelated note I think Elias is going to be one of those overemotional fathers. Like he bursts into tears when the twins take their first steps, say their first words or lose their first tooth. Any and all of their achievements are shouted from the rooftops. The twins are both flattered (and incredibly pleased they don't have a distant dad like so many of their friends have) and embarrassed. It's good that CeCe is there to stop him from neglecting his work to just play and spend time with the twins; if given the chance Elias would carry them around everywhere with him.

I just think Elias is going to be overcome with how much he loves his children. He knew his love for them would be endless - they are half of CeCe, his goddess, after all - but he underestimated the depth of his love for them and how completely perfect they are.

Elias is just the greatest of fathers. A true natural.

OMG DARLIIIING!

This is incredibly sweet of you, thank you! ❤

I'm gonna be so emotional when the final chapter goes up tomorrow!❤ It was such a wild ride 😂

Although always a strong cookie I cannot imagine the Cherie who first arrived in England having the confidence to confront Frederick nor to plot her revenge is such a beautifully calculated way. I agree with this so much yes! ❤ You're right, I don't think Cherie who first arrived in England would be able to do all that ❤

Character development is actually one of the most important things for me while writing a story ❤ I enjoy it a lot and I think it gives the characters so much depth and it makes them relatable, and also I think it also helps me improve as well! ❤

AAAAAAA I'm smiling like crazy, it means so much to me to hear this love! ❤

YESSSS, Elias will be soooo emotional and he will also be one of those dads that are incredibly proud of whatever the twins do 😂 And contrary to many fathers of the era, he will be so interested in like, being an actual part of their lives! Like the twins will know they can always go to him no matter what, and that they can share everything with him❤

He knew his love for them would be endless - they are half of CeCe, his goddess, after all - but he underestimated the depth of his love for them and how completely perfect they are. THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO DESCRIBE HIM AS A FATHER❤❤❤

[linklethehistorian]

Cherish Development Notes — Part 3: Chapter 1

Alright, so I admit, I’ve been really excited to talk about the individual chapters with y’all, because hooo boy, there’s so much to go into with all of these.

From the outlines, to the individaul creative processes of each chapter, to the art, to the title, to the song that is its namesake and how that connects directly to the story, to the little things that I enjoyed when writing it, there is so much I want to share about each single chapter.

As per the usual warning, some Storm Bringer and Fifteen spoilers may be present, and obviously, there will be VerRim/RimLaine and ChuuArt content, so proceed at your own discretion. Also. It’s pretty long.

Original Outline

This is the very first outline I had ever created for the fic, repurposed from its original use as a ramble to a guide for turning the former headcanon into a fully fledged fic.

Backstory Notes:

Okay so like, the whole story is really complicated to explain lol but basically it’s like:

In my own interpretations of both the main timeline and BEAST one, I hc all that stuff about Chuuya loving Arthur and hating Paul for what he did and all that stuff, and eventually getting to be with Arthur by different methods depending on the universe right? And Paul seeing them together, regretting for all these years losing his brother and the one person that truly was there for him all his life and loved him, is kind of broken. I mean, eventually Chuuya gives him another chance and forgives him, and that makes Paul a lot happier, but still there’s like… He’ll always have some part of him that’s torn up over his past mistakes, hurting Chuuya...and the fact he through his own actions willingly lost Arthur, never seeing what he really had until it was gone. And he’ll always have this emptiness inside of him, because even though he knows he doesn’t deserve Arthur and it’s better this way, he still… A part of him will always love him, but he’s accepted it for some time now, he just, he’s gotten used to living with this emptiness, this feeling of unfulfillment. He’s accepted that this is just...life. Thinks he deserved it, that it’s his punishment, but, sometime down the road, something…unexpected happens.

(Now my uh, hcs of how this all happens are a lot more complicated than this but let’s just,,,simplify it for now, bc that involved some crossover stuff and I don’t feel like going into the mechanics of that so, yeah, a bit different from my actual hcs but it ends the same so like)

ANYWAY

This particular story takes place in the main canonverse.

Fic Outline: 

One day, Paul is walking along the edge of a river and…sees a young man floating in it facedown…and without thinking he, jumps in and rescues him, pulls him to shore and — thank heavens — he’s able to get him breathing.

But as he’s holding him, waiting for the ambulance he called to arrive, he can’t help worrying about him, the young man is freezing cold and his pulse is just…so weak.

The ambulance this night is, for whatever reason, taking way too long, so he does the only thing he can think to do: he calls Chuuya, who calls Mori.

And Mori’s internally probs like “you do know this guy stole from us right? I thought you hated him, why should I help him” at the mention of Paul but you know, whatevs, Chuuya sounds worried so he does it for Chuuya’s sake.

Secondary Outline & Third Outline

Because it was the first chapter in the fic and I was not making TL;DRs for my friend, mysaldate, at the time, there was no genuine ‘secondary outline’ or ‘third outline’ for Chapter 1. What I had there was what I got to work with.

However, for the heck of it, I will include the thing I later wrote in hindsight that would have been the “third outline”, had I created it at the time:

So like, in Chapter 1, Paul is walking along a bridge above a river in the evening, just out on a stroll to get some air (probably bc Chuuya was insistent he needed to stop shutting himself away all the time, not entirely sure on that one yet or if the reason will ever properly come up), and as he’s going along he’s thinking about life and the past like always, unintentionally further depressing himself, when he finally decides the walk isn’t doing him any good. He turns around and is planning to stop at a local bar back in that direction and then head home, when he realizes there’s someone floating facedown in the river.

And although he’s not normally the type of person to be the heroic type or care about what happens to humans, for whatever inexplicable reason he can’t understand, he jumps in without thinking and pulls the young man to shore, only to realize upon checking him that, not only is he not breathing but he’s also badly injured, having a bullet wound in his side. Unfortunately there’s no time to really worry about that at the moment tho, so he just focuses on resuscitating him.

Joke Summary

Every chapter, while it is still merely a draft on AO3, I write a joke summary that I later remove before posting; this was Chapter 1′s.

First Draft

Sadly, while we do have the original outline included above to look at, I don’t actually still possess a tangible copy of the first draft of Chapter 1. However, what I can do still is explain to you from my memory what writing that draft was like, the major changes that occurred there from the original outline (many of which I’m sure you noticed), and the reason why they happened.

First of all, it’s absolutely necessary that we added the obvious elephant in the room: I’m certain you can tell, just by looking at the original outline, that this was clearly written before Storm Bringer’s release, due to the several instances where minor concepts conflict with facts the book establishes. Amusingly, these things actually mostly did not exist in the original version of Cherish that was my personal headcanon; as I mentioned even in that outline, the iteration of the tale that you are all familiar is, in many ways, simplified to retain purely its main components and plot points that it absolutely requires to still function in the way it was intended, removing all manner of more complex mechanics and crossover material so as to make it more accessible and appealing to the general BSD fic audience. However, in times that were pre-Storm Bringer, this had initially come at a cost; namely that, in the process of trying to simplify and/or justify things and creative decisions which I thought would be quite hard to explain just by stating them as they were, I ended up adding in or changing things in ways that I thought would make them more universally agreeable to the fandom (i.e., choosing to make Mori hesitant to aid Paul even when he wasn’t in my personal headcanons, purely because I thought that it would be weird to most BSD fans and they would see it as out of character for him).

In that respect, the sequel novel to Fifteen ended up becoming my savior, as thankfully it came out long before I turned the story into a fic, and gave me an excuse to re-adapt that information out once it released — making it no longer necessary or functional for a story meant to be set in canon-verse.

