#i didn't sleep very long either time (it was twice in a row) but i'm honestly amazed I COULD

[pandaspwnz]

Milestone achieved: fell asleep at my desk

[thatamatuerauthor]

My Fair Luna

Chapter 8

If Emma had known the sheer amount of work that was waiting for her at this new job, she would've thought twice.

But she still would have taken it, if she was honest.

So the grounds needed work, and tasks needed delegating…and room assignments completed and gardening to oversee and meal planning to go over and a new row of houses needed to go up so supplies needed to be ordered and patches of trees felled and kids activities to plan and…

Oh boy

A lot of work needed to be done. It had Emma wondering just what was so important that the boss man and his family had to leave. Because she was starting to feel like they had left all these people high and dry.

Or they had more faith in Rex and Luke than was appropriate. Sorry guys.

Either way, by the time Sunday had rolled around, the time for her to phone in to her parents, Emma was surprised to find herself smack dab in the middle of a construction site as people began directing all their questions towards her about what to do.

It was Luna this and Luna that. Honestly she didn't know what to think about that nickname at first. It didn't really seem to fit in with the whole wolf theme. Until she realized it meant moon, and wolves howl at the moon, and right now all these people were 'howling' at her expecting her to know and/or fix everything.

And here I thought it was because I was pasty white…she grumbled internally.

The first time someone had called her that, she can't quite remember who now that everyone does it, Faye and Jade had practically glared holes into the poor soul's head. She wasn't sure what the big deal was. After all, having a nickname means she's one of them now, right?

When she said it was ok to call her that, everyone relaxed and seemed so happy about it. Further making her feel like she was missing some vital peice if the puzzle that was Camp Lobo. But Jade and Faye seemed particularly thrilled and called her Luna often. She was coming to really enjoy their company.

A tune began playing softly from her pocket, catching several people's attention. Emma pulled her phone from her jeans and answered it without looking. She knew who it was based on the song.

"Hey dad," She greeted, unknowingly perking interest around her as sensitive ears listened in. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, Jo and I were just waiting on your call."

Emma paused. "Right, sorry." She blew out a breath and motioned to the foreman that she was stepping away. "Everything's been so hectic since day one I haven't had a chance to do much but eat and sleep."

"So I take it you got the job?"

"Yeah, that very day in fact." Emma figured her dad would pick up on the oddities like she had. Only he'd understand them better.

"That day?"

"On the spot." Emma smiled as a few workers carrying insulation passed her. "You could tell he was in over his head."

"Bossman was that desperate?"

"He's actually acting boss." That was the kicker, and she knew her dad was thinking the same thing she has because he let out a long hum.

"Did he get permission from Bossman?"

Emma blew out a breath. "Not that I know of."

Her dad hummed again. "You do realize that could make you temporary hire."

"Yeah, I know."

"Do you like it there?"

"I love it, it's absolutely gorgeous. I'll take some pictures of the grounds when I get the chance. You and mom would love it here." She gushed, not realizing the people around her were smiling.

"Ok, camp rat. How's the food? Is it as good as your mom's?"

"Some is, some isn't. But I don't think anyone's gonna top her homemade bread."

"True-"

"Luna can you-" Just as the worker interrupt her a few of the workers around her shushed him.

"Someone calling you?" Her dad asked.

"Yeah, I'm literally in the middle of putting up the inner walls of the new building."

"Oh?"

"Hey man, I'm only overseeing the project and helping the foreman stay on task. Everybody already knows what they're doing."

"Alright, if you need any help give me a call."

"I will. Love you dad." She had already thought of calling him since he was a painter/contractor but the workers here had everything handled.

"Love you too-"

"LOVE YOU BABY!" Her mom yelled into her dad's ear. Not that it bothered him, he's half deaf. But it blared across her phone speaker.

"Love you too mom." Emma lightly rolled her eyes.

"Hey, before you go just…be careful and try not to step on any toes."

"That's the plan." She sighed again.

"Alright, love you baby."

"Love you too, bye."

"Bye."

Line Break

Fay and Jade stood aside and watched as Luna Emma spoke to her parents. The week had gone a lot smoother than they could've hoped. Except for the fact that everyone knows…

Faye was not the only one to apparently recognize her for what she is. On one hand, this made her transition into the pack rather smooth, on the other…they were never going to hear the end of it from Matt when he gets back.

"I think it happened this way for reason." Jade, like Faye, didn't take her eyes off of their Luna.

"And why is that?" Faye asked.

"Think about it. Not only did she come when we needed her the most, but do you think if Alpha Matt had met her earlier that Alpha and Luna would have accepted her?"

Faye frowned. "Why wouldn't they? She is our next Luna. Everyone can tell."

"Strange isn't it?" Jade continued. "That we would be able to recognize her?" Faye glanced at Jade. "You knowing is understandable. But the rest of us should just see a human. So why are we connecting with her so easily?"

