#i didnt fully queen out for call me if you get lost and honestly it was a really dissapointing follow up to igor so im HYPED for chromokopi

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 3, episode 3: bright light, shine through the darkness

DAY 3 OF @tristampparty!! this episode was the one that hooked me lol, LET'S GOOOOO

the radio dj here is vash's jp seiyuu, masaya onosaka!! the voice of the humanoid typhoon talking about an approaching storm... but it's knives who's the storm...

also i LOVE how knives just saunters slowly towards the city. we barely know anything about him but it immediately sets him up as an imposing presence.

once again roberto is quick on the uptake. like he not only knows exactly who's responsible for all this but he's got him fuckin PROFILED. truly a senior reporter.

also is it just me or is eg the mine the most forgettable gung-ho gun. i keep calling him MC Bomber (<- that's an ace attorney reference)

he looks very good here

he just prepared this ahead of time i guess...? for dramatic effect i guess??? and it happened to be in the right spot, where everyone was watching??? this is what the ghg's budget goes to???

the plants are pretty goddamn resilient, aren't they? like obviously it would be a bad idea to contain them in glass that could easily break, but this poor plant has been through so much today, and there isn't so much as a crack.

i love how roberto puts his whole pussy into meryl's plan. he's always chiding her for her reckless behavior but he goes all in on this.

this scene reminds me of that one scene... yknow the one where the guy is like, "this guy killed my daughter" and vash is like, "don't kill him!" and... oh, it was the scene after vash sings his total slaughter song!! yeah!!

"whose side are you on?" count: 1

okay i'm obsessed with knives's introduction scene because

nobody noticed him enter the city. granted, they were distracted, but still.

he made a BEELINE for the piano?!?! WHY... THAT'S SO FUNNY OF HIM... he was really like "okay before i do ANYTHING else i have to find a piano and play my little tune" he's such a fucking drama queen

lost arm count: 2

wait this is in the diner?! i didnt even notice there was a piano in the diner. goddamn.

"whose side are you on?" count: 2

i'm just... putting a pin in this line for later.

i still don't fully understand what knives did to vash's gun...? honestly i also still don't really understand how gates work either...? orange probably has it all written out to the last detail in their lore bible...

also god i just. love how knives moves. he's so imposing. ouuuahahghghh

lost arm count: 3

i have some questions about why this is happening in this order. so mine scoped out the city beforehand and prepped all his bombs so he could have fun killing and steal the plant. then knives arrives afterwards which i don't think mine anticipated? like based on how he reacts, he seems surprised that knives is there? and then ninelives + conrad + elendira ii* (*she is not my elendira) show up and knives says:

did knives actually not know he was coming or is he being sarcastic LOL. also because he says "good timing" like did he not expect them to be there?! why did they all arrive at different times. are the ghg just that disorganized.

also i'm so concerned for rosa in these episodes LOL she's getting tossed around so much while pregnant... is the baby okay?!?!

lost arm count: 4

i love how we never actually get a proper look at knives's face this episode - this is the first "good" look we get, and it's only half.

"whose side are you on?" count: 3

his EXPRESSION here AAUAHGHGHGHGAHAOAHGHHG

i just wanted to point out vash fully reloading his gun because earlier in the episode when he shot at eg mine's vantage point he only put one bullet in his gun.

godddd when knives destroys the city. i can't do it justice with screenshots but it's such a gorgeous scene and it was the moment i became enthralled with this character LOL. that was over 6 months ago... actually wait. *checks* it was SEVEN months ago TO THE DATE. EXACTLY SEVEN MONTHS AGO. I'VE BEEN MICROWAVING KNIVES FOR SEVEN MONTHS. WATCHING HIM SPARK IN THERE.

oh also hey we see that gofsef is still alive actually. father nebraska did all that for nothing smh.

lost arm count: 5

rosa says this but honestly... knives would have stolen the plant regardless of vash's presence. like he didn't really engage vash that much in this episode. like he said what he wanted to say but it's clear his priority was the plant. which, considering what i said in my first post about the subs and dub script... yeah i think those were wrong.

and the fact she calls him humanoid typhoon, not by his name... oof

okay i can't focus on writing this post anymore cause i'm distracted by vtubers again so we'll end it here. WOLFWOOD INTRODUCTION NEXT EP LET'S GOOOOOO

[angelthebedsheet]

a/n: @tom-hlover i hope this was to your liking! it was a lil hard but i do love tom holland’s spidey so here it is! i just assumed that it was a romantic relationship too !!

lets get it!

——————————————————————————-

okay so first things first?

yall are ATTACHED at the hip

ned and mj clown peter for this all the fucking TIME

like he always walks you to class and sits next to you in class

peter we get it you want this melanin dial it back

and you are a superhero FIEND

anyone who knows you knows you go feral for superheroes and spiderman specifically

mj knows this, ned knows this, peter definitely knows this

mj always just gotta give peter a look like

whenever you start gushing about whatever spidey did that night

“peter did you see him last night?! he looked so amazing!”

“ah yeah n/n i saw!”

internal SCREAMING

like his beautiful amazing talented spectacular crush and best friend is fawning over him ???

mind boggling brothers

i mean your lockscreen is one of those press hold ones that move? so at first it’s a group picture of you, peter, mj and ned then you hold and boom its spidey swinging

peter found this out by accident and simply lost his mind in his room

you would do ANYTHING to see spidey in action and anYTHING TO HELP

bbg just wanna be a hero too 🤪

this day peter couldn’t come over to your house this time bc of his internship and had to leave early

aka code word for spidey shit to do lmao

and you’re a lil bummed

“but petey it’s wednesday and we were supposed watch mean girls and legally blonde.”

“i-i know i’m sorry n/n i’ll make it up to you”

mj and ned heard that and LOST IT

you frowned watching peter book it outta there like the lights were out

i mean my mans usain bolted it

mj and ned couldnt go home with you either so that sucked

you didnt usually walk home by yourself and honestly you really didn’t want to

it mf queens man. it’s not the safest place in the world

you started walking home and decided to buy some snacks n shit bc you saw them glazed donuts lookin real SCRUMPTIOUS AND FRESH in that packet

now you got the snacks secured in your bag and ready to go

you’re walking down the sidewalk when you hear some grunts and scrapping sounds?

you look down the alleyway and literally see your idol spiderman cornered

nuh uh not on your watch

you dropped your bookbag and tied ya braids/locks/afro back and took a running start

just as spidey was about to get punched you KICKED that mf straight in the cheek

spidey is like ????

“get got bitch!”

y/n???? awSHIT

its YOU

on one hand that was badass and two WHY ARE YOU HERE AND NOT HOME???

you grabbed a random pipe laying around and went ham on that bitch

peter is like confused and panicking as he stands up

you are handling your shit you aint need no mf powers

you got the black nasties on that was powerful enough

you are deadass yelling BITCH each time you hit them

peter snaps outta it and pulls you back

bc damn they knocked out alr you were bashing that hoe IN

you drop the pipe and turn to spidey with that big ol smile

peter felt his knees buckle

“you okay spidey? you looked like you needed some help?”

holy shit?

“u-uh t-thank you y–miss”

he had to speak from the belly with that

(i can hear my chorus teacher going SING FROM YOUR DIAPHRAGM)

while yall chatting it up another villain swooped in and threw some shit at yall?

idk how to describe it but it damn near almost impaled you but thankfully peter’s spidey sense kicked in and he pulled you out of the way

even though now you’re in fucking DANGER you’re losing your mind bc you are pressed up against peter’s chest

like damn spidey you really built like that?

peter on the other hand is like shit

cant let the loml aka crush slash bestfriend get hurt but i gotta fight these mfs....

he’s like fuck it man we gon dip just this once and picks you up

“hold onto me real quick?”

“o-oh okay????”

you’re living the fuckin DREAM and wrap your arms around his neck

peter’s trying to stay professional but ... girl you smell good asf and you basically intoxicating babyboy

then he just tHWIPS it outta there and hooks his foot onto your bookbag

shit was sexc even tho that didnt make much sense

yall SWINGING thru the streets with a lil funk and soul

you’re fully living the dream now baby!

he kinda just kicks his foot up and you catch your bookbag before wrapping your arms around his neck again

he swings yall onto a building roof top and you’re in awe

you’ve never seen queens like this before

he lets you go

“woah....”

“beautiful right? one of the benefits of being able to swing around”

“i know thats right...”

he’s just admiring you now

lil did we know tony stark PEEPED that shit thaNKS KAREN

you noticed spidey just staring at you and you lwk feel your cheeks heat up (bc black people don’t blush ❤️)

spidey you deadass left two CRIMINALS out in the open like hurry up

“h-hey can we take a picture together? i wanna show my petey that i met you!”

MY PETEY?????

“o-oh uh sure? also who’s.... who’s petey?”

“oh he’s my best friend! technically his name is peter but i love giving him nicknames.”

bitch oh???

you turned on your phone and show him your lockscreen pointing at peter

“isnt he just adorable?”

palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy

“ah. do you. do you like him?”

you kinda just unlock your phone while looking away

“y-yeah i mean who wouldn’t? he’s perfect... 👉🏽👈🏽”

PETER INTERNALLY WENT

bro HE’S ASCENDING

YOU LIKE HIM????