Some other things you might immediately notice about the outline, however basic it might be, is that despite being the section for Chapter 1, it actually includes the narrative for Chapter 2 within it, as well; this is because, as I mentioned briefly in my previous post, up until the very last day before I posted the first chapter, they were originally planned to be one. It was only after the chapter started getting inordinately long compared to what I had planned to post, and I saw that stopping halfway through Paul’s resuscitation efforts would actually make for a great cliffhanger, that I decided to split the chapter in two halves.

One of the most major changes I made to the base story can be seen in these few lines:

But as he’s […] waiting for the ambulance he called to arrive, […] The ambulance this night is, for whatever reason, taking way too long, so he does the only thing he can think to do: he calls Chuuya, who calls Mori. […]

In the original outline, Paul was actually meant to have called the ambulance, and contacting Chuuya was only something he would end up doing as a last resort, in his impatience for the ambulance to arrive. The general idea behind this original choice was to convey Paul’s inexplicable sense of urgency in saving the young man he had rescued — that perhaps the ambulance wasn’t actually taking a ridiculous amount of time to arrive, but rather, Paul just felt like it was because he was nervous that every moment that passed was one less chance the teen had for survival.

I ended up changing this while writing the first draft of the fic for three reasons:

I felt that it would be a difficult scene to pull off within the realm of general believably. Certainly, I suppose it’s not utterly impossible that an ambulance could be late due to some form of traffic jam, or accident, or anything of the like, but having it randomly happen and then never get explained as to precisely why — or at least connect the event in a way that would be relevant to the plot — would just have felt, to me, far too much like pure plot convenience used to shoehorn Mori and Chuuya into the first chapter. And if the ambulance actually wasn’t running late, and it was all just in Paul’s head, that would present even more of a problem, as it would lead to the question of why and how Chuuya and Mori, despite being called after the ambulance, would arrive in time to help and get them out of the area before the real emergency services arrived.

While Paul is supposed to be acting and feeling different from his usual self for a reason, it might be out of too out of character for Paul to dial 119 without any hint of hesitation, even knowing he’s getting himself into something that, for all he knows, could turn out to be a major investigation; his level of self-preservation seems just a bit too high to imagine something could totally shift that within a span of a few moments, no matter what it is he’s dealing with.

By this point, I also had already worked out a better place in which to express Paul’s extreme sense of urgency and his struggle to remain in touch with the actual passage of time. (This being the point in the fic that would later become what you all know as Chapter 4.)

At this point, I had two options: I could choose to ignore the second point entirely, and just have Paul call the ambulance, never resort to calling Chuuya, and let himself and the patient be taken to a legitimate hospital, or, I could make Paul hesitate on calling 119 and choose instead to call Chuuya alone for help.

Given that the first possibility would inevitably lead to a thousand other issues that weren’t in the plan for Cherish — including but not limited to Arthur being investigated by the government, Paul possibly not being allowed to visit Arthur until he was cleared of suspicion of hurting him, Mori never being present to reveal Arthur’s real name or decide to release him into his care, and so on and so forth — while the second one would allow for me to contribute the added and accurate angst of Paul’s moral dilemma, and the aftermath when Chuuya realized why Paul didn’t call emergency services, I naturally went for the second option.

Another thing that you may notice is that in the entire first outline, there is no mention whatsoever of Arthur possessing an injury; this is partly in error, as in the original outlines for later chapters, it is mentioned that he is hurt, although at that time, it was merely that he had been shot in the hand, and as he would later explain that he nearly was shot a second time, but narrowly managed to avoid it (there will be more on this matter in the development notes for another chapter).

The injury sustained to his side would end up added in the first draft primarily for the angst factor, and also to make it even more urgent that he be rescued quickly.

And lastly, I believe it also goes without saying that this plot point:

And Mori’s internally probs like “you do know this guy stole from us right? I thought you hated him, why should I help him” at the mention of Paul but you know, whatevs, Chuuya sounds worried so he does it for Chuuya’s sake.

…was changed because it a) wasn’t even a factor in the original headcanon, and b) obviously would be seen as absolute bullshit to put in a canon-verse story, now that Storm Bringer had been out for several months and everyone knew that Paul is now one of the Port Mafia executives. It goes without saying Mori would have a reason to help him even without Chuuya — not to mention he does know that Chuuya actually cares deeply about his brother, even if he sometimes hides it.

For that reason, all of that potential internal dialogue was scrapped from the beginning when adapting the tale into a fic.

Second Draft

Since Chapter 1 did not actually adhere to the three draft rule that would become a staple for Cherish — at least not in the traditional sense — there were not a lot of notable changes between the first and second draft; if anything, it was just proofreading and fixing typos.

Final Draft

The only change made after the second draft was the decision to split the chapter in two, as I already discussed above. Nothing really interesting happened here at all.

Deleted Scenes & Lines

No actual scenes or major exchanges were written for Chapter 1 that didn’t make it to the final cut.

As for specific lines, most of the scrapped ones were simply other versions of sentences that already ultimately make it into the story. There are only two completely scrapped partial lines which I think are of any interest to look at or explore, and one of those belongs in what is now considered Chapter 2, so I will be saving that one for discussion there.

The other line, however, is simply this:

[…] he’d almost forgotten this feeling of freedom after willingly holding himself prisoner for so long. Maybe a part of him had missed it...but then again, what was there to miss?

This particular line would originally have gone somewhere towards the beginning, where Paul is thinking about what it was like to just go on a random walk outside for once, and is essentially a very primitive version of those lines.

While I do stand by my decision to scrap it, because I still think to this day it is weak by comparison to its successors, I nevertheless have to admit that there was something particularly hopeless about the feeling given off from the line “what was there to miss?”, as it truly just drove home the fact that there was nothing Paul longed for or even enjoyed anymore that still existed, so to him it was utterly pointless to try to claim that he felt such things in the way that a normal human being would. Saying things he didn’t mean would just be a mockery of what “actual humans” felt.

Art

Obviously, I haven’t released the artwork for this chapter yet, but you can see a WIP of it here; I really just wanted to visually capture first few moments of the fic, to evoke that feeling of a breezy evening sunset, that although beautiful, somehow would only come off as forlorn and melancholic — hopeless, even. I hope that by the time the piece is finished, that is what I’m able to do.

Title & Aesthetics

Now, I’m going to get into the actual reason for choosing the song by its lyrics in a minute, but, as I mentioned in my previous post, lyrics aren’t the only factor that go into choosing a song for each chapter; there are many different factors involved, and one of them is that the title has to fit the story in some way (or in multiple ways), along with the overall aesthetic of the tune needing to match with it.

In this case, I went for something with a title and sound that carried the overall picture and aesthetic I intended for Chapter 1: a light yet melancholic, almost wistful, tune, which in the mind’s eye would evoke a breezy scene, while also carrying the feeling of inconsequentiality — of mere nothingness and hopelessness beyond one’s control in the grand scheme of things. 

I wanted my readers to be placed in the shoes of Paul, who in the beginning of the fic feels lost and as if his existence is meaningless; to feel the perceived futility of his decision to carry on with life, even knowing nothing awaited him.

Dust in The Wind Story Connections: A Lyrical Analysis 

Okay, so, let me let y’all in on a little confession here: I love lyrical analyses. I don’t do them much here (in fact I don’t think I’ve posted them here at all before), but I adore the concept of analyzing lyrics, and a subset of that I’m especially into is choosing songs to fit something, and then getting to explain in-depth how it perfectly fits it, lyric by lyric.

