#i didn't see it with my own eyes but apparently the phrase 'one less female driver' was pretty commonly used by them too

[mizandria]

local moids having a normal one about Nikki Catsouras, a teen girl who was diagnosed with a brain tumor when she was a child and underwent an intensive radiation treatment for it which partially caused her lack of ability to rationally assess risks and to control impulses; she also got addicted to cocaine to cope with some of her issues and she eventually ended up stealing her father's sports car and crashing into a pillar while driving 160 km/h.

the picture this one moid is masturbating to is a really graphic picture of her dead body with her head split into half.

[fangirlings-things]

Tell him...

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Fandom: Vikings

Pairing: Aethelwulf x female reader

Summary: Ragnar's sister catches the Prince's attention when the northern men arrive at Wessex and go to the castle to make a deal with the king

Word count: 3.4K

Warnings: curse words, mentions of sex and violence

Based on this imagine

Gif credit: @philomaela

• Requested by anon: hey could you do a one shot about your Aethelwulf imagine? Thank youu

Hope you like it anon, it was fun to write this, so it turned out to be longer than I expected!!

“So if we fight for princess Kwenthrith, you will give us a piece of land?” Ragnar's tone was questioning, precise as usual. Leaned back on the chair he had occupied in a almost relaxed position, he appeared to have no worries at all in life. But it was far from the truth. One of the most things Ragnar Lothbrok had in those times, were worries. 

“Yes, yes” King Ecbert agreed excitedly, his curious eyes averting themselves between all the northern that were currently sitting at his table, feasting like old friends. His tone was tender and his smile was sympathetic. Too good to be true. “If you agree to help giving Mercia's throne back to it's rightful owner, that being princess Kwenthrith, I will give you a good part of land where you will be able to farm and live in peace”

“He has his own ambitions over Mercia, doesn't he, brother?” you spoke in the northern native language, making all the english present frown in confusion and curiosity. It amused you, no doubt, as you raised your eyebrows in Ragnar's direction. You might not understand what the King was saying directly but just from Athelstan's translation and the look in that man's eyes, you knew he was hiding something. Had to be. 

“Of course he does” Ragnar fixed his bright blue eyes on you, his younger sister, that impertinent smile that curved the corner of his lips a lot appearing on his face and enlightening his features. He wasn't surprised at all about your good observation. “But that is not our bussiness or responsibility”

“What are they saying?” King Ecbert directed his question to Athelstan, who was sitting by your right side in his monk clothes, the ones you had gotten unused to see him wearing in the last few years. See your friend back at his own faith, hurt you a little. You hoped he could after, all find, comfort in your people’s Gods. But the fact that he didn't, didn't changed at all your care for him. Honestly, you had been devastated when you thought he had died. It was soo good to see him again. 

“They are discussing the proposition, my Lord” Athelstan quickly lied, the serious expression he held in his face leaving no questions to be made about it, convincing everyone. 

You had a little amused smile on your face after hearing Athelstan's words and when you took her eyes out of her brother's face and passed them through the english folk, you met the prince's. He was staring at you deeply, it seemed that for a while now, since he didn't turn away when you returned his intense gaze. That only made your amused smile grow wider, to see the various shades of interest his brown eyes were assuming while fixed on you. 

“Athelstan?” you called the priest and that made him turn his attention to you, as well as everybody else. Just like you wanted to. “Ask prince Aethelwulf why he is staring at me like that” 

By hearing his name, even though he didn't understand what had been said, the prince semeed to be finnaly gotten out of guard and clearing his throat, turned his eyes to the food he hadn't touched since it had been served almost an hour before. 

“Prince Aethelwulf, King Ragnar's sister, (Y/N), wants to know why you are staring at her like that” Athelstan made the question in a neutral tone, although in the silent great hall it sounded like teasing. 

“Tell her I am thinking whether she is or not a threat” the prince ended up saying after giving it some thought, his hands joined over the table and the metal ring on his finger seeming suddenly colder. Or was it his body that was getting hotter? 

Athelstan translated what he had just said to you and Aethelwulf just watched as you listened to the words the monk said and continued to show that smile of yours.