Fay had no answers. Now that she thought about it too…it was more than odd. It was unheard of. But there had to be a reason.

"And then there's the timing." Jade pointed out. "She came when we needed her. Almost as if she's proving herself without the pressure of being ridiculed by those in power because she is the highest rank among us."

"You think Alpha Derek and Luna Mae would have rejected her." Faye swallowed thickly, she didn't like the thought.

"Undoubtedly." Jade didn't hesitate to answer.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

(for both book and medical considerations, tw for discussion of substance issues. Also heavy medical talk because I'm Worried.)

Head in my hands.

I had a feeling a book about substance abuse would have it, but I went Most of the way through the book without seeing it, so I started to hope that Maybe It Wouldn't Trigger My Phobia, Actually.

And then it went and triggered it really badly twice in rapid succession until I was sitting in my chair trembling with my heart pounding and I had to close the book and walk in the hall for ten minutes and then sit in the bathroom for another 20 and get Very close to crying.

Part of the problem is that since, like, last Monday (ten days???) I've been enduring Stomach-Induced Hell. It's getting worryingly long actually, the longest it usually lasts when my stomach flares up is 5 days. It's been ten.

Desperately hoping I don't have to up the reglan again because I'm already having a hard time convincing my doctor to keep renewing it. /:{ It's the only medication in the world that has ever helped me. And the next step up is the Highest Dose Possible. And THAT dose is only recommended for 6 weeks or less. If I get immune to THAT dose, there's no helping me.

Ironically, considering the book I'm reading, I'm worried it might be withdrawal from a med I was taking a MINIMAL DOSE OF for like three fucking weeks. Lowest dose, usually given thrice a day but I only ever took it before bed. And yet, when I ran out and my doctor didn't give me any refills, suddenly I had insomnia and massive amounts of nausea and damn-near daily v* and for the first three or four days I was also Very Irritable and had no patience.

I don't know if chemical dependence can even FORM with three weeks of 5mg of cyclobenzaprine once a day (with the VERY occasional dose of 10mg instead)? And I asked my doctor Over and Over Again if it was habit-forming and she said the risk was really low? But the reason I asked her was because I know my family (both sides) has a long and winding history of substance abuse. So I tried to be careful. I tried to only take it when I needed it. I noticed it helped me sleep, but mostly because it helped my back pain and I could actually Get Comfortable laying on my side (I can't sleep laying on my back, which is the ONLY position I don't feel constant searing pain in).

For the most part, I limited myself to only taking it on days it's the Worst (after a lot of shopping or something), 2-3 times a week, only up to 3 days in a row. 3 days on, 4 days off. That sort of thing.

And then I bent over to pet the cat and my back spasmed Really Badly for three days. I'll admit I doubled up on the dose a couple of nights, but? Mostly took the minimum. It got a bit better after a week. Then my back spasmed AGAIN when I was drying my legs after a shower.

So yeah. I took it every day. It was AGONIZING. It doesn't go away for DAYS and even the meds just took the edge off, made it bearable with deep breathing and constantly gritting my teeth and moving at a snail's pace. I still had to strictly restrict my motion, walk with my hands holding my hips still, do hip/sacrum stretches three times a day so it wouldn't lock up.

My back's feeling okay enough now that I can start doing my physical therapy exercises again (which I have been.... largely neglecting to do and that may be a HUGE factor in the recent spasms). Even standing up to dance for four songs at the Starset demonstration only left me in sore aching pain for two days, with no spasming. But that was still like three weeks solid of taking it.

I'm not looking for advice here. I know how withdrawal works (even if, theoretically, I shouldn't have been able to become dependent on this thing at a super low dose after less than a fucking month). But, again, long family history of These Issues. My body either doesn't respond to meds at all or has a really heightened response to it. So who the fuck knows.

Anyways, the point is, whether it's worsening gastritis / gastroparesis or withdrawal-related, I've been ridiculously sick with my stomach lately. Ginger and peppermints only help for 20ish minutes at a time, and the moment they wear off it comes back with a vengeance.

(It's not food poisoning, because the nausea/v* is literally the only symptom, it's mostly just v* once a day [though yesterday it was thrice], and it's not pathogenic probably, because I don't have a fever. At all. My body temperature even read LOWER a couple times. It wasn't even 97 degrees the one time.)

((And before anyone asks, there's literally no physical possibility that I'm pregnant. I've never been near the Necessary Equipment for that, so unless I'm carrying the second coming of Christ, it's not related to pregnancy.))

Other considerations include the fact that I keep forgetting to take my morning dose of reglan when I wake up to go pee on weekends (which I know is a Problem because it feels better on weekends when I actually remember to do that), dehydration is probably a concern at this point which might be making the nausea worse, and ???I have an IUD? Can those give you pseudo-morning sickness???

I don't fucking know. All I know is that I'm afraid and frustrated and worrying I'm Getting Worse Again because this was juuuuust about how it started in 2017 before I got so bad I was hospitalized. (At least the reglan is keeping it so I can MOSTLY hold down food and water, I just have to be REALLY careful about What Kinds and How Much.)

