#i didnt want to hear his opinions on the matter but despite sitting on the other side of the room i could still very clearly hear them

[j8kethewizz]

There's a guy in one of my art classes who was going off the other day about how he thinks the owl house is animated poorly. Specifically, he thinks the scenes where characters are just talking don't have enough movement in them. We are in the same year of the same major program (the same ANIMATION major mind you) and we're probably going to be seeing each other a lot over the next several years. I'm trying so fucking hard to be nice and remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but this guy has already used one of his three strikes with me.

[astralaffairs]

freedom of the press 06 | t. jefferson

title: freedom of the press 06

pairing: thomas jefferson x reader

words: 15k

warnings: implied sex, suggestive jokes & teasing, thomas has astoundingly shitty timing, lafayette is a huge fucking cockblock, hella fanservice, v v v tender quality time, and then some more implied sex

desc: the 2020 republican presidential frontrunner is an obnoxious, morally bankrupt people-pleaser, but what happens when you become the person he’s most eager to please?

tags: @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8 @assbuttstyles777 @superbarriobrothers @distinguishedpotsticker @fukaaaaaaaa @hereforthepsyche-assessment @ivetoldamillionlies @fangirl570 @thealaddinkid @lasciviouspeach @snazzydoesthings @shy-and-awkward-daveed @rachelhermionerose @soft-weeb-s @gryffinclxw @anamrnk @daveeddiggsit @ayayayayana @marinovakovich @cryinghazelnutt @thefandomgirl03 @a-hopeless-fan @cloudywlw @tinywhim @lolidunnoaboutnow  @siriusorionblackiii @fanfic-addict-98— hope i didnt miss anyone; lmk if you want to be added!!

By the time Y/N woke up, the sun was hardly up, the streets were plowed, and the bed was warm. She didn't try to leave it, instead curling further into Thomas's warm embrace when he pulled her close. Huddled alongside him, his skin against hers, she didn't bother to fight the fatigue that still ebbed at her mind, instead letting herself drift peacefully in and out of consciousness. She could feel Thomas's quiet laugh rumble in his chest when she made no move to get up. She didn't process it enough to react when his lips brushed against the crown of her head.

By the next time she woke up, the sun was high in the sky over Washington D.C., the streets were still plowed, but the bed was cold.

She frowned as she pushed herself to sit up, leaning back on a hand as she rubbed her bleary eyes. He'd left without saying a word.

She knew as she peeled the covers off herself, still damp in places with sweat from the previous night, that she shouldn't have expected him to stay.

Why would he have? He was a busy person; it was already... Shit, how had it already reached 2 PM?

She slouched into the bathroom, feeling like a wreck as she wiped the smeared mascara from her face, tied up her wreckage of sleep hair. She couldn't bring herself to take off his undershirt she'd donned the previous night, too cold to sleep in nothing but too exhausted to find some real clothing. (He'd laughed at her for it, but all the same, he didn't give much resistance before offering up his shirt.)

Regardless, they'd done nothing more than sleep together. He had no commitment to hang around any longer. If she were him, she probably wouldn't have stayed either. Still, it would've been nice for him to have said goodbye.

She tried to blink the sleep from her vision as she padded to her kitchen on bare feet; she would force herself to eat something before getting dressed and having to go down to another shift at the diner that evening.

Dry cereal might not have been the pinnacle of health for her just then, but it was easy, and she was in no mood to fight her cravings. When she pulled down a bowl, though, a flash of purple in the corner of her vision gave her pause.

She closed the cabinet absentmindedly as she turned, eyeing the post-it note dubiously from a distance, glancing around her apartment to confirm she was alone. (There hadn't been much question about the matter, but she couldn't be too careful.)

It was a moment later still when she approached it, stifling a yawn, and plucked it from where it'd been stuck onto the countertop.

Death, so called, is a thing which makes men weep, And yet a third of life is passed in sleep.

Y/N raised an exasperated eyebrow at the scrawled note despite the smile she fought back. The handwriting wasn't hard to recognize; not after she'd run her fingers over matching pen marks through a few hundred pages of Byron poetry -- not to mention the fact that there had only been two people in her apartment all night, and she certainly didn't remember writing that.

She shook her head lightly as she went to recycle it, but that time, it was the writing on the back of the paper that made her freeze.

For the next time you need some ancient literature, or for the next time you lock me out in the cold.

(202) 863-4828

Perhaps it wasn't such a gloomy afternoon after all.

------

Unknown Number: [Attachment: 1 image]

Unknown Number: nerd

Thomas grinned down at his phone where it was tucked halfway into his pocket. He'd been in meetings since noon, but after the night he'd had, he was struggling to focus on fundraising numbers and campaign strategy, most of it going in one ear and out the other as he waited restlessly for his phone to buzz. He'd begun to think by then that she wasn't going to reach out.

thomas 🙄: kinda harsh to say that abt someone who's been dead for 200 years

Y/N 🍑👀: ah yes because i was definitely referring to byron

Y/N 🍑👀: not the person who carries around purple sticky notes just to paste byron quotes in people's kitchens

thomas 🙄: you insulting my stationery?

Y/N 🍑👀: just your taste in literary quotes

thomas 🙄: don't be mad just cause i'm right

thomas 🙄: it didn't even wake you up when i left in the morning

thomas 🙄: at that rate you were gonna spend a lot more than a third of your life asleep

Y/N 🍑👀: wouldn't have still been asleep if you hadn't had me up past 4 am

thomas 🙄: is that really a complaint, now?

Y/N 🍑👀: uh??? yes, it is????? i have to deep clean my sheets and my mattress now smh

thomas 🙄: as though it wasn't worth it ;)

Y/N 🍑👀: wasn't worth the cost of the five gallons of bleach i'm gonna need to get the smell out

thomas 🙄: don't even pretend

thomas 🙄: you didn't seem to have any problem last night when i started ruining your sheets

thomas 🙄: you really gonna act like you don't want me to ruin them again?

Y/N could almost hear his voice in the messages, could picture his self-satisfied smile, and she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she read and re-read the text.

Y/N 🍑👀: you're paying my laundry bill

thomas 🙄: worth it to me

Y/N 🍑👀: or maybe we'll just have to ruin your sheets next time

Thomas inhaled sharply; his eyebrows shot up. Next time. He wouldn't have thought that just two words could turn him on quite that much.

"Thomas?" His head snapped up, his eyes wide; he'd somehow managed to forget entirely where he was in the few minutes since Y/N had texted him. Thankfully, it was only James who seemed to have noticed.

"Hmm?" He blinked, staring up at James's expectant stare. His gaze flickered across the conference room, and while James was clearly on the border of annoyance, everyone else looked to him curiously. "'M sorry, James, I spaced out for a second thinking about... your proposal for the fundraiser?"

That was the last thing he remembered hearing, and James didn't look impressed. "Right," he said dryly. "Anyway, I was asking how you felt about doing another town hall in D.C."

"Yeah, alright." He nodded, hardly processing the words, and James cocked a brow.

"Really?" He folded his arms. "I'm surprised you're giving in that easily. Last I remembered, you wanted to move your next few town halls up further north."

Thomas shrugged. His palms were sweating as all eyes turned to him for an answer after he'd spent the past ten minutes thinking about something very different from his supporters. "You make a good case for it."

(The fact that he hadn't caught a minute of the advocacy was irrelevant.)

James hadn't bought a word of it, and Thomas could tell from a single glance at him. He made a mental note not to pick someone who could see right through him as a running mate next time.

However, he fabricated a smile, much to Thomas's relief, having no desire to confront him right there or then. "I'm glad. I had a couple venues scouted out, but I'm open to any more suggestions."

"I think we need a new type of place. The same locations again and again get monotonous." Thomas struggled to resist rolling his eyes; he had to remind himself he'd only hired Charles Lee because he was donating more than twice his salary to the campaign.

"So what do you suggest?" He met his eyes skeptically from the other end of the table.

"What about a café?"

"A café?" Another of his campaign staffers who he couldn't identify by name spoke up -- Noah? Nate? Nathaniel? Thomas couldn't help but agree with his incredulity.

"It would be good for you to actually get to know your voters instead of... preaching to them from on high." As Lee continued, his voice close to a sneer, Thomas had to force himself to control his expression. "It would be much more personal for you to finally sit down and meet them."

"I'm runnin' a campaign, not speed-datin' the voters." Out of the corner of his eye, Thomas saw James purse his lips to repress a laugh.

"It's actually an excellent idea." Really, now? He glanced disbelievingly at the woman to his left. "The most common criticism you receive is about thinking yourself above your voting base. It'd be a good chance to lose some of your aristocratic reputation."

Hurtful, but not inaccurate. Thomas nodded, though he knew the skepticism was still clear in his gaze.

"If we do go through with this, where in the city do you propose we hold it?" James didn't seem to appreciate his fundraising proposal being derailed into a meet-and-greet, and by Charles Lee of all people. Thomas was right there with him, his annoyance only compounding when Lee shrugged unhelpfully.

"It's the Jefferson campaign, not the Lee campaign." Charles did make a good point with that. Thomas only wished he'd have thought of it before he decided to wedge his opinion into James's plan like a Republican jigsaw puzzle.

The question gave him pause, however. Were he to be perfectly honest, he didn't know more than five restaurants in the city by name, four of which wouldn't exactly earn him any points as a 'man of the people.' The last, however...

It was probably a poor idea; he'd known that even before he considered it. But it did seem to fit what they were looking for. It was in a low-income neighborhood, run by a family of immigrants. It had a bright atmosphere and an abundance of seating. However, the most tempting part to him wasn't how it'd look to the voters, but being able to see one person's expression when she learned he'd rented the place out for an entire evening.

It might've been a poor idea, but he had to put his campaign first, and the benefits were more than defensible.

He grinned. "Think I got a place in mind."

------

Y/N spent the next few days overthinking the fact that Thomas had left her last text on read. God, why'd she have to go and put the idea of a 'next time' out there? She was sure he didn't want commitment any more than she did, so she must have scared him off.

She hated how tumultuous the past Friday night had left her emotions.

Thankfully, when she arrived at work the following Monday, it didn't take too long for the distractions to come pouring in.

"Y/N!" Her head snapped upwards, her eyes wide as she saw Ashley marching into her office. She wore a smile, but her eyes were narrowed, and Y/N couldn't help the sense of dread building in her stomach.

"Ashley." Her response was wary.

"So your article got a decent bit of attention last Thursday." The words were nice enough, but they were altogether devoid of energy.

"... Thanks?"

"No, that's definitely a good thing; take the compliment." As Ashley circled around to take a seat on the edge of Y/N's desk, however, she tensed in her office chair, trying not to noticeably grip the armrests. "But a lot of it was controversial attention."

"How?" she asked, taken aback. Her brow was furrowed; it was likely the most unbiased article she'd written about the election.

"A lot of our readers seem to think you're siding with the Jefferson campaign toward the end of it." So this was why Ashley had entered looking so skeptical, and Y/N was sure her disbelief was written plainly across her face.

"Seriously? Because I mentioned that they're turning away funding from super PACs, you mean?" Ashley nodded, and Y/N let out a huff of incredulous laughter.

"You don't need to hold back on your critiques, alright? You can go after whatever information you uncover." She either didn't notice the annoyance growing in Y/N's eyes, or she didn't seem to care. "Don't be afraid to use what you uncover."

"And if what I uncover is entirely unrelated to the election?"

"Nothing is unrelated to the election, Y/N. That's exactly what you don't get." Something akin to excitement flashed in Ashley's gaze as she leaned forward toward Y/N, but the hint of vindictiveness gave her pause. "For you, the people are readers, not voters. You're not the one in an election."

Though she shifted further away in her rolling chair, Y/N said, "I'll keep it in mind, but for the time being, it's all been pretty mundane. Haven't found any skeletons in his closet."

"Then make some."

A beat passed; Y/N could only stare up at her boss in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes when Y/N didn't seem to be on the same page, which only elicited more worry. "You, as a writer, have grown to national visibility. You have the power to sensationalize things if you want to keep people hanging onto your every word."

"I'll keep it in mind, thanks." Ashley narrowed her eyes further at the bite behind Y/N's words.

"I'm serious. If you want to go further as a reporter, you can't just state facts. You need a narrative. There's a reason no one watches C-SPAN."

"Pretty sure I can spin a narrative on the election without stooping to the level of a gossip column." With Y/N's hard stare, Ashley seemed to realize she wasn't getting any further with the conversation, and after eyeing Y/N for another moment, she sighed heavily.

"You'd better show me a good narrative." Y/N had begun to tune her out as she pushed herself off of her desk, instead turning back to the article she'd been drafting. "I trust your judgment as a writer, so I'll let you take this however you want it. But people want to know who they're reading about."

"I have a feeling everyone knows who Thomas Jefferson is by now," Y/N responded dryly.

"I mean know him, know him." That elicited a raised eyebrow. "He's a person, not just a candidate. That's what America wants to see."

Y/N couldn't help the strange sense of pride that curled in her chest, tried instead to suppress it alongside the inexplicably conceited mantra Ashley's words elicited: she knew Thomas Jefferson in a way America never would.

When Ashley raised her eyebrows, Y/N realized she'd let the silence stretch on a moment too long. She swallowed her thoughts. "So you want me to air his dirty laundry?"

Y/N's eyes widened at the grin that broke through Ashley's unimpressed demeanor.

"Finally, she gets it." With that, Ashley turned to go, ignoring how dumbfounded she'd left Y/N. She glanced back with a well-pleased smile.

"If you need dirt, never be afraid to dig up whatever it is he's left buried."

-----

Unfortunately for Y/N, the distraction that was her boss's scarily cutthroat mentality only weaved itself into her racing thoughts about her most recent encounter with everyone's favorite Republican frontrunner. The next few evenings at the diner were slow, which she couldn't necessarily complain about -- being rushed and nagged by half of downtown D.C. over the course of a week wasn't quite her paradise. However, it only gave her time to spiral under the weight of everything she'd learned.

To her conflicted relief, coming in earlier in the afternoon on Wednesday provided a welcome diversion. It would've been her afternoon to herself after leaving her office at the Post, but when one of their baristas called in sick, the money for an extra two hours was too tempting for Y/N to turn down.

Despite her early shift, it wasn't until around 7:30 that her evening hit a bump in the road.

"Prosciutto roll for Belle?" she called out as she reached the end of the counter, putting the tray with the finished order and the receipt on the end of the counter. She pulled a paper cup out of the stack by the divider for the drink that was ordered. She was about to dash back to the kitchen after checking over the food, when--

"Excuse me."

She was sick of overly-familiar voices interrupting her workday. She froze on the balls of her feet where she'd begun to retreat, before turning with forced positivity permeating her demeanor. Couldn't her two jobs stay separate, at least most of the time?

"James! Hey. Congrats on the Super Tuesday win." His surprised smile put her at ease as she reached where he stood.

"Oh... Y/N. Thank you," he said, tone hesitant, his eyebrows shooting toward his hairline. "I didn't know you worked here." She only shrugged.

"I just started two weeks ago. Not surprised you haven't noticed me around."

"No, I don't mean..." She raised an eyebrow when he trailed off, before he chucked to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. "This is my first time coming here. You being an employee just... explains a few things, is all."

"Glad to provide some clarity... ?" With any context, his insinuation would've been painfully obvious; however, completely ignorant of the previous Saturday's meeting, Y/N was absolutely oblivious. She pursed her lips.

"You have my gratitude for it." James's knowing smile explained nothing for her, however.

"Right." She glanced at the growing line over at the cash register, anxious to keep the flow of customers going smoothly as the place filled up. "Anyway, what can I do for you? If you're here for dinner, line starts that way."

She nodded to the other end of the counter, but he shook his head.

"I'm not looking for food, actually."

Y/N cocked an eyebrow. "I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but I'm starting to think you're in the wrong place."

"No, no..." He plucked a takeout menu from the stand toward the end of the counter and nodded, eyeing the diner's logo. "I'm where I'm supposed to be."

"You're sure?" Her skepticism was still blatant.

"I'm sure." He glanced up from the menu with a smile. "May I speak to your manager, just briefly?"

That was when she paled. Eyeing his nonchalant expression, she prayed none of her assumptions about his motives could possibly be true, especially as they grew stranger and stranger. Her new spiraling was beginning to tie back to her previous spiraling -- could James have found out about the past Friday? Would Thomas have possibly told him? Why would that mean he showed up at her family's diner to talk to her manager about it? Could he have been trying to--

"Why do you look so nervous?" Her alarm only seemed to amuse James, and she huffed, leaning against the counter.

"James. You're a politician who showed up at my place of work, rejected food, and requested to speak to my manager." She looked up at him with a flat gaze, and he only chuckled, shrugging in acquiescence. "There isn't some new health code no one told us about, is there?"

"Not this time. Check back in a week, though." She rolled her eyes. "In all seriousness, may I speak to whoever's in charge? I assure you I'm not here to shut down your café."

Y/N allowed herself a small smile. "How generous of you. Give me a second."

He nodded as she turned away, laughing when she took only three steps before aggressively yelling "Orlando!" in the direction of the kitchen.

The man in question emerged with his brow furrowed, wiping his hands on a dishtowel with his brows furrowed. "What's wrong, mija?"

"Nothing yet." She glanced between him and James, her stare inquisitive. "Someone wants to speak to you about the diner real quick."

"You get us into trouble again?" Orlando raised a playful eyebrow, and Y/N couldn't help her wry smile as she rolled her eyes, batting at his arm.

"No, Orlando," she huffed.

Her contrived annoyance hardly buried her amusement before James decided to pipe up. "'Again'?"

She turned to James with a playful glare, and he grinned. "You stay outta this." She pointed a reprimanding finger at him, but he didn't appear at all fazed. "Gonna get me fired before you have a chance to shut us down, at this rate."

"You got us shut down?" Orlando gasped, but when Y/N saw the mirth behind his playful shock, she groaned.

"No, Orlando." James's and Orlando's grins mirrored one another as she looked between them, exhaustion settling into her tone. "I need you two to take each other off my hands, now. I have drinks to make."

"Of course, Y/N." James wasn't too hurt by the final glare she sent him before turning away.

As she fell back into her rhythm fulfilling orders, Y/N couldn't help but keep an eye on the two men, especially not when Orlando emerged from behind the counter to talk to James, trying to stay out of her way but also moving just out of her earshot. She knew the glances she kept sneaking toward them weren't as subtle as they should've been; she knew Orlando could see her watching them. As James continued on, Orlando's entire demeanor went from skeptical to welcoming, his body language opening up in turn. (Y/N tried briefly to read their lips, but something gave her the feeling that 'sent out the minors' wasn't quite true to their conversation.)

She had to force herself to turn her focus back to the customers as the unfinished drink orders began to pile up, her eyes widening when she caught sight of the mounting line of cups to her right with names and orders, but with a distinct lack of coffee. A few more minutes passed as she struggled to keep up, finally holding pace with the ever-growing demand when Orlando shook James's hand, passed off a business card before the two parted ways.

At the risk of making just a few customers lose their heads, Y/N followed Orlando into the kitchen, her curiosity overriding her work ethic.

"Hey, what was that about?" She caught him just as he was tying his apron back on. How pleased he looked had her skeptical.

"Oh, nothing very big. Don't worry." He withdrew his plastic gloves from the front pocket, pulling them on with a shrug. "He asked me about renting out the diner for a night for an event with Thomas Jefferson's campaign."

That stopped Y/N cold. "He did?"

"Mhm." He nodded, and he didn't seem to notice how stunned Y/N had suddenly begun to look. "I told him yes. I didn't think Mira would be thrilled if I turned it down. He offered us a lot of money for it."

"Oh, did he now?" She let out a shaky exhale, glancing back at the front of the diner to see James just exiting through the glass doors. "And did he say why he wanted to do it here, of all places?"

Orlando shrugged. "I didn't ask."

Why wouldn't that be your first question? Despite her moderate angst, Y/N tried not to let her frustration show. "Is Mira around? I need to talk to her."

"Aren't you in the middle of a shift?" He gave her a pointed look, and it elicited a dramatic, drawn-out groan from Y/N.

"Orlando," she whined, folding her arms. He gave her a mocking pout.

"Y/N." She rolled her eyes. "You're losing us valuable customers and valuable time as the line gets longer. Go back to making drinks."

Despite her scowl, she nodded. "After I close tonight, you're gonna get a piece of my mind."

------

As it turned out, it wasn't Orlando who was given a piece of her mind that evening.

2 New Messages, 10:38 PM

Thomas raised an eyebrow as his phone vibrated. He sat at his own dining room table, the sound coming from just inches to the left of where he was working on his laptop. Who would be contacting him that late?

Y/N 🍑👀: tell me it wasn't you who came up with the idea of renting out mira and orlando's diner on the only night when i work all evening

Y/N 🍑👀: please for your sake blame james

He grinned. The draft reports of the campaign's funding allocation he'd been typing up could wait just a few minutes.

thomas 🙄: i feel like you're just tryna get me to lie so you can slander me in the papers for it

Y/N 🍑👀: thomas i stg

Y/N 🍑👀: are you just planning your campaign around what's gonna annoy me most????

thomas 🙄: that's a heavy accusation, i would never

thomas 🙄: just wanna make sure you don't get too lonely without me

Y/N's scowl held no real anger as she read the texts.

Y/N 🍑👀: oh of course

Y/N 🍑👀: if this is your way of trying to get laid again, it's a flawed strategy

thomas 🙄: what happened to ruining my sheets "next time"? :)

Y/N 🍑👀: you still owe me for all the bleach i had to buy

thomas 🙄: don't avoid the question

Y/N 🍑👀: don't avoid the cleaning bill

thomas 🙄: if you're still tryna ruin MY sheets next time, it won't be your problem

Y/N 🍑👀 is typing...

Thomas rolled his eyes when the typing bubble disappeared and he didn't receive another text. Y/N, on the other hand, was biting her lip, her fingers hesitant on her keyboard as she read his text to herself. Her heart rate was picking up as flashes of the past Friday played in her mind.

thomas 🙄: did you really just stop typing on me??

Y/N 🍑👀: can we return to my actual question???? why the fuck did you decide to rent out the diner for your campaign?????

thomas 🙄: wasn't my idea to hold a meet and greet at a restaurant

Y/N 🍑👀: there are literally hundreds of restaurants in dc tho

thomas 🙄: and??

Y/N 🍑👀: and you just happened to rent out the diner i work at during the entirety of my shift???

thomas 🙄: pretty sure i mentioned a while back that i was gonna learn your schedule

Y/N 🍑👀: i'm not sure how good it's gonna look for your campaign when i file a restraining order against you

thomas 🙄: you mean you don't miss me? :(

Y/N 🍑👀: oh c'mon you're just asking for it now

Y/N 🍑👀: you almost make it too easy to mock you

thomas 🙄: i'm so hurt

Y/N 🍑👀: already?? i haven't even started mocking you yet

thomas 🙄: we'll see who's mocking who when you're stuck with my campaign for five hours this friday

Y/N 🍑👀: five hours??????

thomas 🙄: don't get too excited now

Y/N 🍑👀: fuck you

thomas 🙄: only after you get around to changing your sheets

✔ Read, 11:03 PM

------

Try as she might, Y/N failed to find a way out of her evening shift the following Saturday. She pleaded with her co-workers (no one else was available); she faked sick (Jac marched up to her apartment just to call her out); she was about ready to find a fake ID and leave the country when a better idea occurred to her.

Mailto: john.adams@exec.gov

Hi Mr. Adams--

(No, too informal.)

Vice President Adams:

(.... Passable.)

I hope this email finds you well. This is Y/N L/N of the Washington Post, to whom you gave your email address a number of weeks ago at President Washington's gala.

(She prayed she was using 'whom' correctly.)

As you know, I've been assigned to cover the Jefferson campaign up until this November's election, and I'm reaching out for any timely information you would be willing to share on the current relationship between Secretary Jefferson and yourself, as the projected Democratic nominee. I was hoping to find out--

(What was she hoping to find out? Her mind was still attached to Ashley's most recent ominous wisdom -- don't be afraid to dig up what he's left buried. But how could she ask the vice president for dirt without erring on the wrong side of collusion?

Backspace just a little.)

I was hoping to give my readers a somewhat more personal perspective on Jefferson's time holding office as Secretary of State. Is there any chance you'd be available for an interview? Please let me know; I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

(Was regards too stiff? Backspace.)

Best regards,

Y/N L/N

She'd been hesitant to actually use the email address he'd given her; she bit her lip as she pressed send. She might not have been able to find a way out of five hours of the diner being full of nothing but Jefferson supporters, but if Ashley was looking for dirt, eavesdropping and an opposing perspective could go far for her. Despite her writing prospects, she spent the entirety of her Saturday dreading its end.

James was the first to show up. The diner was cleared of its usual patrons, but that night, it'd be operating at capacity.

"So should I assume your presence means this whole 'meet-and-greet' wasn't an elaborate hoax just to deepen my frown lines?" Y/N was looking up at him with somber resignation as he entered the diner wearing a wide smile.

"Your input and documentation are valuable to this campaign, Y/N. We would never target you like that." She rolled her eyes as she pushed herself off the counter, despite how amused James appeared. "In other words, you have a long evening ahead of you."

"Y'know, I'm firmly convinced you're just trying to make my life Hell until I stop covering the election," she accused him, and he laughed.

"Have a little faith. I wasn't even made aware that you work here."

"Yeah, you weren't."

"What are you implying, exactly?"