“Tell him, that he shouldn't be thinking about it. He should instantly consider me a threat” you played with the metal knife that had been placed by your plate for the feast, rolling it between your fingers with an undeniable ability. It made the prince ask himself how many men you had already killed. Plenty, probably. “I can be dangerous. If I want to” 

“(Y/N)...” Ragnar said at the exact same time as Lagertha let out a laugh, shaking her head from one side to another, clearly entertained by your statement. And although Ragnar had interfered over your provocative words, he made no sign to stop Athelstan from translating them. And so the monk did. 

I can be dangerous if I want to. Aethelwulf chuckled at that, shaking his head just like Lagertha but for a different reason. It was unbelievable, the boldness in yourvoice and the smile that seemed to have been carved up on your pretty face. You intrigued and fascinated him, for some misterious reason. Maybe, it was due to the fact that you were entirely different from any other woman he had ever met. 

“Tell her, Athelstan, that I will keep that in mind” now that he could feel all the eyes on him, the hall seemed smaller than it was. As much as he woud never admit it out loud, being under the northern's stare made him nervous. Although maybe, a little less than it really should. Being such a successful commander in battle, Aethewulf had over time, lost real fear over his opponents, whomever they were. The tension, though, never went away. 

Athelstan translated the short phrase and for the moment, that little interaction was ended. 

“Very well, I accept your offer. I will fight for princess Kwenthrith and give the throne back to her and you, will give us land to farm” Ragnar's voice filled the air, breaking the silence and sounding like a drum even though his tone was stern, not even loud. Perhaps it was the weight of those words, that made them sound so remarkable. 

“Excellent!” it was impossible, not to see how King Ecbert seemed to be in a state of bliss because of the answer he had just been given. You couldn't help but think that he apparently needed your people’s warriors, their fighting skills. A lot. “You will leave to Mercia in the morning then, so we can settle this as quick as possible” 

“Agreed. As long,” as your brother continued to speak when he wasn't expected to, you laughed discretely. The sudden irritation on Aethelwulf's face was hilarious. “as you take some of my men to the land you will give us, so they can see it and begin to establish themselves”

“That is unacceptable! Only after you actually win the battle...” the prince spilled out the words in quickly, seeming to be just one step away from getting up and taking his sword on hand. You would like to see him try. 

“Son” Ecbert gave the prince a warning, reprimanding look before taking a deep breath and clapping his palms together, turning the corners of his lips upwards while fixing his gaze on the King of the northern people. “I agree with your terms. I will take the men you leave behind to the settlement myself, in a gesture of good faith and friendship”

Athelstan translated what the royal men were saying so that Lagertha and you could understand it, word by word. 

“He is a prince or a dog, that has to be held back when barking without permission?” your tone was fierce, as well as the gaze you set upon him. The hatred he showed for your brother got to your nerves. 

“Athelstan, what did she say?” Aethelwulf immediately asked, when taking notice of Ragnar and Lagertha's careful expressions and the poison on your voice. It couldn't have been nothing good. When Athelstan didn't respond the prince looked at the munk with questioning eyes, just to see a spark of fear in him. That confirmed his previous thought. It couldn't have been nothing good. “Athelstan, what did she say?” 

The priest did not answer him straight away. First, he turned to you for approval. Even though he was on King Ecbert's realm and had lived for years under King Ragnar's ruling, he still turned to you first, seeking permission. 

“The lady asks if you are a prince or a dog, my Lord” Athelstan had his eyes fixed on his own plate as he spoke, clearly not expecting a good reaction from the prince. “She noticed how you were... reprimanded by your father”

Aethelwulf bit hardly at his lower lip at that, his eyes fixed so hardly upon you that they would have made holes in your head if intensity and anger could kill. The rage consumed his body and only after a moment he got roughly out of his chair and made his way towards you.

You only stood there, watching him with piercing eyes and that disturbingly beautiful smile still carved on your plump lips. You seemed delightful, to have pushed him to such an edge. You didn't even flinch when he grabbed the back of your chair and turned it around so that it was now in his direction, like the weight of you upon the furniture was nothing. He was, indeed, a very strong man. 

