#i do NOT ship arnold and kev

[dramaticngay]

WHEN I TELL YOU I AM FUCKING SOBBING MY EYES OUT OVER TOMORROW IS A LATER DAY... THIS SONG DOES THINGS TO ME MAN...

LOOK AT THEM THEYRE SO CUTE /p

+ bonus of kevin getting booped

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW3

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Aubameyang

IN: De Bruyne

Pretty straightforward swap here removing Aubz after the Wet game was always the plan before GW1 and feel fortunate to be in position to execute the plan. Kevin on pens was the deciding factor over Raz as I had it down to them two as my City guy to get.

Not sure what Raz will be up to with Jesus out now...up top or same spot, but either way Kevin still should be doing the same shit. Hopefully that bonk on the head was nothing much and he's ready to go this weekend.

Probably not a spot I will play with too much unless he gets injured but it feels nice to just get Kevin in nice and early here. Debated many different hit options and in the end nothing looked too attractive. .5 in the bank for a rainy day...we'll see where that belongs next week.

GK:

Ryan (MUN)

Maybe he'll get some saves in this game, unlike the previous. Never feel good for a clean against ManU so I'd take a 3 pointer or something.

Brighton dominating Newc was very promising though - pretty happy that I stuck with Ryan GW1. Could see owning him for a long while and possibly even through my first WC whenever that time comes.

DEF:

Dier (NEW)

Welp.

A clean would be most, most welcome here after no cleans through their first two. They look genuinely all sorts defensively so far and seem to just be all hands on deck throughout their games. Wondering if the disruption of the Thursday games is really fucking them, and I will be watching this one closely. Letting in two to Soton was kinda lucky - it could easily have been three or four - so it would be nice to see a suffocating performance against a team that just managed 0 shots on target last weekend.

Realistically, as long as Dier is starting, I probably won't bin him.

Shaw (bha)

Dunno how I seem to end up with thiccboi in my GW1 team every year but it feels like I do.

He's a really tough player to watch when you own him...very frustrating and just a bit shit. The rumors with Telles intensifying doesn't fill me with hope for the future. Again, like Dier, as long as he's starting I probably won't spend a transfer here and just need to back my preseason thoughts that Mou and ManU would be good for cleans.

Brighton looking a pretty tidy outfit so far this game should be good. Not really expecting a clean, unfortunately, so maybe get lucky with an assist or something.

Trent (ARS)

Trent looked back to being Trent against Chelsea. No Hendo is a bit annoying again so we'll see who is starting on his side.

Arsecast been pretty conservative setting up but we know how teams like to overload Trent to neutralize his attacking impetus which may well happen here.

Either way a win to nil is always on the cards for Livp and Trent is a great player. Good boy Trent.

MID:

De Bruyne (LEI)

Great player gets to play a shithouse team. Love it. One of the few (only?) things I got right last year was picking Kevin early and holding him. Will try to replicate that now. To the first of many happy returns Kev.  

Salah (ARS)

Still a livewire despite his blank last weekend I'm pretty happy to have Mo.

Definitely my safety blanket in FPL and hauls are always around the corner. Looking good and primed to bang. With the sudden increase in penos makes him even that more attractive. Not an easy fixture by any means but it doesn't really matter. Let's go Mo.

Trossard (MUN)

Spent a lot of mental energy on this wee lad this week. Done nothing but impress through two and return in both with the post last weekend away from a huge haul and yet I still am looking for reasons to sell him. I came full circle and despite the rough immediate fixtures I'm going to stand by him. He looks dangerous and even though there are f0dens and podencios around him, he's the one I have and he's the one I shall hold.

ManU were utterly diabolical last weekend and if Matic is out they could still be got at.