PETER PARKER???

HIMS???

THIS WHITE BOY FROM QUEENS?????

“you like peter?”

“yes.”

“peter parker?”

“yes?”

“oh thank god”

“i beg your pardon?”

PETER....

“oh i um i said that b-because i know him and im pretty sure he likes you back”

“oh???”

“y-yeah. he talks alot about you”

my mans are you really... snitching on yourself?

he really being his own wingman...

“really?”

“yup. i get it too. you’re. you’re beautiful.”

you went

😳

🕶🤏🏾

are my eyes deceiving me or is spiderman calling me BEAUTIFUL???

now yall both flustered

you’re thankful for your beautiful melaninated skin

peter’s thankful for that mf mask

“t-the picture”

“o-oh right”

cue tony PLOTTING like a mf

yall take two cute lil selfies together before spidey realizes he on the fuckin JOB

“ah i have to go let me take you home. where do you live?”

and you tell him your address even tho he already had it memorized by heart

he swang you to your doorstep and waved you goodnight before going back to handle those criminals

after that peter’s finally on his way home when tony pipes up

“was that the girl you always talk about”

“m-mr. stark??? you saw that??”

“all of it. she’s badass i want her on our team.”

“?!”

that night you got an email from tony stark and you RANG UP PETER SO QUICKLY TO LOSE YOUR SHIT ABT NOT ONLY TONY BUT SPIDEY TOO

“PETER OMFG BRO LOOOKKKKK I GOT AN EMAIL FROM TONY AND I ALSO MET SPIDERMAN TODAY. HAVE THE GODS FINALLY CHOSEN ME AS THEIR FAVORITE FOR TODAY????? JAJDJSJDNSKDNXN”

“t-that’s amazing n/n!”

the next day at school you absolutely GLOMPED him and mj

you are BUZZING with energy

mj’s kinda like?? did peter dick you down or some shit why you this hyped in the morning???

peter alr knows and is internally screaming into the void bc you like him back????

you’re already showing mj the pictures like “BRO LOOK HE EVEN HELD MY WAIST YESTERDAY!!”

ned is like 😏

mj is like 😌

they giving peter the LOOK

bc bro.... cmon now peter.

mj and ned dip leaving you to gush to peter alone

“do you think i can really be a hero petey?”

“d-definitely n/n i mean you did save spiderman yesterday”

“you’re right!”

peter has lost his shit too many times

“also petey. i like you alot.”

cheek kiss and dip

petey boy is stunned standing there in the halls like 😳

then he revives himself like ik this pretty bitch didnt just kiss and dip me like that

now he chasing you

alls good

mj and ned got blackmail too

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so I know some people in the fandom don't like talking about Magnus' past lovers because anyone that isn't Alec everyone just turns their heads but ok listen. Your last response about Magnus and queer history my head immediately went to Freddie Mercury and oh please I would like a little more insight on how they met and their relationship. The only thing we knew was that Magnus would go to his concerts and even drag his friends along. What I would give to learn more about them.

FUCK MY LIFE anon listen idk if you fully know what you're getting yourself into by asking me this because i am literally OBSESSED with Magnus' relationship with Queen and Freddie like im literally VIBRATING rn i was answering the questions in order but i just HAD to answer this one immediately because !!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck i love magnus' relationship with Freddie Mercury and Queen so much you dont understand, i have already made some posts and i still plan on making a playlist of Queen Songs That Remind Me Of Magnus but anyway hell yeah let's DO this

okay so first im gonna talk a little bit about how i view their relationship. now, they probably weren't in a very serious relationship, since theres this whole Magnus Locked His Heart Ever Since Camille thing, but Magnus and Freddie have SO much in common i cant really think this was just a fling, either. so here's what i think: magnus and freddie were good friends who sometimes hooked up and that definitely had chemistry to have something special, but it never happened because Magnus never fully allowed himself to give in to it and neither did Freddie - im assuming their relationship was in the 70s, since in the 80s Freddie met his husband, Jim Hutton, and at that time Freddie also had a hard time trusting and loving. also, Magnus was already in New York, so it couldn't have been too serious. but Magnus would go around to watch their concerts and every time he would find Freddie somehow (it wasnt that hard, really, you just had to go to the local queer scene) and they would sometimes hook up, sometimes just talk and enjoy each other's company, sometimes both. that's what i think it's most likely.

but the absolutely OFF THE CHARTS amount of vibing they must have done. i dont think you fully understand - unless you're a queenie trash bitch such as me - just how similar magnus and freddie are. here's a short, comprehensive list of Freddie Mercury Traits:

Freddie was seen and stereotyped as an overly sexual, lothario, diva and inconsequential kind of guy, and to some extent he put on this facade, but in reality he was extremely closed off and insecure and loving, and this was mostly a persona he put on to protect himself

Despite that whole persona, Freddie was an extremely compassionate guy who did everything he could to help others, particularly other queer people. His personal assistant, his chef, his chaffeur, all were other queer guys (sometimes his exes even) that had nowhere else to go and were in need of a job, and Freddie was just like "oh, would you look at that, you're hired now. I'm gonna pay you, hm, 3 million" it was so. When Jim lost his job Freddie hired him as a gardener. They literally met because they were talking in a club and Freddie was all like "lets all go to my house" and brought in a bunch of strangers to his home. That's the kind of guy he was. His house was always open as well

Freddie was loyal to a fault and a little bit too trusting, and was stabbed in the back a few times. The most well-known one is P*ul, who outed him against his will despite them having years of friendship, a blow that Freddie never fully recovered from, but there were others. Despite being a shy guy and reluctant to open up, he actually wore his heart on his sleeve and this sometimes ended up hurting him, a lot

Freddie felt absolutely lonely and like he was unworthy of being loved. This is not a secret, its a common theme in a lot of his songs, the most prominent of them being somebody to love. He wanted to be loved and taken care of but at the same time wouldnt allow himself

He was also very insecure. Jim says in his book that Freddie would frequently ask him, out of the blue, if he loved him, despite the fact that they were, you know, married (not in the paper, of course, but Jim bought him wedding rings and Freddie called him his husband, so i consider them married)

He was constantly scared of being an inconvenience. When he found out he had AIDS, his first instinct was to tell Jim that if jim wanted to leave him he would understand. Jim, of course, said that was bullshit and he wouldnt leave Freddie because of that

He was a perfectionist and always wanted to do his absolute best, nothing less. He was also a creative genius as we all know

He loved cats and would bring random cats into his home constantly

He loved fashion and pretty things

He was a queer, gnc man of color

He had a pretty protective side to him; queen's bassist, John Deacon, was extremely shy and said that Freddie pretty much shielded him from the press attention, and also helped him polish his song writing skills and always wanted him to do his best. After Freddie died, John quit the showbusiness.

I mean, remind you of someone? Holy fucking shit, i nearly lost my goddamn mind when they mentioned that he hooked up with Freddie, because they're so similar in their issues and insecurities and interests it's almost meta. I don't know if that was on purpose or not, but i thank the sh writers every day for that line tbh honestly i am so blessed

Unfortunately i think they might kind of be too similar - you get two very insecure, afraid to be hurt people who kind of have a persona together and it's kind of hard to have them have a meaningful relationship. But where Freddie was shy, Magnus was extroverted and easygoing, and there were always parties (something the both of them loved) and they had enough common interests to bond over. Also, they both couldnt help but wear their heart on their sleeves, even when they tried not to. And i mean, i am 100% sure that Magnus absolutely loved Queen, because 1- who doesnt? 2- the songs are so intense and heartfelt and beautiful and theatrical and that's right on magnus' alley; 3- the lyrics just speak to him, because there Freddie was, writing about wanting to be loved and fearing to open himself up, and there was also Brian writing all these songs about seeing your loved ones die, and Roger was a domestic abuse victim - there was just so much for him to relate too. So i can definitely see Freddie and Magnus staying up awake late at night, looking at the window and talking about themselves, their fears, the personas they have created and how hard it is to break out of them, when they were alone in a hotel room and everyone else who was at the party was gone. Just the two of them, having heart-to-hearts, then sleeping, but the next day the magic was gone and they were both back to guarding themselves - also, Magnus was avoiding getting involved with mundane men, if you go by my headcanon. so there was just too much holding them back

but it was still an important relationship that helped the both of them learn more about themselves and get a little more used to opening up and allowing themselves to talk about themselves. they didnt really break up as much as drift apart - Freddie had the band and Magnus was high warlock of Brooklyn and the political tensions in the downworlder community were high. But they both got their happy endings after all - Freddie met Jim and they were together until the end of his life, and Magnus met Alec, who will be with him for the rest of eternity too because i said so :) so its all good, in the end, and Freddie will always have a special place in magnus' heart, as both an amazing human being that he was honoured to meet and someone who was really, really important to magnus and that helped him become who he is today and be a little happier and more comfortable with himself

he still loves queen and listens to them constantly. sometimes its bittersweet to think about him, but most times its just good to hear these songs that mean so much to him and think of how far theyve both gone

