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nerevar-quote-and-star · 5 months ago

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I Didn't Know You Were Keeping Count — Part 12: Owl

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Author's note: Picking up where the previous chapter left off, Leara must work through the rest of the peace conference, all while her day continues to spiral out of control.

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@ravenmind2001 @incorrectskyrimquotes @uwuthrad @dark-brohood @owl-screeches @binaominagata @constantfyre @kurakumi @stormbeyondreality @singleteapot @aardvark-123 @blossom-adventures @argisthebulwark @inkysqueed @average-crazy-fangirl @the-tuzen-chronicles @shivering-isles-cryptid @orangevanillabubbles @cosmermaid @thelurkershideout

Content Warning: After the third line break, Bishop is, well, the worst of Bishop. Attempted dub/con; sexual assault.

#######

The pinprick of eyes didn’t leave her even after she shut the outer door and darted down the hall. Up a short flight of stairs and then down a long corridor, she ran until she fell against the door to her cell. With a silent sob, she twisted the knob and fell into the room.

Karnwyr was at her side at once, his soft face and warm body pressing up and into her to keep her from collapsing all the way. Shaking, Leara wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his fur. The wolf’s gentle breathing was the only sound beyond her frantic heartbeat. She tried to focus on it, to focus on the wolf. Bishop had told her once that wolves knew loyalty. If there ever was a wolf loyal to a fault, it was Karnwyr. Warm, safe, comforting Karnwyr.

“I’m frightened,” she whispered into the wolf’s neck.

A high whine rang in Karnwyr’s throat; she could feel it vibrate against her cheek. Sometimes, she was half-certain that the wolf understood her. Others, she didn’t know. But she wanted to hope. These days, she had little else to put her hope in.

“She’s going to get me,” she went on. Karnwyr’s ears twitched, listening. “She’s going to get me and kill me if Alduin doesn’t kill me first.” New tears gathered on her eyelashes, their frost melting from Karnwyr’s warmth. Her chest still hurt, breathing was still a chore, and she was cold and numb and electrified all at once. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die alone!”

Tap! Tap! Tap! came from the door.

Leara stilled, her arms locking stiff around Karnwyr’s throat. A growl rumbled from the wolf as, slowly, Leara lifted her head. Meeting Karnwyr’s dark eyes, she sniffled. “Shh,” she soothed, rubbing a trembling hand over his shaggy velvet ears. “Shh.” But Karnwyr simply looked at her, a deep sadness reflecting back at her. Leara swallowed back the lingering tears.

The knock came again.

Struggling to her feet, Leara grabbed the handkerchief from beside her small bag of toiletries and dabbed at her face. With icy fingers, she pressed along the underside of her eyes, easing the redness and soothing the skin. This was followed by reinforcing her little glamor spells, the same she’d been using to cover up the sleeplessness for the last couple of weeks. The sensation sent a new swell of tears rising in her throat, but she forced them down. She had a job to do. She could not afford to keep crying over Elenwen. She’d wasted years of her life doing so already.

The third round of knocking was cut short when she opened the door.

“Ah, see, Delphine? I told you she would be here!”

The pinch-faced Breton rolled her eyes.

“Good afternoon,” Leara greeted the Blades, an unchecked warble in her throat. She clamped her mouth shut.

Either not noticing it or not caring to point it out, Esbern brushed past her into the room, a reluctant Delphine following. At the intrusion, Karnwyr growled, neck bristling as he pressed his side against Leara’s leg.

“Do you mind calling off your dog?” Delphine sniffed, popping a hand on her hip.

Leara’s fingers were already carding over the top of Karnwyr’s head. “Shh, boy. It’s all right. They’re friends.”

If wolves could look skeptical, Karnwyr did. Leara pretended not to notice.

“What can I do for you?” Leara asked, drawing attention away from the still-agitated wolf.

“Now you’re asking?” Delphine half-laughed. “Where have you been? You disappear off to Talos knows where, chasing Dragonrend, and the next thing we hear is you got your ass handed to you by Alduin!”

“Delphine, please,” Esbern shook his head. “That’s not why we’re here.”

“It’s why I’m here,” grumbled Delphine. “Did the Greybeards turn you against us? Do they have you a little meditation mat out in the snow so you can Shout to the wind like a mad woman?”

Leara’s eyes drifted closed. Inhale. Feim. Exhale. Zii. Her spirit was too strung out for this. “I’ve been following the path laid out for me as Dragonborn, just as you so eloquently pointed out earlier, Delphine, or have you forgotten?”

“That’s why we’re here,” coughed Esbern.

Delphine scowled, her thin brows scrunching into little knots. “We need you to take this seriously, Leara!”

“Oh, but I do!” Casting her hands out beside her as if to say Look at me! Leara let out a hoarse laugh. “I’m taking this very seriously. I am the most serious I’ve ever been, and I was able to continue my primary mission during the Great War, unlike some people! It’s hard to get any more serious than that, but I have!”

Delphine lunged.

Karnwyr barked. Esbern cried out. Leara sidestepped, avoiding the steel dart grabbing for her. Pivoting, Delphine rounded again; though she made no further movement, her face was dark. “Somehow, I doubt that! Because at least some people didn’t run away when things got too hard! How could we know when you went after Dragonrend that you hadn’t done it again?”

Ice tickled the palms of Leara’s hands. Her rings burned. The lingering frostbite stung. Just as Delphine understood her meaning, Leara understood hers. Delphine may be inept, but she stuck to the Blades’ mandate. Leara did not. She ran away. She always ran away. Her face tight, she turned to Esbern, who was looking toward the ceiling, an unwilling witness to the continued rift between his fellow Blades. After a moment, his gaze dropped, and Leara met it with an awkward tilt of her head. Ignored, Delphine crossed her arms.

“I’m not running now,” said Leara, flat. “What do you want? After today, I won’t be coming back to High Hrothgar. I’ll be able to rededicate myself to my oath as a Blade.” Elenwen would be hunting her anyway. If Leara survived Alduin, serving as a Blade would be all she had left. Bishop would either have to live with that or leave.

Elenwen said he would leave anyway. She was usually right.

Clearing his throat, Esbern said, “That is part of what I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Here we go,” Delphine rolled her eyes. Leara frowned.

“What is—”

Tap! Tap! on the door again. As one, the three Blades turned to stare at it. Karnwyr grunted.

“Come in!” Leara called.

Cracking the door open, Master Einarth poked his head in. In silence, he regarded Delphine and Esbern before looking to Leara. His hands flew in a quick sign. Then he watched her.

“Thank you, Master.” Nodding, the Greybeard withdrew. Leara turned to Delphine and Esbern. “It’s about time to rejoin the peace talks. This will keep until later.”

“According to the old man, it’s already waited centuries,” Delphine grumbled, almost under her breath. Nonetheless, she brushed by Leara and Esbern to the door.

Karnwyr made to follow Leara. “No, boy,” she whispered, chest pained. Karnwyr stared up at her, eyes wide and full. The iron encasing her lungs buckled under her breath. “I’ll come back for you later, okay? I need you to wait here for me until then. That’s a good boy,” she whispered, running her hand over his head and down his neck once, twice. “It’s for the best.”

Karnwyr whined, but Leara didn’t look back as she shut the cell’s door.

The other two Blades were already far down the hall. Leara slowed her pace, pretending to straighten up her ruined hair. She wasn’t eager to catch up with them and risk more of Delphine’s temper. She would deal with it later.

Outside the doors to the meeting hall, Legate Rikke and one of her legionnaires stood in the quiet discussion, though Leara saw them still as Delphine and Esbern went through to the chamber. Rikke’s eyes followed the Blades with a frown, then connected with Leara’s down the hall.

“That will be all, Orianus. Rejoin General Tullius in the hall.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Saluting, the blonde legionnaire left.

Then, Leara found herself face-to-face with the Legate. She just kept her shoulders from dropping under the taloned point in her eyes. “Good afternoon, Legate.”

“Dragonborn, can I have a word before you go back in there?” Rikke asked, to the point. “It will only take a moment.”

“Of course.”

Casting an eye in either direction, Rikke waved Leara closer. “Look, I don’t think talking peace with Ulfric is the way to handle things.”

“What do you mean?”

Rikke’s face was grim. “If Ulfric gets his way, he would expunge from Skyrim citizens whose only crime was to be born of a non-Nordic woman.” A quick dart of amber eyes told Leara that Rikke’s attention was on her elven ears. “That is unacceptable to free men everywhere. If you think you can get through to him, you’re either a fool or an optimist, and I don’t think you’re an idiot, Ormand."

So, the Legate wanted to caution her against the potential fallout from the peace conference. If Leara wasn’t already keenly aware that Skyrim’s—and the world’s—fate hung by a thread entangled with her fingers, she’d give the warning about Ulfric’s intentions more consideration. Yet, it niggled at her. She recalled walking through the Grey Quarter in Windhelm with Jolinar Aren. There was a cultural divide in the city that cut through its citizens. Did the people there make any attempt to understand each other? It was so far removed from the cosmopolitan melting pot of the Imperial City that she was used to. Leara regarded Rikke, keenly aware that they needed to return to the meeting hall. Yes, there were racial tensions in Windhelm—there were racial tensions throughout Skyrim and the whole Empire, even the Imperial City, if she were being honest—but until Ulfric threw her out because she was half-elven (and that was the only reason), she would push for peace. She would try.

“Perhaps I am an optimist,” she conceded at last. “Thank you, Legate.”

Rikke nodded, mouth drawn, and they entered the chamber.

Leara had a peace to negotiate.

·•★•·

The melancholy shroud that wrapped around her with the strength of burial linens hadn’t left when she woke up far too early the next morning. For a while, she lay there, the weight of darkened memory pressing into her chest nearly to the point of suffocation. Pearls glittered in her mind’s eye, fractured and crumbling to bone dust with every beat of her heart. And oh, how deep her heartbeat felt, pounding a drum she never knew she could play. At once, there were festival and funeral drums dancing together. Joy mingled with grief, and it wouldn’t leave her. It clung to her like white sand between her toes, working its way throughout her person until she came through pain to be a pearl herself. Safe in her warm bed amid the furs, behind palace doors and city walls, she still felt thousands of miles and years away. Lost, lost to a time without balls and wars, or at least not the kind that moral men understood. She couldn’t sleep again, not with that melancholy kissing her soul.

One glance at Julia on the other side of the bed told Elisif that her friend was awake. Supine on her back, Elisif could only see part of Julia’s face and the trickle of tears slipping down into her hair, spread in a dark cloud across the pillow.

Elisif reached out and snagged her hand, giving Julia’s fingers a comforting squeeze. “I didn’t know anyone could play like that,” she whispered.

Julia turned to her. “I don’t even know what that was.”

“Do you,” Elisif began, then cut off. Blinking, she realized she was also crying. Divines. “Do you think it’s because she has the Voice?”

Julia’s hand in hers tightened, bone-crushing, pearl dust. “I don’t know.”

Elisif and Julia weren’t abed for long. At half past six, a knock came at the door. Although the ball ended prematurely, and they’d gone to bed earlier than expected, neither Elisif nor Julia felt as if they’d slept at all.

It was Erdi, with a note. “Your grace, Lady Julia,” she curtsied to Elisif and then Julia, her knees and ankles wobbly. Sitting in her bedclothes with a face damp from tears, Elisif waved her on. “This came from Castle Dour.”

“General Tullius?” Elisif asked.

“Yes, your grace. He expects a reply as soon as possible.”

The note, it turned out, was a short directive telling her to get ready for a long trip to High Hrothgar—High Hrothgar!—where the Dragonborn was holding a peace conference between the Imperials and the Stormcloaks. “Is she mad?” Elisif asked Julia as they quickly put together a traveling trunk.

Julia didn’t pause her work, but she looked thoughtful. “I think she’s trying.”

“So are we!”

Julia just shook her head.

That was over two weeks ago. Now Elisif sat at a table in High Hrothgar, across from her husband’s murderer, while General Tullius debated giving away Markarth, and her concerns went ignored.

The trip to the Throat of the World wasn’t horrible, per se . . . only, General Tullius made as much time for her on the road as he did back in Solitude, and traveling, Elisif didn’t have Julia’s arm and will with her to get Tullius to listen to her. Legate Rikke was willing to give her an ear on occasion, but Elisif knew that was more out of sympathy than anything. The Legate was strong and commanded respect, knowing what to do and when to act, even if her temper sometimes got the better of her. Elisif wished she could be like that. As it was, she spent most of the trip in turns dreading the peace conference and caught in the memory of sorrowing harp song. When she wasn’t pushing for the General’s attention or dwelling in her turmoil, she was entertaining Erdi.

Oh, Bolgeir said she didn’t have to entertain her ladies’ maid, but the girl was so excited to be on the road, traveling through Skyrim, that Elisif felt she could give the girl some of the attention no one would give her. Divines knew she wasn’t going to as the two Thalmor for company. Yes, she did enjoy Elenwen’s dinner parties and soirees, but there was something in the First Emissary’s eyes that had unnerved Elisif since they left Solitude. And Hindalia, well, she wasn’t very amicable from her experience anyway. It was a very trying trip.

Sitting there, stuck in a peace conference she couldn’t believe in, Elisif hoped that Erdi was keeping out of trouble. Hopefully, the other legionnaires wouldn’t get too upset with her.

Lost in thought, she half-watched the Dragonborn, Leara Ormand, enter the room. Legate Rikke came after her. Somewhere behind her, General Tullius and Jarl Balgruuf were talking in heated whispers, the Jarl of Whiterun seeming not entirely pleased with whatever Tullius wanted to talk about. At Leara’s reentrance, the two men quieted.

