#i didnt want to get into details im mostly writing from memory

[nezu-mi]

So today marks the 1 year since the tragic train collision in Tempi, Greece that caused the loss of 57 people, mostly students in their 20s. I never see stuff about my country on my dash so I thought I'd give a quick run down for the sake of it. I don't write such things often so I'll try to keep it short and informative.

Two trains collided and subsequently exploded on this day at Tempi, a location notorious for other mass casualty accidents. I don't know which international source to look to, the language barrier is big and we're the country with lowest ranking in the freedom of press index in Europe [x]. The reason for this collision that killed at least 57 people was that although the railway was equipped with automatic controls, the switching and signaling was done manually and a lack of communication led to the lines not switching, causing a head on collision to occur. They tried to point it on human error, that the stationmaster who had only been working there for a month was unqualified for the job, which may be true but also serves as a great way to absolve of any fault the higher-ups who were aware of the lack of safety in the railways, as evidenced by later investigation showing multiple warnings sent to the respective officials from the train drivers' official body.

The victims' families were understandably not satisfied by the official investigation and decided to file a criminal lawsuit against the Prime Minister and other politicians connected to the crime. I believed they also organized an investigation of their own.

Now I don't watch the news because they don't help my depression and knowing you're being lied to is also not a positive thing. Evidence has been lost, they poured concrete over the site of the accident and built a church on it, they took so much time to find the black box that it was unusable by the time they recovered it, the church is calling for the families to "mourn silently" if they want to honor the memory of their lost ones. The former Minister of Infrastructure and Transport happens to be from my hometown. Embarrassingly in the elections that followed the "accident" this same town re-elected him. I don't even wanna get into this.

I don't have much to say, I just wanted to spread some awareness around, it's the least I can do. As a side note, I don't know what kind of tourism propaganda our government serves outside of the borders but please don't believe them. Don't come to Greece, it's not the Mediterranean paradise you see in pics.

Thank you if you read this.

[f1nalboys]

Hey! Can you do a Angsty Randy Meeks Fic?

I had an idea about how after the murders Randy hooks up with Karen at Bradleys Video. And the Reader gets jealous and stuff.

It can be SFW or NSFW

I love your writing :)

thanks for the request!!! i realize now that i mostly did a fix it fic and didnt really do muchn angst KSGBSJDBGB im still posting this BUTTT if u sent this request and you'd rather a more angsty ending of this, pls send in another ask and ill rewrite an ending for you!!! otherwise, i hope u enjoy this one!!!

Randy Meeks x GN!Reader

WORD COUNT: 1679

WARNINGS: sfw, descriptions of ptsd symptoms but not talked about directly, jealousy, miscommunication kinda? more like lack of communication, hurt/comfort.

You thought it would bring the two of you closer together. Maybe it was selfish thinking, using the awful murders and traumatizing memories for your benefit, but what else were you to do? You didn’t want to let this all weigh you down, hang around your neck like a hangman's noose, but maybe, just maybe, improve your life a little bit. Sure, your friends were dead and you yourself had nearly died, leaving a nasty wound on your stomach from the blade of a knife you can still see when you close your eyes at night, but it didn’t always have to be that way.

Now you were in college, studying right alongside Randy and Sidney, yet you were the only one who couldn’t feel normal. You stayed in your dorms most nights, too fearful of what would happen if you stepped outside. Going to class was hard, eating was hard, ignoring the anxiety and anger that built up in your chest, cracking your ribs as it tried to get out, was hard, and yet they seemed unaffected. It wasn’t fair of you to think that, let alone be jealous of them for seemingly being unphased, but you couldn’t help it.

Your one saving grace was Randy.

Yeah, you were friendly with Sidney, mostly because of your shared past, but you were friends with Randy. Of course, you’d love to be more than that, and you weren’t exactly the best at hiding those feelings, but for now, being friends was enough. Hell, there were even moments, the briefest of instances, where you thought maybe, just maybe, he might like you back. Times where the two of you were alone together and his eyes would linger on yours for a moment too long. Times where you two would collapse against each other in a fit of laughter that would taper off, leaving you both breathless, shoulder to shoulder, your lips far closer than it had been to any of your other friends. There had even been a moment where you had watched his eyes dart down to your lips only for him to swallow heavily and look away. Small things that seemed to keep that shred of hope alive in your chest. 

And then he had gotten drunk over at your dorm one night and told you through a slurred speech that he and Karen had hooked up. His eyes were lit up and his cheeks flushed as he recounted the story to you, detail after excruciating detail. They had been stocking the porno’s back in the video store where they worked and one thing led to another, he told you. 

Things were different after that. You tried not to let it bother you, but you discovered it was easier said than done; you’d look at him and think of his face screwing up in pleasure. You’d feel his fingers brush against yours when he grabbed something from you and you’d think of his hands on her. You’d see his tongue swipe across the pink of his bottom lip and you’d think of him kissing her, sucking a mark onto her neck. It made you sick. Randy seemed none the wiser to the changes within you, which made you even more upset. How couldn’t he notice? 

And then it all came to a head.

He’d been trying to hang out with you all week and you kept dodging him, giving him weak excuses and blatant lies as to why you couldn’t. When you open the door to your dorm only to see his concerned face, you aren’t sure what to do. “Y/N, finally! You know, I’ve called your phone like eight times, and you can’t even use the ‘unknown number’ thing against me because I know you have the caller ID thingy.” He says as he pushes inside the room, looking around your empty dorm. You sigh, closing the door and wondering why of all nights did your roommate have to pick this one to go home to visit family.

“You’re normally supposed to be invited in before you actually do it, you know that, right?” You ask, a bitter tone to your voice. He rolls his eyes, tugging his jacket off of his shoulders and tossing it onto the back of your desk chair before sitting on the edge of your bed. Crossing your arms across your chest, you lean back against the wall and stare at your feet. 

“Yeah, but it’s me,” Randy says and you can hear the smile in his voice. Instead of giving you butterflies, you simply bite your tongue. “Hey, c’mon. What’s up?” His voice is filled with concern and you look up, your resolve cracking a bit at his face. He pats the spot beside him. “Talk to me, would you? You’ve been acting weird and it’s killing me.”

You roll your eyes but push off of the wall, sitting on the opposite side of the bed near your pillows. You stare at the ground and the energy in the room turns awkward as he waits for you to speak. “I’m fine.” You finally say, sparing him a glance. “Like, seriously. I’m good.”

“God, you’re a terrible liar.” Randy responds, reaching over and gently punching your knee. “Can you just skip the theatrics and tell me what's up? I’m a good listener.”

“Since when?”

“Since now,” he grins at you. “Out with it.”

You glance at him and chew at the inside of your cheek, sighing. “Fine.” You look back down at your hands, your nerves through the roof as you speak. “I got jealous. After you told me about Karen… I just… I’ve liked you for so long, and I knew you didn’t like me back and I thought I could handle it, but I guess it was easier to handle when you weren’t telling me about the loss of your virginity.” You try to lighten the mood at the end of the sentence, cringing internally at what you had just admitted to him.

This was going to ruin your friendship. You knew the second you looked over his face was going to be screwed up in disgust. He was going to stand up, tell you that he could never think of you that way, that he was disgusted with you, that he never wanted to see you again. He’d grab his jacket and leave, doing what he could to avoid you. He’d go on without you, live his life free of the memories of high school and you, and you’d be stuck. Instead, you hear him laugh.

It’s almost worse.

“Don’t laugh,” you mutter, feeling your face heat up in embarrassment. You scoot back in the bed, bringing your feet up and tucking your knees up to your chest. The tears you had been holding back seemed to be right there, ready to slip down your cheeks in a second. 

Randy grins, reaching his hand over to run along your back. “I’m not laughing at you,” he says, and you’re once again able to hear the smile in his voice. His hand rubs soothing circles on your back and you lift your head, giving him a cautious look. “I was laughing because… that’s it? That’s what made you all weird?”

“Well… yeah?”

“Y/N, you’re so stupid.” Your eyebrows instantly scrunch together in anger, your legs moving back down the bed as you turn to face him. You open your mouth, ready to tell him to shut the hell up, when he leans in and kisses you.

It’s exactly what you dreamt of.

You melt into the kiss, sighing as he pulls away, your eyes closed. He laughs slightly as your eyes open, tilting his head at you, a smug grin on his face. “But… I thought… what?” You ask, and this time when he laughs, the butterflies are back. “Are you just doing that because you feel bad for me?”

Randy shakes his head, giving you a fake scoff. “What, you think I’m that much of an asshole?” He sees the gears turning in your head, the briefest hint of a grin, and he shakes his head. “Yeah, don’t answer that. But no, of course not. I did it because I like you too.”

“Really?” He nods. “Well… why didn’t you say anything? And why did you sleep with Karen and then tell me about it? That’s pretty shitty.” 

“I didn’t know you liked me!” He says, leaning back onto his hands, your bed sinking under his weight. “And to be fair to myself, I was super fucking drunk when I told you about Karen. And, if I thought you liked me, I would’ve tried way harder to sleep with you instead.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I was so obvious, I thought!” He shakes his head, grinning. You look at him, your smile softening. “You really like me?”

Randy nods. “Yeah, I really do.” He frowns slightly, reaching over and grabbing your hand. “Next time, though, just tell me what’s bothering you, alright? I don’t want the person I’m dating to be mad at me for a fuckin’ week and have no idea about it; you know I’m clueless!”

He brings your hand up to his mouth and gives your knuckles a quick kiss. You smirk at him, ignoring the ever-growing butterflies in your stomach. “Oh, we’re dating now?” He chuckles, giving you a shit eating grin. “I wasn’t a part of that decision.”

“No need, babe, you already admitted you wanted to date me after throwing your little fit!” When your eyes narrow he gives a sheepish grin, poking you in your side. “I’m messing with you… do you want to date me, though? Because I’m like, totally into it if you are.” He seems nervous, his cheeks tinged pink as he glances away from you towards your bed, his hand leaving yours to pull at a loose thread on your blanket. 

You smile softly and answer with a kiss, cupping his cheek as you do so. This time, Randy is the one to melt into it.

(requests are closed - i am finishing up whats in my inbox!)

[lunatic-fandom-space]

OKAY i just had a bit of a Yugioh Zexal Moment and it made me remember a theory I had when I was watching Zexal for the first time (I went into it w/ basically no spoilers), some of yall might remember it from my liveblogs

This was all mostly based off those memories Astral had of the Astral World getting destroyed (sidenote, but wtf happened to those memories?? Like, they were initially Astrals whole motivation and then the writers just kinda forgot about them lmao) and Number 96

Basically, I thought that Astral was created as weapon to fight the enemies of Astral World or whatever so they made this insanely powerful synthetic being who was just like, A Guy personality-wise and since that obviously doesnt make for a good soldier/weapon, they had to like, inject him with negativity and destructive impulses or smth in order to change his personality. My idea was that whenever the higher ups in the Astral World cough Eliphas cough even though I didnt know abt him when I was spinning that theory cough cough wanted him to go out and destroy something (possibly for like, colonizing purposes but that wasnt really based on anything in the show, I think I was just influenced by how many serialized kids shows feature stuff like that) they would trigger that Fucked Up And Evil part of him and he would basically act like Number 96 and when they were like "ok thats enough destruction for now" they would recapture him and do some stuff to make him revert back to his 'base" personality and idk, just kinda keep him in a cell bc I like it when Astral suffers and is lonely and isolated

And I assumed that the reason Astral World got destroyed (and to a lesser extend the reason Astral has such vivid memories of it, although its yugioh so details like that dont really matter tbh) was that they kinda lost control of him one day for some reason and he started destroying shit, although Im pretty sure they made it clear that the Astral World was being attacked by some other forces so its like, more of a joint effort ig. And yeah, thats kinda it

The main reason I bring that up is bc while I was scrolling through the Astral tag just now I also stumbled upon some more critical posts about the writing and how certain things were handled and there were also plenty of Dark Mist posts included there. and it made me remember the profound disappointment I felt when they revealed that Dark Mist was never "really" a "part" of Astral like the other Numbers, he was just kinda created by Don Thousand to fuck Astral up ig

And yeah, now that I wrote this down and thought about it for a moment I realize that Dark Mist just kinda being created by The Astral World Higher Ups to fuck Astral up isnt that much better, but like, it makes the Astral World seem less Pure and Good and dare I say, °•~Heavenly~•° and thus makes the conflict between them and the Barians a lot more interesting

But whatever this is just some stuff I remembered hope you liked it

[actualbird]

hi zak i just wanna i looove your fics ur marius hcs are so canon to me and if u don’t mind me asking how do u usually outline ur fics?

hi anon!! thank u so much :DDD

and sure thing! i remember i answered this question once or twice in the past but i cant find it again in my archive ahjfkjhsfkjahs so i'll just go thru it all again (and for good reason cuz i think i my answer last time made it look like things were organized. it's not. it's Not Organized)

anyhoo, short overview answer is: craft big idea -> rough outline (summaries/short bullet points) -> detailed outline (connecting all the dots)

long detailed answer follows under the cut (wow, me using a readmore HAHAJKHSVKFJ well, my writing process is boring i dont wanna stretch dashes with this, i'll save being a nuisance for my silly little headcanons)

all screenshots will be coming from my outline for my most recent fic "standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)" cuz it's freshest in my memory and also planning took a LOT of time here

-

step 1: craft big idea

the first thing i actually do on outline doc is make the summary that i forsee it'll have on ao3. this is cuz my summary format on ao3 is [excerpt of scene] + [a few lines explaining the fic overall], and thinking of what to put here first helps me get a good grasp on what i want the fic to be in the Big Picture sense: what the mood/tone will be, whos POV it's in, what the inciting event that kicks it all off is, etc etc

the big idea, along with all the other steps in my process, are subject to change as the process goes on. for example, for the shovel talk fic, heres the first ao3 summary i made for it (version from april 3, thank u google docs version history HAHA)

this was back when i envisioned the fic as a long-ish oneshot that was mostly comedy. but as i continued thru the other steps of outlining (and realized that the comedy is more of the hook and seasoning and the real core is gonna be the feels later on that i didnt wanna spoil upfront in the summary), the ao3 summary changed to whats on the fic now

still, no matter how the ao3 summary changes, it's a great starting point for my brain to get into the rest of the fic cuz ive already got a bunch of the core stuffs for the story

-

step 2: rough outline

this step is me getting into the overview of each part/chapter of the fic, the big idea but for specific chunk of story. these come either in the form of short bullet points or short short summaries of the events, and thats rlly all that is in here: events. all the details is for step 3

heres the rough outline portion for chapter 5 of standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)

absolute barebones, but each chapter has got something along these lines going on for them (i just shared this one cuz it's the least messy to look at AJHVKJZHFVAKJHS) which keeps me on track irt what needs to be Happening.