I also don't have the PTO to go to the doctor right now. :/// And my gastro specialist probably won't have appointments until fucking DECEMBER.

So, there's Stress. I've been triggered by my own body a Lot lately.

And then today, when I had to sit away from my desk because they were cleaning the carpets, I read a scene that got me Really Invested (meeting one's favorite musicians!) and it suddenly turned Very Very Bad for someone with emet*phobia. It was described very vividly. And at length. And over and over again. Which is the WORST way to trigger me. (On top of secondhand humiliation. I don't usually get secondhand embarrassment, but v* will do it. There's a deeply-rooted social anxiety aspect to my experience of the phobia.)

And then I figured, I'll read some more, get my mind off it. Just put it out of my mind. Wash it away.

And then it IMMEDIATELY happened again. Very vividly described. Even worse the second time because it went into details of the sensations, and DREAD, which are what hit me hardest.

I very nearly genuinely panicked at work, guys. Especially after having been sick three fucking times yesterday, I was NOT okay.

So yeah. Shut the book and went to walk around the hall, went to the bathroom, and got Very Very Close to actually breaking down. I thought I would for awhile, but it just made me tremble and breathe shallowly for awhile and mostly calmed down.

And of course THAT was when the daily v* decided to hit. I wasn't calm anymore.

Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of work done today. (Especially since I left early for the dentist. At least I had to help a co-worker with the thing I'm the on-hand specialist for, so that helped pad out my daily production report...)

Did I mention all the bending over is making my back bad again? So that's fun. /s

( (( I also kind of hate the mention of "butterflies", because in one of my not-emvent stories re: Dove's Pregnant and they Don't Realize It, Srentha makes a joke that maybe the butterflies in her stomach are going crazy. Like, I get where the author(s) are coming from in ROXY but please... please don't make me associate this with that....... like yeah it's RELEVANT but I wanted that moment to be a little bit lighthearted in my head, not Horrifying. /:{ even though it IS horrifying for Dove but like. she's not in that scene )) )

....I'm gonna call and make a GI appointment tomorrow. If I can somehow get this to resolve before December, I'll just cancel the appointment. (Note to self: my mom has spells like this related to vertigo, so though I don't feel like the world is spinning, maybe up my daily meclizine, see if that works?)

Maybe also plan to visit an urgent care on a weekend, but that gets real expensive real fast. ;;; Especially with my shit insurance. It doesn't even cover 50%. {lP (Don't let the rumors about working for the government fool you. The benefits are nothing special. SCA federal workers only have insurance as good as their contractors give. Which right now is absolute SHIT. Thanks, /s, [company I probably can't name without risking a defamation suit or something, even though it sounds SUPER fucking generic and you probably wouldn't guess it's their actual legally copyrighted name].)

[entities-of-posts]

Statement of Madison Glover, regarding a strange deck of cards. Statement taken direct from subject January 13, 2010.

I've always been fond of card games. Even as a child, when I was left to myself without the comforting presence of my peers, I would pass the time by pretending to play games of spades or bridge with my stuffed animals. Usually, I would be playing alongside them, but every now and then I'd play a game where I was not a participant, but rather the director. As I grew older, this second type of game slowly began to eclipse the first, until it was the only way I would play on my own.

Of course, being so enraptured with cards meant that I became more and more isolated from my peers as time went on. When we were young they would play with me, but by the time I turned 12 everyone was so engaged with their Game Boys and Nintendos and arcades that I hardly had any social life at all. That only served to drive me deeper into my games, of course. Luckily for me, there were a few other social outcasts in my grade, and a few of them were even willing to play with me.

As I quickly discovered, playing games with other people is very different from playing by yourself. To begin with, it's not as easy to plan ahead when you don't know what your opponents will do. On top of that, you can't spend as long thinking about your next move when other people are waiting for you to finish. I'll admit, I was greatly frustrated by that at first, because I was used to having all the time and knowledge in the world to strategize, with no chance of my plans going awry. As I continued to play with my newfound friends, though, I discovered that there was a certain thrill to that uncertainty. I found myself creating more and better plans, trying as best I could to outwit my opponents. Sometimes I'd win, sometimes I'd lose, but it was all in good fun, and I look back on those games fondly. Even as an adult, playing cards and all the wonderful games you can play with them are still near and dear to my heart.

I'm not sure what drew me into the pawnshop that day. More than anything, it just felt like it would be right to visit. I'm not quite sure it was now after everything that's happened, but I can't say that I exactly regret it either.

The moment I stepped inside, I felt a pull towards one of the back shelves. I walked over to look, and immediately my eyes were drawn to a black leather deck sleeve with a silver clasp shaped like a spider. When I opened it, I discovered that it still held a complete deck of beautiful poker cards. Each card's face showed the suit symbols as little spiders placed around it, with the face cards having specific species instead. The backs of the cards were deep black, with a red spider silhouette atop a white spiderweb design. I knew instantly that I had to buy it -- I've never encountered cards nearly so gorgeous before or since. They were four dollars including the sleeve, which struck me as ridiculously inexpensive, but I had no reason to argue with such a bargain.