“Where’s Master Arngeir?” Leara asked.

“He went to meditate,” Ulfric told her.

Leara nodded, pale gold face pensive as she returned to her seat.

Across the table, the pale Breton in armor, the one Ulfric had called Delphine before, rolled her eyes. She mouthed something to herself that Elisif couldn’t catch. No one else seemed to pay her any mind, so Elisif ignored her.

Elisif twisted the handkerchief in her lap. As soon as the Dragonborn called a recess and left, the Greybeards left to meditate, a sigh whispering in his wake. Ulfric and his general, with their guards, went quickly after, leaving the Imperial delegation hauled up in the meeting hall with Jarl Balgruuf and his men. General Tullius paced the length of the room for much of the remaining hour, his face drawn in a thoughtful frown. Occasionally, he would stop to speak to Legate Rikke or ask her a question, but otherwise, he kept to himself until the other delegates returned. Clearly, he didn’t like being here any more than Elisif did, but they came nonetheless at the Dragonborn’s request.

She was going to trap a live dragon in Whiterun!

How could she do that? Even if Whiterun still had the mechanisms that legends said were used to bind Numinex, how did Leara Ormand plan to lure a dragon into that trap? And how did she draw out the dragon? Reports flooding in over previous months made it clear that dragon attacks couldn’t be timed. But was it possible for the Dragonborn to time them? Elisif was bursting with questions, but she held them in check. Now was not the time.

General Stone-Fist slid a new goblet of mead to the Dragonborn. Elisif then realized that earlier, when she was serving, she never set one down for herself. “Care for some mead, Dragonborn?”

Leara blinked up at him, owlish with surprise. “Oh, thank you, General.”

“It’s not poisoned,” he added.

What?

A slight giggle escaped Leara’s mouth. “Why would it be poisoned?”

Galmar Stone-Fist actually smiled at her. Elisif couldn’t believe it.

Apparently, Ulfric couldn’t believe it either, if the slight crease between his brows was anything to go by. Then he caught Elisif’s eye on him, and his narrowed at her. She ducked her head.

From the corner of her eye, she spied Legate Rikke steal a glance toward the Leara, who was sipping her mead. Perhaps Elisif wasn’t the only one who couldn’t quite make her out. She couldn’t decide if that was reassuring or not.

As she mused over this, Master Arngeir returned alongside the other Greybeards. Seeing that they were all seated around the table—more or less—Master Arngeir nodded to himself. “Dragonborn, I trust this recess has helped you.”

If Elisif hadn’t turned to watch, she would’ve missed the pale knuckles blanching as Leara tightened her hold on her goblet. “Yes, thank you for obliging me, Master Arngeir.”

Master Arngeir seemed not to notice. “Good. Now, General Tullius, Jarl Ulfric, if you would, we will resume the negotiations.”

“Yes, let’s get on with it,” General Tullius agreed, straightening in his chair.

“At present, the negotiations stand thus: Before our recess, General Tullius made a bid for the Rift, which was met with Jarl Ulfric’s demand for Markarth and the Reach. These terms have not been agreed to. As the mediator, the Dragonborn spoke against land trades from either side.” The Greybeard Master turned a steady watch from Tullius to Ulfric.

Involuntarily, Elisif shuddered at the memory of the explosive shouting match that broke out earlier and her heavy hand in instigating it. But if getting a rise out of General Tullius was all she needed to do to protect Western Skyrim from being broken apart to feed the Stormcloaks, then she would do it again and again.

“Now that we have reconvened, I would ask the Dragonborn to elaborate on her reasoning,” Master Arngeir continued.

“Thank you, I will,” Leara said, standing. Her gaze swept the room; for a moment, Elisif looked into eyes bluer than a winter sky and nearly as cold before they moved on. She shivered. Leara continued, “I recognize that all of you have come here to negotiate a treaty, and with that comes certain expectations. You see this as an opportunity. I do as well. This peace conference is an opportunity for us to come together for the good of Skyrim so that despite whatever differences we may have, we can rest assured that our cooperation here today give us the opportunity to address those differences at a later date.” She paused, breathing evenly. “I cannot stress enough how vital this treaty is as a means to handle the dragons and Alduin himself. Esbern has already explained how the ongoing conflict is feeding the World-Eater’s strength.” She clenched her fingers together. “I know with the present conflict, it’s hard to look beyond the turmoil of politics and battle strategy, but we need to remember that our enemies are not always other men and mer. History has shown us that we struggle not only against flesh and blood, but against darkness and evil itself. Was the Oblivion Crisis so long ago that no one remembers what we were fighting against? Is our memory so short that we cannot see the greater picture beyond our personal desires?”

“She makes longer speeches than Stormcloak,” Elisif heard Captain Thrain whisper in an aside to Lieutenant Orianus.

“The dragon threat is real. Alduin is real. Many of you have seen him already.” Then Leara held out her palms so that everyone could see. For the first time, Elisif noticed the pink flush lingering along her hands, tapering into a pink at the ends of her fingers. It reminded Elisif of snowberry juice stains after having washed her hands twice but with the pigment still clinging to her fingertips. Frostbite. “I fought him, and I must fight him again, once more for all. If I don’t, Skyrim will burn, and the land you conquer and trade will be dead.”

“If you lost to the World-Eater once, what makes you think you’ll be victorious in a second meeting?” Jarl Balgruuf asked.

Leara’s hands fell against the light blue of her skirts. “Before, when I faced Alduin the first time, it was here on the Throat of the World. When I fell, he fled back to his stronghold. To defeat him, I need to cut him off at the root.”

“Why didn’t he kill you then?” Elisif heard herself ask before she thought better of it.

Straightening, Leara merely smiled. “He couldn’t get to me. I was in a safe place.” Then she looked to Master Arngeir, who Elisif was surprised to see give the Dragonborn an almost-fond look, but it was gone so quickly that she was sure she imagined it.

“I’m sure we’re all very thankful you survived,” Tullius said briskly. “But I can’t just agree to a truce because you asked nicely. The Emperor will expect a reason why there’s a ceasefire without a resolution. You can’t just expect us to come here and agree to your treaty without receiving anything in return. We need something substantial here, or else you could have gone ahead with your little plan without dragging us halfway across the province to talk about it.”

“Of course,” Leara agreed. “I wouldn’t dream of wasting your time, General. What do you suggest?”

Tullius tapped the tabletop. “We want compensation for the massacres Karthwasten and Kolskeggr Mine.”

General Stone-Fist’s fist slammed against the tabletop. “Shor’s bones, what are you saying?”

It was Legate Rikke who replied. She always seemed quick to try and match Galmar Stone-Fist’s temper with hers. “You slaughtered the very people you claim to be fighting for! True sons of Skyrim would never do such things!”

“Damned Imperial lies!” General Stone-Fist spat. “My men would never stoop to such methods, even in retaliation for your butchery at Dunstad—"

Ulfric’s face was hard. Elisif could feel the weary sigh escape Leara Ormand, even if she couldn’t hear it. “This is our homeland, Tullius. All the blood spilled in this war is on your head.”

“Don’t forget who started this war, Ulfric!” jabbed Tullius. “One way or another, you’re going to pay for your crimes.”

“If I’ve committed a crime,” Ulfric sneered, “it’s because the Empire decreed the lives of men should be held by the Aldmeri Dominion, rendering free men to be slaves!”

“Once again, the Empire gets blamed—"

“Excuse me,” Leara interrupted, holding up two frost-damaged fingers. Jaws snapped shut as she directed those fingers toward Galmar. “What happened at Dunstad? Where is that?”

“Dunstad Grove was fortified by Fort Dunstad in the Pale, south of Dawnstar,” Galmar explained. Elisif shifted uncomfortably: She knew what he’d say next. “The Imperials attacked in the night with a couple of their battlemages. Next thing our men knew, the wall was breached, and the village inside was on fire.” His voice was gruff, emotion swelling his words. Elisif felt her own throat wobble. But while tears stung the backs of her eyes, Galmar Stone-Fist’s grew dark with rage. “It was a bloodbath! The entire village was destroyed!”

A tear trailed down Elisif’s cheek. But Legate Rikke, she was affected in a different way. Rikke’s hair flew about her shoulders as she rose to her feet, righteous anger glinting in her amber eyes like fire. “That's a lie! Dunstad Grove burned because of your marauders! My legionnaires are disciplined, unlike those—"

“By Shor, that’s a mug of sheep’s piss!” Galmar Stone-Fist spat. “You saw what happened, Rikke! You slaughtered them, and not just the men, but the women and children too! You slaughtered them like animals, you butchers!”

“Do you hear that, Tullius?” Ulfric asked, low. “The blood of Skyrim’s innocents cries out for wergeld.”

“You’re determined to have our silver whether you get Markarth or not! But you don't really expect compensation every time a village is destroyed in a war that you started, do you, Ulfric?” Tullius asked, passing a weary hand over his chin. Elisif could hear the grit of his teeth.

“What happened at Karthwasten? And Kolskeggr?” Leara’s voice broke in before Ulfric could retaliate.

“Ulfric’s made no secret that he wants Markarth. The Stormcloaks led a raid, and half of Karthwasten burned or fled!” said Rikke, still heated. “Now the town’s more vulnerable to Forsworn attacks than ever!”

“And Kolskeggr?” Leara asked, raising a hand to cut off whatever sharp remark was pending from the Stormcloak side.

“Richest gold mine in Skyrim. Now the Forsworn have that too,” bit out the Legate.

Leara cast a brief glance at the seething Stormcloaks. “Let me see if I understand this correctly: Because the Stormcloaks failed to take these places and the Imperials couldn’t hold them, the Forsworn came in and took over.” She sniffed, “Perhaps I should be negotiating with the Forsworn then.”

“Try if you like, but they’ll betray you as soon as your back is turned.” A storm darkened Ulfric’s face.

“Aye,” said Galmar.

“Both sides want compensation for grievances dealt by the other,” Master Arngeir said. “The Imperials wish to recoup the losses from Karthwasten and Kolskeggr Mine, while the Stormcloaks seek retribution for the massacre of Dunstad Grove.”

“That’s fair,” said the Dragonborn, tone placid. “Seeing as both sides demand compensation from the other, the clear solution would be for both sides to nullify their claim.”

General Tullius actually groaned. “So, that’s it. You’ve dragged us across Skyrim for a social call.”

“On the contrary, General, I believe we’ve accomplished quite a lot here today.”

That was it, Elisif realized. There was nothing left to bargain for, and they couldn’t leave without agreeing to the truce, or else every military leader here would look like a fool. She wondered what Falk would think of it, then decided that her steward would grumble and say there’d be no need for her to leave Haafingar and the safety of Solitude after all. Falk and Bolgeir were always concerned about her leaving the palace, even with Bolgeir’s steady protection. Their fears of a Stormcloak assassin striking out at her in the streets of Solitude crept into her heart, coiling there with biting surety. But for all her fears of being killed during the war, Elisif was afraid of surviving it. She was afraid of what would happen to her if Ulfric was elected High King, and she was there to see it. She was afraid of the aftermath.

She was afraid that the cost of a lasting peace would mean selling her hand in marriage to her husband’s killer.

Except, now, Elisif began to wonder if that was a transaction Ulfric would even entertain. Often, his eyes would flit to the Dragonborn, following her as she settled the terms of the treaty. The near-constant glare Elisif had kept directed at the Stormcloaks for the duration of the conference eased, and she wondered. If the Dragonborn could bend the wills of the war leaders to her own for a temporary and non-invasive truce, what else could she do?

“I believe we may have an agreement. General Tullius, Jarl Ulfric, these are the terms presently on the table: The Stormcloaks will forgive the compensation owed them by the Empire for the massacre at Dunstad Grove, and in return, the Empire will forgive the compensation owed for the losses at Karthwasten and Kolskggr Mine.” Master Arngeir gave them both a look as if challenging either of them to raise new objections. “You both agree to this?”

Leaning forward, Ulfric braced his arms against the table. “The sons of Skyrim will live up to their agreements.” His glare sought Tullius. “As long as the Imperials hold to theirs.”

Tullius worked his jaw. “The Empire can live with these terms, yes, for a temporary truce until the dragon menace is dealt with.” He stood, then, leaned forward as he added, “After that, there will be a reckoning, Ulfric. Count on it.”

Ulfric Stormcloak barred his teeth, a silent threat, and Elisif shuddered.

Then, her husband’s murderer’s attention fell on her. “You should be pleased, Elisif. You've done well for yourself as the Empire's pet Jarl. But beware! The Empire's loyalty is fickle. They will tire of this war, and then I will be the one dictating terms to you.” His punctuating smirk was as final as a period.

“I have nothing to say to that murderer,” hissed Elisif, turning up her nose.

“Jarl Ulfric, General Tullius, come ratify this treaty for me, please,” Leara said, cool voice cutting the heat.

Out from under the shadow of Ulfric’s storm clouds, Elisif breathed a sigh of relief.

As much as she wanted the Dragonborn to defeat Alduin the World-Eater and save all of those poor souls in Sovngarde, Elisif hoped that she would also be able to curtail any more warfare from Ulfric’s quarter. Skyrim needed Leara. They needed her desperately.

·•★•·

Rubbing her eyes, Leara fell back into one of the chairs in the Greybeards’ small library. The peace talks exhausted her. For a while, she’d worried things would devolve into aggressive negotiations. But thank Mara and her many mercies, she actually got through the ordeal unscathed! Or as unscathed as she could be after giving such a heartfelt speech and strong-arming Ulfric and Tullius into agreeing to a temporary peace without splintering Skyrim and destabilizing its peoples further. All while wearing the invisible corset of anxiety that Elenwen so effectively tied her in. Persuasion and perseverance under pressure were nothing new to her, but, gods, the carry-through was far more draining than she remembered.