-

step 3: detailed outline. the longest and most stupidly meticulous part of my process

this step is what it says on the tin. with the smaller bigger picture of the chapter (huh, actually, im realizing that my process basically hinges on taking in the big picture and then slowly zooming in bit by bit) i then start putting down the exact things i wanna write: everything from dialog to descriptions to etc etc. and all of it is absolute wordbarf and the fact it is wordbard is Important

heres an excerpt from the detailed outline portion of chapter 2 of the fic

i put in A BUNCH. and this is important to me cuz it's at this stage i can start filling in the blanks, irt the events i put down in step 2

like in this chapter, i had 2 events to link: vyn making dumb sex innuendos -> vyn making his grand and genuine love declaration about marius. how to get from point A to point B is something i cant leave for the actual writing portion because my tendency is to blank for days, trying to find the perfect way to word it or execute it.

but in this outlining portion ive got the freedom to try out a bunch of methods in a wordbarf format that gets my thoughts in order. it doesnt have to be good or make sense just yet, as long as it connects the two events, i can refine it during actual writing

and more often than not, changes Do happen in the actual writing portion, since once that bit is going on ive got a clearer idea on how the scene is flowing and all that jazz. still, those changes are hinged upon the fact that ive got a skeleton prior, or else i'd have a really hard time trying to figure out whats not working because i hadnt put a Thing thats Not doing the job yet. i guess my penchant for doing this step that i know many people see as insane is that it's easier for me to work on something imperfect that already exists than to make something do what it needs to do on the first try

heres another portion i still consider as part of step 3: me trying to figure out how marius and giann have their argument in chapter 5

and then i basically transplanted these into the chronological outline portion so i could see how it works in the actual scene

so my full outline for this fic is a grand total of 6.7k words cuz i do the detailed outline for every single scene HAHA

-

aaaaand thats how i outline, anon! i hope this sates ur curiosity :DDD

[jaekaicx]

so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

[sinshckled]

THONKS,

not gonna lie, im rlly wondering whether or not i’d like to move blogs - which is stupid bc i literally just posted a new meme CRIES

idk i just. sigh. this blog genuinely feels so far away from me now, it’s a completely different part of my life. i don’t feel like i fit among its pieces. ( im a weirdo i dont fit in have yOU EVER SEEN ME WITHOUT THIS STUPID HAT ON-- *cough* )

like i dont want to get into details bc FUCK THAT !! but im rlly in a different place now, and this blog is kinda tied to a bunch of memories i want to fully dissociate myself from. and it might just, idk. help? to start anew ?

obviously i could keep the same url, i might use a placeholder and see. like, watch me literally make a blog in the next fifteen minutes. im literally gonna do that. and just, have a blank page to write new stories on :)

i probably wont be able to rp for long, but at least it can be a low-activity blog without stress??? that i can just jump on once in a while. and ill go thru my blogs to find my old hcs and post them or whatever so that all my character building over the years is still there but like lets be honest i havent posted a lot of hcs its mostly in my head bc writing them down means it has to be perfect and oh god i hate my brain sometimes. 

maybe thats why ive reblogged sm BTS like im just trying to make this blog into my lil corner again. also im hyperfixated, there’s that too. i hope i didnt annoy too many ppl w my babbling !! 

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 5

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn't and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/n

Warning: language, PTSD, anxiety, violence, fluff.

W/c: 3.5K ish

A/n : oooh getting serious. Im having so much fun writing this you guys! Shout out to @cutie1365​ for all her support! Go read her fic A Kid From Queens, but dont say I didnt warn you. Its addicting! 

Everything happened really fast after that day in the common room with Wanda. Shuri worked tirelessly in the lab trying to develop a softer approach to bringing back your memories. She believed if she could restore them fully, we would have the last piece of the puzzle.

Becoming the perfect war machine seemed like the most obvious use for the serum, but Steve reminded you Hydra always had something up their sleeve.

You really enjoyed living in Wakanda. Most days were spent in the gym training. Trying to harness the team's abilities was not so enjoyable. You worked with Wanda most. It helped that you were only 4 years older than her. She was younger than most of the team and had a dark past that seemed to mirror yours.

Most of your nights consisted of you, Wanda and Nat settling into the couch and cheesy eighties movies on the plasma TV. Bucky would often come out of his room and sit with you.

You really enjoyed Bucky's energy. Something about him just drew you to him. Maybe it was his smile, or the way he smelled like mint and nicotine, or that he read the newspaper and drank black coffee in the mornings. You weren't sure. One thing was for certain, the more time you spent together, the harder it became to leave him. Bucky would tell you about his past and how he used to have to bail little 'Stevie' out of bar fights and ally brawls every other day. He made you laugh like no one really did. When he told you about his time with Hydra and how they would control his mind you would rake your fingers through his hair and whisper to him he wasn't alone anymore.

As the days melted into weeks, the horrific nightmares began to grow legs. It was one of the many side effects from Shuri’s digging. Some days it felt like Hydra knew you would try to remember and this was their fail-safe. Every time you began to drift off you'd see Tommys pale face, blood oozing from the corner of his mouth. You swear, right before he stumbled off the edge of the bridge you saw him say something. You could never remember when you woke, nor could you recall any other detail other than Tommy. It felt wrong. You felt wrong. Like he wasn't yours to grieve.

One particular bad night, you remember waking up screaming. Your whole body felt like it was on fire as your tears seared down your cheeks. The only thing that grounded you after that was the small knock that echoed from the other side of your door.

“Hey, doll. Let me in?” His voice was soft and smooth and the only thing that seemed to bring you back to the dimly lit bedroom. You stared at the ceiling for a solid minute before slowly rising and crossing the room. Gently, you opened the door just a crack and looked up. There stood a sleepy-eyed Bucky. He sported a baggy pair of grey sweats and an old beat up tank, his arms on full display. In normal circumstances, you believed that that was enough to knock you out of any state. You wondered if Bucky knew the effect he had on people. Or worse, if he knew the effect he had on you.

“Can't sleep, keep me company?” He spoke, huskily. You could tell he had just woken up. Sleep still clouded his eyes, and the yawn he tried to stifle gave him away. You appreciate what he was trying to do, so instead of calling the man out, you opened the door, and welcomed the Super Soldier in.

You talked for hours that night. He didn't ask about your nightmare, which you appreciated. You had recited the images to Shuri about thirty times in the past week. It was the only memory that seemed to come back. It replayed over and over on a continuous loop through your mind. This moment with Bucky was a welcomed break.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” You finally spoke. Bucky and you had found your way onto your bed at some point. His right arm draped around your shoulder, as you leaned on his chest. He cracked his neck to look down at you.

“Of course.” He offered, shifting onto his side so he could really look at you.

“Does it ever stop? I’m so exhausted, all I want to do is sleep but I- I'm so scared. I don’t want to see it again… What if it never-” Your voice broke off, shutting your eyes tight to stop a tear from escaping.

“Hey, hey. You're not alone anymore. Remember? I went through it and came out the other side. And look how well adjusted I am.” Bucky smirked, sarcasm laced his last remark. You couldn't help but smile at that. You didn't know if anyone but you and Steve really knew how funny he was. Maybe he liked it that way. Maybe he was only that way with you? You knew it had been awhile since Bucky had really been this way around others. It warmed your heart how quickly the two of you got along.

“Listen to me, doll.” He started, seriously, lowering his stare to meet yours.

“I’ll be here. Whenever you need me. I know what it's like, to feel out of control. To feel like a prisoner in your own body. To answer your question, yeah I think it gets better. I mean,” He paused then, looking you up and down in a way that made you blush. He started again, words laced with that old Brooklyn charm the ladies used to love. Granted, that worked back in 1940 - something and he had been out of the game for quite a while.

“I’m in bed with a smart, complicated, frankly beautiful dame. I’d say it gets better, wouldn't you?” He gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. His touch sent shivers down your spine. Bucky's stormy eyes bore into yours making your breath hitch in your throat. There was a moment, so brief that when you recanted the memory you weren't sure it really happened. But you thought maybe for just a second he wanted to-  

“Up and at it, Y/n! Training starts at 0700!” Caps voice droned through your bedroom door suddenly, knocking you out of your thoughts and back to the bed you resided on. Your hand reached out for Bucky, who since that night spent most beside you. He would stay with you until you fell asleep and more often than not, when you woke, he’d be beside you, fast asleep. His side of the bed was cold, however. He had been up for a while.

You looked at your phone on the nightstand. 6:15 am it read. You groaned, rubbing your hands over your face and slinking out of bed. Pain screamed from your muscles as you opened the bathroom door. Carefully, you started the shower, steam quickly filled the room and calmed your aching bones. You stepped in and autobly signed.

Fifteen minutes later you met the rest of the team in the kitchen. You couldn't help but notice Bucky wasn't in attendance. Everyone looked like they had been awake for hours while your wet hair was pulled up in a messy knot on top of your head. Nat was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she noticed you come in. She smirked, instantly grabbing another mug and gesturing to the pot in her hands. You nodded quickly. ‘Coffee fixed most everything’. That's what Your Dad used to tell you before he left for work and you lived by that.

“Look who's finally up…” Cap announced. You had no idea how he was so chipper in the mornings. Even the sound of his booming voice made you cringe. The man must have coffee running through his veins. Maybe that should be Hydra’s next serum idea…

“I have risen. Just for you, Rogers.” You muttered sarcastically, taking the mug of coffee from Nat. You smiled and mouthed thank you, taking a big swig. Ugh, you grimaced, swallowing the brown substance much to your dismay. You didn't know what this brown water was but it definitely wasn't coffee.

Wanda laughed at your disgusted face, "It's decaf, Y/n '' she rolled her eyes, "Cap thinks decaf is better for the team. That coffee will mess with our 'performance' or whatever." She shrugged. What's even the point? You thought.

“Excuse me young lady.” Cap began, scolding Wanda like she was his teenager. Wanda smirked, turning towards his voice.

“Young lady?” Nat mocked her friend, nudging him out of the way as she reached for the piece of toast she had put in the toaster. She took a bite and over chews laughed, “You're really aging yourself, Cap.” She finished, hoisting herself up onto the kitchen island beside you.

You really liked Natasha. You thought she must have been the most beautiful person you'd ever met. Her red hair always curled around her soft features perfectly. You honestly didn't know how a human could look that perfect and be so deadly. Over the past few weeks, Nat had taught you a lot. You mostly trained with Captain Rogers and Wanda, but occasionally Nat would step in. She was small in stature, but she helped you learn how to use that to your advantage.

“What’cha say we go get some real coffee, babe?” Nat nudged you with a small smile. You looked up at her with a wide eye gaze. She truly was a hero.

“God, yes please.” You beamed as she jumped off the island.

“If you're skipping out on training then count me in! I” Wanda chimed.  Rogers looked frustrated as the three of you started towards the door.

“Nat, you heard what Shuri said. Y/n cannot leave the premises until we know what she's fully capable of. She’s dangerous.” Cap stated firmly, but unmoved from the kitchen. You looked at the floor uncomfortably. He was right. You were a ticking time bomb. You all knew it. Shuri explained with the presence of the nightmares it was only a matter of time before something snapped. And no one really knew how that would look when it happened. For the most part, everyone treated you like a normal person. An honorary member of the team. But Rogers often reminded you that you were anything but. Just an experiment and a means to an end.

"Comeon' y/n. I know a place we can get some real coffee."  Nat spoke, louder than Cap. Venom seeped from her words as she glared at the Captain. She shook her head disapprovingly. Wanda took your hand, pulling you gently out of the kitchen. When you touched you felt your skin sizzle, absorbing the power that surged through her body. You made a conscious effort to steady your breathing and push her power to the back of your mind. As you left you heard Natasha’s booming voice coming from behind you but decided to ignore it, as the two of you headed for the garage.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Steve?” Nat snapped at him. Steve opened his mouth and closed it trying to find the right words. “She’s a person, you ass! You can't keep treating her like some unhinged science experiment. She’s just a person. Just like me. Just like Bucky.”

“She’s nothing like Bucky!” He thundered. Nat took a step back, snaking her head disapprovingly. “I can’t keep thinking, what if we had it wrong. I mean, she can’t remember anything. What if her memories come back and she's not really on our side. I don't think we thought this through, Nat.” He huffed, running his hands over his face in frustration.

“I trust her, Steve. Bucky trusts her.” She started, taking a few steps closer to him. He shook his head in annoyance and scoffed.

“Bucky thinks the girl’s a doll. He’s totally smitten, that doesn't count. I think the guy would trust anything she said at this point-”

“Do you trust me?” Nat snapped, a brow arched, hands on her hips. Stever huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You know I do, but-” He began.

“Then it's settled. You gotta’ let the girl out. She's been locked up here for weeks. I promise, I’ll keep her safe. Besides, I’m getting pretty tired of her stealing my clothes. Coffee, and shopping and then we’ll be back, yeah?” Nat offered, voice dripping with sweetness. She knew she had won this battle. She always did.

“Two hours, Romanoff. That's all you get.” Steve grumbled. Nat smirked, rolling her eyes and spinning on her heel to meet you and Wanda in the garage.

“See ya later, Grandpa. Don't wait up.” She offered over her shoulder. Steve only shook his head and chuckled, hoping desperately he hadn't made a huge mistake.

Nat strutted victoriously out of the kitchen, and almost ran right into Bucky's large frame. She stumbled back, regaining her balance quickly. Bucky raised one brow curiously.

“Where ya’ going in such a hurry?” He asked, watching her carefully.

“I’m taking your girl out for a much needed shopping trip. Anything particular you'd like to see her in?” She quipped, sarcastically, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Bucky choked on a cough, clearing his throat and trying to turn it into a laugh. He failed, of course.

“I- ah, I don't know what- uh, what?” He finally got out. Nat smirkled, and patted him on his stiff chest. It was literally too easy. The man was such a ball of stress. Nat thought it was honestly cute. She’s never seen Bucky like this before. Nervous and blushing. She thought you were really good for him. Maybe you’ll finally take that stick out of his ass. She thought with a smirk.

“Have a nice day, Sergeant.” She cooed, pushing past his rigid body leaving Bucky in shock.

“You ready, babies?” Nat grinned, putting the key in the Jeep’s ignition. You sat in the back seat while Wanda sat in the passenger, both nodding vigorously.

“For the love of coffee!” You shouted, pointing forward. Both women laughed and with that you took off.

……………………...

You practically skipped through the Wakanda market. Beautiful earthy colours melted into the scenery practically taking your breath away. Wanda and Nat had stopped at a small coffee shop, but you wandered around, looking at the beautiful handmade clothing. The smoky smell of something cooking from a nearby street grill filled your senses. It was complex, sweet and spicy and sour all at once. It made your mouth water. Foreign and delicious. You followed the smell to a small hutch where people gathered around, eating and laughing.

“Beautiful isn't it? How food brings us all together.” A man spoke beside you. You recognized him as T’Challa, Shuri’s older brother and also the man who is letting you and your new friends stay in Wakanda. You had only really met him in passing, but never really spoke. Bucky always describes him as a kind, gracious friend. You smiled up at him.

“It is… Really beautiful.” You repeated.

“How are you liking Wakanda, Y/n?” He asked. His voice was deep and rich. Almost melodic. Just by speaking he had commanded the attention of the people around you. The new eyes on the two of you made you feel uneasy and small, but you took a deep breath and relaxed yourself.

“It's so gorgeous here. Thank you for having me, T’Challa.” You spoke his name and it made him smile. You froze unsure if that was the right thinking to call him. He was the King, sort of, but Bucky had always referred to him by his given name.

“Breath, my friend. You have nothing to fear here. You are with good people. Your friend Bucky speaks very highly of you. And any friend of the Sergeants is a friend of mine.” He voiced, placing a warm hand on your shoulder as you relaxed. From behind him you could see Nat and Wanda walking towards you. Wanda waved chaotically making you smile.

An old beat-up SUV made a loud popping noise as it pulled up somewhere behind you. The noise made you shudder. The familiar sound of gunshots rang through your ears as you grabbed your head, trying to make the noise stop. You looked to T’Challa who seemed only concerned, reaching out a hand to steady you.