[meggannn]

horizon zero dawn

thinky thoughts for @thewritersramblings and @keelificent but i figured i’d post them here

i meant to type this up last night and then fell asleep but 

i’ll start w the stuff i didnt like cause there wasn’t much of that

honestly, there were sometimes moments where this entire thing just felt like a huge excuse to fight robot dinosaurs. since i didn’t play it, only watched, i’m not the one who had to trudge through all the gameplay or open world, so i also can’t make too many judgment calls on this since maybe for some people, the gameplay might’ve made it worthwhile. but that’s what some of these gameplay choices felt like sometimes. idk!

i fully admit to not being very invested in the politics between the modern day kingdoms, and i honestly lost interest in the back and forth of what was going on in the tribes and factions a lot of the time. no matter how hot avad is

i’m still a little bewildered by how strongly the aesthetic and culture seems to be based off of indigenous americans, and yet the main character is a ww and i dont really see any representation on that end? eh

the pros

the rest of the story, tbh. granted it wasn’t very original, and a lot of parts were predictable and very YA lit in a bad way, and it didn’t manage to surprise me a lot, but i liked it all the same because the characters, relationships, and emotions were all genuine and so well acted

SO I JUST FOUND OUT I KNOW ALOY’S VOICE ACTRESS AS MAYURI FROM STEINS;GATE AND THAT’S REALLY AMAZING, I LOVED HER ALREADY BUT. WOW she did a great job

the fact that it was so female-centric was really cool, and that it valued motherhood and female altruism as a concept enough to make that the key to saving the world (three times -- from elisabet, from gaia, from aloy). they actually thought through how a world like this would operate  that is based off of a matriarchy, that motherhood would be valued so much that kids without moms could be seen as cursed or bad luck

i mean that said, for a story that was so woman-heavy, there weren’t a lot of main alive female characters aside from aloy (there was teersa but all of aloy’s other significant ‘main story’ relationships seem to be with men? rost, avad, helis, olin, sylens...). but whatever

something that hit me hard, aside from the ending, was pretty much every flashback scene with gaia as she learned and became a person. along with one part in one of the last bunkers, where you have all the flashbacks of the kids being raised by incompetent ai, and then seeing how they were just released out into the wild to fend for themselves. that hit me hard. it was nobody’s fault, the entire thing was doomed to fail, and it was just so difficult to watch children grow up without an actual nurturing presence, with other doors visible to them but not being allowed to roam anywhere else. and then knowing they were getting kicked out of the mountain because there was no food left, it’s really not a surprise why they were a bit starved intellectually enough to worship the mountain as a ‘mother’ and surviving generations were a bit lost in their new, conflicting mythologies

a lot of the reveals were well done. they knew that elisabet was a key, and they teased her history out in the best way knowing how important her presence and her emotional impact would be, and it hit like a sledgehammer every time we saw her. that’s knowing the impact of your own writing and plotpoints

i like that aloy is not really pretty. i thought it was kind of startling when i first saw her image in trailers and stuff, i wasn’t sure i really liked her look, but after thinking about it, i like that she’s not traditionally pretty, that she just looks like a normal person and isn’t sexualized.

favorite characters

aloy, avad, sylens, vanasha, elisabet, gaia (GIVE ME MORE GAIA)

ships

aloy/varl -- i’m not usually so into puppy love, but something about varl’s appreciation for her just seems so sweet and innocent while still respecting her prowess and their mutual background. and i like how genuinely she appreciates him back. the thought of her ending up w someone from her home clan, who understands her, just seems so sweet. i don’t think i see it happening in the long run but it could be cute.

aloy/talanah -- boy oh boy. um, battle couples? two women who trust the other entirely to hold their own and have each other’s back? soemone that aloy sees as a complete equal in war and in her morals? yes please. (IT’S WHAT HER LESBIAN MOMS WOULD HAVE WANTED)

aloy/avad -- less so, because i get the sense there’s an age gap here, but ngl aloy you could be a queen and this dude knows what’s up, don’t close that door just yet if i were you

anyway bring on the fic recs if anyone has good ones

none of this is as clear as i intended it to be when i meant to write this up yesterday, i think i lost a lot of my thoughts when i fell asleep at my computer last night, but i might edit it later. ok goodbye

[whichwitchami]

Spirit board journal 12/31/17

also gonna bring in the new  year with some divination with my deities. It’s gonna be a mix of spirit boarding and card pulls. It will probably get super personal too. I ask that if you read it, you don’t comment on it or anything.... Part of me wants to make this a private post but doing so means I can’t find it later either so just....keep it private please. 

Starting with card pulls and maybe some pendulum work. 

Each of my deities (at least those that have claimed decks so far) has their own oracle deck that I use to communicate with them. I’ll list the decks I used later. 

Through the cards I communicated with: My Spirit Guide E, Hel, Loki, Mani, and Frigg

E, using the Botanical inspirations oracle deck: Apple Blossoms

-open your heart and free yourself of the illusion that there is something missing in your life. Your choices have lead you here and you did not lead yourself astray. These flowers are a gift of love, do not forget what love feels like. She’s reminding me that things get tough, and choices are made, but those choices can’t be changed and there’s no point not seeing the beauty they have brought into your life. 

Hel, using the Faery Forest Oracle Deck: The Elf Queen

-You no longer feel free, so burdened are you. Release these burdens of fear, demands of others, anything that fills you with negativity. Take it all and release it with love. You have done nothing wrong to accumulate this negative energy, but it is not serving you well. Set personal boundaries, cleanse yourself of negativity and do what you need to in order to protect yourself. Hel is reminding me to be my own person. Being an empath its easy for me to fill myself with the emotions of others, and a lot of the people that I love are experiencing a lot of negativity that is not mine to absorb. It’s okay to stand up for myself and keep myself whole and happy. 

Loki, using a rune oracle deck: Mannaz 

-Mannaz is about humanity and cooperation, it is about unity and connection. This card reminds me that I am not isolated although I feel that way sometimes. Communication is also a key component of this card...which is something that I lack. Loki is reminding me to communicate my feelings rather than bottle them up, which is a message I appreciate but really need to work on...

Mani, using the Viking Oracle Deck: Well of Wyrd 

 -The Well of Wyrd controls destiny, but also reminds us that within our fate we have the power of choice. Our actions, good or bad, create our future. We have to work with destiny to shape a future that we want. Its easy to wallow and beg for the divine to do something for us, but if we don’t act on those wishes, we won’t get anything accomplished. I have to find a balance between manifesting my desires and creating scenarios that benefit me through my actions. 

Frigg, using the oracle of Unicorns (she gets two cards because she called me out and knew I needed it) Patience and Beloved

Patience- Honestly this card tells me that the universe absolutely does listen to us, from the thoughts we don’t dare think, to the words we speak when sobbing our eyes out. The Universe hears and will grant us exactly what we need. I have been struggling lately with being patient with some very important people in my life. Frigg is reminding me thatI need to take a step back and accept that things will unfold in time. I have to have the patience to wait for good things to come to me. It’ll be worth the wait in the end. 

Beloved- This emphasizes the above point tbh, because love is what is coming into my life if I can just be patient. Neither party is quite ready to admit fully to love just yet. Both of us have things going on in our personal lives, but romance is coming. I am lovable. I am worthy of love. It will be well worth the wait. 

That’s it for cards. I’m gonna move onto the spirit board now, considering there might be a few people who pop on with deeper messages. 

Mani came to the board first as always. He immediately told me that I am safe and that he will always protect me. This is related to an incident on Wednesday where a nasty spirit followed me home from a spirit board session at my favorite shop. He then told me that some things are worth the wait. I teared up at this point because Mani usually stays pretty neutral about things that are going on in my life. He’ll give me love and support but he hates interfering with my free will so he doesn’t usually say much. He did tonight, telling me that I really needed to hear it from him which is true. Hearing it from him helped ease the pain I’ve been feeling a bit. 

Hades came by next, but it wasn’t hades. I know because when I asked for a message he spelled out ‘talk to me’ which has been a trick used in the past on my board by something else. Still not sure what. Kicked mystery entity off the board and checked with Hades to make sure all was well and he didnt’ have any messages for me, which he did not. 

Honestly that was it. I thought more might come to the board but I also got distracted by facetiming my sister for a bit, so I think the whole process lost steam. 

[islandhaunted-a]

❤ ━ do you have any crackships for your muse?♕ ━ which fictional characters are your favorites?回 ━ what are your top four favorite shows?◈ ━ share some headcanons that you have for a muse of your choosing↓ ━ have you had any bad experiences with roleplaying?☾ ━ how many pets do you own? if none, what kind of animals do you like?♣ ━ share five random facts about yourself

❤ ━ do you have any crackships for your muse? / @atomiism

you bet i do !!! ray/oliver (courtesy of you, @atomiism, my angel). petra/oliver (courtesy of my big sis @petrasplaining), malcolm/oliver & curtis/oliver & winn/oliver & eobard/oliver & ………… i bet’chu there are others (courtesy of @ownhcros), and all of the iris/oliver (courtesy of @personalhcro, @alwaysfcward), julio richter/oliver queen (bc @dontcallmejulio loves me forever), and honestly just ????? so many more ???? (rikki chadwick/oliver queen, @makochosen / kara/oliver, @nationalcityy, @sunshinehcro) and like a million polyships and ??? idk fam just…… all of the crackships. if it’s not canon, it 100% counts and ?????? there are not many canon ships for ollie that i got xD

the rest under the cut for length !!