"Take a shot in the dark." She glared at him, but it had no real anger in it. "Now, I'm not sure why Thomas is so fixated on antagonizing me, but you'd better tell him--"

"James, hey, you ready to get set up?" It was at that moment the front door of the diner flew open, and it was only a moment of silence that passed before Thomas looked up from whatever he was so absorbed in on his phone, and when he caught sight of Y/N's exasperated expression, a grin split his face. "Y/N? You workin' here, now?"

"Don't even start."

"Aw, c'mon, what d'you possibly mean by that?" His hands were stuffed in his pockets; he wore a shit-eating grin, and Y/N just scowled.

"I have too many hours left in my shift to deal with you two this early." She pointed an accusing finger between the two of them as she threw down her dishrag. "I'm getting Mira and Orlando."

"Some hospitality," Thomas pouted as Y/N began to turn, pausing to give him the stink eye, and he failed to mask his entertainment under his feigned offense.

From there, the evening went about as well as she could've hoped. Mira, as expected, was beyond overjoyed to see Thomas, didn't waste even a moment in helping him set up, and when the floodgates opened at 4:30 PM sharp, Y/N's feet were sore even thinking about scurrying back and forth for five hours on the tile floor she'd already spent her morning polishing. (So much for that polish, anyway. It was less than five minutes before layer after layer of bootprints wracked the shining ceramic with an avante-garde collage of brackish slush and sidewalk gunk.)

Demands were ringing in her ears. She struggled to distinguish between her rather lifelike migraine and the surrounding frenzy of voters and journalists alike -- the voices all sounded the same. A disembodied shout requested an extra tub of honey butter, and she tossed one onto the end of the counter without thinking twice. Two dozen hamburgers over the next thirty minutes seemed a small price to pay to no longer be working the cash register.

She'd begun to count how many viruses could fit on the surface of each dollar she collected in tips with a strained smile, retreating back to the kitchen to wash her hands every time she stuck one into the pocket of her apron. Considering the crowd, she considered herself lucky she was making tips at all.

The money was an undeniable result of the wandering eyes of a number of middle-aged men in the crowd, being to various degrees of seedy -- her skinny jeans seemed to be a hit. Though he wasn't one among the crowd stuffing wadded bills into her hand with a sleazy grin every time she came around to bus tables, there was one man whose wandering gaze she kept meeting. (He'd rather have provided a much different type of gratuity, and she suspected that went beyond subsidizing her trip to the laundromat to wash her bedsheets.)

She had to put it out of her mind every time she caught and subsequently broke his stare. The wolfish smile he watched her with had her feeling more vulnerable than she'd have liked; every time she noticed it, she couldn't help but pale and duck away like a mouse dodging a trap (no matter how tempting the bait might've been). Not to mention it was distracting her from her job. She shook the thought from where it weighed down on her shoulders, instead scurrying back to the register to deal with the line.

"Alright, what can I get you?" The words were breathless as she rushed to the counter, having just made seven lattes in the span of approximately five minutes and ferried forty kilograms of dirty dishes back to the kitchen -- she wasn't looking forward to washing them at the end of the night. Her tired eyes snapped open when she realized who stood before her. "Lafayette! How long have you been here?"

"Standing in line, or in ze restaurant?" His smile was just on the right side of jeering, and she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't take that long to get here; I don't wanna hear it."

"Of course not, chérie." He eyed the menu posted above her as he spoke. "I arrived 'ere nearly two hours ago, but I 'ave only just now come to get food."

"Been avoiding me?" she teased.

"Can you blame me?" Her scowl was all but involuntary at how self-satisfied he looked, choosing to avoid her annoyed gaze. "Any recommendations from ze menu?"

"Whatever's most expensive." He raised a skeptical eyebrow, and she shrugged, holding her hands up defensively. "What? Like you can't afford the New England stuffed lobster?"

He pursed his lips as he looked back down at her, but his eyes were all smug amusement. "Fine. I will 'ave zat and ze agave lemonade."

"My paycheck appreciates it," she said. "That all?"

"Zat will be all for me." The devious smile he wore as he leaned in a fraction of an inch had her on edge. "But with 'ow he 'as been ogling you all night, I daresay Thomas may want something more."

"Lafayette!" she scolded him, stepping back from the counter to glare. "Why has that become the first thing you bring up every time you see me, now? I am at work."

Her seething was in a hushed tone, and he only shrugged, leafing through his wallet with a smug smile. "Remind him of zat, not me."

____________

It was nearing eight o'clock, and Y/N refused to remind herself that she still had more than an hour and a half to go. She'd deigned to wash the dishes by that point, actively avoiding the crowds in the dining room between Thomas's wolfish gaze and Lafayette's knowing smile -- she wasn't sure when her family diner had become a lion's den.

The yellow latex gloves she'd been forced to sport were an occupational hazard, she supposed, as she reached up to return her latest stack of side plates to their rightful place in the cabinet above her. When she turned back to the sink--

"Thomas!" She jumped back, holding the edge of the counter behind her. She hadn't heard him come in.

He raised an entertained eyebrow as she pulled off her thick rubber gloves, throwing them down onto the counter with a thud before reaching over to turn off the water. "What are you doing back here?" she huffed, "You can't be here."

He shrugged, and she could feel her heart rate rising along with the blood to her cheeks. Him cornering her, alone in the kitchen at her part-time job after all the texts they'd exchanged over the past week, had her feeling increasingly vulnerable.

He plastered on a mock pout, folding his arms as he leaned against the side of the counter. "Oh, nice to see you, too, Y/N. I'm great, thanks so much for askin'."

Y/N scowled. "Don't pretend I'm the one out of line, here."

"You aren't happy to see me?" His brow creased as he held a hand to his heart, and though she rolled her eyes, the corners of her lips twitched upward. "You're hurtin' my feelings. Figured it'd be a welcome surprise."

"Oh, of course, based on how thrilled I was to hear you rented the place out for the night?"

He grinned. "Exactly."

She huffed at his audacity, shaking her head.

"Anyway, what d'you want?" she asked as she moved to go back to where she'd been at the sink, shooing him away. However, entirely undeterred, he took a step toward her, and she took one back, nearing the corner of the room. Her eyes were wide.

"Thomas," she said hesitantly, and he took another nonchalant step toward her, slowly backing her against the kitchen wall. Her voice was shaky, her heart pounding in her ears like a warning bell. "What are you doing?"

"Well, sweetheart," he began matter-of-factly, his gaze hawklike. Her breathing stopped for a moment as he closed in on her, one hand landing on the wall beside her head and the other on her waist. His grin broadened. "I seem to remember being promised a 'next time.'"

At that, she couldn't help but let out a surprised laugh, the sound breathy. "Seriously? And you think now is a good time to cash that in? I'm working."

"So am I."  He shrugged. "Makes it more fun, doesn't it?"

"No, it absolutely does not!" Her reprimanding was losing its bite, though; his smile was apparently more contagious than anything she was going to pick up from touching the used cutlery of his unsavory voters. He leaned in toward her with a mischievous eyebrow raised. "Thomas."

"Y/N," he echoed mockingly before he dipped down, lips finding the side of her cheekbone, trailing down toward her jaw.

"There's a window in here," she reminded him, despite tilting her head to give him access to her neck. "We're in plain sight."

"Not from this corner." She could feel his grin against the side of her face. "Really think I didn't think this through, sugar?"

She let out a skeptical hum when his mouth reached her collarbone, running her hands up his chest, arching up against him despite herself. "This is a bad ide-- Ah!" She squeaked when he nipped at her skin, and his grip on her hip tightened.

"Whatever you say," he murmured into her neck.

"We're going to get caught." She let out a soft gasp as his hand on her hip traveled south.

"By who? Mira?" He pulled back to look her in the eye, a playful shine to his gaze. "She gonna fire you for stealing the attention of her favorite customer?"

Y/N rolled her eyes, pursing her lips to push back the grin that threatened to break hef stony facade. "No, she's gonna fire me for whatever health code violation this constitutes." She shoved him lightly by the shoulder, but it only prompted him to anchor her to him by the waist.

"I won't tell." The hand that rested against the wall threaded itself into her hair, tipping her head back to look her in the eye. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for any sort of reaction in the affirmative. She bit her lip.

"My kitchen shift ends in less than half an hour." His expression visibly deflated, and she gave a small, sly smile. "So you'd better be quick."

Delighted surprised flashed in his eyes; she squealed when he hitched one of her legs up to his waist, tightening her hold on his shoulders. "Well, I can't turn down a challenge, now, can I?"

With that, he reached over and flicked the sink's faucet back on, the water drumming loudly on the underside of a saucepan. She furrowed her brow. "What are you doing?"

"Drownin' you out."

His lips returned to her neck with increased fervor, and he tugged aside the collar of her shirt, biting softly into her skin. "Fuck you," she moaned, and he laughed.

"Right here, in plain sight?"

She was about to rebuke him, eyes narrowed and mouth ajar, before he began sucking a hickey into the skin of her shoulder, and he felt her whole body relax in his grasp as she let out a groan. "You're unbelievable."

"I do my best." Her eyes began to flutter shut as she lost sight of her initial task, the small tsunami of dishes becoming hardly a wave in the distance. His hands trailed further downward, and she could feel her chest heaving as she dug her nails into the thick material of his suit. She bit down on her lip, trying to remain quiet, desperate not to draw any attention, when the door opposite them flew open.

Y/N squealed, shoving Thomas away from her, but the damage was done when she met the intruder's eye.

"Lafayette?" she asked breathlessly, "What are you doing back here?"

"So it is only a problem when I come into ze kitchen?" He gave Thomas a pointed look, who glanced to Y/N guiltily. She yanked her shirt back over the reddening mark halfway across her shoulder with a huff. "I was only coming to ask where ze bathroom was, but I fear ze two of you may need it more zan I do."

"Out. Both of you." Y/N glared at Lafayette, who looked spectacularly amused by the scene he'd walked in on. Thomas, however, looked nearly as put-out as Y/N. She walked over to pull her rubber gloves back on, turned the water off in the sink. "I need to get back to work."

"It seems you should do ze same," Lafayette commented to Thomas, who straightened his tie, scowling.

"Thanks for the reminder." He brushed past Lafayette on his way to the door before he turned to leave, casting Y/N one more burning gaze that left her palms sweating.

Y/N turned back to the sink and grabbed the next dish from the stack, expecting Lafayette to follow Thomas out, but he only raised his eyebrows, joining her near the sink as she picked up a sponge and returned to scrubbing a spot of yellowish crud from the edge of a plate, grimacing when she realized it was crusted over.

"So," he started, and she looked up at him warily, not abandoning her task. "I take it my hunch as to where you disappeared to at ze fundraiser last week was not misguided?"

She closed her eyes to take a deep breath, pausing for a moment, thoroughly displeased with the hubristic smile he wore. She didn't give him the satisfaction of meeting his eyes. "What d'you want, Lafayette?"

She glanced in his direction as he pulled his lips into a dramatic pout. "Is my company not good enough for you to 'ave here? You hurt me, chérie."

"Right. No agenda there," she said dryly, and he shrugged, unable to contain his self-satisfaction.

"So, 'ow long have you and Thomas been carrying on in secret?"

After the momentary pause the bluntness of his question gave her, she rolled her eyes. He came around to the drying rack on her other side, apparently ignoring her peeved sarcasm. "We aren't."

"Non? Then what, exactly, did I just walk in on?"

"Give it your wildest guess." As she turned to add a plate to the stack, she watched Lafayette hoist himself up onto the counter to her left. He gave her a sly look.

"Why did you not tell me about your little liaison? It is not like it was difficult to figure out."

"'Liaison'," she snorted. "Is there anything you don't know how to make sound pretentious?"

"Do not avoid the matter at hand."

She could feel her cheeks beginning to heat as she turned the faucet back on, and it wasn't just the steam coming from the scalding water. "It's not like that, Lafayette. Seriously."

"'Ow far 'ave you two gone?"

"Lafayette!" She turned with that to glare at him, his nonchalance about her embarrassment only compounding upon it.

"What? Do you really not want someone to confide in?" She paused at his words, though her scowl didn't relax, and he took that as an invitation to continue. "I can only assume you 'ave not been 'aving zis conversation with Alexander. I can picture quite clearly how 'e would react."

She let out a huff of bitter laughter as she returned to the dishes. "Can't argue with that one. He thinks the hickey I came back from Detroit with was from you."

"Non!" His eyes shone with mischief, despite his contrived incredulity. "I am your cover story?"

"It's his theory; I didn't even give him the idea." She added another plate to her pile. "Though, a lot of my friends seem to think you're a whore, now."

"Mm, and why should I not go and tell them ze reality of ze situation?"

"Don't you dare!" she said. "What do you stand to gain from that?"

"Protecting my reputation, apparently," he said mildly. "Or, you could simply tell me what 'as been going on."

"Are you blackmailing me for gossip?"

"Think of it as an exchange."

She scoffed, turning her head to look at him. "You really are shameless, huh?" He shrugged, folding his arms as he turned to look at her expectantly, his knee bumping her pile of silverware. She sighed. "Fine. We screwed. You happy?"

"Delighted." He wore a small smile as he shifted her dishes out of his way. "'Ow many times? Only once? When was zis?"

"Lafayette!"

"What?" he asked innocently, but the exhaustion written across her face made him laugh. "Come on, Y/N; we are friends, non?"

"Seems like I'm stuck with you, so sure."

"Zen why do you not feel like you can speak freely with me?"

When she met his eyes that time, the words seemed to be in earnest, not even mocking in the slightest. He wore a small smile, and he broke her gaze after a moment, eyeing the layout of the kitchen.

"Alright. If it'll get you off my back." She sighed, shooting him a dirty look, and he nodded, pursing his lips to suppress the grin that was bursting at the seams. "It was a week before Friday. Only once. And, to be honest, I have no idea where to go from here."

"Thomas seems to have some idea where he wants to go." When she gave him a dead stare, he laughed. "I am not making fun of you, zis time. Truly."

"This time," she repeated bitterly. "I'm just... not entirely sure what I want. The whole thing feels risky."

"It certainly is risky if you are trying to get lucky in public during his campaign event." He gave her a scandalized look, but her scowl was unwavering.

"Thanks for the advice."

Her sarcasm left him undeterred. He shrugged. "But if you are careful, what is ze harm? I assure you, even the papers zat care enough to cover Thomas's sex life do not 'ave the resources to find out who is ending up in his bed."

She hesitated a moment, considering his words.

"No, you're probably right." She sighed. "The thing is... I don't know. It feels like it could become a problem."

"Ah, is there... something more you want out of zis?" The sidelong look he gave her was more concerned than she expected it to be. She shook her head, giving a light laugh.

"No, no, nothing like that." He'd begun moving the dishes to his other side by then to maintain his spot on the counter. Y/N rolled her eyes when she noticed. "My career just complicates things, is all."

Before he could respond, she took a step back from the counter, peeling off her rubber gloves despite the looming load of dishwashing she'd still have to do before the end of the night. "And as much as I'd love to stay and chat, I need to get back to making sandwiches. Head back out to the dining room."

She jerked her chin toward the door while retying the strings on the back of her apron. Lafayette frowned.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Not trying to. Kicking you out." She gave him a flat stare as she turned toward where she stood. "Some of us have bills to pay. C'mon."

He scowled as he hopped off of the counter and she waved him away, following close behind to herd him out the door. He glanced back over his shoulder at her when she did, though, and his gaze looked once again as smug as it had when he first realized what he'd walked in on. "If you insist, chérie. I understand that you must do away with me before you can carry on with your little affair. Do not let me get in ze way."

Y/N rolled her eyes at how pleased he looked with himself as he strolled back into the seating area, not giving him the satisfaction of a response. However, when she returned to the kitchen counter, she couldn't help but scan the room through the front window; who she was looking for went without saying. She found him already looking at her, and she swallowed hard.

Nothing articulable was conveyed in his heavy stare, nor in the barely-there smile he wore, arms folded as he watched her shamelessly. She bit her lip. The three seconds she held his gaze felt like hours, and when he finally winked and broke eye contact to turn to someone who'd just approached his table, she felt her stomach turn. This wasn't over.

------

Thomas's rally ended at nine, but it wasn't until closer to nine-thirty that he'd persuaded the final member of his constituency to call it a night. Mira, Orlando, Jac, and all their miscellaneous employees had gone home when their shifts ended at the official end of the event, but Y/N was stuck on the clock for another hour or longer until she finished cleaning up the mess left behind from the evening. Unfortunately, his event running over time meant that he didn't start clearing out his campaign setup until around five minutes after the diner was empty, and that his posters, decorations, and gaudily-colored buttons weren't actually gone until closer to nine fifty.

Y/N was clearing the kitchen counters all the while, knowing she couldn't begin to mop up the grayish mess of liquified dirt and matted grass scattered across the floor until they were both gone. When they seemed to be on the last load of red streamers and campaign merchandise, she emerged back toward the front counter to lock up behind them. Thomas was still out in the back when James approached her, his final box of t-shirts resting on his hip.

"Is there anything else you need from us before we leave? I don't want to take up too much more of your time."

Y/N smiled at the concerned look he wore. "Depends; have you paid Mira in full for all our troubles?" Despite her exhaustion, her tone was light, and the tension in James's brow relaxed.

"I gave her the check before she left."

"Then you're good to go." She shrugged as she went to collect another basin of dirty dishes from under the side of the counter; her annoyance at it couldn't even rise, not after the mountain of plates she already had waiting for her next to the sink. "I've got everything else under control."

He nodded. "Thank you for letting us rent out the venue. All our attendees seemed more than happy with it."

"If it was up to me, you wouldn't be here, but I'll take the credit if you're offering it." She raised a playful eyebrow, and he wore a tired smile.

"The credit's all yours."

"My gratitude is beyond words." Though the words were mocking, he let out a light laugh, and she couldn't help her wry grin.

"I'm always glad to hear it." He took another glance around the place, checking for anything that might've been left behind, before turning toward the back exit Thomas had just re-emerged from.

"What else do we still have to box up?"

James paused on his way out. "You're welcome to do a final sweep, but I believe we have everything."

"Yeah?"

"I'm fairly certain." He looked back toward where Y/N stood behind the counter once more, leaning down on the bakery case. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Bye, James." Her sleepy voice has a singsong lilt to it that made Thomas smile as he searched the dining room a final time. She'd started toward the kitchen once more to retrieve her broom, but Thomas's voice stopped her.

"Anything else I can do before I head out?"

She turned on her heel to face him, wore a soft smile when she saw how earnest he looked, eyebrows raised and his hands tucked into the pockets of his dress pants. "So long as you’ve gotten everything you brought here, there’s nothing I need from you."

"You sure?" When she raised a questioning eyebrow, he shrugged casually. "Just hate to leave this place a mess from our campaign event. Don't wanna leave you with all the extra cleanup."

She pursed her lips when her smile threatened to broaden. "That's sweet, Thomas, but really, it's okay. I'm on the clock for a while longer anyway. I think I can stick it out, considering I'm the one employed here."

"Feel like I remember hearin' somewhere that your shift ends at ten." He furrowed his brow, walking toward the counter where she stood. She didn't quite get his point until she turned to the clock above the doorway: it was nine fifty-eight. "'S there really nothin' I can do to help out?"

She snorted, folded her arms. "Not unless mopping the dried coffee off of the floors is your idea of a good time." When his expectant expression was unwavering, her eyebrows shot up. "You're not seriously offering your services as a janitor, are you?"

The corners of his lips quirked. "Only if it's welcome, sweetheart."

"You're wearing a full suit." The disbelief in her eyes was rigid despite his conviction.

"Don't mind. Long as I can throw my jacket somewhere." He cracked a grin. "Unless, of course, you just wanna get rid of me."

She eyed him skeptically, but he didn't seem to be joking just then. "If you're serious, I'm not turning down free labor."

"Or an excuse to spend more time with me?"  His tone was playful, and she couldn't help her spiteful laugh as she re-entered the kitchen.

"So that's your ulterior motive? Hope you don't think you're getting any when it's eleven o'clock and I'm half asleep from my seven hours here tonight."

"As, c'mon now, why's there gotta be an accusation?" he called after her, and she could hear the teasing frown in his voice. "Can't I just wanna lend a hand?"

"I'll believe it when I see it." She emerged not a minute later with a broom and dustpan to see him having shaken off his jacket and undone his tie. She quirked a brow.

"Hey, anywhere I can throw these?" His sleeves were rolled up to his forearms as he slid his tie out of his collar, popping open the first few buttons on his dress shirt, and Y/N bit her lip. The suits he wore didn't quite do justice to his physique; his jackets may have fit tighter around his upper arms, but his shirts were practically molded around his biceps just above where the veins bulging in his forearms disappeared into his sleeves. She was sure the few extra inches of visible skin below his collar were meant to draw her wandering eyes, only hinting at the toned chest she knew lay beneath the starched fabric.

When she looked back up and caught his eye, he looked predictably cocky. He wore a wide, smug grin, and she rolled her eyes before he even spoke. "You're starin', sweetheart."

Y/N shrugged, wearing the smallest of smiles. "Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Anything you wanna see again?" He raised a suggestive eyebrow, and she laughed.

"Tempting," she said, and when surprise flashed in his eyes, his interest piqued as he started toward her. However, she stopped him at arm's length, a hand on his chest. "But you know what would be really sexy?"

His delight in the turn of events was obvious. "What's that?"

She leaned her broom against the counter and took a step forward, pushing herself onto her toes until her lips brushed against the skin just below his ear, and his hands ghosted down to her hips. Her voice was just above a whisper. "Watching you disinfect all the dining room's high-touch surfaces."

She pulled back with a broad grin when he let out a disappointed groan. "Seriously?"

His frustration was obvious, his brow furrowed as he looked down at her, deadpan, and she couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, yeah. Free labor really gets me going."

"Tease," he grumbled, and Y/N gave him a skeptical stare.

"Don't you gimme that; I'm not the one here under false pretenses," she reminded him, and he folded his arms.

"Now I dunno what you could be refferin' to." She raised a dubious eyebrow when a grin split his phony discontent. "But there's nothin' wrong with mixin' business and pleasure."

"Don't you dare try to derail me after taking up six hours of my time, Jefferson." She prodded his chest with a scowl. "If you're sticking around, I'm putting you to work."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." When he did grab the broom, he glanced back toward the kitchen, wearing an inquisitive frown. "I'm gonna go stick my jacket in a cupboard; is that alright? I'll only be a minute."

"Oh, yeah; do you want me to take it? We have a coat closet in the back."

"Nah, 's alright. I can find it."

Though she gave him a skeptical once-over, Y/N nodded. "Have at it."

When he wasn't back a few minutes later, her train of thoughts managed to run a full 5k -- what could he possibly be spending that much time in the back for? Was he really still trying to find a coat hanger, by then? How hard was it to find a closet in exactly two rooms? Or, really, was he just hiding out until she'd already gotten the worst of the grime off of the tile?

She eliminated her final guess when early-2000s pop music began blaring through the diner's sound system. Though she groaned loudly enough for him to hear it from where he'd located the aux input, she couldn't say this was really a downgrade from Orlando's dusk-till-dawn smooth jazz. When he emerged from behind the kitchen's swinging door and caught sight of her dead stare, he laughed.

"Hanging up your jacket, huh?" Her annoyance was contrived; the way the corners of her lips twitched up gave her away.

"Hey, I can multitask." He bit his smile back, giving her a serious look, brow furrowed. "I said I'm here to help, didn't I?"

"How is this possibly helping?"

"'Cause you need to liven up a little bit," he said matter-of-factly, and Y/N rolled her eyes. "Cleanin's only boring if you make it boring."

"You'll be singing a different tune when you start wiping down the bathroom."

"Hey, how'd I end up on bathroom duty?" he pouted, and she shrugged, turning to the shelves at the back to hide her growing smile.

"As the only one of us who actually works here, I've elected myself the de-facto CEO." She hung her dishrag up on the rack next to the sink before looking back at him over her shoulder, shrugging. "Hate to break it to you, but you're on my turf."

"But I'm a volunteer!" he protested, and she grinned.

"My point exactly."

"Now, what if I refuse to do it?" Though she was busy restocking all the cups that she'd finished washing earlier in the day, she could hear Thomas's footsteps approaching where she stood behind the counter.

"Then you don't, and you finally leave so that I can be productive."

"Sounds like I'm really the one with the power, here."

"Not when I have something I know you want." She looked up with a suggestive smile when he hoisted himself onto the counter beside her, and he raised his eyebrows, folding his arms across his chest.

"And now what's that?"

"Three guesses, Thomas." She had a feeling he'd only need one of them when his gaze began to wander down the length of her body, eyes shining.

"I dunno how unpaid this labor is, sweetheart."

"Well, you won't quite be making minimum wage," she said, turning back to face him as she leaned against the counter opposite where he sat. "But I think the employment benefits will make it worth your time."

"That so?" He pushed himself off the counter's edge, hardly having to take a step forward before his arms landed on either side of her on the counter's edge, caging her in, and she inhaled sharply. His grin was wide; his hips pressed into hers as he leaned in, and she swallowed roughly, leaning back on her hands which rested on the linoleum countertop.

"I'd like to think so," she breathed, as he dipped down, wasting no time as his lips met the tender skin below her jaw.

"Mm, I think I'm gonna need to decide that one for myself," he murmured against her neck, and despite how tempting it was when his hands gravitated to her waist, falling slowly further as he bit down softly on her earlobe, she pushed him away the minute she found her last shred of willpower.

"Uh-uh." Thomas scowled as he pulled back, hands planted on the counter at her sides. She folded her arms. "I'm not gonna make even more of a mess of this place that I'll have to clean up. When the diner's shining, I'd be happy to revisit."