When I got home, I thought I'd play a game of solitaire to try out my new deck. I shuffled and laid out the cards, then spent a few minutes on what must have been the luckiest game in my life thus far. Every card I flipped up seemed to be exactly what I needed in that moment, and I quickly arrived at an easy victory. It almost didn't feel real, so I dealt out a second game. The exact same thing happened, with not a single card causing me difficulty. I definitely hadn't stacked the deck, so this happening twice in a row was somewhat disturbing. I ran through game after game, but the results never changed, so I eventually decided the deck itself must be good luck. It was getting late by that time, so I put the deck back into its sleeve and laid down to sleep.

I woke up to the feeling of hundreds of tiny legs climbing over me. My eyes snapped open, and in the dim light I could see the shapes of tiny spiders covering both me and my bed, skittering across me. I tried to open my mouth to scream, but I couldn't move a muscle. All I could do was lie there and let the spiders continue to torment me for hours until the sun finally rose. As soon as that happened, the swarm of spiders crawled away as one in the direction of my nightstand, then disappeared.

Once I regained my composure, I climbed out of bed and took a look at my nightstand to see if I could figure out where the spiders had come from. All that was there was my bedside lamp, the book on poker variants I'd been reading, and my new deck of cards in its sleeve, exactly where I'd left it. When I looked closer, I saw that the silver clasp of the sleeve was open, even though I was certain I'd closed it the night before. Beyond that, nothing was out of place in the slightest, so I decided that it must have been an episode of sleep paralysis and did my best to forget the terror as I went about my day.

Adulthood has its benefits and drawbacks, but one of the things I've been most pleasantly surprised by is that having a less common interest is no longer a recipe for inescapable isolation. While it took me some time to find them, I now have a small group of friends who come to my apartment each week to play cards with me. The day after my spider torment was one of our scheduled game days, and I was looking forward to playing with my new deck. Talia Rhein came over first that day, bringing a plastic box of her homemade cookies as usual despite my continued protests that as host, I was the one responsible for providing food. Abigaëlle LeBlanc and Jules Tremblay arrived a few minutes later with the specialized card games they always brought from home. I can't say that I prefer them to the ones you play with a standard deck, but a little variety is nice once in a while. Once everyone had gathered around the table and Talia's cookies had been set out so they were available to everyone, I slid my new deck out of its sleeve to show my friends, who gave the appropriate amounts of oohs and ahhs over it. After looking them over to make sure there weren't any marks on them, Jules suggested that we use my cards for a game of poker; a suggestion which everyone quickly agreed to.

I've always loved card games, but playing with this deck in particular gave me a strange sense of both dread and power, much moreso now than when I was simply playing solitaire. It was like the cards themselves were eagerly wrapping around my little finger, letting me control the outcome of the game however I pleased. I won the first three rounds and then, seeing the frustration on my friends' faces, decided to see if I could make it seem a little more fair to them. I could. The fourth round went to Jules with a high straight, then I encouraged victories for Talia in the fifth and sixth as a quiet way of thanking her for her baking. I took the round after that, then gave the final one to Abigaëlle so as not to leave her out. By the end of our time together, everyone was laughing and Talia's cookies were long gone. As for me, I was overwhelmed by the potential power of what had seemed like such a simple purchase at the time.

That night, I closed the deck sleeve's clasp, placed it on top of my book of poker strategies, and lay down with some trepidation. I didn't want to think about what had happened last night, save for a small hope that I would be spared a repeat of the previous night's torture. It was a futile one, of course. As I stared anxiously at my nightstand, unable to sleep for the terror I felt, the paralysis took me once more. Then, moving ever so slowly in the illumination of my nightlight, I saw the glint of silver that was the desk sleeve's clasp begin to move, the long spider legs crawling as if they were alive. When it had unlatched itself, that spider lay still once more, but its movement was only the opening play of this sadistic game. Thanks to my position, I was unable to look away as the army of spiders from the night before slowly started crawling out of my beloved new deck of cards, onto the nightstand, onto my bed, onto me. Just like before, I couldn't move, I couldn't open my mouth to scream, I couldn't even close my eyes or look away and pretend it wasn't happening. I was completely helpless as the spiders covered me.

Now that I knew the spiders were coming from my new cards, I could have gotten rid of them. I should have gotten rid of them. But there was something about that deck that made me unable to bear the thought of parting with it. Maybe it was how easily I could control the flow of my games with it, or maybe it was my own foolishness, but I couldn't even consider giving it up. I can't let go of it. The spiders come every night, and I can hardly sleep. When I do manage slumber, the spiders torment me in my nightmares instead. I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

I know that the wisest thing to do would be to give you the cards and walk away. I'm well aware of that. However, even given this perfect opportunity, I still can't bring myself to do it. But in case there might be a chance you would be able to help me, I'll leave one of the jokers with you. I won't need it to play, so I think that's a card I can bear to part with. If you can find anything at all that might end this torture, please, let me know. I can't mention this to my friends or they'll think I'm crazy. You're my only recourse, Archivist.