Andre-Frank Zambo Anguissa (AVL)

Zambo did the business for me last weekend with the assist and with no better options he gets to go again against Villa. Dunno if Lemina comes in or something with Reed maybe he gets to push up a little more but ultimately he seemed to have a more or less free roaming roving role in the center of the park last weekend...and he bossed it. Absolute class player, Zambo is, and I really enjoyed watching him. He's definitely not showing much to be an actual starter in FPL...but needs must.

Certainly need to upgrade my 11th man soon, but with this good fixture maybe he gets something again.

Fernandes (bha)

Come on Bruno. Nothing would calm me down and my feelings about my team this weekend more than with Bruno points. I am expecting space so hopefully he doesn't get hockey assists but gets actual assists in this one. Feels weird that they played 90 and didn't get a peno as well.....time to revert to the mean with one this game probably too right? Yes.

FWD:

Werner (wba)

Werner been looking good and rested during the midweek so should be raring to go as he still searches for his first Chelsea goal. Hopefully Jorginho is out so he has pens in his locker this weekend as well.. but really just feel good with him in this fixture.

West Brom are bad and I am backing Chelsea to find some goals this weekend. Werner has been looking good, even if his team has not, and I'm just hoping that they click into some sort of gear against the weakest opposition they'll be facing in the league to date.

DCL (cry)

Tough fixture against the team they are tied for first place with in the table.

We will probably do’em but DCL, with the way he's looking, always a shout for getting in and around it. Not expecting a ton here, but am keen to see what Woy does with the lineup at home now that Eze and Bats have been around for a couple weeks. Maybe we play some attacking stuff and are there to be had? Who knows. Either way, DCL - great pick great guy.

BENCH:

Mitchell (EVE)

Brewster (ARS)

Ferguson (lol)

CAP:

Werner (wba)

I'm trying this new thing this year where I back myself for captain picks. I was on him last weekend when I looked at the fixtures and the games so just going to stick with that.

West Brom are bad, and a lot worse than Leicester (even tho Leicester suck), so I feel better about trying to expose heem than go with Kevin. 4 or 5 is possible against WBA and Werner could fill his boots. Playing the fixture here, we'll see how it goes.

—

ALON ON WILDCARD

TRANSFERS:

OUT: wildcard

IN: wildcard

I don’t even know what to write here. I’ve done two pods and a three hour stream today largely dominated by my Wildcard team. I’ve said all that needs to be said! Ended up here and feel pretty ok! Let’s go.

GK:

Martinez (ful)

Like him and rate him and hoping the Villains can be a tight ship and get some cleans. Duno.

TBH didn’t put much thought into this spot just gonna go Emi and not use a transfer until maybe second Wildcard popping 30 gameweeksish from now. GLHF Emi!!!

DEF:

van Dijk and Alexander-Arnold (ARS)

Great guys, great friends, and the epitome of set ‘n’ forget geniuses. Also planning on no transfers here until second wildcard. Keep dominating boys. Up the reds.

Dunne (SOU)

Temporary start over Lamptey’s much worse fixture in my opinion. Hail-mary of a Duon clean here and I think Lamptey ends on 0-2 points. Lamps is also sorta knocked so who knows what goes on there.

Maybe Burnley will sell Tark and Dunne’ll be a guy but mostly just fodder for rest of season...

Lamptey in general is my start every week guy and he is the “pressure point” of my squad for sure but also I’ve LOVED the fuck out of him since he came on the scene with Chelsea. He’s just great. Backing the boy.

MID:

De Bruyne and Sterling and Foden (LEI)

Going in big dick swinging with the City triple up for what should be back to back thrashings in Leicester and Leeds where I know I’ll want as much of their attack as possible and, crucially, the arm-band.

Foden minutes should get a large increase with no Kun and no Jesus and Kev and Raz are world class, not much else needs to be said. Going aggressively for the best attack in great fixtures and then we’ll reevaluate going to other premiums etc for future captaincy and what not.

