#i didnt want to say the haunted a and p words rn
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Alex Claremont-Diaz, the charismatic son of Ellen Claremont.
#i didnt want to say the haunted a and p words rn#rwrbedit#red white and royal blue#rwrb#rwrb movie#alex claremont diaz#my edit#draft yeet
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i need to write thios down rn before i forget like literally everything else
i hate that u made me wait for 2 weeks so we could read that anthology together and i mean sure u didnt force me to wait but you said youd be rfree on th 1st but if u were plannigng to leave me anyway why make me wait?? u couldve just said youre busy like how u literally excuse urself from everything
now i cant even touch mary oliver. read. i cant pick it up it makes me so sad we were supposed to read it together and it had my favorite poem and i went searchign for it for an entire day and i waited for two weeks and i was so so so excited for it but alas !!!! you quit the day or 2 days bfeore and thats so fucked up
among other fucked up things is how
how
.
you.
you were everything to me and you have so much power over me that i bent my own rules for you and like even typing that doenst even feel real bc did i really?? did i really??? regardlewss of if i did it sure have my ideals fucked up rn bc .
u were everything and u left me for ?
for ? ? having hope ??? when u left tho u said it’s bc u dont like me anymore but also u said we had diff ideals or whatever idfk i dont want to think about this so much but essentially u left me bc iu didnt like me anymroe and i dont wanna dwell on that but surely
but surely part of it is bc of all my . bc . i ? had hope ??
when i processed all the sexual bullshit i went through ive acknowledged that i,m a bit broken but beyond that beyond that i feel like after all that after being left by the one i loved the most for these core ideals that i have i feel so fucked up everything feels so messed up bc we were together for years weve been friends for years and
it was wrong?? like ig it’s stupid to say that having hope is stupid but also typing that rn feels stupid too like .
idk if im wording this the way i want to but i havent been the same since u left me everythhingfucking sucks i hate myself everything feels hopeless
and ig it’s not fair that my entire . everything. hinges on you bt tahts out of the equation whatever whatever youve already left me whatever
i just feel more broken than ever i feel like a gaping wound and ive always been super interested in oceans and stuff but nowadays when i see a clip of likethe river i cant help but wish i could just jum,p and end it all
and the gaping hole thing haunts me too among the myriads of things that haunt me but whatever whatever hwatever
im so sick but im not sick enough i feel so fucked up there’s something wrong with me and these days thats literally all i can think abt and i just recently realized thats what u kept saying too before thgat theres something wrong w u and i jsyt
it’s so fucked up im so fucke dup and everyone keeps letting me down and i cant let people in im god im nothing im veerything i want to kill people i want to kill myself i want to be free
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tw or rather cw self harm riots injury violence death gore .. is it even possible to mute words on tumblr? idek. plus i'd be surprised if even just a single person reads this. whatever.
how many videos of gore hidden behind fancams, people being beaten, run over, injured, killed does it take to officially having had a bad day?
i think i had a bad day today
but also, fuck am i privileged to have a bad day over minor things like that, not like it is happening to me?! fuck. i blocked probably 200 people on twt today and even more if i include yesterday. but i need to all let it out and capture it once. here. let's go from mildest to worst, k? (in retrospect, screw that, how could i rank things of this caliber) all of these are from the last three days
so yeah i saw some more self harm and blood overrun arms, i wont understand why people post that on twitter, but whatever, for some it might really be their way to cope. some of them also had tw gore in their bio, were private and said not to repost. i gotta respect that ig. still absoluely not fun to see.
oh, i just remembered this one. yup i saw someone defend hitler today!! what ! the ! fuck !
justice for George Floyd! justice for hundreds, thousands more black people treated unfairly, being injured, killed!!! i really stand behind the protests and actions against the police because what the fuuuuuuck.. i saw so many more vids of cops kneeling on necks and backs, whacking kids around, beating, tear gassing calm crowds, a cop trying to arrest a guy for eating a sandwich, saying "maybe" to the question if theyre gonna shoot sb, many vids of ppl trying to run protesters over w cars, a vid of someone actually running over someones who fell bc of the car. oh and there's more.. different but more: the reports of cops setting stuff on fire themselves, white people trying to break shop windows, white ppl joking about the situation (and the viral tweets hopefully getting them expelled).