“Is everything okay, Y/n?” He spoke, trying to gage what was wrong by your actions. The loud deady blows echoed through your head, unrelenting as a scream erupted through the crowd. You weren't sure if you had made the noise of if it was someone else. Everything seemed to fade away and your vision became blurry.

“Y/n, Y/n! Can you hear me?!” You heard a woman yell over the crowd. You tried to focus on her voice, but it was too late. Everything suddenly went black and you felt your body go numb.

You woke up in the dark cement room that plagued your nightmares. A man's eerie voice echoed off the walls.

“Еще раз!” Again! He shouted. Usually when you relieved these memories you didn't know what the man was saying.  But for some reason, this time your brain was translating for you. You didn’t question it as you looked around the room. You felt your body scream as an excruciating electric shock ripped through you. Tears burned down your face as you begged incoherently for it to stop. As fast as it came on, the shock stopped, and you could breathe again.

“Ты сама во всем виновата, дитя мое.” You brought this on yourself, my child. The man cooed, wiping a bead of sweat that ran down your forehead. You winced at his touch, the feeling of him on you making you nauseous.

“Если бы ты только сделал то, о чем тебя просили. Если бы вы только слушали. Может быть, все было бы по-другому, хотя я сомневаюсь в этом.” If only you had done what you were asked. If only you have listened. Maybe things would be different, though, I doubt it. He spat, chuckling as he motioned for the other outside of view to start again.

“Please, don’t do this, Zemo. Обещаю. Возьми мою память. Заставь меня забыть, только не делай этого.” I promise. Take my memory. Make me forget, just don't do this. You begged. You tried to move your arms but they were secured down. The man only laughed at your feeble attempt, building a rage inside of you.

“Oh, don't you worry, мой ребенок. All in due time. When I’m done with you, you won't remember your own name.” He grinned a crooked smile as the machine you laid in whirled on again, sending a volt of electricity through your body. You clenched your teeth and stifled another scream.

Your eyes burst open, scolded by the sun and the tears that now streamed down your face. Gasping for air you tried to sit up, but your body shrieked with pain. On your left Nat sat beside you, Wanda was on your right holding a phone to her ear yelling something you couldn't quite make out.  Your breath slowly began to return and the sunspots in your vision cleared. You looked around, the market was now almost empty but the small street grill was now billowing with smoke and flame. Nat helped you up, body still aching. You looked around, horrified by the mess that was once the lively market.

“Are you okay, Y/n” Nat started, her hands on either side of your arms. You blinked at her, terrified.

“What happened?” You asked, horrified to actually know the answer. She gave you a nervous look and tucked a loose hair behind her ear.

“It wasn't your fault, Y/n. No one was hurt, everyone got out. It’s going to be okay.”

“It most certainly is not going to be okay!” Captain Rogers' voice boomed from behind the three of you. Wanda spun around startled, while you just hung your head low. Whatever lashing he was going to give you, you deserved. It couldn't be any worse than what Zemo had done…  You paused, eyes a gape.

“Oh my God.” You gasped, alerting the others. Steve looked at her angrily, impatient for your next words.

“I remember something… I think- I think I remember who did this to me.” You choked out, eyes glassy as you remembered for the first time the man who made you a monster.

................................

A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope all have a great weekend! As always, feel free to leave me feedback! My inbox is always open!

@projectcampbell​

[drkcnry67]

you are

A/N: going into the DC side of things. except another leap for my writing as well as my brain. this came to be in the middle of the night bout 2am so i briefly jotted a few ideas on a piece of paper in the dark and now im doing this… i hope this brings joy in these dark times!

Pairing: Kate Kane x reader

sentance inspirations : “what's stopping you now?" “can you help me with my tie?” / “can you zip up my dress?”

tags: WARNING THIS IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES! THIS STORY FEATURES LESBIAN (GIRL ON GIRL) SEX, I REPEAT DO NOT READ IF UNDER THE AGE OF 18. I MEAN IT! DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOUR UNDERAGE! YOU WILL BE VIOLATING SOME LAWS IF YOU DO! NOW DONT DO IT!

summery: not freaking telling

Masterlist

several years ago, billionaire Bruce Wayne disappeared from Gotham City, the company struggled but when Lucius Fox got murdered his nephew Luke struggled to keep Wayne techs inner lights on.

one evening Kate Kane walked into the office of CEO Bruce Wayne her cousin. she was determined to continue the legacy he had left behind in one shape or form.

she stumbled upon her cousins biggest secret, the biggest legacy he had left behind. she found the Batcave. she discovered her cousin was Batman. now she continues the shadow of the Bat. she continues to strike fear into the criminal element of Gotham City.

you had gone off the grid shortly after Bruce did, you werent sure when or if you should return but 6 years later you did, just cause you figured things would have changed and you had heard about another bat being in gotham.

you wanted to know if Bruce had returned. of course you knew your boss’ deepest darkest secret, you were his co ceo and his secretary. you had to know these things.

the penthouse you had been living in before leaving gotham hadnt changed at all. after putting your stuff down and getting somewhat settled, you decided to go and see if your workplace had changed at all, you decided to go see if anything had changed with Wayne tech.

the exterior of wayne tech hadnt changed though there were fewer lights on inside, but you swiped your key card thinking that no one else would be here that you would be able to go upstairs without anyone realizing that you were here.

kate: “someone just used a key card and entered the building.” Luke: “what do we do?” Kate: “we need to find out who they are and how they have a key card. It looks like they are coming up here. So perfect we will be questioning them in no time.”

Luke: “why would we question someone who used a key card? wait what was the key card access number?”

Kate looked at the computer again…

Kate: “4789932. why do you ask?”

Luke: “dont interrogate the person coming out of the elevator was the last person to see Bruce before he disappeared. his secretary, YN.”

you exit the elevator at that moment to see Luke and Kate in the room. Kate’s eyes lock onto yours, her gaze piercing your soul, you had forgotten that you were standing in the office of your former boss.

Luke: “you YN right?”

YN: “who are you? and how did you get in here? this is sacred space.”

Kate steps in front of luke and comes close to you.

Kate: “no need to be hostile, im Kate Kane im Bruce’s cousin. the one he didnt really mention, when he disappeared i figured i would use this place as my home away from home. plus my buddy Luke here is the son of Lucius who i believe worked closely with you and Bruce before Bruce disappeared and before Lucius passed a year ago. when my cousin disappeared did you happen to…”

you interrupted Kate, you felt bad for doing so but you knew what she was gonna ask.

YN: “no he didnt mention anything to me about where he was going, he was just being Bruce. he told me he had to leave Gotham and wasnt sure if or when he would return. i left that same day when he and i had last talked. we had our final conversation and i got on the next flight out of gotham and spent the last few years trying to cope with having lost my job, the loss of my best friend, and the loss of my life.”

Kate: “how long have you been back in Gotham?”

You had to set yourself down in a chair cause now you were feeling the vibes and memories from being back in the office.

YN: “i got back only 4 hours ago. i live in the penthouse in the gotham plaza hotel a couple blocks away. but there are a ton of cars and everything everywhere whats going on?”

Kate looked at you and then remmbered that you hadnt been back in gotham very long.

Kate: “tonight is some sort of fancy ball type thing that the rich folk are throwing in honor of the crows security team that helps the gcpd protect gotham well only those who can afford it anyway. anyway my dad wants me to make an appearance and be there and such so i was wondering if your not busy would you consider coming with me…”

you were shocked this woman this woman who you had barely known for a total of half an hour was asking you on a date… and you of course had nothing to wear.

YN: “i would love to but i have nothing to wear.”

Kate: “we can solve that… Luke im taking the night off… and whatever you do dont contact me at all. im gonna show YN just how much has changed in this city and with its people. and rememebr to pick us up at the apartment at 6:30pm.”

Kate takes you to the elevator and down to the garage. you of course realized that she had a motor bike and that was a total turn on for you.

YN: “where are we gonna find me an outfit on such short notice.”

Kate: “there is a boutique near my place we will stop there on the way to getting me ready.”

you take the helmet that she hands you, you put it on and strap your small bag cross your body, and get on behind Kate. you hold on tight as she takes off out of the garage.

the feeling coursing through your veins right then was something you hadnt felt in a long time. in about 15 minutes you both arrived at a small boutique. it was super fancy, you remmber hitting alot of those types of store when you were bruce’s secretary.

Kate: “lets find you a dress…”

you and Kate walk into the boutique and smile as you both walk in not knowing what you wanted like detail wise for a dress. but Kate spoke up fairly calm.

Kate: “can i get some help to find this lovely woman a dress for the ball tonight?”

Helen comes around the corner and stands immediately in front of you and Kate.

Helen: “such a fluent canvas, let me guess you wear mostly bright colors, but look good in almost anything, dont really care for heals but will deal with wedges, spaghetti strap, built in bra, and has to have a slit in the front for easy walking but can deal if it doesnt. how did i do?”

YN: “you got it. how did you know?”

Helen: “darlin’ ive been at this a long time plus you are very easy to read… wait a moment you remind me of.. YN?”

you had to think now… you couldnt think straight in the first place cause of Kate but now you were faced with this lady who suddenly knew your name.

YN: “im sorry you seem to have me at a disadvantage. do i know you?”

Helen: “its me Helen, i was your tailor when Mr Wayne was still here. God rest his soul.”

you now knew who she was and she hugged you welcoming you back to Gotham as she took you to the rack where she happened to have a mermaid spaghetti strap in lilac and in your size.

she pulled it off the shelf and handed it to you. you held it up to your figure and she gave it the thumbs up as she went to grab you a shawl and a handbag as well as a pair of wedges which she took a guess on the size.

kate and you went back to her apartment and she helped you get comfortable before she went to go get ready for the ball. you started to take off what you currently were wearing, and then you slid into the dress. the satin lace combo gliding across your skin.

you didnt hear Kate who wanted your help with her tie come back as you finished pulling the up but couldnt reach the zipper.

Kate: “knock knock…”

YN: “i cant reach the zipper. Can you zip up my dress?”

Kate: “only if you help me. Can you help me with my tie?”

you nod.

YN: “deal. but who goes first?”

Kate: “come closer to me and turn around so i can do up the zipper.”

you turn around and move your hair out of habit. Kate’s hands move slowly along your back to the zipper but they trace every inch of your back before grasping the zipper.

YN: “can I ask you something?”

Kate: “of course.”

Yn: “did you have any contact with Bruce before he left that would indicate where he was going or why?”

Kate: “no but my cousin was strong willed, if he wanted to do something he most certainly did everything in his power to achieve whatever he was trying to do. Ugh the zipper is stuck, do not worry I have someone who is very eager to help in any way possible but while I Call her can you do my tie?”

Just as you turn around you hear the door open, Kate turns to defensive in front of you. Mary walks through the door.

Mary: “chill out sis it’s me!”

Kate: “thank God it’s you I hope you can help. Mary this is YN, YN this is My sister Mary. Mary can you fix YN’s zipper on her dress it is stuck even I couldn’t get it.”

Mary places her purse and her coat down and comes behind you. While you trace Kate’s form grasping hold of her tie. Mary goes to take a look at your zipper, she spends longer on the zipper then you do on kates tie.

You had this weird feeling, like she had a secret, like she was trying to tell you something and you werent quite picking up the signal.

Kate had one of her hands on your waist, she had every confidence that she had found her one in you. Course she had heard her cousin mention his fantastic secretary but she didnt think you would be this gorgeous. Mary after a while exclaims.

Mary: “i have an idea… stay right there dont move…”

mary left the room for a moment this left you and kate to further ponder your thougts. kate still had her hand on your waist, this sparked something within you that you had not felt in years.

Kate: “do you have anyone special in your life?”

YN: “ive been single every day for my entire life. cause before i left bruce and i shared secrets with eachother that we soon knew would go with us to our graves. kate, im a lesbian…”

Kate smiles and is about to speak when mary comes back into the room, she goes to the back of your dress and fiddles round for a few moments before standing straight and comes back to her bag and coat.

Mary: “all done i replaced the zipper pull, you will be fine ill fully replace the zipper before that dress is needed again. now both of you should go Luke will be here any moment. and im hitching a ride so hurry up both of you and finish getting reAdy.”

Kate and you finished getting ready, the sound of a car horn sounded. this pulled you and kate out of your own admirations and into a state of lets go present to the public.

you held kates hand this sent several shivers down your spine but in a good way. kate however knew what you felt but she knew she would have to tell you her secret after tonight if everything went her way.

kate: "so i hope that this isnt too forward but how do you think people at this party will react to seeing you at the party let alone back in gotham?"

yN: "dont worry bout it ill just exclaim that im back to stop running from the past. Exclaim that I can't and I shouldn't run forever! Even if I'm still scared."

kate: "what do you have to be scared of?"

yn: "my future, the company I worked for for so long went awol after lucius God rest his soul and now I return to meet the cousin of my former boss and the son of his best friend. Geez I'm overwhelmed!"

Kates hand on your own had you finding the strength to make it through the evening! Your only thoughts were of how how you and Kate looked.

Luke got out of the car and came round to open your door so kate and you as well as mary could exit the car. The press got one look at you beside kate and had a field day.

After pushing through the crowd, making it inside the gallary you realized that the security was tighter than usual.

YN: “when did security get beefed up?”

Kate: “since my father became the leader of a security company, they are called the Crows, they became a thing after Batman disappeared. lets avoid any and all contact with him while here, he wont entirely take kindly to me having a date at this gala.”

YN: “does he know that your...”

Kate: “yes he does but he doesnt entirely approve of it. but you know what screww what he thinks. im just happy to not be suffering this event alone.”

You smiled you knew that there was a small chance that kate had feelings for you as well. there was speeches, music, silent auction and dancing. this was what you and Kate spent some of your time doing. was dancing and placing tickets into the silent auctions.

You and Kate were standing by the bar during the next few speeches, doing a few shots and having several laughs.

Kate: "have you ever kissed a girl?"

YN: "not willingly... Poison ivy got me once but batman swooped in and saved me after I sucker punched him while he was trying to save me. But I guess kissed and put under a spell by a bad girl doesn't count."

Kate: "nope but it was a good try..."

before kate had a chance to finish er sentance her name was being called, this made both you and her turn toward the voice, this also made kate immediately chug the rest of her drink.

Jacob: "kate... didnt expect to see you here tonight."

kate: "thats cause i didnt mention that i was gonna be here. as i found out a few new things today but you dont need to know as long as you do what you do we can never be a proper family. trust me being gay is the best thing to ever happen to me. I swear I'm not gonna give up who I am just to make you proud of me. If you can't accept me for who I am then how are we supposed to be a family. "

Jacob: "Kate you made your choice years ago at the Acadamy you don't need to remind me that we are not and can never be a proper family. You and your lady friend enjoy the gala."

Jacob gives you the snake eye before walking away. You turn to Kate both of you now standing alot closer before. Then it was time for someone from Wayne tech to get up and speak.

You and Kate were the only ones who were able and willing to represent the company on the stage.

Kate: "Wayne tech was started by my aunt Martha and my uncle Thomas Wayne many many years ago. Then my cousin Bruce took over when he was old enough. 6 years ago my cousin disappeared, 3 years ago lucius fox was murdered, today I stand up here with YN who worked close along side lucius and Bruce for many years before Bruce disappeared. Under her leadership and the help of lucius fox's nephew Luke we have plans to reopen Wayne tech."

