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sey2017-blog · 7 years

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// August 29 2017

To describe the past week and a half? I would say... bipolar.

I finally finished my first week of work. I met some really good people. David, the 29 year old artist/white guy, Jinny 22, Henny 23, Stella 23, JiHun 23, Jung Hyun 25 were all my mains this week. I had dinner with a girl named JunMin, which was fun and sometimes I walk to work with Mina when I run into her. People in Korea are really kind in terms of helping you out. Stella treats me like her own sister already and I’ve known her a week and a half. If I spill something on my shirt or have wrinkles on my shirt she would help me straighten it out, she introduced me to people that would be good to network with, put in a good word for me at work so I can work in my desired section, and gave me a lot of advice for work- opportunities that I need to take and how to do better than the other interns that are going to come. I JUST met her and she was bending her back doing things I wouldn’t even have thought to do for my acquaintances. She even showed me the best bathroom in the building to poop (without me even asking). She... is the definition of the real MVP. She also called me randomly and we chatted this weekend til 2AM. Jung Hyun Oppa also lent me his portable charger when I was going to fix my phone, tried to trouble shoot my phone, walks me to the station, gives me directions everywhere, etc. I slept over at Jinny’s house and she let me sleep in her bed alone, shower, and even made me breakfast after knowing me for a week. People are just really kind and feel like family fast in Korea as opposed to America where people need some time to become close.

They are leaving this week and it will just be me and JiHun left for the interns.... I met SO many people! Last thursday I went to an event where all the interns of all offices gathered and talked to the ambassador. More people than I’d meet in a year in Eugene! I also saw this really handsome man that I saw last month but it turns out he works at the US embassy too. I realized I definitely like the dark hair dark eyes tan skin look. It makes me feel good that I met all these nice people and am excited for the interns that will be coming into our office. I also realized that I had been only hanging with people my own age for a long time, andd now that Im with a lot more people in their 20s, age is more negligible than at other ages. Like how I can have good convos with the guy that’s 29 even though he’s 8 years older, as opposed to if I was 11 and he was 19. I’m going to take it as a true sign of being an adult.

Working at an embassy is interesting. There is a lot of exclusivity. I can go into areas other people can’t because I have a badge, and I get to escort guests because they can’t go anywhere without an escort. But also, there are a lot of places I don’t have access too, like the Base. The base is where the american diplomats and their families live. I got to go to a party in the base two nights ago and it was interesting because when I mentioned going in the base, my fam/friends were shook and excited because not just anyone is allowed to go. I don’t know how I feel about this exclusivity thing. People are definitely NOT treated as equals, and I think that kind of bugs me. Also, it bothers me that kids of diplomats can just get jobs and get paid for it in the embassy just because they are the kids of the diplomats, while we are out here working for free. Jinny was complaining to me about having to go to work (she lives 10mins away and has a shuttle that takes her which would make it 4 minutes) and she gets paid and does less work, and I just told her to stop complaining. Also her sister was telling me how she works in the embassy and just naps and nobody notices (and she gets paid for it). Jinny joked about her and i skipping work the next day and the other interns said if Sey does that she will get fired!!! and Jinny said oh... I can’t get fired... cuz the Americans view me as their own kid messing up.... because they are also diplomats like my dad. I understand people come from different backgrounds, but that just didn’t sit quite well with me and just bugs me. It doesn’t make sense that something that’s supposed to be so professional like diplomacy can be run that unfairly (from my point of view). I’m realizing that maybe it isn’t what I thought it was.

When I went to the intern lunch, I saw grad students that were 23, who had passed the FSO exam and would be going to DC in the fall to start their careers as diplomats. At that young age! I was so impressed. Also, listening to the ambassador’s story of travels, diplomacy, and experiencing different cultures, I realized what an important and meaningful job being a diplomat was and it made me more interested in becoming one. Being around people who have accomplished a lot and are going places makes me set my sights even higher and be excited for my career.

I’ve also been very discouraged as well. My family got annoyed with me and thought I was being rude cuz i was cranky when I napped and didnt eat dinner, and they were passive aggressive with me for a couple days. They aren’t that interested in what I have to say about work, and always seem to be stuck in their own bubbles, which is fine. One night I didnt want to go home because I was annoyed at my fam and I just sat on the swings outside my apartment and had my alone time. I feel like I have to watch my actions at home and at work and can never truly be myself or have alone time. I havent had time to watch TV or my hobbies and even writing this is such a treat for me. I’ve teared up multiple times because I’m so drained from dealing with family, not having enough alone time, being so tired, and I have to take care of myself. It was fine doing it in eugene but here it’s discouraging because they wanted me to stay in this city instead of moving so they could take care of me and they havent been doing that that well. Sometimes they try. yesterday i treated myself at Daiso, an asian dollar tree and I bought stuff that I like and a cute bulletin board to remind me of people who I can be myself around. I put up messages from nomuna, jessy and brenda from nomuna’s birthday gift last year. It was a friendly reminder.

My family is going on a vacation without me because i cant get the days off. They didnt even talk to me about it they just said... “can u get 11th off?” and i said hesitantly “uhhh....” and then the other aunt said “whatever she cant it’s whatever” so i think im going to be home alone. I got mad at mom last week cuz she wrote me 10 pages on how I should act around my family. She said dont just do ur dishes, do EVERYONE’s dishes. Dont be picky with food, say this to gma, act like this to this aunt, like that to this aunt, blablabla. I got mad at her because I already feel so uncomfortable living with family here because... they seem to care less about my work or day than even my friends back home. It’s just so weird that they are family but are less family than my friends and that’s just so uncomfortable to me and awkward. I was very open at first sharing my day but i can tell they don’t listen attentively and brush things i say off. they DO have their way of showing love, such as calling me when it’s raining LOL (which is useless like wtf r u gonna do by calling). I just miss being myself, and I miss being heard.

I went to a party on Sunday and it was SUCH a blast!!! Koreans know how to have a good time. We played TONS of games and I won at most of them. :) I also realized how quiet I was compared to other people and thought to myself, “ i am so awkward in group settings”.

Last friday, I went to Han river with the childhood friend. it was an AMAZING time. We sat on the grass and ate pizza and joked around and took pictures of the city and walked across the bridge of life / suicide bridge and read the quotes. He is probably the only one I truly 100% feel myself around in Korea, and I really like hanging out with him.

There are also so many couples here. Couples kissing, couples hugging, couples in couple shirts, couple shoes, couple pants, couple hairstyles.... Too many couples. It makes me feel single and I aint even single. I miss bryan a lot too. I just miss having someone there to experience everything with me and knowing all my problems and asking how my day was in person. After being here, I am even more appreciative that I have someone who I can really truly be myself without having to filter myself. It makes me miss home, but in all honesty, I just miss the people.

Also, I get fat shamed a lot here. By my gma, by a kid in an elevator, basically by random people like aunts too. And i hear a lot of other crap too sometimes, about my personality, about my habits, but fat shaming is the most prominent. The fact that i can hear that stuff and not give a flying f/laugh about it really has shown me i don’t care about what people say and am really confident in who I am, which I think is something good I realized. I truly believe that if you want to go far, you should not be able to let people’s opinions or judgments deter your belief in who you are.

It took a while to write this. But the point is, I miss my friends, but I’m making new ones, staying busy, having fun, trying to treat myself and love myself once in a while, and even if I can’t be myself most of the time, I really am trying to find some alternatives. These past weeks have been so eventful, so busy, and I am so blessed to meet so many good people and to be learning so much. <3

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