One of his hands rose to her jawline, lifting her chin up ever so slightly to look him in the eye, and she raised a skeptical eyebrow. "After the place is spotless," he murmured, his voice hard and his gaze fixed on her lips, "Hope you know how much you're gonna regret leadin' me on like this. You won't be tryin' it again."

Despite her effort to remain unaffected, Y/N's breath caught, and she bit down on her bottom lip as she struggled to fight the heat rising in her cheeks. Her eyes were wider than she knew, and he seemed to be reveling in her reaction, wearing a wolfish grin.

After a moment, she swallowed, took a deep breath, her voice shaky. "Last I checked, I'm still at work."

"And I wouldn't dream of hinderin' your career." Thomas winked as he took a step back, going for the broom where she'd discarded it before, acting as though nothing at all had happened. Y/N was left reeling.

Thus began the next ninety minutes of her life. Though, to Y/N's surprise, Thomas did end up cleaning the bathrooms, putting up little resistance, he'd also managed to convince Y/N to help him. Despite there having been two of them, every subsequent task took twice as long as it otherwise would've. She'd have denied it, but Thomas's presence was a more-than-welcome distraction.

About half an hour later, he'd managed to drag her away from her Lysol bleach and her old rags in favor of taking a break to dance with him (apparently, she was underappreciating the wonder that was Outkast's greatest hit). She rolled her eyes at the suggestion but grudgingly obliged, and Thomas couldn't help but call out the small, growing smile that broke her grumpy facade. He'd seemingly done the impossible by getting her to let herself go for an evening. Neither of them was quite sure how the floor had gradually become spotless between their distracted banter, nor when exactly they'd managed to wipe down every surface in the kitchen as his playlist seamlessly ventured through every one of Britney Spears's wildest phases.

She'd just about forgotten about her fatigue as Thomas repeatedly soaked the ankles of her jeans with his mop, claiming that her being in his line of sight was just too much of a distraction for him to do his job properly. She scoffed every time, but the fact that her cheeks had grown sore from smiling made her annoyance marginally less convincing.

He eventually took off his shiny black oxfords after having spent the evening trying to hide his concern over some of the chemicals in her soaps ruining the varnish; she didn't bother to argue with his insistence that it absolutely marked a milestone in their progress that he wasn't afraid to step in any greenish gunk or black mold -- if they hadn't missed any, what was the harm? However, she did reprimand him for ransacking their fridge when she left for three minutes to put the mop away. She didn't stay mad long.

Wiping down the glass of the bakery display case took too long for her liking. As it turned out, it was difficult to focus after teasing him for the expected mediocrity of the John Mayer impression he claimed to be impeccable, as he immediately decided it needed to be proven. However, she didn't regret provoking him when the result had her sides beginning to hurt from laughing. She was just glad that they'd nearly finished cleaning.

Much to his dismay, Thomas had to cut the music after the sweet old lady who lived above the dry-cleaners next door came down, banging on the back door to chew them out. The fire behind her threats to file a noise complaint with the cops died down pretty quickly when Thomas offered her a beignet and a cup of tea, sending her on her way with a winning smile, a to-go box, and a Jefferson campaign button. (Y/N proceeded almost immediately to scold him for just giving away the fruits of her hours of labor behind a deep-fryer.)

But as the music was revoked, their animated evening of slacking off began to wind down. The only thing left for them to do was to finish the dishes, and Thomas proved to be much more helpful with this than Lafayette had been earlier in the day.

All was quiet as he washed the dishes and she proceeded to dry them, silence split only by his sporadically humming the best of the Black Eyed Peas. It was comfortable, just being together as the warm air wafted from the cooling oven not too far behind, as their hands brushed every time he passed her another plate. Her lips were pursed in a feeble effort to hide how endeared she was every time she glanced to him, his sleeves soaked past the elbow while he remained unbothered. If he noticed, he didn't mention. Finally--

"How are you so good with people?"

"Hm?" He turned his head toward her with a raised eyebrow, and she had to ignore the flecks of foamed soap that clung to his curls and his shirt. Y/N shrugged.

"I just mean..." Her smile was shy; she didn't meet his eyes. "I don't get how you do it. Mira absolutely dotes on you; you've befriended half of our staff after one night here. You just talked to my crankiest neighbor for literally all of five minutes, and suddenly, she's part of your voting bloc."

He just watched her for a moment. His stare was soft. "Can't help it if people find me irresistible."

Her loud, disbelieving scoff made him grin, but she looked far from annoyed. "That's your secret? You were just born with it? It isn't Maybelline?"

Though he laughed quietly, when she turned to him with her eyebrows raised, he shrugged. Her question seemed to be in earnest. "I dunno, sweetheart. Don't think it's anything special. People seem just as drawn to you, anyway."

"Sure, 'cause I have a nice ass, and I'm wearing tight jeans. Not the same thing." How frankly she spoke made him grin, and he shot her a wink, passing off another bowl to her.

"Can't argue with that." She rolled her eyes as she began drying the next dish. He bumped his elbow lightly against hers, gaze teasing yet soft. "But you know that's not what I meant."

She sighed. "Alright, fine, but I'm not forty-points-ahead-in-the-polls charismatic. I just... can't figure out what it is about you that people seem so drawn to."

As she concluded moments later, the uninvited smile she wore when he flashed her a warm grin could've contributed to the reason. She turned back to the plates before her, feeling her skin warm under his heavy gaze. "So you're tellin' me people don't follow me strictly 'cause of my political framework and field experience?"

"Oh, I'm sure every one of your supporters has invested hours into reading the 174-page pdf of fiscal policy your campaign published." Another stack of cups went into the cupboard below her.

"People really don't care about how taxin' it was for me to write all that? And here I was, thinkin' every American voter was out there doin' their homework." He looked with disappointment down at the salad plate he was scrubbing at present, but Y/N wasn't buying it.

"Thomas," she groaned as she turned to meet his phony pout, her stare flat. Her mild annoyance only served to amuse him further, and though she scowled when he laughed, he leaned over to gently kiss the crown of her head. She could feel herself flush despite how chaste it was; the casual affection left her more thrown than if he'd tried to rail her in the middle of the kitchen.

"'M only kiddin'," he defended, voice heavy with mirth, making her roll her eyes.

"Aren't you always?" she asked, wiping off the inside of a cup.

"'Course not." He frowned, and she deadpanned as she turned to him, arms folded.

"I'm not sure we've had a serious conversation since I met you."

"Now, that's just not true."

"Isn't it?" He put down the saucepan he was rinsing out to turn to her, matching her demeanor.

"It isn't. I know I tease, but I've never been anythin' but one-hundred percent authentic with you, Y/N."

A moment passed where neither said anything. The corners of Y/N's lips quirked at how sincere he sounded as he waited for her to react. Finally, she turned back to the dishes before her with a tight-lipped smile.

"Maybe this is what it is."

"Hm?"

"Why people like you. This whole endearingly earnest act you've got going on. I could see that being pretty appealing to voters."

"Hey, what d'you mean act?" He bumped his shoulders into hers, offense written across his face, and she laughed.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know what I mean. Traipsing around from state to state like some type of charismatic golden boy. Making everyone feel all special and appreciated. It's a good tactic; don't get me wrong." She shrugged as she shelved the last stack of bowls. Just a few more things to wash, and they could officially consider the diner spotless. She didn't think much of her own words, but he hung onto them. It was inexplicable as to why he took so much pride in her all but admitting he made her feel special.

"My bein' all kind-hearted and charmin' isn't some scheme," he said after a moment, plastering on a scowl, and she raised an eyebrow as he passed her a fork. For a brief moment, she was worried she'd crossed a line, but when his eyes met hers, his gaze was playful. "'M just a nice person. Maybe you should try it sometime."

Her mouth fell open in surprise, indignant but hardly disguising her smile, and she let out a huff. "I was joking, you asshole!" When he only snickered, she pursed her lips, shoving him away from her with the little comparative strength she had.

"Hey, now!" His reprimanding had very little bite to it with the laugh carried in his voice as he stumbled a step to his right, tugging the faucet head along with him. He scowled at Y/N's self-pleased smile, flicking his wrist to turn the spray of water from the sink onto her.

She yelped, jumped back from it, but he'd already managed to drench the front of her shirt. She wore an expression of disbelief as she paused a moment, watching him return to the dishes as if nothing had happened despite his entertained grin. It was then that she struck back, lunging toward the sink to retaliate, and he wasn't quite quick enough to stop her.

He could only do damage control once she'd already managed to spray a line of water across his chest, and she gasped when he pushed her back to her part of the counter.

"You're more trouble than I was expectin'," he laughed, and she folded her arms.

"You're no walk in the park yourself."

"But you're the one who decided to let me stick around, sweetheart," he retorted, giving her a pointed look, and she shrugged good-naturedly.

"You might be a handful, but you're worth having around once in a while."

He laughed at how matter-of-factly she spoke, and for once, she wore an unabashed grin. "Now you're just flatterin' me," he teased.

"Oh, of course, such high praise; you aren't always awful."

"Hey, that means somethin', comin' from you," he defended, prodding her in the side, and she squealed, jumping away.

"Hands off, Jefferson. I'm at work."

"Aw, 'm sorry. Didn't mean to disrespect your professional boundaries."

"Check yourself next time," Y/N scowled, but there was no heat to it. The pair caught one another's eyes, both wearing the same, gentle smile, and it seemed too soon when he broke her gaze, returning to the last couple pieces of silverware. She watched him another moment until he turned to pass her a ladle. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed her gaze hadn't strayed.

She only turned back to the counter when she took the ladle from him, drying it off and sliding it back into its place in the drawer. All was quiet, and though they could both feel the chilled air of the spring night drifting in through the poorly-sealed back door, where they stood, it felt perfectly warm.

He glanced at her. "'S nice to see you like this."

The comment was offhanded; he didn't wait for a response, only returned to washing the spoons, but Y/N furrowed her brow.

"Like what?"

He turned back to her with a raised brow, mildly surprised at the curious frown she wore, and he shrugged, still wearing his faint smile. "I dunno." She didn't fill the silence, and he continued, "With your guard down. Always feels like you've got some kinda walls up."

She swallowed; for a split second, her gaze was absent. Ultimately, she sighed. "I guess I'm just cautious," she said quietly, and Thomas frowned at the defensive lilt that had returned to her tone.

"I get it." He reached over to finally turn off the water, and she put away the final fork he handed her. "'S not always worth lettin' people in."

His smile was tiny, barely there, but understanding, and when she met his eyes, it felt like he was seeing right through her. "It just makes it too easy to get hurt."

He nodded, eyes kind. "'M glad I make you feel like you can relax."

She hardly shrugged as he turned to her, leaning on his hand on the countertop. "Yeah." A small smile graced her lips as she eyed his expression, and she bit her lip. "I guess there are worse things, huh?"

His laugh made her nervous gaze soften. "Aw, sugar, you're too kind," he said, the mocking sarcasm in his voice balanced out by how gentle his grin was. She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she said softly, and he plastered on a mock pout. "I'm not building up your ego any more, alright? I'm not sure it has any room to grow."

"I wouldn't mind you makin' me just a little bit more conceited, now."

She finally turned all the way to him, putting down the dishcloth she'd been using for drying, and despite herself, the affection in the way he was looking back down at her made her heart flutter. "If you're looking for blind adoration, you should've figured out by now that I'm not the girl for that."

"No, you really aren't, are you?" Though her words had been pointed, had come with the intention to knock him back down a peg, his low voice was far, far from contemptuous. Her eyebrows jumped when he took a step toward her, taking her chin in his hand to lift her face to his before bending down to meet her where she stood, his confident lips gentle against hers. "You're so much more than that," he murmured, not pulling away enough to even look her in the eye, their noses brushing together.

Though she hesitated, it was a moment later that Y/N took a step forward to meet him halfway, her tentative touch rising up the stiff material of his shirt and to the back of his neck. He wrapped an arm around her waist. She pushed herself up onto her toes, and their lips met once again.

The patience in his every move was new to her, inconsistent with the raw desire that usually governed his actions. When he sucked her bottom lip between his teeth, her mouth parted in a soft moan, and he took the opportunity for what it was, wasting little time in pressing his tongue teasingly against hers. He was holding her close, but she was arched fully up against him regardless of it, wanting to feel the movement of his body against hers. Both her arms looped around the back of his neck, pulling him down to her.

The kiss was deep, intimate, but not harsh, and when his mouth moved to the skin of her neck, she tipped her head back, eyes closed with her silent sigh as his hands moved down to grip the backs of her thighs. She couldn't help her surprise at how effortless it was for him to pick her up, to lift her onto the counter she'd been standing in front of. She groaned when his lips found a particularly sensitive patch of skin, all but going limp in his grasp.

"Thomas," she whined, wrapping her legs more tightly around him to anchor his hips against hers, grinding against his hard body.

"Come home with me," he muttered into her neck, and though she gasped at the feeling of his teeth scraping against her, she pulled back to look him in the eye, raising his head to hers with a hand in his curls.

"What?" she whispered, chest heaving, and he pressed another soft, chaste kiss to her lips.

"Come home with me," he repeated, looking into her wide eyes.

"Why?" He raised his eyebrows at her hesitance, and she took a deep breath. "Thomas, I live upstairs; if you wanna stay, I... I definitely wouldn't mind that, but--"

She cut herself off at his skeptical hum, and he said, "Listen, I almost got caught tryin' to sneak outta here in the morning last Saturday, and I'm not tryna have a repeat of that, alright? Just come back to my place." One of his hands lifted from her thigh to weave itself into her hair, holding her head by her nape as he kissed her, more intently that time. "Promise I'll make it worth your while."

She swallowed. "Pull your car around the back."

---------

It was hours later that Y/N found herself lying exhausted on satin sheets, slumped in a penthouse just across the river and high above the city. Thomas hadn't been lying about making the most of her time; his hands had seldom left her skin from the moment she entered his passenger seat, dragging her quickly past the doorman on the first floor of his building, pinning her against the wall of the elevator for a heated, fleeting moment before he'd finally tugged her the rest of the way to his apartment.

She was wrapped in his covers up to her chest, feeling just on the wrong end of self-conscious, but her clothes were rumpled and sprawled across every corner of the rooms they had to pass to reach his bed. They hadn't been overly concerned with where the outfit ended up, just that it wasn't on her skin. Every joint in her body was already sore, and she groaned as she tried to sit up, leaning against his headboard as Thomas returned to her with a glass of water.

"Thanks," she said, and he couldn't help but grin at how hoarse she sounded as he handed her the cup.

"'Course, sweetheart." He came to sit beside her as he pressed a kiss to her temple, and she took a long sip of the water, nearly draining all of it in one gulp. "You alright? Everything still feeling okay?"

"I'm exhausted, and my ass hurts like a bitch," she griped, but when he raised an eyebrow, she nodded. "But I'm all good. Might have to bill you for the truckload of concealer I'll need to cover up all these fucking marks, but I'm fine."

"Good." He squeezed her thigh lightly when she leaned against his side, her legs bent and knees pulled in toward her chest. When she rested her head on his shoulder, he wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her against himself with a small smile.

"Can't believe I didn't know you live in the same building as Lafayette, though," she mumbled, and he looked down at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, he actually lives just across the hall. When he came back from France lookin' for a place to live, I thought it'd be fun if we were neighbors, and he took me up on it pretty easily."

She hummed her acknowledgment. "So that means, when Lafayette showed up half an hour late to your lunch date and I was there instead, that it would've taken you all of five seconds just to go home?"

He laughed. "Now, what exactly are you accusin' me of?"

"Being a pain in my ass two weeks ago," she grumbled, and he shrugged, wearing a small, self-contented smile and not bothering to argue with her.

"You didn't seem to mind me bein' a pain in your ass last night." He raised a smug eyebrow, and she scowled, turning her head to break the eye contact. She disregarded the heat she could feel rising in her cheeks.

"You say 'last night' as though we didn't get back here less than four hours ago."

"Don't pretend you don't get the picture."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes, but the corners of her lips quirked when he kissed the top of her hair. She looked down at the cup she held against her chest. "Is it cool if I stay over?"

"'Course. I don't want you gettin' in an Uber with some creep in the middle of the city at this time of night."

"Mm, but you had no problem with me getting in a Bentley with some creep in the middle of the city four hours ago?"

Despite the teasing bite to her words, he grinned. "Hey, now, I'm just sayin' you gotta be selective about which creeps you're lettin' drive you around at all hours."

"I mean, you haven't killed me yet, so I'd call that a point in your favor." She yawned, reaching over to put the glass he'd given her on his bedside table. "We should get some sleep. It's late, and I'm sure you have somewhere to be tomorrow."

"Alright, sweetheart." She pushed herself forward from the headboard, laying back onto the pillow she'd been leaning on, holding it close to her head as he reached over to turn off the lamplight before joining her under the covers. "G'night."

"Night, T."

They fell asleep almost immediately in one another's arms.

------------

5:17 AM

From: john.adams@exec.gov

Y/N--

I’m glad you reached out. Your writing’s excellent as always, but if there’s information you want, you’ve very much come to the right place. I’ve worked with Thomas for years, and though they left me dismayed, I’ve become quite familiar with the not-so-shining moments in his background.

I’d rather not put anything in writing should someone find this communication. Let’s find a somewhat private place to meet. Be sure to bring a recorder and a notepad. Believe me when I say you’re going to want to hear what I have to say.

John Adams

[smileyparkersmiley]

jealousy looks good on you, t.h

a/n: Hey guys and thank you so much for the support on the last post, I’m glad you seemed to enjoy it. I have wanted to write a jealous Tom fic for a while and I hope you all enjoy this one as well. Remember my requests are open if there is anything specific you want me to write about for either Tom or Peter I would love to give it a go!

words: 1.9k

genre: jealous tom and fluff throughout

I like to think of myself as a simple woman, I like to say that I don't need a lot of things to make me happy, and right now all I needed was my boyfriend, some salty popcorn and a Netflix film. But tonight thats not on the agenda as its Toms mums birthday, she was turning 51 and Dom was throwing her a little surprise party, and when I say little I mean not so little. Tom managed to fly over from LA as there was a gap in his schedule in-between his press tours for Onward so he's able to surprise his mum on her birthday. He's here for the whole week and I’m happy to have him home as it’s been about a month since I've last seen him, and the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in.

As much as I adore Toms mum Nicki, I couldn't help but feel selfish and want to keep Tom all to myself for the night considering his flight only landed this afternoon and I only got a few hours alone with him before I will have to share him with countless strangers. Tom as well being extremely tired from his flight just wanted to sleep and cuddle up on the sofa which is what our afternoon consisted of until I dragged him upstairs to have a shower and freshen up for the main event.

‘Come on love go and freshen yourself up I don't think your mum would appreciate you stinking up her house after being on a 10 hour flight’ I tease, whilst tugging on his hand to get his body up the stairs to get ready, the last thing we need is to be late.

He pulls his bodyweight up and is standing directly in front of me now with a gentle grip on both of my hands

‘If it means everyone has to leave and its just me and you then I might just take that risk and skip the shower all together’ He smirks, I slap his arm gently scolding him

‘You’re so cheesy, now get your arse up the stars’

Toms shower was running and I could hear him singing away to a song I couldn't quite figure out because he doesn't like people hearing him sing, thats why he sings in the shower he thinks his voice goes unheard, however, though its muffled its still enough to cause a smile to creep onto my lips as a think about how much I’ve missed hearing him around the flat these past few weeks and how grateful I am that he's home.

The shower switches off and I pick up my outfit and a couple pieces of jewellery that I’ve chosen to compliment the look into mine and Toms shared bathroom, he's out of the shower I’m sure he won't mind me coming in to get showered, it's not like I haven't seen anything before.

I’ve had my shower and gotten dressed I haven't seen Tom dressed and I’m not too sure what he's planning on wearing, I was half way through my makeup when the bathroom door opens suddenly.

‘Oh wow, it feels like every time I lay my eyes on you you get more and more beautiful’

Toms eyes were wide and were sweetly scanning my body up and down in admiration taking his time to cherish every part of my body. My cheeks immediately flushed and I got nervous, no matter how long me and Tom have been together I will never get used to his compliments and the way he looks at me. He could sense my vulnerability in this moment and came over and pressed a kiss to my cheek, which only increased the blood flow to my cheeks even more. I looked at him in the mirror and it was my turn to admire. He was wearing black well fitted jeans with a white shirt and was holding a leather jacket in his arms which I'm assuming he's come to ask for my opinion on wearing it. He's so close I can smell his cologne, a scent I didnt realise I missed so much until it was taken away from me, his arms and chest fit well in his shirt which he has grown into slightly and his short hair was perfectly gelled and I was finding it hard to resist the urge to run my hands through it.

Tom noticed I was staring and his cheeks were now matching with mine, he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder and watches me in the mirror, I lean into his touch.

‘Can I help you?’ I ask as he continues to just look at me with interest despite me doing anything interesting in the slightest.

‘Carry on doing your makeup I love watching you, its just so interesting to me’

I don't completely understand his thought processes but I nod and carry on as I was making him smile whilst watching me blend my neutral eyeshadow. He watches me blend that eye and removes me from his hold and goes to leave the bathroom, I stop him just before as I take a light grip on his hand, he looks at his hand then up at me

‘I forgot to say, thank you and you too look very beautiful tonight’ I tell him and see his eyes light up at my compliment.

‘Thank you darling’ and with that he places a light peck on my lips leaving me to continue getting ready, with enough adrenaline coursing through my blood to keep me on a high for the whole evening.

We arrive at the party, there were lots of people here scratch 50 people there were at least 70 easily, the Hollands knew a lot of people. Me and Tom went and said hello to his brothers, his dad and Harrison and we did the rounds of ‘how are you?’ and ‘I saw your latest film it was amazing’ a lot of the conversation just involved polite smiles and nods from me and Tom talking about his adventures on movie sets and film premieres.

Toms mum arrived, and was indeed very surprised and when her eyes landed on Tom the poor woman burst into tears as she scooped her eldest son up in a large hug as she was glad that he was able to get away from work to celebrate with her.

Me and Tom had a lovely conversation with her as she told us that she had a normal day at work and that Dominic said that he was going to take her out for dinner just them two because no one else was able to make it.

‘Its so lovely to see you too y/n, how have you been what have you been getting up to then?’

The conversation continued for a while until she was eventually pulled away by many of her friends who wanted to speak to her so me and Tom moved on.

Tom was having a conversation with a couple who I believed were friends of him mums when I noticed his glass was empty and was probably in need of another drink

‘Tom I’ll go and grab us another drink, I’ll be back in a moment’ Tom says thanks and hands me his glass with one hand and removes his grip from around my waist with the other.

I meander through the large groups of people to get to the bar where I order me and Tom new drinks, when this man who was in his early 20s approached me and sparked up a conversation. I was a bit taken aback at first but he seemed really nice and interesting. I love Toms work and I am incredibly proud of everything he does however it is nice to have a conversation be focused on you and what you do and not just your famous boyfriends films.

He told me his name was Jake and that his mum was a good friend of Nicki's and works with her thats why he was here, we must have stood by the bar for a while without realising as I saw Tom approaching with a confused look spread across his face.

As soon as he reaches my side his arm attaches itself to my hip again and he introduces himself to Jake.

‘Hi, I don't think that we have met before, I’m Tom y/ns girlfriend’ He holds out a hand to shake Jakes

‘Oh hey man I’m Jake’ Jake shakes Toms hand and looks down at his drink awkwardly as he doesn't know how to play his next moves. Tom turns himself now to look down at me

‘y/n, Harrison wants to come and have a catch up’ He then turns himself towards Jake

‘Do you mind if we just’ He gestures to somewhere behind him not bothering to see if Harrison is actually over there

I could sense the tension that Tom was creating, I know jealousy when I see it and especially if its on Tom, he wears his heart on his sleeve and you can read his emotions like a book, and I couldn't decide whether this look suited him or not.

‘No go ahead of course, I think my mum wants me to go over to her as well anyway so’ He awkwardly picks up his jacket from the stool he was sitting on and his drink

‘It was really nice talking to you y/n’ His eyes flash quickly at Tom and then to me but they don't linger for too long, he turns and walks away with no hesitation. That situation escalated quickly and Toms jealous side has emerged and theres no doubt that its going away too quickly.

‘So what did Harrison want to talk to us about?’ I play dumb knowing full well that Harrison didnt want to talk to us about anything, in fact we already spent an hour talking to him when we got here.

‘Oh yeah Harrison’ He says but he isn't looking at me he's looking straight ahead, his jaw is tightening and his brows are frowned, I’ve decided jealousy does look good on him, very good indeed.

‘Lets not stay for too much longer its getting late and I’m really tired’ He says turning to me softening slightly when he catches my eyes.

“yeah that sounds good to me, and Tom?’ I start to look forward to the prospect of cuddling Tom tonight, something I missed from the second he left, my body now craves to be intertwined with his at the thought of it.

‘Yeah?’ His brows now raised

‘You do know There was no flirting going on between me and Jake earlier we were literally just talking right?’ Tom doesn't look convinced however.

‘y/n he was clearly flirting with you, I saw the way he was looking at you and how he was touching his hair trying to make you swoon’ Toms eyes immediately went darker almost as something inside of him switched, he used his arms as he spoke because he was getting frustrated and his hair was starting to become floppy as a result of the gel loosing its touch. In short he was making it very difficult not to pounce on him there and then.

I grabbed on the the collar of his shirt to pull him closer to me, I whisper sensually in his ear.