YN: "citizens of Gotham, what Kate says is true we have plans to reopen Wayne tech, we hope to bring good to our city, continuing on in the steps of my former boss and business partner Bruce, may he ever be remembered as we reopen and continue the business that was the foundation to Gothams Legacy for years before and will continue to be...”

before you could finish your speech the lights in the entire building went out. you and Kate stood close.

Kate: “stay close to me, this is not supposed to happen...”

a few moments later a single spotlight on the other side of the room reveals someone standing there...

Hush: “greetings gothamites, right now some of the crows are all standing on pressure plates that will explode the building if they move. so i want the little rat who is associated with Bruce wayne to come forth and face the punishment for trying to shine that light again.”

Kate and you make your way through the shadows and around the harmless civilians to a hidden panel in the wall. stepping inside this felt very familiar feeling of security.

Kate: “we all have our demons, some of our demons hide in the shadows, for this lunatic out there im one of his demons. YN you know Bruce’s secret now im trusting you with mine.”

YN; “ what are you talking about Kate i have to go out there and stand up to that monster and prove my worth.”

Kate: “and you will have your part to play in this but so will i...”

you watch as she emerges from shadws into some low lighting dressed as a bat...”

YN: “so you took after your cousin in that respect. i am so happy that you have trusted me with this secret. thank you for that.”

Kate: “all i want you to do is go out there and keep him talking distract him long enough for luke who can hear us right now to silently and remotely disarm the pressure plates. now go, ill be along shortly. i have to go a different way.”

you leave the hole in the wall, you walk out there and throw your voice from behind the people.

YN: “who are you and what the hell do you want with me?”

Hush: “why dont you come out and face me so i can see who you are!”

You go further and a spotlight shines on you.

Hush: "well well well, let's get this party started.. Starting with a pop quiz: in Wayne tech the last project that was announced to be in development was what?"

YN: "a new secure wing at arkham asylum."

Hush: "what made the plans for this project go off the rails?"

YN: "the disappearance of Bruce Wayne and the murder of lucius fox."

Hush: "and what project are you guys gonna start on with your start up?"

Yn: "why does it matter to you you dick? You are the one that is basically holding us for hostage... Now either release the innocent people and disarm the pressure plates or the gcpd will be crawling over this place in a matter of moments."

Hush: "now now little girl, you were Bruce Wayne's pet weren't you?"

YN: "I was his assistant and best friend."

Hush: "I knew him once, but he was much different then... I for one am glad he is gone, he was an arrogant ass..."

Kate came into view a few times, helping to set up the room so the people are safe, you keep ‘hush’ busy for a few moments. before you knew it all the innocents were in a safe location.

Hush approached you rapidly and began to get all up in your grill.

Hush: “why are you not afraid of me?”

YN: “cause ive seen things in my lifetime that would scare even a man with no heart such as yourself. so do your worse cause im counting on someone saving me very soon...”

Hush comes up and starts using his fingers to trace your body. that is when Kate decided it was time to make her presence known.

Batwoman: “hey ugly, take your hands off the lady...”

Hush turns to see Batwoman who you know is actually Kate standing behind him...

Hush: “why should i you silly little bat?”

Batwman: “cause in a number of moments the pressure plates will be disarmmed, the crows will be free and you will be going to arkham. now pick on someone your own size...”

Hush turned away from you immediately before turning to batwoman he chucked knives at her while you stood there and watched.. Kate caught your eye and winked, just like bruce used to do if he wanted to pull a reverse batarang catch combo.

Kate threw the batarang and it landed in your catch then with all your strength and force your threw that batarang at the back of hush’s head and he fell straight on his face.

batwoman: “alright commander the pressure plates have been disabled, make sure this animal sees justice. ill take the lady out of the building. have a good night commmander.”

kate comes up to you and grapples both of you out of the building. kate’s father called to make sure both of you were okay. you ended up at wayne tower with kate now she still is in costume.

Kate: “what fascination did my cousin have for bookcases...”

YN: “it is just his thing, back at wayne manor he had a bookcase a piano entrance and several other things, he finally choose the bookcase to make things easy for his quick escapes.”

Kate: "do you want to see the cave?"

YN: "I haven't been down there since before Bruce left... I would love to see it back up and running."

Kate's hand on your own leading you down into the cave made you smile as the stairwell seemed to get brighter like something glowing at the end of the tunnel.

Getting to the end of the tunnel there's a path lined with flame less tea lights.

Yn: "it's beautiful... I love these tea lights!"

Kate: "I have to be honest tonight I had a hard time keeping myself from letting my heart lead my actions. In the few short hours that I've known you, I've fallen in love with you. I had Luke and Mary set this up. As well as the bed in the center."

Kate says as she starts de suiting allowing you to roam around but mid way through de suiting her eyes couldn't leave your form.

Kate: "it took everything I had for will power not to make love to you right then and there and when we were dancing it took all my will power not to kiss you while dancing."

You turned to face Kate both of you facing eachother now.

Yn: "what's stopping you now?"

Mid way through de suiting Kate allowed her instincts to take over. she left her suit half off ran to you cupped your cheeks and kissed you. this was the kiss that felt like it had happened before, but of course it hadnt but it sure as hell felt amazing literally breath taking.

after 10 minutes both of you broke the kiss breathing heavily before kate spoke in heavy raspy breaths.

Kate (breathing heavily): “this might be more sexy if you help me finish getting out of my suit.”

YN (breathing heavily): “turn around and i will...”

Kate turns around, you place small seductive kisses trailing her neck, to her shoulder, down her spine earning small soft moans of approval from Kate. your hands moved to her wait and began to slide the suit from her waist down her legs you still leaving kisses ever couple seconds.

once the suit was off Kate threw it across the table in the corner, and took you closer to the bed as she started to use her hands once more to roam over your body, feeling every inch of it.

Kate: “you are still wearing far too much clothing... turn around time for me to help you get out of what you are wearing...”

YN: “i promise you that this is probably way less than you were wearing.”

Kate: “turn around for me..”

you turned around and smiled, kates hands on the back of your dress using the make shift pully for the zipper that mary had put on to undo the dress. but Kate kissed your neck earning soft moans from you.

Kate: “dont forget we are the future of wayne tech, and united we stand..”

YN: “you are so hot, i got all throat dryed and tongue tied when i first met you. i was shell shocked... but im damn well glad you were the one in the building.”

the fabric slid off your body on its own, all kate had to do was make sure you didnt trip over the dress. tossing that with the suit you are in the caressed embrace of Kate.

Kate: “so beautiful...”

you turn around lifting Kate’s tank top off her body. her hands making quick work to slide off her shorts. both of you now scooting onto the bed, Kate was on top of you quicker than you were fully laying down.

Kate: “now this is how love is supposed to be...”

Kate grinded her way onto you, pulling off 69 and just general pleasuring sensual acts. you both were screaming and moaning in pleasure.

Kate: “you know i dont think ive had this much passion in sex in a long time.”

YN: “i know what you mean and i am perfectly content staying right here for like ever...”

kate had been using a double strap on so it pleasured you both. she hadnt puled out or really stopped moving, you both were just laying in a way that you could have a conversation.

YN: “how did i get so lucky to end up with you?”

Kate: “no idea but it was probably the same thing that brought me to you. i love you...”

You cupped her cheeks making sure your noses were touching and that was how your night of perfect bliss continued with the strap on and the vigerous sexual positions and the oral sex you received from Kate.

After several hours of that you both fell asleep cuddled together in perfect harmony. Morning soon fell, the bat computer started its morning routine, the lights were still romantic.

In those moments things seemed simple, both of you had forgotten the horrific but wonderful time at the gala the night before.

Kate and you stirred at the same time, opening your eyes only to start grinding the strap on again, not alot of moving from where you were nor from under the covers.

You were still going at it moments later when Luke and Mary began to decend into the cave. Neither you nor Kate noticed as you were too pre occupied.

The bat computer spoke suddenly.

Computer: "sir Luke and lady Mary, madame Kate and mistress YN are still rolling in the sheets, they also just woke up shall I put up the protective shield?"

Mary: "yes please so we don't have to see anything.. But there is a question I have who installed those shield and why?"

Computer: "master Wayne did for his rendezvous with miss Kyle! Whenever they would happen. "

Luke: "did my father know? About Bruce and Selena?"

Computer: "oh yes everyone eventually knew cause they got engaged in secret. To show Gotham that Selina had truly changed her spots."

Luke and Mary were shocked they didnt think that someone would happen upon anything like that in the cave... though like they were about to see the shield would reveal as though nothing was on the other side of the wall...

Luke: "did bruce leave anything indicating where he was going or why he left?"

computer: "that information is classified except to those whose code names are on the inscription."

Mary: "is it safe to go down now?"

computer: "yes go on..."

meanwhile you and Kate were still engaged in the sensual arts. passion flowing gracefully from you both. neither of you noticing the shield nor hearing the voices from luke and mary, nor realizing that there was work to be done.

about an hour later you and kate were both finally satisfied. you both threw on the robes sitting near by and smiled happily walking out from behind the shield. only to be confronted with glares from Luke and Mary...

Luke: “glad you both could finally join us... oh by the way, great idea for starting wayne tech again that is a brilliant plan...”

Mary: “where are your formal wear so i can repair that zipper and whatever else needs on it...”

YN: “its on the couch over near the shield. just dont look back there it aint pretty.”

Kate smiled cause she could only imagine what kind of horrors they would see if they looked. 

Kate: “did you find anything on that Hush character from the gala last night?”

Luke: “sadly no but i can say that whoever he is is extremely hard to place. plus there is no mention of anyone named Hush in Bruce’s files anywhere.”

YN: “so he is someone new thats okay cause i am the one that took down Poison ivy, that was one of the only missions i ever did with bruce i had my own suit and everything. Bruce taught me everything he knew. but in those moments ivy had no idea that i was the same girl she had tried to force to kill Batman. then i turned around and clipped her with a batarang to the back of the head and brought her ass to arkham. it was a glorious day. it was also the same day that Bruce told me he was leaving. or well that he was preparing too. he told me for what was coming neither of us should be in the city. so when he left i grabbed what few belongings i had and i left gotham and had been in Star City till yesterday.”

Kate went to mary who handed Kate something which peaked your curiousity, but you werent gonna pry you knew when the time was right Kate would do what her heart commanded. 

~1 and a half years later... success had been accross yours and Kates features as you both were running sucessfully 3 businesses. the reopening of wayne tech had gone smoothly. then there was the real estate firm that Kate had been running before you got to gotham as well as a nightclub. a little excessive but its a welcome reprieve with a fully stocked bar. you and Kate were happily living in your penthouse together. you had left alot of it alone due to both of you missed Bruce and wanted him to be honored.~

Kate: “YN, did you put..”

YN: “top drawer in the middle cabinet, Kate did you...”

Kate: “its in your desk in the center drawer...”

you and Kate were functional working happy couple. this was to be the night of the wayne tech gala. you both had put one on as tghe grand reopening and now its a yearly thing. to showcase everything that is in development for the people of gotham. 

Kate: “can you believe that its already been almost 2 years...”

YN: “can you believe that i never thought i would have ever been working for wayne tech again.”

kate: “can you believe that you are the most beautiful woman at this party.”

YN: “your not so bad yourself.”

Kate smiled as she came up behind you to help you do up your dress. 

Kate: “do you think bruce would be proud of what we have done and are doing?”

YN: “i think whereever he is he is very proud of us... and even better he would be honored that we took this mantle and have upheld it for the good of the Wayne family legacy.”

thats when an intruder alert sounded. it was one of the silent alarms on the wayne manor property. 

YN: “we should go as ourselves not in costume.”

Kate: “ill call Mary and Luke and have them stall for time at the gala. we will be there in plenty of time. but your right as usual.”

YN: “good thing we travel to impress.”

Kate: “we also travel combat ready... i get now why you always have slits in your dresses. lets go.”

Kate and you got onto Kates bike and drove off towards the detection. ah yes wayne manor now declared sacred land and only for family, it was unusual that someone would dare to venture onto the property. 

upon arrival at the gate you and Kate parked and got off the bike leaving your helmets and hiding the valuables in the safe installed on the bike. 

Kate: “keep your eyes open something isnt right.”

YN: “dont worry whatever it is we will make sure to handle this.”

Kate smiles and keeps you close while walking further onto the property. you remembered the last time you had been here before bruce left and disappeared. 

Kate: “see anything yet?”

YN:��“not yet... wait there is a light inside...”

you start running towards the house Kate follows in suit, you start going up the steps but stop as Kate comes up behind you and grabs your hand both of you walking up those stairs together.

Kate and you each opened one of the double doors, both of you walking inside the light seemingly brighter. you could hear rustling and creeking of floors. you and Kate wanted to charge in “guns” blazing but you were in civilian form not a good idea. 

you both stop outside the door to the room, you hear a familiar voice. no it cant be... 

Kate: “whoever that is, is going to be tried for trespassing...”

except you knew that voice... you knew who it was...

YN: “dont be rash babe, i recognize the voice.”

you open the door with Kate on your heels.

YN: “talia...”

the figure turns around and remves her hood.

Talia: “its been a long time YN. how have you been?”

YN: “to be fair its been a gong show... what with having just come back to gotham last night after being in star city for the last several years.”

Talia: “i guess it has been a long long time. whose your friend?”

Kate holds her hand towards talia and stands tall beside you.

Kate: “kate kane, im Bruce’s cousin. im as of 1 and a half years ago  YN’s  girlfriend.”

Talia shakes kates hand. 

YN: “what are you doing here talia?”

Talia: “i mean no disrespect but something seemed wrong about Bruce disappearing. something felt wrong and if i can find out why it felt wrong then i can find out where Bruce disappeared to.”

YN: “keep us informed, we have an expo to get too.. we are so late...”

Kate: “if you wish there will be a ticket for you at the door Talia. it was very nice to meet you.”

Talia: “as it was to meet you Kate.”

You and Kate leave Talia to what she was doing and head back to the bike. Tears fell from your eyes thinking about Bruce and how proud he would be of both you and Kate.

Kate: "thinking about Bruce?"

YN: "I just wish he were here to see what we have accomplished. But let's get to the expo and reveal the plans for the developments that we have come up with."

Kate hands you your helmet before hse puts hers on as you both get back on the bike and head to the expo. Parking in the parking garage you make the notion that you both got dirt on your outfits.

Kate: "shit Mary is gonna kill us... She might have planned for something like this... Hold on let me..."

before kate could call Mary, mary rang Kate’s cell...

Kate: “Mary thank god its you listen YN and i had a little run in with some dirt both our outfits are no longer presentable do you have any spare outfits.”

Mary yells at luke and then speaks a moment.

mary: “meet me in the washrooms in the lobby... i will have them there shortly..”

you and Kate sneak your way through the corridors and head into the lobby washrooms. anxiously awaiting Mary’s arrival with your replacement outfits, you made sure that you kept a level head. 

Kate: “you look a little tense love...”

YN: “i wanted this night to go smoooth and now we have to do a costume change only a few short moments before we have to be on stage for the toasts. this is not how this night was supposed to go...”

Kate: “not to worry, there is still plenty of time for things to go right.”

Mary walks in a while later, you look at Kate with anticipation for the way that you were hoping this night would go was not what it seemed. 

Mary: okay whose first for their outfit change... 