However, that being said, some of them just don’t require as much explanation as others; some situations aren’t complex and sometimes it isn’t hard at all to see how something fits. And, at least in my opinion, this is one of those times. Dust in the Wind is an excellent song with amazing lyrics, but it’s not really the kind of thing that when applied in this specific scenario, requires careful dissection on a ton of parts to understand.  Nevertheless, I will cover anything that I feel bears talking about — just keep in mind that by comparison to most of the other chapters with their songs, this one is going to be a bit single-faceted, and maybe even dull to read.

I close my eyes Only for a moment and the moment's gone

Since most of this song was chosen specifically because I felt like the lyrics perfectly related to Paul’s feelings and state of mind at the beginning of the fic, I’m fairly sure you can guess what I’d have to say about this, but here it is anyway: to Paul, time is meaningless and just blurs from one second to the next — you even could say that his true sense of time had stopped on the day that his Arthur died.

In the present, time and the whole world just seem to pass him by endlessly while he remains stuck in place, waiting for time to end, just like his time with his old partner was gone in the blink of an eye.

All my dreams Pass before my eyes, a curiosity

Dust in the wind All they are is dust in the wind

In Paul’s case, these lines I take as a bit more literal; due to the nature of the experiments done on him and such, Paul, like Chuuya, typically cannot dream in his sleep, so the only dreams he can posses are the ones which he has right in his line of vision, the things he longs for, and all those things have already gone and passed him by, in his sight but just out of his reach. The only one that was once within his reach — that is to say, Arthur — he treated like a mere curiosity while he was alive, a fleeting interest like all the others that he could abandon, until it was all too late and Arthur faded away in front of him to somewhere far beyond seeing,

Same old song Just a drop of water in an endless sea

This is the repeating theme of his existence — emptiness, longing for something he was doomed have lost from the start, because in the grand scheme of things he is nothing. Something that was never meant to be and can never feel as if it was. Every day is the same, and every night he slips into the dreamless void to awake anew, unendingly and meaninglessly.

All we do Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see All of his attempts, all of his good will that he holds now and apologies, no matter how much he tries to believe they will bring him the only thing he longs for, they’re all still in vain.

Even before, everything he did was in vain and only brought ruin — the way he treated Arthur, the decisions he made pretending it was for his and Chuuya’s own good; all it gained him was the loss of a lover and the partial-resentment of the one he wanted to ‘save’, and caused Chuuya and everyone else trouble, and the loss of many people who were dear to them. Dust in the wind All we are is dust in the wind

Now, don't hang on Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky It slips away And all your money won't another minute buy

Really, this suits most of the subjects and themes I’ve already mentioned in previous parts, but I also kind of take these lines to be him trying to convince himself to let go of and move on from his feelings Arthur, even though deep down he knows he can’t do that.

He tells himself that it’s over, that it was always going to be over because how things are right now was always inevitable from the very beginning, and that nothing he could do or say or give could make Arthur his again, even for one more moment.

Dust in the wind All we are is dust in the wind (All we are is dust in the wind) Dust in the wind (Everything is dust in the wind) Everything is dust in the wind

He tries in vain to reason with himself that everything is fleeting, including people’s lives, and it simply isn’t worth it to continue to love in an existence like his, where most everything is meaningless and anything that isn’t is already lost to him.

And I guess that’s it for this one! You can listen to the song itself (and the others in this fic’s playlist) here!

Favorite Lines

Hmm…let’s see, do I have any particularly favorite lines from this Chapter? Well, there is one that immediately comes to mind, but it’s one that ended up in the half that’s now Chapter 2, so I think I’ll save that one for there.

Really, I’m quite fond of all of Chapter 1, so much so that I made a full narration of it (which I will probably release publicly at some point), but I suppose if I had to pick a line (or in this case, a set of lines) that I just thought came out as pretty cool, it would be these ones:

Slipping his hand off the rail to hang back at his side, Paul turned around with a sigh, a deep, indescribable pain lined every inch of his usually unreadable expression.

He closed his eyes tightly, fists clenched in an iron grip, his grimace growing with every second that he stood there, motionless, almost as if he were bracing for impact with some strange invisible force that was about to hit him at full speed — one that even he couldn’t hope to stop or dodge.

As a matter of fact, he was; it just wasn’t a physical object that he was up against, but rather, something far less tangible, and, to him, far more terrifying: the weight of his own sins.

Other Trivia

Well, first of all, I guess one little fun fact is that the reference to Bar Lupin in this chapter was kind of meant to subtly imply that yes, although he may have many places he semi-frequents, Paul actually did go to that bar to drink sometimes when he was feeling lonely and thinking about Arthur, the same as Dazai will sometimes go there when thinking of Oda. So there you go, a little added extra emotional pain about that place’s history. It’s hardly his sole go-to place, though.

Also, I was a huge idiot about my planning for this chapter, and to this day I still laugh about it; in fact, it’s so funny to me that this will probably end up mentioned in Chapter 2′s trivia, as well, since it’s still relevant there. 

The truth is, I went through all the trouble of purposefully setting up the need for Paul to later hold poet!Arthur close to keep him warm, with the full intention for that to be read as a touching/romantic start, and yet only wrote the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation scene for the realism of the rescue, and never even once had it occur to me that it might be seen as a romantic beginning until almost a year after publishing it on AO3. 😂

And I guess another kind of cool fact I can think of right now is that, while writing the resuscitation scene, I actually made sure I was doing it right by looking up official guides on specifically how it’s done, how many chest compressions are in a set, when to do mouth-to-mouth and how, and so on and so forth.

For the final bit of trivia for this development note, I confess that I actually ended up posting Chapter 1 prematurely once — joke summary still attached and all — and then had to quickly screenshot all of my tags for the fic and every other detail before deleting it and starting all over; it was quite a pain. lol

—

So yeah, I think that’s all I have to share about Chapter 1 for now! I hope you enjoyed, and I’ll see you on the next one!

[Read the fic here!]

[tundrainafrica]

Which would you say are your favorite fanfics ever? (Levihan ofc)

Okay, I don’t think I’m the best judge of what’s quality or not quality cause I ain’t no writing authority so I cannot vouch for whether you will like these fics or not. But I am a firm believer that good writing makes readers feel things and leaves a lasting impression. 

So lemme rephrase the question… What fics left a lasting impression?

So brace yourself for one hell of a ride while I talk about fanworks that just fucked me up in the following ways: 

Caused me to irrationally hate one random character

Made me forget something isn’t canon

Made me completely rearrange my day because I completely f-ed myself up.

Made me feel guilty for fucking up the view count because I keep going back there.

Makes me remember the fic as an aesthetic, not as actual words. Like literally I will imagine the setting almost perfectly in my head and like when I try to remember what happened, I don’t really remember the writing style or anything, but I could probably create a sim house about how exactly I imagined the house to look like or the yard to look like.

Changed the way I approach fic reading.

I don’t wanna spoil these fics because I’m assuming people are gonna read it so as much as I wanna make a long ass detailed review about why I love each of them, I won’t. I’ll probably just mention what the hell I was doing when I read the fic and how I completely fucked myself over. 

I probably will miss some since I’m just listing these out from the top of my head. So here goes…And I’m only posting completed fics because I’m just that way. 

Second chance by @fanmoose12

This is my comfort fic. The first time I read this fic, it was like 4am or 5am in the morning and I remember after reading it once, I read it like 5 more times that day. 