‘Jealously looks good on you Tom, now take me home so I can do something about it’

[yoon-kooks]

Witch Hazel- Pt.4

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: FanficWriter!Jungkook, Idol!Reader, College!AU, Angst, Fluff

Summary: There are two students in your art class with a secret: you and the quiet Jeon Jungkook. You’re a problematic idol singer, infamous for your ice cold reputation and perpetual resting bitch face; he’s the artist and author behind the viral comic series based on a certain ice queen idol. After a blowup of destructive rumors, lost motivation and inevitable solitude, you stumble upon Jungkook’s comic and find a new and unexpected light.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: none

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // ?

A/N: my hope is that the idol industry can one day become a safer place for those who have dedicated their lives to making others happy ❤️

-

“Let me guess, you’re the type who needs to feel needed but also pushes people away?”

“How would you know that, Bunny Boy?”

“It’s my power.”

“You have powers too?” Snow blinks her pretty blue eyes. “Can you read minds?”

“I certainly can’t read minds,” Bunny Boy laughs. “But I am pretty good at reading hearts.”

“Oh yeah? What’s my heart feeling right now?”

“Well for starters, you seem to be annoyed by me prying too deep.”

“You are annoying.”

“And you also think I’m kinda cute.”

“I do not!”

You giggle into your phone screen for the hundredth time as you read through the latest Witch Hazel update. With the reveal of another character with secret powers, you wonder what Snow will make out of him. A friend? An ally? Or perhaps just someone who gets her.

Beneath the last comic panel of Snow rolling her eyes at the unofficially named Bunny Boy, you find cute little comments from the author.

“all i hope is for snow to take care of herself during this hiatus”

“even if it’s only a tiny amount, maybe witch hazel can help supplement as new snow content for now;;;;;;”

“ah i didnt mean to sound as if i were anywhere near snow’s level or anything;;;;;;”

“i just hope she knows she doesnt have to carry any burden all on her own”

“she has people on her side”

Your face doesn’t know whether to smile or shed tears, so you do a combination of both. It’s true, you’ve always felt alone. Always. No matter how many staff members it takes to produce an album or how many fans buy that album, you’ve never once felt that people could look beyond your idol music, your icy eyes, your mask.

But that’s exactly why you’re taking a break. You need to separate your worth from the music attached to your name. You need to prove to yourself that you’re more than what the critics and magazines say. And you’re only realizing it now that you can’t do it alone.

If only you had your own jk.seagull in your life. You’re sure the two of you would mesh well together.

-

“Where is that kid?” Taehyung pats the empty seat next to him before class starts. “He never skips class. I remember one time he literally rejected a date with a super cute girl because he ‘had to get to class’. Can you believe that?”

“Knowing Jungkook, I’d believe it,” you shrug. It does feel oddly empty without his presence, though.

“Oh really? You know all there is to know about the mysterious phenomenon that is Jeon Jungkook? It sounds like you guys got real acquainted on that date the other day.”

“It wasn’t a date, Taehyung. It was a meeting for a group project that you didn’t show up to.”

“Well it all evens out since Jungkook didn't show up today. Who knows, maybe you won’t show up tomorrow.”

“I’m sure he has a good reason for being absent. Unlike you.” You have to admit, it does worry you a little. Especially after the hints of doubt Jungkook expressed about his own beautiful art. You wish he knew how amazing of an artist he really is.

“What are you talking about? My reason was valid.”

“Having your cock sucked for five hours straight is not a valid reason, by the way.” You roll your eyes. “Let me guess, today you have a threesome scheduled after class and dinner date at 5?”

“Ouch, you don’t have to be so harsh, Y/N.” Taehyung pretends to be offended, but he doesn’t deny your comment either. “You’re really his type, you know.”

“I’m whose type?”

“Jungkook’s.”

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I’ve said this before, but you’re a lot like Snow.”

“How?”

“In how you present yourself,” Taehyung says. “You and her both come across as cold and heartless, but somehow I don’t buy it.” He doesn’t buy what? That you’re just as much of a bitch on the inside too? Ha.

“Jungkook must have weird taste then,” you shrug. Because in your opinion, you’re not exactly an easy person to love.

“But-” Taehyung is cut off by the professor starting class. You don’t know what more he could’ve said to make you change your mind anyway.

“There won’t be any lecture for today’s class.” Your professor is busy typing away at her computer, perhaps trying to get caught up on paperwork and grading old assignments. “Instead, I want you all to take this time to work on your group projects. You may leave the classroom if you must, but remember to stay on task!”

With that, your classmates jam out of the room as if they were just freed from prison. You hear a couple of friends deciding which boba place to try out. Another group, the overachievers of the class, head somewhere outside to actually work on the project. Taehyung, too, looks as if there’s somewhere else he needs to be.

“So I-”

“Go ahead and get laid,” you sigh, shooing the boy away with your hand. “We’ll work next time when all three of us are here.”

“Thanks, Y/N! You get me,” Taehyung waves bye before dashing off.

You wave back as the hall clears out around you. It seems everyone else has found somewhere to go. Everyone except you.

But it’s fine. You’re fine.

Buzz! You jump at the sudden phone notification that seems to echo off the walls of the empty hall. Oh look, it’s a text from your only friend.

10:32AM jinnie❤️ “good morning ^O^// just checking in on you”

10:33AM jinnie❤️ “how are you holding up with everything?”

“I’m fine!” you mumble rather aggressively to yourself, sliding your ass down onto the filthy hallway floor before texting back. Your chunky guitar case sits in your lap like a baby so it doesn’t get dirty.

10:34AM Y/N “i miss seeing you at work everyday :((((”

10:34AM Y/N “lololololol jk”

10:35AM Y/N “fuck work, am i right”

10:36AM jinnie❤️ “Y/N”

10:37AM Y/N “😒”

10:37AM Y/N “im fine”

10:38AM jinnie❤️ “thats exactly what people say when theyre not fine”

But you are fine. You’re completely fine with sitting all alone in an empty hallway, texting your only friend who also happens to be your manager.

10:39AM jinnie❤️ “what are you doing now?”

You pick up your guitar and start walking away. Obviously, you can’t tell him what you were actually doing because it would worry him too much. But you can’t lie to him either.

10:41AM Y/N “if you really must know”

You wait until you arrive at your new location before answering Seokjin’s million-dollar question. You’ve found your place.

10:45AM Y/N “im practicing in the music room before my theory class starts”

He sends you the Surprised Pikachu meme but also a few supportive comments.

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “good luck!”

10:46AM jinnie❤️ “and if you ever need something, please reach out to me!”

10:47AM jinnie❤️ “ill be checking in on you every now and then, but please enjoy your time off~”

10:48AM Y/N “thank you seokjin”

With your manager off your back, you settle into the empty music classroom and pull your trusty guitar out of its case. The flat and out of tune strings remind you of how long it’s been since the last time you touched the guitar. Because despite carrying it around wherever you go, it’s all for show.

In all honesty, you’re too afraid to let others hear, and yet, part of you wants them to know. You want them to know you’re an artist in your own right—without the judgment. But that’s asking for too much from this cruel world. Especially when you know you aren’t there yet.

One by one, you turn the pegs on your guitar, fine tuning each string by ear. That’s always been your secret talent, and maybe that’s how you’ve never been off-key since the moment you said your first words. If there was one thing you had going for you as an idol, it was that.

Once all the strings are tuned, you just sit there, staring at your fingers curved naturally in the C chord position. The muscle memory is still very much ingrained in you, but so are the scars. The last time you actually held your guitar, you were told you weren’t good enough. So you ended up settling for something else.

Today, however, you want to change that. You shouldn’t let several people’s opinions determine what you can or can’t amount to just because they were the professionals of the industry who supposedly “knew” what they were doing. They didn’t know you then, and they certainly don’t know you now. They don’t even know your real name.

But that’s okay. Having a secret identity makes you feel as though you can someday become a true superhero, someone who makes the world a better place from behind the scenes. In that sense, you want to be someone like your current favorite person on the internet, jk.seagull. You don’t know him, nor do you know his real name.

All you know is that his craft makes you happy.

With the funny fanfic boy in mind, you glance up to make sure the coast is clear before taking your first strum. Despite the dullness of your old worn-out strings, what your ears hear is crisp and bright.

-

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since you began singing along to a melody only you know, but you’re suddenly pulled back into reality with a single mention of her from outside the classroom.

“What do you think about the Snow news?”

“It’s honestly sad.”

“With how little she contributes to her music, I really don’t think she deserves a break.”

“She should just keep going. How hard is it to sing a few songs? I hope she knows she’s letting a lot of people down just so she could relax.”

“Or better yet, she should just retire early.”

You set down your guitar on the piano bench. You’ve heard quite enough and you’re ready to slam the door on the noisy group passing by. But by the time you peek your head out from the crack, the group is already at the other end of the hall. You do, however, find a surprise sitting right outside the music room.

The boy who was supposedly too sick to come to class is too busy sketching away to notice you staring at him.

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

The tiny hairs on the back of the boy’s neck stand up as his drawing hand freezes at the sound of your voice. He turns around, looking up at you as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.

“Since I started sketching.” Jungkook shows you a simple yet pretty drawing of a flowery spring field. By his art standards, it couldn’t have taken him long to draw that one page.

But it isn’t until you start flipping through the rest of the pages in the sketchbook that you realize he’d been sitting there for quite a while. Each page is similar to the last with only slight differences in between. When you fly through the pages like a flipbook, you see the whole picture.

From the first sketch of spring flowers, snow slowly covers the field until only a single flower remains in a winter wonderland. If you go in reverse, you can watch as the snow melts away until that one flower disappears amongst its brethren.

“What kind of flower is that?” You point to the one that somehow managed to blossom through the thickness of the snow. Maybe if it were colored in, you’d have a better idea.

“A strong one?” Jungkook shrugs as if he’s not the artist who knows the the answer. You hate yourself for cackling along at his lousy joke. He closes his sketchbook as a way to change the subject. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“Funny you should ask. The professor dismissed our class to work on the group projects. And then Tae ditched to go do his usual skirt-chasing shenanigans because somebody in our group didn’t show up.”

“Sorry,” the boy bites his lower lip with a hint of regret. “I didn’t really feel well enough to sit in class today.”

“Then why didn’t you just stay at home?”

“I still had this project to turn in and finish for my other class.” He raises his sketchbook. “And besides, music is the best medicine.”

You feel your cheeks burning up. The last person you expected to catch you messing around with your guitar in the music department was the art student who was supposed to be out sick. “How much did you hear…?”

“All I heard was one song…” He assures you for a slight second before going in for the kill, “…that you kept replaying over and over and over-”

“I get it. You heard a lot,” you hiss. “You better not tell anyone! Not even Tae.”

“I won’t,” he promises, chuckling at your distress. It seems the kid’s gotten comfortable enough around you to start clowning you. “It’s a nice song, by the way.”

“Really?” You want to believe him, but you have a hard time doing so. When all you’ve heard was brutal criticism for the past few years, it’s difficult to accept any compliment without feeling like there’s ill intent behind it. It feels wrong to feel good about yourself.

Besides, maybe he’s just complimenting you out of obligation. Like he’s trying to be nice, even if he doesn’t actually feel that way about your song.

“I’ll burden the pain so you don’t have to,” he says.

“What?”

“That’s a line from the lyrics, right?”

You nod.

“It’s a very Y/N thing to say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook shrugs and swirls his Sailor Venus keychain around his index finger. “Just take it as a compliment, Y/N.”

If not for his soft teasing smile, your mind would still be filled with doubt. Instead, you accept the compliment and gain a tiny bit of confidence back.

“Come in for a second,” you start walking back inside the music room. “And close the door behind you.”

Jungkook does as he’s told, his eyes glued to your guitar as you pick it up off the piano bench. There, you do something you’ve never practiced but had always hoped to perform as Snow—your own acoustic version of one of your songs.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve never practiced or touched your guitar in years. You know the key, the chords, the strum pattern. And you know how to make it your own. Not Snow’s or anyone else’s.

When you’re done with your mini acoustic performance, the boy can’t help but chuckle. He’s about to clown you again. You can feel it.

“What??”

“It’s nothing.”

“Jungkook.”

“It’s seems like you don’t hate Snow as much as you lead on.”

“I was only trying to show how I would’ve done the song if I were her.”

“Ah, so you criticize Snow so much because you think you can do better?”

“Not necessarily better… just differently.” You hope that answer is enough to satisfy the boy. But it’s not. He only nods with an awfully suspicious smirk. “What now??”

“It’s cool that you want to be a songwriter.”

“I never said that I did,” you say with a slight pout and hmph. You’ve never once mentioned your true dreams to anyone besides maybe some random kid at camp when you were ten. You’d hate to announce your bold aspirations with the utmost confidence, only to flop and fail before achieving anything. You’d rather keep it a secret until you perhaps “pop-off” as the kids say.

“Sure.” He doesn’t believe you.

“Are you always this sassy when you’re sick?”

His long locks flow as he shakes his head. “I’m feeling better now, actually. Thanks to your medicine.”

Maybe the kid was faking his sickness all along. Then again, Taehyung did say Jungkook wasn’t the type to skip class under most circumstances. Perhaps there was something else that was bothering him.

“Wait, you weren’t upset about Snow’s hiatus, right?” You remember the gossip from the noisy group that had passed by earlier. The beating you took from their words still stings.

“To be honest, I was worried about her at first with everything that went on,” Jungkook says. “But I think she probably just needed some time away from all that.”

“Probably,” is all you say, doing your best to downplay the amount of relief his words gave you. He isn’t upset or let down; he just wishes the best for your well-being. And as an idol, that’s all you’ve ever asked for. “You know, you’re the nicest Snow fan I’ve ever met.”

“You know a lot of other Snow fans?” Jungkook tilts his head at your odd statement. Oh right. You’ve only really met other fans as Snow, not as Y/N. Now you sound suspicious.

“Oh yeah, for sure. My friend, Seokjin, reads Snow smut all the time,” you force out a laugh while making a mental apology to your manager. Then you decide it’s best to change the subject before you blow your cover. “Speaking of fanfiction, I need your opinion on Witch Hazel!”

“What about it?”

“The new bunny character.” You whip out your phone for direct reference of the comic. “He’s funny, right?”

“He’s good at teasing Snow,” Jungkook looks at your phone screen of the bunny saying that Snow thinks he’s cute. “I wonder if he’ll make her fall for him.”

“I want him to.” Your eyes light up without knowing. To have Snow fall in love is wishful thinking, but a large part of you craves romance deep down—even if it’s only for the fictional version of yourself. “But at the same time, he’s not Snow’s type.”

“What’s Snow’s type?”

“Huh?” You somehow managed to fuck up again, so you shrink yourself and hope to disappear. “I don’t know… Why would I know what Snow’s type is…? It’s probably not a playboy like the bunny, but I wouldn’t know that…!”

“So you think she’d like someone more… considerate?”

You nod. “Probably just someone who takes the time to get to know her.”

“I guess we’ll see in the upcoming chapters.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You can’t quite hold back a smile. After all, your day always feels a lot better when it involves your favorite little comic.

Jungkook must’ve noticed your face because he makes a comment. “I am curious, though, as to why you like Witch Hazel so much when you clearly don’t care for Snow herself.”

“For me, it has nothing to do with Snow.” To mask your smile, you make a cute duck face instead. “Reading it just… makes me happy.” As much as you’d hate to admit it, it’s been a long time since anything has given you good vibes the way that one comic does.

“That’s good,” the boy says, gathering his things to head to his next class. “It’s the same for me with Snow’s music… in case you were wondering.” And with that, he leaves you with something to think about.

If Snow’s music is Jungkook’s medicine, Witch Hazel is yours.

-

By the time you get home from school, you’re still smiling like an idiot after what Jungkook had said. Snow’s music makes him happy, and the mere thought of that makes you happy. It’s in (very rare) times like this that you remember why you chose to become an idol in the first place. It’s why you endure the pain.

With your mind clouded in an unfamiliar wave of emotion, you pull out your phone and tap on Jungkook’s contact information. After changing his contact name to something cuter, you start composing a casual message just to say hi.

Jungkook. What if I told you a secret?

Delete. You’ve never deleted a message so quick. You don’t even know which secret you would’ve told the boy. That you’re his crush, Snow? Or that he’s yours? Not that you have a huge crush on him… You swear it’s just a tiny one!

Regardless, you shouldn’t be sharing any of your deepest secrets with him—at least not for now. It’s not that you don’t trust him. It’s just that it’s a tricky situation to be in.

Your eyes move from your guitar, to the stacks of handwritten sheet music beside it, to the album that won you your first award—where the pain all began. Even the most supportive fan could not imagine what you’ve given up to be the idol that you are, to be someone with a name.

The only thing you can do now is take it all back. And only then will you let Jungkook in. But until that time comes, you don’t belong to him or anyone else.

4:44PM Snow “Are you free to talk?”

4:46PM Jimin “Yeah”

[lyxxstories]

Confession

[ DK has secret feelings for you but the members, especially Jeonghan urges him to finally say it ] [ F l u f f ]

If there's one thing DK cant do, it would be expressing himself.

Sure at times he says his opinions about something but he would instantly ask people to disregard it.

But then again, he doesnt need to express something in order for others to know his feelings. He was particularly obvious when he realized he likes you more than a friend.

Not that you've noticed of course.

The other members sure did. Specifically, Jeonghan.

"So when are you gonna tell us you have a crush on Y/N?" 

"What?" DK replied falling off his chair.

Why did they invent chairs with wheels?!

"I dont have a crush on Y/N," he said standing up before facing a chuckling Jeonghan.

"Oh sure cause anybody would just fall upon hearing that question," an amused expression remained on his face.

Seokmin scratches the back of his head, slightly embarrased, "That obvious huh?"

"Oh not at all,’’ Jeonghan grins.

"Anyone else knows?"

"Basically everyone," Jeonghan answered. "You always smile 10 times brighter whenever she visits and that's saying something."

Seokmin heads over to his bedroom and smothers himself with the pillows cause oh my gosh what the hell. He thought he was being subtle.

"So any plans on asking her out?" Jeonghan asks lying next to him, eyes very much curious.

"Me?" Dokyeom laughs out loud. "Nooo way."

"Why not?" Jeonghan pouts. "I'm sure she'd say yes."

"I'm not." DK sighs, facing the ceiling. "I cant even look at her."

"Really? Cause at times we see you eyeing her 10 minutes straight."

Dokyeom cringes, "You know what I mean."

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Jeonghan says patting his back. "I'll help you out."

"Somehow that's not comforting," Dokyeom chuckles.

"HEY." The hyung pouts as he hits Seokmin. "I'm a romantic person dont you know?"

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A few days passed and Jeonghan got Seokmin to prepare for your visit. He made sure that DK is 100% ready in asking you out. Heck, Jeonghan got him so worked up that Seokmin had to create a cheat sheet.

Seokmin has been practicing non-stop. Trying different voices and gestures with the lines of "Will you go on a date with me?" He even asked other members in which tone of voice will get you to say yes in which Jihoon finds it absolutely ridiculous as it all sounded the same to him and "does it even matter?"

"Of course it matters!" Everyone else shouted at him.

This being the reason why Jihoon got himself evicted from the Get Y/N to date Seokmin committee.

It was now the day of your visit and everyone in the dorm was either hyped or nervous. The moment Seokmin woke up, he could feel his heart accelerating and it didnt help that the members just outside his room were screaming "Today's the day!!!"

"KAJAAAAA!" Hoshi shouts as he dragged Seokmin out of bed.

They were all in a frenzy.

It was nearing lunch time and soon enough you'll be in their dorm. Seokmin felt really anxious.

"You'll be okay," Jeonghan stands next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Y-yeah of course," Seokmin chuckles nervously. "I'll be okay, hyung."

Dino slammed the door open causing everyone's attention to turn on him.

"I just saw noona coming up the stairs!"

Everyone's eyes widen and those who were sitting immediately stood up.

"Stairs?! We're on the 6th floor!" Mingyu exclaimed.

"Oh I kinda shut the elevator when I saw her coming,’’ Dino replied with a chuckle. ‘’To give hyung some time to prepare.’’

"That's a bit much," Jihoon stated.

"It's necessary though," Jeonghan smirks. "You ready, Seokmin?"

Seokmin swallows hard before nodding.

Crap. It's time.

"Goodluck," Minghao gives him a pat on the shoulder and heads to his room.

"I'll just be playing in my room," Seungcheol told Seokmin. "Don't get nervous."

"Same here," Wonwoo trailed behind.

"Woah wait you're not going to greet her first?" Seokmin asked and it was obvious by his voice that he was slightly panicking.

"Once you're done asking her out," Wonwoo grins before closing their bedroom door shut.

"As much as I'd like to stay, I still have to get ready for my schedule," Mingyu goes over and gives his fellow member a hug. "Tell me everything once I get back!"

Then they heard three knocks.

Most members magically disappeared in the living room, leaving only the Vocal Unit to answer the door.

Joshua looks over at Seokmin, "Are you going to get that or...?"

Oh right.

Seokmin scurries and opens the door. Your face instantly lit up once you saw him.

"Hey Seokmin!" You greeted with a smile and Seokmin could already feel his heart melting. He returns a small smile as he gestures you to come inside. "Hey guys!"

"Hi Y/N," the rest of the vocal unit greeted simultaneously.

They looked at you with weird smiles which made you suspicious.

"What's up?" You raised a brow at them.

"Oh nothing you just look lovely today," Jeonghan grins and nudges Seokmin. "Doesnt she?"

Jihoon and Joshua laughs softly at how fast Seokmin nods his head.

"Okay..."

"Hyung!" Seungkwan exclaimed causing both of you to jump in surprise. "Didn't you have a question for Y/N?"

Already?!

"Uh... well... yes.." Seokmin could feel his hands getting sweaty.

"What is it?" You asked him curiously.

Okay. This is it. Now's the time to ask her out. Okay. Remember the lines you practiced. Will you go out with me? Simple. As. That. Tell her you like her and you want to hang out. Okay. Let's go. Okay.

"Uh... Seokmin?" You called as he suddenly froze in place. His mouth was open but no words came out.

Joshua facepalmed. He wasnt sure if he could handle the awkwardness.

Seungkwan started to nudge DK and he successfully came back to Earth.

"Y/N..." FINALLY A WORD. "W-well I was wondering," he chuckles nervously. "If you know... you could go out? But like not right now. I'm not asking you to go out right now. I mean next time. If you want to??? Maybe when you're free, you can go out. Not with the other members. I was hoping it would be just you and well.. me..."

Jihoon and Joshua had to leave the room. They couldnt bare to watch it.

"What?" You honestly didnt understand what he was saying.

Okay this is NOT how he practiced it.

Seokmin looks at Jeonghan and Seungkwan practically asking for help but his hyung urges him to still try.

"I... just," he cleared his throat. "Want to spend time with you. Whenever you're free."

"Oh that's no problem, Seok." You smiled at him. "We can do that right now."

"Uh no that's not what I-"

"What he means is," Seungkwan finally steps in. "He would really like to spend time with you. Just the two of you."

You looked at Seokmin for confirmation and he was licking his lips out of nervousness. His mouth felt so dry as he struggled to ask you out.

"It would really mean a lot if you could go on a date with me..." Seokmin spoke softly.

When you finally understood what was going on, you felt your cheeks grow warm.

"You're asking me out?"

He nods feeling even more shy.

The silence felt so long especially with the anticipation of the vocal unit members.

"Oh wait I almost forgot," Seokmin rushes to his room leaving you still in shock.

"Is this really happening?" You asked Seungkwan and Jeonghan.

The two nodded with an amused smile seeing the blush on your face.

"Here," Seokmin offers you a bouquet. "Please go out with me."

You took the bouquet in your hands and just realized that the flowers were actually made out of paper. (Probably sheet music). Despite the uneven cuts, it actually looked really beautiful.

"You made this?"

"Ah... I'm not really crafty," Seokmin says scratching the back of his head. "Sorry if it looks weird. I wanted to buy you real flowers but with our schedule, it was difficult to buy materials."

"I love it, Seokmin. Thank you," You gave him a warm smile before stepping closer to him. "I would love to go on a date with you."

Seokmin froze and his eyes widen, "Really?!"

You chuckled and nodded, "Really."

It didnt take seconds for Seokmin's eye smile to appear and for the members to start hollering and cheering. Some even came out of nowhere which totally surprised you.

Just imagine 12 men popping out and being loud.

"Good job hyung!!!" Dino said hugging him.

"Despite the stutters, I cant believe you pushed through." Minghao teased.

Seokmin couldnt even feel bad he was just so so so happy to finally get it out of his chest.

"Thank you, Y/N." He says looking at your eyes. "I promise you wont regret it."

"I know I wont."

[franniexfabs]

First Meet || Frannie&Gabe

who? @xjoiexgabriel and @franniexfabs what? Gabe and Frannie meeting up for the first time since she’s returned and Frannie getting to see Myles.  where? Gymboree  when? Saturday afternoon

Frannie

Frannie shakily turned off her car as she pulled into the parking lot of the gymboree. Getting out of the car, she grabbed her purse and headed inside. She could feel eyes on her, probably because she had just walked into a baby gym without a baby. That had to look rather suspicious. Or maybe no one was looking at her at all and she was just being paranoid... Her brain was working in overdrive and she couldn’t stop shaking because of how nervous she was. Finding a seat not too far away from the entrance so she could see when Gabe would come in with Myles. Her fingers dug into the palm of her hand and her leg kept moving up and down as she closed her eyes for a second and took a breath. She tried to remind herself of how hard she had worked to get to this point, to actually feel like she could be worth being in Myles’s life. Everything would work out... right?