From the corner of his eye he could see how his father had straightened his posture on the King's chair at the head of the table, his breathing erratic because he very well knew what his son was capable of when angered. Athelstan seemed shocked, frozen in place. Lagertha started to make a move in your defense, but Ragnar stopped her with only a look and a smile. He better than anyone else, knew that his sister could take care of herself. 

“Listen to me very carefully” Aethelwulf placed each of his hands on the arms of your chair and leaned down so that your faces were on the same level and really, really close to one another. You were even more beautiful from this close distance. “I am not a dog. And if you ever call me that again...”

And then, you moved. You turned the knife you had been playing with between your fingers once more and in a fraction of a second, placed the blade against the soft skin under his chin. Like you, he didn't even flinch when threatened, although the other's breath hissed.  

“What would you do then, huh?” you pressed the blade harder, tilting his head up just a bit. For a brief second, you moved her gaze to his lips and then back at his eyes. Your eyes were filled with such ferocity and wildness. You were a natural viking. He could feel your hot breath on his face, so intoxicating that if it wasn't for the blade on his skin he could have forgotten for a moment about the rage he was feeling for you. “Would you kill me, prince Aethelwulf?” 

You looked at Athelstan, and he understood it as a sign to translate what you had just said. He did, and Aethelwulf sucked in a long breath because of how mad you were driving him. 

“I think he understood your point now, sister” Ragnar spoke breaking the silence again, not even a little disturbed about the scene rolling in front of his face. 

“Right” you said in agreement and then took the blade out of the prince's skin, not before giving his parted lips another glance though. As he returned to his father's side, both the english men exchanging a long meaningful look and while they did so, you turned to Ragnar. “I was just having a little fun”

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God curse these northern men. Aethelwulf had that same thought playing inside his head over and over again unstoppably, ever since the feast in which the fate of Mercia had been decided was ended. As he prepared the army, it's weapons and organized strategies with his Captains, that thought was always there, hunting him like a persistent ghost. 

He couldn't put aside the boldness in Ragnar Lothbrok's voice as he spoke about a deal, like he was certain the King would have no choice but to accept it. Like he was the ruler of the whole world. There was also Lagertha's confidence and how she held her chin high always, even if she spoke little. She seemed prepared for anything, since that in the moment Ecbert spoke about someone staying to lead the northern to their new lands, she agreed. And then, there was you. 

You had kept on looking at Aethelwulf during the feast from time to time, and so he did his best to ignore you. Tried, anyway. His eyes always ended up going back to you eventually. You had seemed eager to go to battle for Mercia, but Ragnar told you that you should stay with Lagertha and go to the settlement. And Aethelwulf was surprised to see as you agreed, that your beautiful smile wasn't the same anymore. There was a shadow behind it. Disappointment. You intrigued him, he couldn't deny that. Did he hate the northern? Yes. Did he want to get rid of them? Yes, of course. Would he get rid of you so easily if given the opportunity? Probably not. 

His own response to that mental question angered him, like most things did lately, and he slammed his fist on the wooden table he had on his chambers, sighting heavily before placing his elbows on it and covering his face with his hands. 

Then, a sudden knock on the door startled him. Uncovering his face and frowning at the sudden visitor, whomever it was, Aethewulf directed his gaze to the open door of his room and was even more than surprised to see Athelstan standing there. What was he doing there in the middle of the night?

“Can I come in, my Lord?” the priest asked after a moment, noticing that the prince was too surprised and confused to say anything. 

“Yes, do come in” Aethelwulf cleared his throat and mentioned with one of his hands for the munk to move forward. He did never like or trust Athelstan completely because of his previous connections with the northern men but still, he was a man of God. And a man of God, always deserved to be at least listened. 

Athelstan smiled minimally in gratitude and then entered the chamber. As he did so, a second someone was revealed from behind him. Just when this person also entered the room, the prince recognized that to be you, Ragnar Lothbrok's sister, your features illuminated beautifully by the candle lights.

“What is going on here, Athelstan?” Aethelwulf quickly asked, joining his hands over the table and averting his eyes from you to the munk. All kinds of thoughts ran through his mind. Perhaps you wanted to kill him. But what good to the alliance would that bring? 