Well, Bishop would be surprised, she decided. He didn’t think she could it off, but she had, and now there was peace. A temporary and fickle peace, but it was enough to satisfy Balgruuf. As they’d left the hall to return to their own parties, the Jarl of Whiterun pulled her aside and commended her for her efforts. “For a while there, I didn’t think we would make it through,” he said quietly.

“Neither did I,” Leara found herself admitting. “But I’m glad it worked it.”

“It won’t hold for long,” Balgruuf cautioned her. “This ceasefire of yours rests on you. The armies won’t march on Whiterun if the dragon becomes more than we can handle, but they won’t rest their heels long. They don’t have the incentive. If the World-Eater isn’t taken care of soon, their goodwill will run dry.”

“I know,” Leara said, watching the legionnaires trail after Jarl Elisif and her housecarl. “Tullius isn’t as submissive to Jarl Elisif’s will as Ulfric may believe.” She peered at Balgruuf from the corner of her eye. “He answers directly to the Emperor. If Titus Mede tells him to jump, Tullius will ask how high. If the Empire doesn’t think it needs Skyrim’s trust, they’ll settle for taming her through other means.”

Balgruuf looked surprised. “You sound bitter.”

“I prefer realistic.” She sighed and stopped walking. Balgruuf hung back, waving his guards forward. If Irileth were here, she’d have a guar. “This war is a sideshow to the politicians in the Imperial City,” Leara said quietly. “The Emperor is more concerned with holding the southern border against the Dominion.” She glanced over her shoulder, keenly aware that the Dominion was there in High Hrothgar. Balgruuf nodded, grave. “That is where the Legion’s strength is massed. But the Thalmor know this. If—when the next war comes, and it will come, they will use Skyrim as a staging ground. The civil war is just a means for clearing the way.”

“How do you know?” Balgruuf asked.

Because it made sense, she thought. While Skyrim wasn’t in their plans when she was a member of the Aldmeri Dominion, she knew how they worked. The Thalmor were more opportunistic than anyone in the Merchants Guild could ever dream of being, and the destabilization of the North was an opportunity if ever there was one. “They’re sharks,” she said at last. “Skyrim is full of blood, and when everyone is dead or dying, the Dominion will gorge. They will take the Empire from its weakest point, and that will be it.”

Balgruuf believed her, though she knew he was reluctant to. She painted a dark landscape. But twice upon a time, he asked her to join his court as a thane, and though Leara refused, she knew in part that he must value her perspective to a point.

She mulled over this as she sat in the library, a collection of venerations to Kyne cracked open and unread on her lap. Now that she’d thought about the Dominion taking a destabilized Skyrim, she couldn’t escape it.

But that was a concern for later. Her present worries needed to be concentrated on Alduin and the Dragonsreach plan.

And Elenwen.

“Ah, there you are! I’ve been looking for you!”

Starting, Leara breathed a sigh of mixed relief and exasperation when she saw it was just Esbern. Standing just inside the door, his attention roved the shelves and scroll boxes lining the walls. The room was a trove of knowledge dating back to the Battle of Red Mountain in the First Era. Many of the texts Leara couldn’t read as they were written in Old Nordic, but she had no doubt that Esbern could work his way through them as easily as any of the Greybeards. It was truly unfortunate that the Blades and the Greybeards couldn’t put aside their old strife and share in knowledge, though Leara had a sneaking suspicion that much of the information found in Sky Haven Temple would be of little use to the Greybeards. Some of it, she was sure, they would outright repudiate.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Esbern said.

“Not at all,” Leara half-lied, shutting the book in her lap. She didn’t bother marking the page. She wouldn’t be coming back. “Where’s Delphine?” she asked, noticing the woman’s absence for the first time.

It should’ve been obvious when the quiet atmosphere of the archive wasn’t disturbed by Delphine’s tension.

“She’s in the courtyard, practicing her katas.”

“I’m glad to know she at least learned something during training.”

“Elanor, please,” Esbern’s sigh was heavy. “Why must you and Delphine be so at odds? We only have the three of us. We cannot afford to fight each other.”

“Does she understand that?”

Esbern dragged a withered hand down his face. “Delphine’s will is strong.”

“I know.” And she wouldn’t accept any opinion but hers, either. “But so is mine.” Leara didn’t go through years of exposure to the Thalmor’s indoctrination and come through with her person intact for her to surrender to Delphine now.

A fond smile peaked through the old Blade’s tiredness. “That reminds me,” he said, a spark of his once-familiar excitement popping to life. “I wanted to ask about your katana.”

Her katana . . . “Didn’t you ask me about it before? In Sky Haven?”

“Yes, we discussed it briefly,” he said, taking a seat in one of the other chairs. “But I still have questions. I know you’re tired, but satisfy an old man’s curiosity, eh?”

“All right,” Leara resigned herself. It’s not that she never wanted to talk to Esbern. As a young Knight Sister, she was quite fond of the chronicler who kept the records and histories of the Blades. She recalled on occasion when he would instruct the younger apprentices and acolytes in their Order’s lore. It was from Esbern that Leara learned most of what she knew about Tiber Septim and the founding of the Third Empire. But that was a long time ago, and after today, her patience was wearing thin. Most Blades lorekeepers didn’t encourage apprentices to read something like The Arcturian Heresy. There would be time enough to entertain Esbern’s questions when she returned to Sky Haven Temple—if she survived Alduin.

Putting up with Delphine would be a real pain in the—

“The Altmeris runes on the blade, those aren’t the only mark your katana bears, are they?”

Leara blinked, then shifted. “Why?”

Esbern leaned forward, hands grasping the clawed arms of his chair. The intensity in his face made Leara want to squirm. “You said your great-grandmother was a Knight Sister during the Oblivion Crisis.”

“Yes.”

“Is there another glyph or symbol on her katana?”

Lips pinched, Leara nodded, short and to the point. “On the pommel,” she relented. “There is a rose, engraved and set with red enamel. It was a personal symbol, or so I was told.”

“I wonder what it meant.”

“I don’t know. It was important to my great-grandmother, but it was nothing I ever knew about.”

Esbern studied her. “What was her name?”

Her name? Why was he so fixated on her mother’s grandmother? She cast back into her memory, seeking a name amidst the dusty remembrances of the Breton countryside and her aunt’s kitchen, of magic lessons and whispering voices. Pastries and Spellcraft. There was a day, she recalled, before her mother left, when she never saw her again. She insisted she was being hunted, but Aunt didn’t believe her. Who or what was after Maman, Leara was never told. She didn’t even know if her aunt and uncle knew. But she remembered her grandmother, pale in her rocking chair, muttering that Marelen was just like her grandmother: She courted Death, and he drove her mad. “Avarin,” she said at length. “Her name was Avarin Racuvarla.”

“Starfall.”

“That’s the common translation, yes.”

Esbern sat back, his face aged and drawn. Something haunted him. Something besides Alduin and the years of ridicule he received for believing in prophecies that others condemned as fairytales. Whatever it was, it was serious. More serious than even the dragons, Leara realized. And that scared her. Horrified her to a level that before was reached only by Elenwen and the Thalmor.

“During the Oblivion Crisis,” Esbern began, oblivious to the tension and terror twisting Leara’s insides, “There were few active Altmer agents in Cyrodiil. None were named Avarin.”

“I never said she—”

“In the annals, the name Racuvarla was recorded once when she took the Blades’ Oath during Frostfall following Uriel Septim VII’s assassination in Last Seed.” Esbern’s grip on the chair arms was white, hard. An eager light shown in his face, but Leara couldn’t stand to look at it. She shrunk into her seat. “That Knight Sister was Avarenya. You have the Hero of Kvatch’s katana. Which means . . .”

Then he trailed off.

Bile bubbled up her throat. She swallowed once, twice. Her chest burned. “Esbern, stop.”

“Don’t you see? Don’t you understand?” Getting to his feet, Esbern began to pace the room. “It makes sense now. Everything about you, the prophecy, it all has clicked together to form a full mosaic. It’s extraordinary! It’s a miracle!”

Fisting her hands in her skirt, Leara felt the enchantment from the Black Band scorch her skin, searing her veins and boiling her blood. Please. Stop. Don’t continue where she feared to tread.

“It’s in your eyes, in your soul!” Still, Esbern rambled on. “The truth is plain as day now. It was no secret that she was devoted to him. Some theories even suggest they were in love. But the truth remains that if she hadn’t been an exile, it was more than likely the Elder Council would have encouraged the match! But we could never have known they were so close. Yet now it makes sense: Those were dark times, and the end of the world was at hand. Then, when it was saved, he was dead, and she left. She left, and now you are here.”

Disconnect resonated in her chest, pushing her soul beyond the confines of her anxiety and the nauseous acid within. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to control her breathing. Feim. Zii. But the course of the day had already abused her poor lungs nearly to collapse. It was all she could do to maintain her composure.

Feim. Zii. Fade. Spirit.

She sucked in a breath. Then another. “Speak plainly.”

“Your great-grandfather was Martin Septim.”

Martin Septim. The Dragonborn Emperor and last of the Septim bloodline.

Except apparently not.

“Was he?” Her voice was faint.

“I see it now in your eyes,” said Esbern. “They are the same Rumare blue as the Septim Emperors. There is no life without water, and Lake Rumare is the life of Cyrodiil. The Septims kept their throne on the Imperial Isle, and they were the life of the Empire. You are the life of the Empire.”

To her astonishment and mounting horror, the old Blade bowed before her. “Esbern!”

“You are the heir to the Septims,” he said. “If things were as they should be, you would be Empress of Tamriel.”

Leara pressed a hand to her mouth.

“But the world is full of peril now, and you can no more claim your birthright than the Blades can return to Cloud Ruler Temple.” His voice rang in mourning that Leara couldn’t help but echo, but surely for different reasons. Here, at this moment, she longed for the simplicity of her days as a Knight Sister more than she desired anything else in her life.

“What would you have me do?” Leara thought she sounded far away. No, she sounded like someone else entirely.

“Do?” echoed Esbern. “There is nothing you can do but continue toward your destiny. But this changes everything for the Blades! Once again, there is a Septim to protect, and when the dragon menace is taken care of, we must return to that mandate.”

Her soul teetered between astral flight and smothering under her flesh and bone. “Air, I need air.”

Esbern blinked, as if seeing her for the first time. Mara’s mercy. “I see that you had no prior knowledge of any of this.”

“No,” was her thin reply.

“Extraordinary,” he mumbled, teetering on the edge of a sea of lost thought. “This must be a great deal for you to take in.”

“A bit.”

“I’ll leave you to take it in, then,” he said. “The Greybeards have taught you meditation, yes? We may be at odds over certain issues, but we can still agree that meditation is good for the soul.” He made as if to pat her hand, then, thinking against it, bowed a second time. Leara was floating, anyway. Or she felt like it. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Elanor Septim,” he muttered this last to himself as he left the library, awe sparkling from him.

Leara doubled over, her arms wrapping around her, trying to hold herself together. The grip on her shoulders was so hard that her fingers ached. The frostbite burned anew as if it had never healed. She wasn’t just the Last Dragonborn, she was the heir to the Dragonborn Emperors. She was a Septim. Gasping, she drew her legs into her chair, loosening her hold just enough to readjust her arms around her knees. Then, they were pulled tightly into her chest. She wanted to be small, so small that she’d float away unnoticed like a dust mote in the air. But she couldn’t. Oh, she couldn’t!

She had a destiny to live up to. Not only was she to fulfill the prophecy of the Last Dragonborn, but now the mantle of the Septims fitted itself to her shoulders, weighing her down and making her more real and present than she’d ever been.

What did she do with this information? How did it serve anyone? What would she be expected to do now that she was not only heir to Tiber Septim’s calling as Dragonborn, but to his Empire?

If people knew, would she be assassinated?

Ariella, assassinated. Geldall, assassinated. Enman, assassinated. Ebel, assassinated. Calaxes, bastard that he was, was assassinated by the Imperial Guard for threatening rebellion! Their father, Uriel VII, was assassinated before the Blades’ very eyes. Beyond them, back throughout history, assassination and insurrection defined the Septim Emperors. For all that their Dragonblood kept the Princes of Oblivion at bay, politicians didn’t care. Seldom did they take religion seriously, and when they did, it often turned to heretical and cultish practices. Hadn’t she touched on this during the peace conference? Even if her Dragon Soul helped her guard the world against Alduin’s maw, as soon as she inconvenienced an important figure or got in the way of some upstart’s plans, she would fall as easily to the assassin’s blade as any of her ancestors.

She couldn’t stand for that. Martin, last and greatest of the Septims, he didn’t fall because he stood in the way of someone’s machinations. He faced the Daedric Prince of Destruction for the good of Tamriel and sacrificed himself to seal the liminal barrier once and for all. If it was from Martin Septim’s line that she sprouted, maybe she should fall in her battle with the World-Eater. Better than being taken by the Thalmor and killed by Elenwen for her defiance.

It sounded eerily like Kintyra II and the War of the Red Diamond.

All illusions of choice shattered like brittle fish scales from before her eyes. She was a Septim. She was going to die. She was destined to die.

She was a Septim.

When the first tear fell, she couldn’t stop the others that followed.

·•★•·

Her arms ached when he pried their death grip from around her knees.

“Stop, stop,” she choked, chest too full and heavy and tight and—

“No can do, sweetness. You’ve been hiding in here for over an hour,” said Bishop.

“I want to hide!”