Gabe

Gabe had made the short drive to the baby gym. It was a good place to let Myles get his energy out. A good public place to see Frannie once more. Walking in, he held that child's hand as they slowly made their way to frannie. Gabe smiled as he picked up his son and held him. " Thanks for meeting me here. Let's get him checked in, and then we'll talk. "

Frannie

Hearing the door open, her head turned to see Gabe and Myles coming inside. She felt herself stand up from her spot, but had to restrain herself from moving in any other way. What she wanted to do was run over and scoop up her son up into her arms, like she saw Gabe do, but she knew she couldn’t. She smiled at the boy before nodding and following Gabe.

Gabe

Gabe walked with her to check Myles in and set him down in the infant area, watching him start to walk around. Gabe found them a seat inside the area and sat with her. " Listen, we can't keep fighting. We can't do that to him and so I need you to be honest with me about what happened "

Frannie

Her grip tightened on her purse strap as she watched Myles for a moment before following Gabe's lead and sitting down. Her heart was racing as she drew in a breath, completely unsure as to where she should even start, but also wanting to be clear that she never lied to him either. "You're right. You are. It wouldn't be right for him. But I never lied to you. I need you to know that. I literally didn't have any money to stay. I cut myself off from my parents after I told them I was pregnant because they ridiculed me for it and made me feel like I was a horrible person for "letting this happen to me." Between the hospital bills and loans, I was completely in over my head in debts despite living with my aunt and uncle."

Gabe

Gabe sighed some. "You know, if you had asked, I would have helped you with everything. I mean, I know it was a one night stand but I think you'd know I am a better person then to just leave you hanging in all this. Okay, so you needed money. How do you have it now? "

Frannie

"I didn't... I didn't think about it. I could only think about doing it myself, especially after moving out of my parents' place. Like I needed to prove them wrong on my own or something. I know that sounds stupid now." Her eyes glanced down, picking at the nail polish that was already chipping. "I, uh... some of the money came from my aunt as a early Christmas and birthday gift. Some I had in the bank. But the rest I got..." She paused, "I started working at a strip club in Columbus."

Gabe

Gabe was patient as she explained herself. Once she was done, he put his hand on hers. "You don't have to be ashamed of that, I get why you did it or do it, but you have to get this... You just said you were doing to for you. Not for you and Myles, that has me worried." He kept explaining as he looked to their son that was now rocking himself on a toy horse. "He is mine and Vince first priority. Are you ready to put your needs aside and your wants? "

Frannie

Frannie glanced at his hand on hers before furrowing her brow. "Wait, no I didn't. Everything I did, I did for Myles. So Myles could have a decent childhood, I left my parents because I knew they would never accept him, or her.. I obviously didn't know who he was going to be when I first got pregnant." She shook her head, trying to get back on track. "I knew I couldn't go back to school because I needed to use every penny I had to provide for Myles. He was my number one priority for over 17 months, when you combine being pregnant with him and the first 8 months of his life. He was literally the only thing I thought about. I didn't even think about myself for a minute..." She closed her eyes. "But I wasn't connecting with him... my aunt made it look so easy to feed him and get him to sleep and just generally play with him... It- I had postpartum depression."

Gabe

Gabe sighed some, he'd leave the comment about her aunt helping raise him for now. "I'm sorry you went through that and as I've said, I wish I could have been there to help. But we're here now and as I said, Myles has spent 3 months with Vince and I, he's got a routine and he's very bonded to my boyfriend as well s Vince is bonded to him. He feels you're going to come in and push him out of the picture, which I hope you know I'm not going to be okay with."

Frannie

Frannie stayed silent while Gabe talked and even after, looking out at Myles and watching him from where they sat. She didn't know how to respond, really. She would never want to push someone out of his life, but was it bad of her to be confused at how close Gabe's boyfriend was to her- their son? She really knew nothing about Vince; she hadn't met him and she didn't know how serious their relationship was. She knew she was in the wrong in the way she had just brought Myles into Gabe's life and then couldn't stay... but that didn't mean she wasn't allowed an opinion about who was in Myles's life... But that certainly was how it was feeling. If anything, she was the one that felt like she wasn't in the picture... and would rarely be in the picture at any point. This wasn't the first time that Gabe had brought up how 'the three of them had a routine.' How was she supposed to be involved when it was feeling more and more like there wasn't going to be any give? "Glad that's an opinion that's being formed about me..." She said quietly. "Like I said, I'm not a malicious person. I don't want to take anyone out of Myles's life unless they are mistreating him or you for that matter. But, and I'm going to say this now, I hope that the low opinions that you and Vince have about me haven't been conveyed to Myles. He deserves to make his own opinions about the people in his life when he gets older. If he ends up hating me, I want it to be because he doesn't like me and not because he's picked up that Vince and you don't like me. But at any rate, you've been pretty clear that I can't see Myles in any other capacity than this..."

Gabe

Gabe raised  brow and sighed. "First off, the opinion I have of you is just a lot of confusion, I didnt know what happened until you told me but we don't discuss things when Myles is around. We talked when he's down for the night and its just us in my room. Myles has his own room. For now, yeah, this is how I'm comfortable letting you see him because until you're stick around, I don't like the idea of getting him so attached then something happening. I'm not saying you're going to but you and I both know we have to be careful whom is in his life. Vince isn't just my boyfriend, Frannie, hes my forever. We've only recently gotten serious but he's very much the person I'm going to marry. I would like you and him to talk, so he can see that you're not malicious towards him and that youre not looking to push him out of Myle's life. Just like if you got serious with someone, I'd want to know them so they knew that we're all equal in Myles' life because we all love him."

Frannie

Frannie chewed on the inside of her cheek while she listened to Gabe. "I'm not leaving again..." She said, knowing that Gabe wouldn't believe her anyways. Part of her wanted to comment on his relationship, but she knew she didn't have any leg to stand on so she just kept quiet. But she would be kidding herself if she didn't feel like she would be in constant battle with the two of them over Myles, whether civil or not. Sitting there with Gabe, she felt more sure of that than anything, not seeing much hope in ever getting to have a decent relationship with Gabe, Vince, or Myles. "I don't think that's something that we will ever need to worry about."

Gabe

'And I believe you but I need to see it." Gabe responded. "Just give it time, I really want this to work for all of us. For you to have just as much time with him as I do. For it all to work out but you have to be willing to work with me, to make it work. It can't be this tug of war. Right now I can't meet you in the middle but I can find ways to start bring you back into his life and I think you and I need to get to know each other better."

Frannie

Her eyes welled up with tears and she looked away from Gabe. "I am sorry, Gabe... for everything..."

Gabe

Gabe pulled her into a hug, letting her get it out. Just then Myles made his way over and collapsed against Gabe's legs. He picked him up and smiled a bit. "Myles, can you say hi, wave hi" the little boy waving and smiling to her.

Frannie

The tears fell down her cheeks as she closed her eyes. Frannie was grateful for the embrace, even if she began to feel weak for breaking down in front of him. Her eyes opened as Myles came over.  She quickly wiped away the tears before smiling at him and waving back. "Hi Myles..."

Gabe

"hey its okay he sees you cry, I dont want him to think he need to hide his own emotions." Gabe grinned a bit. "So you're told me about you. Would you like to know more about me?"

Frannie

"You're right... but I'm sure those aren't the last of the tears right now." Frannie nodded, glancing back at Gabe. "Yeah, yeah I would."

Gabe

Setting Myles down, he watched him go off again, babbling the whole way. Gabe turned back to her. "Well I was born and raised in Seattle. My mother was Shannon Beiste and my father, Cooter Menkin. Cooter fooled everyone for years, they thought my family was perfect but it wasn't. Cooter was abusive to my mom, then me and my younger brother, Jack. If the words didn't hurt then he moved to fists. We use to hide the marks but because of him, I took all the sports I could to make myself stronger and because of him its why I want to do everything i can for Myles to have a good life....when i was 7, my mom finally left him, kicked him out and he didn't fight because well, she got the cops involved..." Gabe glancing a way so she could soak it all in. "Then when i was 12, my mom became my dad."

Frannie

Her eyes stayed on Myles while Gabe began to talk again. Frannie turned towards him again, nodding softly at his words. Drawing a breath in, her brow furrowed. "Gabe... I'm so sorry that that all happened... I... I can't even imagine." Now placing her hand on his, she squeezed it gently. "That's a lot to go through at a young age... and I'm sorry that I've made this whole ... situation more difficult than it ever should have been..."

Gabe

Gabe nodded then shrugged. "You're not the only one with a fucked up past. Don't get me wrong when my mom went from Shannon to Sheldon, i was happy for him. He found whom he really was and that was all the better but still....I just, I want you to understand that I'm not some asshole frat boy or jock. I'm not like other people and that when you showed up with Myles, I really couldnt not have been happier. If for no reason then I do want kids and hes just so amazing."

Frannie

"Gabe..." Frannie paused. "I never thought that of you... I wouldn't have slept with you if I did. I mean, I know I make questionable choices, but... I just freaked out because of- I don't know. I knew you weren't some horrible person but I was afraid of what would happen if you knew. Like... maybe you'd think less of me or want me to get rid of it or... I don't know. It was stupid. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have decided not to tell you when I got pregnant."

Gabe

Gabe nodded some, just looking at his son. "Well I know now and we're going to work on this. But I just want to make sure you understand that Vince, he has as much rights as we do, okay? Now we only got 20 minutes left if you want to go play with him before we leave."

Frannie

"Yes, I understand... I'll- I'll reach out to him after I leave here. I promise. I want this to work." Frannie's eyes widened as she looked over at Gabe. "Wait, really? I can go and do that? Are- Are you sure?"

Gabe

"Thank you and he might be upset, so just remember its fear as well" Gabe nodded. "Just keep away from calling yourself mommy right now, I'm not taking that from you, just want him to get use to you first."

Frannie

"I'll- I'll just explain everything that I did to you and see what happens then." Her face lit up as she nodded. It hurt that she couldn't tell the boy that she was his mom, but she understood. "Thanks, Gabe..." Her eyes welled up again. "Seriously, thank you." She walked over towards Myles and squatted down next to him, asking him what he was doing.

Gabe

Gabe smiled back. "You're welcome, now go." Sitting back, he watched as they played together. He knew Myles would have some idea as to whom she was but at the same time, time changes things. The time seemed to tick by and soon, he was coming over to them. "its time to." Gabe picking Myles up and holding him on his hips.

Frannie

Frannie's heart had felt so full as she played with Myles. His hands grabbed hers a few times to help him over some of the equipment and for a brief second, she forgot how she had messed everything up. She let out a soft sigh when Gabe scooped their son up. "Bye Myles. Thank you for letting me play with you. You're a lot of fun!"

Gabe

Gabe made Myles wave and gave her a quick hug. "Thank you for talking to me. We'll work on this together." With that, Gabe told her bye once more. "I'll text you when I get a chance." Leaving Frannie, he felt a bit better about it all but he knew it would be an up hill climb.

[thetravelerwrites]

Commitments: Part 2 (Gargoyles Fanfic)

Rating: Teen Fandom: Disney’s Gargoyles Relationships: Goliath x Elisa Maza Additional Tags: Marriage, Wedding Day Trigger Warnings: Light Language, Sex Mention Words: 3443

It's the day of the ceremony. Elisa has a heart to heart with her mother and father. Please leave feedback!

October 24th, 1999: Goliath and Elisa had chosen this date for the ceremony because it was five years to the night of their first meeting, when he had plucked her from the sky after, admittedly, scaring her off a parapet.

Unfortunately, their union could only be symbolic and not legal. It would also have to be a secret from everyone except for their family and closest friends, but they figured, what else is new? Elisa had long been a target of hate groups for merely having alleged, unconfirmed connections to the Gargoyles, and coming out publicly as one of their staunchest supporters hadn’t done her any favors, but openly marrying a Gargoyle would not only have been extremely controversial, it could have cost her her job, home, safety, and possibly even her freedom.

After talking with Amy, Goliath’s public defender who now acted as the Gargoyles’ legal representation in all civil matters, he had learned that there was a law prohibiting humans from marrying any being that was not also human, regardless of level of sentience or intelligence. Which meant that Elisa’s relationship with Goliath was technically bestiality and as such, illegal. Attempting to obtain a marriage license could have landed them both in jail.

There had been no such law as of 1997, Amy had told him, and she surmised the law had been pushed through in secret around the same time the Gargoyle Civil Rights Movement was being fought in court.

Eighteen months after Gargoyles had become public knowledge, the Gargoyles of the Manhattan Clan and many of their allies had testified in front of a grand jury for the Gargoyles’ very right to exist without persecution. After a lengthy battle and many sacrifices and concessions, they had won.

Following the trial, a bill had been passed granting the Manhattan Clan American citizenship, basic civil rights, and put them on the endangered species list, which automatically protected them against unlawful imprisonment, exploitation, experimentation, assault, and murder.

Before the GCRM, ending a Gargoyle’s life had no legal ramifications whatsoever, but after the bill was passed, the act of killing a Gargoyle while they were awake had been classified as murder. Any person responsible for the killing of a Gargoyle could face up to 25 years in prison.

Destroying a stone Gargoyle was seen as a “common law murder” and carried with it a much lesser sentence, but the prosecution would have to prove that the stone statue the defendant destroyed was a living gargoyle. Otherwise it was simply malicious property damage, though it could possibly be tried as a hate crime.

The bill also protected any human that associated with the Gargoyles from retaliation or discrimination, which finally allowed Elisa the chance to proudly support her friends for the entire world to see. It felt great to stand with them as an advocate after hiding them and keeping her friendship with them a secret for so long.

Despite this historic victory for their kind, there was still much prejudice and hatred toward Gargoyles and the people who stood up for them. Their bold willingness to take on public opinion had afforded them some liberties, but in the eyes of the world, Gargoyles were still practically animals, and the bill had done nothing to change that.

 There were new laws in place to protect Gargoyles against threats and violence, but seemingly nothing to defend them from discrimination. In fact, several xenophobic laws that had not previously existed prior to the GCRM seemed to have quietly popped up out of nowhere.

There was a law that protected the right of any public, private, or federally owned business to refuse service to Gargoyles, including hospitals and clinics. Gargoyles also could not secure a job, license, or any property that exceeded $2000 unless they could procure a valid social security number, while at the same time there was a law prohibiting Gargoyles from legally obtaining a social security number. Gargoyles were also barred from attending any state funded schools, including trade programs, and could not earn any certificate, diploma, or degree. Amy was working to change the laws, but progress was slow and she was meeting opposition from all sides.

It baffled Goliath and infuriated Elisa, who was now forced to uphold these ridiculous laws. She hated it. It was unconstitutional and disgusting and she loathed every second that she had to be a part of it. It very nearly caused her to quit the justice system altogether, because this wasn’t justice, it wasn’t freedom, it wasn’t the same system that had convinced her to join the police force in the first place.

This was a perversion of civil liberties, bigots hiding behind a mask of equality, using the publicity of the Movement as a distraction to quietly impose their will on her friends without anyone realizing it. It made her sick to her stomach, mostly because there was nothing she could do to fix it.

The only thing stopping her from planting her boot firmly inside someone’s rear end the next time she heard the term “flying rats” was Goliath’s steady patience and temperance. He constantly reminded her that no one couldn’t stop them from affirming their love for each other, regardless of these new laws. He didn’t care who found out or how many jail cells he’d have to sleep in, he was committed to becoming her mate and nothing would stand in his way.

He loved her; nothing else mattered. He told her this every night, and every night she needed to hear it just to maintain her daily composure. But she was still angry.

The day of the ceremony arrived cool and comfortable. Elisa awoke at noon in her parent’s apartment, where Beth, Maggie, and Derek had also been staying, not just for moral support but protection in case word got out.

Since there were six hours until sundown, the process of getting ready was leisurely and relaxed. Elisa had decided to forgo several things considered normal for a wedding. There would be no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flower girl or ring bearer, no best man or maid of honor. How would they choose one, anyway?

The ceremony itself would be short and simple with no frills or embellishments, other than Goliath and Elisa reciting vows that they had written for each other.

One thing would be done according to tradition, her father insisted, was walking her down the aisle himself. The ceremony would be taking place in the main hall of Castle Wyvern. Goliath would be standing at the fireplace with Diane with all their friends and loved ones gathered around them, and Peter would hand her off to Goliath. But, she said pointedly, he would not be giving her away as if she were property. Peter had held up his hands in acquiescence, laughing.

She wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress; she instead wore a simple gown made of sapphire blue satin, to match the ring, with a low back and a short train. Attached to the straps was a small glass lily suspended on a silver chain that would dangle halfway down her spine. It was sleek and elegant with just a hint of slink. Beth had bought it for her in New Orleans during her post-semester vacation a few months ago, before Goliath had even asked Elisa to wed him. She and Beth often didn’t see eye to eye on fashion, but she had to admit this dress seemed like it was made for her.

She wouldn’t wear a veil or carry a bouquet, either. She did put her hair up, though, held back with a kanzashi in the shape of a blooming peony that Katana had given her as a wedding gift.

An hour before sundown, Elisa and her party loaded into two taxis and headed toward the Eyrie building. Maggie and Derek took to the rooftops and likely would arrive at the castle before them.

As they approached the building, Elisa had to admit she was feeling nervous. She tapped her foot anxiously and wrung her shaking hands.

“Wedding jitters?” Diane asked, sitting beside her.

“Yeah, I guess,” Elisa replied shakily.

Diane laid a calm, warm hand on her daughter’s cold, clasped ones. “Second thoughts?”

“No,” Elisa said firmly. “None whatsoever. I love Goliath. Marriage is unnatural for Gargoyles; he’s only doing this for me. And I want this, Mom. I really want this.” She shook her head and exhaled a trembling breath. “I don’t even know why I’m so nervous.”

Diane laughed gently. “It’s completely natural to be a little nervous, sweetheart. I needed several bellinis and a shot of tequila to marry your father, and even then, I thought I might ruin his shiny new shoes. Of course, that could have been the tequila.”

Elisa breathed a soft laugh. She looked at her mother shrewdly. “You’re really okay with this, aren’t you? Me and Goliath, I mean?”

“Of course I am, baby,” Diane said. “I want you to be happy. If Goliath makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you.”

“Dad wasn’t so sure.”

“Yes, but that’s just how fathers are, Elisa,” Diane tutted. “Remember your first boyfriend, Lucas?”

At that, Elisa laughed out loud. “Junior prom, first date, Dad sitting at the dinner table, cleaning his guns. How could I forget?”

“He did that with every boy you brought home,” Diane chuckled. “He also really liked giving those boys a rundown of all his arrests and showing them awful case files, just to shake them up.”

“Ricky ran from the house before I had time to get dressed for our date, remember? He was too scared to even look at me in class for weeks.” Elisa laughed.

Diane nodded, and they found themselves in a fit of giggles, holding each other. After a moment, they tittered to a stop.

“Goliath isn’t intimidated by Dad’s gun collection,” Elisa said.

“No, that he is not,” Diane agreed. “To be honest, honey, those boys you dated before were no match for you. You need a man who is just as strong as you are, even if he isn’t exactly a man. You’re good together. You’re a lifeline for each other. That’s something you don’t just give up on because it’s hard; the trials are what make it all worthwhile. And the two of you have had your fair share of trials. You have earned each other. Nothing else is important.”

Elisa smiled gratefully at her mother and hugged her around the shoulders.

“Thank you, Mama,” She said.

“Always, baby girl,” Her mother replied, returning her hug.

The taxis pulled into the private carport reserved for the Xanatos family. Xanatos had given Elisa and her family a code to use so they could avoid getting out in the company parking complex or in the street outside.

Peter and Beth had exited first, and Peter opened Elisa’s door and offered Elisa his hand, who smiled up at him and accepted it. She walked arm-in-arm with her father to the elevator, with Beth and her mother trailing behind, holding hands.

The sun was going down as the elevator opened to the top floor. The Maza family walked out into the open courtyard to reach the private room just off the main hall, and could see the Gargoyles on their perches in the red-gold light of sunset.

Unlike the other Gargoyles, who faced outward in their typical vigilant poses, Goliath stood inward, straight as a rail, head bowed, with his wings folded around him. According to him, this was traditional gesture for when a Gargoyle declared their intentions for another. It was also traditional to stand in the perch of one’s intended mate, but Elisa didn’t perch, so that aspect was overlooked.

Waiting for them in the private room was Derek and Maggie, who had arrived first as Elisa predicted. Owen had rather thoughtfully put out a small refreshments table for the bridal party. Xanatos had offered to throw them a big wedding with a reception and everything, which Elisa had refused in no uncertain terms. This smaller touch was much more fitting.

Also in the room were the stone figures of Angela and Broadway, crouched defensively around their egg. They were understandably protective of it and had taken to sleeping in this room during the day, as it was far more secure than standing out in the open over a one hundred and thirty story drop. Since the castle no longer had a rookery, and even if it did, keeping a single egg in there would be superfluous, the anxious parents-to-be took to guarding their precious cargo closely. When they were awake, the bundle never left Angela’s arms. Even during missions, Broadway and Angela took turns staying with the egg, keeping it within view at all times.

Elisa understood. It took a very long time for Gargoyle children to be born: six months gestation in the body of the female and then a full ten years as an egg. Elisa thought nine months was a long time to wait for a baby. She couldn’t even imagine the kind of apprehension and patience it took to wait for over a decade to meet your own child.

But, she reflected, if that’s what it took even for humans, she would do it. She would do anything to have a child. Before she met Goliath, it wasn’t something she had given much thought. Back then, she was much more focused on her career and wasn’t sure if she even wanted kids. If and when she decided she did, she figured she had plenty of time. Now that she knew it wasn’t a possibility with Goliath, it was all she could think about.

Elisa had talked to Beth and Maggie about it the night before. Maggie lamented that she wasn’t sure her augmented body was capable of bearing children or what effects her’s and Derek’s altered DNA would have on them. Beth and her girlfriend Serena, both only 21, had no interest in children. They both sympathized with her, but what could be done?

In Goliath, Elisa had found her true equal and soul mate. She was overjoyed to be with him and wouldn’t change a thing about their relationship, other than more social acceptance. Her mother was right, they had earned each other and they deserved to be happy. A child wouldn’t necessarily make it that much better, but still. Still. It would always be in the back of her mind, the one thing just out of reach.

Just as they settled in, cracks began to form in Angela’s and Broadway’s stone exterior. Instead of the normal explosive way they shed their skin, they carefully shifted this way and that to slither out of their cocoon, diligent even in sleep about protecting their offspring.

“Elisa!” Angela exclaimed upon seeing her, rising to her feet. “You look lovely!”

“Thanks, Angela,” Elisa said, embracing her.

“Are you nervous?” Angela asked as Broadway came up behind her, holding the egg.

“A bit,” Elisa said.

“I’ve never seen a human wedding before,” Broadway said. “Other than on T.V.”

“Neither have I,” Angela said.

“Well, this won’t be your average wedding, Big Guy,” Elisa said. “I dumped a bunch of the traditional stuff I didn’t think was necessary. This’ll be pretty bare bones compared to most other ceremonies.”

The door opened. Lexington, Brooklyn, and Katana entered the room with Matsuko, who had her tail wrapped around her father’s hand.

It was an odd contrast to see Brooklyn next to Lexington now, who had at one point been his and Broadway’s equal in age. Brooklyn no longer crouched when at rest anymore; that was apparently a trait among young Gargoyles or ones on the smallish side, like Lexington. Brooklyn had aged over forty years in the time stream, though it was more like twenty in equivalent human years, and his countenance reflected it. He stood much taller than before and straight as a post next to his mate, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Elisa felt a little like Lexington had gotten the short end of the stick. Compared to Broadway and Brooklyn, who were both mated and fathering children, Lexington seemed a little left out. He was always his usual cheerful self, though, and never seemed bitter about how things were.

“This is so exciting!” He said brightly. “Aren’t you excited?”

“That’s one word for it,” Elisa said wryly.

Katana grinned to see her gift in Elisa’s hair. “It suits you,” she said. Brooklyn smiled fondly at her.

“I love it, thank you again,” Elisa said.

“Goliath is in the Main Hall,” Brooklyn said, his voice deeper than it used to be. “He and the others are setting up and getting ready.”

“We’d better join them,” Derek said, nodding to the others in the room. All except Elisa and her father moved toward the door.

“Hey, guys, before you go,” Elisa said, addressing her Gargoyle companions and her family. “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have you all in my life. You guys have been the best friends I’ve ever had, and I don’t know how to thank you for it. I know that this is all a little alien to you, and I’m honored that you’re all a part of it. I don’t know who I would be without you and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate each of you. I love you guys.”

“Aw, Elisa,” Lexington said shyly. “We love you, too.”

“I look forward to becoming part of your family,” Angela said. “My father loves you. His joy is my joy.”

“We’d better get going,” Diane said. “I need to get into position and prepare Goliath for the ceremony.”

Elisa nodded. They hadn’t done a rehearsal. This was all being done with no prep-work, largely because the ceremony itself was going to be short and to the point, so they hadn’t felt the need for it. Elisa was rethinking this now, perhaps a bit too late.

The others left to get into their places, leaving her alone with Peter. He held out his hands for hers, and she took them, facing her father and willing herself not to cry.

Peter shook his head, smiling gently at her. “I can’t believe it.”

“What?” Elisa asked.

“My baby girl. My firstborn. Getting married.”

Elisa laughed. “Technically. Not legally.” She looked up at him, wincing. “Does that bother you?”

Peter shrugged. “Laws change. In ten years time, who knows? Maybe you’ll renew your vows with a real license in hand.”

“One can dream,” Elisa said wistfully. She looked up into her father’s eyes. “I’m glad you and Mom are being so cool about all of this. I can’t imagine what you thought when Goliath first spoke to you about it.”