side note: i learned lots of shit too, all the petitions, how to cover up, how not to get recognised or tracked, how to extinguish tear gas, how to wash eyes out-
i will never understand how the slitz whatever people think. whatthefuck is wrong with you when you intentionally trick people into watching jumpscares or these idk haunted videos or violent gore content or people being killed. while reporting some on twitter i saw some of the scary kinda ones, and i didnt click on them, so i didnt have sound, but yeah, those were in comparison fine, personally idc, reported and moved on. and then i wanted to report some on instagram- wtf. one of them had a human getting his head chopped off with what looked like a machete. rn i dont remember the at least two more that i saw, but tf. oH and instagram told me that rn they cant deal w all reports rn, so i am p sure it is Still Online. I JUST SAW A WARNING FOR GORE HIDDEN BEHIND A BREATHING PATTERN CIRCLE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. had them blocked already and blocked two moreee.. so. add a humans arm being cut off to that list. i am aware that i am risking it myself and stuff but yeah fuck. still just gonna list it here once. not even gonna mention how many more ppl i blocked and how many there still are. saw another arm. i now once saw just a regular vid rted by an acc there and since forever i was trying to kinda see whether and for what i should report their newest vid etc bc i dont get triggered and can take it etc ig, so, yeah, but yeah hm. i should just all report them unseen. more more more.. // addition a day later: how damn privileged am i, to complain more about seeing and being shown videos like that, insteadof having it happen to me. i should be concerned over that being real situations all day every day all over the world. fuck- //
most of this happened today.. to the point i completely forgot about the pridefall rumours from yesterday and earlier.. yeah fuck, that might be a thing too.
oh AND i forgot that that same shit was happening yesterday too except i forgot all the details now and yesterday i couldnt sleep bc my head was all abt the job shit and uni and feeling like vibrating of stress - mode. so Again i just kept reading n reading fics. (this morning in my dream i was a hair width from throwing my phone on the ground "so no head?" style)
i need a break from twitter
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ALL THE QUESTIONS BINCH and no erica totally didnt send this to herself haha what r u talking about.
when u desperately send an ask meme to urself bc u just wanna talk about ur dumb oc for no reason whatsoever
1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?
about 10 minutes for king! he really cannot stay still for very long tbh, blame it on ADHD for the most part. if he sits down for too long, he starts to get really antsy and squirms in his seat the whole entire time. also a big reason why he always be skippin class in his high school verses roijwoirjgaegogij
2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?
very easy! honestly king usually makes himself laugh more than anything else tho. hes the kind of person who laughs at his own jokes. but honestly all u gotta do is tell like even the world’s shittiest joke to him and he’ll probably start cryin from laughter
3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)
usually he’s just out like a light, so he doesnt have to do very much to put himself to sleep. if theres ever a night where he cannot sleep tho, tHEN HE GETS OUT THE ALCOHOL UNTIL HE PASSES OUT DRUNK, KING NO THATS BAD,
4. How easy is it to earn their trust?
pretty easy tbh?? like as long as you dont scare him and ur nice to him, he’s probably gonna trust u right off the bat
5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?
ALSO PRETTY EASY. it all just depends how you act towards him.
6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?
i guess it depends idk. generally immovable tho, but then, when has king ever gave a single fuck about the law???????????
7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?
he doesnt usually like to think about his past very much and avoids thinking about it as much as possible. he’s not sure what necessarily triggers any nostalgia for him– but when he’s left alone in silence with nothing but his own thoughts, that’s when he starts to think about his childhood, his dad, basically everything, and he hates it. thats why he very much prefers loud environments and likes to be in the company of other people, no matter who it is. he just hates having to think. if he’s ever in a situation where he’s stuck thinking about his past, especially if it has to do with amber kennedy or veronica delgado, he quickly turns to alcohol to drown out all his thoughts.
8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child
his mother absolutely hated his smoking habits. of course, that wasn’t just him tho, bc his dad was a pretty heavy smoker too, but king would often be scolded by his mom because of it– especially when he ever got caught by a teacher smoking in school.
his father would often tell him, “Think before you say or do anything.” (as u can tell, its a lesson that went in one ear, out the other for king. lol) it’s because seeing as his dad was raising him to be a soldato someday, king would need a lot of brains for it. after all, working in the mafia can be very dangerous, and if you piss of the wrong people, you can obviously wind up dead very fast. and needless to say, king has always been skilled at pissing people off.
9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?