Rodriguez (cry)

Did fuck around with Rich instead of Hamez but I’m just sticking with the extra 0.5 and my guy... I think it’s possible Rich distances himself from Hamez and has the best season of his career but also just Hamez is such a FML FPL player... oozes class, so confident and smooth and sick, just love him, and love owning him. Sticking by the guy. He’s coming for the assist crown lookout Kevin :P.

FWD:

Werner (wba)

Rolling with Timo and the incredible fixtures. He has a three match window to decide what to do with him and I love him for wba, CRY, SOU, so just letting it wash over me. Still rate him very highly and the goals and hauls are just around the corner. We’ll see if they come now or they come later. Willing to risk it for him before moving to maybe Tony or others.

Calvert-Lewin (cry)

So much love for DCL <3<3<3... Don’t think I need to add much he didn’t leave one single tinker for one second. And hasn’t left a tinker since the game opened pre-GW1. Good sign.

Wood (SOU)

Ole faithful. Not sexy. Not new not shiny not smooth or slick or an attacking team or anything. Just consistent and good... If you’re after MoTD highlight reel Vine merchant legendary screamer thunderbastard kinda guy then Wood isn’t the guy for you... But if you’re looking for a cheap guy to just blindly hold for 30ish GWs then hey Chris Wood is your guy. Good numbers, good consistency, great guy. His cheeks are just soooo red. Let’s go.

BENCH:

Anguissa (AVL) - Nailed and good.

Lamptey (MUN) - Gonna start almost every week for me. Great kid, looks incredible, is incredible.

Mitchell (EVE) - Hey. Whatev.

CAP:

Sterling (LEI)

I guess that I’m the only one concerned with Kev getting an elbow to the head? Fine with that.

Maybe Kev gets swaddled up in bubble wrap and subbed off early once this one is done and dusted? I don’t know man it’s enough of a reason to not captain Kev for me... If both guys were 100% fit I’d probably go Kevin here but Raz is also incredible and is actually 100% fit so I’m going Raz.

I expect complete domination and destruction and yeah that’s that. Didn’t really consider anyone else.

Go on City do the thing.

Wildcard team... ya got this.

[spikycharlotte]

hey um !! this is really late but kevin price for the character ask thing!

I’M LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT ILY

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life i love this dumb boy so much

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang if i dont think a dude is hot all they have to do is play kev and i will die

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff. THIS BOY MARCHED INTO BUTT FUCKING NAKEDS CAMP WITH NO BACKUP SUCH A STUPID GRYFF

best quality: @ the end of his character dev all he wants is to stay and help the ugandans and build the church of arnold and hes very giving

worst quality: even though now hes very giving and wonderful he is still so full of himself

ship them with: CONNOR!!

brotp them with: ARNOLD!! AND NABA!

needs to stay away from: um probably the coffee amirite lads

misc. thoughts: i love this boy ??? words do not explain... i love him...

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW11

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

And if you missed it for subscribers Friday My Life episode just came out!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

I'm on a save this week with CHO as a big problem as well as Pukki but no real straight swap seems good enough to make with zero doll hairs in the bank.

Will just sweat the Chelsea team sheet and hope the chips fall in a place that is kind to my fucks.

GK:

Pope (shu)

Pope been naturally pissing me off lately quite a bit. Discussed how annoying he is but Burnley have four good on paper fixtures so hopefully he will be able to get a few points in this run to rectify his standing.

Certainly doesn't feel like the long long term keeper we had all expected when we put him in the GW1 team. At least not to me.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (avl)

Still going with double barrel Livp fullbacks Trent and R0bbo.

Been absolutely dying for a clean and this weekend is as good as any for one to come in. Even though they have kept an extremely small shitty number of cleans so far they are still both in the top 5 defender point total and I fully expect them to finish 1-2 in that regard come seasons end assuming health.

Fixtures look good outside of the City game so maybe they'll go on a run of cleans.

Lundstram (BUR)

Alongside is Pointstram of course the legend. Great fixture, back at home, get in there ladstram.

MID:

Pretty straightforward quintet here.