This is literally the fic I just randomly open on my computer at work on some incognito tab when I’m just tired from all the shit they make us do at work and this is the random fic that I just open up when I feel like reading. And this is one of the fics I plan on showing my children one day when I explain to them what love is. 

This isn’t depressing so I guess it doesn’t fall in the ‘fucked me over’ category but definitely one of the fics I read too many times to count that I remember it scene by scene like some simp. 

Partners by fanmoose12

Woops, one exception for WIPs. I just had to post this here because it definitely left a lasting impression. 

This was the first AU I have ever read and been invested in and I have been reading fanfiction since before I could remember and I have always stuck to canonverse fics until I got into Levihan. 

This fic got me into the AU genre and I have never read AUs in my life before this so I think that says a lot about how much this fic means to me. 

Somewhere Only We Know by @someonestolemyshoes

It’s not completely posted in ao3 yet. But since I beta-ed the fic, I finished it long before SSMS posted it but this fic. It started slow so it took me a week of on and off work to get through  but I got through the second part of the fic, the last 30,000 words  incredibly fast. I vividly remembered reading those last final scenes over breakfast completely in shock while my whole family was there. I literally had to leave the room and take my dog out for a second walk . 

I remember the aesthetic of the overall story vividly enough to actually make a moodboard of it and spend a good 1 hour going through country side pics after finishing it. . 

Yellow by @ariadneamare​

God, this fic. I read this over a day of work. Like breakfast, first few thousand words, Lunch next few thousand words. And I finished the rest before bed and oh god, this is the type of fic that builds a great aesthetic, some lightness and just to fuck you over in the end. 

I like to compare it to a longer and AU version of Pristine in terms of how it strings emotions along. I know they’re two completely different fics but the energy of the fic, the stream of emotions on how it strings you along is fairly similar. 

This is literally one of those fics where I’m just having a good day, and my mind goes ‘remember that one fic’ and I just wrinkle my nose like ‘yeah THAT FIC’ 

Pristine by @mannatea​

I’m sure everyone has read this, it’s practically a classic and I cannot count the number of people who told me it was depressing and I do not know why I did not believe them. I read this while waiting in line for milk tea. I lost my place in line around the time I finished that last part and just gave up on buying milk tea.

It has this build up, this incredibly fluffy build up which won’t make you think it will end the way it did. 

Well. you know a fic is good when you know it’s gonna end a certain way but you allow yourself to get strung along anyway. 

A Simple Choice by just-quintessentially-me

This is one of those fics for me that double as an aesthetic piece and a plot piece. I remember INCREDIBLY WELL, the road I was imagining that they were walking through and it satisfied my hurt comfort feels as well. Definitely one of my favorite 115-126 fics and one of the first ones I read in the fandom for sure. 

So those are the english fics, I have to Japanese fics that fall in that category. 

(For anyone who knows Japanese I guess but I personally think they’re worth a google translate.)

熱に浮く(Feverish Dream)

Classic canon compliant. Hange takes care of Levi when he’s sick fic but there are misunderstandings here, they contemplate their relationship and they are incredibly emotionally constipated here. Definitely one of the classics imo and it feeds my need for hurt/comfort.

前世なんてクソだと言う女と 全て���れた男 

(A girl who thinks past lives are not real and a boy who forgot everything)

Hange is a teacher, Levi is a janitor. Hange remembers stuff and Levi doesn’t and just really cute stuff. 

I’m pretty sure you guys are tired of me rambling about how much this fic means to me but really, I wrote a Tale of Two Slaves (Which is just brushing 100k words already) because this was just so beautiful it got me into the reincarnation genre.

私の中の少女、あなたの中の少年

(The girl inside me and the boy inside you) 

Levi and Hange are exes/childhood friends and they meet again in a matchmaking party. This is just the greatest balance between emotional constipation and love. The premise was just perfect for the type of build up 

Closest thing I’m gonna drop to smut here. Will leave my smut recs for another post but I’m low key really still thinking whether or not I should expose myself by dropping my favorite Levihan smut pieces hahaha.

Filo Socmed AUs

A lot of these probably aren’t google translatable since Tagalog google translate sucks but if anyone is interested, most Filo Socmed AUs have a fair amount of English so it’s coherent. I guess? I completely forget though how much is in English and how much is in Tagalog but these are the Filo Socmed AUs I REALLY remember and really go back to. 

Vividly Remembered 

This one got me blowing my days worth of salary on some meal in a restaurant because I didn’t wanna go back home to my house yet so I remember just crying over a meal while finishing up this fanfiction instead of going home. 

Basically a fic where Levi and Hange were together already and were about to get married already but shit happened. I irrationally hate Nanaba because of this Socmed AU. Like everytime I see Nanaba, i think of this Socmed AU and I just hate her again. 

Photographs 

Levi and Hange are part of the photography club and shit happens. I remember being behind on work because I decided to take a three hour lunch break to finish this AU. This satisfied my sick Levi craving in so many ways (especially after reading Yellow)

Wherein Levi doesn’t have social media accounts and Hange is the class beadle

This last one just has the overall aesthetic of my own university so it really stuck tbh. And the premise of the build up is just incredibly cute. 

These are the ones I can remember from the top of my head so I’m sure these are among my favorites. I’ll definitely update this as I read more.

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (18)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 3.1k

You opened your eyes slowly, the gentle glow of the nearby fireplace making your eyelids feel significantly heavier, and leading you to wonder if you had woken up too early. You tried to find the answer in a nearby window, but it didn’t tell you much, as the sky was an ambiguous, dark shade of blue.

“Morning.” Never mind. The answer came to you in the form of a pleasant, raspy voice that also explained why the window you had been staring at didn’t look like the one you were used to wake up to.

“Morning.” You replied, the hoarseness present in your voice contrasting the soft smile you were sending his way, as well as the gentle peck you planted on his lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I was three weeks ago.”

“Good.” You cupped his face with both hands, unable to erase the smile from your face as your thumb lovingly stroke his bottom lip. It had been a tough month, but his arm had finally healed. Almost. “The doctor said you can go back to work next week.” You meant officially, because he had been sneaking into his office late at night. You knew because things on his desk had mysteriously started to shift positions during the night. And you suddenly wondered if this had been one of those times as well. Had he even gotten any sleep at all?

“Since when are you awake? It’s still so early.” You glanced at the window. There wasn’t even the slightest tinge of orange, or pink, or even light blue in the sky.

“Not long ago.” He replied, and you found yourself wondering if you could actually believe his words. But you didn’t entertain that thought for long, his tousled bed hair was way too distracting. It was artfully messy; chaotic in the most endearing of ways. And it made you think of how rare this sight was. Almost as if the well-groomed 13th Commander of the Survey Corps was a completely different person from the one you had beside you right now. And those long, golden strands that were falling on his face, as well as the way they framed those hypnotizing blue eyes you were staring into… it all made you think about how much you wanted to see him like this more often, about how much you would like to wake up next to him more often. Would the rest of your life be too much to ask?

“Did you know sometimes you talk in your sleep?” He suddenly asked.

“I didn’t. Do I? I hope I didn’t say anything inappropriate.” You wouldn’t be surprised if you did. But in all honesty, who could blame you for that? Because even right now, in full possession of your faculties, you were finding it significantly difficult not to react in a very unladylike way at the sight of that broad, well-muscled, and most noticeably, very shirtless chest you had woken up to.