♕ ━ which fictional characters are your favorites?

bob lee swagger from the bob lee swagger novel series / shooter the tv series / shooter the movie. all of the other swaggers. nick & nadine memphis from the same set of series. basically all of the good folks in anything related to bob lee swagger (and jack payne. who, confusingly, i do love.) clint barton. natasha romanoff. bruce banner. wanda maximoff……. basically all of the mcu. including loki. i love loki. jim & pam halpert. leslie knope. ben wyatt. chris traeger. anyone chris pratt plays ever. jim kirk. leonard mccoy. i could go on for hours just going through each fandom separately, honestly. i love all of the characters. (and also adrian chase.)

回 ━ what are your top four favorite shows?

usa network’s shooter! always number one tbh. bob lee swagger is one of my all-time favorite characters on earth. i think the show is very well-written and has an amazing cast. i just love everything about it. i’m gonna list these next two together: the office & parks and recreation. some of the characters themselves are p shifty, but i think both shows just bring ?? everything to life ?? and they always manage to help me de-stress when i need it. i’d like to also give a shout out to galavant! though it only had two seasons, this medieval musical sitcom was and is a gem and we did not deserve it.

◈ ━ share some headcanons that you have for a muse of your choosing

did you all know i believe oliver queen is an awful texter? like, the slowest. during the day, he’s the mayor. at night, he’s shooting people with arrows. he often checks texts immediately — bc, you know, in his line of duty it’s often an emergency — but he’s bad at actually responding if it isn’t something that requires his attention straight away. 

speaking of oliver queen, do you know he has considered going back to college since becoming mayor? if he’s ever able to fully step down as green arrow, it’s definitely something he’s interested in now that he’s more disciplined than when he was younger and though he’s very equipped for what he does, he often feels lost in conversations everyone else understands bc he never received a proper higher education. (he never paid attention in school growing up either.)

↓ ━ have you had any bad experiences with roleplaying?

yes, actually ?? not many. i’ve been sent anon hate on ?? most of my blogs ?? the worst was in the glee fandom, honestly. i had a few not-so-great experiences in groups. for the most part though i have ?? managed to avoid a lot of ugliness ??

☾ ━ how many pets do you own? if none, what kind of animals do you like?

i personally have one pet. a dog. bluetick hound/miniature schnauzer mix. his name is bailey. we rescued him from the local shelter two years ago for christmas and i love and adore him and i would kill any man who ever threatened him.

♣ ━ share five random facts about yourself

okay, okay !! five facts. i can do this.

um… my dad, the dad i love and call dad and live with, is not my birth father !! technically speaking he hasn’t adopted me either bc ?? west virginia is dumb lol but !! i do consider him my one and only father.

i am certainly nowhere near as skilled as oliver queen, but i do have a bow that i do know how to shoot and not to toot my own horn but im ?? pretty good for an amateur archer who was never technically trained to shoot a bow.

i actually used to get bullied in school !! it was really bad for a while and my school’s vice principal wouldn’t do anything to help me out. it’s okay tho bc nowadays i fight bullies for breakfast. don’t wanna get got? don’t be a bully.

uhm… lol. i actually ?? had to tutor two of my bullies in french. i was my teacher’s favorite student bc i actually cared and learned and i helped her teach class a couple times (when she was sick/when she had to teach two lessons at the same time/etc.) and these kids were in my class, but a year behind me, and i was assigned to tutor them. and it made them really uncomfortable bc they didnt wanna be associated with a Gay but i proved to myself that i could be the bigger person and help them and tbh i think my niceness pissed them off more than the being gay.

technically speaking, i can cook at least one thing for each meal of the day. (scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, spaghetti.) of course, i can also cook only one thing for each meal of the day. (scrambled eggs, grilled chese, spaghetti.) i am not a cook. i can, however, bake some pretty great cookies.

[wiccan-beauty-blog]

Honestly, I know this is irrelivent now but i see this tumblr and my sort of diary but I feel the need to get this off my chest. 

I first joined the giveaway community in april 2016, just after being through a lot of trauma, heartbreak and mental breakdowns. I’m not mentally stable, I understand that. I don’t even have the spine to work a full time job, I can only handle 2 days a week and even that proves too much for my pathetic ass. What does this have to do with anything? Let me tell you...

So I first joined the giveaway community as arcygiveaways, arcanine is NOT in my top 5 favourite pokemon but i think i chose it as my mascot mon due to the fire type representing my anger and built up rage due to the above mentioned. I created arcy as a sort of alias and i’ll explain why...

Me as a person is shy, awkward, annoying, paranoid, pathetic, self concious, depressed and alone, I have no friends due to my anxiety and lack of social skills and I self harm regularly, mostly ripping out my hair and bruising myself. 

Arcy, the alias i created, was nothing like me, I created her as a sort of RP character, someone who I aimed to be, someone I feel like was cool. Arcy was confident, sassy, salty, took no shit, energetic, a leader/boss, a queen, the mascot represented that about her. 

I made it pretty far being Arcy, She was popular, she had followers who adored her and spoke to her everyday, she was good at making friends and sticking her nose into everything, which i guess could also be a bad thing? but mostly i always wanted to feel a part of something, i wanted to feel like i belonged somewhere because i never belong anywhere, i’m never anyone’s best friend/first choice/cool friend or the person anyone gets excited to see, but arcy, she was! She was everything i aspired to be, i guess i took advantage of being behind a screen for all the wrong reasons. :/ Arcy made a lot of friends but damn son she made a LOT of enemies too, the only thing i do not hold her responsible for is the GBL drama as I genuinely had nothing to do with that, i was being bullied so i left and i took my friend (now boyfriend) with me! The others leaving had nothing to do with Arcy. I guess that’s why Arcy and Rachel got on so well, they were both complete assholes. However, everything else she got involved with was her own fault! or rather.... my fault.

Arcy got into a lot of drama that had nothing to do with her, she turned into a controlling and manipulitive person who honestly I started to hate myself but i had gotten too far to care at this point, she has 1,500 followers so she must have been doing something right? WRONG. Followers mean NOTHING when you’re a bad person, they’re there to take what they can get and leave. Arcy joined tapugiveaways as a fresh start, to try and make new friends and be part of a new group of friends but there were people who could tell who arcy really was right from the start, i will not mention them here as I do not want them dragged into anything but she truly sussed arcy out. 

(May I point out that I speak about Arcy as a different person for a reason that you’ll soon see)

Arcy became friends with the wrong kinds of people, she got involved with what was described as “The night crew” who made fun of people and made them feel like shit even though they hadn’t done anything to personally hurt us, I didnt realise this at the time but this made us straight up BULLIES. The worst part was I dragged someone into it that now means the world to me, why she still sticks by me i’ll never understand, i guess she saw the good in me that no one else could. Eventually, after being sussed as a drama starter, Arcy decided to dig her claws, for the last time. She went ahead and took control of tapu even though she had absolutely no right to do so, and dragged my friend down with me. She and another mod, started an entire drama within the tapu server which led to her removal from the group. Now I will say, there were wrongs from both sides of the discourse but had i kept myself to myself i’d never have gotten kicked. Arcy didn’t do that though, arcy was a queen, she needed to be heard and take control. Around this time I got into a speal on tumblr about everything Arcy had done, she was being attacked left right and center for everything leading to the removal of her account, she went on to try and create a new collab blog and league to prove everyone wrong, to prove that she was better than everyone and both ended up failing. 

At this time Arcy’s failure led me into a deep, deep depression to the point where i was concidering suicide, I was done, I wanted out. It was just that, that was the final wakeup call for me that prompted me to do what I should have done a long time ago, I lost it and I killed her! I killed Arcy off, any remains of her exsistance and distanced myself from “the night crew” and everyone else. I stayed as far away from discord as i could until i was able to get help, I got signed up for therepy and are on several depression, anxiety and trauma meds that are helping me greatly. It was at this time I made a list, of all of Arcy’s wrongs! and made them right! well i tried....

1. Make amends with everyone I wronged

2. Create a new giveaway blog and come back as myself, not an alias!

3. Be a better person and be comfortable with who i am

4. Do only good and don’t always expect good back

5. Never think about Arcy ever again, erase her existance from your memory.

I started off by apologising to a few of the girls from tapu and started talking to my friend again, who i’d stopped talking to even though he stood by my side like a loyal friend because he saw the person behind arcy and knew there was good in her. I only now had realised this....