Salah (avl) and Sterling and De Bruyne (SOU)

Mo/Raz/Kevin have been in for a while and will probably stay for a while.

Late twitter fuckery surrounding Mo possibly not having trained all week obviously isn't great but whatever fucking fuck it. Hopefully he is fine as Klopp has said he is. Or he's not and life is great.

Hudson-Odoi and Mount (wat)

Double Chelsea children CHO and Mount go to Twatty in what might be a tough game? Idk.

Twatford look so diabolical and horrendous it wouldn't surprise me to see them get put to the sword against a team with actual attacking quality.

They've been a tight ship recently though so who knows.

FWD:

Abraham (wat)

Same two Tammy and Pukki up top as I have had for the past fair bit.

Pukki (bha)

Really not sure how I keep tricking myself into thinking Pukki isn't a huge fucking massive issue but here I am.

Brighton look like an open game so praying to all hell that he pops up with a return. Just even an assist god bless I'd take it. Just do something you Finnish cuck.

CAP:

Sterling (SOU)

Easy Raz this weekend. Really nothing to discuss. He looks prime and ready to tit, home banker, rested midweek, blabhlabhalh. Get in there Razzybaby.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Aubameyang & Gunn

IN: Vardy & Gazzaniga

Alright so we’re making some progress here. Putting out some fires. Ok ok ok.

Still have CHO and still have Pukki which is BAaaaaddddd feeeeeelsssss baaaaaaaddddd. But it’s ok. At least Pukki will start and CHO hopefully will start should be fine to tide me over.

Next week maybe a hit to get rid of both we’ll see???

Anyway I’m terrified of Aubz hauling now that he’s free from my grasp but whatever he’s a bad pick and Arsenal are fucking bad... Vardy and Leicester are flying and have the fixtures... And as discussed on Friday My Life Gazz and the money just makes more sense for me and my future moves.

Need that $ in the bank to put out the next fires.

GK:

Gazzaniga (eve)

Alright GAZZZZZ.

Everton are Jekyll and Hyde but I feel like they usually score at home so I’m not really expecting a clean here but it’s certainly possible. Would be cool if Poch plays Vert over Davinson that would make it feel a lot better...

Either way hopefully the save points keep flowing and I can keep Gaz for a long time.

DEF:

Lundstram (BUR)

Lundy in a decent home fixture; we take those.

But don’t be tricked into thinking this is a banker. Burnley are good at attacking now, get with the times.

Tomori (wat)

Don’t love this away but really the way Watford are setup these days with essentially two “attackers” (no strikers) and mostly a super conservative bus the clean should be there for the taking really... Just don’t let them counter and don’t give them set pieces and Chelsea should coast to a clean... Easy right?

Söyüncü (cry)

Nice clean fixture for Soy.

Leicester should be able to strangle Palace to death in this one imo.

MID:

Salah (avl)

This ankle rumor shit is so fucking annoying.

Ugh just hoping he’s fine and shit. I’m already very anxious about it.

Sterling and De Bruyne (SOU)

Fantastic players, fantastic attacking team, home banker. Easyyyyy.

Hudson-Odoi (wat)

Give the boy a start Frank. Come on. Pleasaasasase???

This kid is a problem. Bad / unlucky timing that we brought him in when we did but here we are.

A problem for another GW.

FWD:

Vardy (cry)

Feels great to not have to type some bullshit for Aubz in this slot like I have been doing for weeks in a row now.

Vardy is fucking good and Leicester are good and here’s another good fixture.

Abraham (wat)

Tammy is a little bit off the boil now but really he’s still getting chances and he still looks good to me. He was beyond red hot at the start of the season this is just a normal thing.

Chelsea are still super good at attacking and he’s still nailed so get the fuck in there.

Pukki (bha)

I would take a two pointer at this point. Fucking Pukki AKA Mitrovic.