You studied the way the fireplace flames delineated his features, and decided to follow them as they traced his defined jawline, before gliding down his bare chest, lushly covered with light-brown hair. You then contemplated the intricate shapes they drew on his tight abdominal muscles, before parting ways a little below his navel, where you found yourself wanting to follow that trail of thick hair that continued way beyond the waist band of his pants. And you saw nothing stopping you, so why would you get in your own way?

Feeling your heart wake up inside your chest, and anticipation, between your legs, you climbed on his lap, straddling him before even explaining yourself.

“You can’t just sit there, look like that and pretend I won’t ask for morning sex.” You said, and without wasting a second, sneaked a hand into his lose pants, holding him firmly. The doctor hadn’t mentioned anything about abstaining from strenuous activities during his last visit.

“I never pretended such a thing.” A complicit smile decorated his lips, as they released a pleased hum at your touch. And you smiled too, feeling him harden against your fingers.

“So what? You were just sitting there waiting for me to wake up?” He nodded, and his eyelids, heavy with pleasure, were threatening to fall shut. “What a gentleman.” You leaned forward, taking his lips in a slow, decadent kiss, the type that you had learned you both enjoyed.

It was as if your tongues were dancing a waltz they were already very familiar with. And, if the hums he was chanting against your lips were anything to go by, it would be safe to assume your hand wasn’t performing so bad for its first time pleasuring him. Your fingers were diligently learning about his personal preferences, about the way he liked to be touched.

“However.” You interrupted a couple of strokes later, satisfied with the way he was now standing proudly, menacingly poking the fabric of his cotton pants. “I’m not going to pretend I can take something that size without some sort of preparation first.” You smirked before climbing back down and sitting on an empty space in front of him. Then, spreading your legs wide, you invited his eyes under the skirt of your nightdress.

He watched you attentively, lips slightly parted and eyes having a hard time choosing between your face and your panties. But, determined to help him decide, you slipped off your underwear, clearing any doubts about where his attention should be going towards.

Then, scanning his face as if reading an instruction manual, you brought your hand between your legs, where you started to stroke your folds gently, running your fingertips up and down your drenched slit.

“I’m so wet for you, Commander.” You could tell by the look on his face that, in his mind, he was already doing all sorts of things to you. And you had to admit that even if he wasn’t touching any part of your body, his eyes on you, completely devouring your pussy, were enough stimuli. “Look how wet you got me already.” You said, taking your glistening fingers to your lips and completely stuffing your mouth, just like your dripping hole dreamed to be in that very moment. “Commander, I can’t wait to feel you inside me again.” You licked your forefinger slowly, eyes closed and brow furrowed as you imagined it was him instead. Meanwhile, your other hand delicately caressed your slick folds, soaked with both arousal and anticipation. “Commander, please. I need you inside me.”

“I think you need to stretch it more first.” He said, mouth hanging slightly open, and eyes held captive between your legs.

“Like this, Commander?” To your own ears, you suddenly started sounding compliant and even submissive. Maybe it was your words or the tone of your voice. You didn’t know. But, at this point, you actually didn’t know anything. Just that it all felt so good. It was delicious, to touch yourself in front of him, with your legs wide apart, your head thrown all the way back, and your eyes closed, as if asking him to guide you.

“Just like that. Good girl.” His husky, deep voice was already a compliment in and on itself, and inspired your hand to start working harder, causing your movements to grow more and more violent, and your moans, louder with each desperate rub of your fingers on your clit.

“You don’t know how much I wish you were the one touching me, Commander.” You confessed, pushing your middle finger inside; and even though he seemed to be nothing but a mere spectator, you had no doubt that he was the one controlling you, because there was no way your own brain could. It was totally out of it, too overwhelmed by the sensations that your fingertips were so assiduously creating inside, and as a result, you were barely able to speak or think beyond the lewd sounds escaping from between both your lips and your legs.

And, truth be told, your own touch didn’t even feel that good. It was the thought of him watching you the one arousing you. It was the fact that you were touching yourself in front of him, on his bed, your juices dripping down your slit and soaking his bedsheets.

“So tight.” He said, his voice almost a growl. “You have the tightest little hole.” You couldn’t help but moan loudly at his words, his compliment reaching your ears and caressing them like the softest of velvets.

“Can I take you now, Commander?”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want to hurt you, princess.” You had in fact heard him, but it’s just that, it was such a lonely place without his dick. “You’re still so tight. Take your sweet time.”

You listened and obeyed, adding a second finger to join your lonely digit, as it slid in and out of you. You knew this was as ready as you would get, and you suspected he did too. He most probably knew, and just wanted to watch you pleasure yourself. But, who were you to refuse your Commander’s orders?

“Just like that.” You felt like he was whispering straight into your ear. “You have no idea how beautiful you look right now. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

“You don’t have to wait.” You reminded him, in case the ungodly wet sounds filling the room, as your fingers desperately slid in and out of you, weren’t enough indication. “Do you want me to come for you now, Commander? Because I’m so close right now.” You released a louder and even needier moan. “I- I’m so c-close.”

You felt your muscles tensing, gearing up for the delicious orgasm you had created together. But that was before he yanked your hand away, abruptly pulling your fingers out of your clenching hole.

“I guess that means I’m ready for you.” You concluded, eyes smirking mischievously as you let him guide you to his lap, where you pulled down his pants in one swift, desperate motion; just enough so his massive cock could spring out free.

“Goodness.” You groaned, unable to keep your brow from furrowing in desperation, admiring that perfect curve, as well as that thick, glistening tip, and especially that deliciously prominent vein that you suddenly felt like tracing with your tongue. “Can I take it now? Please.” You had never heard yourself sound so whiny and needy, and you would have felt embarrassed, you really would have. If you cared, if you weren’t that wet, and if his dick wasn’t that beautiful. “Please fill me up now, Commander.”

Please fuck me now.

“Anything for my princess.” You couldn’t stop the sudden urge to kiss him. He was so sweet, so gentle. Always so kind… generous… and giving. Even letting you sink into his perfect dick.

As your lips tasted his, you positioned yourself, one hand grabbing his hard erection and aligning it with your entrance. Then, you pulled away so you could stare directly into each other’s eyes as you became one for the second time.

And then, you let it happen.

You let yourself fall onto his generous cock slowly, your mouth opening wider the lower you sank. And so did his. The way his brow furrowed harder the deeper he got, told you that he too had forgotten how good it felt.

“You’re so damn handsome. I think I can come just from that look on your face alone.” You said, almost out of breath.

He chuckled, eyebrows still locked in a frown, as he helped you out of your silky nightdress. And after that, when you were completely bare in front of him, and him fully buried inside you, it didn’t take long for your breasts to start bouncing up and down, and your moans to grow louder and louder, as you started to fall into an addictive rhythm. And, as the smell of sex infused the cold morning air, you found yourself wishing this would never stop.

“Goodness, I could spend all day inside you.” He grunted, keeping a firm grip on your ass.

Good, because you could spend all day riding him.

“Fuck, Commander I’m-”

“Just call me Erwin.”

“Erwin. You feel so good. You’re already making me come.” His name on your tongue felt just as good as he did inside you. It felt so right that for a second you thought you were going to cry, but maybe it was just due to the big intrusion now present between your legs. “Oh fuck!” You didn’t remember your first time together feeling like this. “Yes, just like that. You’re so-” There was a new element to this. “Big.” And maybe it was the euphoria, or the fact that your thoughts were all over the place, jumping around your head the same way your breasts were in front of him. “Erwin, you’re going to make me come.” Or maybe it was his name on your lips, and the fact that you were now allowed to use it at will. But something about the moment reminded you of the conversation you had with Hitch not so long ago; more specifically, about a certain question you had failed to provide an answer for. And, while you still didn’t know how to respond, you knew a few other things.