“Hey, you’ve been crying,” his rough fingers brushed as the still-present tears gathered under her lashes. Leara jerked back, but his other hand on her shoulder held her in place. “I’d’ve thought you’d be as pleased as a queen since your little peace plan seems to have worked and all.”

A shudder rocked Leara’s body. “I am pleased, but I, I.”

“Is it because that Thalmor bitch spoke to you?”

A tremor ran through her limbs, whether from stiffness or fear, she wasn’t sure. It was likely both. Prickling along her skin sent the fine hairs on her arms and neck standing on end. The whiff of ozone stung her nose. “What are you talking about?” She was hoarse.

She needed water.

“You don’t have to hide from me, darling. I saw you together.” Bishop’s tone was almost gentle. “Is that the reason you keep refusing me? Do you want to be dominated? Because I promise you, sweetness, I can dominate you in ways she could only dream of. Unless . . .”

Leara could only shake her head, fresh tears and new terror swelling inside her. Pounding started up a long drone at her temple.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those women who think real pleasure can only come from another woman.” The gentleness was gone. His hands grasped hers, crushing. Fragile nerves trembled and threatened to shatter in his hold. “C’mon, let me show you what real pleasure is! One night with a man like me, and you’ll forget that Thalmor bitch and all the lies she’s whispered in your ear.” He leaned toward her, and the memory of Elenwen’s breath on her ear, her lips on her skin, constricted Leara’s throat. She couldn’t breathe. “I can touch you in ways she couldn’t hope to, I can reach places inside you that no one else could find.”

Jerking, Leara’s chair went falling back. She was stunned only a moment before she scrambled away across the floor, her skirt tangling around her legs. Bishop, not expecting the chair to fall, stumbled forward with a shout. Leara shot a frantic look over her shoulder to see him catch himself on the upturned chair legs before he could faceplant the shelf in front of him.

Good, at least the books were safe.

“Damn it to Oblivion, woman!” Bishop rounded, eyes a poisonous fire, but Leara was already at the door, her back to the wood and her hand on the knob. Her heart was thundering so loudly that it was as if a storm had sprung up around High Hrothgar, threatening to tear it from the mountain. “When will you stop playing hard to get?” He stalked forward, every inch the hunter he claimed to be.

She could only shake her head. Everything was swimming.

“Trust me, you’re going to want me, and when you see that, you’ll be all mine. That I can promise you!” He was almost upon her. “Never give a hunter a target, ladyship, and you’ve given me a pretty irresistible one.”

Shadows darkened Bishop’s eyes. Black spots fluttered across her vision. He was on top of her.

The knob twisted in her hand. The door disappeared, and she fell back into the hallway, scrambling away. But while Leara was faltering on her feet, Bishop was steady. Her heel caught on her skirt, and she went down.

White lightning, Bishop’s hands were on her arms, pulling her up and into his chest.

“Am I stirring something inside of you, princess?” His voice rumbled in her ear, heavy, cloying. Princess? “Desire? Passion? I’ll gladly stir it some more until you give into it.”

“I don’t want it,” she choked out.

“A hunter loves a challenge, sweetness.” Then his mouth was on her. “Hmm.” The moan in his chest was obscene. Leara’s knees buckled. Wind rushed in her ears.

Wind rushed against her. She caught herself, her wrist jarring from the force.

“The woman said no, you bastard!”

Blinking, Leara stared up from a pool of silk and chiffon to see Ulfric Stormcloak looming overhead, the thunderclouds in his eyes were baring down on Bishop. Bishop, in turn, was against the opposite wall, one arm braced against the stone while his offhand clutched his shoulder. His jaw was tight, and the glare—a dagger couldn’t cut any deeper. Did, did Ulfric throw Bishop into the wall?

“Oh, piss off,” he sneered.

But Ulfric did not “piss off.” He turned to Leara, crumpled on the ground. Akatosh, Mara, Kynareth, Divines. A red flush burned up her neck and across her cheeks. Mortification stirred every other ill feeling that accumulated in her bones since waking from her nightmare. Today was a nightmare.

To her eternal surprise and confusion, Ulfric didn’t walk away. He crouched before her, his eyes softening as he offered his hand to her. Stunned, Leara saw herself extend her left hand toward him. Her fingers curled around his. Ulfric’s hand was warm but not burning, not like the Black Band. At once, the ice lingering under her skin settled into a faint chill.

“What the Hell?” Bishop’s whine cut through. “Get off her!”

“So you can crawl back on her like a leech?” Ulfric growled back. Still, he cradled Leara’s hand in his. “She said no.”

“What do you know, old man?” Bishop sneered back. “Can you even get a woman off anymore? How’s your performance?”

Ulfric’s jaw was so tight, Leara was sure a vein would pop in his forehead. Yet she couldn’t speak. Her mouth moved, fishlike, and like a fish, she couldn’t breathe the air around her. No sound would come out. Bishop’s yammering was ringing in her eyes, but she no longer comprehended what he was saying. The tension was too much, the weight too heavy. Her lungs were so shriveled within the anxiety’s iron corset that she couldn’t draw air.

Something in Ulfric’s face shifted, pulling his features. She tried to latch on, desperation flooding her veins. She wanted out, she needed out. A soundless sob burst out, stealing away any strength she had left. The first tear fell, and then another.

Sound faded in and out as Ulfric took her other hand, cradling both her hands between his. She thought Bishop said something. Then Ulfric shot a half-heard, “Shut—” up? over his shoulder. Thunder raged in her chest, suffocating.

“Please,” she whispered, airless.

Ulfric was saying something, but she couldn’t really understand him. A broken “safe” and “breathe” made it through, but her mind was too sluggish to make sense of it.

Her veins began to burn.

“What is—on—”

Ulfric looked up in relief.

Then Master Arngeir was beside Ulfric, and one of Leara’s hands was passed to him. She thought she heard him ask Ulfric what was wrong, but whatever he said, Leara heard it as if from underwater. Her tears were drowning her, flooding her lungs.

She wanted out, she wanted away.

Take me away.

Feim. Zii.

“Paarthurnax,” she rasped. She thought she rasped. She thought.

A frown pinched Ulfric’s brows, but Master Arngeir simply nodded. “Jarl Ulfric—up.”

Ulfric’s arm slipped warm and heavy around her waist, and Leara found herself being drawn to her feet. Her knees wobbled, but Ulfric’s hold on her was steady.

“Let me see her,” Master Arngeir said, drawing her other arm around his shoulder. Elevated between the two, she felt air trickle into her lungs. Feim.

Leara gasped, and the sobbing began in earnest. Zii.

A cloth was pressed to her face.

“Hush, child,” Master Arngeir murmured, wiping at the tears. “We will take you.”

Beside her, supporting the brunt of her weight—though there wasn’t that much there these days—Ulfric remained silent. Leara could sense the storm brewing in his presence, but for the first time, she wasn’t afraid that it was directed at her.

It was for her.

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itsawritblr · 3 months ago

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"You're old!"

The fact that you think that's an insult tells me how young and stupid you are.

Just a reminder: You may not live to be old. Or even middle-aged.

Now run along,

#y'all so sure you're going to live forever without getting old #you'll get older IF you're lucky #any number of things can take you out #can't even count all the ppl I used to know who didn't live as long as I have #but keep on thinking being older is awful #you'd probably be one of those bitter farts who wishes you were still in your 20s

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autobahnmp3 · 2 years ago

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i've been thinking abt if im more interested in graphic design or illustration and honestly i think both

#does this make my life easier or harder who knows #also this won't be like a quick career change bc i would feel liek an absolute imposter......#i didn't draw regularly until last year #but bc it's smth i would like to do until the day i die... i will keep doing it as a hobby at least #also i am interested in visual communication since like i started working at the lab #so 4 or 5byears ago #what is important to me is that information is presented in a way thta is universally understandable #and also accessible #when you read a lot lf scientific articles #you really start to appreciate goos graphs algkslj #like little things count sm #you can't use red and green to indicate things on the same graph bc red green color blindness is so common #we had a professor who had it #so i was constantly reminded alhkdoj #and you have to think abt what the graphs would look like kn the projector screen or printed #in a journal or as a black and white printout #there were a lot lf days when i thought abt that a lot mlre than what i was doing at the lab ahdkjl....#so.....#yeah

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alinedreams · 1 month ago

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I'd love to tell the story of how I survived almost 4 months of constant menstrual bleeding (due to a medical error) AND I recorded a VCV UTAU voicebank in that meantime, but truth be told, I barely did and I'm still facing several consequences to this day.

But I'll tell y'all one thing: now I can barely eat iron-rich foods because I got FREAKING TIRED of their taste.

But yeah, every time someone proposes a nearly unsurvivable scenario, I'm like "I'll survive but I'll be in unbearable pain the whole time because God hates me" because it's exactly what happened

#'but aline why the heck did you record a vcv utau voicebank in that meantime????' because i honestly didn't think i'd survive the ordeal #so i wanted to leave some sort of last legacy to the world no matter how small it was #but i survived and almost no one cared for said legacy anyhow lmao #at times i wonder what the heck i did against God the Universe or whoever is in charge to be bullied like that lol #and it was AT LEAST over 13 weeks indeed! i say 'almost 4 months' because i lost count at one point #kinda hard to keep counting the days when they blur together and you know you may not survive the event #i wish i was exaggerating but it was one of those 'doctors ask how are you alive' sorts of events #i almost got a blood transfusion out of that but thanks to my mom's idea of making me get chuffed with iron foods i didn't #and yes she also made me eat a lot of oranges and tangerines for the vitamin c and i can't quite enjoy those as much anymore either #it saved my life but if it were to happen again i'd probably prefer to just die this time #also i can't take contraceptives anymore because they not only don't work as intended anymore but they also give me depression #so i can't really fix my fibroids and endometriosis without surgery #and i was born in the one country where if you have a uterus you gotta keep it 'for the babies' (even if you got a phobia relating to it)#God hates me and it shows lol

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s0dium · 5 months ago

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Victoria Secret

A/n: For all my Geto lovers, i made sure the fucking was extra juicy. Enjoy!

Synopsis: Your secret indulgence? Buying lingerie. You've managed to keep this "hobby" under wraps until your worst nightmare, Geto Suguru, discovers your secret. Unexpectedly, he proposes a deal: he'll keep your secret, in exchange you help set up his friend Gojo with your roommate, and after that he will even buy you ten sets of your favorite lingerie. There’s just one catch—you have to model them for him. What could go wrong?

"W-what are you doing?" You manage to gasp but Geto just kisses the hollow of your throat. "Why? Do you want me to stop?" He murmurs against your skin. And you know you should say yes, but you shake your head. Like a fool. "Good girl."

Warnings: Teasing, praising, body worship, nipple play and sucking, soft-to-rough sex, unprotected sex, breeding

Word count: 5.5

Every Sunday, at precisely three in the afternoon, you sneak out of your apartment for what you call your "secret indulgence."

Your eyes gaze at the velvet-lined shelves, mentally dissecting the lace and silk items that sit on the red fabric. A familiar, gentle melody fills the boutique, playing overhead as soft light casts a warm glow on the meticulously displayed delicate fabrics. As you run your fingers over each fabric laid before you, you stop when you find one that feels like a whisper against your skin.

This one is perfect.

Carefully you hold the item up on either side, feeling the fabric between your index finger and thumb. Intricate floral patterns cover the lace material and you note the high-waisted cut and scalloped trim that would certainly flatter your figure. You hum in contentment. Yes, this piece of underwear will go perfectly with your collection.

Your "secret indulgence" you may ask? It is collecting lingerie.

Your indulgence was secret for a reason as well. Far too often people assumed that you collected lingerie for a boyfriend or even an audience, but it wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was the opposite, you collected lingerie for you. It wasn't like you never thought about trying it on for someone though, you just never seemed to have an opportunity too. Unlike many of your peers, you're not a social butterfly, never one to attend college parties or gatherings. Even your best friend Shoko has to drag you out of your room every once in a while. Yet, ever since you can remember, there's something about lingerie that captivates you—perhaps it's the delicate lace, the intricate patterns, or how damn good you looked in it. You were simply in love with it.

And up until now, you were pretty damn sure your indulgence was perfectly secret as well.

"Y/n! Just the person I needed to see."

Oh what the fuck.

Your steps halt instantly at the sound of the familiar voice, freezing you in place. You didn't want to look back, you didn't need to look back, you knew who was behind you. You purse your lips as a rush of thoughts floods your mind: Had he seen you leaving the boutique? He wasn't a fool; surely, he'd deduce that the two bags you were clutching came from somewhere significant nearby.

Shit shit shit. Fuck it.

With a nervous bite to the inside of your cheek, you slowly turned around, facing the tall man behind you.

"Geto." You dead pan. There’s a tightness around your mouth, the corners pulled down just enough to betray your displeasure. The usual spark in your eyes is conspicuously absent, replaced by a guarded, cool glare that clearly communicates your discomfort at this encounter.

Geto smiles and takes a few steps toward you. Your first instinct is to step back but you stay in place, taking in his appearance. He's wearing a black tank top today, one that clings to his well-defined muscles and shows off the tattoos covering his arms. He pairs this with casual grey sweatpants that hang loosely around his hips and of course, his long black hair is partially tied up in a man bun like it usually is, while the rest cascades down his back.

Of course he looks good.

Thin sharp black eyes scan you before landing on the two bags you are clutching. His smile grows. You know you're fucked. The last person you needed to uncover your secret.

"Enjoy your shopping?" He chuckles, nodding to the bags and you harshly bite your lip.

"Just some clothes for the summer" You respond dryly, making sure to be heard over the bustling people around you.