Kate: just give me the outfits Mary, you and Luke need to make sure no one comes in here for a few moments while we get changed... once we are changed ill knock on the door and you and come and collect the outfits. 

Mary: that sounds do-able. just both of you hurry up people are asking for you, important people. 

you and Kate were not sure who could be out there but you both were certain that this night was gonna be a rocking good time. 

getting into your clean outfits you both realize that you both are wearing your costume colors. Kate knocks on the door once you both are presentable, mary walks in.

Mary: you both look spectacular!

Kate: ya in our costume colors what is going on?

Mary: luke developed a microchip to change anything into your costumes its like a portable solution. but these are just incase of any ruckass. which we are hoping there wont be but just in case here they are. 

Kate: what if we just want to be normal for one night?

Mary reaches into the neckline of Kates shirt and your bra line on your dress and pulls out the microchips. 

Mary: if you both change your minds i have the chips now go  you both are due for your speech in a few moments. 

you and kate go out of the washroom, arriving in the ballroom to be greeted by dignitaries and just in time to be called up on stage. politely excusing yourselves you both walk up on stage. 

Kate: whats up gotham city. thank you all so much for coming out tonight. this year so far is really big and productive for the company. i cant believe its been almost 2 years since me and YN brought wayne tech back to life. if bruce wayne were here today, to see what we have done he would be very proud of everything we are doing to keep this legacy alive. the silent auction will run all night the winner will be contacted by telephone and by email. the prizes will be availble for drop off or pick up at wayne tech. now i am gonna turn the mic over to my business partner and girlfriend YN.

YN: thanks kate, so as you all have seen around the room are some of the plans to refurbish some of the wings at arkham as well as build a secure wing for those more deadly super criminals. our goal is to create a more secure enviroment as well as give the orderlies more space for any other crazies that may pop up or have to go to arkham thanks to the donations of you Gotham we almost have the funds to start the arkham asylum expansion project. 

Kate: before we sign off for the evening i have something i would like to do. bare with me i have not put alot of thought into this but here it goes. 

Kate turns to you taking your hand in her own.

Kate: Yn you and i have taken Wayne tech and brought it back from the dust and shadows like a phoenix in rebirth but tonight as we boht stand before all of gotham i have a question for you, this night at this gala i want to know. Will you YN marry me?

she then got down on one knee and held a ring box to you open to a rose gold entwined celtic knot band with a emerald cut stone in the center. your face went pretty fast from shock to a face of happy complete utter joy. 

YN: yes!

was all you managed to squeak out.  kate placed the ring on your finger and kissed you before holding both your hands up for the press to see the gripped shot of the engagement ring. 

you were not sure what else would come out of your mouth. thats when luke stepped onto the stage with mary. both of them bringing you and kate some champagne. 

mary: waiters are coming around with champagne will you all please join me in raising a toast to YN and Kate  the best people for the right jobs at the right moments. we are honored to be in your debt. to YN and Kate. 

the toast made, the congratulations flowed in, the press all over your engagement. even the crows offered congratulations. 

~what happens now is a different story for a different time~

[risrielthron]

Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ‘about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}. 

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward​​ because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name:  combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname:  Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art.  Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her.  She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses.  For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt  {So this too has changed from when I first created her.  She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal  {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up  {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor:  silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control.  She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why?  Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother  {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when:  she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all!  {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness:  Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon  {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why?  She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret.  {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know?  {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions  { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants  {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus  {God I was such a noob.  Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why?  The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother:  Kahrysta Elthron  {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt  {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form  {Flight form.  The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no  Drinks: not normally  {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read  {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of?  Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at:  Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring  {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at:  a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her  {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: …  {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional  {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess  { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing:  working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident  {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social  {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy  {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting.  {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning  {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time  {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really  {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all  {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness  {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.} 

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn  {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation  {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet)  {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi  {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet)  {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley  { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti  {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible  {So such a noob.  She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind  {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now.  As for who she admires?  Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother  After story starts:  Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty  {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years.  Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

[night-rhea]

2, 9, 14, 19, 20

I think ı should answer 20 first

20-Did MC join the Order of the Phoenix and/or fight in the Battle of Hogwarts?

Well, officially she joined Death Eaters, not Order of the Phoenix and she had Dark Mark to prove this. But just like Snape, she do that to help Order of the Phoenix.

And yes she fight in the Battle of Hogwarts. Mostly she fight as a Death Eater and wait for the right time to reveal herself.

I must say it was the most hard thing she did in her whole life (Even she already did a lot of hard and hurtful thing.) I didnt decide yet but ı plan to make her kill someone really important to her, so..

2-Where is MC living?

She is living in her own house now. When she officially joined the Death Eaters, as you can guess she couldnt came back to house where her mom Selina and Jacob living. She wanted her new home to be in a forest just like old one, where she can watch the stars in night safely and where no one could find her while she is not on her guard. Well, ıf you ask her she would say her old home was more beautiful than this but she like the fact that this house is actually hers.

And this is Night's old house where she grown up. She has too many memories here about how she played games with Jacob, how they hunt the little birds and how they got scared from voices that Come from deep forest.

I cant imagine how being there without Jacob hurt her when he first leave home.

9-Does MC keep in touch with all their friends? Which ones do they write to the most?

Well Im glad ım finally writing this 😂

After graduation, she write to most of her friends. Especially Penny - talking about a lovely date she had - , Andre - always give her details about Last Quidditch match - , Barnaby - "NİGHT LOOK AT THİS CUTIE PIES HOW BROKE MY ARM HAHA -, Charlie -GİNNY İS GROWİNG SO FAST. SO MY DRAGONS-, Bill - talks about one pretty Girl Who steal his heart - and of course Talbott - how he missed her and wished he can just fly next to her -

She started to work as a CurseBreaker next to Jacob and had to travel with him. She write about the places she saw, the curses she broke, and make sure it sounds good. Because she knows her friends were worried about her. They really were, since Rowan died. So, she write to them to let them believe she is all alright.

But one day, she got an owl from her ex potion proffesor. He was asking her for help about something strange in Hogwarts and telling her to come there alone. She was quite woried about it of course. Because if there is a something making Snape ask for help, it cant be unimportant.

Well she wasnt wrong.

After that meeting, for a few months, she started to write about how she is feeling off in her letters. Or how she liked one curse that amazingly powerfull, or she wish she had that one cursed sword which is too beautiful to kill someone.

She knew this letters make her friends sick worried. (ı need to tell some other time about Jacob's reaction) Bill started to come with her and Jacob to their mission. Andre keep saying to she need a break and go some island for a holiday. Charlie invite her to stay in romania for a weeks (which is she cant, Come on she has a job) Even Merula said that she looks more mad than she did on her school years and she didnt like that. But ı think worst one was Talbott. He was really busy because of Auror camp and they couldnt saw each other enough. Thats why he blamed himself when Night broke up him with a letter.

The last letter her owl give it to her friends was written by Jacob. It was a short letter that saying she killed someone and now he couldnt find her.

Merula was the fırst one who lost her cool and swear to find her, make her realize what she did.

14-What was MC’s reaction to Bill getting engaged/married? (Or if you ship your MC with Bill what was their reaction to his proposal?)

When she heard he was getting engaged, it made her really sad to know she cant be there for him. Night already knew about Fleur,( Bill was talking about her in every chance) But of course she wanted to be there with them, hug Bill and cry with Molly. Maybe make a little prank with twins and run from angry Percy. She knew she is making Bill sad by not being there, but she also knew he had a amazing family and so many good friends that can make him forget about Night. She was grateful to them.

19-Did MC attend Fred and George’s Grand Opening of Weasleys’ Wizards Wheeze? What was their reaction to the Twins epic exit of Hogwarts?

Unfortunatelly she couldnt attend but she heard about Twins Epic exit of Hogwarts. Her reaction? "DAMN IT İM SO PROUD OF THEM." She thinks it was more amazing than her Big Three Prank that she made to impress Peeves and she wished she could do something this cool. Night make herself a promise that after everything if she is still Alive, she will tell them this.

And of course after war, she told this only one of them.

I realized, Night had to watch everything from outside ( when she didnt have to ruin it..) After war, she would probably felt like a stranger to them.

Ask about Adult Night!

[shadedrose01]

Just Breathe

Ship: none, platonic (paternal) relationship between Harley Keener and Tony Stark

Summary: Harley has a panic attack, Tony helps

Tags: none (not posted on ao3)

Author note: this was a story that I originally wrote for febufluff day 7, "hugs" before realizing that it neither had hugs, nor was it very fluffy, like at all. I didnt want to just scrap it, so I figured I'd post it here. I am going to write another story for day 7 of febufluff, but it'll just come out a bit later 🤷‍♀️🤣

TRIGGER WARNING: This story is all about Harley having a panic attack due to his bullies finding out he is gay, and threatening to tell his school about it (aka being homophobic assholes). I describe the panic attack in detail, so if that's not your speed, DO NOT READ. Be safe, please, I love you all ❤

--

Click, click, click-

Harley clicks his pen unconsciously, his leg bunching up and down repeatedly, staring down at his paper with squinted eyes, hoping, begging his mind to focus on the homework.

Click, click, click-

Its math homework, Harley is good at math, he has always been good at math, so why cant he just focus? Why cant he just finish the problem?

Click, click, click-

The question muddles in front of him again, and Harley begs himself not to think about it, tries his hardest to focus, focus, focus! but his cries go unheard, the memory swarming into the forefront of his thoughts once more.

The note on his desk, telling him to be behind the school after class. The walk there, where Harley's curiosity had beat out his fear (such a stupid decision, he should have just left, should have just gone home-). The anticipation, leaning against the old, dirty brick, just waiting, waiting, watching and waiting. The group that had shown up, a bunch of bullies from his school, had surrounded him, pushed him up against that very same brick and held him there like pray, grins smug and eyes glistening, eyes knowing.

They knew his secret, they said, his secret that he was trying to hide for days, for months, for forever, trying to bury as deep into himself as he possibly could. Had said that they had caught him a few days, at the movies, with a kid from out of town, a boy from out of town. Had said that they saw them kiss, had said that they knew, knew who he really was, what he really was, had called him vulgar words, names and curses and swears, had beat him into the ground then and there, and walked away laughing.

They told him that they were telling the entire school. They were going to tell the school about his- his feelings, his sexuality, and- and everybody would hate him, hate his guts for something he couldn't control, can't control, had tried to control for so long, for so so long, and then- then the school was going to tell his mother, and his mother would hate him too, abandon him just like his father had, and Abbie would hate him, leave him too. He'd be all alone, all alone and nobody would care about him, nobody would miss him, nobody would want him and- and-

And he can't breathe.

Oh god, he can't breathe.

Harley tries to take a deep breath in, but all he can manage is a shallow gasp, his lungs feeling as if two vice grips are squeezing them on the highest setting, not allowing them to expand and contract, not allowing air to flow freely, not allowing him to breathe. He keeps trying, his faint gasps getting louder and louder, harder and harder to do, his heart beat drumming in his ears, fast and quick, and he's shaking, shaking like a leaf, and he cant stop, cant breath, his chest aches, his heart aches and oh god, he's dying, he's dying, he's going to die out here, in his garage, all by himself, all alone, his mother working and his sister with her friends, all alone, all alone-

He needs to call someone. He needs to- to-

Harley scrambles for his phone, placed beside the sheets of paper that are slowly blurring together as tears fill his eyes, and he tries multiple times to open it, failing, failing, failing every time, -nobody's going to know, he's dying, he can't- until finally, finally it opens, and he clicks on his contacts list, scrolls to the M's, and presses call, holding it up to his ear.

His other hand as made its way to his chest, having a death grip on his shirt as his chest continues to get tighter and tighter, the air feeling thicker and thicker, the room blurring and spinning and he wont make it, he wont make it until-

"Harley? Harley, I need you to breathe, kid." Its faint, Tony's staticky voice barely heard over the blood rushing in his ears, but it's there, and Harley clings to it like a lifeline (it is, it is a lifeline, his only chance at surviving-).

"I- I dont- I cant-" Harley wheezes, curling into himself, resting his head in between his knees and squeezing his eyes shut, hoping it'll help his rapidly increasing dizziness, hoping it'll stop the room from spinning so damn much, hoping it'll stop his world from collapsing on top of him like it is right now, god, please, have mercy-

Tony breaks through the white noise again, his tone softer than Harleys ever heard it, but strong, urgent. "You can, kid. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you can. You gotta try for me, okay?"

Harley just shakes his head, even though he knows Tony cant see it, his body trembling again as adrenaline rushes through his veins. "I'm dying, I'm- I- oh god I'm dying-"

"You aren't dying, Harls, I promise you, you aren't. You're having a panic attack." Harley doesnt respond to that, just sobbing in between his wheezing because he's dying, he knows he is, he can feel it, he's- "Kid, you're going to pass out if you don't breathe, so I need you to listen to me okay? I want you to breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 and then breath out for 8, you think you can do that for me?"

Harley doesnt, he doesnt think he can do it, but hes gotta- he's gotta try something, anything, he can't just go down without a fight, without giving it a shot. "O-O-O-Okay."

"Okay, follow me, okay? Inhale, one, two three, four-" He hears Tony take a deep breath, and tries to as well, shuttering with a sob as his lungs refuse to expand, refuse to listen, stopping his inhale after two, "Its okay, kiddo, you're doing good, now hold it for me, seven seconds, you got this." Harley tries again, holding his breath even as his body spasms, screaming at him to keep breathing, keep breathing, there isn't enough air, need more air, need- "and release for eight seconds," The air forces it's way out of Harleys lung in one loud push, and he immediately gasps again as soon as his lungs are empty. He expects Tony to be mad at him (he'll be mad at him, hate him just like his mom will, the school will-) , but the older man just keeps reassuring him gently, calmly, soothing Harleys worries. "There you go, bud, see? You got this, you can do this. Let's do that a few more times now, okay?"

They repeat the motion over and over again, and to Harleys surprise, after a while, the inhales start to get easier, his lungs start to open up again, relaxing and stretching again, and his heart starts to slow back to it's normal rate. He's still shaking, but its mostly aftershocks now, the last bits of the adrenaline rush draining out of his body. But now that he's calming down and he doesnt feel like he's dying, he can feel the shame and the horror start to creep it's way in, embarassment flushing his cheeks. "I-Im sorry." He whispers out shakily, running his free hand through his hand before holding it tightly, yanking at it slightly.

"Don't apologize for this, Harley, please." The man sounds tired, in more of a physically/mentally exhausted kind of way over an 'I'm annoyed and hate you' kind of way. Harley still feels a tinge of guilt though. "Are you feeling better now?"

He swallows, his throat dry and sore from heaving in and out breaths. "Yeah, yeah I think so. Thanks."

Theres a pause, a moment of awkward, long and uncomfortable silence that Harley isnt sure how to break, isn't sure he really wants know, until the question he was anxiously dreading breaks it anyways. "Kid..." Tony sighs quietly, "I know we dont normally... do this, the whole having emotional talks about our problems thing, but-" he pauses again, thinking his words through. "...do you want to talk about it?"

Harley grits his teeth, before deflecting. "Talk about what?"

"Harley." The man's tone turns stern, but still soft, still gentle, like Harley's a fragile ceramic plate placed at the end of a shelve, one from blow of wind away from falling and shattering. Then, randomly, he speaks up again, his voice sounding more defeated, resigned, "Look, bud, I cant force you to say anything, but I know from experience that talking about it can help sometimes."