“Well, to be honest, we’d have supported it regardless. Nothing Goliath could have said would have actually mattered,” Peter replied.

Elisa frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I trust my children,” Peter said. “If he had asked you and you said yes, there must have been a damn good reason for it. Even if I don’t fully understand it, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad decision. You’ve always been a good kid, Elisa. You were the one out of all your siblings I never had to worry about. You always had a good head on your shoulders. Hell, you never even had a rebellious phase, and you could have been a real monster if you wanted to be.”

Elisa flinched at the use of the word monster.

“Sorry,” Peter said. “Not what I meant. I should have said disaster.”

She playfully nudged him, laughing a little.

“You’re smart, Elisa,” Peter continued. “Smarter than your old man ever was. If you say this is what’s right for you, how am I supposed to argue?” He pulled her into a hug. “I’m here for you, kid, no matter what.”

She squeezed him tight. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Yes, you do,” Peter said. “You deserve the world. What kind of dad would I be if I didn’t give my little girl the world?”

A knock came at the door and Brooklyn peeked his head in. Peter and Elisa parted.

“Everyone’s ready,” He said. Elisa nodded with a shaky smile of thanks, and he withdrew.

“This is it,” Peter said. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Elisa closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, holding it for a five count. She exhaled slowly, opened her eyes, and said, “Lets go.”

He extended his elbow and she hooked her arm through it. Straightening her spine, she let her father lead her out of the room.

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My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[i-am-beyoutiful]

New Life In Shadyside Chapter 1: Moving In

It wasn’t like she hated Shadyside. It was actually pretty cool. It looked like one of those small towns in the movies that you would see. A tight-knit community where everyone knows each other and everyone knows each others drama. For Badriya, She just didn’t want to leave another home again. In Northpond, Driya finally found a friend. More than that, a best friend in Marty. Some who just got who she was. Understood her and her personality. Someone who knew exactly what to say just by the look on her face. Driya didn’t know if she would find that in Shadyside. 

As more and more houses started to pass by, Driya pondered what she should do. Should she fight against this move as much as she could. Get bad grades, not make any friends and not sign up for any clubs. Just go through the motions. School, homework, and sleep over and over and over again. An ugly feeling settled in her stomach at the thought of such a dreary life. Driya’s never been that type of person. Despite moving so much, Driya had gotten the hang of adjusting to new environments. She’s seen what her mom’s job demanded of her and she recognized that if her mom had any say they wouldn’t have moved as frequently as they did. That’s why no matter where they moved, Driya made it a point to not make it harder on her mom. To try and make friends, adjust and settle down so her mom didn’t have to worry about her. 

As the suns rays hit her face, Driya decide to act on the advice Marty had texted to her that morning to heart, 

Shadyside may be a new place but trust me when I say this, Driya. I know you, there is no way you won’t find new life there. I believe in you!

Driya’s mom, Ahaana, took a second to glance at her daughter’s face in the window and saw a smile that hasn’t been there since they left in the wee hours of the morning. Ahaana released the breath she was holding. She anticipated more of a fight about moving away from Northpond, moving away from Badriya’s friend Marty. It lifted weights from her shoulders seeing her daughters smile as they pulled up to their new home in Shadyside.

“MOM WHERE’S MY SUPER SUIT!!” Driya, holding back laughter, yelled down to her mom who was in the kitchen making breakfast.

“Pretty sure I didn’t give birth to a super but if your looking for your lucky boots, there in the hallway closet!” Ahaana yells back, smiling at her daughters antics. 

Ahaana continues to fix some food for her kid before she starts her first day of high school. She hears stomps coming down the stairs right as she finishes up. When Driya comes around the corner, shes dancing around in her new outfit for the first day. Driya chose a pair of ripped jeans, a cropped grey hoodie, red timberland's and a faux leather snap back. Her hair was in a ponytail through the back of the hat. Driya took her headphones out and plopped down at the kitchen table.

“Hey mom!” Driya grabs her lunch and drops it in her backpack. 

“Hey you look happy. Really like the outfit choice.” Ahaana places a smoothie bowl in front of Driya before grabbing her own and sitting down across from her. 

“Well I’m stepping into a new situation. I had to wear my super suit. Marty approved.” 

Ahaana nods along. “Ah yes I heard Marty this morning. Doesn’t he have school to attend, like you?” 

“Yeah but we just comparing outfits. He wanted my opinion because there is this girl he’s trying to impress back in Northpond.” Driya and Ahaana continue to eat their shared breakfast. Soon enough, Driya finished up, rinsed her bowl and placed it in the sink. She walked over and grabbed her water bottle out of the refrigerator and headed towards the front door. As she was about to walk out, Ahaana calls her name.

“Yeah mom?” 

“Remember Pat’s kid is gonna meet you to show you around. Ok?” Ahaana questions. 

“Yes, mom, I got it. Can I go? If I don’t leave now, I’m gonna miss the bus.” Her mother opens her arms and gestures to Driya. Driya rolls her eyes before being embraced by her mother. 

“I’m still so sorry for moving around again but I’m praying that this is the last time. I am so proud of you. You’re gonna do great.” Ahaana releases Driya and smooths her hat down on her head. Driya smiles up at her mom

“Thanks mom. I’ll text you about how my days going when I get to lunch.” Her mom nods and Driya finally walks out of the door. She gets to the end of the driveway when she turns around. Driya flashes a peace sign to her mom before heading down the sidewalk. Walking toward her bus stop, Driya blasts Champion by Fall Out Boy. Her mind drifts to Marty and how he’s doing. This was a song on their shared playlist. Just then she gets a text. She opens up the messenger app to see a text from Marty. It’s lyrics to the song she was listening to. 

You can do this!!

If I can live through this

I can do anything

Driya smiles down at her phone but she doesn’t realize she’s about to bump into someone. Said someone grabs her and the touch startles Driya out of her Fall Out Boy filled bubble. Said person, a boy, had overly gelled hair, a basketball hoodie and really beautiful eyes.

“Sorry about that. You we’re about to bump into me.” He removes his hands from Driya’s shoulders. “Are you new here? Not a lot of kids have this bus stop.” 

“Umm Yeah! Yeah I’m new. I just moved to the vacant house down the street. My name’s Driya and you are?” Driya sticks her hand out and the boy takes it with a smile. 

“I’m TJ” 

Driya and TJ ended up talking on the bus the entire way to school. TJ bragging about his basketball skills and Driya promising to show him up. There was nonstop chatter from both of them as the bus pulled up in the front of the school. 

“So do you know what your first class is? Mine is....” TJ voice faded into the background of her mind as they approached the entrance to her new school. It was massive. The front entrance had this open quad area that went down one fight of stairs. Tons of kids were everywhere, hugging old friends, making promises of lunch later, posing for pictures and checking schedules. From the outside, Jefferson High’s building was in the shape of a T. The view of the school made everything real again. The move, leaving Marty, starting over. All of a sudden, the emotions and anxiety Driya was facing were pushed back into the forefront of her mind. Driya took several deep breaths before she heard TJ calling her name. 

“Driya. Driya!!” TJ shook her. 

“H huh, What’s up?” Dryia stopped walking and took a second to reacquaint herself to reality again. 

“You spaced out. You ok?” The two starting walking toward the entrance again albeit at a slower pace.

“I’m fine. It just the reality of starting at a new school and trying to make new friends just hit me like a tidal wave. It basically took me a year to make the one friend I have that goes to my old school. How long will it be here before I make more?” Dryia stopped at the top of the staircase. Dryia looked around and saw the ton of strange, unknown faces running and walking around TJ and her. 

“Well, You wont have to wait long.” TJ sticks out his hand with a smile. “Hi I’m TJ, your new best friend. You can tell your old friend, they’ve been replaced.” Dryia laughs before shaking his hand. TJ wraps his arm around her shoulders and they begin their descent to the front of the school where two girls and a guy are talking. 

“Are you sure I look ok?” Cyrus asked once again while gesturing to his outfit. Both Andi and Buffy rolled their eyes before Andi speaks up. 

“For the FIFTEENTH TIME, yes you look great. TJ is gonna love it.” Andi brings out her phone seeing a text from Jonah on the screen. ”Jonah said his bus is running a little late so we have a little more time to wait on...ah Dryia right?”

“Yeah that’s her name but I haven’t spotted her yet. My mom told me that she’ll be wearing a hat and her hair is dyed.” Buffy continues to search around the quad. 

“OOO what’s her hair look like? I’ve been thinking about letting Bex dye my hair.” Andi moves closer to Buffy as fellow GHC member pulls up the picture on her phone. 

“Oh My God its GORGEOUS!!” Andi exclaims. 

Cyrus crowds around Buffy’s other side to see the picture. Said picture of Badriya is recent. Driya is posing, blowing a kiss to the camera, with her hair held in a ponytail by her hand. Her straight black hair was as long as a waterfall on the back of her head. The tips of Dirya’s hair were dyed in cascading colors, from dark green to blue to sliver on the very edge. 

“Uh love it!! But it looks like a ton to manage. I have a hard enough time with the inch I have already.” Both girls laugh at Cyrus when he notices something out of the corner of his eye. His eyebrows lifted. 

“Hey guys, Isn’t that TJ?” Cyrus points to the top of the stairs that TJ was walking down with an unknown girl. She had on ripped, black skinny jeans, A cropped grey hoodie, red boots and a snap back. Cyrus, Andi and Buffy’s heads all tilted to the side at the same time staring at the strange pair. TJ saw the group staring and waved with a smile. 

“Umm We all have it confirmed that TJ only has one sister right. That sister is Amber Kippen. So if he has one sister, who is that.” Cyrus and the girls continue to stare at them as TJ and this new girl inch closer and closer to them. 

“Hey guys, How was your summer?” TJ wraps Cyrus in a one sided hug that Cyrus didnt respond to. All of the GHC’s attention was on the girl standing on TJ right side. 

“Dude you saw us yesterday. Matter of fact, you spent most of the summer with us!”  Buffy gave a befuddled look. 

“Alright Driscoll, the question just felt appropriate to the situation. No need for the hostility.” TJ adjusted his backpack. 

“Soo TJ, after that failed attempt at small talk, Who is this?” Andi glances over at the girl with her eyes.

“OH Yeah! So guys this is Badriya. She just moved on my block and is starting school here.” TJ introduces Driya but She only gives a wave. 

“Wait your name is Badriya? You wouldn’t be happen to be looking for a girl named Buffy right?” Andi remarks. 

“Hmm.” Driya clears her throat. “Yeah I am. Do you know her?” Driya asks. 

“She does. Hi, I’m Buffy.” Buffy sticks her hand out. Driya gives a look of surprise.

“OMG I’m am so sorry for not recognizing you. Hi, its nice to meet you. Your mom, Pat really talked you up to my mom.” Driya shakes her hand. 

“That sounds like my mom. So, these are my friends Andi and Cyrus.” Both give Driya a wave which she returns in kind. “We were gonna wait for our other friend, Jonah but he’s running late and we should probably head in for the festivities.” Buffy waggles her eyebrows.

“Festivities?” Driya looks confused. 

“Yeah, the first day of school at Jefferson is usually a soft open kind of day. The students get to come in and traverse the school. Next, we all get called in to an assembly where the principal gives a speech and any announcements. Then, everyone goes to all their classes, including clubs, for twenty minutes each. After all that, we all go home.” Cyrus explains. 

“Wow that’s super cool. They didn’t have any of this at my old school.” Driya utters.

Andi checks the time and throws her hands in the air in exasperation. “Jonah’s bus is taking to long. He can catch up with us when he gets here. Lets head in.” As the group moves into the school. Andi grabs Driya’s elbow and entangles it with her arm. 

“So how did you choose those colors for your hair? They are gorgeous!” Andi asks and Driya launches into a explanation. Suddenly, all the apprehension she felt walking up to the school faded away. It looked like this new school was gonna be a good fit for Driya. 

[bountifulwitcharchive]

I thought I would talk about stuff in my life  a bit, especially considering I keep getting rattled by anxieties and taken a back by feeling as if I am hurting or harming someone.

As an adult I take it as my responsibility to make sure my actions are concise, I feel this is how any adult should ultimately be. Whether or not who I am as surefire as I am, hurts someone by accident. Whether it is that my opinion makes someone upset ; I want them to know I am not changing who I am yes. But that I do still care about them. If  I fail to do this, then i feel as a person I have failed. Whether this is because of trauma in the past, or stuff that people from online communities made me feel. It does not matter, ultimately this is where I am at in my life.

My in real life is hard.  I dont talk about it because I have, and the end result is always the same. This contorted feeling from others who dont know how to answer and feel uncomfortable themeslves. Knowing they cannot do anything, and my own discomfort that they cannot relate. Cannot understand. Cannot know what it means like -- I often hear ‘ Is it better today? ‘ Rather then, ‘ Are things stable today? ‘ I hate that people often feel my household is a place where things can be healed or feel better, that is not the case. My household works on whether things are stabled and held together vs Anyone having gotten BETTER. The job I am getting into now deals with this , and a reason why I applied for it was because I understand. I understand so much what this means and how people who do not have members of family who are disabled like this, dont understand. Every day is a struggle. It is a challenge, but it is so normal what I understand and come home to. However, simply because I am use to it and accept it does not make the stress of it any less then how heavy it is in my heart. Because ontop of my sister being disabled and us lucky that she is communicative. My mothers health is getting worse; in terms of worse she is getting old. And her poor choice of eating. Her inability to take care of herself and having to take care of another adult for themself--mind you for the rest of their lives. Takes a toll on her. And then my brother is getting worse, hes a smart boy where doctors are realizing he too is disabled. However, imagine being told you are disabled at 13 but consciously aware of what that means ( my sister ) and afraid of what you will become. Without going into details; if anyone in this household would kill themsleves it would be him. So ontop of hiding knives from my sister. We have to hide anything ( the surplus AND VARIETY of medicines my sister is on ) away from him. While also avoiding serious conversations of our home structure struggling as to not spike his anxieties. He will self harm like crazy. And its hard watching your little brother slam his head against the wall because he is overwhelmed by the world he was born into. I have many siblings, but my sister steph who is the only other person who lives with us does nothing for herself. I am sure she has issues her self but does not speak of it. And instead sits at home. Falling more and more into imo a depression that my mother just calls and berates her for being lazy for. I keep trying to push her to branch out but I can tell how this life effects her individually and that there is something there she doesnt wanna talk about. And I cannot reach in there to help. For my other side of the family,  Where my stepmother who i discovered the other day doesnt realize or remember or care to understand that the reason i fell into depression at 18 was because of what she did . And now I have to compress my memories and ask myself if my abuse was real -- or is this another one of those ‘ Manipulators conviently forgetting to forget the abuse they did in the past to cling onto the future they have now. ‘ By all means fine, she is a mother and needs to focus on that, but for me. Who endures. And endures. Staring at someone who did nothing but break me into who I am today, and hear that she forgot. Or doesnt understand. Or doesnt know. Like to her the past was nothing, did hurt. But forgive we do because what else will you do in points in time --- people online think your own feelings are so valid that you need ruin the world around you to make it worse. But no. Sometimes. You need to accept things for what they are, and think that me in a situation where I cannot change things. Or amend if the issue is brought to light -- to focus on what I can. For my sisters. So I can see them. And for myself. So maybe one day in the future, that conversation can come to light. But for now, we deal with what life gives us and we move on.

That is why that job was too much for me? Nothing had order .everything was a mess. Nothing was put together well and often people blammed the lowly coworkers for the faults in the system if it meant they did not have to get introuble. Then we look as if we do not know what we are doing and exhaustion has hold of it. The system in place reminded me too much of abusive circumstances. I did not have a voice. My back was always in pain. My feet was always aching -- none of this mattered to them and none of anyones complaints ever reached them. They valued their own problems over everyone elses around them, and I understand everyone is dealing with so much but seeing management value their own complaints over others was horrible. Considering  Iwent into this with such a promise. With so much of who I was feeling like the brightest light about to conquer something new--the last of my hope in life. Thinking I was gunna change my life .Change my world. Offer my family something better. Something knew. Only to find out the truth of that all; that the Manager coaxed the employees there who I was . Was to be horrible. To tell her what all the coworkers were doing. So she could write them all up and -- so with that purpose and picture in mind to them. They rallied together to put me on probation and everything that I was broken to tears, realizing that--trying hard to tell myself I mattered more then what people made me out to be. Because when I salvaged my self to befriend them all -- to at least face them and figure out why they did that to me. That this was my job life for a year and a half. Lmao? And did that I did, and learned so much about what went on I had... And overwhelmed by this picture of how they lived and treated each other. I wanted to leave. And left I did, but into a situation that was just far worse.  Never in all the years of retail I have worked have I ever endured such hell like I had with these customers. And some of it I dont blame them, the store really made them feel this way especially when nothing was right. Nothing as good. And nothing worked. Regardless the complaints I had of this I was stressed and nothing  I did and nothing I got from this job gave back to me. None of it but stress and being exhuasted and finding myself stripped of who I am. ANd I tried with my quiet feelings about myself, to say things. I would say “ No I am miserable. “ And say it so flatly and awkwardly to make a point, but everyone always made a joke about it despite how flat I would remain. And then compare, “Well at least you arent management.” Nothing I said got through to them, and I tried. I promise. I tried with attempts despite how hard it is for someone like me to open up.

So yes I left and the job I have now is not something that is easy, Nor do I expect that my stress to be any less. Rather that it pays more and I am with endurance to try something new that might offer me better future opportunities and worse comes to worse -- I find a new job.

Even as this all went on I made sure my life here was as easy for me to come to as it was. Imagine. Imagine.

Just imagine.

If I was truly enduring all of this . What about everyone else? I looked at everyone like this, I looked at what I went through day by day and thought -- What if they have it worse. If I have no heart and mind to talk about what really goes on in length in my irl day by day... What if someone else is just the same? It is not for me to ask. it is not for them to say.

I geniuely wanted to be at peace with everyone online, and if something went on that was so bad by their action. I truly believed; well you cant be as bad as my Step Mother or physically bad as my sister who I deal with day by day.  That is to say, I have no interest in detailing my past. 

Im pretty sure its obvious my past does paint my anxieties and issues with how I deal with things. Approach people day by day.

And its important for you to know that, to know that I am like you or anyone else. My desire to be positive and happy is to allow for you and everyone else to feel and be surrounded by positivity in life. 

Life is really hard. 

Hell, right now I am still going through more impersonal feelings while trying to dance my around all this going on. Because even as im nearing 27 -- almost 30 years old. I still realize things about myself, and it will hit me hard. The most recent and most eye opening realization that still rattles me and probably is the reason why. I feel flippant in my anxiety ; is realizing I gave 5 years to my life to someone who did not exist. This person went by the name Logan and roleplayed Snow from FF13.  I realized ; I spent 5 years of my life giving myself to this person. This person who did not exist and catfished everyone around me. Including me. Making people believe I was obsessed with him. Making people believe that he didnt treat me as if the private things shared between us were most intimate. That I spent 5 years waiting for him. Giving myself to him. Being patient for him. Enduring anything he said and taking my feelings so that I revitalized the things I did. Said. And would approach and appreciate him more understandingly. So he didnt hurt me, or ignore me--that he took so much from me. Money. Drawings. My writing. So much of my attention and love. He took 5 years away from me that I could have given someone I actually was so in love with and still am. That acted mildly the same -- but actually had stuff going on-- I am and was so in love with that person. And All I could give him was consciously a year until everything that I felt with Logan came crashing down in remembrance. That I didnt even realize why I was really overwhelmed by it all until some how talking to a close friend of mine about everything really. Really hit me hard.

5 years.

I think.

5 years was stolen of me. 5 years of love. 5 years of who i was. 5 years of dedication. Of loyalty. Of patience. Of endurance.

I could have been a different and confident person who really believed in love and not riddled with anxieties that made me remember everything I put effort into didnt matter -- because this one person would make sure of reminding me what my actions would fall under.

Life is really hard,     and day by day I still learn things about myself.

And I just think, if you are still reading this. That you too are going through this. And that someone you know is going through this. And that we are all going through so much of this or more. And I just hope you are alright and that you are hanging on there because I want you to know that I am trying to. Very hard. To live and I dont want you to give up either so please hang in there with me. 

That is why when the group of people who often harass my community when they do not like someone.

Yes the same group every time.

Had finally had me in their sights its was overwhelming, I had thought wow -- this is what you ultimately came to understand from me? When I had tried hard to reach out to you. To be your friend. To consciously find a place where we can be together as people comfortable -- but no thats not the point I want to make.

It rattled me that it took people who knew nothing about me, to change the course of my environment just like that. I lost the hand full of people from that community I talked too . A friend I had been friends with since I was 17 . Simply because they were scared of being caught in that fire too. It was less about who I was, and more about them losing the safe haven they had. The fun group and comfort they had-- they did not want to lose that.

And I understand that. Im not mad at that, just concerned. Sad. And reeling in the fact that people can ultimately take things from each other with misplaced context. And the unfortunate circumstance that people will opt for this, instead of talking to one another.

So I am tired yes.

Because that happened, that whole thing happened while I as dealing with so much. And I had no answer for it. And that me talking about this is to tell you how effected I am by my life right now. And that it indeed upsurged my anxieties more uncomfortably so and not that that is bad or good. It merely is what it is.

And that as I am now, I am sorry. I am sorry and grievanced because I went backwards and am not as timely with things as I use to. I have been struggling to sleep, and when I wake up feel a sort of touched exhaustion that makes me feel like not getting out of bed. 

I am sorry since I cannot roleplay things most often for others that I would love to explore. That my interests as of late have been : what would make me laugh to roleplay. What would make me feel wholesome to roleplay. What can i say to talk to others? What can I do to connect with others?

My mind and interests as of late is more about; making myself feel better and coping through what means I can through roleplay or just talking rather then. Having fun with my hobby like I had been the past few months.

This is why alike on Gawain, my compliant is coming online and constantly seeing him hash’d negatively. In truth I deal with negative things on a day to day basis... I did not want to have it follow me online. If I post about it, then clearly I have left myself open for those things.. But often I dont and am trying to mind my business and roleplay leisurely when things erupt.

I am really sorry, because ultimately, I failed as a friend and as a fellow roleplayer. My talking about it is to correlate the truth but also to let people know how I am as a person. Even still.

I feel sometimes people think you know, ‘ Oh hey Sheep just excuses things. ‘ Rather its just Im a different kind of person from a harsh road of life and I see things a lot differently.

For this I will explain with a more literal example, 

Things that many people feel uncomfortable online. I myself cannot-- it is that merely I cannot. If someone is talking about something regarding their character that they were abused sexually and want to explore the meaning of this through roleplay. I do not find this insulting, I find myself glad. If people can find out what it means to have been sexually assaulted, maybe they can also connect with me too? And understand why its hard for me to expose my body ( or how overly okay I am to do so ) or how feeling /sexy/ can be a hard feeling for me to overcome.  I often see people mistaking things or not handling it correctly, but I want it to be done rather then ignored. Or treated like it doesnt happen. For an adult, this is how I separate my reality from fiction. But find a connection from my reality into something fictious. Further, as an adult I want to help people understand that difference.  It is very bad to feel gratified and pleased by subjects that are distasteful. But seeing it treated as if it cannot be spoken of discomforts me. This is a public place, but it is also a place where you control the content on your blog. By the end of the day, I will pick the things that will make me feel uncomfortable or wont make me uncomfortable.

With such a short example, I dont know if anyone read this far. I had hoped. And hope. These feelings can help others or really understand where I am with my life right now and how stressed out I really am. I cannot talk individually with people because I actually choke up. I have ADHD and often forget if I dont take it slow. And can get overstimulated by the fact that someone is merely listening/paying attention to me. I am quiet about myself because I dont like wide attention. 

But that.

The past weeks I have had such support in my life.

And I am trying not to cry thinking about it, but I have such a healthy circle of friends and I would do anything to see it through that it lasts for years to come. Me speaking like this is because of this. Because of the comfort. Because of my desire to reach out and branch out comfortably. To remind ppl of my life, and to apologize for where I am not most prominent and may suck at show casing things for. 

I probably will make a more positive post in the future about how everyone has helped me through so much -- like I am just a cup that is spilling about and everyone is trying hard to keep whatever is coming out from falling on the floor--s uch a silly analogy but really.

I am so thankful as much as I am apologetic.

Thank you guys for giving me a home where I most need it. It is why I want to be open and communicative. I want the place I come home to, that I enjoy and need to cope through things going on. To remain okay, to be alright, and that positive energy can still be shared.

And that I want to with all my heart, continue giving that positive energy to anyone around me the best that I can. With you understanding me as a person.

Thank you, if you have read this far. For taking the time to get to know me.

[mandaloriangf]

reasons why detroit become human makes no goddamn fucking sense beyond just the shitty allegory (aka i nitpick the fuck out of this game)

captain allen refuses to give connor any information about daniel despite this being a hostage situation and connor is there to diffuse it

also allen says that if connor doesnt take care of it he will and if he could why didnt he??

connor can reconstruct crime scenes with so little information that theres no way he could come to his deduction. for example in the first chapter he figures out that the father was holding something when daniel shot him despite there being NO WAY he could know this

theres segregation despite the fact that androids are servants to humans??? how are androids supposed to work for humans if they’re barred from entering certain places??