You knew that you really wanted to move to a secluded cabin in the woods with him, somewhere quiet, where you had nothing but the trees for company, where you heard nothing but the occasional birdsong sailing in the breeze, where your day changed directions according to the weather… somewhere you could fuck like this all day, every day.

“Fuck! I think I’m in love with your dick. I love it so much.”

“That’s it?” He asked, nails buried in the flesh of your ass, the same way yours were in the tight muscles of his shoulders. And his lips, now sucking at the tender skin of your breast, were making you delirious.

“No, you too! I’m in love with you too.” The moment those words left your mouth, his lips left your skin. And you noticed, of course you did. Of course you would notice the absence of his tongue on your nipple. You threw a quick glance his way to see what was wrong, but all you saw was his deep blue eyes staring back at yours.

At any other moment, you would have tried to read him, you would have tried to guess what was going on inside his head, but now, you were too busy riding his cock to pay any mind. Him inside you, hitting that one spot over and over, was way too distracting. So you just closed your eyes, head thrown back, your breasts bouncing violently now that his lips weren’t there to support them. “I love you, Commander.” You repeated, completely forgetting you were supposed to use his name now. “So fucking much it hurts.”

You were aware of what you said. At any other point in time, you would have been crushed by the weight of those words, but he was so big and so was the pleasure, and there was no space to entertain any other thoughts. So, with the help of his strong hand on your ass, you just kept riding him.

You buried your head in the crook of his neck, enjoying the sensations he was so generously providing, or rather filling you up with. The scent of his skin reminded you of a fresh, aromatic bubble bath, after a long day. It was hard to put into words. He smelled so sweet. So sweet it was almost tangible, like the spun sugar your parents used to buy for you in the town fair all those years ago.

“I’m so close.” You nodded eagerly at his announcement, and although sudden, the words spoken in that deep, smoky voice of his didn’t interrupt the stream of sensations you were currently drowning in. If anything, they contributed to the fireworks exploding all over your skin, because you were already salivating at the thought of his warm, sweet cream filling you up. You would take it all. Gladly. It was like the dessert you had eaten the whole meal for. That one piece of cake you would enjoy even if you were already impossibly stuffed. Because it would be the only thing that could make this moment even more perfect, and this pleasure even more intense.

“Did you hear what I said, princess?” He repeated.

“Yes, yes, come inside me.” You said without hesitation. “Please. I need you to finish inside me. Comman- Erwin, please.” You kept moving your hips, slowly closing the distance between the present moment and his release.

“We can’t. You know that.”

“I don’t care. Just come inside me, Erwin. I want it. Please.”

I need it.

You felt his hand trying to fight against the rest of his body, against his desires, as it tried to lift you up so he could pull himself out. But you refused to cooperate, deciding to maintain the rhythm of your hips instead.

But then in one firm, desperate movement he pulled himself out, just seconds before his seed spilled all over your belly. You looked at him as he gave himself some final strokes, with your mouth slightly open, both in hunger and in disbelief. All your hard work, the release you had so diligently created for him, going to waste like that, and his hand being the one getting to finish the job you had seen through with such perseverance. You couldn’t help but feel it was unfair, like accidentally dropping the cake you had spent all afternoon baking.

You stared in silent, and you were sure he could see the disappointment in your eyes.

“I won’t apologize. You know it’s too dangerous.” He said, and you reluctantly let him pull you to his chest.

You did know. You were very logical, in fact. So you understood. What you didn’t understand, however, was why you were struggling to explain such a simple biological fact to yourself.

The rhythmic beating of his heart against your ear was persuading you into falling asleep again. And so was the warmth of his chest. And maybe you would have, if your mind hadn’t decided to wake up in that exact moment, actively creating thoughts you weren’t particularly excited about entertaining. But now that the high was gone and all was said and done, your busy head was the only one left to keep you company for the rest of the day; which by the way, would be starting soon, because somewhere between you saying some big words and him giving you an unclear response, the bubble had bursted, and the sky had turned a mellow shade of yellow.

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @mchlist @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis @goddessinsweats @nube55 @jeanboyjean @crazychaoticizzy @braunsbabe

[axoxtxhxh]

Heyyy, I love your Miche/ Erwin headcanons and was wondering if you could please do some about some random habits they have or have picked up? Thank you 😊

Hi anon! Thank you! <3 I would love to do some headcanons for these guys! They are my favorite :)

So I am using this as an opportunity to write some headcanons for my modern au Miche and Erwin roommates story (I still need a title for this). I hope that's okay! If you want a more canonverse headcanon for habits, feel free to send in another ask!

Also, these are all kind of mixed together because I wrote them as they popped in my head 😬

Miche has a bad habit of just taking his socks off wherever he is. I headcanon that Miche actually hates wearing socks and shoes and when he gets home or when he’s relaxing on the couch, he just squeezes his big toe in the top of the sock and slides them off then just like leaves them there.

Since I headcanon Miche as a drummer, I think he just sort of leaves his sticks around as well as drumming or tapping on every surface of the house. It’s like pen clicking to Erwin and he hates it.

Even though Miche randomly leaves his socks places, I do think he is really organized and always knows where his things are.

Both do their own laundry, but I think Miche will do a couple loads randomly throughout the week while Erwin does one big laundry day. Part of this is because Miche mixes all the laundry together regardless of color where Erwin separates them.

Erwin cannot for the life of him remember to put the toilet seat down. It’s not bad since they are the only two in the apartment, but sometimes even Miche gets annoyed because he doesn’t want to look at the splatters of urine while he’s brushing his teeth

They are both big recyclers and even make weekly trips to the glass drop off centers

Erwin wears slippers around the house but never used to. He started when they cat-sat for a friend and the amount of time Erwin stepped on loose cat litter made him buy house slippers and now he wears them all the time.

Miche is an expert at unclogging a sink drain from hair, Erwin is an expert at cleaning a vacuum from stuck hair

I don’t know why I imagine Erwin always having chapped lips. So I think he uses a lot of chapstick, but also bites the chapped skin on his lips a lot

Both are loud sneezers, but Miche will sneeze like once or twice in his elbow where Erwin has to go to the bathroom to blow his nose or he will sneeze over and over

Erwin likes to hum when he’s doing things like cooking or doing dishes

[anjumstar]

Hey this is my-hero-lemillion, I read one of your other fics and I was wondering specifically why you like dkbk over bkdk and also why Katsuki and Izuku prefer it that way in your fics? This isn’t meant as anything negative! I’m just trying to understand better where they’re coming from because it still seems the opposite of what I’d expect 😅

Woof, this is kind of my can of worms question, so I'm just gonna dump under the cut. But to answer part, I tried sooo hard not to really say that the boys prefer dkbk in Feel It In My Body, but I also, like...just kind of couldn't help it, because it's my preference. And I wanted dkbk to be the way they continued in the next scenes, so I kind of had to justify that. But in my head, they're vers. I think it makes the most sense, and I think in the Feel It In My Body universe they would be, probably more so as time went on. As for what my heart wants, it's dkbk only and I'll explain under the cut.