I made a new blog and although i have a mascot, that mascot is not my alias, I don’t use a fake name or attitude or anything with my current blog, on spiritualsuicune I am Katt, I act/talk/behave like me! There I am the person I truly am, I only have a little over 300 followers but those are 300 people who decided to give me a second chance. Better than nothing. I began being my usual friendly self, showed my true colours and I gained my friendships back, I even built up the confidence to finally flirt with my long time crush and we’re together now. I’m friends with tapu again and although it’s easy to tell not all of them have fully forgiven me most of them have and that means literally the world to me. I probably don’t deserve a second chance, why should I after everything Arcy caused? This was a wake up call to show what it’s like to be a truly good person and I am trying my best to be a good person myself, now, these days I’m not trying as hard as it’s coming naturally to me now. I’ve being doing tons of good things online and in my everyday life, i’ve been being less stangy with my money, i’ve been giving a lot to charity and being gifts for others to thank them for everything they’ve done for me, i seen the error of my ways and as pathetic as this sounds, it’s true. Suicune truly put out Arcy’s fire! Suicune truly represents me as a person, and in a way... I am stronger than arcy ever was! and this, is the LAST time i will every think about Arcy. 

Now...

As hard as it is to erase Arcy from my mind i get that there are still people out there that are never going to let me forget but those who did, and forgot with me, thank you. 

That’s all I need to say for now, if you’ve read through this and i’ve ever hurt you in any way please accept my most senserest appology, if you ever wanna talk anything out with me and make amends then go ahead and message me, I promise, i’m willing to forget if you are, if not...

Goodbye and have a nice day anyway!

- Katt 

[celestialallstars]

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

________________________________________________________________

Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

________________________________________________________________

Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

________________________________________________________________

Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

________________________________________________________________

im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but  i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal.  I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

________________________________________________________________

As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

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Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

[siderealxmelody]

Abaddon & Azrael: The Ice Prince & The Fire Warrior

@nptperfect-indadseyes

Prologue:

The ice prince as he's been nicknamed walked through the halls. His white blonde hair slicked back. His cold blue eyes observing his surroundings.

He was young, 15. By most standards he would have a still more training to do. More things to learn at the Academy.

But his father had died, he was the only heir. He was young but he was ready. Ready to rule, ready to lead his people.

Ice Prince. How he detested that nickname, his schoolmates and bullies alike had called him that behind his back. He couldn't say the nickname was undeserved, He was quiet, remote, aloof. He wasn't made of ice though, he just felt he was above most of them.

"My lord?"

Azrael looked away from the window. The snow was falling steadily now. It wouldn't be long before it covered all the ground and trees.

His hand still rested on the window sill, the cold from outside keeping him grounded, keeping the feelings at bay.

"Yes?"

"The high council is ready for you Sire."

Azrael nodded curtly taking his hand off the window sill. He cast one last glance at the slowly whitening landscape and then turned and marched down the hall to the Consul Chamber.

Double oak doors opened inward to reveal a dias on which a table stood, the head of which was conspicuously absent - waiting for him.

As he sat he looked to his council. The eldest of them inclined his head and rose.

"My lord, the council has made all necessary preparations for your coronation. All that you need to do is pick a bodyguard. The council advises you to choose wisely, this person will be with you through the rest of your glorious reign."

Azrael made a mental effort not to roll his eyes. Words like "glorious" and "advises" were just filler for saying how inept they felt he was to rule.

"Lord Reed, if I may see your preparations before you start to inform the necessary parties that would be much appreciated."

Lord Reed blinked and then seemingly realizing where he was he bowed.

"My lord, it's really nothing you should concern yourself with. The council knows how difficult time this is for you, for everyone in the realm. We advise you to let us handle it."

"Are you suggesting Lord Reed that I am incapable of overseeing my own coronation? And as to concerns, this is a high one for me. It will be the first glimpse the other countries see of how I intend to rule, the coronation is everything."

Lord Reed bowed and quietly stammered an apology.

Azrael tried to calm himself down. True he hadn't meant to get angry, but he needed to show everyone he wasn't a child anymore, he was ready to be king. He decided to throw his terrified council a bone.

Catching the eye of Lord Binghamton he waved his hand and announced.

"Bring in the candidates." Azrael had decided early on he wouldn't just let the council appoint him a bodyguard. If this person was in charge of keeping him alive he wanted someone he could trust.

As the candidates filed in, he saw the usual big chested macho men, some handsome, some already carrying the telltale scars of battle. One lithe form in the back caught his eye though, he tried not to linger on it too much, or show a reaction of any kind.

All eyes were on him. Waiting for his word.

"You there in the far right step foreword."

The lithe formed man stepped forward.

"Remove your helmet." This one was the only one to wear it.

As the helmet came off, Azrael saw the shock of rich auburn hair. Hair that was very rare this high up north. The hair was long as well. Men usually kept theirs short, this one must be from out of town. Must be very good if he decided to try his luck here.

Azrael let himself have a small smile. His day had just gotten a lot more interesting.

As the helmet came fully off the council gasped, Azrael lost his composure for a moment as well and stared.

The man was a woman. A woman with long red hair and clear hazel-sea-green eyes. Eyes that stared back defiantly, almost daring him to throw her out.

"My lord, my apologies I—"

"Silence." Azreal said holding his hand up.

"I want her to be my guard."

"My lord, please reconsidered. She's young, barely out of childhood. Not to mention as a woman I don't see how much more protection she would give you that these other men couldn't provide."

"You've been questioning me a lot today Lord Reed, it's getting rather tiresome. However you bring up a good point."

He turned back to her.

"I'm sorry my lady, I don't know your name."

Her eyes widened subtlety. Men of high standing never bothered to know the names of those who serve them. As long as they did their job they were happy. They were going to get on splendidly.

"Abaddon. My lord."

She didn't thank him for choosing her. Didn't grovel at how wonderful an opportunity it was. He tried not to smile again.  

"Abaddon will you show the council and myself how apt your are at fighting by facing each of the other candidates?"

Abaddon couldn't believe her ears. This is what she lived for. If only her village could see her now!

Abaddon's face split into a wide grin, bowing she rose a smirk on her face. Drawing her sword she said calm, her voice like honey.

"It would my pleasure, My Lord."

She spun and clanged with one the burly men. He seemed slightly surprised by her speed, she moved away and lunged again, he blocked her. Abaddon moved away and circled waiting for an opening.

Abaddon feigned right and then headed straight, taking her sword she hit the back of his legs, flooring him. Turing to the other men she grinned.

"Anyone want to forfeit now and save your manhood?"

Azrael pretended to scratch his nose hiding his smile.  

"Ya little cunt. I'll show you what a man is really like."

A man from the back charged her, she jumped out of the way, and hit him from the side on the neck. He crumpled to the floor.

Most of the others stepped back.

It was nice to know that had he picked any of them, they would have ran at the slightest sign of hardship.

"Enough. I think she has proven her skill, don't you think so Lord Reed?"

Azrael saw Abaddon bow out of the corner of his eye. She smirked up at the council boldly. Leaning on her sword she waited.

"My lord, if you find her good enough for your safety then who am I to object?"

Azreal's lips tightened, Abaddon turned away and rolled her eyes.

Azrael stood as did everyone around him. He turned to leave, Abaddon moved out of way. As his hand came to the door, he turned one last time and looked at Lord Reed.

"Lord Reed, don't think I've forgotten about the coronation. I want the reports, everything pertaining to it on my desk on Monday."

Azrael didnt wait for his response. He opened the door with a flourish, and walked out. He didn't break his stride till he was in his room.

Leaning against his desk he watched the door, to see Abaddon come in.

"I hate those meetings."

"Well, you know that it's your opinion that matters right, not theirs?"

Azrael looked up to see Abaddon staring at him. Her helmet under her arm.

"Yes, your right. It's just the politics that bother me."

"Change it then."

"What?"

Abaddon rolled her eyes. Honestly what did he do before her?

"You will be king. If you don't like how things are done, change them."

Azrael narrowed his eyes and held her gaze. He turned away to fix his desk.

"Forgive me if I've overstepped my boundaries my lord."

He turned to look at her, she was smiling.

"You don't mean it do you?" He asked a smirk on his face as he leaned back on the desk his arms crossed.

"Do you want me to Sire?"

She replied coming closer, her hands behind her back.

"No. I like someone whose honest. I need someone I can trust."

He came closer, till he stood an inch away. Whispering he said,

"Can I trust you Abaddon?"

Abaddon lost her train of thought for a second, his icy blue eyes stared as if he could read her thoughts.

She stepped even closer, a breath away from his lips,

"Yes."

She held his eyes for a bit then abruptly turned away. Going toward the door, she smiled secretly to herself. As she exited she called over her shoulder — in a whisper knowing he would hear.

"But the real question is can I trust you?"

She left him with that and closed the door.

Chapter 1:

Azrael threw down his reports and left his room to walk outside. The cold air might do him some good.

It had been a month since Abaddon had been appointed as his bodyguard. In that month he hadn't been able to spend a lot of time with her. He had been busy fixing his council's mistake on his coronation. She had been busy getting to know the castle staff

"My lord, I had almost thought you forgot about the outside world."