CAP:

Sterling (SOU)

Really really easy cap this week. Like I said on Friday My Life I don’t even hate a triple cap if you’re feeling it... Yeah yeah “everyone will be on him” but also don’t forget: 60.5% of teams in FPL don’t even own him.

Get the fuck in there Razzy.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: HOUSE OF KANE (ON WILDCARD)

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: WILDCARD

IN: WILDCARD

After a great start that found me peaking around 10k at GW9, I’m now on four big reds and hovering around 100k. Last week I tried to do the mature and steady thing, making no transfers after a disastrous GW 9 (rank 6m). I was *not* rewarded for my steadfast patience, so naturally I kneejerked my WC on Sunday afternoon.

Biggest issues I wanted to remedy were Ota, Pukki, Kun, Haller, maybe-injured Salah, not having TAA, and a worthless bench. Of course it feels bad wildcarding with two frees but here we are.

My general strategy in FPL is to get on the template as quickly as possible, ride it through the holidays, and then slowly and steadily start to spike differentials through the end of the season. The fact that my WC is very similar to the Slack Hivemind’s bodes well in that respect.

The team feels balanced and good for now.

GK:

Gazzaniga (eve)

It was between Ryan and Gazz and ultimately I went with Gazz because he’s cheaper, has better near-term fixtures, and even if Spurs can’t keep a clean, we now know that he can get 12 saves on a good/bad day.

Think he’s also nailed until 2020, being the clear second choice after Hu-god, not to mention that he *happens* to be from the same town as Poch (Murphy, Argentina - population 3,540).

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (avl)

Going Robbo over Trent to start the season was my biggest regret, so he was the first name in my WC squad.

Doubling with Robbo was easy, especially because I’m going without a Liverpool mid. Having these two gives me a chance at cleans and a steady trickle of offensive cover (if such a thing exists).

Lundstram (BUR)

I’ve had Lundstram since GW1 and he’s not going anywhere.

A nailed 4.0 DEF is a season-long keeper, regardless of team, and Lundy happens to be playing out of position *chefs kiss*. Going with him over Soy this week because it’s home and a better fixture than Palace.

MID:

Sterling and De Bruyne (SOU)

I’ve had Kev all season and he’s good. Barring injury, he’s not going anywhere this year.

I’ve somehow been without Sterling all season, and it’s finally Raz time. Very excited to be adding him when in-form and following a string of blanks.

Mount (wat)

Cheap attacking mid on a top 4 attacking team, easy set and forget.

Martial (bou)

I think the top things to look for in FPL are attacking < 5.0 defenders, a nailed 4.5 forward, and an out-of-position mid on a top team.

Gloves ticks that last box with an elite pedigree and unfulfilled promise to boot. Once Rom was shipped out, Tony became a must-own for me. I think Tony will be a captain option at some point this season.

FWD:

Vardy (cry)

Feels kinda bandwagon-y but an easy one to jump on while the team looks so good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ... He’ll get his goals.

Abraham (wat)

Haven’t had him yet, glad to be here now. Chelsea attack is legit. Tammy is nailed up top. Let’s go.

Maupay (NOR)

My “fun spot” instead of [generic Leicester midfielder] as a fifth mid, I went with Maupay because every year Walsh picks some guy that no one is talking about, and I think it could be Neil.

The numbers are really good, Brighton looks decent, and I didn’t want to miss out on the best fixture of the season.

BENCH:

Söyüncü (cry)

I’ll be playing a 3-4-3 most weeks, with Soy as my first guy in. Cheap and on a good defense.

Rico (MUN)

< 4.5 defender on set pieces on a nominally-attacking side. Easy bench fodder.

Grealish (LIV)

Along with Maupay, Jack’s the other half of my “fun pick.”

When you watch AVL play he’s the guy with his calves on display, doing everything he can to earn a transfer to Man U in the next year or two.

I’m planning on rotating him with Maupay, which is a new strategy for me. Doesn’t feel great to have a ~6.0 guy on the bench every week, but with the fixture pile-up coming, it might be smart?