DUDE king has the mouth of a SAILOR!!!!!!! in case u didnt notice in his thread with sam lmao. as for his first ever swear, he probably just said the classic ol’ “FUCK” but i highly doubt he remembers it, bc he’s been swearin literally since he was like 8. blame his parents for that, he picked it up from them from watching them shout swears at each other 24/7. ironically, he’d always smack his siblings on the back of the head if he ever heard either of them swear.
10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?
the whole trial of Amber Kennedy’s murder tbh. that was basically nothing but lies, and how he first was able to get away with killing her for a while in the first place (until the case was reviewed ofc). it still haunts him, but not because he regrets killing Amber or anything, but more because that’s the whole reason his mother lost her job as a lawyer. he feels more bad about that than killing someone.
11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?
seek clarification! unless he’s trying to prove that he’s right about something.
12. Already answered!
13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?
brown, as u can tell by his design which has like 93850245 shades of brown in it. id say its probably his best color! that, or red.
14. What animal do they fear most?
bIG DOGS
15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?
he talks like fuckin LIGHTNING man. he talks so goddamn fast, someone slow him down pls. he also never thinks before he says anything (often making him say the most horrible things at the wrong time). he’s got a very small vocabulary and hates using or even hearing big words.
16. What makes their stomach turn?
anything that’s like dark or “””scary”””. basically goth aesthetic? scares the shit outta him. i know it’s such a weird thing, but listen, king is a pussy.
17. Are they easily embarrassed?
not really. dude has no shame when it comes to most things, but there probably are certain things that can embarrass him.
18. What embarrasses them?
his fear of water! he sees it as such a silly thing to be deathly afraid of, and never wants to admit it.
19. What is their favorite number?
69 UHHHH 28 bc thats his lucky number!
20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?
he doesn’t really know how to put it into words, but there certainly is a big difference with them. someone he’s romantically attracted to is the kind of person that will make his heart skip a beat or make him easily flustered and be with all day every day!
for platonic, it depends on just how deep that friendship goes– like a simple friendly acquaintance he couldnt really give less of a fuck about, its just someone he can joke around with, but there does come a point where they feel like a second family to him, and he would go into harm’s way to protect that person, so long as it doesn’t put his life at risk.
for familial love, it’s a little complicated with him. King loves all of his family very much, but after all that he did to his parents in his earlier years, he knows that they don’t always feel the same way toward him, or most people in his family are just so disappointed with how he turned out, that he couldn’t handle it– it’s such a big reason why he faked his death and abandoned most of his family aside for a few. he wants to protect them, and to do so, he feels he should just stay away from them. (tbh tho hes probably right his family dont deserve him)
21. Why do they get up in the morning?
mostly just bc he’s got that Elderly Person Sleep Schedule™ hONESTLY. he goes to sleep very early and wakes up early. for no reason in particular either, it’s just the way he likes. unless, of course, there comes a night where he blacks out drunk, in which case, his sleep schedule is all over the place.
22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?
SEEING SOMEONE HE WANTS THE ATTENTION OF HAVING FUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE….. it can be either a friend or a lover, but if they’re having fun without him and completely ignore him, hE’LL GET SO MAD LIKE JFC…… he’s been getting better about it, but it can become scary real fast at some point. he’s very, very possessive and gets jealous VERY easily. mostly just bc he wants all the attention 24/7
23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?
he hates hates hates seeing people with their dads. he gets so jealous and remembers “oH HEY, MY DAD IS FUCKIN’ DEAD. HAHA!!!” he doesn’t actually do anything about it, but he does become very pouty and depressed. probably a great time for alcohol for him tbh
24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?
absolutely!!!!!! he’ll talk about it with almost just about anyone bc he has no shame.
25. What are their thoughts on marriage?
he’s not really sure, and he’s a little hesitant to think about marriage (at least rn anyway bc hes still p young). after his countless shitty experiences with relationships in the past, and witnessing how bad his mom and dad’s marriage was, it’s really not something he likes to think about.
26. What is their preferred mode of transportation?
any old-fashioned ass car tbh. any car from the 30s? hell yes.
27. What causes them to feel dread?
anything that makes him feel threatened in any way tbh
28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?
YES. ABSOLUTELY. he’d rather hear what he wants to hear than what he needs to hear.
29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?
well his ideal self would be to be exactly like his dad, and so far, that is nOT THE CASE. SO NOPE.
30. Who do they most regret meeting?
AMBER
31. Already answered!
32. Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?
not really. he forgets most of the shit he says bc he has a terrible memory.