Azrael turned around.

He winked leaning back against the tree.

"Enough talking. I've done enough talking, spar with me."

Abaddon smiled, she came closer brushing the snow off his shoulder, casually whispered in his ear,

"I won't go easy on you Sire."

Before he could hurt her she ran away laughing. He followed running after her.

She suddenly spun and ran at him, he was ready and met her blow for blow. They practiced like that for hours, till Azrael's mother came to find him.

"Azrael it's cold. Come inside."

"Mother?" Asked Azrael Turing around. Abaddon took her sword ready to attack him from behind, feeling the air sweep by him, he ducked and turned around and hit her with his sword.

"Azrael be careful. You could get hurt!"

"Mother, this is most fun I've had in so long. She was the best person I could have picked as my bodyguard."

Abaddon looked down and smiled.

"Thank you Sire."

Azrael rolled his eyes seeing Abaddon sideways grin.

Abaddon looked up her eyes earnest,

"If I may overstep my bounds your grace, I've been watching his majesty and he's spent unusual amounts of time inside the castle walls. Perhaps some exercise and fresh air will do him good?"

The queen smiled and nodded and left them to it.

"She likes you." Azrael said finally after his mother had long since left.

Abaddon looked up from the ground and smiled.

"Of course she does. I'm pretty sure I've won everyone in this castle over."

Azrael kneeled down. The sting of the snow a much needed respite from the suffocating warmth of the castle.

"What are you doing?"

Abaddon looked down seemingly realizing she was doing something.

"I'm making snow balls. In my village the children make them and forts and fight each other with them. The first one to get past the enemies fort lines wins."

Azrael smiled.

"Excellent." He offered her a hand, she took it.

"Will you face me Abaddon? I feel like you'd be a worthy opponent."

Abaddon pulled his arm closer.

"You're laying the compliments a little thick you're majesty. Don't think I'll let you win."

Azrael smirked, "I wouldn't dream of it."

They spent the rest of the day throwing snowballs and having a grand old time.

Finally late that night they

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 2 Confessionals

who is bryce and how long has he been on this tribe

so my daughter emma left and im the only one who stood by her side. i still have lexi on my side. hopefully adam, jordan pines (shocking) and jay. im mostly working with jordan and jay bcuz they might know lexi and i are friends. considering i was in the india reuinon chat and kicked from it on and off for weeks. also katie is in this game and i know she's bffls with adam, so i wanna work with him to keep that door open. and katie is also bffs with jordan so ILL GIVE THAT LITTLE PINES BOY A CHANCE

Me forgetting to make a confessional doesn't surprise me. Anyway I got an advantage from the wishing well thing and I'm shook that it worked to get half the tribe on call

I think I made a pretty good connection with Chris, especially based on the fact that we are in 2 orgs together. I would like to align with one more person and make it an alliance of 3, so when I get the chance to talk to Chris, that could hopefully be set up. I want to be a bit more straightforward with my goals in this org unlike in some of the previous ones I have played recently. I've been waiting for someone to come to me but maybe if I go to a couple people, they will respect and trust me more because I want to align with them. It worked well with Chris. Also everyone listen to this goddess sing: 

So, usually i don't make confessionals, because thats lame, but my boy RTP needs them. So what can I say, I'm a giver. Anyways round 1 is fine. I have a few different alliances, each sort of mixing with the other. I got a 1 on 1 of me and adam. I got a 3 person one of me Luke and Jay. And I think I am working with Ryan and Willa. Separately of course. Anyways i'm not too worried about going home. I just hope we win shit soon.

Okay fake friends!! No one though to inform me about the idol map thing JKDSFJK. I don't even quiet get it AAAAAAAA. I searched somewhere but don't think I got a response so I think I'm wrong. Also we won the first challenge yay!! I'm really scared to go to tribal b/c I don't think I'm in a majority. I want to make an alliance with like carson, charlotte, zachary, katie but I think its too soon??? But that's what people who wait to long say so idk SDDSHFSf. Taylor Swift's new song came out earlier and its so good. Its also everywhere??? Like on so many promotional things and ads shes really getting her business. The reward challenge is usually something I'd like but I finally fixed my sleeping schedule and its about to get ruined again probably. I'm so tired but I want to win. The wishing well is also strange. I didn't get chosen this time and no one told me they did either so yikes :s! Here's hoping things look less grim.

okay i really like carson. he's really fun and probably the person im closest with. I want to work with as well, Willow. she's a queen! WOO ill make a longer one soon i promise

Congrats to me for not being the first boot. That'll have to do for my first confessional I'll do a real one later Ryan please don't yell at me.

I GET SLEEP YES. Sad I didn't get it but tbh idc. I am SO tired and now I don't have to stay up. Gonna finis the Great British Bake Off episode I'm on and them I'll be counting sheep! Hope my tribe wins <3

I dreamed a dream that I searched for the idol apparently. BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DSFJKSFKJFK. I don't understand why I'm like this but I'm cracking up and apparently imagining I searched Churup HSFJKDFsKJF

Just occured to me that hosts see these live not at the end of the season so now I'm extra embarrassed SJDKFS

I love how we're doing every challenge I hate!!! We won reward tho and got another shot at the wishing well but I didn't find anything again lol. I am stressed for this challenge but hope their teams just like talks or something and gets kicked.

heyyyy im back! after we won immunity (bless), i kinda just.. .stopped talking to ppl but everyone else stopped talking so its fine and idc! emma got voted out and im PRETTY sure i dont know them so idc. i know willa so im happy they stayed over emma. then came the reward, where ryan slung a ball we had to catch it to open treasure chests, and we dominated ! (well not we, but the rest of my tribe), they got 4/6 balls and charlotte managed to open the chest so we won reward and a visit to the wishing well! at the wishing well, i chose #9 bc... it SPOKE to me, and... [9:15:58 AM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This task may put you at risk if you complete it so make sure to cover all of your bases. The next Immunity Challenge will be one where you have to earn points as individuals for your tribe. Your task is to make sure you do not earn any points for your tribe, you must earn 0 points. In addition to that there will be a rule about talking in the chat, right after your tribe has earned points you need to post a comment of celebration in the chat. You may write whatever you want, but you will then be removed from the chat. If you complete this task during the Immunity Challenge then you will earn a special reward. If you do not complete this task you will earn nothing. [9:16:02 AM] carson: SDJKSDJKSDJKSDJK [9:16:11 AM] carson: Me being one of the onl;y people to not do anything during the Reward [9:16:12 AM] carson: BYE [9:16:34 AM] carson: Also Ryan ur giving me All Stars teas.... [9:16:37 AM] carson: *cvc [9:16:40 AM] carson: I literally [9:16:43 AM] carson: SFJKSDKSDJK GOD I HATE THISSSS [9:16:47 AM] Ryan Palmer: :) [9:16:52 AM] carson: THis is literally the Same as CvC SO i HAVE AN ADVANTAGE CLUE... and the challenge is one of the task challenges and these are my favorite types of challenges and im rlly mad i dont get to play!!! this reward BETTER be good... (also me not helping in the challenge, but still getting the reward sdlsks) and im having flashbacks from failing this kinda clue in challengers vs champions, so i wanna redeem myself and get the advantage! im still gonna try and fake like im doing it, by answering questions wrong etc, but then ill randomly celebrate in the wrong chat accidentally (while we'rei n the lead bc im not gonna try and lose this SDjksdkj) !! hopefully it goes well and im not exposed and we dont lose immunity. also, nor eal updates on this tribe. chris barely talks which im assuming is bc hes busy but still!!! idk who to work with, so i guess ill wait for a tribal?? kinda wanna get an alliance together soon though idk

Im gonna be bomb at this comp n here is why eg. Q: who won Bahamas? A: *me in 0.2sec* Zach won Bahamas!!!! Yes I submitted this as a VLconf too don't @me...

I'm good at puzzles??? But I'm not I guess DSFKJSF

My ADD made it almost impossible to keep up with this high speed challenge so I kept /leave on my message box the whole time hoping it would become an option to get points... man I'm a smarty pants and also now I get to sleep!

I am so stressed for tribal. I think I have something good with Carson and Zachary but I still need two votes hopefully Willow and Charlotte vote with me and we can do Eric or Chris. Chris doesn't respond to my messages ever so I'd prefer to do that honestly but idk I am just hoping it works out

Willow told me she heard Chris's name and im like "HELLL NAW IM NOT VOTING CHRIS BAI." I need Willow, and I need Chris, and there is no way either of us 3 are going to go this tribal.