TEMPORARY PARKING????????????

unemployment is at 35% yet the economy is booming????

unemployed people blame androids for stealing their jobs despite the fact that androids did not get a choice and were made to do certain jobs. their anger should be directed toward cyberlife

markus shows emotion and has a distinct personality before becoming deviant like why does he even need to become deviant when he clearly already is??

carl’s on the nose monologuing. 

carl says lets see where we left off and when markus takes down the tarp theres a finished painting. carl makes like five strokes lol. 

he also makes the same “oh my god” no matter what markus paints

PRESS X TO SADNESS

how does todd afford kara and alice when he doesnt have a job

and why does he live on ethan mars’ street 

and the biggest issue - ALICE IS AN ANDROID??????????

seriously how do android children work? whats the point???? if people hate androids why would they pay money to take care of one????????????????????

honestly how do they work? because alice can sleep but she doesnt eat????? and shes not gonna age so what happens to child androids? do they just have their memories wiped and get bought by another parent????

and if alice is an android, why does todd say kara needs to help with alice’s homework? she doesnt go to school! its addressed in the same fucking chapter!

and why doesnt alice saying anything to kara like hey stop trying to ask me if i want food i dont eat because im a fucking android

also kara figures out that alice is an android at the very beginning yet just ignores it?? i guess??????

and alice has a picture in her keepsake box of todd, his wife, and his biological daughter?? why???????? kill me

todd leaves his drugs in the laundry detergent, makes kara do the laundry, and then gets mad when she finds the drugs

HE MAKES HIS ROBOT TURN ON HIS ROOMBA LSAKDJFLKSJDFLKJSDF

no one does anything when connor enters a bar that doesnt allow androids

also its never explained in game (i think) why connor does the coin trick. i suppose it can be up to the player (i see it as a nervous habit/fidget device but you could also argue its for recalibration)

no one checks the attic of carlos’ house??? and his android hid up there for THREE WEEKS????????????

connor is designed to work “harmoniously with humans” but they gave him a forensics lab on his tongue so he literally just puts blood in his mouth in a crime scene alsdjflsjflajsdlfjdlj

kara serves alice dinner and alice actually sits there but she wont eat BECAUSE SHES AN ANDROID

the guy that comes on the bus doesnt bat an eye when he sees an android in the human section of the bus (i almost threw up typing that)

leo can survive that????????

carl doesnt try to reason with the cops before they shoot markus

why do deviants self destruct in stressful situations? we dont know. we dont fucking know. 

connor can show genuine compassion to carlos’ android but doesnt seem bothered by it????

why is there such an extensive android scrapyard? first of all theres android resale shops (yuck) and parts are probably expensive, plus androids have existed for what? ten years at the most? theres no way cyberlife would just allow perfectly good android parts to be thrown away this makes no fucking sense

MARKUS CAN JUST PULL OFF HIS LED LIKE ITS A STICKER

A STICKER

seriously if its that easy whats the point? they already dress androids a certain way, why have the led except to know what androids are thinking? and if theyre thinking dont they have some level of free will?? (for example kara’s turns red when todd threatens her)

no one recognizes kara despite being a relatively common model like yeah she eventually changes her hair and clothes but she’s still got the same face lkadjfalsjdfljsdlfj

connor is unfazed when he’s shot but looks like he’s in pain when gavin punches him??? 

connor is able to get a confession from carlos’ android but can’t make small talk asdjflskjdfljdf

the whole chapter where markus finds jericho doesnt like have a lot wrong its just REALLY tedious

though the jump scares are stupid

ra9 is constantly referenced (particuarly in connor’s story) but doesnt go anywhere. at all. unless i missed something. but as far as i know its never explained who ra9 is. 

(i think its markus)

the deviant in the pigeon filled apartment is just chilling in the attic? why do androids always stay in the same place instead of escaping????

the androids in jericho are really just hanging out in an abandoned, rusting ship doing nothing. like theyre shutting down bc they dont have blue blood and incompetents but no one thinks to go get any until markus rallies them. 

also what is up with lucy? why does she talk like she can see the future

THE ENTIRE ZLATKO CHAPTER HAPPENS AT ALL

no seriously!!!!! you expect me to believe kara would just go to the address given to her by some random garbage collector android in the middle of the night which leads to a creepy house with a creepy guy with BLUE BLOOD ON HIS FINGERS who wants to take kara into the basement alone to remove a tracker she clearly doesnt have??????????????????????? she would’ve just booked it

KARA ACTUALLY GETS IN THE MACHINE AND IS SURPRISED ZLATKO IS GOING TO ERASE HER MEMORY

that android that says “whos the real monster” PLEASE MR CAGE MY NOSE IS SORE

connor just fucking breaks the window and jumps in alflskdjflskjfljsdljfkdsfljldsafskdf

putting hank under cold water sobers him up somehow

the game thinks it needs to spell out for me in actual letters on the screen that hank is suicidal despite the fact that you find him unconscious on the floor with alcohol and a gun AND he says he was playing russian roulette. 

connor petting sumo is cute but sumo looks like he’s from a ps2 game

markus magically develops the ability to “convert” androids so to speak. 

im telling you, he’s ra9

the whole eden club thing is very...icky

like the androids are literally put in tubes like wtf

the tracis have a relationship despite club policy of wiping memories every two hours

also im pretty sure they have the same face...?? why is this not addressed more 

hank hates androids but likes it when connor spares them?

kara, luther, and alice dont just stay in the car for the night

luther brings up that theres something off about alice but gets interrupted. this is not the first time it happens. it happens THREE TIMES in total before the reveal she’s an android

the jerrys break the windows like zombies and then are like “dont shoot we come in peace”

the carousel scene is cute but where did the power come from???

connor starts showing signs of deviancy but doesnt notice it??? and amandas just like “stop it” and does nothing about it saljdflsjdflsjkdf

markus does the fake phone call right in front of the person he’s calling

who brought the box up to the bathroom? was it the deviant that connor can interrogate???? explain pls

pick up the bag. carry the bag. put down the bag. open the bag. kill me. 

THEY GET OUT ONTO A WINDOW WASHING LIFT BUT THEN RAPPEL UP?????????????????

a giant screen that says rise as markus and north are going up the building

markus removes his skin for the broadcast (ew) to conceal his identity BUT IT REVEALS HIS SERIAL NUMBER THAT CONNOR LATER SCANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

north straight up wants to murder other androids for android freedom

no one finds simon on the roof unless connor goes up there

no one hears connor and the deviant fighting in the kitchen and no one hears connor calling out for help

rose is literally just 2038 harriet tubman

she compares what is happening to androids to what happened to black people in the past yet david cage expects me to believe this game isn’t about racism

kara believes that they will find refuge in canada because there are no android laws there, however the reason they dont have android laws is because CANADA HATES ANDROIDS JUST AS MUCH AS THE US

she has literally no reason to believe they’ll be able to survive in canada. theyd have to act like the cullens and move around all the time. 

ntm if androids and their parts aren’t being manufactured, if anything happens to kara, alice, or luther theyre fucked!

markus had to choose between two very black and white options: violence or pacifism. i have a HUGE problem with how this is done bc being peaceful results in the “good” ending while being violent results in the bad “ending 

(and for the record, going with a violent revolution can still result in freedom for androids. its just a LOT harder to keep everyone alive)

basically it completely misunderstands how real life oppression works and assumes that if a marginalized group is peaceful, public opinion will go up

thats not how it fucking works dipshit cage

kamski is literally just a weird combination of oscar isaac in ex machina and jared leto in blade runner 2049

like he’s left so ambiguous that you can’t even come to your own conclusion

connor can remark that chloe is pretty and seems sincere but doesnt question himself????

if you choose not to shoot chloe, you get nothing. you either have to replay the chapter and shoot her or look it up yourself. and im not fucking shooting her.

markus and north become “lovers” during a normal conversation 

seriously. when it happened my mom and i were like ???????????????

yet markus can’t romance simon despite having more chemistry

and on that topic why can’t kara romance luther???? they have a lot of chemistry too.

the freedom march. just. ugh.

like markus really leads a bunch of androids down a street shouting “EQUAL RIGHTS” lkjasldfjlakjfjldf

markus evolves to the point where he can just look at androids and convert them like what

north and josh clearly both have a death wish

if i have to hear “we were going to crack the case” one more time i will kill david cage myself. do cops even talk like that?

gavin just straight up tries to murder connor????

THEY START PUTTING ANDROIDS IN CAMPS?????????????????? AS IF THE REST OF THE GAME WASN’T BAD ENOUGH????????????????????????

kara finds out alice is an android and luther has to spell out all her feelings for her??? like why would she stop loving alice skalfsjdlfkjdlfj theyre both androids

the fact that connor even has a machine story line

carl just straight up dies while markus is venting about his oppression asdjfsjflskjflkejiofjeijfoejflkjsflsj

we dont get any kind of resolution to connor going deviant. he just suddenly is. how does he feel about it? who cares!

“ask us something only the real connor would know”

why is that human couple with the baby so upset about not getting out of detroit? theyre human. they’ll be fine. i feel no guilt in taking their tickets.

alice can arguably forgive todd as he explains he just wanted to prove he’s a good dad. boo hoo. he’s still a dick. 

connor can suddenly wake up androids too???? 

markus can really save the androids by kissing north or singing. 

like

that actually

happens

KILL ME

the president looks like hillary clinton but has a “was a celebrity with no political experience” trump like background

[sprinkleofhappinessuniverse]

For The Love Of Dogs - Bucky x Reader

Prompt: I wasn't looking for anything serious. 

Summary: Bucky did not expect to be looking after a dog let alone catching feelings for the vet. 

Pairing: Bucky x Reader 

Tags/Warnings: Dogs! , Feelings, Fluff. 

Word Count: 3, 297

A/N: This is my entry for the lovely  @just-some-drabbles 4K follower challenge! Congrats you deserve every single one you're amazing! Sorry I took so long with it! Bucky and dogs are the true loves of my life. 

Bucky’s eyes flickered between the two men standing in front of him. He wasn't sure who he wanted to kill more.

Sam had the audacity to stand there smirking at Steve who was sitting on Bucky’s couch, giggles erupting from his mouth as a large labrador clambered on him, licking his face, tail wagging excitedly.

“I am not looking after a dog,” Bucky snapped.

“It's only for a week,” Sam replied, matter-of-factly.

“What the hell am I even supposed to do with it?”

“Feed it. Play with it. Clean it. Look after it.” Sam had the audacity to stand there smirking. Bucky rolled his eyes before turning his focus to Steve sat on Bucky’s couch, giggles erupting from his mouth as a large labrador clambered on him, licking his face, tail wagging excitedly.

Admittedly, Bucky found the dog cute but it didn't help ease any uncertain feels he had over the set-up. Sam and Steve claimed it could be good for him and could help with his anxiety and ongoing recovery. Although it had been two years since returning from the army, Bucky spent a large portion of the time in rehabilitation after having his arm amputated. He was recovering from his depression and managing his anxiety and now, he had his own apartment in Brooklyn, a stable job at the local bookstore and was in a place where he was good.

His nightmares however still persisted and there were still some “bad days” much to the concern of his friends. With that, came many interventions many of which Bucky disliked much like the one he currently faced. Sam and Steve claimed that having a dog will keep him busy as well as it being statistically proven that keeping a pet can boost a person’s mood.

“What am I gonna do when I go to work?” Bucky argued.

“Your next shift’s next weekend, I’ll watch him.” Steve said as he scratched the dog's ears.

“Guys, I really don't know about this. I don't even know his name!” Bucky pleaded helplessly. It was sinking in that this was actually real, he was only just managing to look after himself. Steve laughed.

“It's Cream, Buck. I'm sure you’ll remember it.”

“Cream? How original.” He muttered as he noted the dog’s cream coloured fur which earned him a glare from Steve. “Fine, I’ll look after him.” He sighed, as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Who knows, maybe you can adopt more pets, couple of more dogs, a few cats maybe some snakes. James Barnes Brooklyn’s Animal Whisperer.” Sam teased. Bucky glared at him.

“We should get going but all his stuff is here. He’s got toys, a dog bed, a leash, food and I’ve written down the number and address of the vet if you have any problems.” Steve said standing up and gesturing to where he placed the various dog items. He gave Bucky a small squeeze on his shoulder before leaving his apartment with Sam.

Bucky sighed and looked down at the dog who was sniffing at his feet.

After making himself dinner that evening, Bucky poured the packet of dog food into the plastic dog bowl before grabbing his food and making his way to the living room.  He settled down on the sofa and switching the TV to a channel that was showing reruns of Friends. He felt a dip on the sofa next to him and turned to see Cream laying down, head on her paws and her eyes trained solely on his food.

“No. No way. Down.” Bucky ordered. Cream slowly jumped of the sofa and perched herself directly in front of him. “Seriously? Go. Now.”

This time Cream ignored him and stared straight at his food. Bucky groaned.

“No. I’ve made you food. Go.” Cream turned her head as he pointed in the direction of the kitchen but she returned her focus to Bucky’s food. Bucky frowned at her. He didn’t know what Steve and Sam were thinking. But she was a damn cute dog. Sighing, he went against his inhibitions and plucked a piece of chicken of his plate. Cream perked up and ate it right from his palm. Admittedly, Bucky found it endearing. He stroke her head before handing her another piece.

“Okay, now will you eat your own food? Good boy.” He said as he watched Cream walk to the kitchen. He leant his back against his sofa cushions. “I can’t believe I’m talking to a dog.”

Cream soon came plodding back in and lay down at Bucky’s feet. Bucky returned to his dinner and the TV.

When Bucky next checked the time he saw that an hour went by and Cream was still by his feet but he was being quiet. One part of Bucky’s brain told him that Cream was fine and probably tired by the other part of his brain thought back to the chicken he gave him and rung a few alarm bells.

“You okay, buddy?” He said softly to Cream. Cream looked up at him slowly before placing his head back on his paws. “You wanna play? Go fetch that ball.”

Cream looked to where the ball lay and looked as though he was going to get up  but didn’t. Now, Bucky began to worry.

He reached over to where his laptop sat on the  coffee table and pulled up google. He felt ridiculous but he wasn't exactly sure if dogs could even eat chicken. Plus how could he tell Sam and Steve that he poisoned the dog within the first couple of hours of having him?

Google proved to be an ineffective reassurance.

Bucky remembered the address and number of the Vet he had written down. A vet’s opinion is much more reliable than yahoo answers. 

For the first time in a long time it was calm in the veterinary practise. You were grateful as it was easier to concentrate on treating the pets and calming down worried owners. It was an emergency practise which meant you dealt with overly stressed people on a nightly basis.

Your shift was nearing its end and you began to pack away the equipment. There's as a small part of you, thankful you worked late that night as you would feel less guilty about staying in with a movie as opposed to going out and socialising like your friends have been trying to get you to do for a long time.

Your office was situated next to the receptions area and you hear the sounds of a distressed pet owner. It wasn't unusual, of course, but you had a habit of caring too much and wouldn't mind squeezing one last person in even if it did run overtime.

You made your way out and saw the receptionist trying to reassure the man who stood in front of the desk, holding a Labrador in his arms.

“Sir, I will see that you get seento  as soon as possible. Take a few breaths and take a seat.”  The receptionist tried to reassure. The man’s frown deepened and he looked as though he were about to say something until you interjected.

“It's okay, I’ll be happy to see you.” You said. Relief flooded the man’s face and he began walking towards you.

“But isn't the end of you shift?” The receptionist asked raising an eyebrow.

“It's fine. Come right through sir.” You waved off the receptionist before smiling to the man and walking into the room. “I'm Dr. Y/F/N Y/L/N. What’s this little guy’s name? Though he's not so little and you must be pretty strong to carry him.” You said as the man placed his Labrador the examination table.

“Cream,”

“And what seems to be the problem with Cream?” You asked as you rubbed Cream behind his ears.

“Uh, well, it's a little embarrassing actually,” he began scratching the back of his neck. You had to admit he was kind of cute but you quickly squashed down the thoughts deeming it unprofessional. “The short answer: I fed him some of my chicken I had for dinner and now he seems...I don't know unusually unresponsive. He's normally bouncing around the place. I'm kinda freaking out, doc.  Have I poisoned him?”

“Well, I haven't known chicken to be particularly dangerous. But I'll give him a quick check over. Do you when he last saw a vet?”

“He's not my dog. I got him today, I'm only supposed to be watching him for a friend for two weeks so details are kinda details. Is that a problem?”

“It shouldn't be.” You said as you began checking over the dog, occasionally cooing to him. “Well, he seems perfectly healthy. No problems as far as I can tell. You must be a pretty good owner if your friend trusted you with him.”

“I wouldn't say that. I haven't even had him for a day and already I'm at the vets.”

“Well, us vets. We’re not bad company.” You winked. He smiled and seemed to relax with your friendly banter.

“Well he seems to be fine. So no worries there. It's likely he's just tired himself out but maybe lay off any food that isn't certified dog food.” You said, stroking Cream.

“Thanks doc. Sorry for wasting your time.” He said, seeming a lot more relaxed.

“It's no problem. Better to be safe than sorry. Take care...sorry, I didnt get your name?”

“Uh James or you can just call me Bucky.” He said.

“Well, take care Bucky. And make sure you take good care of Cream. “ you said as he picked Cream up and began making his way out of the room.

The first few days of dogsitting after the impromptu trip to vets went soothingly much to Bucky’s surprise though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't struggling a little. Cream still gave him puppy dog eyes whenever he ate and despite being sleepy the night of the vet trip he was now full of energy 24/7.

Bucky was out at a small park and he never knew a dog to be so into everything. Cream was one curious canine. Cream was busy running up and down fetching a tennis ball, Bucky was throwing when something else caught his attention resulting in him scurrying off. Bucky closed his eyes and groaned before following him.

“Cream, get back here.” He half shouted, knowing that the Labrador wouldn't listen. He found Cream to be sniffing a golden retriever. “I'm sorry.” Bucky began before noticing who the owner was.

“It's no problem. It seems like they really like each other.” You said, laughing a little. “It's nice to see you again, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled.

“And it seems like they're entertained. You wanna take a seat?” You said nodding to where a bench was behind the two of you. Bucky nodded and followed you. “So, any particular reason you're looking after your friend’s dog? If you don't mind me asking?”

“Not really except my friends are interfering.”

“Oh, I know a thing or two about interfering friends.” You laughed. “Have you lived in Brooklyn for long?”

“Pretty much all my life. Except the few years I served in the army.” Bucky said. He subconsciously found himself rubbing his prosthetic hand but suddenly feeling self-conscious once he became aware of it and saw you eyes falling to it. He quickly stopped and awkwardly put his hand in his pocket. Normally, he wouldn't hide it, he embraced it but for some reason, he couldnt place why he felt vulnerable. In addition, there was tingly sensation in his stomach as you smiled softly at him. There was something nice about being around you..

“It's okay.” You said softly. “You served in the army? That's pretty awesome. I wish I could say I did something as spectatcular.”

“Well it wasn't all great. And I don't know, I'd say being a Vet and saving animal’s lives is pretty spectacular.” He mused. You grinned back at him.

“I haven't lived in Brooklyn long at all. I moved here a few years ago.” You said.

“Why?”

“I needed change y’know. I wanted to be my own person not whoever my parents wanted me to be. I love them and they never explicitly gave me a career I had to choose like some other’s but it was pretty evident that looking after animals is not what they saw their child doing. It became somewhat stifling. At least now I've learned, rather learning to be a proper adult. And being  around animals is not a bad way to spend my time though it's tough sometimes.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I'm still learning how to be a proper adult.” Bucky said. You smiled. “How long have you had your dog?”

“I've had Carrot for about a year now.”

“You named your dog Carrot?”

“In my defence, I let a four year old name it!” You argued as the two of you laughed. As your Dogs came bounding over. “I guess I better get going. It was nice to talk to you Bucky. And good to see Cream in good shape.”

“It was nice to talk to you to, and you were right.”

“Huh?”

“Vets aren't bad company.”

It was your day off and had planned for a movie day. In order to make yourself feel better about watching questionable movies with Carrot you decided to head out for some snacks. All was fine until the heavens decided to unleash a downpour, subsequently drenching you. You had left your umbrella behind and not wanting to get anymore wet you decided to duck into the nearest store until it died down. The closet one just happened to be a small, bookstore. You weren't complaining.

The bell on the door chimed and you smiled as you were greeted with the warmth. You ran a hand through your hair, grimacing at the wetness. You walked over to one of the shelves and ran your finger along the spines. You were deep into browsing when a voice interrupted you.

“Y/N?”

You turned around and saw Bucky behind you holding a box. At first he seemed shocked but that soon melted into a smile.

“Bucky! I didn't expect to see you here.”

“Yeah, I work here. You're...drenched.” His eyes scanned your sodden outfit.

“Ugh, I know. I only went out for snacks.” You said holding up your bag. “And I stupidly left my umbrella at home. So much for my movie day.”

“Movie day huh?”

“Yep, probably gonna rewatch Sleepless In Seattle for the hundredth time.” You replied.

“I've never seen it”

“You should. Best romance movie of all time, no exaggeration.”

“I'll take your word for it.” Bucky smiled. You looked outside and saw that the rain had calmed down.

“I should let you get back to work. You don't need to listen to me and my lonely movie marathons.” You joked.

“You're alone?”

“Does Carrot count?” You chuckled. “Bye Bucky.”

Wanda had called Bucky into the bookstore last minute asking him to cover her shift. Fortunately, Steve was around to watch Cream. He didn't have any plans besides buying groceries for his dinner that evening which he did once his shift was over.

It was dark and cold, winter truly settling in. As he walked home he realised the emergency vets was on his route home. Sure enough there you were walking out of there. You seemed to be walking cautiously, continuously scanning around you. You looked behind you and stopped once you saw bucky.

“If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were stalking me.” You said grinning at him.

“Nah, just buying dinner.” He replied holding up his bags.

“This time you're the one buying food. “ you said as Bucky reached you and fell into step with you as the two of you made your way down the street.

“Are you walking home?”

“I was gonna, my car’s out of gas but I'm kinda spooked from the dark. I think I'm gonna call a cab.”

“That's probably a good idea.” Bucky said. He noted to offer to walk you home but the two of you had only met a few times and he didn't want to come across as creepy or stalkerish. “I'll wait with you until your cab comes if you'd like?”

“I would like that.” You smiled. The two of you walked a little further before you stopped and took out your phone to call a cab. After calling Bucky and you fell into a comfortable conversation. Bucky's butterflies had returned.

Eventually a cab pulled up on the kern.

“Guess this is my ride.” You said. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I've got nothing planned. Why?”

“Well, I was maybe thinking you'd like to get a coffee tomorrow? You could bring Cream and I'd bring Carrot. A dog date?”

“I'd like that.” Bucky said smiling at you.

“I should probably give you my number and text you the details. I know this great café.” You said walking over to him. Bucky got out his phone and handed it to you. You began tapping your number in, hurrying when the cab driver honked his horn. “See you tomorrow.”

The café was quaint and you were so glad they allowed dogs on the premises - as long as they were behaved. As Carrot sat at your feet you found yourself continuously stroking her and was grateful as you were a bundle of nerves. You wished it wasn't so nerve wracking meeting with a cute, kind and funny guy but that was exactly why. You felt a little insane as you had only known Bucky for a short amount of time but you could feel something between you two. Something was definitely there. Everyone was telling you take chances and get out there and this was doing that. Right?

You didn't have time to freak out further as you felt someone behind you. You turned around and saw the man of the hour with Cream.

“Hey,” you greeted. “I thought I'd wait for you to order.”

“I'll go up and get it for you with my order. What do you want?” He asked winding Cream’s lead around the chair leg.

“Just a hot chocolate for me.” You said. He smiled and nodded before walking up to order.

He soon came back carrying a delicious looking hot chocolate topped with cream and Coffee for himself. You wrapped your hands around the mug and for the first time in your life you had no idea what to say.

“This café’s nice. I've never been here before.” Bucky said as he took a sip from his coffee.

“I've been here a few times. The hot chocolate is the best.” You said. You looked at your cup. You knew what you wanted to really say. “Hey Bucky. I-uh-I have something I'd like to say.”

“What's up?” He said a small twinge of concern on his face.

“I wasn’t looking for anything serious.” You blurted out. Understandably Bucky looked confused. “Sorry, let me start again. I know we haven't known each other for a long time but i think I've really grown to like you and I wanna get to know you better. God, I probably sound crazy.” You took a sip from you cup in the hopes it would ease your nerves.

Bucky didn't say anything except look down towards his cup. Oh god you thought.

“I wasn't looking for anything serious either,” Bucky said quietly. “I think I like you too Y/N.”

You let out a laugh which confused Bucky but he began to smile.

“How about we try this dating thing?” You said. Bucky reached over and grabbed you hand.

“I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.”