33. Could they be considered lazy?
nah, i dont think so. he’s almost always outside wandering around and actually doing productive shit, and hates feeling lethargic.
34. How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?
BINCH IT STAYS WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE-
35. How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?
sure! i mean it depends what it is tho
36. Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?
he actively seeks it– i mean he’s not gonna go around searching for some cute person, but if he just so happens to see someone he finds attractive, u bet ur ass he’s gonna go flirt with that person.
37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?
not really. if it’s something that’s really important, he’ll just write it down in a mini notepad he always has with him.
38. Already answered!
39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?
it depends who it is. if it’s someone he likes, he usually just ignores all their flaws and holds them in a “theyre fucking perfect in every way omfg” viewpoint. if it’s someone that generally bugs him, basically every single thing they do annoys the shit out of him.
40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?
very much so, especially when they’re pointed out at all! but he usually refuses to think about it, because he wants to believe he’s practically perfect (he knows deep down he isnt tho)
41. How do they feel about children?
king loves kids, and wants children when he’s older someday! which is ironic, bc he actually SUCKS with kids. dont let him have any. pls.
42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?
he’s not really sure what his end goal is at the moment.
43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?
“girls are nice as FUCK, but also, who the hell gives a shit, ill fuck anyone”he doesnt even know what his sexuality is tbh, rip king
QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS
A) Why are you excited about this character?
GOD as infuriating as king can be, he’s just so exciting to write!!!!! like, it’s impossible to be in a bad mood when ur writing with king, its so fun.
B) What inspired you to create them?
i wanted to make an oc that looked kinda like Q from Street Fighter, and I also based him heavily on Al Capone! As to how I came up with the alias ‘King’, i literally got it from King from Tekken bc why not. except oc King himself thought of it bc he lived in Kings, New York
C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?
not really! king is pretty unpredictable, even for me, but he’s so easy to fit into just about anything.
D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?
ive edited how he looks a LOT tbh. when i first made him, his design was a lot more simple, and he was sKINNY….. and god let me tell u, looking back, seeing king as skinny is so unsettling. his scarred eye also changed a lot, i used to b a lazy ass and just draw a black line through his eye, but now its like FULL ON WIDE-OPEN SLASH THAT FUCKING DESTROYED HIS PUPIL AND IRIS YKNOW… idk just small things like that
E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?
HELL NO……… NOT AT ALL. im the type of person king would be afraid of, and he has a lot of personality traits in him that i dESPISE IN A PERSON……….. like if i met king irl id probably try to fight him honestly.
F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?
UHHH A LOT OF EMOTIONS GOIN ON THERE MAN. im proud of him like ooc wise bc hes such a unique muse with a unique backstory that so many people actually enjoy and wanna hear about, and holy shit that makes me so happy?!?!?! but also ANGERY bc. well, i mean, its king. hes an aSSHOLE.
G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?
BOY THERES A LOT, but if i had to go with one, probably the fact that king nEVER OWNS UP TO HIS MCFUCKING MISTAKES!!!!! like if u call him out on his bullshit he’ll be all like “UM I DID NOTHING WRONG, WHY AM I BEING BULLIED??” AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD, I WANNA SMACK HIM!!!!!!!
H) What trait do you admire most?
hes funny as hell, like, u gotta give him that. whether he means to be funny or not, hE CRACKS ME THE HELL UP
I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?
tbh yes, bc he kinda is meant to be a huge New Yorker dude, and he doesnt fit very well in any verse where he has like magic powers or shit like that bc i can only see him as a plain ass human being tbh??? idk if that makes any sense but. i mEAN I DONT REALLY CARE THO, ILL STILL THROW HIM IN LIKE 100000 VERSES ANYWAY.
J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?
not really i think idk????? i mean ive had to revamp his backstory like a SHIT TON SO MANY TIMES, and even now i still sometimes get like huge realizations of his backstory that can definitely change every now and then. and back in the Olden Days™, i used to write him as like this huge moody crybaby, but also someone who had no fears whatsoever and overpowered as fuck and eventually i was like “ok i gotta buckle the fuck down and actually write him the way i see him, tf am i doing :/” and GOD i hate the way i used to write him when i first made him and shit, he had such an edgy backstory and his personality was like “LOL NO WEAKNESSES” but lOOK AT HIM NOW…….. he has come a long way as a character and im happy
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