Thank you for listening.

…

I’d been looking for this one for quite a while. Ever since that… “lucky” find in artifact storage the other day brought it back to memory.

*the Archivist idly, but carefully turns a playing card between its fingers, alternating between examining the red spider in its white web on the black backside of it and the image of a joker with a thousand tiny spiders crawling out of his eyes on the frontside*

Though I suppose “chance” is a little hard to credit, when it comes to Mother’s designs.

I did know that deck couldn’t be fair. Agreeing to play with it was certainly one of the most idiotic things I’ve done…

Lots of fun, too.

…

They were young, when they came to me first. Only a few years older than some of my pupils now… I didn’t help them, of course. Spiders were, back then, as they had been for many, many years, my friends and allies… I wouldn’t have stolen from their plate.

I’m sure you understand that, don’t you?

*it calmly makes “eye” contact with the large spider perched on its hand*

I wonder, do you resent me for that? Is there something left in you capable of hating what you’ve become?

Don’t take this as guilt; I don’t feel particularly responsible for what happened to you. But still, you didn’t use to be such a bastard. Makes one wonder if you could have turned out different… but then again, untraveled roads are always such a frustrating, enthralling thing to muse about.

Let’s See… Talia, Abigaëlle, Jules; all either dead, or so deeply Marked they might have been better off with the first option. I don’t suppose you feel much guilt for that, either, do you?

No wonder the Fog still clings to you. Subtle… but I could See it still, the moment you walked in.

Well, this was quite informative; I did always think you were somehow familiar. And who would’ve thought this was why you hate video games so much - hilariously petty, it’s wonderful :)

Thank you for your statement. You gave it long ago, of course… but it’s aged like wine.

[pbandjesse]

I feel a little out of sorts. A little frustrated. I am trying not to fall into anger but it's hard. It's mostly about tomorrow. But at least most of today was really nice.

I woke up after an alright sleep. James came and laid with me for a few minutes before we had to get up. They made the bed and I got dressed.

I was excited to wear my valentine's Halloween sweater. But really I should have put another shirt on under it because I was cold!! It was so chilly today!! I ended up wearing socks and leggings and boots. And was still a little chilly. I would be fine but man. It was surprising.

We left here and got me breakfast before heading to the museum. It was drizzling. And would be on and off rain all morning. The wind was pretty strong as well. James and Stanley would come out and put the sides down and that helped a lot. Made the day a lot more pleasant and a lot less blustery.

I was pretty focused on my knitting today. But I would spend a good amount of time talking to Ginny. She apparently loves to travel and we were just talking about that and wedding stuff and she is so nice. I got a pumpkin roll and an apple cider donut. I would jokingly run away and tell her James would come out and pay later. And of course they did come out to get their pastries and we laughed about me running away. And later one Ginny would be one of my 3 sales. She bought my beaded "have a nice day!" totebag. Made me feel good and I gave her a little discount.

I had some nice conversations and got to see cute babies. I did my knitting and had lots of people watch me and compliment me and it is very easy to make me feel all proud of myself and my work when that happens. It's nice to share this type of knitting too.

I would space it out well and would finish my last row right around 12. I had had a nice chat with Helen about possible alternatives to flowers because she is going to be cleared out because of another wedding she's doing. And I talked to Stanley for a bit about my fiber works. And I chatted with Bob the blacksmith for a long time. Got to tell him about my bronze casting background and I think I impressed him with my patina knowledge.

Around 11 Anne decided, based on vender feedback, that we should close early. Didn't have to tell me twice. So at noon we all packed up. My stuff takes like 2 minutes to put away so I waited until I saw someone else putting things away. And then I was off.

I got all my stuff in my box and loaded up the wagon and over to the car. I went in to say goodbye to James and remind them to print our stickers. And then I headed home.

When I got back here I brought my knitting up. Grabbed the mail. And pet Sweetp for a bit. I have a heating pad in the couch for him because I'm worried he will be cold.

And then I changed and got in bed.

I spent a while brushing out my bear. The little windbreaker I got him came and so I wanted him to not look as scrungly. It's not perfect. But using a file card and a cat brush got most of the mats out. And the little windbreaker looks so cute. I did end up ordering a black hoodie off of Etsy since I couldn't find one anywhere else. I will later the two so he can have a hood again. Which I think looks better.

I still stand by the colts being funny because that used to be the football team in Baltimore before they were stolen in the night. James looked at the shirt and said that it was a funny way to spell Baltimore. Which is fair enough.