“(Y/N) wanted to see you, my Lord” Athelstan answered his question with honesty and a calm expression on his face. He didn't seem tense like he had been at the feast. It was almost like he already knew the outcome of that meeting. What did he know? “She needed a translator, so I came along”

“What bussiness does she have to discuss with me?” the prince slowly got up from his chair and made his way around the table, stopping in front of it with his arms crossed over his chest in a questioning position. He was someone who took pride in being good at planning and reading others. In that moment, although, he had no clue at all about what was happening and that bothered him deeply. 

“It has nothing to do with business, my Lord” Athelstan said those words in a rush, a blush getting a hold of his pale cheeks before he mumbled out his next phrase, without looking the prince in the eye. “She wanted me to ask you if you would like to... fuck her” 

Aethelwulf was too astonished to say something. At first, he thought he hard heard it wrong. No, that could not be. But then, he moved his brown eyes from the munk to the you and saw that confident, impertinent expression on your face that made him realize that Athelstan was telling the truth. He had only said in english what you told him to say in norse. 

“Ask him if he is always this shy with women” you said in norse, not even trying to hide the fact that your eyes ran up and down the prince's body. Oh, you did like what you saw there. 

Aethelwulf took a deep breath after hearing Athelstan's translation of what you had just said. How could you affect him so much? You were right, he not usually froze like that. When it came to sex, he had always been very quick in acting. But hearing such an open invitation from you, hit him a way that the english man could not describe. 

“You took me by surprise” he said, passing one of his hands through his beard, thinking very seriously about what he should do. Did he want you? Yes, since the very moment he set eyes on you. Would it affect the alliance? Perhaps. Was a fuck worth that risk? That, was the question he did not have yet an answer to. “Why do you think that I want to lay with you?” Aethelwulf decided to follow this path, narrowing his eyes and trying to figure out your true intentions. 

You chuckled as Athelstan translated those words, seeming entertained by what was going on. The unexpected question amused you, that was a sure thing. 

“Oh, I am sorry, prince. If I was wrong to assume such thing, I will find someone else to fulfill my desires. Perhaps one of your men will like to take me” you turned around and as Athelstan translated your words almost simultaneously with your talking, when you started to walk away Aethelwulf had already understood all you had just said. 

“Wait” he said quickly, and that made you turn around even though you did not know what it meant. It might have been the urgent tone of his voice, that made you stop on your tracks. With their eyes meeting again, he bit his lower lip for a second because of what he was about to do. He had found out the answer to the previous unanswered question. Yes, a fuck with you was worth the risk of dooming that alliance. “I do desire to lay with you. But I have a wife. Adultery is a sin”

Athelstan's voice rolled out of his tongue in norse again and as soon as he fell silent again, you took steps forward until your body was almost touching the prince's. From that close distance, you raised one of your hands and runned your fingers through the fabric of his shirt. 

“You, Christians, always denying yourselves pleasure for the sake of boundaries” your hand went up and you softly touched his lips with your fingertips. Your eyes were darker with desire. “Your wife is not here, prince Aethelwulf. I am. As in the morning our paths will be split, I am sure your God could look away for just one night”

Aethelwulf breathed heavily against the fingers touching his mouth, the words Athelstan just said in english making him feel a shiver run down his spine. Could that be true? Could God really look away for one night? Well, he would probably find out soon. 

“Athelstan, leave us” the prince said, getting your hand away from his mouth as he occupied himself with feeling the softness of your skin with his own fingertips. 

“Yes, my Lord” the munk seemed more than happy to obey and turned around to do as he was told. 

“First, please Athelstan, ask him if he needs his father's permission to fuck me” you said every word slowly, with small pauses. Through the whole process, you could feel the fierceness of the prince's eyes locked on your own lips. 

“Leave us” Aethelwulf repeated in a growl after the words were translated. As soon as the priest got out and closed the door behind him, one of his hands grabbed your hair and he smashed your lips together, too hungry to wait. 

You whimpered against his mouth, your own hands pulling at his short hair, even more firmly when his other hand circled your waist, clearly desperate to get rid of your clothes. You stumbled together to the bed, lips never stopped touching until he was on top of you above the matress and the sheets. 