"Ah, you don't have to keep secrets from me." Geto chuckles and he gestures to the tattoo and piercing shop across the street. "You know I work there right? I see you go into the little shop every Sunday."

No. No, you did not know that.

You pause before speaking again. "Can I help you with something Geto?"

"Actually, yes you can. I need a favor."

"Favor?" Your eyebrows raise and you scoff. "What could I possibly help you with."

Geto smiles and takes another step forward. "I know we aren't friends, but Shoko is your best friend and she is also mine so I thought maybe we could benefit each other a bit."

You dont respond this time and he continues.

"My best friend, Gojo, im sure you know him."

You have to fight to hide the disgust on your face upon hearing the white-haired man's name. Of course, you knew Gojo, every one on campus knew Gojo, you specifically for the amount of girls he has "toyed" with.

"Yes, I know who the fuck Gojo is." You roll your eyes and you notice Geto has taken another step forward, effectively closing the distance between you two.

"Well, he is head over heels for your room mate-"

"Head over heels or just want to fuck her." You sarcastically snap back, cutting Geto off.

"Is there any difference these days?" he replies, a slight smirk playing at the edges of his lips, challenging the cynicism in your tone.

"And you want me to do what, exactly? Set her up with him? No way," you snap back, your voice rising slightly in indignation. "She's my friend, and I'm not some kind of matchmaker. Gojo can go screw himself."

"No, no, that's not what I'm saying at all," Geto quickly interjects, holding up his hands in a gesture of peace. "I'm just asking you to let her know that he's available, that he likes her. Just make him out to be an option, you know? Your roommate can do whatever she wants with that information."

"Still, why would I want to do that?" you question, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion and frustration. The warmth of the afternoon seems to intensify the tension between you as Geto steps closer, diminishing the gap until he's just inches away.

"Because in exchange, I'll buy you anything you want," he offers, his voice low and persuasive.

"Um, what?" Your response comes out more as a reflex than anything else.

"Let me rephrase that," he continues, nodding slightly towards the bag of lingerie you're holding, which causes your cheeks to flush with embarrassment. "I’ll buy you what you really want."

"No," you retort firmly, feeling the discomfort rise.

"No?" He echoes, his tone a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"Yes, no. Besides, I'm not strapped for cash. I can buy what I want whenever I want—"

"Didn't I tell you you don't have to lie to me?" Geto cuts in, his voice lowering a bit. "Please, I know how expensive that store is, and I'm not offering just one thing. Say, how about 10 sets from that store you love?" he declares, his eyes flashing with a mix of challenge and amusement.

"10? Can you even afford that?" you retort skeptically, your eyebrows arching in disbelief. This game of his was becoming more intriguing and absurd by the minute.

He leans back, a smug smile playing on his lips. "Oh, and I have to go shopping with you and see you try it on," he adds, as if the deal wasn’t provocative enough.

"Why the hell would you want to do that?" You feel the tips of your ears grow red and you scoff. The idea of Geto Suguru choosing lingerie for you sounds so personal sends a shiver down your spine.

"Because," he pauses, his gaze intense, "its not about buying you lingerie, Consider it… a test of trust, can't just give you hundred of my dollars and let you do whatever you want, I want to make sure you use the money the way our deal assures you will which is... buying lingerie."

You pause, absorbing his words, the heat of the afternoon sun pressing down on you, making the moment feel even more surreal. "Fine. We follow each other on Instagram, so I'll DM you when it's done. But like you said, it's up to her what she wants to do with that information."

"Alright by me. See you soon," he replies, his tone casual yet carrying an underlying note of finality.

As you turn away, walking down the busy street, your mind races with the absurdity of the conversation.

What the hell just happened?

Your fingers hesitated over the blue send button, poised to confirm the completion of your part of the unusual bargain.

Earlier, you had shared with your friend the prospect of a date with Gojo Satoru, carefully omitting the details of the deal behind it. As expected, she was ecstatic, thrilled by the idea despite Gojo's questionable reputation—a fact that gnawed at your conscience. But what could you do? The arrangement was already in motion. Now, it was time to let Geto know that you had held up your end of the agreement, and it was his turn to fulfill his promise.

You took a sharp breath through your nose and pressed down on the screen, watching as the word "delivered" appeared beneath your message in the chat. Just as you were about to set the phone aside and start getting ready for bed, it pinged with a new message. It was from Geto Suguru. Your heart raced as you read the simple words.

When do you want to meet?

The sun blazes down as you approach your favorite boutique, the heat making the pavement shimmer like a mirage. Despite the sweltering temperature, you've donned a big, baggy sweater over your shorts—a choice more about comfort and less about fashion, especially since you didn’t want this meeting to scream 'date'. It’s your casual armor, albeit a warm one on a day like today.

As you near the boutique, you spot Geto Suguru waiting by the entrance. He leans casually against the wall, dressed in some graphic t-shirt and black jeans, his eyes hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses. This time his hair is completely up in a man bun that shows off his black gauge earrings and hints of a tattoo on his back. The moment he sees you, his lips curve into a knowing smile, as if he can read your thoughts about the outfit.

"Hey," he greets, pushing off from the wall to stand upright. His voice is smooth, a calm contrast to the bustling street around you. "I was starting to think you were gonna bail."

"And miss a chance at free money? I think not." you quip. "Hope Gojo enjoyed his date by the way." Sarcasm drips from your words and Suguru chuckles.

"Probably not as much as I'm gonna enjoy this." he counters smoothly. "Come on," he says, gesturing towards the boutique's door. "We got some shopping to do."

The moment you walk through the boutique doors, cool air hits you in refreshing waves, making you sigh with relief. The boutique interior sparkles with delicate lighting and the gentle clinking of hangers, an ambiance you know and love all too well. You notice that the store is unusually quiet today, with no other customers around—just the shop owner standing by the cashier, who flashes you a small, welcoming smile as you enter. As you step further, your eyes lock onto a stunning pink lingerie set draped elegantly on a mannequin right by the entrance. Its intricate lace and delicate details shimmer under the boutique’s soft lighting, radiating an aura of both luxury and temptation. It's new, and most definitely pricy.

"You’re staring," Geto observes with a smirk, catching you in your admiring glance.

"I'm appreciating," you correct him, the corner of your lips twitching upwards. The price tag hanging from the mannequin does nothing to deter you; it's clearly on the pricier side, but today, Geto’s wallet is on the line. "And since you’re offering, I think I’ll indulge."

Geto's laughter fills the air, playful and unbothered. "I should’ve known you'd go for the gold. Well, it’s your day. Let’s make my pockets weep then," he says, gesturing grandly towards the set.

Who were you to deny him?

You dive into the racks, your fingers grazing over silks and satins, selecting the most exquisite pieces you lay your eyes on. One by one, you gather a collection of lingerie sets—each more lavish than the last. There’s a daring scarlet set that promises to captivate, a royal blue ensemble that speaks of deep oceans, and a classic black lace number that's timeless in its elegance. By the time you're done, nine luxurious sets accompany the initial pink one on the counter.

Geto watches with a mixture of admiration and apprehension as the pile grows, his eyebrows raising slightly at each new addition. But he doesn’t protest; instead, he engages in light banter with the shop owner, who carefully folds each set into sleek boutique bags.

As the total rings up—a sum that makes even the shop owner blink twice—you don’t look away from Geto's face, watching for any sign of regret or hesitation. None comes. He simply pulls out his black card, the smirk never leaving his lips as he hands it over.

The transaction goes through with a soft beep, and you can’t help but feel a thrill of victory as he signs the receipt. You reach out to grab the bags and head toward the door, already planning where each piece will go in your wardrobe, when Geto’s voice stops you.

"Where do you think you’re going? We still have the other part of the deal, remember?" he says with no attempt to hide the amusement in his voice.

Geto's reminder hangs in the air, the playful edge in his voice more pronounced now. As realization dawns on you, you let out a low groan, remembering the full scope of the deal. "Oh," you say, hesitance hanging from your voice. "Right, the 'trying on' part."

"Exactly," he grins broadly. "Come on, my car is parked outside."

"HAH! You think I'm going to your house?" you scoff, raising an eyebrow in mock disbelief.

"Why not? Or can we go to yours?" he counters quickly, his grin turning into a challenging smirk.

You bite the side of your cheek. Your place was an absolute mess right now and you don't think you can handle Geto Surguru in your room. "Fine, yours it is," you finally concede.

The drive to Geto's place unfolds in a tense silence, your gaze fixed on the cityscape sliding past the car window. Your heart pounds with a mix of dread and nerves, the quiet amplifying the whirlwind of thoughts in your head. There had to be a way to get out of this. The idea of layering your clothes under the lingerie flickers through your mind, but you dismiss it almost instantly—Geto would see right through that. The thought of making a daring escape through a bathroom window doesn't seem entirely out of the question, though it feels more like a scene from a comedy than a realistic plan.

As you mull over these scenarios, you wonder about Geto's intentions. Was this all just a game to him, a way to tease you? He'd watched you choose each piece with care, so there was no question of you running off with his money. Was this some weird way he got off?

Your so into your thoughts that you dont even realize your at Geto's door.

"Welcome to my humble abode," He says through a grin as he swings upon the door. Rolling your eyes at his grandeur, you step inside, instantly taken by the loft's undeniable charm. The space is open and airy, with high ceilings and large, sunlit windows that overlook the bustling city below. Exposed brick walls add a touch of urban cool, while modern art pieces dot the walls, giving the place a curated yet lived-in feel.

"The bathroom is over there," Geto points nonchalantly towards a sleek, sliding door on the far side of the room. His tone is casual, as if inviting you to try on clothes was an everyday occurrence. He saunters over to a plush couch, settling in comfortably. "You can start whenever you're ready."

Feeling a flutter of nerves, you clutch the bag of lingerie a bit tighter. "You want me to—to try on all of them?" Your voice barely hides your anxiety.

"Nah, just two or three," he responds, his voice calm and nonchalant as he picks up a magazine from the coffee table.

With your heart pounding so loudly you're sure he can hear it, you make your way to the bathroom. The cool, modern aesthetics of the loft seem to blur as your mind races. Was this just a fucking joke to him?

As the door closes behind you, you set your bags down on the bathroom floor.

Holy shit Holy shit Holy shit.

You were going to die, this was it. You were going to die out of embarrassment because of god damn Geto Suguru. Your face burns a deep shade of red, heart racing as you lean against the cool, marble sink. Fuck, you're overwhelmed, your thoughts a tumultuous whirl, but you know you need to pull yourself together. Yes, the task is simple: pick two sets of lingerie, try them on, and get this ordeal over with. Just two sets, then you can leave. That's all.

Peeking through a slight crack in the bathroom door, you see Geto lounging effortlessly on the couch, casually flipping through a magazine as if he hasn't a care in the world. A quiet curse escapes your lips at his composure— god you hated him.

Turning back to the task at hand, you rummage through the bag containing the 10 pieces of lingerie. Each piece is stunningly beautiful, making the choice unexpectedly difficult. The last thing you wanted was to make it seem like you where trying to impress him. After a moment's hesitation, your hands settle on a set of black lace lingerie—bold but the plainest out of all of them.

Slipping into the black lace, you feel the fabric glide smoothly over your skin. The lace is intricate, delicate yet firm, offering a sensation that is both luxurious and comforting. As it settles into place, you notice how perfectly it cups your breasts, enhancing your natural shape without discomfort. The fabric molds to your body, sculpting your curves in a way that boosts your confidence, even in such a vulnerable moment.

Turning to face the mirror, you take a moment to really look at yourself. The lingerie accentuates your figure beautifully—your waist appears slimmer, your hips more pronounced. Yes, this was exactly what you loved about lingerie, how it made you look and more importantly how it made you feel. Despite the situation, you can't help but feel a surge of self-assurance. It's a small victory, but in this moment, it's enough to steady your nerves.

Now was the hard part.

Slowly you step out of the bathroom, your heart pounds fiercely in your chest, echoing in your ears. The moment the door clicks shut behind you, Geto's attention shifts from his magazine to you. He lays the magazine aside, his gaze instantly locking onto you. His eyes rake up and down your figure, taking in every detail of the black lace lingerie that clings to your curves.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Geto muses, a teasing grin playing on his lips. "If it isn't the bravest fashion model of our time."

"S-shut up," you stammer, trying to mask your discomfort with irritation. "Just remember, I'm only doing this because of the deal."

"Oh, and you're doing it magnificently, may I add. Who knew you hid such bold taste under that sweater."

"It's just underwear, don't read too much into it," you retort, your cheeks warming under his scrutiny.

"Turn for me," he commands softly. "I want to see the back."

"What?" you falter, caught off guard.

"Turn for me, I want to see behind," he repeats more firmly.

Fuck it.

Reluctantly, you turn, exposing the delicate lace detailing on the back.

"Beautiful," he murmurs, almost to himself, his gaze lingering appreciatively on the design.

"What?" you ask, your voice wavering slightly—unsure if you're more startled by the compliment or by the intimacy of his tone.

"Nothing, baby," he responds, his hand dismissively waving as he looks away, pretending to refocus on something else in the room. "Go try on the next one."

You dont say anything, instead slipping back into the bathroom and rummaging through the bag. Your heart still thumps audibly in your chest, but now there's an undercurrent of excitement mixed with the nerves. The flutter in your chest isn't just from anxiety though; it's also from a burgeoning sense of empowerment. You realize that you have control over how you present yourself, a certain power over Sugruru.