I worked on some knitting stuff. Experimenting with the yarns I have. A lot of mine are either to thick or to loose. I was able to make a few more tubes I will attempt to make into plushies. It's fun to try stuff.

I would start trying to sleep. I ended up looking at advent calendars and I am excited that this year I actually was able to order the jam Advent calendar!! It is usually sold out by the time I remember it but I used the Amazon gift card the dentist gave me and the Cashback I had on my credit card so it's basically free. I'm really excited.

And then I slept. I slept to long honestly. James was home from work when I woke up and we laid in bed together. Which was very nice. They felt very cold so I hope I warmed them up a little.

Then we had dinner in bed. And watched videos. Eventually I went to work on cutting out the stickers they printed but the ink didn't stick to the paper and just flaked off and I was so upset. At first I thought they just didn't dry and had rub off because of that but if I ran my finger on them it just came right off. Super disappointed. So I ordered a different brand of paper to try out. We'll see what happens I guess.

I was really uspset then. And then got more upset when the street fair tomorrow still hadn't emailed me. The last one I did have me a 72 hour out email and a 24 hour out, and then a day off. This fair started on Friday and they never even confirmed they got my application!! The only reason I know they did is because my name is on the website. But I don't know anything. I had emailed them twice this week but no answer. So I finally set them a Facebook message since they had been posting photos. And whoever runs it did message me back but just said the vender coordinator would take care of it in the morning. What does that mean?? I don't even have an address. Or a spot number. Or anything!! I don't even feel comfortable with going with how the rain is going to be. And I'm going to be alone.

I have basically decided that I will wake up at 8 tomorrow. And if they don't send an email by 9 when load in is supposed to start I won't go. I really don't want to go anyway but I feel bad wasting $60 on the table fee. It basically wipes out my profit from today. But like also. It's a really long market, 9 am load in, goes until 6pm. And it is going to rain literally all day.

So I am just not feeling my best. I feel just this side of angry. It isn't a nice feeling.

I did get to test more yarn tonight. And hang out with James. And I got a shower. But I have a lot of tension in my jaw. And I don't know how to make it stop.

I hope you all feel okay and are taking care of yourself. Stay safe. And be careful. Goodnight everyone.

[jediken0bi]

You & I

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N and Spencer enjoy their day off together. Just pure fluff with some suggestive content. Nothing graphic though!

-----

It was a slow Sunday.

Spencer had one of his extremely rare days off which meant that today was dedicated to all the little acts of domestic intimacy that are usually cut short due to his schedule. Not that you would ever hold that against him. He loves his job very much but not once did you feel like you come second with him. The little time he does have to spend with you doing nothing in particular is always used to the fullest.

It always feels like you're stuck in your own little bubble for that time.

Like nothing's really bothering you, both of you too busy to catch up on the physical affections that felt short the week before.

Today was no different, thank god. Spencer might have the day off but his inner clock works as well as ever waking him up at 6am sharp.

Your boyfriend is not necessarily known for his stealth skills. His long limbs usually resulted in him either stumbling, tripping or sometimes even falling on random objects but he manages not to disturb you for another hour. He slowly untangles himself from you to take a quick shower and get an early start on breakfast.

Of course you wouldn't have minded either way. Every hour more with Spencer was a gift you wanted to make use of but you've had a rough day before and he wanted you to be fully relaxed once you start your day together.

When you eventually wake up it's because of the delicious smell of pancakes coming in waves towards you. You're smiling before you even open your eyes.

Today was going to be a good day.

Excited to spend the day with Spencer you don't put much thought into the outfit you're picking before leaving the bedroom to take a shower. You're planning on staying in after all. Lounge wear was definitely on the program!

Roughly 15 minutes later you're all set.

Hair in a messy bun, just like Spencer likes it. You never quite understood what he finds so attractive about a messiness that could resemble a birds nest on certain days.

You had actually asked him once but he only laughed, pulled you closer to him and pressed a small peck to your lips.

--

"You look gorgeous to me. It's cute and gives off a domestic vibe" he said

You laughed out loud at this.

"Penny needs to stop feeding you millennial vocabulary"

He smiled widely and shook his head in agreement.

--

It's been well over 3 weeks since you two last got to enjoy a full day together just cuddling and enjoying the others presence so you don't want to waste another second.

You throw on one of Spencers old hoodies and it ends up reaching your mid thigh. Looking at yourself you just shrug with a smile on your face and leave it at that.

You love how oversized his clothes are on you. It almost feels like a hug from him which has helped you through some of the lonelier nights when Spencer was working on cases across the states.

Not wanting to think about that too much right now you leave the bathroom to help your boyfriend in the kitchen.

Before you see him, you hear him humming some classical tune to himself.

This only widens the smile on your face.

When you finally reach the kitchen you don't think twice before walking up behind Spencer to wrap your arms around his torso.

"Good morning, Spence"

you half whisper into his skin.

Lucky for you, he's decided not to wear a shirt today.