 There, you did not need words to communicate. Your eyes, said everything that needed to be said. When later your bare skins touched and he entered your body, words were also not needed. 

 Moans, did not need translation. 

[vexun1]

Humans are space orcs: Demi-Humans

 So I've been reading a whole bunch of Humans are space orcs / Australians and the like. And I thought it's my turn to take a shot at it. There's one thing that people here didn't mention even once. (To my knowledge.)

 As some of you may know, Japan has currently approved human-animal hybrid experiments. So it's possible that in the far future, human-animal hybrids or Demi-Humans would become a norm. Imagine how aliens would react to this. Take a bunny human for example:

  My crew and I waited patiently for our new member to arrive. We were all excited. Some had even prepared a list of questions they wanted to ask them. Having a new member was, ofcourse, a joyous event. But this wasn't just any new crew member. It was a human.

  The other humans from the public relations office had told me that the human we were getting in particular was 'special' and 'rare', and that we were very lucky to have someone like them. I did not quite understand why at first... But I soon came to realize why.

  As we all waited inside the main deck of my ship, the door slid open. We all looked to see the human. An apex predator species from a class 6 deathworld was on our ship. The human was female and seemed to be the average height for one... But there were some distinct features that I immediately picked up on. Her skin, unlike other humans' was close to a pale white.. almost as if she was dead. The colour of her eyes was a bright pink that almost seemed luminescent, surrounded by a dark pink that then went to a normal white like all humans. I had read a human guidebook, but I did not recall humans having such detailed eyes. Especially ones that were pink in colour... Especially ones that had vertical lines for pupils. Her hair was white with a slight tint of pink. Again, I did not recall reading about this in the human guidebook. But the one detail that stood out the most from the human in front of us... were the two white antennas on top of her head. The antennas were wide and looked like they had fur on them. They seemed to be concave and hollowed out towards their base. The backside appeared to have thicker white fur, with a tint of pink, while the inside had thinner, pink coloured fur.

I set the oddities aside and approach the human. The rest of the crew follow behind me. “hmm.. is this Captain Xorlax’s ship?” The human quietly asks. Her tone of superiority sent a chill through my body I had never felt. I set that aside and stand firm. “Yes, I am Captain Xorlax of the ship Vonhuan. It is a pleasure to meet you.” I greet her and hold my hand out to her. Shaking hands was a welcoming gesture used by humans. She takes my hand and shakes gently. Her slender fingers were much longer than that of a normal human, I noticed. “My names Lirin, I’m glad to be working with you all from today onwards.”

  She made an expression described by the handbook called a ‘smile’, which was the human’s way of being polite to one another. As she shook my hand, her predator eyes locked onto mine. There was an eerie dead presence within her eyes. The pink eyes with the vertical pupils gave off no form of emotion, and the stare from her eyes made my whole body freeze.. in fear. It sent a wave of fear through my whole body. It was then that I received a horrifying reminder... we were making friends with monsters.

  I decide to not ask her about her appearance. Humans, especially the females, can be very easily offended when it comes to their appearance. I show the human to her quarters and leave her to set herself up. Some time passes, and we leave the space port. The human comes out of her quarters in clothing that exposed most of her pale white body. She mostly kept to herself, but she was trying to packbond with the crew like any normal human.

  As time passed, the crew became comfortable with her and began asking her questions about humans like they initially intended to. Though they avoided the topic of her appearance all together. No one wanted an angry apex predator on their ship. I observed that the two antennas on her head were attached to her body, and were not a form of accessory. When called, the antennas would turn to the direction of the sound before the rest of her body did.

  We arrived at a space port on a human colonial planet. The crew got off and we made our way to the main lounge of the port office. We waited for our engineer to order some parts that he needed to maintain the ship’s engines. Lirin sat down on a chair in the lounge and was minding her own business with her handheld. Since the office didn’t have chairs for none humans, we stood near her and waited. The other humans in their own seats were glancing at her, and it was obvious that they were even talking about her. She was definitely out of place even among humans.