CAP:

Sterling (SOU)

I haven’t had him all season, I love him, and I finally get to root for him not to blank.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW10

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

FRIDAY DEADLINE!!!

And if you missed it for subscribers Friday (Thursday) My Life episode came out yesterday !

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Otamendi and Saka

IN: Kelly and Hudson-Odoi

After talking myself around in circles on the My Life pod yesterday I decided to return from whence I came going with my initial feels for transfers.

Otamendi is obviously diabolical and is not a man to be trusted as if he ever was. Schtoneyboy off the bench as first CB sub this weekend was telling for me, and even with Rodri ded for a bit it leaves us no more sure of the CB situation there than we had before.

Saka is a good lad and he seems like a really nice human bean but after blanking for fun I am discarding him like a used something or other.

In comes one of my all time favorites Martin Kelly and new little baby child CHO.

Kelly I think might just have the CB job from now on next to Mom as first choice pairing - he's actually been good this year somehow. I also don't really need him/the spot at all for the near term. Seemed like the best least painful way to pry some money out of the couch cushions and make a significant upgrade in the xi all the while.

CHO seems like just a good pick at 6m. Couldn't find the final ball against Ayax midweek but he's got a lot about him and he seems like he could be a good long term pick. I am worried about him starting this weekend after rattling off back to back 90s, but if I did something more passive and waited I would have been priced out. Getting him ahead of Turf Moor also feels a bit poopy, but again, keeping my eye on the long term like I have been doing his season with transfers so far and it's been feeling good to me.

GK:

Pope (CHE)

Pope in a bad fixture even tho they've been great at home so far.

Not expecting much here...and if I'm honest 3 cleans through 9 is about the minimum of what I would have expected out of them to date. I'll take it...but I'm not thrilled about it.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (TOT)

Trent and Robbo remain like the faithful servants they are.

Tough fixture against the potatoheads on Sunday but the OOP boys can always pop up with points any given weekend.

Love them and one of my greatest successes this season has been to hold both from GW1. With Alisson back I suspect everyone will be trying to get both in very soon with their fixtures turning.

Lundstram (whu)

Pointstram gets in there as my third lad. Fucking legend god Lundcuck just such a good guy. Pretty unreal how he's been going this season so far. And they said we wouldn't have a 1b in the game this season.

MID:

Salah (TOT) and Sterling and De Bruyne (AVL)

Mo Raz and Kevin the three amigos go again. Not much to say about dem boyz. Good picks solid pillars in my squad straight down the spine.

City team sheet always a bit of a mindfuck but meh. Can't drop points in the league so hoping for actual first choice even though I'm sure we'll get Bilv Jezuz Mahrez up top. Life.

As shouted a lot on the My Life pod Mo could be in for a big weekend. He's never been more of a diff than he is right now so a haul would be most welcome. Go on Mo.

Hudson-Odoi and Mount (bur)

Rounding out the midfield is new friend CHO and his possible actual IRL friend Mount. Couple Chelsea guys in mid feels great.

Have had Mount for a bit and adding CHO oozes value to me. Buying players who are priced like they are on a 14th place team but they are covert on the 3rd best team with the 3rd best attack in the league seems good.

Again, not expecting a ton this weekend but looking at the medium term points should flow.

FWD:

Pukki (MUN)

Still holding / clinging to Pukki. Was close to going down to Neil who I do love immensely but it just didn't seem like a great use of the transfer. I still believe in Pukki and I think he's just a quality guy.

Four blanks on the bounce have been a tough pill to swallow no doubt but I still think he'll get points. Stats have been down compared to the opening few games when he was on fire, but his stats aren't horrible by any stretch. Anyway, I'm holding him. Fucking come on you Finn fuck.

Abraham (bur)

Treble on Chelsea attack with Tammy is the last piece of my puzzle.