You feel him slightly shiver at your actions which causes you to smile and press another kiss where your forehead was laying just seconds ago.

Spencer turns off the stove to look at you and before you know it you're already wrapped up in his arms. His hands have found their place on your waist and yours are settled neatly on his chest.

He takes in your appearance and looks at you with what you can only describe as awe.

"Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep? Feel better?"

You smile softly and nod.

Your arms slowly leave his chest to wrap themselves around his neck. You stop at the nape of his neck to play with the little curls that his shower has left him with.

He closes his eyes and leans his forehead against yours.

You press a small kiss to his lips.

"Much better, thank you"

He smiles contentedly at that and nods slightly.

"I'm glad. I missed you and i can't wait to spend all day in your arms"

You smile back at him and press another kiss to his lips. You have a feeling there's going to be a lot more of those today. The thought makes you giddy.

Spencer is rubbing small circles into your sides and you sigh softly.

"I missed you too. Wearing your clothes all the time just isn't the same as having you next to me. I'm glad you're here now"

One of his hands leaves your waist to tuck a lose strain of hair behind your ear. He leans in to press a firm kiss to your forehead.

"Me too. Although seeing you in my clothes never gets old"

He blushes a little and you smile at him with raised eyebrows. He lets out a embarrassed laugh. His hand wraps itself all the way around your waist to pull your body flush against his.

"Baby, you look gorgeous right now. I kind of hate how much my thoughts resemble those of a neanderthal in this moment but that's a price i'm more than willing to pay"

You're sure you turn a lovely shade of red to match Spencer.

The hands that previously caressed the nape of his neck are now buried in his hair. You see him close his eyes and it's making you giggle.

Just like he did seconds before, you use your grip on him to pull him closer.

"Then i guess we're even. How about i keep stealing your clothes and you keep not wearing any. Sound good?"

You kiss down his neck until you reach his collarbone. You bite down for a second before smoothing the skin over with your tongue. He shutters and you giggle into his shoulder.

"Sounds good to me"

His voice is barely more than a whisper and before things can get too heated you take a small step back to focus on breakfast instead.

Much to Spencers dismay.

He whines and tries to pull you closer again.

"Don't stop. I really did miss you a lot"

You wiggle out of his grip, laughing.

"I missed you too but we have all day for that. The acceptable time for breakfast is almost over and i wanna see what you made for me!"

You give him a sickeningly sweet smile and he bites down his lip in order to attempt to keep the smile off his face. He fails miserably.

"Fine, but cuddles afterwards?"

He looks down to avoid turning bright red at the request.

What you had to realize at the beginning of your relationship was that Spencer wasn't used to receiving affections just for the sake of it. No one's ever just held him, stroked his hair or intertwined his fingers with theirs.

At first you thought that's because Spencer wasn't particularly fond of said touches, but it turns no one's ever even offered.

The thought broke your heart. You've made it your mission to shower him in love as often as you could.

And Spencer ended up becoming addicted to your touch. He soaked up every little bit of affection you would give him. Soon it had become a mandatory thing in your household.

"Of course! And we can finally catch up on some reading. I missed having you read to me, Spence"

He hums in agreement and pulls you closer once again. You almost laugh at his attempt to row you into skipping breakfast. You let him have another moment. You know his week has been tough and you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to be in his arms right now.

"I did, too. It's one of those things that get me through the harder days. You've given me something to come home to and i don't think i've ever been happier"

He gives you a small peck and you wrap your arms back around his neck to hug him to your chest.

"I've never been happier either. I love you"

He squeezes you tighter and smiles into your shoulder.

"I love you too. So much"

You sigh happily

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 1

I'm inspired right now by Uncle Gilly's travel blogs. And since I'm in my hotel room at 11pm Thai time and nowhere near sleep despite being up for some ungodly number of hours, here we go!

Heading into this trip I was super anxious. I haven't gone overseas for 7 years, and I've never travelled alone before. It's not so bad since I'm hanging out with Josh the whole time, but it's still a bit weird. Plus, I don't speak a word of Thai. I'm sure that will be fine, but it's a bit iffy going in.

April and her mum drove me to the airport. We left early to make sure we'd get past any traffic. Plus, last time April and I went anywhere I fucked up the timing and we missed our flight. I guess that was on her mind? Long story short we were at the airport 3 hours early.

I got through security and check in fine. My passport photo is from when I was 21, with a baby face and bad hair. Some beefy security dude pulled me aside to scan my passport manually when the facial recognition shit didn't work. Slight monkas.

I got through fine, bought some Thai Baht and got jibbed on the exchange rate, and then went to the gate. I bought earbuds because I don't own any. It occurred to me later that I'd ordered the entertainment package on the plane which comes with them. It turned out being a good thing, because 3 hours is a long time to listen to airport sounds.