  So I assumed. A human male approached Lirin with a large sum of human currency in his hand. “E-excuse m-me.” The man called out to Lirin. He was making an expression described in the guidebook as nervous. “C-could you P-pyon..... for... me?” Pyon? What was pyon? I did not recall an action called ‘pyon’ in the guidebook. Lirin stood up and looked at the man. She smiled and clasped his hands. “Thank you for the money.. Pyon!” Lirin finished her sentence with the same phrase the man had asked her to say. She tightened her vocal chords and made a high pitched sound.

  Whatever this was... it was of great significance. A human who was drinking a fluid sprayed out the contents in his mouth. Another human who was consuming a solid somehow got it stuck in his body, he was making shrill sounds of pain as he tried to remove it from his system. The man who had asked Lirin for the favour was leaking a red fluid from both of the two holes in the appendage on his face. I later came to know that the fluid was human blood and leaking it from their face was called a nosebleed.

  Every human in the lounge was quiet and had their eyes trained on Lirin. More males approached her with sums of currency. “H-hey.. can I... touch... your ear?” One of the other males who approached her asked. Less ask and more like a plead. Lirin’s antennas bent down and faced the man. He hesitantly touched the antenna, and then began gently rubbing it. They were clearly finding some sort of pleasure from this.

My crew and I stood aside and watched as countless men came to Lirin with currency and even valuable items, in exchange to touch her antennas or here her make the sound. When we finally left, Lirin had a bag full of items and an astonishingly large sum of human currency. She seemed pleased to say the least.

"Lirin, what just happened?" I asked her warily. I needed answers, her appearance, the way everyone acted towards her.... was so unusual. "I mean... You saw didn't You? What's there to explain?" Lirin looked perplexed, almost as if she expected me to know.

I could not hold it anymore, I had to ask, offensive or not, I needed to know. "NO I DO NOT! I understand what I saw, they seemed to enjoy your presence and 'service', but WHY!? WHY!? Why do they enjoy it? Why do you have those antennas!? Why do you look different compared to everyone else!?" I blurted out all the questions that my crew and I had. I disregarded any form of formality and respect. If I offended her, it was her problem.

Lirin began making a rapid succession of sounds. I recalled to the guidebook, it was called laughter, or in Lirin's case, giggling, it was a sound humans made when they found something funny or enjoyable. Her laughter froze and she looked into my eyes, her vertical pupils grew thinner and seemed to grow longer, as if she focused her gaze on me, sending a cold chill of fear through mine and my crew's body. While I was able to hold myself back from making any sounds, some of my crew members could not. We all felt the same fear of a predator looking into us, as if she was ready to devour us. I regretted asking her.

Or so I thought. Lirin sighed. "Well... to put simply, I'm a subclass of the Demi-Human called bunny human. Since I'm a female, I'm a bunny girl." "Demi what?" I was not following a single bit of what she said. "I'm a human, like everyone else, but I'm a different kind of human. I'm a human-animal hybrid. It's not like I'm half human, half animal, most of my body us human, except for a few details, hence 'Demi'-Human. There are different kinds of Demi-Humans, I'm a bunny girl cause I have features of a bunny." "So you're not a different race?" I asked her, still unsure. "Yeah, I'm a human, it's just that my ears are huge and on top of my head, and my eyes and skin are slightly different."

Lirin, pulled on her antennas, which apparently were her ears, and showed them to me. "You probably didn't read about it in the guidebook cause we're pretty rare, there aren't many of us around, let alone once that venture into space. That's also why it's a big deal to most people." My crew and I had calmed down, almost as if a huge weight lifted off of us. We now understood.

"Also, stop getting scared whenever I make eye contact, I'm not gonna tear you all apart and feed you all to my fourteen children or anything." "W-WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? YOU HAVE CHILDREN!? AND FOURTEEN OF THEM!?" "Hey! Hey! Calm down, I'm just joking." We all went back to the ship and went back into space, feeling just a little closer to Lirin.

I hope reading this was worthwhile. I'm not that good at writing stories, but I hope you get what I mean. Aliens would be really surprised to hear about different kinds of Humans. Feel free to add in your own Demi-Human type and make a story out of it!