Harley sighs, knowing he isn't going to get out of this, no matter how much he wants to (or, how much he thinks he wants to, even if theres some small part in the back of his brain calling out to him, longing for him to tell Tony everything, no matter the inevitable consequences-). He just shrugs, scuff his foot against the cement ground of his garage, mumbling out. "I don't know what to say, where to start..."

"That's okay. Just say something. Starting is always the hardest part."

Harley snorts, trying to lighten the mood one last time. "Since when did you become a therapist?"

"Since I started going to one." Tony deadpans, a tiny light of amusement ringing in his tone before it disappears again, back to serious. "You can tell me anything, Harley. No judgement, okay, maybe a little bit of judgement depending, but no everlasting grudges, I promise."

Harley chuckles lightly, his back of his eyes burning suddenly, randomly, a flash of warmth flowing through him. Because even with all of his self deprecating thoughts, even with all his anxiety, the one thing Harley knows about Tony Stark is that he always keeps his promises, no matter what it costs to do so.

And so, Harley tells him. Tells him his truth, shakily, nervously, painstakingly slow and fearful, only to be told instantly that it's okay, that he is okay, that it doesn't change anything. Tells him about the boys at his school, about their attack, about their plans with a few split tears and a sob or two. Tells him about how afraid he really is, about how he doesnt know how anyone will react, if his friends will leave him or not, if his family will still love him after it all. And Tony reassures him the whole time, backs him up through it all, telling him it'll all be okay, that even if the school finds out and it becomes a big deal, that it'll blow over in a few weeks, and if it doesnt, that high school is just the first part and a small portion of a longer, bigger life. Telling him that if his friends leave, that they arent truly his friends, and that he knows that his mom, his sister will love him no matter what. "Theres only a few things I know about Macy Keener, but I do know for a fact that she loves her son to death, and couldnt even imagine her life without him in it." (That caused a few more tears to be shed).

And after it's all said and done, the call ended and "The Mechanic" is shining back at him in big white letters, Harley starts back to work on his math assignment with a grin on his face, feeling lighter, better than he has in a long time.

[brinesystem]

man

lifes bittersweet

and im gonna go on a rant? but like, a happy one???? idk man

ill put it under a cut or somethin

uh warning for like trauma mentions, if you skip the first half which is all like solid paragraphs you should be able to move right over it.

okay, so for a summary of my life real quick, and this will be p quick...

born, had no dad, lived in DC when 9/11 hit (like, walking distance to everything, IN the city DC), gained a marine dad, moved around on bases a lot, found out that im autistic and have adhd, bullied a lot in school, moved around more, got two sisters, bullied OUT of middle school, re entered a new school, bullied there too, and tHEN my memory actually starts, cause i started existing in hs?

hs also sucked though? and i was abused and became a csa/grooming victim but only online so i feel weird even taking that label, but i AM one in the end? and was so young somehow??? tbh its worse than im putting it but this is the quick version. was abused more emotionally/verbally, physically threatened at home and bullied in school right? almost lost our house too cause we were MAJORLY BROKE. Like, SUPER badly broke.

We get out of there, my mum actually gets our dad to knock it off, i fail out of hs because they changed the grading rules MID-YEAR and didnt tell me until it was too late to fix my grades for it.

cue mental breakdown, which included losing the ability to read for years, and trauma processing, etc etc. this also includes me becoming disabled, because prior to that, i actually wasnt???? i had some issues, but i wasnt disabled. now i am.

got a service dog, the dad ruined that too because he scared him a lot as a puppy and when we finally got to get him to Stop Doing That, it was too late. then the dog gets attacked twice. in home service dog only i guess now.

and then i realise, “oh fuck wait i have did”

forget about it for a year, realised/remembered it like last year and finally start doing some work with the system, finds out ive basically been fronting for like, 10 years straight at this point. only this year managed to let alters other than Fae front more, because i knew about Fae for years? but i didnt know he was an alter?????? look im dumb okay its fine.

anyways.

point is that like, i dont REMEMBER most of this? this summary type shit is what i remember, and then everything else is either a blackout, or just... blurry.

like theres some details and whatever but its mostly just snapshots, and then before hs theres even less blurry and less snapshots and its mostly just black space.

but.

im here?

like, were all here.

my system, we made it. and were alive?

like, none of us thought wed live to 20 but here i am at 24 and im actually usually happy????

its not been EASY at all, but like... i dont know?

my systems my family and i adore them more than i can put into words. the ‘scary’ ones? love them. im not afraid of them because theyre here and in our system with me and are here to help. ones been helping for longer than ive existed, like??? thats amazing? good job???? fuck.

anyways.

we werent doing okay for a long time, and then we split a lot during trauma processing pt.1 because like. no therapist. i dont recommend doing that btw dont trauma process without a therapist its not worth it.

but like.

a lot changed and i know i split shit and lost some of the memories i used to have. i KNOW that happened, because i remember remembering things that i cant recall now.

which is a weird feeling but im sure you get it.

but like.

im glad we did? like i get it. and i know that some of those alters dont front much/at all/ever anymore, but i think theyre still in there somewhere... and i love them?

theyre great. and they helped us a ton.

and two of the alters that split from that (or the trauma before maybe? idk) integrated and the result is another alter (and a completed fragment) and theyre both amazing too???

i know a lot of people complain about getting more alters or splitting or fragments and such but i just...

i dont know. maybe im just really fucking lucky... and i wouldnt put that past this tbh. but i dont mind it? we function a ton better like this, and its... so nice to see them be able to interact with people?

also theyre both introjects who LOVE interacting with others alters from their source and like

its so nice to know theyre here and happy and found the people they love again?

and i have feelings on introjects and i know theres a lot of drama going on for some reason but like. a part of did is that your relationships from the beginning of your life arent stable, right? and these introjects, they not only have those relationships in theory, but they managed to find them again?? here and now?

they have what we werent able to before, and im so happy for them and theyre delighted about it and its just...

idk.

im really happy sappy and emotional and i just am kind of writing a love letter to my system right now i guess.

cause we made it. were here and tbh this year? sucks ass. the past four years have sucked ass. a LOT of shit sucks ass. but we’re still here. were standing and fighting and enjoying life and just...

one of the alters who integrated is the one who managed to stop us from being suicidal, because he convinced me that like... “if you hate your life, that means youre not enjoying it. so, if youre not having fun, its not a life worth living to you. so have fun.”

and that was life changing for us?????

for ME?

and hes Honey now and honey is joyous and enjoys life to the fullest

but the other alter who made up honey wasnt able to do that.

and now they both are? as honey?

and thats fucking amazing????????? like????

i dont feel like i lost either of them. theyre just Honey now. and hes loving life???

i mean yeah hes got a full range of emotions now which means he can feel sad and angry while the others has more limited but like... isnt that better?

isnt it so much better to feel those?

it feels so much less shallow when youre overjoyed when you know what sorrow feels like. its so much deeper because theres that bittersweet tinge of “it wasnt always like this”

and i think thats what im getting at.

it wasnt always like this.

and it wont always be like this.

but we made it this far...

so i want to keep going.

[shulto-masusdesus]

The Cryptid Machine [BNHA AU: Chapter 1]

Time for the cryptid machine to go wild

(this is my writing sideblog btw)

i havent written anything else in days. i pushed for it so hard. 7k in three days and its just one chapter lol, fuck (i mean i wasnt writing anything else anyway so im glad i was productive at least thanks for giving me something to do lol)

But it was also fun

I accidentally really made them into the scooby-doo gang and honestly its the best thing ive ever done unintentionally. They just fit so well

@kawaiipotatuh @vango-bango and @sooske yo hi yall said you wanted to read it so i wrote it

sorry sooske i didnt get to shiga in this chapter but hes comin,,,,this is gonna be chaptered so he’ll definitely be in this soon. definitely plot relevant because i love shiggy. 

anyway A/N over time for the story

Rating: T for language and fantasy violence (no nsfw this time this is group friend story)

tags in the tags. some body horror because cryptid-related creepiness yknow. and major character death later on so yknow

if i missed anything tell me, okay now time for the story <3

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Izuku, frankly, was stunned.

“I thought it was just a hobby!”

“A hobby?” Shouto threw back what looked to be his thirtieth Five-Hour Energy, pouring syrup on the pancakes Izuku brought without paying much attention. They were more syrup than pancake at this point, but that was hardly priority at the moment. “A hobby?”

The giant frog sitting on the table between them blinked its left eye, and then the right, after a little delay. Izuku shuddered. Too much frog, too close, too much detail. Very scaly and slimy and bumpy. Frogs were not supposed to be big. But it was easily bigger than his head, almost the size of his torso.

“How did you get it in here?”

“Thawed crickets.” Shouto raised an eyebrow, as if having frozen crickets stored for a time such as this was normal and expected. Like a madman consumed by his own craft, he picked up a syrup-coated pancake with his own two hands, and bit into it. Then he looked at the mess with mild surprise, a gaze that read “What the fuck is this? Where did all this syrup come from?” Izuku didn’t have the heart to answer him. “…You’re underestimating me.”

Izuku shut his eyes, sucked in a breath, rubbing his temples. “So. You found this frog in the woods behind your house. You just so happened to have a pack of frozen crickets-”

“No, that’s not what happened,” Shouto leaned forward, elbows on the table, the plate of pancakes Izuku brought ruined and pushed to the side, with that damned cursed light in his eyes he got when he was about to tell a story, dive head-first into a theory, or conjure up a new way to ditch work. “I’ve been hunting this frog for months. I learn about many creatures when researching,”

Scrolling r/cryptids, Izuku thought. And various other unspeakable 2chan threads and dark web sites. He sighed. Those pancakes were better than usual, too...he managed to remember to use less butter…he forgot that all the time…if he was going to make pancakes in the middle of the night, they may as well be good...what was Shouto talking about? Oh yeah, the frog.

“-and I encountered this post about a kappa sighting. It was confusing, and I almost wrote it off as another incident of someone just seeing something very mundane in the wrong light - until I recognized the location of the sighting.” There it was, Shouto’s rare grin, a look very reminiscent of the cat that finally caught the mouse. “…Heartstone Lake, on the park side of the woods.”

The giant frog grumbled. Loudly. Its chest puffed a little and Izuku felt a wild fear for what a real croak would sound like. This thing was huge. “Uhm, yeah? And?”

“So I went and checked it out.” He went over to his Wall, pointing to photo after photo, and Izuku hummed along, suddenly very, very worried about this frog in the Todoroki’s basement. This could end in many ways, and a very loud croak waking up his dad would be one of the worse ones. “Found tracks. Tracks, Izuku. You have to understand - nobody ever finds tracks.”

Izuku nodded. “Crazy.” He said, noticing how the frog’s eye was starting to slowly roll around, as if looking, scanning its surroundings. He was a little bit more than freaked out. He really had thought that this was just an interest of Shouto’s. Not something he was actually going to pursue, and that it produced a very crypid-like thing, a real result? A part of him wanted to go home and go back to bed, before Shouto decided to find a demon from hell or something. Or before the frog turned out to be a demon from hell. “…Did you do a steak-out?”

“Yes. Many steak-outs.” Shouto sighed, rubbing his face. “For…six weeks. Every night and every spare minute I could get. Along with a camera live feed setup. Only today did I actually see something, and once I did, I didn’t let it get away.” His smile was so wholesome, but the fruit of his labor was probably a harbinger of the void. Izuku was torn between supporting his friend and self-preservation.

Izuku decided to call the two people who would help back him up in whatever answer was the right one. The guardian angels, Tenya and Ochako. Because he needed help.

“I’m gonna call Tenya and Ochako.”

To Izuku’s bewilderment, Shouto deflated, smile dying, abruptly concerned. Izuku sputtered, pausing in pulling his phone out of his pocket. “What?! Do you not want them to know, or-?!”

With a sigh, Shouto grumbled, “Tenya…You know what he’d say.”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “It’s probably what you need to hear, really. Monster or not, this frog doesn’t belong indoors. We could get money for it, and what if it’s a new species or something-”

The other boy sighed. “Fine, whatever-”

The underside of the frog’s throat started expanding. Izuku watched in mute horror as it opened its mouth, and released a croak.

It was louder than Izuku expected. Very much so. His ears were left ringing from the rumbling warble, but that was hardly the biggest problem. There was a lot of thudding and yelling going on upstairs, in the upper levels of the Todoroki household; the family converging in on Shouto’s basement for whatever that definitely inhumane noise was.

Shouto’s dad was the strictest father around, and didn’t allow Shouto to have friends over on weeknights, nevermind late at night; since Izuku, an unapproved friend, basically snuck into the house on a weeknight at the unholy hour of three in the morning, he was breaking many, many rules.

And a giant fucking frog on the table in the middle of the room also would do more than raise a few eyebrows.

Shouto, however, was prepared. He pushed a mysterious white jar across the table to him, and pointed to the basement awning window. “I’ll help,” He said. “It’s actually not all that heavy.”

“Shouto! What was that?! What are you doing in there, it’s three in the morning on a school night-!”

There was his father. However, aside from the actual basement door lock, Shouto secretly installed about six extra locks, so he wasn’t getting in any time soon. “Studying, Dad,” Shouto said, heaving the massive, slimy frog off the table. He nailed he tired, annoyed, exasperated tone perfectly. Izuku opened the jar, and forced down a squeak - mushy, wet, dead crickets. “There’s a science tomorrow, I want to make sure I’m ready.”

His dad went quiet, which was his “you’re probably lying, but finding out the truth is more effort than I’m willing to put in at the moment” response. Izuku’s been witness to it a lot, as this is far from the first time he’s been a Master Lock away from getting caught. Shouto gave Izuku a look, frog in hand, as he opened the small window.

“Studying at such an…early hour is counter-productive. Get to bed, Shouto.”

“Alright.” Izuku shimmied out the window, onto the grass outside, and cringed as he opened the jar and gently picked up a soggy cricket corpse. With some difficulty, Shouto shoved the fat mass of jiggling skin through the awning, and Izuku pulled it the rest of the way out.

“Don’t let it out of your sight,” Shouto mouthed, scowling a little. Most likely because he was forced to get rid of his first find. Weird giant frog or not, it was really important to Shouto, so he couldn’t lose track of it-

The frog grumbled, and started hopping off.

“Get it!” Shouto hissed, and Izuku ran after it.

It wasn’t as fast as he thought. He caught up to it easily, and offered it a few crickets to bribe it into sitting still for a moment. Shouto’s window shut, and tense yelling ensued; Shouto buying time so he could hide incriminating evidence. His dad probably heard them.

An awkward ten minutes passed. Routinely, Izuku dropped a cricket or two, and the frog stayed put. Eventually, Shouto opened the window again, glaring.

“Take it to your house,” He said. “God knows I’m not gonna get away with hiding it here.” And he shut the window.

“So,” Izuku said, to the monster frog, dropping a couple more crickets. Its tongue flicked out to grab them, and honestly, Izuku feared for his safety. “I guess you’re coming to my place?”

 _______________________________________________________________

 Step one; get it onto his bike.

His basket was definitely big enough for the frog. He could probably stop every couple minutes to feed it a cricket so it wouldn’t struggle too much while he was on the road. It wouldn’t end well for either of them if it decided to upset the balance of the bike on the road.

He lugged the frog into the basket - it really wasn’t as heavy as it looked - and gave it a few crickets before locking the lid. Step two; get it home. That was the easy part.