After discarding the set you were wearing, you reach into the bag and pull out the pink set you splurged on earlier. The fabric is luxurious, with a hint of sheerness to the bra that would no doubt show your nipples. The underwear is equally bold, designed as a thong with delicate straps that loop around each thigh, highlighting the curves of your hips and legs.

As you slip into the pink lingerie, the fabric settles against your skin like a whispered secret. The sheer material of the bra makes you acutely aware of your own body, and as you adjust the straps around your thighs, the ensemble frames your form in a way that feels almost artistically deliberate.

Yes, just after this you would be done. So why not go out with a bang?

As you step out of the bathroom, the transformation in your demeanor is palpable. The delicate pink lingerie accentuates your confidence, which resonates with each step you take towards Geto. His eyes lift to meet yours, and the moment they travel down to take in the full view, his expression shifts dramatically to one of... shock? His usual composure falters, and he lets out a low, incredulous whistle.

"Jesus Christ," he breathes out.

You shift in place, playing with the silk hem of your underwear.

After a moment, he composes himself slightly and gestures towards him with a slight tilt of his head. "Come here," he says softly, his voice low and inviting.

You pause, the hesitation clear in your stance. The intensity in his gaze and the palpable tension in the air make your heart race even faster.

Seeing your reluctance, Geto's expression softens. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his eyes never leaving yours. "Please," he adds, a hint of something more vulnerable in his tone this time.

The room seems to pulse with the silent energy between you as you take a tentative step forward, then another, drawn by the magnetic pull of his gaze. The air thickens with a charged mix of anticipation and desire as you finally stop just a breath away from him.

He looks up at you, standing up from his seat, his gaze intense yet tender. "You look incredible," he murmurs. You flinch when you feel his hand his finger trace your jaw and his other hand play with the hem of your lace underwear. He bends down, his lips just grazing your cheek, a feather-light touch that sends shivers down your spine, making your entire body quiver. "If you want me to stop, say it now," he whispers. When you remain silent, he brushes his mouth against the hollow of your temple. "Or now." He traces the curve of your cheekbone. "Or now." His lips meet yours.

For a moment your so shocked that he kissed you, you don't do anything. It feels like you are having an out-of-body experience like you can't believe this as actually happening to you. Then in a matter of seconds, his lips move against yours and you melt. Suguru is gentle at first, then unyieldingly hard. You feel yourself falling —not just physically, but emotionally too. You open for him and his tongue snakes its way inside your mouth. His hands move from your face to your lower back as he pulls you toward him, closing whatever space was left between you. He pushes you against him as he deepens the kiss. One of his hands remains on your hip, while the other travels to cup your breasts.

"W-what are you doing?" You manage to gasp but Geto just kisses the hollow of your throat."

"Why? Do you want me to stop?" He mumbles against your skin. And you know you should say yes, but you shake your head. Like a fool.

"Good girl."

Without a warning, Geto sweeps you up in his arms with an ease that leaves you breathless, carrying you effortlessly across the room to his bed.

Geto stands over you, his eyes tracing the contours of your body splayed elegantly across his bed.

"Shit baby, you let anyone else see you like this?"

You thickly gulp and shake your head.

"Oh thank god." He murmurs, climbing over you to place light kisses along your neck, trailing down your chest. Each kiss is soft yet deliberate, sending a cascade of warmth through your entire body. You close your eyes, allowing yourself to be fully immersed in the sensation.

"Your skin feels like silk," he murmurs.

"Did you steal that line from a hallmark card?" You crack.

"Nope just stating a fact." He skims the underside of your bra with his fingers. "Always watched you come out of the store, always wanted to see how you'd look in what you bought." He lifts his head to give you a wry look "You're so smooth and perfect you know that right?"

You let out a soft gasp when his lips find your nipple, pulling your lacy bra down so soft lips can evoke your nub.

"Oh god sugu-" He doesn’t let you get to the last consonant, his eager, hot mouth enveloping one of your nipples and sucking. His tongue flattens, rolling your peak and swirling around your areola, fast and rough until you’re whining. His ears go hot at the sounds you’re making, all desperate and needy.

"So beautiful, fuck your tits are so beautiful" He groans into your skin like it was cocaine. He then switches to your other breast, sucking and licking until he knows you will be sore. Jesus, your breasts feel so good in his mouth, so soft and sweet, why didn't he do this sooner? How much longer did he think he could maintain this facade of being your 'enemy' when all he truly desired was to have you underneath him?

You are squirming underneath him now, the stimulation of his wet tongue on your nipple is becoming unbearable and so was the growing heat between your legs. Your tits feel so good in his mouth, supple, sweet, far better than his imagination could ever conjure

"God, sugu-"

"Love it when you say my name." Suguru breaths between licks and you feel your stomach twist with.

"Sugu please" you manage to gasp, "please touch me please anything please-"

"Fuck you?" Suguru coos, and the words make warmth blossom from your core.

"Please." You breath.

And who was he to deny you?

Without much of a word he pulls your lace panties down to your ankles, making you instinctively hide your bare cunt with your hands, but he clicks the roof of his mouth with his tongue and swats your fingers away. Then, as he stands over you, Suguru steps out of his black pants and pulls off his t-shirt. As you glimpse Suguru, you feel your breath get caught in your throat. His large, incredibly toned frame is a clear testament to rigorous workouts, and intricate tattoos weave across his skin, adding to the attraction.

You were no longer in the kiddie pool.

You are too immersed in his figure that you dont even notice he has lowered down his black boxers just enough so his long length springs out and slaps against his abdomen.

You thickly gulp.

"I dont think that will-" You stammer, the sheer size or his dick making your gut twist and turn. "I think it will hurt I dont think it will-" As you continue to stammer, searching for the right words, Geto cuts you off with a deep, consuming kiss that immediately shuts you up. When he finally pulls back, a confident smirk plays on his lips.

"It will, baby, it always does," he murmurs, his voice low and dark.

Geto positions himself atop you, his strong legs straddling either side of your body, anchoring him in place. He leans over you, the intensity of his gaze capturing yours as he methodically entwines his fingers with yours. With a firm but gentle grasp, he pins your hands down on either side of your body, his proximity reducing the world to the space between you. The warmth of his breath brushes against your face, his presence both overwhelming and exhilarating, as he holds you there under him, completely in control yet tender in his touch.

Before you can even get a word in, you gasp when you feel large pressure against your hole.

"Slowly baby," he hushes you before you can protest. "I'll go slowly."

Suguru's slow roll of hips hips into you is enough to make you scream. The way his dick parts your walls and fills every single inch of you makes your brain go hazy, especially when his tip smooshes against your cervix, sending blots of electricity throughout your body.

"Talk to me baby," Suguru murmurs, his voice cracking from the vice grip your cunt has on dick. "Want me to move?"

You're too lost in the hazy pleasure to form words, all you can do is nod, making Geto breathe out an air of what must be relief. His thrusts started out shallow and slow, testing the waters for how much he could get away with. What your limits were, and if you could fully take him for what he wanted.

You feel like you are going insane from the pleasure. Your cries came silent from your throat, eyes screwed shut in complete bliss. Your body adjusted rather quickly to him, Suguru coaxing you to relax as he peppers kisses along your neck, sucking and biting your sensitive skin. And as you adjusted, your hips began to buck against him at their own pace, beckoning him to move faster.

Of course, Suguru doesn't miss this, and without missing a beat he speads up his thrusts, the pap pap pap of his skin against your echoing in your ears

"Shit, you feel so good baby." Geto practically whines. You don't know it, but he's starting to lose his grip, the overwhelming pleasure beginning to unravel his usual composure.

The delicious friction of his dick scrapping your walls has your heart pounding in your ears and your breath close to hyperventilating. Everything is too much too good all at once. The proximity of Geto's body is overwhelming, his warm skin against yours, his ragged breath hot against your neck. When you gaze into his face, the sight nearly makes you faint—his eyes scrunched shut, lost in euphoria, beads of sweat lining his black hairline. His mouth is slightly open, panting, a sight that makes your cunt flutter from excitement.

"Su-Suguru, so good you're fucking me so good." you babble and he can only groan in response. Your toes curled and uncurled as he continued to wreck your body with his completely brutal thrusts. The pain of him hitting the tip of your cervix nearly every time mixed with the kisses he peppered on your neck and lips was all enough to end you to heaven.

He knows you're close. And you know it too. The way Suguru is fucking you is truly a primal display of affection; him rutting into your cunt like an animal in heat and you frantically scratching and clawing at his back.

Thats when an idea hits you, no, a need overcomes you, You need Suguru, you need all of him, all of him inside you filling you up and making you his.

"Sugu cum in me please," you beg through a hoarse voice. "Fill me up please please please."

He’s been pressing kisses and biting into your shoulder, but you don’t miss the way he practically whines at your words.

"Course baby, course I will."

As if on cue, you feel your seize up and your mind go blank. It feels like your body is free falling into a euphoric grave, electric arrows of pleasure coursing through your sin and directly to your core.

"Oh shit" Suguru curses at the way your cunt clamps down on him and it isnt to long before he follows you, shooting thick ropes of cum straight into your belly. In a fluid motion without leaving your insides once, he picks you up so you are straddling him, and his bare chest is pressed against yours.

“You’re so warm,” he murmurs into your ear. And you can only sigh in response.

'I'll buy you 1000 more lingerie sets if we can do this again."

#jjk smut #geto x reader #geto smut #getou smut #getou suguru smut #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader smut #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #gojo smut

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why-animals-do-the-thing · 4 months ago

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average United States contains 1000s of pet tigers in backyards" factoid actualy [sic] just statistical error. average person has 0 tigers on property. Activist Georg, who lives the U.S. Capitol & makes up over 10,000 each day, has purposefully been spreading disinformation adn [sic] should not have been counted

I have a big mad today, folks. It's a really frustrating one, because years worth of work has been validated... but the reason for that fucking sucks.

For almost a decade, I've been trying to fact-check the claim that there "are 10,000 to 20,000 pet tigers/big cats in backyards in the United States." I talked to zoo, sanctuary, and private cat people; I looked at legislation, regulation, attack/death/escape incident rates; I read everything I could get my hands on. None of it made sense. None of it lined up. I couldn't find data supporting anything like the population of pet cats being alleged to exist. Some of you might remember the series I published on those findings from 2018 or so under the hashtag #CrouchingTigerHiddenData. I've continued to work on it in the six years since, including publishing a peer reviewed study that counted all the non-pet big cats in the US (because even though they're regulated, apparently nobody bothered to keep track of those either).

I spent years of my life obsessing over that statistic because it was being used to push for new federal legislation that, while well intentioned, contained language that would, and has, created real problems for ethical facilities that have big cats. I wrote a comprehensive - 35 page! - analysis of the issues with the then-current version of the Big Cat Public Safety Act in 2020. When the bill was first introduced to Congress in 2013, a lot of groups promoted it by fear mongering: there's so many pet tigers! they could be hidden around every corner! they could escape and attack you! they could come out of nowhere and eat your children!! Tiger King exposed the masses to the idea of "thousands of abused backyard big cats": as a result the messaging around the bill shifted to being welfare-focused, and the law passed in 2022.

The Big Cat Public Safety Act created a registry, and anyone who owned a private cat and wanted to keep it had to join. If they did, they could keep the animal until it passed, as long as they followed certain strictures (no getting more, no public contact, etc). Don’t register and get caught? Cat is seized and major punishment for you. Registering is therefore highly incentivized. That registry closed in June of 2023, and you can now get that registration data via a Freedom of Information Act request.

Guess how many pet big cats were registered in the whole country?

97.

Not tens of thousands. Not thousands. Not even triple digits. 97.

And that isn't even the right number! Ten USDA licensed facilities registered erroneously. That accounts for 55 of 97 animals. Which leaves us with 42 pet big cats, of all species, in the entire country.

Now, I know that not everyone may have registered. There's probably someone living deep in the woods somewhere with their illegal pet cougar, and there's been at least one random person in Texas arrested for trying to sell a cub since the law passed. But - and here's the big thing - even if there are ten times as many hidden cats than people who registered them - that's nowhere near ten thousand animals. Obviously, I had some questions.

Guess what? Turns out, this is because it was never real. That huge number never had data behind it, wasn't likely to be accurate, and the advocacy groups using that statistic to fearmonger and drive their agenda knew it... and didn't see a problem with that.

Allow me to introduce you to an article published last week.

This article is good. (Full disclose, I'm quoted in it). It's comprehensive and fairly written, and they did their due diligence reporting and fact-checking the piece. They talked to a lot of people on all sides of the story.

But thing that really gets me?

Multiple representatives from major advocacy organizations who worked on the Big Cat Publix Safety Act told the reporter that they knew the statistics they were quoting weren't real. And that they don't care. The end justifies the means, the good guys won over the bad guys, that's just how lobbying works after all. They're so blase about it, it makes my stomach hurt. Let me pull some excerpts from the quotes.

"Whatever the true number, nearly everyone in the debate acknowledges a disparity between the actual census and the figures cited by lawmakers. “The 20,000 number is not real,” said Bill Nimmo, founder of Tigers in America. (...) For his part, Nimmo at Tigers in America sees the exaggerated figure as part of the political process. Prior to the passage of the bill, he said, businesses that exhibited and bred big cats juiced the numbers, too. (...) “I’m not justifying the hyperbolic 20,000,” Nimmo said. “In the world of comparing hyperbole, the good guys won this one.”

"Michelle Sinnott, director and counsel for captive animal law enforcement at the PETA Foundation, emphasized that the law accomplished what it was set out to do. (...) Specific numbers are not what really matter, she said: “Whether there’s one big cat in a private home or whether there’s 10,000 big cats in a private home, the underlying problem of industry is still there.”"