So I talked to Willow and she's like "my two top allies blah blah blah. Anonymous blah blah blah" and I'm thinking to myself, "Why would you tell me that someone other than me is your top ally. You could of had me sold if you said I was your only top ally." Now I know there is someone you might keep over me." And I have strong suspicions that her top ally that isn't me is 1 of these 3: Katie, Carson, Charlotte. Either way, I am going to remember what Willow said if we are ever in merge together and I need to think about saving her or someone else, especially if one of these suspicions are in merge with us.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY! Even without help from Jay, Lexi and Willa the rest of us killed the challenge and took home immunity. I'm so happy that we won immunity because Willa was looking like he'd be the  next person to go and I kind of don't want that? I know it puts me in a pretty precarious spot with my alliance since they agreed it's probably best if Willa leaves next. If I can't save Willa at all then I'll vote him out but if I can save him that would be GREAT for me. I want to get closer to Ryan and Adam. Adam and I talked during the first tribal council and we're both pretty straight forward thinkers and know what's best for the tribe so I'm interested with working with him. Ryan is someone who I really want to work with and he's close with Lexi which means I might have to vote her out so that he'll fully trust me?? Idk we'll see. I've been thinking about what Ulta will do at tribal because if a winner from that tribe ends up leaving and then we swap and I end up on an Ulta dominated tribe...that's bad news for me. 

So I think I'll get at least one vote here. But I feel good with my alliance that they'll have my back. I trust carson the most, then charlotte, then zachary, but I trust them all so that's good.  I think  Willow and Eric are together but I don't think they'll be able to get chris and Katie on their side. Willow wanting chris is also pretty bad so idk I think I'm safe at least I hope so cuz I'm really starting to enjoy the cast and season!! Should be a 7-1 or 6-2 or 6-1-1 vote hopefully and then 4-4 at worst

we;ll.... we lost badly!! AND I DIDNT GET MY REWARD FROM WISHING WELL BC WE FLOPPED TOO MUCH... but that dont matter, tribals more important, and chris was the plan to go... UNTIL!!! today, eric told chris that chris was going and if he wanted to stay to vote out bryce. like??? What kinda crackedt world do you live in where u threaten someone to vote someone so they  can stay SDJHDSJ (also returnee alliance made between me/zach/charlotte/bryce YES.) so... chris snitched (king) eric out and so we want eric out now... bc hes playing way too hard. NOW HE WANTS TO VOTE CHARLOTTE OUT TOO WHICH>>> SDKJSDKJ. i see why he went premerge so many times right now. like... if you try something over and over, and it doesn't work. take another LOOK!! but whatever i could be getting bamboozled but the plan is to get out eric bc he blew up his game by scrambling with little numbers, and withholding info (like telling bryce that he should vote charlotte and he couldnt tell him why but hed give him 3 rounds of safety DSJKSJK...) hopefully im not being dumb and im actually right. (also im actually... strategizing and forming social bonds oh wow! survivor is actually fun when you play it.) lets pray for no blindside of me or anyone... and lets get through this! http://photos.costume-works.com/full/furby.jpg

i just heard carsons voice on live tribal council and like i knew he was in high school but omg he sounds like such a smol baby and i need to protect him

[yumenosakiacademy]

Me.trocon 2017 Saturday

diary for future me, read if you want but it’s rly only 4 myself tbh. Cosplayed: mik.an Tsumiki

OKAY so the morning was rly bad and hectic and i dont like remembering it but i woke up and got ready bc the lol.ita fashion show was at 10 am and dad n i left and dad stopped by burger king to get himself some food but my cramps flared up BADLY and i had a midol in my bag so i took it out but im afraid of pills and cant swallow them so i was shaking and then i started crying and the drive-thru girl was like “oh gosh are you okay?” and i explained what was going on but rushed and sloppily and she was like “oh this happens to my lil sis too.. it’s okay sweetie just relax” or soething and i had dad park the car in the parking lot of burger king and for me to put my midol in a BK crospy crown and take a huge bite and swallow but that backfred and i chewed some of the pill and it was Blegh but the midol didnt kick in right away and the cramps were still v bad so i had dad rive me home so i could lie down for a while and i asked mom to use the heater bc she accidentally woke up so i asked her while she was awake and she kept saying no bc she liked it but when i begged she let me use her bed and used mine and it barely helped but overtime i gradually geew okay and hadd to calm myself so the stress wouldnt make my cramps return and i left at like 11 am and i missed the BB panel too but it’s Okay and i walked in and met up w haji near the ticket place and thankfully her mom let us wander around the con

so we went to the GF panel but i was mainly distracted by a small octopus plushie on some guy’s head and haji n i kept joking abt us knocking it off his head and abt the guy playing space jam and bassboosted music outside the panel room and it being audible whenever someone opened the door to leave or come in pff... but the dipper did the lamby dance and it was cute aa and the dipper offered ppl in the audience scooby snacks to any of the audience so haji n i had one n it was rly good aa i hadnt had one of those in years theyre Yummy...

Anyway, after that, i tried to go to the DR meetup, but it was rly rly tiny?? like we held it inside w like 2 handfuls of ppl and we tried to get the junkos to step on the tsumikis (there were 3 of us, including me) w 2 junkos bc i requested it but the junkos didnt wanna accidentally pantyshot the camera so we got up from our kneeling positions haha and haji went to the dealers room for a while while this was going on and i tried to help the mikan when she said she got a cut on her face but she said it was alright and eventualy haji came back and i left w her and we decided not to go to the m.lp panel that i kind of wanted to go to and instead went to the dealers room and looked around and i showed her the idol merch table and haji said she’d buy me anything bc she didnt get to give me a birthday present earlier on in the year so i looked around for a Big hamster plushie or something but those seemed expensive so we came back to the idol table and got me the tori keychain i’d been wanting since yesterday or thirsday and haji got a tsukasa and then we ran into the ppl running the fine panel and we all joked abt “ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS, EICHI!!” 

and we walked around for a bit more before going to the rw.by panel but we could barely hear and we had to sit at the back of the room due to lack of seats so haji and i just whispered to eachother the whole time and i had haji read part of an en.stars smut fic w impregnation kink (just kink not actual mpreg) and a lil stupid thing i wrote abt rei and koga and then we watched the service dog near us near the other corner and watched it lick the carpet and Rest and enjoyed watchin it then we tried to walk around and someone asked for a pic of me but i was like “UHH WHERES MY SYRINGE PROP” so haji thought i elft it on the floor of the other panel and she left to go find it while i waited near these ppl bc they were just hanging out anyway and i kept worrying like “shes been gone for a while.. is she okay this shouldve been quick oh god” and my cramps started returning a lil but i tried to keep myself calm and the uraraka was like “are you okay i can go try n retkrkieve her if she got lost” and i was like “it’s okay” and eventually i checked deep in my bag and found it and i tried to call haji but she arrived just as i called her and i was like “i found it im sorry aa” and then we Ran to the en.stars panel

AND THE EN.STARS PANEL WAS SO SO MUCH FUN!! I have the first half recorded on video and since it’s rly late rn, i wont type too much abt that, but i asked eichi if he was anyone’s sugar daddy and, if not, would he be mine and he said he was kind of one to hajime and bought him lots of things and haji asked who was the most into minions and it was apparently Tori and i showed them the scooby doo au i made w some of haji’s assistance and showed wtaru (and the others) the Scoobkai Doonata that i drew and they all were laughing and i wa glad aa and the topic of vore came up again and i showed them shino’s ku.rochia vore post and the kiryu was like “OH MY GOD CAN I GIV U MY TWITTER SO I CAN BE SENT THAT” and the panelists were laughing and tori read the tweet aloud while laughing and i told them the ensemble vore account and eichi was like “well, theyve prob gained more followers today” and i asked if anyone in the audience wanted to see it and omeone rasied their hand so i showed them and they were laughing too and it was Wild.wataru apparently named his doves after fine members and tomoya, and i asked kiryu if he could lift rabits + fine and they nodded and i later asked if he knew that he’s a thicc bara and the fandom thirsts for him and he laughed and nodded. Haji asked them if they’d heard rainbow circus nightcore bassboosted and the eichi said they played it at practice ssometimes (i thick this was ooc not in-character answer) and someone in the audience actually KNEW the person who made that and messaged them and they messaged them that tori said they liked them and the rainbow cisurcus stuff and the person replied w “ Why” and honestly this whole panel was FUN but so someone told us where the en.stars buttons were so the fine group, their friend the kiryu, haji, and i all went to the booth and got buttons and i said goodbye to eeryone and walked around for a minute then haji n i went into the vol.tron talk panel and haji had to leave aww and after that the vol.tron panel was mostly shitty fanfic reading, swearing, and roasts and i wanted to go to vol.tronival but for reason i thought thatd be rude bc the panelists were like “we have to compete w... THAT” and so i stayed and went on my ipad most of the time.