The ride was mostly uneventful. The route was mostly muscle memory, so it wasn’t hard to hyperfocus on every odd rustle and bump on the back of his bike. He stopped to feed it about five times, and each time its tongue lashed out harder and faster. His fight-or-flight instinct begged him to run away from the very real monster frog on the back of his bike. He channeled the energy into maintaining cadence. If Shouto wasn’t his best friend, and wouldn’t probably murder him if he lost it, he would’ve let the frog hop into the woods when it tried to.

Finally, he reached his plain suburban neighborhood. He considered stopping at Kacchan’s house, but he’d probably kill the frog on sight, so he couldn’t rely on him for moral support. Time to call Ochako up for an early-morning napover. She said “anytime”, right?

Step three; get it to his room. His backyard didn’t have a fence, and he didn’t have a basement, and even if his mom didn’t have a panic attack when she saw the frog, she would definitely tell him to get it out of the house. Any rational person would, really. So. Hiding it in his bedroom was the only choice.

Mom never got out of bed past midnight, so it was easy to trudge inside, to his room, and to lock the door behind him. Then the frog leapt from his arms, and hopped its slimy body onto his bed. Ew. Time to call Ochako.

As promised, she answered by the fourth ring. “…Yaeah…Deku…?”

“Uhm, come to my house?” Izuku chuckled nervously. “Shouto found…uh, a giant frog, but he couldn’t keep it at his house, so I’m keeping it at mine. I need a little moral support?”

“...” Ochako sighed, a very, very long sigh. “...”

“Ochako?”

“What?”

“Shouto found a giant frog-”

“A WHAT?!”

It took Ochako all of fifteen minutes to get to his place, on foot. She took the short route to his room - through his window - and gawked at the frog for another five minutes, school backpack and sleeping bag falling from her hands.

“He - really?!”

“Yeah…”

She stared at it for a long, long time. It grumbled again. Izuku felt a sinking feeling.

“It’s - a giant frog.”

“...Yeah.”

“And…he just…?”

“No, he said he’d been looking for it for the past six weeks.”

“So that’s why he’s been passing out in class?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Ochako stared at the frog. “I thought it was all…”

“He flipped out a little when I said I thought it was just a hobby.” He ran his fingers through his hair with a huff. “This is really important to him.”

“Well…” She mumbled, eyes wide. “We may as well…take good care of it. H…how do you get a frog to go to sleep? Don’t frogs need heat lamps? How do we take care of a frog - a giant frog-” She stomped her foot. “Did Shouto think about this at all?”

She looked at Izuku. He raised an eyebrow in return. And she fell into giggles. “Yeah,” She said. “Let’s get it in front of a heater?”

Izuku left the room, running down to the hall closet to get a heater; on his way back, Ochako suddenly screamed.

He ran to his room, and to his horror, the frog was, for lack of a better term, erupting. Blowing up like a balloon. Ochako shoved him out of the doorway, into the hall, and slammed the door shut.

“What is going on here?” Oh, his mom was up now, rushing down the hall with concern. “What happened? Ochako, very…nice to see you, but at this hour? What’s happening?”

The two teens were speechless. They looked to each other for answers, but found nothing there but shock and general horror. Tentatively, Ochako cracked the door back open.

The frog was splayed about thinly like a shed bag. Sitting on Izuku’s bed now, instead, was a girl with long green hair. And also very naked, the frog broke open and was now a naked girl-

Confusion ensued. Mom screamed a little, shocked by the frog flash bag, and Ochako and Deku screamed because the frog was gone and Shouto was now on the list of people who wanted them dead; then his mom ran in, bringing the blanket up around the girl with shaking hands and firing off questions one after another, and Izuku screamed louder because he realized that somehow the frog became the girl - Ochako screamed louder, because she realized that with Shouto’s internet skill and wide range of information sources, there was no way to hide from him.

“Izuku, who is this?! Why is she naked?!” Mom turned to him with an unfamiliar demanding tone. “Explain! Now!”

“I don’t…!” Izuku was, completely, lost. “I don’t know…! I think - she was-!?”

Ochako stopped screaming, and said, “We don’t know! She - the frog - it exploded and - it was a frog before-!”

“A frog!?” Mom shouted - his mom never shouted. Izuku felt like reality was fraying at the seams. “What-”

“RIBBIT.”

Everything stopped. Ochako stopped. His mom stopped. Izuku felt like he suddenly lost the ability to breathe, like someone clicked ‘end task’ on his lungs and his panicking head.

The girl’s eyes were very, very big, an expression of pure confusion and shock on her face. “RIBBIT!” She screeched, again.

“R…’ribbit’…?” Mom said, weakly. “What do you mean…?”

“...” The girl stared at Mom with a wild lack of recognition. Not just that she didn’t know who Mom was; she had no idea what she was seeing at all and was completely lost. Izuku was almost as lost, really. “Ribbit…”

Ochako swayed lightly, gripping Izuku’s arm. “S-so - the frog was there before - did she come out of the frog…?!”

Izuku looked at the frog flesh and slime splayed on his bed. “…P…probably…”

His mom’s expression faded from extreme shock and confusion, to general surprise. “Izuku, Ochako, please explain - what is this mess - who is she-”

“I don’t know!” Izuku burst, shaking a little. “I don’t know! It was a frog before and now its a girl and Shouto didn’t tell me and I don’t know-”

“Izuku-”

“Izuku, baby, calm down,” Mom quickly crossed the room to him, softly taking his hands. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry. Let’s have some tea, and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

“...O…okay.”

 _______________________________________________________________

 Tea with a splash of honey was always good. It warmed him down to his core. The girl seemed to also be enjoying it, if her regular sips were any indicator. Even if she was a bit tentative, slow, testing about it, each time.

His mom sighed heavily. “So, according to your story, she’s…”

Ochako hummed. “Yeah. I don’t believe it either. We should call Shouto.”

“He’d love this,” Izuku mumbled, staring into his tea. “He probably knows what…she is. I certainly don’t.”

“...Well,” Mom glanced at the girl. She had a permanent frown on her face. “We’ll deal with this tomorrow. Today, we’ll…well, It’s already five, isn’t it?”

Izuku dropped his head onto the table. “One hour. Please. I want sleep. I didn’t sleep at all.”

“Ditto,” Ochako also dropped her head, with a heavy thud. “No sleep. At all. I almost was asleep, but then Deku called…”

“Sorry…”

“’S alright….I wouldn’t wanna miss this.” She huffed a laugh. “Somehow, I’m glad I saw it live.”

Mom sighed again, sounding old. “Okay,” She said. “You only have about two hours, though. Remember, you both promised you would ride to school this year.”

Izuku groaned, muffling himself on the wood table. Ochako also whined. The girl watched the both of them curiously.

His mom agreed to watch the girl while they napped; Izuku was so not sleeping in his bed, so he took Mom’s bed instead. Ochako splayed out over one half of the king-sized bed while Izuku took up one third, sharing it because his mom’s bed was wonderful.

It was, without a doubt, the worst nap of his life. Because just as he was getting settled in and kind of almost sleeping, the six o’clock alarm on Mom’s bedside table buzzed loudly. Along with the knee Ochako unconsciously jammed halfway up his ass and her loud drool-snore-choke-drowning, he kind of wanted to die, to get some real sleep. The reason why he stopped sleeping in the same bed as Uraraka Ochako came back to him. Violently, in the form of a foot mysteriously journeying its way up his pants. She was just the weirdest sleeper.

He untangled himself from the covers and Ochako and trudged down the hall. He went to his room, intent on grabbing a shower before school.

He grabbed his clothes from his closet and was on his way to the bathroom before he suddenly recalled what happened last night. Where the fuck was that girl-

He ran around the house, looking for her and Mom - the car was gone from the driveway. His mom had work early in the day, so that was normal, but the girl was still nowhere to be seen. Where was she?!

He texted his mom urgently, and she responded, I left her at home. She should be there with you. Have a good day at school <3

One, was he really going to just leave her at home all day? And two, she was absolutely nowhere to be seen. He checked the kitchen, the living room, all the closets, both bedrooms, and their house was one floor and small as fuck, so there wasn’t many places to hide. She was gone.

And then Ochako screamed. Izuku could probably guess where frog girl was.

He ran to Mom’s room, and there she was, Ochako standing on the bed in a martial arts defensive position with frog girl sitting on the floor, blinking cluelessly, now dressed in spare clothes Ochako left here. But she still had such an alien air around her that it felt like the clothes didn’t quite fit her. She confounded Izuku on every level.

Izuku was cobbling together some way to react to the situation when his phone started ringing. He answered.

“H-hello?!”

“Is the frog okay?”

Shouto. Izuku felt a range of emotions, from relief to joy to murderous intent to numbness. “…It turned into a person, Shouto. A girl. Did you know this would happen!?”

A silence passed.

“Shouto?”

“...S-sorry, I…”

“Shouto, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” He sniffed faintly. “I wanted to see it.”

“You knew it would happen?!”

“No, but I had a feeling. Part of the witness reports described a frog standing on two legs like a person, and even people with frog-like features, y’know, like a person, but a frog.” Shouto sighed. “So either it was just one creature that could shapeshift to varying levels of frog to humanoid, or it was many creatures that were all varying levels of frog to humanoid. Like kappas or something.” Something tapped rhythmically in the background. “I wished I could’ve seen the shift. Do you still have the shed skin?”

“For what, Shouto,” Izuku was, frankly, pretty fed up. The frog girl was now on top of Ochako and very closely watching her, scanning her features. “What are you going to do with a giant frog flesh bag, Shouto.”

“Research.”

“Shouto.”

“Testing.”

“Shouto! You’re missing the-”

“Fine!” The other boy huffed roughly. “I’m gonna call Mei and cash in a debt to use her research facilities.”

“Shouto, I love you, but you have a C in chemistry. But that’s beside the-”

“She’s going to examine the frog skin, okay?! That’s it! Sorry I don’t have a genetics lab in my fucking basement!”

Izuku tried to be exasperated, but he ended up fighting back a smile. “N-no, Shouto, that’s not - I - whatever Mei has to do with it, it’s a nasty sack of frog skin, Shouto. I was talking more as in, ‘it’s absurd that you would want it, so why’, not ‘you don’t have the means to do anything with it, so why’.”

Shouto went quiet. “…” It was a long, self-depreciating quiet.

“Look,” Izuku said, smile fading, because fuck, Shouto drove him crazy sometimes. “Get your ass over here and help me decide what we’re going to do about her. She can’t stay here while we’re at school all day, can she?”

“I don’t see why not,” Shouto mumbled. “Can’t take her to school. Can’t let her loose.”

“Shouto, you have the skin, basically, so you have a model of what the crypid frog looks like, right? And proof?”

“Yeah. That’s the best part.”

“So do we really need to keep her?” Izuku watched as the girl tried to lick Ochako with a freakishly long tongue. Being a reasonable human being, the brown-haired girl was scrambling away before she made contact. “She’s…well, I mean, endangered species preservation, right? And - I dunno, what’re we gonna keep her for? She looks like a person, kind of…it’d be weird. Morally.”

“...How human does she seem?”

“One hundred percent. She has big eyes, but that can be passed off as a feature, y’know?” Ochako ran to the doorway - the girl opened her mouth wide, tongue flicking out, and it reached all the way across the room, wrapping around Ochako’s waist and pulling her back in. Izuku flinched as his friend shrieked. “…But her tongue is super long and weird, like a frog’s, and she currently has captured Ochako with it.”

“...Well, human meat doesn’t sit well with frogs, so she isn’t going to try to eat her. Unless she’s an adventurous type or something. I mean, she is a monster, so she’s probably full of surprises. Don’t trust her.” Shouto laughed, like this was a joke. Izuku didn’t find it very funny...How did he know that human meat doesn’t sit well with frogs…?

Ochako was released once she was dragged close enough for the girl to grab her. “So we’re just gonna leave her in my house for the day.”

“Yeah.”

“There are hazards everywhere, Shouto.”

“She’ll probably be fine.”

“But what if my Xbox isn’t, Shouto? What if she burns my house down, Shouto? What if she breaks my Xbox Shouto-”

“Forget about your Xbox,” Shouto snapped. Izuku gasped loudly. “It’ll be fine. She won’t mess with anything. I think. And like you said, if she escapes, it isn’t that bad. As long as the skin is still there, she exists. That’s all I need. I have to take a shower before school, I smell like black coffee and steroids. Later.”

And there he went. Almost angrily, Izuku pocketed his phone and said, “H-hey!”

Frog girl looked at Izuku boredly. “Help me,” Ochako begged, held captive by the two arms around her waist. Izuku debated the pros and cons of tearing her away from the literally mutant creature. What was the likelihood of survival?

“We have an hour before we meet up with Shouto,” Izuku stated flatly. “I’m taking a shower first.”

“No!” In a flash, Ochako twisted free of her bindings and was out of the room, and zooming down the hall. “You take all the hot water!”

Izuku sighed. Frog girl, covered in her own hair like she was drowning in it, stared at him with wide green eyes. He averted his gaze, nervously.

“U-uh, hi,” He said. Wow, could he be any more awkward? Well, she wasn’t human, so it wasn’t like she’d pick up on any of human societal nuances-

“Hi.”

She said. She fucking said. She said?! She said. She talked. She said words. She said ‘hi’. Whoawhoawhoa - it had to be simple parroting, it had to be just-

“Where did she go.”

Izuku felt the inexplicable urge to cry. “Wh-wh-wh-wh-wh-”

Frog girl stared at Izuku, eyes peeking between strands of hair with a strange light. “Where is she.”

“I-I-I-I-I-d-d-d-d-on’t-”

She stood up, and walked past him with halting, almost jerking steps. She left the room, and looked one way, then the other. “…”

“O-O-Ochako?!” Izuku felt like curling up in a corner and sobbing wildly. He felt like he just looked into the void and it talked back to him. He felt a number of things, and all of them involved some level of existential terror. “Sh-she’s i-in the sh-shower…D-don’t-”

She was already on her way down the hallway. Izuku didn’t really think upsetting this being of mysterious and potentially reality-breaking power was a good idea. Technically, she was another girl, so it wouldn’t be that weird for her to walk in on Ochako, right? Uh.

Right on cue, Ochako screamed. Izuku groaned. By finding this cursed being, Shouto effectively turned his life upside down. For better or worse was yet to be seen. But from how Ochako was currently fighting frog girl out of her shower, it was probably for worse. Would his life ever go back to normal?

 _______________________________________________________________

 By some miracle, they managed to get on the road on time, meeting up with Shouto on the way. While he and Ochako rode very practical bikes, he rode a skateboard. Why, he refused to really tell. If he wasn’t wearing his school uniform, he’d look like he was in the wrong decade. And somehow the uniform made it look even tackier. But it was alright. It wasn’t like he was bad at it; in fact, he pulled many moves that were reminiscent of a certain famous skateboarder, but he was also from the wrong decade. Somehow, it suited him. He, to a concerning level, didn’t care what other people thought of him, so it was okay. Just weird.

“So,” Shouto said, cruising along with Ochako, keeping up easily despite having much smaller wheels. Also weird. “Show me a pic of her.”

“A what?” Izuku blinked.

“A picture.” Shouto raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you didn’t take a picture.”

“...”

Ochako shrugged, rhythmically tapping her bell. “Didn’t think to.”