Up against two really bad shitty CBs this weekend I actually think Tam could do some things. Feel like his movement will be too much for them to deal with it will just come down to if he is able to finish.

CAP:

Sterling (AVL)

I just couldn't keep the sadist in me quiet and I've done the thing of end of week cap twist onto Raz.

I did that gut check - if Raz fired this weekend and I had cap on Kev I would be completely despondent and probably would be crying actual tears. I don't want that. If Kevin fires and I have cap Raz I wouldn't feel the same things. Emotional and pain management in...

If that isn't the right way to pick cap and guide me then I don't know what is. I did genuinely spend a couple of hours contemplating Mo for cap but in the end it just seemed too insane. That's that. Raz you fuckboi score some goals this weekend you owe me.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Cantwell

IN: Hudson-Odoi

I had to listen back to wtf we talked about on Friday My Life episode because I legitimately couldn’t remember what conclusion we came to regarding my moves... The temptation to take a hit for a triple move of Aubz/Gunn/Cantwell out is soooo fucking real but it is probably better to just hold my horses one more week and go into next week with two frees while fixing a big problem in my fourth mid slot.

Enter CHO who could sneaky just be a really great assist/BAP machine guy.

Floating the other transfer to deal with probably Gunn and Aubz next week.

Just hoping CHO starts this weekend...

GK:

Gunn (LEI)

This just makes me sad.

Leicester don’t even shoot in bulk so there’s not even that save-point potential in this. It’s just gonna be another 0-2 pointer as per usual.

DEF:

Just noticing now that all my defenders are away this week which I fucking hate and is really bad.

Lundstram (whu)

Lundy is such a good boy. This fixture isn’t terrific but it’s cleanable and SHU have been a well drilled and well coached tight ship you gotta just back’em.

Tomori (bur)

Chelsea I do not expect to keep a clean here with Burnley now just good at attacking. Feel like this could be a high-scoring one if Tammy/Wood finish their chances.

Rudiger back soon and hopefully Kante back soon will make this team much tighter.

Söyüncü (sou)

I feel worried about Leicester defense...

They were reeeally tight and putting up fantastic numbers when they were in their conservative shell formation but I’m worried that Brodge is not getting the balance right in the “more open and attacking” formations and styles that they’re playing now in the good fixtures...

It’s a delicate balance to go from extreme to extreme and honestly it might not be possible (and maybe that’s why none of the top managers in the world really do that).

We’ll see.

MID:

Salah (TOT)

He’s gonna shred these.

Sterling and De Bruyne (AVL)

They’re gonna shred these.

Hudson-Odoi (bur)

Mainly just praying he starts and then take it from there... This is the type of match where he’ll need to be the main creator mainly by taking people on constantly maybe drawing PEN15s and everything. Gonna be great come on Frank don’t fuck around get the boy in there.

FWD:

Aubameyang (CRY)

Ugh. Fucking ugh. Back to back seasons I trust Gilligan on his nightmare Arsenal Island and he fucks me.

I’m expecting maybe 2 shots and another blank? Anything better then that is just a cherry on top. Won’t even be happy if he hauls I honestly will not.

Abraham (bur)

Tammy is excellent. Keep it up Tamela.

Pukki (MUN)

This is a disaster? Or this is fine dog in the house on fire? Or this is actually fine and Pukki is just good going through a dry spell? Don’t know. The returns are always darkest before the dongs as they say.

CAP:

Sterling (AVL)

Sticking with my initial read and gut of the situation when I put the armband on him on like Sunday.

Villa love conceding chances from the right, Fred Gilbert can’t defend, I’m just rolling with the player in crazy red-hot form and looking extremely good on eye-test too.

It seems good to do when all of the things that we look for all line up to just not overthink it and go for it. Fuck it. Come on Raz.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: DESERTBUG

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Perfectly fine week to do this sneak preview thing because it's early in the season and the other Slackers who are in my minileague (three of them) are either likely to miss out on an early Friday deadline or they've been so absent from Slack lately that they won't even notice I did this.