I went to the per.sona 5 q and a and it was so full that i had to stand in the back but they sometimes kept bringing up per.sona 4 and perso.na 3 so i was confused and they said they were abt to start trivia and it might have spoilers so i took that opportunity to leave bc i dont want spoilers and it was kind of boring so i walked around the dealers room and i found a Rock and Uno and i talked to them and turns out the Rock was actually the mondo from the day before bc they said “hey, sweetie!” in a nice tone and i was confused and they were like “ah im the mondo btw!” so we talked and i talked abt how i watched both seasons of nan.baka in like.. 2 days and i was like “uno’s best boy-” and rock (as a joke) went deadpan and walked away and i was like “ROCK IS ALSO A GOOD BOY JUST.. UNO...” and rock came back and i said that uno and nico stole my heart and uno fistbumped me and rock was like “you should cosplay w us sometime~!” and i said i was considering doing uno but couldnt and i cant do most of the characters bc long sleeves and rock said i’d be cute as the chinese qi kid and i was like “i cant paint myself either but thank you!” and they had to leave but i got rock’s tumblr and they called me cute or sweet and i looked around the dealers room for a second more before scurrying to the LL panel and apparently the thing was 2 hours??

but anyway it was p funny and we all just messed around and did q and a and games like handshake  killer and karaoke! i sang half of Sentimental Liars but my voice wasnt as loud as i wouldve liked it and kind of shaky bc i was cold and Nervous and the nico from the panel and another random guy clapped for me and the 2 en.stars fans in front of me said my voice sounded nice and at some point i overheard those 2 talking abt making a screamo cover of melody in the dark and i was like “omfg are yall gonna actually make a cover. go fully hardcore” and Dead girl walking and candy store got sung and it was a Fun panel. the kiryu from earlierwalked in too so when everyone was talkign to eachother near the end of the panel, i asked shino if they wanted to say anything to the kuro and shino asked them how ranking went and the kiryu said they couldnt rank and shino was just so happy and keysmashing and asked f i could say “pls lift me mr.bara” and the kiryu chuckled and the kiryu was like “do they want me to like.. do anyfin?” so i asked shino and all he said was “DAB” so i took a pic of the kiryu dabbing and shino said they hadnt been feeling well so it cheered them up so i told the kiryu that and they said to tell shino that that made them happy and when the kiryu and i swapped tumblr apparently they already follow me and im like “FGNEGN DUDE.. I KNO U IVE SEEN U IN MY FOLLOWERS LIST IM YUMENOSAKIACADEMY ROX...” n they were like “oH” and they showed me a funny post abt shu and i proposed a tri.ch shu hc and then they ahd to leave but i stayed for the vol.tron panel but i was messaging shino thru most of it but i saw lynds (as lance) get hugged by the panel’s lance and i read some en.stars doujins and messaged another friend too so i wasnt paying much attention, then istill stayed in the room for the rw.by panel, but same i was just on my ipad but i saw some of the dares and the jaune sang and stuff and evemtually it was over and i walked around taking pics before going outside to wait for dad to pick me up 

and i took a pic of a pidge, lance, and keith and gav em lollipops and the pidge was like “omg ur nails.. wait, did u go to a hai.kyuu panel last year?” and i was like “ah, no i was casu.al d v a” and they were like “yea, but u went TO  a hai.kyuu panel, yea?” and i said yea and they were like “aa i was the hinata u talked to. i recognized u bc the nails” and i laughed bc thats my only noticable feature, huh. pff

[glowsociety]

“By ancestry, I was born to rule” Nelson Mandela

“We are the ones we have been waiting for” Alice Walker

  The Glowvolution is all about sharing our shine with each other in support of our individual journeys.

If you get, give. If you learn, teach.

Maya Angelou

So, like many of you, I have been yearning to be more creative lately and decided to do something about it. I started planning a shoot for no real reason and figured this would be a perfect way to collaborate would some creatives and have fun. On this sunny hot Saturday, I met up with Makeup Artist, Thurzday and Photographer: David Wong at the park near the LA River.

This is the first time I have done something of this nature. I have never posed nude or even semi nude. But its All or Nothing day so what better way for me to lose my fears and to Free the Nipple, because I do stand behind the right for a women to do so #freethenipple. It’s a dream to be a creative director so I figured this would be a great way to practice while making images that convey messages in an artistic fashion. It was only after following through with this shoot that I realized the layers to this shit. Not only was it about losing my fears behind being judged, but also being the judge. Its about being confident and following instincts, even without knowing all of the details at the time. This is the year to kill the Ego and free your fears.

GOING 4WARD FEARLESSLY … INTO THE UNKNOWN

In the days leading up to the photo shoot I felt connected to something bigger and went into autopilot. As I braided my hair the night before my ancestors took over my fingers. The fears crept up in my mind and I almost did not follow through, I almost cancelled the shoot many times because of not feeling I had enough time or resources or energy to follow through. I was also scared to be in public with body paint because people may judge me. I knew it was my ego that wanted to just get out of it and my fear actually became my drive to keep going. In the end I am SO proud and happy I followed through. I realized, It’s apart of a whole healing power move that I need to make at this moment. There is so much beauty in the process, all you need is to set your intention – aim – then FIRE! Watch your arrow of intention propel you forward.

FINDING MY ANCESTORS & LEARNING ABOUT MYSELF

Whatever I do in life, I always research it first. It was very interesting finding out about the ArwTainos. Since I began to search into my ancestry, its been one interesting revelation after another. I have tons of journals and recently looked back into them to track my mental growth. I found this quote in one notebook and remembered exactly how I felt; lost and confused.

“My mind and spirit need to come to some sort of agreement.” ~ excerpt from Broken N2 Words (original poem, written in 2010)

At the time I was in the Big Apple feeling sad, lonely, depressed & unsupported. Although, my spirit still remained hopeful, I let my mind and ego beat me up. In January of 2016, I read Reinventing the Body & Resurrecting the Soul, by Deepak Chopra and seriously felt my soul decide to fully awaken the rest of me, I kid you not.

Many of us are split internally between our differing personas and find it hard to combine them into one cohesive person. The point is to be more Authentic. How can you do that if you are so split with a conflicted mind? Many times our (alter) egos fight with each other, seeming to tell us to go in numerous directions. Most go in the direction of the Ego that screams the loudest. This is counter-productive because your souls true voice doesn’t scream, it whispers. That’s why you have to quiet your mind to hear it. In the weeks before the shoot, I had no clear plan and decided to use the resources I had to make it work.

There is something about dressing up as your ancestors that connects you and allows you to tap into something beautiful, blessed and you feel supported.

A major Inspiration for the photoshoot. Tapping into the feministic power of Queen ANACAONA “Queen on the shoulders of giants. She stands for Guidance, Wisdom and Beauty. She led the resistance against the genocide of her people and was hung by the Spaniards.

  LISTENING TO OUR ANCESTORS

They are speaking through us

~I am not being sexual, I am being Free

I’m not confrontational, I’m just being ME

Roots ancestral are calling to be seen

Shut down your E-Go

See my Glow and shining soul ~

~ “Savage” ~

The “Savage” in me knows that Mother Earth is dying and feels helpless. She is a Warrior who has chosen the path of peace. But don’t be fooled, she is no pushover. She is unseen until she wants to be like a ghost and she creeps up on you in a ninja-like fashion. Because she is beautiful woman, she has to be more on point with her senses and instincts. Synchronicity is her religion and there are many angels around her. She makes what she needs and is a pescatarian like her ancestors. Her purpose is to Love. By sending her energy to the sea, she sends Love to the World.

  THE AFTERMATH

After the photoshoot, I was overwhelmed with emotion that I can’t quit describe and gratefulness for the experience. I truly feel the blessings from simply going ahead with the photoshoot. It was like a type of ritual or ceremony to connect with my ancestors. I felt supported by generations spanning across the world. I definitely feel more confident.

In my journal the next day, I wrote:

I am tapping into something I can not explain, better yet, something I find hard to put into words. Yet, its completely clear when I think of how I feel right now. I feel like I have a village of ancestors looking / watching /wishing the best for me. I have recently introduced my ARAWAK TAINO ancestry to my list of ancestors to pay homage to via a photoshoot taken by the L.A. River with photographer David Wong (IG: @rareform1906) and makeup artist: Thurzday (IG: @yo_thurz).

With this action, I open the ancient lines of communication with you. I invite you to speak to me, show me love, show me your strength and guide me.

It’s ALL OR NOTHING! No time for the back and forth, full steam ahead!

  When a friend asked me, “What are you doing the photoshoot for?” my answer echoed in my mind first before escaping my lips in a high pitched scream: ” I’M DOIN’ THIS FOR ME!”

Its a new day and I’m Doing This For ME! what do you need to do for yourself?

I hope to inspire you to constantly seek out ways to Kill your Ego and get in tuned with our ancient gifts. If you didnt know already, we are in the Kill your ego phase now and I knew it was something big for me that I was doing. Honestly I’m still working on how the whole experience effected me, but in short, I feel stronger, more supported and connected to a powerful source (you can call it what you want).

Self healing is HARD consistent work. But once you decide that the invisible bully needs to go, you’re all about it. This is that Ego crushing, roots finding, confidence building, mind freeing work. I love being creative and collaborating with a talented people like the makeup artist Thurzday (IG: @yo_thurz ) and photographer David Wong (IG: @rareform1906 ). I am blessed to be able to practice another artistic way to pay homage to my ancestors and a better understanding of myself.

Its All or Nothing Day and Its all about HEALING! So go all out and do something for you today, then repeat.

Whenever you are creating beauty around you, you are restoring your own soul ~

Alice Walker

From my ❤ to yours,

J

I’m Doin’ This For Me (infinite series) The Glowvolution is all about sharing our shine with each other in support of our individual journeys.