Obvious disclaimer, these reasons are all just about what feels good in my unique brain with all my unique predispositions. The last thing I want is to contribute to the divide between bkdks and dkbks, so this is just me vibing in my little bubble. I've enjoyed bkdk content in my time and will certainly continue to come across great ones, but it's just not my preference atm. With that out of the way, remember, you asked for it 😂👀

So, dkbk is the opposite of what most people expect and, for me, that's a lot of why it works and why it hits harder. I actually was a bkdk first when I was first exploring the ship, because there's a lot more content for it, and so that's what came up. It made sense, it was good content, and I enjoyed it. Then I read some dkbk doujins by the illustrious Cai, and, well, I was a goner. Cai's stories are angsty and complex and tense and that was a beautiful introduction into dkbk.

For me, dkbk lends itself to complexity because bkdk is the more obvious route. Where bkdk is straightforward, dkbk creates tension. Where bkdk is stereotypical, dkbk is subversive. With bkdk, you often have an inherently, like, bossy and demanding and powerful Bakugou and a Deku who is so willing to give Bakugou what he wants. This is not bad and it's not out of character. But--and I don't want to lean into the territory of bashing bkdk--for me, bkdk fics very easily step past those traits into characterization that I don't like. A feminized Deku who, like, bends so easily to Baku and a Baku who's just rather aggressive, tho usually at least somewhat loving, without a lot more depth.

Granted, the more time I spend with dkbks, the more I see equal and opposite content from them, tho it did take a lot more time for me to come across it in such quantities. As someone who really only likes strict canonverse settings and characterizations, I just can't get into feminization and size difference and a bkdkbk that are too simplistic in their relationship, lacking the many colors in their characterization.

Dkbk lends itself to that complexity. You have a Deku who leans into the traits that he's been developing since the pilot. His authority, his power, his strength, his confidence, and his generosity. Really sexy traits that I do believe will only grow as he becomes an adult. Because of this, Deku's traits are not only more attractive to me in dkbk but more compelling. He's much more interesting, to me, as a guy who takes charge than one who--apologies for the turn of phrase--bends over. And I think it's very obviously who he's become in canon, so it's hard to read anything in which he loses his traits of stubbornness and even greed. Those are big Deku qualities and they aren't as present in bkdk.

And, of course, Baku's my favorite character, so a lot of this is about him, and what bottoming looks like on him. When I look at bkdkbk, I see Deku who's happy to receive any kind of love from Baku. Meanwhile, Baku has many more walls up around his relationship to Deku, and even though sex is intimate regardless, it feels like an extra layer of the onion peeled away for him to allow Deku inside him, to do something he might fear as submissive (even outside of bdsm). It feels like a larger gesture of trust to me than Deku bottoming does, because I don't think Deku would really think twice about a difference in intimacy between topping and bottoming. He's used to not having control, and even though he loves having it, I don't think that he would feel out of control with Bakugou, if he were bottoming. I think Bakugou would, at least at first.

I also think that Deku would know how big it would be for Baku to trust him like that, and that it would truly mean the world to him. In an even bigger way than having sex in other ways. That Baku would be trusting Deku to take care of him, something that I imagine it would take ages for Baku to do in any right, much less in a romantic relationship. This would mean years of progress, and that wouldn't be lost on Deku for a moment.

I mean, all of this really comes down to how much of a softy I am, doesn't it? The dkbk dynamic lends itself so well to lovemaking in that regard, with Baku being vulnerable and Deku being giving. I love seeing Baku be able to let go and Deku feel like he's providing, that he's doing right by his lover. This is when these two characters are at their most attractive to me.

There are also so many interesting storytelling opportunities to have with a Baku who struggles to let go and a Deku to coax him through it. On any number of levels. Then getting to the other side with a Baku who allows himself to feel good in this way after being initially hesitant is so rewarding. A Baku who lets Deku in after being initially hesitant. For me, everything on the other side with dkbk is so much more rewarding than with bkdk.

In conclusion, I can't say for sure what the boys would really like anatomically. Some of top/bottom preference comes down to mindset, of course, but a huge part of it is obviously body-centric, and these are not embodied characters. It's all conjecture and preference. I don't really care for the conjecture, but I do obviously feel strongly, in a personal sense, about my preference. I only seek out dkbk at this point, but still occasionally consume bkdk either in djs or in highly recommended fics. There is simply miraculous content on both sides and there's truly shitty, can't possibly speak of it content on both sides. The more time I spend on one side, the more I find of both sides of that spectrum. And, to be fair, a lot of what I've just said probably exists more in my head than it does in the fandom itself, since bkdkbk is such a popular ship that, really there's so much of every kind of content for it out there these contrasts I'm making are nigh on useless. There's too much content to ever be able to consume enough to draw real conclusions. Most of what I've said is honestly how I see the characters in my writing, and, well, since I've retired from writing nsfw, it's nearly moot. That aside, it's just how I narrow down what fics I seek out and most highly rate, review, and rec.

I do appreciate the question tho, and god save ya if you read all the way to the bottom here, haha. I do find it an interesting one, tho it so often stirs up negativity. I'm not trying to encourage you to be a diehard dkbk like I am, and I super appreciate your willingness to explore both. Like I said, there's top tier stuff on both sides, and it's a blessing to consume any of it.

[azems-familiar]

How did you come to your characterisation of Bastila in 'Quantus tremor'? She's so soft, but hardened in the way you write her.

so that's a bit of a difficult answer since quantus was the first large kotor fic i wrote, and i'm less happy with the arcs i was doing now (which is part of the reason i stopped updating it), but i guess the basic core of how i write Bastila is i write her as an emotional abuse survivor.

imo that's pretty well supported by the game; i'm heavily Jedi positive as a whole, but the specific Jedi in charge on Dantooine aren't portrayed very positively - which i find to be an interesting narrative element, honestly, it really allows you to explore what it means to be a Jedi when your Order and your Code say different things from your leaders (which is the story i want to show with my Exile in my canonverse). but we see Bastila, who is young, in her early twenties - i put her at about 22-23 in kotor in my canon - being thrust into the position of savior because of her abilities, because battle meditation is the only way to fight back Revan, because she faced down Revan and found compassion buried within herself and said no, killing isn't what we do, and for that she was the Jedi sent off into a warzone, again, with the orders to make sure Darth Revan doesn't return. all while fighting with her own feelings of inadequacy, her fears, her anger that she doesn't know how to deal with.

Bastila came of age during the Mandalorian wars, surrounded by people afraid of Revan and afraid of anyone who might become the next Revan - and that only got worse when Revan came back a Sith. how much of her teenage years was spent being warned about her own emotions, her temper, her righteous anger? Revan was righteously angry too. Revan went off to war in a blaze of defiant glory and came back a conqueror. there are all the same seeds of that possible doom in Bastila's own chest too. i also write her as someone who quietly, secretly idolized Revan as a young padawan, and even after everything that happened, there's still some of that almost hero-worship at the heart of her, because for a time Revan was everything a Jedi could be.

she's also pretty clearly portrayed as someone with anxiety, imo, though it's after 5 am and i can't pull examples off the top of my head. but i try to keep that in my head when i'm writing her. as an anxious former gifted kid with emotionally abusive parents, Bastila's story and arc actually resonates very heavily with me - one of the biggest turnoffs for me in reading kotor fic is people characterizing her in a way i don't vibe with. nothing wrong with it, because everyone interprets characters differently, but i personally can't do it.

it's just- she is both soft and hard at the same time! she's incredibly young with a compassion that knows no bounds, a compassion that looked at the greatest betrayal of their time and refused to kill them even if that would be justice - and she's been held to an impossible standard again and again and thrust onto the front lines of a war bigger than she could ever hope to hold together. the Republic looks at her like she's the next Revan the Savior and the Jedi look at her like she's the next Revan the Conqueror and so of course she's a young woman full of contradictions! she's probably my favorite character from the game (besides Revan ofc, and maybe Alek/Malak).