I have no problem with a law ending the private ownership of big cats, and with ending cub petting practices. What I do have a problem with is that these organizations purposefully spread disinformation for years in order to push for it. By their own admission, they repeatedly and intentionally promoted false statistics within Congress. For a decade.

No wonder it never made sense. No wonder no matter where I looked, I couldn't figure out how any of these groups got those numbers, why there was never any data to back any of the claims up, why everything I learned seemed to actively contradict it. It was never real. These people decided the truth didn't matter. They knew they had no proof, couldn't verify their shocking numbers... and they decided that was fine, if it achieved the end they wanted.

So members of the public - probably like you, reading this - and legislators who care about big cats and want to see legislation exist to protect them? They got played, got fed false information through a TV show designed to tug at heartstrings, and it got a law through Congress that's causing real problems for ethical captive big cat management. The 20,000 pet cat number was too sexy - too much of a crisis - for anyone to want to look past it and check that the language of the law wouldn't mess things up up for good zoos and sanctuaries. Whoops! At least the "bad guys" lost, right? (The problems are covered somewhat in the article linked, and I'll go into more details in a future post. You can also read my analysis from 2020, linked up top.)

Now, I know. Something something something facts don't matter this much in our post-truth era, stop caring so much, that's just how politics work, etc. I’m sorry, but no. Absolutely not.

Laws that will impact the welfare of living animals must be crafted carefully, thoughtfully, and precisely in order to ensure they achieve their goals without accidental negative impacts. We have a duty of care to ensure that. And in this case, the law also impacts reservoir populations for critically endangered species! We can't get those back if we mess them up. So maybe, just maybe, if legislators hadn't been so focused on all those alleged pet cats, the bill could have been written narrowly and precisely.

But the minutiae of regulatory impacts aren't sexy, and tiger abuse and TV shows about terrible people are. We all got misled, and now we're here, and the animals in good facilities are already paying for it.

I don't have a conclusion. I'm just mad. The public deserves to know the truth about animal legislation they're voting for, and I hope we all call on our legislators in the future to be far more critical of the data they get fed.

#big cats #tiger king #my research #news #big cat public safety act #animal welfare #big cat welfare #legislation and regulation #vent post #long post #crouchingtigerhiddendata #more on the problems with the bill in the future

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heavenbarnes · 6 months ago

Text

I wanna make it (so badly)

Art Donaldson x Fem Reader

Warnings/Contains: reader is AFAB with she/her pronouns, swearing, inappropriate employer/employee relationship, dry-humping, a lot of heavy petting, implied age gap, effective-infidelity (reader tested, tashi approved), oral sex (f!receiving), art is a bit of a pervert and mega-pathetic (endearing), references to religion (worship).

Word Count: 5.8k

i white knuckled the steering wheel on the way home from this film thinking about art donaldson- this is, essentially, an ode to that

Youth tennis lessons, $20/h, call for details

Finding work was hard, keeping work was harder.

Cleaning, baby-sitting, pet-sitting, pet-walking. There was virtually nothing you hadn't tried.

Odd jobs, odd hours, and the occasional odd employer.

You'd played tennis for the last couple years of college. Nothing remotely competitive but you and your friends had looked cute in the skirts and they'd give you whole hours out of class to play.

You were above average with a good arm and better patience.

Another odd job to add to your growing list.

You'd been particular about where you'd posted the ads, the neighbourhoods you'd chosen. Only the ones with manicured lawns and white picket fences.

Tacking the paper to boards in upmarket cafes, fancy supermarkets, ladies-only gyms.

The kind of people that want their kids playing tennis and could find their way to increase your pay- if you did well.

You always did very well.

So your little car looked a little out of place in this neighbourhood, fingers holding the scribbled post-it note with the address. Your scrawling handwriting detailing the "Donaldson's" were enquiring within.

Pulling up outside the house, you had a quiet inkling that you might've been out of your depth. Whoever owned this house deserved more than an above-average-ex-college-student that only learnt the sport to spend time with friends.

But they'd requested you, you'd have to let them come to that conclusion on your own.

Your knuckles only hit the door once before it was being swung open by someone that looked destined to be a security guard, like he'd come out the womb with his future decided.

What the fuck had you gotten yourself into?

He'd left you in the "formal lounge" to sit smack-bang in the centre of a couch that wouldn't even fit in the lobby of your apartment building- let alone the apartment itself.

As you admired a painting on the wall that you'd only ever seen in books, high heels on the stone floors made you jump in your seat.

The most beautiful woman you might ever see in your life appeared before you and said your name in a way that had you standing from your seat.

Your face faltered just enough that you hoped she didn't notice. There was something about her that told you she noticed everything.

Fuck me, that's Tashi Duncan.

If you know a thing about tennis (or even just watched the news) you know exactly who this woman is. You remember her more from your childhood but you remember her all the same.

The woman that once held the world by the balls.

She apologised for her husband's absence, that he was busy. It wasn't lost on you that the "husband" she casually referred to was Art Donaldson, US Open champion.

The Donaldson's.

Ah fuck.

Tashi went on the explain that they were wanting to begin lessons for their daughter Lily. You assumed this was the one you could hear running circles around the informal lounge.

"With all due respect, am I not the least qualified person in this home for that?"

You watched a perfectly formed cheekbone lift in what was nearly a smile. Strangely enough, something in the pit of your chest was dying to make her do that again.

There was something about her that demanded to be impressed.

You were no exception to the rule.

"My husband and I have seen some of your matches, we liked what we saw."

How? Your 'matches'- if you can even call them that, were nothing of note. You don't even think faculty bothered to watch them. You weren't quite sure why they'd even recorded them.

A silly part of you began to wonder how they'd even got a hold of them- until you remembered who they were.

The Hermes and Peitho of tennis.

"You did? I always thought of myself as more of a casual player."

"And that's what we liked, we know better than anyone how brutal tennis can become. We want someone to help Lily enjoy the game."

Oh, okay then.

You'd made a quasi-college-career out of purely enjoying the game. You were sure you could foster the same spirit for the six-year-old performing the entire 'Encanto' soundtrack in the other room.

Tashi laid down a tight schedule, Monday to Friday, 3pm to 6pm. You would teach Lily the wonders of the game on the court behind their home.

Their home you'd come to find out was a luxury rental when you'd complemented Tashi on another of the art pieces that'd apparently come with the place.

You'd also come to find out they typically live in hotel rooms, but they'd settled in this area for the time being as Art had a good thing going with a regular playing schedule and a sporting-goods deal.

You nodded along like you could begin to understand a life like that.

As she showed you back to your car (the one you suddenly felt humiliated for her to see you own), she called your name one last time from the doorway.

"You undersell yourself, we'll give you eighty an hour."

She left you choking on your tongue with one foot in the car and the other on an Italian cobblestone.

You were never going to walk or sit another dog again.

Lily was going to win her first Grand Slam by ten if that's what they'd pay you.

As your peeled your car from their turn-around area, you watched a Jeep Wrangler slow as it passed you. You couldn't see through the tint but you just knew it was him.

And you knew he was watching you.

The minute you'd told your roommate the situation you'd come into, she'd called bullshit.

A few texts from Tashi's now saved icon and a weird little photo you'd taken from inside the guest bathroom, it'd been enough to convince her.

"Fucking hell, are you God's favourite or something?"

You'd argue you were quite the opposite, she of all people should know. She'd seen some of the states you'd come home in after your other random jobs.

Felt good to be the winner.

Even just once.

In the air of some girlish fascination, she brought up a Youtube video of "Tashi Duncan Career Highlights" courtesy of "tennisguy779."

You'd protested it, rolling your eyes while feigning disinterest. No use, the minute you caught her out the corner of your eye- you were captivated.

It was entirely possible to imagine she hovered above the court, like there was a greater force placing her exactly where she needed to be, exactly when she needed.

It was even easier to believe she was just that good.

As you watched her play, listened to the sounds the game could draw from her- you wondered if this was how she and Art had felt.

Had they curled up in their informal lounge like you were right now? Had Tashi studied your every move meticulously like you assume? Had Art passed comment on your form? Did he think you were any good?

Tennisguy779's lineup changed quickly to "Art Donaldson Career Highlights" and you felt your chest constrict. An inexplicable feeling washed over you.

Like you'd been caught with God's forbidden fruit.

Your roommate had tried to question why you'd effectively flown off the couch, only to be met with a muttered 'goodnight' as you shut the bedroom door behind you.

Thin walls meant you drifted off to sleep that night with the rhythmic sounds of Art, grunting his way through an ATP Challenger.

It was no surprise you dreamt of him.

The Donaldson's tennis court was down a steep set of stairs, set back into an oasis of lush greenery.

Perfect for a 6-year-old's first lessons.

You didn't know if it was the grand balcony that overlooked the court or the fact a well-manicured Tashi stood atop it, but you felt positively observed.

Lily was in the midst of showing you how she could do a cartwheel (she couldn't) when the voice in the back of your head started echoing a promise of $80/h.

"Alright, lets channel some of that into your elbow."

Give a six-year-old a racquet half the size of her and she's going to blow effective chunks, but at least she has the spirit. Maybe it's her energy, maybe it has been a while since you've been on the court-

The kid's running you ragged.

Coupled with her height, you're spending more time bent over than you are up straight and it's all going to your head. All you can hope is Tashi isn't up there watching you stumble after the ball.

But you're sure there are eyes on your back.

Lily is a quick learner and you work out a tradeoff of one tennis skill for one spinning heel kick (mandatory that you watch).

Roll on 6pm and she's dog-tired, however, she's managed to hit the ball at least twice. Surely that's earned your keep. She lays star-fished on the turf and murmurs something about a piggyback.

You know you're about to earn your keep.

By the top of the staircase, you're more than happy to hand over a Lily-shaped-sack-of-potatoes to Tashi's mother. As you emerge from behind an ornate gargoyle, your suspicions proved correct.

Art Donaldson had been watching your every move.

Left alone on the balcony with him, you're acutely aware of the fact he's standing between you and your exit, and he's just had a full show of you bent over and flitting about his tennis court.

That and you still haven't said so much as 'hello' to the man.

You dwell on it for a moment and then there's that feeling back in the pit of your stomach, like any minute you'll be caught with fruit in hand- in throat.

The Original Sin.

Luckily, Art made the decision for you, crossing the space to shake your hand. If he noticed the way your hand trembled, he didn't seem to mind.

"It's nice to finally meet you."

You wished you had more to say to him, or maybe something more intelligent. Something better than a quiet "and you."

He was the better conversationalist, thankfully. Head motioning to the court, he looked down his nose at you when he spoke.

It should've felt condescending. It didn't.

"How did she go out there?"

"Yeah, really good- not a Disney character I can't name now."

He laughed.

Really laughed, like the joke was better than it was.

Like there was a preening little flutter inside you that said "do it again!"

You shrugged your shoulders like making him happy came naturally as you squinted up at him, as if he was the sun.

"You were watching? You must've seen her picking it up?"

Because he was the expert. Because he is the champion.

He hummed as he nodded, eyes skywards like there might've been something more important behind the clouds.

"Must've been distracted."

Within an instant- his eyes flickered to your own and you were sure he watched them change. He must've seen something he liked, the corner of his lip quirked up before he spoke again.

"Come on, I'll sort your payment and then we'll let you get home."

And for whatever reason, his hand fit perfectly in the small of your back as he lead you inside.

And how quickly did you become a strange piece of furniture in the Donaldson's home- in their life?

An ottoman for Tashi to rest her tired feet on.

An abstract piece on the wall for Art to admire when he passes it.

A projection of constellations across the ceiling to keep Lily bright behind the eyes.

At least you belonged- there was no doubt that this was where you belonged.

That wasn't to say your tennis skill had improved any, lesson after lesson you still couldn't wrap your head around why they'd even signed you on, let alone kept you.

"Ok, don't watch that one either- maybe just do what I say and not what I do."

You hadn't nailed a single one, at this point you couldn't blame Lily for skipping around pretending her racquet was a horse.

Wasn't like she'd be learning anything if she was paying attention.

"Ok, here we go just- ok right, when your parents ask how today went, please be kind."

"Your elbow is too low."

It was a miracle you didn't scream.

Art entered the court with a swagger that you could only assume struck fear when he was your opponent.

Right now it struck pure embarrassment and Lily wasn't helping.

"Daddy, she didn't hit a single one!"

"Alright, I don't think daddy needs to know that-"

"Daddy knows, daddy's been watching."

Daddy really needs to stop calling himself that.

Lily and her racquet took off for another tour of The Grand National as Art approached you with quiet determination.

It was like waiting for impact, his eyes never wavered off his daughter as he made towards you. At the last moment, he snapped his attention in your direction- with a smile that should've felt condescending.

It wasn't.

"If your elbow is too low you lose topspin and power."

If you deserved the $80/h you were earning, you might've known that.

As Art stepped up to you, the turn of the planets on their axis slowed down and it could've been entirely possible to believe it was only you two.

And Lily upon her trusty steed.

The gallops of her tennis shoes thinned out as Art placed one hand around your elbow, lifting it higher. His other hand held your waist as he pulled your back flush to his chest.

"Lily, go find grandma."

Then it really was just you two.

Your heart hammered against the shell of your ribcage, blood rushing around your ears as you felt Art's chin perch at your shoulder.

"If your elbow is high enough," His hand lifted it up and you let it stay there. "And your hip is turned."

He didn't have to say it with the gravel in his voice, but he did. He didn't have to hold your hips as he moved them, but he did. He didn't have to stay without so much of an inch between the two of you, but he did.

With one hand in the curve of your waist, he tossed the ball into the air with the other- then he whistled.