I walked around the terminal to get my bearings, then went to a café thing. It wasn't a real café, but it was close enough to make me comfortable. I got a steak, then sat down and started reading. I'm reading "Growth Mindset", a text about how the way you think about success and achievement is the biggest predictor for future successes and how you deal with failure. It's really interesting, lots of real-world examples, and I'm hyped to try to teach it to my new students.

The steak arrived. I asked for a steak knife and the poor waiter gave me the most embarrassed look. He went to check, then came back and said he wasn't allowed to hand out steak knives in the airport.

Thinking back, of course he wouldn't be, but in the moment it was a weird thing. I guess it felt too much like a real café?

2 hours left. I sat at the gate and read. I had pre-downloaded a whole bunch of Podcasts and music, too, so I was listening to music while I read and swapping to podcasts when I was bored. I kept checking the time because 2 hours is a goddamn long time to wait.

Eventually though the time ticked over and the JetStar dudes were calling for business class people. Before I could react, a whole bunch of vultures had lined up. Seriously like 100 people. I joined the line. They started calling for rows 44 to 57. I checked my ticket - row 57. I walked forward hesitantly, to see if I was allowed to cut the line and board. I pussied out and realized that I'd lost my place in line. I did a slow walk of shame to the back of the line. Then the Jetstar dude started walking down the line and calling for those rows. I cut the line and got on the plane. The dude checking tickets looked dead inside.

My seat was in the middle of the last row on the plane. Two old white dudes sat either side of me. Nobody spoke, as is appropriate. The dude to my right was a bit grumpy, and took up our entire overhead bin. I sat down after putting my bag away and started my music back up. While we were waiting for takeoff, I remembered my trip to Italy from when I was 16. I wasn't sitting next to anyone I knew for both of the 26 hour flights, but the in-flight entertainment had Pokemon Pinball, and I played the shit out of it. It sorta became a tradition when I fly, and I redownloaded the rom right before the plane took off.

It was good that I did, because the in-flight entertainment was garbage. I played chess, and the piece of shit computer played the same opening against me twice. The only difference between medium and hard was that it took 2 minutes to decide each move on hard. I played two games then quit.

The flight was boring. At the end, the pilot had to do some stupid holding pattern because the flight was early:

The green circle bit was repeated 5 times. It added like an hour to the flight. It sucked being so close and having to wait so long. Speaking of waiting so long, being at the very end of the plane meant waiting 10 minutes to get off, and then waiting longer while people only grabbed their bags once they were supposed to move. Monsters.

Disembarked, went through immigration with no problems. The dude who waved me through was being so slow with his line. I held my passport open to the photo page when I gave it to him and he closed it when he took it. Awkward.

Customs didn't exist. Just walked straight out.

I met up with Josh. He was on the opposite side of the airport to where I came out. There were stacks of dodgy WiFi networks to sort through to find the one non-dodgy one. I felt like having to fight through 12 phishing networks before I left the airport was a bit much.

Josh and I got Korean chicken at the airport. It was okay, I'm not big on chicken with sauces. Or sauces in general. Or most foods in general. But, I felt like I should just dive in and broaden my comfort zone a bit. It was pretty good chicken. I'm sure it would be better at a non-airport franchise.

We caught a taxi to my hotel. Josh is staying in an AirBNB somewhere else. On the way Josh talked a bit to the taxi driver. She didn't speak any English and he barely speaks Thai, but she got us to our destination fine. It really drove (dwoop) home how foreign this place is, and how screwed I'd be if not for Josh living here. The taxi driver was not great. She was driving in two lanes for most of the trip, and I don't think I heard her indicate. The traffic lights have a dank coloured countdown for how long until the lights change. We need that in Melbourne.

We got dropped off at a skytrain station. It was attached to a huge shopping center like Melbourne Central. It was pretty sweet - I'd like to check it out when I'm less fried.

The streets looked pretty low-tier, but Josh said that it was average for Thailand, and that the closer you are to main roads or train lines, the nicer it is.

I needed toothpaste, and Josh insisted I get a local SIM card, so we went into 7-11. Josh explained that they're actually really cheap and good quality here. While we were sorting out the SIM card, the clerk needed to see my passport and take a photo for me to be able to buy it. It was weird, but everyone acted like it was normal, so whatever. The same thing happened at the hotel. Josh said they send the info to the government, but didn't say why. The clerk called me handsome in Thai as we were leaving. We got some weird salt toothpaste that Josh swore by. He said the first time was meh but the second time is amazing.

I was warned that there would be "massage parlors" on the street my hotel is on. Josh said the girls out the front would go out of their way to make me uncomfortable, and double so if we ignored them. We just stayed in the other side of the road instead.

The hotel is okay. Bed isn't great, but there's air con and a hair dryer. And a bidet, which I'm excited to try.

It feels lonely up here on my own. Like I said, I haven't travelled solo before, so it's a new experience. Bros will get a video tour of the room when I'm awake - it's 4am AUS time and I'm so fried. Gotta avoid that jet lag though, so normal sleep times.

I tried the salt toothpaste. It was okay.