[rjhpandapaws]

Heyyo Panda!! I have another ask for you, but only if I’m not being a pain in the ask.

I’m picking the prompt “Lost” for allen60.

Pls tell me about their camping trip from hell, which was actually a blessing in disguise. (They get together miles from civilisation, through a series of hilarious arguments about who misread the map)

//You are never a pain send as many as you like!! //I am going to go with Canonverse because that just seems like it would be the most fun.

“You can just admit we’re lost Six, no one is going to judge you.” Allen said after he waited five minutes for Sixty to either look up from the map or come off of red, “You’re allowed to make mistakes.” They’d originally pulled into the rest stop parking lot because Allen thought he had missed an exit somewhere and wanted to check the map. When he drove on the interstate lone enough everything started to look the same and he was liable to miss his turn off, which was exactly why he started taking trips like this with company. So he could have a navigator. Most of the time he would take Gavin or someone from his unit, but when he brought it up he learned Sixty had never been on a camping trip. So he chose to take him instead. As he watched Sixty pour over the map as his LED cycled to show he had at least heard Allen he understood a few of the placed he had gone wrong. Sixty had never been outside of Detroit, he could look up land marks almost instantly, but that didn’t mean he would recognize them. After being shot in the head, and then brought back he processed things a little slower than most androids. Allen was relatively certain he was witnessing one of those loops. “Hey, Six.” He tried again, “Sixty.”

“What?” He finally responded, his tone was sharp as he looked up at Allen with evident frustration, “I am trying to figure out where we are. I can’t triangulate with your constant talking.” “Six, there isn’t any cell service out here.” Allen explained, “That’s kind of the point of the trip.” There was a long beat of silence. It was eventually punctuated by the crinkling of paper and Allen was handed back a neatly folded map, “Well then Captain, congratulation’s we’re lost.” If it were anyone else Allen would have laughed, “I’ll head inside and ask for directions. Do you want to come with me? They might have something you can sample.” “Sure.” He replied and they both got out. The thing about getting directions from locals was that they tended to use landmarks that “everyone” knows. Which renders them all but useless if you’re from out of the area, but it was still endearing to see Sixty try his best to find them. Even if watching him down dish-soap like it was soda was an unsettling part to the image.

Sixty’s face when they finally made it to a camp ground was worth all of it. This wasn’t the planned one of course, they’d taken a few too many wrong turns for that, but it would work. It was far away from the rest of the world and they would both have a chance to just be. Sixty’s face was plastered to the window, his radio active green dish-soap was in the cup holder long forgotten as he took in the scenery. They didn’t run in to their next problem until they got to their plot. In all of Allen’s planning, or lack there of in this case, he hadn’t accounted for small town ideals on androids. On either side of them were camping trailers adorned with Anti-Android stickers and flags. He didn’t want Sixty to be surrounded by this for the next three days, it had been part of what Allen was trying to get him away from. “Interesting neighbors.” Was all Sixty had to say about it, “We should probably get the tent set up before it gets dark. You don’t have night vision.” “Six, we can find another place, you don’t have to do this.” Allen said carefully. “It’s not every day that I get to ruin two people’s weekends.” He looked back at Allen with a smile, “If anything happens we have the authority to deal with it, relax okay? Besides I don’t exactly want to risk getting lost again.” That was a fair point. They weren’t from here, and Allen didn’t want to spend the first night of their weekend car camping, “Alright, but if they start anything, come to me okay.” “Sure.” He said in a way that let Allen know, that was the opposite of what was going to happen.

Setting up a tent was always a nightmare, not as much as taking down, but it did make the list of things Allen hated the most about camping; and that was before Sixty managed to get tangled up in the tent fabric. All of the things to be said in compliment of prototype androids considered, the one thing Allen wished they came with was common sense. “Okay stop laughing and help me please Allen.” Sixty said when it became clear that Allen was in fact not on his way over, “I did everything according to the pictures and now I am stuck and there is no tent.” “You did them out of order Six.” He replied when he caught his breath, “And I really don’t know what else went wrong to get you stuck like that.” “I don’t care what went wrong, just get me out.” He snapped. One untangled android and a couple of hours later, the tent was finally set up. It was dim enough now that Sixty’s LED was a little more noticeable. Allen was on edge, but Sixty at least seemed content to sit and watch the fire, and Allen had learned to keep the lighter fluid away from him. If he wasn’t trying to start a forest fire he was drinking it. Which all things considered, was something Allen should have seen coming. “I can see your stress levels rising Captain.” Sixty looked up from the fire, and seeing the flame dancing in his eyes was a little unsettling if he was honest, “They won’t try anything tonight, they are only observing. So relax and come join me by the fire.”

“Call me Allen while we’re out here Six.” He replied as he made his way over, “We’re off hours, I’m not your captain.” “Alright then Allen,” He grinned at the way Sixty said his name with all the enthusiasm of a child that had been told they were allowed to swear, “You were the one who said vacations were about relaxing, so sit down and relax.” Allen took the open chair beside Sixty and made a show of sitting down, “Happy?” “Sure, so what do we do now?” He asked, “We’ve started a fire, and I’m not allowed to stick anything in it, so what else do people do when they camp. Other than sleep outside.” “First of all, you aren’t allowed to put anything in the fire because you will find a way to burn the entire campground down.” Allen sighed, “Usually people will tell horror stories or make smores, but you can’t eat so...” “So tell me a horror story.” He replied. “I don’t know any good ones.” He said with a shrug. Sixty groaned, “So we’re just supposed to sit and stare at the fire until it goes out?” As if on cue there was a distant roll of thunder and it began pouring rain. Allen cursed under his breath and made for the tent and Sixty followed after him. They made it inside before Allen got soaked to the bone and zipped it up behind them, they could figure out something to do once the rain let up.

Except the storm didn’t actually let up at all. At one point it even hailed. Allen wanted to kick himself for not checking the weather before they left, but he had figured Sixty would know despite this being his first camping trip. In a way though, being holed up in a tent with Sixty wasn’t all that bad. At the very least it was warmer then being out in the elements. The hardest part was avoiding spilling his guts to Sixty. There wasn’t much else they could do other than talk because Sixty counted the card every time they tried to play a game. It wasn’t his fault, probability calculation was one of the few things he couldn’t turn off because it was tied directly to how he operated. So they talked, a lot. Allen about his childhood and why he enjoyed camping so much, and Sixty on what it was like to be an android. The more he learned about Sixty the harder it became to keep these things to himself. He started to use endearments for Sixty, and he didn’t catch himself. It wasn’t until the last day when they were packing up despite the rain that either one of them acknowledged it, and at that it wasn’t Allen who brought it up. It was Sixty. “Did you mean it?” He asked abruptly. “Which ‘it’ exactly?” It was poor way to deflect but Allen was nervous. “All of it any of it.” He replied, “Am I really someone you don’t mind being trapped in the woods with.” Allen closed the trunk of his car and leaned against it. He was soaked through, but he didn’t mind, the heater in his car worked fine. He didn’t reply until Sixty looked at him. It was the moment of truth, “I meant every word of all of it, and given the chance you are the only person I would make a habit of getting stranded in the woods with.” The kiss that came after seemed natural, it was a long time coming Allen supposed and as he drove back with one hand in Sixty’s he decided they could probably make a tradition out of getting lost together.

(Prompt from this list)

@asset35-maya