Like the obedient thing you didn't know you were, you raised the racquet and sent the ball flying through the air without even blinking.

As the streak of green hit the court and rolled away, you found yourself lying in wait, as if you were waiting for something- your next command?

"Good girl."

There it was.

Under the all consuming effect that Art Donaldson just seemed to have on people, you'd entirely forgotten you were in a position you could be 'caught' in. By his all consuming wife, of all people.

So, you should've moved.

Quite honestly you should've straightened up and cleared your throat and thanked him and told him it was time for you to go home.

You should've moved.

But Art wasn't moving. If anything he was staying purposefully still at your backside.

Obedient thing you seem to be.

"Show me that again?"

So,

You teach Lily the bare basics of tennis for three hours and receive $80 on the hour.

Then Art spends three hours of his spare time teaching you to perfect your swing- in a way that couldn't ever vaguely resemble professional.

A simple transactional arrangement.

Your tennis improves on a slow but sure basis and he gets the most off-court action he's seen since college.

Even if it is just heavy petting on astro-turf.

A hand under the hem of a tennis skirt. A pressing hip against your own. A deep breath as your hair brushes past him.

You figure Art will take what he can get.

And it's never enough to raise alarm. Sure, there's that fluttering in your chest that warns you might get 'caught' but you're never quite sure what one might 'catch' if they found you out.

It's undoubted who that 'one' is though.

The one who holds the cards- holds the throat, maybe.

Tashi, who's presence precedes her perhaps more than her reputation. Even when she isn't there, she's there.

So, when Art's hand lingers too long on the outside of your thigh and you think you can feel it verging into the territory that'll change everything- it's Tashi on your mind.

You're beginning to think your conscience sounds a lot like Tashi.

Who are you if not obedient to the Donaldson's?

Chasing Lily around a court.

Adhering to Tashi's every request.

Being Art's fantasy.

Being Art's.

Most of the time, anyway. Three hours a week.

Something to keep him bright behind the eyes, maybe. Something to keep him happy. Something to keep him-

Winning?

He tells you he plays better with you around. The way he says it makes you giggle, a girlish little noise that sort of just slips out. He serves the ball with his eyes on you and, sure enough, it lands smack where he wanted it too.

Everything where he wants it. When he wants it.

Shy and inconsequential touches and glances shared just between you.

Until, well- until they weren't.

"Would you like a coffee?"

Tashi's mother had taken Lily off to bed, leaving you and Art separated by an island. Kitchen island.

He braced both palms against it as he watched you watch the door, wondering if you should cut and run, wondering if someone else might come through it.

Talking yourself out of it. Whatever it might be.

"Yes please."

Even he looked surprised, brows raising an inch as he turned to the Nespresso machine. You took the moment to watch his back, the muscles moving under the cool-dry fabric of his shirt.

You spent all your time pretending not to notice him that actually allowing yourself the chance to study him made you lightheaded.

Had he always looked this captivating?

He broke your focus with a coffee cup, sliding it towards you as he rounded the bench. His eyes didn't even waver off you as he took a sip of his own.

It wasn't lost on you that he managed to tongue foam off the tip of his nose.

This was the longest you'd stuck around after a tennis lesson, longest you'd allowed yourself to be in his presence. You weren't quite sure how big this thing could get.

Your mouth was opening before your brain had decided it was a good idea.

"Mr. Donaldson-"

"Art."

"Uh, Art- I really appreciate the help you've been giving me- uh, you know- with tennis."

He placed his coffee mug down, nodding as he did it. "My pleasure."

Naturally.

That brain of yours was still firing off at a mile a minute. There was a very tiny voice right at the back that said it was up to you how this night would end- you had a choice to make.

Placing your coffee mug beside his, you scanned his face to find him already looking at you. Perhaps the choice was already set.

Maybe it was fate.

All he said was your name, it could've been the way he said it- but your whole body was losing the rigidity it'd formed when he first asked you to stay longer. When he'd made the choice.

Crossing the small gap between you two, Art was careful to keep one hand on the kitchen bench as the other hovered beside you. Not touching you,

Yet.

One step closer and the tip of Art's nose was touching yours. You think you might've been able to smell the coffee off his breath.

It thinned out- leaving you with his sweat. Musk. Art.

A sudden surge of morals overcame you, your voice broke out as a gasp.

"What about Mrs. Donaldson?"

"Actually, it's still Duncan."

You screamed.

Right in his face.

Tashi's voice made you jump out of your skin.

However, Art didn't move. As you turned your head to gauge the way his wife stalked across the kitchen, you felt his nose brush against your cheek.

Tashi retrieved a tall bottle of Pellegrino from the fridge, taking a poignant sip as her eyes flitted between the two of you.

What a fucking sight.

Her husband, eyes shut and face pressed pathetically to their daughter's tennis instructor- his hands itching to close around your waist.

You, young and bleary eyed looking utterly caught. Staring up at her like she might decide your fate.

It took all your strength to find your words.

"I’m not here to teach tennis, am I?”

“No, of course not. You’re frankly terrible at tennis.”

There's the Tashi you were expecting.

Her words should've stung, but they didn't. They couldn't, not when her husband was laying his hands against your back and rubbing soothing circles down the length of your spine.

Not when his lips were mouthing wet kisses along your cheek.

Not when she was right. Spade's a spade.

"Why am I here?"

She snorted, a real dissatisfactory sound- like she hoped you were smarter than that. She was halfway to her bedroom before she cut you loose.

"Careful, he makes that sound before he cums."

And he had, just like she'd said.

Art had cum in his shorts, pressed up against your thigh with his face still smushed against your own.

And you'd taken it, obedience in spades.

You'd stood there and let him hump your leg like a bad dog and you'd even pat his head and whispered kind words in his ear after the mess he'd made.

Then you slipped out the front door to your car and you'd pretended not to notice that there were two bedroom lights on upstairs.

You hadn't even divulged the freaky details to your roommate when you got home.

But the showerhead knew all about them.

Visions of Art on the clouds of steam- replayed in your head the sounds he'd made right in your ear.

How he'd whimpered your name when he splashed his boxers like a fucking teenager.

It was no surprise you dreamt of him.

You even showed up next day, valiantly. You didn't run for the hills or even straight to a tabloid about how weird the Donaldson's really were.

And maybe that's why you hadn't told your roommate either.

Because telling someone what Tashi allowed? What Art liked?

That'd mean you'd have to admit your dirty little secret.

You loved it.

When you showed up, something was different. No usual chatter in the house, no shoes by the front door. You checked out the front window to see what you'd missed when you arrived.

Tashi's car was gone.

"She's taken her mom and Lily to the ballet."

At least you didn't scream this time.

You were lucky your back was to him, lest he see the self-righteous little smile that broke when the words settled.

"Oh, ok."

"I'll see you on the court."

Oh, ok.

Lest he see the disappointment that took over.

Following him close behind, you didn't know why you were effectively surprised that he still wanted to continue with your lessons. You'd half expected- hoped, he'd bend you over the kitchen island.

Tennis was fun too, you guess.

Thinking about it, something that bold didn't seem the style of the man who'd nearly blacked out rubbing up on you. Beckoning you onto the tennis court with two fingers and a wry smile did, however.

You fell into your usual position, hip turned and elbow curved on your side of the court. You waited for him to appear behind you, chest melding into the curve of your back.

It never came.

Art took long strides towards the net, vaulting it in one smooth motion. He ended up parallel to you, waiting with a ball and racquet in either hand.

The smile had left his face, a rather blank expression taking over as he sized you up. And there was that fear- knowing what it felt like to be on the wrong side of him.

This was going to hurt.

From the moment he pressed the ball to the neck of his racquet, it was all over. Your feet were never in one place for more than a second, your arms burned above you, your head permanently on a swivel.

Art didn't look like he'd broken more than a sweat.

You knew he had, you could see it in the neck of his shirt. But he didn't look it.

He looked calm, he looked in control, he looked-

Like he was enjoying himself.

For every rally that you managed, you thought you saw an inkling of pride set in his features.

For every serve that you missed, you knew you saw unbridled lust.

Not a point scored in your favour, you hit the ball towards him one last time before you collapsed to the turf. Flat on your back, reminiscent of your first lesson here.

You watched the clouds shift over your head, listening to your pulse thick and fast in your ears. Just underneath it, you could hear footfalls approaching.

No hurry, but impending.

Soon, the sun above you was eclipsed by Art Donaldson. His golden hair shone with the halo of light behind it.

Now this was God's favourite.

"You can't be giving up this easily?"

Forcing a laugh, you threw your arm up and over your eyes. "Wanna bet?"

Turns out he did- turns out Art struggled to do anything but win.

Somehow, you found it within yourself to stand back up. This time it was only a practice, you weren't brave enough to face off against him another round.

This was more your speed.

The hand that wasn't holding your elbow was curving around your front, the pleats of your tennis skirt lifting over his fingers. You felt a warm hand slowly moving across the front of your underwear.

Two fingers migrated south, pressing against the seam of you- he must've felt the pure heat radiating beneath his fingertips.

Turning your head even an inch, you found the curve of his nose pressing into your cheek.

"I didn't give up."

He hummed, the vibration rolled across your shoulders.

"Mmm, you didn't."

The hand sans-racquet dropped between your thighs to press his palm into your cunt. It was Art who flexed your fingers and cupped it.

"Where's my prize?"

There was no trophy, no podium, no medal.

But there was Art between your legs, slinging a knee over each shoulder like he might've been the real winner.

You'd never been inside the 'changing shed' behind the court, of course it was nicer than your actual home.

Your head made contact with the hard wood behind you, bench digging into your ass as you felt a hot mouth moving against the seat of your underwear.

Running your fingers through his hair, your gripped the ends of it- tugging him closer until you felt the flat of his tongue through the thin fabric.

Needy fingers tugged the ruined garment down your thighs, tucking him into the pocket of his shorts. You knew all too well that you'd never see them again.

You were sure Art would be seeing a lot of them.

His tongue ran up the split, one long stroke before you felt the curve of his nose press to your clit. The ridge of it moved as his tongue retreated back to your entrance.

With everything he had.

Your eyes had been rolling back in your head as you arched your back, the moment you were able to find a semblance of control- your gaze fell before you.

Naturally, Art was already looking up at you. Two hands splayed across each side of your hips as he pulled back to wrap his lips around your clit.

You couldn't help the hazy little smile on your face as you watched his eyes.

Utterly devotional.

The more you tugged on his hair, the hungrier he seemed. Pulling from the root seemed to spur him on, seemed to tell him 'good job' and he was responsive.

His tongue flicked beneath your clit, pressing it to his upper lip as he brought two fingers to your entrance. He stroked a couple times, making your hips twitch against him, before he sunk in to the last knuckle.

Turns out Art had a style about him. One he brought to the tennis court and, seemingly, to the floor of his changing shed.

The style was calculated.

Every move he made was engineered to get something out of you- a reaction, a whimper, a twitch. He was doing what he did best.

Playing a game.

Art struggled to do anything but win.

"Fuck- Mr. Donaldson."

"Art."

Even muffled against your cunt, you were good at following his orders. Even more so when he was the decider of your imminent orgasm.

You threaded your fingers in the sides of his hair, pulling his face flush against you so you could ride his mouth. Taking every last thing from him you could.

It drew the most pathetic moan you'd ever heard, straight out of his chest and hit you straight at your core. The burning coil tight within your stomach was unraveling quickly.

You heard the murmurings of words, among the blood rushing in your ears. Easing up just enough, you let him pull back to speak.

"Tell me this feels good, please."

Your chest thumped, the sight of Art helpless between your legs was one thing. Hearing him beg?

You might black out.

"Art- you feel so fucking good," Dragging him right back where you needed him, the tip of his tongue drove against your clit. "You're gonna' make me cum."

He whined.

A heady drawn-out sound that quite literally sent you over the edge. Your hips lifted off the bench, the heel of your foot digging into his back and making his whine turn into a whimper.

Your orgasm broke you apart until it felt like white-hot flame licking up your sides. Of course, Art never relented, drinking in everything you could give him- literally.

The moment you felt the peak begin to subside, the urge was ramping right back up. Like he knew what he was doing, his eyes locked back onto yours as he sucked at your clit.

He was going for gold.

A quick second orgasm hit, seemingly out of nowhere. Your thighs clenched around Art's head, his hands coming to each of them.

You relaxed yourself a bit, feeling like it might be too much- until you felt him pressing your thighs even harder to either of his ears.

Oh, ok.

Art Donaldson knew what he liked.

You physically had to push him off you, watching him fall back on his outstretched palms as you let yourself breathe for what felt like the first time.

Wet eyes, wet chin, chest rising and falling like he'd run a marathon- Art sat sprawled out before you like he'd stumbled upon an alter (he had).

Breathless, you gestured towards him. Your hand dropped a little as your eyes fell between his legs, wordlessly offering a deal.

A deuce.

His cheeks flushed, more so than they already were. His eyes fell an infinitesimal amount before he spoke up.

"Uh- I already have."

Of course he had. He makes that sound before he cums.

Instead, you heard him shuffle back onto his knees as he all but crawled towards you. He draped his upper half into your lap, head resting against the soft cotton of your skirt.

Coming off the other side of a high, the reality of your situation began to settle for you. Why they'd really called you here- what purpose you really served.

All you could do was gently stroke a hand across Art's head, feeling him go limp against you. Boneless, but not spineless.

He must've known you were going to speak, he must've heard the intake of breath or just felt you shift. He cut you to the chase- beat you to the punchline.

Art nuzzled his face further into your lap as you felt him mumble against your thigh.

"I can't lose- you."

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