Tags: @poealsobucky @lilasiannerd @thegenderqueerbatman

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 12 (Epilogue 2 Page 4)

[dent-de-leon]

Were you aware of the Homophobic and transphobic content in the Japanese version of Awakening?

sorry this got a little long so under the cut it goes 

!!! see now that you mention it, i think i vaguely remember hearing about something like this?? unfortunately i didnt get into fe until after 13 was localized, so i never really followed the japanese version like i did with fates. (all i really know is how henry’s character was apparently really lost in translation) but now that you say it it sounds kinda familiar? Again, i dont know very much about the original version for 13, but…that really sucks. im always nervous about trans characters in video games because usually this is how they’re treated. the only good example i can think of, if you want an explicitly acknowledged trans character whose story is handled well and has a really supportive friend, is krem from dragon age. in terms of nintendo, ive heard that samus aaron was actually said to be trans by the creator at some point, though in a fucking awful way. so i wouldnt expect much from nintendo honestly. 

i definitely know that its the kind of thing localization would thankfully take care of though. ive seen them do similar stuff with fates–changing soleil’s support with the male corrin from the original is probably the most infamous example of this, but they also changed all her other s rank supports with guys, and they also made some of the second gen supports more platonic too and i like some of the liberties they took with niles’ supports as well (particularly taking out the part where he says he’s never liked guys before, especially since he…flirts with guys a lot already). 

going by just 14 my opinions on fe and their lgbt representation is…kinda shaky. i mean, you can play a bi character, in a nintendo game. You can have a same sex partner and then adopt some kids in your epilogue. in a game thats accessible to children. that’s amazing. but then like, they also made soleil bi and then only let her marry guys. The actual bi marriage options are both version exclusive like theyre pokemon–“Will you fight for your bloodline or is your fate bound by loyalty?“  “well, actually…no offense to my ‘bloodline,’ but im gay, so–”–not to mention your options are A) stalker dark mage whose obsessed with the avatar no matter what and B) sadist who shamelessly flirts with everybody just to make them uncomfortable. and im saying this as someone who likes both niles and tharja. 

i mean, im happy that when they made tharja 2.0 they let her marry the pc regardless of gender (something i felt they shouldve implemented in awakening, and was glad they stepped up and committed to it). hell, i married niles. he grew on me. but like, that doesnt change the fact that the only bi guy in the game (besides possibly corrin) is a former criminal who likes to torture people. not to mention his daughter is a fujoshi, thats just…in really poor taste, and doesnt quite sit well with me. again, i liked both these characters though. rhajat is also more of someone who haplessly causes harm when she tries to fix things rather than antagonizing, and i really liked niles’ supports with both leo and corrin and enjoyed his character development. but it still doesnt really help that they made their only two same sex marriage options “creepy” “dark” outcasts who supposedly enjoy harming others. i think allowing soleil to marry both genders since shes this chivalrous knight type wouldve helped balance things out. 

so ya i do like that fe seems to be trying with lgbt representation, but its obvious they still have a little ways to go. still, its something, even if they dont always hit the mark. and it is comforting to know that, when they are straight up homophobic and transphobic, the localization will try their best to recognize and change that. and i mean, despite some of its faults, i still love fe and really care for its characters. i didn’t know about those heroes in radiant dawn though! : o  huh ill have to look into that, thanks!! 

[somedaypast-thesunset]

yesterday we did shrooms.

our friend was the ring leader and mixed 9 grams of it in chocolate and we all split it. im usually okay with shrooms and actually sadly took them enough last summer so i felt calm - usually i just have a very mellow empty headed high.

but this was not good and i guess it was ‘better’ that we all experienced not good. like i knew early on it was going the wrong way and suddenly we just wanted it to be over. it was a very intense trip with audio and visual hallucinations but not like full on break from reality - just warping faces and discoloration and hearing talking when there was none. 

he did not handle this well at all. i feel both me and our friend have a lot of mental issues and have struggled a lot so it was a bit easier for us to handle but i think i handled it the absolute best because i didnt feel traumatized by it when they did. i mean it was very terrible. but ive done worse sober with my own mind in terms of anxiety and shit and the hallucinations i knew were drug induced. no matter what i questioned i reminded myself it was the drugs. i had no grasp on reality, it was the drugs and it would eventually be over. i really just kind of sat it out.

he took it a lot dfferently and it sat on him in relation to the world around him. like he had become upset but unable to express why he was upset that essentilly what he was feeling was something i had felt sober. like his anxiety and neediness and wanting someone to help and feeling overwhelmed - that’s kind of me on the regular. but being able to feel it himself and see it from this perspective i feel like he could see how hard it actually is. it wasnt like anyone was physically ill. everyone was fine and operating and breathing but mentally it was a complete breakdown. like they were thankful -to come back-. as if we would have lost our minds forever. but i know it’s hard to lose your mind forever, it takes a lot of damage and if i was able to rationalize despite it all, i knew eventually they’d come back. 

he was also very very anxious about being upset in front of me because thats not really him. and at one point he was crying, upset about i dont even know and mumbling about james randi. i think he had like pre conceived notions that i might react differently to seeing him upset because he tries really hard to create the illusion of manly man, but on like a subconcious level. i think he thought it would be weakness or something but i just kissed him and everything settled a bit for awhile. 

but the mental breakdown was so bad that it took me a really long time to make food. like i was the first one to be able to moderately operate and i guess thats because im used to that sort of mental breakdown state. like it wasnt as if my drugs were weaker - i was definitely totally fucked up and not well. if i was anywhere but a couch with a blanket - dead in the water. but as soon as the worst of the hallucination subsided and i was able to grasp reality for longer than a couple of seconds, i really tried to take control of my mind and body. i wanted it to be over and i could really not operate well and if you would have put a camera on me in this kitchen it would have been frantic pacing and spinning in circles trying to make chicken nuggets and pizza. 

as i was making the food i went downstairs to check on them and he was laying on the floor with our friend but he suddenly started freaking out at me very seriously and telling me he needs mental help. to me, it’s semi-normal for him to do this. sometimes he changes moods very quickly and you cant question the shift or it escalates it. if you can get him to see hes exaggerating his own thoughts with something more light hearted, he lets it go. but to our friend, he had never seen this side of him. he kept whining about needing a movie on tv but he was doing nothing to help himself with a laptop in the room etc. it was a brief but intense 2 minutes of very serious freking out about needing “mental help” and i casually mentioned how hes “disturbing” our friend which helped switch him to the realization that he wasnt actually alone. 

i finished the food and he asked to tae a nap upstairs which was really just restless anxiety but i felt like .. a much different vibe or shift from him. it wasnt embarassment but like maybe a realization that im not “crazy” and being in mental chaos is hard. both of them were extremely thankful about the food and understood on a deep level how hard it was to mke it - but again, no one was physically sick. everyone could operate but mentally they were gone. so its just really hard to imagine how hard it could be to make food unless you experience if yourself and they did and they appreciated it. 

he was very affectionate towards me after, wanting to sit together and hug me and touching me. he asked me a few times if iwas okay and honestly, i was and i am. it was a really easy mental break for me because i knew it was drug induced. i explained it was little sober me curled in a ball inside and just terrified and waiting it out. cuz its not fun to experience that. im surprised i didnt cry but again i knew it was the drugs. maybe im the best person for a bad trip. i took care of myself and two other people. 

my friend made a comment about us being “boyfriend and girlfriend” i repeated what he usually says - he’s not my boyfriend. so he directly asked him - “youre not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore?” and he replied “look we already established i live in my own reality and thats all that matters” 

whch really he was referring to a comment i made the day before about how he kind of just lived in his own reality where he wont “define” us having a relationship but literally everyone else who knows him and i does because we do in fact by definition have a romantic relationship. so he can think we dont but we definitely do. 

hes very very anxious and passive aggressive about my eviction. which is funny to me because i think its a projection of like.. knowing he probably really wants me but this is a bad situation. like its not a healthy relationship standard to now live together because i was evicted. theres no want or desire there; just necessity. so i get it; but he cant say these things. that makes him committed and obligated to the idea of a full scale long term relationship. he cant be alone and be himself with a connection.

i told him i had an opportunity to live in a nearby bussable city. he commented that itd be a long way to walk but it wouldnt matter - hes going away in the summer (by going away he means the idea of living in his truck). it was a double shot - not only would i have less access to him; it wouldnt matter to him because he’s/he’d just leave anyways. 

its a bit upsetting that he would focus on our “non existant” relationship - he drives enough it doesnt seem that big of a deal to live a bit further and i dont have a lot of options at the moment. like this is upsetting for me too but im trying to stay the course. ike its a bump in the road of my recovery; it’s not a step backwards, its a consquence of my actions before and it doesnt define what im doing right now. right now i feel 50 - 70% equipped to handle this. its not going to be fun or easy but itll really be for the best all around. like being in this apartment is not healthy for me.

and i have to live my own life. like i feel at ease with the idea that were not creating a real life together so im kindof moving on and he might have to make effort to keep it going. if he doesnt, well -- sucks, but what more can i do? sorry for not living up to your expectations?

i want to live with him but at the same time, right now, i dont. maybe in a few more months when he figures things out a bit more. not that i have anything figured out but as my mind has cleared, ive begun to have time to think on what i know and believe and want. ive built some confidence in myself that i might know whats best for me. not that i know everything, but i should trust that i know when it best to listen to someone else too. and i should trust when i know that someone elses opinion might not matter. 

so i know i want a life partner. i know i want to create things - maybe grow or cook, something stress free. i know i want to help a community thrive and grow things within local areas. i’m tired of doing what everyone else wantsme to do; it’s exhausting and suffocating and leads to constant mental breaks. i just want to be me and being me involves a partner. 

i dont want to live with his mother. its very suffocating to be around his mother who places her own misguided expectations on you as well. she told me to get a job at mcdonalds - whch is fair, but what happens when i give up? because i know its what i dont want? why stay in terrible situations? why stay n something you dont want? what i want a majority of the time is to lay down and give up. i’d like the incentive not to and mcdonalds is not it. 

but she doesnt understand that. she doesnt get that like this shroom trip, a lot of my daily coping is within life or death. i have to choose life. i have to choose and grasp reality regularly when i’d rather give in to it all. so when you lay that blanket on ‘get a job at mcdonalds’, it’s just not the rght choice. it seems stupid, but its not the right choice. 

this week i will amazingly work four days. im nervous but looking forward to it and looking forward to it solving some of my problems. 

[kaminosoath]

STATIK: =With Sirius GONE without so much as a warning notice (and along with her their mother and Ananya), Statik was a bit...agitated at about half her family. She understood the need, of course, but it didn't make it any less frustrating that they LEFT WITHOUT HER???=

STATIK: =Going on five minutes now, she had been pacing about the tech lab, feeling a little antsy and restless. She had to get out, and so she left, making a beeline straight for one block, even though she wasn't entirely aware she was headed there.=

STATIK: =When she crossed their door, she wet her lower lip, a little daunted. She'd been a bit...well...her usual ass of a self lately and didn't want to crowd them so soon after she'd made a scene... But in her opinion there had been sufficent time between then and now and she felt like she had given appropriate space? Even so, she missed them, and they were going to know it. There's a familiar knockin on Simula's door, always in some kind of musical rhythm to spice things up.=

SIMULA: -ah yes, the tell tale signs of statik's arrival. they'd been curled up on their bed for a while, drifting in and out of a nap. having company brought about some conflicting feelings, moreso than usual. caught between that need for attention and the ever growing fear that something is going to go awry. ultimately, they give in to the former desire, and opens the door from where they're lying. they only move to sit up, glancing over at her.-

SIMULA: Hell-o. Come in. Not that you need an invitation.

STATIK: hey hey simCard ⚡ =She notices that recently-awake expression and raises her brows, but accepts the invitation into their room= i didnt interrupt your beauty sleep did i? ⚡

SIMULA: -musses with their own hair, shrugging a shoulder. they might not be the most emotive person usually, but they definitely seem extra lethargic.- You could hard-ly consider it that, if II look as shit-ty as II feel.

STATIK: =she threw an arm over one of their shoulders and pulled them into a side hug= STATIK: this is only a small speed bump. youll be beautiful again, no worries ⚡ KD

STATIK: =that is she tried throwing and arm over their shoulders.=

STATIK: =She tried, she probably only could reach one of them properly, then ended up just crossing and arm over their back.=

STATIK: =even as she jokes, her expression does flicker into a worried one=

STATIK: you looK as exhausted a deer being traCKed by an enduranCe hunter ⚡

SIMULA: -rubs at their eyes now, accepting the little scraps of affection.- It's noth-ing. II just made the mis-take of leav-ing my room again to-day.

STATIK: K(

STATIK: do i need to KiCK someones ass? ⚡

STATIK: ...

STATIK: do i need to KiCK my own ass? ⚡

SIMULA: ... No.

SIMULA: Some-thing stu-pid hap-pened. -huffs a small sigh-

SIMULA: II was hang-ing out with Dell in the cafeteria. Emilet was there. Silliness en-sued, basically. But it escalated and Dell got irrationally frustrated and-- Chucked his tri-dent at Emilet.

SIMULA: II on-ly bare-ly stopped it.

SIMULA: May-be he deserves an ass kick-ing. But II will be frank, II'm get-ting a bit tired of acts of physical violence.

STATIK: K\ oh my god... ⚡

STATIK: it Keeps HAPPENING ⚡⚡

STATIK: youre the Captain's kid! file a Complaint! start a petition! ⚡

STATIK: ill even sign it for you! ⚡

SIMULA: -scoffs- What, like an an-ti-bullying pact?

SIMULA: There's noth-ing II can do to stop peo-ple from be-ing impulsive idiots.

STATIK: =scoffs right back= NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE! ⚡⚡

STATIK: when there are meetings in alternia's judiCiary, the league has to leave their weapons at the door and wear suppression Collars that are aCtivated during any signs of aggression. it was to avoid wrongful death. that was a problem for a while until it was solved! ⚡ CK

SIMULA: -looks.... reasonably horrified by this.- Eugh.

SIMULA: As aw-ful as Alternian cus-toms are, II sup-pose you're mak-ing a good point.

SIMULA: ... -long suffering sigh- II could al-ways talk to my fath-er, at least.

STATIK: =She didn't see anyone piledrive someone to death herself, she just HEARD things. And had a near-death experience that sent her straight back to the UU but that was a different thing entirely=

STATIK: of Course i am! ⚡⚡ OK

STATIK: =She pulled them into a tight hug, and her voice dropped a little softer,= what happened, it really bothered you, didn't it? ⚡ :C

SIMULA: ... -leans into her hug, nodding a little, unable to vocalize it.-

STATIK: it suCKs a lot to have someone you Care about be in danger ⚡

SIMULA: -glances at her, supposing she must know, if the way she's continually reacted to the finncident was any indication.- ... Yes. It does. -nonchalantly nuzzles at her shoulder a little.-

STATIK: then say something, sim! ⚡

STATIK: and if people don't listen, Keep saying something until they do ⚡

SIMULA: -quiets until she feels a little bit of wetness on her shoulder.- It feels... point-less.

STATIK: =she broke from the hug, and dipped her head, trying to look up at them=

STATIK: why?? ⚡⚡

SIMULA: -averts their gaze , but they can't hide the tears swelling in their mismatched eyes.- II made my bed a long time a-go.

SIMULA: II could keep try-ing, but why would anyone lis-ten to me? II don't de-serve the time of day.

SIMULA: II push-ed everyone a-way. That's what II want-ed. And now II'm-- -they can't believe they're letting themself break down like this, but everything hurt so badly, worse then the headache and the sparks erupting from the emotion, they couldn't hold it in anymore.-

SIMULA: II feel so a-lone.

SIMULA: Some-times II feel like you're the on-ly one who actually gives a fuck when it comes down to it.

SIMULA: Everyone is so fuck-ing con-tent to turn the oth-er cheek to-wards actual physical harm again-st me.

SIMULA: But II earned that, didn't II. This is what II get for be-ing such an ass-hole all the time.

STATIK: =she started off squinting at them, but the more they cry, the more her own tears begin to well up.=

STATIK: dont say that its not too late! i Can say for an absolute faCt that satomi and siri Care... ⚡

STATIK: but siri liKes everybody, so she doesnt Count ⚡

STATIK: looK looK looK ⚡

STATIK: =She sniffed as she squinted and placed each hand on their shoulders.=

STATIK: you didnt earn shit, and everyone else who is being an asshole about this doesnt Know a single thing about you ⚡

STATIK: they dont Care beCause its EASIER turning the other CheeK ⚡

STATIK: its easier for them thinKing theyre so freaKing PERFECT and trying to single you out beCause youre more honest about it that you arent ⚡

STATIK: they Cant grasp the ConCept theyre not as high and mighty as they maKe themselves out to be ⚡

STATIK: =her words are getting a bit snappish and angrier=

STATIK: and you Know what? they're fuCKing hypoCritiC COWARDS beCause of it! ⚡⚡

STATIK: theyre small and insignifiCant and they Cant stand it so theyre trying to maKe YOU feel that way! their tiny minds have tiny Cruel little thoughts and they arent worth shit! ⚡

STATIK: =she put a hand up to their face= youre worth way more than all of them together ⚡

SIMULA: -there's more to be conflicted about after hearing this. whether they should listen and let themself be comforted. whether it's true, whether it even matters if it's true or not. statik cared. statik saw them as something great, and not just despite the ugliness, but because of it too. they effectively lost the battle trying to keep her at bay along with everyone else. and... they're fine with that.-

SIMULA: You know... -sniffs, tentatively reaching to touch her face too. almost hesitant.- You real-ly are such an an-gry lit-tle per-son.

SIMULA: II think you give me too much cred-it. But II won't ar-gue eith-er.

SIMULA: ... Thank you, Stat-ik. For... be-ing here.

STATIK: im angry beCause all this pisses me off!! ⚡ KO

STATIK: but i wont deny im little ⚡

STATIK: =she leans into their touch, and laughs a slightly soggy laugh= and if i give you too muCh Credit, it's Cause you give yourself none ⚡

STATIK: im always gonna be here, sim. ⚡

STATIK: ...im sorry i stayed away ⚡

SIMULA: That doesn't mat-ter now. -insists, fidgeting a little before leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.-

STATIK: =her face is turning a marvelous shade of GREEN, but not because she's sick. Statik doesn't move, because she's not sure how to take all these butterflies slamming themselves into the walls of her abdomen. Does she DARE?? Gradually though, she moved the hand she had on their face and lightly kissed the area where her touch had been.=

SIMULA: -a noise rumbles out of them like a purr -- a good indication that this is a good direction to head in. their head dips as they lean in, cheeks brushing, till they're simplying draping themself over her in another hug.-

STATIK: =Relief washed over her and she patted their face before pulling them closer in her arms, crossing her limbs over their back.=

STATIK: i wont do that to you again, oKay? i'm here for you. i'll always be here for you. ⚡

STATIK: =squeezes=

SIMULA: Then... you should stay here. Un-til II let you leave. -mumbles into her shoulder. this is what happens, statik. you give them an inch and they take a mile.-

STATIK: =There is a smile to her voice and she leaned her cheek against theirs.=

STATIK: there was only ever one option, i thinK ⚡

SIMULA: -they purr softly again, leaning heavily against her until they're both flopping back onto the bed. it's snuggle time...-

STATIK: =With Simula in her arms and she in theirs, it finally felt right. She nuzzled against them, purring herself.=

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i feel upset today because there is a continual expectation for me to put myself out for other people and get next to nothing in return as they ask for everything. and if i ask for something, it just goes ignored. 

i’m tired of my work being devalued. i’m tired of people just taking it for granted and using it to their own benefit. i felt nothing but anxiety and animosity at the last show our group put on because i was knowingly bullied on more than one occasion by another member and then forced to put on a show with them - and was even questioned why i might pull out my art. 

i was going to perform at this event. but as the weeks passed i realized i was putting in more work than anyone else and when i asked for certain things, they were ignored or put off. and yet there was an expectation for me to complete something for them ‘asap’. this made performing for the first time really devalued. like sure, i worked hard to create the event but why? what was the purpose of this? it was never to bring anyone together, it was never to showcase anything but the organizers themselves and the lack of good promotion means the likelihood of selling something at a venue not known for after hours shows and not joining our marketing is pretty low. 

i am 27 years old now. i have no fucking desire to put on shitty teen shows that are half assed thrown together with a bunch of my friends. thats not what this is about for me - it lacks a certain amount of organization and class. it lacks a curation in performers. i thought i might be the worst one - and that’d be okay. they cant all be winners. but now it’s just open mic - and if i really wanted to perform at a open mic, i’d go to a real one. if i’m going to do a large amount of the work - outside of meeting with the owner one time and putting up 5 flyers on street poles - i want the results to be worth the work i put in. and IMO it’s not. it’s mediocre and thrown together. 

and i feel a personal insult about this because of how much work i put intothe group itself. ive dedicated time on a semi regular basis to all the admin work, the promotion, keeping social media active, posting new submissions, fielding a majority of the questions and i’m not asking for praise - i’m asking for people to respect the work i’ve done. don’t come in and draw on it with magic marker and tell me its acceptable quality when theres folks painting in oils. i dedicated time to create an entity that could be used and harnessed; i ask for the quality of our output to match whats already there. 

and i think it’s asinine that i would hve to argue doing better than average. if this is just a hobby or random activity for you - fine. it’s not serious. you’re not serious. none of this matters. but it was presented as serious. it was presented as a showcase of people’s craft. there is no effort into making it somewhere one would wnt to be. we’re all going for the ~decor. we print posters because we want to see our name on a poster in the street - not becuse we’re really advertising an event. it was acceptable that the only people in attendance would be the performers and a few of their friends. acceptable!! that’s an unsuccessful house party, in my opinion. 

you know whats missing  locally? proper use of social media to network between people. it’s impossible to find other artists in the area unless you scour through obscure hashtags. but yet theres dozens and dozens if not hundreds of artists in the local area. this means you get stuck in one influence and within that influence you may be chastised for going against the “norm” of their influence. instead of new ideas being welcomed, they’re constantly turned down or argued against. 

i’ve met all of the people i know through facebook and instagram in my art world. thats a very powerful tool.i know models who only book through instagram. and ive had arguements about the use of hashtags. as if theyre not relevant. 

i’m tired of questioning what i know. tht honestly gives me the most anxiety. and its not like im tired of questioning what i do - its healthy to question your actions - but what i know and believe makes me feel unsure of myself and the skills i have. i have had experience working in the creative industries since i was 17, freelancing. and i have a wide variety of skills in graphic design, retouching photos, photography of models & landscapes & products, glamour modeling & product modeling (of which i’ve done for dozens of photographers in the local area), web design & blogging + knowlege of e-commerce platforms, wordpress, seo, promotion & marketing both online & offline, i’ve sold crafts online for almost four years and switched my primary creative tool from artisan crafts to trditional & figure art that i studied & practiced extensively for over two years, i have skills in copywriting & journalism, i have a handle on the basic laws of creative works & how they can be used, basic knowledge in building & selling a brand, communicating with clients & customers (of which i’ve had no complaints in regards to my communication - ive had complaints about shipping because post offices are not so nice), creating organized file systems which can be used by multiple people -- i have paid my dues. i am still growing, absolutely. i am not the best at any of the above things i listed. i could be even better. i could spend two hours today on one of these skills and be better than i am right now. i can always be better.

but just because i can be better doesnt take away from what i know now, what i have learned, what i have studied - like i took the time to study and read up on research and marketing & promotion techniques. a good portion of my first shop was spent reading about how to sell stuff, not so much making stuff to sell. as i did not realize at the time how much work went into being successful online. and i did not realize until my shop closed how i had taken that skill for granted - because i had done all that work & effort, it was able to pull in a few sales a month with little to no effort now. if i worked harder, maybe i couldve been even better. 

i also (un)willingly have worked full time as an artist and only an artist for at least two years. this is the “luxury” ive been allowed in  life even though i am the definition of starving artist. i didnt have it as a part time job or hobby - it was something i did every single day and i marketed & promoted for hours a day. an acquaintance of mine upon hearing of my mental state now told me that i had gone so hard for so long - and i kind of appreciated that he saw that on the outside. that someone could see that i actully did work incredibly hard. that i was dedicated.. that i AM dedicated. 

i’m not saying any of this makes me better thn anyone else or knowing more - it just means i’m experienced. i am very very experienced in not only practicing a craft but marketing that craft to sell, displaying that craft in it’s best light, knowing the best places to sell. i also work in quality over quantity. i am not interested in doing 9  - 10 shows a year. i’m not interested in shitting out  5 - 7 paintings at a time. it means before i touch anything to paper or canvas or wood - i’ve thought about it. i’ve really, really thought about it. i didnt just sit down and throw paint on the canvas. i couldve been thinking of this image for days before i do it. or the craft itself - my bone jewelry came because i absolutely neded to make a necklace out of fish bones i found and they needed vials attached. why? i dont know. but it just needed to be. 

when i started the group, i asked about names. i didnt choose a name or dictate the name. i was given a suggestion by someone i actually dont like at all and was given a reson for why he felt it was a good suggestion and i agreed because business-wise it was a good suggestion. i respected that he hd different ideas and experiences that shaped that suggestion that i did not have. i learned through it that i should expand my reach - both in my personal creative life and my ‘business’ creative life. 

my ~partner was disappointed i wasn’t going to perform. i could tell it was frustrating and dissappointing to him because i think he thought it wouldve been good for me and that i would hopefully find something in it that would bring me something. and through his disappointment he told me that it wasn’t totally right to drop out of something you planned to do or that peopl expected you to be at.

but i’d like to turn that around - my partner is someone who also puts himself out for others on a regular basis. and for a long, long, long time he was fucked around and fucked over by many people. an old friend came to his door and asked to borrow money and he allowed him to despite knowing he might be a drug addict now. he had no obligation to this person but it was like since he was asked, he should. and i think if he lerned to say no, or learned to walk away from an unhealthy situation, he would be happier as well. i’ve learned first hand the benefit of walking away from something toxic. and you will feel misplaced guilt for a bit, i feel some guilt now but it’s for the best. 

i try to think how i can change my perspective on it but i cannot. i wold not walk down the street if this was held in the local gallery, nevermind 20km away. like once i took myself out as a performer i realized i wouldnt even want to go. i dont want to see anyone perform but my partner; who will already be subdued because of the venue. ive been completely taken out of the organization of the event - despite having been continually involved in the promotion and a few conversations since the lst one where i said i didnt want to keep doing this. so ive deleted my advertisement efforts online andi’m just halting any further promotion on my part of this event. i’m 97% sure i’m personally not even going to go. i no longer ant to see half of the people there on a personal level so it’s not even worth going to to hang out and i dont care about displaying my art.