Anyway, I don't care if they know what I'm doing this week because I'm not doing anything.  The team is in decent shape to roll out eleven this week in an old-school 4-4-2 as I had already ripped the Bandaid off of the lesions named Otamendi, Puke-y and Haller who had been in my team.

They've all been shipped off to Gunga Galunga Land over the prior weeks and I'm a happier lad for having done it.  I've still got qualms over Little Toddy Cantwell and a few other niggly little issues, but I'm in a good spot to sit tight and get more info from another week's worth of EPL action.

GK:

Pope (CHE)

The Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the Vatican City State and Servant of the servants of God (or so Wikipedia says) gets to go this week and every week, because his backup plays for Swansea City.

With that many names, it seems like the whole lot of them should clog up the goalmouth and keep clean against Chelsea, or at least so I can hope.  Saves points at least?

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold (TOT)

Here's hoping that Trento recovers from his Ebola or whatever kind of virus he got yellow-flagged over.  Would be really nice if these clubs could get their players to mix in a little bit of hand-washing in their daily routines.  Could see some nice points from the lad if Spurs' recent ineptitudes continue.

Tomori (bur)

Auto-start given my other options, and could be a dud, because Burnley has managed their way into a goal or more in eight of their first nine matches (only Pool has kept them out so far), but that kind of worm-eating magic has to come to an end sometime.

Soyuncu (sot)

Umlaut-master goes in another match that doesn't exactly feel great, as Soton has only been kept out once this season, but Foxes are good and maybe this will be the GW that he puts his giant cranium on a floater and buries it for me.

Lundstram (whu)

Yup, another road start from my defenders, which feels bad, cuz Hammers could totally put it together at any time and leave me with a one-pointer, or they could continue to disappoint and Points-Lord Lundy of Stram could produce the goods again.

Definitely worth rolling the dice and I don't really have any other good options so there you go.  I'm certainly not going to put Fred Guilbert from Iowa into the lineup for his match at City.

MID:

Salah (TOT), Sterling and DeBruyne (AVL)

This has got to be the week that this trio of big hitters starts hitting big with their big whatevers.  RIght?  RIght?

Yeah, Pep-Roulette can always strike but whatever, I'm not gonna lose even a moment of time worrying about it.  Time to "Laissez les bons temps rouler", as they say down in the Big Easy.  Beignets and coffee would be an awesome accompaniment to the 0430 wake-up I'll have for the City match, but I doubt anybody is going to be fetching them for me.  Pout.

Mount (bur)

Picks himself, given my options, but if anybody's going to mess up my keeper clean, let it be Fat Frank's chosen one.

FWD:

Aubameyang (CRY)

Everybody agonizing over him because they brought him in just in time for his two blanks, but I'm just going to focus on his 39 goals and 9 assists in 58 EPL matches, his 9 goals in 14 Europa matches as a Gooner, (57 returns in 72 matches overall, btw), and his prior 112 returns in 127 matches with Dortmund and remember that he's just an absolute top-drawer striker.

Bring on the AubameDancing!

Ayew (ars)

Brother of Andre gets the nod in my eleventh slot because Arse gonna Arse, and they've conceded in seven of nine matches so far.

I like his chances of doing something better than the probable three point ceiling that I would get from trotting Todd out there against a desperate United side that has a quality defense.

CAP:

DeBruyne (AVL)

Yup, I saw RazzyMan put three past the Atalantans on Tuesday with assists on the other two Citeh goals, and that would be a cap haul of 26x2=52 if he did that in an EPL outing, but my nickel says he doesn't do that in back-to-back outings and I like a Kev who should have hauled last week and who only went 60 minutes in that Champs League match midweek.

C'mon Kev, do this for me!  Lead the lads to a century score!  The FPL drought of GW8-9 has to come to an end at some point, right?