The boy huffed. “You guys are the worst,” He said. “How are we supposed to get proof that she shapeshifted if we didn’t get the after picture?”

“Shouto, I’m tired,” Izuku sighed. “I’m sorry. But this is way over my head. I’m not good at…this paranormal cryptid stuff. It’s fun when it’s just creepy stories, but - I dunno, this is too much.” He shuddered. “She talked. Just, started saying words. Like a normal person - super blunt and to the point, but it was like she said it like that on purpose. She knew. Just like that. And she was a frog before-”

“She talked?!” Shouto’s eyes lit up. “What did she say? What did her voice sound like? Ugh, I wish we got it on tape-”

“Shouto!” Izuku snapped. “Pay attention! Forget that stuff - I don’t want any part in it anymore! I’m scared! After school, we’re gonna let her go, and that’s gonna be the end of it! Okay!?” If there’s even a home to return to, Izuku thought bitterly.

Shouto stared at him, blankly. Then he looked away. “…Alright.”

Ochako whistled. “You guys fall out hard,” She said. “I give it…three days before one of you starts apologizing.”

Izuku’s face burned. He was the one apologizing, most of the time. But not this time, He thought resolutely. He wasn’t at fault here. Shouto was going to apologize to him, for dragging him into this mess in the first place.

 _______________________________________________________________

 [10:25 A.M.]

nessie: im dying. im actually dying

shouto: why

nessie: what the fuck is a lamange

nessie: mange is a disease

nessie: in french it means what??? food???? kill me

shouto: it means eat

shouto: pay attention in class and you might get it

nessie: fuck you

nessie: youre the last person i want to hear that from

shouto: ow

nessie: Rip Believe It Or Not

shouto: Ripley’s I Know This Stuff Is Real, But I Can’t Handle It, Dog

nessie: nibyguvtfcu

nessie: so you do get it

shouto: get what

shouto: what

nessie: oh my god

nessie: Oh My God

nessie: you are a national treasure

nessie: you know that

shouto: ??????

shouto: ?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!what am I missing now

nessie: shut up for a minute teach coming

shouto: well I hope not thats a little inappropriate

---

[10:30 A.M.]

nessie: shouto holy shit what the fuck oh my god what the fuck

nessie: dude

shouto: yeah I sent that without thinking

shouto: and then I couldnt send a correction because

shouto: and yeah

nessie: dude

pppppppppppink: whats happening

pppppppppppink: oh wow what was that shouto hahahahha

shouto: oh my god look it was an accident

tenya: ochako its hardly fair to make fun of him for that

tenya: it was an honest mistake

nessie: tenya coughs, “unfortunately”

shouto: say that shit to my face deku

shouto: whos on the football team huh

nessie: surprised you caught that

nessie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

shouto: i am going to kill you,

pppppppppppink: hey no death threats on my friendly christian minecraft server

nessie: deadmeme

tenya: yes, death threats are not the way to handle strife between friends

tenya: but neither were those insults, izuku

tenya: you know shouto’s skill does not warrant comments such as those

nessie: hes gonna get a coma i know it

tenya: what does that have to do with anything

nessie: football

nessie: caveman sport

tenya: that is inappropriate

shouto: dudedudedude look man

shouto: im sorry okay

nessie: FOR WHAT SHOUTO

shouto: I DONT KNOW

pppppppppppink: wow that was fast

tenya: please quiet teacher

------

[10:35 A.M.]

shouto: look man I dont know what youre so angry about

nessie: im not angry

pppppppppppink: izuku coughs, “im furious”

nessie: im n o t

tenya: izuku i believe you are, in fact, angry

nessie: im not angry

shouto: youre angry

nessie: SHOUTO WHAT THE FUCK MAN

nessie: EXCUSE ME IF IM A LITTLE SHAKEN UP ABOUT YOU DROPPING A FUCKING FROG DEMON ONTO ME

shouto: i wouldve kept it if i could

shouto: but i forced it onto you without asking

shouto: sorry

nessie: “sorry if i valued a mythical creature above my friends feelings”

shouto: well fuck

shouto: i tried

shouto: yeah fuck you

shouto: i wouldve loved to have it

shouto: you love it when i talk to you about it so what the fuck is the difference

nessie: THEYRE JUST STORIES

nessie: S T O R I E S

nessie: I DONT WANT THEM TO BE REAL

nessie: ITS TOO MUCH

nessie: ITS SCARY

shouto: dude theres always a chance of the stories being real

shouto: you didnt know that

nessie: dontdothat

nessie: i dont want to think of them like that

nessie: no one wants them to be real

shouto: i do

nessie: yeah but ur a weirdo

tenya: foul

pppppppppppink: yeah try again

pppppppppppink: stay within bounds

nessie: are you reffing our fight

tenya: yes

tenya: go on

shouto: dude if you dont want any part of it then ill take her okay

shouto: okay?

nessie: that isnt it

nessie: because ur gonna be all weird about it and be all offended

nessie: bullshit

nessie: were gonna straighten this out here

nessie: rn

tenya: as a distraction in class.

nessie: sure

shouto: im not gonna be offended

pppppppppppink: hahahahhahahhha

shouto: im not

tenya: you will be offended

nessie: you will be offended

nessie: you dont think my fear is valid

shouto: being scared of it and pushing it away isnt going to make it disappear

shouto: theres a monster under your bed whether you want it to be there or not

nessie: oh my FUCKING GOD SHOUTO

nessie: THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

nessie: YOU DONT LISTEN TO ME

shouto: i am

shouto: im doing nothing but listening to you

shouto: im getting on aizawas nerves

tenya: he means respect

tenya: you arent respecting him

tenya: as evidenced by you “twisting the knife”, for lack of a better term

tenya: you understand that stories of paranormal activities entertain him?

shouto: yes

tenya: the rift seems to lay in the fact that although he enjoys them as stories, he does not wish them to be real, intimate experiences

tenya: this is where you two seem to split

tenya: because you strive to live the stories

pppppppppppink: *is eating popcorn* marriage counseling :D

shouto: i mean who wouldnt

nessie: I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT

nessie: NONONONONONONONO

nessie: UCK AMN DO YOU THIINK I WANNA FUCKING

nessie: THAT IS

nessie: NOOONONONONOONONO

shouto: shit man calm down

shouto: so it scares you

nessie: fuck yess??? you get it????finally????

shouto: why

[nessie has left the group chat.]

pppppppppppink: dude you messed up

shouto: .

tenya: i advise understanding

tenya: not everyone feels the same way you do

shouto: well duh

shouto: but it isnt scary

shouto: .

pppppppppppink: are you hearing yourself? finally?

pppppppppppink: not to be mean, ur just

pppppppppppink: really dense :D

tenya: to him, it is scary.

tenya: and thats just how he works

tenya: youll have to respect that

shouto: but its not scary

tenya: that is an opinion, shouto

tenya: not fact. it varies from person to person

tenya: you have to respect his opinion, shouto

shouto: .

shouto: god

shouto: fine

tenya: now what’s this about a “frog demon”?

pppppppppppink: ohohoohooho

shouto: first of all, it isnt a demon

pppppppppppink: do i have a story for you!

 _______________________________________________________________

 Izuku settled on giving Shouto the cold shoulder. It lasted out of school and on the way home, even as they pulled up to his house. Even as he kept pestering him with his constant, creepy, begging stare. Fuck him. Because if he talked first, he’d end up apologizing. And he couldn’t do that. He wasn’t the one at fault.

The frog girl was gone. They searched high and low, all over his house, but she was nowhere to be seen. Izuku found the frog skin wrapped up in the dumpster outside, and threw it at Shouto without a word. Shouto didn’t say anything, either.

“Hm,” Ochako popped a sucker into her mouth. “I changed my mind. Two days.”

Izuku grumbled, flushing bright red.

“I find this whole story a little hard to believe,” Tenya said, and Izuku felt a wild urge to punch him. “You mean to tell me that this so-called giant frog split open and turned out to be a young girl? Who is now missing?”

“Tenya, I wish it didn’t happen,” Izuku crossed the driveway, grabbing the taller boy by his quarterback shoulders. “I wish desperately that it didn’t happen. But it did.”

“Oh yeah,” Ochako said, nodding. “It was crazy. I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t been there.” With a shrug, she added, “Still kinda in doubt. It was super late.”

“Maybe it was a dream?”

“No,” Shouto said, coming up to show Tenya something on his phone. “Pictures. Video. It’s real. The frog, at least. I also have samples at home. I did some research - actually, there are some frogs that can grow up to about the size of our frog, but they can only live in equatorial Guinea. Without the girl, the skin only proves that a new species of giant frog lives in the area unless they map its genome or something.” He shrugged. “Not the story I was looking for, but cool nonetheless.”

“’Story’?” Izuku bristled. “What are you even looking for, Shouto? Why are you doing this at all?” Whoops. But he couldn’t help it. He’d been wondering it for a while, but this was the breaking point. Would he just hand the girl over to scientists for testing if he did have her? Would they take advantage of the fact that she isn’t human to do whatever they wanted? What was Shouto getting from this? Money? Fame? He wasn’t the type who would search out stuff like that, so what-?!

“Huh?” Shouto tilted his head. “...Why not? It’s fun.”

He could scream. Angrily, he stomped back to the porch, yanking open his door and ready to lock it behind him-

-and the kitchen was a mess, like a tornado whizzed around in the few moments they went outside. The dining table was on its side, chairs thrown around, cabinets raided and foodstuffs everywhere. The fridge was open, and judging from the aggressive clinking going on, someone was there. Izuku could probably guess who it was. But why now? She barely touched anything, earlier.

And then she peeked above the fridge door. Izuku screamed.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

if anyone knows how to color text please tell me because i spent a lot of time coloring the chat messages in the original doc and im sad it didnt carry so please and thank you tell me,

[chimcharstar]

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[dazaaaai]

Can you tell me about your bsd ocs and how you met them? I really enjoy ics and self-inserts and this blog is one of my personal favorites.

Oh!!! Yes yes, of course, I would absolutely love to! You’re very sweet ;w; it’s always so hard for me to imagine that tho like wh?! You actually like other peoples’ characters, even ones based on themselves??? I thought everyone hated that- so that’s why it’s a blessing to have you around, heehee! I’m glad to be one of your favorites

So I take it you know me! I will introduce you to my friends (and enemies…)

Daniel Fenton is not an OC, he’s just straight-up based on Danny Phantom because I like cartoons and that’s my second biggest fandom. It just felt weird not having him here, and he really fits in! Here he’s come to Japan with his family for work reasons, and his ghost powers are an ability instead - Going Ghost. They’re more limited here - none of that green energy blast stuff, just floating and being spooky. He saved Dazai from drowning in a river a lot like Atsushi! So Dazai set up a staged entrance exam (where he saved yours truly!) and he joined because the boy super needed money.If you’d like to read the story about that, I can share it later on! Anyways, he’s kind of always running out on his own little adventures, coming back with all the bumps and bruises he doesn’t want to talk about… Cool thing is Yosano can heal him any time with a snap of her fingers because he’s already half dead as it is! He’s a little protective of me, even from Dazai, but ah! We have real-world emotional history, so his connection to me there is strong. 

Theodore Sadau is an OC I’ve had for a long time but he’s very different here. He’s ordinarily the greatest hero but here he’s the worst villain… A Guild member who’s deluded into thinking he’s a prince and deserves to be treated as such, though he steps over everyone else. I met him in a battle and he hurt me so badly… Dazai came to save me but it was Daniel who beat him into the ground after that. His ability is Prince of Shadows, and it works exactly the same way as Danny’s, to our horror. The singularity of the ability was something that Dazai had not heard of in a long time until that battle…

Celil Memmedquluzade has a long and strange name but he’s based on an author from my country of Azerbaijan, and I’ve read all his works. The Disappearance of the Donkey, despite its title is the most depressing thing I’ve ever read and is what his ability is based on. In perfect contrast to mine (which can bring anyone to me), his ability can send anyone and anything away to any place he’s been with just one touch… But he’ll never know where. It could be back to his home country or just across the street. He joined Fyodor out of desperation even though he hates him, and is always trying to pull me away from the Agency,  find a way to leave, insistent that we don’t belong here… But I belong more in Yokohama than he ever will with the Russians. I can’t ever go back there even if there’s nothing more in the world that he wants than to return.

I have many more OCs based on authors (check them out over here or here!) that I just haven’t met in the plot, so I’m not putting them here! But the rest of the OCs I’m gonna list are all my friends, real friends who made characters for the BSD universe alongside me and have allowed me to include them in my storyline! You can see more of them here! There are many of them as well but I will focus on the ones that show up or that I mention the most!

My best friend is my actual best friend, @bishamn! Ioanna is in-universe a Greek ability user. We met when she came to Yokohama for leisure but the Mafia tried to steal her away! The Agency saved her and she ended up staying mostly because Dazai decided I needed a friend. Her ability is The Third Chance, which can turn anyone invisible and intangible (rendering them useless in a fight) for a certain amount of time, but it only works the third time she tries to use it. 

@theartisticintrovert is the Junichirou to my Naomi in a MUCH less weird and possessive way, but seriously! My surrogate big brother is Tyler, a Korean-American come to Japan, his ability Grudge sends everyone into deep and sudden anxiety which gets worse the longer he stays quiet. We met in Yokohama International School, shared a creative writing class. Then one day his ability went off super badly, and, well! Junichirou and I were sent to investigate. We ended up roping him in and he adopted Q at some point. It’s great, send him an ask about it!

Miss Momo-chan, an American come to Japan for work and having found it at the Agency, she’s the person to go to who knows everything about where anything is and how to help you with your emotional problems - and is remarkably good at putting up with Kunikida’s, er, strictness! I wonder why… @moreroads​ worked at the Agency before I was there and helped me a lot through all of my troubles!

@musical-selfshipper​ is someone you’ll never forget, and neither will I. An emotion manipulator, ability by the name of Ganymede. Chinese-Taiwanese-American, she’s Poe’s girl and it’s a wonder, he’s so shy and she’s so not, but you gotta love their love! We met when she joined the Agency straight forward, sometime after the mess with the Guild, but details about her exam are a little sketchy for now. 

Shelby is an American non-ability user clerk for the Agency who’s kind of a cryptid and a huge conspiracy theorist. Resident Ranpo lover @shelf-insert is another victim I’ve roped into joining the Agency! Nobody’s really sure if she was always in the Agency or not, but she’s for certain one of my greatest friends, and always has the greatest advice!

Millie is another clerk for the Agency! Beautiful dark skinned American friend not sweet on @minty-selfships, oh no…! :3 We met because she joined a short while after I did, but didn’t talk much until I decided that she and Atsushi were even more of a hopeless oblivious mess than me and Dazai ever were…! So the matchmaking and a great friendship began.

Let’s not forget @selfshipstation, the source of Sylvia Plath (that’s not her real name, she just forgot it and chose that one instead). Ability by the name of Amnesia, she ends up with the Guild after wiping her own memory and goes on quite a few dates with Mark!

There are MANY, MANY more (Nicole, Nezumi, Annie, Andrea, Rhiannon, Rue, Dante, Brianna, Simon, Cherri) and they are all amazing friends and great people who are definitely part of my story as a whole but for one reason or another I won’t elaborate on them!! Some whose self-insert I don’t know, some who aren’t as into BSD despite having a character, and some who I just haven’t talked to recently enough… If you’d like more info and my full ability user list tho, here’s my !! pride and joy, a document of all of them!!!